WhIP

by footfungus

nederlands verhalen over mijn otp

34. Chapter 34

Primus inter Pares

Angottos

Summary:

The Capitol knows best, they told you - especially when it came to matters such as marriage.

1950's AU
Erwin Smith x Reader

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: The Engagement

Chapter Text

The City Hall of Mitras stood large and imposing, and your eyes greedily drank in the sight of it's monumental façade. You couldn't help your agape mouth and wide eyed stare, even if your legs were more inclined to run the other way. Massive stone pillars greeted one at the entrance and it's heavy iron bell rang with pride.

Having travelled with your parents all the way from quiet and slumbering Jinae to the busy and bustling capital city, you were more than gobsmacked. There was no shortage of nice buildings in your home town, of course, but the ones in Mitras were large and lavish, almost contemptuous, while the ones in Jinae were cozy and inviting. Though awe rapidly turned into dread and anxiety, the moment your feet carried you inside.

The foyer was empty, and you quietly wondered how such a building in the middle of the Capital could be this vacant, especially at midday. But it's not like you didn't appreciate the silence - quite the opposite, really - as you weren't looking forward to an audience, not while you were to go through with that awful business for which you were summoned to be here.

The sound of your steps echoed around you, as you dared to look north, noticing the thin, arched windows up above. They were gorgeous, antique, yet they hardly let in any light from the outside, leaving everything looking bleak and stark inside. The sight made you shiver, and it didn't help how unusually cold it was for August, either. The drop in temperatures made you wear your long coat and stockings, which supposedly provided protection against the harsh winds. Even so, you could hardly stop trembling.

Your parents must have sensed it, too, even if they didn't remark anything about it. Instead they chose to stare ahead in tense silence, and continued to do so even when you arrived in one of the hallways behind an impressive set of marble stairs.

Not that you didn't prefer it like this, anyway. After they explained the whole ordeal and enlightened you about your new responsibilities, you hardly spoke. Slowly but surely, you found yourself slipping into apathy. You kept to yourself and spoke to them only when necessary. They didn't bother you either.

Faint talking noises could be heard at the end of the hall, and the wings of a heavy oak door suddenly creaked open.

Then, your last name was called; a cue for you and your parents to enter.

You did not raise your head as you stepped into the office, eyes defiantly on your shoes, even after being greeted by the mayor himself. He offered his hand and you shook it politely, still not meeting his eyes.

"Please excuse my daughter, she is just nervous," you heard your father behind you. From the sound of it, he was sporting a nervous smile. The mayor dismissed your behavior with a wave of his hand and a friendly grin.

"Think nothing of it, it's quite all right," he assured your father, before turning back to you. "Let's fill out the Intention, then. I trust you have your papers with you, yes?"

With a nod, you numbly reached into your bag, all the while feeling your parents' eyes on you. As you fished out the necessary document, The Mayor gently placed his hands on your upper back and brought you to a desk, neatly positioned in front of beautiful, stained glass-windows. And while his demeanor was certainly friendly and welcoming, you still felt like a lamb forced to follow a lion.

Still, it was at this point that you were forced to raise your gaze, if you didn't want to risk appearing completely unmannerly.

And that's when you first saw him.

There, standing just beside the desk, stood a tall, broad-shouldered man. The little light that managed to seep in trough the windows hit him from behind, illuminating his blond hair. Your eyes locked with his, only for some fleeting seconds, before your jittery nerves got the better of you.

Casting your eyes down, you busied yourself with placing your documents on the mahogany desk. As you did so, you immediately noticed another pile, already laid out and waiting. It didn't take long to find out whom it belonged to.

The mayor then handed you a fountain pen, and you accepted it somewhat awkwardly, before he nodded to the tall blond.

"Ladies first, you understand."

He didn't say anything, but you could sense him nodding back, as you were already hunched over and about to fill out everything. You wanted it to be done as soon as possible, but you quickly realized how much difficulty you had with steadying your hands. They were shaking and try as you might, you couldn't grip the pen correctly, especially when you felt everyone's eyes on you. So you let out a quiet sigh and decided to just sign everything with your ugly handwriting.

Being done, you placed the pen down on the desk, purposefully not giving it to the blond man. Stepping away, you caught the first page of his pile next to you. Along with his name.

Erwin Smith

His surname was as common as it could get, but coupled with his first name, something seemed to ring a bell. Have you seen him already somewhere...? You mused about his name, and unbeknownst to you, forgot your gaze on his wide back as he leaned down to sign. The mayor must have misunderstood your gaze as one of longing or quipped interest, as he suddenly sent you a cheeky smile. The mirth in his eyes made you avert your gaze, and after that you made sure not look at him again.

The whole procedure took less than half an hour. After Erwin signed the documents, the mayor took your papers and officiated it with a stamp. The burgundy mark of certification stared back at you mockingly.

Then something happened that caught you somewhat off guard.

The mayor gave yet another nod to Erwin, to which he reached into his pocket while coming to stand before you. You were especially lost on what to do, when you saw what he was holding in his hands. It shouldn't have, since it was a core part of every marriage. But this marriage was a farce, so the need of it was strange at best. Seems like the Capitol did find the symbolism of it somewhat important, or else you wouldn't look at the two golden rings encapsulated in a black box in Erwin's hand.

You were somewhat glad that it was traditionally the male who put the ring on the woman first, because you still felt stiff, unable to move. Next thing you knew was Erwin gently taking your hand, before gliding the cold ring on your fourth finger. Flustered and scared, you trained your eyes on anywhere but his face. You noticed his fingers, which were rather long, his fingernails prim and well-kept. You wondered if they were always like this, or if only the occasion called for it. What was his occupation?

"May these rings symbolize your inherent wholeness and unity with one another..." the mayor started, standing somewhat further away.

Erwin was so close, you could hear his breathing. His inhale and exhale were deep and calm. With it you noticed his wide chest, his suit slightly rising and falling with every breath. The man had a strong build, you noted.

"Giving you the strength to happily honor your commitments to each other..."

It was your turn.

You mustered as much strength as you could to stop your fingers from shaking. Holding one of your own, you positioned it at the tip of his fourth finger.

"These rings represent the vows and promises you've willingly exchanged..."

You felt his eyes on you, taking in your appearance. You might have wondered what he thought of you, if it weren't for you holding back a scoff at the 'willing' part. After exchanging rings, you held each others' hands. Yours were so small and frail in his, something he obviously noticed too, as you could sense him holding them as gently as he could.

As the mayor was about to end his speech, a new realization dawned upon you, getting your heart in a frenzy. Were you also supposed to...?

"For each is the giver and each is the receiver. May these rings always remind you of the vows you have taken," he finished with a dramatic pause, Erwin and you still holding hands.

Everyone in the room was staring at him, awaiting his next words with bathed breath.

"It's official then," he suddenly spoke up. "From now on you two are husband and wife."

And then, right after that, nothing happened. People usually clap and congratulate, but this seemed inappropriate in the given setting, which was something even the mayor was aware of. Which is exactly why you were already hoping to get off the hook, but the expectant look on his face was telling another tale.

"Don't look at me like that! You may kiss each other of course!"

