A NIGHT TO REMEMBER-5
Hello everyone. It's unusual for me to post in the middle of the week, but since I couldn't update on Sunday, due to my real life things, I'm doing it today. This is the last update before Christmas and I didn't want to leave you for so long, since few of you are really anxious to know what happens next. So, here we go ;-)
This was the most embarrassing situation that they could both imagine. Woken up suddenly, discovering that they have undoubtedly stretched all the rules of propriety at night, unsure what has really happened, seeing each other in such state-half undressed.
In this particular moment, both Charles and Elsie felt, that they would gladly fall under the floor, just so they wouldn't have to be in the same room any more, let alone talk about it...
"Mrs Hughes, I...I...I really don't know what happened, but...We have to try to remember...This is...This is so inappropriate...I feel that we ought to..."
"Mr Carson...You are right, we should talk about it, but maybe not now...Look at the time...We were sleeping for quite a long time and we only have like an hour till our train to Downton...I think that we should focus on being on the station on time..."
Elsie was really grateful, that the running time has prevented them both from trying to figure out what has happened last night...Charles seemed to be relieved about it too...It was all still so new and shocking to both of them, they needed time to process the whole situation, to get use to the fact, that something improper has indeed occurred last night, but neither of them were sure what it was.
The next hour was very efficiently used by them. Luckily, their job in Downton has certainly taught them how to use little time, to do as much as they could, so within the hour they managed to get dress, have some coffe and small breakfast and get to the train station, just in time to catch the return train to Downton.
When they were safely seated in the train compartement and the train started it's journey, both of them were sitting in the total silence, not even daring to look at each other. It was like that since they got out of that room.
The situation needed to be analazyed and discussed, but it was not the right moment for that. They used the convenient excuse, to look through the window, both of them pretending to be very interested in the views that they were seeing.
In reality, they hardly ever seen anything, as they were both totally focused on their thoughts...
Charles couldn't stay focus and two contradictive feelings were fighting in him. From one side, he felt incredibly guilty, even though he wasn't sure why he felt guilty, but whatever happened, it had to be his fault. He would never dare to think, that Mrs Hughes was the one who led to those events...He had to be the one who showed her such lack of respect...Whenever he was thinking about it, he felt so incredibly guilty and he almost wanted to apologize her immediately.
But there was also another feeling in him and to his own discontent, he had to admit, that this other feeling was much stronger than the guilt...He simply couldn't stop thinking about all those little details, that he remembered from last night...
He still had a feeling like he felt Mrs Hughes everywhere...Like her scent was still on him...He thought, that he would never want to take a bath again, so her scent would remain with him forever. He couldn't stop thinking about her sweet lips, the way he devoured her mouth, the way she willingly gave his kisses back, the way she was touching his body, the way her voice sounded in his ears...There was one thing that he was sure of, that till the end of his life, he will never forget those sweet moans of her...
He would have given anything to hear them again...
As he was reminiscing those precious moments, he couldn't forget, that she seemed to enjoy those moments as much as he did...There were certainly no protests from her side, she wanted this to happen too...He wondered what that might mean...
Maybe he was wrong, by thinking that he disrespected her, maybe she was as keen as he was to have those moments...He felt flushes on his face and his heart was beating abnormally fast, for the very thought, that Mrs Hughes was actually enjoying their night encounter...
If she only knew, that he didn't kiss and touch her because he was a man, who simply couldn't resist the temptation, if she only knew, that he was doing all this because he loved her so much...Because he was dreaming of doing all those things to her for so many years, it was just that the order was not right... They should have married first, be blessed by God and then do what they did last night... But after that, she will never agree to marry him, after such humiliation...He was devastated, as he felt, that the chance for happy ending for them was lost forever...
In the same time, Elsie was also avoiding looking at Charles...She was grateful for the possibility of hiding her eyes and pretending to look at the views...She simply would not be able to look at him now, directly, in the middle of the day...Knowing, that it was only few hours earlier, when they were so close to each other, so intimate as never before...
The whole last night was kind of blurry for her, but the things that she remembered, were the most beautiful moments that she has ever experienced...She could still literally feel his strong, big body, crushing her down the bed, but in a very pleasurable way...She could still feel his lips on hers, kissing her with a fervor, which was simply unknown to her...
No matter how hard she tried to forget, she wasn't able...His big hands on her body, touching her so delicately and causing her body to be on fire...
