A/N: Hi! I'm so glad so many of you are happy to be back in this fic. I hope you enjoy today's update as well :)

It was pure fear.

Hailey didn't even know what exactly she was dreaming about – it was a mess of emotions all night long that had her tangled up in the sheets, trapped by her own mind.

Sometimes Jay was there. Others he wasn't. Once he was alive. Many times he wasn't.

Occasionally, her friends were there, but it was never a good situation. Adam bleeding out. Kevin kidnapped. Kim fighting for her life. A mix of real instances at work and the worst images her mind could conjure.

Childhood nightmares ripped through her dreams amongst the reality. Crocodiles chasing people. An excess of clowns wherever she turned. A black abyss of water just past a cliff.

Hailey didn't know what was real or even what her mind was trying to tell her. It wasn't until she was once again standing over Jay's body that she forced herself awake.

She sat up straight with a gasp, her arms shooting out and smacking against Jay's side.

"Who- What- Hailey?"

She ignored him, leaning over to put her head in her hands in an attempt to return her breathing to normal. Squeezing her eyes shut, she almost couldn't even recognize the sounds coming out of her. They were squeaky and felt far away, much too high-pitched to be slipping past her own lips.

She whimpered and felt tears begin to boil in her eyes. Just fear. Even now, while she was awake, she still seemed to be experiencing the swirling colors and horror that had been slipping in and out of her dreams.

Beyond her eyelids, the light flicked on and the bed shifted.

"Hailey."

Jay's voice was quiet – calm like when she'd heard him trying to comfort a victim.

"Hailey, you're okay. We're in Holland. We'll be back in Chicago soon. You're okay. You're safe."

Her head shook slightly, and she didn't know why. Maybe she was shaking, maybe she was responding to his question. She didn't know why her mind was playing tricks on her after having such a relaxing, good trip.

Jay's hand covered her back, and she instantly felt her tense muscles begin to relax. The warmth from his skin seeped through the t-shirt she had thrown on the night before.

"I'm right here. Breathe in. You've got this."

His fingers began gently rubbing over her until she felt like she could lean into him, knowing that he would catch her and keep her safe until she felt okay enough to open her eyes.

"You're freezing," Jay murmured against the top of her head. The warmth of his bare chest helped, but she didn't truly start feeling better until he'd managed to wrap the comforter better around her.

He would have been good at warming her up after she'd jumped in the river the year before. She should have fought harder to have him meet her at the hospital. She'd just been so caught on the car and the woman who had slipped from her grasp that her own health didn't matter. It was a lot like how she felt now. Stuck in fear.

Finally, she forced her eyes open and took a shuttering breath.

Jay shifted slightly and glanced down at her face, catching her bleary gaze. She could tell he was scared of whatever she was going through, but he still managed a smile and brushed his thumb over her cheek.

"Hey," he whispered, "You're okay. I'm right here."

"I-I know," she stuttered.

Jay's smile grew, and he squeezed her tightly against him. Rubbing his hand over her side in an attempt to warm her up, he breathed, "I love you so much. I'm right here for you. I promise. I really, truly promise that, Hailey."

She breathed in shakily and closed her eyes again. He'd said that before. She knew she'd gotten past him leaving her for so long and without notice, but now, with her nightmares so fresh in her mind, those words stung.

Jay kissed the side of her head before he hummed to himself and tugged her onto his lap. The blankets struggled against them for a second, and Hailey gasped at the feeling of being trapped, but then Jay gave a swift pull and the sheets gave away.

"You're okay," he repeated again, "I'm right here for you."

He began dragging his fingers through her hair and down her back. The slow, gentle movement helped her calm down and take a few deep breaths until she felt okay enough again to open her eyes.

They didn't hurt as badly as they had the first time and weren't nearly as dry as before. A couple last tears dripped down her cheek, and she sniffled before lifting her hand still covered in the blanket to wipe at her face.

She was facing the window in their room and could see the start of dawn breaking in the sky through the crack in the blinds. Resting the side of her head against Jay's shoulder, she breathed through her mouth and curled up even more in his lap.

Like she'd known she'd feel, comfort and safety began replacing the fear that had wrapped itself around her. It'd been something she'd been missing for months, but now she didn't have to worry about that anymore. The safety of Jay's arms helped erase the fear that had been coursing through her.