Again, the look Erwin and you gave him was misunderstood as that of anticipation instead of hesitation. You felt awkward, embarrassed and scared, at first only looking at Erwin's shoes. From the corner of your eyes, you saw something shift. It was your parents, they turned away. Your gaze was then redirected to the front, as you caught Erwin raise his hand to your cheek. There, he delicately positioned his fingers, making you raise your eyes to his.

They were blue, currently taking in your features. The expression he wore was of neutrality, but there was a hint of gentleness too.

At last his eyes lowered to your lips and you took this as a sign to close your own.

The kiss lasted three seconds; short and fleeting, only enough to seal the deal.

The burgundy cushioned seat underneath your fingers were silky soft, though the atmosphere in the car made it unable for you to enjoy it.

You were left with the option to look outside the window, and watch the scenery of Mitras whizz by. Erwin was sitting beside you, not too close, yet not too far either. He looked just as composed as he did in City Hall, and you started to wonder if this was how it was going to be. With you being a nervous wreck, while him being the physical embodiment of stoicism. How was he not nervous about this? Scared or uncomfortable? He didn't seem to at least.

Dread settled in your stomach the more you tried to wrap your head around the whole ordeal. You prayed you wouldn't get sick.

Your gaze nervously swiveled to the chauffeur in front of you, a little honeymoon gift, courtesy of City Hall. Though you weren't sure if offering you two a drive was truly a nice gesture, and not just a means to keep an eye on you two. More specifically, on you.

With a hardly noticeable shake of your head, you tried to refocus your gaze outside. Tried to forget why you're in this car. Tried to breathe in and out as evenly as possible. In and out. Sigh. In and out. ...It didn't work.

Hazy, muddled mind, a raging storm inside. Your toes curled inside your shoes as you let out a heavy exhale again. You wondered if this was the beginning of a panic attack. This is bad. You wanted to get out of here. You wanted to tear the goddamn door open, jump outside and let the asphalt road take you instead. Anything but this. A quiet whimper escaped you. It was getting difficult to breath. Another shaky exhale. This is torture.

Your hand was already on the door handle, ready to act on your impulsive thoughts, disregarding the fact that you were by now being watched trough the rear-view mirror.

It doesn't matter, does it? You die now or you die internally by going along with this.

All of a sudden a warm, reassuring hand descended upon yours.

Your head snapped to Erwin.

He was still looking calmly ahead, with nary a hint of anything amiss. Then he squeezed your hand, ever so gently, before turning his head and offering you a small smile.

"Did you enjoy the ceremony, Darling?"

You stared at him, mouth slightly ajar. From the corner of your eyes you saw the driver shift his gaze to Erwin, away from you.

Quickly realizing what he was trying to do, you hesitantly returned the squeeze. "Yes... It was lovely."

"I'm glad. You must be tired. All that anticipation must have caught up to you," he replied, and his expression turned a tad bit grim, leaving you to wonder if he also meant something else with it. If he already knew what your stance was regarding the Program. You could only nod.

Your other hand slowly slipped from the door handle back to your lap, while you left the other one in Erwins' hand. The chauffeurs' eyes were back on the road.

Chapter 2: Façade

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The Rhododendrons were the first thing that caught your attention. They weren't in full bloom anymore, but looked lovely nonetheless; their foliage having turned from bright green to glowing orange and red, igniting the garden with color and carefully embracing the front yard of your new house. You idly walked past them, with your hands behind you, eyes surveying the front porch of the house, as your nose caught their fragrance, honey-like and sweet.

Mildly surprised, you slowed down and eyed them with curiosity. How odd, you mused to yourself. They were spring flowers, heralding warm and sunny days. For them to smell this strong on this cloudy, August day was refreshingly defiant.

You peeked behind you.

Erwin and the chauffeur were at the gate, discussing something that you were not privy to.

This was made abundantly clear, as the two of you exited the car and the latter immediately addressed you. "Mrs. Smith," he started, and you couldn't mask the absolute surprise at being called that, jaw hanging open. The driver either didn't notice or didn't care, pointing his head in the direction of the house.

"Why don't you take a look inside, while Mr. Smith and I have a short chat."

The tone in his voice made it painfully obvious: it was an order.

You nodded, risking a curious glance to Erwin, as he walked around the car, halting next to you. The expression he wore could be interpreted as: Don't worry. Do as he says. Or at least that's what you think he was thinking. It was hard to figure it out. The man wore his poker face well.

Not having much choice, though, you did as you were told. And found yourself in the garden, fingers gingerly brushing against warm-hued petals. To say you were curious about what they were talking about would be an understatement. It was eating away at you, anxiety flaring. The chauffeur must have noticed your hand on the handle of the car and quickly realized what you were up to. Again, you glanced behind you. Erwin's wide back was turned to you, perfectly shutting you out of their conversation. Whatever they were talking about seemed serious enough. They seemed engrossed. And distracted. Could you make a run for it now? If you walked round the house, you might just find a small garden gate and leave quietly.

You entertained the idea, albeit only for a second. What would you do after that? They'd catch you in an instant, and there's little chance that anyone would take you in. You were new to this neighborhood, and the city itself was unfamiliar to boot.

The chauffeur wasn't lying though, they kept their conversation short. Soon enough you could hear Erwin making his way to you, first the expensive leather shoes against the pavement, and then his even steps on the grass.

"He's gone," he informed you. You could feel his eyes on your back, before you turned around, one hand still cradling a flower.

"What did he say?"

The question slipped out, despite your better judgement.

Erwin didn't answer immediately. He didn't take offense to your question, that much you could decipher, but he seemed hesitant, as if he was caught off guard.

"I can't tell you that," he said, at last. "But I promise you it only concerns me."

You turned your gaze away.

"Okay."

At least you tried.

The air around you was suddenly thick and humid, and you weren't so sure if the capricious weather was to blame for that. You let your hands fall from the flower, suddenly feeling very awkward, lost on what to do. Erwin was still rooted to his place, casually roaming his eyes around the garden and your new house. You in turn took this as your opportunity to take him in properly.

Now that you were standing in natural light, and not confined to a dusty office or moving vehicle, you noticed his suit, stretched taut across his wide chest and shoulders. It was a pleasant grey; the color creating an interesting contrast to the warm hued Rhododendron bushes behind him. His blond hair was swept aside, hands in the pocket of his slacks, his square jaw and strong neck prominently outlined as he looked up, evaluating the house you'd be sharing. He was rather handsome, you noted to yourself.

"Shall we get inside?" he suddenly asked, fair eyes back on you.

Anxiety returning, you gulped.

The timber framed house, masterfully crafted, seemed to suddenly swallow you up. You didn't. You had no idea what he would do to you the moment you stepped inside. But what other choice did you have? You could have idled in the garden for some time, but sooner or later you must have gone inside.

Reluctantly, you nodded and stepped away from the bushes, slowly following Erwin. He opened the door for you, and you thanked him quietly. Inside was dark and eerily quiet, the curtains drawn close, furnitures placed in a rigid order. It was evident that no one lived here before you and that greatly unnerved you for some reason. There was no warmth or familiarity, no comfort-inducing clutter - or anything of the sort - just a gray haze that settled down like heavy dust.

And all this, despite the room being filled with tasteful furniture, decorations and equipped with the most modern devices. Squinting, you noticed a television set in the right corner.

You didn't have time to let your eyes wander about any further however, as the sound of the front door closing hit your ears, followed by heavy steps.