This was the first time, that she has been touched by a man that way and now she began to understand, why people had such obsession about intimacy...This was an experience incomparable with anything else...She would want that again and again...
She felt ashamed, when she remembered how bold and brave she behaved towards him last night, how she was touching his body, having no inhibitions, wanting him so openly, as he wanted her... All those moral speeches, about woman needing to be modest and shy, that she heard all her life, seemed bogus now...
She knew, that if she would ever be in that situation again, she would behave exactly the same, if not bolder...
The only thought that couldn't leave her in peace, was how far they got...She didn't remember much else besides kisses, touches and their bodies tangled in sheets...Was it possible that they...? No, that couldn't be...When she was dressing up in the morning, when they were hurrying for the train, she still had her knickers on, under her night dress...Even though she distinctly remembered, that he was touching her THERE...
Her face was red instantly, when she realized, how that must have looked from his point of view... With normal man it would be unthinkable, but with Mr Carson? The most righteous man in the world, with an obsession about proper behavior?
He was only a man, so it was easy to justify his actions...Perhaps she led him on, perhaps he drank too much alcohol and lost his usual self control...But her? What must he think about her now, knowing, that she as unmarried woman, has behaved so indicent with him, not only letting him kiss, touch her and caress her, but enjoying it?
She knew him so well, that she suspected, that he will have the worst possible opinion about her now. Years of building his trust and the conviction that she was one of the most decent women that he has met in his life, were all gone now, as she behaved like a woman of the street, letting her desires overtake her...
She couldn't give him the real reason...She couldn't let him know, that she behaved the way she behaved, only because she was so in love with him...In a way that would be much worse than what happened last night...It would be like losing her dignity totally in his eyes...Elsie felt devastated...
Back in Downton, few days later...
Few days have passed and the situation was even worse...In spite of promissing each other, that they will talk things over and explain what really happened that night, they simply stopped talking to each other...
They were still communicating about the household matters of course, but other than that, there was an everlasting silence between them...
No more happy chatting during meals, no more night Sherry rituals. They couldn't even dare to look at each other now, whenever they crossed eyes, one of them was swiftly looking the other direction...
Elsie was going to sleep each night, crying in her pillow, cursing herself for behaving that way that night, being convinced, that he hates her now and thinks of her as a fallen woman.
Charles was going to sleep each night very unhappy, not wanting to be alone in his bed, when he already knew, how it is to sleep with her by his side, convinced, that she must has the worst opinion of him, after he let himself behave the way he did...
After few days of that silence, both of them were on the brink of their durability..They couldn't take it any longer...It was late night and he was in his pantry, while she was in her sitting room..The others have gone up long time ago, but neither Elsie, nor Charles felt, that they will be able to take one more tormented night..
So surprisingly, they both decided that it was high time to talk...And they both were heading towards each other...They bumped in the hallway...
"Oh, Mrs Hughes, I'm sorry...I was just...I was just coming to see you..."
"What a coincidence...I was just coming to see you..."
"In that case, maybe we can sit in my pantry...Is that all right with you?"
"Yes, of course..."
They came inside his pantry and he closed the door, just in case...He sat in front of her and they both avoided looking at each other again...Finally, he was the one who started to speak...
"Mrs Hughes...I...I just wanted to say I'm sorry, for the way I disrespected you that night...I cannot find any excuse for that, maybe besides the fact that I was very tired and I had too much alcohol...But other than that, it was inexcusable..."
"Mr Carson...You didn't disrespect me...I...I...I was participating in those actions as much as you were.. If anyone is here to blame, we both are...I don't recall how that started exactly..."
"I don't recall that either...I only remember..."-Charles suddenly interrupted, knowing that he will not be able to say those words...
"What do you remember?"
"I can't talk about it Mrs Hughes...This is so innapropriate..."
"I can't talk about it either...But please don't blame yourself only...I behaved as badly as you...Even worse, because I'm a woman, so I should have some kind of inner control and I didn't..."
"That's only because I...I made you do it..."
"No Mr Carson...That's not true...I may not remember much, but I know, that you didn't make me do it.. I wanted this as much as you did..."
He caught her eyes and they both were flushed on their faces...
"You mean you...?"
"Yes...We were tired and drunk, but I know that I wanted this...And now you probably think, that I'm a fallen woman...That I have done things like that before, but you have to believe me, that this has never happened..."
