Chapter 4 - And You Know What It Means

Author's Note: Rey has a nightmare, bonds with Ben, and has a decision to make. :)

~ Amina Gila

Towering rock structures surround her on all sides, but she can make out Obi-Wan through the darkness, though he looks far older than in the... lava dreams.

And her... helmet is broken. She can see him with one eye, but the other everything is hazed over red, and most of all, she can hardly breathe.

"The same way I will destroy you."

"Then my friend is truly dead. Goodbye, Darth."

She has the sudden sickening feeling that he's about to leave, but then she's somewhere else entirely, holding... Sidious, even as lightning from his fingers hits her, a blinding agony coursing through her body like she's burning inside out. She throws him down a... shaft before collapsing next to it, and she can't breathe.

Again.

She has a brief flash of a boy crouching next to her – he looks almost like a young Luke – and she's jolting awake.

What – what was that?

It still feels like she can't breathe, her heart hammering wildly, tears burning her eyes. Yes, she's seen brief flashes of a fight on that rocky planet before, but she's never seen the ending with – with Sidious so clearly.

Sometimes, she's had nightmares of being electrocuted but she never clearly saw... not that. He was hurting her. She couldn't even breathe; it was even worse than what happened on that lava planet. And what she did... That could've killed him.

Wait.

This... was that real? If her dreams are of something real, does that mean that – that everything she's seen with Sidious actually happened, too?

"You will always be mine," he had promised, possessively, and he's never hurt her, but –

She can't shake the feel of the lightning burning through her, and it feels too real to doubt. But – but her grandfather would never do that to someone. Right? He's... That doesn't make any sense. And did he used to know her, too?

Rey's breathing catches at the sudden movement in the doorway of the small side room in the Millennium Falcon. She looks up to see Ben hovering in the doorway, frowning.

They decided to stay on the Falcon overnight for... no reason, really. Besides, Rey found that thought a little more comfortable than sleeping in a mansion like that.

"Is... everything alright?" he asks, crouching next to her.

Great.

Somehow, she managed to wake him up, because she's clearly incapable of calming down from just a dream. Sidious is always upset about that, and she doesn't really want him to be, too.

"Just a dream," she mutters, wiping her eyes on her sleeve, trying to focus on breathing in a failing effort to calm herself down. "Sorry."

He blinks, looking confused. "What for?"

"Disturbing you?"

"That's not something you need to apologize for," he reassures, touching her shoulder. She can't help leaning into it, aching with the childish desire to just be held. "Was it... something from the past?"

Rey nods, drawing in a shaky breath.

The grip on her shoulder tightens. "I have nightmares of that too, sometimes," Ben admits, "It's easiest to distract yourself from it."

Which would be a lot easier if she could stop desperately wondering if – if her grandfather really did that or – or what. Has he been lying all this time, that her dreams were nothing? If he didn't know, she could understand, but he's seen things from her mind. If he knew Anakin before, then how could he not know?

Ben shifts a little closer, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and she leans against him, briefly closing her eyes. It gives her a feeling of safehome even if she has no right to feel that way. "Can I... ask you something?" she asks, finally.

"What?"

"Anakin. Do you... know what happened to him?"

He stills. "It's not known to the public, but I... do. He became a Sith, taking the name Vader. Luke talked a little about him once. He said Vader wanted him to join him. Luke tried to turn him back, and it... worked, but the Emperor killed him. He sacrificed himself to save Luke. That was in one of the final battles against the Empire, when the Emperor was killed, too."

She sucks in a sharp breath, a fresh wave of tears hitting her.

That –

That's the incident Sidious told her about, that Luke was the one who injured him. But it wasn't Luke, was it? It was her. And Sidious he – he killed her. She... she died then, didn't she? She's often had nightmares of being electrocuted, but she never saw much detail beyond that. But at least now she can understand why it always scared her when Sidious used lightning.

And yes, he technically did it in self-defense, and she has no idea why she did that, but – but –

None of this makes any sense, and all she wants to do is curl up in a ball and cry.

"Hey," Ben says, tearing her out of her spiraling, "What is it?"

"I – I think I saw – that. I don't..." She should stop talking, before she says something she doesn't mean to. She should talk to her grandfather about it, but the very thought makes her sick. There's no way he couldn't know this.

Unless she's just imagining it all up. She almost wishes she was.

