Laxus sat at the dimly lit bar of the Fairy Tail guild hall, nursing his drink. The lively chatter and laughter of his guildmates surrounded him, but his mind was elsewhere. He couldn't shake off the lingering thoughts about Mirajane and how he had handled everything between them.
He traced the rim of his mug with his fingers, recalling the days when Mirajane used to follow him around, like a persistent shadow. Back then, she was wild, free-spirited, uncontrollable. A stark contrast to the composed and mature woman she had become.
Laxus couldn't deny that he had noticed her fondness for him, even back in those days. But he had always kept his distance, mindful of the age difference. She was just a child back then and he believed he had more important things to worry about. Regardless there was a time back then that she was his only companion, the only one who could get even a little smile out of him.
He took a sip of his drink, the bitter taste momentarily distracting him from his reflections. Mirajane's youthful exuberance had left a lasting impression on him, and even now, he could occasionally glimpse that spark within her. It was a spark that she often kept hidden, buried beneath her responsibilities and the weight of the past that still haunts her. Yet, if one looked closely enough, it was there, waiting to be reignited. Maybe that's what first drew him to her.
The memory of how he handled the situation with Mirajane weighed heavily on Laxus. He didn't want to hurt her, despite his tough exterior and the reputation he carried. Contrary to popular belief, he did care about his guildmates, and Mirajane held a special place in his thoughts.
The truth was, Laxus knew they would be no good together. Their paths were destined to diverge, and she deserved more than he could offer. He couldn't be the person she needed, not with his own demons and the tumultuous life he led. Mirajane deserved stability, love, and a future that Laxus felt he couldn't provide.
he would never be good enough for her, and yet, an undeniable attraction lingered within him. It wasn't hard to figure it out. He liked her.
The realization had hit him unexpectedly, catching him off guard. The Fairy Tail princess, with her grace and strength, had managed to infiltrate the walls he had built around his heart. When he first recognized his feelings, he was at a loss for how to handle them. The idea of falling for Mirajane terrified him. She was not the type of woman one could easily let go of and he was never one to keep strings attached.
Laxus sighed, his breath carrying the weight of his internal struggle. He knew that if he allowed himself to fall for her, he would fall deep. It was not something he would allow to happen, not with the chaos that surrounded his life. He didn't need that. He didn't want that.
His mind drifted back to the mistakes he made following his encounter with Mirajane at the guild hall before he left for his mission a month ago. He wasn't proud of what he did during that mission. Laxus was no stranger to the company of women, but he had never been one to use them the way he did during those weeks. He didn't even bother learning most of their names.
As he reminisced about those nights, one fact remained constant, every time he was with one of those women, there was only one face that occupied his mind. Mirajane's face, a vision of both strength and vulnerability, haunted him during those moments of temporary escape.
Every time he was with another woman, Mirajane's image loomed large in his mind, an unwelcome guest that refused to leave. It became a torment, an inescapable cycle that left him questioning his own desires.
The women who sought his company, their laughter and allure, lost their appeal. Eventually, he couldn't do it anymore. No satisfaction lingered in those moments, only a hollow emptiness. Laxus was merely going through the motions, a prisoner to a relentless yearning for the one woman he couldn't have.
Mirajane had already taken residence in his head, her presence overshadowing any attempt at distraction. He didn't want to feel this way about her, caught in the web of conflicting emotions. Laxus was accustomed to control, to assert dominance over his life, but Mirajane defied his every attempt at suppression.
He took another sip of his drink, the bitterness now a reflection of the conflict within his own soul. Mirajane's absence from the guild heightened the longing he felt, the ache of her absence echoing through his thoughts.
He closed his eyes, attempting to shut out the cacophony of emotions swirling within him. Mirajane deserved someone better, someone who could offer her stability and love. Laxus doubted his ability to be that person, especially with the storm that constantly raged within him.
The memory of Mirajane's smile, the warmth in her eyes, played like a haunting melody in his mind.
