AN: Welcome back! I'm sorry it's been a while but real life has kept me busy. This chapter follows the very last day on tour. Elle makes some tough choices. I really like this chapter and I hope you leave some feedback!

I recommend you check out Strangers Again by Against the Current and Don't Let Me Go by Heffron Drive.

In many ways, the last day of tour was like the last day of school. There was a palpable, bittersweet, energy in the air. The thought of not having to wake up early and having free time was enticing. But there was a sinking feeling because everyone knew we could never return to this moment with these people. It seemed like yesterday that I had walked down the red and white hallway of Rocque Records to meet Big Time Rush. I'd miss them.

Well, at least 75% of them.

"The time Rushers and Elleanators have been dreading has come. The soldout Count Me In Tour comes to a close in Vancouver today. I had the chance to spend time with Big Time Rush and opener Elle Harper yesterday to get their thoughts on it all."

"The end of a tour is always a bit sad but what I think made this summer really special is that we recorded our album on the road." James gestured to the studio bus they were sitting in. "The album will always bring us right back to those moments."

"I also got the scoop on what happened between Kendelle from both sides. Let's just say one side looks back on this summer's surprise romance much more fondly."

"I fell in love this summer." Kendall ducked his head and a warm smile brightened his face. "It's simple as that. But I messed it up and I hurt the person I care about. I don't blame her for leaving and I regret what I did. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to her."

Madison Michelle's voiceover continued as the footage switched to me. "Elle definitely didn't mince words when I asked her about it."

I looked standoffish with my folded arms and knitted brows. "He was deceitful and when I called him on it, he lost his temper. I knew it wasn't a healthy place to be. I removed myself from a toxic person and situation."

"And of course, I got to the bottom of what really happened between Kendall Knight and Jo Taylor. As well as what it was like when Elle left the tour on that fateful day."

It cut to Madison interviewing the guys. "Your ex has come out on social media saying that you 'cheated on her with a low rate bitch' and that you 'don't know how good you had it'."

Kendall cringed and rubbed his palms on his jeans. "I'm not gonna lie, how I treated both Jo and Elle was awful. They both deserve better than my lies. Jo has every right to be upset and I feel bad for what I did. But I'm not sorry for falling for Elle."

"When asked about what happened after Elle left, the two exes had surprisingly similar and chilling answers."

Madison's voice was soft. "What was it like after she left?"

The camera was zoomed in on his face, and I could see his every emotion in crystal clear, high definition. His mouth turned down at the corners, the color drained from his face and his eyes refused to meet anyone's in the room.

"I wanted to end everything."

The room was silent as the camera panned to his friends who obviously hadn't been expecting him to say that. They were all stiff in their seats.

"You were having thoughts about hurting yourself?"

"She left because I hurt her. I felt guilty and I had hurt someone I cared about. All I knew was I wasn't going to live in a world without her so I did some research." His voice was trembling and he steeled himself. "But, uh, she was okay. And I knew I had to make it up to her."

It cut back to my interview.

"Honestly? I wanted to die, I tried to." I was visibly pale and I watched myself tug at my sleeves. "I was under supervision for three days in my apartment. I don't want to get into it but I'm lucky and happy to be sitting here."

A jab in my side tore my attention away from the TV. "Ow!"

"Sorry, I just wanted to pull the waist in more."

It was the morning before the Tween Choice Awards and I was standing in my dressing room having my dress tailored. I had chosen it from a thick rack of clothes that had been shipped to me. It was a semi-casual award show so I settled on something simple. It was a strapless mini dress in a nice shade of orange that brought out my light brown skin. I may have been ready for the tour to be over but I was willing to indulge summer a little bit longer.

Liz came into the room at the end of her phone call. "The Tween tech crew and producers said that our guys can do the lights. I told them I'm not trusting strangers to do the work these people have done for four months. I had to yell and grovel but it's done."

"The day is saved by Liz Mendez." I hummed. "What do you think?"

She gave me a once over and nodded. "It's pretty. It looks good with your skin and dark hair too. Versace?"

"Prada." I ran my hands over the silky fabric. "It's nice to be in something that isn't a stage outfit."

"The other members of Big Time Rush expressed how much they care for their tourmate and how grateful they were when she rejoined them in Detroit."

The TV caught Liz's eye and she tutted. "You're watching this?"

"Background noise." I lied. "I wanted to see what the guys said."

She strode across the room. "The press is on your side. Kendall's whole Romeo and Juliet, 'I don't want to live without her' spiel, gained him some sympathy but there's more buzz about your video and the awards."

The TV flicked off as the onscreen version of myself showed her around the set. I was glad yesterday was over. It had been long and emotional, I had slept for a solid nine hours last night once I got to my hotel. Olivia had let me know that she didn't think I needed to do any reshoots which made my morning. Things were wrapping up nicely. I had a soundcheck, a meet and greet, and then the show. After that, we'd be hustled to the airport to catch a flight to LA. This time tomorrow, I'd be finishing up rehearsal and getting ready for the awards. And then I'd be free to hide out in my apartment and spend some much needed time with me, myself, and I.

