Chapter 13: Awake

Upon arrival in the subterranean district, Lee was told he would need to spend at least a week being restricted to his hospital room.

Given that almost the first thing they did was take him into surgery to salvage his damaged shoulder, he didn't mind all that much. While the doctors in Thirteen were optimistic about his recovery from his other injuries, they weren't healed yet and, with the most effective painkiller by far not an option for him, he didn't feel up to much besides napping.

Someone did bring him a small television set, though, so he was finally able to keep up with the latest news himself.

District Four had been overtaken by rebels; one of the first things Lee got to watch from his hospital bed was a propo filmed in front of Four's Justice Building. During it, Finnick Odair and Orla Flanagan told all of Panem how proud they were of their district. "We've shown them them the strength they thought they denied us!" Finnick proclaimed to a roaring crowd.

"Four more districts to go, then on to the Capitol!" Orla shouted as she and Finnick linked hands and raised them high.

The two of them turned out to be still based in Thirteen, as was Annie Cresta; they returned shortly after their propo in Four and visited Lee right away. "We were so worried!" Orla exclaimed tearfully the moment she laid eyes on him, then, seeming unable to keep going, settled for giving him a long yet gentle hug.

"We tried to get you out," Finnick said, as if trying to apologize. "We tried to get everyone."

"I know. It's okay; I knew what could happen."

They weren't his only visitors. Annie, who wasn't doing as much propo or field work as some of the other Victors, kept herself busy helping out in various sectors of Thirteen, including the hospital. She ended up bringing Lee his meals more often than not, and was always happy to chat. Kori showed up in Lee's room one or more times a day, not unexpectedly as her own was next door. Even Haymitch Abernathy and Ava Smith came by once each.

Ava happened to be the first person Lee thought of asking about Celeste Snow and "impostor Capitolites", and she seemed happy, in her own quiet way, to elaborate on what little he already knew.

So a renowned tribute stylist was actually from Ten, and President Snow's niece is now heading the rebellion's propoganda division. I wonder how the regular Capitolites will react if they hear about this. Except for a couple propos slipped through right after the power outage, Snow and his people were keeping a stranglehold on broadcasts in One, Two, and the Capitol.

Not long after Ava's visit, Haymitch, unwillingly sober for probably the first time in fifty years and who had spent weeks recovering from been stabbed by Conan near the end of the Games, told Lee, "You were right. Your boy is useful."

"Glad to hear it." But now Hal's acting weird.

Technically, Helvius was part of Thirteen's military now and trained like it when he wasn't actively making propo appearances. He still visited Lee every morning and evening. He talked about the propos, the rebellion's progress, the irritations of District Thirteen like strict schedules and limited sunlight. He kissed Lee hello and goodbye without fail.

But he still won't look me in the eyes. And those kisses were short and cold. If I were less tired and in less pain all the time, I could figure it out…

He was almost clearheaded enough to start asking questions on his fourth evening in the hospital. If Hal would let me get a word in between his complaints about Thirteen's bland food…

Yelling outside topped Helvius mid-sentence. "Is that Kori?" he asked just as Lee reached the same conclusion. She said she's supposed to get out of the hospital tomorrow morning...I don't think anything about that would cause...

He'd almost made it to his feet when Kori came bursting into the room. She rushed around the hospital bed, almost as if she was putting it between her and whoever was following her. Her eyes were wide, pupils blown; her breathing came in panicked gasps.

Lee didn't even have time to address her before someone else came in, another young woman who he recognized instantly but couldn't name. She looked nearly as anxious as Kori. "Please let me explain! I swear I…"

"You're dead!" Kori shrieked and, abruptly, Lee remember who this other girl was.

Her ally from Eight. The one who…

Helvius got in front of her a second later. "What happened to breaking the news to her gently?" he demanded.

"Her brother kept putting it off!" She sounded like she was about to burst into tears.

"So you took matters into your own hands. Great." He grabbed her arm and made to guide her out of the room. When she resisted, he snapped, "Twyla, she needs a minute." He looked over his shoulder. "Lee, can you…"

"I've got her," Lee answered, despite his own bewilderment. Kori's not wrong. Twyla Bobbins is supposed to be dead.

