AN: Oh my goodness! Hi, Rushers! First, let me apologize for taking a literal year to post this epilogue. I started off this time last year with such good intentions to post before 2020. But I was overwhelmed by the idea of wrapping this world up. I first had the idea for this fic back in 2013 and it's been close to my heart ever since. And then you know, 2020 happened and the depression was real. I have worked on this whopper of a chapter for the past year. I have written and re-written this more times than I can count. I'm finally in a place where I want to share this. So, on Elle Harper's birthday, I bring you this final chapter.

A few things:

It's really fucking long, okay? There was so much I wanted to wrap up and ideas for spinoffs that I wanted to float in here. Plus, we've grown so close to all the characters they deserve a wrap-up. But you know, hopefully, this entertains you for a while during quarantine and the festive season! Also, if you can believe it, this was originally even longer. See the endnote for more deets. But there are deleted scenes and one-shot ideas I have that I might post separately.

There are still probably typos but I've edited and proofread this for days and my eyes are tired. I'll edit it again in a few days for grammar.

There are some trigger warnings. Maybe it's because 2020 was a rough year, but this gets dark. Warnings for mentions of Elle's attack, her attempts on her life, drugs, and finally death. So proceed with caution.

(Spoiler?) Anna Camp's wedding dress was my inspo behind Elle's. Google it, it's so pretty!

Elle has a few songs in this that I think you should listen to. You Should Be Sad, Young Gods, and Without Me are all by Halsey. Out of the Woods and Daylight are by Taylor Swift. And I Have Questions is by Camilla Cabello. Give them a listen but especially the Halsey ones.

I hope you're all staying safe and that this brings you some of the comfort it's brought me.

Finally, please be kind. I'd be honored if you reviewed one last time. It can be your birthday gift to Elle! Thank you for supporting this silly, little fic for so long.

KendelleUpdates: Still crying over Kendall's song for Elle. They're soulmates!

HarperKnight: I still can't believe they got back together. That's what we call true love.

Three days had passed since the Tween Choice Awards. The stifling heat had given way to rain and a cool breeze. It was fitting for the first week of September. The tour was done and the awards from the weekend sat in my music room. Summer was officially over. Just a few days ago, I thought I would have been holed up in my apartment alone. But there had been a slight change of plans and I was more than happy to take a detour.

"What are you reading?"

The sound of his voice made me turn and a smile stretched across my face. Kendall was pressed into his pillow where he laid next to me.

"Just Twitter. Fans are still freaking out."

The bed shifted as he rolled over onto his side. "Is that okay?"

I knew him well enough to know that he was thinking about the last time the two of us had been trending online.

"It's good. Just overwhelming a little."

His voice was thick with sleep and he gave me a tired smile. "I'm overwhelmed too."

"Is it the fans? Your song is still blowing up. I hope they aren't being rude to you."

He laughed a little and shook his head. "Not that. It's just crazy that I get to wake up to you."

Heat crept into my cheeks and I set my phone down. "Good crazy?"

"It's the best part of my day." He kissed the back of my hand and looped his fingers through mine. "I honestly thought you'd be pissed."

I could still feel the way my heart had been in my throat when he came onto the stage alone. For a brief second, I had been upset. But then I realized it was only because I hadn't been ready to accept the truth. I loved him and I had for a while.

"I thought the best part of your day was falling asleep next to me."

Kendall sat up and stretched his arms over his head. "Can't it be both?"

"I guess." I leaned in and brushed my lips over his. "Do you know what one of the best parts of my day is?"

"Do tell." He hummed in amusement.

I climbed into his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. "It'd be easier if I just showed you."

"Even better."

So far being with Kendall felt different. It was strange to find him at my house. The same apartment I had come home to after he betrayed me, now had traces of him all over. His clothes were in my hamper, his toothbrush was in my bathroom, and his smell lingered on my sheets. That first morning when I found him in my bed, had been confusing for a moment. But now it felt right. It was like being in Minnesota minus the drama of not knowing if we'd get back together. I was so glad we had. But I had also made my expectations clear yesterday.

I told him that if he ever pulled anything like The Bet or hurt me again, I was gone for good. He had quickly sworn up and down that that would never happen.

Kendall had promised me he'd do anything to prove that he was serious about being with me and he delivered. Three months had passed since we got back together. Fall had been quiet and uneventful for the most part. I had done a quick week and a half jaunt around the Northeast to makeup for dates I had missed. After that, we enjoyed a break from the hectic schedule of touring and each other's company. We went on dates, hung out with the guys, and took time for just the two of us. We had also found ourselves in therapy.

After the trauma and emotional disasters on both sides after the New York Incident, we thought it was a good idea to talk to someone. I had gone for a while after the Jett Incident and found it helpful. Sometimes I went alone and talked about how I was still learning to trust him. Sometimes he went and talked through his anger issues and how killing himself had felt like the only option after my goodbye text. And sometimes we went together and talked about our relationship. It wasn't easy. There were tears and shouting during a few sessions and I wondered if it had been a good idea. But it was worth it because we loved each other. I was grateful for therapy. It helped me, it helped him, and it helped us. It made me feel like what Kendall and I had was solid. We were in this for the long haul.

As much as the guys and I enjoyed having time off, we were all overachievers. In the four months that had passed since the end of the North American tour, we had all been busy with various small projects. The five of us hung out and the relaxation was nice but we were all clearly antsy to get back to work.

So, when I walked down the red and white hallway of Rocque Records just before Christmas, hand in hand with Kendall, I was giddy. It had been seven months ago that I had come here to sign a contract to be Big Time Rush's opening act. I had been desperate for a comeback of any kind and it had been my best shot. Today felt like a full circle. We were announcing our world tour that I would be coheadling. We were going to Australia for the first time which was exciting.

We took a group picture to share on our social media. As I posted the photo I couldn't help but feel a bit nostalgic, the last time I had announced that I was going on tour I had no idea what to expect. I had worried if the fans would be excited to see me. The first reaction to the news about me being the opening act hadn't been the greatest. Just a few months later, the comments rolled in so fast my head spun.

QueenElle: Elle's coming to Brazil?! I'm crying real tears right now.

BigTimeCrush: A world tour? We're too blessed.

KendallKnight: Can't wait! So proud of you for getting to co-headline.

The last comment made me smile and not just because it was from Kendall. My birthday was just a few days away and Liz had surprised me with the news that I was going to be a co-headliner. This meant that I would be on equal footing with Big Time Rush. I'd have more stage time, more special effects, and equal pay. To go from having to grovel just to be considered for a tour, to being a headliner meant everything to me. My hard work had paid off and I was back where I should be.

"Since we're all together, I thought now would be the right time," Liz announced out of the blue. "Kendall, get her eyes."

Kendall looked suspicious as he came towards me. The guys all had the same sneaky look on their faces and Liz was uncharacteristically cheerful. Kendall pressed a quick kiss to my lips before covering my eyes.

"Okay, my birthday is in a week. We don't have to do this now." I argued as I felt the air in front of me. "And no offense, I'd rather go out for dinner."

Liz's voice was the one I heard next. "We're not celebrating your birthday. You act like I haven't reserved the same restaurant for the past four years. This is something else."

I squinted for a moment and was greeted by the sight of sparklers in the darkened room. There was a cake in front of me and a bottle of champagne. The writing on top made me shake my head and smile softly.

Congratulations on the Grammy Nomination!

"I don't deserve you guys."

James nodded in agreement and pulled me into a hug. "You don't but you do deserve the Grammy."

The nominations had been announced last month. I had burst into tears at the news and had been in disbelief for days. Between Kendall's birthday and Thanksgiving with his mom and sister, we hadn't properly celebrated. It's Kind of a Long Story had been nominated for album of the year and the ceremony was next month. In fact, the reason the tour started in February instead of January was so I could prepare for the show. I thought this was over the top but I was grateful nonetheless. I blew out the candles and turned to Liz.

"Thank you." We hugged for a long moment. "This is really sweet. I just hope we didn't jinx it."

Gustavo made a face. "I produced the album. There's nothing to jinx."

"Humble as always, Gustavo." I teased. "I couldn't have done it without you."

"Just make sure to thank me in the speech when you win."

The thought of me actually winning seemed absurd and I waved him off. "We'll see about that."

"Elle! Over here!"

"Who are you wearing?"

"Elle, look this way. Give us a smile."

I let out a long breath and smiled for the cameras. It was the night of the Grammy's and the red carpet was absolutely packed with celebrities and paparazzi. The lights were bright and the shouting buzzed in my ears. I was grateful for the steadying grip of Kendall's hand as we walked the carpet together. I found myself staring at him instead of posing. He was in a tuxedo and his hair was styled the way I liked. It was still so strange to me that he was my boyfriend. Five months had passed since the end of the tour and it was still so new and exciting. When he caught me staring, I flushed.

"What are you doing?"

"You just look so nice," I admitted. "It's hard to not look."

Kendall scoffed and gestured to me. "I can say the same about you. You're gorgeous."

Heat flooded my face and I looked down at the gown I was wearing. It was a light shade of lilac and it made me feel like a character from a fairytale. Without thinking, I leaned up to kiss him which set off a flurry of flashes from the press.

"Elle, Kendall! How does it feel to be on your first red carpet as a couple?"

The two of us shared an excited smile. We had been spotted by press and fans over the past few months but this was our first public appearance as a couple.

"We're really excited. I'm glad he's next to me."

"You're nominated for Album of the Year. How does that feel?"

Hearing the words sent a thrill through me. "It's still so unbelievable. This is what I've always been working towards and to have this album nominated after a few hard years is incredible."

The interviewer nodded and held the mic close to me. "Do you think you'll win?"

"Uh, I hope so but it's an honor to be nominated." I squeezed Kendall's hand as I spoke. "Anything can happen. Keep your fingers crossed."

...

The whole night was a blur. After finishing the red carpet, I had taken my seat with Kendall. The award I was up for was at the end of the night and I had spent most of it nervously bouncing my leg up and down. I performed Wonderland, the single I had filmed a video for towards the end of the tour. It was doing well on the charts and Liz had thought it would make for a good performance. And according to her and Kendall, it had been. For me, it was a blacked-out memory. It had been more nerve-wracking than the very first show of my career, the first show of my comeback, and the first show after the Kendall Incident combined. And having Beyonce in the first row hadn't helped.

Kendall's hand found my thigh while we sat in the dark theatre. It was so different from the last award show we had been to. Having him next to me helped quell the anxious turning in my stomach.

"You're shaking." He said quietly as we watched a performance. "Are you okay?"

I gave him a weak smile and placed my hand over his. "Just nervous."

He rolled his eyes and chuckled at this. "Don't be. You're amazing and so is the album. You've got this, babe."

My leg still bounced and I shifted in my seat. The agony of waiting all night was beginning to get to me and I just wanted to know one way or another at this point. But when the presenter came out I wished I still had more time. As I focused on my breathing, I reminded myself that just being nominated was a huge deal. My album had been in the same category as Beyonce, Adele, Katy Perry, and Bruno Mars. In my eyes, I was still a nobody compared to them and to have my comeback album win would be too good to be true. So, there was no way that I would win, it would take a miracle to-

My thought spiral was interrupted by Liz's hand on my shoulder and I held my breath as the presenter opened the envelope.

"And the Grammy for Album of the year goes to It's Kind of a Long Story by Elle Harper!"

It felt like my heart had dropped into my stomach and I nearly gave myself whiplash as I turned to look at Liz. Her grin was huge but her voice was faint in my ears.

"Me?" I asked. "Me?"

"Yes, you." She laughed and pulled me into a hug. "I'm so proud of you. Now, stand up."

I was numb as I climbed to my feet and turned to Kendall. He was beaming and cupped my face for a kiss. When we broke apart I realized I was crying.

"I'm so fucking proud, babe. I love you." He kissed the top of my head and squeezed me tight. "Go get your Grammy."

The applause was deafening and I carefully made my way up the stairs and gave a breathless laugh as the award was placed in my hands. I looked down at the Grammy. This was mine. I looked out at the sea of people, they were all standing and applauding for me. This was really happening. I saw Kendall, Liz, and Gustavo all in the second row. Kendall's smile was huge and he cheered for me. A few rows back, I saw James, Logan, and Carlos all clapping and giving me a thumbs up. I let out a long breath and shook my head.

"Oh my god. Never in a million years did I think I'd make this album. Let alone be nominated for a Grammy which was a huge honor in and of itself. But to be standing here right n-now, I feel like I'm going to wake up any second." My words came out soft and nervous. "Wow, uh I just have to thank my manager Liz first and foremost. She pushed me into going on tour this year and making this album. You've been by my side every step of the way. Next, I need to thank Gustavo for producing this album, it's been an honor to work with a living legend. And I guess you can say I told you so."

The audience laughed at my joke and I tried to control how quickly I was speaking. It felt like I was going to burst from all the excitement.

"I want to thank Carlos, James, and Logan for being my best friends and cheering me on during the whole production of this album. I need to thank my fans for supporting me during the rough patches I've gone through. You're the best fans in the world and I'm so grateful."

I sniffed and wiped at my face before finding Kendall in the crowd again. He was biting his lip but I could still see the smile he was holding back.

"And of course, I need to thank Kendall. We've been through so much together and so much of this album is about you. Thank you for being there to challenge me and inspire me. You make me a better songwriter." I chuckled a little to keep myself from crying. Kendall looked like he was trying to do the same. "I love you so much. And I-I'm just really glad to have you by my side. I've been through so much these past few years so I don't take this award for granted. Thank you."

I took in the applause for another moment before walking offstage, Grammy in hand.

The Grammy afterparties passed in a blur of champagne and celebration. I was still in genuine disbelief but each congratulation from a fellow artist seemed to confirm that I hadn't been dreaming. The night was long and ended with me carrying my shoes through the lobby of my building and Kendall's arm around me as we waited for the elevator.

The bowtie from his tuxedo had long been untied and hung from his neck. His blonde hair was mussed and he held me tight. He kissed the top of my head and his eyes were heavy as I hit the button for our penthouse.

"I'm proud of you, Eleanor."

"Are you?" I teased as we went up. "I couldn't tell."

He scoffed and shoved me lightly. "You won a fucking Grammy, of course, I'm proud."

My cheeks went pink and I ducked my head as I looked for my keys. "Thank you."

Once we were inside and the lights were on, I sighed. Tonight had been something I had dreamed of since I was a kid. There was a spot in my music room where the actual award would go once it was engraved. I dropped my shoes in the doorway and collapsed onto the couch. It was nearly four in the morning and I was a little drunk and tired. I was still in my gown and motioned for Kendall to sit next to me.

"You look tired." He remarked as he put his feet up. "Do you want me to carry you?"

"You're too sweet. I don't think I can sleep, I keep replaying tonight over in my head. I can't believe I won. I also can't believe the guys are still out."

Logan, James, and Carlos had celebrated with me but were still partying when Kendall and I had left.

Kendall laughed at this. "James still has a thing for Nicole from the Pussycat Dolls, Logan loves a good party and Carlos mentioned trying to get Aubrey Baker to go home with him."

This was amusing to me and I snorted. Aubrey was the newest indie artist on the scene. It didn't surprise me that Carlos was into that. Logan had more game than he let on and I wouldn't be surprised if there were pictures of him leaving some model's place tomorrow. And of course, James was James and could charm anyone in a ten-mile radius. It made me grateful I didn't have to deal with one night stands and being hit on anymore.

"Well, I'm glad I don't have to worry about trying to get someone to come home with me."

"I'll always come home with you, Len." He was quiet for a moment before popping up. "I almost forgot."

Kendall patted down his pockets and pulled out a small box. I raised an eyebrow, while I was in love with him, it had only been five months since we had gotten back together at the TCA's. If he was going to propose, I'd be surprised.

"Kendall?"

He tutted and groaned. "Don't look so nervous, it's not a ring. When I propose to you, you won't see it coming. Tonight would have been too easy. I just wanted to get you something for tonight. You're so amazing and I'm so in love with you. And I'm proud of you, not just for winning but for picking yourself up after so much bullshit. I'm sorry for what I did, I always will be."

When I opened the box, I saw a small gold chain with an even smaller star charm. I ran my fingers over it and shook my head.

"It's beautiful."

"I'm glad you like it. It's kind of cheesy but it's a star for my star." He took it out of the box and I pushed my hair to the side. "I knew you were going to win. You're talented and deserved it."

My nose wrinkled a bit as he put it on. "That is cheesy, but it's sweet. Thank you."

He kissed me and took hold of my hands. "I'm proud of you."

"So," I started quietly. "You said 'when I propose' not if."

Blood rushed to his face and he cleared his throat. "I was serious when I said I'd spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy."

My hand trailed up his thigh and I shrugged. "You could make me happy right now."

"Could I?" His voice was low and his eyes were heavy. "How's that?"

"I mean, I did win a Grammy." I brought my hands up to grip his collar. "We came home from the party but we could still celebrate."

His grin was wicked as he scooped me up. "We definitely could."

