May 1921

Elizabeth stared up at the ceiling. Sleep wouldn't come. She could hear Nathan breathing deeply and evenly beside her, telling her he was asleep. Biting back a sigh, turned quietly onto her side. The two of them had tenderly expressed their love a short time ago. But as was the case more and more often these days, Elizabeth was left wondering when that love would result in new life.

Faith's warning that she might have conceived a baby while nursing Aurora now felt like a cruel joke. Aurora was a few weeks shy of her second birthday. Elizabeth and Nathan had been trying to get pregnant for nearly a year, ever since their honeymoon on Lake Erie. Nothing was happening. After conceiving Jack and Aurora so quickly, Elizabeth had just assumed she and Nathan would have no trouble having a child of their own. But as each month went by without her becoming pregnant, Elizabeth began to wonder if something was wrong. What if something had been damaged within her when she experienced her assault? What if she couldn't have any more children?

It felt unfair. Jack had given her a child, but he had been taken from her. Spurlock had taken something that didn't belong to him, leaving her with another child in the process. Now, with her husband, the man who would be by her side for life, Elizabeth wasn't able to conceive. Tears stung her eyes and she wrapped her arms around her body.

She desperately wanted to have Nathan's baby. The desire had been growing in her for months. Every time her period started, she felt defeated. She felt a seed of hope whenever she was a day or two late, but the inevitable disappointment soon followed. A couple times she had missed a period altogether. The hope that sprung from that was high, but the resulting disappointment when it started the next month was all the more crushing.

When it became clear that she wasn't going to fall asleep anytime soon, Elizabeth slipped from the bed. She walked to the large window overlooking their property. Moonlight shone down from the clear sky, creating a beautiful vista before her. But Elizabeth didn't truly see it. She cradled her stomach in her hands and allowed pent-up tears to fall.

She wasn't sure how long she stood there crying. Sobs shook her, but she tried to muffle them to prevent Nathan from waking. It felt like she was grieving, grieving children she might never have with her husband.

She heard movement from the bed and assumed Nathan was turning in his sleep as he often did. But a few moments later, she felt his arms slide around her from behind. "What's the matter, sweetheart?" he whispered, nuzzling her cheek with his. "Why are you crying?"

Turning in his arms, Elizabeth buried her face in his chest. "Why can't we have a baby?" she wailed. "What's wrong with me, Nathan?"

She felt his arms tighten around her. "Elizabeth," he said, the words nearly a groan. "Why do you think something's wrong with you?"

"Because I can't conceive," she cried. "I thought for sure I would be pregnant by now. I thought a couple months after our honeymoon, I would be able to tell you we were expecting a baby. But month after month I find out I'm not pregnant." She clutched his shirt in her hands. "Why?"

She wasn't really expecting an answer. Elizabeth was simply speaking of the pain in her heart.

When her husband spoke, his voice was laced with pain. "What if it's me, Elizabeth?"

That made her look up at him. "You? Why would you think that?"

His eyes closed briefly. "Because you've gotten pregnant twice before. What is the difference this time? Me." He wiped a tear from her cheek. "I don't think anything is wrong with you, sweetheart."

"You don't know that," she said, wanting to assuage him of the guilt she could tell he was feeling. "For all we know, I was damaged during the assault. Maybe that's why we can't have a baby."

Nathan shook his head. "Elizabeth, I'm going to see Carson tomorrow. I want to see if he can find anything, any reason that might explain why we're struggling to conceive a child."

She was quiet for a few moments. "I suppose that couldn't hurt," she said. "But I really don't think this is on you, Nathan."

"It might not be on either one of us," he said gently. "It might simply be that it's not the right time. Lots of couples struggle for a while before being able to have a baby."

Elizabeth sighed. "I know. Maybe I'm just impatient." She rested her hands against his chest. "I just really want to be able to give you this, Nathan. You've done so much for me. The least I can do is give you a child."

"You've already given me children," he reminded her. "Two, to be exact. Two wonderful, precious children I love more than life itself." He kissed her forehead. "No matter what, Elizabeth, I'll always love you. I want you to know that. Whether or not we can have kids together, you have my love forever."

Elizabeth felt a smile tug at her lips. "What did I do to deserve you?" she asked softly. "You are my rock, Nathan. I love you so much." She reached up to gently kiss him. "Forever. No matter what."

He reached down and took her hand, leading her back to their bed. They climbed in and nestled together, drawing comfort from each other's arms. With her head resting against Nathan's shoulder, Elizabeth drew in some long breaths.

For better or worse.

