- Chapter 90 -

Mutant's Guide to the Galaxy

The Ulixes flew silently through space. As it would be some time before they arrived at D'Hoonib, Honeycutt had instructed the Hamato family to make themselves comfortable and get used to what would be their home for the next six months. Currently, Raph and Vee were seated on a couch in what Honeycutt had designated the rec room, Raph watching a TV-esque device while Vee was looking over an e-book.

"Chris Bradford's 2 Ruff Krew?" Raph shook his head. "Look at this garbage. It's obviously a knock off of Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos. Rahzar's such a leech."

"He's been described as the next Chuck Norris, and he is a Foot goon," Vee remarked. "Are we even surprised?"

Raph shrugged. "Point taken." On the screen, Chris held a swooning Gina. "Ugh, and they even screwed up Tokka. Did old TV shows just have issues with women being strong?"

Vee rolled her eyes. "Bro, don't get me started."

In the back of the room, Kagome, April, and Casey were crowded around a table, several school books, pencils and notebooks before them as they poured over the material.

"Y'know, I went on this spaceship to escape algebra, not be forced into doing it," Casey grumbled.

"Suck it up, Casey," Kagome told him. "It was the only way our moms and April's dad could convince the school board to let us off."

"Yeah, besides, I figure this would be old hat for you at this point," said April. "Distance learning has been in place for, what, three years now?"

"Yeah, that's a good point. Well made. Still, algebra. What use are we gonna have for this after we graduate?"

"Just shut up and study," Kagome ordered.

Casey grumbled before doing so.

-X-

In the engine room, Donnie was going absolutely wild as he examined the machinery. He was scribbling down notes and equations, giggling to himself.

"Donatello?" came Splinter's voice. "What are you doing?"

"Taking advantage of the fact that we're on a spaceship without the pilot or crew trying to kill us for once."

"I see. And this has nothing to do with earlier comments about your personal space ship still being in beta?"

"No!" Donnie's eyes shifted side to side. "Maybe." Splinter gave him a stern look. "Okay, yes. I'm taking notes so I know what to do with my ship. I'd rather not risk the T-Rawket exploding or burning up."

Splinter's stern look remained. "You will run all prototypes through Mortu before even thinking about testing them."

Donnie nodded. "Yes, sir."

"And no deep space missions without my consent."

"Yes, sir."

-X-

Meanwhile, Leo was in the vast reaches of space, facing down Snakeweed, Tokka, Rahzar, Fishface, and the Creep, who were all staring him down from different angles.

"So... who wants to surrender first?" Leo asked.

The Creep charged forward first, prompting Leo to leap up and kick him from behind, knocking him to the ground. Snakeweed moved next, sending out his tendrils to trap him. Leo managed to pull out a sword and sliced through them before rushing forward, slicing through Snakeweed's leg. Tokka rushed forward, trying to swipe at Leo, but he ducked under it, uppercutting her and knocking her to the ground. Fishface tried kicking at him, but easily dodged and evaded the kicks before grabbing him by the cables of his breathing apparatus, throwing him aside. Finally, Rahzar fired several claws at Leo, but Leo easily swatted them aside with his swords before leaping up and kicking him in the jaw, knocking him to the ground.

"Simulation complete," a computerized voice said. The villains all shimmered out of existence, the space background fading away to reveal a white room covered all over in hexagonal plates. Leo smiled as he headed for the door.

"That was amazing!" he exclaimed.

Honeycutt was standing outside, clapping his hands. "Most amazing, Leonardo. Commendable job."

"Thank you, Professor. Your holo-deck is pretty cool."

"Indeed, I'm glad you-"

" HAMATO MICHELANGELO! " Hisako screamed from the kitchen.

"Oh boy…" Leo sighed.

-X-

In the kitchen, Mikey pulled a plug from his head, looking over a fresh pizza he had whipped up with the gizmo.

"This Think-a-Food gadget is great! Wonder what else it can do?"