With that, he carried me through the house with my legs around his waist. My hands were tangled in his hair and my heartbeat rapidly in my chest. Even after all these months and after spending the summer together, it somehow managed to feel like the first time and like coming home.

The days following my win were a whirlwind of interviews and sorting through gift baskets that came from friends. The actual award came in the mail a week after the ceremony and I had placed it in my music room. Seeing my name on the Grammy still sent a thrill through me. But the celebrations couldn't last forever because the world tour was starting in Europe in just two days and we were flying over early for rehearsals. I stared out the window down at the earth beneath us and couldn't help but think about the night I had left New York. I had looked out the window just like I was now and had accepted the fact that my life was literally over. It felt like there was no coming back from what happened. I had no idea just how good things could be.

Right now, they were better than good. I had won a Grammy, was setting out to coheadline a world tour with my best friends, and was happy and alive. And I was in love. Kendall's head rested on my shoulder as he read his book and the necklace he bought me hung from my neck. I had no complaints.

"We're really doing a world tour, huh?" Logan questioned. "It seems like a million years ago that we were recording demos."

James scoffed. "Not just a world tour, dude. A sold-out world tour across four continents."

"And with the best coheadliner," I added jokingly.

"A Grammy-winning coheadliner. A beautiful, brilliant, insanely talented coheadliner." Kendall put his book down and kissed me. "I get to see the world with my girl."

I blushed and ducked my head. "You're an idiot."

"But you love me."

"You've got me there."

We shared another kiss and I laughed when he pulled me into his lap. I shrieked when an empty water bottle hit us.

"I swear to god, if I see Kendall's bare ass again, I am leaping out of this plane." Carlos declared dramatically as he stood up. "None of that mile-high club shit."

Kendall and I shared a look before dissolving into giggles. "No promises, Los."

"Hot off her Grammy win last month, Elle Harper stole the show last night in Paris. She and Big Time Rush kicked off the second leg of their Count Me In Tour last month in London. The tour broke records for how quickly tickets sold out. The Fab Five will be trekking across Asia, Australia, and South America in the months to come."

I watched myself on screen as I got dressed. For once, I was truly and genuinely happy. Touring this time around was different in the best way possible. I wasn't on eggshells or fighting with Kendall nonstop. Instead, I was getting ready to spend the day playing tourist with him. The beauty of this tour was that the album was already out which meant there was more time to explore. Being in Paris, the most romantic city in the world, with Kendall was exciting. The past two days had been busy with concerts and interviews, but our last day in the city was a day off.

We had been on tour for a little over a month now. It had started out with two nights in London and from there we did a few more stops in the UK before working through Europe. The fans were incredible and frenzied each night. The demand for tickets was so high that Gustavo, Liz, Griffin, and Dani made the decision to extend the tour. For most cities, we added a second or third night. This stretched the tour from three months to four and a half. It was a lot of work but it was worth it. Taking in the sights of each stop reminded me just how lucky I was to be able to travel for work.

Germany and Austria were beautiful. We had all attempted skiing in Switzerland. I really made an effort but falling became old after a while. The guys, of course, managed to ski with no problem. Apparently, the way you balanced and moved your feet was close to hockey skating. I was more than happy to spend my time in a hot tub overlooking the scenery with Liz and Kelly.

Walking the cobblestone streets of Rome made me feel like I had traveled back in time. Kendall and I had managed to sneak away from the guys and our security teams for a little date. We found a restaurant off of the main street and shared pasta and wine. Kendall had promised we could come back just the two of us one day. The first meal he had ever cooked for me had been pasta at his mom's house. All I could do was smile at what a difference a few months could make.

Our stop in the Netherlands included a bike tour of the city and plenty of weed. Norway and Sweden had been so cold that the guys and I hunkered down for movie marathons. Spain had been slightly warmer and the fans had welcomed us by crowding outside the hotel. We had to sneak out in a delivery van to get anywhere.

As for today though, I found myself hand and hand with Kendall as we strolled through Paris. It felt like something out of a romance novel. I had been to Paris a few times before but I had been on a tight tour schedule. Earlier in the day, the guys and I had breakfast together and went to a few museums. Kendall and I left our friends for some private time and I was giddy as I took in the sights.

"I could see myself living here," I announced as we crossed the street. "Seriously."

Kendall was wrapped up in a scarf and ducked his head against the wind. "You think so?"

"You can walk everywhere unlike LA, there's all the culture and history and it's Paris, Kendall. Who wouldn't want to live here?"

He shrugged. "I think I've been spoiled by California. It's fucking freezing."

"I'll give you that one. I thought my nose was going to freeze off yesterday at the Eiffel Tower." I pointed to the sky. "Speaking of, what are we doing back here?"

The guys and I had gone all the way to the top of the tower yesterday. The picture Kendall had shared of the two of us had got a million likes in just a few hours. I was confused as to why we were back here again. We had both decided that heights made us nervous when we had looked over the edge.

"I thought we could see if you've gotten any better." He pointed to a booth. "I noticed it yesterday as we were leaving and had Kelly get tickets."

"Tickets for what?"

Kendall pushed through the crowd of tourists and my confused expression gave way to a smile. It was an ice rink and he was holding two tickets in front of me.

"This is really cute." I gushed as we waited in line. "I don't think anything else could top this."

He blew air through his teeth. "I'm kind of a hopeless romantic, you know. I have plenty of date ideas."

"You? A hopeless romantic? I never would have guessed."

"What can I say? I want to give you the world."

I pushed up on my toes to kiss him and held his face in my hands. When we separated his green eyes were warm and he kissed me once more.

"So, you think they have one of those walkers?"

He rolled his eyes. "Doubtful because those are for children. But I'll break any falls for you, I promise."

...

KendelleUpdates: Elle and Kendall were spotted ice skating near the Eiffel Tower in Paris.

RushingforElle: I met Elle and Kendall today! I'm still shaking, can you tell I was about to cry in the picture?

MTVNEWS: It looks like Elle and Kendall hit the ice during their day off. Click for the super cute pics!

The tweets flooding my notifications made me smile. I liked the tweet from the fan we had met today before putting my phone down. We were about to take off for the Asian leg of the tour. South Korea, Japan, Taiwan, Hong Kong, and Singapore were all on the list. We were scheduled for a few press days and CD signings in each country. I was tired just thinking about it but also excited. I had never been to Asia. I was looking forward to meeting new fans in countries I had never seen.

"Alright, we're taking off in just a few minutes. Tomorrow is a packed day." Kelly announced as she boarded the plane. "When we land in Seoul, we'll have the fans at the airport to greet for a few minutes. I included a list of cultural dos and don'ts and in your email. Then you'll change at the hotel before heading down for a press conference."

Liz was close behind her and scrolling through her phone. "We also have different media outlets that you'll be sitting down with. Elle, it's your first time in this part of the world so everyone wants an interview."

I nodded and let out a long breath, the next two weeks were going to be busy. After this, the tour would take us to Australia for a week, and then we'd head for South America and Mexico for the final four weeks. Doing a world tour of this size in four months was ambitious and required long hours for everyone. Having a private plane helped though, it cut down on travel time so we could meet more fans and do more press. I intended to enjoy every minute of it. For once, I had no drama while on tour and the album was finished. This time around was really just about the music.

"So it's South Korea, then Taiwan?" Carlos asked, shaking his head. "I never know where I'm going. I just show up and sing."

"Japan, then Taiwan." Logan corrected. "I saw on Twitter that fans are already at the airport in South Korea. It's the middle of the night and we won't get there for another eleven hours."

Kendall visibly brightened when he heard this. "We have the best fans in the world."

"Speaking of fans, I need to look my best for them." James was unscrewing an orange bottle. "I'm sleeping this whole flight. Try not to need me."

Rocque Records and Condor Records had really gone all out for this tour. Our plane was the size of your standard plane that an airline would use but had been fitted with bunks and living areas. The name of our tour was written on the side of it and it was a luxury none of us were used to. Our other world tours had consisted of regular flights and buses across Europe. It was a command center and hotel in the sky. After getting ready for bed, Liz and I walked through the schedule and she looked at her watch.

"We land in ten hours. It'll be a little after 9 in the morning when we get there. From the airport, it's straight to the hotel for a round of press conferences." She closed her binder and stretched her arms over her head. "You should get some sleep while you can."

I said goodnight to Liz, Kelly, and Gustavo who would probably be awake for a while longer before heading towards the back of the plane. We each had small rooms. And much to Carlos' relief, they had doors that locked so we hadn't had a repeat of him walking in on Kendall and me. The Mile High Club had gained two new members on the first night of tour as we flew from London to Germany.

"I was wondering when you were coming to bed."

I slid the door shut behind me and took off the green hoodie I was wearing. "Liz wanted to talk about the schedule and go over talking points."

Kendall sat at the edge of the bed and pulled me onto his lap. "You're always working."

"I'm married to my work," I explained with a smile. "I've never been to these countries, I don't want to look stupid."

"You could never look stupid." He assured me as he ran his hands up my sides. "Stupidly gorgeous? Yes. Just stupid? Never."

This made me chuckle and I reached over to hit the lights. "You sure know how to charm them."

As we laid side by side, Kendall stroked his thumb over my cheek. This was my favorite part of the day after a jam-packed schedule of concerts, press, or walking the streets of an unknown city, I could always count on curling up next to Kendall.

"I love you," I said in a quiet voice. "I'm really happy I'm here with you."

Kendall's smile could be seen even in the dark. "I love you, Elle. More than anything."

And just like that, it didn't matter where I was. I could be 30,000 feet in the air, in a different country, or in a city I had never seen. As long as he was next to me, I was home.

The Asian leg of the tour was so busy that it felt like I was constantly trying to catch my breath. It was the experience of a lifetime. The mob of fans that greeted us at each stop was staggering. The cities had been incredible from what we had seen and we had a blast. Korean facials were something James and I would definitely be returning for. One night, we stayed out late and hopped around karaoke bars in Tokyo. The architecture and culture were unlike anything I had experienced and I savored every minute of it while I could.

Australia was the next stop and the warmer temperatures seemed to boost our spirits. We were halfway into the tour and starting to get tired. It was summer in this part of the world and it was nice to spend some time out in the sunshine. Neither Big Time Rush or I had been here so we managed to see the most famous sights.

The five of us posed for a photo in front of the Sydney Opera house with huge grins.

ElleHarper: Greetings from the land down under!

The fans were welcoming and while the constant time change had left all of us exhausted, I made a point to meet every fan that I could. A group of girls had spotted Kendall and me as we stepped out of the hotel we were outside for a smoke break. Kendall had wanted to slip away and come back later but I insisted on meeting them.

The fans lingered and we signed their CDs and took pictures. Once they were gone, Kendall lit up a cigarette and cast me a long look.

"What?"

He leaned his head against the wall and blew a plume of smoke. "I don't know. Watching you interact with fans is sweet. You take your time with each of them."

"I owe them everything. They stuck by me through Jett, New York, everything." I raised my shoulders in a half shrug. "I mean it when I say I love them."

"Your heart's so big." Kendall shook his head and looped his fingers through mine. "I'm gonna marry you one day, Elle. I mean it, you're incredible."

The fact that he was actually serious made butterflies swirl in my stomach. "Well, we better honeymoon in all the places we want to come back to."

Kendall wrapped his arms around my waist. "I like that. Kendall and Elle Knight, off to see the world."

"I think you mean Elle and Kendall Harper."

"You can call me whatever you want. As long as I get to be with you."

"You're an idiot." I pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "Now come on, we won't get to see anywhere if we miss the car to the airport."

He took my hand as we went back inside. "Away we go."

"Rio, are you having a good time tonight?"

The crowd was earsplitting. Artists always said whatever crowd they were in front of was the loudest they ever heard. But this one might have seriously been the loudest. The volume made my ears ring even with protection in. The adrenaline buzzing through my body made it easy to forget this. The Count Me In Tour had just three weeks left but there was more energy than ever. I hadn't been to Brazil since my third album and I was happy about the warm welcome.

"It feels incredible to be back. Let's never go so long without seeing each other. Deal?" I laughed into the mic at their cheers. "Now, I thought I could bring out someone very special to me for this next song."

Singing the duet with Kendall had been a new experience this time around. There weren't forced jokes to disguise our hatred for each other, there wasn't painful sexual tension, and I didn't want to cry with grief over what I had lost. It was just fun and that was new to me.

"Rio! The guys and I have been watching from backstage. You're looking good." He greeted them before turning to me. "Not as good as you babe, but still pretty good."

I bit my lip and waved him off. "Sing with me?"

"Always."

As the music started and we sang the opening lines it seemed crazy that it had been a year since we wrote this song. But tour had sped by and it was now May. I had known Kendall and the guys for a year. Even so, this song took me right back to that late night in LA.

I sang to Kendall with a private grin. He crossed the stage and took my hand in his. Above us, scenes from the music video played. I was on Kendall's lap and we kissed roughly and with tension. It was a lifetime ago and just yesterday all at the same time. Since winning me back at the Tween Choice Awards, Kendall and I had been dating for nine months. Being with him made me happier than I ever thought possible and I wasn't shy about showing it.

"Anything can happen on a night like this."

The song finished and the final notes played as I kissed him. There were 50,000 people watching but it felt like we were the only two in the room. When I broke our kiss, Kendall gave me a confused but lovesick grin.

"What was that for?" He asked into my ear. "Did you want to play our game again?"

I thought of our back and forth flirting game and was grateful I didn't have to deny how I felt about him. "I just love you."

"Well, I love you too." He pecked my lips, setting off a flurry of screams. "More than you know."

Every inch of my body hurt and I was exhausted. Kendall's arm hung around my waist as we laid in bed watching the news on my laptop. We were flying to our last stop on the tour. 50 dates later and we were finally finished with the Count Me In Tour tonight in Mexico City. The past few weeks in South America had been full of interviews, meet and greets, and radio shows. The love had been tangible but everyone was ready for a break. World tours were usually spread over ten months but we had done it in half the time with twice as many stops. It had been exciting and fun but it had started to take its toll.

"The Count Me In Tour comes to an end today in Mexico City. The smash-hit tour managed to sell out every single venue and saw our favorite boy band and pop princess put on breathtaking performances. We're all wondering what the Fab Five will get up to next? New albums? Another tour? Wedding bells for Kendelle?"

Kendall's voice was scratchy. "The idea of another tour makes me want to die."

"Agreed." I snuggled deeper into the covers. "I wouldn't mind recording another album though."

"You've written enough songs."

It was true. I had been inspired all tour and had been working on lyrics and song ideas with Gustavo. "I think I need a nice staycation first."

"You, me, and our bed at home." He nearly moaned at the thought. "No more jet lag."

I rolled over onto my stomach. "I can't wait."

Kendall closed my laptop and pulled me close. "One stop to go."

...

"Mexico! We just want to take the chance to say thank you!" Carlos announced. "We couldn't have done this tour without you."

James and I were toasting champagne as he spoke. "We really have the best fans in the world."

"You guys filled seats here and all over the world. Every single show was sold out." Logan was tipsy and couldn't stop grinning. "It's fucking amazing."

I held up my glass. "Thank you for letting me share the stage with these guys as your coheadliner."

Kendall's arm draped over my shoulders. "Let's do this!"

The venue was absolutely shaking as confetti rained down and the fans jumped to the beat. It was the very last show of the very last leg of the tour and we were all in tears. We were tired, homesick, but also incredibly thankful. I stood on stage with my boyfriend, my friends, and looked out at my fans. All was right with the world.

"It's the only life you've got so you've got to live it big time!"

It was time to go home.

The flight home was only four hours but we made a party of it. Liquor and champagne sloshed dangerously over the rim of our glasses and the music was loud. Everyone was exhausted but we ran on pure adrenaline.

"To a great fucking tour!" James stood on a chair and raised his glass. "We sold out every show."

"Not bad for a couple of dogs from Minnesota, huh, Gustavo?"

Their producer just tutted and rolled his eyes. Kelly gave him a swift elbow to the ribs. "Fine, you did a great job."

Logan was somehow still on his feet despite drinking half his body weight in tequila. "Aww, it almost sounds like you're proud of us."

"Well, I'm proud of you, guys." Liz chimed in and gently clinked her glass to mine. "Especially you, Elle. Look who has another world tour under her belt."

I grinned and put an arm over her shoulder. "And a drama free one I might add. To a great fucking tour and to a long break."

We all brought our glasses together. "Cheers!"

...

"Now, I'm just a flight away and you can call." Liz was frantic as she spoke. "And Dani's in LA and I guess I trust the lawyers on their own but call me first."

I couldn't help but groan as I cradled the phone between my ear and shoulder. "You do know I have been left alone before, right? And I'm 23, not a toddler. I promise I won't get into any catfights, have my nudes leaked, or end up on a tabloid cover."

"You know I worry."

"And it makes you the best manager in the business. But it's also why you deserve this vacation."

She sighed in agreement. "I don't work out six days a week to not look good in a bikini."

"You're fit as fuck." I laughed. "Go live your best life in Hawaii and don't come back until you're tan."

"Okay, okay, but if you need me-"

Kendall snatched the phone from me. "I promise I'll take care of her."

