AN: So, this chapter is long as fuck and I'm not quite sure what happened but we're building up for the final four chapters. Elle films a music video as the tour winds down. Thank you for the feedback last chapter. I appreciate it and I'm glad I could update twice this month. I hope you enjoy and please review.

I highly recommend listening to Wonderland by Taylor Swift. :)

I had never been more grateful for a flight in my life. The 22-hour drive we almost had to make was cut down to six hours in the air. I worked on some lyrics between staring out the window and napping. Winnipeg greeted us with sunny skies and fans out front. Getting rushed by a group of fans never got old and made me smile. I signed a few autographs and posed for pictures before security whisked us off into black SUVs. James was turned around in his seat looking back at the crowd.

"Damn, it's still exciting every time. Do you guys remember the first time we got mobbed?"

"Hell yeah, dude. After the first concert, they chased us down the street." Carlos was wistful but then shook his head. "You remember when we almost got beaten to a pulp?"

This made me do a double-take and I turned to Logan for clarification. "Fans almost beat you up?"

"No. This was back in high school. The girls' field hockey team was standing near the sprinklers and we turned them on to soak them. In hindsight, it was like 40 degrees out so they were cold and pissed."

"They chased us down into this alley and kicked the shit out of us. But Kendall made me give James my helmet to protect his face."

James slung his arm over Carlos' shoulder. "I love you jerks. That was the same day we auditioned for Gustavo."

"Was it?"

Kendall nodded from the front seat. "We were in my living room covered in bruises and saw it on the news."

I could picture the living room all too clearly. I could imagine the guys bleeding and sitting around the TV. It seemed like ages ago that I sat there with Kendall while he got high. I wasn't sure what to say so I peered out the window. The tour would be over in just a few days and we were planning to make the most of it. One of the perks of flying into the next stop was that we had a bit more time in the schedule. The plan was to have a big tour family lunch. We were trying to make the last few days of the tour count.

James was still talking when I tuned back in. "The Pussycat Dolls did make the pain go away. Elle, maybe you should try watching their videos instead of taking cold medicine."

This made me roll my eyes and I cleared my throat which was still scratchy. "I'll stick to vitamin C and tea, thank you. And I'm feeling better, I think it might have just been a 24-hour thing."

It was true, my fever had broken late last night and coughs didn't rattle me as frequently. Kendall must have been feeling better too because his nose wasn't red and he wasn't was perpetually whiny like he had been yesterday. I was grateful for this because I didn't need a cold riddled Kendall on top of him already being lovesick to distract me.

It took an intense round of rock-paper-scissors but we ended up settling on an Italian restaurant near the venue with great. The plates were piled high with pasta and bread. Bottles of wine were passed around. Liz was laidback and little more carefree. At the end of every tour, there was a point when she stopped being so uptight. She didn't bat an eye as I helped myself to plenty of wine. I could only imagine how ready she was for this summer to be over.

"I'm going to miss you hockeyheads when this is over."

"We live in the same city, you know."

I rolled my eyes at James. "It's not the same and you know that."

"If you want to have a big-time sleepover we can," Logan spoke up. "We should actually go out and get drunk without having to wake up at the crack of dawn for interviews."

"I may have to take you up on that. I'm going to miss seeing you guys every day."

Further down the table Kendall was pushing his food around his plate and avoiding my eye. His friends and I were close even after all the drama, I wondered what it would be like after we weren't trapped in each other's presence. Would Carlos, James, Logan, and I make plans behind his back? Or would Kendall know that I was purposely avoiding him? I didn't have time to dwell because Carlos was raising his glass.

"To a great fucking tour and even better summer."

We all clinked our glasses together and the wine was sour in my mouth. The end of tour felt like a lifetime away.

The Winnepeg show had gone better than the one before it. My voice hadn't been as worn out and I didn't have to stop for a coughing fit. The guys performed with the same boundless energy they always had and I was still entertained by them.

Our next stop was Regina. It was a modest six hours away, so no flight. I was already crafting the argument I could make for a private jet instead of a bus for the next tour. I had spent some of the ride there on the studio bus with my band. I had a song idea stuck in my head since Toronto and was glad to have gotten it out. In an unsurprising turn of events, it was about Kendall. Gustavo thought it was one of the best I had written and encourage me to test it out on stage. I promised him I'd think about it.

I spent the remainder of the ride to Regina on the BTR bus having a movie marathon. James was fixated on a new actress' films and working his way through them all. So he had chosen one of her movies. It was most likely a standard rom-com involving some miscommunication between two stubborn, good looking people. I wasn't shy about letting James know this.

"Why are you watching this? I mean, she's obviously a workaholic who thinks she has no time for love. The guy's probably an easy-going charmer who makes her see the little things in life. It's predictable and I'm just looking at the DVD case."

James took out the disc and shook his head. "Because Sydney West is America's Sweetheart and hot as fuck."

"She's right though, you did this at the start of summer with a different actress' movies. What happened to her?"

He gave Kendall a smirk and cleared his throat. "We met up after the award show in New York. We, uh, celebrated together. She got back with her boyfriend though and Sydney has the whole good girl thing going on."

James ended up hiding the remote after he turned on his pick. This meant Logan and I played Scrabble against each other on our phones while Carlos kept dozing in and out of sleep. Kendall had excused himself before the movie had started and I was glad. I didn't mind being in the same room as him but being here watching a romcom on the bus was too similar to the start of the summer. I had fallen asleep on his chest and he had given me his sweatshirt. It was too close for comfort.

My phone buzzed, signaling I had lost the round to Logan. I groaned and kicked him in the leg. "No fair."

"What? I wanted to be a doctor, I'm not stupid."

"Yeah, but it was best two out of three and I was so close to winning."

Logan just grinned and shrugged. "We could make it four out of five?"

"Shh! You're interrupting the movie."

"Please, we all know you'll probably hook up in LA and never call her again."

James scoffed and tore his eyes from the screen. "I could date her if I wanted to. I'm a great boyfriend."

"Says the guy who got dumped by Lucy Stone because he didn't want to commit."

"Aren't you supposed to be asleep?"

Carlos yawned and stretched his arms. "I am."

I pushed myself off the couch. "I need a snack."

They didn't seem to notice me slipping out of the back lounge because James was listing all the reasons he hadn't been ready to commit to Lucy. I set about opening cabinets and drawers and shook my head. On the top shelf was the bottle of bourbon I had shown up with just a few weeks back. It had been right before Minnesota and I had been desperate for sleep.

