AN: Another Thursday, another chapter. This picks up two days after the previous update. Thank you for the feedback last time, as always it's appreciated. I hope you enjoy and please let me know what your favorite part was. Please read the note at the end.

We had made it to Toronto by the skin of our teeth. Our rainy delay meant that we had spent much of yesterday playing catch up. My soundcheck had been a hastened affair on a semi-constructed stage that was half it's usual length. When it came time for the guys to do theirs, a broken microphone had startled all of us when it squealed with feedback. But by showtime, the stage crew had managed to pull everything together and the concert went off without a hitch. There had been good weather and we left for the next stop on time.

I had found the whole thing a bit symbolic. Everything seemed to be falling apart after a few blissful days in Minnesota. We were in Ottawa and the bad luck seemed to continue. I was in my dressing room with Liz's hand pressed to my forehead.

"I'm fine. I promise."

"You don't feel warm but you don't look great." When she caught my glare she tutted. "You know what I mean. You look sick and you sound scratchy."

The tea soothed my throat and I sniffed. "I'll be fine by tonight. I just need some cold medicine and to rest my voice for a while."

"It's probably just a bug from the rain. Hopefully you'll recover by the time we get to Vancouver for the music video shoot." She seemed to be talking herself down from calling a doctor. "It had to happen eventually."

"A bug, yeah. Or the Minnesota Curse."

Liz looked up from where she was texting. "The what?"

I hadn't meant to say that out loud and I flushed. "I don't know it just seems like things have gone to shit since Minnesota. The rain, being late yesterday, I'm sick. It's like there's a curse on me or something."

"This wouldn't have anything to do with a certain blonde asshole would it?" Her language surprised me and she simply gave a dismissive wave. "What? You know I don't like him. You come first and he hurt you. Excuse me for not thinking too highly of him. Are we going to talk about how you disappeared all four days we were there?"

There hadn't been time to discuss it yesterday between being in a hurry and Liz literally trying to rent a helicopter, but now that we were alone I knew I was in for an interrogation. I wasn't too sure what it was like to be a teenager with an overbearing mother. But Liz's stare made me almost grateful I had spent half of my childhood in foster care and my early teenage years with an aunt older than time itself. Liz was fourteen years older than me, so too young to be my mother but old enough to make me feel like she could ground me.

"I wouldn't call it disappearing exactly." I squirmed a bit under her unrelenting gaze. "Maybe... sightseeing?"

This made her crack the slightest of smiles for a moment. "Call it what you want to. All I know is that you went to his house after breakfast and spent exactly zero nights in your hotel room."

"In my defense one night was at James' in a guest bedroom, alone."

"This 'sightseeing' adventure of yours..." She indulged with a grimace. "Did he do anything? Were there any issues?"

As much as she tried to put on a business-as-usual face, I recognized the worry in her features. I knew she was always nervous about another Jett, and now, Kendall Incident.

"The first night we were both just bored and I didn't feel like doing some stupid phone interview." She looked offended and I groaned. "You know what I mean. He drove me around town and went grocery shopping. We watched some crime show and he made dinner. I had too much wine and crashed there. The second night I met his mom and sister. You were there for the third, and the last day was interesting, to say the least."

Liz was now sitting across from me and her arms were folded. "How was meeting his mother?"

"She's nice. She apologized for Kendall being a dick and said she was rooting for me when I was away. His sister is chill, she actually wants to work at Condor. We talked about how Kendall's still into me. It felt normal meeting his family. You know I only met Jett's once and it was awful. They were polite and made me feel at home. You can tell his family is close."

"I'm just glad he shaved that beard, it made him look like some dirty hipster. What about the night of the party? You two were practically on another planet when I found you onstage. Did he write you another song?"

I had almost forgotten about the song, that moment seemed so small now compared to everything else. "Yeah. It's a beautiful song and he was shy about it. But I told him at the party I just wanted one normal night so he backed off. I guess that leads to the last day. We took his family to the airport and his mom told me to take care of myself."

She seemed to agree with what his mom had said. "You really should. Then you went on some ice skating escapade?"

This made me laugh and I threw a cough drop at her. "It was a surprise and really touching. I told him I wanted to learn way back in July. He made me cover my eyes and when I opened them there we were. He told me he wanted to show me who he truly was. He taught me to skate and we talked about his dad and my foster care and it was fun. And then we kissed and he took me back to his place."