I wrestled it back in time to hear Liz scoff. "Fine. Don't get into trouble while I'm gone."

"I'm hanging up now, I love you, bye!"

With that, I placed the phone back on the table and turned around. Everyone was getting out of town for the summer. The tour had been over for two weeks or so and now that the jetlag had passed, people were taking off once more. Liz was going to Hawaii, Gustavo had left for Fiji two days after getting home, and Kelly was off to the Caribbean. Logan and Carlos were leaving for Minnesota, and James was in New York. As for Kendall and I, we were content to stay right here in LA.

I took the time to get to know his mom and sister. After we had first got back together, I had overheard him on the phone with Katie. She had been giving him a stern talking to about how this better not be a joke again. Kendall had been upfront about how this was the real deal. Katie and I had grown close. She had a mind for business and we bonded over our interest in the music industry. Well, that and our mutual love of making fun of Kendall.

Jen was like the mom I always wanted as a kid. She was encouraging, supportive, and was always there to offer advice. We had stayed over for dinner and Kendall was doing some chores for her when she pulled me aside.

"I just wanted to see how things were between you two."

I frowned and crossed my arms. "We're fine? Why?"

"Kendall just mentioned that things are different now that the tour is over. The boys have been working on different projects and I think he's stressed. I just wanted to make sure he's not letting it affect the two of you. You know his temper."

The fact that he was stressed about the guys was news to me but I moved on. "We're fine. Honestly, he's great."

"Good." She sighed a breath of relief. "You make him a better person. I've never seen him so happy, he talks about you all the time. He was so proud of you when you won your Grammy."

My face warmed and I cleared my throat. "He makes me happy too."

"Good." She squeezed my arm. "I think you two are good for each other."

"Hey, I finished changing those light-" Kendall interrupted himself as he came into the kitchen. "Babe, you okay?"

"Yeah. We were just talking about how happy we are."

His face brightened and he kissed the top of my head. "I'm the happiest guy in the world."

The first thing I heard when I walked through the door was sobbing. It was loud and it was ugly. The coffee table was shattered and on its side and Kendall was hunched over on the couch. My heart rate spiked and my stomach twisted into an anxious knot. Kendall sounded devastated and a million thoughts raced through my head.

"Kendall, baby? What's wrong?" I asked cautiously as I sat next to him. "Is it your mom? Is it Katie?"

He shook his head which comforted me a bit but he was still gasping for air. When he looked up, his eyes were bloodshot and his skin was pale.

"The band's over." His voice was weak.

This wasn't what I expected and my mouth fell open. "What?"

"James and Carlos, they don't want to do it anymore." He clenched his fists. "Fucking assholes didn't even warn us. They just dropped it during a meeting."

I didn't know what to say. Mostly, I was relieved that no one was hurt. And I wasn't all that surprised if I was being honest. The tour had been fun, but by the end, they were all bickering constantly. This seemed like it had been a long time coming. The truth was that they were only supposed to release three albums. They had released five. It was inevitable that they'd go off on their own eventually. But seeing how it had brought Kendall to tears made me sad.

"J-James booked some fashion campaign that shoots in Italy and Los is directing a movie." Kendall was still crying. "So they said they thought it was time to move on from BTR. Logan and I had no idea, Gustavo was pissed but agreed. He said, 'It's time to break out into your own careers. It's honestly overdue'. Those fucking assholes."

I hugged him tight and kissed his hair. "Baby, I'm so sorry."

"I didn't think we'd be doing this forever but they're my best friends. They didn't even tell me or Logan. They just dropped the bomb without e-even discussing it."

I rubbed circles on his back. "It's all going to be okay."

He looked over at me with a tearstained face. "What if we're n-not friends anymore?"

"That's not possible. You've been friends since elementary school that just doesn't change overnight."

"We said this town w-wasn't going to change us." It was heartbreaking to see my boyfriend, who was ever the optimist, reduced to tears. "What am I gonna do without them?"

"You're so talented, Kendall. You can do anything. Music, hockey, producing. You have a million options." I cupped his face and moved his chin so his eyes met mine. "And you have me."

He managed a half-smile. "Promise?"

"Always."

...

"Our top celebrity story is that Big Time Rush is big-time done. The band posted a statement announcing that after six years and five albums, they've called it quits."

On-screen was the long paragraph that the guys had all posted this morning. Kendall sat next to me, gripping my hand in his.

"They thanked their fans for supporting them and made a point to say that the four of them were all still friends. This comes after the news that James Diamond is the new face of Versace and has signed on to model for the brand. Carlos Garcia is also set to make his directorial debut next year. There's no word on what Logan Mitchell or infamous frontman Kendall Knight are doing yet but we're sure it'll be a big-time transition."

"Are you okay?" I whispered. "I know this is scary."

He shrugged. "It is what it is."

Kendall went into our bedroom and shut the door behind him. He had been moody for the past week since they decided to break up. He had been quiet and trying to put on a brave face for me but I could tell he was hurting. To his credit though, he hadn't lashed out at me once and made a point to leave the room if he got too angry. He'd come back in and assure me that it wasn't me he was upset with. And I knew better than to take it personally, I would have been emotional too. I decided to give him space but only paid half attention to the TV as I listened to make sure he was okay.

"Fans of Stella Carson are trying to decide if the model has a black eye or simply smeared makeup after last night. The star was seen in a screaming match with boyfriend Jett Stetson at a club where he got in her face. Fans think Jett may have hit-"

My phone buzzed and made me jump. I switched off the TV to answer.

"Hey, Liz. Yeah, he's okay, just hurting." I sighed. "He'll need some time. But I think he'll be okay."

The next six months were a strange period of change. Fans had been stunned by the breakup and begged them to stay together. The guys had flown to New York for an interview on Good Morning America to clear the air. They had talked a lot about brotherhood and friendship and said for the sake of those things, they needed to stop being a band. They promised a reunion tour at some point but were clear that they were over for now. Once they were back in California and we had a farewell party, everyone went their separate ways.

James was living in Italy for the time being. The band had only been apart for a few weeks but it was already so different. I made a point to Facetime once a week, the same with Logan and Carlos. James was trying to lure us to Italy to visit.

"Maybe we should. I'm still in the studio most days but we could use a break."

"The studio? You won a Grammy in January, you could take a break."

I shrugged. "It's July. I'm bored and inspired so why not?"

"I guess. Just don't work too hard."

"As long as you don't."

James smirked and his laugh was smug. "Posing with my shirt off while being surrounded by gorgeous women hardly counts as work."

"I'm hanging up now."

The rest of the summer had been lowkey. Kendall had decided to record an album of the songs he had written about us. We spent time with Logan who was still in the city. After the breakup, he had partied for a while and there had been tabloid covers of him stumbling out of clubs at 3 am. There was a scandal involving him and a married supermodel who was seven years older. The tipping point had been when he got into a fistfight with her husband at Fashion Week. According to James, who had witnessed it, Logan had been a wreck. After that, he had disappeared for a few weeks for 'exhaustion' which was really just code for being heartbroken. He seemed to be doing better and was getting into producing. It was nice to see him back to his old self.

"It's like being a doctor in the studio." He said one night as we sat on his patio. "And Gustavo obviously has a ton of experience, why not learn?"

Kendall took a sip of his beer and nodded. "It makes sense. I'm just glad you're not out getting fucked up every night."

"It was getting old, waking up hungover every day sucks." Logan grimaced a bit. "Plus, there was that whole cheating scandal with Mara. I'd rather lay low for a while. She doesn't need that."

"For what it's worth if she left her husband you two would be a hot couple." I offered jokingly. "Mara's gorgeous."

"Something about having her football player husband kick my ass ruined that for me." Logan scrunched his nose and tried to make a joke. It was obvious he was still hurting though. "I miss her but that's not who I am. I'll stick to producing for now."

Kendall and I celebrated our one year anniversary in August by taking a trip to Hawaii. I thought it was a bit over top but Kendall claimed we'd only have one first anniversary. We spent a few weeks enjoying the sun, the sand, and each other. We had also caught up with Carlos who was on the island location scouting for a film.

"It's your anniversary and you're spending it with me?" He was incredulous as he walked into the house we had rented. "Really?"

"The anniversary was two weeks ago." I clarified as I hugged him. "Besides, I missed you."

He lifted me off the ground a bit. "I missed you too. Do you think Kendall is going to kick my ass?"

When the band broke up, Carlos and Logan had hardly been on speaking terms. Kendall had been pissed at James and Carlos, claiming it was their fault the band was over. He and James reconciled at the farewell party but it had taken him some time to forgive Carlos.

"No way, he's excited to see you." I shut the front door and we walked towards the back of the house. "Have you made up with Logan?"

Carlos shrugged. "I apologized for calling him a pretentious, homewrecking alcoholic. He took back calling me an immature manchild. So it is what it is."

"Good, I hate to see you guys fighting."

"Los!"

Kendall was in the backyard, coming up from the beach. He was tanned and the sun had brought out the blonde in his hair. Even a year later, I still couldn't believe that he was mine. He and Carlos hugged for a moment before separating.

"Look at you, all tan and shit," Carlos nodded approvingly. "You can't even tell you're normally a ghost."

"We're almost the same color." I joked. "I'm really glad you're here."

Carlos grinned as he followed Kendall to the water. "Me too."

We spent the afternoon laying out in the sun before coming back to the house. Carlos and Kendall had manned the grill and we were now seated around a fire with drinks in hand. We had been talking about the songs I had been writing, Kendall's uncertainty about his career, and Carlos' film. He also filled us in on this girl he had met while he was out here. I had excused myself to find the bug spray and when I came back out, Carlos and Kendall were talking in hushed voices. I ducked back into the doorway, not wanting to interrupt.

"Dude, I gotta ask you something," Carlos said to Kendall out of the blue. "Don't take it the wrong way."

"What's up?"

"You're on your anniversary trip, in Hawaii, and no disrespect, Elle's hotter than ever." He waved off the way Kendall clenched his jaw. "Why the fuck haven't you proposed?"

Butterflies erupted in my stomach and Kendall's face turned dark red. "I told her it would come when she's not expecting it. After her Grammy was too easy, so was in Paris during the tour, and I know it's her favorite holiday but who the hell proposes on the Fourth of July? I'm waiting for the right time. I'm just worried about moving too fast and scaring her off. But trust me, I'm going to be with her for the rest of my life."

"I always knew you'd get married first. You and Elle are so domestic."

Kendall shoved him. "Don't be rude. I'm excited to ask her, honestly, I would have asked the night of the Tween Choice Awards but that seemed too soon."

"Let me know if you need help choosing a ring."

The thought of Kendall picking out an engagement ring made my head spin. His blush deepened and he nodded.

"I will."

The vacation had been nice but it was nice to be back in Los Angeles. It was fall once again and Kendall had released his album about me. The reviews had been overwhelmingly positive and the three week tour of shows in small theatres had sold out. He named the album Parallel after the song he sang at the TCA's to win me back. The first time I heard the completed record, I had cried for several minutes. It was still the most romantic thing that had ever been done for me. He had also been playing hockey recreationally which made him happy.

"If it were me, I wouldn't trade in singing for getting pummeled by men with sticks," Liz claimed when she stopped by our place one morning. "Seems dangerous."

Kendall shook his head in mock annoyance. "I loved hockey before music. I've spent the last few years on stage. I miss the ice."

"Well, as long as you're happy." I kissed his cheek. "Just be careful."

He groaned and put his arm around me. "Of course, I have big plans for the two of us."

Kendall was falling back in love with hockey and he had started to negotiate his next career move. He wanted to play professionally and was considering joining the minor league. He turned 24 and I had met his grandparents and cousins during Thanksgiving in Minnesota. We had spent last year's holidays in LA. His grandparents were welcoming and his younger cousins had me sign a dozen autographs for their friends. It was nice to spend a holiday with a normal family. It made up for the years I spent in strange houses and on tour buses. The guys were also home and we hung out. Even though Big Time Rush was over, it was nice to be back together as a group.

After the holidays, I finally went back into the studio to work on my fifth album. Things were different this time around. I wasn't scrambling to make a comeback. The Jett Incident didn't loom overhead. And for the first time in a long time, I was happy. I wasn't making an album from a place of anxiety or uncertainty. I wrote songs about being in love instead of being heartbroken. I wasn't trying to prove myself to anyone, I was more than happy to be myself. Gustavo and I spent most of the winter working on songs and music for the album. When it finally came out in May, I was overwhelmed by the response.

"Elle Harper's fifth album Daylight has gone straight to number one. We're already obsessed with the lead single which shares the same name as the album. I wouldn't be surprised if this album earned Elle her second Grammy."

I was proud of all of my albums but this one held a special place in my heart. I was in a better place than I was when It's Kind of a Long Story came out. The lead single was called Daylight and was about how I was ready to step into a new era. I was done with the drama of Jett, Jo, and all the scrutiny I had been under. I was happy and in love and that was enough. This was a much happier record. It was mature without being moody and came from a lighthearted place. This was the first time I had written a record about a relationship that wasn't toxic. It was a big change but it was a good one.

Kendall had thrown me a surprise party to celebrate and the guys had flown in. It had been a nice surprise and great to catch up before I left. I'd be doing a summer tour across North America. Kendall wouldn't be joining me due to his hockey schedule but I wasn't worried. We had survived the drama of two summers ago and it would take more than a little distance to tear us apart. That didn't mean it still was easy to leave him.

"Baby, why are you crying?" Kendall asked with a frown. "You put on a great show. The fans loved it."

I rolled my eyes and hit him. "I'm going to miss you."

He laughed a little and wiped my face. "You're too cute. I'll miss you too but I'm never as far away as it may seem."

"You're just quoting BTR lyrics." I sniffed and shook my head. "I'm not going to be able to sleep without you."

"I thought of that." He reached into one of my bags that sat on the bus. "While you were busy at rehearsal I made sure to wear this around."

It was the green Minnesota Wilds hoodie that I had worn during the Count Me In Tour. I hadn't worn it in a while because I had taken to wearing a hoodie for his new team. The fact that he wore it so it smelled like him was beyond sweet.

The tour was even better than I expected. It was sold out every night and the fans were ravenous. The hours were long and my body ached from the choreography but it was worth it. There were some changes to the shows compared to my last time on the road. First of all, this was a stadium tour which meant I was playing to over 100,000 people each night. No longer was I dressed in super revealing outfits and I finally got to play instruments on stage. Of course, I still sang my older songs and the outfits weren't exactly modest, but I was finally growing into the artist I wanted to be.

As for my relationship with Kendall, we were stronger than ever despite the distance and time difference. We FaceTimed several times a day and he always called me before I went to bed. I slept every night in that old, green sweatshirt and fell asleep to the smell of mint, smoke, and soap. It wasn't as good as having him here but it was the next best thing.

The distance made the next time I saw him even sweeter. I was in Iowa, it was blazing hot on the Fourth of July. I had just walked into my dressing room after my soundcheck and shot out of my skin when I saw him standing there.

"Kendall! What are you doing here?" I asked as I jumped into his arms.

"I couldn't not see my girl on her favorite holiday. Plus, I wanted to see the look you have on your face."

I pulled him in for a kiss. "I missed you so much."

The rest of the day was spent locked away on the bus. It had been far too long since I had seen him and we made up for the lost time. When the show rolled around I was bursting with excitement.

"Some of you might remember a song I wrote a few years ago. It's a little tune called, A Night Like This. You may also remember I had a little help singing it." By now, some of the fans in the front were frenzied. "Would you guys be okay if we had a surprise guest?"

The sound of the crowd was deafening as Kendall walked out. He pressed a kiss to the side of my face before waving.

"Iowa, do you mind if I crash the party?"

It had been a while since Kendall and I had the chance to sing together. When the music started, my grin was huge. It took me back to that night at Rocque Records. Never in a million years, did I think I'd end up here with him. I was flirty and performing with him felt like coming home. We'd come so far from the days of Liz and Gustavo scripting our jokes because we couldn't get along. It seemed like a lifetime ago. The duet was second nature to us.

"Oh, anything can happen on a night like this."

The music faded and Kendall pulled me into his side. "How amazing is she?"

The fans' screams increased to roar and my face warmed. "Stop it."

"It's true." He then spoke to the audience. "Thanks for letting me join you!"

"Let's hear it for Kendall!" I gestured for him to take a bow. "My favorite duet partner."

Kendall leaned over and kissed me. "Break a leg, babe."

I finished the rest of the set with a lovesick grin on my face. But all too soon, I found myself saying goodbye to Kendall once more. It never got any easier and I held onto him for as long as I could.

"I'll miss you."

He kissed me and held my face. "I'll miss you more."

We weren't the only ones who were busy. Jett was the star of a historical drama about World War One. It was impossible to miss despite putting all my effort into doing so. The news talked about it constantly and the trailer was all over the internet. The film had Oscar buzz and was expected to win several awards and it hadn't even come out yet. But that wasn't the only reason he was in the news.

"Jett Stetson, who is starring in this fall's most anticipated film From the Trenches is in the news again. This time it's for his fighting off of the screen."

