AN: Thanks for the reads/reviews last time. I appreciate all of you! This update shows Elle having an epiphany. Hope you enjoy!

"Vegas! You've been absolutely amazing. So amazing, that I have a treat for you." I teased as I walked to the center of the stage. "I have a brand new song that I'm going to play for you right now. Do you want to hear it?"

I cupped my hand to my ear and listened to them scream. As exciting as it was to debut new material it was also nervewracking. This song had come to me after seeing Jett last week at our opening show. I had worked on it in San Francisco and recorded it the past few days. Turning out content so quickly felt rewarding. Seeing Jett had stirred up some old emotions and getting them out was a good way to cope with them.

"This one is called Colors." I walked back to the microphone stand and the lights dimmed. "I hope you like it."

The stage was awash with blue lighting and the band started playing.

"Your little brother never tells you but he loves you so. You said your mother only smiled on her TV show." I began, lifting my head up. I gritted my teeth as I sang the next line. "You're only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope. I hope you make it to the day you're 28 years old."

He always appeared so strong, confident, but the chink in his armor was his family. I could remember the day I met his mom and brother. She had been cynical and bitter and his little brother was distant. I could still remember how vulnerable he had been. It stuck with me because it was jarring to see someone so arrogant be so broken. Of course, that's why he was so dependent on drugs it was manufactured happiness. Jett had joked about joining the 27 club full of famous people who died at that age. And some nights it had seemed possible. Even though I hated him for what he did I hoped he'd make it.

"Everything is blue, his pills, his hands, his jeans. And now I'm covered in the colors pulled apart at the seams. And it's blue." I sang as I reached the chorus. "And it's blue."

I could picture him now, shoveling down his blue antidepressant. The way his fingertips turned blue from lack of oxygen when he overdosed one night towards the end of our relationship. That sadness had leaked out and affected me, tore me apart until I had nothing left.

"Jett!" I shouted, shaking him. "Jett please wake up. Shit oh my god."

The bottle of pills was scattered across his coffee table and his fingers were blue. His breathing was shallow and all I could do was panic.

"P-Please don't do this." I whimpered. "Jett come on!"

He had been checked into the hospital for a few days but was pissed I called an ambulance. He hadn't been trying to kill himself but was 'taking a break from reality' as he called it. It was that anger that drove him to cheat on me. He had slept with Heather Fox to get back at me for trying to embarrass him. The reason we had been in that club was that he was trying to make it up to me. For the past year, it had nagged in the back of my mind that maybe it was my fault. If I hadn't called an ambulance I never would have ended up in the club.

"Everything is grey, his hair, his smoke, his dreams. And now he's so devoid of color. And he don't know what it means. And he's blue, and he's blue."

The crowd seemed to like the song as I moved. It was a sad song but it was upbeat, with an electronic sound to it. I flashed a fake smile and tapped my foot on the beat. Singing this had been harder than I thought as memories of my time with him flashed in my head.

Jett was 24 so of course, he didn't have grey hair, but that night in the club the lighting had made it look that way. And the stress he was under would probably make it grey sooner rather than later. He was fond of smoking pot when he was sad. The smoke was grey just like he was. He was so talented but he could never seem to get a big picture of what his life could be. He would always make dark jokes when he was fucked up.

He had just taken a big hit and blew smoke, it curled from his lips and up to the ceiling. His eyes were red and his knuckles were bruised from where he had hit the wall after getting into a fight with his parents. His dad apparently had made a rare visit and it hadn't gone well.

"He said I could be in something better than Newtown High." He scoffed. "He doesn't even fucking know me."

I rubbed his back as we sat in bed. "I mean you can do anything. You're Jett Stetson. You could win an Oscar o-or reinvent TV I don't know."

Jett just shrugged and laughed dryly. "Or I could die."

I interacted with the fans and danced around as I sang. They didn't know the words but clapped along to the beat with me. I sang about what it was like sleep with him when it was consensual it had always been amazing. But now I was waking up alone and I would never forgive him or his friends for what they had done to me. They had filmed the whole thing for Jett as a joke. That kind of betrayal could never be forgotten.

"You're dripping' like a saturated sunrise. You're spilling like an overflowing sink."

That was what was so unbelievable about Jett. For as troubled as he was, he was incredible. He always tripped over his words, his brain moved so quickly. I always thought he had to be a genius, that it is what a prodigy was like. But looking back it was just the drugs he had pumped into his body to feel something. But he was this mixture of pure talented and ambitious that made him unstoppable. He was a young god. This had been something that we called each other, we thought we'd take over the world.

"You're ripped at every edge but you're a m-masterpiece." My voice wavered and my chest grew tight.

