I barely slept that first night in the hospital. He had the serious chest wound, and he'd also been shot several times in his leg, which would eventually need surgery to set correctly. He was pumped full of healing serum, and I was told the only thing we could do was wait.
I'm not exactly a patient person.
It only took Eric two days to fully wake up, and when his silver eyes met mine, I didn't see the hostility I expected. It was apparent that he was confused, and between his doctors, nurses and me we were able to explain what had happened to him. He had gotten the best healing serum that Erudite offered after Tobias used his full authority to order it, and it was apparent that it was working extremely well.
Once they had pronounced him stable, they'd taken him back for the necessary surgery for his broken leg, and he'd returned with some sort of terrifying traction device to keep it stable. Even though it looked awful, he'd assured me he was in no pain due to the strong medication they'd given him, and I realized that his altered mood towards me may be a side affect of the drugs.
His medical team had allowed Tobias to visit, and even though I wanted to give them some privacy, when Eric asked me to stay with him, I melted.
I listened as Tobias explained how successful their operative had been, even though they had many serious injuries like Eric's, thus far they'd lost no one. Evelyn was still on the run, but he told Eric how his intel had led to the disarming of the factionless and disassembling of the weapon caches the factionless had commandeered from Jeanine. Eric asked a lot of questions, sounding every bit like the leader he once was, and Tobias answered them as if nothing had changed with Eric's status. I was relatively certain that he would be placed back into leadership once he'd recovered, perhaps even in head leadership if Tobias was willing. The biggest change I could see was the lack of hostility between the two men, and Eric even thanked Tobias before he left for helping to save his life.
A nurse came in and administered his pain medication, and the peace serum I knew they were keeping him under to control his anger and anxiety. Once we were alone again, he beckoned me over to his bed, and I gingerly sat in the chair next to him, "I read the entire thing." He says without wasting any time. I don't answer, I simply look down at the floor, "I'm sorry for the way I treated you when they restored my memories."
"I appreciate the apology." I reply, "I'm also so grateful to be talking to you right now. You scared us all. I don't have to stay here, and we don't have to talk about anything. You read it; you now know we had a fling in the mental hospital."
"Is that all it was to you?" He asks and my eyes flicker back down to the floor, "I read it, Tris. It's my own words, in my handwriting, talking about the hell you went through here, and how you ended up there. It's how I felt in there. It wasn't just some hookup, we went through that shit together, and according to Myron you were the only one who didn't give up on me there. So, was it just a fling to you?"
"How am I supposed to answer that? You don't remember any of it; I can't possibly expect you to read a journal and magically fall in love with me." I argue.
"I wrote that I already loved you, and that you were terrified that we'd never have that again once my memory was restored. I wrote that you felt the exact same way." He retorts.
"What do you want me to say, Eric?" I ask and swallow back the lump in my throat.
"I'm not willing to just throw it away. Are you?" He asks.
"You may have someone here-"
"I don't." He cuts in, "I will admit that I didn't want to read the journal. I've been angry, they took my fucking memory, and the war I did everything in my power to stop happened anyway. I thought my brother was alive, and then found out I lost him because of that war. He was my best friend, and I'd done everything I could to protect him. His divergence got him killed."
"I'm so sorry, Eric. That must have been incredibly hard for you." I reply.
"You're the only person that I know who could possibly understand how that feels." He replies and I nod, "There's no one for me here, I had my brother here and my job. From what I now understand, you and I were together and were happy, even under the circumstances."
"We were." I agree.
"I'm willing to try." He states.
"Why?" I ask.
"Because you have been kind to me when you had no reason to be." He offers.
I shake my head, "Kindness isn't enough, Eric, not when I feel the way I do for you, and have you have no fucking idea who I even am outside of the Stiff you'd practically written off during my initiation."
"You don't get it, do you?"
"Get what?" I counter.
"No, you probably don't, not when I don't even myself," He murmurs and I can tell the medications and serum have started to greatly impact him. I'm tempted to interrupt him to tell him to rest, but I keep my mouth clamped shut as he continues, "You... you're everything... and I don't remember it but I know it, okay?" His silver eyes bore into mine.
"Know what, Eric?" I ask shakily.
"You... fuck... Tris, you are the only person I am capable of loving. You. Just...just give me a chance to do it, to get back to where we were, okay?"
"Eric-"
He cuts me off, "I don't know who I was there, but from what Myron said I was just as combative and angry when I was brought there." He replies.
"You were."
"You gave me a chance anyway." He counters, "I'm asking you to give me a chance again." He says with an obvious slur to his words.
"You're heavily medicated, Eric, this isn't the time to have this conversation." I reply and before he has a chance to argue his doctor arrives for an assessment and I managed to quietly slip out of the room.
I went back to work while Eric was hospitalized and would spend my time off with him. We'd spent our time getting to know each other, and thankfully he never brought up what he'd read in the journal about what led me to being institutionalized. There seemed to be an unspoken agreement that we acknowledged what had happened to bring me to the institution, but we didn't need to relive it. Myron had started doing video sessions with each of us, and we were slowly healing.
Eric was discharged from the hospital a little over a week after being shot. He was frustrated that he couldn't join in the search for Evelyn, but with his injuries he still needed help getting around. I had temporarily moved from Zeke's apartment to Eric's so he wouldn't be alone in the shape he was in, and he reluctantly let me help him so he could allow his body the rest it needed to heal.
I had started to see glimpses of the Eric I had fallen in love with back in the institution. Just like I had predicted, the memory wipe couldn't change who he is.