His eyes drifted to Midnight sitting to the side. Midnight looked up to him, and he smiled.

-X-

A bit later, Hisako walked in and saw Midnight chowing down on what looked to be a large t-bone steak.

"Hey Mikey, where'd that steak come from?"

"The professor's Food-o-Matic or whatever."

Hisako raised an eyebrow. "You thought up a T-bone for Midnight?"

"Well... not exactly."

"...Mikey…" Hisako pinched the bridge of her nose. "Tell me you didn't use an alien device on my dog."

"Um…" Mikey slowly stood up, inching toward the door. "Okay, I didn't."

Hisako's eyes lit up with rage. "You used... an alien device... that reads brainwaves ... on my DOG?! "

Mikey checked an imaginary watch. "Oh, will you look at that? It's time for me to practice for the hundred-yard dash in the Olympics. Gotta run!" He took off like a shot.

" HAMATO MICHELANGELO! " Hisako shrieked, chasing him.

-X-

Mikey took off running, winding up in the rec room. "Help! Police!"

Vee sighed. "What'd you do this time?"

"Hisako's gone crazy! She's gonna kill me-"

" WHERE IS HE?! " Hisako's enraged voice came. Mikey let out a girlish scream and dove behind the couch as Hisako stormed in, out for blood.

"What'd he do?" Vee asked.

" He used alien tech on my dog! "

"Behind the couch," Raph directed nonchalantly.

"Et tu, Raph?!" Mikey let out.

Raph shrugged. "Don't fuck with her dog, dude."

" You're dead, Mikey! " Hisako screamed as Mikey scrambled to get away, running for the door. " Don't you DARE run from me! "

She charged forward, launching at him with a classic Goldberg spear and knocking him to the ground. He frantically squirmed as she dragged him by the ankle, grasping for any handhold.

"No!" he shrieked. "I'm too young and good-looking to die! I wanna live! LIVE, I TELL YOU!"

Leo and Honeycutt entered just in time to witness the scene.

"Oh my…" Honeycutt let out.

"Hey!" Leo called out. "What's going on here?!"

"Leo!" Mikey exclaimed. "Thank God! Stop this crazy lady!"

Leo crossed his arms. "That depends on whether or not you've done something to deserve this, Mikey."

"Used the food-o-matic thing on Midnight," Raph reported.

"Oh, is that so?" Honeycutt asked. "Did it work? I've never seen it tested on creatures without full sentience."

"Well… yeah," Mikey confirmed. "It gave her a steak.

"Astounding! So it can work for them! I assumed that doing so would overload their minds, or provide something abstract and inedible."

Hisako's eye twitched before she grabbed ahold of Mikey's bandanna, yanking his head up.

"Ow, OW! Why are you so mad?! It gave her a treat, didn't it?!"

" Never. Use. My dog. As a labrat. Again! "

"I won't! I promise! Ninja's honor!"

In the kitchen, they heard a ding. Curious, everyone poked their head in to see Midnight with the Think-A-Food plug on her head, pulling a fresh steak out of the machine. She trotted over to where she was laying before, where two more bones had joined the first.

"Before you kill me, Hisako, I didn't put that back on her," Mikey said quickly. "How could I when I've been running from you and getting manhandled in the TV room this whole time?"

"...How?" Hisako let out.

Midnight just barked and happily ate her latest steak.

"Perhaps it's best not to question it," Honeycutt decided. "Now, with that out of the way, I have something for all of you."

He led them into the armory, where he set out multiple devices; a small, chest-mounted respirator, a wristwatch-like device, and several belts. He picked up the respirator, the belt, and the wristwatch in that order, listing off what each device was as he did. "Enviropacks. They'll allow you to breathe in foreign environments and atmospheres. Graviton Regulators, to allow you to function and adjust to varying levels of gravity. And, of course, universal translators."

He pressed a button on the wall, revealing hi-tech versions of their weapons. "I've also taken the liberty of upgrading your weapons with hi-frequency generators and energy enhancements. I call them Ninja Tech."