That had been part of their marriage vows. Neither of them could have foreseen this struggle. When they had married, Elizabeth hadn't even known if they would ever have a real husband-wife relationship. Through all the ups and downs, Nathan had been there for her. Their love grew stronger with each struggle they faced.

It would get stronger again with this one.

With Elizabeth's blessing, Nathan went to see Carson the following morning. Their struggle to conceive had been nagging at him for several months. He couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong with him, that he was the reason Elizabeth couldn't get pregnant. After her breakdown last night, he was determined to find out if there was anything he could do about their situation.

Carson greeted him with a smile when he walked through the door. "Hey, Nathan. How can I help you?"

Nathan glanced at Faith, who was sitting nearby. He looked back at Carson. "May I speak with you privately?" He looked at Faith again. "Sorry, Faith."

She stood with a smile. Nathan felt a stab in his gut as he took in her protruding belly. She had gotten pregnant mere months after marrying Carson, and after giving birth to their son, she'd quickly become pregnant again. Fiona had just announced that she was pregnant as well. Clara and Jesse had recently welcomed their second child. Babies abounded in Hope Valley, but he and Elizabeth were unable to join the ranks.

"It's okay, Nathan," Faith said. "I know there are certain things men only feel comfortable talking about with other men." She walked by Carson, reaching up to kiss him. "I'll be at the cafe," she said softly, her eyes shining as she looked at him.

Carson returned the tender look. Nathan watched his friends, glad they were happy. Though he wished he and Elizabeth were about to welcome a child of their own, he didn't begrudge Carson and Faith their happiness. He wouldn't wish this struggle on anyone.

His mind turned to Lee and Rosemary. They had struggled with infertility. In the end, they hadn't been able to have a biological child. However, they did have two wonderful children in Danny and Reagan thanks to adoption. Nathan knew it wouldn't be the end of the world if he and Elizabeth couldn't have a child of their own. They already had three beautiful children, and if they wanted more they could adopt.

But he still wanted to try.

After Faith left, Carson looked at Nathan. "What's going on?" he asked.

Nathan shuffled his feet, unsure how to begin. "I think something's wrong," he said finally.

Carson raised a brow. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"Elizabeth and I have been intentionally trying to have a baby for about eleven months," Nathan replied. "I can understand why she didn't get pregnant while nursing Aurora. But after Aurora weaned herself, we thought we'd be able to have a child quickly. Yet Elizabeth hasn't been able to conceive. I think it's my fault."

Carson leaned back, tilting his head. "What makes you think that?"

Nathan sighed. "She conceived Jack in less than two weeks, and she conceived Aurora in a single night. She obviously has no problems with fertility." He motioned to himself. "I'm the one who can't give her a baby, Carson. It's tearing me apart inside. She wants a child so badly, and I want to give her that. But I can't."

Carson motioned for him to sit. "Nathan, there are a lot of factors that could be at play here. It doesn't necessarily mean that either you or Elizabeth are infertile. It could simply be that the timing isn't right. Sometimes unconscious pressure to conceive makes it that much harder to have a baby."

Nathan raised a skeptical brow. "Are you saying if we take the pressure off ourselves, we might be able to conceive?"

Laughing, Carson nodded. "Basically, yes." He quickly sobered. "But I don't want to make light of your concerns, Nathan. Why don't you let me examine you and then we'll go from there?"

Nathan nodded, letting Carson proceed with the exam. When it was over, his friend shook his head. "You seem to be perfectly healthy," he said, grabbing his clipboard. "But I'm no specialist." He wrote something down. "Tell you what. If Elizabeth doesn't conceive in the next few months, I'll refer you both to a specialist in Calgary. He might be able to find something that I can't." Gripping Nathan's shoulder, he looked him in the eyes. "But remember to take the pressure off yourselves. I think that might be your biggest hurdle."

When Nathan got home that evening, he related everything to Elizabeth. She sat quietly, thinking over what he said.

"Do you really think Carson is right?" she asked, looking hopeful.

Nathan shrugged. "I'd like to think he is," he replied.

Elizabeth pursed her lips. "I would too. I just don't know how we can take that pressure off." She sighed. "I want your baby so badly."

Nathan enveloped her in his arms. "I know, sweetheart," he said softly. "I want that too." He kissed her head. "Maybe we just need to relax and let things happen as they may. Why don't we make a promise to each other? We'll give this six more months, and then if you're not pregnant, we'll travel to Calgary together to visit this specialist."

Elizabeth nodded, leaning against him in trust. "Alright," she breathed. She snuggled her head against his chest. "Thank you for going in today, Nathan."

He ran a hand through her hair. "Anything for you, love." He pressed a kiss to her hair. "We'll get through this," he whispered. "I promise."

