Living with this regret, But I know if I could do it over

I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart

That I left unspoken

(What hurts the most, rascal flatts, style of state of mine)

March 1998 cont'd

"Absolutely, incredibly, and utterly stupid," said a voice across the room.

Draco corrected himself: two of those people now stood in the room.

His head snapped to the side and he mentally chastised himself for it. But there she was. Standing just across the room. It took every ounce of strength to force his body to stay frozen but seem relaxed. To not give in and run to her. Gods how he wanted to do just that.

It had been almost a year. An entire fucking year and now here she was.

Draco breathed deeply and quickly fortified the walls in his mind. If he was going to get through this, he needed to compose himself, not trip because Granger was in his sights. He felt his breath stick in his lungs as he took her in, memorising every inch he could see. He could feel the itch to go to her start to creep in again.

This was going to be a long meeting.

She stood at the bottom of the winding staircase, leaning back against the railing with her arms crossed. Barefoot and wearing black lounge pants and jumper, her hair pulled up into a high messy bun with some curls framing her freckled face. He studied her face, noticing she seemed pale and her eyes looked tired but alert.

As his eyes trailed over her, he noted a few new things: a red line marred her skin near her collarbone continuing under her jumper, a bruise under her jaw that would be invisible if she wasn't so pale, a notch along the edge of her left ear. He swore her brown eyes flashed to amber while she scrutinised him in the same manner. She scowled when her eyes rose and locked onto his.

Breathe, Draco. You need to breathe.

"Hermione, come join us," Lupin said without turning to look at her. His voice was calm but also had an authoritative edge to it. Draco could see Lupin and McGonagall tense in his peripheral vision, almost like they were waiting for something to happen.

She didn't move and her scowl deepened, her eyes narrowed further, if that was even possible.

"I agreed to host," her voice was flat as she continued to hold Draco's stare, "I didn't agree to actually participate."

"Miss Granger."

Her eyes flicked to McGonagall, who gave her a stern look to accompany the terse tone.

Granger said nothing and pushed off the railing. Instead of joining them, she quietly turned away and padded into the kitchen. Draco slowly counted to three as he continued trying to keep his breathing even. He needed to be sure to keep his Occlumency in place. It wouldn't do to have everything crumbling now just at the mere sight of Granger.

He forced himself to not follow her. To not run to her and beg her forgiveness. He doubted she would do anything other than curse him for letting Death Eaters in the school. Maybe even throw a right hook at him again. At least it would be something.

He hated this.

Hated that he had to pretend, as if nothing ever happened between them. Draco couldn't blame her. Not when he betrayed them all. He loathed to admit it but he'd do it again if it meant protecting his mother.

Draco quickly glanced toward Lupin and McGonagall, analysing their expressions–or lack thereof. They shared a quick look before turning their attention back to the Malfoys. He wondered if these exchanges were a regular occurrence between them now. Surprisingly, there wasn't much rebuttal considering Granger verged toward disrespecting them. That itself was beyond normal. Yes, Granger was sarcastic and quick-witted, but she never spoke back like this to their elders.

Especially not to McGonagall.

"I suppose we should start with any questions the two of you may have?" Lupin offered, gesturing towards them with a hand, trying to seem warm and inviting.

Narcissa nodded and smoothed her skirt, "Will it continue to only be the three of you? I thought Mr. Potter might be involved?"

There was a scoff from the kitchen followed by the clatter of some utensils.

Lupin took a deep breath, seeming to calm himself, before answering, "Only the three of us. As I was saying just before, Harry and Ron have some other tasks that require their apt attention. Given the delicacy of this situation, Minerva and I decided it was best to keep the list of people knowing very short."

"The safest option, for all of us," McGonagall added.

"Of course." Narcissa thought for a moment, "I appreciate your acceptance of our offer. While this will surely increase the stress already on all of us, it will be a relief to help end this debacle."

Lupin nodded in agreement as Granger padded out of the kitchen, carrying a cup of tea. She made her way to the bay window as they continued talking. She didn't acknowledge the group sitting on her couches, simply adjusted a pillow and sat down with her legs pulled up to cradle her tea as she gazed out the window.