If she had been surprised by the sex she didn't let it show. "Was it consensual?"

"Yeah, honest. I wanted to sleep with him. Our date was so sweet, Jett never did anything like that. I found out so much more about him and his family." I picked at my fingernails and my words were rushed as they came out. "He wrote me a song and h-helped me fall asleep. And then when we kissed, it felt good. And having sex felt right. But n-now-"

The sharp crack of my voice gave away my vulnerability and I couldn't look Liz in the eye. She placed a calming hand on my shoulder and I heard her click her tongue and sigh.

"Elle, what's wrong?"

"He asked me if we were dating and I said no. I said we couldn't be together."

"Did he get angry with you? If he touched you again I swear to god-"

"No." I denied this with a firm shake of my head as tears finally overflowed. "He asked me why and I told him the truth. I-I couldn't lie to him."

Liz's brows were furrowed and her voice was full of hushed concern. "What did you tell him?"

I felt about three inches tall and beyond pitiful as I cried. "I told him I'm scared of getting hurt again. And I know it's stupid but I don't want him to shove me or tell me to k-kill myself. I'm scared of it happening again, o-or what if he does what Jett did? I can't stop thinking of what could go wrong. And I hate myself for it because he makes me happy and I care about him. But I don't trust him."

"Come on, that's not stupid. That's smart and really brave. You have every right to protect yourself and do what you want. No one can force you into being with him. And I'm not going to let anything happen to you. No one will hurt you on my watch. Not Kendall or Jett or any other asshole." She rubbed her hands over my arms and squeezed my shoulders. "And maybe he makes you happy but I've seen just how low he makes you feel. You've been through so much and it's only natural to be worried."

"I know but he wants-"

She held up her hand and shook her head. "It doesn't matter what he wants. What do you want?"

I wasn't sure how to answer her question. On one hand, I wanted to stop being confused and sad all of the time. I was a constant mess of emotions and anxieties. I wanted to stop having nightmares about my nudes being leaked or being shoved to the ground. I wanted to stop holding my breath every time I logged onto social media. But on the other hand, I wanted to be back in Shakopee between Kendall's sheets. I wanted to be in his bunk with his arms around me while we slept. I wanted to take him to Arizona and show him where I came from. But mostly, I just wanted the constant back and forth to stop. I felt helpless and my whole body sort of just gave in to that sinking feeling.

"I just want this summer to be over."

I always hated being sick, even as a kid. It wasn't even not feeling well that I didn't like. I hated being babied, it made me feel helpless. I could remember fighting off a foster dad when he had to put drops in my ears when I had an infection, I had thrown a fit when Jett dragged me to the doctor for the flu. And I had fought with Liz when she insisted that I canceled an event when I had been battling morning sickness for the few weeks I had been pregnant. The only time I didn't mind being taken care of was when I was a kid and my mom would look after me. She always made me tea with honey and added cold water so I wouldn't burn my mouth. It stuck with me to this day. But when Liz tucked me in on the couch in my dressing room after a dose of cold medicine, I didn't even attempt to argue. My breakdown about Kendall had proven too much for my immune system and all I wanted was to rest. The only bright side was that I wasn't tired thanks to the sleeping pills. But I was more than happy to watch TV on my laptop. I was filming a music video in a few days and I really wanted to be healthy by then. My relaxation was short-lived because there was a soft knock at the door.

"Who is it?" A cough rattled my chest as I sat up. "Come in."

"Did we wake you?" Logan held up a brown paper bag. "Liz said you were resting but we went out for lunch and brought you soup."

This was sweet and I waved them inside. "No, you're good. I'm just watching a show. Thank you.'

James sat on the arm of the couch and set down a to-go cup that had a tea bag hanging over the side. "This should help your throat and cough."

"How'd you know that's what hurts?"

Carlos seemed to be unsure if he should speak but went for it anyway. "Kendall's sick too."

A mouthful of chicken noodle soup went down the wrong pipe and I sputtered. "Great, this is what I fucking get for sleeping with Kendall."

"If it makes you feel better, he's a giant pussy when he's sick." Logan patted me on the back as I coughed. "He's in his dressing room with the humidifier and vapor rub acting like he caught the plague."