"Okay, I just need to bring in the waist a bit." The tailor stood up from where she'd been kneeling. "Off."

I stepped out of the dress and handed it over. "Thank you."

Liz handed me clothes and tapped her watch. "Okay, there's an early soundcheck. Gustavo wants it out of the way so you guys can film some stuff to get last-minute votes."

Once dressed, I made my way to the stage. The routine of tour life was comforting. Even if it got a bit mundane, having some predictability was nice. I was surprised to see James and Kendall standing almost nose to nose. They were speaking in hushed tones and James' eyes were narrowed.

"It's not all about you. This is about her."

Kendall clenched his fist and had the same angry face he had on the day of the Incident. It made my stomach tie itself into knots, I was glad I wasn't on the receiving end.

"It's none of your fucking business. She's not yours."

"And she's not yours." Logan reminded him. "Just leave her alone."

Carlos saw me first and hit Kendall on the arm to get his attention. His eyes snapped up and the anger instantly vanished from his face. I was mostly confused but didn't have time to ask because Kendall was talking to James again.

"Stay out of my way."

"What happened?" I questioned as we all watched him storm outside. "Did he do something?"

"You're okay," Carlos spoke up, trying to quell the anxiety that must have been written on my face. "He's just petty."

"About what?"

Logan seemed to debate with himself and chose his words carefully. "The interview just came out. He went a little off-topic and we were just worried about you."

Their concern was touching but I waved it off as I was hooked up to my mic. "You're sweet. I saw it though, he u-uh mentioned he didn't want to live without me."

"I told you she probably saw it," James grumbled in disappointment. "We really didn't expect him to say that. At all."

"It's okay. I said the same thing. Let's just all be grateful that we won't have any interviews for a while."

The final soundcheck was more of a formality than anything else. The fireworks no longer startled me, I knew every note and every lyric of every song. But running through it made me feel proud. I had worked so hard to be able to sing on a stage like this so I wasn't going to complain. I tried to enjoy the whole process because I knew I'd miss it a few months from now. I finished up after the sound engineer tweaked the levels of my microphone and Gustavo waved me over.

"It's the last show. Would you want to give that new song a spin?"

"I don't know, Gustavo. I kind of want to be done with all the drama."

He shook his head and seemed to be avoiding something. I glanced over to Kelly who had the same face. I was tired of being danced around like a child.

"What did Kendick do now?"

Kelly sighed and flipped through her binder. "The venue has an extended curfew, this means there's a bit of time to fill. You know how Carlos and James played the new song they wrote together in Calgary? Logan did the same in Toronto?"

I knew what they were getting at right away. "Fuck me, really? It's his turn to get up there and sing some sappy bullshit?"

"Can we just not let him and say we did?" Liz was walking up to us with a sour look.

Gustavo grumbled to himself and held up a thick stack of papers that was highlighted. "He pointed out that it's in his contract to be allowed to perform solo content when it's his turn."

This was the last thing I needed, an educated Kendall was an even more annoying Kendall. I rubbed my temples and made up my mind. "You know what? I don't care he can do what he wants. It's one more show and then the Tween Choice Awards. I can survive 24 more hours of his bullshit."

Kelly and Gustavo were grateful and apologetic but as I walked off, Liz was trying to negotiate a way around this. The idea of him singing about me was annoying but on the bright side, it was the last time I'd have to deal with it. The guys ran through their soundcheck and once they were finished we filmed a video for social media.

"And go." Kelly was holding up her phone.

"Hey, guys! It's Big Time Rush." James was cheerful.

"And it's Elle!"

Logan clapped his hands together. "We just want to say a huge thank you to all the fans who came out to see us this summer."

"The Count Me In Tour was sold out at every single show and it's still mind-blowing." Carlos draped his arm over my shoulder. "Thank you."

I smiled into the camera. "We really mean it when we say we have the best fans in the world. Thanks for all the support, buying our albums, and for the love."

Kendall held up a finger. "We just have one small favor to ask."

We all sucked in a breath and exclaimed at the same time. "Cast your votes for Big Time Rush and Elle Harper for the Tween Choice Awards!"

"Make sure you vote by midnight and tune in. We'll be coming to you live from Los Angeles."

"Swipe up to vote." I pointed to where the link would be. "Love you guys."

"Thanks!"

Once Kelly was pleased, she posted it to BTR's page and we all reposted it. It really was just an honor to be nominated but I wouldn't mind winning at least one award. I wanted to prove to myself and to the world, that the Kendall drama wouldn't lead to another hiatus. I had to admit that I was nervous. I hadn't been to a big event since the Incident. I knew the red carpet would be full of questions about it. But it had to be better than the last Tween Choice Awards I went to. Jett and I had gotten into a nasty fight just before the carpet and people had thought I had been drunk. The memory made me frown but I shook it off. I was determined to stay positive.