Narcissa continued undeterred, ever the prime example of composure, "Any meetings will need to be sparse for a while, so we do not draw suspicion. Draco will bring the information. If I leave too often from the Manor, Lucius will become too curious."

"Draco won't be missed?" McGonagall questioned in surprise.

"No. Lucius and Draco are part of the higher officials but do not work together. They are the same rank so, thankfully, Lucius does not have authority over him, though he does try."

"That's interesting," Lupin leaned forward, elbows on his knees, chin on his clasped hands. The scars across his face looked more severe thanks to strain. "Would you mind if we discussed these rankings more? It would help answer some questions I have."

"Of course, anything you need to know." Narcissa said softly as Draco gave a single nod. "There's not much to explain, though I suppose the longer he is in power, the more complicated the system will become. Those who have been serving the longest and are most loyal are being named as Viperas. Currently Lucius, Antonin Dolohov, and Draco are High Viperas. Though Draco is still training with Bella, due to the…" she cleared her throat, "…circumstances that happened a year ago, the Dark Lord thought it appropriate to promote him."

Lupin nodded, his arm now propped on the arm of the dark couch, hand on his chin in thought at Narcissa's words. He clearly had questions reeling in his mind but chose to stay silent as Narcissa continued. McGonagall sat still as a statue, giving nothing away as to how she was thinking or feeling over the situation or the information that Narcissa was providing.

"Those below the Viperas are simply commanders and below that are his cavalry, as he likes to call them. There are a few exceptions to these being Bella and any of the Creatures."

"Bellatrix has always been an exception," Lupin mused with a raise of his brows, a bit dismissive but not of Narcissa. Like Potter, Lupin hated Bellatrix deep in his soul for taking Sirius away from them.

"Too right you are," Narcissa nodded, her face passive.

Draco noted his mother was now Occluding heavily as she did regularly whenever her sisters were brought up in conversation. Though he couldn't see her face, he could tell from the way her shoulders shifted slightly and her hands clasped in her lap. He hated seeing his mother start to feel distraught but there was nothing he could do at the moment. He debated even putting a hand on her shoulder but knew she might chastise him later for it.

They were to appear strong before the Order, strong before everyone. If they faltered for a moment, it risked them faltering in front of the Dark Lord. And that was a fine line between life and death that they couldn't leave to chance.

So, Draco continued standing at attention behind the dark couch, the fire to his left feeling ungodly hot as he fought the urge to comfort his mother. As he tried to reign in every outward thought and emotion he could. He needed to be a statue right now. Stone-faced. Unyielding.

"I'm curious where Fenrir Greyback falls in this hierarchy," Lupin murmured with a glance to McGonnagall who nodded in agreement. Draco barely caught Granger stiffening from her position by the window.

"He is considered to be one of the Viperas, without officially being one," Narcissa allowed a slight sneer of disgust to grace her face, "He is wretched and foul and given far too many liberties. Simply existing being one of them. It wouldn't surprise me if Bellatrix and the Dark Lord just let him run wild with his packs. The two have already taken over a large portion of our home. Lucius bows down to them and lets them walk all over us. Thankfully Draco has his full mind and has grown most formidable in forcing them back."

Draco allowed a sense of pride to fill him at his mother's praise. It was proving extremely difficult to establish his authority over the Death Eaters and dark wizards who had taken over his home. It was a slow build but he was determined to not become a pushover like Lucius.

Narcissa cleared her throat, "Will this home be the meeting point?"

"Unfortunately," Granger grumbled from the window.

McGonagall and Lupin shared a look again, something unspoken passing between them. Draco found it intriguing they had done so twice now. What was causing them to be skittish about Granger and her quips? He thought again about her usual remarks and the banter they would have. While they usually bickered, he also remembered her being kind and protective. Draco started to remember a moment from several years ago when Granger found him hiding, upset at another failure…

He mentally shook his head and forced that book closed, shoving it to the far reaches of his shelves.

He refocused to the present and knew that there was something… odd going on that seemed to cause his former professors to be ready to spring. Maybe he could figure it out with Granger during this whole charade.

