Chapter 10 - We Know We Survive (TPM)

Author's Note: Ashla has a moment with Obi-Wan. And a vision. Among other things. :D

~ Amina Gila

We find ourselves on the landing platform, Anakin and I standing next to Artoo where the droid is perched at the edge, watching the passing traffic. It is beautiful here at night, but I'm worn out after the events of the past few days. I can't understand this, any of this. Why do things have to be like this? I feel so lost and alone, and Anakin's situation is worsening everything. I can't go on to become a Jedi when he can't. It's not what friends do.

I want to try to make Anakin feel better, but I don't have any idea how. Telling him that everything will be alright is the most pointless thing I could do, because there's no way I could make sure of it, and never mind that it's probably a lie anyway. No, nothing will be alright. Not now, and probably not ever again. Life itself is trying to tear us apart, and if I hold on to him, I have to let go of Ahsoka. I can't bear to let either go, not when I just got her back. But Anakin needs me, now more than ever. And now that Shmi's not here to make the decision for me, I have no idea what to choose.

"I stay with you," I offer finally, ignoring the pain threatening to rip me apart.

"You just found Ahsoka," he reminds. There's something about him right now that's almost vulnerable, and I hate it. Anakin isn't supposed to feel like that. He might be hurt, but he always fixes things.

"I not leave you," I insist. Anakin looks up, a tinge of relief through the pain lingering in his expression. I step forwards, wrapping my arms around him, not letting go even when I hear the voices of the approaching Jedi.

"Don't give your life for me, Ash," Anakin argues, even as he squeezes me tightly. "You deserve this."

"No," I argue fiercely, "I not leave you. You go, I go." I'm not leaving him. Not ever.

"It's not disrespect, Master, it's the truth!" Obi-Wan is saying angrily. At least they're talking, but given their tones, it's probably hardly any better. Seriously, why do adults always do that, and not just talk things out? I thought I heard that was part of growing up...?

"From your point of view."

"The boy is dangerous! They all sense it. Why can't you?"

"What?" I half-whisper, half-squeak. Dangerous? Why would they even consider something so completely ridiculous? I've never seen anyone as selfless as Anakin. I know he has a temper, but how could anyone blame him for it? It's a part of him. It doesn't make him any less compassionate or forgiving.

"His fate is uncertain, not dangerous," Qui-Gon replies angrily. "The Council will decide Anakin's future. That should be enough for you. Now get on board!" Obi-Wan spins around, stalking up the ramp and disappearing into the ship. I watch him leaving, unable to help feeling a sharp sting. I'd been trying to be friends with him, almost considered him one. Why is he acting like this? I get he's upset, but that doesn't justify bulling Anakin! It's not his fault this is happening!

Apparently, Anakin has other thoughts while I'm seriously contemplating the prospect of knocking Obi-Wan over the head with something – not that it's a good idea seeing as he's a Jedi (and I'm a slave... ex-slave now). He slips out from behind Artoo, heading over to Qui-Gon. "Master Qui-Gon, sir, I do not wish to be a problem."

"You won't be, Ani," Qui-Gon assures him, crouching so they're at eye-level. "I'm not allowed to train you, so I want you to watch me and be mindful. Always remember, your focus determines your reality. Stay close to me, and you will be safe." I'm grateful that at least he cares for us and will take care of us. I'm still upset about Obi-Wan, though.

"I've been wondering..." Anakin murmurs hesitantly. "What are midi-chlorians?"

"Midi-chlorians are a microscopic lifeform that reside within all living cells and communicates with the Force," he explains. I blink at him in confusion. What is that supposed to mean?

"They live inside of us?" Anakin inquires curiously.

"In your cells. We are symbionts with the midi-chlorians," Qui-Gon says.

I move out from behind Artoo, slowly approaching the two, watching curiously.

"Symbionts?" Anakin somehow managed to repeat the word without mispronouncing it.

"Life forms living together for mutual advantage. Without the midi-chlorians, life could not exist, and we would have no knowledge of the Force. They continually speak to you, telling you the will of the Force."

"They do?" I ask, eyes darting between the two. I only half-understand a single syllable he's saying. It doesn't make much sense to me.