His grip on her tightens, slightly. "But most of what I know about my grandfather is from holos I can find," Ben says, a certain almost mischievous lightness slipping into his voice.

He's trying to distract her, and she's grateful for that. "You've seen holos of Vader?" Rey asks, blinking back her tears enough to look up at him.

"No one wanted me to know at first that he was my grandfather. They acted like it was some big secret, so I always wanted to know more about him. Do you want to see?"

"... Sure?" She has no idea what she's agreeing to.

"Come, then. We can watch some in my room." He offers her a hand to pull her up, and they silently creep into the hall, heading to Ben's small room opposite hers.

"You look up to Vader, don't you?" Rey asks, eyeing Ben. His enthusiasm is far too genuine to just be an effort at distraction, as he sits on the edge of his cot, and she joins him.

"He is my grandfather," Ben replies nonchalantly, though she doesn't think that's something he's admitted to anyone else before.

"I thought you remembered... raising him?" It's just weird, okay? Even if her past feelings don't always affect the ones about the life she actually remembers living.

"I remember a little about raising Anakin," he corrects, "There's a difference. And it doesn't change what... he is to me."

"But he's Imperial," she argues, still trying to figure out how that makes sense. She thought the new Republic hated all Imperials, as a group.

Ben shrugs a shoulder, as he pulls up something on the holonet.

For a desperate, wild moment, she wonders if this is any indication that she could persuade him to support the Empire. Not likely, but... maybe...

(But could she really ask that of him? She considered that once before and she already knows the answer.)

She needs to figure something out, and fast. She needs a way out of this. She doesn't really know Luke, and neither is she Anakin anymore, but she can't kill him. She can't.

She can't hurt him. She can't hurt Ben either, not when he's been nothing but kind to her from the start. They don't deserve that, even if... Force, this is a mess, and she feels so lost.

The cyborg that appears in hologram in front of Ben is so glaringly familiar. She's seen it from an inside perspective countless times before. From the outside, it's somehow different, though. It makes the... whatever exactly this is, look far more disturbing.

Ben's watching it with a barely concealed awe, though.

There are ships – they must be rebel ships – flying in around Vader, shooting at him, and he deflects the laser blasts back at them with nothing but his hands. She knows there's pretty much no limits to what can be done with the Force, but this is...

He's also killing people, though, and this was once her. They're rebels, though. Terrorists. They did so much damage to the galaxy, and that she... can't question, even if the motives of the people in charge now are for the best.

Ben lets it finish playing, and he's about to flip to another holo when the door suddenly opens, to reveal Leia standing there.

Um... oops?

He frantically flips it off, looking up with an expression much too innocent to be innocent. "Hey, Mother."

"What are you doing?" she asks, sounding mildly amused as she eyes them.

Hopefully she did not see any of what they were watching. That would be... bad. Probably. It's clearly something Ben wants entirely hidden, too. "Nothing?" Rey offers, uselessly.

Force.

She can be such a terrible liar sometimes.

"No more Kowakian monkey lizards watching holomovies in bed," Leia scolds, coming to collect Ben's holoprojector, ignoring his offended spluttering and Rey's disappointed look. That means she... didn't see, and Rey can only breathe out a silent sigh of relief.

"Hey," Ben complains finally, sounding more like a whining teen than a twenty-four-year-old, "I need that."

"Whatever it is, you can save for tomorrow."

"Fine," he huffs, still looking decidedly grumpy, and Rey is, too, though she's just as curious to see their dynamic as anything else. Leia is his mother, and they're close in a way that Rey herself has always wanted to be with someone. She and Sidious might care for each other, but it's not the same. It's not like this. "And don't call me a lizard."

"You are being as mischievous as them," she replies, amused.

"I can't be mischievous. I'm twenty-four!"

"All the more reason for me to be worried," she answers, dryly, "Especially when you have an apprentice to be taking care of. Now lights out and sweet dreams, both of you."

She waits until Ben grudgingly waves a hand, flipping the light off in the room with the Force before she steps back out again, though Rey can still sense her close by.

Silently, she can't help thinking that was nicer than anything Sidious ever said to her. "Is she always like that?" Rey asks.

"Yeah," Ben says, glancing at her through the darkness, "And we probably should go back to bed, before she comes back to check on us."

"What if we aren't?" she can't help asking. She's just... wondering. Sidious never reacted well to her being disobedient.