"Your heart rate's slowing down," Jay said softly, "That's good." He kissed the top of her head again, keeping his lips to her as he began slowly rocking her back and forth in his lap.

A smile flickered across her face, and she placed her hand on his thigh next to her. "Because of you," she breathed.

"Because of me?" Jay repeated with a soft chuckle, "I don't know, Hail, you're strong enough to take care of yourself. I'm just here to hold your hand through it all."

Hailey's smile grew as she sat up to look him in the eyes. "And you need to know that that means everything to me. Having you on my side is all I've ever wanted or needed."

It was the most she'd said all morning, but it was exactly what she needed Jay to hear. He needed to know just how much he meant to her through it all. He wasn't just someone to have happy memories with in a town hours from Chicago. He was someone to share her life with through the good and the bad. He was her rock when the world – no matter if it was true reality or a nightmare her mind had conjured up – knocked her off her feet.

Jay smiled back at her and kissed her forehead, his lips lingering for a moment. When he straightened up, he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and murmured, "I know we're all warm here, but how's coffee on the front porch sound? We can watch the sky change as the sun comes up."

"I'd like that," Hailey breathed.

Jay kissed her temple and said softly, "Okay. Grab a blanket and head out there. I'll get the coffee going."

Before she could move, though, Hailey grabbed his face and took a deep breath. Looking in his eyes, she said, "Thank you. Truly."

Jay shot her a smile that sent a bolt of warmth through her. He turned his head to kiss the palm of her hand and replied, "Anything for you."

With a smile of her own, Hailey slipped off his lap and picked up the blanket that had fallen to the ground the night before. She wrapped it around herself before making her way out of the bedroom, Jay a few steps behind her, pulling on a new t-shirt as he went.

Hailey padded down the stairs and out the front door. Her blanket acted as a barrier between her bare legs and the cool adirondack chair on the front porch. There wasn't a view of the water here in the small subdivision, but the break in the sky was clearly visible with soft pinks and oranges beginning to form amongst the clouds.

She let out a breath and rested her head back against the chair. There was still the memory of fear lightly pulsing through her, but it wasn't debilitating and wasn't appearing each time she blinked. It was manageable now thanks to Jay.

The dream could mean a lot of things, and she could have went into a deep dive trying to figure out what exactly her subconscious was trying to tell her, but that seemed too time consuming and fear inducing. It was just a dream filled with all the things she worried about, and that was okay.

She wasn't someone who lived without fear or stress. It's what made her human. That seemed to be what this last year of her life was. She needed that reminder that she was not invincible. Like any of Jay's physical wounds, this was a painful period of her life that did have a light at the end of the tunnel. And like Jay's wounds, the fear and anxiety that had once coursed through her left scars in its path. Those scars were going to ache and sting for years to come; maybe they'd even reopen. What mattered was how she came back from it.

That's what today needed to be.

Coffee on the porch with Jay. One last lazy shower together. Stumbling, still damp, onto the discarded sheets. Lingering fingers and touches. Promises to continue at home.

And a long car ride home, sharing memories of the trip that they were sure to relive for years to come.

"Why is it that car rides make me tired?" Jay asked as they finally stepped foot within their apartment.

Hailey laughed softly, but couldn't help but blush. "Because I woke you up early?"

Jay instantly spun around from his way into the bedroom and said, "Absolutely not."

Hailey raised an eyebrow, shaking her head. "Jay, it was a good two hours before we were waking up all the other days. I know it was-"

"Don't," Jay interrupted, dropping their suitcases and making his way to her, "You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for."

"I know, but-"

"Stop."

Jay's voice caused the words in her mouth to freeze, suddenly seeming to be acidic on her tongue. It was like she regretted even saying she was to blame all because of the look on his face and the sincerity in that one word.

"You are not the reason I am tired," he continued with a whisper, his hands coming to rest upon her waist. The fingers on his left hand slipped beneath her jacket to brush along her lower back. "It was a long car ride that was filled with me staring at the road, making sure we got back to Chicago in one piece. I've worked on a hell of a lot less sleep than what I got last night, and I survived those days without a problem. You, Hailey, are not to blame for my eyes stinging after driving three hours."