"Problem, Granger?" Draco's voice rumbled in an attempt to assert something. He wasn't sure if it was meant to be confidence but it sure as hell didn't feel as such. It felt fake. He raised his brow when she turned to look at him.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Malfoy. I'm overjoyed to be spending quality time with a Death Eater in my home," her voice dripped with sarcasm but her expression remained passive.

"Miss Granger, I apologise for any hostility my son unfortunately gave to you-"

"Mrs. Malfoy. My irritation with this situation is amplified due to several other factors. This is just the icing on the cake. While I loathe having your son here, I will not outright hex him," she raised her chin slightly as she turned her gaze back to Draco. "Give me reason though, and I will rescind that kindness."

The icy glare she levelled him with was a direct contrast to a year ago. She used to glare at him like this then that beautiful smile would light up her face. Instead, Draco was holding that glare as best as he could. He could feel the barest of cracks beginning in his resolve. All he wanted was to hold her tightly, tell her he was sorry, so so sorry, regardless of how much she seemed to hate him right now. She was all he could think about for the past year.

Don't do it. You can't jepordise everything.

"This house belongs to Miss Granger," McGonagall continued as if there had been no interruption; Granger broke the staring contest and looked back out the window, "She has agreed to host any meetings and will be your contact. She'll pass anything along to Remus or myself. As questions will arise eventually on where this new intel is coming from, we will deflect as much as possible and say that we have an anonymous source. We won't give the rest of the Order any indication that there could be a leak in You-Know-Who's followers."

"We'll adjust the barriers around the area to allow you to Apparate going forward. You will not need to worry about anyone unexpected being here in our stead. Only Minerva, Hermione, and myself know of this house," Lupin added with a heartwarming smile.

Narcissa returned the smile with her own, "Thank you for all of this. We simply want to help it all end."

"You seem very sure that this will help in your Dark Lord's demise," Granger piped up, glancing curiously towards Narcissa.

"My dear, you are mistaken; he is not now, nor has he ever been my lord of any kind," Narcissa's voice was firm as she eyed Granger, "We have unfortunately been forced to be part of a difficult…situation. If we had a choice–and no, Draco and I truly did not have any–that foul viper would have never been able to infect my family. I wish for nothing more than this disgusting regime to be gone."

The room was quiet as Narcissa and Granger held eye contact. Draco wondered if his mother was trying to use Legilimency on Granger. Did Granger even know how to Occlude? Would she be strong enough to keep Narcissa out? The few times of practice they had, Narcissa had crumbled Draco's walls as if they were nothing but mere paper. He still wondered if she ever tried to break through Bellatrix's thoughts. But that would probably drive Narcissa mad if she tried.

After a few moments, Granger nodded. For the first time, her gaze on the Malfoys softened as she spoke quietly, "Alright, I believe you."

"Excellent," Lupin smiled at Granger who narrowed her eyes at him. He turned to address the Malfoys. "Back to the matter at hand if we are all in agreement?"

No one objected.

"Right. Hermione and Draco will discuss their logistics. I trust the two of you not to squabble too much over it. Minerva and I would like your input to figure out a way for you to alert us immediately if you require assistance. Obviously, there will be certain instances where we will need to tread carefully but we'll cross those bridges when we get there. My biggest concern is keeping you both safe. If anyone finds out, we will need to extract and relocate you immediately."

"Of course," both Malfoys replied.

Narcissa, Lupin, and McGonagall moved on to discuss some other information that Narcissa had discovered along with the emergency alert. Draco, already aware of the intel details and knowing his mother would want to go over everything again when they returned home, took to walking around and surveying the rest of the house that he could see.

He kept note from his periphery of Granger still sitting at the bay window. She had turned back to look outside at the darkening sky. He peered at her from the corner of his eye, cataloguing every minute detail from the way she held herself—appearing to be relaxed though he could see the rigidity in her posture—to the shift and narrowing of her eyes as she scanned the darkness outside. This was a new puzzle that he was intrigued to solve.

As he made his way to the window, seeming to take in the view, he caught her shoulders tensing for a split second. Draco kept his hands in the pockets of his black trousers while he stood at the opposite end of the window. Granger seemed content to feign ignorance at his presence. Internally, Draco groaned at the smell of citrus that drifted his way.

