(✉️➡️sms) no one's ever made me feel the way you do.
"I've got to hand it to her," Stacey says, picking up the tongs to lay bacon onto the waiting bap, "Elaine knows how to throw one hell of a party."
"I know, baby," Mitch agrees, squirting generous amounts of brown sauce onto his acquisitions. "And that was only Halloween! Just think how cracking New Year's will be!"
Stacey laughs. "We'll be nursing hangovers all through January."
Mitch turns to Eve. "Where were you last night, anyway? I thought you would have been there, drinking everyone else under the table!"
"She was otherwise engaged," Stacey pipes up with a wink, and Eve elbows her in the ribs.
"Ignore her," she advises. "She doesn't know what she's talking about."
Mitch grins. "Oh, I think she does. But don't worry, my lips are sealed. You just need to bribe me with a free breakfast. And maybe you could take our Bernie under your wing, give her a few tips."
"Eve's surprisingly good at dating advice, given her own track record," says Stacey.
"Maybe that could be your next career move, eh, babe?" Mitch teases, picking up his coffee. "Now Nish is gone, I guess there's less work coming in for you?"
Stacey scoffs. "Don't you know Suki Panesar by now? She's always lining up the next opportunity. There's plenty of work still there for Eve. Work I hear she's excelling at," she adds slyly.
Eve doesn't know whether to elbow her again or grin with pride. There's no denying it: Suki had been very pleased with her work last night.
Thankfully, the cheeky innuendo goes right over Mitch's head. He takes a thoughtful sip of coffee, looking in the direction of the Minute Mart. "You know, it's good to see her smiling. I don't think I've ever seen her smile as much as she has done these past six weeks."
"Finally ridding herself of that toerag?" says Stacey. "I'd be on cloud nine an' all."
Mitch shakes his head, reflective. "I wish I'd done something. We could all see what he was like, swaggering round as if he owned the place, smashing the Vic, goading poor Billy at the most traumatic point of his life. It shouldn't surprise any of us that he was a bully in private too. I wish I'd just asked her if she was okay. After Chantelle, I promised myself that I would never stand by and watch another woman go through something similar…"
"Even if you'd asked, she would have brushed you off," says Eve. "You can't beat yourself up about it."
"She told you, didn't she?"
The back of Eve's neck prickles uncomfortably. This is the kind of thing she's tried to avoid until the time that Suki is ready. "Yeah, but we're mates. We have been for over a year now. You and Suki have only started to be closer in the past few months. She probably didn't feel ready to open up about it. It took me long enough to melt through that icy veneer. Plus I'm a woman. She might have felt more comfortable telling me because of that."
This time, thankfully, Stacey comes to her aid. "It's true. I know if I was stuck in a relationship like that with a bloke, I'd be scared to confide in another."
"Yeah, I get it," Mitch agrees. "It's a good thing Suki's had you, baby. It's nice to see her so happy. See you later, yeah?"
With that, he takes his spoils and heads in the direction of Kat's Cabs. Stacey sniggers, folding her arms.
"Yeah, she's happy precisely because she's had you!"
"Keep your voice down! Eve hisses, glancing around to ensure there's no one listening in.
Stacey only rolls her eyes. "I don't know what you're so worried about. If people don't have any suspicions whatsoever then they must be walking round with their eyes closed. You two are absolutely hopeless at playing it cool. You're living replicas of the heart eyes emoji."
"Oh, give over," Eve grumbles.
"I'm serious," Stacey says sagely, slapping more bacon on the griddle. "If you two want to go public in your own time, you need to tone it down. You know, I had Mum interrogating me this morning, wanting to know who you were doing the walk of shame from."
"What did you say?" Eve bends down to check the temperature on the grill.
"Just said you must have pulled on your night out, but I don't think she believed me. She knows we tell each other everything, and you've been bouncing round the square with the soppiest grin I've ever seen. You're hardly subtle."
Eve laughs, taking the point. "It's kind of hard to be subtle when I'm as happy as I am, Stace."
Stacey's gaze softens. "You really are, aren't you? I'm pleased for you, I really am. I did used to think that it was doomed, that she was just stringing you along for her own end and you were just too naive to accept the truth, but I see that I was wrong now. And if she can make you this happy, maybe she ain't all bad."
"Don't let her hear you say that," Eve snorts. "She'll be horrified to think that she's losing her touch. She prides herself on being aloof and mysterious. Only I'm supposed to know that she's got a soft centre."
"Well, like I said, tell her to stop walking around with a dopey grin and she just might manage it."
Eve can't contain her own doubtlessly dopey grin at that. She just can't help it, it makes her feel so good to know that people can see the change in Suki now that she's free of Nish. They might not understand the whole truth yet, but just knowing that others can see the positive impact that Suki's new freedom to love as she has longed for for so long has had…Yes, it can only get even better from here.
One day soon, when Suki is ready, they will walk down the street hand in hand, not caring who sees them. They will be able to offer each other comfort without having to disguise it as something else.
Maybe she'll even be able to kiss her girl in front of the world, if Suki is okay with it. She thinks she might be, in time. She's so comfortable in her own skin whenever they're alone together now, seemingly at peace with her sexuality and her desires. She accepts what she wants, who she wants, actively pursues her desires with confidence and fervour. Eve's pretty sure one of these days she might just combust, because nothing has ever turned her on the way that Suki does.
A hand flaps in front of her face. She blinks, coming back to the present.
"Sorry, I was miles away," she says sheepishly.
"I know exactly where you were. Spare me the details, please."