Opening his eyes, Laxus scanned the guild hall, hoping to find a distraction from his internal struggle. The laughter, the camaraderie, it all seemed distant and out of reach. He wondered if Mirajane felt the same way, if his absence affected her in any way. Did he even have the right to wonder that now?
He hadn't intended for Mirajane to discover his escapades, especially after he had rejected her advances only days before. The memory of those moments lingered, a reminder of his own internal struggle and the choices that led to this point.
Bickslow, with his careless words and lack of discretion, had shattered the fragile illusion of secrecy. Laxus could practically hear his friend's voice echoing in his mind, the revelation that Mirajane knew about his affairs. It felt like a betrayal, one that fueled the guilt gnawing at him.
It was too late to change his actions, and Laxus couldn't deny the pang of shame that accompanied the realization that Mirajane had caught wind of his indiscretions. Her eyes, once filled with admiration and warmth, now bore the weight of accusation and hurt. The guild's serene atmosphere had become tinged with tension, a palpable shift that mirrored the turbulent storm within Laxus.
Back then, when had caught Mirajane's eye, the unspoken words hung between them like an invisible barrier. He knew then, she found out what happened. Laxus could see the hurt etched in her gaze, a stark contrast to the confidence she usually exuded. He wanted to apologize, to explain himself, but the words remained trapped in the recesses of his pride.
The guild hall, once a haven of family, felt alien and unwelcoming in that moment. Laxus sought solace in the shadows, away from the prying eyes of his guildmates. He had grappled with the turmoil within him, torn between the desire to apologize and the stubborn refusal to admit his own vulnerability.
Mirajane, the woman who had infiltrated his thoughts and now his guilt, seemed unreachable then and Laxus didn't like it. He wondered if he could ever repair the damage he had inflicted upon the delicate balance between them. The notion of hurting her further intensified his internal struggle, a battle of conflicting emotions that left him feeling more isolated than ever. Was it for the best? Was it better to have had the bandage ripped off in that moment rather than to have her face a worse pain later on?
Laxus considered this as he leaned against the bar, a brooding expression etched across his face. The bitter taste of his beer doing little to quell the bitterness within him.
He knew he really didn't owe Mirajane anything. They weren't officially together, no promises were made, and yet, a gnawing guilt persisted.
The other night, when Laxus followed her home, he thought he was doing the right thing. He wanted to explain everything to her.
Inside, he found himself grappling with the words. He wanted to make her see that he was not good for her, that she was better off without him. It was a painful truth he couldn't escape. That's what he kept telling himself, and it's what he still tells himself when memories resurface.
As he stood at her doorstep, the words echoed in his mind like a haunting melody
Yet, in the aftermath of that encounter, regret lingered like a bitter taste.
Laxus had wanted to make it clear to her. They couldn't be together. He was filled with resolve. She was better off without him.
Maybe he was a fool because the relief of making her understand didn't come, because, Mirajane agreed with him. He didn't know what he was expecting, but that wasn't it. He didn't expect her to feel the same way, at least not at first.
The agreement, the acceptance, shattered the expectations he had built in his mind. Maybe he thought she would fight for him. Maybe he selfishly wanted her to fight for him, but she didn't, and the absence of that fight tore open a wound he thought he had closed a long time ago.
He knew he deserved it, back then and now. He knew he wasn't worth fighting for, especially not to Mirajane. They might not have been together, but he was the one that betrayed her first. He doesn't blame her, he knew it was all for the best.
Regardless, deep down, he craved validation, a desperate plea for someone to see his worth. However, she didn't, and the silence that followed their agreement was deafening. It was a stark contrast to the inner turmoil raging within him.
He questioned himself for feeling that way, selfishly yearning for a battle that never occurred.
In the recesses of his mind, he admitted that he might have been the architect of his own loneliness. The choices he made in the past to always walk away, to sever the ties, came with consequences that echoed through the years. The pain of not being worth fighting for haunted him, a ghost from his past that refused to be exorcised. In the end he knew it was the right choice for both of them.
