Chapter 86: Beer Bad
BAM! The heel of Buffy's boot spikes a vampire hard in the eye. He stumbles back a few feet and Buffy steps up, starts with the pummeling. She's dazzlingly efficient.
In the grass is a potential victim, hand to his neck. He turns to see what's going on – it's Parker. "Payson?"
"Parker?" Buffy asks as the vamps comes back at her, "Stay down."
Buffy, fast on top of the vamp again, punching and kicking with amazing style and strength. And when the vamp finally falls, Buffy pulls a stake. thunk – he's dust.
"Buffy!" Parker says as two huge vamps are on him. Dragging him off. Seeing this, Buffy flies over, taking both on at once. The Vamps drop Parker. And they engage in a fast and intense slugfest. Buffy is even sharper than usual, if that's possible. And to finish them off, a spectacular flip-toss, staking both vamps who scream all their merry way to hell.
Buffy stands alone, breathing only a little hard.
Parker approaches her tentatively, "Payson, I don't know what to say. After how I've treated you, and now I owe you my life."
"It's nothing." Buffy says.
"It's everything. You're everything. And I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get you to forgive me. Do you think… one day, you might?" Parker says.
Buffy might answer, but instead a distant voice whispers, "Sure, uh-huh…"
Buffy blinks, jolted from her reverie. She looks at Willow beside her, then to the owner of the girl's voice.
Parker, whispers to a pretty brunette, in the row in front of her.
"These are the things we want." Professor Walsh says as Riley clicks slides on one by one: A mother comforting her baby. A kiss. A warm fireplace. A juicy hamburger. "Simple things. Comfort. Sex. Shelter. Food. We always want them, and we want them all the time. The id doesn't learn. It doesn't grow up. It has the ego telling it what it can't have – and it has the superego telling what it shouldn't want. But the id works solely by the pleasure principle. It wants. Whatever social skills we learn, however much we have evolved, the pleasure principle is at work in all of us."
Buffy begins to sink back into reverie.
"So how does this conflict with the ego manifest itself in the psyche? What do we do when we can't have what we want? I expect somebody here can answer that…" Professor Walsh says.
But not Buffy, who's already doing it.
BAM! The heel of Buffy's boot spikes a vampire hard in the eye. He stumbles back a few feet and Buffy steps up, starts with the pummeling. She's dazzlingly efficient.
In the grass is a potential victim, hand to his neck. He turns to see what's going on – it's Parker. "Payson?"
"Parker?" Buffy asks as the vamps comes back at her, "Stay down."
Buffy, fast on top of the vamp again, punching and kicking with amazing style and strength. And when the vamp finally falls, Buffy pulls a stake. thunk – he's dust.
"Buffy!" Parker says as two huge vamps are on him. Dragging him off. Seeing this, Buffy flies over, taking both on at once. The Vamps drop Parker. And they engage in a fast and intense slugfest. Buffy is even sharper than usual, if that's possible. And to finish them off, a spectacular flip-toss, staking both vamps who scream all their merry way to hell.
Buffy stands alone, breathing only a little hard.
Parker approaches her tentatively holding a large bouquet of roses and an open carton of ice cream, spoon stabbed in it, "Payson, I don't know what to say. After how I've treated you, and now I owe you my life." Buffy looks down at him. He presents her with the ice cream. "Can you ever forgive me?"
With a placid nobility, she takes the ice cream. As her hair blows in the breeze, she nobly eats a spoonful, eyes on the horizon.
Later after class in the quad Xander is standing at a table where Buffy and Willow sit. They have exciting beverages, are trying to study. He flicks a lighter, holds it up where Buffy would be holding a cigarette, if she had one. "Rough day?" Denied, he flicks it off. "Come on Buffy, be a lonely drunk. Rough day?" He flicks it again.
"Stop flicking at me." Buffy says.
"Work with me here. I'm finally an essential part of your college life. No more "looking down on the townie" - I'm the new bartender at the pub. Got my lighter, my rag, my empathy face…" Xander says and he makes the face.
"Aren't you too young to be a bartender?" Willow asks.
"Au contraire, mon frere." Xander says.
"Frere means brother." Buffy says, not looking up.
"Mon girl-frere. Behold." Xander says and he slides a fake I.D. casually under Willow's nose.