He got Kori to sit down on the bed with him and rubbed her back until her breathing settled, which took a while. "I don't understand…" she kept saying once she could speak.

"Me, neither." He looked up as Helvius returned to the room, alone. "Maybe Hal can explain."

"I can try." Leaning against the rail at the end of the bed, closer to Lee than Kori, Helvius went on, "So, for context...there's been a network of rebel communications throughout the districts and Capitol for years, and at times that has included spies from Thirteen. One of these spies, years back, had a...brief relationship with a woman in Eight while he was there. He didn't find for years that she'd had his daughter. When he did, there wasn't much he could do about it, but...then she got Reaped."

"And?" Lee prompted when the ensuing pause went on a little too long.

"Yeah, about that...Den Harris...Twlya's father...had worked his way up to be Thirteen's head of military intelligence by the time of the Ninety-Fifth Games. So he's important. Important enough to get a message to Cerise Patel telling her that under no circumstances was his daughter to die in the Games. And Cerise, being...well, Cerise...used all her connections and came up with an insane plan to get Twyla out without her having to win. She knew about it going in. She was told where to go, and during the Games, Cerise sent her a message telling her when to go there."

Another minute of silence passed, then Kori said, "That pit was the only one with a stream running into it."

Helvius grimaced. "Yeah."

"As for the message…" Kori's gaze was unfocused. "...the spear. There were eleven grooves under the spearhead. She jumped on Day Eleven. The fucking spear." She focused then, on Helvius, her tone accusing. "The one you paid for."

Helvius seemed to take this in stride. "I knew nothing about that. I just sent the money." Letting go of the railing and straightening up, he added, "For what it's worth, Kori, Twyla didn't...She was upset that she had to leave you and your other ally behind." He shook himself. "I've got to go. See you tomorrow, Lee."

After Helvius left without another word, Lee sat quietly with Kori for a few minutes longer. She only spoke when they heard her brother calling for her. "I should go, talk to him…"

"Okay." Lee gave her shoulder a pat and, once she'd gone, got ready for bed. He felt even more drained that usual. Escaped tributes, Helvius's behavior...maybe it'll all make more sense tomorrow…

Not that much further into the night, he woke up to the sounds of someone entering the room. "Hello?"

"It's me." Kori's voice sounded hoarse. "Can I stay here tonight? Don't want to be alone."

"Sure." Lee moved over so she could get into the bed and they could lay back-to-back like they had during their trek through the wilderness. The hospital beds are softer than the ground, though. "You couldn't track Mina down?" he asked as she got settled.

"Didn't want to." A few moments passed, and Kori elaborated. "She joined us when Kiro was trying to explain why he kept people from telling me about Twyla…'protecting me', fuck that...and we all got to this point of 'no more secrets' and...they're together. Mina and Kiro, I mean."

"Oh. Are you angry?"

"I want to be. It's my brother, my best friend. I knew they'd been getting closer over the years...Still, I didn't see it coming. But they seem to love each other. So why should I be angry?"

"...But it's still strange?"

"Yeah. So that's why I'm here with you and not Mina. I just.…"

"Need a little time?"

"Exactly." She let out a heavy sigh. "Thanks. For letting me stay."

"Don't mention it. I owe you, remember?"

Kori was released from the hospital the morning after the Twyla reveal, and Lee got let out eight days after their arrival in Thirteen. In the span of time between those two events, Kori appeared in her first propo, in which she more or less gave a casual interview about her part in the planned Victor extraction from the 100th Arena, some of her experiences as a prisoner of the Capitol, and the escape.

Lee watched it, and recognized the person acting as the interviewer as a well-known film director from the Capitol Orla, who happened to be visiting him when the propo aired, explained that the middle-aged director had been a friend and associate of Plutarch Heavensbee. "Through him, she became close with Celeste, and the rest is history. Celeste brought Cressida, Cressida's assistant, and two of their best camera operators with her when she fled the Capitol."

"She knew she'd need a good camera crew."

"Pretty much. She always says Plutarch taught her well. And he was a media expert if there ever was one."

Kori visited him not long after that. "They want to do a similar propo with you soon. Once you're up to it."