"Looking for something?"

I turned to find Kendall leaning against the door I had just come through. He must have been in his bunk. "Just a snack. James is ranting about how he can be a committed boyfriend or something."

"James? As in James David Diamond who prides himself on never texting the wrong girl when he's talking to more than one?"

"That would be him."

"He's full of it." Kendall picked at his fingernails. "I was thinking about the last movie marathon. Remember that dad had been a real asshole to you?"

My nose scrunched in disgust. His daughters had been excited to meet me and then he called me a brainless party girl. Kendall had stepped in between us to defend my honor. That had been the day it occured to me that I was into him. I didn't say any of this though, there was no point.

"I do. The asshole called me Elizabeth."

"I forgot about that part. You look like an Elle, maybe an Eva, but not an Elizabeth. I gave you my hoodie that day because you kept elbowing me in the ribs because you couldn't sit still."

"How selfish." I teased.

"What can I say? I'm flawed."

"I still have it you know." I tried to sound nonchalant. I didn't have it by choice. It just seemed like a waste to throw a perfectly good sweatshirt into the dumpster at some venue. "If you want it back. It's in my luggage."

His eyes were fond as his mouth twitched at the corners. "Keep it. It's always looked better on you."

"Anything looks good on me." I chewed on a pretzel and the bus rocked as we drove.

"That's true." He conceded and sighed as orange highway lights whizzed past the windows. "Summer's really over, huh?"

"So it seems. I'm ready to hide out in my apartment and write songs until I'm dragged off to Europe."

Kendall gave a tight smile as he stared into the fridge. "So you're going back on tour?"

"Probably. And I have to go make up the dates I missed back east. I'm looking forward to it though. After Jett, I was a coward and didn't leave my apartment for two years."

"You're not a coward." He crouched down to pull a bottle of water from the bottom drawer. "You needed time to yourself."

"If you say so. I'm just bitter I recorded a whole album that never got released."

"Wait, really?"

I nodded thinking of my old fourth album. I had been writing it before The Jett Incident. "It was nearly done. The plan was to go out with Jett, have one drink and then finish writing it the next day." I let out a breath and shook my head. "But he slipped drugs into my drink and took me into the stupid bathroom. I woke up the next day and never finished it."

I hadn't admitted this to anyone. At the time fans didn't know it was being worked on. I had wanted to surprise them with the new music. I was still really fond of all the songs. They were all about Jett, our relationship and all the drama we had been through. By the time of the Incident we had been hanging on by a thread and it reflected that. There was still so much of the story that people didn't know. I tried not to be bitter about it.

"That sucks. I'm really sorry, I'm sure it would have been great."

"It is great. It's sitting on a hard drive in LA untouched. It's all about Jett but the songs are good."

Kendall wasn't sure what to say. "Fuck him."

"Yeah, no thanks," I said dryly. "That didn't end well last time."

His eyes were wide and he stammered. "No, shit. I meant-"

"God, take a breath. I was joking, Kendick." I snorted at how nervous he was. "I can make jokes about him."

"Well, I hope people get to hear those songs one day. I'm sure they're all good."

I pretended to be more interested in the snack I was holding. "I have so many songs about that asshole that people haven't heard. He probably owes me a Grammy."

"I'm sure you'll win one."

"You're just saying that."

Kendall went to defend his statement when the bus hit a curve that sent him stumbling into me. He braced himself against the counter and my body was pinned. My cheeks were flushed with heat. It reminded me of the start of the tour. It reminded me of how I had let Kendall have sex with me right on this very counter.

"Sorry." Kendall straightened himself out and stepped away from me. "Inertia and shit."

"Yeah, inertia..."

Would things always feel like they were just a heartbeat away from a kiss? Kendall stared at me with an intense gaze that made my mouth sticky. I pretended to be more interested in the nutrition facts on the bag of pretzels. I tried to ignore the way I felt myself rock on my feet, ready to close the space between us.

"Elle! Get in here and please tell Carlos and Logan that I can be monogamous."

James' voice broke our trance and I stepped back. The tension was gone and Kendall's shoulders drooped.

"I better go tell James he's delusional."

"Eh, I wouldn't say he's delusional." He said. "I think anyone could be committed if they found the right person."

"Let me guess. You think everyone has a perfect match?"

His smile was small and he shrugged. "Something like that."

"Jesus, this is worse than the steps in Philly." I wheezed as I hunched over. "There's no air in my lungs."

Logan collapsed next to me. "I think I'm sunburned."

"Who the fuck let James pick the trail we hiked?" Kendall demanded as he slung his backpack to the ground. "He works out twice a day every day."

"You guys are pathetic. Look at the view!" James leisurely stretched his arms and popped open his water bottle. "You earned this view."

Carlos wiped sweat from his forehead. "I could have googled this view."

We were 40 minutes outside of Calgary. It was all lush forests and mountains and a small hike sounded like a great idea. But the burning in my chest proved me wrong. It was stunning despite the sweat dripping off of me. I sipped from my bottle of water and rested against a tree. The sky was wide and bright blue. It was quiet except for the wind rustling the leaves. We stopped someone to take a group photo of the five of us. None of us said anything for several minutes as we took in the landscape and each other's company. I wondered if they were thinking the same thing I was. This would probably be the last time we'd hang out in a nonwork setting.

Tomorrow I'd be filming a new video for the deluxe version of my album. The label wanted it out to tide people over for the European tour I'd probably do in the spring. The plan was ambitious, I really wanted to film the entire thing in one day. Usually, video shoots were two days. But this song was about Kendall and everything that happened this summer. I wasn't sure I could relive that day in New York for more than a few hours. That was also the reason the song I had debuted the night I came back the tour wasn't the single. It was too emotionally draining for me. I was confident though, the plot wasn't too complex and we got Olivia Spencer to direct it. She had directed the video for the duet and I believed her when she told me she could get it done. I'd also be giving an exclusive interview to finally close the book on what happened between the two of us. Liz thought it would be good for optics to do in the last city of the tour. The guys would be doing press of their own. The day after that was the final concert, then it was the award show and that was it. The Count Me In Tour would be over.

"I kind of think the view's worth it," I called out now that my breath was back. "I sure as hell wouldn't want to trek in the heat with another group of people."

"See, Elle appreciates my zest for life."