Again, Hailey felt her cheeks flush. She'd understood what Jay had been saying: she, too, felt rather drained when all she did was sit in a car for the last few hours. Despite her husband being mere inches away from her, she'd been rather preoccupied as the weight of the future began to sit in her gut along with the remnants of the previous night's fear. That alone had exhausted much of her brain power, making her also feel a bit tired after the drive home.

Maybe her sleep had been cut short, but, like Jay had also pointed out, she'd worked on worse. She was used to losing sleep or getting woken up at odd hours. Last night was nothing. She'd even had worse nights solely because of Jay's nightmares, and she would never imagine blaming him for how she felt in the morning.

Embarrassment suddenly flooded her system, wiping out the previous fears and exhaustion. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, "Maybe that was…that was dumb. I shouldn't have said that."

Jay again shook his head and gently squeezed her waist. "It's okay. It's…" He trailed off, his eyes studying hers as he considered his next few words.

Hailey lightly wet her lips and hesitantly set her hands on his chest. Feeling his heartbeat beneath her touch settled the last of her nerves, and she worked to match her breathing to his to fill the gap before he decided whatever he wanted to say.

"Come here," he finally said. Without waiting for her reply, Jay tugged her waist until they found themselves back in their bedroom on the edge of their mattress. He shot her a comforting smile, tucked her hair behind her ear, and chose that moment when she felt the most at ease to say, "I think you should consider talking to someone."

It was like a joke. Maybe even a slap in the face.

Years before, she'd watched Jay experience some amount of PTSD, having been on the receiving end of him unknowingly holding a gun to her face, and then spent all night thinking over what had happened. She'd wanted to help him. She respected him, thought he was a great detective, amazing at what he had done and could do in the field and in the box, and yet could see that his tough exterior had cracked upon the reemergence of his past in Afghanistan. After hours of tossing and turning, she decided that suggesting Jay go to therapy would be her best bet. It'd get him to talk to a professional and release any of his lingering emotions. As much as she wanted to support him, she'd known that she didn't have all the proper tools to help him the way he needed.

Weeks later, she found herself standing at his desk demanding he go to therapy. Perhaps it was an empty threat to say she'd get a new partner if he didn't go, but she couldn't dare watch him self-destruct all because he was too proud to admit he needed help. Maybe it was harsh; however, it worked. He went to therapy, seemed to take it seriously, and came out better on the other end.

Even now, he recognized the importance of attending all his sessions and putting in the work. She could see every day that he was getting stronger in all aspects of the word. He was taking his pain and using it to propel himself forward. She was proud of him. She loved what he was doing for himself.

She could see why he'd want her to experience the same thing.

Sniffling, she looked down at her hands in her lap and slowly shook her head.

Therapy was important. It was not taboo or show some sort of weakness. She even knew Kim was going, and she would never look down upon her husband or her friend for going to get help. But to go herself, to admit that's what she needed to tackle her own problems – the fears and nightmares and stress and anxiety – terrified her. Almost like picking up the phone and calling the doctor when she was sick: she knew she needed a real prescription to get over the sinus infection and couldn't survive off plain old cold medicine forever, but it involved admitting that she was sort of wrong in thinking she could handle the sickness on her own.

She hated being wrong just like she hated losing.

"I'm fine," she weakly tried, glancing back up at Jay.

He simply tilted his head to the side and raised an eyebrow.

She knew what he knew. He could always read her like a book.

"Maybe I'm not fine," she tried again, her voice beginning to crack, "But I'll be okay."

"With help," Jay finished gently for her, "You will be okay, probably even better than okay, with some help. There's nothing wrong with that. You even taught me that." He reached out to lightly cup her cheek. Brushing his thumb under her eye, he murmured, "You are worth getting extra help. I love you, and I support you, but I also know that you need a little nudge every once in a while toward decisions you might not want to do. I'm going to love you and support you on the way to getting therapy."

Hailey blinked, and a tear rolled down her cheek. She tried speaking, but nothing could come out. Nothing seemed right to say to Jay. There was no arguing with his logic; she most likely would have had an extremely similar speech to say to him had the roles been reversed.

This wasn't her giving up. This was accepting help – help that Jay knew she needed. And she had to admit that she really did need the help. She probably needed the help months before when Jay left. Through his absence, especially toward the end and then once he was home, she realized that help was never a bad thing. Her friends meant well then, and Jay meant well now. She could look back and pinpoint where the extra support would have been useful, and she recognized that, because of that, she could see where extra support would be needed moving forward.