But for all his talent, he had been so broken. His parent's breakup had messed him up, the pressure he felt took a toll. But he was talented and had this charisma that pulled me right in. He kept me hanging on his every word even until the end. He was damaged and vulnerable but could turn into this man that everyone wanted to be or be with. It was sickening to witness now, how easily he could seduce people just like he did me.

The chorus repeated and I reached the bridge of the song. I had written two versions of it but I ended up going with this one in the studio.

"You were red, but you liked me because I was blue. And you touched me, and suddenly I was a lilac sky. Then you decided purple just wasn't for you"

Something Jett said he had always liked about me is how I was the opposite of him. He was all fire and energy while I was more reserved when he met me. But then we had mixed and it was like he was a part of me. I changed, I partied more I took more risks. But after the tape, I tried to party away the memories and he hadn't like that. Apparently, the way he rubbed off on me hadn't been what he wanted. He wanted someone easy to influence. The press had been bad for both of us and he didn't want to be mixed up with me anymore.

I repeated the chorus once more and the line about everything being blue. It was about more than just Jett's sadness after he left and hurt me I had been low. And sometimes I still was.

"Everything's blue, it's blue."

When I finished the audience was cheering, they seemed to really like it. My heart warmed this was the first song I had written about Jett since the incident. It was liberating to get it off my chest, even more so now that I knew people liked it.

The rest of my set when well. Kendall and I sang Night Like This without any trouble and when I joined the guys on stage during their performance we had fun. All in all, it was a good show. Now that we were nearly a week into tour the nerves were mostly gone. After I was done on stage I had retired to the studio bus for the night. The guys and I planned on having a writing session on the way to our next stop.

"Elle the new song is dope." James complimented climbing on the bus. "Is that what you were working on the other day?"

"Thanks," I said bumping his fist. "And yeah, that's why I was holed up in here. Two songs down only a whole album to go."

"Dude you'll totally get there. They're both good songs. That hook is killer though, you have to write a song with us." Carlos sat down across from me. "Seriously."

Their compliments made me flush. "Thank you and of course. We have six hours to Utah so we have time."

There were the footsteps of someone coming up the stairs. Logan came walking into the front lounge. "It may be longer than six hours, apparently there's a traffic jam just outside of Vegas."

"Even better then." I shrugged opening my notebook to a clean sheet of paper. "Idle time makes for good songs."

While we were trapped next to the venue we took time to unwind. Performing was great and all but it was draining. Luckily, Kendall wasn't there to irritate me apparently he was having a Facetime date with Jo on the other bus. But eventually, Logan spoke up, we were still waiting to leave.

"The fans seem to like Colors." He held up his phone. "They really like the bridge."

Hearing that was rewarding. "So do I, it's the first song I've put out about Jett so it just means a lot."

"So it's about him?" Carlos sat up. "I didn't want to bring it up."

I blew air and threw up my hands. "It's been a year, I have to get over it sometime."

"What happened anyway? I mean I remember seeing the video but is that the whole story?" James asked delicately. "Sorry, I'm just curious."

"No, it's fine. Uh, that's not all that happened." I covered my face and groaned. "Basically, we went out with his friends. He got me drunk and took me into the bathroom. His friends, unbeknownst to me, filmed it as a joke. I was too drunk to notice anything, let alone stop them. And when we got into a fight he put it out there."

They frowned, clearly disgusted with my story. If they had known the full details it would have been even worse. But for now, I kept it brief.

"And then you all saw how he acted like the victim. I got all the negative attention and that was that I became this pariah. And here I am on tour with you guys, trying to cling to any dignity I have left."

"That's awful." Logan commiserated. "You didn't even know and you caught all the flack for it."

I sighed, laughing a bit. "Yeah, suddenly you go from meeting people who are your biggest fans and then after the video it was like everybody wants to know if we fucked on the bathroom sink."

The last few words I spoke stuck with me so I wrote them down.

"Well, it's really shitty what happened to you. But I'm glad you're on tour with us." Carlos offered, patting my shoulder. "You don't owe anyone anything."

"Tell that to Kendall," I muttered. "He seems to hate me for it and it doesn't even affect him. I don't have to fucking tell him anything."

"You don't he's an asshole sometimes."

I fiddled with my pen, capping it and uncapping it. "When it happened everyone wanted to know the most random stuff. Like how we stayed out all night and if we were high. It was gross and here you have Kendork being hung up on it."

"Ignore him, like Logan said he can be an asshole. I think it's the whole powerful woman thing you have going on."

"Was he even a good boyfriend?"

Carlos' question was surprising, no one had asked me that since our breakup. We had been together for almost 2 years at the time. So there were a lot of memories. I shifted in my seat, trying to collect my thoughts. I picked a loose thread on my shirt, there was a mix of emotions bubbling up inside me.

"At times. We met when I sang on the soundtrack for one of his movies. Sometimes he was great, most of the time actually. But he got into partying and drugs and dragged me down." I explained, wringing my hands. "But he was usually really sweet it made up for his self-centeredness, mostly. I was his longest relationship."