"This is really good." He'd commented during dinner. I'd made him chicken marsala, which he'd once told me was his favorite.
"You sound surprised." I quipped.
"You're from Abnegation, aren't seasonings illegal there?" He smirked at me.
"I'm not in Abnegation anymore, am I?"
"No." His silver eyes trail over me. I'm wearing a tight tank top and a pair of his sweats, rolled over at the waist, but the way he looks at me you'd think I was naked. I shiver, and he notices, "You okay?"
"Peachy." I reply.
"You blush when you lie." He replied in a low voice.
"I blush when I breathe, Eric. Have you not noticed how pale I am?"
"I've noticed. You're beautiful, Tris. I've always noticed everything about you." He replies and I meet his eyes.
"You got shot less than two weeks ago, don't even think about it."
He laughs, "I always think about it, I won't lie. Will you answer some questions about our time together?" He asks.
"Maybe." I reply.
"Did you enjoy it?" He asks and I furrow my brow at him in confusion, "Was I any good, at sex I mean?"
"You had been memory wiped, Eric. I didn't expect a porn-worthy performance." I retort and he laughs.
"I hope you don't expect it with my memory back. It's not like I've ever done more than drunkenly hook up. I didn't have much time for anything else." He shrugs.
"Trust me, you have nothing to worry about." I smile at him, and he can't stop the wide grin on his face.
"Do you still love me?" He asks, and I simply nod, "The same as when we were there?"
I don't even have to ask where "there" is, but I pause and try to gather my thoughts, "Before you took the restoration serum, I told you that I would love you no matter what happened."
"That doesn't specifically answer my question." He presses.
"Yes, I still love you."
"Myron told me I needed to be careful, and now I get it," He replies, and I gesture for him to continue, "he told me that I needed to be sure of my feelings before we went any further. I am certain that I am physically attracted to you, but unless this," he points once to his head, and once at his heart, "catches up, I've got to be chill. I don't want you to read that as something bad, and I don't want you to get it in your head that this is just physical for me."
"You're recovering from serious injuries, it's not like I expected to jump back into bed with you." I scoff.
"I respect you, and I wanted to be up front about how I feel." Eric looks almost shy as he says this, and without thinking I reach for his free hand, squeezing it with my own. He grips it before I can pull it back, and he brings it to his lips and presses them gently to it before letting it go.
"You're still in there, Eric. I have faith." I reply and he stares at me, "Now eat your dinner before I steal it."
He chuckles, but he begins eating again. The butterflies in my stomach settle a little.
Eric had been home for a little over two weeks and recovering nicely before Tobias came to see me directly instead of Eric. I had become accustomed to finding Tobias in the apartment when I'd come home from work, but it was always for Eric and not me. Eric was going stir crazy not being able to participate in the search for Evelyn, so the compromise they'd come up with was a debrief any time Tobias was back in the faction. It kept Eric's frustrations down to a dull roar.
He purposely caught me during one of my shifts in the control room, one that Zeke was not working, and I smirked at him when he dropped into the chair next to me.
"When are you going to stop avoiding Zeke?"
"When he no longer looks like he wants to cut my nuts off for being with Shauna." He sighed, "I feel like a coward, but he was my best friend, and I inadvertently swooped in and stole his girl.
"How long after transferring did you and Shauna start dating?" I ask and I can tell I've caught him off guard.
"I should have known you'd eventually ask that." He sighs. "It was about three weeks in."
"I wish you have of told me that you had no intention of waiting. I know I was stupid to think you would."
"You weren't stupid. I had every intention of waiting, I loved you and wanted to be with you, but when I met her there was an intense connection. It was confusing, especially since I suspected Zeke had a thing for her and he and I were becoming good friends too. I do owe you an apology, when you transferred, I didn't treat you, or our relationship with the respect I should have." He says with sincerity.
"I appreciate the apology, and I accept it. I knew when I got here that things with you and I were done. Neither of us remained committed to each other, that should have been our first clue." I reply and he nods.
"I had a feeling that Abe would eventually wear you down, he'd loved you for a long time." Tobias smiles at me.
"He was a sweet guy, but as you know, I am not cut out for Amity, or for a Amity man." I smirk.
Tobias laughs, and it's a beautiful sound, something I have missed for so long, "Eric seems to be doing well."
I nod, "He is healing fast. That new serum is incredible. I appreciate you pushing for him to get it."
"Are you two okay?" He asks and I arch an eyebrow, "Why am I getting that look?"
"We're getting to know each other again." I reply. "Even though he and I have talked frankly about what happened between us while we were both in the institution, we're taking things slow."
"I'm going to ask him to return to leadership when he's cleared for duty. The team is actually in favor of making him the head leader." He says and I can tell he's digging.
"Just ask me what you want to know."
"Do you think he'll come back?" He asks.
"It's something he and I have discussed, but for a definite answer you need to talk to him."
"I have. He's hesitant." Tobias replies.
"And you think that I can convince him?" I counter.
"He seems hesitant because of things with you. It's not my place to share the entire conversation, however I think you two should clear the air." Tobias explains.
Things with Eric had been difficult, at best. He'd go from sexual innuendos, to caring and sweet and back to an arrogant asshole before I could even blink. The tension was high between us, and I'd been spending more time away from the apartment when there was someone else around to visit with him as a result.
"Why would I have any bearing on his decision?"
Tobias smiles, that lopsided grin that always made my heart flutter, "He may not remember everything that happened before he came back here, but he's very aware of you now, and he's somehow stuck in his own head because of it. Just talk to him, please?"
I finally agree, and with a quick hug he's out the door.