"You mean when I look less like shit." I still look like a skeleton with sallow skin stretched over it.

"They could put makeup on you if they cared that much. It's more that Helvius has been threatening bloody revenge on anyone who pushes you too hard while you're recovering."

"How sweet of him." I'd rather he just act normal around me. Normal for him. For us. "Talked to Twyla yet?"

"Working up to it."

When Lee was finally released with his left arm in another sling and a standing restriction on his activity level, Helvius got a few hours off to be with him. After a brief tour of the most-used facilities like the cafeteria and their own small, simple living compartment, Helvius said, "Do you want to go outside? Above ground?"

"Is that allowed?"

"I've got permission, as long as it doesn't conflict with anything important. We just have to wear trackers on our ankles and not be out too long."

"Sure." Maybe he'll be more talkative outdoors?

He wasn't, not at first. They didn't speak much at all as they picked their way among sunlit overgrown ruins and leafy trees that were beginning to turn yellow, orange, and red. Before long, they did start hearing voices, and made their way to a large flat boulder beside a gurgling stream.

Katniss Everdeen, dressed in Thirteen gray with a wooden bow, quiver of arrows, and leather satchel by her side, was sitting on the boulder with a pair of much younger gray-clad people: a blond man and a black-haired girl. The Victor was the first to see Helvius and Lee approaching. "You still walk loud, One."

"Wasn't actually trying to be sneaky today, Twelve. Hello, you two," he said to the others.

"Hi!" Jumping to her feet, her own bow in hand, the girl grinned at Lee. "I'm Etta Char! Everyone's glad you're not dead."

"Seriously, Etta?" The young man elbowed her, then gave Lee a smile as well. "Andy Mellark. Nice to meet you, Mr. Anders."

"Lee is fine," he replied, though some of his immediate curiosity must have made it through in his voice because Andy ducked his head and quickly explained,

"Peeta Mellark was my father's brother. Everyone asks, don't worry."

"Etta and Andy were some of the first to start getting people out of the targeted areas of Twelve," Katniss interjected. "During the bombing. They're...students of mine, for lack of a better word."

"Well, Etta is her student," Andy said. "I just tag along."

"We've been hunting and gathering stuff," Etta added with another bright smile. "For the kitchens. We try to make the food here more bearable when we can."

Due to their schedules, the young Twelves soon had to leave, taking their own bags of edible plants and small game with them. As they disappeared among the trees, Katniss picked up her bow and arrows and tossed them at Helvius. "See if you can shoot anything; me and the kids were talking too much to get much today. Lee can rest here a bit with me."

"Bossy," Helvius muttered, but once he had received assurance from Lee that this was fine, he vanished off into the forest.

Lee settled down on the sun-warmed rock, feeling unexpectedly relieved to sit down. I'm still so tired all the time…

After a long stretch of silence, Katniss spoke suddenly. "Etta wasn't wrong. We're glad you survived."

"I'm glad you did, too." That was the whole point, wasn't it?

"I've been teaching Helvius to hunt. He's not the worst." She eyed him. "How are you?"

He spoke without thinking. "I'd be better if Helvius would act like himself around me."

Shit. Should've saved that for Orla or Kori...

Turning herself in place so she could face him directly, Katniss said, "You haven't talked to him about...what he was doing while you were in the Capitol."

"He has. He's told me about how Thirteen works, the propos…He told me about the one he did with you in Twelve, where you sang…"

"That's not what I meant. Did he tell you we all thought you were dead at first?"

"I...what?"

"Right after the Arena, we knew the Capitol got you and Kori. But once the trackers were out...Afterward, things were so locked down in the Capitol that Celeste's inside sources only found out that Kori was alive and being questioned, and that a couple other Victors were tortured and died...No one heard anything about you. You'd been injured; people drew conclusions."

Have I ever heard her talk this much in one go?

She looked away, over the stream. "I thought Helvius would lose it when he found out. He didn't. He started offering to do anything possible to help the rebellion. Did you see the propo from Eight?"

Lee swallowed. "I saw part of it."