"No need to be a jealous wife," Eve teases.
"Yeah, yeah. Do me a favour and go and get some change for this tenner. And please don't take all day. I know you're in the honeymoon period where you just want to be at it like rabbits all the time, but I do actually need you here to keep the gannets at bay."
"Five minutes," says Eve, ripping her apron off at once. "Scout's honour. Maybe ten if she's really irresistible. But no more, I promise."
Stacey smirks. "Yeah, I've heard that one before. Don't think I've forgotten about the Afternoon Delight."
"That was different. That was grabbing a moment in the chaos."
"And now there are no risks of thug husbands turning up unexpectedly. Go on, fifteen minutes tops. I'm timing you."
Eve presses an exaggerated kiss to her hair. "You, Stacey Slater, are the best wife a woman could ask for."
"I'll remind you of that in a year's time when you're asking me for a divorce because you want another woman's ring on your finger."
Grinning, Eve leaps down from the van, money in hand, jogging across the road. It's all a ruse, of course. This early in the morning, the van is in no need for change. She's just so grateful to have Stacey on side, someone who understands just how difficult it is for them to have legitimate reasons to see each other throughout the day.
Her heart leaps in her chest as she sets eyes on Suki behind the counter of the Minute Mart. She looks gorgeous, as usual, and it gives her butterflies to remember that she was the one to fasten Suki's necklace around her neck this morning, pressing kisses to that soft expensive skin as Suki smiled and sighed and tilted her head to give her better access.
Suki's grin is bright and uninhibited as their eyes lock; Eve is relieved to find the shop empty.
"This is an early surprise," Suki says.
Eve waves the note in her hand. "I'm here on the boss' orders."
"I thought I was the only one you took orders from."
Eve laughs. "Is that what you tell yourself? I've never been any good with authority."
"Not a great trait for a lawyer. But you could have fooled me. You did everything I said last night."
"I'm not sure how you can equate moaning 'please' over and over again as you giving me orders. If anything, I was taking pity on you. You were so wound up by the end I thought you were going to explode."
Suki bites her lip, a show of embarrassment that Eve takes great pleasure from. She saunters further into the shop, letting the heated memories of the previous night marinade between them, the atmosphere thickening as they hold each other's gazes. Every fibre in Eve's body hums with need. It's only been a few hours since they were last together, but already she burns to have her all over again, to repeat those holy rituals, to feel the burn of Suki's fingers against her scalp, her breathless cries of pleasure, the taste of her on her tongue, the satisfaction of leaving her speechless.
It's clear that Suki is having those same thoughts. She glances over Eve's shoulder to ensure that the world outside is paying no attention, then jerks her head. "Stock room. Now."
Eve doesn't need telling twice. Suki clips her heels in her haste to follow, and, laughing, Eve just about regains her balance before she causes herself a mischief on one of the shelves above her head. Now that would have taken some explaining away.
Suki slams the door behind them. Eve doesn't even have a chance to recentre to herself before her lover is on her, fingers curling through her hair, mouth desperate, pressing her back against the wall. At once she wraps her arms around suki's waist, returning her kisses with great enthusiasm.
"I can't stop thinking about you," Suki gasps against her mouth, hands greedy as they yank up the back of her shirt. "I just want you all the time."
"That's thirty years of suppressing your true desires," Eve teases, brushing her own fingers teasingly under the waistband of Suki's jeans. "You've got a lifetime of sexual fantasies to explore."
"What's your excuse?" Suki gasps, moving her attention to her earlobe.
Eve groans at the sensation, trailing her own fingers back up to grasp at Suki's chin and force her away from those heavenly ministrations. "No excuse. Just naturally thirsty."
Suki's nose wrinkles adorably. "Thirsty?"
"Yeah, it's what the kids say these days, apparently. Might be a bit more respectable than horny."
"Is that what you are?" Suki murmurs, brushing the tips of their noses together.
"God, yes," she breathes. "My head is filled with so many salacious thoughts whenever I look at you. What I want to do to you. How I want to make you moan. Make you come."
Suki's breathing heavily now, eyes half-lidded with desire. Eve does the calculations in her head. She's probably got about ten minutes of her allotted time left. More than enough time to bring Suki to the highest of heights. She's skilled enough, and Suki is practically trembling with desire…
Suki's heated gaze meets hers once more, and it's the final straw. In the next moment they crash back together, tongues and teeth clashing, grappling at each other's clothes right there amongst the boxes of bleach—
"Um, hello?"
It's Freddie's voice, muffled by the closed door. They freeze at once, shock dousing the heated passion. With one mind they spring apart, hastening to restore their clothes to some semblance of respectability.
"I'll be out in a minute!" Suki shouts, combing her fingers through her hair. It's not particularly successful; it still looks as if she's been caught in a hurricane. Her lips, too, are slightly swollen from the intensity of their kissing.
God, she is beyond beautiful. Her very own Amazon warrior, fierce and strong and proud.
Casting a final half-amused, half-alarmed glance over her shoulder, Suki hurries out of the room. Eve finishes smoothing down her own clothes, creeping closer to the door to eavesdrop.
"Sorry," she hears Suki say, that smooth, impenetrable mask back in place. "I was just looking over some stock. What can I do for you?"
"Is Eve here?" says Freddie uncertainly. "Stace said she came here to get change."
"Oh. Um..." That has wrong-footed Suki; a flustered edge has crept its way into her tone. "I, um…"
Taking pity on her lover, Eve takes a deep breath, smooths her hair back once more, and attempts an air of nonchalance as she strolls out into the shop. "Yeah, I'm here. What's up, Fred?"
