Nathan's face was still streaked with tears and he still held his son close when the first knock sounded on the door. Elizabeth laid a gentle hand on his thigh and rose to open it to their friends. Nathan didn't know if he could stand to meet them, not yet. He was too busy basking in the glow of being called Daddy. Jack seemed content in his arms, not wiggling or clamoring to get down. He stayed as still as Nathan had ever seen him when the child was awake.
"I wuv you, Daddy," Jack said, pulling back to look into Nathan's face.
"I love you too, son," Nathan replied, pressing a kiss to the boy's cheek.
Jack grinned and then turned toward the guests who were walking in. "Auntie Wosie! Unca Wee! Unca Bi'w!" He scooted off Nathan's lap and toddled toward his extended family. He received kisses and hugs and happy birthdays. Nathan rose and greeted their guests, beaming bigger than he had in a while.
In the midst of the cacophony, he noticed that Allie was still on the settee. She was watching everyone, but there was a guarded expression on her face. A look settled in her eyes that Nathan could not decipher. Before he could go to her to ask, she rose and came forward, masking the look. She put a pleasant expression on and said hello to their guests. Nathan tucked the information away, making a note to keep an eye on his daughter throughout the evening.
"Where's Faith?" Elizabeth asked, looking at Rosemary.
Rosemary placed a dish of mashed potatoes and a salad on the counter, her contribution to dinner. "I'm not sure," she answered. "We offered her a ride while we were in town, but she said she had a few things to get done before coming over." As the words left her mouth, another knock sounded at the door. This time, Nathan went to answer it.
Faith stood on the other side, and Nathan paused as he looked at her. Her face was aglow with joy. She was positively radiant. A glance to her side revealed the reason.
"Carson!"
Nathan's surprised tone caught the attention of everyone in the room. He stepped aside to let his friends enter. Carson and Faith were surrounded with hugs and greetings, everyone wanting an explanation for Carson's unexpected appearance in town.
"I'm back," he said, his grin wide and content. He looked like a man who had found his purpose. He looked at Faith, sliding an arm around her. "My place is here. In Hope Valley."
Allie caught Faith's hand in hers. "Miss Faith, are you engaged?" she asked, looking up at the young doctor with wide eyes.
Nathan looked at Faith's finger. Sure enough, a diamond ring rested there, sparkling in the light of the Christmas tree.
"Yes," Faith replied happily, looking up at Carson with the glow of a woman in love. "He just asked me to marry him and I said yes."
"Congratulations!" More hugs surrounded the happy couple. Nathan stood back slightly, his eyes finding Elizabeth. She met his gaze, giving him a gentle smile. Nathan's heart squeezed in his chest. He found himself wishing that he and Elizabeth could have the happiness and love that shone brilliantly from Carson and Faith. Her openness to him of late and her determination to show him loving gestures made him hopeful. Maybe one day they would find what their friends had.
As he went to pull the roast from the oven, his mind turned to the little but deliberate ways Elizabeth had been gifting him with acts of love. Packing him a lunch everyday for work. A hand to his shoulder when she walked past him. Bringing home books from the library that she thought he would enjoy. Writing a note telling him to have a good day, leaving it in the pocket of his serge so he would find it at work. Each gesture touched his heart and gave him hope that one day their marriage would be full of love, laughter, and warmth.
"Dinner is ready," Nathan announced. A bustle of activity followed. The table was set quickly and efficiently, and within minutes everyone was seated around it, joining hands as Nathan said a blessing over the food, with an additional blessing for little Jack on his third birthday. As everyone dug in, Nathan sat back, eating quietly and taking everything in. Jack was happy to be the center of attention. Allie had lost the strange look from before and was engaged in conversation with Rosemary and Bill. Elizabeth was smiling, though Nathan noted she still didn't laugh, not truly. A few breathy giggles escaped at Jack's escapades, but nothing like the laughter she'd been known for before her attack. Still, the giggles were progress and made Nathan thankful.