Everyone gasped in awe, taking their weapons. All but Hisako.

"Something wrong, Hisako?" Honeycutt asked.

"It doesn't feel right," Hisako replied. "Using weapons besides the ones Dad gave me."

She held out hers, her thumb running along the Hamato Crest engraved into the metal.

"I can understand your sentiment, but you will need more to take on the Triceraton Empire," Honeycutt said, not unkindly. "They will not fall as easily as Krang's faction to Earth-bound metal and a wooden stick."

"A wooden stick with a hidden blade, technically," Donnie chimed in. "And to be fair, it's more effective than it sounds."

"Perhaps I can offer a solution." Splinter whispered into Honeycutt's audio receptor, the robot nodded along with his words.

"Yes... that could work. Excuse me for a minute."

He took the Ninja Tech tessen meant for Hisako, heading toward a workbench. Metal clanging and a blowtorch sounded before he came back.

"Will these do now?" He held up the tessen, revealing the Hamato Crest engraved into them just as with Hisako's old ones.

Hisako gasped before taking them. She tested them out, marveling at them. "Perfect."

With that done, they headed back to the common room.

"Professor," Leo began, "what can you tell us about D'Hoonib? Since you're a Neutrino, does that mean it's a Neutrino planet?"

"Indeed it is," Honeycutt replied. "Though their Federation is separate from Princess Tribble and her family's rule."

"So it's a separate colony?" Donnie asked. "Interesting."

"Yes. Led by General Blanque, they've been at war with the Triceratons for quite some time." Honeycutt sighed at the memory. "So much focus has been put on fighting them that the political government has been replaced with a military council."

"So the entire planet's under martial law?" Hisako asked. "That's horrible."

"Indeed," Honeycutt confirmed. "Blanque had an interest in my work and research as well... but I will never help that man. Which reminds me. We'll be docking in the forest outside of the city of Peblak. From there, you'll have to go in on foot to get my supply list."

"Sounds like so much fun," Mikey grinned. "An alien market. Meaning we don't have to hide!"

"Will we have to hide?" Leo asked.

"Well, you five will need some clothing," Honeycutt clarified. "Otherwise you're liable to be arrested for indecent exposure. Luckily, I have some cloaks for you turtles."

"You're not coming with us?" Vee questioned.

Honeycutt shook his head. "As far as the Federation is concerned, Professor Zayton Honeycutt was slaughtered by the Triceratons. But while they don't know of my current state, they do know this body was my robot assistant, and most likely has my research saved on its hard drive." He tapped his chest. "And robots have no rights on D'Hoonib. Which means if they find me, Blanque can claim me and literally pick my brain for information at his leisure.

"Right then," Leo nodded. "Where are those robes?"

"In the broom closet back there." Honeycutt pointed to the back wall. They headed for the closet, finding simple robes with hoods. There were four brown hoods, and one that was pink with ruffles and a skirt-like cut. Vee glared at that.

"What the hell is that?" she asked.

"Oh, that style of robe is quite popular for the female lifeforms of your age range," Honeycutt replied. "I figured you would appreciate-"

"Mikey, switch with me," Vee ordered.

"Me?" Mikey objected. "Why me?"

"Because I refuse to wear that pink monstrosity." She ripped the brown hood out of his hands, shoving the pink one into them.

"And what makes you think I will?" Mikey demanded, only to be slapped by Raph.

"Stop arguing and get dressed, you bonehead."

Mikey gave Vee a dirty look. "I'll get you for this, Vee."

Some time later, the ship had landed in the forest outside of the city of Peblak. The Hamato/Lee siblings, April, and Casey disembarked, Mikey wearing the pink robe and an expression of utter misery. The other teens looked around at the alien trees, then turned towards the city.

"Everyone ready?" Kagome asked.

"As ready as we'll ever be," April replied.

