Chapter 85: Brain Drain
In the Kitchen Piper and Phoebe are looking in the oven.
"Damn it! These ones are burnt too. I'm losing my touch." Piper says as she pulls a tray of cookies out.
"Oh, no, it's okay, sweetie, they're just a little crisp." Phoebe says as Piper puts the tray on the table. "You know, personally I am glad…" Buffy walks in to the kitchen, "…that you're not a chef anymore. I'd probably be 300 pounds."
"Same here, Piper." Buffy says.
"Maybe I should make another batch." Piper says.
"Um, Piper, remember when you told me to tell you when you're obsessing?" Phoebe says.
"I'm not obsessing. I just want everything to be perfect, that's all." Piper says.
Buffy shakes her head, "Yeah, but Piper, it's a baby shower, not a Royal wedding. Besides, don't you think you're doing enough already?" She gets a glass out of the cupboard. "For goddess sakes, you're hosting the thing and you're not even close to Wendy anymore."
Piper sighs, "That is precisely why I'm doing all of this. I swear to god, in the last couple of years we've vanquished more friendships than we have demons."
Buffy takes an empty milk carton out of the fridge. "Got milk?"
"Somebody forgot to put it on the list again." Piper says.
Phoebe sighs, "Okay, well, we have to be patient. You know, it's gonna take Paige more than a week to adjust to living here."
Buffy nods, "Phoebe is right. We had our shares of ups and downs when I moved in, remember. Or did you forget the very first apocalypse we thwarted together? You know that thing called the Harvest."
Piper sighs, "Still, there are common courtesies, common sense, rules."
"Yeah, but you have to admit, it's nice to have the Power of Three and the Power of Four under the same roof again." Phoebe says.
Buffy nods, "Pheebs is right, Piper."
"Right. Grab those." Piper says as she walks out of the kitchen. Buffy and Phoebe picks up a basket each filled with baby stuff.
"So cute." Phoebe says as they follows Piper into the dining room. "Aunt Phoebe sure would like to throw one of these for you one day."
Buffy nods, "So would Auntie Buffy."
Piper knocks over a chair. "Damn it! Paige!"
"You're changing the subject." Phoebe says.
"No, I'm ignoring you two." Piper says.
They walk into the living room.
"Well, you can't ignore that beautiful little girl of yours that you and Buffy saw in the future, and if my math is right, you and Leo better start, you know, right about now." Phoebe says.
Piper sighs, "Phoebe, we saw a lot of things in the future that won't be happening now."
"We know. But that doesn't mean you can't have kids. I mean, don't you wanna have a little kid?" Buffy says.
Piper shakes her head, "Not with demons dropping in all the time," Cole shimmers in. "I don't."
"Phoebe?" Cole says.
"Hold that thought. Generations of Halliwells fought demons and had kids. It didn't stop them, why should it stop you?" Phoebe says.
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe this is none of your business?" Piper asks.
Buffy shakes her head, "That's beside the point."
"Phoebe." Cole says.
"How does Leo feel about this?" Phoebe asks.
"I haven't talked to Leo about this." Piper says.
"Well, don't you think we should?" Buffy says.
"We?" Piper asks.
Cole puts his fingers in his mouth and whistles. The girls yelp.
"Yes, Cole, what is it?" Phoebe asks.
"Okay. Freeze the room fast, then unfreeze only me." Cole says.
"What? Why?" Buffy asks.
"Just do what I say and I'll explain after." Cole says.
Piper freezes Cole and the room.
"Please don't blow him up." Phoebe says.
Piper nods, "I'll try." She unfreezes Cole.
"The rest of the room still frozen?" Cole asks.
"Cole, we're the only ones in the room." Piper says.
"You're not actually. There's a chameleon in the house." Cole says.
"A lizard? You're worried about a lizard?" Buffy says.
"This chameleon is a demon. One who can transform into any object just to spy on you." Cole says and he grabs a chair.
