One Piece: Strawhat Theater
"Our Mrs. Monkey"
Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan-based work of prose. One Piece is the property of Toei Animation, Funimation, and Eiichiro Oda. Please support the official release.
A few days after Fishmen Island... On the Thousand Sunny...
Zoro had been training in his training room from the moment the sun had begun to rise. He completed his kata with his weights, counting through the steps and thrusts, just as he always had. Sweat dripped down his body, and it felt good. As far as he was concerned, it was a normal day and no annoyance could disrupt it for him.
Speaking of...
He paid the tiniest glance towards the little girl, who was trying to be covert in how she watched him from the trap door. She kept it partially opened and only her eyes peeked out. Zoro sighed.
Honestly, if she stayed there she was probably going to get tired and fall. And then her witch of a mother and idiot of a father would yell at him.
He stomped over, yanked open the door, and seized Ace by the scruff of her neck. He set her on the training room floor, and shut the door with a negligent kick. He glared at her, and she cowered.
"What the hell are you doing, spying on me?" Zoro demanded.
The little girl sniffled. Zoro's glowered deepened.
"No, no, that's not gonna work on me!" He growled. "You can go cry to your mom and dad, I don't care!"
Ace began to cry. Zoro shook his head.
"No! It's not going to work! It's useless!"
"I WANNA BE STRONG!"
Zoro blinked. He blinked again. The little girl kept crying, but she was looking at Zoro.
"Wha-?"
"YOU SAID I'M WEAK! SO TEACH ME TO BE STRONG!" She bawled.
"When did I...?"
Oh.
Last night, most of the crew had gone off after dinner, save for Zoro, Nami, Luffy, Sanji, Chopper, and Ace. He scowled over at Ace, who was playing with Chopper. He was sitting next to Luffy and Nami, while Sanji cleaned up in the kitchen. It was then Zoro spoke.
"She's a liability, you know. She's weak."
"We've talked about this, Zoro," Nami sighed, "We can't leave her somewhere else. Not now."
"And what happens when someone kidnaps her and demands things of us?" Zoro growled. "This is dangerous, and keeping her around makes it even MORE dangerous for us and her."
"You can't just tell me to give up my child!" Nami growled.
"My parents abandoned me and I turned out fine!"
Luffy and Nami both stared intently at Zoro. Sanji rolled his eye.
"Brilliant argument, Mosshead."
"Shut up, you Shitty Cook!" Zoro snarled. He cleared his throat and became serious once more.
"Luffy," Zoro stated, "This is a pirate crew. You all picked us to do a job. I'm the first mate, and it's my job to make sure the crew is ready to serve and to carry out your wishes. Your wish is to find the One Piece, so to do that, we have to be strong enough to survive. Your daughter is your daughter, but what does she contribute to this crew besides another mouth to feed?"
"She doesn't eat anywhere near as much as Luffy!" Nami growled. "There's no way you're gonna-!"
Luffy held up a hand, and Nami actually stopped.
"Zoro's got some good points," Luffy said, "We do have to work harder and be more careful with Ace along."
Nami's jaw dropped. Zoro himself contained his own shock. Luffy nodded, and grinned.
"But we can help her get stronger! Help her become a real member of this crew!"
"With how Nami is coddling her, I doubt it," Zoro growled.
"She is two years old, Zoro!" Nami sighed in exasperation. Zoro snorted.
"All the more reason she shouldn't be here!"
"For now," Luffy spoke, again with that rare but firm authority, "We'll just have to be more careful and help her get stronger. We'll do that until we find another way. I want her with us, Nami, but Zoro's right. Just deal with it for now, Zoro."
"Hmph... All right," Zoro agreed.
"You're... Being very captain-like, Luffy," Nami admitted with a smile. She leaned in closer to him. "It's very attractive."
"But I'm the captain," Luffy said, confused, "Aren't I always attractive?"
Nami dragged their idiot captain out of the messhall. Zoro rolled his eyes and sipped his beer as Sanji once again descended into his "boobies" mantra to stay calm.
He didn't notice Ace staring at him before Chopper tickled her and she fell to the deck...
Zoro glared at the little girl.
"So, you want to become strong? Not be a liability?"
Ace nodded, still crying but not sobbing. Zoro's scowl deepened, as the shadows on his face grew darker.
"You want to learn from me?"
"Yeah!" Ace said with a nod.
