The next two weeks passed by in a slow, unhurried manner. The new Grant family settled into a routine, blending aspects of their lives individually to that of a family of four. Elizabeth and Nathan split cooking duties, but more often than not ended up making a meal together. Tonight was Nathan's turn to cook, but as usual Elizabeth came into the kitchen and asked if she could help.
Nathan looked at his wife, scrutinizing her face. The softness had remained. The sadness had lessened. She was starting to resemble the Elizabeth he had first fallen in love with, the Elizabeth untouched by the confusion of two suitors, the Elizabeth untouched by assault and an unexpected pregnancy. He knew she still wrestled with the demons that haunted her: Jack's death, the assault, the aftermath. Sometimes he would catch her in a moment where she thought she was alone, and he would know she was caught in a memory. A white-handed grip on the banister with fear in her eyes. Writing in her journal with tears silently escaping down her cheeks. A quick intake of breath when men from town got too close. All of it told Nathan her healing was slow.
Something else told him she was still a ways from healing. She hadn't laughed once since her attack. Sometimes she would smile and sometimes she would let out a breathy chuckle, but he hadn't heard her truly laugh in the last three months. The knowledge pained his heart. He wanted to bring laughter back to her life, to her heart, but he knew that wasn't something that could be forced. Time would have to heal her before joy found its way back to her.
"Nathan?" Elizabeth was looking at him with her brow furrowed.
He shook himself interiorly, remembering her question. "Sorry. Yes, I would love the help."
She smiled and her shoulders relaxed. He hadn't realized there was tension in them. Taking a closer look, he noticed there were fine lines around her eyes. She looked tired.
"Are you sure you want to help tonight?" he asked, his voice low to keep the children from hearing. Allie and Jack were building with blocks in the living room. "Maybe you could relax and read a book or write in your journal. I can handle dinner."
Elizabeth looked at him with a tender expression that made his heart pound. "I want to help, Nathan," she said softly. "I enjoy cooking with you." She glanced down, a light blush gracing her cheeks. "It's one of the highlights of my day."
Her admission made Nathan's heart stop momentarily before kicking into overdrive. "Alright," he said, trying to keep the word from shaking. They started gathering the ingredients needed for their meal. Nathan watched Elizabeth out of the corner of his eye, wondering why she liked cooking with him so much. A thought floated through his mind, one he wasn't overly fond of but one that might answer his question.
"Did you and Jack cook together a lot?"
He tried to keep the words casual, his focus on rubbing spices into the chicken, though everything in him was highly attuned to Elizabeth as he waited for her answer.
She shook her head as she began slicing vegetables. "No," she said simply. "We never made a meal together."
Something suspiciously close to relief spread through Nathan. She wasn't doing this because it reminded her of Jack. This was something that was theirs alone.
And she enjoyed it.
Warmth squeezed around his heart. They worked efficiently together, almost like a dance. The meal came together in less than ten minutes amid light conversation. When they had placed the chicken and vegetables on a roasting pan in the oven, Nathan guided Elizabeth to the settee. He had noticed her rubbing at her neck and shoulders a few times while she chopped, and he knew that meant she was experiencing some aches. He rounded the settee to stand behind her. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he began to methodically massage the knots from her body.
Elizabeth gave a gasp of surprise, then relaxed under his touch. A little moan escaped her lips. "That feels heavenly," she murmured.
Nathan smiled and kept going. "How are you feeling, Elizabeth? You looked a little tired when I got home."
She shrugged lightly. "I am tired. I felt a little nauseous with a touch of morning sickness when I woke up today, but it went away as the day went on." She placed a hand on her stomach, absently rubbing it. "The same thing happened when I was pregnant with Jack. And apparently fatigue is common with pregnancy."
Allie glanced up at that. "How long until the baby gets here?" she asked.
"Near the end of June," Elizabeth replied.
"Will you be sick until then?" Allie asked, cocking her head. Genuine curiosity shone from her eyes. She handed another block to Jack, who stacked it on top of the precarious tower in front of him.
"I don't know," Elizabeth said, tilting her head down slightly as Nathan worked his fingers over her neck. "I was sick with Jack for about four months. But I hear it can be different with each child."
Nathan smiled softly at his daughter. "Your mother was sick for a couple months with you, Allie. She had to be on bed rest for the last month of pregnancy."
"Really?" Allie asked, eyes wide. She turned to Elizabeth. "Did you have to be on bed rest with Jack?"
