AN: Happy Wednesday! Here I am again getting this up 10 minutes to midnight. Thanks so much for reading the last chapter and welcome back. This one is really long and I'm excited for you to read it. We're now in NYC where things reach a fever pitch. This chapter reveals another part of Elle's story and shows her and Kendall taking on the Big Apple. This chapter could be upsetting for some people so just be careful as you get to the italics, I want everyone to feel safe. This is a really long chapter and I'll explain more at the end. But I hope you enjoy and let me know your favorite part! Thanks, and please review!

New York had always made me anxious. From the tall buildings that loomed overhead to the hordes of people that you could still be entirely alone in. There was a certain anonymity to it all and I felt like I could disappear into thin air and no one would ever notice.

But when he gave me a smile that cut through the crowd, suddenly, I wasn't alone.

The Big Apple was where we had been for two days and would stay for a few more. And despite my anxieties, the city had treated us well so far. The guys filmed their new music video for Hot Summer yesterday. Today was the second day, it was jammed full of press stops and interviews. Our concerts at Madison Square Garden were sold out for all three nights. We had one show done and two to go. But tonight was the most important part of our New York adventure. It was the Young Hollywood Awards, the second show of the summer. Even though I already won awards in Florida, I was still nervous. I wanted to prove that the first time around hadn't been a fluke. But for the moment I managed to swallow my nerves as I waited behind the curtain.

"You know them, you love them and your kids are probably begging you to buy tickets to see them. We're back with Elle Harper and Big Time Rush!"

The studio audience leaped to their feet as we walked out onto the stage. The lights were bright but my smile was wide as I waved to everyone. The five of us took a seat on the couch and we greeted the hosts. We were promoting our albums and New York concerts on the Today Show. I hadn't done a TV interview like this in a long time.

"You guys can not be more popular, your tour is sold out for all three nights at the Garden. You guys are all winning awards left and right and your new albums come out soon." One of the hosts began. "Is there anything you guys can't do?"

James faked a yawn and laughed. "Sleep. It's been go, go, go all summer."

"We actually filmed our new music video yesterday. It's been nonstop but we love it." Logan pointed to the screen. "Oh look, there we are."

A photo of the video shoot popped up. It had been filmed at a rooftop pool, I had a small cameo as one of the girl's the guys flirted with. The fans in the audience whooped at the sight of them being shirtless. Carlos told a quick story about how directing the video had gone before a photo of me popped up on the monitor. I recognized the outfit I was wearing right away, it was from the night I premiered Body Say. The audience let out various whistles and cheers and my cheeks warmed.

"Savannah and I are obsessed with Body Say and I think the audience feels the same." Kat fanned herself with her notecards. "It's sexy, it's fun, it's flirty."

I stammered for a moment. "Thanks, uh, I worked really hard on it. I'm just glad everyone likes it. I wanted to do something a little more grown-up compared to my earlier songs that had a similar message."

"You all have been putting out so much music. It's almost hard to keep up with it all, but a song of yours that seems to be really popular with the fans is Delicate. Tell us a little more about what went into that song."

I bit the inside of my cheek and angled myself away from Kendall because I knew I would blush if I didn't. Delicate was the song I wrote after Kendall and I slept together for the first time.

"That's a song that means a lot to me actually. It's about when you're trying to figure what the next step you're going to take with someone is. It's a precarious point in time but the two of you really like each other. There's a part that wonders if it's too soon to get together and I think that's a really important moment in any relationship."

"So between Body Say and Delicate, it seems like you might be interested in somebody." Savannah teased and leaned forward in her chair. "Care to give any hints about who it might be?"

"One of these fine gentlemen maybe?" Kat dramatically gestured to the guys.

I shook my head and laughed coyly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that Kendall's face was bright red and he was biting back a smile.

"These guys are my best friends, it's not about them." I shrugged. "Honestly I wish I had a better answer for you. But it's about different guys and experiences, a combination."

This wasn't the juicy scoop they wanted so they moved onto talking about the award show we had tonight. Internally, I breathe a sigh of relief. All I had really wanted to say was that both songs were about Kendall. That I couldn't get him off my mind, that I was falling for him and that he made me happier than anyone ever had. I wanted the world to know that I finally felt safe and was head over heels for blonde hair, green eyes and the smell of smoke. But instead, I pulled myself together and flashed him a secret smile.

For now, I was content to live in our own private world.

The rest of the morning involved two radio station stops. Kendall and I performed an acoustic version of Night Like This, it was such a different energy than it had been at the start of the tour. Our other magazine and online interviews were pretty much a copy and paste of the one we had this morning. Thankfully, I wasn't asked about my dating life. I was now onstage looking out at the empty auditorium. BTR and I had a soundcheck for our performances tonight. The guys were singing Hot Summer while I would be singing Night Like This.