"Trying to tell me the manor is supernaturally bugged?" Piper asks.
Cole nods, "Uh-huh. Has been for some time, apparently. It explains why the Source hasn't attacked you in a while. He's had his chameleons watching your every move, gathering inside information. Look around. What's not supposed to be here?"
The girls look around.
Piper spots Paige's ugly-looking cane chair with bright red cushions. "Hmm." She blows up the chair. Cushion stuffing flies everywhere. Cole goes over to it.
"Piper, I think that was Paige's chair." Phoebe says.
"Yeah, I know, exactly." Piper says.
Buffy shakes her head as Phoebe smiles. The grandfather clock chimes.
"Uh, the room just unfroze." Cole says.
Phoebe spots an odd-shaped lamp. "Where'd that lamp come from?"
The lamp transforms into a demon. Piper and Phoebe scream. The demon uses his power and they fly over the couch. Buffy throws an fireball as Cole throws an energy ball at the demon and wipes his arm off, sending green goo over Piper's baby baskets. The demon's arm grows back.
"Buffy, Cole, get back!" Piper says and tries to blow up the demon, Buffy and Cole ducks, and Piper blows up the grandfather clock instead. "Damn it, we just got that thing fixed."
Paige walks down the stairs holding a washing basket and wearing earphones. The demon runs in front of her and Cole throws another energy ball. The demon ducks and Paige orbs out before the energy ball hits her. The demon gets up and shimmers out.
Paige stands there in shock. "What the hell happened?"
"The freakin' furniture just attacked!" Piper says.
Moments later Phoebe is lying on the couch.
Leo goes over and heals a wound on her forehead. "Do you know how long the chameleon demon was in the house?"
Buffy shakes her head, "We don't know. The lamp has been here for at least three days. Maybe more."
"What do you think he wants?" Piper asks.
"I told you. Gathering information." Cole says.
Piper frowns, "But for what? For why?"
"For the Source's next attack." Cole says.
Paige walks in with half her broken chair. "Excuse me. Is there anyway to claim this kind of damage on our home owners insurance policy?"
"Usually not." Piper says.
Buffy nods, "You should have seen the repair bill for the windows last time. We had to raise the drink prices at the club to pay for them."
"Usually? What do you mean? I can expect my furniture to be blown up again?" Paige asks.
"Get ready for the unexpected. That's rule number one in the Halliwell manor." Phoebe says.
"Wanna learn the rest?" Piper asks.
Buffy shakes her head, "Um, maybe now's not the time? Considering we have to figure out a way to find this demon."
"Well, you could try scrying using his blood." Leo says.
Piper nods, "And we've got plenty of that. Although, I don't know what good it would do to find him now. Whatever he's learned he's already told the Source."
"Except that he might also know what the Source's plan is. How he's going to attack. Find him, we might be able to find that out." Cole says.
"I know. What about pooling our money into a fund to cover anybody's damage no matter who's it is." Paige says.
"Um..." Phoebe says.
The doorbell rings. They all look at each other. Buffy, Piper and Phoebe cautiously go to the door. Piper quickly opens it.
"Whoa! Scared me. Hey, Phoebe, Payson, it's been a long time." Becca says as Phoebe waves. "Hey, sorry I'm late, we should go."
Piper frowns, "Go?"
"To the shower. Wasn't I supposed to pick you and Payson up? Did I mess up?" Becca says and looks in her day planner.
Piper shakes her head, "No, no, you didn't, Becca. There's just some stuff going on here."
"So what else is new, huh? Do you want some help with the party baskets?" Becca asks as she starts to walk in but Phoebe stops her.
"No! No, it's just I'm afraid something came up and Piper and Buffy can't..." Phoebe says.
"Oh, no, don't tell me that you two are not gonna come. Everyone's so looking forward to seeing you again, Piper. And everyone wants to thank you Payson for the use of the club." Becca says.