Don't do it…don't do it…don't do it…don't do it…

"So, Potter and Weasley don't know about your little hideout?" he said quietly, so only she could hear him. He watched her bristle but pointedly ignored him. "Did you get grounded? Disobey orders?"

"No."

Nothing else left her lips. How interesting…He would need to push a little more.

"So, they just left you behind for whatever tasks are so important for Boy Wonder and his sidekick to take care of?" He raised a brow but otherwise kept his expression blank.

She raised her own brow but didn't turn in his direction, "Malfoy, you have the rest of your life to be a prick, can you take a day off for once?"

There she is.

He smirked and leaned against the window frame, looking back out to the stars that now adorned the sky through the clearing. This was going to be difficult. She was holding back, reserved. He needed to continue to do the same. He schooled his features back to indifference when he looked back at her.

Draco didn't believe he had what the storybooks called a heart. But if he did, he was sure it would be breaking about now. It was the smallest of moments but he saw how broken she was when a flicker of hurt crossed her face. He prayed that it wasn't because he was standing here, wasn't because he was within arm's reach of her. He didn't want to be the one to cause her pain and yet he had a year ago. And here he was probably causing more.

"I'm sure you already have a form of communication sorted out?" he murmured.

Granger turned to him and Draco felt elation fill him as she finally looked at him again. This time without disdain. After a moment of studying him, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small, black drawstring bag. She pulled the cords open and poured the contents into her hand. There were two small obsidian bands glistening back at him. She held her open palm to him and he picked up one of the bands, careful not to touch her skin. The ring was small, probably barely large enough to slip onto his index finger as he compared it to his signet ring.

"If you tap while wearing it, mine will warm for a few seconds. If it's urgent, tapping more will cause the warmth to stay longer and increase until it's practically burning. There's a Notice-Me-Not charm as well," she explained as she slipped a ring onto her right ring finger. She tapped twice quickly and Draco felt the ring between his fingers warm gently.

"You…created this?" he asked as he slipped the ring onto his right middle finger, the signet ring on his index finger clinking against it. He thought it wouldn't fit, but of course, Granger made it magically size itself to fit perfectly.

She nodded and turned her attention once more to the window, "It took a while. I think there could still be improvements. But the rudimentary charms work for simple purposes."

"Impressive," he murmured as his hands returned to his pockets.

She shrugged, "Just make sure you alert me before you come over. That's not a request."

He nodded and found he couldn't take his eyes from her. She was a complexity for him and just like when they were at school, he wanted to figure her out. Her eyes slightly narrowed as her gaze flickered, looking for something out in the dark. He couldn't see anything outside that could warrant that feeling, so what was worrying her? How was she even able to see anything in the pitch black outside the window?

"Draco," his mother called for him as she stood near the front door with Lupin and McGonagall. "We must be getting back."

Even though he was burning to say everything on his mind, Draco said nothing to Granger as he moved to join Narcissa. Granger stayed at the window, unmoving, her gaze fixed. It hurt him more than he'd like to admit at her unspoken dismissal of him.

"The Apparition point is just beyond where the portkey landed us. Be safe, both of you," McGonagall squeezed one of Narcissa's hands briefly.

"Of course," his mother smiled and bid them all good night.

Draco gave a curt nod and turned to follow her. They walked to the Apparition point in silence. He couldn't help but start to scrutinise his interaction with Granger in microscopic detail. So different from the girl he knew at Hogwarts. That he thought he knew at least. Before he could lose himself any further, he swiftly locked the memories away in a book to prepare for the pending arrival back to the Manor. He needed to be on alert for whatever that snake had in store for them upon their return. Draco could only hope that they were left alone.

I am too sober for all of this, he thought wryly as the crack of Apparition echoed, leaving behind two figures in the open doorway.

The third still sat at the window, where he never saw the tears silently cascading down her cheeks.

March 2006

He bolted upright, his legs tangling in the navy silk sheets. Sweat trailed down his face and his chest heaved. Wide silver eyes darted around the moonlit room. Everything was still except for the gentle breeze coming through the opened balcony doors that made the sweat on his bare chest feel like ice. He swung his legs over the side, leaned forward, and gasped, trying to take deeper breaths to calm his racing heart.