Carlos was fixing his hat. "Well, can we appreciate it back in the air conditioning?"

James put his backpack on his shoulders. "Fine, fine, fine. But you're coming hiking with me back home."

Logan leaned over to us and gave a stage whisper. "He says that every year. Just nod and smile."

"I hope you get poison ivy." James was headed back down the trail. "I'll meet you dicks at the car."

I was taking pictures of the scenery as they left. There was something peaceful about being up here. I wasn't one for the outdoors but I could be persuaded otherwise if it looked like this. I slipped my phone in my pocket and readied myself to go.

"It's pretty, isn't it?"

Kendall's hands were in his pockets as we walked. "It is. There are some trails back home that are really nice. Katie and I always dragged our mom on walks there. It's beautiful year-round. But it's a whole other level during the winter. It's so quiet and everything's white and clean."

The idea of cold snow was nice and I groaned. "I get it, Minnesota's amazing."

"I would have shown you but it was a muddy mess."

I tried not to think too hard about my Minnesota activities so I was noncommittal. "Hmm, maybe next time."

"Babe, wait." It came out of his mouth without thought, it was second nature to him. "Stop."

He held out his arm and got down to his knees. "What are you doing?"

"Your shoe." He knotted my laces for me and stood back up. "Can't have you fall down a cliff or something."

"Oh, thanks."

"Don't mention it. I like you in one, nonbroken piece."

My words came out before I could think about their meaning. "So you wouldn't like me if I broke a leg?"

He elbowed me and chuckled. "There's nothing you could do that could make me not like you."

His wide smile made my stomach turn over and I sucked in a breath. I was drifting too close to his orbit again. It was so easy to be pulled into it and I planted myself back into reality.

"Well, thanks for saving me from certain doom." I patted his shoulder. "I owe you."

I quickened my pace and focused on the trees and the mountains. I was determined to not turn around and find myself enticed by him. I was one with nature, no Kendall necessary.

Vancouver, our final city, was still asleep when I got to the studio. My call time for the video had been six in the morning. The tentative plan was to film the entire video in one go. The thought of a twelve-hour day was daunting but I knew it would be worth it in the end. I had been skeptical that we would be able to film it in such a short amount of time but Olivia ran a tight ship. It was just after ten and we had filmed two portions of the video already. Olivia had pitched me this idea of making the video seem like an actual day on tour. 'Autobiographical' is what she called it. Wonderland was about Kendall, the pictures, and that day in New York. Liz had been skeptical about this, she called it exploitive. But I was into the idea right away. It wasn't a secret what happened. There were the pictures he had posted. My tweet about him and Jo, his tweet about me being a joke. The video of him shoving me backstage was a quick google search away. And Jo had been running her mouth to anyone who would listen. The song was about these events, what else would the video be about?

I had done videos based on real events before. When the tape of me and Jett came out, I had been in Vegas. I was filming a video that he was supposed to be in. I wasn't shy about my personal life. But I was anxious to see how today would play out. Obviously, casting Kendall wasn't an option. Adam Holt was the first person we had all agreed on. He was in the newest superhero franchise and had been in Hollywood since he was a kid. He was a professional, we ran in the same circles. plus, Adam and I went way back. I had sung on the soundtrack for one of his films and he had dated the opening act from my last tour. When the Jett Incident happened he had been one of the few people to ask if I was okay. My people had called his people, we had a long phone call and he agreed. And now, here we were.

"Okay, everyone's doing a great job. Let's get the lighting in place for the next scene." Olivia instructed the crew. "How are we feeling, Elle?"

"I'm good, thanks."

She and Liz had been pausing to see if I was feeling comfortable and I appreciated it. We had started with an easy scene. I had performed the new song on stage with my band and an 'audience'. Adam and I had given each other flirty looks just like Kendall and I used to. We had also filmed a scene where he held me on the empty stage while the camera circled us. The other scene that had been completed was me in my dressing room with my band and Adam. It looked like we were all laughing and having fun but it was undercut with lots of intense stares and shy smiles from both of us. I had joined Adam where he was sitting and slipped on his green sweatshirt. It wasn't Kendall's of course. That would have been weird. This one still smelled like the plastic it had been shipped in.

"You're killing it by the way. I know I'd never be brave enough to put it all out there like this."

Adam had brought me a bottle of water. "Thanks. It's already out there so I figured I should own it."

"Still, it's brave. I know the next few scenes could be a bit rough, just let me know if you need to tap out."

The dressing room set had been relit and it was just the two of us. This was going to be our first kiss and my hands were a tad shaky. I had been taken aback at how similar he looked to Kendall. His hair was usually dark for his superhero role but he was a natural blonde. Pair that with green eyes and thick eyebrows, he could have been Kendall's cousin. A production assistant sat me down at the vanity and Adam went to stand outside the room.

"Wonderland video, scene three. Action."

The track played over a loudspeaker and I carefully applied a coat of lipstick. It was meant to look like I was preparing for a show. I sang along to the track and on cue, Adam appeared in the mirror. I turned and greeted him. There was no dialogue in this video but we were told to flirt.

"You look nice. The color suits you" Adam said softly as he let his hand brush over my shoulder. "I'm glad you asked me to film this video with you."

I ducked my head and put down the lipstick. "I'm glad you agreed. I don't think I could do this with some actor off the street."

I pretended to be shy as I stood up to face him. He swallowed and his eyes were on my lips. This was our first kiss. My heart was pounding in my chest from the nerves. Kissing on screen was always so artificial and nerve-wracking. Except for when I filmed the video with Kendall. I could still remember how he bragged about using extra lip balm and how it had started out as our game. That kiss had been real. But this one wasn't. Adam's eyes were the wrong shade of green, too hazel to be Kendall's. And my emotions were fake.

"Can I kiss you?" Adam traced his thumb over my bottom lip and looked every bit a leading man. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Yeah." I stared up at him with wide eyes and pressed my body to his. "Make it convincing."

His lips met mine and were soft. The kiss was nice but fell flat. Which was good I guess. It meant that I didn't just fall for any blonde who looked my way. But I kissed him back and pushed up on my toes. My fingers tucked into his hair and he held my cheek.

"Now, Adam pull away! Elle, give me a surprised look. You weren't expecting to like it."

Adam broke our kiss and I tried to convey what Olivia wanted. It wasn't hard. I just thought about the real kiss in the dressing room. It had been the last thing I expected to ever happen. Adam ran his hand through his hair and stumbled out of the room.