The video was shaky but Jett could clearly be seen throwing a punch at a man. I recognized his coke-fueled rage all too well and shuddered at the sight. As he was dragged off by security, he spat blood from his mouth.

"I'm Jett fucking Stetson, don't you forget it."

"Despite this latest scuffle, it doesn't seem like the Academy has forgotten the troubled actor. From the Trenches hasn't premiered yet but rumors are circulating that Jett could be nominated for the Oscar for Best Leading Actor."

Liz scoffed next to me. "What a prick."

"I won my Grammy first, that's all I care about." I turned off the TV that was on the bus. "And my tour was sold out."

"And well on your way to your second Grammy." She slid a copy of the latest earnings report. "Daylight is breaking the records set by your last album."

A smile warmed my face. This album was more positive and upbeat than It's Kind of a Long Story. It was nice to see that the fans and critics could support something I created when I wasn't deeply depressed. The tour was wrapping up nicely and it felt like things had settled into place. There was only a week and a half left at this point and then I'd be back home with Kendall.

"For once, it sure is nice to be Elle Harper."

The end of summer meant finally being reunited with Kendall. We spent our second anniversary tucked away in our favorite restaurant that Kendall had rented out just for the occasion. The lights were low and the candles were lit. There was a moment when he had grabbed my hands and stared so lovingly across the table, that I thought he was going to propose. But he shot this down.

"Babe, did you really think I'd propose in a restaurant? That's so fucking basic, you deserve to have it written in the sky and shouted from the rooftops."

"I'll be sure to keep an eye out for any skywriting planes," I grumbled as I sunk further into my chair. "At this point, I'm going to propose."

Kendall took my hands once again. "I have this grand romantic scheme. The next time I bring it up I have every intention of following through."

"You have a master plan. Are you having rehearsals for it?"

He raised an eyebrow. "You know, that's not the worst idea."

"You have your rehearsal and work on your stupid scheme. I'll be waiting to say yes."

…

Our time in Los Angeles didn't last long though because we spent Thanksgiving and most of the month of December, excluding my birthday which was spent in California, in Minnesota. Kendall's family was full of cousins and aunts and uncles who always welcomed me like I was a long lost relative. The holiday season also meant the guys were back in Shakopee. The five of us hadn't been together since the surprise party Kendall had thrown me when my album came out. But when we crowded in the hot tub at James' mom's house, it felt like no time had passed. The bitterness from the Big Time Rush's breakup had disappeared with time and it felt like the good old days.

"You may be nominated for your second Grammy but we still have our own day." James pointed out. "So suck it."

"Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of being the best-selling female pop artist of the decade." I scrunched my nose and looked him up and down. "And I'll pass, you know how jealous Kendick gets."

Next to me, Kendall gave an offended gasp. "I do not get jealous."

"Dude, you literally tried to fight me after I was alone in a room with her during the Count Me In Tour." Logan reminded him as he ran a hand through his wet hair. "Definitely jealous."

Carlos faked a whisper. "For the jealous type, you'd think he would have put a ring on it already."

I groaned and shook my head. "Don't get him started. He has a 'master plan' and everything."

"We know. He texts our group chat in the middle of the night about it."

Kendall smacked his lips. "You guys are dicks. And for the record, it's a great plan. You'll see."

"Soon?" I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow.

He pressed a kiss to my lips before he pushed himself out of the hot tub. "Maybe."

...

Christmas morning was quiet and I exchanged gifts with Kendall, Katie, and Jennifer. His grandparents hosted dinner at their house which was much more lively that evening. It was now a few days later, I couldn't tell you which one, the days after Christmas and before New Years were always a blur. It was just me and Kendall. Jennifer had gone to deliver forgotten gifts to some cousins and Katie was with her old friends. It was cold and snowy, everything late December should be. It was just before noon and Kendall and I were wrapped up under a blanket on his couch.

"We should go for a walk." He sat up suddenly. "It's nice out."

I was comfortable in my nest of blankets and groaned. "It's like 30 degrees out."

"It's nice for Minnesota in December." He was on his feet. "Come on. You haven't gotten to see the trail by my house yet this year. They call this the 10,000 lakes state for a reason. You always talk about wanting to actually experience winter."

His smile was bright and his green eyes were excited. "Only because you're cute and only if we can take pictures. Liz forced me to buy so many hats for this trip and I'll be damned if I don't get to show them off."

...

The drive to the trail was short and it didn't seem like much. But the further we walked, the denser the forest got, it was all lush pine trees and sparkling snow. It was breathtakingly silent. I almost felt guilty for ruining the snow with my footprints. Something this beautiful deserved to be untouched. It was everything the movies made it out to be.

"This isn't some plan to murder me is it?" I asked as we trudged through the snow. "I wouldn't be surprised if Liz secretly chipped me or something."

"No, not today." He chuckled as he held my hand. "I would never ruin the snow like that."

This was reminiscent of the day he surprised me with the ice skating lesson. We had been in such a weird place. We wanted to be with each other but I wasn't ready to trust him. It felt like a lifetime ago. If someone would have told me I'd be back in Minnesota and two and a half years into a relationship with him, I would have laughed. But now as he held my gloved hand in his, it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

"You have a good Christmas?"

"It was nice to spend it with a real family," I admitted. "Foster home Christmases were kind of shitty. It felt forced and the gifts were random. But seeing your grandparents and cousins was sweet."

This made him smile and he squeezed my fingers. "Well, they all love you. I'm glad you get to celebrate with us. Even if my younger cousins think you're cooler."

"I've always been meant to be the cool aunt or older cousin," I said breezily. "A mom? Hell no. But being the cool aunt with good advice is my calling."

Kendall draped his arm over my shoulder. "Did you get everything you wanted?"

"I did. Thank you. These are way too expensive but they're beautiful." I pushed back my hair to reveal the diamond studs in my ears. "I never would have bought them for myself."

"That's why I bought them." He said matter of factly. "For someone rich and famous, you sure don't treat yourself."

"We can't all be James." I joked, our laughter echoing in the cold air. "What about you?"

"Almost everything." He admitted. "But you can't beat an autographed jersey from your favorite hockey player. It's getting framed and hung somewhere."

"Not in my music room. That's all I ask."

Kendall waved this off and pulled my hat down over my ears. "Speaking of your music room... we're going to have to make room for your new Grammy."

I groaned and pushed him off of me. "Nope. Not happening. No way."

He jostled me. "Come on, you know you'll win."

"I don't know that and I'd prefer not to think about it." I covered my face with my hands. "Performing made me sick and my speech is a blur. I'm losing with dignity and then going home and going to bed early."

His breath came out in small, chilly clouds. "I'll be proud no matter what happens. Plus, I'll buy you new jewelry."

"Oh no, I know how this goes. You'll make me think you're proposing and then give me another necklace."

"You love that necklace." He pointed out with a smirk. "A star for my star."

"Ew." I wrinkled my nose as I touched the small star charm. "That's still so cheesy. But it is my favorite."

We walked in silence for a while. It was cold but it really was beautiful. The trees were dark green and the snow weighed heavily on the branches. In the distance, a small section of the frozen water could be seen. I took some selfies of us and he snapped a picture of me in my new beanie. This quiet time with Kendall was one of my favorite things. With so much fighting at the start of our relationship, busy schedules, and loud fans, sometimes it was nice to just be quiet. Kendall was clearly happy to be back home. Even though he claimed he didn't miss Midwest winters, he had been overly excited for the past few days. He was also over the moon that the LA Kings had signed him on to be a center. This was his dream position on a major team. He and the guys had played hockey a few times. His cousins had forced him to build a snow fort and now he trailed behind as we walked. He seemed to be savoring being home. His footsteps crunched through the snow.

"What if we get married?" He asked quietly.

I barked out a laugh. Kendall was anything but subtle, he had been talking about how we were going to celebrate after the Grammys since I had been nominated. He made me think he was proposing last year when we had gotten home from the afterparties. And he had just said he'd buy me new jewelry not even ten minutes ago. I didn't even turn around. I wasn't falling for it.

"Yeah, right."

"Anything can happen." He teased.

I scoffed and called over my shoulder. "You give me a ring and we'll see."

"Eleanor."

There was something about the way he said my name that made my stomach twist. So when I turned around to see him down on one knee, I didn't quite believe it.

"No."

"I have pictured this exact moment countless times." He let out a long breath and his voice was shaking. "I wanted to do it in Paris. I wanted to on our anniversary, when you won your Grammy, the night I won you back. I've wanted to do this every moment, of every day since I first kissed you. But I could never figure out the best way. That's why it took me so long. You deserve the world and I want to give it to you. I've spent the last two years picturing this moment. And then it hit me, this is perfect. Do you know why?"

My voice was shaking and my eyes were wet. "Why?"

"I knew that I loved you the day you kissed me in that music store. That was our first real kiss. I knew that I didn't want to live without you the day you left. I had no idea how to fix things. But then we came here. We spent those four days together and it meant the world to me. I thought Minnesota was going to change everything because you'd get to see who I really was. You'd get to see the real me, not that asshole I had been. But I realized I had no idea who I was either. After everything I had put you through, I didn't recognize myself." His eyes had gone glassy and his lips trembled. "But the moment we kissed on the ice, I knew exactly who I was. I'm yours, Elle. I've always been yours. And I always will be. That's the real me."

He let go of my hands and pulled the small box out of his pocket. He stared down at it for a moment before giving me the softest smile.

"I know I hurt you. And I consider every day I get to be with you the best day of my life. You will never know how sorry I am or how much regret I still have. But know this, I will spend every day of the rest of my life making it up to you. You're my best friend, you're the love of my life, and I would go to the ends of the earth just to see you smile." He opened the box to reveal a sparkling diamond and I covered my hands with my mouth. "So, Eleanor Cameron Harper, will you marry me?"

My cheeks were wet and ached from the grin on my face. I could hardly find my voice but nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, of course."

Kendall pulled off my gloves and slipped the ring onto my finger before coming up and cupping my face. "I love you so goddamn much, Len."

"I love you too."

We kissed and he rested his forehead against mine. "Now I have everything I've ever wanted."

...

As it turns out, Kendall really hadn't been joking about having a master plan. When we arrived back at his house, thoroughly frozen but happy, our friends and Liz had been waiting to celebrate with champagne. Apparently, Kendall had planned every detail months ago. So when he told me to check my Instagram, I wasn't sure what to expect. It was from just a half-hour ago, Kendall had posted on his story. He had taken a picture of me from behind as I walked down the trail. In his free hand, was the box, the ring sparkling. His caption was short and sweet and made my stomach swoop.

She has no idea how long I've waited for this.

When I turned to him, my smile was soft and I pressed my hand to his cheek. "I can't wait to marry you."

My words made his face bloom into a bright grin. "I'm the luckiest man in the world."

Unlike the last time Kendall posted an unexpected photo with a surprising caption, the reaction to our engagement was nothing but positive. Later that day, I posted a picture of my own with the simple caption 'A million times, yes'. The fans were overwhelmingly supportive and claimed it was about time.

KendelleUpdates: Elle and Kendall are engaged. Congratulations!

BigTimeKendelle: Finally! I'm cryiiiing. They're soulmates.

The end of December gave way to January and to a new year. Kendall had drunkenly tried to convince me to elope right there and then at James' party. It was tempting but after two years of waiting for him to formulate his master plan, it was my turn. Planning a wedding was something every little girl dreamed of and I was no different. That would have to wait because three weeks into the new year, we were back in LA and on the red carpet.

"Elle! When's the wedding?"

"Have you set a date yet?"

It was the night of the Grammy's and I proudly wore my engagement ring. My stomach was full of nerves but Kendall's grasp on my hand kept me steady.

"Not yet. Right now we're both just still so excited."

"Do you think you'll win?"

I sucked air through my teeth and shrugged. "It's just an honor to be nominated."

Kendall shook his head. "She's going to win, she's incredible. You better work on your speech, babe."

"Don't jinx it."

...

The Grammy's were always fun. I sang Daylight for the first time since getting engaged and Kendall was a blushing mess the whole time. It was about my past with the Jett Incident, the Bet Bullshit, Jo, and how the era of dark and depressed Elle was a thing of the past. I had always thought love had to be hard and a struggle for it to be real. But it could be as easy as breathing. The stage was lit up in a soft, golden, dreamy glow.

"I don't want to look at anyone else now that I saw you. I don't want to think of anyone else now that I've thought of you."

Just a few years ago, it seemed like Kendall and I would never be civil, let alone friends. But now, I couldn't picture my life without him. He was the missing piece I hadn't known I needed. So when my name was announced and he sent me back to the stage with a kiss, he was the first person I thanked.

"I need to thank my fiancé Kendall. These past two years have been the happiest of my life and that's because of you. I love you so much. Thank you to Liz and Gustavo and the team at my label. And of course, I have to thank the fans who have been there every step of the way. Every up and every down they've been right there. I'm just so happy they stayed with me through the bad times and stepped into the light with me."

...

During my summer tour, I had told Liz it was good to be Elle Harper. But unfortunately, it was good to be Jett Stetson too. Kendall and I were hosting a viewing party for the Oscars and I nearly threw up in my mouth.

"And the Oscar for Best Actor goes to Jett Stetson."

He kissed the tiny actress he brought as his date before buttoning his expensive suit. An even more expensive watch was on his wrist. His bleached teeth were blinding as he grinned. He bounded up the stairs and looked at the golden statue with more love than I had ever seen him look at a person with. His pupils were almost as big as his ego.

"I know I'm supposed to come up here and act like I wasn't expecting this. But I was." His laugh was smug and hearty. "I spent eight months crawling through the mud in France for this movie. I worked hard for this and I knew this day would come. I need to thank Spotlight Films for producing this movie, my director Jack who made sure to make me look good, and the Academy. This is my first nomination and standing up here means you clearly made the right choice."

Jett sniffed and ran his hand through his blonde hair. People who didn't know him probably thought he was getting choked up. But I knew he was just high out of his mind. His easy smirk and rushed words made it obvious. He gazed down at the Oscar and there was a glint in his eyes.

"I think this is the part where I thank my mom and dad. So thanks, Mom. But I'm not going to thank David. I know he's going to try and make this all about himself. But he had nothing to do with this. It was all me because I'm outstanding. It looks like you're not the only Stetson with an Oscar now you asshole." He chuckled again and held his award in the air. "Thank you, see you guys next year."

He sauntered off the stage and Kendall squeezed my hand. "Are you okay?"

"I'm sure there's time for me to make a phone call and make sure they misspell his name when they engrave it." Liz offered.

I waved off their concerns and sent a quick text.

I'll pay you $1000 to spill your drink on him at the afterparty

James' reply was instant and made me smile.

I'll do it for free and kick his ass.

His reply made me smile. James was at the Oscars with his date and would almost certainly run into him later. That was why Kendall and I declined our invitations.

"I won two Grammys before him so he can suck it. I'm much better than he is."

...

After his win in February, he did countless interviews. But I was too busy to worry about his victory lap. I was busy touring and planning my wedding. Unsurprisingly, Liz was just as good as planning a wedding as she was everything else. When Kendall and I decided to get married this September, after our third anniversary and before his first NHL season started, we knew the timeline would be tight. The fact that the wedding would be so soon probably would have stressed most couples out. But after spending so much time apart, Kendall and I wanted to be married sooner rather than later. Plus, Kendall taking his sweet time to propose had left me plenty of time to daydream before I even got the ring. It was right after the Oscars, that I found my dress. We had also decided on a venue. We were going to get married in Napa Valley at a historic estate overlooking the vineyard. California just felt right. It was where we met and where we got back together.

Liz was undaunted. Every night, after I got off the stage and onto the plane, she would pull out her massive binder. I would Facetime Kendall when the time zones would work out and we'd get to work. The date was set for September 5th and all the reservations were made. Kendall, for the most part, let me pick out whatever I wanted.

"It's our marriage but it's definitely your day." He shrugged through the screen. "I would marry you right now on Facetime if I could. So, just tell me what to wear and where to go and I'll be there."

"Are you sure? It's your day too?"

"I want you, not the flowers or the cake." He backtracked a little. "Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves about the cake. But I get to spend the rest of my life with you. I don't need much else."

The Daylight World Tour was just as well planned as my wedding. We kept the tour short while still hitting every major continent, and for the first time, this included Africa. My time there was short but I had every intention of returning. Tour stops were also how we checked off the wedding planning milestones. By the time we finished in North America, the venue and the date were secured. In South America, I picked out the colors, and Kendall and I finished the guest list. As I took my final bows in South Africa, Liz had arranged the music and the flower order. I found my wedding shoes in Paris and Kendall's wedding band while we were in Italy. Asia was where we picked out the cake design. And after a hotly contested debate of chocolate or vanilla, we had agreed on layers of each. And finally, Australia was where we decided on what song we would have our first dance to.

Kendall sounded unusually shy. "What about Parallel? I wanted it to be a surprise but I've been working with Gustavo and we made a really cool arrangement. There are violins and it's the wedding version."