"I don't believe this is entirely on the up and up." Willow says.
"What gives it away?" Xander asks.
"Looking at it." Willow says.
"Well, who's gonna see it anyway? Now, I'm the bartender! I kick people out!" Xander says.
"There's more to it than wiping and kicking." Buffy says. "Believe me I know. Or have you forgotten I own a club that sells alcohol."
Xander regards her - care to fill him in?
"Can you mix a drink?" Buffy asks.
"I've seen Cocktail. I can hippy hippy shake." Xander says.
Buffy closes her books. "Well, Xander, even if I had a pretend cigarette, I couldn't tell you my problems. Real ones have clogged up my headspace."
Xander taps his shoulder. "Then unload 'em right here, baby." He flicks the lighter, "Rough day? Wanna tell me about it?" Buffy glares at him. "Shutting up now."
"I'm pregnant by my step-brother who'd rather be with my best friend and left me with no place to live and no food, except for a bottle of Wild Turkey, which I drank all up." Willow says. Xander stares blankly at her - what the hell was that? "That was me, being tanked and friendless for ya."
"Gets my Oscar nod." Xander says.
"Class time." Buffy says as she and Willow get up to head for class, Xander walking with them.
"So, you gonna come by tonight? To the pub?" Xander says.
"Oz. Payson's P4. Date." Willow says.
"You know, it's probably just him, having trouble dealing, right? I mean, sometimes, guys keep the girls they really like inside these little deep-brain, fantasy bubbles where things are always perfect." Buffy says.
Xander's not following. "How's that fugue state coming along?"
"Parker." Willow says.
The look on Xander's face says 'oh, that', but at the same time, he softens, compassionate.
"So, maybe, I'm in his bubble. And pretty soon, he'll just realize he wants more than just Bubble-Buffy. And, he'll pop me out and we'll have dinner and stuff. Guys totally do that, right?" Buffy says.
"Buffy that is my best friend, you need to think about not Parker. He's no good. There are other men - better men - men wherein the mind is stronger than the penis." Willow says.
Xander's guffaws - naïve child! "Nothing can defeat the penis!" They glare at him. "Too loud, very unseemly."
"I'm sorry to be coarse, but I feel strongly on the subject of stinky Parker man." Willow says.
"But he can be really sweet. You know, I think he has intimacy issues, 'cause of his father dying –" Buffy says.
Willow holds up her hand, looking away imperiously. "Not interested. You get troubles, tell 'em to the bartender."
"That's right. 'Cause the bartender's always ready to listen." Xander says.
That evening at the college pub Xander is behind the bar, flailing like a drowning chicken. College kids surround him. Jukebox blaring. "What? WHAT?!"
"For the last time, a pitcher of BEER!" College kid says.
Xander nods. As he fills a pitcher… "Okay… You're a rum and coke, you're a Poker's Light… Vodka on the rocks and… A water? Is that right?"
They start yelling, frustrated.
"A Kidder's Gold Ale, A Peelee Lager, a glass of white wine and a daiquiri."
"Do I need to write it down for you? A glass of ice water, man. Simple request."
And Xander turns around, desperately trying to block them out. "Ice water - how do I make that?"
Buffy looks around from the door as she enters the pub. She sees Parker at a corner table, talking with the same Brunette from Psych class. Before much can register someone stands in her view. She moves to one side to see better, eyes on the spot Parker's in - and she thuds soundly into Riley, causing him to spill a bit of his soda.
"Whoah!" Riley says.
"Oh! Sorry." Buffy says.
"You know, most people go around. I'm not saying you CAN'T tunnel through me, I just think the other way's quicker." Riley says.
"In my defense, you take up a lot of space." Buffy says.
"I do. I'm ungainly. You looking for someone?" Riley asks.
Buffy is still keeping an eye out to see what Parker's up to. "Uh, no, I… saw Parker there…"
"Right, Parker and his latest conquest. That boy should have his attention span checked." Riley says.
"He's kind of a girl chaser, huh?" Buffy says.
Riley nods, "Sets 'em up and knocks 'em down. I guess maybe I'm old fashioned, but my father always says if you want to be a gentleman… you don't care even the slightest bit what my father says."
Buffy has been in her own world, still stealing glances towards Parker. "Sorry, what?"