"I know we all thought it was weird he had a girlfriend for so long." Logan agreed. "He was always flirting when he lived at the Palm Woods."

I rolled my eyes, dismayed. "He always had a thing for Jo he would always talk about how hot she was. I don't understand she's nice enough but I don't know she's—" I gestured, squinting a bit. "Dry, I guess?"

James snickered. "Dry?"

"I don't know. But she's a good match for Kendall, they're both giant bitches." Jo and I had been around each other when I would visit Jett on set. She was always welcoming but seemed boring and standoffish. To be fair I was never the nicest to her. "She is pretty but I don't see the appeal. She's just too boring for my taste, she is nice enough though."

There was slamming of the bus door and the stomping of someone coming up the stairs. Kendall stood there, eyes narrowed.

"Keep Jo's name out of your mouth." He demanded. "And for the record she's not dry and the appeal is that she's incredible. And she doesn't have to take her clothes off to make people like her."

"What's with you coming out of nowhere to be an asshole?"

"What's with you being a slut and a bitch?" He shot back. "The last I checked it was you that was talking shit first."

I scoffed, laughing a bit. "Give me a break, from day one you've been an asshole to me."

"Because I don't want you on tour with us. You're bringing all of us down! You get up there almost entirely naked every night, sing your generic songs and make us look bad." Kendall rattled off, his eyes burning with anger. "And I'm supposed to be thankful for it and let you run your mouth about Jo?"

His words made me flinch slightly. "Well tell me how you really feel," I replied coolly. "You think I'm some washed up slut, I get it."

"Your words not mine." He shrugged. "But since you said it, I do think that. You're a hack who's only considerable talent is letting people sleep with you."

This time his words actually hurt, but I shook my head. "Such a one-track mind. That's all you think about, isn't it? Me in the bathroom with Jett?"

"It's hard not too when it's what's pushing our fans away."

"Oh because this is definitely about the fans and not how you're intimidated by a woman who isn't afraid of her sexuality." I leaned in closer to him, gathering my courage. "Maybe it's because you liked what you saw."

Behind me, the guys all guffawed under their breaths. Kendall snorted and glared down at me.

"Never."

"You hate me because of it, just like I hate myself." I sneered at him. "Why don't we get along?"

"Because I'd never sink so low to your level." His voice was quiet, threatening. "Now keep my girlfriend's name out of your dirty, depraved mouth. I'll pretend to like you on stage but just know we'll never get along."

I pointed to the door. "Whatever just get out of my face. You're sucking up all the air."

"Gladly." He looked at his friends. "Are you seriously staying in here?"

"Yeah because we think she's talented and a good person. She's just trying to get her career back, don't get down on her for that." Carlos defended me, standing up. "I think you should go."

"You don't have to tell me twice."

He stormed down the aisle and the door slammed shut. Carlos put a hand on my shoulder and I shut my eyes.

"Are you okay?"

For the first time, I noticed my hands were shaking. Having to say I enjoyed that night with Jett made me physically ill. I held my hand to my forehead and shook my head.

"I-I think I just need to be alone for a few minutes," I whispered, my throat was sore from the shouting. "If that's okay?"

"Of course, come on guys."

James and Logan followed behind. Logan stopped to give me a peck on the cheek and a supportive smile, I gave a weak one back. Once I was alone I sunk onto the couch, holding my head up.

"Fucking asshole." I seethed. "Misogynistic, no good victim blamer."

Kendall certainly wasn't the first person to make assumptions about me. I'm sure he wouldn't be the last either. But the thought of having to be around him all hours of the day for the next few months was almost panic-inducing. I had my fights in the past over this but this constant struggle was too much.

"I can't get along with anyone like that." I thought. "It's every day."

Fighting like this was awful for my mental health, having to think about Jett constantly was wearing on me. When it had first happened I had wondered if things would ever be alright. Signing onto this tour made me think they would be but now I was walking on eggshells. Kendall thought I was just a slut, so did other people all over the world.

"That's all they'll ever see me as. A slut in that bathroom or onstage." I told myself. "I'll never get past this."

That's when it clicked. If I couldn't stop people from seeing me as a slut, I'd own it. I would own the title of it so well it wouldn't be an insult it would be a badge of honor. It would lose its sting and people would drop it. After all, if you can't beat them, join them.

"If a slut is what Kendall wants," I said slowly picking up my notebook. "A slut is what Kendall will get."

AN: Elle is going to get back at Kendall! What did you think of their fight? The next chapter is kinda raunchy and the story picks up a lot from here on out. To respond to a review, Elle and Kendall's banter will be fun in a flirty way in a few chapters. I hope you enjoyed and please review. See you next week, Rushers!

Thanks!