The idea of Kendall hanging over a plume of steam and whining did cheer me up a tiny bit. "Does he have soup?"

"Vegetable. We figured he doesn't deserve chicken noodle after the whole Bet Bullshit, as he calls it."

I gave James a shove but smiled. "I love you assholes. And thank you, you're too sweet."

"I'm glad you're awake. You know what today is right?"

My stare was blank as I waited for Carlos to clarify. "Wednesday?"

"It's Thursday. But the Tween Choice noms come out in ten minutes. Kelly set up the stream in the production office."

Between not feeling well and stressing about Kendall, I had forgotten. I wasn't sure how, this was the award show of the summer. I had been honored to win a few purple rockets in my time. I had five sitting in my music room back home but those were all before the Jett Incident. Winning at this year's ceremony would mean that my comeback was a success. It would mean that neither Jett or Kendall could keep me down. People always said it's an honor just to be nominated but I worried I wouldn't even make it that far.

"Oh, shit." I pushed my blanket off my lap. "I guess we should see what the fuss is about."

The guys were animated as we walked down the hall. James was hoping he'd be nominated for Best Hair. He had a score to settle after losing a few years back.

"Sure, Amy has nice hair but I doubt she has a whole system." He griped as he gestured to his head. "At least Jett didn't win that year."

Logan, who was kind enough to carry my soup turned to me. "Weren't you two together then?"

I had been hoping that it wouldn't come up. I remembered that year's TCAs like it was yesterday. Jett and I had gotten in a fight about how he was too flirty with his costar. He ended up crashing at a friend's at the Palm Woods and wandering into Kendall's mom's place in a coked-out haze. I had walked the carpet alone and embarrassed. But I didn't mention this now.

"Unfortunately."

Liz, Gustavo, and Kelly were chatting idly when we entered the room. The live stream was about to start at any moment and Liz seemed confident.

"I have a good feeling about this year."

"You say that every year," I told her as I sat down. "Who knows if they liked the album."

From behind his desk, Gustavo scoffed. "Elle, it's gone platinum. People like the album."

Kendall came into the room in a flurry of coughs and sniffles. Even with my stuffy nose, I could smell the vapor rub on his chest. His cheeks were red and his hair was damp from the steam. He had a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and leaned against the doorframe.

"Hey, guys."

His friends gave half-assed greetings and I looked only at the screen. I hadn't seen him since last night's show and I wanted to keep it that way. The stream started and several nominees were announced. James started us off strong with a nomination for Best Hair.

"Jo Taylor is nominated for Best TV Girlfriend for New Town High."

Her cheerful smile stared out from the screen and I shifted uneasily. Jo was something else that had been in the back of my mind. I had seen a few screenshots of tweets she had liked that were calling me a bitch. And there was a TMZ video of her in Italy telling a fan to ask me what happened between her and Kendall. But this was small compared to the next nominee.

"Jett Stetson is nominated for Best TV Boyfriend for New Town High, Best Rom-Com Actor for Chasing Chances, Summer Crush, and Best Hair."

His smug grin made me sick to my stomach and James leaned over to whisper in my ear.

"I'm gonna kick his ass and I don't mean just for Best Hair."

This lightened the mood and I whispered back a thank you. It was finally time for music nominees and we all grew quiet as we watched.

"Big Time Rush is nominated for: Best Tour, Best Group Single for Just Getting Started and for Best Group Album for Don't Stop."

We all burst into cheers about their nominations. I was genuinely happy for them, they had busted their asses his summer and deserved this and more. I was also glad that my drama hadn't brought them down. It was time for the solo artist categories and I bit my thumbnail. Liz shot a supportive smile my way but my leg still bounced anxiously. I watched as several people were nominated and I was convinced my name wouldn't come up. But when I saw my face I sighed a breath of relief. Even if it was just one nomination, I'd be appreciative.

"Elle Harper is nominated for: Best Sleeper Hit for Colors and Best Album for It's Kind of a Long Story."

My heart swelled in my chest and a large grinned spread across my face. The guys pulled me into a group hug as we celebrated my nominations.

"And you thought no one liked the album." Gustavo rolled his eyes and pointed to himself. "I produced it. Of course it's good."

On-screen the host was fiddling with a new envelope. "Elle Harper is also nominated for Best Summer Single for Night Like This featuring Kendall Knight."