"Forget about it. I got people waiting. I'll see you in class." Riley says, good-natured.
"Uh huh…" Buffy says and turns as she takes a step toward Parker's table, but stops dead in her tracks. Heart leaping into her throat.
Indeed Parker and the brunette are kissing now… and kissing, passionately, deeply, on and on.
Buffy swallows hard. Turns to look away. Fighting for a grip.
Xander at the bar, spying a pretty young sorority girl, Paula, sitting with three more sorority girls. Despite customers waiting, he makes a beeline for her. Flicks his lighter, cranks up the charm. "Rough day?"
Paula turns to face him, revealing she is chewing a swizzle stick, not smoking. But perky as all get out. "Nah, I've been super." Xander snaps his lighter off. "We accepted Melody's pledge and made her an official sister of Beta Delta Gamma. And, our pins arrived today. I designed them myself!" She pulls out her collar to show Xander.
"You are so sharp." Xander says.
Four male intellectuals arrive at the bar. Colm, the leader of the pack, puts his arm around Paula. His three buddies, Roy, Hunt, and Kip, pull in stools.
"Hey, Paula. Are you keeping this fine bartender from his duties? Man's got to earn a living." Colm says.
"S'alright." Xander says.
Colm leans a shoulder between Paula and Xander to exclude him. "So, the guys and I were celebrating about the…"
"No really, it's alright. I'm due for a break." Xander says.
"Oh. So, what were you discussing? Maybe we can all join." Colm says, annoyed.
Paula chuckles, "Oh be nice."
Sensing trouble, Xander backs off. "Hm, no, forget it."
"No, I rudely interrupted. And it sounds like you two were having quite the meeting of minds. Possibly debating the geo-political ramifications of bio-engineering? You have a take on that?" Colm says.
"I've got beer. Want some beer?" Xander says.
"Pitcher of Black Frost." Colm says as Xander pours. "See, I think we have a perfect venue here for conducting sociometry here. Bipolar continuum of attraction and rejection. Given your socio-economic statuses, I foresee a…" He indicates Paula and Xander respectively. "…"B" rejects "A" diad."
Chips of Xander's cool exterior begin to fall away.
"I'm sorry, let me clarify." Colm says as he leans in, whispers, "You see, we are this country's future. You keep the bowl of peanuts full. We are what these girls want." Xander stares, the pitcher full. "And four glasses."
"How about I see some I.D. first? 'Cause you're not getting a drop until I'm satisfied that –" Xander says.
"Just give 'em the beer." Jack, the owner, says.
Xander slides the beer to Colm who, with a victory-grin, grabs the pitchers and heads off, buddies in tow, leaving a ten on the bar.
Xander turns around, starts to wipe the bar again, but finds Buffy sitting there. Majorly hurt and humiliated. "Buffy?" Buffy looks at him. Red in the face. "Rough day?" She nods. "Want to tell me about it?"
Buffy nods again. Big breath, and… "It's just… Parker's problem with intimacy turns out to be that he can't get enough of it. And I knew that, I knew what he was, but… You know, if he were tied up and gagged and left in a cave that vampires HAPPENED to frequent that wouldn't really be like I killed him really…"
"Buffy…" Xander says.
"I'm a slut." Buffy says, teary-eyed.
"No." Xander says.
"A big, lecherous loser." Buffy says.
"No." Xander says.
"Hey!" Jack says as he smacks Xander on the arm, gets his attention. Jack motions he needs Xander over at the other end.
"Sorry. So sorry." Xander says and turns back to Buffy.
"I'm better. This has helped." Buffy says as she puts on a brave face.
Xander hesitates, but she forces a smile. "Don't go anywhere." He reluctantly turns and follows Jack down the bar.
Alone, Buffy's brave face falls away. Feeling lost and small, she gets off her stool and starts to leave. Not looking where she's going, bumps straight into Roy. Mug of beer in hand. "Sorry. I'm bumping into people today.
Colm and the rest of them arrive, sizing up the attractive, sad Buffy.
"I can't imagine anybody minding…" Roy says as he looks Buffy in the eye. Although she doesn't return his gaze, he can see she's in pain. "You're not thinking of leaving, are you? 'Cause we have a strict policy against you leaving. At least until you've had a drink."