"I could almost feel the weight of your kiss on my lips." Kendall's thumb brushed across my bottom lip. "Oh, whoa, oh."

I did the claps that were in the chorus and danced around him, shaking my hips. The only people in the auditorium were stage crew, Gustavo, Liz and the guys. Each artist had a private soundcheck to work out any bugs in their performance. Or in some people's cases to perfect their lip syncing, not that it was any of my business.

Kendall tried to pull me close but I took a step back and laughed a little. "Anything can happen on a night like this."

Because there were no fans or cameras we were free to flirt a little more than we usually would. We ran through the rest of the song and it was loaded with tense looks and wandering hands. Gustavo and Liz's only feedback was to keep things under control during the show so we wouldn't have to deal with blowback from the press and fans online.

"Thank you, Elle! Now if we could have BTR do their rehearsal that'd be great." The show's producer clapped his hands together. "We have a tight schedule folks."

"I guess that's my cue to leave," I said to Kendall as I took out my inner ear piece. "Break a leg."

He shrugged and ruffled his hair. "I hate when you walk away but at least the view is nice."

"Fuck off." I chided with a grin. "Do your soundcheck."

I handed off my microphone and made my way backstage. I glanced behind me and gave Kendall a wink before rounding the corner. As I passed by actors and Youtube stars who were presenting the awards tonight, I waved. I made a quick stop by my dressing room to grab my bag so we could go straight back to the hotel. I hummed to myself as I went to the craft service table to make a drink. I dropped my bag on the table and sang to myself as I made my tea.

"Gonna make some tea and take a nap. Yeah, yeah, yeah." I hummed under my breath as I mixed the honey in. "Gonna win an award and thank the fans. Probably should write a song that's better than this."

It was a weird feeling but I was happy.

Really fucking happy.

In the weeks and months after Jett's attack and the related trauma that followed, I had been miserable. Between the way the media branded me 'Eleawhore', the way parents rallied for my career to end, the jokes and of course the nightmares, I had wanted to die. I sank deep down into myself and felt like I would never smile or feel safe again. But then I started this tour, I met the guys and somehow had started dating Kendall. My music was doing well and my fans had welcomed me back into their lives. I was so happy and overjoyed that I didn't know what to do with myself other than smile. I had been doing that a lot lately and I was certain my cheeks would be sore. Everything felt right for once.

Or at least it did until I heard my name.

"Hey, Len."

I drew in a breath and turned around to face him. Jett looked tanned and well rested, a grin hung from his mouth. He looked like he knew something I didn't and it made my stomach churn. But I steeled myself, I wasn't going to let him ruin my day.

"Why the fuck do you always come up behind me?" I asked, folding my arms.

He laughed to himself. "You always did like it from behind."

My fist was clenched so tight that my fingernails broke the skin of my palm. "Shut up."

"Ooh, still feisty I see."

He took a step closer to me, his lips were inches from mine and I could feel his body heat. At that moment, all I could feel was how warm he had been when he pinned me to that sink. For a moment I feared I would actually throw up from the panic and I clutched my belly.

"Move," I ordered as my voice shook. "Now."

"Sorry, relax." He reached past me to grab a bottle of water and stepped back. "I didn't mean to freak you out, chill."

"Oh, because coming up behind me and reminding me that I used to let you sleep with me was supposed to be pleasant?"

He shook his head. "I really did just want water. But I can see you're in the middle of being a bitch or whatever."

"I'm not a bitch." My teeth were gritted. "I don't think being nice to the person who assaulted me is worth my time."

"You're right, I am sorry about that."

"So you admit it was assault?"

"I mean, I can see why you think that."

I rolled my eyes and scoffed. "You're so full of shit Jett. Why are you even here?"

As I went to walk away he blocked my path. He bit his lip and the wrinkle between his eyebrows he got when he was stressed, popped out. "Look, I'm in town because I'm nominated for Chasing Chances and presenting. I came to make sure my dressing room had the right number of mirrors to see all my angles. But we should catch up. We're at the same hotel."

I actually laughed at this. "You want to talk? You never want to talk, not when I told you to get off of me, not when you showed up at my place."

"Elle!"

I had never been so grateful to hear my name. I was almost moved to tears when I saw Kendall walking towards us, he pushed his way between Jett and I. I wanted to grab his hand and never let go, but the last thing I needed was for Jett to tell people we were together.

"Liz needs you to post about the show tonight, she has exact wording for you to use." He sounded anxious and looked at him. "Jett, what's up?"

"Just having a conversation with Eleanor." He nodded to me and was imploring. "Think about what I said."

Kendall puffed out his chest and his jaw was tense. "Liz said it was urgent."

He pushed past Jett and let me walk in front of him. Kendall's hand rested on my lower back and he gently hustled me out into the car while we waited for the guys to come outside.