And just like that my smile slid off my face and the energy in the room vanished. There was a clip of the music video playing. I was on Kendall's lap and his lips were pressed against my neck. There was a lead weight in my stomach and when I turned, green eyes burned a hole into me. I pushed myself to my feet so hard that my chair rocked. I muttered a thank you and my congratulations to my friends before sweeping out of the room.

I was probably being ridiculous but my face was hot and panic bloomed in my chest. I knew I should be excited and grateful but the fact that I still had to acknowledge the song we had written together made me upset. The last time I had sung it was over a month ago. The day the pictures had been leaked, I had been pulled off stage before the duet. We had sung it the night before at the award show in New York. Since then, I hadn't heard the song once. I knew it was still popular and still on the radio but I wanted nothing to do with it.

I tried to look on the bright side as I stepped out into the parking lot of the venue with my cigarettes. I had not one, not two, but three nominations. I was beyond proud that Colors had been chosen, it wasn't a single but fans still loved it. And it wasn't about Kendall so that was something. I was excited my album was so well received, it wasn't often a comeback album did so well. But the fact that Night Like This was nominated made me distraught. There were so many memories tied to that three-minute song. I could still remember the way Kendall's fingers brushed against my thigh as he tapped out the song's rhythm. He had stared at my lips as I sang about kissing. We had smoked outback and it had been the first time I hadn't been irritated by him. And of course the video had been when things really kicked off.

"Oh, come on." I clicked my lighter but no flame came out. "I hate this fucking day."

The door swung open next to me and it took all my willpower to not throw the lighter at Kendall's face. He was the last person I wanted to see, I was in no mood for his fake sheepishness or passionate speeches about how we belonged together.

"Here." He held up his lighter and lit my cigarette for me. "You shouldn't smoke when you're sick."

"And you shouldn't post people's nudes and drive them to slit their wrists but here we fucking are."

He flinched at my words. "I'm sorry, are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay. I have to be nominated and probably perform that stupid song with you. I have to stand on stage and act like I don't want to be sick every time I think about you."

Kendall buried his hands in his pockets. "I'm sorry."

I didn't say anything as I stood there and took a drag. The smoke irritated my throat and I fought a cough, not wanting to prove him right. Kendall looked just as sick as I felt and I wondered just how much more we'd have to share. We had shared beds, orgasms, and germs. It was getting to be too much. I was more than ready to not be trapped in the same place with him every day. I loved touring but at least he couldn't show up unannounced at my apartment. His constant shuffling was on my nerves so I stomped out the ashes onto the ground.

"Feel better." He called out as I opened the door. "And congratulations."

He looked like he wanted to say more but he decided against it. I just let out a long sigh. "You too."

There was only a week until the end of the summer. Only five more shows and the Tween Choice Awards stood between me and never seeing Kendall again. But right now, it felt like a lifetime away.

By the time the show rolled around, I was hopped up on cold medicine and vapor rub. I hadn't seen Kendall since he came out to apologize to me. I was pretty sure Liz and the guys had something to do with that. She kept telling me I should relax and the guys kept the conversation positive. Despite my sour mood, everyone was excited about the nominations. Even Gustavo was upbeat.

"Great news, I put my foot down and we're flying out to Winnepeg."

"How'd you manage that? Griffin seemed adamant about testing out the buses this summer." Kelly then backtracked. "Not that I'm not thrilled."

Gustavo wore his self-satisfied smirk. "Combined we have seven nominations for the Tween Choice Awards. I told Griffin that deserves a flight instead of a 22-hour drive."

"I still don't see why we had to go back and forth. Minnesota is so much closer to there than here."

Logan's comment caused their producer to get huffy. "Apparently, Beyonce's stop there was more important than Big Time Rush and Elle Harper. Which is bullshit, I'm the Gustavo Rocque."

His indignation brought a smile to my face. "And we all know you're much more popular than Beyonce."

"I'll have you know I have two more Grammys than she does." He started counting off on his fingers. "I also have six houses to her five."

I rolled my eyes good-naturedly and put in my inner earpieces. "Well, in that case..."

"Go start the show before he starts naming all his number one songs," Liz warned and ushered me to the stage. "Break a leg, have fun and we'll keep tea stocked out there."

"Thanks." I took my microphone and put on my best show smile. "Ottawa, are you ready to party?"

