Chapter 20

It was only a few days later that we reached the anniversary of Mom's death once again.

I would say I woke up in a bad mood, but that would be a lie; I went to sleep in a bad fucking mood. In fact, I'd been in a bad mood since I walked out of that stupid banquet hall that, in reality, I had no right to walk into in the first place. It was for the educated and the wealthy and the talented, all of which I am not.

I haven't seen or heard from Bella since then.

Of course, this didn't prevent her from taking up all of the space in my mind. I thought of her every minute of every day, more so than I had in the past. The vision of her eyes meeting mine as she sang to a crowd of rich losers, as if she was only seeing me. The memory of her above me, whimpering my name as I knelt between her legs…

I fucked up at least three different orders at work the following two days, and I couldn't even blame it on being hungover like I usually did, because I wasn't. I only had a few drinks the night of the Gala bullshit, and I did nothing but work and sleep the day after. It was her, fucking with me even when she wasn't anywhere near me, wasn't even talking to me. She was so deep in my head that I could not function basic human tasks without malfunctioning halfway through when something reminded me of her- not that I needed reminding. She was always there, in the forefront of my mind, mocking me with her silence. Mocking me every time I took a shit and looked down at the letter 'B' on my thigh.

It was becoming torturous.

I was dreaming of Bella, of course, when Alice barged in my room that morning.

"Wake up, brother. Time to go visit Mommy."

The four of us, Carlisle, Esme, Alice and myself, caravaned to the cemetery in the big luxury car my Uncle rented for the week he was here. Personally, I would be afraid to leave this thing in a cemetery parking lot on the South Side, but I wasn't in the mood to say anything about it, so I didn't. Carlisle is from here, anyway- he should know better.

We stopped to buy a floral arrangement for Mom's grave, per Esme's recommendation. Alice went inside the shop with her while I sat in the car with Carlisle. He was speaking to me about something, but I didn't hear a word of it. My mind was swimming with thoughts of Bella and thoughts of my Mom and thoughts of what Mom would have thought of Bella. I'm sure she would have loved her, had she gotten the chance to know her.

Would Bella even have given her that chance?

If I knew anything about Bella, and I'd love to believe I did, it was that she was not always…overly friendly. Her cool demeanor towards everyone was one of the things that attracted me to her in the first place. The way she warmed around me as we spent more time together… That's probably what made me fall in love with her.

She claimed she loved me back then, but still, would it have been enough to keep her so close to me that she learned to love my mother, too?

It was just simply something I would never know. And it was killing me.

I didn't say much on the walk over to Mom's grave. I tried to listen when Esme persuaded Alice to say a few words, but I couldn't fucking focus. The same thoughts were rolling through my head over and over again; thoughts of Mom and how pretty she was, how much I loved her. Thoughts of Bella, as always, and how pathetically obsessed I was with her. Thoughts of them together, in a world that would never exist where I could finally, finally be happy. Happy in a way I was when Mom was alive, the kind of happy I felt with Bella in my arms every night.

I stood next to my sister as she spoke to a fucking headstone, wishing I could feel Mom's presence at this grave the way Alice seemed to. Carlisle and Esme stood back as I wrapped my arms around Alice and hugged her as she cried. I heard my Uncle sniffle, and I understood his pain for the first time; I loved Alice so much. She was the only person in the world who truly understood me, truly understood what I went through. Because she went through it, too, and she was better for it.

She was a pain in my ass, but, in a way, she was also kind of my hero. Bold and brave and kind to my envy and my anger and my resentment.

She was just like my mother, and in that sense, I was just like Carlisle.

I gazed over at my Uncle as the awe of this realization washed over me.

"Kids?" Another voice came from behind me, setting a starch reality in front of me.

It was Dad.

Alice and I both turned to look at him at the same time. I heard her breathing hitch as she took in the bouquet of flowers he clenched in his fist, clearly picked from the side of the road.

"I didn't know you kids still came to visit your mother…" He spoke quietly as he approached us.

"I didn't know you came either." I retorted, a bit harsher than I'd intended. In his own shitty way, it was nice that he came here. It was, at the very least, evidence he still held some kind of love in his heart.