Breathe, you need to breathe. In…1…2…3…out…4…5…6…

His mind shook violently, shelves knocked down, and latched books fell open. His hands flexed and clenched into fists on his knees. His eyes were scrunched closed while his fists slowly opened and closed as he slowly took the time to reorganise the shelves. Each book that fell had to be rebuilt while the shelves needed to be reinforced. The darkness that had started to envelope his mind palace slowly started to recede as the bookshelves were filled back up.

Keep breathing…105…106…That's the key. Breathe…108…109…

About two hours later, after everything was back into place and his heart finally beat a somewhat normal rhythm, Draco opened his eyes and slumped over, hands raking through his now sweat drenched hair.

Typically he could Occlude and reset his mind in a matter of seconds to minutes. But when everything practically fell apart, it would sometimes take over an hour.

This time had been one of the longest to reform everything again.

It was getting exhausting…

What the fuck…?

He thought he had been dreaming, but, no. He managed to make it fully through the memory of that fateful night with Granger, this time. Usually, his mind wouldn't let him linger too long in some memories involving her. As if protecting itself, it would force him out and a panic attack would ensue. His mind would be such a jumble of thoughts, feelings, everything just tossed about like a tornado tore through.

After researching–due to his own stubborn refusal to see a Mind Healer–Draco determined that his Occlumency caused his subconscious to develop a self-preservation mode. His mind decided that some memories were just too painful, too traumatising and he could only get part way through them. It was part of the reason why there were so many endless shelves in his mind palace. He couldn't sort through the memories and emotions and properly process them. Else he would go mad and have a cell right next to Lucius.

You're not even around and you're fucking with my head, Granger , he thought with a smirk and huffed a laugh.

He finally rose from the bed and stretched to force the lingering tightness from the panic out of his limbs, his muscles protesting. Quietly, he walked to the balcony window, his footsteps muffled by the plush rug around his bed. He leaned on the frame with his right arm, hand cradling his head while he enjoyed the light breeze ruffling his hair and pyjama bottoms. The light from the full moon illuminated the grounds and he could see the stillness out in the expansive fields. Draco breathed deeply, taking in the calming scents from the gardens below. Cloves and citrus filled his senses and he felt himself relax even more at the smell.

His eyes fixed on the tattoo of vines that crawled from his right wrist up his forearm and wrapped around his shoulder. The ink charmed to stay as dark as the day it pierced his skin. His gaze continued back down his arm. He lowered his arm with his hand in front of his face.

On his middle finger still sat the offending ring.

It hadn't warmed since she disappeared.

Draco tried to convince himself to take it off, that it would never warm again. Logically, it made sense. But Draco was an excessively stubborn man. He tried using it for months, tapping incessantly at times. He thought maybe, just maybe, if he was persistent enough, she would come back.

The ring stayed cold.

Draco shook his head and blinked quickly, refusing to let any tears fall. When was the last time he cried? No, he wasn't going to start now. Even though he felt the tightening in his chest as he tried to remember the feel of that warmth. Tried to remember the last time she had called for him…

He looked back out over the quiet landscape and watched a shadow run through the tall grass of the moonlit field. Even though he knew in his heart that the blatant hints Lucius had given were true, Draco also knew that the odds of that shadow being anything other than a small animal were nonexistent. He implicitly trusted Theo's charms and reminded himself that no Dark Creatures could venture onto the grounds as well. If anything, it was probably just a squirrel searching for a late night snack.

Draco sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he turned and walked back to his empty bed. He couldn't hold back the grimace when he looked to the other side as he lay back down. Even under the thick comforter, he felt cold. He missed the warmth and calm she gave him, curled into his side. He even missed those crazy curls that he would bury his face into and inhale deeply. He closed his eyes and willed himself back to sleep, hoping his books stayed latched this time.

Draco woke the next morning to Milly in his room, humming as she went about the usual morning routine she created: run water for a bath, cup of hot tea waiting on his bedside table, and make sure he was still alive. He maintained Milly had the most sarcastic–verging on sadistic– sense of humour. And he wouldn't want her to be any other way.

