It was lunchtime for the vampire hybrid. I enjoyed being able to use our pristine kitchen that always looked like it had only just been fitted. It helped me feel more human doing regular human tasks and that comforted me. I was listening to Renesmee play the piano, she had such elegance when she played - just like her father. Her father and mother were nowhere to be seen this morning. They'd gone on a hunting trip with the rest of the family for a few days. As much as we loved Ness and as special as she was, everyone needed some time away from the rambuctious little girl. I had already been away recently for a medical conference, so I was happy to give everyone else a break. She stopped playing and instantly turned to look at me - it was as if she'd heard my internal monologue and had lost interest in what she was doing.
"Smells good, Pa! I can't wait to try it!" she peered over on other side of the counter at my cooking. I was making chicken italiano. I smirked at the thought that she would be eating an animal in a less barbaric fashion. She did drink animal blood as well, but as she had been begging us to let her go out and mingle with humans whenever she had the chance, we thought it best that she try out human food to make it easier for her to blend in. Also, Jacob felt more comfortable when she ate human food and she visited the reservation with the wolves alot, so it made sense all round. The food was almost ready, we just needed some herbs to make it more fragrant.
"Cut off some herbs over there on that plant won't you sweetie?" I asked gesturing to the plant in the corner with my head. Ness bounded over to the corner, so gracefully. I forget how vampire like she seemed, despite being able to hear her unique heart and see the flush of blood in the cheeks. Her warmth reminded me of that human side we all wish we still had. She was such a beautiful mix of supernatural and humaneness. She brought us all together and finally gave us peace with the wolves. Sam and Jake were firm friends of the family, as was Sam's new bride, Emily.
"Here, Pa!" she held them out to me and I as soon as I put them in the pan I was transported back to my childhood. The kitchen...the place where she spent so many hours. A beautiful, blonde angel. I hadn't remembered her in so long. There she was in my mind, as clear as day. Singing softly with her back to me. My mother. Ness eyed me curiously, she always knew when my mind was elsewhere.
"What is it, Pa?" she asked. I looked at her, very aware of the bewildered look on my face.
"I'm starting to remember more about my mother. Would you like to hear more about her?" She squealed with excitement and I grinned at her. I finished cooking and plated up her food. She had already set a place at the table for us both. I find it very sweet, even though she knew I didn't eat. I sat beside her and she was simultaneously chewing and looking up at me enthusiastically between bites, ready to listen.
I remember the blonde angel with her back to me, using the fire to cook dinner. She always cooked such delicious food, with the little resource she had. I couldn't quite believe how much technology had changed. How I came from such a medieval time and continued to live. Sometimes my immortality haunted me. To live so many lives in so many different ages. But this scene made my heart so happy in my troubled youth. The angel turned her head to face me when she felt someone watching her.
"Oh hello darling. Didn't see you there. Pass me that knife, would you?" she gestured to the knife on the wooden table. I instantly obliged, knowing not to keep her waiting when she was dealing with naked flame. She smiled warmly at me and continued cooking the pig's carcass. My mouth salivated. I remember what it was like to crave food. To devour the meat rather than just the blood. How I missed that. The pleasure of tasting great food. My mother's cooking was a sign of love. She knew she couldn't do much in this world to truly protect us, this world was filled with death and danger everywhere. I lived in such a different world now, and never knew back then how much I'd see things change through the ages. She noticed my quiet mood as she was cooking and briefly stopped before asking me what she knew I didn't want to talk about.
"I'm assuming this morning's service was difficult again" she stood very still as she waited for my answer. I sighed wanting the ground to swallow me up. I hated speaking against father but when he was so judgemental of his flock, I couldn't help but feel so melancholy. Like he'd drained all the joy from my soul.
"He was disciplining his flock as he has been instructed to by God" I knew better than to slander him. Mother sighed. She knew that's not how I really felt about the situation.
"You know that this is your calling as well, don't you Carlisle?" she turned to me and I could see the sadness in her eyes. I nodded wordlessly and looked sheepishly at my shoes. She sweeped towards me very gracefully and put her finger under my chin to raise my head to meet her eyes. "I want you to know, that I've noticed how special you are my son. I know that it hurts you when anyone else in the Parish is hurting. You are a compassionate soul, and you will be a very compassionate man. But I must warn you my darling, in this age of man, a compassionate man is seen as a weak one" I felt so deflated when she said that. I knew it was true but I wanted nothing more than to believe my father was capable of change. I knew I inherited my compassion from my mother, but she knew her role in this life. As she was a woman, it was no business of hers to achieve anything remarkable and make a change to this troubled world. She moved her hand from my chin to my shoulder, she placed her other hand on my right shoulder and told me something I knew I'd never forgot for the rest of my life. "Never ever lose compassion for others, Carlisle. Never lose your faith in people. Because together we can achieve remarkable things if we are given the chance. See goodness in others Carlisle. See the goodness in them that I see in you" she then took me in her arms and held me close. She planted a soft kiss on my forehead and I wept in her arms like a baby. I didn't mean to. I know I needed to be a strong man, a man who would one day be the head of this family but she never scorned me, only held me and comforted me. "I know my darling boy" she whispered. "Mama loves you always, my sweet sensitive soul" we stayed like that for what seemed like a long time. It was one of the fondest memories of my mother. The sweet angel that was stolen from my family far too soon.
"What happened to your mother, Pa?" Renesmee asked inquistively. It took all my strength not to weep in front of her.
"Childbed fever, my Nessie" I said solemnly.
"And would you have saved her if you had the chance? Given her immortality if it meant you could stay with her?" I smiled but shook my head.
"No, my child. She would not have been able to endure such a life. Even though her faith was not as strong as my father's, she could not endure the burden that is this immortal life. She was far too pure and innocent. She was a sweet, sweet angel. She would have believed that she was tainted by the devil...no matter how much I would have tried to convince her she could have continued to be a good, humane creature..."
"...But you are a good humane, creature, Pa." she interjected. I smiled at her and stroked her hair.
"Thank you sweetheart, you are a kind hearted soul to believe that we are not damned creatures" I firmly believed our Ness had a soul. Her human half gave her a chance at redemption.
"My mother and my father made me in love. Father is a loving, kind hearted vampire. As are you, Pa. And I'm sure that's your doing" I bursted with pride at her emotional intelligence and insight. She was such a gifted child. But it didn't change the fact that even now sometimes, I struggled with what I was and the family I had created. When I lost my real family, I felt half a man. I only started beginning to feel human again when I found Edward and Esme. Found companionship that I craved for so long. Unconditional love that I never felt from anyone other than my mother. And that was when I decided to close that chapter for good. To never speak of that sweet angel ever again. The door was closed and so was my guarded heart.