"It was really successful. More than expected. We flew out to Twelve right after to do the one you mentioned. Filmed us in the town center, the part that got the worst of the bombs...When we got back to Thirteen...There's some kind of channel left open for the enemy to send messages, just in case. That's how we started getting the videos."

"...The videos?"

"The ones for Helvius." She turned her intense gaze on him again. "The ones of you."

His entire body went icy cold.

Blazing lights. Splintering agony. Darkness. Icy water. Choking. Burning. Darkness again. "Fuck. The videos of…"

"There was a new one every day. They closed the channel temporarily to block them; Snow found other ways." Katniss's fingers drummed against the stone beside her. "Helvius watched them. Every single one. He stopped talking, stopped eating, refused to do propos. Then the dam in Five went down, and there was nothing. No word of where you and Kori were at all. For more than a week. He stopped doing much of anything."

She stopped tapping the rock and leaned back. "I did get him out here a couple times, to hunt, to try to get him to talk. All I ever got out of him was 'It's my fault'. Do with that what you will."

His stomach roiled. Damn it, Hal...I should've asked...He'd been too busy avoiding any thoughts about his imprisonment to consider how Helvius had felt about it.

As the sounds of the other Victor returning reached them, Katniss stood up. "I'm no expert, but he really loves you," she said as Helvius called, "I hope you're happy, Katniss! I got a bird and I have no idea what it is! Hope it's edible!"

She rolled her eyes as he came into sight. "That's a pheasant; it's edible. I've told you before: Unless it's a mutt or something natural with venom, most animals are edible."

Since her schedule for the day required her to return underground sooner than the other two, she took the bird and her weapons from Helvius and went on at a rapid pace while they trailed behind. Lee waited for her to have been gone for a few minutes before he stopped and turned to the taller man. "Hal...I think we need to talk."

"About?"

He's still not looking me in the eye. Feeling uncertain, Lee hesitated until it burst out. "Why the hell did you watch the videos?"

At last, that got Helvius to meet his gaze, albeit with an expression of defensiveness. "What would you have done?"

"That's not…" This isn't going well... He reached for Helvius's hands. "It wasn't your fault."

"Not my fault?" Helvius backed away, shaking his head. "At first, I thought you were gone, I was running on rage and revenge...It was like right after my Games, when there was no one for Snow to hurt me with if I didn't behave perfectly...except Cashmere, I guess, but Gloss has the power to mostly protect her...I could do whatever I wanted, anything to bring the Capitol down. Then the videos…" His breath caught. "I could've sat the rebellion out; I was told I could. Then they wouldn't have tortured you. I should've known you weren't gone, or assumed you weren't just in case. That's how this shit works! And I knew that! Everyone does! It is my fucking fault!"

The echoes of his shouted words died away into the trees as he clearly fought to hold back sobs. Lee, blinking away tears of his own, managed to say, "I knew what could happen, too. To the rebellion, I'm expendable, and I've known that. For years , since I first started taking and passing on messages for Axela and Linus. I...I didn't think I'd make it out of the Arena, to be honest." He stepped forward and gripped Helvius's shoulders. "Snow showed me part of the propo from Eight, before the...the torture started. Do you know what I felt when I saw you shooting down hovercrafts with Katniss?"

"...No," Helvius said, looking at the ground.

"I was happy. I was proud of you. Because I'd already known you had it in you, to be a true rebel." Because you're like Katniss and Kori and even Darien Lopez. People can't ignore you even if they try. I was never able to.

"...Is that why you got me on the rebel's list of people to get out of the Arena? Haymitch told me..."

"That's partly how I got you on the list. I wanted you on it regardless, so you had the best chance of surviving. But that aside...Hal, even if I were to entertain the idea that what happened to me was your fault and not Snow's...which I won't...I still love you. Even if can't forgive yourself yet...don't keep shutting me out. Please."

The next thing he knew, Helvius had wrapped him in a near-painful embrace. "I missed you so fucking much," he mumbled into Lee's shoulder.

"I missed you, too." Although all he wanted was to let go and enjoy the moment, Lee felt like he had one more thing he had to say. "Do you know why Snow hurt me to get at you? Because you scared him. Now that I'm safe...Promise you'll keep doing that?"

"...Only if we do it together. One way or another."

"Okay."