"Okay," Zoro stated, "Then we'll start off with the basics! I want to see if you're even worth training! None of that crybaby nonsense from now on! You're a pirate and can't afford to be weak!"
"YEAH!" Ace cried.
Five minutes later...
Nami and Luffy came onto the deck. Nami had done a lot of map work, and Luffy had offered "moral support".
In the form of eating nearby and making out with her.
"I didn't see Ace this morning," Nami said. Luffy laughed and clapped her on the shoulder.
"I'm sure she's okay!"
"I saw her go up into Zoro's training room," Robin contributed, walking out onto the deck, "Apparently he's giving her..."
Here Robin's face darkened.
"Training."
"TRAINING?!" Nami yelped. She immediately ran and began climbing up the mast. Luffy followed, still grinning.
"Relax Nami! So Zoro's training her, what's wrong with that-?"
"YOU'VE SEEN WHAT HE CALLS A LIGHT WORK OUT!" Nami yelled. "HE'LL MAKE HER DRAG HEAVY WEIGHTS OR-OR FIGHT HIM WITH A WOODEN SWORD-OR-!"
She burst into the training room, ready to flay Zoro alive with her tongue and Climatact... Only to fall flat on her face as she saw her little girl, a bit sweaty but otherwise fine, handing Zoro a bottled water and a towel.
"What-?"
"Mommy! Daddy!" Ace cried happily. "Zoro's training me!"
"Oh?" Luffy asked with a grin, sticking his head in and stretching it out, "How?"
"Endurance training," Zoro stated, as he calmly drank his bottled water, "My sensei used to have me run to get him things when I first started out at the dojo. He also made me clean and take care of the place. It's good exercise and helps build up stamina."
"O-Oh," Nami managed, slowly nodding. "I see."
Zoro shrugged.
"She's actually not too bad for her age. Honestly, she looks more like a five-year-old," he said, "Once her stamina's good enough I'll start her off on a training sword. She might not have the coordination for it, but we might as well see if she has potential."
Nami slowly nodded again.
"S-Sure... That all sounds good," she said.
"SO COOL!" Luffy cried, hugging his daughter as she giggled, "LITTLE ACE SWORDSWOMAN!"
"YEAH!"
Zoro stared at Nami.
"What're you looking so relieved over?"
"Nothing!" Nami said, too quickly.
Zoro glared at her.
"What? I wasn't gonna start her off too hard! You'd ruin her potential if you did that!"
Robin poked her head up into the training room now, and beamed.
"Your first student," she observed, "I think it suits you, Zoro."
Zoro flushed.
"OF COURSE I'M GONNA WANT STUDENTS SOMEDAY! WHY WOULDN'T I?!"
Robin's heart stood no chance against Ace-chan, and she took to playing with the adorable little girl every day over the course of their journey from Fishmen island when Luffy or Nami were indisposed. Ace giggled and ran about the grassy deck, chasing Robin's waving hands as they appeared and disappeared. Robin smiled, and the hands ceased their game to grab Ace and tickle her.
"Heheheheeheh! Hahaahahaha!" The little girl giggled as Robin slowly walked up to her. She stretched her arms up and whined as Robin stood in front of her, and Robin reached down to pull the little girl into her real arms. Ace-chan laughed and snuggled against her, and Robin's smile turned wistful.
"Ace-chan! Where are you?" Luffy cried. "Come on, let's go play!"
"Yay!" Ace cried, jumping out of Robin's arms and running to her father. She jumped into his arms and they both laughed as he spun his daughter around. Nami came up from the lower decks, and with a shake of her head and warm smile she caught her daughter from the other side and kissed the top of her head. The wistful smile remained on Robin's face, and she held her shoulders.
"Ah, Robin-swan, you are looking radiant today," Sanji complimented, at her side almost in an instant. Robin smiled at Sanji.
"Thank you..." She looked back at the happy family, and she sighed as her smile became sad.
"Mm?" Sanji asked, tilting his head curiously. "Robin-swan? What's wrong?"
"Hm... just a bit of selfish longing, I suppose," Robin said wryly. Sanji clutched his chest with both hands.
"The pangs of maternal instinct blossoming in a young woman! Ahhh..."
"Flattering of you," Robin chuckled.
Sanji gave her a roguish wink. "Honestly, any man would be proud to make a woman like you a mother."
Robin smiled back. "You proudest of all," she said.