Panic immediately surged trough your veins, and you turned around, ready to defend yourself by pathetically grabbing your bag. Erwin only raised his arms, a sign of his pure intentions, and risked one more step closer to you.

"What do you think of this?" he suddenly asked, stopping before you; his calm facade eased, and his brows were heavy above his eyes.

You didn't know if it was stress or adrenaline, but you had difficulty to think – his question was painfully forward, leaving you staring at him. At first you thought he meant the interior, the house itself, but then slowly realized what exactly he was referring to.

You couldn't help but quirk a finely penciled eyebrow at that. He saw the little stunt you tried in the car before, it was obvious what your stance regarding the Program was.

Moments passed in stunned silence. "You really want my opinion on this?"

He nodded.

Was this a trap? To make you confess so that he could report you to the authorities? Or to discipline you, lest you ruin the plan of the great nation of Eldia? You didn't know what his political alignment was, after all.

Well, you thought to yourself, pride not backing down, might as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb. You let go of your bag. With your shoulders squared, and head held high, you answered him.

"All right, I'll tell you: I think it's disgusting. The whole Program, the whole Eldian plan – all of it is utterly revolting! Unethical, vile! We are basically treated as cattle, only serving one purpose! To ensure what? A hazy prediction about our future, that might or might not happen!"

With a hand, you hurdled your handbag to the nearby couch and walked closer to him.

"And speaking of cattle – I refuse to become one. So if you think that I'll just go along with this, without a say on my part, then you're gravely mistaken. I'll get myself out of this mess, one way or another!"

By now you were a hair's breath away from him, eyes ardently gleaming up at him. You were so close, he could have easily grabbed you by the waist and thrown you on the ground, on the couch, pushed you against the wall. Showed you what exactly he thought about this whole ordeal. Or pushed you aside to grab the rotary phone on the stand next to the TV and call someone to request a new wife, immediately, while demanding for you to be taken away. He could have had his way with you and you would have not known what to do. You were really pushing your luck here. Pride really does come before the fall, shot trough your mind.

Only a few seconds passed, with him calmly holding your gaze, before he did something that made you step back with your mouth slightly agape. He chuckled.

It started slow and deep; a quiet rumble in his chest. A genuinely pleasant, masculine sound, if you wanted to be honest with yourself. Not to mention how it completely changed his face, pearly whites flashing in grey light. You could only stare at him, not knowing how to interpret his reaction.

"A sound mind at last," he said, quieting down, while you took another step back, confused and suddenly slightly embarrassed at your outburst. He sent you another smile, the blue in his eyes mellowing out, before gingerly extending his hand.

"I don't think I could properly introduce myself," he said, clearing his throat. "My name's Erwin Smith. And I happen to wholeheartedly agree with you."

You eyed his outstretched hand with mild suspicion.

"Mighty queer of you to introduce yourself after calling me your Darling and kissing me just an hour ago, don't you think?"

Nonetheless, you slowly accepted his handshake, and gave it a firm squeeze, introducing yourself back.

"I'm aware," the blond countered with a small smile, mirth dancing in his eyes, as he stepped away to search for the light switch. He gestured for you to sit down on the armchair after he found it, before following suit, sitting on the sofa adjacent.

"So I take it you already have a plan?"

You blinked, somewhat taken aback. "What makes you think that?"

"You said that you're going to get yourself out of this mess..."

Eyes slightly narrowed at that. This still sounded like an interrogation.

Even if he hit the nail on the head. You were planning to escape somehow. But it was all vague. Was it safe to tell him, though? He could still be just playing along.

"You think I'm on their side," he stated, matter of factly.

You lowered your gaze.

He rested his elbows on his knees, and you caught his bare forearms, the sleeves of his white shirt stopping at the junction, his watch on his right hand.

"Then, how about I tell you about my plan first?"

You caught his gaze. "You'd tell me about it?"

He nodded. "Care to listen?"

You didn't answer immediately, but he took that as his sign to continue. "I'm scheming an escape. I have a wide circle of reliable friends who could smuggle us out of Eldia and into the outside world."

You couldn't mask the shock on your face. The outside world! Forbidden territory – one you couldn't even daydream about, it was that much of a taboo topic. No one even dared to hint at it, much less think of it as an option to escape. And it was such an unknown place, your knowledge of the outside world was pretty limited, Eldia made sure of that – how would you even fare outside?

"It won't be easy, of course," Erwin continued, immediately reading your mind. "Border control on the walls is extremely tight and thorough and we'll be heavily monitored now that we're participants of this Program. Not to mention that we're currently residing in Mitras – right in the middle of Eldia. We'd need to cross three walls, not just one. But there's the possibility that it could work."

You tore your gaze away, giving it a thought, before slightly shaking your head. "Sounds like suicide with extra steps to me," you muttered.

"Better than actually committing suicide, by hurling yourself out of a car going 50km/h... ," he countered, teasing in good humor.

You left your head hanging, not being able to calm your reddening cheek. Come to think of it...

"Why did you stop me back then?" you asked, eyebrow raised in curiosity. And then another thought.

"Did you plan your escape with me in mind? Ever since they told you that you'd be apart of the Program?"

The whole time he was speaking in first person plural. Us and We.

"Yes," he answered, while his gaze slipped somewhat south, not looking at anything particular.

"But... why? You'd have a much easier time to escape if you just left me behind, right?"

In this new light, you couldn't help but think – yet again - that you already saw him somewhere. The question was already on your tongue, but you promptly shooed it away. Surely you'd have remembered him if you did.

"Well," he started, raising his gaze back to you. "You don't want to be apart of this. You don't want to be my wife and have children with me, correct?"

The way he worded it was harsh, yet true. You didn't know him, considered him a stranger. He seemed like a decent fella, and if you two would have met in other circumstance, you're pretty sure he'd taken you off your feet. His charm was off the chart.

"No offense," you chuckled.

"None taken," he laughed. Then, he extended his hand again. "Do we have a deal?"

"What's my part of the deal?" you asked, but your hand was already set in motion, reaching for his.

"All I ask of you is that you trust in me," the blond answered, serious tone making itself back. "I'll tell you everything I know, and in turn you tell me everything you know."

At this, you blinked and promptly retracted your hand. He looked at you, surprised.

"You already broke that one yourself," you accused him, brow quirking with suspicion. "You didn't tell me what the chauffeur told you back then. For all I know you could still be playing spy."

Erwin closed his eyes in agreement, and exhaled, shoulders sagging. "Touché," he murmured.

Gears turning in his head, he tried anew. "How about this - I'll tell you what he told me once we cross the wall and get out of here."

Eyes slightly narrowing, you stared back at him. "I still don't know why you just couldn't tell me now."

At this, he sent you an enigmatic smile, and possibly for the first time, looked at you with something akin to tenderness. As a matter of fact, you noticed his whole demeanor change, his posture not as rigid as before, and you didn't really know what to make of it.

"Look," you started slowly, licking your lips. "I am thankful you included me in your plan, but I think it's better if we just go our own, separate ways. I can't trust you if you harbor any secrets yourself."

He nodded, eyes closed – whether in fatigue or defeat, you weren't sure. "Understandably," he added, morose.

"I'm not going to tell anyone about your plan, though," you continued, hastily. "I might not trust you, but I don't wish to harm you either."