"When you learn to quiet your mind, you will hear them speaking to you," Qui-Gon explains.

"I don't understand," Anakin says finally.

"With time and training, Ani, you will," the Jedi Master reassures him. He stands up as a speeder flies towards us, and a group of people with the Queen approaches us. She's surrounded by her handmaidens, though I still can't spot Padme from among them. I do notice Jar Jar there though, which is a good thing. Maybe he'll be able to make sure we're not bored during the journey.

"Your Highness, it is our pleasure to continue to serve and protect you," Qui-Gon says.

"I welcome your help. Senator Palpatine fears the Federation means to destroy me," Queen Amidala informs him.

"I promise you I will not let that happen," the Jedi assures. The Queen boards the ship, disappearing from sight with her handmaidens. Why isn't Padme here? I miss her already. I may not have known her for long, but she was still a friend. And I really, really want someone who I can vent to. I can't bring the mood down with Jar Jar.

"Wesa goen home!" Jar Jar exclaims cheerfully, heading up the ramp after the others. Anakin and I board last, Artoo rolling behind. Within moments, I feel the familiar vibrations of the ship beneath me.

Mission one, go find Obi-Wan and figure out what in the world is wrong with him. Mission two, try to figure out exactly where Padme is. Mission three... go to bed.

Anakin disappears into the cockpit, and I head out on a search for Obi-Wan. It doesn't take long for me to finally track him to the area right outside the Queen's quarters of the ship.

I step in the door every intent at yelling at him but the urge dampens a little when I see him. He's still angry. I know that – brooding in silence, because no one wants to listen to me. And why would anybody? I'm just annoying, anyhow. The conversation earlier has clearly upset him, though he's doing a surprisingly good job at hiding it, but I can still see it. I am not blind.

I remember him telling Qui-Gon not to defy the Council, and he did it anyway, to protect Anakin and I, and I – I'm angry at Obi-Wan, but maybe, I feel the tiniest bit bad for him, too. Just a very tiny bit.

"You 'lright?" I ask, walking up to him.

He looks mildly surprised I ask, but brushes it off with a quick, "I'm fine."

"Not," I reply flatly, annoyed by his refusal to answer. "You upset. What wrong?" When he doesn't answer right away, I move closer. "Tell me. It help." I give him my best please smile. I think it's the best way to start talking, anyway.

"I'm fine. You don't have a reason to worry about me," Obi-Wan insists.

I huff. Fine. Since he won't talk, I'll have to try and figure out the problem myself. It's not hard. He probably took how Qui-Gon was acting earlier as him choosing Anakin over him in the – he's sticky about rules, right? Like Cotan? It's not that hard. He's more worried about his master than us. You can't talk back to the Council, can you? And now, I hate my inability to speak proper Basic even more.

"Qui-Gon not choosing Ani over you," I assure him seriously. "He promise Shmi... to take care of us." I bite my lip, suddenly feeling nervous, but I know I need to say it. "He has no one anymore..." I let my gaze wander across the room for a moment before raising my eyes to meet Obi-Wan's again. "We have no one, anymore. Ani and I need him."

He looks slightly surprised, though he offers me a smile. "Thank you, Ashla."

I just grin at him, feeling a lot lighter than I have since before we went into the Council chambers.

"How would you know that's how I was feeling?" he asks curiously.

"Cou – they mean," I declare firmly. I cannot remember how to pronounce 'Council' anymore. "You scared of them. Can't argue them. Helping people means you be hurt, and you don't want to lose Qui-Gon."

Obi-Wan stares at me. He looks thoroughly dumbfounded.

"Maybe you talk to him 'bout it," I suggest, twitching slightly as I remember that I left Anakin in the cockpit. I really need to go find him. He needs me. "An' stop being mean to Ani. S'not nice." I scamper off as I spot a few more people heading towards the room, leaving Obi-Wan behind with an incredulous look on his face.

Except making Anakin feel better... that will be a whole lot harder. It takes a while, but I eventually manage to find him sitting in the room we'd slept in the previous night. He's in the corner, looking altogether too alone. "Ani?" I ask cautiously, hurrying to him.