"Are you okay?" He asked once we were alone.

I blinked a few times and nodded. "I think so, J-Jett was just, he-"

"Made you uncomfortable. I mean for fuck's sake you looked like you were going to throw up." He held my hands in his. "What did he say to you?"

"Nothing. He just wanted water and started t-talking about his dressing room." I couldn't bring myself to tell Kendall the truth, it was embarrassing. "I'm fine."

"Yeah, come here." He looked over my face with concern before hugging me tightly. "You're okay."

My face was buried in Kendall's shoulder and I felt safe, like I was protected. "Thank you."

The unexpected run-in with Jett had left me reeling, so when we got back to our hotel Kendall understood that I wanted to be alone.

"I'm next door if you need me just shout." He kissed the top of my head. "I mean it."

I forced a smile and thanked him. But once the door shut I flopped back on my bed and pressed a pillow against my face. After everything had happened Liz thought it would be a good idea for me to talk to someone. I tried to do the breathing technique my therapist had taught me and concentrate on how I wasn't in that moment anymore. When I had finally started to feel my heart rate slow down my phone buzzed twice. And just like that my mouth was dry.

You left this when Kendall manhandled you out of there.

Room 1020.

Jett was holding my purse next to his face and giving a smug look. My stomach dropped and I shakily replied to him.

No way, bring it to me.

His reply was quick. Room #?

On second thought, the idea of Jett knowing my room number made me uneasy. Part of me wanted to say fuck it and buy a new purse. But the annoyingly sentimental part of me knew that the keychain Kendall had bought me was in there. And most important of all my birth control was there too and getting a new prescription on tour was a hassle. Begrudgingly, I dragged myself to the elevator down the hall. My knock was aggressive, hopefully, he'd think it was Kendall or Liz.

"Here's a sight I thought I'd never see again. Len Harper knocking at my door." He teased when he opened the door. "I didn't think you'd come."

I held out my hand. "Give me my shit."

"You have to at least come in. You owe me a conversation."

"I don't owe you shit, Jett." My words were clipped and my anger was growing. "If anything you owe me."

He leaned against the door frame. "I didn't sell your purse on eBay for a small fortune, you're welcome."

His arrogant tone pissed me off so I shoved past him and found my bag on the bed. I made sure that everything was still there and turned on my heel to leave.

"I wasn't joking when I said I wanted to talk."

My heart was in my throat and my stomach felt sick. "There's nothing you can say to me, Jett."

His hand went to touch my face and I flinched hard. "Hey, take it easy. Why are you jumpy, it's just me?"

I hated that my eyes were stinging with tears, it made me look weak. "D-Do you remember the last time we were in a h-hotel together?"

This confused him because he cocked his head and huffed out a laugh. "When you were on tour? I know we always had fun when I came to visit you."

"No. Not when I was on tour." I kept my tone low to hide how it wavered. "How about when you left me in one after what you did to me?"

"Hey, Len. Len." His voice was distant and distorted. "Eleanor."

I didn't have the strength to respond but a harsh slap across the face caused me to cry out. I wanted to move away but his hand clutched my face so tightly it felt like he would break my jaw.

"Eleanor! Wake up." Jett barked as he leaned into my ear. "You're going to wake up and you're going to walk across the fucking lobby, okay?"

My heart was pounding in my chest and my mind was moving in slow motion. But I could feel the panic coursing through my body, I wanted to scream, to fight, but I couldn't think or move. His grip on my waist was unforgiving as I stumbled through the lobby, my legs were heavy and I felt myself being dragged. People were simply blurs and flashes of color.

"S-Stop." I pleaded as we stepped into the elevator.

"Is she okay?"

"She just had too much to drink and forgot she took her sleeping pill." Jett's laugh was warm and loud. "Don't worry babe, you can sleep in just a minute."

I didn't know how long I was in the elevator because the next thing I knew, Jett was ripping off my clothes. I shook my head and fresh tears ran down my face, I was completely useless when it came to trying to stop him.

"No! Jett, stop." I slurred as he put me over his shoulder. I was limp like a ragdoll. "P-Please."

Between the drugs, alcohol and being upside down, I felt like I was going to throw up. He carried me into the bathroom and dropped me in the tub and I panicked even further. My thoughts were on a loop.

He raped me. He raped me. He raped me.

And when the water turned on another sick thought popped in my head.

He's going to drown me, he's going to drown me, he's going to drown me.

I was hyperventilating and sobbing as I looked up at him. He was a blur and there were two of him, he was smiling and shook his head at me.

"Don't cry Len, shh, close your eyes." He smoothed my hair and kissed me. "Breathe baby."