It wasn't hard to do this during the meet and greet.

The group of fans was sizeable, even for a tour like ours. The backstage area was crowded with people who were all waiting to meet us. They held bags stuffed with merch. It never got old seeing people wearing my face on their bodies. I met a countless amount of people, signed their posters and posed for photos.

"Hi, I love you so much. I voted for you on three different laptops plus my phone." One girl was breathless as she approached me. "You're so gonna win."

"Wow. Thank you so much!" I signed her poster and hugged her. "How about a photo?"

Fans could usually be broken down into four categories. Screamers, criers, shy ones, and chill ones. That first girl had definitely been a screamer. She was loud, animated and bubbly. I looked to my left and a girl I had met a few moments ago was full-on sobbing as she hugged James.

"I love you so much. You're my favorite person."

James was patting her back. "Thanks, I love you too."

The shy ones were always my favorite because I was anxious every time I met a stranger too. A young girl held out her poster and her hands were shaking.

"H-Hi, Elle. I love your album."

I gave her a grin. "Thank you, what's your name?"

"Meredith."

I made out my signature to her and hugged her. "It's nice to meet you, Meredith."

Something that always blew my mind was what fans gave us. I had been gifted a weird collection of things from fans over the years. People had named stars after me, bought me perfumes that I had mentioned liking in an interview. In Arizona, people often brought my favorite sandwich from a local deli. I didn't mind that one at all. But my favorites were artwork and tattoos. So when I saw security helping a teen lug in two canvases my heart melted.

"What do we have here?" Carlos asked as he helped her.

She was a little shy but excited. "I was bored and I bought tickets the day they went on sale. I had some time to kill."

She had painted the guys on stage with so much detail that I recognized their outfits. Her painting of me was from my set too. I was in the outfit I wore at the end of my set. It was like looking at a photo of me.

"Oh my god. This is amazing. Thank you so much."

We took pictures with the girl and her art and followed her on social media. I promised her I'd post a picture of the painting once I put it in my music room at home. It was near the end of the meet and greet when things took a heavy turn. A woman around my age rolled up her sleeve. Her arm was covered in thick scars not too different from my own. It made my heart drop into my stomach.

"I got this tattoo after your song. It, uh, really helped me."

The tattoo was in black ink, in a pretty cursive script.

You're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece.

It was from my song Colors. The fact that someone had been in a similar place I was and my lyrics had helped them made me emotional. It was always strange to realize that someone had words that you wrote permanently inked into their skin.

"Oh, wow." I blinked a few times, searching for words. "Are you okay? I mean, how long has it been since-"

She pushed her sleeve back down. "Four years. The scars were really bumming me out so I thought I'd have some fun. I heard that line and went to get the tattoo three days later."

"You're incredible."

We hugged tightly and I made her promise to take care of herself. I was glad things wrapped up after that because I needed a moment to myself. Once I was in my dressing room I had to take a few breaths. I had written that song about Jett. For him. He was so insecure and had been falling apart during our relationship. But at the same time, he had been this incredible force of creativity. He was broken but still so brilliant. It hadn't occured to me until I saw her tattoo that the line could be about someone other than him. It could be about me. I had been through so much in just 22 years but I was still able to be creative and happy.

I could still be worth something.

The soft wrap of knuckles against the door made me turn around. Kendall was in the doorway, his face was somber. My eyebrows raised as I waited for him to speak.

"Yes?"

"I just wanted to see if you're okay. The guys and I saw that fan show you her uh..." He gestured to his arm. "We were just worried."

There was still a knot in my stomach but I nodded. "I'm fine. It was just a lot. She has words about Jett on her skin because they meant something else to her. It's just weird."

"Music can really touch people. Never underestimate the power of a good song."

"And never underestimate the power of a shitty song." I griped without thinking. "You're really going to ruin the last night of tour by singing some song about me?"

The shift in mood made Kendall pause for a moment. "They aren't shitty. And who said it's about you?"

"You did. You told me every song you write is about me."

"Only because you won't listen to me when I tell you I love you. You put up this wall and refuse to accept the fact that I like you."

"It's not that I don't hear you say it. It's just that I don't care anymore. I'm tired of fighting about this."

"You don't care about my feelings for you?"

"No." I stood to my feet. "I'm not going to be in the position I was this summer ever again. So go and sing your stupid song."

Kendall's grin was smug as he leaned in my ear. "You know what I think? I think you're scared because you know that we belong together."

"The only way those words work in a sentence is if you include the word don't."

"That's not true. But you'll see, Elle. I'm going to make this up to you. I'm going to play this song, I have so many about you."

The thought of him continuing to rehash our relationship angered me. He didn't get to control the narrative this much. This back and forth felt like the beginning of summer when we played our game. The sexual tension was painful and he was annoying but I wasn't one to back down from a challenge. My mind was made up and I shrugged.