That felt impossible to ignore.

She could not remain stuck in her mind – the fears, anxiety, and stress too heavy to continue bearing alone – for much longer. The healthier choice, much like going to the doctor when sick, was to seek out a therapist who could help her navigate everything eating away at her mind. It wouldn't be forever, but until she felt secure enough on her own to continue forward.

So she nodded, reaching out with both hands to grip onto Jay's left. Her fingers wrapped around his thumb, and she finally whispered, "Okay."

"Thank you," Jay breathed, his shoulders relaxing instantly, "Thank you. I…Hailey, you are everything to me, and I can't lose you to all the scary stuff. This isn't me pushing you onto someone else; it's me trying to help you. I promise."

"I know," she sniffled as she squeezed his hand, "I know. I would do the same. I have done the same."

Jay finally cracked a smile and tugged her closer to him. Pressing his lips to her temple, he, again, whispered, "I love you."

Hailey closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder. "Forever," she breathed in his ear.

Jay hummed and slipped his hand around her back to rub small circles over her shirt.

They stayed tangled up on their bed, Hailey's few tears releasing causing her to fully relax, until they both reached a silent agreement that they needed to finally unpack their belongings.

Over the next hour, Jay remained close, always out of the corner of Hailey's eye. He shot her a few smiles, brushed his fingers along her waist, and murmured quiet I love yous each time they passed each other throughout the apartment.

She knew he wasn't just passing her off or giving up on her. This was his version of support. This was him picking her up after her own fall. She wasn't thrown from a vehicle or left to burn on the ground, but she was still recovering from those exact injuries he'd suffered. It was okay that she needed help.

If she didn't keep repeating that fact to herself, she thought she'd lose her mind. She didn't want to disappoint Jay just like she didn't want to disappoint herself.

Help was okay.

It was okay to need help.

Support should be given.

She was worthy of care.

It almost felt like her repeated thoughts years before when she sat up late in the night, Jay's head resting against her shoulder as he slept, and told herself that it was okay to be told she was loved. She'd accepted it and appreciated hearing the words from Jay more than she could explain, but she'd been so scared that something awful would follow in the coming days. She'd be lying if she said she had a peaceful week of sleep following that night. More often than not, she found herself lying awake at night repeating the moment Jay told her he loved her over and over and over again. Those words, so simple and so Jay, had been overwhelming and had taken her breath away. After years of being told those three words paired with pain, it was hard to accept that they could be paired with anything but.

And yet they were.

They were suddenly paired with happiness and peace and a comfort she'd been longing to have for years.

It wasn't an easy pill to swallow, but she worked at it. She stayed up at night, watching her boyfriend sleep, or spent an extra five minutes in the shower, making sure her hair was free from her conditioner, repeating the same phrases within her mind:

He loves me.

He won't hurt me.

I'm worthy of being loved.

I deserve love.

Jay loves me.

I love Jay.

So here she was, beginning to slip back in that mindset of constantly reassuring herself that everything was going to work out. She needed to believe that because anything less would feel impossible. She truly didn't think she could survive another blow not just to her marriage but to herself. There wouldn't be any air left to breathe or even light in the sky. This was going to be her one chance to build herself back up and really, truly move forward with her life.

Her life.

This was going to be for her. Not just for Jay. For her.

Like coming up for air from the depths of the sea, Hailey knew therapy was going to save her. This was her moment to really live her life.

"Jay?"

Her whisper broke through the silence of the movie credits playing that night.

He hummed beneath her, his chest vibrating against her back.

"I want to do it right," she said quietly, "So I want to find the right person for me and go in it with the right mindset. I'm all in, Jay; do you know that?"

"Hailey."

Jay shifted beneath her until they were both on their sides on the couch, facing each other with less than a few inches between them. He pressed his hand up between them until he could brush his thumb over her eyebrow.

"I don't know if I've ever seen you not all in," he said.

She smiled as his words brushed over her nose.

"I'm serious," he continued, "You've always been all in at work. You've been all in throughout this entire relationship. Even when I went to Bolivia, you were all in."

"I wouldn't push it," she interrupted quietly.

Jay chuckled and nodded. "I know," he admitted, "I get it. I just mean that you didn't give up on me or us."

"I could never give up on you," Hailey replied. She looked in Jay's eyes and saw every reason she had to go to therapy plus some. "It's you," she added.