"That's a beautiful bouquet, Dad." Alice was quiet, too, as she smiled up at our father. He smiled back, taking a step closer to us. Alice broke from my grasp, heading towards Dad with open arms, before he stopped in his tracks.

"What the fuck is he doing here?" He spat through clenched teeth, staring behind me.

I knew in that instant we were about to have a serious fucking problem.

"Dad?" Alice squeaked out, but he brushed past her, brushed past me, and approached Carlisle and Esme.

"What fucking right do you have to be here?" He was yelling already, spit flying from his mouth into his brother-in-law's face. "She was my fucking wife! She's the mother of my fucking kids!"

"Ed," Carlisle's voice was calm and collected. "She was my sister. I wanted to take the kids here-"

"It's not your right!" Dad interrupted, his arms flailing wildly as he screamed. "Its my fucking right to take my kids to see their mother! You have no right!"

It happened very fast from there. Dad's fist flew towards Carlise's face as Esme screamed. Carlisle dodged it, fast and sober to Dad's slow drunkenness. Alice called out, stepping towards the two of them, but I grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to me.

Then, Carlisle's knuckles connected with the side of Dad's face.

"You MOTHERFUCKER!" Dad roared, leaping at Uncle Carlisle and knocking him to the ground. My ears were ringing at the sound of Esme's screeches, and I watched as my father's blow to Carlisle's nose drew blood, and suddenly, I was there, knocking Dad off of my Uncle and pounding my fists into his face.

"You piece of shit! You fucking piece of shit!" I heard myself yelling as I beat on him, but my voice felt foreign and far away. "I fucking hate you, do you know that? I hate you so fucking much-"

In my blind rage, I missed the way he managed to unpin his arm from under me. I only realized what happened when pain shot across my jaw and the world flipped; he had gotten on top of me.

I knew that my family was screaming, but I could barely hear them over the sound of fists connecting with face. Suddenly, I had no fight in me at all. I laid still on the ground, feeling blow after painful blow from my own father's hands as they repreadly made contact with my eyes, my nose, my lips.

I couldn't tell you how long it went on for. All I know is when the light started dimming, and the pain started to numb, I was glad that it would all be over soon.

I woke up only a few moments later to a police officer dragging my father off of me.

"Are you okay, son?" He asked, pushing me down as I tried to sit up. "We should probably get an ambulance out here to check you out."

"No, please." I groaned, attempting to sit up once again. This time he let me.

My head was fucking pounding, and my throat scratched when I tried to speak. "I don't need an ambulance."

The officer made a face as he studied me. "I don't know about that, kid…"

"It's okay, Officer." Carlisle's voice came from behind me. I couldn't turn my head to look at him. "I'm a doctor. I'll take him to the ER, I know a few people there who can help him out."

Just like he used to, Carlisle was here to fix me all up. He would make me better and beg me to come live with him, and I would decline, same as ever.

Esme took Alice home after dropping me and Carlisle off at the hospital. Alice was inconsolable, weeping and yelling and me and my Uncle for 'provoking" my father. It was total bullshit, and I knew she knew it, but I remained silent for the entirety of the car ride. My face was fucking killing me. I could barely see out of my left eye, and my lower lip was bleeding so consistently that I was sure I would never get the taste of blood out of my mouth.

An X-ray led to a cast on my wrist, and they had to stitch up my eyebrow and my lip. The sensation of those threads every time I closed my mouth was somehow more irritating than the pain radiating throughout my entire body.

The taxi Carlisle called for us pulled over in front of the house. He paid the driver before turning to me and sighing.

"Listen, Edward. I'm sorry it came to that. I would never have hit him if I thought…"

I put my hand up, silencing him. It took me a moment to work through the pain killer-induced haze I was in before I could speak.

"It's fine. He deserved to get hit."

Carsisle snorted. "That's the fucking understatement of the century."

I said nothing in response, just gazed over at my Uncle as I waited for him to get on with whatever he wanted to say.