"Sing your song. I don't care. It's the last one I'll ever be forced to hear." I pushed past him and stood in the doorway. "Now, if you'll excuse me I have a show to get ready for."

When showtime rolled around I was a mess of excited nerves. This summer had dragged on for ages and it felt like I would never get to the finish line but here I was. Carlos, Logan, James and I were in a circle at the edge of the stage. We had shot glasses and James was leading the end of tour toast.

"To a soldout, crazy, and wild fucking summer."

We clinked glasses and downed our shots. They cheered and hyped me up as I took my microphone. This was so different from the first show. I had been close to throwing up from stage fright. I had worried that no one would want to see me. But now, I could hear the fans cheering my name. I had earned every minute of this and I wasn't going to waste it being sad about Kendall.

"Vancouver! Are you ready to party?"

Maybe it was reality or maybe it was a placebo effect, but the audience seemed to be the craziest one of the summer. There were more signs than usual, the screams were louder and the venue nearly shook from all the jumping. The smile on my face was wide and my cheeks hurt but I couldn't help myself. The feeling of being on stage was my favorite thing and I was happy. So happy that Kendall watching my every move from the side of the stage didn't phase me. In fact, it made my heart beat faster. He may have found a loophole that let him sing his song. But I got to perform before him and being betrayed more than once had taught me to always have something up my sleeve. I had just finished Colors and turned to my band. This was the part of the show where I usually sang a fan request instead of the duet.

"The new one?" I mouthed to them.

They nodded and I gave a thumbs-up before turning back to the fans.

"This is the last tour of the summer you guys. I just wanted to take a moment to thank all of you for sticking by me. You guys are the best fans in the world."

"We love you, Elle!"

I waved to a pair of fans in the front row. "I love you guys, too. In fact, I love you guys so much, I have a new song. That is if you want to hear it."

My tone was teasing and the screaming grew to a roar. Out of the corner of my eye, Kendall's jaw was clenched and he shook his head.

"This one is called Strangers Again!"

The music started with electric guitar and synth.

"How did I get here? What have I done? It's like I've been sleeping for two years and I'm just waking up." It started out slow and steady. It felt like I had been in some sort of haze since Kendall and I met. "Like I'm coming out of a blackout like I didn't see you until right now."

I had written this song over the course of the past few weeks. It was about the Kendall Incident, Minnesota and the fight we had when my album had come out.

"I'm feeling like I built a prison and put myself in it." I had made myself miserable by letting myself be around Kendall when I returned to the tour. I was tired of being trapped with him every day. I was tired of the routine of us arguing. "I don't wanna go through the motions."

The chorus kicked in with pulsing drums and the tempo picked up.

"I can't stand it when you touch me like that. It just reminds me of the nights that I spent telling myself it was fine. Now, I'm over that." My gaze shifted from the fans to Kendall who was all anger and narrowed eyes. "I think it's better if we just pretend we're just strangers again."

This song had been partially inspired by the time we had spent in Seattle. Kendall had dragged me into a rainstorm after listening to my album and had all but begged for a second chance. He had kissed me and gripped my waist. He had this habit of kissing me and trying to touch me as if it would be enough to make me forget everything he had put me through. Last night he had held onto me like I was going to disappear. I hated it. The feeling of his skin against mine reminded me of how I used to let him take my clothes off, of how I trusted him. I hated how it made me fall to pieces.

"I don't wanna pick up the pieces, I just wanna watch it all fall apart." I sang and tried to ignore the fact that I was being watched. "Like it should, like I said it would."

The thing about Kendall that really pissed me off was just how stubborn he was. He didn't know when to quit and had been trying to get back together since I had returned to the tour. He was incapable of seeing what I saw. This was ruined, it was broken beyond any kind of repair. I had known this wasn't going to last forever. How could it? I didn't trust him and he had hurt me. We should have just let it end after he shared those pictures. But he wouldn't give up.

Even now, he was watching my every move and it was obvious that he didn't agree with me. And soon enough, he'd be singing a song about me. He didn't know when to quit. So it was up to me to put an end to this.

The chorus repeated itself and I focused on the music and danced to the beat. It was an electropop song and even if Kendall didn't like it, I sure did.

"I think it's better if we just pretend we're just strangers again."

If all went according to plan, this time tomorrow I'd be at the award show and just an hour away from never seeing Kendall again. We'd go back to how it was, I wouldn't know him and he wouldn't know me. Maybe I'd move to New York, lots of great artists created music there. Why couldn't I? Or maybe I'd go on a long world tour. All I knew was that after tomorrow, I'd never see him again.

The song reached the bridge and it slowed down a bit. I made my way back to the mic stand and held on tight to keep my hands from shaking. Premiering a brand new song was always nerve-wracking, especially when the person it was about was so close by.