But I couldn't breathe, all I could do was cry as he scrubbed between my legs. His hands came up my chest, my throat and back down. The washcloth was rough and the water was hot. He hummed to himself as he worked and even in my state I could see he was drunk. I was fading in and out of consciousness and winced at how hard he rubbed. I coughed on the water that sprayed my face as he washed my hair. And then, somewhere in my drugged out mind I realized what he was doing. He was cleaning me up.

There'd be no DNA. No proof of what he had done to me.

This gave me a small surge of strength and I hit him the best I could. My limbs were heavy but I must have made contact with his face because he cursed.

"Damn it!" He growled and yanked me up by my hair. "I'm fucking helping you."

My chest heaved and I was wracked with sobs. "God, stop. H-Help!"

"Shut the fuck up. I'm done." Jett sounded annoyed and he threw me over his shoulder again. "I took care of you, it's okay baby."

The drugs were wearing off because I felt my mind grow a little less foggy. He laid me on the bed and pulled the covers over top of me, he was almost gentle. But his laugh was cold and he gripped my face once more.

"Don't cry Eleanor, just sleep. You won't remember this in the morning but we had so much fun, didn't we?" He was laughing again, warmer this time. "I love you."

I choked out a few more sobs. I was in pain, my face hurt, my throat, my scalp. And of course, in between my legs and my head were throbbing. It felt like I was dying and at that moment I wouldn't have minded.

"No, s-stop," I muttered again. "Jett, s'hurts."

"You're fucking wasted and sloppy." He brought my lips to his and pressed a lingering kiss. "Sober up babe, get some sleep."

The light turned off, leaving me in complete darkness. My eyes were wide and I laid there cold, wet and shivering. My heart was racing but my mind was too drugged to feel total panic. I was unable to move my body so I laid there sobbing. My words were weak and barely above a whisper.

"H-Help," I begged as my eyes grew heavy. "Please."

Jett simply shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, uh, I remember. I guess."

"You guess?" I shouted at him and it surprised us both. "I thought you were going d-drown me."

"Don't be dramatic Len." He avoided my eye and shuffled. "We both made mistakes."

I was dumbfounded. "I did nothing wrong! You cheated on me and raped me. And then when everything else happened you were worried about your image."

"You called an ambulance when I overdosed, do you know how hard that was for me to deal with."

"You were my boyfriend and I thought you were going to die!" I almost laughed at this. "You're still so fucking irresponsible. I had to deal with everyone thinking my rape was a sex tape and hating me. That was just on the professional level. I wanted to die and you didn't care about me until I got out of the hospital. And again that was mostly for selfish reasons."

Jett groaned and ran his hand through his hair. "I'm not perfect but neither are you!"

I tightened my hold on my purse. I refused to let him see me cry. "Goodbye, Jett."

"How long is it going to take until you realize that I'm the guy for you?" Jett called out, there was no hint of a joke in his words. "When will you see that we're right together?"

I scoffed. "Jett, in no universe are you the guy for me."

"Len come on." He closed the gap between us and held my waist. "We had a good thing going. We had fun and I miss you."

"Don't touch me." My voice was harsh and I pushed him away. "You were rude, you cheated on me and you attacked me. I would never get back with you."

He frowned and tried to tuck my hair behind my ear, but stopped when I flinched. "Neither of us made good choices that night. I came on too strong and you got too drunk."

"Fuck you." I pushed him again, anger surged through me. "I did nothing wrong and I don't want to be with you."

Jett who never missed a beat just shrugged and gave a nasty smirk. "Even if you don't want to date we could still have fun."

"Stop. I'm leaving and if you know what's good for you, you'll leave me alone." I wrenched my arm away and stormed towards the door. "Break a leg at the awards tonight and I don't mean the figure of speech."

There was a pause before he spoke.

"He doesn't love you, you know?"

My blood turned to ice as I gripped the doorknob. "What are you talking about?"

"Kendall." He said simply. "He's never going to be with you. He loves Jo."

"Well good thing we're just friends," I said coolly as I turned around, trying to keep my face calm. "I don't want to be with him."

"Please." He rolled his eyes and checked out his hair in the mirror. "It's so obvious you two are fucking. The way you look at each other, all your disgusting smiles and laughs. And of course, the way you two shuffled out of the bathroom in Florida. He's fucking you and you being the slut you are is letting him."

"We're not fucking," I said plainly. "You're just an idiot."

"You think he's gonna leave Jo for you? You're just there to entertain him." His eyes narrowed and he stalked closer to me. "You're nothing more than a plaything and once the tour is over he'll be gone. You're just convenient. You're disposable, like trash."

His words were like a punch to the gut. I inhaled sharply and willed myself not to get emotional. All it would do is prove him right. "Whatever Jett. You couldn't be more wrong."

His menacing face turned into a grin as if he had been joking. "And after that, you'll still just be a pair of tits."