After dinner, the chocolate cake Elizabeth and Allie made was brought out, with three candles lit on the top. A rousing chorus of the happy birthday song was sung, and then Jack blew out the candles with gusto, shrieking in delight as the flames vanished with one breath. Elizabeth sliced the cake, doling it out to each person at the table. Nathan noticed she didn't take a slice for herself. He met her gaze, silently asking if she was feeling alright. She smiled lightly, but he could see lines of weariness on her face. She had confessed recently that this pregnancy seemed harder than her first one. He wondered if that was a result of the circumstances surrounding her condition and her emotional turmoil, or if it was normal for a second pregnancy. He hoped it got easier for her soon. It was hard seeing her struggle.
Once dessert was concluded, Faith and Rosemary made quick work of the dishes. Then it was time for presents. Jack received a new ball from Carson and Faith, building blocks from Bill, and a train set from Lee and Rosemary. His gift from his parents and sister was a child-sized fishing rod, with Allie promising to show him how to properly cast a line. Jack's excitement was contagious. He played on the floor with his new toys, with several adults sitting with him at a time, helping him build or roll the ball or make the train move.
After a while, Nathan realized Allie had disappeared, much like Elizabeth had earlier in the day. In the midst of spending time with their friends, he hadn't noticed her leave. He excused himself and climbed the stairs.
The door to Allie and Jack's room was slightly ajar. Nathan stood there listening. Muffled crying met his ears. Heart nearly stopping, he pushed the door open, wondering why his little girl was upset.
"Allie?" he said, sitting beside her. "Sweetheart, what's the matter?"
"You weren't supposed to come up here," Allie mumbled into the pillow. "Please go away."
"Not until you tell me what's wrong," Nathan said, running a hand over her hair. "I love you, honey. It hurts me to see you in pain. Please, tell me what's going on."
Allie wouldn't face him. She kept her face buried in the pillow, but her muffled words pierced his heart. "Why does Jack get to call you Dad and I can't?"
"What?" Nathan gasped. For a moment, he wondered if he had heard her right.
Allie sat up then, furiously wiping tears from her cheeks. "Jack called you Daddy, and you looked so happy," she said, her lower lip trembling. "I'm your daughter now! You adopted me. So why am I still calling you Uncle Nathan instead of Dad?"
He froze, the pain on Allie's face shooting straight to his soul. How had they never talked about this? After her adoption - even before her adoption - he'd considered her to be his daughter. The papers Bill gave them simply made it official and legal. Allie had never expressed a desire to call him anything besides "Uncle Nathan". How had he missed this longing in his girl?
"How long have you felt this way?" he asked, his throat working.
Allie sniffed, twisting her hands in her lap. "Ever since you told me you wanted to adopt me," she confessed, her voice small.
"Oh, Allie," Nathan groaned, pulling her into his arms for a tight embrace. "Why didn't you say something? I had no idea you felt this way!"
She buried her face in his chest. "I wasn't sure if that was something you would want," she said, her voice trembling.
Her words rent him inside. She wasn't sure whether he would want her to call him Dad? Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to keep the tears at bay. When he finally spoke, his words were quiet but firm. "Allison Grant, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. I have considered you to be my daughter since the day you came into my care. I love you so much, sweetheart. Nothing will ever change that. If you want to call me Dad…" He paused, emotion closing his throat. "If you want to call me Dad, nothing would make me happier."
She pulled back, tears spilling onto her cheeks, a tentative smile on her face. "Really?"
Nathan nodded, smoothing her hair back. "Really."
She burrowed into his embrace again, letting a little laugh escape. "I was so jealous when Jack called you Daddy," she admitted. "It was so easy and so natural for him. I wanted that too, but I didn't know how to ask."
Nathan rested his head against hers. "I'm sorry I didn't think to talk with you about this," he said, remorse filling him. "I should have asked your thoughts on what to call me after the adoption ceremony."
"It's okay, Uncle...I mean, Dad," she said, the words coming out a little shyly. She pulled back and wiped at her eyes again. "Being in a family like ours means we have to talk about things other people don't have to." She smiled, and it grew until it filled her entire face. "I'm so happy you're my dad."