Maybe I was just tired or maybe I just really missed him, but my eyes stung. Parallel was the song he had sung at the TCAs to win me back. Having it as our first dance was a full-circle moment.

"Or if you hate, At Last works too." He said quickly. "Are you there?"

"Yeah. I love it. I love you." I cleared my throat. "It's perfect."

I could almost hear the smile in his voice. "I love you too."

"I'm on the plane. Just one flight and I'll be home."

"I can't wait."

It was just two weeks until our anniversary and four weeks until the wedding when I got home. Kendall had met me at the airport with flowers and swept me off my feet like something out of a movie.

"Remind me to never leave you for that long again," I mumbled into his shoulder.

"I'm not letting you out of my sight."

The first few days of being home consisted of me sleeping off my jetlag and Kendall taking off my clothes whenever he had the chance. We finalized the details of our wedding and all that was left to do was wait. In the interest of not looking stupid, we had been going to dance lessons three times a week. While we could both dance on tour, slow dancing was different. Even though it was just lessons, I still found myself overwhelmed with excitement. In just a few short weeks, I'd actually be having my first dance with my husband.

We were giddy as we walked out of the studio. Kendall had one arm around my shoulders and I leaned into him as we strolled down the sidewalk. Our security kept the paparazzi at bay as we stopped inside a coffee shop. Kendall paid for our iced coffees and slipped his wallet back into his pocket.

"Oh, you're buying me coffee now? What's next, a backrub?" I said sarcastically as I took a sip.

This made him roll his eyes, he had said the same thing to James in our early rehearsals for the Count Me In Tour. "I was thinking a little more than a backrub but it's a start."

"Save something for the honeymoon." I linked my fingers through his as we walked out the door. "I wouldn't say no to a backrub though."

"You're lucky you're cute."

I turned to look at him and smirked. "Tell me something I don't-"

"Kendall?"

The voice made both of us freeze and I pushed my sunglasses to the top of my head. Standing on the sidewalk in front of us was Jo. I had seen her at award shows in passing but neither Kendall or I had spoken to her in years. She had been starring in a semi-successful horror show on MTV but hadn't reached the same level of stardom as her former costars. And the last I heard, she was single.

"Jo, hey." Kendall's words were clipped.

Her eyes were focused on the ring on my finger and she shifted her weight. "When's the wedding?"

I gave Kendall a lovesick smile and pressed myself into his side. "Three weeks."

"Oh, so you're happy?"

"The happiest I've ever been." Kendall took my hand. "I couldn't think of anything better than this."

The look on her face was sour as I pulled Kendall along. "Bye, Jo!"

We hurried down the sidewalk and I couldn't help but snicker. After being slut-shamed by her for years, it was hard to feel bad. Kendall clearly felt the same way because he laughed at my question.

"Do you miss her?"

"Absolutely not. I only have eyes for you."

"How are you feeling? Do you need anything?"

I called from behind the door. "Liz, I'm fine. Shouldn't you be bossing someone around?"

She tutted. "No, that's what the assistant planners are for."

"Well, how do I look?"

Liz looked up from where she was texting and her face softened. "Oh, Elle."

"Too much?" I gestured to my head.

"You look beautiful."

I had tried on several dresses before settling on this one. It was a classic, strapless, ball gown with lace up the back and plenty of layers. The moment I put it on, I knew it was the one. The veil was delicate and sheer and fastened to my hair which had old Hollywood style curls. My makeup was soft and pink which matched the flowers I would carry down the aisle.

"Absolutely gorgeous." My childhood best friend Jessica adjusted the diamonds in my ears. "Kendall's going to love it."

"He'll probably cry." Katie snorted. "But you do look really pretty."

Liz, Jessica, and Katie had agreed to be in my bridal party. They were in deep red dresses that matched my theme. The weather was perfect and according to Liz, everything was right on schedule. So when she clapped her hands, butterflies bloomed in my stomach.

Jessica and Katie wished me luck before disappearing to wait for their walk down the aisle with Logan and Carlos. Once it was just me and Liz, she shook her head.

"I'm so happy for you. How are you feeling?"

I rocked on my feet. "Nervous, excited."

"You know, I've always wanted nothing but the best for you. I remember when you came to Condor. You were so young and so fucking stubborn and I knew you needed someone to look after you."

I rolled my eyes and shoved her. "I have put you through a lot."

"Yes, you have."

I was quiet for a moment before speaking. "You know, I didn't invite my parents. The way I see it, they don't know me. They weren't there for me. Why would I invite them? And I thought I would be sad about it, but I'm not. Because I've always had you."

Liz looked emotional and hugged me. "I'll always be there for you."

"I love you."

"I love you too." She pulled back. "But I'm going to pretend you don't think I'm old enough to be your mom."

"You're my cool 32 year old older sister."

She patted my cheek. "That's better. Now, take a deep breath, take slow steps, and I'll see you out there."

I could hear the music from where I stood. "Here we go."

The wedding was at a historic estate overlooking a vineyard. The ceremony was outside under an arch decorated with tons of flowers. It was a small wedding, with just about 100 people. But all I cared about was Kendall. I took my spot at the doors and watched as Jessica and Logan headed down the aisle, followed by Katie and Carlos, and finally Liz and James. The soft string music transitioned to a version of Can't Help Falling in Love which was my cue. My heart was pounding in my chest as I saw all the guests stand up.

Kendall and I saw each other at the same time and his face brightened into the most beautiful smile. His green eyes immediately went glassy. The guys jostled him and he let out a long breath. On the other side, Liz had a proud look on her face. But I only focused on Kendall. His blonde hair was swept back and he looked like a leading man in his tuxedo. The late afternoon sunlight cast everything in a beautiful golden light. The only thing keeping me from rushing to him was the beat of the music. But soon enough, I was at the altar with him. This was a moment that I thought would never happen. But here we were. My hands were shaking as he took them in his.

"You look beautiful." He said softly.

The ceremony went by slowly and too quickly all at once. But I savored every moment. The officiant spoke about love being strong enough to overcome any obstacle. And she was right, Kendall and I had overcome genuine hatred, The Bet, our exes, and so much more to end up together. But as I prepared to recite my vows, I knew it was worth it.

"Kendall, never in a million years did I think I would love anyone enough to marry them. And if you told me just four years ago that I would be wearing a white dress and standing up here with you, I wouldn't have believed you." I laughed nervously. "But I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be. You make me do things I didn't think I was capable of. You make me brave and you make me so happy. And I'm s-so lucky to be here and so lucky to love you and to be loved by you." I sniffed a bit and squeezed his hands. "You're the only one I could ever be with. And now, we'll be together forever and I can't think of anything better. I promise to love you, support you, and always be on your side no matter what. I promise to love you until the end of time."

Kendall quickly swiped at his eyes and gave me the sweetest grin. His eyes were full of love.

"Eleanor, clearly we're meant for each other because I never would have thought I'd marry you either." He teased. "There were so many times where I didn't know if I'd ever get to love you the way you deserve. But somehow I was lucky enough to get to know and fall in love with you. I'm bound to you forever, no matter where I go or what I do, I'm always drawn to you. You are the love of my life and I promise to spend every day of the rest of my life making you happy. I would go to the ends of the earth for you. Thank you for giving me the chance to love you. I promise, I won't let you down."

His vows had left me in tears and his hand came up to wipe my face. It was taking all of my energy to not lean up and kiss him. The officiant cleared her throat and we both were bursting with excitement.

"Do you Eleanor Cameron Harper, take Kendall Donald Knight to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

My grin was wide and as I stared into his eyes there was only one answer. "I do."

"And do you, Kendall Donald Knight, take Eleanor Cameron Harper to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do." His voice was full of love.

"Then, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Kendall swept me into his arms and brought his lips to mine. I could feel the smile on his face as I wrapped my arms around his neck. When we separated, we were both in tears.

"I love you more than you'll ever know, Eleanor." He kissed me again. "You have no idea."

When we turned to face our friends, they were all clapping. Kendall's mom was crying and Kelly had her hands over her heart. And it was quick, but I even saw Gustavo dab at his eyes. I gave Liz a small wave before we headed up the aisle, hand in hand as husband and wife.

The reception was a lot less emotional than the ceremony. Our dancing lessons paid off and the wedding version of Parallel was even more stunning than the original. My forehead was pressed to his and my voice was low.

"You know, I knew I loved you as soon as I saw your face when I came back to the tour."

This took him by surprise. "Really?"

"You were so sad but then you spotted me. I'd never seen anyone with the look you had on your face. You looked at me like I was the only person in the world. And I was so scared and so sad but I never wanted you to stop looking at me like that. And I never wanted you to look that sad again."

Kendall sighed and his face was scrunched. "Fuck, baby. I'm so sorry. I love you more than life itself."

"I'm glad we made it."

He kissed my hair and held me close. "Me too, Len. Me too."

The reception was full of champagne and music and laughter. Kendall and I held hands and I slipped my shoes off under the table as our friends made toasts. Logan, James, and Carlos gave a speech together. It was mostly making fun of Kendall and how obvious he had been about his crush on me.

"I'm sure his sister Katie can vouch for me when I say Kendall complained about Elle nonstop," James said. "It was nothing but 'she's so talented, who does she think she is?' or 'how is someone that good looking even during rehearsal?' it was constant."

Katie, who sat further down the bridal table nodded. "It's true!"

The room burst into laughter and Kendall ducked his head. "I wasn't that obvious."

"Yes you were, dude." Carlos took the mic. "And Elle was more subtle but she was like that too."

"It was Kendork this and Kendork that." Logan ran his hand through his hair. "And so many damn songs, they were all good but still."

"So when they kissed, none of us were surprised." James finished. "Elle, I love you like the sister I don't have and Kendall is like my brother so I wish you nothing but happiness. You two are meant for each other."

The rest of the evening was full of cheesy wedding traditions. Kendall and I smashed cake into each other's faces and I threw my bouquet. I had made it clear that there would be no garter toss but we danced the night away. My feet ached, my hair was losing it's curl but I was beyond happy. The night drew to a close and Kendall and I were sent off on our honeymoon by our guests. As the crowd of people and glowing party lights grew smaller and dimmer, I settled into his arms.

"Did you have a good day?" He asked quietly.

"It was the best day of my life." I gazed up at him. "What about you, husband?"

This made him blush. "I wouldn't change a thing. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with my beautiful wife."

"Wife," I said it slowly, testing it out. "I like it. I'm your wife."

"That's music to my ears."

Our honeymoon was spent in Europe, we spent time in all the places we never got to during tours. From one city to the next, Kendall and I were hopelessly in love. And sex as husband and wife was an entirely different experience.

"Fuck, Kendall." I cried out as I clung to him. "Don't stop."

"You're so pretty, baby." His head was buried in my hair as he rolled his hips. "My gorgeous, fucking, wife."

I held onto his face and took in his green eyes, pink lips, and red cheeks. "Say that again."

He was breathless and smirked, his blonde hair matted to his forehead with sweat. "You're my brilliant, gorgeous wife."

Kendall and I continued like this for a month. We made our way across Europe, making love whenever we went. Soon enough, we were back home in California. Even though the honeymoon was over, Kendall was still keeping the romance alive. When we got home from the airport, even though we were jetlagged, he insisted on carrying me through the door.

"Babe, we did this already." I pointed out as I unlocked the door. "In Paris, in London, and in Rome."

He set down our bags and held out his arms. "Yes, but not at home. It's bad luck."

I feigned annoyance and let him scoop me up. I wrapped my arms around his neck and laughed when he kicked open the door.

He set me on my feet and kissed my hair. "Welcome home, wife. I love you."

"You're an idiot," I called over my shoulder. "But I love you too."

It was early October and we were settling in nicely. After putting out two Grammy-winning albums and touring the world twice in as many years, it was nice to take a break for once. Kendall had started his first season playing for the Kings and I couldn't have been prouder. When they were in town, the guys would join me to cheer him on. I wore my number 13 jersey and slowly figured out how the game worked. It was difficult to be separated from him when he had away games but he had dealt with me being on the road for so long, that it was only fair that I did the same.

And while I wasn't actively recording an album, it didn't mean I wasn't busy. After a lot of consideration and coaxing from Kendall, we bought a house. I had been in the same luxury highrise since I had first come to LA. After, bouncing around from foster homes to my aunt's being somewhere stable wasn't something I had wanted to give up. Plus, buying a multimillion-dollar house with 6 bedrooms when we weren't having kids seemed pointless.

But moving on felt right. I was in a different place in my life and growing up. As much as I loved living in the heart of Los Angeles, there was a lot to love about the Hollywood Hills. The gated community was private and free from paparazzi standing outside your door. Our house had a great view of the city and came with a pool, too many bedrooms, and what we had made into a music studio. So, while Kendall traveled and spent his time on the ice and chasing pucks, I chose furniture and plants and made it into a home. And after living in shared bedrooms with strange kids, an old and stuffy guest room, and an apartment that had been decorated for me, it felt good to have a space I was in control of.

"It looks good babe," Kendall said through the screen. "I feel like everytime I come home something's changed."

I shrugged and looked around the living room that had been rearranged. "Is that okay?"

"Of course. It's our house, I want you to feel comfortable in it."

"Well, it's empty without you."

"I'll be home tomorrow."

This made me happy. "Good. Congratulations on the game. I love you and I miss you."

He yawned and I watched as he propped his head up on a pillow. He gave me a sleepy smile. "Thank you. I miss you more. Goodnight, Len. Love you."

Being married to Kendall was one of my favorite things. I never had to guess where we stood. Looking down at the ring on my finger never ceased to amaze me. I was someone's wife. I had a husband. Sometimes, when I was alone, I found myself writing my new name just to see how it looked.

Eleanor Cameron Knight

It was completely juvenile but I was happy. Legally, I had changed my name to Kendall's. I wasn't a big fan of Harper, it reminded me too much of my childhood. Professionally though, I decided to still use my maiden name. Not that any of that mattered, I was just thankful to be with Kendall after everything. Marriage suited us, there was no drama, and the fact that Kendall came home to me never got old. I still hadn't recorded an album. Gustavo claimed that I had officially reached the 'legendary' stage of my career. Which meant I could take as long as I wanted and people would still love it. This didn't mean much to me, but I was grateful that the fans were okay with me living my life as a newlywed for a while.

I had never been so happy.

It felt like things had finally fallen into place for everyone. Kendall was living his dream of being a center on a major hockey team. I was happy to take a much-deserved break. I hung out with Liz and the guys when they were in town. James was walking in fashion shows around the globe. Logan was still producing and finally in a steady relationship with Mara. He had also released his own solo album that had a grunge-pop feel to it. And Carlos was making a name for himself in the indie film scene in Seattle with his screenwriter girlfriend. It was nice to see my friends happy and pursuing what they were passionate about.

Much to my chagrin, other people were doing well too.

After winning his Oscar, Jett's fame had skyrocketed. He went on to star in another award-winning movie and had started dating his co-star. He had finally broken out of the shadow of being a teen star and a famous director's son. I was happy with Kendall and usually, he was the last thing on my mind. So when he and his former co-star/girlfriend had broken up, I didn't really pay attention. Until an article caught my eye.

Jett's Ex's Shocking Breakup Confession

Australian model and actress Sloane Andersen shocked fans during a live stream when she confessed the real reason she and Jett broke up. The starlet looked tired as she sipped wine and answered fans' questions. When asked why she and Oscar winner Jett Stetson ended things she didn't miss a beat.

I clicked on the video that was linked and I watched as she read the question. Her face immediately darkened and she frowned.

"Why did Jett and I end things?" Her voice was weirdly calm. "He punched me in the face."

A knot formed in my stomach as I played the clip over and over again. Apparently, they had gotten into an argument that ended with him punching her. The article sent me to her Twitter and I felt sick.

sloaneandersen: Last night during my live stream, I said that I broke up with my ex after he hit me. And apparently, you need proof to be believed these days. Is this proof enough?

She had shared a photo of her with a bruised cheekbone and blood drying under her nose. There had been rumors for years that Jett was rough with his girlfriends but they had never been confirmed. Of course, I knew how he could be, but to see someone else going through the same thing wasn't okay. I felt strangely guilty. If I had come clean about the video from the bathroom, maybe this wouldn't have happened.

Sloane's confession sent out a shockwave. First, it was her, then it was Stella Carson who he had dated around the time Big Time Rush broke up. She posted about how he smashed her phone and slapped her. Then there was Caterina Rossi, the Italian actress he had met when he filmed the New Town High movie. She made a statement about how he consistently insulted her and tried to take off her dress. There were stories from extras from his films that said he would make them uncomfortable with his lingering stares and crude jokes. Lucy Stone even said he grabbed her ass at a party once. All of these women had suffered at his hand one way or another. And my fans had started to wonder about me.

kendelleupdates: Do we think Jett hurt Elle? I always thought their sex tape was sketchy.

everythingiselle: Jett and Elle dated for two years, that's his longest relationship. They seemed so perfect but now I'm scared

And just like that, it felt like almost 5 years ago. I could feel his hot breath on my face. I could feel the scalding water he used to wash me. My head throbbed from where he bashed it into the wall. I didn't sleep even with Kendall at my side. Night after night, I would sit awake and bed and read different accusations against Jett. He was naturally denying everything.