My throat ached and my voice cracked a few times but the show was going better than expected. The fans didn't mind that I was sick and sang along with me when I needed to rest my voice. I always took some time to talk to my fans and sign CDs that were tossed onto the stage.

"I know some of you brought signs so let's see them!" I took a drink of tea and leaned against my mic stand. "Come on, hold them up!"

A sea of posterboards appeared before me and I squinted. Some of them were funny and made puns about my songs. One proudly informed me that they had driven 6 hours to see me and some asked for me to say hello.

"Katy, how's it going? I see you out there!" I walked over to the other side of the stage. "Happy Birthday, Jade! I hope it's a great day!"

I peered into the first few rows and noticed a group of women my age holding a sign.

This is my bachelorette party!

"Holy shit. This is your bachelorette party?" I leaned toward them and pointed to the person wearing a veil. "When's the wedding?"

"This weekend!"

The fact that someone would want to be here before their big day was heartwarming. "Congratulations! Tag me on Instagram so I can see the pictures."

I picked up my thermos of tea and took a long sip. I made a mental note to ask Liz to find their seats and send the woman a bottle of champagne. I read a few more signs and nearly choked when a new one cropped up. It was further back and the hot pink paint was hard to miss.

Get back with Kendall! #Kendelleforever.

Tea almost came out of my nose and I coughed hard for a moment. When I finally settled, I noticed Liz looking concerned. I gave her a thumbs up to let her know I wasn't dying. Behind her, Kendall was watching my set. Part of me wondered if he had paid someone to stand with that sign, but then I decided he wasn't smart enough to come up with something like that.

"This next song is from my newest album. It's called Trouble so let me see you sing along!"

By the time I wrapped up my set, my throat was scratchy. I thanked the crowd and took a final bow before running offstage. A crew member took my microphone and Liz was waiting with cough drops.

"Good show as always, how's your throat?"

"A little hoarse. There's a group in maybe the third row on the left side of the stage. You can't miss them one has a veil on, can we send them champagne and a card? She's getting married this weekend."

She walked to where she could see the crowd and scanned the rows. "Brown hair? Black tour shirt? There's like four of them?"

I craned my neck to see. "Yeah, her. Hopefully, she'll tag me on social media or something."

"I'll handle it, go rest before you have to go back out."

"Thanks, I'll see you in 30."

I wished the guys a good show before heading to my dressing room. There was always a bit of dead time between the end of my set and when I came out to sing with Big Time Rush. I would miss seeing them perform every night it was always entertaining. After a quick clean up and change of outfit, I was back at the side of the stage. This was the time of the show where they experimented a little. Sometimes they sang an older song, last night they had sung Halfway There which was a major throwback. Logan had debuted a solo song a few days ago and James and Carlos mentioned wanting to play a new song sometime this week. So, of course, it was just my luck that Kendall was tuning a guitar. If I hadn't been getting attached to my wires and mic pack I would have made a break for it.

"How are we feeling tonight?" Kendall's question was met with a combination of jeers and applause which made him cringe. "I'm a little under the weather but I thought I'd play something I was working on."

"Jesus, here we go," I muttered to Liz who shared my lack of enthusiasm. "We should have negotiated this when I came back."

Kendall was playing a surprisingly upbeat introduction, there was a bit of synth to it and I hated to admit that I was intrigued. We had our differences but the musician in me wanted to hear it.

"Figuring out it's habitual, you're calling my name at night. Picking you up like's a ritual, breathing you in it clears my mind." He started in a hushed tone and his body language told me he was a bit nervous. He sang about how he wanted to keep me nearby. "Letting you go is impossible, only you can help me to unwind."

The synth and guitar came crashing in at the start of the chorus. His friends looked irritated with him but clapped along for the sake of appearances.

"I'm not giving up for nothing, they tell me I'm dead if I don't leave you alone, like nicotine." He glanced over his shoulder and a smile pulled at his face when he saw me watching. "We've got nothing but potential, I've tried but I can't put you down on my own, like nicotine."

He was comparing me to cigarettes. I had asked him if smoking was worth the health risk. Once in LA while we wrote the duet and just yesterday. We had been smoking and I told him everything we loved came back to hurt us in the end. I had been talking about our relationship but I didn't realize he had picked up on it. The analogy carried over into the next few lines.