Jay smiled back and closed the distance between them until his lips were pressed to hers. "And it's you. You are so…Hailey, the love you give out, which is a lot, is all going to come back to you. You remember that?"

Hailey's face split into a smile, her renewed vows coming back to her in a rush of emotions that flooded her eyes. "How could I ever forget?" she whispered.

Jay's lips brushed against hers again before he breathed, "I don't know, but if it ever happens, if you ever begin to doubt that you deserve love, I absolutely promise that I will be here to remind you. And if we're not here on this couch, I will find you, and I will repeat those words until they are ingrained in your heart, got it?"

A tear slipped out of Hailey's eye, and she didn't even care if she'd cried much too many times today. Jay knew exactly how to pick up the shattered pieces of her soul that she'd dropped and mend them back together as if nothing had happened.

"Got it."

Closing the little distance between them, Hailey parted her lips against Jay's and tangled her legs within his. Her sweat pants bunched up against his joggers, and she could feel her stomach brush up against his as their shirts shifted with their movement.

Jay's fingers tangled in her hair, and she gasped softly into the kiss. "Damn beautiful, you deserve the world," he murmured as he tilted her head to the side, dragging his lips down her jaw.

She whimpered, her eyes fluttering against the feeling of him below her. Her heart pounded against her chest, and she could have sworn she could feel his doing the exact same.

Jay sat up with her in his lap, a soft groan escaping his throat and grazing against her ear.

"I can walk," she breathed as she pulled back enough to set a hand on the side of his face, "You don't need to carry-"

"Oh, I'm carrying you to the bedroom," Jay interrupted. He smirked and gave her one last breathtaking kiss before gripping her thighs and standing up.

She laughed softly and shook her head. With her fingers still curved around his jaw, she held his eye contact, her smile spreading as he blindly made his way to their room. "You're really okay?"

Jay scoffed and set her on the bed, already climbing over her before she could even fully lay back. "Hailey, baby, kindly-"

She laughed loudly as he began pulling her shirt off.

He tossed it to the side and, with several pointed kisses down her front to enunciate each word, said, "I am really, really okay." At the last kiss just below her navel, he tugged her sweatpants down and added, "Now, please, let me show you how I'm never going anywhere – even if you push me away or need a moment or are scared; I'm here, Hailey, I promise you."

His fingers hooked beneath the edges of her underwear, and she felt the heat of his breath hit her. With one last, quiet murmur of Forever, she closed her eyes and reached down to thread her fingers through his hair.

She moved against his tongue, only stopping when his grip tightened around her waist to hold her still. In turn, she dragged her nails down to his shoulders and tipped her head back into the blanket.

After weeks of having Jay back in this way, Hailey would have expected the excitement of it all – the heat at her core, the fluttering in her stomach, the gasps that escaped her lips – would eventually return to the usual love she felt before he'd left for Bolivia, but she had still yet to go back there. Jay's touch still made her grasp the sheets for something to ground her, and his lips could bring her the same thrill they had on their first night together. Something was different now that they'd had so much time apart from each other. It was like they realized how dark and cold the world could be without their physical, and even emotional, connection that it became a never-ending sunset now that they had it back.

Unlike a sunset, though, Hailey knew darkness wasn't going to come. She knew this sunset of happiness was going to fade into a beautiful twilight followed by a serene dawn just before the excitement of a new day. She could only anticipate better times to come with Jay. Even if she had any sort of hesitation toward starting therapy or was nervous about Jay's new job and this unknown period of their lives, she knew they could get through it. There couldn't be anything worse to come in their lives than what they'd already gone through; nothing was impossible.

With that thought crossing through her mind, Hailey gasped and let go, arching back into the bed with Jay's name tumbling from her lips. She could feel him smiling against her, turning his head to press kisses against her thigh until her legs relaxed onto the mattress. He then crawled up above her and brushed a few strands of hair from her face.

"Come here," she murmured as she draped her arms over his shoulders.

He chuckled and leaned down to kiss her slowly. "Meant it when I said you're beautiful," he breathed when he pulled back to rest his forehead to hers, "Thought it every day during our honeymoon, and nothing changed now that we're back home."

Hailey's cheeks flushed even more, but she still smiled up at him and lightly played with the back of his hair. "You're something else," she said softly, "All day, even when I've been nothing but a ball of emotions, you've been here for me and wanting me to be something better. Thank you."