"Cut. That was good, I want to get it from another angle. Reset!"

We filmed the kiss a few more times and it was second nature now. Part of me wished all my kisses could be like this. There was no emotion, there was no lust and it was all straightforward. I knew where I stood with Adam, it was purely professional. There were no messy feelings to deal with. Olivia was finally satisfied and I was whisked into hair and makeup.

The day was flying by and it was way past lunchtime when I made it to my dressing room. Olivia didn't seem too stressed about the pressing timeline. I would film two more scenes before sitting down to an interview. After that, we were nearly done.

"I brought you something light. I wasn't sure how you were feeling." Liz placed a salad in front of me and took a seat. "I was watching the footage. It looks good, I think it'll look nice with the beginning in black and white."

"I think so too." I gingerly picked at my food and tried to avoid getting dressing in my hair. "Adam's good. I'm glad we picked him."

Liz squeezed my shoulder. "This is big for you. I'm proud."

I thanked her and went back to reading the call sheet. The tour bus and bed scenes were next. These would be intercut with the other footage we had film. The video wasn't necessarily filmed in order but this was the first half of it. Parts of it would be in black and white and we were filming those first with a special camera. After the interview, we'd film the climax and ending.

"Ms. Harper? Olivia would like you back on set." A PA was holding a clipboard and wearing a headset. "Can you touch up a little?"

"She'll be out in a minute." Liz pulled a compact out and started powdering my forehead. "Are you sure about this? It's not too late too pull out."

I laughed at this because it couldn't be further from the truth. "Dani's cool but she'll be pissed I blew 200 grand because I got anxious. I like making music videos, I like Adam and Olivia. Besides, my award for the Night Like This video is getting lonely."

Liz's worried expression transformed to an eye roll. "So ambitious. You better go to set, I have to confirm your dress fitting for the awards."

For just a second I was certain I had wandered onto my tour bus. The set was identical and I wondered if my bus had been hollowed out and brought inside. I shed my robe and was in a dress and Adam was in a simple tee shirt.

"Sorry to cut lunch short, but the lighting is perfect. In this scene, Adam wants to go all-in but you're apprehensive."

I didn't find it to hard to relate to this because of the way the song was written. After a few more notes, we were angled for the cameras. The backing track started playing and action was called.

"Don't hold back."

Adam and I kissed each other frantically and he lifted me onto the counter. His hand ran along my thigh and up my skirt. I pulled away and wrung my hands together.

"I'm not sure about this." I looked up through my lashes and bit my lip. "It feels too fast."

He gave me an easy grin and toyed with the strap of my dress. "Come on, there's nothing to be scared of."

"Didn't they tell us don't rush into things? Didn't you flash your green eyes me?" I sang along to my own voice. "Didn't you calm my fears with a Cheshire cat smile?"

I blew out a long breath and shrugged, giving into it. Adam smirked before pulling me in and I wrapped my legs around him. We made out and I tugged at his shirt as I was directed. He picked me up and the two of us fell into bed together. Our clothes came off and we laughed as we kissed. Olivia directed us on how to position our bodies. Sometimes he was on top and sometimes I was. It took all of my willpower to not think about Kendall, how we had gone at it in the back of the cab in Chicago. How he had been turned on underneath me. The song reached a softer part and we were cuddling now. He lazily traced patterns into my skin and kissed my forehead.

"Elle, you're asleep in 3, 2, 1."

My eyes fell shut and I knew Adam would be pretending to text another girl. We filmed the counter scene with different lighting and some more angles of us in bed. Working up to the harder stuff was a good idea. It helped my nerves appear more believable. Soon enough, everyone was content with what we had done and another portion was crossed off. Adam went to film a few close-ups and reshoots while I headed off to my interview.

"I'm Madison Michele from Backstage Access and I'm in Vancouver, Canada to bring you an exclusive look at the final days of The Count Me In Tour. I'm on the set of Elle Harper's new music video. How are you?"

I put on my best smile. "I'm great. Thank you so much for coming up."

"No need. I wasn't going to miss the last few days of the hottest summer tour. What are you filming today?"

I gestured to the set. We were in the tour bus backdrop now that we had finished shooting. "Well, this mad little circus is the set for my newest video Wonderland."

"Already working on a new album?"

"Just the deluxe edition."

"Well, you've all been busy, haven't you? You're filming a video and your tourmates just finished a CD signing and radio show. And of course, tomorrow's the final concert. How do you feel?"

I shifted in my seat a bit and crossed my legs. "It's bittersweet. I love touring and seeing fans but it'll be nice to sleep in my apartment instead of the tour bus."

Madison nodded and looked through her notes. "It's definitely been a long few months, hasn't it? I interviewed you in May before the start of tour and you were working on a duet with Kendall. That was Night Like This, wasn't it?"

This interview was to clear the air about the Kendall Incident once and for all. I just hadn't expected to dive in headfirst.

"That would be the one. This summer seems three years long." I huffed out an anxious laugh.

She seemed sympathetic but determined to get a scoop. "So, fans want to know what exactly happened between you and Kendall."

Over her shoulder, Liz was standing with her arms crossed, ready to jump in and save me.

"It's kind of a long story. Uh, no pun intended." My leg bounced up and down and I cleared my throat. "We had a complicated relationship that wasn't what I thought it was. He was deceitful and when I called him on it, he lost his temper."

"We all saw the tweets with your photos and video of how he pushed you. Is that what you drove you to leave the tour?"

The bad thing about interviews was you had to be polite. No shit that's why I left, but I couldn't say that.

"I knew it wasn't a healthy place to be. I removed myself from a toxic person and situation."

"What was it like when you left? Kendall gave me his side of the story but I want to hear yours. How did it feel to see what people were saying and sharing?"

My mind wandered back to the interview I did after the Jett Incident. It had been sanitized, scripted and packaged. Liz and my PR team had been trying to control the optics. But now? I had nothing to lose and it came out easily.

"Honestly? I wanted to die, I tried to. Being exposed like that is the worst thing for someone to go through. I trusted this person with our relationship and those photos and was betrayed. I've said it a million times but I came back for my fans. Not for him and not because of my manager. I came back for myself and the fans."

Madison hadn't been expecting me to be so blunt and it took her a second to readjust. "You tried to hurt yourself?"