He smiled at you, with a mixture of amusement and something sad. Your gaze hardened. "What's so funny?"

He shook his head. "Just a few minutes ago you were threatening to hit me with your bag."

You blinked, cheeks slightly red, and the sight coaxed another warm chuckle out of Erwin.

"How right you are," you replied, clearing your throat. "And I might just do it again, if I feel that you're going to become a threat."

At that, he stopped. And focused his earnest gaze on you. "I won't. I promise you I won't harm you," he said, and you gauged his expression, eyes twinkling with honesty. Something stirred in your chest. This man is either stupidly honest, a literal altruistic saint, or he's desperately trying to win your trust for some reason. You hummed.

"Time shall tell. And well," you sighed, shoulders sagging from your exhale. "I wouldn't particularly gain anything from reporting you, anyway. They'd most probably just assign me a new husband."

The thought made you shudder. While you weren't happy to be participating in the Program, you were starting to realize how lucky you were to be paired up with the blond in front of you. The chances of your new husband being just as agreeable as Erwin was low to nothing. You couldn't risk it.

At least you were safe now.

Well, safer.

Notes:

Rhododendrons symbolize caution and danger - they also happen to be very toxic if ingested.
- A

Chapter 3: Rope knots in the dark

Notes:

Trust, whilst a unifying force, can also be a binding one - J. Stodd

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The cheap plastic of the flashlight dug into your fingers. You were careful not to drop it, despite the discomfort it brought you, and tried following Erwin, as he slowly made his way down on a set of old, rickety wooden steps. The device in your hand was the only source of light in the basement you two arrived in.

You offered to give the flashlight to him instead - he was the one who was leading the way after all - but he declined with a gentle shake of his head.

"I'll see just fine if you stand next to me."

So you did. Until you reached the aforementioned steps.

You were about to offer him the flashlight again, but he gripped the railing without an ounce of hesitation, and you could only watch as he disappeared into the darkness, angular shoulders and a strong neck inviting you to follow him. After your talk in the living room, which ended with both of you confessing your true intentions - that is: to escape – you decided to properly take a look around the house. Starting with locating the fuse box.

The house had no garage, that was immediately clear once you two arrived, so the other remaining possibilities to check out were the basement or the utility room. The latter being crossed off the list as well, when Erwin and you found it empty, safe for one washing machine, a broom, and a tool kit. Hence why you were now here. And as you slightly raised the flashlight in the direction of the corner, a square-shaped box made itself visible. Erwin immediately walked to the fuse box and carefully opened the lid. You followed him, directing the light to the row of switches.

"It seems fine," you muttered, and he hummed in agreement, before gingerly raising his finger and touching the fuse block. Then, tugging hard at it, he pulled it out, and with a clack – the light in the living room died – or at least you assumed it did.

"We should flip the switch off in the living room before you plug it back in," you advised.

"Yes, that'd be wise."

As you made your way up the stairs, now with you leading him, you couldn't help but feel somewhat on edge. By now it was completely dark in the house, the lamp in your hand being the only exception. You were completely on board with the idea to thoroughly survey the house before settling in, but there was a certain kind of intimacy that came with you two being in the dark you realized; one that you weren't sure what to do with it. On one hand you felt somewhat relieved that Erwin had more or less the same idea of escaping, rejecting the Program and what it stands for. On the other hand, he was still somewhat of a stranger.

So the realization that hit you once you reached the top of the stairs did surprise you: despite everything, you didn't mind him this close. You weren't scared of the dark per se, but you were in an unfamiliar place, put there without your consent, with a man you only met hours ago – but the knowledge that he was right behind you, taller and bigger then you, ready to act should anything happen was something that was welcomed by you. He had no intentions of harming you in that way, or at least he didn't seem to – and if he already wanted to, he had ample opportunities to do so. Of course you still had your guard up, but perhaps not as much as before.

A gentle shiver ran down your spine; the air around you started to turn awkward again. So you wracked your brain on how to deflate any attention from you, and you managed to come up with some questions that were appropriate to ask someone you only met hours ago. Might as well get to know him, if you were to live with him for a while. And it wasn't even that hard, if you wanted to be brutally honest with yourself, since some of them were already on the tip of your tongue ever since he put that ring on you. You were just about to clear your throat, and open your mouth, when he beat you to it.

"How do you find Mitras?" he asked, and you turned to look at him, somewhat taken aback. The light from your hand emphasized his sharp jawline and thick neck. Looking at him you had to wonder if he felt the same kind of uneasiness back there, or if he was just that keen of a man to know how you were feeling?

"Uh," you stalled, not really liking the latter option. "It's ... different."

You two arrived in the living room, and your assumption turned out to be correct. The light was dead. Slowly making your way to the center of the room, you squinted, trying to remember where the switch was. "It's certainly very lavish. But perhaps a bit too much so," you finished with a shrug, finally finding the switch and flipping it off with a satisfied hum, before turning back to him. "If you don't mind me saying that is."

Despite the dimness, you could clearly see him raise an eyebrow with a smile. "Oh – I'm not originally from Mitras myself. Moved here from Trost, actually."

At that, your mouth hang open. Fully turning to him, you visibly perked up. "Really? Trost?"

"Yes."

For the first time since weeks, a genuine smile graced your lips.

"Oh, I loved living there!" you sighed, almost dreamily. "I attended university there, you know. The few years I spent there were the most amazing ones! Such a hot spot for culture! The food and the people were so nice, too. Oh, there was that one bakery were I used to order so many Flammkuchens! I already forgot its name," you confessed, with a light laugh, "But I could find my way there while blindfolded. Maybe you know which one I'm talking about? Well, nevermind, it's not that well known, so probably not. But anyway, it's an amazing city," you finished with your gaze lowered to the ground, suddenly realizing that you were gushing. All the heat rushed to your cheeks, unaware of how Erwin relished in the sight, with a tender look in his eyes.

You cleared your throat, avoiding his gaze. "So, uh," you continued. "What were you doing there?"

He smiled. "The very same thing as you – got my degree at Trost University."

That made you look up. A second of silence passed. "Wait, really?"

He nodded. "Studied law."

You pursed your lips, and took him in again. There was one another question that was on the forefront of your mind ever since you saw his full name, and his answer only brought you closer to your suspicion. But not close enough. Now or never.

"You know," you began, somewhat cautiously, "I can't help but wonder if I haven't seen you already... Did we by any chance meet in Trost?"

He didn't answer immediately. The feeling of unease returned, but this time, it emanated from him. Erwin weakly smiled, before shutting his eyes and slightly lowering his head. For a moment you weren't sure if he was nodding or hanging his head in defeat.

"Yeah, we did."

You quirked an eyebrow at that.

"Oh. I see," you replied lamely, suddenly not knowing what to do with this newfound information. But a part of you believed that it seemed important. So you pressed on. "Did we attend the same course or something?"

Another nod. "Yeah. Introduction to Ethics."

You remembered that course. It wasn't really a requirement for your specific major, but you needed the extra credit in order to finish your semester. There weren't any women in the small auditorium, and you reminiscenced how intimidated that made you feel, jittery nerves getting the better of you as you entered, and the curious eyes of male university students hungrily followed your every move.

"Why didn't you tell me?" you asked after a pause, tentative and slightly confused. "You obviously recognized me by now."