Her words made Nathan's heart expand. Hearing her call him Dad was a dream come true. It was a dream he hadn't even known he had until now. Gratitude washed over him. He pulled her back into a hug. "I love you, Allie."
"I love you too, Dad."
They held each other for a few minutes. When Allie pulled back again, Nathan was surprised to see a serious look on her face. "What is it?" he asked.
"Uhh…" Allie chewed on the corner of her lip. "Do you think Aunt Elizabeth will be upset that I call you Dad?"
Frowning, Nathan shook his head. "Not at all. I think she'll be happy for you."
"Are you sure? I'm not ready to call her Mom. I don't know if I'll ever be ready for that," Allie admitted, staring at the bedspread. "What if she's jealous that I call you Dad but keep calling her my aunt?"
Nathan bent his head, trying to catch her eye. "Honey, Aunt Elizabeth won't be jealous." He paused, then went on. "But I thought you wanted her to be your mom. All those times you told me you saw her as a mother figure...I thought that was part of the reason you wanted us together."
Allie huffed. "That was before she broke your heart."
Nathan studied his daughter. Compassion swept over him. "You're still working to forgive her, aren't you?"
Allie's eyes remained glued to the bedspread. "Yes," she said. "It's hard. Sometimes I think I'm moving past the hurt, but then it all comes back to me and I feel angry again." She sighed. "I know it's not rational. I see how she looks at you now. I know she's committed to this family. I just…" She shrugged. "There's some kind of block for me, Dad. I don't know why."
Nathan placed a hand on her shoulder. "I understand," he said gently. "You've been trying hard, Allie. It's been obvious to me and to your aunt. She knows it will take time to fully heal your relationship." He smiled, tilting her chin up with his hand. "I'm proud of how far you've come. I want you to know that."
Allie's chin trembled. "Really?" she asked. "I thought you'd be mad that I was still having a hard time."
"Oh, Allie, no!" Nathan exclaimed, shaking his head fervently. "You were hurt, and sometimes it takes a while for the hurt to heal. It's okay, sweetheart. There's no timeline on healing."
Allie was quiet for a long while, leaning against Nathan's shoulder. "Thanks, Dad," she said finally. A hint of her sparkle returned. "I needed to hear that."
Nathan kissed her forehead. "You're welcome." He stood, holding out his hand to her. "Ready to go back downstairs?"
Allie grinned, bouncing up from the bed. "Yes! I want to show Jack how to hold his fishing pole."
Nathan laughed, chucking her under the chin. "That's my girl."
Pastor Joseph gave a beautiful sermon the next morning about the hope that was born along with the Christ child on the very first Christmas. Elizabeth listened attentively, the words a soothing balm for her soul. She craved hope and the peace that came with it. She was starting to experience it more frequently, for which she was thankful. In the dark days following her assault, she hadn't thought hope would find its way into her heart again. But it had. When Nathan had offered her his heart and his life, hope had begun to break through the clouds surrounding her.
She glanced at her husband, sitting tall beside her with Jack on his lap. He wore a green vest over his white shirt, while Jack wore a similar vest in red. Allie wore a green and red checkered dress, and Elizabeth wore a white dress with green and red accents. They all matched perfectly. It hadn't been planned, but Nathan had commented on it as they were leaving for church. Though it was a small thing, somehow it made them feel even more cemented together as a family.
After church, the Grants walked home together. Elizabeth had woken up early this morning to prepare cinnamon rolls for brunch. Once they got home, she put the rolls in the oven and mixed up a glaze.
"Brunch will be ready in about an hour," she said, smiling at the children.
Jack looked at the Christmas tree, where gifts were wrapped and waiting. "Pwesents?" he asked, his eyes alight with excitement.
Elizabeth grinned at her son. "I think that's a possibility." She looked at Nathan, eyes sparkling. "What do you think?"
Nathan grinned back. "I think that's a great idea!"
"Yay!" Jack and Allie clapped in unison and ran for the tree, situating themselves beside it. Allie was just as excited as Jack. "Come on, Dad!" she said when Nathan didn't immediately follow.
He chuckled, holding up a hand. "Just let me get your aunt a cup of tea and I'll be right there."