"Baby?"

I looked over and saw Kendall frowning. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's 2 in the morning. You should get some sleep."

"I c-can't. He's hurt so many people. If I had gone to the police or told the truth I could have stopped him." My voice broke. "It's my fault."

Kendall sat up and pulled me into his arms. "No, it's not. "

"Well, it feels like it. God, I feel guilty about crying. People have been hurt but I'm making it about me."

"You're incredibly selfless. It's not just them though. You have a history with him too."

I put my head on his shoulder. Over the years, I had let Kendall in on more of what my relationship with Jett was like. When I confessed to him that he had caused me to end up in the hospital on more than one occasion, he had been livid. But it made me feel safe knowing that he would always put himself between me and danger.

We sat in silence for a while, his hand rubbed soothing circles on my back. When he stood up and left the room, I hardly noticed. My eyes were glued to my screen.

JettStetson: I have no idea what any of these women are talking about. The picture she's using as "proof" easily could be from her last movie where she gets beat up. I would never lay a hand on a woman.

ParallElle: I always thought Elle looked scared in this picture. Like she doesn't want J*tt to touch her.

It was a photo from the red carpet at the Tween Choice Awards. Jett had tried to force me into the bathroom when I got lost backstage. And then on the red carpet, he had been disgusting and insisted I blow him. There was no smile on my face and I was obviously trying to pull away.

MitchellMistress14: And Jett and Kendall both looked beat up that night. What if Kendall fought him for Elle? I always thought there was more to Jett and Elle breaking up.

Sloane was being attacked by Jett's fans and called awful names. People accused her of making it up because he had been nominated for awards and she hadn't. Her tweets were sad and trolls were ruthless. I knew all too well how it felt to be in her shoes.

"Elle? Babe?"

Kendall's hand on my back made me jump. He looked concerned but pushed a mug of tea into my hands.

"Thanks."

I took a sip and tried to let it calm me. Kendall always made me tea when I was stressed or overwhelmed. The familiar combination of black tea, honey, and cold water helped me to calm down. He sighed and watched as I scrolled through Twitter.

Sloaneandersen: Why is it that at least 3 women have said he mistreated them and no one still believes me? Has anyone who dated him in the past come out and defend him?

JettStetson: My ex is crazy and we ended on bad terms but I'd never hit her. Even if she is a bitch. Don't listen to any of those women, they just want to boost their careers.

StetsonStalker: Don't worry Jett no one believes her. She's just attention-seeking. We love you!

"They're so awful to her." My voice broke. "I've been on this end of things and I know how she feels."

He didn't know how to reply and simply rubbed my shoulders. "I wish I could do something to help."

The idea came to me slowly and then all at once. It made my stomach twist uneasily but I swallowed my nerves and turned to Kendall. He looked confused but I nodded to myself.

"I think I need to talk to Liz."

...

Liz, much to her credit, was in our kitchen at 7 am. She had always supported me in one way or another but I was still anxious as I played with my hands. Kendall had helped me practice what I would say but now, my mouth was dry. She looked just as confused as Kendall had in our bedroom just five hours ago.

"I want to tell the truth about Jett," I said simply.

Her eyes grew wide and she looked from me to Kendall and back again. "You what?"

"I want to tell the truth about Jett. The bathroom, the concussions, even the accident." My voice grew stronger as I said it out loud. "I want everyone to know the truth."

Liz squinted at me and I could see her trying to work out what I had just said. "You-, why? Why now?"

"Sloane. Liz, he hit her and no one believes her. People are being dicks on social media, Jett's calling her a liar, his exes are all coming out saying he mistreated them. But no one believes them, Jett even said they're doing it to boost their careers. I have the tape, no one can say I'm lying."

Kendall and Liz both shared a look with each other and Kendall held up his hands. "Whoa, babe. Wait a second, you mean the whole tape?"

"Of course I mean the whole tape. Is that not why we spent so much money to buy it? It proves he's a terrible person. If I had come forward when it first happened, he might not have dated and hurt those other girls. I don't want anyone else to suffer like I did. I can make real change. I want to do this." I put my hand on her arm. "And I'll do it with or without you but I could use the help."

Liz was quiet for a long moment before slowly forming her thoughts. "Okay."

I bit my thumbnail and raised my eyebrows. "Okay?"

"We'll release a statement to start. Hopefully, that's enough to lend credibility to the other stories. This gives us time to work with your lawyers but we'll release the video." Liz was already reaching for her phone. "If you want to do this, I'm here for you."

I smiled and turned to Kendall who had his arms folded. "Babe?"

He let out a long breath before wrapping his arm around me. "Let's end this asshole."

The rest of the morning was spent with Liz calling my legal team and publicist. I would write the statement by myself but they would help me tweak it. I had zero intention of holding back. I didn't care if I lost fans or was thrown in the middle of the drama. What he had done was wrong and couldn't continue. We had also reached out to Sloane's team. I didn't want to drop this bomb and take away the attention from her or look opportunistic. But she had been grateful for another voice.

"I mean, I'm not happy he hurt you too. You're his most famous ex." She said through the phone. "People will have to believe us."

"I don't want anyone to go through what I did. He's been able to run around and ruin lives for long enough."

By the early afternoon, I had finally put my thoughts in some semblance of order. Liz and my publicist had proofread it. They didn't change much but helped me be as clear as possible. Kendall hadn't read a single word yet. I didn't want him to lose his temper about how I had been treated. He understood and offered encouraging words.

My phone was in one hand and I held Kendall's with the other. I would be sharing my statement on Twitter and my stomach was in knots. I had performed in front of millions of people, won two Grammys, and survived the whole Bet Bullshit but I had never been as nervous as I was right now.

"You can do it, Eleanor. I'm not going anywhere." Kendall pressed a kiss to my hair. "You're so brave and so strong."

Liz was perched in her chair across the room. "I'm so proud of you."

My hands were shaking as I cradled my phone. All I had to do was hit send and then the world would know what Jett had done to me. I didn't think twice as I hit the button. The page refreshed and there it was, the photo of my statement and a simple caption.

ElleHarper: I can't stay silent and I won't be afraid any longer. What Jett did to me and to others is not okay. It ends here.

'I met Jett Stetson when I was seventeen years old. I was recording a song for the movie he was in and went to visit the set. He gave me this smile that made me feel like we were the only two people in the room. When he asked me out, I was starstruck. I had been warned that he was a flirt and that he was trouble but I went anyway. At first, he was the perfect gentleman. He opened my door, pulled out my chair, and made sure I got inside safe and sound. When he asked me to be his girlfriend, how could I say no? He was Jett Stetson, the golden boy of young Hollywood. He would always tell me we would be legends. He filled my head with visions of success and glamour. "We're young gods'', he would say as we plotted our futures. It was fun, he made me feel like I could do anything.

When he started to show up high or drunk or usually both, I pretended not to notice. When he would come back from the bathroom at one of my shows or his set with blood under his nose and huge pupils, I would look the other way. I was eighteen the first time he hit me. It was after a fight about him flirting with extras on his show. It was in his dressing room and he didn't even hesitate when he slapped me. I should have left then but he held my face and cried harder than I did. He swore up and down it would never happen again. I was naive and so in love that I believed him.

Jett ran hot and cold. One minute he loved me, he said I was his muse, and that we were soulmates. We planned our Grammy and Oscar acceptance speeches, and he would make me feel on top of the world. But the next minute, he would tell me that he hated me, he said I was an unwanted, foster home reject. He would leave bruises in places the cameras wouldn't see. He would openly text other women in front of me and then leave, claiming he had to refilm a scene for his show. Later, he'd come home smelling like perfume that wasn't mine. He reminded me just how stupid and worthless I was. I watched him get high at award shows. I hid in the bathroom while he smashed chairs during a drug-fueled rage. He stopped opening doors and started throwing me into them. Instead of making sure I got inside safe and sound, he'd lock me out of our house in the middle of the night.

Jett Stetson is a brilliant actor. And I'm not talking about his roles on screen. Jett has this ability to convince someone that everything is their fault. The bruises and swollen eyes from crying were my fault simply because I "got under his skin." He had everyone on the outside convinced he was a great boyfriend. But what you didn't see was how he was never sober. He forced me into a car and refused to let me drive even though I was sober. He unzipped his pants and tried to force my head into his lap. He crashed his car that night. He needed 17 stitches under his jaw and I needed 3 on my forehead. I had a concussion and he had stopped breathing. But I didn't leave him after he almost killed us both. I thought I could help him. I thought I could fix him.

The second time he put me in the hospital was just after the MTV Music Video Awards. A lot of you may remember this as my "drunk" performance. I couldn't answer questions on the red carpet, my dancing was offbeat, and I couldn't remember any lyrics. In the limo before the show, he slammed my head into the car window several times. He had been in a bad mood all day and finally snapped. His hands wrapped around my neck and he hit my head until I saw stars and blacked out for a brief moment. He threatened to "break this window with your ugly fucking face". He laughed as I sobbed and begged him to let me breathe. He forced me to pose for pictures on the red carpet. He acted like nothing was wrong and that we were the perfect couple. I could hardly stand up straight. The doctor and my manager asked if someone was hurting me, I was too afraid to say yes. The hand-shaped bruises were obvious on my throat. Jett simply came into the room, faked concern, and told me to be more careful when I got in the car next time. He knew he had caused the concussion and hairline fracture but wouldn't admit it. The next night, he bought me a diamond necklace and told me he couldn't live without me.

And finally, I want to share a story that I've never told. A lot of you think you know what happened in that bathroom but you don't.

I was 20 years old when Jett Xavier Stetson raped me.

We went out to a club, so we could make peace after an argument about him cheating. His friends came and they did shots and smoked weed on the car ride over. I was meant to go into the studio and finish my album that never ended up being released. I told him I didn't want to get too drunk. But Jett ordered me my usual drink and poured shots down my throat. He slipped something into my drink and then the nightmare started. We made out for a while before he wanted to go further. I said no but then the room started to spin. He brought me into that bathroom and pulled my dress up my thighs. He covered my mouth so I couldn't scream and raped me. I cried and begged him to stop. He laughed at my tears and shoved himself into my drugged body. I blacked out while he was on top of me. The next thing I remembered was how he scrubbed me in a hotel bathtub so there would be no DNA.

It doesn't show that a few weeks later when I told him that I was going to the police, he released the version of the video that you know as my "sex tape". This was to ruin my credibility so no one would believe me. He told me to look on the bright side because everyone has a sex tape. It's edited so you don't see everything that happened. You didn't see that the public shaming of my rape made me try and kill myself. It felt like the world ended when I found out that he had got me pregnant. Before I could have an abortion, I had a miscarriage. But you did see the pregnancy rumors. He did too, and came to my apartment and threatened me if I decided to keep it. When I told him his attack had resulted in me being pregnant and losing it, he simply smirked and claimed we'd be shitty parents anyway.

More recently, he cornered me at the Tween Choice Awards a few years ago backstage. He slapped me and undid my jeans and tried to drag me into the bathroom. He wanted me to "remember it this time" as if I could forget. If I hadn't been able to kick him and yell for help he would have hurt me. I'm forever grateful that my husband and our friends heard me yelling for help. When my album It's Kind of a Long Story came out and won an award, he told me that I should be happy about what happened. As if a few trophies made up for the panic attacks and nightmares I had.

I have spent 5 years of my life defending my assault because I didn't think anyone would believe me. But not anymore. Let me be clear.

Jett Stetson is an abusive addict.

Jett Stetson hit me, lied to me, and cheated on me.

Jett Stetson raped me.

Jett Stetson hurt me and he hurt other women too. Believe me. Believe them. Stop him from hurting anyone else.'

I turned off my phone and simply left the room. Once I was alone in my bathroom, I emptied the contents of my stomach. After rinsing my mouth, I brought my knees to my chest and sobbed. I had spent so long carrying around the fear and anger Jett had made me feel and now everyone knew. I couldn't shake the overwhelming panic in my chest.

Kendall sat down next to me. His eyes were red and he had dried tears on his face. I could tell he had read it. He didn't say anything when he pulled me into his chest. We both cried for a long time before I spoke.

"What if he does something to get back at me?" I whispered. "What if he knows where we live?"

Kendall's face hardened. "I'll kill him. He will never come near you again."

"I hid in the bathroom," I said miserably. "I said maybe he should try rehab and he picked up a chair and broke it against the wall. I was so scared he would hurt me."

My husband looked sick to his stomach. "I'm so sorry."

I wiped my face on my sleeves and shuddered. I didn't say anything as Kendall kept his protective hold on me.

"I wish it could've been me instead of you. You don't deserve that, Len. No one does."

"I could break all the dishes and throw them at you." My joke fell flat. "If you really want the full experience you have to be half his size though. It really adds to the terror."

The color left his face again and he clenched his jaw. "He threw dishes at you?"

"He was mad at me and was supposed to be cooking and threw the closest thing. Plates, glasses, mugs. He was drunk, so his aim wasn't great but there was a bowl, and the g-glass cut my arms." I could feel the same fear I had felt that night. "I was just so scared he would get to the knives and t-that he would pin me down and-"

My stomach lurched but I didn't get sick. Kendall stood to his feet and got me a cool towel to hold to my face. His hands were shaking when he handed it to me. My heart rate began to slow from the panicked racing it had been doing. Kendall looked heartbroken and his eyes never left my face. He rubbed my shoulders and bit his lip. We sat in silence for a while.

But then, he sniffled and his voice was weak when he spoke up.

"You didn't mention New York."

"What?"

He squirmed. "The Bet, you didn't mention it."

Kendall looked so scared and so guilty that I had to take a second to realize what he had said. When I did, I held his face in my hands.

"The world needs to know that he hurt me. They don't need to know about us. You would never hurt me like he did. The world needed to know what a terrible person Jett is. They don't need to know that you made one mistake."

He crumpled and nodded frantically. "I'm so sorry, Eleanor. I still regret that with every bone in my body. But I would never lay a hand on you like he did. The dishes, the fucking limo, and the b-bathroom... I'm so sorry baby. I'm sorry I couldn't keep you safe from him back then"

I was timid when I kissed him. But he held my face with gentle hands. "You're here now. That's what matters."

"I'll always be here. I'll always keep you safe."

...

Things happened quickly after my statement. By that evening, it had been the number one topic that was talked about online. Magazines and gossip sites that had slut-shamed me in the past had apologized. Fans were sending their support and friends from across the industry had reached out. Lucy had retweeted my statement and declared that "this asshole isn't going to get away with this". Kendall's mom and I shared a phone call and she comforted me like the mother I didn't have. And finally, the guys had called. They were all horrified at what I had been through and each had separately vowed to kick his ass.

This was only the tip of the iceberg. In the middle of the night, he had posted a short video on Instagram while I was asleep and then deleted it. But copies of it were all over my timeline the next day. Jett was clearly intoxicated and had his hood pulled up.

"So a lot of my exes are coming after me. I'm setting the record straight." He began and sighed like this was a minor inconvenience. "Yes, I have a drug problem. But I'm not a fucking monster. I love Elle, I'll always love her. Even when she's being a fucking liar like she is now. She made me want to be a better person. I wasn't always faithful but I was devoted to her. I loved her and she loved me. She just wants attention."

Jett had also made a statement in a series of tweets. Reading them made my stomach turn over.

JettStetson: Was I the best boyfriend to Elle? No. But I would never do anything to hurt her. I'm sorry that she had such a terrible time in our relationship. I just think it's a shame that she feels so strongly about what I consider a great time in my life. I guess we can add her to the list of clout chasers.

JettStetson: And for the record, I didn't rape her

In typical Jett fashion, he apologized without taking any blame. He also flat out denied what he did to me. And while I didn't relish what this meant for me I knew it had to be done. So, the next afternoon, with the world already watching, I did what almost ended me and drove me into hiding.

I released the tape.

Or more accurately, my lawyers released the video. I posted a warning on my Twitter.

ElleHarper: My lawyers have released the video of my assault. I won't be posting it here due to the age of some of my followers. I didn't want it to come to this but I've kept this a secret for too long. Jett Stetson raped me and his friends filmed it. Don't listen to him.

ElleHarper: You said you'd never hurt me. But explain this. You gave me a concussion this night.

I shared a photo of bruises on my throat the night he smashed my head into the car window. Liz had insisted on documenting it. The hospital could clearly be seen in the background. I looked dazed, and my eyes were full of tears. His handprints were obvious.

The photo was getting attention and so was the video. The edited version had been floating around adult websites for years and they finally all were deleted. People were appalled and angry that I had to call it a sex tape. They wondered why the fuck Jett's friends agreed to film it. And they wondered how Jett could brag about something so terrible.

Kendall refused to watch it when the lawyers first sent it over. But when he asked if he was allowed to see it, I was surprised.

"Really? You want to see it?"

He looked nervous but nodded. "I just don't… I don't want it to catch me by surprise. I'm scared I'll be scrolling and it'll pop up on my screen.'