"We never really spoke, and I wasn't sure if you'd recognize me. I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable by putting you on the spot."

You stared back at him, not really liking his answer. And so Erwin got the chance to see - for possibly the umpteenth time today - how your pretty eyes slowly narrowed in wariness. You wanted to believe that it wasn't a big deal. After all, you were the only woman attending that course, so it was much easier for him to remember you then vice-versa. Surely there was no special reason as to why he didn't already mention that you two had already-kinda-sorta met already. But this was the second thing he omitted, and not even a day passed since you were married to him.

By now you were certain that he knew much more about your predicament then he let on, and the few milliseconds of nostalgic happiness immediately dissipated.

"Miss, I know this doesn't really paint me in a favorable light," Erwin began quietly, having just the gist of what must have run trough your mind. "But I am being absolutely honest when I tell you that I only stay quiet about things that play no importance to our escape."

"Oh, so you admit there are more things you are withholding from me?" you challenge him with a wry smile, already on the brink of laughing in despair. "Well, If they play no importance, then why not just tell me about them in the first place?"

At that he grew silent. "If you ever change your mind and plan to escape with me, then I'll tell you once we get out of Eldia," he said, at last.

"If not, then I'll tell you once we part ways."

Mood souring, the corners of your lips turned dangerously south. "I'm not sure why you think that I'd agree on your deal after all this. And you're a lawyer on top of things?"

Erwin hesitated somewhat. "That's right. Albeit I was still only employed as a practicing attorney at a law firm in Trost. Then they offered me a senior position here in Mitras."

"Great, the cards are stacked against me from the get go," you muttered to yourself, before you took in his words again. Eyes wide, you stared back at him, confusion overwriting anger.

"Wait a minute" you started, voice subdued. "They offered you a position?"

Erwin nodded. With a finger, you brushed a rouge strand of hair away from your eye. "How come? They didn't offer me anything... And I graduated with flying colors."

You exhaled. You couldn't shake off the feeling of something sinister.

"It's strange, really. I actually planned to find work in Trost after graduating, before - "

Before you were picked. Before that letter informing you about the Program arrived. You tiredly rubbed your eyes, accidentally smearing your mascara, way too exhausted to care however. Erwin shifted in his place, hands still in the pockets of his pants, before he confirmed one of your worst fears.

"I'm afraid they won't let you, now that you're married to me."

Eyes resting on your shoes, you could only gape. You didn't know if it was the events of the day catching up to you, with all those unpredictable situations you found yourself in, but a laugh was all that escaped you. It slipped out without warning, shaking your shoulders; your tense back ached at the motion. Then, you quieted down. Somewhat.

"Because I'm supposed to bear your children, right?" you grinned. "Stay home and look after them."

"... Something along those lines," Erwin answered quietly.

You scoffed. Your limbs felt worn out, your head pounded like a jack hammer. For a moment you almost dropped the piece of flimsy plastic device in your hand. The world was turning. Erwin immediately noticed your posture caving in, and walked up to you.

"Are you all right?"

No, you weren't. Despite this you nodded vigorously and silently, weakly holding up an arm, dismissing his worry.

"Let's just switch the power back on," you whispered, and were about to walk back to the basement, when Erwin gently touched your arm.

"Maybe you should stay here. Sit down on the couch, and I'll shut the power back on," he explained.

As angry as you were with him, he was right - you were way too exhausted to protest. So you nodded, and gave him the flashlight, before quickly sitting down while he was still in the room. The light slowly ebbed away as he made his way out of the room, leaving you alone in the dark.

The comfortable couch underneath you more than welcomed your weary body, and you couldn't help but let yourself sink into it some more, after you realized that the round silk pillows behind you were partly to blame for the luxurious feeling. You closed your eyes and listened to the footsteps of Erwin further and further drifting away. Then, it was quiet. And pitch dark. Peaceful.

It didn't take long for you to raise your legs, unceremoniously kicking off your shoes, and laying yourself down.

As you shut your weary eyes, you pretended to be back in Trost, in your dorm room, after a long Friday, filled with never ending lectures and seminars, which were followed by afternoons spent with friends on campus, basking in the sunlight, as you remembered them complain about finals and professors and cramped lecture halls. Then the night arrived, by which you were ready to go out, wearing your favorite skirt that showed off your feminine legs, heading to the nearby venue, music blasting loudly.

Getting tipsy with your girlfriends and dancing until you could not stand anymore. Then walking back home, barefoot, your shoes dangling in your hand, your other arm draped over the neck of your roommate, as you two stumbled your way back to your dorm in a drunken stupor, careful to keep it down in the corridors, and failing hilariously. Crashing in your bed, with your soiled stockings, make up long smeared, as you snoozed off, still innocent about the future, painfully naïve about all the possibilities that welcomed you now that you left slumbering Jinae behind.

You fell asleep.

Notes:

I often moved around in my life, and my parents always advised me to check out certain things if I ever happen to move into an older house (basically anything that was built pre-1980/70's), since they might still operate with an older fuse box for example. I never played around with them of course, but it's always good to know where they are and how they work, hence why I wrote Reader and Erwin doing the same, especially since they moved into a house that wasn't picked by them.

Gotta appreciate modern circuit breakers, eh?

p.s.: Flammkuchen - or tarte flambée is a speciality of the region of Alsace (and it's very tasty!)

- A

Chapter 4: Be right back

Chapter Text

Tackle the day before it tackles you, they say – and you made sure to live by these words. Which is why, in the early hours of dawn, you sneaked out of the house. After gently closing the front door behind you and making sure no one was outside, you glanced up, and with furrowed brows noted the change in weather. It was crisp yet the sky was clear - no clouds to be spotted anywhere.

You strolled past suburban houses and well-maintained lawns, clutching your thin file of documents to your hip and desperately fighting the urge to yawn. It was quite the task to keep your eyelids open as well, the dark circles below your eyes only adding to your somewhat frazzled appearance. You decided not to worry about it, however – no sense wasting energy about something you couldn't change, and gently slapped your cheeks, soldiering on.

Because you needed money.

And not because you were lacking it per se - the house you were gifted with was breathtaking after all and everything you needed was provided for – food, clothes, even the utilities were taken care of. But you had nothing to your name. No property, no bank account, nothing.

You figured you'd need some spare cash if you were to escape one day. While the Capitol did offer you welfare, it was a measly amount, and you'd have to save up for years before you got an amount with which an escape could be possible.

And there was another reason why: Erwin's words from yesterday still echoed in your mind, leaving you restless and fidgety. While it was so easy to believe that the Capitol would set such drastic measures, you simply had to find out for yourself.

So you were job hunting. Purposefully searching for work that was low-profile. The chance to scour for open positions arose, when you took the newspaper yesterday from the coffee table.

And as much as you mourned all those years you spent in university to get your degree, you decided that it'd be for the best if you lied about your education.

You didn't tell Erwin. And you were mildly annoyed how your chest ached from guilt because of that. Especially after you found yourself waking up in the bedroom this very morning. At first you felt disoriented, gingerly sitting up, before noticing your attire from yesterday, still on your form. It took you a few good seconds before you remembered where you were, and with that you immediately whipped your head to your side.