When he raises his head, the pain still crushing him is obvious. I wish there was something I could do to make him feel better, but there's not. Nothing will ever be able to replace the life that was just ripped away from him. I sit next to Anakin, wrapping my arms around him. He doesn't say anything but slips an arm around me.

I'm not sure how long it's been, but I wake up to hearing Obi-Wan insisting that we have something to eat before going to bed.

"Not hungry," I reply flatly, ignoring my stomach when it growls. How could I possibly be able to eat anything after everything that's happened?

Obi-Wan does not look impressed. "You haven't eaten since this morning." Sure, but still...

Anakin gives in first. "Okay, fine. Come on, Ashla."

**w**

It had taken a lot of coaxing, but Obi-Wan finally managed to convince me to take a few bites, whereupon I promptly realized that my stomach is still a bottomless pit after all, but after that, sleep comes instantly. I'm completely worn out from earlier.

A strange image dances before my eyes, the blurry features slowly smoothing out into a teenage Togruta. Estimating, she's around seventeen. Bright blue eyes stare at me, seeing my very soul. My eyes, I realize disconcertingly, recognizing the white markings around her eyes as my own.

"He needs you," she says.

I raise an eyemarking, curious. "Who are you?"

A slight smile appears on her bright orange face. "You."

"Me?" I repeat disbelievingly. I'm dreaming of my future-self? And if it's a dream? How do I know it's a dream? You're never supposed to know that you're dreaming. Right?

"Stay with Anakin, whatever it takes," she continues, ignoring my question. "He needs you, now more than ever. Hold on to him, and you'll pull through. He's your family... so is Ahsoka. Watch over them. And just remember, young one, you were never meant to be a Jedi."

The image disappears as I blink awake, turning over without moving away from Anakin. We slept next to each other again, but Obi-Wan is a short distance away thanks to our insistence. I'm surprised Anakin can stand to have him so close after what happened earlier, but it makes me feel protected to have him nearby... even if I still want to hit him.

I'm not meant to be a Jedi? What does that mean? How is that possible? What else could I be? I know for a fact that I was meant to be become a Jedi, so what does my older self even mean that I wasn't supposed to be one? I glance at the two figures calmly sleeping nearby, trying to reassure myself with their presences. The only time I ever feel like I'm home is when I'm with them. It's as if we were always meant to be together, despite everything. I don't understand it, but I don't take the time to ponder it, either. I let my eyes fall shut again, dosing back into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

**w**

We're about to land on Padme's home planet. I can't believe it. I'm so excited. It's a forest planet from what Obi-Wan told us about it earlier. Anakin and I hover behind him in the cockpit again, watching as the ship emerges from hyperspace. The Jedi is standing right next to the pilot, watching with a sense of seriousness. I don't know much about the situation, but from what they were saying the Council meeting, it almost made it sound like her planet was practically a war zone.

My breath is instantly taken away as Naboo comes into view the first time. It's a beautiful planet, very different yet far more welcoming than Coruscant. It's mostly green, yet the blue spirals of rivers and lakes wind across it.

"The blockade's gone," the captain notes. I can't tear my eyes off the planet, but I don't see anything obscuring the view.

"The war's over. No need for it now," murmurs Obi-Wan.

"I have one battleship on my scope," the pilot states suddenly.

"A droid control ship," muses Obi-Wan with growing concern. I don't really understand what that means, but it doesn't sound like a good thing.

"They've probably spotted us."

"We haven't much time," the Jedi declares, turning back to Anakin and me. "We need to go. Come on."

I nod, understanding the seriousness of the situation though I understand little else. We hurry out of the room, joining where the handmaids and some of the other people are gathered. "Padme!" Anakin exclaims suddenly, shooting forwards like lightning. "Hi! Where have you been?"

I struggle to suppress the familiar stab of jealousy that always strikes me when I see his eagerness. I try to tell myself it doesn't matter, but that doesn't stop the truth. It does bother me. It really, really does.

"Ani! What are you doing here?" Padme seems equally surprised to see him. I move forwards awkwardly, hovering behind my best friend. "Ashla?"

"We're with Qui-Gon... but... they're not going to let me be a Jedi," Anakin explains, looking away. "I'm too old..."