Elizabeth shook her head. "No. But Mrs. Weise told me once that she was on bed rest for two months before giving birth to Opal. Every pregnancy brings different challenges for the mother. Sometimes everything goes smoothly." She patted her stomach. "Hopefully it does with this little one."
Allie took that in with a nod. She handed another block to Jack. "Do you want a boy or a girl?" she asked.
Elizabeth was quiet for a few moments. When she responded, her answer was slow and measured. "As long as the baby is healthy, I don't mind either way."
Nathan heard something in her voice, something she wasn't saying. He made a mental note to ask her about it later. His attention turned once more to his family as Elizabeth asked Allie the same question.
"I hope it's a girl," Allie said immediately. "I've always wanted a sister."
Nathan could feel Elizabeth's soft intake of breath. He instinctively knew it was because Allie was acknowledging the baby as her sibling, even under the circumstances that made it so.
"Sister!" Jack echoed, smiling at Allie. "Sister wike A'wee!"
Allie grinned, kissing Jack's cheek. "Though I'd be happy with another brother like Jack too."
Jack rubbed his eyes, but he gave Allie a smile. He took the block she handed him and placed it on his tower. It had gotten too tall and came crashing down. Jack stared at it for a moment, his lower lip trembling. Suddenly he let out a wail, making all three of the others in the room jump. His cries filled the small space. Elizabeth started to get up, but Nathan pressed her down again.
"You stay here and rest," he commanded gently. "I'll see to Jack."
Elizabeth nodded. Nathan picked up his new son and carried him upstairs. Jack screamed the whole way, tears streaming from his eyes. His fists pounded against Nathan's chest. The toddler's blows didn't hurt, but Nathan caught his hands in one of his own. "Hitting isn't nice, Jack," he said firmly, entering the children's room.
Jack's blows stopped, but he continued to cry. Nathan sat on Allie's bed, rubbing Jack's back with his hand. "What's the matter, son?" he asked.
"My tower!" Jack wailed. "It fa'w down!"
Nathan pressed his lips together to keep from chuckling. He had quickly learned that when Jack was tired, he got fussy and upset. Considering the way the boy kept rubbing his eyes, Nathan guessed that was the case now.
"Why don't we build a new tower?" he suggested. "There's still enough time before dinner. And then after dinner I will read you a story." And then you can go to sleep, he added mentally. "How does that sound?"
Jack rested his head against Nathan's shoulder, popping a thumb in his mouth with a little nod. Nathan stood with Jack, stepping on a toy as he did so. He bent down to put it back in its box, then looked around the small room.
There was barely enough room in here for Allie and Jack and their things. With the new baby coming, space was running out in this small rowhouse. He knew they wouldn't be able to stay here comfortably much longer. Nathan had been itching to buy land for a while, to put down roots and build a home for his family. That desire had only grown as the months went on. Now that he had a family of four, soon to be five, he knew it was time to make a home on their own land. He made another mental note to talk to Elizabeth about it.
After dinner, when the kids were in bed, Nathan and Elizabeth sat in the living room. Both were reading, Elizabeth on the settee and Nathan in an overstuffed chair. He put his book down and looked at his wife. "Elizabeth?"
"Hmm?" She glanced up, meeting his gaze.
Nathan leaned forward, his hands on his knees. "What do you think about looking for land to buy?"
She raised her brows, lowering her book to her lap. "Land?"
Nathan nodded. "This rowhouse is small. It'll feel even smaller as the kids get older. I have a good amount of money saved up and I've been wanting to buy land and build a house. We could have a home with a room for each of the kids, a room for ourselves, and maybe even a guest room." He smiled. "I've missed building things. I think this would be a nice project."
A smile tugged at Elizabeth's lips. "A home of our own," she said softly. "I'd like that." A ghost of a shadow crossed her face. "Now I wish I'd kept my land. It would have saved you the cost of buying land and having to buy lumber for a house."
Nathan looked at her in surprise. "You had land?"
She nodded. "Well, Jack did. He bought a plot of land where we were going to build our dream home. After his death, I couldn't keep up with the payments. I ended up selling it about a month before you came to Hope Valley."
Nathan rose to sit beside her, placing a hand on her knee. "It's alright," he said softly. "We have the money for both land and a house. Maybe after Christmas we can ask Bill to show us property for sale and choose where we want to settle down."
Elizabeth looked at him, hope and uncertainty vying for dominance. "A home of our own," she said quietly. "It makes this all seem so much more real."