"What were you doing back there?" Freddie asks quizzically. He's got his sidekick Bobby with him, who is also eyeing her curiously.
Eve chances are glance in Suki's direction. "Um—"
"—She was helping me reach something from the top shelf," Suki finishes.
The limp excuse looks even more trite when Freddie looks at Eve's empty hands.
"I was just getting it when you interrupted!" Eve says, sounding a tad more guilty than she ought. "Wait there."
She dashes back into the stock room, picks up the first box she sees, and hurries back to thrust it into Suki's waiting hands.
"Thanks," says Suki. She bites her lip to contain a smile.
"So what was so important that you couldn't wait until I got back to the van?" Eve says hastily, hoping to deflect the attention.
Freddie brightens at once. "Oh, yeah! You're gonna love me for this, Eve!"
"Aww, I already do," she coos, reaching out to ruffle his mop of curly hair.
He shakes her off, not quite able to hide his pleased grin. But it's true. She loves every single one of the Slaters with her whole heart. They're the family she always longed for, dysfunctional and mad as they are sometimes.
Though maybe she loves Freddie a little less with his next words.
"Me and Bobby, we scored you a hot date!"
Eve opens her mouth, but it's Suki's voice that resonates around the shop, inadvertent, disbelieving, and a tad disapproving. "What?"
The two lads give her a curious look, as if trying to work out why Suki would care so much, and Eve tries to diffuse the situation before they can jump to any conclusions. "Thanks, Suki, it's good to know that you think I can pull a beautiful woman." She fixes Freddie with a glower. "But, seriously, what the hell are you talking about?"
Oblivious, Freddie beams. "Me and Bobby went to the Albert's Halloween do last night. We got chatting to this really beautiful girl, and we thought that she'd be perfect for you!"
"Firstly, I thought you two were supposed to be going out to chat up pretty girls for yourselves?" says Eve, trying to get her head around the sheer absurdity of the statement.
"The music was better in the Albert," Bobby says defensively.
"Well, you're hardly going to make the Knight girls jealous by going to the gay bar, are you? Which leads me to my second point—I really don't need two teenage boys organising my love life."
"Someone has to!" Freddie argues. "You've done a rubbish job yourself!"
"Oi! I take offence to that!"
"Well, it's true! Going out, getting drunk, getting Stace and Nan angry with you bringing all your one-night stands into the house—"
"Not now," Eve growls. She doesn't look in Suki's direction. They hadn't been together at the time, so it wasn't cheating, but she knows how her behaviour had hurt Suki, and she feels guilty for that, and would rather it not be dragged back up here, in such a chaotic environment that they have no control over.
But Freddie is determined. "We just all want to see you happy and settled, that's all! You deserve a cool girlfriend who can appreciate how funny and loyal and amazing you are!"
"I appreciate the sentiment, I really do," Eve says out of the corner of her mouth. "But can we not do this right now? I'll talk to you later, at home." She can feel Suki's gaze burning into her. Watchful. Perhaps a little hurt? She doesn't look for confirmation, purposefully moves away from her so Freddie and Bobby have to turn their backs on Suki to keep her in their lines of sight. It's best not to tempt fate. Suki is almost ready for the world to know her truth, but not quite yet. It would be typical for her to unwittingly telegraph too much to two clueless boys.
"No, we need to do this now!" Freddie insists.
"Seriously, Fred, it's not funny anymore. I'm not discussing my love life with you, nor am I going to let two straight teenagers pick out a date for me. It's weird."
Freddie rubs the back of his neck. "Yeah…might be too late for that."
Dread floods Eve's stomach, twisting it like live snakes. "What the hell is that supposed to mean!?"
Bobby fishes in his pocket for his phone. "So we might have set you up on a date with her."
"You have got to be kidding me," Eve says, horrified.
"No, it's cool!" Freddie insists. "You'll really like her, I swear. We got a picture for you. Show her, Bob."
Bobby thrust the phone into her face, almost hitting her on the nose. Eve takes a step back, squinting.
Objectively, she can't deny that the woman in the photo is beautiful. Feminine, long blonde hair, petite next to the grinning Freddie and Bobby, with a cheeky smile and kind eyes. Eve guesses the woman is younger, perhaps late thirties or early forties, so at least not an age that she would feel like a cradle-snatcher. If things with Suki hadn't resolved themselves, she can't pretend that she wouldn't have been interested—though only as far as it being another notch on the bedpost to stop her from drowning in her loneliness and heartbreak.
"Well?" Freddie demands. "We've done good, ain't we?"
"She's pretty," Eve concedes, determinedly not looking in Suki's direction. The two lads hi-five. She is quick to add, "But it's not happening."
"It is!" Freddie argues. "She was well into you, we showed her pictures!"
"She thought you were hot," Bobby agrees.
"And she's coming back this evening to meet you in the Albert! You're gonna wine and dine and woo her!"
There's a crash like thunder behind them. All three of them jump and turn to find Suki scrambling on the floor for the stock that's gone flying out of her hands.
"Sorry," she mutters.
Eve resists the urge to look at her. Great. Just great. This is the last thing that she would ever have wanted Suki to bear witness too, and she can't even explain why she doesn't want to go out with a pretty woman.
"Look, guys," she says carefully, "I just don't think now is the right time. I'm just not really interested in seeing anyone at the moment."
"You were out all last night," Freddie says pointedly. "Nan told me she caught you sneaking back in at the crack of dawn, so you'd obviously spent the night with someone! What's the harm in meeting her and seeing if your vibes gel, without you being drunk?"