"Oh, really? Oh, they are? Well, th-then we can't disappoint them. W-We'll get some stuff at the market on the way there." Piper says.
"Will you excuse us for one minute?" Phoebe says as she closes the door. "Wh-Are you outta your mind? You can't still go. Piper, we have to scry for that demon."
"Well, it doesn't take four sisters to scry. You and Paige can do it and then call me when you find him. Buffy can flame me right back." Piper says.
"Piper!" Phoebe says.
Piper sighs, "Phoebe. Look, okay, the bottom line is if I'm ever gonna have kids, then I need a life first, which means I need to be a human first and then a witch later. Okay, got it? Good." Piper tries to open the door and Phoebe stands in the way. "Outta the way!" She gets the door open. "Hi! Bye Leo!"
"Bye!" Leo says and she leaves with Becca.
"Later guys." Buffy says.
At Payson's P4, the baby shower is in full swing. Piper and Buffy are sitting next to a pregnant woman. They are laughing. She opens a gift and pulls out a cute baby jacket.
"Oh, how cute is this! Oh, Piper, this is adorable. Where did you get this?" Wendy says.
"Uh, a little shop in the embarcadero. They have the cutest things." Piper says.
"Thank you so much. For everything." Wendy says.
Piper smiles, "You're welcome." She and Wendy hug.
"We have so much to catch up on." Wendy says.
Piper nods, "I know. We will."
Wendy looks to Buffy, "And thank you Payson for letting us use the club."
Buffy smiles, "Your welcome. But you should thank Piper more than me. While Piper lets me have a say in how it's run. I won't get it till I turn 21."
"Well thank you anyways." Wendy says.
Piper gets up and goes and sits down next to Becca. She sees her smiling. "What?"
"Nothing. It's just good to see you out and about again, that's all." Becca says. "You and Payson."
"Yeah, after Prue died it took some time to..." Buffy says as she comes over.
Becca nods, "Yeah, but even before that. Piper, it's almost like the last three or four years you've just kinda disappeared. You introduced us to Payson and then…"
Piper nods, "Yeah." Her phone rings. She hangs up.
"Oh, no, don't tell me you have to go." Becca says.
Piper looks at Buffy as if to say, not a word, "Uh, no, it can wait." Leo orbs in nearby. He motions for Buffy and Piper to go over to him. She pulls a face. "We'll be right back." She gets up and she and Buffy goes over to him. "What are you doing here? No guys allowed."
"I tried calling your cell phone but it went dead. Paige and Phoebe think they found the demon." Leo says.
"Already? They did? Are you sure?" Buffy asks.
"Yeah. You have to go now." Leo says.
"How am I supposed to have kids when I can't even be at someone else's baby shower?" Piper asks.
Buffy shakes her head, "Don't ask."
Piper sighs and nods, "We'll meet you outside. The least we can do is say goodbye." They go Wendy. "Uh, Wendy, I'm sorry, we've gotta go, something's come up."
"Ugh, now? But we haven't even had the cake yet, you both are gonna miss the best part." Wendy says.
"Ugh, I know. Story of my life. I'll see you later." Piper says.
"Bye, Wendy." Buffy says.
Piper and Buffy turn and walk out of the club.
Later back at the Manor..,
"So we've got the spell to vanquish the chameleon but we're not gonna use it. I don't get it." Paige says.
"Well, you vanquish him only if you have to. The goal here is to try and interrogate, find out what the Source is planning." Leo says.
"Okay, but I'm thinking that this guy's not gonna be so eager to spill his guts." Paige says.
"Oh, he'll spill. I make sure to that." Cole says.
Phoebe shakes her head, "No, you can't come, he saw you with us. Probably means the Source has some bounty hunter ready to attack you, or capture you, or something."
"So what else is new?" Cole asks.
"Well, it doesn't make it any less dangerous." Phoebe says.
"So the question still stands. How do we get a demon to stop and chat with us." Paige says.