"Hey, for better or for worse, right?" Jay asked, "It's you and me against everything, but this isn't even one of those worse times; this is just us trying to figure out how to best go forward. I think if we're both working on ourselves, then we're heading in the right direction for each other."

Hailey shook her head and leaned up to peck his lips. "Careful, otherwise you're going to make me cry again."

Jay laughed and sat up with his knees on either side of her hips to tug his shirt off. "Please don't cry right now, I'm not quite sure I'm strong enough myself to help you through crying during sex."

Hailey tried holding back her own laugh as she pulled him down again. Pushing against his pants, she said, "Fine, I won't cry during sex, but you can't…you…" Her words trailed off as he slid inside her and squeezed her waist.

Jay smirked and raised an eyebrow. "Am I that good?"

"Oh, shut up," Hailey finally laughed.

Kissing him with all she had, it didn't take long for her to relax back into the mattress like she'd been moments before. With her, Jay slowed down, his movements going from teasing and flirting to romantic and intentional. Their hands found each other, squeezing every few seconds to remind the other that they were there and still present even after days of doing this exact same thing in another state.

It was those little moments that reminded Hailey that all of today was her life. It wasn't a dream. She truly did have a husband that loved her unconditionally with everything he had. He knew kissing the corner of her mouth was something she thought was quietly intimate and that she really did love when he'd hold her hands above her head as they were tangled together in bed. He could read each movement and sound she made, anticipating what she was going to do and knowing how to make each second last a little longer.

When she managed to free one of her hands from his grip, she dug it into his right arm and gasped out his name again. Lifting her hips, she pressed her face up into his throat and murmured, "I love you so much."

He groaned against her ear, sending a slow heat through her that drove one of her legs up around his waist. Rocking against her, Jay turned his head to press his lips to the side of her forehead. "Love you too," he whispered.

She moaned softly and tipped her head back. She no longer cared that she'd spent much of today stressed about herself and Jay and all the little things that haunted her nightmares. This was how she decided she wanted to live:

Free.

In love.

Peaceful.

And feeling her absolute best.

Especially when Jay had to stop from sucking a mark at her collarbone to swear quietly as his hips stuttered against her own, causing them both to fall over the edge, Hailey found her mind free of anything but Jay. As her eyes squeezed shut and legs tightened around him, she couldn't even remember anything that had worried her earlier. All she knew was that this moment, here with Jay in their home in Chicago, was how she wanted to feel for the rest of forever.

Hailey didn't even know what time it was when she found herself sitting up against her pillows with Jay's head resting in her lap. She sipped at a glass of water he'd just gotten her and slowly ran her hand over his bare chest.

They'd spent the remainder of their evening eating pizza at the kitchen island because she'd missed deep dish too much before stumbling back to bed together. Even if the two times after that weren't nearly as slow as it was previously, Hailey couldn't help but lose herself in the moment. It was fun and filled with Jay and everything home needed to be.

"You're gonna make me fall asleep," Jay eventually whispered, his eyes half-closed as his head lolled slightly against her.

"Then sleep," she breathed, "I don't mind."

"I do," he replied, "I'm staying up tonight to keep your nightmares away."

Hailey raised an eyebrow and stopped brushing her fingers along a mark she may or may not have made earlier on Jay's skin. "Sorry?"

Jay wiped a hand over his face to brush the sleep away and said, "I'm protecting you tonight."

"Jay," she weakly laughed, "You…you can't do that. It's not possible, and I can't ask that of you. You have to go in to the academy tomorrow and review the curriculum. You can't be tired."

"It's possible," he said, "And I'm going to do it. I was looking it up earlier. We'll get you comfortable before bed, keep your phone away, and practice some breathing stuff – probably the same stuff you do for yoga. I'll keep you safe. Plus, we just had that one beer with the pizza, so that won't be an issue, and don't forget the exercise we-"

"We did not exercise," Hailey laughed exasperatedly, still in shock at all Jay was saying.

"Oh, yes we did," Jay chuckled, "When you did that thing with your leg. Swear to god I was almost done right there."

"Okay, stop," Hailey said, a smile still teasing her face, "Jay, back up and-and just stop. This is silly. You don't need-"

"Would you shut up?"