"But you will be!" I insist adamantly. I will stop at nothing less. If I'm going to be a Jedi, Anakin has to be also.

Padme sighs, clearly concerned. I still would like to know where she's been, but she dodged around the question. "This is going to be dangerous, Ani, Ashla."

"Is it? We can help," Anakin insists. "Where are we going?"

"To war, I'm afraid," Padme explains. That answers why she's so concerned. "The Queen has had to make the most difficult decision of her life. She doesn't believe in fighting. We are a peaceful people."

"Peaceful planet, too," I interject, eyeing the doorway. I shift impatiently from one foot to the other again, waiting for the ramp to lower so I can see what it looks like out there already. I haven't seen trees for far too long. The only memories I have of them are extremely blurred.

Padme smiles slightly at my remark.

"I want to help," Anakin adds with a hopeful expression. "I'm glad you're back."

Finally, everyone else joins us in the area, and the ramp is lowered. I blink a few times at the change in lighting, descending the ramp with the others. my gaze roams the area, taking in the scene of endless brilliant green trees around us. Anakin is gaping at them, unable to process everything so fast. No wonder the Queen hates war. The planet itself is unbelievably peaceful. I want to stay here forever if we don't become Jedi. I don't think I'd ever leave if I had a choice. On Tatooine, the atmosphere was always very tense and the probability of something dangerous lurking in the shadows was nearly guaranteed. Here, though... I could probably be outside in pitch blackness and nothing bad would happen.

The group moves a distance from the ship, walking until I can distinctly hear the sound of rushing water. I haven't heard it for so long... The Jedi go a distance off into the forest, and Jar Jar sets out for the water. The moment we move a short distance from the others, I turn to my best friend. "I'm bored!" I whine. Really, I just want something to do. I can't stand around for long, and now is no exception.

"Me too, but it shouldn't be long," Anakin replies. He's been distracted looking around the forest floor, touching everything he can get his hands on. It's the first time he's seen dirt that he remembers, not to mention so many plants.

I look around, spotting a bush that's close to twice my height. I always thought they were small...? I reach out gingerly, touching the soft, green leaves. It's beautiful, and I can almost feel the peaceful yet pulsing, living energy beneath my touch. There's actually an entire series of bushes, now that I look again. Big enough to hide in... "Find me!" I squeal, shooting off down the row, ducking beneath the branches of two of them. The branches rub lightly against me, but I don't mind the feeling, even if it's slightly itchy. I miss it too much. Shili had a lot of trees.

I hold my breath as I hear Anakin walking along the bushes. "There you are," he chirps finally, pulling a branch out of the way. "You can come out now."

I dive out the other side instead with a squeal, dashing towards another group of bushes nearby. Anakin ducks between the bushes I was hiding in before, bolting after. He catches up to me, grabbing my arm to pull me to a stop. I yelp and try to pull away, only to lose my balance. We fall to the ground in a pile of flailing limbs.

"You alright?" Anakin groans, attempting to untangle himself.

"Mostly," I wheeze, half-crushed.

Laughter draws my attention to where Padme is standing a short distance away. She shakes her head, obviously amused by our antics. I blush at the realization she was probably watching the whole time. "You should come back to the rest of the group," she tells us. "Jar Jar should be back."

I pout. This was so much more fun than just waiting around.

"'kay," Anakin replies cheerfully, standing up and helping me to my feet. As we approach the rest of the group, a faint conversation catches my hearing. No normal human would be able to pick it up, but I can hear fairly clearly thanks to my enhanced hearing.

"... we cannot use our power to help her," Qui-Gon is saying.

There is the briefest pause. "I'm sorry for my behavior, Master," Obi-Wan says finally. "It is not my place to disagree with you about the boy. I am grateful you think I am ready for the Trials." I tilt my head, lips twitching into a smile. I'm glad he listened to me. I should consider talking to Anakin about my own problem sometime... but it feels so stupid.

"You have been a good apprentice. You are much wiser than I am, Obi-Wan. I foresee you will become a great Jedi Knight."

For some unexplainable reason, tears prick at my eyes upon hearing the words. I wish someone would say the same to me, someday. I want... someone to tell me I'm enough.