"She'll probably invite us to her bedroom next," Ben replies, dryly, though now he sounds more amused than grumpy.

That's a thing? That... sounds more like a reward than a punishment. Or is that the point? She often hated being all by herself at night on Exegol – it felt so dark and scary sometimes – but she certainly could never go to Sidious' room. She genuinely has no idea what his room looks like. He never let her go to some private areas of their fortress there.

For a moment, she wishes so much that she remembered her own parents, but they're gone, and they aren't coming back.

"Can you sleep yet or would you like to stay in here?" he queries.

"Can I stay here?" Rey asks, and she feels awkward about it, because she has never slept beside someone in years probably – can't remember the last time she has – but some deep felt instinct whispers that it's safe for her to be here, that it feels right.

After their conversation tonight, she's inclined to agree with it, to just give in and follow. They're not strangers, even if Rey is still somewhat hesitant to label him as family. (He is, though.)

"Sure," he agrees, scooting to the far side of his cot to give her room.

It's a tight squeeze, but she manages to fit on the cot next to him. It makes her feel strangely protected in a way she doesn't really remember ever feeling before, at least not in this lifetime.

**w**

"It's amazing in here," Rey breathes as Ben leads her through the rest of the Falcon, to the cockpit. Far more interesting than her ship, which she's had limited time to modify. And it never could be nearly as amazing, because it's far smaller and doesn't have nearly as many functions, the way the Falcon does.

To be fair, that's because it was meant for a specific job, one Rey prefers not to think about right now.

"What are you doing?" Han's voice asks, and she freezes midway at climbing into the pilot's seat, feeling like she was just caught stealing candy or something.

Not that he sounds annoyed, but still.

"I was showing her around," Ben offers.

"You're good at flying?" Han asks, approaching.

Rey nods. "It was the only fun thing I could do on Jakku." On Exegol, actually. Sidious didn't usually mind unless he wanted her focusing on Force training.

"Want to try it?" Ben inquires, then glances pointedly at Han, "She won't break anything, Father."

"Can I?" Rey asks hopefully, even if she's feeling suddenly ridiculously shy.

"Go ahead," Han concedes, finally, though he immediately takes the copilot seat probably just in case.

She slides into the pilot's seat, firing up the engine. The ship blasts off quickly, and she sends it flying upwards quickly, dodging through the lanes of traffic.

"I see you don't know much about traffic laws," Han comments, dryly.

"There's... other traffic rules?" she echoes, slowing a little. Because yes, she knows there's some minor ones but she is being careful to stay away from the endless lanes of traffic, so she doesn't hit anyone. Or maybe that's the problem. Is she supposed to be in a lane?

"Don't worry, I don't follow them either except when right in the city," he replies, and she can't help laughing.

She finally levels the ship out a little once she's high enough to be away from all traffic, and tries out the speed and a few spinning moves, just for fun. And for a few moments, as flying always does, it makes her feel like she's free. Of the burdens of the past, of Sidious' mission constantly hanging over her, of – everything, really.

Even if that feeling never lasts long.

"You are good at this," Han observes, eyeing her.

"Really?" she asks, looking at him hopefully. She knew that already, yes, but it's different to hear someone actually say it.

"If you ever want to do something aside from Force-shenanigans for a time, I've been thinking about bringing on another crew member, someone who can keep up with me and Chewie," he comments.

"Seriously, Father?" Ben echoes, skeptically, "Or did you just spawn the idea now because you have someone else who appreciates your ship?"

"Are you serious?" Rey asks, eyes widening the slightest bit. Not that it's an offer she could ever truly accept, even if she doesn't know how she can stay with the Jedi long-term, considering what she's there for. Not that Han would ever take her in after she destroys Luke's life's work. And if she was anywhere, she'd still want to be with Ben. She doesn't want to be without him, anywhere, even if she knows she should never have let herself get so attached to him. (But how will that go over when she has to betray him?)

"I wouldn't be nice to you," Han supplies, and Ben snorts.

"He just wants you to stick around," he informs Rey, "You know, he didn't let me fly the Falcon until I was ten. And that was only an accident. We were... on Endor, and I was gonna give some people a ride, and things got out of hand. That was right before I left for Uncle Luke's."