"That's a low blow," Eve says grumpily. "Look, can't we just drop it? Suki doesn't need to be listening to this."
For the first time, she chances a proper look at her lover. Suki's expression is as smooth as glass, the cool façade she's always worn for the square firmly in place.
"Oh, please don't stop on my account," she says, voice far too calm. "Local gossip is always entertaining."
"You're meeting her at six," Freddie informs Eve. "Bobby and I are your wingmen, we're getting you there even if we have to drag you. Make sure you go home early enough to shower and change! See you later!"
And with that, the two lads stroll out of the shop, not realising that they've left a potential grenade behind.
The silence is ringing. Suki turns on the pretence of checking the cigarette display. Eve shifts her weight, waiting for her lover to say something. She doesn't. God, her stubbornness is ridiculous sometimes.
"Well, that was embarrassing," Eve says at last, desperate to break the silence. "I did not have Freddie and Bobby interfering in my love life on this year's bingo card."
Suki makes a non-committal grunting sound. She's still turned away.
Eve huffs. "Don't be like that."
"Like what?"
"Cross."
"I'm not cross."
"Then why won't you look at me?"
Suki makes an exaggerated show of turning round. "Happy now?"
"Not really, since if looks could kill I'd be flat out on the floor."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realise that I was supposed to be okay listening to you planning a date with another woman."
"That's ridiculous, and you know it! You heard it all—it's all on Freddie and Bobby, not me. I don't want this!"
Suki slams a box of detergent down with far more force than necessary. "So tell him that!"
"I did! But how am I supposed to deter him if he doesn't know the real reason I don't want to go out with anyone else?"
"So it's my fault now?"
"Of course it's not!" Eve pinches the bridge of her nose, annoyed. How has it got to this? Five minutes ago they had been laughing and tussling in the back. She forces herself to calm, to take a deep breath. "Suki, look at me."
Suki continues fiddling with the stock for a moment too long, as if to prove a point, but eventually faces her. Her eyes are dark with irritation.
With uncertainty.
"You're the only person I want," says Eve. "You've been all I've ever wanted for so long. You are everything to me."
"But you're still going to go out with her," Suki says flatly.
"Do you have a better suggestion?"
Silence. There's only one. And that's to come clean. Which she clearly isn't ready for.
"You'd better get back to the van," says Suki.
"Suki—" Eve begins, reaching out for her, but her lover puts the counter between them. A subliminal warning not to push her luck.
Tightening her jaw, Eve steps back and heads for the door. How is it possible that just ten minutes ago they were so deliriously happy?
"What's up with you?" Stacey asks as she hops back into the van. "Thought you would have been on cloud nine. You're five minutes late, by the way."
"You can blame that on Freddie."
"Ah, yeah, he stopped by insisting on knowing where you were. I had to point him in the right direction."
"Yeah, I wish you hadn't."
"Why, what's happened? He didn't catch you and Suki with your tongues down each other's throats, did he!?"
"That might have been easier to deal with," Eve grumbles. "Him and Bobby thought it would be a good idea to set me up on a date. Tonight."
"Oh, shit," says Stacey, dumping more bacon onto the hot plate.
"Yeah, that's putting it mildly."
"So I take it Suki bore witness to it and isn't too happy?"
"Proper Inspector Clouseau, aren't you?"
"I love a good detective show," Stacey says, sounding too breezy for Eve's current predicament. "But she can't seriously have her knickers in a twist over that, can she?"
Eve cinches her apron around her waist. "I mean, I get it. I'd feel pretty miffed if she was going out with someone else."
"Yeah, but it's her choice for you two to still be secret, not yours."
"It's not that simple, Stace, and you know it. You just don't like her."
Stacey shrugs, unapologetic. "She's been a real bitch to you at times over the last couple of years. I've been there to pick up the pieces, remember. I've been there at your lowest, when you were being self-destructive and reckless. You mean as much to me as my kids and my mum do, so sue me if I ain't her biggest fan."
Eve rolls her eyes. There's no point in arguing. She can't pretend that it's not nice to have a mate who has her back no matter what. It's been so long since she's had that. But hopefully, with the passage of time, those old wars will end and a peaceful ceasefire will begin. She just has to be patient. "The point is, I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I also don't know how the hell I'm supposed to get out of it. Freddie was pretty adamant."
Stacey shrugs, unconcerned. "I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of it. Have you got any intention of bunking up with her?"
"Of course not!" Eve says, outraged. "I want to spend the rest of my life with Suki. I've never felt like this about anyone else before. She's everything to me."
"There you are, then. She ain't got nothing to worry about. Tell her."
"I have." Eve runs her fingers through her hair, frustrated. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have gone off the rails like I did."
"You can stop that right now. In your head it was over for good. She had to choose between you and her son, and she chose him. I don't judge her for that, any mother would make that same choice in a heartbeat. But you can't be blamed for thinking that there was no way back from it, especially under those circumstances with Vinny being such a little prick. You were hurting just as much as she was. You were entitled to do whatever you wanted to help you move on. If you wanted to shag every woman in Brighton, that had nothing to do with anyone else, least of all her."
Evenly shakes her head, moving to assist with piling bacon onto the baps as customers start to wander up. Best to leave it to one side when there are others around—the last thing she needs is for someone to twig onto who they are discussing and blow the whole thing wide open. That really would be the cherry on the shit cake. Besides, they wouldn't be able to change each other's minds. Stacey is determined to back her no matter what, which she loves her for, but she's also stubborn in refusing to give Suki a chance. And as much as Stacey will try to convince her that she has nothing to be sorry for, it won't stop her feeling the guilt at hurting her lover with her behaviour.