"Only if you want to. It's kind of hard to watch. I've only seen it twice, my therapist said seeing it could help." I thought of the phone call I had this morning with the same person I had been seeing since Jett's attack. "She called it exposure."

Kendall squeezed my thigh. "I'll be right here."

The video started out shaky and I watched the younger version of myself sway as he put me on the sink. My head fell to one side and Jett kissed me all over. I watched as I told him that I wanted to wait until later but he put his hands up my dress.

"My head hurts," I whined in a slurred voice.

He insisted that I was fine and I watched as he kissed me and stuck his hand between my legs.

"Stop! I changed my mind."

I was half his size and cornered as he held me down. I had always known how much bigger he was but seeing it like this, made the video even more disturbing.

"No. Jett, get off!" I begged in a slurred and frantic voice. "Please. Help!"

Jett's laugh was dark as I watched him push into me. I could see the pain on my face and could still smell his cologne. I screamed for help that would never come. He wrestled my arms to my side and his other hand pressed into my face. I had small fingerprint shaped bruises on my cheeks for a week. His nails had broken my skin. I could hear my sobs and felt sick to my stomach. How had his friends watched this?

"Shoulda given you another pill. So tense, babe." Jett confessed as he groaned on top of me. He smirked as he wiped my tears. "Don't cry."

The rest of the video was Jett telling me I shouldn't have teased him by wearing the dress he ripped. You couldn't really hear what I was saying but the "I love you" that had been in the edited version was clear as day. If you just saw that part, you might be able to believe it was consensual. But I knew better. My eyes rolled back into my head and my body finally gave out underneath him.

He simply laughed and continued to take advantage of my unconscious body.

"Fuck, Elle. This is what happens when you're a fucking bitch." He smacked my face and looked pleased when I didn't react. "Just had to put you in your place. Like you better when you can't fight back."

The video ended with Jett giving a thumbs up to the camera.

I was too embarrassed to look at Kendall. I heard him make a sound of disgust and I cringed.

"I k-know. It's bad but I swear I didn't-"

My words trailed off when I heard him sniff. When I looked up, his face had no color and he was shaky.

"You're so small. You said no, how could he do that? How could he do that to you? He's so big and he just, he fucking held you by your face." Kendall was hyperventilating. "How could anyone do that? Fuck, he didn't even care that you were scared. Y-you literally begged him and he just let you pass out."

He shook his head and let out a breath. I carefully took his hand and let him pull me into him.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't keep you safe and that I j-judged you from the video. I'm going to kill him. He can't get away with this."

I cried into his shirt and let him cradle me against him. It had been five years of carrying around my secret and now the world finally knew.

"I hate him," I whispered. "I just want this to be over."

Kendall held my face in his hands. "He's not getting away with this. He's going to pay for this."

We never made it to a trial.

Jett, and his parents being who they were, had a team of lawyers to handle his defense. In the end, it was all settled in the law firm's office over a few weeks. He barely acknowledged my presence or any of the other women from what they told me. I carefully laid out the details of our relationship and everything he had put me through. He just stared straight ahead. When my lawyers played the tape, Jett kept his eyes glued to the table. When I cried and begged for him to stop onscreen, he didn't even flinch. It was the same during questioning. I kept my eyes trained on his face, trying to see if he had any kind of reaction to what he was hearing.

"Mr. Stetson, is that you in that video?"

"Yes."

"And you can be heard saying 'shoulda given you another pill'. Is this a reference to the drugs you put in my client's drink without her knowledge?"

The muscles and tendons in his hands flexed under his skin as he gripped the table. "Yes."

"Why did you drug her?"

His eyes briefly flashed over to his lawyers who nodded. For someone who was usually so good with his words, he stammered. "So she'd, so I, I wanted her to shut up and be still."

"And why is that?"

There was no emotion in Jett's voice and he was matter of fact as he spoke. "So I could have sex with her."

"You've confessed to planning to drug Elle, have sex with her, and to film it. There's a video of you forcing my client to have sex and then her going unconscious. Correct?"

He squirmed in his seat. "Obviously."

"Did you rape Elle Harper?"

His cold behavior should have been unsurprising at this point, but it still made me sick to my stomach.

"Mr. Stetson?"

The hair on the back of my neck stood up when his eyes finally met mine. We stared at each other and I watched the corners of his mouth twitch into a frown. The realization that he was caught seemed to finally hit him. His eyes were bright blue and void of any emotion.

"I raped Elle Harper."

Hearing the words finally come out of his mouth was cathartic. He knew what he did and he knew it was wrong. He knew that he couldn't get by with money, charm, and his good looks anymore. His former friends turned on him and admitted that he had planned the whole night in the bathroom for a long time. They claimed they regretted taking part in it. The driver from the night of the award show testified that he heard Jett and I arguing and his threat to put my face through the window. The doctor who treated me in the ER said that the signs of abuse had been clear as day.

Jett pled guilty to my rape and to assault. He admitted to hurting Sloane and his ex Stella and to various minor drug charges. He was finally being held accountable for his actions.

Just not in the way I had hoped.

His team had negotiated a deal for him. Because he confessed to all of it, his sentence would be less severe. In the end, Jett was sentenced to 6 months in jail, 6 months in a rehab facility, and to 1 year's probation. When the news broke, I cried for a long time. He had ruined my life for several years but had gotten away with what was basically a slap on the wrist. He would spend less time in jail than I did in hiding. I was deeply angry, but even so, seeing him in handcuffs made me finally feel safe. He would pay for his actions even if it wasn't how I wanted him to. People finally knew what a terrible person he was and he couldn't manipulate them anymore.

My feeling of safety and justice being served didn't last long. The prison he had been sent to was where most celebrities went. It was more relaxed and safe than I would have liked. He ended up only spending 4 months for "good behavior". Although his history as an abusive rapist proved to me that he wasn't capable of anything good. He had also agreed to take anger management and consent classes while in rehab.

So, in just 10 months, Jett was back in his mansion. And as long as he passed his drug test and continued anger management, his probation would be done in a year. He claimed to be the sober and redeemed version of himself. I knew better than to believe this and it seemed like others did too. There was a mass shunning. Major gossip and entertainment companies had refused to interview him. Jett had fallen from the A-List. The director of the film he had won an Oscar for, said he would never work with him again. A studio that had bought one of Jett's screenplays, gave up the rights and said they wouldn't produce the film. He lost out on a role for another film that already had award show buzz around it. It seemed like Jett would never become a young god who would dominate Hollywood. And for me, that was better than any jail sentence he could have served.

After everything, I had gone back into the studio. I was finally going to release the album that never came out after the Jett Incident. It had been collecting dust for nearly six years at this point. My label had agreed to let me release it and donate 100% of the profits to a survivors charity. It was mostly finished all those years ago. But now, I added two songs Liz wouldn't let me before. I recorded two songs I had carried inside of me for years. I also wrote two new ones. It felt good to finally get them out of my head and onto a record. The album was sad, I could hear it in my voice. 20-year-old Elle had been in an abusive, toxic relationship, and at her end. All the songs were about my failing relationship with subtle references to how he'd hurt me. But it was my truth and the songs didn't deserve to be locked away any longer. I didn't want attention for this record. I just wanted to share how I had felt with the world. My hope was that someone going through what I had would listen to the album and not feel as alone as I did. In the middle of the night, I released my sixth album without any warning.

ElleHarper: My new album We're Gonna Be Legends is out now. Most of the songs were written and recorded six years ago. Out of the Woods and I Have Questions were written five years ago but recorded this year. Without Me and You Should Be Sad were written this year after the truth came out. I hope you can hear the difference a healthy relationship can make.

ElleHarper: This was originally meant to be my fourth album before everything happened. These songs are about the abuse and pain I went through. I refuse to be stifled by a man who hurts others for enjoyment. All profits from this album will be donated to RAINN to help with resources for sexual assault survivors. I hope this album helps you as much as it's helped me. Love, Elle.

The album was an overnight success. It had gone straight to number one and without releasing a single, I could see what songs resonated the most. Without Me seemed to be the fan-favorite but several songs were in the top ten on the charts. Donations to the charity poured in and it warmed my heart to see that some good came from Jett's actions.

The title We're Gonna Be Legends came from what Jett and I used to tell each other. We were going to be young gods and legends in Hollywood. But I was reclaiming the idea. He was never meant to be the legend. I was, survivors were. I made a point to not release any songs that painted him in a positive light. I didn't want to romanticize my relationship with him. There was nothing romantic about dating someone who was okay with rape or threatening to hurt you.

I didn't do any press or a tour for this album. I had dwelled on my relationship with Jett for far too long. The album was out, Jett had been found guilty and that was that. When I was invited to the Grammys and nominated for Album of the Year once again, it had been the furthest thing from my mind. Of course, I wasn't unaware that it had been at number one for 14 weeks. I just didn't expect people to care so much about an album I wrote years ago. Kendall simply thought this was ridiculous.

"How can you not see how much people love you?"

"I don't know. It's a sad album. It just seems over the top."

Kendall sat up in bed and took my hands. "You're incredibly brave and inspiring. You went through hell and people are proud of you. You help so many people and have zero idea."

"And what about you? Are you proud of me?"

He just grinned. "I'm your biggest fan."

The Grammy's were overwhelming. The press screamed about the guest Kendall and I brought. But we avoided any questions by quickly getting inside. I performed Without Me and mashed it up with Colors. I managed to get through the performance without getting overly emotional. I hadn't expected to win but when they read out my name I couldn't help it when I burst into tears. This was my third win and this one felt almost more important than the first one.

It might have been my imagination but the standing ovation lasted longer than usual. The award was heavy in my hands and there was a lump in my throat.

"I wrote most of this album when I was 19 and 20 years old. I would go into the studio and be so grateful for the chance to be out of my house because I-I didn't know what kind of mood my ex would be in." My voice betrayed me and cracked. "I can remember being in the studio and my manager asking me if I was okay because I would flinch if someone got too close. Writing this album kept me going on my worst days. And then it was locked away for six years because it hurt too much to come back to."

In the crowd, Liz had a hand over her mouth and her eyes were wet. Kendall gave me an encouraging smile but I was focused on the woman behind him.

"I want to dedicate this award to Sloane Andersen because without her I don't think I ever would have been brave enough to share my story. I want to dedicate this to Stella and Caterina and Lucy and everyone else who went through the same thing I did. If it hadn't been for these amazing women, I think part of me would have been trapped away forever. This album and this award is for anyone who has ever felt afraid. This is for everyone who survived the unimaginable. I'm proud of you and I believe you. Thank you."

A dark winter gave way to a new spring. Kendall and I were enjoying married life more than ever. We adopted a small dog named Gretzky. Kendall had caved in on the idea of having a small dog as long as we could name him after his favorite hockey player. The three of us made up the cutest little family and we were perfectly happy with that.

Summer was even better. Kendall was thriving in his hockey career and the Kings won the Stanley Cup that year. I felt my heart burst with pride as he hoisted the trophy over his head as he celebrated with his team. As for our friends, they were happy and the idea of a brief BTR reunion had been brought up more than once.

"Don't get me wrong, Elle. I'm happy for you but I want a Grammy." James smirked as he draped his arm over me. "You have three and Logan has one."

I snorted and sipped my drink. "Well, you're the one who moved to Italy to model."

"And I have no regrets but I miss touring."

Carlos grimaced. "I do but I also don't. Moving for a year for a film is too much sometimes."

"That's because you're domestic as fuck and trying to be a dad, dude." Logan reminded him. "We can't be old enough to have friends who have kids on purpose."

Kendall shot me a glance and I knew that we were both happy for Carlos but we were more than okay with our choice to not have kids. We were having a Fourth of July Party and everyone was reunited for the first time since Carlos' wedding. He and his wife Emma had been trying to become parents and the idea of it made me feel old.

Carlos blushed and shoved Logan. "Well, we can't all date supermodels and lock ourselves away in studios."

Logan looked across the pool to where his girlfriend and Carlos' wife were. His smile was lovesick and he ducked his head.

"Sure you can, she just has to divorce her husband first." James chimed in. "Still such a power move by the way. It's something I would do."

Logan's relationship had been the talk of the town for a while. The album he had written a few years ago about her had been really popular and launched his producing career. He had produced an album for an indie band that had earned him a Grammy. He was well on his way to being the next Gustavo.

"James Diamond? Settle down? I can't see it." Kendall said from behind the grill. "No way."

He gave Kendall the finger. "Well, unlike all of you freaks I think your 20s is way too young to be in a serious relationship. I believe that we all have more than one soulmate." He turned and gave me a wolfish grin. "And I intend to sleep with them all."

We all laughed and it felt like no time had passed. The five of us had become a family and I would be forever grateful that I ended up touring with the four hockeyheads from Minnesota. I couldn't imagine my life without them.

It felt like I could never catch a break. After hiding out and staying under the radar, Jett had managed to claw his way back to the A-List. He had booked a role for the film that was being directed by an equally scummy director. From what I read, the film was about a drug-addicted boxer with anger issues. Anger and drugs were right up Jett's alley. Liz kept me distracted the week of its premiere with a photo shoot for Rolling Stone. The article was about my activism. It was the same writer from the first article during the Count Me In Tour.

Years after the Count Me In Tour, Elle, and Kendall are closer than ever. Their chemistry is just as white-hot as it was when they were younger. Elle seems happier than ever as she and Kendall take their dog for a stroll. They walk with their fingers intertwined and their conversation is full of laughter. They share private smiles and matching rings on their fingers. The way he looks at her hasn't changed since those days backstage. She's still his sun and he's happy to be caught in her orbit.

James watched the movie for me and filled me in on the highlights over Facetime.

"It was fine. It wasn't groundbreaking and he was hardly in it." He said as he sat in the makeup artist's chair. "I've seen better movies that go straight to DVD."

"Do you think it'll win anything?"

James tutted and rolled his eyes. "Hell, no."

To my horror though, just a few months later, Jett bounded up the stairs to accept the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor. The applause was scattered and uneasy. Jett's nomination had been controversial as soon as it came out. There had been protests and people wore ribbons on the red carpet to show support for the Me Too movement. Jett was shameless though, he did interviews on the carpet and played the role of the reformed bad boy too well. I didn't trust it for a second as I watched the TV.

"What the actual fuck?" Kendall pointed to the screen. "No!"

I held Gretzky on my lap and bit my lip. "I wanna hear this."

Jett stared at the trophy and let out a long breath. He looked sober for once but I wasn't quite sure. He claimed to not touch drugs anymore but he had also claimed he'd never hurt a woman. He obviously wasn't the most credible of people.

"I'm not going to stand up here and ignore the fact that a lot of people are pissed right now. I hurt people and I really am sorry." He began slowly. I was surprised at his humility but his face then bloomed into a smirk. "But come on, if we shunned everyone who did something bad, all these seats would be empty. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not perfect but I really do love being an actor."

He gripped the Oscar in his hands and stared greedily at it. It was hard to watch him celebrate and act like nothing had happened. It was like he hadn't changed at all. I muted the TV and scowled as he continued to smirk. It had been just over a minute since he disappeared backstage when my phone buzzed. I recognized the number like the back of my hand and it made me sick. It was the same one he had slipped to me when I was 17. Kendall told me not to answer and Liz offered to tell him off but I wouldn't miss this chance. I excused myself to the backyard and held it to my ear.

"What do you want?"

"I know you have the TV on right now."

"Unfortunately, I do."

"Then you know that I'm making my comeback. If I can win an Oscar after you and the Bitches of Girlfriends Past aired all my dirty laundry, what can't I do?" He chuckled.

I huffed and impatiently shifted my weight from one foot to the other. "Why are you calling me? Don't you have someone else to bother?"

Jett was quiet for a moment. "Not really, no."

I knew Jett was a social creature who needed other people around him to stroke his ego at all times. I knew it was probably eating him alive to not have anyone to share his night with. But I didn't feel an ounce of sympathy for him.

"That's what happens when you're an abusive asshole. Maybe if you hadn't blackmailed your friends so they'd stay quiet or hurt every woman you've dated, you'd have someone else to call."

"Eleanor." He said my name slowly, enjoying how it sounded leaving his mouth. It made me cringe. "I'm calling to say I'm sorry."

I blinked rapidly and when I didn't say anything he cleared his throat.

"Hello?"

My voice was flat. "I'm here. I'm just waiting for the punchline."

"No punchline, for once. I meant what I said about a comeback. Like it or not I'm talented and everyone will know what a good actor I am. I mean, they already do but I'm not going to let what you did stop me."

"What I did? Jett, you assaulted me and hurt your other girlfriends."

He still seemed unbothered by this. "I did my time for that. I wore the orange jumpsuit and did meditation in rehab. I almost lost everything because of you."

"I'm hanging up."

"No, wait. Basically, what I mean to say is that I know how you feel now. I know what it's like to have all your business out there. I'm really surprised you didn't kill yourself after Kendick leaked your photos or the video came out. I would never do that but I can see why you felt that way."

This was the most reflective Jett had ever been.

"Jett," I sighed. "Why are you calling me? I don't give a fuck about you suddenly realizing what I've been through."