"Drowning myself in your chemicals, feeling my heart intoxify. Lighting you up was so casual, now I'm craving you all the time." He laughed to himself and continued strumming. "I'm addicted to everything you represent."

The next line was about how I was his pick me up. I tried not to think about relentless his energy was when we had sex the other day. Maybe it was because it had been a while or because he missed me, but when he had been too tired to move all I had to do was press a hard kiss to his lips and he was ready to go again.

"Telling myself that I'm functional but you have a high I can't deny." Green eyes stared into mine and he laughed to himself. "So addicting, she's so addicting."

Kendall's voice was scratchy and it added a raspy quality to the song that even I had to admit was attractive. Between the stage lights and his cold, his cheeks were flushed the same shade of red they'd get when we fucked. But I tried not to think about this as he reached the chorus. He was full of determination and he bounced to the beat of the song. He was entirely in his element. Performing and irritating me came as easy as breathing to him.

"No, I'm not giving up for nothing. They tell me I'm dead if I don't leave you alone, like nicotine. We've got nothing but potential now." Kendall turned and gave me a smile that made my stomach tie itself into knots. His voice cracked from his sore throat and he ignored the crowd in front of him. "I've tried but I can't put you down on my own, like nicotine."

He finished the song by repeating the chorus and when it ended, the audience responded with polite applause. My fans still didn't trust him and I didn't blame them. Kendall came offstage so I could sing with his friends. He made a beeline towards me and I held my hand up to stop Liz.

"Well?" He asked with a smug grin. "What did you think?"

His attitude made me roll my eyes. "I think you should invest in that gum that helps you quit smoking."

"It's not cigarettes I'm addicted to, Eleanor." He drawled and bent down to whisper in my ear. "We should be together. You know that."

My hands went to his chest and he must have thought I was going to kiss him because he leaned in. I gave him a hard shove and he stumbled. "All I know is that you're having some kind of fever-induced hysteria."

This made him laugh and he stretched his arms and shrugged. "I'm in no hurry for you to figure it out. You'll see."

Kendall's cough syrup fueled delusions didn't ruin my time on stage. We sang the two songs we always did and I tried to savor it. Soon enough, tour would be over and I'd miss performing with the guys. But I was still grateful to be in showered and in pajamas after the show. The concert had ended 10 minutes ago and I was making sure I hadn't left anything in my dressing room.

"Your sleeping pill and your last dose of medicine for the day will be on the counter on the bus." Liz reminded me as she pulled out a can of spray. "I'm going to go disinfect the place before you start coughing all over it."

"Thanks. I'll be out in a second."

We were flying to the next stop which was a blessing. The flight wasn't until the morning so the label had booked hotel rooms for everyone. I hoped that sleeping in a real bed would make me feel a bit better. I had missed enough tour already and I wanted to finish off strong. There were only four more tour dates now that today was over. The next few days would be busy with an interview and a video shoot. I put the rest of my things in my bag and was searching for my other slipper.

"Hey."

In the mirror, I saw Kendall in the doorway of my dressing room. He was dressed in basketball shorts and a sweatshirt, he had bags under his eyes and the sound of his voice made my own throat hurt.

"You sound like shit."

This jab had zero effect on him and he reached behind the couch. "Looking for this?"

I reached for the shoe but he held it above his head. In another universe, this would have been cute but it just raised my blood pressure. "Give it."

"I just wanted to say something."

"Kendall, I'm not in the mood." I lunged and was on my tiptoes but he towered over me. "I'm serious."

He sighed and dropped the shoe. "Please?"

"Only if it gets you to leave faster."

"I just wanted to tell you I'm proud of you. I didn't get a chance to say it earlier but you got three nominations. That's awesome."

This wasn't what I was expecting. "Oh, thanks. Congrats to you too. You and the guys worked hard."

"Not as hard as you. I know I didn't make things easy and I know I fucked up your comeback but you deserve every award. Fuck, you deserve a sainthood for putting up with me." He scratched the back of his neck. "The album is amazing, Colors isn't even a single but it's up for an award, that's how talented you are. And I know it must suck for the duet to be nominated."

"It's not my favorite thing."

"I figured. That song as a thousand memories for me. When you win, I won't go up with you. It's your song and I won't ruin the moment."

"You have memories tied to it?"