"We had what we had but it's done and I'm over it. I held on for too long when I should've let go of it." I ran my hand through my hair and my eyes wandered over to Kendall. His arms were folded and he barely looked at me as I sang at him. "And I know it was wrong but I tried to keep hold of it. It was wrong, it was wrong, it was wrong."

My 'relationship' with Kendall had run its course. For better or worse it had happened and there was no point in denying it. I had tried to make it work. I had been professional at the start of the summer. I had tried to be civil when I returned to the tour. And for a few, fleeting days in Minnesota, I thought we could be together. But there was no point in trying to fix something so broken. It would only end up hurting both of us even further.

"Vancouver, let me hear you!"

They had picked up on the lyrics enough to shout along. There was something glorious about the whole venue screaming your words back at you.

"I can't stand it when you touch me like that. It just reminds me of the nights that we spent, telling myself it was fine, now I'm over that."

It would be better for both of us if ended how we started. As strangers. Just like I had written in the duet I had seen something in him and thought he could know me. But that had been a mistake. I had let things go too far. I shouldn't have climbed in his bed on the tour bus. I shouldn't have told him to take me to his house after the ice rink. I shouldn't have done a lot of things involving Kendall. But I was sure about this.

"I think it's better if we just pretend we're just strangers again."

The rest of my set went great once Kendall had stormed off. I wasn't going to let him get me down. I enjoyed every second of being on stage for the last time this summer. When my set came to a close I was crying and couldn't help but smile.

"Vancouver, you're love is my drug! I just want to thank you for an incredible summer. I love you guys to the moon and back." I waved as flowers were tossed onto the stage. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

There was a final drum solo and fireworks as I took my bow.

"I love you so much!"

When I got offstage, I was engulfed in a group hug by the guys who were all buzzing with excitement. Liz congratulated me on all my hard work and Gustavo was more than pleased.

"I see you sang the new song."

"What can I say, Gustavo? I like having leverage."

He shook my hand. "You've put on an amazing show all summer. Well done."

I wasn't sure where Kendall had disappeared to after my new song, but he certainly wasn't lost when he took a seat on stage. I was waiting to sing with the guys but first I had to suffer through Kendall's melodramatic love song. Fans still booed him with an alarming intensity.

"So, the summer is over and so is the tour. But I just wanted to take this chance to apologize for the mess I've made. This is a song I wrote about our opening act."

"At least he didn't namedrop you." Liz's voice was full of forced positivity.

"I guess."

The music started and it was a bit electronic but he also had his guitar. Behind him, the guys sat near the back of the stage rolling their eyes and shooting me worried glances.

"I can't take this loneliness. Made mistakes and I regret them." His head turned to look at me and he looked just as guilty as the day I left. "I'm sorry for the things that I did. I'm sorry for the way I acted."

My stomach had worked itself into a nauseous mess and I wrung my hands together. He had said 'I'm sorry' at least a thousand times and every time was more sincere than the last. He strummed his guitar and I tried not to think about how it was the same one he had used when we had written our song together.

"You mean the world to me and I want the world to know. Don't let me go." He repeated this line twice and sang about not being able to find anyone else like me. "I'm sorry for the things that I said. I'm sorry for the way I left it."

He ignored the crowd that jeered him and it was like we were the only two people in the room. There had been a time that this had filled me with excitement. That had to be what falling in love was like. But now, I was just full of dread and my eyes were burning. He repeated the verse about not finding anyone else like me and played an interlude. I knew every inch of his face well enough to be able to see the pain from here. He sang through the chorus a few more times with such emotion I was surprised he hadn't started crying right there on stage.

"You mean the world to me. I want the world to know. Don't let me go." His voice cracked a bit and he was pleading as he looked at me. "Don't let me go. Don't let me go."

I couldn't find words when the song ended. Distantly, Liz said something catty but I couldn't hear her. I just watched as Kendall kept his eyes to the ground as he walked off stage. No one was throwing flowers for him. I didn't want to see him like that. But I also didn't want to see him ever again.

My songs with BTR were a blur. I knew I hit every note and lyric. I knew I touched fans' hands and interacted with the guys. But all I could think about was how this part of the show had evolved.

"I've got a big-time crush on you."

I used to sing this line to flirt with his friends and get under his skin. Then I would sing it to him and share a private smile. Now, it was in the way of my life without Kendall.

I stuck around for the rest of their set. Logan, James, and Carlos had become my best friends this summer and they had worked hard. I wasn't going to miss their final moments. Watching them perform had put me in a better mood. How could I have been pissed about touring with them? I had pouted the whole car ride over to Rocque Records. I was grateful for my time with them. They had saved my career and my life. So, when they waved me on stage before the last song I had to go out.

"Let's give another hand to Elle Harper who absolutely killed it this summer!" Carlos shouted as I walked out. "Let's hear it."

I waved and thanked them "And what about Big Time Rush?"