"Well, Piper can freeze him and unfreeze his head, she's done that before. How do you feel about that?" Buffy says.
"I don't know." Piper says.
"Why, you got a better idea?" Cole asks.
Piper sits on the couch. "Maybe. We could tell him to offer the Source a deal instead."
"Deal? What kind of a deal?" Leo asks.
"Well, something like, he stops coming after us and we stop going after him." Piper says.
"What?" Buffy and Phoebe says, astonished Piper would even suggest it.
Phoebe sits down on the coffee table in front of Piper. While Buffy sits next to Piper.
"Of course that would mean we'd have to stop going after all of his demons too, which would be fine by me. It would stop all of the constant attacks." Piper says.
"Am I the only one who thinks she's bumped her head?" Paige asks.
"You can't be serious, Piper." Buffy says.
"Actually, I've never been more serious in my life. Think about it. This could be an opportunity for us to get out of the demon fighting business once and for all." Piper says.
"Wait, and what, just give up on your destiny?" Leo asks.
"How do you know we haven't already fulfilled it? I mean, god knows, we've saved scores of innocents already. Maybe that's enough. Maybe it's time for some other witches to take over and let us get on with our lives. Isn't it worth a try in exchange for what we might be getting? No more putting things on hold, vacations, friends, kids." Piper says.
Buffy sighs, "I wish it was that simple, Piper. I can't give up and you know it. They will always come after me. I'm the Slayer. And I'd just about bet the Source would not honor such an agreement anyways."
Phoebe shakes her head, "We can't give up now. We are so close. We have to take out the Source if we can. And if not just for our sake, then for Prue's."
"Fine. I just hope we don't end up where she did." Piper says and she walks away.
Later Buffy, Piper, Phoebe and Paige are in an alley. They have the scrying map out.
"Something's not right. We've checked both alleys twice." Piper says.
"Well, the chameleon's gotta be here somewhere because the crystal never lies." Phoebe says.
"I don't know about you guys but I'm getting a not so good feeling about this." Paige says.
"I have to agree with Paige. My spidey sense is going off." Buffy says.
"Alright, we'll check one more time and then we'll call it quits. Phoebe, you and Paige go check that alley, Buffy and I'll go check that alley."
"Wait, split up? Are you sure that's a good idea?" Phoebe says.
"Maybe it'll lure him out, who knows? If you get nervous say the vanquishing spell. Keep your eyes peeled, he could be anything." Piper says.
Paige and Phoebe disappear into an alley.
Buffy and Piper starts walking down another alley. A shadow follows them. Alaster/The Source appears behind them. They turns around and Piper tries to freeze him. He just shakes it off.
"Were you expecting me to freeze?" Alaster/The Source says.
"Phoebe! Paige!" Buffy calls out.
Alaster/The Source throws an energy ball at them sending both of them in opposite directions. Phoebe and Paige run into the alley. Alaster/The Source picks Piper up and flames out. Paige gasps.
Phoebe goes to help Buffy up.
"Did someone get the license plate of that truck?" Buffy asks.
Later back at the Manor Leo is trying to sense Piper.
"Anything?" Paige asks.
Leo shakes his head, "I can't sense Piper anywhere."
"Does that mean that?" Paige asks.
Phoebe shakes her head, "No. He wouldn't have taken her if he wanted her dead." Cole shimmers in, covered in slime. "Cole? Oh my god."
"I'm alright. I just found out that Piper's in the underworld, I think the Source has her." Cole says.
"The Source? A-are you sure? How do you know?" Buffy asks.
Cole nods, "From another chameleon demon. I kinda 'squeezed' it out of him."
"Well, we gotta find her. There's gotta be a spell in here somewhere." Phoebe says and she picks up the Book of Shadows and has a premonition of the Source taking the BOS and killing her, Buffy and Paige.
"Phoebe?" Cole and Buffy says.
"I saw the Source stealing the book and killing us with our powers." Phoebe says.