"Mrs Hughes of course I believe that! I would never think that way about you...! In fact this was the first time, when something like that happened to me too.."
Now Elsie was in shock...Loving Charles Carson madly all those years, she really wanted to believe that he was saving himself for her, just as she was saving herself for him, but she didn't dare to dream about it, considering that he went to London with the family for few months each year and given the fact, that he was so amazingly handsome...
"I..I never thought that you didn't...That you've never..."
"No..Never...One way or another Mrs Hughes, I disrespected you and now we have to fix this quickly.."
"How can we fix this?"
"Isn't that obvious? We need to get married..."
Elsie's eyes were big and round..Finally, she heard that thing from him, that she always wanted to hear, but it was totally different from all her imaginings...
"Mr Carson...I'm very flattered with your proposal, but I don't want it that way..."
"What do you mean Mrs Hughes? We were in the intimate situation together, not being married... This is the only solution...What do you mean, saying that you don't want it that way?"
Now Elsie was up against the wall...It was now or never...Either she will confess her true emotions to him, or she will let him marry her and she will wonder to the end of her life, whether he did it because he wanted this, or whather it was just because he felt that this was the right thing to do...
"Mr Carson, let me explain...Step by step...I know that you can't talk about it, as much as I can't, but I want you to answer one important question...You said before, that you disrespected me, but I don't feel that way at all...So I would like to know...When we...Were together...Did you enjoy the things we did?"
Charles was in a state of total embarrassment...He couldn't avoid answering that question...He simply had to tell he the truth...
He cleared his throat and without looking her in the eyes, he replied:
"Yes Mrs Hughes...I was enjoying what we did together...Very much..."
"I see...Was it because I led you on? I seduced you, or you wanted this to happen?"
"I wanted this to happen...For such a long time, I was dreaming about it..."
"Mr Carson...Does it mean that...? That?..."
"Yes Mrs Hughes...I was in love with you for a very long time and I wanted this to happen...Maybe not like that...I mean not in that order...I wanted to propose first, I wanted you to accept me, I wanted us to get married and then to do what we did..."
"Mr Carson...I'm so...So..."-Elsie had tears in her eyes, when she heard that...This is what she wanted to hear...This was all that she has been waiting for...
"Mrs Hughes?"-he was right beside her at the very moment...On his knees, holding her hand... Looking at her with such love in his eyes, that simply couldn't been mistaken with anything else... She touched his cheek, caressing hin gently...He closed his eyes, feeling her touch again...
"Mr Carson...I was hoping that you will say that...Now I can tell you that I'm feeling the same and always have...I love you so much, for so long and what happened in that room that night, was a result of my love and my longing for you..."
"Oh Mrs Hughes...Elsie...Will you become my wife?"
"I will Mr Carson...I mean Charles...I just didn't want you to marry me, because you thought you had to..."
"I'm the happiest man in the world...Can I kiss you Elsie?"
"You better do it Charles..."
Charles stood from the floor and Elsie got up from her chair too...He embraced her shyly and their lips connected in a chaste kiss, but that didn't last for very long...Soon, they were holding each other very tightly and their kisses were more and more ardent...
Elsie felt weak in the knees, as she again felt his lips devouring hers with such powerful force...She didn't want him to stop...Her fingers were in his hair and she gave back the kiss with the crazy passion.. She groaned with displeasement, when he backed down...
"Elsie...I...We can't go any further with this...Not now..Not yet...Not here..."
"But, but after we will marry, we will go furhter with this?"-the question that she asked, was so innocent and so exciting at the same time...He felt a promise in that question...A promise of many sweet and wonderful moments to come between them in the future...Of course, there could be only one answer to that question...
"We will definitely go further with this Elsie...Much furhter than we ever got that night in the hotel.."
"But I thought that you didn't remember what happened that night?..."
"I wasn't entirely honest...But we can compare our memories during our wedding night, don't you agree Elsie?"
"I certainly do Charles...I hope, that it won't be too improper, if I will say that I can't wait for that..."
"That makes two of us then..."
That's all for this chapter and probably this story, unless you want any other ending...You can let me know in your reviews...It was a long one, but there was a lot to cover, so I'm justified ;-) As I mentioned, this is the last update before Christmas, so have a very Merry Christmas, or any other holiday that you are celebrating! Thanks for reading and see you soon!