"This all?" Nathan repeated, wondering what she meant.
She smiled softly. "Our family," she clarified. "This rowhouse is a home of sorts, but it's a rental. It isn't truly our own. Having an actual house on land that is ours...it just feels more permanent. More familial."
Nathan studied her. "Is that a good thing?"
Her smile bloomed and she placed a hand on his cheek. "Yes, Nathan. That's a good thing."
He covered her hand with his, intertwining their fingers and bringing them down to his lap. "I'm glad," he breathed. A dream was coming true. When he had looked at Bill's land all those months ago, he'd envisioned a life there with Elizabeth, with Allie and Jack, and with any other children that might come along. That dream was now coming true, though not in a way he had ever thought it would.
The mental note he had tucked away earlier came to mind again. His grip on her hand tightened ever so slightly. "Elizabeth, I have a question, and I want to know your true thoughts."
She gazed at him steadily. "What is it?"
"Do you have a preference as to whether the baby is a boy or a girl?"
She bit her lip, telling him that she did indeed have a preference. "Yes," she said slowly, looking down. "I hope the baby is a girl."
Nathan felt there was more she wasn't saying. He waited patiently for her to continue. She looked like she was gathering up her thoughts. With a little swallow, she went on.
"If the baby is a boy, I worry that I might see him in it. Logically I know a girl could look like her father, but somehow it doesn't seem like it would be as much of a reminder. Does that make sense?"
"It does," Nathan said softly, squeezing her hand.
Elizabeth was quiet for a few moments. "I know I'll love this child either way," she admitted. "I already do. This baby is a part of me, and no matter what its biological father might be, it will have you for a true father." She smiled, placing a hand on his cheek. "You're an amazing father to Allie and Jack, Nathan. I know you'll be a wonderful father to my baby as well."
Throat working, Nathan pulled her close, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Our baby," he whispered. "I think of this child as my own, Elizabeth. I can promise you I will love it the same way I love Allie and Jack."
"I know you will," she whispered back, resting her head against his shoulder. "All three of our children are blessed to have you as their father."
Our children. The words coursed through Nathan like a flood, filling him with love and gratitude. Their little family was unconventional, but he wouldn't change it for the world. He loved them with a fierceness that shook him.
He and Elizabeth fell into silence. His hand absently traced circles on her upper arm as she rested against him. Eventually, she yawned and sat up.
"I think I'm going to write in my journal for a bit," she said. "Do you mind if I have a little privacy in our room? Maybe for about thirty minutes?"
Nathan smiled. "Not at all. I have a little project to work on anyway."
Elizabeth leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek. She'd been doing that every night, and every night Nathan had to fight the urge to turn his head so that her lips met his mouth instead of his cheek. He longed to taste her lips, to know what it felt like to kiss her, what it felt like to show her with his body how much he loved her. She stood, unaware of the battle raging inside of him, and smiled gently. "See you in a bit."
He nodded, watching as she gracefully climbed the stairs to their room. Letting out a breath, he stood and went to the front door. The cold night air swirled around him as he stepped onto the porch without a jacket, hoping that the freezing temperatures would help cool his blood. Several minutes later he felt sufficiently chilled and went back inside.
He downed a glass of water, then went to the cabinet where he kept his carpentry tools. He pulled them out along with a slab of wood that he had been diligently working on for the last few days. Christmas was a little more than a week away, and he wanted to give Elizabeth something special. He ran his hands over the wood, pleased with the way the gift was turning out. This would be the one he gave her on Christmas morning when they opened presents with the children. But he had another gift tucked away in a safe place, a gift he would give her when they were alone.
He set to work. Visions of building their future home came to mind, making him smile. They were building a life together from the ashes of pain and heartache, but their life would be a good one. As long as they had each other, Nathan was convinced everything would work out fine.
"Wake up! Wake up! It's time to get a twee!"
Jack climbed onto the bed, burrowing himself between Elizabeth and Nathan, startling them from sleep. Elizabeth lifted her head from Nathan's shoulder, looking at her son with bleary eyes. "Good morning, sweet boy," she said, hearing the raspiness of sleep permeating her voice. "You're up early."
"Chwistmas twee!" Jack insisted, clapping his hands. "And then we decowate! Come on!" He grabbed Elizabeth's hand and tugged. She tried to sit up, but the sudden movement made her head spin. She sank against the pillow, gasping.