"Bacon bap, please, Eve—" says Shrimpy.
"—With extra-crispy bacon," she finishes for him. "Yeah, I know."
Feeling a hundred times worse than she had when she'd woken that morning, she goes to fulfil the order, wondering how the hell she's going to fix this one.
Time flashes by in the blink of an eye, as it is wont to do when something dreaded hovers on the horizon like a circling vulture. Before Eve knows it, Freddie and Bobby are at the van, wearing identical satisfied grins.
"Come on then, Eve!" says Freddie. "Time to get you home and transformed for the ball!"
"Or maybe what you see is what you get," Eve grumbles. "If she doesn't like me when I smell like bacon fat, what's the point?"
"That's just an excuse not to go," says Freddie.
"Don't you think it's a bit unfair of me to leave Stace to finish up here on her own? She's got the kids to pick up as well."
"I'll do that," Bobby volunteers.
Eve scowls at him, then turns to her wife. Stacey throws her hands up. "Look, I ain't getting involved in any of this. Sort it out between yourselves."
Well, so much for standing together in adversity. Moodily, Eve wrenches her apron free and leaps down from the van.
"Let's just get this over with, shall we?" she mutters.
Freddie wags his finger in her face. "That's the wrong attitude to take! The love of your life could be waiting for you!"
She is, Eve thinks, but she's in the Minute Mart, not the Albert. But what can she do? If she admits that the reason she doesn't want to go is because she's met someone, Freddie either won't believe her, or will demand details that she can't give right now…which in turn will lead to him not believing her.
Apparently determined to ignore her foul mood, Freddie chatters all the way back to the Slater home. He throws himself onto the sofa when they arrive, ordering her to shower and let him know when she's ready so he can give her his opinion.
"Yeah, again, I'm not taking fashion advice from you," says Eve, and stomps petulantly up the stairs to make sure he knows how unimpressed she is.
Half an hour later she makes her way back downstairs to find Freddie still sprawled on the sofa, making his way through a packet of crisps. He mutes the TV, giving her a thumbs up.
"You look great!" he says. "Jess is going to be well impressed!"
Eve huffs, snagging the crisps from Freddie's loose grip and stuffing a handful into her own mouth.
"Watch what you're doing!" Freddie says indignantly. "She ain't gonna want to kiss you if your breath smells of cheese and onion!"
Perfect. Eve takes another handful for good measure before Freddie can snatch them back. He checks the time on his watch.
"We should get going," he says. "Otherwise you'll be late."
"Are you going to sit there with us too?" she says sarcastically.
It flies completely over the teen's head. "Of course not. That would just be weird."
Eve rolls her eyes. "Let's just get this over with."
Freddie bounds out of the door after her like an eager puppy. Before she can charter a course of the long route to the Albert, he grabs her wrist and drags her in the direction of the gardens, which will take them up Bridge Street and past the Minute Mart. She is forced to follow him, unable to come up with an excuse as to why she doesn't want to take the shortcut.
Her bad luck continues—as they near the mart, Suki steps outside to refill the vegetables. Their eyes meet. Eve's stomach jolts at the look in her eyes. Anger. Hurt.
Oblivious, Freddy hollers, "Suki, what do you reckon? Does she look good enough to score?"
"I think I'm the wrong person to ask," Suki snipes. "Ask her date."
"Leave it," Eve mutters. The last thing she needs is for them to start bickering in public. That would only raise suspicions. Confused by the animosity, Freddie only shrugs and pulls her along. Eve chances a glance behind her. Suki's dark eyes burn into her for a moment, before she turns away.
"Right," says Freddie when they reach their destination. "Go in there and smash it!"
"I have done this before, believe it or not."
"Just not very successfully."
"Cheeky git."
"Go and have a great time. Just don't bring her back to the house tonight, or Nan will kill both of us."
"Don't worry, I have no intention of bringing her back." She thinks of Suki, alone in the shop, and is hit by the guilt of what she's doing all over again.
"Just promise me you'll keep an open mind. You'll like her, I know you will!"
Eve makes a non-committal sound in the back of her throat. That's one promise she definitely isn't about to make.
With that, Freddie gives her a friendly slap on the back and begins to saunter away.
"I want all the details later!" he calls over his shoulder. "See you!"
Resigned, Eve enters the Albert. She spots her date at once; this early in the afternoon, the place is fairly empty. Jess raises her hand in greeting and stands as Eve wends her way towards her.
"Hi!" she says with a bright smile. Up close, in better lighting, she's even prettier than in the pictures.
"Hey," Eve replies, moving to take the seat beside her. "Nice to meet you."
"You too. Can I get you a drink?"
"No, let me." It's the least Eve can do for the trouble that she's gone through to come back here, and the rebuffal she'll get if she shows an interest. "What's your choice of poison?"
Jess is a cocktail girl. Drinks in hand, they make their way to the back of the room, away from the bar where Felix is plainly trying to eavesdrop.
And Eve can't deny that she's fun to talk to. In the days before the reunion, she definitely would have been swayed to shoot her shot. It would have been another meaningless fling, but it would have been the distraction that she needed. Jess is intelligent, funny, and sweet. But she's not Suki. And every moment spent sitting here in her presence, drinking beer and laughing, feels like a betrayal. Eve cannot shake the sense of guilt that she shouldn't be here, that she should be with Suki.