My hand was heavy as it struck his face and I hissed at him. "Go fuck yourself."

"Bitch." He muttered and rubbed his cheek.

I wrenched open the door and stormed down the hallway. I struggled to keep myself under control as I made my way back to my room. Once I was safe behind the locked door I threw my bag at the wall, the contents fell out. An ugly sob worked it's way out of my body and my cheeks were wet with hot tears.

"Fuck!" I shouted as I kicked the wall. "Oh m-my god."

I felt like the hole in my chest from almost two years ago had been ripped open. I was scared and angry and all by myself. I tugged at my hair as my knees buckled. Jett had completely fucked me up. The memories of being in the hotel room mixed with his words about how Kendall was using me. It proved to be too much because I kept sobbing. It was so hard that I thought I would throw up.

"I just started getting better." I wailed to myself. "I-I hate him. I hate him. I hate him."

What if Jett was right? What if Kendall was just with me because I put out? It made sense, he was lonely and I was always there. He had texted Jo about how he missed her, even if he claimed he was just being polite.

"Elle! Let me in, please."

Kendall was on the other side of the door. I staggered over to it and unlocked it before digging through the stuff on my floor. My knees gave out and I crumpled onto the floor as I cried. Things had been going so well but here I was, falling apart, again. All I wanted was to smoke but my hand's were shaking too much to light it.

"Damn it!"

A strong pair of arms wrapped around my shoulders. "Hey, breathe. Baby, what is wrong with you?"

"I can't fucking light this." I cried as I tried again. "I-I just want to smoke."

"Shh, here." He took the lighter from my hands and lit it for me. "What happened?"

I let myself go weak in his arms. "H-He broke me. I was happy but then I saw him and I-I hate him."

His green eyes were full of worry. "Who did you see?"

"J-Jett." I said miserably and blew smoke. "I-I left my bag at the venue and went to get it from his room."

Kendall tensed around me. "What did he do? Did he fucking touch you?"

"He just s-said some shit."

"Like what?"

I buried my face in his chest. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Elle."

My teeth were biting the inside of my cheek so hard that I tasted blood. As I looked up at him he looked so goddamn trustworthy and honest. But I couldn't tell him, I didn't want him to see me differently. Even though I knew it hadn't been my fault I still felt shame, like I could have done more to stop it. If I had never called an ambulance he wouldn't have cheated, if he hadn't cheated we wouldn't have gone to that club so he could make it up to me, and if we hadn't done he wouldn't have drugged me. But of course, I couldn't say any of that to Kendall. And to be fair, that was only half of what was bothering me. I took another drag and sniffled.

"He, he said I was disposable."

"Disposable?"

"That I was disposable to you, like trash," I admitted quietly, refusing to look up at him. "He s-said I'm convenient."

Kendall sat back a little and when I glanced up he looked confused. "What?"

I groaned and turned to face him, my cheeks were burning. "Jett said, you're never going to be with me. He said you're always going to l-love Jo. I'm just convenient to you and you just want to fuck. I just happen to be around and you want sex."

He was quiet for a moment and shook his head. "Elle, no. God no."

Another sob bubbled over and my voice was hoarse. "I promise I didn't tell him. I-I'm sorry Kendall. He's always been good at sensing shit like that."

Kendall rubbed circles into my back. "Hey, I'm not mad. I am at him, but not at you, never you."

"H-He said it was obvious and in Florida, he saw us in the bathroom making out." I hiccupped a little and squeezed him tighter. "He said I'm just a pair of tits and an idiot for letting you fuck me, that I'm a slut."

He held my face so I was looking at him. His mouth was a thin line and he looked upset. "He's wrong, Len."

"I just feel so stupid." I rasped.

"Don't. You're not disposable, you're not trash or convenient or whatever he said." He told me firmly. "You're talented, beautiful, incredible. And I'm crazy about you. He's an ass who doesn't realize how special you are."

I blinked a few times and sighed. "Really?"

"Of course." Kendall's smile was soft and he kissed me. "You're my girl."

His thumb wiped away the tears on my face and I hugged him tightly. "Thank you."

He kissed the top of my head and the feeling of his arm around me help me calm down. Slowly but surely my panic lessened and I found the strength to stand up and sniffed a little. I shut the bathroom door and turned on the sink. As I looked in the mirror I saw how puffy and red my eyes were. My nose looked raw and tears had stained my face. I splashed my face and took a few deep breaths when I looked back up it was like a switch flipped. It felt like I couldn't breathe.