Midnight barked in agreement as Hisako hooked a leash on her collar. "Let's go."

As they went, Mikey grumbled over his situation. "No, no, don't worry about me, guys. This hood's nice, comfy, and spacious. There's enough room in here for everything... except my self-respect."

"Oh please, Mikey," Casey scoffed. "You never had self-respect in the first place."

Everyone else snorted at that, Raph offering Casey a high five.

"Oh, ha-ha," Mikey deadpanned. "It is to laugh."

"Aww, don't feel bad, Mikey," Hisako said. "I think you look cute."

Mikey glared at them until Leo shushed them all.

"We're at the city entrance." He told them.

They saw two security guards standing before the entrance, stopping every person who entered and asking for IDs.

"Seriously?" Raph muttered. "Honeycutt said nothing about IDs and background checks."

"Not good…" Donnie let out. "Not good at all."

"No no, we got this," Mikey insisted before shoving Hisako forward.

"Mikey, what the-?!" Hisako managed.

Mikey wiggled his fingers and pointed at the guards. She glared at him, but sighed and turned towards them.

"Hi, we'd like entrance into the city, please," she requested.

"Identification, please," the guard said in a monotone.

Mikey was giddy, squealing slightly as Hisako rolled her eyes and gathered mist around her hand.

" You don't need to see our identification. "

Mikey pumped his fist as the guards stood up straight.

"We... don't need to see your identification," one repeated.

" You can let us through without issue. "

"We can let you through without issue."

"Please, please, please…" Mikey whispered to himself, crossing his fingers.

After a long sigh, Hisako recited, " Move along. "

"Move along."

Following Hisako, the teens all made their way into the city..

"You are the best!" Mikey cheered.

Hisako just buried her face in her hands with a groan. Unbeknownst to her, this exposed the barcode on the back of her neck, right in view of a security camera…

In a military base, a purple-haired Neutrino woman observed the cameras, noticing the image of the Hamato group entering the city... and Hisako's barcode. She rose to her feet, heading to the office of a tall man with orange hair and brown eyes.

"General Blanque."

"What is it, Lonae?" Blanque questioned.

"We have some new visitors to Peblak. Five Gamarons and four Humanoids."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because one of the humanoids…" Lonae slid a holo-image of Hisako toward him, "bears the mark of Krang."

Blanque scowled, his fists clenching at the sight. "So Krang sends his spies to wreak havoc on D'Hoonib while we're preoccupied with Zanramon and his ilk. Bastard…"

"What do you want done?"

"Have them all rounded up and brought in for questioning. I want to know what they want and why they're on my planet."

Lonae nodded. "As you command, General."

Meanwhile, the Hamato gang had made it to the marketplace and were getting to work buying everything on Honeycutt's supply list. As they were shopping, Mikey found a jar with a strange brown goop inside. He tapped on the glass of the jar, and the goop lifted up slightly to look at him. He shrieked like a little girl, alerting the shopkeep.

"Ah, I see you're interested in my prize collection piece, little lady."

"I ain't no lady!" Mikey objected.

"Oh, so you're one of those people. Don't worry. I won't judge you."

Mikey gritted his teeth, muttering to himself, "I'm gonna kill you, Vee…"

"Anyhoo, that there is a rare Cerebralite. There's so few of them left that haven't found living hosts."

Mikey found his interest grabbed. "What's it do?"

"It latches onto its host, embedding itself throughout its body. It feeds off of the electrical impulses from the brain, and purifies any airborne toxins its host inhales. Heck, even an oxygen breather could survive in the Forbidden Zone (1) with one of these."

"Nifty."

"I've already got a buyer lined up, but I might be willing to part for... two hundred platinum credits."

"Two hundred credits? That's robbery. Thanks, but no thanks."

As he said this, two large shadows overtook him. Instantly, he went serious eyed, knowing instinctively that these weren't from his group.

"Excuse me, Miss," came a guard's voice. "We need you to come with us."