There was even more screaming and we all shared a hug. The music swelled once more and the venue was bursting with energy. I sang every word at the top of my lungs. This was the best feeling in the world.

"I'm Elle Harper, thank you so much."

"And we're Big Time Rush."

In unison and with grins on our faces, we shouted. "And this has been the Count Me In Tour!"

"Vancouver, let's bring it home!"

Confetti blasted from the cannons and fireworks crackled. The bass shook the building.

"If you want it all lay it on the line. It's the only life you've got so you gotta live it big time!"

And just like that, The Count Me In Tour was over.

Champagne was flowing when we got backstage. We toasted to a job well done and a much-needed break. We crowded together for a picture to mark the occasion and the mood was bright. Even Kendall had managed to stop scowling long enough to drink a glass of champagne.

"Congratulations, dogs and congratulations, Elle on a sold-out tour." Gustavo was holding a glass and for once, he was happy. "I'm proud of all the work you've done. The flight leaves in four hours so let's be out here no later than an hour from now."

Our little party separated after that. I had packed my stuff up early and I planned to shower now so I could sleep when I got to the hotel. Liz and I shared a private congratulations before she went to take her nightly conference call. I opened the door to my dressing room and shot out of my skin when I saw Kendall still in his stage clothes. Sweat shone on his skin and there were a few pieces of confetti stuck in his hair.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded with a hand on my hip. "You're getting sweat on my couch."

"I'll buy you a new one." He deadpanned. "Can we talk?"

The groan that came from me was automatic. "No, go away. The tour is over, bye."

"Elle." He reached an arm out towards me. "Please.

"What the fuck do you want, Kendall?"

"I just want to talk."

How many times could we have the same conversation? Not only was it emotionally draining but it was also boring. I knew exactly how this would play out and neither of us had uttered a single word yet. "There's nothing left to talk about."

"You sang about me tonight." He said this like it was a grand discovery.

"I sing about you every night." It was my turn to deadpan and I ticked off the songs on my fingers. "Delicate, Heart Attack and Body Say are all about you. I don't think this calls for a conversation."

"Yeah, but you sang about how you hate when I touch you. What's that about?"

"I thought the message was pretty clear." I picked at my fingernails and thought of the lyrics. "You touching me isn't something I want ever again. I meant what I said."

He was indignant about this and his mouth fell open. "So, you want to act like we don't know each other? Ignore everything that happened between us?"

"Yes. This time tomorrow I will be in bed, in my apartment, alone. You and I will never see each other again."

"Ever?" There was a hint of panic in his voice. "You never want to see me again?"

His feelings were hurt and I bit the inside of my cheek. "The summer's over. There are no more concerts and after tomorrow we'll have no reason to see each other."

Kendall pushed off the couch and his eyebrows were pulled together. "Just because the summer and tour are over doesn't mean we have to be."

"That's exactly what it means."

"But you wanted me, you have to have feelings for me." He jabbed a finger into his chest. "What about when we were in Minnesota?"

"We fucked." My tone was colder than I expected it to be. "Get over it."

That might have been a little too callous and he was visibly taken aback. "You know it wasn't just sex. It was real. I want something real."

The prediction I made had been right. We were having the exact same conversation and I was already tired. "Get back with Jo then. You were with her for six years. That seemed real."

"I don't want Jo. I'm in love with you, not her. Please, just give me a second chance."

He really had the nerve to ask for another chance? What did he think was going to change my mind this time? "To what, betray me? Share my pictures?"

"To love you. To show you I can be a good boyfriend." He brushed his hand over my arm. "I want to show you how much you mean to me."

"I gave you enough chances." My voice was tight and I rocked on my feet. "I gave you so many fucking chances."

"Then what's one more?" He had a small smile on his face. "I love you. I just want to prove it to you."

I pushed his hand off of me in disgust. I was done with him making stupid speeches that were supposed to fix things. "Stop saying that!"

"Why?" He challenged. "Because you know it's true? Because you know you feel the same way I do?"

Anger was brewing inside me and I clenched my fists. "No, I don't."

"Oh yeah?" He challenged me with that smug look he wore at the start of the tour. "I saw you in Minnesota. You were falling for me. I know you were."

"It doesn't matter if I was. I'm never going to be with you."

"Why not?"

"I'm scared to be with you," I said bluntly, there was no use in lying. "I am never going to be in that situation again."

"And I'm scared of losing you for good!" He raised his voice at me.

The summer was going to end how it started. With Kendall and I inevitably getting into a fight backstage. How had we come so far just to make all the same mistakes?

"If you haven't noticed, you lost me when you told me you slept with me as a bet."

He exhaled loudly and rubbed his fists into his eyes. "I regret that every day and I will spend the rest of my life trying to prove how sorry I am."

I pushed past him and pulled the door open. "Prove you're sorry by leaving me alone for the rest of my life."

