- Chapter 56 -

A Foot Too Big

"Hello everyone and welcome to a new installment of the Sewer Hour! Now, while I like to keep things light here on my station, I feel this is something that needs to be discussed. For sometime now, mutants have been rising up, and have been persecuted because they're different. While some can be complete douchebags, there are some who just want to live in peace. It's not their fault they turned out the way they did, so why should they be hunted for it? This comes from yet another little incident my sibs and I were involved in. One that involves the one and only Bigfoot…"

-X-

The day after the Mom-Thing incident, the Hamato septet went out for another training session, Leo insisting on going with them.

"You sure about this, Leo?" April asked.

Leo nodded. "I need to work out. Besides, I'll be out of the way while you're mopping the floor."

"Just don't strain yourself, okay?" Hisako piped up. "You don't need to injure yourself anymore than you already are."

"Agreed," Leo assured her.

"And I've got the perfect training round for today," Raph declared. "Turtle Hunt!"

"Aw yeah! Turtle Hunt!" Mikey cheered.

"Oh, no…" Donnie groaned.

"Oh, lighten up, D," Vee said. "Turtle hunts are fun."

"It's simple," Raph began. "You all gotta stay hidden in the woods for at least an hour. Whoever loses... has to clean the chicken coop."

"What?!" Kagome exclaimed. "No way! I'm not doing that!"

"Ugh!" Hisako added. "No way I'm touching those coops."

"It smells like cheese fossils!" Donnie piped up.

"And the spiders are so big, they play the banjo!" Mikey included.

Midnight let out a terrified whine, hiding her snout in her paws.

"Well, then you better get moving," Raph said with a smirk. "You got ten minutes to get in the woods and hide. Better run, kiddies."

The group immediately took off to hide, scattering to the four winds. Sadly, Leo's bum leg gave out under him before he could get far.

"Ow, damn it!" he cursed, punching the ground.

"Easy, Leo," Raph warned, immediately concerned.

"Maybe I should sit this one out," Leo decided, pulling himself up. Raph offered him a hand, but Leo brushed it off, upset at his failure. "I'll be fine. I'll… just meet you at the farmhouse."

He hobbled back to the house, sitting on the porch before letting out a growl of frustration and punching the wall.

"Damn it..." he muttered. "What good am I anymore?"

Within the woods, Mikey, Donnie, and Hisako had ended up together, all three searching around for a place to hide.

"C'mon, we have to stay out of sight," Hisako insisted. "I am not cleaning that coop."

Mikey looked around, then up a tree. "Up there!"

"Dibs!" Donnie shouted, immediately scrambling up the tree.

"Hey, I saw it first!" Mikey objected, climbing up as well.

"Dibs have it," Donnie retorted. "Get your own tree!"

"Uh, guys!" Hisako piped up suddenly.

She pointed upwards, and they all followed her finger, seeing a large creature up in the same tree as them. Donnie and Mikey screamed in horror and fell out of the tree, and the creature let out a scream as well, flinching. Hisako slowly approached it.

"Hey, hey. Shhh. It's okay." She kept her voice low and quiet, like talking to a frightened animal.

As they looked on, Donnie gasped in realization.

"Guys, I don't believe it," he said aloud. "That… that thing… It's Bigfoot!"

Hisako continued to move closer, doing what she did whenever Leatherhead had one of his fits. "We're not gonna hurt you. I promise."

The creature slowly relaxed and climbed down so the group could get a good look at it. It resembled a cross between a large bear and a giant sloth, but with a green coat. It stood on all fours, with long claws and hunched shoulders.

"That's right. We're friendly," Hisako soothed, scratching the beast behind the ear.

It closed its eyes, loving the attention as it nuzzled Hisako. When Midnight carefully approached it, the beast chuffed and reached out a furry paw to pet the puppy. Midnight nuzzled into the beast happily, yipping and wagging her tail. Her brothers looked on in confusion, before Mikey broke the silence.

"She has a way with big scary animals, doesn't she?" he asked.

"Looks like it," Donnie remarked.

He glanced at its right arm, and saw what looked like a small bullet wound surrounded by a crust of drying blood.

"It's hurt," he realized.

"Can you help it?" Mikey asked.

"Her," Hisako corrected. "It's a her."

Mikey raised an eyebrow. "How can you-?"

Hisako rolled her eyes. "How do you think, Mikey?"

"Here I come!" Raph declared, bursting out from the trees. "Ready or…" He stopped short, seeing Bigfoot standing there. "...not?"

"Hey Raph!" Mikey greeted. "Meet Hisako's new buddy! The one and only Bigfoot!"

After a minute, all Raph managed to say was "...Wow."

Back at the farmhouse, April sighed in satisfaction, looking over the freshly mopped floor. Sadly, at that moment, Casey opened the door and came in, his shoes caked with mud. April gasped in shock and anger.

"Arnold Casey Jones Jr.!" she shouted. "What do you think you're doing?!"

"Um... coming into the house?" Casey said.