She doesn't really know how to feel towards Han and Leia, but she always wondered what it would be like to – to have parents, because she doesn't really remember her own. Someone who she could look up to, and... It's also how she feels towards Ben though far more intensely, but they're close in age.

In the end, it doesn't matter though, because it won't change why she's here.

She increases the speed on the Falcon again, streaking across the sky, trying to enjoy the momentary freedom of it while it lasts.

**w**

Ben's more than a little disappointed when the time comes for them to leave, later that afternoon. Han has something to do, though, and Leia needs to be at the Senate. He and Rey can always come back later, after all.

It's just more... fun than he's had in a long time, especially with her. Something in him feels more settled than it used to, also, now that someone else knows about his nightmares. More importantly, someone who can relate to the exact same thing, because they used to know each other.

Maybe that's affected much of the bond they have now or maybe it hasn't. Either way, Rey is... part of his family in a deep way that he can't really understand.

So he's not expecting it when Leia pulls him aside before he leaves, asking to talk to him privately. "What's wrong?" Ben asks, frowning.

"It's about Rey," Leia admits, "Did you ever verify her story, about where she was from?"

Alarm bells go off in his mind instantly. Luke had been wary, too, at first, but that faded over the past couple months that Rey's been with them. "No. Why? Did something happen?"

"No, and it might be nothing," Leia replies, "But I think she might be hiding something."

Unease twists inside of him. His mother has always been good at reading people, and it all of them wondered this at first, there probably is something to it. He can't imagine what, though. "I noticed it at first," Ben admits, "But she seems so sincere, happy to learn. I don't know what she would have to be lying about." That's what doesn't make sense.

"I don't know," Leia admits, "But she's young, and... I imagine, still easy to... manipulate. She may be here entirely innocently, but she seemed afraid of something. I can't say that she wants whatever it is – if there's anything to this – but you should keep an eye on her. I don't want you to get hurt, Ben."

He frowns, nodding. "I'll be fine, Mother."

It's Rey he's more worried about, even if he instantly feels a certain swell of hurt and upset that she might have been lying to him about... a lot. But for what reason, he can't fathom.

"Still easy to manipulate."

Yes, she's only fourteen, and for all that she seems to have been through, she's very naïve from what he's seen. It would be easy.

And it makes him angry to think of someone doing that to her.

"If something's going on, I'll figure out what it is," Ben promises. For their sakes, and Rey's.

**w**

Almost every day since Rey came to Ossus, once she's in her room at night, she checks the secure comm she has concealed in her room where she doubts anyone could find it. Keeping it on the ship would be safer, but constantly going to her ship every night might look... weird, so she keeps it here.

She's never gotten a message before; Sidious told her the less communication, the better. But today, there is one, simply asking her to call at the next available opportunity.

Right after coming, she would've been excited to finally have a message from him. She misses him, even now. Even if, sometimes, it – it feels freer to not have those yellow eyes constantly boring down on her. (Even if it also feels wrong to feel like that.)

But now, she feels a flicker of dread, for as bad as she feels about it. What does he want? Is he just asking for a report, or is it for... something else?

It could be serious, though.

Rey instinctively tries – and fails – to calm herself, realizing a second later that she's using the Jedi way on instinct. It wouldn't be good if anyone sensed her, though.

Leaving the Temple now could attract attention, so after reaching out cautiously with the Force to make sure no one's within hearing distance, she dials the frequency and waits.

Sidious answers the call almost immediately, his familiar figure flickering to life in front of her. He's obviously shielding heavily, but right in front of him, she can still sense him as though he were right here.

It's been so long since she last saw him. But she's scared. And she has so much to say to him, about things she doesn't understand. "Grandfather?" Rey asks, sitting crouched on the floor on the other side of her bed, so if someone came in unexpectedly, she'd have time to flick off the hologram before they see what it is.

"Rey," he replies, and she's almost certain he feels happy, too, even if a bit impatient. "You have time to speak privately now?"

"Yes. It's nighttime."

"What's the status with your... infiltration?"

Her hands feel suddenly icy, perhaps as the sinking reminder that everything she's started enjoying and getting used to here is nothing but a mission,and she needs to remember that. She twists them in her robes to stop them from shaking, trying to keep her voice steady. "They accepted me immediately. I don't think they suspect anything is amiss. I've interacted with Luke Skywalker only rarely. He's had his nephew Ben Solo train me personally."