He sighed again. "I'm taking your Aunt back home tonight. She's already at the hotel, packing. This whole thing really shook her up. I know we were supposed to stay a few more days…"

"Did you tell Alice?" I interrupted.

He nodded. "Esme did."

"Great. It's about time someone else broke her fucking heart."

"Edward…" Carlisle started, but I'd heard enough. I hopped out of the car, slamming the door behind me, just so he knew that I was fucking pissed.

At least I didn't wait around long enough to listen to him beg me to come with them.

The cab quickly pulled away, un-obscuring the view of the rest of the block.

Even though I could only see out of my right eye, my vision fixated on her instantly. Bella was in her front yard, lounging on a lawn chair in the late afternoon sun. She was only wearing a bikini top and shorts, an obvious attempt at tanning. The idea made me chuckle; Bella was notoriously alabaster. I could not imagine her with any more color to her skin than she had right now, which was not much.

Jake was on his own lounge chair next to her. It took me a minute to notice him, most likely because I was kind of high from the percs they gave me at the hospital, but maybe it was just because all I could see was Bella.

Both had on dark sunglasses, so I couldn't tell if they could see me or not. I assumed no- I don't think Jake would have been capable of keeping his big fucking mouth shut with company around, but you never know. Bella has obviously been avoiding me the past couple of days; maybe she got him in on it.

That's what they call a silver lining.

Of course, it was too good to be true.

Jake popped up in his chair, pointing at me.

"Yo, Edward! Where you been, man?"

Bella tensed next to him, but did not look up.

Jake pulled his sunglasses off, gazing at me. "Wait, what happened to your face?"

Somehow that warranted Bella's attention. She sat up, losing her sunglasses as well as she looked at me.

The first thing out of her mouth was: "What the fuck?"

It made me laugh. I couldn't help it- she was just so brute and absurd. Okay, yeah, and I was high.

Suddenly, she was running barefoot across the street, approaching me. Jake leisurely followed behind her, obviously only mildly interested in my new battle wounds.

"What the fuck happened to you, Edward?" Her voice was quiet as she examined my face. "Who did this to you?"

I scoffed. "You should see the other guy."

"Fuck, Edward! Tell me!" Her voice cracked on her words as she demanded answers from me.

Of course I noticed her inching ever closer to me as her eyes swept across my face, taking in one wound to the next. Her hands shot out when she noticed the cast around my wrist, gently pulling it into her grasp.

It seemed, for the first time, Jake noticed, too.

"Hey, uh, Bells. Give him some space. He's looking pretty gnarly."

My eyes shot to him, glaring daggers. "I'm fucking fine, Jacob."

"Edward!"

I looked back down at Bella, the only place I wanted to be looking. "Yes?"

"Are you okay?"

An incredulous laugh shot out of me before I could stop it. "That's a loaded question, Bella."

"I-I just…" She stuttered out, her big brown eyes imploring mine to just talk to her.

A familiar feeling.

"Got into it with Dad. It's cool, I'm okay. Carlisle took me to the ER and gave me twenty bucks, so really, I should be pretty stoked it happened! I'm better off than I was a few hours ago! Maybe I can even afford to feed my fucking sister tonight, though she can't stand to even look at me, so I don't think Carlisle thought this through enough."

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about, Edward." Desperation grew in her voice, causing Jake to take another step closer to her.

Closer to me, too. My hands ached to reach out at hit him- it made me clench my fists, which fucking hurt the broken one, so I flinched. Bella winced.

"Maybe we should just let him get some rest. Right, Edward? You're gonna be okay, dude."

This time, I did not even grace him with my eye contact. "Yeah, dude. I'm gonna be fine. Go back to soaking up the sun or whatever the fuck else you guys were doing."

"Edward-" Bella started, but I turned away. Something about the conversation made me sick to my stomach; I had to get away.

I was, actually, sick, but I managed to make it to the upstairs bathroom before I blew chunks all over the place.

When I had finally released the contents of my stomach, I very nearly crawled to my bedroom. I hauled myself onto my bed- over the covers and no where near my pillow, but the second my head hit the sheets- I was out.