Buffy manages a little smile.
"My friend's just saying, you shouldn't be alone and sad right now. You're a beautiful girl who should be covered with men." Colm says. "And could we be those men?"
Kip plunks a beer down on a table in front of Buffy. "It's on us."
Buffy eyes it. Then regards the guys surrounding her. In the distance, she sees Parker leaving with the brunette, holding hands. Her hesitancy transforms into why-the-hell-not. She nods, grasps the handle.
At Payson's P4 Oz is on stage playing. Willow watches from the bar.
Piper walks over to her handing Willow a coke, "Willow."
Willow doesn't take her eyes off Oz, "Yeah, Piper?"
"Have you seen Buffy tonight?" Piper asks.
Willow shakes her head, "Not since our last class. Why?"
"Just curious. I thought she was going to stop by on her way home. She probably decided to patrol tonight." Piper says.
"I thought Buffy didn't patrol alone anymore?" Willow says finally looking at Piper.
"We got lax about her not patrolling alone when Prue died. I think it kind of helps take her mind off it." Piper says.
Willow nods in understanding. "I know, you three are more than just her cousins. You're like her sisters. And when Prue died it hit Buffy hard, especially after losing her mom."
Piper nods, "I think in some ways it hit Buffy harder than any of us. She considered each of us, sisters. But Buffy looked up to Prue. Sometimes I think that Buffy thought of Prue as her hero. Maybe even a second mother." She notices Oz walking towards them. "Good set, Oz."
"Thanks." Oz says.
"I'll leave you two alone." Piper says.
"I'm sure she's fine, Piper." Willow says.
At the college pub the table of intellectuals has loosened up quite a bit.
"Chug! Chug! Chug!"
Buffy has the stein raised to her lips, going, going… A few empty pitchers of beer litter the table, a couple of full ones yet to be had. Buffy finishes her mug, belches indiscreetly.
Colm starts to refill her mug. "The thing the modern day pundits fail to realize is that all of the socioeconomic and psychological problems inherent in modern society can be solved by the judicious application of way too much beer."
"My mother always said that beer is evil." Buffy says.
"Evil, good, these are moral absolutes that predate the fermentation of malt and fine hops. See…where was I?" Colm says.
"I'm not really sure." Buffy says.
"Well, Thomas Aquinas said –" Kip says.
Roy shakes his head, "No! There will be no Thomas Aquinas at this table!"
"Keep your Theology of Providence to yourself, fatboy." Hunt says.
"I was just drawing a parallel to –" Kip says.
"Beer! Had the earliest morality been developed under the influence of beer there would be no good and evil. There would be "kinda nice" and "pretty cool". Everything would be different." Colm says.
"You guys just love to hear yourselves speak, don't you?" Buffy says, good-naturedly.
"We're losing her, guys…" Colm says.
Roy nods, "Say something interesting!"
"Well, tell us about yourself." Hunt says.
"Yeah. What do you like?" Colm says.
A beat, as Buffy tries to come up with somethiing. Finally she hoists her beer. "Well, I don't hate this, for a start."
A general clamor of approval as Buffy drinks a hefty sip.
Xander is at the bar, watching, worry increasing.
The next morning at the Manor, Buffy is sitting, in the living room. She is way to close to the TV watching a music video.
Piper walks down stairs heading for the kitchen and hears the TV. She turns and sees Buffy and makes her way towards Buffy, "Hey your up early."
"TV is a good thing. Bright colors, music… little tiny people." Buffy says.
Piper looks at Buffy and sees Buffy's eyes are red, half-shut. She has Big matted bedhead and is still in her wrinkly jammies.
"Buffy?" Piper says. "You look terrible."
"I'm suffering the after-ness of a bad night of badness." Buffy says.
Piper's eyes widen. Conclusion: sex. "You didn't! Not with Parker again."
"No, with five really smart guys." Buffy says.
"Five! Ow. Oh." Piper says with concern. "Oh, Buffy. Are you okay? Want to tell me about it?"
"I went to see Xander, but then I saw Parker and… then came beer." Buffy says.
Piper's eyes go wide, no wonder Buffy is acting the way she is. She's drunk or severely hung over. "Tell me that was all you did was drank."