"May I?" Buffy asks and Phoebe hands her the book.
"Our powers? How can he get our powers?" Paige asks.
Buffy paces back and forth trying to get the premonition Phoebe just had.
"Maybe he's figured how to get them from Piper. Explains why he's keeping her alive." Cole says.
Buffy stops pacing and sets down the book, "Stupid premonitions."
"No, but she can't give them up herself." Phoebe says.
"Well, she can using the relinquishing spell in the book." Leo says.
Buffy shakes her head, "But we ripped that spell out of both books and burnt them three years ago, it doesn't exist anymore."
"It does in her mind." Leo says.
"That's crazy. She'd never say it, she'd never give up her powers." Phoebe says.
"Even though she was kinda willing to this morning? I'm just saying." Paige says.
Buffy sighs, "Look, we know what you're saying but you don't know what you're talking about. I'm sorry."
"Forget it." Paige says.
"Maybe you and I should go down there, see if I can sense her." Leo says.
"I'm coming with you." Buffy says.
Leo frowns, "Buffy…"
"No, I'm no good up here right now anyways. We need the power of three for the Source. And right now without Piper there is no power of three. Besides I can help Cole keep the demons off your ass while you're trying to sense her." Buffy says.
Phoebe sighs and nods, "Better let her, Leo."
Leo nods and takes Buffy's hand.
"Follow me." Cole says.
Cole shimmers out and Leo and Buffy orbs out.
Later Leo and Cole are there. Leo is trying to sense Piper. Buffy and Cole are hiding behind a rock wall.
"Leo." Buffy whispers.
"She's hurt." Leo says.
"Where is she?" Cole asks.
"I don't know, I can't get an exact reading." Leo says.
An energy ball hits a rock near them. Buffy and Cole looks around the corner and Cole throws an energy ball at the bounty hunter, missing.
"Try harder." Cole says.
"I can't. The Source must have learned from last time, he's blocking Piper's signal." Leo says.
The bounty hunter throws another energy ball.
Buffy throws a fireball missing the bounty hunter.
"Well, we have to find the Source." Cole says.
"How are we gonna do that?" Buffy asks.
"There's only one way." Cole says.
"Cole." Leo and Buffy says.
Cole steps out and the bounty hunter throws an energy ball at him. He falls to the ground. Two bounty hunters go over and drag him away.
The two bounty hunters walk in a cave. The Oracle walks over to them.
"What are you doing here? Leave now." Oracle says.
"I don't think so." Bounty Hunter #1 says.
They drop Cole on the ground. The Oracle smiles.
"Tell the Source we've captured Belthazor." Bounty Hunter #2 says.
Oracle shakes her head, "Leave him. I'll make sure you get the credit."
Bounty #2 frowns, "We're not going without our bounty."
"Then you'll wait." Oracle says.
The Oracle walks over to Alaster/The Source.
"I have a surprise for you, Piper." Alaster/The Source says. "You'll set yourself free." Buffy and Leo looks around the corner. "Say the spell, Piper. You know you want to."
Leo frowns, "Come on, Cole, wake up." He looks to Buffy. "Get ready." Buffy nods and Leo orbs out and orbs back in front of the two bounty hunters. "How you doing?" He orbs back out.
The bounty hunter throws an energy ball, vanquishing the other bounty hunter. Leo orbs in behind the bounty hunter, taps him on the shoulder and knocks him out. Buffy and Leo races over to Cole.
"Cole, hurry, wake up." Leo says.
"Finish this, you're in danger." Oracle says.
The bounty stands up. Cole wakes up and throws an energy ball at the bounty hunter, vanquishing him.
"Piper." Leo says and he runs over and the Oracle tries to stop him. He pushes her out of the way. He tries to get to Piper but a protective shield pushes him across the room. Cole throws an energy ball at Alaster/The Source but the shield protects him. he throws another and another. Buffy joins him throwing fireball after fireball at Alaster/The Source.