"I'm just nipping to the loo," Jess says.
"I'll get the next round in. Same again?"
"Yes, please. Maybe then we could see about heading somewhere a little more private?"
Before Eve can formulate a response, she disappears for the bathroom. Well, shit. This was exactly the situation she had wanted to avoid. A few drinks, a nice to meet you, that was where it was supposed to end.
"Same again, Felix, please," she murmurs as she reaches the bar.
The young man grins at her. "Enjoying yourself?"
"Yeah, she's nice."
"I'll say. And she's into you, honey. It's obvious. Take your chance."
With that, he moves to fill the order. Eve reaches for her wallet, brushes against her phone. The guilt intensifies. She pays for the drinks, returns to their table. For something to do, she taps on her gallery, locates the album where she has secreted away all evidence of her relationship with Suki.
Photos of Suki beaming at the camera, all the more endearing for her crooked front teeth. Out and about together in Leeds, that glorious golden period, Suki brave enough to rest a casual hand on her thigh as they sat together on a park bench where no one else could see them. In a restaurant together, captured candidly as Suki scrunched her nose at the sub-standard quality of the saag paneer. In the hotel, the intimacy of Suki with those thick, dark curls untamed and glorious, spilling over her shoulders, makeup free.
More recently, after the whole mess with Nish was over for good, Suki taking her by surprise and turning her head to catch her mouth in a kiss, forever immortalising the moment.
This has to stop.
Shaking her head, she finds her message thread with Suki. Types. Presses send.
No one's ever made me feel the way you do.
Jess' return distracts her, and she slips her phone away.
"Everything okay?" Jess asks, nodding at her pocket.
"Yeah," Eve says reflexively, then pauses. "Actually, no. The thing is, I haven't been completely honest with you, and you deserve the truth."
Jess quirks a curious eyebrow. "Which is…?"
Eve takes a last swig of Dutch courage. "Look, I think you're a great person, I really do. But the truth is that I'm already with someone else, and I don't want to do anything that could jeopardise that because I'm really, really happy."
"Ah, right. I see." Jess takes a sip of her drink.
"I'm sorry. I really am. And it's not Freddie's fault. He has no idea. The thing is, no one knows about it. My girlfriend, she's had a ridiculously fraught year, and she needs time to adjust before we tell anyone else. We did part ways for a while, and I went through a period of dating other people, but I suppose a part of me was always hoping that one day we'd find a way to make it work. Now that we're back together, I feel more like my old self."
"Honestly, Eve, it's fine," Jess says. "I appreciate the honesty. And I hope it works out for you both this time."
"I think it will," says Eve. At least, she hopes it will. She sees no reason why it won't now that Nish is out of the picture for good. Suki hasn't wavered once since they got back together, and even though Eve feels unspoken anxiety that Vinny, still unhappy with his mother's choices, might get into her head and force them apart, so far Suki has shown no signs of wavering.
"Then that's great. Here, let's toast to that." Jess holds up her glass and, grinning, Eve clinks hers against it. "And maybe when I'm next in the area we could have a catch-up drink. You could bring your girl along if she felt comfortable."
"Yeah, I'd like that," Eve says. "And thanks for being so chill about it."
Jess waves it away. "I'm not one to get in the way of love! But we could all do with good friends, right?"
"Right." Eve checks her phone. No reply from Suki. "Would you think me rude if I called it a day after this drink?"
"Absolutely not. Go reassure your girl. I'll stick around a bit longer, see what other sights Walford has to offer."
"Well, give me your number. I'll text you sometime when this is all out in the open."
"I'd like that."
And so Eve departs with the number and a promise to be in touch. Felix raises his eyebrows as she passes, as if he can't quite believe that she's leaving alone, but she ignores him, pulling out her phone. Still no word from Suki.
Thankfully, Freddie isn't loitering around anywhere, so it's easy for her to cross the square back to the Minute Mart.
But it's not Suki behind the counter. It's Vinny.
Eve stops short. "Oh. Is your mum not here?"
"No, she went home. Asked me to cover the shop for her." Vinny makes a show of messing with the till, anything to avoid having to look at her, Eve supposes. He may have been forced to face the fact that his father was an abusive, controlling piece of shit, but he's still too arrogant for Eve's liking. She makes a conscious effort to be civil with him for Suki's sake, for she would never force her to have to make a choice between her and him—knows and understands that she would always choose him, because he is her son and Suki's children will always come before all else—but she doesn't have the time of day for him like she once had. The less she sees of him, the better. She supposes she ought to be grateful that he hasn't humiliated Suki by outing her to the entire square before she is ready, or thrown his toys out of the pram again and demanded that she remain single.
"Right. Well, I need to speak to her, so I'm heading over. Don't worry, I'll be gone before you get back. Wouldn't dream of keeping you out of your own home."
Before he can answer, she turns on her heel and exits. It's petty, she knows, but the vindictive part of her thinks he deserves it. Suki might not be able to turn her back on him, but it's going to take Eve a long time to forgive him for the way he treated Suki. The way he abused her too when she was already suffering so much. Suki might deny it, unwilling to see her son as such, but there's still so much of Nish's influence left in him that it makes Eve reluctant to even look at him. If Kheerat and Ash had been here, she's sure they would have been equally disgusted in his behaviour.
Her musings carry her all the way to the door of forty-one before she's even realised it. Glancing around to make sure no one is paying special attention, she knocks and waits.
Eventually, the door opens, and Suki appears, arms folded across her chest in a defensive stance, eyebrow hiked in a challenge. Despite the animosity, Eve can't help but smile at the sight of her.