"Of course. Just lots 'n lots 'o beer. It's nice. Foamy and comforting. It's beer." Buffy says.
Piper shakes her head, "Buffy maybe you should stay home from class today."
"Me have to go to class. Me have Professor Walsh. She say she throw me out if me miss class." Buffy says.
Piper sighs, "Okay. But Phoebe will go with you."
Buffy nods, "Okay." She heads for the door.
"But getting dressed would be a good idea." Piper says.
Oh. Buffy turns around. Still in her pajamas. Heads upstairs.
"Phoebe!" Piper says following Buffy.
Phoebe comes out of her room. "Yeah Piper."
"Would you go with Buffy. She got drunk last night because of Parker." Piper says.
"Oh, no." Phoebe says. "Yeah, I'll watch her."
Later Phoebe follows Willow and Buffy into Professor Walsh's classroom.
Professor Walsh stops her, "Excuse me. But you're not in this class."
Phoebe nods, "True, I'm Buffy's cousin, Phoebe Halliwell. Mind if we step outside to talk for a moment."
Professor Walsh nods and they go outside, "What's this about, Ms. Halliwell?"
Phoebe sighs, "Recently Buffy did as any college student might do and slept with a guy. Turns out he led Buffy on making her think he was interested in her for more than just sex. Well she's been in a funk of late because of it. And last night she went out and got drunk. Piper and I wanted to keep her home but she insisted on coming. Saying you would kick her out if she missed class. So the next best solution was for one of us to come with, watch her. Make sure she's okay."
Professor Walsh frowns, "I don't like excuses. Buffy is right though I would have kicked her out. It's only her fault she got drunk."
Phoebe nods, "I agree with you there."
"Good," Professor Walsh says. "You will watch from the door. If I tell you to get her out because she is disrupting my class. You get her out and she will not be allowed back in until she sobers up." She turns and walks back into the room.
Later at the front of the room, Professor Walsh addresses the students. Riley stands by, watches as Buffy wriggles in her seat. Short attention span.
Beside her, Willow regards her jacket, thrown on the empty seat she has saved for Oz.
"Now, next class, we'll be moving on to personality types and disorders. Those of you who've done the reading will already know…" Professor Walsh says as Buffy shoots her hand up. "Yes?"
"She read the… reading." Buffy says.
Professor Walsh glares at Phoebe.
The class erupts in a hushed giggle. It's not entirely lost on Buffy. Both she and Willow sink in their chairs, embarrassed. At the front, Riley frowns.
"Well then, she'll have some time on her hands. As I was saying…" Professor Walsh says.
Buffy cranes her neck up. Her nose twitches. Follows it until she spots a female student to her right, trying to hide her coffee and cold turkey sandwich lunch under her desk. Chewing slowly and discreetly.
"…We don't have time to cover it all in class. But it doesn't mean it's not worth knowing…" Professor Walsh says. Buffy licks her lips and the sandwich gets harder and harder to resist. "And it doesn't mean it won't be on the mid-term. Now, if I've been unclear in any way, speak now."
Buffy snatches the sandwich right from the girl's mouth. Stuffs it into her own.
"BUFFY!" Willow says pulling the sandwich back out. The girl regards Buffy like a retarded animal. "Buffy, are you okay?"
"Sure, why wouldn't I be?" Buffy says, dim and oblivious.
That evening Buffy pretends to be a sleep in her room as Phoebe watches her from the door.
Phoebe turns and walks across the hall and into her room.
"How is she?" Cole asks.
"A sleep. I can't believe she got drunk. Out of all of us I would have expected that I would have been the one to do that, not Buffy." Phoebe says.
Cole nods, "She'll be alright."
"I know, but still I worry." Phoebe says.
Cole smiles, "I wouldn't have expected any less of you. You love her like Prue, Piper, and even Paige. It is how she became a Charmed One, when she wasn't destined to be. In your heart she is your sister."
In Buffy's room she gets out of her bed, she is still dressed as she flames out.
Later at the college pub empty pitchers of beer litter the table. One of the guys finishes pouring one for Buffy. Likely not her first.
"S'good… good enough!" Buffy says.
"No more? But s'good." Colm says.
"Yeah. Foamy." Buffy says.
"You should come to our class on big thinking. S'good." Kip says.