Elizabeth smiled inside at Allie's new title for Nathan. She could see how much joy it gave him to hear both children calling him Dad. Her heart welled with happiness for her husband. He deserved all the joy he could get.
He brought her the peppermint tea mixed with chamomile, then settled himself on the settee beside her. "Alright, who's first?" he asked, his eyes twinkling.
Allie handed Jack gifts, then brought two each to Nathan and Elizabeth before sitting beside Jack once more with her present. The children tore into their gifts, exclaiming with delight as they uncovered each one. Allie held up her new copy of Persuasion, Elizabeth's gift to her. "Thank you, Aunt Elizabeth!" she said, hugging the book to her chest. "I've been wanting to read this one."
"You're welcome, sweetheart," Elizabeth said with a smile. "I hope you like it."
"Cars!" Jack said, holding up the wooden box with three brightly painted toys. "I wuv cars!"
"A horse charm!" Allie said, holding up the tiny horse and looking at Nathan with a huge smile. "It's perfect, Dad!"
Jack loved the wooden animals Nathan had carved for him. The detail was beautiful. Elizabeth leaned closer to get a better look. "You have a gift," she murmured to Nathan. "Those are stunning."
He simply smiled in return.
"Open your presents!" Allie said, looking expectantly at the adults. They obediently opened their gifts. Allie had gotten Nathan a box of lures, which he admired with great exaggeration that made Allie giggle. Elizabeth gasped when she saw the gift Allie had given her. A silver locket looked back at her from the small box. It was round with delicate swirls decorating it. Tears filled her eyes as she looked at her stepdaughter. "This is gorgeous, Allie. Thank you."
Allie looked down, but a sweet smile tugged at her lips. "I thought maybe we could have our pictures taken, one of you and Dad and another of me and Jack. Then you could carry us with you at all times. After the baby is born, we could take another picture of the kids." She hesitated, her cheeks pinkening. "If you want to. Or you could put in a picture of your parents…"
Elizabeth shook her head, standing to give the girl a hug. "This is perfect, Allie," she whispered against her hair. "It's the best present. I want to put in pictures of our family." She pulled back, pressing a kiss to Allie's hair. "Thank you, honey."
Allie shyly tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "You're welcome."
As Elizabeth headed back to the settee, Nathan smiled at the kids. "Your other gifts are outside against the house," he said casually, standing up to join Elizabeth. "Do you want to see what they are?"
"Yes!"
The two children hustled to the porch, with Nathan and Elizabeth following at a slower pace. Allie gasped as she took in the gifts. She looked up at the adults, eyes shining. "Bikes?" she said, her eyes going back to the shiny metal leaning against the house.
The bikes had been Nathan's idea. They found them in a catalogue - a regular sized blue bike for Allie, and a matching tricycle for Jack. The young boy looked at his new bike in wonder, having never seen one before.
"Can I teach Jack to ride?" Allie asked, clasping her hands together. "Please?"
Elizabeth smiled. "Of course. We'll be right inside if you need anything."
"Thanks!" Allie exclaimed. They went back inside to bundle up against the cold, then vanished out the door again.
Quiet descended on Nathan and Elizabeth. She took a sip of her tea once they made their way back to the settee. She looked at the packages still on the cushions. "We didn't get to open our gifts to each other," she said quietly, smiling at her husband. "Should we do that now?" Picking up his gift, she handed it to him. "You go first."
Looking a little bit like the boy he once was, Nathan quickly opened the present. A set of carving tools lay in his lap. He sucked in a breath, a smile creasing his handsome face. He ran his hands over them, then looked at Elizabeth in wonder. "How did you know I needed a new set?"
She smiled. "I overheard you mention it to Lee a few weeks ago."
"Thank you," he said, taking one of her hands in his. "This is perfect." An almost shy look entered his eyes as he handed her a package wrapped in green. Vulnerability shone from his face. "For you. I hope you like it."
Elizabeth was sure she would. She carefully unwrapped the gift, then let out a small gasp.