"Hey," she says. "Can I come in?"
Suki leans against the door frame. "Thought you'd be on your date until late."
Eve steps closer. "It wasn't a date, and you know it. I texted you."
"I know."
"Ouch. So you were gonna let me stew?"
"That was the plan."
"In that case, I'm sorry for ruining your nefarious scheme. But seriously, are you going to let me in or not? Only I intend to do some serious grovelling, maybe even on my knees, and I'm sure the rest of the square would want to know what the hell was going on."
A small victory: she sees Suki's lips twitch. Then, with a jerk of the head, she retreats inside. Relieved, Eve follows.
Suki's only got as far as the hall. Arms still folded across her chest, she says, "Get on with it, then."
Eve closes the door behind her. "Shall I start on my knees?"
"No. You can do that later."
It breaks the ice. In two strides, Eve crosses the space between them and pulls Suki into her arms, almost crushing her against her, needing to feel that familiar solidity. One of Suki's hands makes its automatic journey to the back of her head, fingers threading through her hair, the other anchored on the back of her neck. Eve closes her eyes, inhales the familiar scent of her lover's perfume. She's holding her entire world in her arms.
"I'm sorry," she breathes in her ear. "I'm sorry."
Suki's voice is muffled against her shoulder. "No, I'm sorry. None of this is your fault, but I took it out on you anyway."
Eve squeezes her tighter, and for a moment they simply sway in silence, soaking up comfort from the sound of each other's soft breathing.
"I thought you'd be hours yet," Suki admits at last, loosening her grip. "I didn't think I'd see you again tonight."
"The truth is, I felt too guilty keeping up the pretence. I didn't want her getting the wrong impression because I had no intention of being rude to her, but I was aware of how much I was hurting you by being there. So I gambled and told her that I was seeing someone. No details, nothing that work could implicate you, I swear. But I didn't want to lie, because she was nice."
"Was she disappointed?" Suki asked quietly.
"I don't know if disappointed is the right word."
"But she was interested."
"I don't know. Maybe, I guess."
Suki heads for the sitting room. Eve follows her, watching as she perches herself on the edge of the sofa, clasping her hands together.
"I was jealous," Suki says softly. "And maybe a bit scared."
Eve ventures further into the room. "Why?"
Suki's smile is sardonic. "I should have thought that was obvious."
She shakes her head, settling on the edge of the coffee table facing her. "Explain it to me, please. I don't want you to ever feel like you can't talk about things with me. I'm here no matter what, all right? I'd never judge or laugh. I just want to understand."
Suki is silent for a beat longer before she starts speaking, keeping her gaze fixed somewhere around the level of Eve's knees. "I know what a strain sneaking around and hiding had on you in the past. The circumstances are slightly different this time, but it's still not out in the open yet. I suppose a part of me is still scared that you'll find someone who is ready to be with you now, and all this isn't worth the hassle and heartbreak I've put you through. I know a life of hiding isn't what you want."
"No," Eve admits, "it isn't. But you said it isn't going to be forever. And Nish is gone. The biggest obstacle has been removed. So if you still want to speak your truth one day…"
"I do," Suki reassures her.
"Then that's all that matters. I can be patient for as long as it takes. I don't ever want to be without you again. Each separation has almost killed me. We're closer than we've ever been to living the life we both want. I meant what I said in my text. No one has ever made me feel this way before. I've had other relationships in the past, but none have even come close to what I feel when I'm with you. There's no one else for me. I don't think there ever will be again. All those other women…" She pauses. She knows it's uncomfortable for Suki to hear. She'd rather not be reminded of it herself. But it happened, and she can't change the past. "It was all a pale imitation of what it was when I was with you. It was just…something to help me feel something. Except it left me number than ever. It didn't help me, and I know it hurt you, and for that I will never be able to apologise enough."
"I was the one who finished things," Suki whispers. "I should have been glad that it looked like you were moving on. Even if it hurt me, I didn't want you hurting forever over a choice that I had made. It wouldn't have been fair to expect you to stay stagnant forever."
Eve thinks a part of her would always have remained trapped in the past, even if this had been consigned to the history books as a doomed love affair. Even if she'd forced herself to move on eventually, she thinks there would always have been a part of herself closed off, lost forever. A tragic what if tying them together for the rest of their lives.
That thought compels her to be honest now. She's done her best to be upbeat and carefree. And she has been happy these past few weeks, there's no denying that. But their happiness has never been more than fleeting, explosive moments bookended between months of torture. And a part of her feels like Damocles, waiting for Dionysius' sword to fall.
She lowers her eyes, addresses her hands which flex anxiously in her lap. "I suppose part of me is scared of rocking the boat. I suppose I don't fully trust that this is it."
"What do you mean?" Suki asks softly. Her hands appear in Eve's line of vision, soft, gentle as they move to rest on hers.
Eve takes a deep breath, relaxing under her lover's touch. "I don't want you to rush into anything you're not ready for. That's the last thing I want, you have to believe me."
"I do," Suki affirms. Tenderly, she twines their fingers together, leans forward until their knees brush. "But…?"
"But I think a part of me will always be fearful that something else will happen to tear us apart before the rest of the world has the chance to find out. Nish is gone, and I know he was the main factor behind your fear…but there's still Vinny. And I know he isn't happy about us. He gave you an ultimatum last time. I've never resented you for the choice you had to make. But if he was to make the same demand again…"
I was always going to choose my family. The words that had crushed her heart into shards of glass.