It was empty. A long, shaky exhale left your lips, your chest decreased with the motion. Muscle memory dictated a hand to lay on your chest; a means to calm your racing heart. Briefly taking a look around the bedroom, and realizing that you were indeed alone and safe, you exhaled once again through your nose and threw yourself back on the bed. The back of your hand came to rest on your forehead, and you blinked in a drowsy haze, before closing your eyes. Erwin brought you up here after you fell asleep on the couch, you realized.

It was a big double bed - clearly there to welcome the two of you. And yet he didn't sleep here. Your cheeks slightly reddened. Another opportunity to violate you was right there and he didn't take it.

Turning your head, you breathed in the soapy smell of freshly washed linen and briefly went trough your agenda for the day. After that you changed into a fresh pair of blouse and skirt, and left the bedroom. You found Erwin sleeping on the couch, still in his formal clothes from yesterday. As you walked past him, you couldn't help but slow down and lightly rest your hand on the upholstery.

Fine strands of his blonde hair escaped and lay on his forehead, his wide chest peacefully rose with every inhale. An unfamiliar feeling of thrill and suspense came over you as you watched him sleep this close. You felt like you were a lamb closely observing a slumbering wolf; knowing the danger and yet relishing in the adrenaline this scene provided you. You indulged in his vulnerable state and made sure to remember this moment - because even if for a minute, it was now you who had the upper hand. After a while though, you left.

And now you were here. Rounding a corner, you came across the very building you were searching for, the crumpled newspaper in your twitching hand assuring you of the address. It was an unassuming post office, far away from your neighborhood, and because of that, your potential new safe haven as well.

You thought you had great chances. You were more than qualified, as a matter of fact, overqualified, and to top it off: raised with impeccable manners and a decent amount of confidence. But the pleasant smile on your face slightly faltered the moment you noticed the odd behavior of your interviewer. After inquiring about the empty position, being invited into a room, and asking for your name, he turned hesitant. While before he was all smiles and pleasantries, now he seemed unsure, almost uncomfortable. He asked someone to fetch something for him, and – you assumed his employee - excused himself and left, while the interviewer tried to act nonchalant and continued with the barrage of questions. You caught him shooting furtive glances to your ring finger.

After a while, the employee returned, and his face wore a message only his higher up could intercept. Then they turned to you.

"Mrs. Smith, correct?"

You nodded, already aware what their issue was.

"Forgive me if this comes across as untoward, but why do you want to be employed?"

Sweat broke out on your skin, and you tried to keep your composure. They were on to you. Your gaze briefly slipped to your leather shoes, before you reminded yourself to be on the offense and keep eye-contact.

"Well, I just thought I'd make myself useful."

At that, they gave you a smile – one that a father would give his child after the latter exclaimed something utterly nonsensical, yet oddly adorable.

"Your ambition is mighty admirable, Mrs. Smith, you're truly an honorary citizen – but we're of the opinion that you're already making yourself plenty useful."

A slight frown tugged at your lips, not liking where this was going. Before you could react, the two stood up and handed your thin envelope back. "We'll give you an answer in a weeks time," they said, but you weren't holding your breath – you knew they were lying.

Half an hour later you were sitting on a bench. A cup of scorching hot coffee sat beside you, which you hastily bought from a nearby stand, accompanied by a half eaten, dry sandwich. Hunched over the now crinkled newspaper in your lap, the cap of the pen dangled from your mouth, and a low groan slipped from your throat as you crossed out Mitras' little post office.

The sun was high up in the sky, the heat beating down on you. You took one more bite from your soppy sandwich, although not with much gusto, and washed it down with the rest of your coffee, all the while scouring for your next viable option.

People walked by, mildly interested in your sight, but generally minding their own business. You poured over a handful of vacant jobs, all suitable for women – but they all required you to be on the nose, so to speak. So a job as a caretaker or kindergarten teacher were out of the question. Everyone would quickly get to know you and recognize you in an instant. You gulped, hope diminishing; quickly realizing that your choices were limited. You didn't think it would be this hard. You were just about to fold the paper in your hands, feeling positively defeated, when another article caught your attention. Cleaning help wanted.

You hastily grabbed the pen again and circled it in, before leaving your empty cup and half eaten sandwich on the bank. Only after a minute of aimless walking did you realize, that you didn't really know where you were going – you still weren't familiar with Mitras.

It was hot outside, nowhere as cold as yesterday, and you cursed how unprepared you were. Swallowing, you tentatively approached a couple on the sidewalk, and asked them for directions. They helped you, and you thanked them, trying to brush off the way their gaze lingered on your mildly disheveled self.

The Court of Mitras came into view, and your mouth hung open, before reaching for the newspaper again. You read the advertisement once more, and sure enough – you were at the right place.

You exhaled once again trough your nose, stress level rising. A location that was less than ideal, a courthouse was again something where you would be noticeable if someone were to check. You'd have to think of a way to somewhat conceal your face, if possible. Not to mention that Erwin could potentially work here too. That possibility made you especially nervous. It must be avoided at all costs.

You paid no mind to the security guards, as you walked past them, submissive gaze signaling your innocence. They showed you the way, after you pointed to the job advertisement in the newspaper.

A staircase and a few corners later, you found yourself to be lost. Helplessly glancing around the empty corridor, your uncertainty only rose. You were just about to turn back and ask someone again, when a timid voice called out to you.

And you froze.

Turning around, your eyes met friendly hazel ones. Petra Ral was walking towards you with narrowed eyes, before they widened in recognition.

"It is you!"

She quickened her pace, a smile replacing the uncertain line of her lips. And you'd have mirrored her smile were you to meet her any other day, in any other circumstance. Instead you sent her an apprehensive one, only partly glad that no one else was nearby.

She hugged you, warmly, strands of her short red hair tickled your cheek, while you were still unsure how to reciprocate her affectionate greeting. You settled on gingerly laying your hands on the middle of her back. "It's been a while since we met. What brings you here?" she asked, innocently.

Your mind worked in overdrive. Should you tell her?

"Oh, I'm just looking for some work," you started, hoping that your voice was nonchalant enough, as to not arouse any suspicion. It didn't seem to work though, as she drew back, an eyebrow slightly raised in question.

You looked into her eyes, and you saw what she was thinking. Rumors spread fast as it seems, and so she must have caught wind of your marriage. With a chuckle, which you hoped was airy enough, you quickly changed the subject, and asked the same about her. That made her snap out of her daze.

"Oh, me - I work as a court stenographer. Only got employed since a month ago."

You congratulated her. Petra smiled, but it was evident that she still wanted to know what exactly brought you here. You made sure to shove the newspaper in your bag, making yourself look busy in the process, but you could not escape her curious glances. You had half the mind to just leave and come back another time. But it was too late.

"I heard about your engagement with Erwin. I also wanted to congratulate you."

"Oh, yeah," you replied, having successfully put away the newspaper. "Thank you!"

Then, to your surprise, she turned bashful. "You know, I was actually hoping that soon enough I'd be in your place and get engaged to Olou. We've been trying to request the Capitol for a while now, but they always seem to ignore our plea."

You could only stare at her. "Oh," you murmured, lamely. You vaguely remembered Petra's boyfriend, as she introduced you to him one snowy evening. Fall semester came to an end, and everyone was busy packing their stuff to visit home and replenish their energy for the coming semester. Memories of him standing in your dorm hallway resurfaced, as you tried to carry your own luggage to the front door, and he offered his help, the cocky grin etched on his face never leaving. You didn't think much of him, but he worshipped the ground Petra walked on, so you inwardly gave her your blessing.