"Break the connection or they'll kill you!" Oracle says.
Cole throws another energy ball as Buffy throws another fireball and Alaster/The Source flies back.
Alaster/The Source stands up and touches his bleeding side. Alaster/The Source screams and changes back into the Source. Cole gets a large energy ball ready.
"No!" Oracle says as she runs in front of the Source and Cole throws the energy ball, vanquishing the Oracle. The Source flames out.
Buffy helps Leo up, "Come on we have to help Piper."
Leo nods and takes Buffy's hand. "Place your hand on the other side of her head."
Buffy does as she is instructed placing her hand next to Piper as Leo places his other hand on the other side of Piper's head. She closes her eyes. When she opens them they are in a garden.
"Piper, don't." Buffy says as she and Leo goes over to her.
"Listen to your sisters, trust them. Trust me and Buffy, don't say the spell, don't relinquish your powers." Leo says as he heals her wound. She looks around and points to Leo.
"Are you really my husband?" Piper asks.
Leo laughs. "Yes."
"And that would make you two really my sisters." Piper says pointing at Paige and Phoebe. "And your my cousin." She points at Buffy.
Buffy smiles, "Well technically sure. But were still sisters."
"Whether you like it or not." Phoebe says.
"And so that demon is gone?" Piper asks and Phoebe nods. "Thank god," she stands up, "because that guy was freaking me out."
"Whattaya say we uh, click our heals and get out of this crazy joint? Uh, no offense." Paige says.
"That's okay." Piper says as she watches some butterflies fly past. "My life has always been a little crazy."
Buffy laughs, "All of ours have at some time or another."
Back at the Manor Piper runs down the stairs and goes through all the rooms. Buffy, Phoebe, Paige, Leo and Cole come down the stairs.
"Is something wrong?" Phoebe asks.
Piper shakes her head, "No, everything is just right."
"Except for my chair." Paige says.
Buffy nudges Piper.
"Yeah, which, um, I'll actually pay to replace." Piper says.
"Oh, god no, it's not your fault. Or is it?" Paige says.
Piper nods, "Actually, yeah, it was. I was just upset that there was yet another demon in our lives. And I know I should stop fighting it and just accept it but..."
Paige shakes her head, "Nah, it wasn't my favorite chair anyway. And it's actually kinda good to know that I'm not the only one who struggles with the idea of being a witch."
"No, believe me, you're in good company." Phoebe says as she hugs Paige.
Buffy nods, "Yeah. You're in real good company. All of us at one point or another have wanted to quit. Prue wanted to quit when Andy died. Piper… Well this is the second time Piper has thought about it. I did actually quit for two months. Phoebe is the only one I think hasn't thought about quitting yet."
"Well, the good news is you won't have to deal with the Source any time soon because Buffy and Cole hurt him pretty bad." Leo says.
Cole nods, "Not bad enough though, he'll be back."
"So, he's gone for now isn't he? First time in a long time. I think we should take advantage of that." Phoebe says.
"Why, Ms. Halliwell, are you trying to seduce me?" Cole asks as he pulls her in.
"Always." Phoebe says.
"Eww." Piper and Buffy says.
Leo laughs. Phoebe and Cole run up the stairs.
"Okay, and I'm just gonna... go to the store, get some milk, or something." Paige says and she heads out the door.
"Sure you're okay?" Buffy asks.
Piper nods, "Yeah. You know, I-I'm never gonna stop wanting a normal life, but you know what? I think that's the one thing that actually keeps me sane."
Leo smiles, "Well, you deserve a normal life, Piper. We both do. And maybe we'll get that when we vanquish the Source once and for all."
Buffy nods, "Sounds good to me."
"And who knows. Maybe one day I can have a baby shower of my own. What do you think?" Piper says.
Leo smiles, "Well, in that case..." He picks Piper up. "We need to practice a little."
"Leo!" Piper says as they orb out.
Buffy looks around the living room and smiles as she flames out.