"I'm not a-!" Mikey sighed in exasperation. "Oh, forget it…"

"Miss, please come quietly. Don't make this any harder than it already will be."

"Yeah... about that…" Mikey suddenly yanked his cloak off, throwing it in the guards' faces before whirling around and taking off. In his haste, however, his arm bumped the Cerebralite jar, knocking it off the stand.

"No!" the shopkeep cried as the jar smashed on the ground, alerting everyone to what was going on.

"Oh great…" Raph muttered. "Mikey got spotted!"

One of the guards went to give chase, only for Midnight to lunge at them. She clamped down on his arm, snarling and growling before she was thrown off and into the jar's remains. As the guard took aim, Hisako's tessen came flying in, slicing through his blaster.

"Touch her again, and it's Plasma City, pal!" the psychic yelled.

"C'mon, let's move!" Leo shouted.

They all took off, Hisako scooping up her dog as they did. Unbeknownst to her, the Cerebralite was sinking into Midnight's fur…

-X-

The group ducked into an alleyway. As soon as they caught their breath, Kagome whirled on Mikey.

"What'd you do this time?!" she shouted.

"I didn't do anything! I was just looking over that stall when those goons came up trying to arrest me!" Mikey glared at Vee. "And you know what's worse? Because you made me wear that pink nightmare, the soldiers and that shopkeep thought I'm a freakin' transvestite!"

"Really?" Vee deadpanned. "That's your priority?"

"Focus, guys," Leo cut in. "Why were they after Mikey? None of us have done anything wrong to merit getting arrested." He paused. "Right, Mikey?"

"I didn't do anything!"

"You didn't accidentally eat alien babies shaped like cupcakes, did you?" Vee asked.

"No!" Mikey scratched the back of his head. "Well, I did accidentally knock over that alien goo jar that Midnight was splashed with during the getaway, but that was after they tried to take me in."

"Wait, what?!" Hisako held up her dog, seeing a strange brown growth now nestled along her chest. It branched out, snaking through her fur before connecting to her snout, eyes, and ears. "Midnight?!"

Hisako's face turned purple with rage. Mikey slowly took a step back as Hisako set Midnight down, screaming in rage before tackling him to the ground, the two wrestling furiously.

"Uncle! UNCLE!" Mikey screamed as Hisako twisted his left arm. "You're breaking my water balloon arm!"

"Only 'cause I can't reach your NECK! " Hisako shrieked, trying to grab at his face. "How many times on this trip are you gonna try to kill my dog with alien tech, you stupid-!"

Midnight barked and Hisako completely froze.

"Wait… do that again." Midnight did so. "Guys… my dog is now thinking in English."

"Oh yeah…" Mikey recalled. "The salesguy did say it's some kinda symbiote that acts as a universal translator and breather thingy."

"That…" Hisako dropped Mikey. "You are so lucky she's not hurt, and that she's insisting that it was the guard's fault, not yours."

Casey peeked outside of the alley, seeing more troopers approaching.

"Shit…" he cursed. "They're coming this way! We gotta disappear!"

Mikey looked around, spying a manhole on the ground. "When in doubt, go down!"

Leo threw open the lid and they quickly jumped down, a green halo closing it behind them just as the soldiers rounded the corner.

-X-

They stopped to catch their breath, vaguely noticing the super-clean sewer tunnels.

"How the hell did things get so crazy?!" April demanded. "We've only been here five minutes!"

"Wait..." Donnie perked. "There were security cameras at the entryway we came in at, right?"

"Yeah…" Leo mused. "But we were peaceful. What could have-?"

All eyes turned to Hisako.

"Oh no…" she gasped. "They saw my barcode, didn't they?"

"So that's it... they must think we're Krang's men," Raph punched the wall. "Damn it!"

"That does it," Hisako spat. "As soon as we get back to Earth, I'm getting a new tattoo to cover this fucking thing. Or at least wearing a scarf!"