"Yeah." Out of habit, I pulled my sleeves down. "I was under supervision for three days in my apartment. I don't want to get into it but I'm lucky and happy to be sitting here."

She was still a professional journalist but she patted my arm. "Well, I am too. I'm sure the fans are and I know for certain your tourmates glad to have you."

The memory of the guys' texts lifted my spirits. "They're my best friends."

"Speaking of Big Time Rush, you spent some time in their hometown. Based on your social media, it looked like you and Kendall spent some time together. Why did you spend time with him after what he did?"

Flashbacks of dinner, ice skating, and having sex played in my mind. "We wanted to spend time with each other and work through some things."

"Are you two back together?"

The question caused me to swallow a lump in my throat. "No. We're better off as friends. I'm single, completely, totally, single."

Madison and I chatted for a long time. The clock that rolled along with the camera told me we had been talking for 45 minutes. We discussed my record, talked about how it was still number one, and the upcoming deluxe version. She brought up the idea of my album being nominated for a Grammy and I genuinely laughed.

"I don't think that'll happen. I'm proud of this record, it's my baby. But I don't know, it's a comeback album."

"Exactly, critics love it. I think you should put the idea out to the universe."

"Well, if it happens I owe you one."

After that, I showed her around the set of the video and Adam popped in to say hi. The tour of the set lasted for the better part of a half-hour as she asked me questions about my writing process. She was also curious to know what I was working on. I was coy about what the song and video were about.

"Let's just say it's very real."

"Elle, it's been a whirlwind summer. From the tour, the album and your personal life. Do you have anything you want to say before we wrap things up?"

I pondered this for a moment. "I think I just want to thank my fans for standing by me through all of the chaos and the ups and downs. It really means the world to me to know they have my back. This summer has been one of the most challenging and inspiring times in my career and personal life but I'm grateful for the people who stuck by me."

"This has been an exclusive interview with Elle Harper. The Count Me In Tour ends tomorrow in Vancouver. I'm Madison Michele with Backstage Access. What a summer it's been."

Liz went to see Madison out and make sure my words wouldn't be twisted. I took the opportunity to finish my food while Olivia was off setting up the next scene. It was right around dinner time and I was starving. Adam wandered into my dressing room and we took a picture together.

"You post it, I don't really use social media."

I snorted and swiped through different filters. "Good for you. It's all a giant cesspool of trolls and my nudes."

ElleHarper: Searching for wonderland with IAmAdamHolt

"Very mysterious." He mused as he reposted it. "I'm already getting comments."

Electrictomyfingertips: Are they filming a video?

EverythingisElle: He looks like Kendick.

RushingforHarper: Are we getting a new song?

"Gotta love the fans."

Adam pointed to the doorway. "Speaking of fans, I think you have some admirers."

I turned to see the guys out in the hall. "Ew, who let them in here?"

"Very funny." Logan walked in first and fist-bumped Adam. "How's the shoot?"

"Good, we're a little over halfway done. Only a few hours to go."

Carlos must have found craft service because he had a mouthful of popcorn. "You're insane to shoot this whole thing in one day."

"I'm a one and done kind of person. I want to finish the video, finish the tour, and then nap for a month."

"I should go get changed. Nice seeing you guys."

Once Adam left the room James spoke up. "Are we not going to talk about how he looked just like Kendall?"

"Yeah, what the fuck, Elle?"

I held up my hands. "The song's about Kendall, I'm not going to have him in the video. Where is he anyway?"

"Smoking, he wasn't sure how welcome he'd be on set."

I was touching up my hair with the curling iron. "He has a point. How was your interview?"

Carlos was terrible at hiding his emotions and he answered too quickly. "Fine."

"What happened? Did Kendall do something dumb?"

"Not really, but Madison brought up Jo. She's been talking about the two of you."

This was the least of my worries. "I'm not surprised. She's boring, this is probably the most exciting thing to happen to her."

"Yeah, but-"

"I have a video to film. She can say what she wants. He still chose me."

The mention of Jo left me rattled. I hadn't let them see it but it was eerie. We were filming one more scene on the stage and she was involved. Or at least, our version of her was. I performed on stage and gave Adam a wink while he was on his phone. I reached out to him and the smile slid off my face. His arms were around a thin blonde and he stared at her with love in his eyes. I pulled back and let a frown take over my face.

"I reached for you and you were gone." They kissed and I let my eyes grow wet while I sang. I put myself back in the moment Jo had walked through the door in New York City. I could still feel the sharp sting of rejection. "I knew I had to go back home."

"Cut!" Olivia shouted. "Are you okay? That was really good."

I cleared my throat and swallowed down the emotions that were swirling. "I've gotten great at compartmentalizing. No worries, are we on schedule?"

"A little early. Are you sure you want to do these next scenes?"

I used the grin and carefree voice I used when I wanted to put Liz at ease. Even if I didn't want to film them, what choice did I have? "I want the best video."

"That's what I like to hear. We'll switch to the color camera and get the set ready. Adam and I have been over what to do and he's down with it if you are."

"True to the events, that's what I want this to be."

She clapped me on the shoulder. "You got it."

The makeup artist and hairstylist got me ready. The makeup was a little tone down because, at the beat drop in the song, it would switch to being in color. It was meant to symbolize the way reality had hit me in the face. I thanked them for working all day and turned to grab my cup. I nearly choked on my tea. Kendall was standing with his arms crossed and glaring at me. For a moment, it felt like the start of the tour and I wondered if he was going to insult me.

"I need a moment. Sorry." I brushed past the women. "Be right back."

When I walked up to him he seemed indignant. "What is this?"

"A music video shoot."

He wasn't amused. "Why the hell did I walk past myself and what looks like Jo?"

"The song is about that day. It's about all the shit that went down."

"Did he kiss you?"

This wasn't what I was expecting him to be concerned about and I couldn't help but scoff. "That's your issue?"

"Yeah, it is. I don't understand why some knock off is allowed to kiss you but I'm not."

"Did you hit your head? Or did your fever kill off the only brain cells you had left? " I sneered and spoke through gritted teeth. "You're not allowed to kiss me because I don't want you to touch me. You're not allowed to be jealous."

Kendall bit his lip and leaned into my ear. "Is he a better kisser than me?"

Hopefully, this was just a stupid male ego thing, so I decided to assuage him. "No. And it's not my job to make you feel better. But if you must know, it's for work. I don't feel anything."