It felt like my face had been broken and that I had been run over by a truck. My eyes were open but the room was dark, I was confused and tried to piece together the night before. My head throbbed when I tried to remember, it felt like I was hungover but a thousand times worse. It didn't seem like I had drunk that much last night. I was freezing and pulled the blanket tighter around my shoulders. Between my legs felt bruised and beaten. My hair was wet and stuck to my face. Everything felt fuzzy like it wasn't quite there. It was only when my stomach lurched did I roll out of bed. I winched as I ran into the bath, I was sore. Absentmindedly, I realized I was naked which was strange. I gripped the sides of the bowl and got sick, when I was done I staggered to the sink. My stomach lurched again, but it wasn't from the hangover. It was from what I saw.

"O-Oh my god."

My face was covered in bruises. Bloody crescent-shaped nail marks littered my cheeks alongside what looked like the ghost of fingerprints. My jaw had the same bruising as well and what looked like a handprint. Deep scratches ran down my chest and bruises were on my arms too. They were red and angry just like the ones on my face. What looked like hickeys dappled my neck and my shoulders. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it would give out as I looked at myself. My hair was tangled and damp and when I stepped back I could see the same fingerprint-shaped bruises and nail marks on my hips. My eyes welled up with tears and when I looked over at the bathtub everything came back in flashes.

"No. No. No." I was terrified and my knees gave out. "Oh g-god, oh god."

I could remember going out with Jett and his friends. I remembered him handing me a drink, leading me to the bathroom. I could feel his hands gripping my hips and the way his nails broke the skin on my face. He had reached up my dress and forced himself on me, his body had been hot as it pinned mine to the sink. I could feel his hand covering my mouth as I tried to cry out for help.

"H-He raped me." My words were barely above a whisper as the horror set in. Tears rolled down my face and my chest began to heave with sobs. "Jett raped me."

My first thought was that this was a nightmare. The second was that he would never do this to me, but everything between being pinned down to waking up here was a blur. The third thought was genuine disbelief and then it occured to me I needed a doctor. But then a new thought came to mind, one that made me feel even more horrified.

He had cleaned me up. It was fuzzy but I was almost certain he had put me in the bathtub, it explained why my hair was wet and some of the raw and sore feeling inside my thighs. I pushed away from the sink and found my clothes on the bedroom floor. I was hyperventilating as I put them back on, I had to get out of here. There had to be an explanation for all of this. But when I caught my reflection in the closet mirror my beaten face and puffy eyes said otherwise.

"T-This can't be happening."

I was so entranced by the memory that I didn't notice when water flowed over the sink. It spilled onto my feet and across the floor, causing me to jump.

"Fuck." I took a step back and turned off the water.

My face was still wet so I dried myself off and tossed the towel on top of the puddle. I hadn't thought about the morning after in such a long time that I was rattled. I walked on shaky legs into the room. Kendall was sitting on the bed, my purse sat next to him. He smiled when he saw me and nodded to the bag.

"I put everything back in there. I wasn't sure where everything went but I didn't want anything to go missing." My keychain dangled from his finger and he seemed sheepish. "You still have this?"

"O-Of course."

As he looked over my face his smile faded. "Are you okay? Jett's an idiot and not worth your time. And I'm pretty sure Jo and I are done for good, you're not trash. In fact, I think you're incredible." He nervously ran his hand through his hair. "And I-I know he said he broke you but I can fix it, I can h-help. I swear."

"You must be a miracle worker." I scoffed, feeling irritable. "I'm just fleeting."

He stepped closer to me and took my hand. "No, you're not. I mean, I don't want you to be. Jett's so wrong about you."

A new batch of tear sprung up. "I-I don't want to think about him."

"God, come here." He pulled me into a hug and squeezed. "It's all going to be okay."

For the first time in a long time, I was vulnerable about Jett in front of someone. I let myself cling to him and felt as he rubbed my back. Kendall felt like comfort and safety. I cried into his shoulder once more and trembled. All the while he kept a strong hold on me, he made me feel connected. Like I wouldn't float away.

"It's all going to be okay." He mumbled. "I promise."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

I stared out the window and huffed. "Yeah, Liz."

"You seem out of sorts."

"Well seeing Jett can do that to a girl," I said moodily and drummed my fingers against my leg. "And no, I don't want a restraining order again. It'll just force me to think about him even more."

Liz reached across the SUV to pat my arm. "Just let me know okay?"

I was on my way to the award show. I had kicked Kendall out of my room so I could get ready with my hair and makeup team. It was now the evening and we were slowly inching our way to the drop off to go to the carpet. I had admitted to Liz after Kendall left that I had seen Jett and had a panic attack. She had been ready to rip his head off which was reassuring. It seemed like there was a line of people who wanted to take a shot at him. I felt drained and annoyed but I was trying to get excited about the award show. We finally reached the drop off zone and my door was opened.

"Thank you, Liz. I'm sorry I'm being so rude, it's not you."

Her smile was supportive. "Don't mention it."