Nathan sat up, one eye on her with concern and the other on Jack, trying to make sure he didn't jump on Elizabeth. "Come here, buddy," he said, sweeping Jack into his arms. "Mama is feeling a little tired. Why don't we go make her a nice cup of tea while she rests a little longer?"
Jack pouted. "But the twee!"
Nathan chuckled, standing up and tossing Jack lightly in the air, much to the boy's delight. "We're still going to get a tree today," he said. "But first we need to have breakfast and get dressed for the day. Okay?"
"'Kay!" Jack exclaimed, wiggling to be put down. "I go wake up A'wee!" He darted from the room. They could hear him shouting his excitement at Allie and heard her sleepy voice respond.
Nathan turned to Elizabeth. He sat beside her. "Are you feeling alright?"
She nodded, breathing through the nausea. "Just the normal morning sickness," she said, wincing slightly at the pain.
"Which tea would you like?" Nathan asked softly.
She smiled, loving his thoughtfulness. "Peppermint, please. That seems to calm my stomach the most."
"Coming right up," Nathan said, brushing her hair back from her face. Elizabeth watched him go, his tenderness tugging at her heart. Not for the first time, she wondered how she had been so blessed to marry a man as good as Nathan.
She slowly got out of bed, trying to keep from gagging. Even the simple routine of getting dressed and ready for the day felt like a monumental chore. She wondered how she was going to survive tree hunting this year. The nausea felt worse this morning than normal.
She made her way downstairs, smiling at the laughter of her children as they helped Nathan with breakfast. Allie met her at the bottom of the stairs with a cup of tea. Elizabeth took it thankfully, hugging the girl to her side in appreciation. Allie didn't stiffen. She smiled up at Elizabeth and led her to the table to sit. Elizabeth obliged, and Allie went back to helping scramble the eggs. Sipping her tea, Elizabeth let the cacophony of sounds wash over her. She might be feeling sick, but the familiar voices of her family soothed her soul.
Her stomach felt a little better after drinking the tea, but she couldn't stomach the thought of food. The thought of going into the woods left her feeling drained. Nathan noticed. He put an arm around her, speaking low in her ear. "Would you rather stay home while we find a tree?" he asked.
She looked up at him. "That might be for the best. I'm not sure I could go out right now."
He nodded. "Alright. We'll go find a tree and then we can all decorate when we get home. How does that sound?"
She smiled in relief, hugging him tightly. "Thank you, Nathan."
The hug clearly surprised him, but his arms came around her as well, resting against her waist. "You just rest," he said. "Maybe by the time we get back you'll be feeling better."
"I hope so," Elizabeth breathed.
Thankfully the children didn't seem too disappointed that she couldn't come with them. Allie gave her another hug right before they left. "I hope you feel better, Aunt Elizabeth," she said, her arms a little hesitant.
Elizabeth's heart expanded with love. Allie had been trying in the past two weeks to let Elizabeth in again. They still had moments of tension, but those moments were getting to be fewer and fewer every day. Both were making a concerted effort to mend their relationship. Nathan had been right. Allie just needed time.
"Thank you," Elizabeth said, pressing a kiss to Allie's head. "I love you, sweet girl."
Allie's mouth dropped. Her brown eyes were wide as she looked up at Elizabeth, her arms still wrapped around her waist. Doubt crowded in her eyes, residual pain lingering there. Elizabeth's heart clenched, but she forced herself to smile, placing a hand on Allie's cheek. "I really do, Allie."
The girl nodded slowly, then smiled back. "Thanks, Aunt Elizabeth." She stepped back, placing her hands awkwardly in her jacket pockets. "See you when we get back."
Nathan slid an arm around Elizabeth, giving her a goodbye hug. "She's getting there," he whispered. He didn't have to say anything else. Elizabeth smiled at him in appreciation, then gave her son a hug and kiss. The three of them filed out the door. Just like that, Elizabeth was left in quiet.
She brewed another cup of tea, letting the peppermint soothe the nausea. Ten minutes later, a knock sounded on the front door. Head tilting, she wondered who it would be. She crossed the room and opened it to find Rosemary on the other side.
Her friend swept in, engulfing Elizabeth in an embrace. "I saw Nathan and the children go by, and Nathan said you were having morning sickness again. I thought I'd come by and bring this." She held up a bowl of soup. "Lee and I had some last night. I think it might settle your stomach."
Elizabeth smiled. "Thank you, Rosemary. That is very thoughtful."
Rosemary tsked, going into the kitchen and tasking herself with heating the soup. "It's been hard not having you right next door," she said, shooting her friend an affectionate smile. "I miss walking right over at any time of day or night."