He didn't blame Mira. Mirajane deserved someone who wouldn't bring her pain, someone who could cherish the love she offered. Laxus understood that, yet the ache in his chest persisted. The acceptance of his unworthiness didn't ease the guilt, it only amplified the regret of what could have been,
Glancing around the bustling guild hall, Laxus noticed that in the absence of Mirajane, Lisanna had taken her place behind the bar for the day. It was a fact that didn't escape his keen observation, almost as though the universe itself knew of his internal turmoil.
"Why do I even care so much?" he pondered, his eyes searching for answers in the guild hall. Laxus took another big swig of his drink, the burn down his throat doing little to extinguish the fire raging within him. He questioned his own motives.
"Maybe I care more than I want to admit," he mused, his gaze drifting to Lisanna as she skillfully handled the bar. A pang of unease settled in his chest as he wondered where Mirajane was and why she had been absent for so long.
He replayed the moments with Mirajane in his mind, the shared glances, the unspoken understanding between them. Despite his efforts to convince himself otherwise, he couldn't deny the pull he felt towards her. It wasn't just about physical attraction, it was something deeper, more profound.
As the day wore on, Laxus found himself increasingly restless. The absence of Mirajane cast a shadow over the guild that even the lively atmosphere couldn't dispel.
Laxus hesitated, torn between seeking answers and respecting Mirajane's privacy. He wondered if he should ask Lisanna about her, unsure of how much Mirajane might have confided in her younger sister.
As he contemplated his next move, Laxus watched Lisanna behind the bar. The lively atmosphere of the guild seemed dull in comparison to the storm of thoughts in his mind. Before he could decide, Lisanna took the choice out of his hands, approaching him with a friendly smile.
"Can I get you anything else?" she asked with a smile, one that reminded him so much of the person he couldn't get out of his head.
"I'm okay," Laxus answered absentmindedly, his gaze still distant.
Lisanna studied him with curiosity. "Are you okay, Laxus? You seem a little out of it." her eyes reflected genuine concern.
"Uh, yeah... where's your sister? She hasn't been to the guild in a few days," he inquired, his thoughts still lingering on Mirajane.
Lisanna raised a brow at the unexpected question, but Laxus didn't notice as his focus remained elsewhere. "I'm actually not sure. She's been training a lot recently." Lisanna explained, her eyes searching for any indication of why he was asking.
"But then again, she could also just be spending time with her new boyfriend." Lisanna added casually, her words causing Laxus to do a double take.
"What?" Laxus asked stunned, his attention snapping back to the present moment.
Lisanna chuckled at his reaction. "Yeah, she's been pretty secretive about it. I guess she didn't want to make a big deal out of it."
Laxus felt the ground shift beneath his feet, the solid foundation of his assumptions giving way to an abyss of confusion. The revelation struck a chord deep within him, awakening emotions he hadn't anticipated. His initial response was a blend of anger and upset, emotions that he couldn't quite grasp or rationalize.
Laxus found himself caught in the crossfire of his own thoughts, an internal battlefield where uncertainty clashed with a desire for clarity. She was seeing someone? No, that couldn't be right.
The thought that Mirajane might be dating someone else had stirred a tempest within him. "Why does it bother me?" he whispered to himself, his quiet voice laced with frustration.
The memories of shared moments with Mirajane, the laughter, and the unspoken connection echoed in the recesses of his mind, becoming more poignant in the wake of this revelation.
Laxus grappled with the realization that perhaps, beneath the surface of his stoic exterior, lay emotions he hadn't fully acknowledged. He wanted to know more, he needed to know more.
"When did Mira start dating someone?" Laxus asked, his voice carrying a hint of his anger.
Lisanna shrugged casually, unaware of the storm she had triggered within Laxus. "I'm not sure, really. She's been keeping it low-key. I only found out recently."