When I climbed out of the car we were out of the sight of the press. I saw the guys who were all in casual button downs and ties. My mood lifted a little when I saw Kendall. His hands were shoved in his pockets and he was laughing at something his friends had said. His green tie brought out his eyes and his sleeves were rolled up. Logan nodded to me and Kendall turned around. He was beaming like the sun when he realized it was me. He walked over to me and looked around before pressing a quick kiss to my cheek.

"You look beautiful." He commented, nodding to my dress. "I mean you're never not beautiful but wow."

My face flushed and I waved him off. "Thanks. You clean up well too."

"I have to especially if I have to stand near you all night. You're out here making me feel like I should change."

"Stop, it's cute. You're cute." I complimented and looked around before taking a drink from the flask I smuggled in my bag. "I just want to get through this red carpet without any drama."

Kendall tutted at me but stole a sip. "What a rebel."

Liz and Kelly started to guide us to the carpet, I snuck one more swallow. "I try."

The walk on the carpet proved to be relatively calm. I posed for photos by myself and with the guys. Interviews were brief and I promoted my new song Body Say, out of the corner of my eye Kendall was flustered.

"It was really fun to write and even better to perform." I kept my tone teasing and laughed. "I know people really seem to like it."

"So when is the new album coming out?"

I shrugged. "Good things take time but I'm nearly done. This summer had been really good to me, I'm happy."

The guys talked about their new video which was number one online. I was proud of them and all the work they were doing. Their image had really matured over the past few months. My sour mood had pretty much vanished as we wrapped up the carpet and when we settled into our seats I let out a long breath. I hadn't seen Jett once and I think Liz had something to do with that. I really needed to thank her properly for all that she did. My performance was early in the night so Kendall and I changed into different outfits and waited for our cue.

"So do I have to act like we're just friends out there?" He spoke into my ear. "Because if I'm being honest I want to find a quiet spot and get you out of that outfit."

I cleared my throat as electricity tingled across my skin. "People who are just friends don't say things like that. But for what it's worth I wouldn't mind skipping the after party tonight."

"Sounds like a plan, friend."

"Give it up for Elle Harper and Kendall Knight!"

We came out from backstage to the sound of cheering and clapping. I gave a big wave and smiled, after a rough day this was just what I needed to relax. Most people had stage fright but being bathed in the bright lights and the vibrations of the bass soothed me. Our performance was nothing to write home about, it was good and we hit all our notes but it was very professional. This award show was broadcast to more people so we wanted to keep our flirting to a minimum. But Kendall still managed to give me a covert smirk.

"We could just stay up all night."

My head bobbed to the music. "Anything can happen on a night like this."

The show's producer hurried us out of our stage outfits and back to our seats after we finished. There was no time for Kendall and me to exchanged witty banter because they were scrambling to the stage to accept their first award of the night. They won for Group Single for Hot Summer. I was cheering and on my feet the whole time they accepted their trophies.

"Wow! This means a lot to us." James began.

"Yeah, we want to thank our fans, our label and of course Gustavo." Logan chimed in and held up his award. "This means so much to us."

Carlos spoke next. "We have the best fans in the world and the fact that you like this new sound is amazing."

Kendall found me in the crowd and smiled. "What they said! Thank you so, so much and the new video is coming soon. There's a special guest in it and I hope you like them as much as I do."

I clapped for them again and as they disappeared backstage. They gave a phenomenal, high energy performance of Hot Summer. The fans in the room lost their shit as they ground their hips and showed off the mature side. It was definitely something I enjoyed too. They then joined me in the audience, Kendall kept his hand on my thigh as we watched the rest of the show. James won Male Summer Crush and gave a humble brag and thanked the fans.

"So, do you have a crush on James?" Kendall joked quietly.

I pretended to think about it. "We did make out once. But his friend is much hotter."

"Thank you."

"Yeah, Logan is much better looking."

His smug look fell flat and I snickered. "I hate you."

I squeezed his hand. "No, you don't."

"You caught me."

Kendall and I were so caught up in our conversation that hearing my name took me by surprise. I had won for Strange Love, the song about Jett. I was dazed as I rushed to the stage, I hadn't been paying attention. When I got to the mic, I sighed.

"I don't know what to say other than thank you." My eyes scanned the crowd for Jett and I found him a few rows in front of BTR. He looked petulant and rubbed his face where I hit him. "This song is about a rough time in my life but I'm grateful you all liked it enough to vote for me. I want to give a shout out to my manager/producer/guardian angel Liz. I'd be lost without you. Thank you!"

James was waiting for me when I left the podium. "Hey, congrats!"

"Thanks, you too!"

We had just gotten back to our seats when Big Time Rush won for Favorite Group. I laughed as James turned right back around to go up with his friends. Their speech was pretty much the same, except they promised the fans that the album was almost done.

"Congrats, you guys."