Sanji's nose exploded with blood, and he bounced off the mast and into the forward hatch to the gunner's nest. Robin sighed, and looked over at Zoro who was sleeping peacefully nearby.
"Oh well," she said. "Plenty of fish in the sea..."
Nami was enjoying sunbathing on the deck of the Sunny, relaxing on the beach chairs. Robin laid nearby, and the two enjoyed some fruity drinks provided by Sanji. Zoro worked out nearby, while Brook practiced his violin, and Franky and Chopper fished.
"Ahh... This is wonderful," Nami sighed. "I mean... I love my daughter, but I'm so glad I can have time to myself again."
"Absolutely," Robin chuckled, "You have a full crew of mostly eager babysitters."
"I'm most surprised... I mean, pleasantly surprised," Nami said, "By Luffy."
"Why? He's her father," Robin pointed out.
"Yeah, but he's also Luffy," Nami sighed, in a mixture of fondness and exasperation. Robin chuckled.
"I knew he would make a good father and husband some day," she said, "He grows up fast when he needs to."
"Still..." Nami frowned. "Where is he?"
"GUYS! GUYS!"
Usopp ran up onto the deck, frantic and panting. He looked at Nami intently.
"Come quick! To the lounge! It's Luffy and Ace!"
Fear gripped Nami's heart.
"What-Is something wrong?!"
"Just-You gotta see! I can't-You won't believe it! COME ON!"
Usopp ran back down the ladder to the lower deck. Nami was barely a few steps behind him, Climatact in her hand. What the hell could make him so freaked out he couldn't explain it?!
She heard the rest of the crew follow, but it didn't cross her mind as much as resolving whatever had spooked Usopp so much.
He skidded to a halt outside of the lounge, held up a finger to his lips for quiet, and pointed into it with his other hand. Nami cautiously approached, looked into the lounge...
"... And the second little pig said 'not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!' So the wolf blew his house down too. And then gobbled him up!"
Luffy was sitting with Ace in his lap on the lounge couch. Nothing unusual there, he did that all the time. It was cute how protective he could be of her.
The unusual thing was...
Nami's jaw dropped to the deck. Her eyes widened.
Luffy had... A book. A book of fairy tales. Out. Open. In front of him and Ace.
And he was...
"Seriously, this wolf is dumb, Ace-chan. Why's he putting all this effort into eating pigs that build houses? You'd think he'd go into the woods, or fish, or something."
"Stupid wolf," Ace agreed. Luffy laughed.
"Shishishi, yeah! I love pork, but if I have to blow down people's houses for it, that's just lame! Anyway...!"
HE'S READING A BOOK?! Nami and the rest of the Strawhats all thought in simultaneous amazement.
"... 'bloooow your house down!' So he tries, but he totally fails. Cause it's made of bricks! I mean, what a loser! He should have trained more before trying to take down houses made of bricks. There was this wolf guy at Enies Lobby, he could have just kicked some houses down..."
Nami tilted her head. Intellectually, sure, she knew her husband could read. He didn't bother with books, but he could read road signs, advertisements, and meat coupons. Reading a book with their daughter?
"This is... So... Weird," Usopp murmured, as though the slightest noise might disrupt the spell that had fallen over the lounge. Everyone else nodded in unison.
"Weird but adorable," Nami whispered, practically tearing up at the wholesome bonding between Luffy and Ace.
"... And so the stupid wolf fell into the pot, and got cooked up in a wolf stew! And the pig ate him and lived happily ever after! The End!" Luffy finished with a beam. Ace smiled back, but looked confused as she did it.
"What's that story mean, Daddy?"
"Eh? What do you mean, what does it mean?"
"Robin says stories have lessons that make them mean something," Ace recited.
"Ah! A lesson! Okay. The lesson of this story is...!"
Luffy grinned, and held up a finger as though about to impart the wisdom of the ages on his young progeny. The rest of the Strawhats held their breath.
"Pigs who build things are jerks, so don't try to eat them. Find pigs who can't build anything, or talk, and eat them instead! Also wolves are dumb, but delicious!"
The Strawhats... Collapsed to the floor, in various states of exasperation.
"Ohhhh," Ace said, nodding with shiny eyes, "You're smart, Daddy!"
"Aw, I'm just an idiot, sweetie! But thanks!" Luffy blinked and finally noticed his crew all lying outside the lounge. "Mm? Hey! You guys all right?"