Xander is watching, growing more and more concerned for Buffy. His mind's not on the job as a young woman pulls up a stool.
"Boy, I'm having the worst day…"
But Xander's way too distracted to seize the opportunity. She pulls out a cig…
"You got a light?"
Xander slowly and absentmindedly holds up a cardboard coaster with the no-smoking symbol on it, eyes always on Buffy. Lowers it again and pushes his rag down the bar, eyes still on Buffy.
Colm leans over to Buffy. Sniffing at her hair. "I like girls."
Buffy knocks him in the arm, playfully. "You're stupid!"
"No, you! Stupid!" Colm says.
"No, you stupid!" Roy says.
"Smelly head." Buffy says.
Roy sniffs Colm. Confirms it. Colm frowns, hits Roy harder in the arm.
Buffy drinks.
Xander walks over to a phone and dials.
"Halliwell Residence, Phoebe speaking." Phoebe says.
"Phoebe, it's Xander. Buffy's back here tonight." Xander says.
"Not possible, I checked her room she was asleep." Phoebe says.
Xander shakes his head, "Well she gave you the slip, Phoebe. She's here and getting drunk again."
"Alright, I'll be right down."
Later the place is quiet. Xander's cleaning up, listening to Buffy, Roy and Colm engage in a fun shoving match.
"You stupid." Colm says.
"No, you stupid." Roy says.
"No, you." Buffy says.
Xander finishes wiping the counter. Moves over to the jukebox. Slips in a quarter and makes a selection. MUSIC fills the room.
"Hey!" Buffy says and she gets up and moves to the jukebox. Studying it carefully. Slaps it with the back of her hand. "It sings!" Phoebe walks in and sees Xander marching over to Buffy. "Like it."
Xander sees Phoebe and nods, "Time to go home, Buffy. Phoebe's here for you."
"Want more singing. Want more… beer." Buffy says.
Phoebe walks over to Xander and Buffy, "No. Xander's cut you off."
"Did it hurt?" Buffy asks.
"Come on." Phoebe says.
Buffy motions back to her table of friends, but Phoebe takes her by the arm. "No. Like beer. Beer…good."
"No, beer bad. Bad, bad beer. What the hell am I saying? Phoebe take her home and get her back to bed." Xander says as he opens the door for them.
"Say bye." Buffy says.
"Bye." Xander says.
"Bye." Buffy says, pouty.
Phoebe shakes her head as she leads Buffy out, "Please tell me you didn't drive here."
"Me flame." Buffy says.
Later back at the Manor Phoebe is downstairs with Xander and Giles.
"I cut her off before the others. I don't think she had as much to drink." Xander says.
Piper walks in the front door, "What's the emergency?"
"I can't believe you served Buffy that beer." Giles says.
"She was back at the pub?" Piper asks.
Phoebe nods, "Yeah and quite drunk. But that's not the worse part of it."
"I didn't know it was evil!" Xander says.
"You knew it was beer…" Giles says.
"Evil?" Piper asks.
Phoebe sighs, "Beer was cursed. Drink enough of it and the person who drank it turns into a Cro-Magnon."
"Well excuse me Mr. I-Spent-the-60's -in-an-electric-koolaid-funky-satan-groove." Xander says as they make their way up the stairs to Buffy's room.
"Early seventies and you should both know better." Giles says.
Piper nods, "Giles is right, Xander. You should never have served her in the first place. Of course how did you get the job anyways?"
Xander sighs, "Fake I.D. Anyways , I'm not the dad of her. Buffy's a grown up, and she's intelligent enough to –"
Piper throws open the door to Buffy's room and sees Buffy crouching on her bed. Drawing with make-up on her wall. Hair tousled to near dredness, make-up smudging her face. Dumb as a stone. But thank God not a neanderthal. Or naked. She wears baggy, earth-tone clothes: sweatpants and a tank top.
Buffy turns to them, brow furrowed, to explain what she's doing. "Parker bad!" She's drawing depicts primitive human figures, clearly a man and a woman. She hits the man with her "paint", crossing him out.
Piper shakes her head, "Xander, good going."
Moments later Buffy is sitting upside down on a chair, giggling.
"Fascinating, really." Giles says.
"How so?" Piper asks. "Not only is Buffy drunk but she's cursed."