Hailey's eyes widened, and her hand stopped its gentle movements against his chest.

Jay sat up quickly and turned to face her. "Hailey, you're not going to go through this alone again. When you last had all those nightmares and couldn't sleep two years ago, I felt like I was doing a decent job at helping you out. We tried the tea and the night showers and I'd rub your back and-and whatever else there was, but I still ended up falling asleep before you would. Do you realize how crappy I felt when I'd wake up and see the circles under your eyes? I've been there, Hail, I know how scary it can be to have this thing haunting you when you're trying to sleep, and yet I still fell asleep and left you alone. I can't do that again. I won't let you do that again. You have been taking care of me for the last few months; let me take care of you."

Hailey hated that her eyes watered at his words. She shook her head in an attempt to clear them and wiped at her face.

All day had been about her. Even while they were having sex, she knew everything Jay was doing was for her and not his own will. One day could be about her, but she refused to have endless nights dedicated to her well-being while his own was pushed to the side.

"No," she said simply.

Jay looked shocked and repeated, "No?"

"No," she confirmed. Taking a deep breath, she set her hands on either side of his face and brushed her thumbs under his eyes. "Today has been incredible," she whispered, "I felt so loved and cared for, but Jay, the last few days almost felt even better. When we were in Holland, we were a team. Everything we did was for each other. I want that to continue here. Just because I'm hurting doesn't mean you're not. Maybe I had the nightmares, but you still have some scary and stressful stuff coming too. We're not going to ignore you while focusing on me. That's not fair, and I don't want our renewed marriage to be that. Does that make sense?"

Jay studied her for a moment, his gaze unable to break away from her own, and then he finally nodded. He set a hand on her thigh and stroked his thumb along the edge of her underwear. "I was hoping I was making up for all you did for me before."

"Jay," she breathed, "You don't have to do that. I promise you. That was different. You were in the hospital and had an arm in a sling; you couldn't even get dressed by yourself and were taking so much medicine. This is stress and nightmares; it's manageable and doesn't deserve me getting all your attention so that you're not taking care of yourself. You and I, from now on, we're going through all of this together. Yes, we'll do our individual therapy and accept help from friends, but none of this is going to be a one hundred percent me or a one hundred percent you thing. We're going at it fifty/fifty. Okay? I support you, you support me, we go through everything together. As a team. That's how I want to tackle my nightmares: with you by my side and me by yours, not with you taking the lead and ignoring yourself."

A smile flickered across Jay's face, and Hailey knew what she'd said had registered with him. Relaxing, she slipped her hands down to the sides of his neck and tilted her head to the side as she waited for him to reply.

"I'll accept your offer, but I also have a rebuttal."

Hailey laughed softly and raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"Sometimes, we have to shift to sixty/forty or even seventy/thirty," Jay said, "We're a team, yes, but sometimes we might need extra help and that's okay. So, tonight, I'll still get you the melatonin and rub your back and hold you until I know you know you're safe, but I promise to fall asleep myself to prepare for tomorrow. And, going forward, we'll keep at this give and pull. Deal?"

Hailey quickly and easily nodded. "Deal. Yes. That's fair."

Jay smiled and put his hand out. "Shake on it."

Laughing, Hailey gripped his hand, shook once, and leaned forward to kiss him. "I love you," she murmured against his lips.

"I love you too," Jay breathed. He gently squeezed her thigh then turned to grab out a small bottle from his drawer. He first passed her one of the blue melatonin pills before laying down and lightly patting his chest. "Now, take that and get over here. My turn to be the pillow."

Hailey laughed harder and didn't hesitate to pop the pill in her mouth. Swallowing it with a sip of water, she did as he asked and rested her head on his chest.

Jay hummed and slipped an arm around her. He kissed the top of her head and said, "I'll be here all night, I promise."

"I know," she replied, "I trust you."

Jay smiled against her skin, and she relaxed with a soft sigh. Closing her eyes, Hailey curled up into him and actually believed him: she wasn't going to have a nightmare because he was here. He'd done his best to clear her mind and ease the underlying fears that existed within her.

And with the eventual help she was to receive, she knew that things were going to work out. Maybe her nightmares would return in small doses, but she'd be able to get through them. She was going to survive.

This was just the beginning of her taking control of her life with Jay.

A/N: Let me know what you think? :) Talk next week!