She would never expect Suki to put them before her children. She would never ask her to. She'd remove herself from that situation if she needed to. But…
"I can't deal with that heartbreak again," she whispers. "I've gone through it too many times in the past eighteen months. I don't blame you for it. Part of it is on me too. Every time I said I was done, there was a part of me holding out hope that it wasn't really the end. It was why I couldn't truly move on last time, even though I said I was done going in circles. I was trying to make myself move on and forget with all the pointless sex, but I was just lying to everyone, including myself."
"Go on," Suki prompts, her voice barely audible above the blood thrumming in Eve's head. Her throat works as she tries to find the words to articulate how she feels. She's always been gifted in that department, talking circles around others, poetry never far from her tongue. But her articulation seems to have deserted her now.
"None of what's happened is your fault. None of it. You were stuck in an impossible situation. You did what you needed to to survive. I did the same. But I suppose part of me still terrified that you could be taken back to that place. That Vinny could take you back there. I know how much he means to you, and I know how much it hurts that he's not okay with your choices. I'm scared…I'm scared that this will never be enough for you."
Silence reigns in the aftermath of her confession. Eve doesn't look up. She doesn't want to see the hurt in her lover's eyes.
"Eve…mērā pi'āra, look at me."
Soft fingers tilt her chin, and she meets warm, dark eyes.
Not filled with hurt. Only understanding.
"Dila. Maiṁ tuhānū hamēśā la'ī cāhudā hāṁ."
Eve loves to hear Suki speaking in Punjabi. Even if she doesn't understand the words, the softness of the tone, the lilting affection, stills her.
Reverting to English, Suki murmurs, "No one will ever take me from you again, Eve. You hear me? No one."
"But Vinny—"
"—Doesn't control my life," Suki finishes firmly. "He's my son. I could never turn my back on him. But I will not let him dictate my life. He's made some terrible choices recently, and it scared me because I didn't recognise the man he was becoming. He was always the most vulnerable of my boys when they were growing up. Sensitive. And he looked up to Kheerat and Jags, he'd've done anything for their approval. I suppose with neither of them here to guide him, he took all of that and transferred it to his father. But he's still my son. For twenty years I was all he had. I was far from perfect. I did more harm than good sometimes." She takes a deep breath. "But he's not Nish's son. He's mine. I raised him to be noble and good and kind. That man is still in there, I know he is. It might take him a bit of time to come around…but I know he will. Because at heart he's still that same sensitive soul. He saw what Nish was like in the end. He told me he was sorry, that he wanted me to be happy. I told him…I told him that I hadn't even known what happiness was until you came into my life. He hasn't stood in our way. He hasn't told anyone. Maybe it won't happen in the next week…but he'll get there, Eve. Things will get better, I promise."
She's more optimistic than Eve feels, but Eve has no intention of crushing her hopes. So she nods, closing her eyes as Suki caresses her face tenderly.
"And are you okay?" she manages. "With what happened today?"
Suki nods. "I do know that you love me, Eve. And I know you wouldn't purposefully hurt me like that. I trust you. I've never trusted anyone the way I trust you."
Eve reaches up to press her hand over Suki's against her cheek. "I'll make sure Freddie knows never to do anything like this again."
Suki's nose scrunches with anxiety. "But how will you do that without saying anything? He seemed pretty determined that it would work."
"Just trust me, okay? I'll sit him down, have a serious conversation with him. He'll understand when you feel the time is right for us to go public. And until then, I will be stubbornly single. I'm yours, Suki. Yours."
There are tears Suki's eyes. Her thumb caresses Eve's cheek. "I love you."
"I love you too. More than anything in this world."
Suki's thumb trails down to her lip, before she replaces it with her mouth. The kiss is soft. An affirmation. Eve melts.
It's several minutes before her lover pulls back. She looks composed now, more put together. "I'll make a start on dinner, shall I?"
Eve checks her watch. "I'd love to stay, but I can't."
Suki's face falls. "Oh? But you have nowhere else to be now."
"I told Vinny I'd be gone before he came home," she explains.
At that, Suki's jaw tightens. "Stay, Eve."
"But—"
"No buts. This is my decision. Not yours. Not Vinny's. Mine. This is what I want."
"I just didn't want to make things awkward, that's all."
"It probably will be," Suki acknowledges. "Maybe even painful. But I won't skulk about in my own home. I'm done with being ashamed of who I really am. Vinny is my son. He's not going anywhere. But neither are you. He needs to understand that, accept that. The only way he'll start to do that is if he sees us together. It might be unpleasant, but it needs to start. Here, now. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
"You're sure?"
"I'm sure," says Suki, caressing her cheek with her thumb. "This is it, Eve. No more running."
"Okay, then." Eve takes a deep breath. "If that's what you want, I want it too."
"Good. Suki checks her watch. "Maybe I can put off starting dinner for a little while longer. The shop isn't due to close for another two hours."
Eve's eyebrow hikes. She recognises the sultry tone. "Oh?"
"Hmm." Suki shoots her a devilish grin. "And I know exactly how you can fill that time."
Eve plays along, though she knows exactly where this is heading. "Are you going to share?"
Suki pulls her to her feet. Her eyes burn with an intensity that takes her breath away and elevates her temperature all in one go. "Get up those stairs, and get down on your knees. You said you were going to grovel, and I'll make sure that you do."
Eve doesn't need telling twice.
A/N: mērā pi'āra = my love.
Dila...Maiṁ tuhānū hamēśā la'ī cāhudā hāṁ. Heart...I want you forever.