Laxus ran a hand through his hair, a gesture of frustration that mirrored the chaos in his mind. Mirajane, dating someone else, the notion still felt foreign, an unexpected twist in the narrative he thought he understood.
He had made the choice to step away from whatever was developing between them, and yet, the news of her dating someone else stirred an unsettling storm within him.
Lisanna observed him with a curious gaze. "You seem really bothered by this, Laxus. Is everything okay?"
"I don't know," he admitted, the honesty in his voice belying the confusion that gripped him. "I don't even know why I fucking care so much." He replied absentmindedly.
If Lisanna was bothered by his language, she didn't show it. She leaned against the bar, her expression sympathetic. "Well, Maybe you're just surprised?"
Surprised was an understatement. Laxus felt a torrent of conflicting emotions, jealousy, regret, and a pang of something he couldn't quite put into words. He had always been a man of action, decisive and unyielding, but this revelation left him feeling like he was navigating uncharted territory.
As Lisanna continued to talk about Mirajane's new relationship with a curious look in her eye, Laxus forced himself to listen, to absorb the details even as his mind rebelled against the reality unfolding before him. Mirajane, the woman who had occupied his thoughts and stirred emotions he couldn't fully understand, was moving on, and a sense of unease settled within him.
He tried to tell himself he had no right to feel this way. He turned her down. She wanted him. And he turned her down. It was for her own good. Then why didn't it feel like that? Why was he feeling like this? Fuck! This was ridiculous. He couldn't do it, he couldn't just sit here and Listen to Lisanna talk about Mira's new boyfriend.
"Do you know where she trains?" Laxus asked, his voice carrying a subtle undercurrent of uncertainty, as if he was walking on the delicate edges of a question he wasn't sure he should be asking.
Lisanna looked at him suspiciously, her brows furrowed as she assessed the intent behind his inquiry. She could sense something unspoken in his gaze. She's had her suspicions for a few weeks now though. Perhaps, she pondered, this is what they both need.
He knew he should leave Mirajane alone. It would be the right thing to do, the honorable path to take. The echoes of her laughter, the shared moments, and the unspoken connection, all of it should be left in the recesses of memory. He shouldn't want to spend time with her, shouldn't harbor the urge to seek her out, especially if she had moved on.
Laxus felt the weight of his own conscience, a silent reminder that he didn't have the right to intrude into the sanctuary of Mirajane's life. She was entitled to her own journey, her own choices, and he, in turn, should respect the boundaries that he had drawn between them.
"Ah... yeah, the east forest," Lisanna answered, her suspicious gaze lingering on Laxus. She sensed the internal struggle in him, the conflict between what he felt and what he believed he should do.
He shouldn't go, he told himself sternly, a mantra that resonated within the corridors of his conscience. He should leave her be, let her carve out a new chapter without his interference. He shouldn't care about her love life. He should instead act as a distant observer, detached and indifferent. Why should he care if Mira is seeing someone? She has every right to move on, and yet, an undeniable pull, a magnetic force, seemed to defy his rational thoughts.
Laxus battled against the currents of his own internal conflict. He shouldn't go, he repeated to himself, even as the magnetic pull intensified. The guild hall, with its lively ambiance, felt like an arena where his resolve waged war against his own desires.
He stood, momentarily frozen, as if caught between two worlds. The call to the east forest, where Mirajane might be training, resonated like an unanswered question in his mind. The internal debate raged, a silent tempest threatening to overturn the steadfast reasoning that urged him to stay away.
And yet, despite the rational arguments, he found himself getting up, the gravity of the east forest drawing him like a moth to a flame. Each step felt like a deliberate choice, a conscious decision to defy the logical boundaries he had set for himself.
As he made his way out of the guild hall, a conflicted expression played on his features. He was heading to the east forest, driven by an inexplicable force that defied reason. The whispers of self-restraint were drowned in the resolute footsteps that carried him toward the unknown.