Elizabeth chuckled. "I admit I miss it as well." She sat at the table, watching as Rosemary stirred the soup. "Nathan is planning on buying land after Christmas. He's going to build a house."
Rosemary turned to face her. "How do you feel about that?"
"Excited," Elizabeth admitted. "Even though our relationship is...unconventional...the thought of having land and a home of our own is appealing." She smiled softly, an image forming in her mind. "I can't wait to see what kind of home Nathan would build. Something tells me it will be perfect for our family."
Rosemary studied her. "You seem content," she observed.
Elizabeth smiled. "I am. Things aren't perfect, but considering the circumstances we're making due." Her face shadowed briefly. "Though I admit that peace can be shaken when I hear the whispers in town. People are talking, wondering why Nathan and I got married suddenly." She placed a hand on her stomach. At three months along, it was still flat, though she had noticed the smallest of bumps beginning to form. It wouldn't be long before everyone knew of her condition.
Then the talking would begin in earnest.
Pushing the thought away, Elizabeth took Rosemary's hand. "Have I thanked you for being there for me?" she asked, tears welling in her eyes. "You've always been such a good friend, but these past months in particular have made me so thankful for our friendship."
Rosemary smiled softly. "I love you, Elizabeth. True friends are always there, despite the circumstances."
Sniffing, Elizabeth nodded. "I love you too." She watched as her friend got up to stir the soup once more. Satisfied at its warmth, she ladled it into a bowl and brought it to Elizabeth. After the first sip, Elizabeth's stomach began to settle. Bolstered by that, she slowly drank more of the savory broth. "This is delicious. Thank you."
"You're welcome." Rosemary leaned back, fiddling with the tablecloth. Elizabeth raised a brow, knowing that meant the other woman had something on her mind. "What is it, Rosemary?"
A smile tugged at Rosemary's lips. "This isn't public knowledge," she said. "But last night Lee and I decided to take a trip to Brookfield in the new year." Her eyes sparkled. "We're going to adopt."
"What?" Elizabeth gasped. She grasped her friend's hands. "Rosemary! That's wonderful! You're going to be a mother!"
Tears sparkled in Rosemary's eyes. "I know! I can't wait. We've been talking about this for a while, but the timing just never seemed to be right. Now it is." She let out a happy sigh. "I'm so excited, Elizabeth. This desire has been on my heart for so long."
"And now it's coming true." Elizabeth felt nothing but happiness for her friend. "I'm excited for you and Lee. You will be wonderful parents."
"You think so?" Rosemary asked, hope lighting her eyes.
Elizabeth nodded firmly. "Yes. Absolutely." She smiled. "And this means our children will grow up together. Maybe even be best friends."
"Oh, that would be marvelous!" Rosemary exclaimed. "Maybe Lee and I can find land near yours! Then we could still be neighbors. Oh! I think I'm going to have to talk to Lee about that. Why, just the other day, I heard of this nice parcel of land just outside of town…"
As Rosemary went on, Elizabeth leaned back, sipping her soup and letting her friend's voice wash over her. The plans she was making felt so normal and happy, Elizabeth just took in the contentment and happiness radiating from Rosemary. It all sounded lovely.
Maybe someday it would be a reality.
Lucas rubbed a hand over his eyes as the train beat out a steady rhythm over the tracks. He was only a day from Hope Valley. After spending the past month in New Orleans with his parents, he'd come to the realization that he needed to stop running.
His final words to Elizabeth haunted him. Though he was not ready to be a father, he knew he could have handled that situation better. He knew Elizabeth had been hurt and disappointed in him, and rightfully so. Instead of trying to find a way to help her, he had abandoned her in her time of need, thinking only of himself.
Shame washed over him. She deserved better. After a month of soul searching, Lucas realized that he needed to make things right. He couldn't stay out of town and leave her on her own while she faced questions and the judgement that would surely come from being an unwed mother. She had maybe another two months before her pregnancy would be obvious to all. What would happen to her then?
The obvious assumption from the town would be that Lucas was the baby's father. The two of them had been in a relationship at the time of the child's conception. It was a logical assumption and the same one he would make if he saw someone pregnant, unmarried, and courting. He knew they would both face scrutiny, judgement, and questions. But that didn't matter. This wasn't about him.
He had to find a way to help her. He had to make things right. Lucas wasn't sure what that would look like, but he knew he had to try.
It was time to stop running.