"Jack said as long as she didn't drink anymore she would revert back to normal in a day or two." Xander says.
"Thank goodness for small miracles," Phoebe says.
Buffy lifts a leg, loses balance and falls off the chair, frowning at the pain. She stands, moves to the TV. Stares at it. It's off. "Want people. Where people go?"
"The… TV… is… off." Giles says.
"WANT! Want people!" Buffy says as she smacks the TV screen with the back of her hand.
"Well, at least she doesn't seem to be in any immediate danger. Maybe Xander should just stay with her. While Piper, Phoebe and I…" Giles says.
Buffy sidles up to Xander, "Boy smell nice."
"Or perhaps Piper or Phoebe." Giles says.
Piper nods, "Phoebe maybe you can stay with her?"
Phoebe nods, "Sure."
Piper nods, "I'll get Paige back and we'll go with you Giles."
"Yeah, I think we need to track down the funboys somewhat pronto. Jack said the beer wouldn't wear off till –" Xander says.
Buffy's face lights up. "Beer! Want beer!"
Piper shakes her head, "You can't have beer –"
"Want beer." Buffy says.
"Piper, don't make caveslayer unhappy…" Xander says.
"Buffy strong." Buffy says.
Xander nods, "Yes, Buffy strong."
"Buffy want beer." Buffy says.
Phoebe shakes her head, "No, Buffy get –"
And like lightning, Buffy bolts from the room, knocking over Giles and Xander.
BAM - Giles hits his head on the dresser.
"Freeze her." Phoebe says.
"I can't she's still a witch, Phoebe. She won't freeze." Piper says.
"Giles…" Xander says.
"I'm fine. Get her." Giles says.
"Leo!" Piper says and Leo orbs in.
"Can you sense Buffy?" Piper asks.
Leo closes his eyes and sighs shaking his head, "No. What happened?"
"She drank some beer that was cursed." Phoebe says motioning towards the drawings. She touches one and has a premonition. Willow trapped with Parker and three Cro-Magnon boys.
"What did you see?" Piper asks.
"Willow trapped with Parker on campus. The building was burning down around them. Three more of Xander's customers were there. Fully changed." Phoebe says.
Giles nods, "Could you tell where?"
"It wasn't the pub. Maybe one of the student unions?" Phoebe says.
Giles nods, "We'll split up. Xander and I will check one side of campus while you two check the other. We'll meet in the middle."
Leo nods, "Be quicker if I orb you all there." They nods and Leo orbs them all out.
Later on campus Piper and Phoebe are running along a path.
"Buffy!…Buffy!…" Piper calls as they cuts across a wooded area. They emerge from the trees to see Buffy looking around, confused - lost in the woods.
"Buffy there you are." Phoebe says.
Buffy stops. Sniffs. She looks a short distance off, her nose leading her. Piper and Phoebe follows her line of sight.
"The fire," Piper says.
"Willow." Phoebe says.
"Fire…bad!" Buffy says and she kicks into a sprint. Piper and Phoebe take off after Buffy, who's already well ahead of them.
Buffy arrives at the door to the Grotto. Smoke billows out from cracks between the objects used to barricade everyone inside. Buffy BUSTS through the barricade only to be driven back by the intense flames.
Beyond the barricade, Willow stirs. Slowly comes to, then quickly takes in her surroundings. Through the smoke, she catches only glimpses of the Cro-Mags in their frenzied state of fear.
Buffy spots a fire extinguisher on the wall. Rips it from its bracket. Holds the extinguisher in front of her a beat, thinking hard - how does this work? - then throws it straight into the fire.
She pauses, hopeful. Didn't help. She looks at the fire, determined to beat it. And she moves straight into it. Reaching in first with a hand. "AAHOOWW!"
Buffy jolts back from it, frightened and hurt, holding her hand.
Then, something catches her eye. It's Willow coughing, lying on the floor, weak. A wall of flame between them. She sees Buffy, too. "Buffy…"
Buffy's face sets with determination. Without hesitation she leaps off a chair, straight through the flames - lands with a tuck and a roll, at Willow's side.
Outside Phoebe and Piper runs up. Terrible flames and smoke now visible from outside. There's obviously no way in. Piper freezes the flames and they quickly jump in the hole Buffy went through.