"For now, we lay low and work on getting back to the ship in one piece." Leo decided.

As they crept along, they heard voices. They looked around the corner, and gaped at the sight of five ninja rats with antennae wearing bandanna colors similar to the Turtles, being trained by a turtle sensei.

"Um…" Casey began, "you seeing what I'm seeing?"

"Seeing." Kagome replied. "Still working on believing."

The turtle approached them, bowing to them.

"It is good to see you all again, Hamato Clan," he greeted.

"Wait, hold on…" Vee perked. "Guys… isn't this that old turtle guy from the Battle Nexus? The one who would babysit us when we were like three?"

"Of course!" Leo realized. "The Gamaron ninja, Master Shaft!"

Mikey snickered. "Sensei Shaft…"

Shaft whacked Mikey with his walking stick. "Your family has grown much since I last saw you, and you seem to be in a bit of trouble."

"Yeah…" Kagome nodded. "We were chased down here by the D'Hoonibian feds."

"I see," Shaft mused. "Then I believe it would be best to get you out of the city."

"Sensei, we need to keep moving," the purple rat piped up. "The cleaners are set to hit this quadrant within the solar hour."

"The what now?" April asked.

The purple rat turned to them. "There's a very good reason why and how the sewers of Peblak are so squeaky clean... and believe me when I tell you you don't wanna wait around to find out what it is."

"Purple is right," Shaft confirmed. "We need to get moving."

"If we branch to the south, we should be able to avoid it." Blue remarked.

"Our ship is docked in the forest outside of the city," Donnie said. "If you can get us to any sewer entry closest to the woods, we can handle the rest."

"We will do what we can," Shaft said. "Just stay close."

As they went, they discussed things amongst themselves.

"So, Sensei Shaft... what's your story?" April asked.

"There is not much to tell. A few years back, my travels led me to Mars, where I found my children orphaned after the war with the Plutark Confederacy."

"Oh jeez... those guys are ruthless," Hisako let out. "They wasted their planet's natural resources, so they strip-mine other worlds."

"Sounds a lot like the stories I found online about the Biker Mice from Mars in Chicago," Mikey mused. "Guess they weren't just a tabloid piece."

"From there, I brought them to the sewers of this planet. Seeing how Hamato Yoshi and Kasumi Lee had raised you when we met at the Battle Nexus, I was inspired to do the same."

"I'm glad they've got a good father in their lives," Kagome said.

At that moment, they heard an ominous rumble behind them, slowly turning to see a robotic machine, as wide as the tunnel, that was coming in their direction. It had pincers mounted on flexible arms, and rows of metal spikes in a mouth-like opening on the front. The pincers picked up debris and tossed things into the mouth, which ground them up.

"Ohhh, kriff…" Red cursed. "It's the cleaner!"

"Purple!" Blue yelled. "I thought they weren't supposed to be in this quadrant!"

"They aren't until Fivesday!"

"It is Fivesday!" Orange yelled.

"Oh... whoops."

"Less arguing, more running!" Leo shouted.

They all took off running. They eventually found themselves at a dead end, turning to face the machine.

"If you guys can slow it down, I can stop it!" Donnie cried.

Looking up, Leo saw several pipes overhead.

"I've got an idea!" He leapt high, slicing through the pipes. The Hamato group each grabbed one before bracing the pipes against the sides of the machine's 'mouth' and the floor of the sewer, holding on to keep the machine from moving forward.

"Hurry up, D!" Mikey cried.

Donnie jumped, batting aside and dodging the mechanical arms, and landed on top of the machine. Using his bō, he pried open a metal plate.

"Raph, toss me a sai!"

Raph tossed a sai up to his brother just before the machine kicked up and knocked away the group holding it. Donnie caught the sai, grabbing the metal plate to avoid being bucked off. As the others backed away from the approaching machine, Donnie slammed the sai into the machine's electronic components. Sparks flew, the machine bucked, sending Donnie flying off, and then it powered down. Everyone gasped in relief.