He had carved her another plaque. This one was even more beautiful than the first. Rectangular and wide, a mountain scene was carved into the wood, with the sun setting over the horizon. In bold, scripted letters, an Emerson quote looked back at her: Every sunset brings the promise of a new dawn.
It was the same line he'd quoted to her several months before, when they were on the steps of the jail before she identified Spurlock as her assailant. Tears sprang to her eyes as she traced the words. The wood was smooth and polished beneath her fingers. She looked at Nathan and placed a hand on his cheek. "I love it," she whispered. "It's beautiful." The words pierced her heart. "Sunsets bring the promise of a new dawn," she said softly. "I hope that's true."
Nathan covered her hand with his, bringing her eyes back to his. "You went through something no one should ever go through," he said quietly. "That was a dark night for you. But I hope…" He stopped, suddenly seeming to struggle for words. Elizabeth waited patiently. Nathan's eyes sought hers again, and he gave her a tender smile. "I hope our family has become a new dawn for you."
Elizabeth leaned forward, resting her forehead against his as a tear escaped her eye. "It has been," she said. Her hands lifted to cup both of his cheeks. "You in particular, Nathan. You have become my dawn."
His arms slid around her, pulling her close. Elizabeth let her cheek rest against his shoulder, her arms wrapping around his neck. They sat there in a simple harmony of hearts. Elizabeth leaned into the strength he offered, beyond thankful for his presence in her life.
The patter of their children's feet broke them apart. Allie and Jack were hungry and the cinnamon rolls were just about done. Nathan fried bacon and eggs while Elizabeth put the finishing touches on the rolls, and then they ate a delicious brunch amid the joy and laughter of their children.
After brunch, the kids wanted to go for a walk, so they all bundled up and set out down the path. Allie led the way, holding Jack by the hand, leaving Nathan and Elizabeth walking together. Nathan reached down to engulf her hand in his, and Elizabeth couldn't think of anywhere else she would rather be.
A few hours later they returned home, chilled through but happy. Nathan made a fire while Elizabeth began preparations for their Christmas dinner. Allie wanted to help her, so Nathan volunteered to play on the floor with Jack.
"This has been the best Christmas yet," Allie said, giving Elizabeth a smile that was tentative yet sweet. "Thank you for making it special."
Elizabeth paused, pulling her daughter into a hug. "It's the family time that makes it special," she whispered. "I love you, Allie."
"I...care a lot for you," Allie said, a shadow crossing her face.
Elizabeth placed a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry if you can't say it yet," she said softly. "I just want you to know how much I love you."
Allie smiled and nodded, and Elizabeth was struck by the fact that Nathan probably felt the same way about her. He'd told her time and again that he loved her, even though Elizabeth was unable to return the words to him. When they'd first married, she didn't think she would ever be able to tell him that she loved him. Now she knew there was a chance it could happen. Someday.
Once all the preparations were made, the Grants had another family meal that was boisterous and happy. Elizabeth ate her food, reveling in the merriment of her husband and children. She might not feel the same level of happiness that they did, but her heart was joyful and content. These were the moments in life that mattered.
When night wore on and the children began to look sleepy, Elizabeth herded them upstairs for bed while Nathan cleaned up the kitchen. Allie gave her a hug goodnight before sliding into her bed. Jack gave her a sweet kiss on the cheek. "I wuv you, Mama."
"I love you too, sweet boy," she whispered, tucking him in. She quietly walked to the door, giving her children one last glance. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight," they echoed. Elizabeth softly closed the door, then made her way downstairs again.
Nathan was waiting for her with a cup of chamomile tea. Her favorite. She smiled and thanked him. They sat on the settee together. No words were spoken for several minutes. The day had been a long one, not quite overwhelming but slightly exhausting. Elizabeth felt like she could curl up in their bed and sleep until noon tomorrow.
She became aware of Nathan's arm around her. She leaned into him, feeling his warmth and breathing in his scent. Their silence was companionable and sweet. She loved the feeling of safety around him. But more than that, she loved his strength and his honor, his protectiveness and his love.
She loved…
Her eyes widened into saucers as she quickly pushed the thought away. It couldn't be.