The rest of the show dragged on for a while. Liz had gotten ahold of the schedule so I took two perfectly timed bathroom breaks when Jett was presenting and when the category he was nominated for came up. Logan had filled me in that he had won and his speech was cocky. I didn't let it bother me, it was the category for Best Video. Even though I had won it in Florida I was still a little competitive. Kendall and Carlos rubbed my shoulders.

"And the winner for Best Video is Elle Harper for Night Like This!" The actress announced.

I jumped to my feet and cheered. The guys pulled me into a group hug and Liz gave me a handshake as Kendall and I walked past them. Kendall helped me up the steps and held my award for me as I spoke.

"Again, all I can say is thank you! I have the best fans a girl could ask for. Thank you for all the support and love for the video. It means a lot to me that you're still standing by my side." I turned to Kendall and grinned. "And shout out to Kendall for being my co-star."

Kendall laughed and spoke quickly. "You're welcome. I probably shouldn't be up here because Len did all the work but I'm proud of her."

"Thank you again!"

Once we got back to our seats all the nerves from earlier were gone. We had won all our awards and our performances had gone well. There was nothing else to be done and when the award show came to a close all the winners waited in line to pose for a picture. The guys had already gone so I was in line alone. I looked around the backstage area for Kendall. We had made plans to leave when I was done. I did a double take when I saw him with Jett. Kendall looked nervous and shifted a little bit as Jett laughed. I could see the nastiness of his smirk from here. But then Kendall lost his temper because he shoved Jett a bit. This surprised me but Jett didn't seem too bothered. In fact, he pointed at me and smirked at Kendall. Kendall shook his head and said something that was full of anger before walking away.

"Smile!"

I gave a quick grin for the photo before jogging to catch up with Kendall. He seemed on edge and jumped when I touched his shoulder.

"What did Jett s-say?"

He turned after a moment and scoffed. "He was just being gross. I told him to fuck off before I made him sorry."

"Really?"

"Of course, he's an ass." He took a deep breath. "But let's not think about that, let's get out of here."

"You read my mind."

Kendall and I were all giggles as we snuck off from the guys and our managers. We didn't even wait for our SUV instead we hailed a cab. Between the rain and the cramped back seat, it felt just like my video. We took turns drinking from my flask and we were both buzzed by the time we got back. Kendall pressed a kiss to my lips before we climbed out. We were still laughing as we ran through the lobby and into the elevator. Being with him was exciting and as we got to my room we were breathless. Once inside, I leaned against the door and gasped for air.

"Did you see their faces?" I chuckled. "Those tourists didn't know what hit them."

Kendall was still grinning as he loosened his tie. He walked across the room and pulled me into a deep and passionate kiss, his other hand cupped my face.

"I'm so proud of you Eleanor."

"Thank you," I said warmly. "I'm proud of you."

His green eyes were full of lust, his lips tasted like rum and his cheeks were red from laughing. His thumb ran across my bottom lip and his breathing was shaky. I could feel his other hand work the zipper of my dress and he pulled it off of me. He moved his lips to the spot just near my neck and collarbone that made me moan. His mouth was hot on my skin. I wrapped my arms around him and sighed.

"You make me so happy Kendall." I blurted out. "You just do, you make everything better."

He pressed his finger to my lips and gave a soft smile. "I could say the same about you. I want to make you happy, show you how proud I am."

"Oh really?"

Kendall's hand gripped my side as he kissed my lips, neck, and chest. His other hand was focused on my inner thigh and I swallowed hard. He sounded pleased with himself as he spoke.

"I plan to show you how proud I am all night Eleanor." He bit his lip. "Unless you have other plans."

My mouth crashed into his when I kissed him. I was falling for him and fast. It felt like I was crazy, for his touch, his kiss, his smile. He was my man just as much as I was his girl. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I was crazy about him. So when I whispered in his ear I meant what I said.

"Being with you is the only way I want to spend the night."

AN: A lot happened in this chapter! I really enjoyed writing the Jett scenes and flashbacks. I love digging into Elle's past and sharing it with you. Elle and BTR are all working hard and won their awards I'm so proud. Another part I really liked was how Kendall helped Elle through her panic attack, it seems like he really likes her huh? And of course, the end scene was another favorite of mine. I like writing sweeter smut too it's not all physical with them in my opinion. Kendall and Elle are really for each other.

The next chapter keeps them in NYC. It's going to be super long and I hope that's okay. In fact, the next few chapters are long but it's super necessary to keep the flow going. It's going to be fun so I hope you tune in the week after next. I really want to do this right as it's the climax of the story. Having long chapters makes up for my break next week right? Right? Haha.

I won't give up much for the next update other than it's explosive, there is drama and characters from everyone's pasts make an appearance or mention. But for now, focus on how happy Elle is.

Again, thanks so, so, so much for the support. I appreciate everyone who reads and reviews.