"That… that was way too close," Hisako let out, Midnight barking in agreement.

In another part of the city, Lonae made her way to a secluded warehouse.

"Commander," she said. "Commander, it's me. I have news."

A hulking Triceraton with a patch over his left eye and a cybernetic left arm emerged from the shadows. "What have you discovered?"

"New arrivals on this planet. Five Gamarons and what appear to be four Terrans. And one of them had General Krang's barcode on the back of their neck."

The Triceraton let out a growl, lifting his right arm just enough to reveal a similar barcode branded on the inside of his forearm.

"More of his puppets," he snarled. "Unfortunate souls."

"General Blanque had me put out an APB on them. The Federation is searching for them as we speak."

"The Triceraton Empire must find them first."
"What should we do?"

"The barcodes come with a tracking signal. Use it. Find them."

"As you wish, Commander Mozar."

Meanwhile, Shaft and his rats had led the Hamato group to a ladder.

"This is as far as we go," Shaft said. "From here, it's a straight shot to the forest."

"Thank you again," Leo said. "Seriously."

"Keep being awesome, little dudes," Mikey said to the rats.

"Send Master Yoshi my regards," Shaft bowed to them. "May we see you at the Battle Nexus."

They all bowed in response before climbing up.

"Booyakasha!" Orange cheered.

"Oh, so that's where I got it!" Mikey remarked.

Leo carefully peeked out once they reached the top.

"Clear," he reported, the group stealthily climbing out of the pipe.

"Well, that was an experience," Raph deadpanned.

Out of the blue, they heard an ominous buzzing noise. They stiffened, and slowly turned to see a green insectoid alien resembling a big humanoid grasshopper standing behind them.

"BUG!" Vee shrieked, hiding behind Leo.

As they stiffened, another alien strolled up, this one a purple winged insectoid with four eyes, a large mouth, a tail similar to a centipede's with pincers on the end, razor sharp fingers, and a very muscular build.

"Well well, look what we have here," he buzzed in discontent. "The Gamarons and Terrans who cost me a valuable Cerebralite."

"You were the buyer?" Mikey asked. "Dude I am so sorry. It was an accident, I swear."

"Silence, sub-creature!" the bug snapped, cutting him off. "Do you fleshlings know who I am? I am Lord Vringath Dregg, ruler of Planet Sectoid 1, lord of all insect life in the universe, and bringer of your deaths!"

"Oh, hang on a second," Raph said flippantly. "I'm getting a call from I don't give a flying-" "That's great, Raph!" Donnie cut him off. "Great diplomacy!"

"Look, we don't want any trouble." Leo insisted. "We didn't mean to-"

"I said silence!" Dregg interrupted. "I am not a being who forgives such insolence."

Casey scowled. "Hey, we said we're sorry, so back the fuck off!"

He shoved Dregg in the chest, and the bag the insectoid was carrying went flying, sending a container of some kind of spice out of it to shatter on the ground.

"No!" Dregg shouted. "My Maraklovan Star Spice! Do you have any idea how many credits that cost?!"

"Send us the bill," Casey shrugged.

Dregg scowled. "No. I'm going to take my payment another way."

"Credit card?" Mikey suggested nervously. "?"

"You're the ones who are going to pay, pal!" Dregg whirled on the grasshopper alien. "Vreen! Battle mode!"

"Battle mode?" Casey said nervously.

"Okay..." Leo took a step back. "On the count of three, we're making a break for the Ulixes. THREE!"

They all whirled around and took off running with the Vreen and Dregg in hot pursuit.

"It's official!" Hisako screamed. "I hate space travel!"

In record time, they arrived in the clearing where the Ulixes was docked, seeing Splinter and Honeycutt just finishing loading up.

"Dad! Professor!" Leo screamed. "Start the engine! START THE ENGINE!"

"What the-" Honeycutt began before seeing Dregg behind them. "Oh my!"