But what even could you say to her now? How you wish you could switch places with her? How bizarre this whole situation is? You didn't know if you should cry or laugh at the cruelty of it.

You sensed her sorrow, and felt awkward, feeling like you should encourage her, yet at the same time you were also becoming furious - - at her, at Eldia, at everyone.

Common courtesy and basic empathy screamed at you to say something appropriate, before you caught Petra's misty eyes. She blinked her tears away, but the lines of her mouth were drooping down.

"I'm sure they will give you permission, sooner or later," you said with a nervous gulp, encouragingly, but your voice sounded uncertain, still too caught up in witnessing the petite woman in front of you cry. How you wish you could just break down and cry with her in this fancy hallway.

She nodded hastily, sniffing, and quickly wiping away one runaway tear, looking to the side, not meeting your gaze. Then, her eyebrows furrowed, eyes changing.

"So you'd like to get a job, I presume?" she asked, and you shivered at her tone. It sounded a tad bitter, if not accusatory – not at all like the Petra you knew. It took you a while to gauge her expression, before a sudden realization dawned upon you, as you stood there in front of her, and she gazed at you with an undiscernible expression.

You were scared of her. Kind and gentle Petra, the one who always had a warm smile to spare, gradually started to look cold and indifferent. You took a step back, only half-aware of your actions. Would she find this strange? Knowing your situation?

And then another terrifying thought. Would she report you to the authorities?

Slightly bowing your head, you escaped her gaze. "Yes," you stammered, legs already set in motion. "But nevermind. I suddenly realized that I am actually needed somewhere else."

"Are you sure?" Petra asked, her tone not changing. "Maybe I can help you?"

You raised your hand, but you weren't sure if to say goodbye to her or to defend yourself from her accusatory eyes. "Oh, there's no need," and you made sure to send her your warmest smile, before turning around. "But thank you!"

Her piercing glare on your back never wavered.

Weary and worn out, you quietly stared at your shoes. Having arrived home, you reveled in the silence, too exhausted, scared and dejected to do anything else. It was like this for a while, blank mind glaring at nothing, before you picked up the light steps that approached from behind. Turning around, you were not surprised to find Erwin. He stood, keeping his distance from you and your face must have worn some rather indecipherable expression, for his fair eyes slightly narrowed in concern.

"Good evening," he greeted you, his voice low and welcoming. With a gentle nod, you greeted him back, and you suddenly didn't really know what to do. You dreaded this moment right after you woke up this morning, but having had been distracted with other things, you simply hadn't had the time to prepare yourself when it arrived. In order to break the awkwardness of it all, you bent down and slipped your feet out of your heeled shoes. Meanwhile, Erwin cleared his throat.

"Are you hungry?"

You were. As your fingers lightly massaged the sore spots on your soles and ankles, you realized with mild surprise that a cup of coffee and a half eaten sandwich were literally the only things keeping you alive. Straightening, you shortly wondered if you could even swallow anything after today's ordeal. Still, you turned to Erwin and answered with a yes.

"I made dinner, if you'd like to try?"

Your eyes widened. "You know how to cook?"

"Is that so strange?" he asked, and a slight smile lifted the corners of his mouth. Your eyes tore away from his, looking somewhere to the side. "No," you answered carefully. "I just never met a man who knows his way around the kitchen."

A friendly chuckle left his lips. "I am definitely no chef, but I do have some tricks up my sleeves."

You willed yourself to smile, but it ended up looking like a grimace, though Erwin thankfully didn't seem to notice. Instead he gestured behind him, and you followed with your arms crossed in front of your chest. When you both stepped into the kitchen, the smell of something warm and delicious wafted trough the air.

"I hope you like casserole," said Erwin, as he stepped to the stove, showing you his meal. You peered inside the tray and found that he made quite the decent job; from the sight of it at least.

"You call this some tricks, eh?" you questioned, good humored. "You know, Mr. Smith: humility can pass as arrogance."

"Well, I never said it tasted good."

You smiled.

"Still - thank you."

"I figured you'd be hungry. Think nothing of it."

You sent him another smile, before looking around. You found a spoon and picked it up. From the corner of your eyes, you saw Erwin intently watch they way you gave it an experimental taste.

"Hmm, not bad," you remarked, impressed. Erwin relaxed. "Edible enough I hope?"

"Oh, don't worry, it's more than edible," you assured him. And you couldn't help but let out a giggle of your own, before you realized what you were doing and quieted down. You held your palm before your mouth and cleared your throat, trying to look as if you were willing down a cough.

"Sit down, I'll bring some plates," you murmured, already reaching for the cupboards, not daring to look him in the eye.

"I can help set the table."

"It's fine," you answered with a level voice. "It's the least I could do, after you having cooked dinner."

You heard him retreat compliantly and sit down at the spacious dinner table. As you were arranging the table, you felt his gaze on your form. You knew he was wondering what you did the whole day, and truth to be told, you had a hard time yourself to remain quiet. You had half the mind to just spill it out to him, to tell him what an exhausting day you had, but you reigned yourself in.

And after all, it was he himself who told you that you didn't need to tell him anything if you didn't trust him enough. And you still didn't. This was still only the second day you've known him.

Even if he was a gentleman – and by Maria, he was one, trough and trough. Really, he could have easily done anything to you by now, and it would have been classified as legal to boot. And yet, in lieu of everything, he showed nothing but understanding and patience. Looking at it from a different perspective, you realized, that he was just as much of a victim of this Program as you were.

No one asked him what he though of you, or if he even wanted to get married. At this, you mildly wondered once again what he thought of you. Then you remembered how he was clearly against this whole thing, or at least he seemed to. That should serve as your answer.

Chapter 5: Mrs. Reeves

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Night rolled by and the both of you were ready to sleep. Erwin helped you with washing the dishes, before he retreated in to the living room. That was the moment you used to slip into your bedroom, unnoticed. When you returned to the living room, Erwin was already about to take off his shirt.

He stiffened at the sight of you, and your mouth opened in surprise, trying to avert your eyes from his well-trained chest.

"I-I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to barge in," you started, shame tickling your cheeks red. "But I noticed that you didn't have anything to cover yourself, so ... here," you said and reached him a pillow with some blankets. The blond buttoned up his shirt somewhat, before stepping to you and accepting them. "There are also some clothes for you to sleep in, right under the pillow."

"Thank you."

"And also," you muttered after a while, gaze instinctively shifting south. "I wanted to thank you for yesterday. It was a long day, and I just dozed off before I even realized what happened. I really hope you don't mind the couch."

Erwin and you never really discussed your sleeping arrangements, but it was clear-cut from the moment you stepped into the house that you will not be sleeping in the same room, much less the same bed. Yesterday's incident only served to prove his agreement on the matter, as you woke up without him. Still, for some reason you felt the need to explain yourself, that even if you were distrustful towards him, you did not intend to be cruel.

He dismissed your worry with a ghost of a smile, but his eyes shone with gratitude.

"Think nothing of it, Miss," he said, before he turned around to the couch, arranging his pillows and blankets. You lingered behind him, hastily thinking about something to say back, but nothing came to your mind.

"Well then... I wish you a good night, Mr. Smith."