He didn't speak as he crossed the room. He easily pushed the door shut and blocked my path. "That can't be what you really want. Do you really never want to see me again? You want me to say goodbye to you tomorrow and then disappear?"

It took all my willpower to keep my face neutral. The thought of Kendall no longer being apart of my life was almost unbearable. But just because something was right didn't mean it was easy. I drew in a breath and my words were clipped.

"It's what needs to be done. You and I can't be together."

"And why's that? And not just because of the bet or the pictures. You know I'm sorry about that and you know I'll never do anything like that again."

I did know that. I believed him because he saw how it had made me completely fall apart. I had seen the guilt on his face that day it happened. But there were so many other reasons it could never work.

"Because we already have all this baggage and it was just one summer. I can't deal with this kind of drama all the time."

Kendall held up his hand to stop me. "Exactly, it was one summer and I'm already in love with you. We're meant to be together and I think you know that."

"You're not in love with me," I grumbled under my breath as I began to pace. "It's just the sex clouding your brain."

"Really?" He seemed to find this funny. "You don't think I'm in love with you? Elle, you're all I think about. Even before we started having sex, I knew I was fucked. I want to be with you. There's something about you that makes me feel... whole? I can't explain it but I'm so in love with you. All of you, not just your body or looks, but every part of you."

My breath hitched in my throat and I wanted to tell him I knew what he meant. I knew exactly what he meant but I held up my hands. "Kendall, no."

He reached his hand out to stop my pacing. "Just be with me."

We stared at each other for a long moment. Green eyes into brown and he towered over me. He wanted to be with me and I wanted to be with him. All I had to do was say yes but the word was stuck on the tip of my tongue.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I can't."

He brought a hand up to hold my face. "Baby, please."

"Y-You have to go. Get out of here." I gave him a hard shove that sent him stumbling. "Leave!"

Anger flashed across his face and he gritted his teeth. "No offense, you're being a coward."

"And you're an asshole." I shot back. "You always think you can manhandle me into doing what you want me to do."

"Fine. What do you want?" He questioned simply.

"I want to take a shower, get on a plane and go to this award show. And then, I want to go on tour in Europe and forget all about you."

He was all frustration and anger. "Jesus, no. What do you want from me? I've apologized. I've written songs. I will bend over backward to prove myself to you."

"Go away," I begged him. I knew if he stayed I'd end up admitting more than I wanted to.

"What do you want?" He spat each word out and pointed to himself. "Is it me?"

Tears had been building up in my eyes for a while and they finally started to fall. The room was stifling and it felt like I couldn't get any air into my lungs as I started crying. My stomach was in knots and I hated feeling this way. I knew what I wanted but I also knew what I needed. I needed him to leave. I needed to move on.

"Kendall, stop."

"Because if you want me that's great. But if not, I guess I'll accept it. After tomorrow you'll never see me again." The words seemed to pain him as he spoke because his face was pinched. "It's gonna suck but I'd do that for you. If I thought you were telling me the truth. I know you though, and I know this isn't what you want."

"Oh, you know what I want?" I laughed dryly. "Humor me."

"You want me, you want to be with me. You know how I know that?" He raised his eyebrows and when I didn't respond, he continued. "Because you came back."

"Bullshit. I came back from my fans and for myself."

"Maybe but you also haven't gone out of your way to avoid me since you've been back."

His words got under my skin and I narrowed my eyes. "Because you always force your way into my life! Why do you think I'm so excited for this tour to be over? It's because I don't have to deal with you showing up unexpectedly!"

This didn't stop him and he grew more passionate. "You needed me so you could fall asleep. You climbed into my bed. You met my mom. You took off your clothes for me. For fuck's sake, you always let me in when I'm at your door even though you claim to never want to see me. Do you know why you do that? You do that because you want me. Whether or not you want to admit it to yourself, you want to be with me. "

Hearing him throw my actions back at me stung. He was right about all of it. I always let him in no matter how much I hated it. Even right now. I could have left my dressing room or had security throw him out. But I didn't, he was still here. I hated how self-righteous he was, he was too pleased with himself because he knew he was right.

"And what do you want?" I challenged as I scrambled to get him to stop his staring. "If you think you have it all figured out what do you want?"

"You. I want to make this all up to you. I want to make you happy." He started before stopping himself and he caught onto me. "But I also want to you to be honest with me. What do you want?"

I was ready to throw in the towel and covered my eyes. "Get out. There are some things you can't fix."

"Elle." He was red in the face and near tears. "Tell me the truth, please. You feel the same way about me. I can see it on your face."

I took an unsteady step back and my mouth was dry. "I can't, I-I can't."

"Tell me you want me too. Just say the word and we'll be together."

"It's not that easy!" I was frustrated and tripping over my words as a million thoughts rushed through my head. "We shouldn't do this... Liz would flip...the fans... the press-. No, we just can't."

"Goddamn it, Eleanor!" He snapped and the veins in his neck bulged. He was just as fed up as I was. "It is that easy! Don't think about what Liz wants or the fans or press will say. Don't even think about what I want. What do you want?"