He quickly rushed inside, while Splinter sighed in annoyance. "We can't even have a supply run without you kids getting into trouble."

"Lecture us later, Splinter!" Kagome yelled. "Move your tail!"

"Get ready to take off!" Honeycutt informed them.

They all rushed in as the doors slammed shut. The Ulixes powered on, shooting away from the planet.

Everyone flopped onto the ground, utterly exhausted.

"Will someone please explain what happened?" Honeycutt requested.

"Well for starters, you didn't tell us we would need identification to get into the city," Leo informed him.

"Hisako had to mind trick the guards so we could get in, but the security cam caught us... and the barcode on her neck," Mikey added.

Hisako pulled her hood up, curling up on the ground.

"Mikey ended up accosted by guards and got Midnight infected with this weird alien symbiote thing," Kagome chimed in.

"Then we hid out in the sewers, where Master Shaft from the Battle Nexus happens to be living with his Martian ninja rat kids, and he helped us get back here," Donnie included.

"Only to get jumped by this massive bug guy calling himself Lord Dregg," Vee added, "because the symbiote was apparently his."

"And then Casey decided to get pissy and shove him when he wouldn't accept Mikey's apology, ruining some kinda spice he bought, and that's what led us here," Raph concluded.

"Hey, don't act like you wouldn't have done the exact same thing, Raph!" Casey shot back.

"...Fair enough," Raph conceded.

"In summary, this entire trip was a massive shit show, we only got about half the list, have maybe two different power hungry tyrants after us, and my dog is now the host of a Cerebralite." Hisako finished.

Honeycutt sighed. " ...It's just one domino of disasters after another with you kids, isn't it?"

"Or as we call it, Tuesday," April deadpanned.

"Now, the hunt begins." Honeycutt declared. "Our next stop is Dimension X to speak with the Utrom High Council. They hold the first fragment of the Heart of Darkness."

"Well, on the bright side, I doubt this could get any worse," Mikey mused.

Suddenly, the ship rocked precariously, throwing the inhabitants around.

"What the hell was that?!" Raph demanded.

"Oh, no…" Honeycutt ran to the cockpit to check things out. "We've come out of hyperspace... right in the middle of a Triceraton firefight!"

The others ran in, and indeed, they were surrounded by Triceraton spaceships.

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Raph cursed.

"Man, we never catch a break!" Donnie whined.

Out of the blue, the Ulixes took a blast to the wing, and the ship was sent spiraling out of control, headed right for a nearby moon…

Author's Note:

The Cerebralite is from Author of the Insane's fic verse, BTW. And yes, I included a reference to Biker Mice from Mars with the ninja rats.

Voice cast for this chapter:

* Blue Rat - Cam Clarke (Leonardo in TMNT 1987, Liquid Snake in Metal Gear, He-Man in Masters of the Universe 2002, Aoi Rokushō in Naruto, male Corrin in Fire Emblem Fates)

* Orange Rat - Townsend Coleman (Michelangelo in TMNT 1987, Commissioner Gordon in Lego Batman 2: DC Super Heroes, The Tick)

* Red Rat - Rob Paulsen (Raphael in TMNT 1987, Donatello in TMNT 2012, Yakko Warner and Pinky in Animaniacs/Pinky and the Brain, Spike in The Land Before Time, Antoine in Sonic SatAM)

* Purple Rat - Barry Gordon (Donatello in TMNT 1987, Razor in Swat Kats)

* Yellow Rat - Katherine Slingsby (April in TMNT: Shredder's Revenge)

* Master Shaft - Kevin Clash (Splinter's voice in the first two live action movies, Elmo from Sesame Street)

* Lonae - Jennifer Hale (female Commander Shepard in Mass Effect, Naomi Hunter in Metal Gear, Felicia Hardy in Spider-Man: The Animated Series, current voice of Disney's Cinderella, Sam in Totally Spies, Numbuh 86 in Codename: Kid's Next Door)

Please R&R. Until next time!