She nodded in return. "I know," she said softly. "This struggle is hard, but I'm glad we have each other."

They held each other for a few moments before Nathan dared broach another subject. "What about adoption, Elizabeth?" he asked quietly. "If we aren't able to have a child of our own, what would you say to opening our home to a child who is in need of parents?"

Elizabeth looked up at him. He was surprised to see a gentle smile on her face. "You're so selfless," she said, reaching one hand up to wrap behind his neck. "That heart of yours is so big, Nathan. You've already adopted three children, and you're willing to be a father to even more." She pulled his head down for a kiss. "That's one of the reasons I love you so much."

Though she hadn't answered his question yet, Nathan sensed she needed a few moments to think about it. He simply held her and watched as her eyes moved to the level of his chest, moving back and forth slightly, which told him she was considering his words. Finally, she nodded slowly.

"Yes, that is something I would be open to. Eventually." She bit her lip. "I'm just not sure I'm in a place to consider it right now."

Nathan chuckled. "I don't think I am either." He kissed her cheek. "Besides, I'm all for continuing our efforts to have a child of our own. I'm just thinking of options down the road, if it comes to that."

Elizabeth smiled, sliding her arms around his neck. "It's good to know the options," she replied. Her smile grew. "But after the kids are in bed, I fully expect you to continue those efforts you just mentioned."

Laughing, Nathan gave her another kiss. "Gladly."

When school let out for the summer at the end of May, Nathan suggested a family camping trip, complete with Millie. Elizabeth agreed, knowing they all needed time together to relax and bond. They traveled a little ways out of Hope Valley to a large lake surrounded by tall trees. It was a beautiful setting. Standing at the shore of the lake, Elizabeth drew in a deep breath of fresh air, feeling the tension seep from her body. Nathan came up beside her after assembling the large tent. She leaned into him with a smile. "This is perfect," she said. "Just what we needed." Looking up at him, she injected a teasing lilt into her voice. "Even if it means sleeping outside for three nights."

Nathan chuckled, looping his arm around her. "We're not sleeping outside. We're sleeping in a tent."

Elizabeth eyed him. "Uh huh," she said, completely unconvinced. "There is about half a centimeter of fabric separating us from the outdoors. That counts as sleeping outside."

Laughing, her husband embraced her fully. She rested in his arms for a moment until their children began clamoring to go swimming. Excited at the thought, Elizabeth helped Aurora into her swimsuit before changing into her own. The five family members splashed into the water, enjoying the cool temperature in contrast to the warm sun. Even Millie joined in, dog paddling around and keeping a close eye on Aurora.

They played in the water for over an hour. Once they finished, Jack and Allie and Nathan air-dried on the bank with Millie as they fished for their dinner. Elizabeth changed Aurora and then put her down for a nap. Once her daughter was sleeping, she went to sit on the bank with the rest of the family. Elizabeth didn't care to fish herself, but she enjoyed watching the delight on the faces of her children as they reeled in a catch. Even Nathan looked like an excited boy when a fish tugged at his line.

The fishing expedition lasted about an hour, after each of the three fishers caught a trout. Nathan grinned at Elizabeth, holding up his fish. "Is now a good time to teach you how to debone a trout?"

She shuddered and backed away. "No, thank you! I'll just read a book while you and the children take care of that little detail." Nathan's rich laughter followed her into the tent, where she pulled out a book and began to read. Soon she could smell the fire that her husband started, which was shortly followed by the smell of cooking fish. By the time Aurora woke up from her nap, dinner was ready.

They all sat in a circle around the fire, eating the fish and some dried fruit that Elizabeth brought on the trip. They laughed and told stories well into the night. Nathan kept the fire stoked, and when it was completely dark, he produced some squares of chocolate as a special treat. The children thoroughly enjoyed their chocolate. Less than fifteen minutes later, all three of them were blinking sleepily, worn out from the busy afternoon. Nathan and Elizabeth worked together to tuck them into their sleeping bags, then slipped from the tent and sat by the shore. Millie settled beside Elizabeth, resting her head in her lap.

Elizabeth felt content. Though the worry about being able to have a child or not was never far from her mind, here in the woods she felt like their problems were back in Hope Valley. For a few blissful days, they would be able to forget their struggle and simply spend time together as a family. Instead of worrying about the future, Elizabeth began to count her blessings. Whatever happened down the line, she knew they would get through it with faith and trust.

She leaned against Nathan, thankful just to be with him. They sat quietly, looking up at the stars and listening to the sound of water lapping gently against the shore.

It felt like a perfect night.