He padded silently to the large ensuite bathroom which was shockingly shades of grey rather than black or green. Theo once told him jokingly that it was shameful for him to not have his entire suite decorated wholly in Slytherin colours. Draco had cuffed him on the back of the head while Blaise laughed drunkenly. Although he loved the different shades of emerald and silver, he didn't need to be surrounded by it every damned day. Six years of it at Hogwarts was more than long enough for his liking. Besides, he rather enjoyed the hints of black amongst the shades of blue in his bedroom.

Steam filled the room as Milly already had the water to his liking. The consistent sound of water pounding on the tiles almost lulled him back into sleep. How he wished it would. Instead, Draco stripped off his pyjama pants and stepped into the hot spray of the shower.

He let the water cascade down his back, his head resting against the warm tile of the shower. He hated the nightmares. Even though they were memories, it always felt like a nightmare.

Because she wasn't back.

Because he felt like a failure for not finding her yet.

The worst nightmares were of their time together. The few nights they shared. Nightmares because it had been so short lived. And so few in his opinion. He'd almost wept because she had ruined him for anyone else.

Though, he never wanted anyone else.

She was it. It had always been her.

His Endgame.

The memories of the sounds she made, the little mewls that escaped her throat when he bit at that perfect spot…he remembered how she'd writhe beneath him as his fingers pressed further inside.

Draco groaned mournfully as he gazed down at himself. The crawling vines reaching up his left thigh to the bone of his hip jutting out. The swirls of black ink a sharp contrast to his pale skin. And there it was. The bane of his existence right now. Standing at attention. Taunting him yet again.

He groaned once more as he grasped himself and let his memories take him away.

Hermione nipped at his lip playfully, her quiet laugh a melody to his ears.

He'd give anything to stay in this moment with her. To forget about the fresh Mark burning on his left arm. It was the first time he bared his chest to her. She had pulled timidly at his shirt, silently requesting for more and his lips devoured hers. Now his heart was hammering in his chest while she held his gaze as she slowly pushed the shirt from his shoulders. Draco didn't dare break the stare as Hermione's hands grasped his forearms–her hand circling around the disparaging Mark.

She didn't flinch. Didn't shy away. Didn't look at him in disgust.

She reached up on her toes as she pulled his arms around her waist and kissed him tenderly.

"I know that's not who you are," she whispered and it was his undoing.

He braced himself against the shower wall with his forearm as his lazy pace continued. Panting breaths fill the room, just like hers did.

He latched on to Hermione's neck in that sweet spot that always made her shudder deliciously. His hand held her face gently, tilting her head back and up with his thumb under her chin. He loved this side of her. When she would just let go and give her control over to him. When it was just the two of them and the world faded to black. Draco groaned when she ground her hips down onto his hand, pushing his long fingers further inside.

God, he wanted to be inside her.

Desperately.

But it didn't feel right yet. The tension only recently finally giving way and consuming them. It had taken so long for her to trust him again, to admit that she still felt something from a year ago. He wasn't going to ruin that one chance by pushing her too fast.

He released her neck and dropped his hand down under her shirt to her breast, kneading the softness. A small whimper breathed into his ear as he tweaked her nipple between his fingers. His other hand picked up the pace, curling his fingers to hit just that right spot. Hermione keened and pressed her head back into the mattress as Draco sought her lips again.

He rested his forehead against his fist, the water continuing to beat down upon him. Another groan escaped his lips as he looked down, his hand now moving slow, more languid, an imitation of her teasing mouth…

Draco was sure that every time she put her mouth on him, he died and went to heaven. Only for a brief stay of course. The first time that swotty mouth had encased him, he almost came immediately.

Almost.

Right now though, hiding in an alcove, just mere feet from their fellow students, and having to keep absolutely silent while Hermione's cheeks hollowed…

He was a dead man, surely.

He'd had every intention of devouring her again when he'd slyly pulled her into their hiding place. Instead, she surprised him and flipped them before going down to her knees, a smirk playing on her lips.

Draco bit his lip to withhold his groan as he gazed down at her. Her kiss-swollen lips wrapped around his cock. Looking up at him through her lashes.