This pacified him for a moment but he shifted on his feet. He looked like he was craving a cigarette. "Adam flirts with everyone. I don't want to see him flirt with you. What if he likes you?"

"Then go to your hotel. I didn't exactly invite you here." His question caused me to fight a chuckle. "And you don't have to worry about him."

"Oh yeah? Prove it."

"Not that I owe you an explanation, but if it makes you leave so be it." I ticked off the points on my fingers. "I can take care of myself. He dated my friend Stella so I wouldn't do that to her. I'm a professional. And he's been hitting on James since Olivia called cut."

Kendall did a double-take. "He what?"

"If you weren't being a jealous neanderthal maybe you'd notice." I jerked my thumb over to the craft service table. "Look."

It was true. Adam wasn't shy about his bisexuality and James was always into someone who was into him. They were laughing and standing too close for people who weren't interested in each other. James put his hand on Adam's arm. He wore the same devilish grin on his face that he used to pick up fans after meet and greets. Kendall blinked a few times and his mouth was agape.

"What?" He repeated himself.

"Poor Adam." I sighed wistfully. "James is so far up Sydney West's ass that he'll probably just ghost him. Monogamous my foot."

Kendall was embarrassed and stepped back. "I'm sorry. I just... I'm jealous."

"Clearly." My tone was cold. "You can stay, you can go. I don't care. Stay out of my way."

I would never admit this out loud to Kendall, I didn't want to encourage him, but his jealousy had proven useful for once in his life. I stormed off to the backstage set to film the argument scene and I was sufficiently irritated. It was a closed set meaning just essential personnel would be there. I didn't need everyone to watch me look like an idiot again. Liz knew me better than I knew myself and could see my anger.

"What happened? Did Madison say something?"

"No, Kendall's a dumbass. He saw Adam and started being a jealous little bitch about it."

Liz immediately scowled. "Fuck me. Just focus on the scene, I'll handle it."

I had always had a strong work ethic and I was glad Olivia did too. We rehearsed the scene twice, taking notes from her as we went. The goal was to do it in one go. She sat in her director's chair, ready to spring into action, no questions asked. Adam got into character and as soon as the camera started rolling we went straight into it. I yelled, I screamed and I hit him on the arm.

"How could you do this? You lied to me all summer and you've spent all day acting like a dick!"

He held his hands up to protect himself and laughed nervously. "Elle, babe. You don't understand. She...I... it's not what it looks like."

"Then what is it? Because to me, it looks like you've been with her this whole time." I didn't even have to act like I was angry. There was genuine fury coursing through my veins from my interaction with Kendall. "You're a liar."

"You know what, you're crazy. I'm not talking about this." He threw his hands up and a fuck boy smirk bloomed on his face. "You and I weren't serious. You know that."

Adam turned to walk away and just like the real thing, I grabbed his arm. "You're a coward. Tell me the truth."

"No! I said I'm done with this."

"You're such a piece of shit." I taunted him in a low voice, jabbing my finger into his chest. "I'm not disposable."

"Elle, move." Adam's nostrils flared and his anger was convincing. "Now."

I shook my head, defiant and full of rage. "You can't treat someone like this."

This would be the climax of the song, it played loudly and reverberated in my ears. Adam and I continued shouting at each other, he stalked closer and closer. Green eyes burning with frustration.

"And in the end, in wonderland, we both went mad."

And then he brought his hands up and shoved me. Hard. I stumbled back, losing my footing and crashed into the safety mat that would be edited out. I drew in a sharp breath and stared up at him, speechless and embarrassed. His shoulders heaved and he looked at me like I was nothing.

"Fuck you, Elle." He turned on his heel and stomped off.

"Cut."

Instantly, Adam transformed and double back, holding out his hand. "You okay? You were really into it."

Once on my feet, I raised a shoulder in a half shrug. "Fine, if anything I wish I were you and Kendall was me. He needs to be knocked on his ass."

This made him click his tongue. "I saw him. What a baby. But the anger was good, it felt real."

"Trust me, I'm running off a lot of resentment these days."

"Well, as long as I didn't hurt you."

I waved this concern off. "The mat helps, in real life, I landed on concrete. Excuse me."

Olivia was off to the side, watching the footage back on the monitor. I couldn't read her face and it made me anxious. I didn't want to let her or Liz down. If I had fucked it up I would be making a long day even longer. And I wasn't sure if I could do it again. I felt sick to my stomach from the memory of Kendall's fury.

"Is it okay?"

She pulled off her headphones. "You know, if singing doesn't work out you could always act."

"So it wasn't awful? I'm sorry if I was too emotional or anything. I just, Kendall put me in a mood and shouting is really underrated as a stress reliever. I-"

"Elle, it's perfect. I mean, damn, I think we got the shot in one take. Unless you want to try-"

I held my hand out to stop her and could have wept. "No, god. I think I can only handle getting shoved once."

"Then we're going to film Adam storming out and his small scene. I'll give you a chance to calm down and then we're in the home stretch."

I was proud of myself as I walked back to my dressing room. I had doubted if I would be able to be convincing enough to sell the video but I had pushed through. It was getting late and I was in desperate need for caffeine. I had to admit, I was annoyed when I saw the guys perched on my couch. I loved them to the moon and back but I knew they'd be worried.

"What's up, guys?"

"This video..." Logan was cautious. "It's really about New York, huh?"

A headache was growing behind my eyes as I clicked the kettle on. "I think Olivia called it autobiographical. Where's Kendall?"

"He was watching you film and he left when you got pushed. He looked like he was going to be sick."

I didn't turn around as I waited for the water to boil. "Good."

"For what it's worth, you were really good." James was clearly trying to make me feel better. "We watched some of the other stuff you filmed. I like the black and white idea."

I was a sucker for compliments and looked over my shoulder. "Thank you."

We sat in silence as I made my tea. I was generous with the honey and cold water and felt better after the first sip. I joined them on the arm of the couch and swirled my spoon.

"So, one more show."

Carlos frowned. "Yeah, I'm gonna miss it."

"I am too. But god am I ready to not be forced to cohabitate with Kendall." I tousled Logan's hair. "I am going to miss you goons though."

"Don't act like you're getting rid of us. You owe me a hike."

My nose scrunched in disgust. "On second thought, who's up for another leg of the tour?"

Carlos and Logan's hands shot up and James gave us the finger. "Excuse me for thinking you all could benefit from the great outdoors and some cardio."