He laughed and crossed his arms. "Are you kidding? Writing it was the first time we ever hung out one on one. You were so talented and I was amazed. Every night we sang it I got to make you blush. The night we filmed the video I decided that having you on my lap and making out was my new favorite pastime."

This made me laugh and I hit him on the shoulder. "Shut up."

"But seriously, do you remember when we wrote it? I thought you were so pretty but I was trying to ignore that. We wrote the line about feeling the weight of a kiss and all I could think about was how it would feel to have your mouth on mine. Do you remember the day after that? When we played it for Gustavo and Liz? You had tried on some tour outfits and my friends all thought you were hot?"

I hadn't thought about it in a while but the mention of it brought it back to the surface. "I do. You asked if I was allergic to clothes and kept staring at my breasts."

"You told me if I liked what I saw I should just say it." His face turned a shade of pink. "I definitely liked it and I didn't like how my friends stared at you. I had spent the whole night before thinking about what it would be like to kiss you. I almost did the night we wrote it."

"What? When?"

Kendall swallowed hard and seemed embarrassed. "We had a smoke break and it was raining. You didn't know I smoked and we talked about how it was bad for us. I made you laugh and it was one of the best things I ever heard. And I ended up thinking about how easy it would be to lean over and find out what it felt like. I think I knew I was fucked then. Actually, I went home and started writing the song I played tonight."

This confession had left me feeling dizzy and my voice was strained. "You did?"

"I didn't realize it was about you back then. The other day we were out by the buses and you basically said the same thing about everything we love is bad for us. Then I realized it had been about you and I finished it. I'm not sure why I'm surprised, every song I write is about you these days."

I shifted my weight and played with the strap of my bag. "Well, it's not a bad song."

"Really?" He ducked his head. "I know you hate when I play songs about you."

"It's not that I hate it. It's just you're barking up the wrong tree."

The mood shifted. "Why's that?"

"Because I don't want to be with you. And even if I did, I'm scared of you. We've been over this. I'm sorry but-"

Kendall held up his hand to stop me. "You don't have to explain yourself. I get it, I fucked up and you need time. But I just need you to know that I'll wait until you're ready to be with me."

"You better be prepared to wait for the rest of your life then."

"Until the end of time, Len. I love you and I'm never going to feel this way about another person."

The willingness to devote his life to waiting for me was unnerving. No one had ever been this deluded when it came to wanting to date me. Maybe in another universe, we could be soulmates but it certainly wouldn't be in this one. The way his nose was red from his cold and the limp mess of blonde hair that hung in his eyes made him seem extra vulnerable. I squeezed his hand.

"That's really sweet, but-." I suppressed a cough and he frowned. "Sorry."

"I'm the one who got you sick. It was probably the skating and the rain." Kendall looked down to where my small hand was wrapped in his large one. "If you need anything let me know. Tea, cough drops, anything. I'll be there."

His support was unwavering, even in the face of flat out rejection, he was loyal to a fault. He gave me a tired smile and he cleared his throat which sounded sore and raw.

"Thank you, right back at you."

"Feel better, Eleanor." His eyes were soft and he stroked his thumb over my wrist. My stitches had started to heal into thick pink scars. "And for what it's worth I'm glad you're still here and I'm so proud of you."

"I'm glad I'm here too."

We both stared down at the inside of my arm. It made me sick to my stomach to think about how I had been so desperate in that moment. Kendall brought my hand to his lips and held it to his face. He was warm and his eyes were heavy.

"Believe me when I say that I'll spend the rest of my life trying to fix this. I'll wait for you forever, Eleanor."

He looked so sick and so tired that I didn't put up a fight. I simply pushed up onto my toes and kissed his feverish cheek.

"Goodnight, Kendall. I'll see you tomorrow."

AN: How many times can I end a chapter with Elle going to bed or saying goodnight? As you can see the summer is winding down and Kendall and Elle are still at odds. There are only a few tour dates left before the Tween Choice Awards so anything can happen.

The next chapter shows the Canadian tour, Elle clears the air about everything that's happened and films her new music video

Also... I've been considering writing a short prequel to this fic about Jett and Elle's relationship prior to the Jett Incident. Would anyone be interested in reading it?

That's all for now, stay tuned for chapter 36 in two weeks or so. I hope to hear from you!