"You're tracking mud!" April corrected. "And I just finished mopping!"

"Sorry…" Casey said before April rapidly ushered him out with the mop.

"Out! OUT!" she shouted, slamming the door behind him.

"Unbelievable," Casey muttered, shaking his head.

Leo was sitting on the porch swing, shaking his head. "I could have warned you."

"Yeah, yeah," Casey said flippantly. "So where are the others?"

"Training exercise," Leo replied. "Would've gone, but my stupid leg…"

"Damn, that thing still bugging you?" Casey asked. "The rest of ya healed up fine."

"I know," Leo said, sighing.

"Give it time," Casey assured. "You'll be back in shape before you know it."

Leo nodded, not feeling so sure himself. At that moment, they heard talking, and saw Hisako leading the others back... along with Bigfoot.

"Hey, Leo," Hisako greeted. "Meet Bigfoot. Can she stay with us?"

"Bigfoot?!" Casey repeated in surprise.

"Well…" Leo began almost casually, "that's new."

-X-

Inside, they explained everything to the others as Donnie wrapped up Bigfoot's arm.

"She just came up to us, injured and scared," Hisako explained.

"Judging by the bullet wound on her arm, someone must've been hunting her," Donnie mused.

Bigfoot nodded, letting out a low whine.

"A hunter," Hisako realized. She touched Bigfoot's face, focusing. "She got a bullet in an arm from some... crazy guy with a gun. He was in a big truck, and another guy was there... Jack Marlin... That's the name. She heard his sidekick say it."

"Aw man…" Mikey moaned. "Not him."

"You know that guy?" Vee asked.

"He's this big-game hunter on cable access," Mikey explained. "Hosts his own TV show. The Monster Hunter."

"Real nutcase, I'm guessing," Raph remarked.

"The nuttiest!" Mikey confirmed. "Determined to bag the rarest of monsters. Make himself rich and famous, and get himself a slot on primetime."

"Surprised he hasn't come out to New York," Kagome remarked.

"Frankly, I'm happy about that," Leo declared. "We've got enough of a rogues gallery. Don't need a Kraven the Hunter wannabe."

"Well, he's hunting Bigfoot," April said. "Which means he's probably somewhere in the area, looking for her."

Bigfoot let out another whine, and Hisako petted her, trying to calm her. Midnight did the same, whining herself as she pushed her head into Bigfoot's side. After a minute, Hisako stiffened, hearing one thing she missed from Bigfoot's mind.

"Babies…" she realized, turning to the others. "Bigfoot has two children!"

A dead silence filled the room, and then Kagome broke the silence. "Then we're definitely not letting Marlin get his hands on her."

"Uh… that might be a problem," Mikey said.

"Now what?" Casey sighed.

Mikey pointed out the window. "He's outside."

They all looked out the window, seeing a menacing looking man wearing an akubra stalking around outside, an ominous-looking truck in the driveway. Midnight began to growl audibly, her hackles raised as she put herself between the door and everyone.

"Ohhhh, fuck me," Hisako groaned.

"Hide, you guys," April ordered. "Casey, with me. We need to stall this guy."

The Turtles immediately went to do so, Hisako and Kagome ushering Bigfoot into the basement while April and Casey went out to confront Marlin.

"Hey!" April shouted, getting his attention. "This is private property, sir!"

"Beg pardon, Miss," Marlin said, "but I was wondering if ya seen any strange creatures around here. Specifically, a big hairy green man."

"Sorry, but we came out here to get away from strange creatures."

"Yeah, didn't you hear about New York?" Casey questioned.

"I did, mate," Marlin answered. "Right shame."

"We barely escaped and came out here to be alone," April told him. "So please, leave us be."

"Alright, fine," Marlin relented, giving a shrug before turning to walk off. "You find anything strange or like I said, lemme know."

With that, he got into the car and drove off. The two teens watched him go, scowling.

"He's gonna be trouble," Casey muttered.

"Gee, how'd ya guess?" April deadpanned.

-X-

Inside, the Turtles and co. hashed things out.

"I've seen his show. Marlin doesn't give up," said Mikey. "If he can't find what he's looking for out there... he'll come looking for it in here."

"But Bigfoot's babies are still out there," Hisako told them. "She's worried sick about them."

"Then we better find them before he does," Raph declared.

"We still gotta get Marlin off their backs," Kagome added. "If he's as crazy as Mikey says, he'll never leave them alone."

"We'll divide and conquer," Donnie decided. "Half of us find Bigfoot's kids, the rest distract Marlin."

"Sounds like a plan," Leo said.

"I'll stick with Bigfoot, since I'm basically her translator," Hisako said. Bigfoot picked up Hisako, plopping the psychic on her shoulders. "Whoa… Déjà vu." She then had Midnight plopped into her lap.

"Hope Leatherhead doesn't get jealous," Mikey quipped.

"I may not be able to move much on this leg, but I can do something," Leo told them. "Fire off noisemakers, keep him busy."

"Looks like Dr. Prankenstein is taking on an apprentice," Mikey declared, putting an arm around Leo.