There's a great wall of flames between Piper and Phoebe and everyone else. Nobody's getting through now.
"Buffy!" Piper says.
Nothing but the load ROAR of the fire. Phoebe goes immediately to the empty wall bracket from which Buffy plucked the fire extinguisher. Looks back at the fire, takes a second to feel the gravity of the situation before coughing as she and Piper turns to go back outside.
Buffy grabs Willow and pulls her up. All the Cro-Mags have noticed the new girl in the mix. They advance on Buffy and Willow, still in their frenzied state.
With one hand, Buffy grabs a table leg and beats off the Cro-Mags. With the other, she pulls Willow away from the fire. The Cro-Mags back off. Buffy trips over the unconscious Parker, lying on the floor. She stops a beat to watch him in this vulnerable state. Conflicted. But a sudden screech by one of the Cro-Mags jolts her out of it.
The Cro-Mags begin to climb the walls - literally, to escape the licking flames.
Buffy stops, watching the flames. How can she get over them? "Bad, bad, bad…"
Amazingly, she jumps straight up, grabbing pipe that runs along the ceiling. Like a monkey, she swings from pipe to pipe. She makes it to a window - swings and grabs pipe with her legs, swings and grabs window grating with her hands. Rips it off and hurls it through the window, smashing it.
Buffy drops and crosses to Willow, who is just waking up.
The cavemen see the open window, shove furniture towards it and climb nimbly out.
Buffy helps Willow up, moves her to the window - slamming a croboy out of the way as she helps Willow out.
Outside Willow climbs out coughing. Piper has frozen the two cavemen who are out with her and Phoebe.
Phoebe sees Willow and she helps her up. The rest of the people, two girls and a caveman, are climbing out to safety. Piper freezes the other caveman.
"Are you alright." Phoebe asks.
"Buffy's still in there…" Willow says.
Inside Parker is now conscious. Panicky. "Oh God…" From the ceiling, Buffy drops down and squats in front of Parker. "Help me… I can't breathe…"
Buffy cocks her head, not understanding, but knowing enough to…
"Buffy, what do we do, oh God…" Parker says.
SLAM! Buffy knocks him out cold with one of the Cro-Mags clubs. Then gently, she moves him into position and slings him over her shoulder -
Later the Grotto is a sooty, soggy mess. Ambulances, fire engines and a couple of police cars angled about the scene. Various EMTs give the sorority girls oxygen. Fire fighters mill about, their jobs mostly finished now.
Willow is seated, an EMT walking away from her. Buffy sits with a concerned expression, running her hand through Willow's hair - and picking something out and eating eat. Piper and Phoebe watch with an amused expression.
Xander approaches. "You guys had enough fun for one night?"
"Yes please." Willow says.
"Tired." Buffy says.
Xander nods, "And was there a lesson in all this? What have we learned about beer?"
"Foamy." Buffy says.
Xander shakes his head, "Good. Just as long as we're clear."
They rise, start heading off. Buffy trailing her club along the ground.
"Anyway, I think the boys are contained for the time being." Xander says. "Thanks to you anyways Piper. I managed to get them secured."
Inside a minivan, each of the remaining Cro-Mags Colm, Hunt and Kip. Not sitting on the seats, just crouching, fiddling with the knobs, grappling with the concept of "glass".
"They'll figure out how to work the door locks when the effect has worn off. And they'll just think they had too much beer. Which is surely close enough." Xander says.
"Whose van is that?" Piper asks.
Xander shrugs, "I dunno. Wasn't locked."
"Payson!" Parker says.
Buffy spins, sees Parker approaching. Xander and Willow let her take a few steps toward Parker, hang back discreetly. Piper and Phoebe flank Buffy. Cautiously, sincerely, Parker begins…
"Payson. I… I don't know how to say this. I'm sorry for how I treated you before. It was wrong of me, and… I'm sorry." Parker says. "And, you were great tonight. Really. I may not deserve this, but… Do you think, you could… forgive me?"
Buffy regards him. More emotion than coherent thought on her face. He seems honest. Then she moves to hit him with the club.
Piper grabs for the club and takes it out of Buffy's hand. "Mr. Abrams. If you ever come near Buffy again…"
Parker nods, "I understand, Mrs. Halliwell." He turns and leaves.