"We can hang out at my place. I have a projector screen and the best view of the city. Movie nights are always better when you're not crammed on a bus."

"I'll drink to that." James clinked his cup to mine. "We'll have a movie night after our hike."

We all burst into laughter and I was already nostalgic. Even though this summer hadn't turned out the way I had planned, I was grateful for the friends and the memories I had made with them. These three hockeyheads were my silver lining.

Production had stopped for a quick dinner break. The crew had been working nonstop all day and the break was much welcomed. The guys and I slipped out to a place down the street. Kendall was nowhere to be found but Adam had tagged along. But everyone was back into work mode now.

Adam and I had finished our small solo scenes right after dinner. He had been filmed tweeting out my 'pictures' and there was a lingering shot of him storming off after pushing me. Olivia had filmed my reaction right after. I scrolled through the screen and stared at headline after headline. They were ripped from real articles that had been written about me. Tears had streamed down my face as I looked at them. The tears were fake but the pit in my stomach was real.

Exposed Once Again: Elle Harper's Photos Leaked...

Cheating and Sex Scandal Rock The Count Me in Tour!

Kendall Knight Shares Ex Elle's Racy Pics!

It wasn't hard to remember the things I had read about myself. While the media had ended up on my side, those first few hours were excruciating.

The last scene of the video snuck up on us. The day had been a blur of emotions and it was nearly 11 when I looked at the clock. But I was proud of the work I had done and I was ready to bring it home. We rehearsed it a few times at half speed. The last shot was simple but moved quickly. We really wanted to get it done in one go so it would be fluid. I would pack my stuff and leave the venue and everyone behind. It was all very cinematic and over the top, but so was that day. Olivia had pulled Adam and me to the side. She looked tired and adjusted her headset.

"This is it you two. You've put in incredible work so let's finish strong." She flipped through her clipboard. "Now, the motivation for this scene is straightforward. Elle, you've been betrayed and you just want to get the fuck out of here. And Adam, you realize you've fucked up. You know there's no coming back from this but that doesn't mean you won't try."

We filmed it once but I ended up tripping over a wire and one of the lights had gone out. Of course, things would fall apart right at the end. But I tried not to let it get to me. Olivia gave us a few notes to keep in mind before going back to the camera. I took a few sips of water and handed the bottle off to an assistant. The lights came on and I shook out my arms.

"Wonderland video, packing scene. Take two. Action."

I raced into the frame and charged down the hallway. Adam chased after me and the camera moved with us.

"Elle, wait." His hair was mussed and he looked almost as desperate as Kendall did that day. "Where are you going?"

I didn't turn around as I made it to my fake dressing room. "I'm done, I'm leaving."

"Leaving? What do you mean? Where are you going?"

"Home. This whole thing was a mistake." I shoved the props into a suitcase and wiped at my face. "This tour, this summer, you. I'm over it."

I pushed past him and he grabbed onto my arm and turned me around. "I screwed up. I know that and I'm sorry."

The song was playing behind the shot to remind us of the emotions and so we wouldn't be offbeat. The sound of my own voice made my head spin.

"We found wonderland, you and I got lost in it. And we pretended it could last forever. Life was never worse but never better."

He was still apologizing and I took a step back. "I have to go."

The bag was heavy on my shoulder as I hurried towards the door. My heart was in my throat, maybe reliving this moment hadn't been the best idea. But it was too late to stop now.

"Elle! Wait. I love you!"

I froze in my tracks and the camera zoomed in on my face as I turned around. He reached out to touch my face and I cringed.

"No, you don't." My words were low and tense. "Don't say that."

He leaned in with a private smile. "Yes, I do. And I know you love me."

Over his shoulder, behind the cameras, Kendall was standing with his hand over his mouth. Even from here I could see the way his eyebrows were pulled together. I wasn't acting as I spoke in a shaky voice.

"Maybe I did. Maybe I still do. But I c-can't." I could feel my eyes start to burn. "I can't love you. I won't."

Kendall was staring intently as Adam gripped my arms. "Baby, please. You know we belong together."

"I-" My voice trailed off and I refocused my attention to my costar. "I know we d-do. How could I not?"

"Then what's stopping us?"

"I don't trust you. I'm not going to get hurt again." I hoisted my bag higher. I wasn't speaking to Adam. "After this, it's over. I don't want to see you anymore. I have to protect myself. You should just forget about me."

Before Adam could say anything, I ran to the doors and flung them open and stepped out into the fake street. The cameras were rolling outside and I climbed into the waiting cab. My heart was pounding in my chest. It was too real. It was too much and tears came out regardless if I wanted them too or not. A sob shook my shoulders but I tried to pull myself together. There was one camera propped up on the passenger seat and one mounted to the back of the car.

"Elle. Please!" Adam was breathless as he knocked on the window. "I'm sorry."

The car took off down the street. I cast him a long look over my shoulder out the back window. He stared after me with a look that couldn't even come close to the pain that had been on Kendall's face. But how could he compete with the real thing? The pain of that day was something that would probably haunt both of us forever. I decided at that moment that I would never let myself be that vulnerable again.

"Cut!" A buzzer sounded signaling that filming had stopped and Olivia paused for a moment. "And that's a wrap!"

The crew burst into applause and cheers. Just like that, it was over. Adam's frown had been replaced with a hearty grin as he hugged the assistant director. Liz looked relieved and was on her phone, probably updating the label that we had been on time and under budget. But that's not who I was looking at as I climbed out of the backseat. Kendall was looking at me from across the set, his face pinched with emotions Adam could never fake. Everyone's congratulations went in one ear and out the other.

"Brilliant work, Elle! Brilliant." Olivia gushed. "You should be proud of yourself."

"Congrats, Elle."

My smile was forced and I wasn't paying attention to them. "Yeah, thanks."

Adam hugged me tightly. "We killed it, girl."

"Hell yeah, we did." I gave him a high five and my laugh was stiff. "Thank you for being part of it."

Liz was coming over to me and pulled me in. "I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, Liz." I cleared my throat. "I, um, I need a cigarette. I think I earned it."

She tutted at me and dug around her bag. "We really have to buy you some of those patches."

I mumbled something noncommittal and gripped the package and lighter. I pushed my way through the crowd and didn't let out the breath I had been holding until I was in the backlot. The video had been draining to film but that last bit really floored me.

"Those things will kill you."

I didn't have to look over to know who it was. I exhaled the smoke and groaned. "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to see if you're okay."