"What we really need is a decoy," Casey said. "If he won't be satisfied till he finds something, then we'll give him something."

"Thanks for volunteering, Casey," Mikey said, putting his other arm around him.

Casey winced. "...Shit."

Some time later, Hisako went off with Bigfoot, Vee and Kagome in tow, while the others lay in wait within the woods, searching for any sign of Marlin.

"This guy's good," Donnie remarked. "No visible trail, no indication he came this way. He definitely knows his stuff."

"He's crazy, but he knows what he's doing," Mikey added. "So watch your backs."

"Remind me who put Mikey in charge of this," Raph questioned.

"He knows how to get the drop on people," Leo replied. "The stealthiest of us all. He's the best turtle for the job."

As they went, April froze, sensing something. "It's him! Get down!"

They scattered and hid as Marlin slowly crept through the woods, his hunting rifle at the ready.

"Run all you can, Bigfoot," he muttered to himself. "Betsy and me'll getcha either way."

"He named his gun?" Mikey whispered. "Weirdo."

"Hey, you named your toes," Raph retorted.

"Okay," Leo said, snapping them back to attention. "When I give the signal, we'll make some noise."

Mikey nodded, pulling out two noisemakers, one of which he handed to Leo.

"Okay…" said Leo. "One… two… three!"

They immediately blew into the noisemakers, and Marlin nearly jumped out of his skin.

"What the fuck?!" he shouted.

The group made a lot of noise rustling in the bushes, snapping twigs and making roaring noises. Mikey really got into it, snarling and growling. Marlin looked every which way, aiming his gun everywhere, and finally, Bigfoot herself seemingly jumped out, running at him with a roar.

Marlin quickly raised his gun and fired a tranquilizer dart into Bigfoot's arm. The creature wavered before dropping like a load of bricks.

"Tricky beast," Marlin said, holstering his gun. "Gotcha now."

He grabbed her by the feet and dragged her off. As they looked on, Raph chuckled. "He took the bait. Hook, line, and sinker."

"I'm still amazed we actually talked Casey into doing that," April remarked.

Mikey shrugged. "Hisako can be very persuasive."

Elsewhere, Hisako, Vee, Kagome, and Bigfoot had found their way to a cave deep within the woods. Standing at the mouth of the cave, Bigfoot let out a howl.

Two higher-pitched howls answered back, and eventually, two smaller versions of Bigfoot came scampering out of the darkness.

"Oh…" Hisako gasped in awe. "They're so cute."

"I agree completely," Kagome cooed as the babies snuggled up to Bigfoot.

At that moment, Hisako got a text. She lifted up her phone, revealing a message from Leo.

"Marlin fell for the decoy," she reported. "We did it."

"Then let's get these cuties to safety and watch the fireworks," Vee declared.

The group met up, and watched from a safe distance as Marlin stood before a group of news reporters with his van.

"Behold!" he declared. "I, Jack Marlin, have captured a real monster!" He grabbed the back of the van door. "I present to you... BIGFOOT!"

He threw open the door with a flourish… to reveal Casey, shaking off the tranquilizer and pulling off his mask. "Hey, don't look at me. This guy's completely nuts."

"W-what the-?!" Marlin stammered. "You're that punk kid!"

"Dude, I ain't ever seen you before in my life," Casey retorted. "Now get me out of this thing before I call the fucking cops!"

Marlin unlocked the door and Casey walked away as the reporters all laughed uproariously at the humiliated Marlin. He met up with the others, shedding the costume.

"I took a freakin' tranq dart for this," he grumbled. "You guys owe me big time."

"Bill us later," Raph said casually.

"On the bright side, Bigfoot and her babies are safe," Hisako told them as they walked back to the farmhouse. "She's been saying thank you on repeat since the reunion."

"And it's safe to say that after this, Marlin will be short one cable access show," Kagome declared. "Now we can focus on the real mission."

Everyone nodded in agreement, then made their way back to the house, happy to have done some good.

"Now, was what we did underhanded? Yes. Do we regret it in the slightest? Absolutely not. Marlin was an absolute nutcase and a maniac. Hunting an innocent creature guilty of nothing but wanting to be left alone with her babies. Bigfoot may not have been a mutant, but the basic principle is the same. Don't judge a book by its cover, and don't judge a mutant by its looks. And with those parting words, I think it's time to end tonight's Sewer Hour. Stay safe, keep your loved ones close, and as always, remember: anata wa hitori janai. "

Author's Note:

So, this chapter is a mix between 2012's A Foot Too Big and 2003's The Monster Hunter, with Marlin in the place of Abigail Finn and Bigfoot closer to the Green Man from 2003.

Voice cast for this chapter:

* Marlin - JB Blanc (Kano in Mortal Kombat 11, Enrico Maxwell from Hellsing, Ryotaro Dojima from Persona 4, Alfred Pennyworth in Beware the Batman, Bane in Batman: Arkham Origins, Boris in Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance)

Please R&R. Until next time!