The sudden sound of splashing catches my attention, and I move forwards over to where the rest of the group is congregated. I have to hear the report, since Jar Jar seems to have finally returned.

"Dare-sa nobody dare. All gone. Some kinda fight, I tink. Sorry, no Gungas... no Gungas," Jar Jar says worriedly. No Gungans? That doesn't sound good. Could they be in trouble, too?

"Do you think they could have been taken to the camps?" Obi-Wan suggests.

"More likely they were wiped out," one of the other people from Naboo interjects.

"No, mesa no tink so!" Jar Jar argues instantly. "Gungan hidden. When in trouble, go to sacred place. Mackineeks no find them dare."

"Do you know where they are?" Qui-Gon asks immediately. The group sets off again, Jar Jar in the lead.

"Think it close?" I ask finally, nudging Anakin.

"I thought you wanted to finally start moving," my best friend retorts.

I huff. "I want know what happening!"

The conversation is cut off as Jar Jar suddenly makes a strange, loud noise which carries throughout the forests across the swamp we're standing next to.

A group of about half a dozen Gungans suddenly emerge from the trees in front of us, seemingly out of nowhere. I let out a startled squeak, moving closer to Anakin. Somehow, I have the feeling this might not go well.

"Hey-dare, Captain Tarpals," Jar Jar greets the gray-ish one in front, seemingly the leader.

"Binks! Noah gain!" he groans. Why? Why isn't he happy to see him? How could someone not be happy to see Jar Jar?!

"We comen to see da boss."

"Ouch time, Binks," the gray Gungan warns. "Ouch time for all-n yousa."

My stomach twists uncomfortably and I cast a concerned glance at Anakin, who seems about as uneasy as I am. I don't understand why they don't like him, but I have a bad feeling about this. They don't seem to want us to be here.

The group of Gungans start leading us through the swampy forest again. At the end of the clearing, there is a pile of strange-looking ruins. A dark colored, extremely fat Gungan with a crown of sorts on his head is standing atop of the partly submerged ruins, with a few others surrounding him.

"Jar Jar, yousa payen dis time. Who's da uss-en others?" he demands, clearly even less happy about our presence.

Queen Amidala steps forwards from the rest of the group. "I am Queen Amidala of the Naboo. I come before you in peace." She has the same tone I remember from before. She has a way of getting things done. It's no wonder they wanted her to be queen.

"Naboo biggen. Yousa bringen da Mackineeks... Dya busten uss-en omm. Yousa all bombad. Yousa all die'n, mesa tink," Boss Nass replies. Dying? My eyes widen and I move closer to Anakin. No, this is not looking good at all. We both edge closer to the Jedi. If this starts going downhill, I know we'll be safe with them, even if nothing else.

"We wish to form an alliance," begins the queen. She's cut off when Padme suddenly steps forwards.

"What?" I whisper, confused.

"Your Honor," she says, moving to the front of the group. What is she doing?

"Whosa dis?" asks the Gungan leader.

"I am Queen Amidala." She motions to the person dressed as the Queen before continuing. "This is my decoy, my protection, my loyal bodyguard." The Jedi exchange a knowing glance – I assume they had an idea because of the Force – but Anakin and I just gape at her, stunned. We were friends with the queen herself?

"I am sorry for my deception, but under the circumstances it has become necessary to protect myself," Padme continues, voice ringing across the clearing. She has a way of talking that easily catches attention and doesn't let it go. "Although we do not always agree, Your Honor, our two great societies have always lived in peace... until now. The Trade Federation has destroyed all that we have worked so hard to build. You are in hiding. My people are in camps. If we do not act quickly, all will be lost forever... I ask you to help us. No, I beg you to help us."

She lowers herself to her knees, and the others start following her example. I do as well, practically glued to Anakin at this point, feeling completely overwhelmed.

"We are your humble servants. Our fate is in your hands."

For a moment, everyone is holding their breath, awaiting the response. If they don't agree, whatever plan she has will be ruined.

After what feels like an eternity, Boss Nass laughs. "Yousa no tinken yousa greater den da Gungans. Mesa like dis. Maybe wesa bein friends."

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