"Mr. Smith? I...I really need you." I sat down on the stairs as the supercomputer rolled out of the wall. "Asha, what a wonderful surprise. I'm afraid Luke and Sarah Jane are out at the minute." He said once he was out. "I know. I needed to speak to you." "Oh? How may I be of assistance? Your heartrate is higher than usual. Is everything okay?" He asked. I sighed. "I don't know where to begin." I told him honestly. He sighed. "I'd usually ask for the beginning, however, I'm not sure if you are sure of that point." He remarked casually. I laughed, the tension lifting slightly. "I think there's something wrong with me." I told him. "Oh? From my scans of you, everything seems normal physically. For more emotional queries, I would recommend Rani." Mr. Smith said. I winced. "I'm kind of hoping that you might be more helpful. You see, I've been thinking, and well, things aren't adding up for me." Mr. Smith remained silent. "It started just before Clyde's dad came back. Rani and I were talking about the boys in our class, and I wasn't interested in the conversation...at all. Like, as soon as the topic came up, I was mentally begging for someone to stop it. But it's not just that time. Every single time someone brings up how hot they find someone; I just get an ick feeling. Like, every time. At first, I thought that it was just the boys we were talking about in general, but then when conversations were about celebrities, I was just as uninterested. But I don't get why? No one else my age seems to feel the same. It just feels like all they can think about is boys, and I'm like, 'please, anything else!'" I stopped to take a breath.
Mr. Smith was silent for a few moments, before asking me a question. "Asha, what do you know about Asexuality?" I blinked in shock. "I'm assuming you aren't talking about asexual reproduction?" I asked nervously. "No. Asexuality is a wide spectrum of identities which all revolve around a lack of sexual attraction. I believe, from what you have described, you might be somewhere along that spectrum." I looked at him strangely. "But...I've had crushes before?" I'm so confused. Mr. Smith chuckled. "Yes, I'm well aware of your crush on Luke, however, there is a difference between romantic and sexual attraction." I blushed fiercely. Am I really that bad at hiding it? "From my understanding of your feelings, you want the romantic side of a relationship, but you do not desire the more physical side of an allo relationship." I piped up. "What does Allo mean?" "Allo is a word used to describe someone who is not asexual." Mr. Smith explained patiently. "Oh. So, I'm asexual?" I asked him. "I cannot say for certain. From my knowledge, both of you as a person, and of the thousands of identities, I would say you are most likely on that spectrum. However, it is something that you need to decide for yourself." I nodded. "Thank you. That really helps."
"There's something else, isn't there?" Mr. Smith asked. I gulped. This would probably be harder. "I...I... I don't...know, exactly." I stammered. "Well, what effect is it having on you?" He asked. My leg has started bouncing. I'm rolling a bouncy ball between my hands as I try and admit what's on my mind. "There are some times where I don't feel right." My words come out slowly. "Explain?" Mr. Smith asks gently. "Well, there are some days where I look in the mirror, and I'm absolutely fine. Like, yep, that girl's me! But then there are days when I look in the mirror, and I look wrong. But I look the exact same as I did yesterday. And there are times, when I'm wearing jeans and a hoodie, my hair is completely tucked into my hat, and I could be mistaken for a boy in certain angles...and I feel so happy. And I know that I shouldn't, but I do? And when I'm hanging out with either Luke or Clyde, and a teacher makes a comment about boys and girls, I get kind of annoyed? But I don't know why?" I'm on a roll. "But recently, I've and remembering times when I was a kid, and I'd tell Mum that I don't feel like a girl, but I am a girl, like, definitely a girl! But I don't always like being a girl. But that's probably just me being a teenager and not liking growing up." I stopped rambling and just sat quietly. I was tense now. I've never said anything out loud about this, apart from the times I said something to Mum. I was about 7 when I realised I shouldn't say anything about it. I had mentioned it a few times before then, but Mum always shot me down. Mr. Smith was quiet for a few seconds. "Well, I was not expecting that. However, I am not entirely surprised. Once again, I can only tell you what my understanding is from what you have explained. I am not you. I do not perceive gender in the same way that you humans do. I personally believe that you may be gender fluid. That is based purely off the way you have described the way that you perceive yourself and the feelings around how you wish to be perceived fluctuating on a frequent basis." I was shocked. "Gender fluid?" I asked quietly. "It means that you may identify as female one day, male the next. Or both, simultaneously." Mr. Smith said. I sat with the information for a bit. "Gender fluid...I... How would I know?" I ask desperately. "Would you like to test it out?" Mr. Smith asked me. I nodded. "Very well. How would you describe yourself right now?" he asked me. I stopped and actually thought about it. "I don't know. I don't feel like a girl right now, but I also don't feel like, not a girl?" I don't know how to explain it. "Okay. Would you prefer if I used they/them pronouns for you right now?" I nodded silently.
"How...what does...do you know..." I was struggling for words. "Sarah Jane." I said, hoping he could put two and two together. "Are you inquiring as to what Sarah Jane's stance on this would be?" I sighed in relief. "Sarah Jane and I have never explicitly discussed her opinions on this, however given how often she bemoans the close mindedness of humanity, I believe she will be 100% supportive of you, no matter what conclusion you come to. Rani, Luke, and Clyde, all love you. They would never let something like this change their view of you." I gulped, knowing that he's likely correct, but I really don't know if I would be able to cope if he was wrong. "Thank you, Mr. Smith. I think I've got a lot of things to think about." As I was preparing to leave, he spoke up. "Asha, I want you to know that no matter the outcome, I will still care about you. I may not understand or feel emotions, but I do care for you." I gave him a small smile before leaving.
A/n: I do not own Mr. Smith, or any Sarah Jane characters. Asha being gender fluid is me projecting. I've recently come to the realisation that I am gender fluid, and I would like to have Asha reflect that. The reasons that Asha gave Mr. Smith for feeling not normal were all genuine experiences that I had which led me to the conclusion that I am Aro Ace gender fluid. I do not speak for any other person on any of the spectrums. Any experience Asha has with mental health/gender/sexuality are mostly things that I deal with.