"I see," Sidious muses, studying her. With the Force too, she can tell. She can feel his Force presence nudging her shields, the way he always did before, seeing... she doesn't even know. Not that he needs to be right in front of her to do that. He can do it anywhere across the galaxy, she imagines, but he hasn't so no one senses anything wrong.

It instinctively makes her nervous, but she tries not to instantly resist. He – She doesn't have the right to refuse him that. He's her grandfather, and he knows what he's doing.

(Does he? He – he's lied to her.)

"I sense you have... questions," he says, tone neutral.

Her heart nearly skips a beat at the words. "It's – I've heard some things I don't understand," she explains, hastily.

He waits for her to keep talking, which almost makes it harder to continue when she has no idea how to begin.

"The Death Star," Rey blurts, finally, "That destroyed a planet. Why would you –" It makes her sick to even think about.

"The only way to achieve peace and order is through power," Sidious replies, "It was never a weapon intended to be used indiscriminately. The only planet that it was ever used on was one of traitors. The galaxy would find no rest until they were all destroyed. The constant unrest and destruction you have likely seen and heard of in the galaxy was perpetrated by many of the rebels who were destroyed there."

She gets what he's saying, but that doesn't mean it could possibly be right to destroy a whole planet. She can't believe her grandfather is literally defending such a choice. That's – "But everyone there?" she objects, "They can't all have been –"

"Rey."

She falls silent instantly at the tone, no matter her numerous protests and questions. He seems irked about something, and she's not going to push it.

"There were no innocents among them. And even if there were, the rebellion themselves killed countless people who wanted nothing to do with their... insurrection, such all the millions on the Death Star. It was Luke Skywalker himself who destroyed it, along with everyone on board."

That... She didn't know that. She can't imagine him killing millions of people, but then again, he's the one who hurt her grandfather. He also was her son in another life, and that instantly brings back all the other things she saw her nightmares that she really doesn't want to think about, but she needs answers. But even thinking about it, especially with a hologram of Sidious right in front of her, makes her sick. She can't believe –

"You're dwelling on your dreams again," he says, and she nearly jumps. But his presence is still pressed against her mind, so of course, he was picking up on her spiraling thoughts.

She struggles to shove away the memory of lightning coursing through her, or of when she threw him down that shaft, and – How could that have really happened?! Or the incident with Sidious on that lava planet. "I've seen things I don't understand," she objects, nearly surprised at the sharp sting of betrayal and not-quite anger that suddenly floods her. He always brushes it off, or gets upset, and he knows there's something to it. He has to, right?

"How many times must we speak of this?" he demands, sharply.

"You lied to me," Rey accuses, before she can think through saying something like that. Or maybe it's just that she's so frustrated and tired of this, suddenly. "They're – they're real. And you know that. I used to know you before." And she does not want to think about that. She can't imagine him hurting her, but it – it happened.

Sidious' expression twitches slightly, not enough for her to read. "I questioned if there was more to it," he replies. She expected anger, but he sounds oddly calm. Maybe a little too much so. "But in the end, it doesn't matter. You are no longer him. What you see is the life of another, and it is inconsequential. You are mine, my granddaughter, and everything I wanted you to be."

He obviously wants her as his now, but that doesn't change what she saw from before. How can he say it doesn't matter, when he – "But you –" She practically chokes on the words. It's not even a sentence she can finish.

The end of the Death Star replays through her mind again, as much as she struggles to force it back.

Sidious pulls back a little from her mind, though not before nudging it when she thinks was intended as something of comfort, but it almost makes her shudder. "You have seen little of his life. I took him in when the rest of his family abandoned him, especially Kenobi, and yet he was never grateful. His son Skywalker only wanted him for his own purposes like the rest of his so-called family, and yet he chose to betray me for him instead. I had no desire to harm him, but he made it... unfortunately necessary."

Rey swallows hard, feeling no less sick than she was before. She still can't understand how he could do something like that, any more than how she could've done that.

"But you are no longer him," Sidious adds, "What matters now is your mission. The Empire will yet be established, and you will always be there as my apprentice. You have done well on your mission so far, and now it's time to proceed with the next step."

The praise may have made her feel slightly better, but her stomach drops, dread pooling inside of her, when he finishes speaking. She shouldn't feel like this, but she doesn't want to know what the next stage is.

"You must kill Luke Skywalker."

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