Nathan stirred beside her, a hand going into his pocket. "I have one more present for you," he murmured.
She blinked, looking at him, her feelings jumbled inside. Was she falling in love with her husband?
Nathan looked at her with gentle eyes as he pulled a small box from his pocket. The vulnerability was back. Before Elizabeth realized what was going on, he slipped to the floor on one knee, opening the black box to reveal a beautiful diamond ring.
"Nathan!" she gasped, looking from the ring to his face. "What are you doing?"
"I didn't get to give you a ring when I asked you to marry me, nor was the ring I put on your finger on our wedding day one I chose." He held up the box, causing the diamond to glint in the firelight. "I want you to have a ring, Elizabeth. As a token of my love for you and a symbol of our marriage. It's my promise to be faithful and loving and committed to you and only you, for the rest of our lives." He hesitated, the box wavering slightly in his hands. "That is, if you want it."
Elizabeth had never been a weepy woman, but the last three months had seen more than their share of tears. They filled her eyes again as she took in the love in Nathan's eyes, the ring in his hands, and the meaning behind it. Through a lump in her throat, she nodded, holding her hand out to him.
A smile lit his eyes, soft and tender. He took the ring from the box and slid the ring onto Elizabeth's finger before taking her hands in his. The look in his eyes stole the breath from her lungs.
Time seemed to stand still. Something changed between them. The air felt charged with electricity, sending jolts shooting through Elizabeth's arms to her heart. Nathan clearly felt it too. His breathing turned shallow and rapid. His eyes searched hers, one hand reaching out and resting against her neck. His fingers slid into her hair, gently tugging her toward him. When his eyes dropped to her lips, Elizabeth felt like she couldn't breathe. She desperately wanted his kiss...but she was terrified of what it would mean for their relationship.
As Nathan inched closer, Elizabeth fought the conflicting emotions raging inside. Her own breathing became ragged. She wasn't sure which feeling was stronger: wanting him to kiss her or hoping he wouldn't.
Their faces were only inches apart when Nathan's gaze moved from her lips to her eyes. He must have seen the turmoil in them, because he paused, his gaze lingering on hers. She could feel his warm breath on her lips but she couldn't tear her eyes from his. How could she be this conflicted? Her body craved his touch and her heart screamed at her to let him show her this act of love. But her mind rebelled, fighting her heart.
Nathan closed his eyes briefly before looking at her again with regret. "You're not ready," he said softly. "I'm sorry, Elizabeth. I shouldn't have tried…"
She placed her fingers against his lips, shaking her head. Relief and disappointment rushed through her in equal measure. She hated to hurt him again. She knew he wanted to kiss her, to express his love for her. But she felt the block between them like a wall. She wanted to figure out how to obliterate it, but she felt helpless to do so.
"Don't apologize, Nathan," she said, her voice hoarse. "I wish I could give you this. I just...I'm not…" She sighed. "I'm scared."
He nodded, getting off his knee to sit beside her and draw her into his arms. "I understand, love," he said quietly. "It's alright. After what you went through…" He shook his head. "It makes sense that you feel that way."
Tears filled her eyes and rolled down her cheeks as she looked at him. "I wish I could give you the love you deserve, Nathan," she whispered. "I wish I could offer you a whole and untarnished me, instead of this frightened and broken woman."
A fierce light filled Nathan's eyes. He took her by the shoulders, looking deeply into her eyes. "You listen to me," he said, his words shaky yet firm. "You are not broken. You are not tarnished. You are healing after a trauma, Elizabeth. Who you are hasn't changed. I fell in love with you for the woman you are - the woman you still are. Nothing has changed that. I see you as whole and pure and capable of great things." He tilted her chin up. "You are enough, Elizabeth Grant. Just the way you are."
A little sob fell from her lips. Nathan pulled her into his embrace, protecting her once more from the demons of her past. She nestled against him, his words playing over and over in her mind.
You are enough...just the way you are.
How had he known the deep fears she kept locked inside, barely able to admit them to herself? That she would never be enough for him? The fervor with which he spoke the words, the look in his eyes as he spoke them…
Elizabeth could almost believe it.