I could hear the smirk in his voice. "Always so pushy, Len. I'm calling to ask you if you'll forgive me for what I did."

"Are you serious? I mean, are you sure you aren't on drugs?" I was appalled by his audacity. "You want me to forgive you?"

Kendall stared out the sliding glass door and looked concerned. When I turned back to the phone call, Jett was speaking in a hushed voice.

"I know I fucked up with you. When we were in the office with the lawyers, and I listened to them lay out everything I'd ever done to you, I realized that I wasn't the best person. When you put out that statement I was pissed. I thought you would ruin me but you didn't. You can't. And you know why?" His tone turned bitter but then very matter of fact. "Because I'm a masterpiece. You tried to ruin me but I came back better than ever. If I can forgive you for being the reason I ended up in actual jail, you can forgive me."

His logic was so flawed that it took me a moment to form words. "You're an absolute monster. Do you not understand that? You hurt me, you hurt other women. Don't act like you forgiving me for making sure you finally got what you had coming is the same as me forgiving you."

When I turned back to the house, Kendall mouthed the words 'Are you okay?' to me. I wasn't even close to being okay but Jett was like a car accident. No matter how awful it was, you couldn't look away. But then he grew soft, his words were warm and tender. It made my stomach sick. It was manipulative.

"You're the only woman I ever loved. You know that right? I never loved any other woman I've dated. Just you. You were it for me, Elle. And I know it's my own fault that I lost you but I think of you every single day." He sounded sheepish about this. "I miss you and I know that I don't deserve you. I wish I hadn't hurt you. I want you to know that I am really sorry."

My eyes betrayed me and stung with tears. "I hate you so fucking much. You made me want to die. You made me scared to be with anyone for years. I was scared of you every day towards the end. You don't get my forgiveness. Not now, not ever. You'll never love anyone more than you love yourself."

"Eleanor, baby-"

"You don't get to call me that. You spent four months in jail in a private cell and then six months in a 5-star rehab center. I spent two years having nightmares of you pinning me to the sink and scrubbing me." My words were raspy and I hastily wiped at my cheeks. "You can say you love me all you want but it'll never change how much I hate you. You had me for such a long time. I let you ruin me because I was scared to leave you alone. You lost me and it's no one's fault but your own."

Jett let out a long breath and I could tell that he was desperately trying to figure out what character he could play to fix this. But he failed. In that moment, he was undeniably himself.

"You can say that all you want. But let's face it, you and I are always going to be tied to each other." He breathed into the phone. "We're better than everyone else, more talented. You know it and I know it. It's why we always bounce back from our shit. We're above everyone else, we're elite. Kendork will never be on your level. He won't be able to satisfy you like I could."

Hearing him talk about Kendall made my blood boil. I clenched my fist so tight it drew blood from my palm.

"I'd rather be happy at the bottom with him than miserable at the top with you."

This made him laugh. "You don't mean that. You just forget what it's like to be with me. I could make you great. We could be legends."

I knew I didn't want to hear any more from him. I was done with him for good. I took a deep breath and simply shook my head. What happened with Jett was in the past. I told him off and he would have to live with the fact that he lost me forever. I finally had the closure I needed. He would never hurt me again.

"Go fuck yourself, Jett."

When I hung up, I felt triumphant. I walked towards the house to my loving husband who was waiting for me. I had finally left Jett and everything that had happened behind.

That was the last conversation I ever had with Jett.

When he overdosed four months later, five weeks shy of his 28th birthday, I couldn't comprehend the words coming from the TV. I read the words as they scrolled across the bottom of the screen. I recognized his house when the news helicopter flew over. I saw the ambulance race off, its sirens blaring. But when I heard the words, they went in one ear and out the other.

"Actor Jett Stetson is dead at the age of 27. Paramedics were called to his home in the Hollywood Hills after his manager found the two time Oscar winner unresponsive. He was later declared dead at the hospital."

I wasn't sure how I felt. I thought I would be relieved, as terrible as that sounded. Then I thought I would be sad, I had cared for him once. But I felt nothing at all. I flinched at the hand on my shoulder.

"Babe? Are you alright?"

I turned slowly and blinked a few times. "I don't know."

Kendall frowned and wiped at my face. "You're crying."

My hands shook as I touched my cheek. I was surprised when it was damp. "Oh."

He pulled me into a tight hug. "Everything's okay. It's all okay now."

I clung to Kendall but my eyes were still glued to the TV just over his shoulder. Jett was gone. In the blink of an eye, someone who had caused so much pain and suffering simply ceased to exist. It didn't escape my notice that he never made it to 28 years old. He had always said he wanted to be part of the 27 Club. Jett wanted a lot of things. He wanted cars and drugs and money. He lusted over women like it was his job. He coveted all that was shiny and new. He wanted Oscars and secured two of them. Then there was the part of him that wanted his father's approval and his mother's attention. I think that's all he ever wanted, but it was always just out of his grasp.

The coverage of his death was mixed in the days that followed. On one hand, he was an abusive rapist. His sins weren't secret to anyone and some people were glad he couldn't cause havoc anymore. But on the other hand, the footage of his parents and brother leaving the church was hard to watch. His parents, for the first time in a long time, held onto each other. His mother was pale and thin and had her face covered by a veiled hat. Unlike me, who had met her just once and knew how she really was, no one had ever seen her so sad. Meredith was usually grinning ear to ear on her TV show. His father David had flown home from a film shoot in China when the news broke. He had bags under his eyes and his face was set in a permanent frown. I knew that Jett would have been pleased to fuck up his dad's filming schedule. But now, he kept one hand locked with his ex-wife's and the other on his son's shoulder. Like his mom, Jude had been cold to his brother. Jett always worried that Jude resented him for leaving him with their parents when they were in the middle of a messy divorce. But it was so obvious that that hadn't been the case. He was visibly crying and I could see his shoulders shaking through the screen. He held his hand out, trying to shield his face from the many cameras. He shared the same blue eyes that Jett had but they were red and swollen.

Kendall had been quiet about the whole situation. I think he wasn't sure what to say to me. But as we watched his parents and brother grieve in front of the world, he frowned. "He wasn't a good person. But it's still fucked up they won't leave his family alone. They didn't do anything."

That was the moment I decided that no one should be happy that Jett was gone. He had hurt a lot of people, including me but that didn't mean that he didn't matter to someone else.

Uncomfortably, my album about him had reentered the charts. And my song Colors was back on the radio. It was eerie to hear how I hoped he'd make it to 28. After the funeral, the paparazzi and media seemed to no longer care about Jett's death. They had milked it for all it was worth and had moved onto the next scandal. There had been a rumor that it was a suicide. But I knew Jett better than that. He would never pull such a "cowardly move" as he called it. The medical examiner's report said that he had overdosed on cocaine and it caused a heart attack. There was something poetic about him literally dying of a broken heart. He had left a trail of broken hearts and pain behind him and the universe finally gave him what he had coming.

He hadn't lived long enough to become a young god. So he became infamous instead. A legend. The story of Jett Stetson would go on to outlive the man himself.

I think he would have wanted it that way. It was more cinematic.

Ever since he won me back at the Tween Choice Awards, Kendall had been nothing but kind. He always went the extra mile and stressed just how lucky he felt to be with me. Our marriage was laid back, fights were rare and never serious when they did happen. I loved having him by my side. He made the good times brighter and made the bad times more bearable.

After Jett's death, I was surprised to find myself going through the stages of grief. I found myself fighting tears or rage when he was mentioned. I knew it was natural, I had been through so much with him and even though it hadn't been great, it was still impactful. Kendall had been there through it all. Any other guy would probably be upset when his wife cried over her ex. But not Kendall, he simply held me in his lap or helped me take breaths when the anger was too much.

"Hey, hey, just breathe." He coached as he rubbed my shoulders. "He can't hurt you anymore."

I rubbed my fists against my eyes and let out a long sigh. "I'm just so tired of thinking about him."

"I know, baby. It's all going to be okay." He kissed the top of my hair. "It's going to get easier, I promise."

And it did. In time, I stopped thinking of Jett every day. A week would go by, then a month, and then a few more. The weight in my chest eased and the conflicting wave of emotions I felt vanished. Things slowly but surely went back to how they were before everything had happened.

Kendall and I spent our wedding anniversary in Fiji in a private beach house. The sun had brought out the blonde in Kendall's hair and the few freckles on his nose. His skin was golden and I traced my fingers over his tattoos. For a long time, my favorite had been the sugar skull one but now a new one made me smile. On his ring finger was my name in tiny looping letters. He couldn't wear his ring during hockey games so this was his solution.

"This way I always have you with me." He said sheepishly when he first showed it to me.

Our trip passed in a haze of sex, sun, and sightseeing. The vacation was nice and it still blew my mind that I had been married to this man for a year. It felt like just yesterday we had been at Rocque Records.

So, it was fitting that one of the first places we ended up after our homecoming was the studio that brought us together. Logan's career producing for indie artists had really taken off and the label was throwing a party to celebrate his latest band's success. The party was in full swing and Logan seemed at ease as he held court in the center of the room. He had a glass of champagne in one hand and his other arm wrapped around Mara's waist.

"We're at number one on the charts and Billboard called them the next Arctic Monkeys."

"Look at Loge, on top of the charts." James slapped him on the back. "Fuck, yeah."

Mara smoothed his lapel and grinned. "Now, I just hope he sleeps for a while."

"Elle, tell her there's always something to write. I can't control it."

I swirled my drink. "It's true. Sometimes you can't sleep until you get it written down."

She threw her hands in the hair, her French accent made her sound even more exasperated. "Write, write, write. He is always hunched over the piano. Soon he's going to fall in love with the piano instead of me."

Logan shook his head and kissed her hair. "That's impossible."

She and Logan had started out rough just like Kendall and I. Mara had been married when she met Logan and their affair had been a scandal. when she had gone back to her husband, Logan had been in rough shape. He had written a whole album of songs about her. But now, they seemed like a natural fit. She made Logan laugh which I thought was good for him.

"Maybe you and Kendall can start a support group." A voice interrupted my thoughts. "The last I checked, someone put out three Grammy-winning albums in a row."

We all turned to see Carlos and his wife headed in our direction. His wife Emma was visibly pregnant and greeted us all with a wave.

"Maybe we should. Elle locks herself away in the studio for days at a time." Kendall told Mara with a sigh. "Do you eat dinner alone?"

Her voice was dripping with fake disdain. "All the time."

I had pulled away from hugging Carlos when James snorted into his glass. "Look at all of you, in relationships with your little arguments. So tied down. Could never be me."

"We can't all be playboy models jetting around from fashion shows to magazine shoots." I deadpanned. "Some of us don't like waking up in a different bed each morning."

James just gave a wicked smile. "You say all of that like it's a bad thing. You only live once, Len."

I squeezed Kendall's hand. "Yes, you do, so why not spend it with the one person who's meant for you?"

The party was lively. We celebrated the band and Logan's success. It was nice to be back together with Big Time Rush in the place where we first met. It felt like no time had passed even though so much had changed. I couldn't help but remember how the early days had been. Kendall and I were constantly at odds. The guys would have to defend me all the time and I was desperate to make a comeback after the Jett Incident. I hadn't even known if anyone would care about my new music, but Liz had believed in me and pushed me into trying again. I had been so annoyed at the idea of touring with a boyband to try to win people over. But "Big Time Fucking Rush" had become my best friends. Jett had been exposed and was gone forever. I had won 3 Grammys for the music I had put all of my heart into. And best of all, Kendall and I were happy and in love.

After the seriousness of Jett being exposed and his death, I hadn't had fun in a long time. So I let James regale me with stories of his fashion shenanigans and how he still wanted to be a solo artist. Logan and I did shots to celebrate how he had become a sought after producer. And I teased him about how his face would bloom into a wide smile when he'd look across the room at the woman he had chased after even though everything had been against them. I nodded as Carlos tried to point out the various facial features on an ultrasound. He was going to be a great father. And I let Gustavo talk my ear off about getting back into the studio to write a new album.

But eventually, I slipped out of the party and walked down the red and white hallways of Rocque Records. Familiar footsteps followed behind me and his fingers looped through mine.

"Sneaking off are we?"

"Gustavo is trying to peer pressure me into writing a new album," I explained as we stepped into the elevator. "I had to get away."

He jostled my shoulders. "Come on, you aren't even a little bit eager after Logan's success? The two of you have been talking about producing all night."

I pushed the button for the ground floor and shrugged. "You've got me there. I do miss being creative."

"That's my girl." He gave me a gentle shove. "I know you have another album cooking away in that brain of yours."

We walked out the door to the back of the building. Posters of boy bands past hung above us, now including BTR. The rain fell in buckets but we huddled under the edge of the roof. I fished a pack of cigarettes from my purse and let Kendall light it for me. He lit one for himself and inhaled deeply, sputtering just a bit.

"We really should try to stop. Liz is going to smell it on us when we go back inside." I let the smoke trail from my mouth. "And it's a gross habit."

Kendall shook his head. "We'll get matching nicotine patches."

Compared to the noise of the party, outside was nearly silent other than the rain. The damp air suppressed the usual LA smog and the air smelt clean.

"It's peaceful out here," I said. "It's been a while."

Next to me, Kendall looked wistful. "It reminds me of the night we wrote our duet."

This brought a soft smile to my face. It was exactly like that night, rain and all. Except now, Kendall didn't make me want to roll my eyes at him. A memory made me laugh.

"It does. I remember being surprised that Saint Kendall smoked. I thought you would have judged me for smoking."

"If I'm being honest, I thought it was kind of hot." He confessed with a small smirk. "I remember looking at your lips and wondering what they tasted like."

This little revelation was news to me, even all these years later. My biggest memory from that interaction was him saying that everything we loved would hurt us eventually. I thought it was poetic.

"I didn't know that."

He ashed his cigarette and shrugged. "I hadn't even been thinking about you in that way, but then it popped into my head. I probably said something shitty to cover for it."

"And what if you hadn't covered for it?" I asked quietly, looking up at him through my eyelashes. "What would you have done?"

Kendall took a quick drag and flicked it behind him. He blew smoke from between his teeth as he let his hand come up. His wedding band was cold on my cheek.

"I think," He plucked my cigarette from my lips and let it fall to the ground. "I would have done something like this."

His mouth was warm as it met mine. My hands tangled in his hair and I pulled him down to me. His other hand went around my waist as we kissed, His teeth tugged at my bottom lip and my tongue brushed across his. I was consumed by the scent of smoke, his soap, and mint. When we separated, he was all swollen, pink lips, mussed blonde hair, and bright green eyes. It left me breathless.

"Fuck." I sighed, kissing him again. "I love you."

"I'm crazy about you, Eleanor." He grinned and squeezed my waist. "Absolutely crazy."

He pushed my hair behind my ear and his lips pressed to my neck. The wall of the building was cold against my back. My hands had just started to tug at the bottom of his shirt when a streak of inspiration flashed in the back of my mind.

"Kendall." I groaned. "Kendall, I have an idea."

He looked up from where he had been kissing. "Yeah, I have a couple of ideas of my own, babe."

"No, for a song."

He stood back and ran a hand through his hair and deadpanned. "Surprise, surprise."

"No, I'm serious." I laughed, kissing him. "It's a duet."

The corner of his mouth quirked up into a smile. "Oh, really?"

I grabbed him by the hand. "And I know someone I wouldn't mind singing with."

"Me sing with you?" Kendall rolled his eyes. "In your dreams, Eleanor."

I was already halfway to the door when I turned to face him, my smile was wide. "Anything can happen!"

My husband simply threw his hands in the air before chasing after me. His arms circled around my waist when he finally caught up to me. Our laughter cut through the sound of the pouring rain.

We disappeared back into the red and white studio where our friends were waiting, where we met all those years ago. The melody and lyrics were already coming together in my head. I didn't know what the future held, but it was bright. Anything could happen and with Kendall by my side, I was ready to face whatever lay ahead.

READ ME AN: Phew, that was long! I definitely cried while writing the ending. Elle has come so far and been through so much. But she made it to the other side. She and Kendall are married, her friends are happy and everyone is safe. I honestly can't believe this fic is finished. This spring will be 8 years since this idea popped into my head. I still have the original draft of the first chapter on my iPod. Thank you for being so open to this world and to Elle's story. It means a lot to me. The ending really feels full circle from the first chapter and I loved writing the engagement scene. I also REALLY liked writing Jett being exposed and his final conversation with Elle. What were your favorites?

I floated a few ideas for fics in this epilogue. A prequel (that wouldn't be as dark as this) about Jett and Elle before this fic, with appearances from Kendall because you, they're soulmates. I want to write a short story about Logan and Mara. And I have a few AU ideas about Elle and the guys, and maybe even a Kendelle baby? These would be one shots. So keep an eye out!

But seriously, thank you so much. If there's anyone out there still interested in this fic, please review. Even one review would mean the world. I'm just so happy I could wrap this up and I hope you enjoyed. And I hope I hear from some of you.

Stay safe, Happy New Year, and Elle and I will see you soon!