Still smirking.

A breathy "Fuck" escaped past his lips.

She smiled around him, increased her pace and he started seeing stars.

His strokes sped up, a gasp drowned in the water.

" Fuck…" he sighed and let his head fall back, another groan caught in his throat.

It was so near. Right at the edge…

It was pure bliss. Being sheathed inside her. Fully seated.

Hermione's back arched beautifully in the solitary candlelight, pushing her full breasts outward for him to latch onto. Draco rocked into her a few times, gently, letting her adjust to the stretch.

He hitched his elbow under her knee and reared back until he was almost completely out again. She gazed up at him, panting. She raised a hand, reaching to grasp his neck, to pull him down to her. He grabbed it with his other hand and pinned her wrist to the bed. A light growl rumbled through her to him and Draco smirked.

Her breath hitched and she let out a loud, glorious moan as he pushed fully inside her again. He firmly kept her wrist pinned, the nails of her other hand biting into his shoulder as he slowly, achingly slid into her. The lazy pace picked up and soon he was slamming his hips against hers.

The most beautiful noises left her even as he leaned down and kissed her hungrily, biting her lower lip hard.

She let out a scream…

Draco shut his eyes tightly and shuddered as he felt his hot release cover his hand. He turned and slid down the shower wall as the water cleaned away what he'd done. He sighed, somewhat content now, but wistful of the real thing.

Wistful of having Hermione once again.

Outside of his carnal fantasies, he caught himself often feeling more depressed as of late. Especially since that horrendous visit with Lucius.

The man was once a tyrant in his house…now he was nothing more than a shadow. A wraith of his former self. He had lied, deceived everyone he once claimed to love just to gain more favour with his oh-so-lovely Dark Lord. Draco had watched in disguised disgust and wouldn't have been surprised if Lucius murdered them and lay their corpses at Voldemort's feet just to earn more favour or praise from his illustrious Dark Lord. It was vile.

"Master Draco, sir, you will wrinkle like a prune if you stay in there much longer!" Milly's voice echoed in the large bathroom.

Draco briefly thought of finding amusement in pretending to still wank and make a few "unsavoury" noises. He was sure if he did, Milly would burn his breakfast out of spite.

Better not then. He didn't fancy having charcoal for breakfast.

He sighed once more and forced himself up from the floor.

He continued about his usual morning routine before making his way down to the library to join Theo and Blaise in their continuous research. They tried incessantly to search through every book possible with any mention of werewolves. Their research had continued for the past two years, the Malfoy library seeming endless. The usual legends were repeated constantly: full moons, vulnerable to silver, bitten and turned, mindless beasts. The last being scoffed at by the three men.

Through the centuries, wizards and muggles considered werewolves to be mindless beasts and nothing more. The wizarding community even classified their human forms as beasts or creatures instead of beings. Draco and his friends knew better than the prejudices after learning from and befriending Remus Lupin. While Greyback gave the horrific prejudices room to flourish, all who knew Remus Lupin knew better than to believe such silly bedtime stories.

"Finally alive are you?" Blaise smirked as Draco entered the library and took a seat at the large round table. The blond man gestured rudely only to receive laughter from the other two men.

Theo placed a rather large tome in front of Draco, opened to a page with diagrams and runic language.

"Thought you might find this interesting. It explains how Greyback can be partially shifted outside of the full moon. He's an Alpha. Which we've guessed before but apparently there's more to being an Alpha than just being head of the pack. He can partially shift which means he can fully infect outside the moon. That is if he's managed to figure out how to shift his saliva. This confirms our theory that the virus can be passed even without the bite."

"But the bite is what fully turns someone," Blaise interjected, "I think it has something to do with the canine teeth, similar to a vampire. Could also have something to do with the intent behind the bite. Haven't quite figured that out yet. Are you going to go visit him today?"

Draco thought for a second, "You think I should?"

Blaise and Theo shared a look before shrugging simultaneously.

"He wasn't very much help the last time I visited," Draco murmured and picked up the tome to review the diagrams. "I'm not sure how much help he'll be this time. My mother might be a better fit for visiting."