Chapter 29: And…
While Cloud and Tifa were having that romantic interlude, Tobin and I went to see The Yuffie Show. We went to the Nibelheim Playhouse and paid the 200 gil. Then, we all had to sign a contract to not disclose any details of the show, under penalty of a 25,000 gil fine.
I immediately became suspicious. I knew she was up to no good. It was, after all, Yuffie.
"If they're that strict, they've got to be good!" I heard a woman say.
We all took our seats, the lights dimmed, and then Yuffie appeared on stage, wearing her green sweater crop top and khaki short shorts.
"So I'm sixteen and can't vote, but I really hope nobody voted for Jack Balen," Yuffie began. "I can't stand him and Sumner."
There were mixed cheers and boos.
"I mean, they're bad double felons," she continued. "But really good double penetrators! Believe me, I know!"
The audience roared with laughter.
"So I'm on the lookout for a hot guy, and I thought I found one at the bowling alley," Yuffie continued. "But I found out he was kind of strict."
The audience was silent, awaiting the punchline.
"I asked him if he was single, and he said he was. I then asked him why he broke up with his last girlfriend, and it was because she farted while they were having sex."
The audience roared with laughter again.
This included myself. I'll admit I'm a fan of low, dirty, so-bad-it's-good comedy. For a moment, I thought I would love it.
"And now," Yuffie announced, "I have a date."
She began to walk off the stage.
"A date with my vibrator!"
The audience laughed again.
Then, Yuffie continued to walk toward the side of the stage, and the lights suddenly came on.
I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up.
"Wait a minute!" someone yelled. "Is that it? That's all?"
Yuffie nodded.
"You thieving bitch!" another person yelled.
"Get her!" a third person yelled.
"Snap her neck!" hollered a fourth person.
All hell broke loose. Just about everyone in the audience began to climb out of their seat, and make their way for the stage. Tobin and I were the only ones remaining seated.
Yuffie immediately became aware of the danger she was in. She ran out of the back exit, which led out of Nibelheim and into the fields. She disappeared into said fields, taking her chances with any thieves or monsters that might have been lurking there.
Tobin and I were left alone in the theater; we had almost forgotten it was election night.
LATER….
All night was spent counting all of the votes. At four in the morning, the election results were in.
Tobin and I had dozed on the couch in our pajamas. We had left the TV on, but we both passed out around midnight. My head was in his lap, and his arm was around me. Sometimes, I wish we could sleep like that just for the heck of it.
Anyway, I found myself quickly wake up as the results were displayed; they announced who won each town in alphabetical order.
COSMO CANYON: STRIFE
BALEN: 0
STRIFE: 1
5 NEEDED TO WIN
"Tobin!" I whispered as I sat up and nudged him awake. "Tifa won Cosmo Canyon!"
Tobin groggily woke up and sat up.
"She did?"
I nodded with a smile and kissed him.
"One down, five to go!"
The TV then displayed the next town.
COSTA DEL SOL: STRIFE
BALEN: 0
STRIFE: 2
5 NEEDED TO WIN
"Woot!" I exclaimed as I high-fived Tobin.
I toyed with the idea of stripping to the news, where I'd remove a piece of clothes every time Tifa won a city, but I realized I might run out of clothes before all the towns were announced. So, instead, I got a bottle of vodka and poured each of us a shot. We took two shots each, one for Cosmo Canyon, and one for Costa del Sol. We agreed to take a shot each time Tifa won a city.
Then, the next city was announced.
GONGAGA: BALEN
BALEN: 1
STRIFE: 2
5 NEEDED TO WIN
We were disappointed, but not surprised. Gongaga was a strong Balen city. So I just squeezed Tobin's hand, offering him my support.
Then, the next city was announced, and the results were obvious.
NIBELHEIM: STRIFE
BALEN: 1
STRIFE: 3
5 NEEDED TO WIN
"Your cousin's kicking ass!" I announced as we both took another shot.
At this point, we were both tipsy, and I know it was the morning, but we honestly had no plans to go anywhere that day, so it didn't really matter.
Then, the next city was announced.
NORTH COREL:
BALEN: 2
STRIFE: 3
5 NEEDED TO WIN
I sighed, but, again, wasn't surprised. Despite being a working-class town, they were all Balen boosters.
Then, the next city appeared on the screen.
ROCKET TOWN:
BALEN: 3
STRIFE: 3
5 NEEDED TO WIN
We both sighed. We saw that one coming, too, as it was where the Downings were from. They did have a lot of influence on the town.
"We still have Xing and Wutai," I mentioned.
"Now comes the scary part," Tobin sighed. "Watch both of them abstain."
A moment later, one of those towns appeared on the screen.
WUTAI: STRIFE
BALEN: 3
STRIFE: 4
5 NEEDED TO WIN
I let out a really loud "wooooot!" before mounting Tobin and kissing him; the effects of the booze were getting to me.
I then sat down, and smiled at him.
"One more, and your cousin has it," I said. "You are so ripping my shirt off if she wins!"
And then, the last Town appeared on the screen.
XING: ABSTAIN
BALEN: 3
STRIFE: 4
5 NEEDED TO WIN
"What the fuck?!" I exclaimed.
I know that's not a word I use too often, but I was drunk. Really drunk by this point.
In reality, I shouldn't have been surprised. People in Xing didn't vote for anything. Tifa shouldn't even have gotten Wutai.
"Well, now what?" Tobin demanded in slurred speech.
"It's now up to the Lower House," I replied.
"And how will they vote?" Tobin then asked.
"God only knows," I answered.
And then, things got even worse.
As we had shot after shot of vodka without breakfast, I began to feel it in my throat.
I had little time; I got up off the couch and carefully made my way to the bathroom, taking care not to lose it before I reached my destination.
Through the common area. Into the bedroom. Across the way to the bathroom.
I wasn't sure I would make it to the bathroom, but I did. I quickly got down on my knees, suspended my head above the toilet, and puked my guts out.
Tobin quickly followed behind to check whether I was okay; he simply supported me as I continued to vomit.
He even held my hair up as I did.
Now that is a gentleman.