My eyes were full of tears and I didn't look up from the ground. There were so many things I wanted but I couldn't get the words out. I just wrapped my arms around myself and continued to cry.

"What do you w-want?" His voice cracked and he tried to wipe my face.

I couldn't take this anymore. "I don't want to get hurt again! I don't want you to lose your temper and expose me. I don't want you to shove me so hard that it leaves a bruise. I don't want you to make me want to die." I choked on tears and let out a shudder. "I don't want to be with you and have you do what Jett did."

Just like that his anger had vanished and he was fraught with concern. "No, god, no. I wouldn't do that to you. I wouldn't do any of that to you again. And as for Jett, I would never touch you like that. I would never do that. You know me."

"I thought I did. But you had me fooled all summer." I sniffed and my head started to pound. "What's to say 20 years from now you won't get mad at me and do something like in New York?'

His answer was fast like it was common sense. "Because when I think about us 20 years from now I picture us being happy."

I didn't believe him and folded my arms. "Yeah, right."

"Picture your life 10 years, 20 years from now." He was quiet and took hold of my hand. "What do you see? Because I'm damn sure that I see you."

"Kendall, stop."

"No, I see you. We're happy and you're right by my side." A stupid smile pulled at the corner of his lips. "You've finally won your Grammy, you let me drag you to hockey games, we spend Christmas at my mom's and it's just like the movies. We don't have kids but we have a dog that you dress in dumb outfits. And we're happy, we're so fucking happy. This summer and the mistakes I made are long forgotten. You love me just as much as I love you."

It was late and stuffy in my dressing room. From where I stood, I could see a bit of confetti that clung to Kendall's skin. His chest was heaving as he stared at me. I could also see us, hand in hand, in the bleachers of an arena as he tried to teach me about the sport he obsessed over. I could see myself thanking him for his support as I accepted my Grammy. I could picture all of it. But I couldn't see past the anger on his face when he told me I had been a bet.

"I don't know what I see," I said quietly. "I think we should end this now before we both hate each other."

"I could never hate you. I never have, even when I was acting like a dick in the beginning." He held me close. "I see you, I see us."

My instinct was to look at the ground and I hated how weak my voice was. "Kendall."

"Just tell me the truth, please." He begged in a hushed tone. "Tell me you don't have feelings for me."

"The truth?"

"That's all I want. I want you to be honest with me." Then he gave me that dumb smile that started everything. His green eyes were soft. "Because I'd be a damn liar if I said I wasn't in love with you."

"Of course I have feelings for you," I confessed to him and it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. "But I can't act on them. I won't."

The relieved and joyous expression that had been on his face vanished. "You can't act on them?"

"I told you my reasons."

He bit at his lip and closed his eyes for a moment. He stepped away from me and took a second to collect himself. When he looked back over to me his hands were shaking and his eyes had gone glassy. We were both so tired and sad that I was surprised we had made it this far. There was finally an end in sight, an end to all the fighting and the crying. It wasn't the way either of us wanted it to end, but it was what we needed.

"What's the point of us being in love with each other if we don't end up together?" He sounded broken and he shrunk in on himself. "If we don't end up together what's the point of any of this? We have feelings for each other but we're just going to p-pretend we're not right for each other?"

"Sometimes there isn't a happy ending. Sometimes people don't end up together."

"Fine." He held up his hands and I could see something harden in him. His voice was hallow and all the passion he had been filled with a moment ago was gone. "If you don't want to be with me I'll accept it. After tomorrow, you'll never see me again."

"Kendall..."

"No, if that's what's going to make you happy I'll do it." He cleared his throat and forced a smile to his face. "I'd do anything for you. And if this is what you want I'll give it to you. But I think you're making a mistake. I just need one more chance to prove it to you. We could have been so happy together."

"I know but-"

"Sometimes there isn't a happy ending. I heard you the first time." He pressed his lips to mine and we kissed like that first night in the dressing room. He stared at me for a long, painful, moment. There were tears in his eyes and he looked liked he wanted to say so much. But he could only manage a whisper. "Goodbye, Eleanor. I love you and I'm so fucking sorry."

He disappeared through the door and out of sight, leaving me alone. Just like that, no matter how much it killed me, my relationship with Kendall was over. All that was left was the feeling of his lips on mine and the smell of smoke, mint and his soap.

AN: The tour is over and so is Kendelle. Do you think they mean it or is there more to the story? The next chapter is about the Tween Choice Awards rehearsals. Everyone's in town for the big event. Big Time Rush, Elle, and a few old faces. Anything can happen when people from the past pop up.

I'm hoping to update next Thursday but we'll see. There are only three chapters left of this fic and I'd love to hear what you think will happen. Reviews really do keep me motivated when it comes to writing and posting.

What was your favorite part?

Thanks for reading and stay tuned!