"Fine. I just needed to clear my head." My eyes stayed trained on the ground. "I had a long day."

The clicking of his lighter and the smell of his cigarettes told me he hadn't taken my hint to go away. I blew smoke in his direction, hoping he'd realize he wasn't welcome.

"You were really good. I didn't know you could act like that."

"Who said I was acting?"

He shuffled his feet and sighed. "Len?"

I flicked ashes from my cigarette and scooted further down the wall. The gravel crunched under his shoes as he moved to stand in front of me. His fingers lifted my chin.

"Please look at me, baby. What's wrong?"

"Don't call me that." I snapped, finally making eye contact. "Why did you leave the set?"

"What? I've been here for hours."

"You left when he pushed me." I clarified after taking a long drag. The nicotine did little to soothe me. "The guys told me about it."

He cleared his throat and sounded ashamed. "I hated seeing you get hurt. I'm sorry I did that to you. I'm s-so sorry, seeing it happen reminded me how awful it was. I'll never put my hands on you again, I swear to god."

I had heard that line before and it wasn't exactly reassuring. "Stop."

"What did I do wrong?"m

A disgusted sound came from the back of my throat and I was indignant. "Did you miss the video I just filmed?"

"Not that. Trust me that day is going to keep me up at night for the rest of my life. I mean, what happened between Minnesota and right now? What did I do?" He prattled on mindlessly. "Did I pressure you? Because I really didn't mean to. Did I say something?"

I held up my hand and my head started to throb. "No, I wanted to have sex. I guess I realized that you and I weren't going to work out."

"And why not?" The fact that he still managed to sound surprised irritated me.

"Jesus, we've been over this a thousand times. I'm scared of getting hurt again. I was in some kind of weird Minnesota fog when I was with you. It was nice but it wasn't real. It made me momentarily forget that you're an asshole who hurt me. But, thankfully I came to my senses."

"Just give me another chance. I want to be with you. It was real to me and I fell even harder for you." He rubbed my arm. "Please."

I ground the butt of my cigarette into the dirt. "No. This is over between us. There's one more show and then the awards. After that, I'm not going to see you again. Accept it, embrace it. Summer's over and you had your chance."

"Eleanor!" He protested and tightened his hold on me. "Listen to me. I know you're scared and I know filming this video must have stirred up all kinds of shit but that's the old me. I know you still feel something for me. I saw the way you ignored everyone in the room just now. You said you know we belong together. That wasn't acting."

The muscles in my jaw ached from clenching so hard. "I also said I didn't want to be with you."

He pressed his forehead to mine. "I can't forget you. I don't want to forget you."

His eyes were the right shade of green and my emotions were real. "You have to. It's better this way, Kendall."

"Better for who?" He asked softly. "You wouldn't be crying if this is what you really wanted."

"It doesn't matter what I want. What matters is that I never let myself get hurt again."

Kendall was frustrated now. "You're hurting yourself every time you deny your real feelings."

"Please just leave me alone. I'm begging you. Act like it's the start of summer and leave me alone. We have two more days together, please don't make me anymore miserable than you already have."

"I'm not trying to."

My laugh was cold. "You could have fooled me."

He didn't know what to say to that. He simply held me for a moment and bit down on his lip. I wanted to go inside and celebrate with my friends. But here I was; having another dramatic breakdown because of Kendall. It didn't matter if I had feelings for him, we were just too different. Too incompatible. Being with him was like trying to fit the wrong pieces of a puzzle together. It was futile and would never work.

"I don't mean to make you miserable. And no offense, I think you make yourself this way too."

That was the last straw. "Shut the fuck up. Do you think I want to feel this way all the time?"

"If you just let me be with you wouldn't." He said this as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I'd make you so happy."

"Well, it's not all about you! It's about me. You hurt me, Kendall. I'm trying to protect myself and you're not making it easy."

Kendall threw his hands up. "All I'm trying to do is love you! It's not my fault you're so fucking stubborn."

"And you're a fucking asshole. You spent the start of the tour acting all high and mighty. You claimed that video of me and Jett would ruin the tour. You said I was trouble. But you know what? You're nothing but trouble. You ruined the tour and brought bad press. You're a liar and I don't trust you."

I don't think he had expected me to insult him because he flinched. "That's before I got to know you."

"And then you did get to know me. And you know what you did? You fucked that up too!" I was seething now. "You claim you love me but if you did, if you ever did, you'd see that I'm happier without you. You'd want me to be happy."

He swallowed hard and tugged at his hair. "Eleanor... all I want is for you to be happy. I made mistakes, big ones, but I know how I feel about you. I c-can't quit you."

It was late, I was tired and I just wanted to go inside. But I was trapped between Kendall and the wall. I couldn't tell if I was going to cry or shout so I kept my voice low.

"You sang about me the other night. The stupid cigarette song. You said you can't put me down."

He was confused by this but was already tripping over his words. "Because I can't. I want you so bad it hurts. I want to be with you."

"You said you're addicted to me."

"I am." He brought his hands to my waist and smiled. It was a nice smile, meant to make me trust him. "I know that sounds crazy but you fill something I didn't know was missing. I want to be that person for you. I don't think I'll be able to stop being drawn to you without some kind of intervention."

There weren't enough words in the English language to explain how he was that person for me, how he made me feel whole. But there also wasn't enough time in the universe to explain how scared that made me and how it could never happen. So, I kept it short and simple as I pushed off the wall. My fingernails dug into his arm.

"Well, consider this your intervention and detox." I hissed at him. "This is over between us, for good. Leave me alone and forget about me. Because I know I'm ready to forget you."

AN: As you can see, Elle's dug her heels in about not wanting to be with Kendall even though that's what she wants. Guys, I'm so stoked for you to read the final few chapters of this fic. There's so much to come. My favorite part was the hiking scene. I also loved writing the scene between Kendelle at the end. The next chapter contains the final concert of the tour and more of Kendelle trying to figure out where they stand. The next chapter shouldn't be this long but I hope this tides you over.

Thanks for reading! I plan to update twice in October so stay tuned.

Let me know what you thought. What would you do if you were in Elle's shoes?

PS: Last chapter, I mentioned the idea for a Jett and Elle prequel. It's definitely happening and I hope you'll check it out sometime this winter. I'm also considering writing a James fic that's set in this universe. I dropped a few hints in this chapter if you picked up on it.