"Good night to you too. May the Sandman bring you a nice dream."

You heard the smile in his voice and recognized the song he was reciting from a popular band. Slightly confused, you left.

Mornings were rapidly becoming your favorite time of the day. Before the afternoons rolled by, the house was all yours - - as you came to realize a few days after you moved in with Erwin. The latter always started his day in the wee hours of dawn, waking up and getting ready for work, and he didn't return until four in the afternoon – ish. So you made sure to enjoy every minute of that window of time.

After making sure that he wasn't in the house anymore, you carefully stepped down the staircase, and prepared some breakfast. Seating yourself, you took your time to eat, slowly and deliberately tasting everything on your plate, and wearing nothing but a silk robe, slippers; your hair still snug in velcro rollers. Fingers lazily turned the pages of the newspaper, the paper boy leaving them on your porch each morning, and your lips embraced the rim of your cup, with the promise of dark coffee on your tongue. Reading the news was partly to entertain yourself, but also to hopefully stumble upon a crumb of information that may help you in the future.

But each time you turned the grey pages, you found nothing. There was only one section which was of potential interest to you, and it vaguely dealt with the outside world. Well, more so hinted at it. Eldia claiming to have found new ways to protect the island. Other than that, the weather forecast, advertisements, horoscopes. Sometimes you entertained the idea to take a look at the job column again, but then you always decided against it. No sense in getting your hopes up at this point, it was made clear enough that no one would employ you, now that you were Mrs. Smith. You slowly but surely accepted the fact that you'd had to make do without money once you were on the run.

Few more days passed and you were slowly getting used to a new routine.

In the evenings, you shared your meals with Erwin, the stifling air less and less prominent. Idle chatter teased the borders of more serious conversations, but only within reason though. You were your most honest when you two first moved in and confessed your sins, but after you declined his offer to help, you abruptly returned to small talk. Still, there was just enough grit to your interactions to not make you go completely bonkers with not talking to anyone. What was the weather like, how are you feeling. He didn't talk about his job, and you never asked. You had your suspicion that he wouldn't have told you what happens at his job anyway.

After dinner, you two usually retired to the living room, seating yourselves before the brand new television set. It was rapidly becoming obvious though, that it'd only serve as calming background noise, since they rarely aired something worthwhile. State-sponsored news, advertisements, cliché soap operas, even more advertisements. Erwin usually watched the news, only briefly, just to get the gist of things, while you busied yourself with either knitting or reading a book, casually exchanging conversation with him. He didn't bring up his plan from the first night, but as much as it annoyed you, it weighed heavy on your own mind. You wondered how he fared with his plan, what exactly he was scheming. If he was already miles ahead of you with his escape plan, than you - - and an acrimonious premonition told you he was.

As you held your book in your lap, eyes briefly sweeping over the words, you mulled everything over again. Maybe it wasn't such a crazy idea to go with him...? You instantly shook your head. No, it was too risky. He acted way too secretive for you to feel comfortable. Albeit you were starting to sense that he really wasn't about to report you to the higher echelons, it was still too steep of a decision to just start trusting him.

Your eyes discreetly swiveled to Erwin, his form currently occupying the sofa chair. The news broadcast was already over, replaced by an advertisement for a specific brand of TV dinner. Erwin already had a newspaper in his own hands, accompanied by some hefty stack of paperwork. The vibrant lights from the television screen illuminated his high cheekbones and forehead, but he paid the TV no mind, completely immersed in whatever work he was occupied with.

You slowly returned your gaze back to your book, and tried to focus.

Such a shame he was so attractive, the intrusive part of your brain whispered teasingly. You shooed it away, but you couldn't help but wonder - even for a second - what you'd think of him if you met him in any other, sane circumstance.

Then, one afternoon, a curious thing happened.

You were folding your laundry, the pleasant scent of freshly washed linen caressing your face, when you suddenly grew aware of a sound coming from downstairs. You slowed down in your movements, and turned your head, trying to decipher what it might be. It resembled ...talking. Was Erwin on the telephone? You waited a few minutes, before curiosity got the better of you. Leaving the half-folded clothes in the bedroom, you thought no harm could come if you went downstairs to find out what was happening.

Descending the stairs, you could make out Erwin's voice and that of an... elderly woman?

Sure enough, entering the hallway, the dialogue between the two was now clearly discernible.

"Of course, I'll gladly help," came a polite answer from Erwin.

"Oh, you will? Thank you ever so much, dear! You see, I have no one to turn to anymore. My husband passed away a few years back, and I'm always left to fend for myself when something silly like this happens," the woman replied cheerily, letting out a short laugh. You discreetly peered around Erwin's frame, and locked eyes with vivid, hazel ones. Their owner immediately disregarded Erwin's presence and opted to focus on you, immediately taking in your whole appearance.

"Oh, my!" The woman exclaimed in surprise. "If this isn't your lovely wife! I am most glad to make your acquaintance," she said, stepping around Erwin and making her way to you. Flabbergasted, you forgot to speak for a moment, not knowing what to make of her, but she didn't seem to mind as she warmly encompassed your hands in her old, weary ones.

"I am Mrs. Reeves, your neighbor. I just came by to ask your husband if he could fix my outside water tap - - it stopped working for some reason."

You hesitantly looked to Erwin, before glancing back to the woman. "Oh, I see. Of course."

The woman let out a chuckle. "But if you don't mind Mrs. Smith, I'd like to invite you to my house as well. I missed the opportunity to welcome you two after you first moved in, so I thought I'd make up for that."

Now it was Erwin who glanced at you somewhat uncertainly. To any other onlooker, he seemed just as calm and composed as ever, but the more time you spent with him, to more hints you could pick up from him. You were however unsure why he was suddenly hesitating to pay a simple visit to your elderly neighbor, but didn't give it much thought, before you nodded, and accepted her invitation.

"Oh, splendid! Then I'll see you two tomorrow! Come by anytime you'd like!"

And with that, she waved and left your porch, slowly making her way back to her house. Erwin and you stood at the front door, eyes following her hunched back, as she disappeared behind the white picket fence and rhododendrons. Then he quietly shut the entrance, and you two shared a glance.

How odd. "Is something the matter?" you asked him.

Something was on his mind and you saw how he was ruminating about if he should tell you. You quirked an eyebrow, which was enough to prompt him and tell you.

"I didn't know we had neighbors," he suddenly exclaimed, subdued. You were growing more confused by the minute.

"Well," you began, tone calming. "It was late when we first arrived, it wasn't really the ideal time to take a look around. Maybe we just didn't notice her."

A pause settled in, with you trying to decipher the current expression on his face. He seemed somewhat uneasy.

"Should we decline her invitation then?" you asked, to which he shook his head.

"No need. We'd just offend her. Do be on your guard when you talk, though."

Because as much as Erwin thought about this throughout the day, he could have sworn that the little homely house next to you was completely vacant when you two first arrived.

An old chanson, popular from a forgotten decade, drifted from the kitchen as you were neatly seated in Mrs. Reeves' dining room. The elderly woman was humming along, currently brewing a cup of tea. From the corner of your eyes, you caught sight of Erwin trough the huge windows that allowed a view to the garden. You let your eyes rest on his wide back, taking in his appearance. It was quite unusual, but not unwelcome to see him in a very simple attire; donning a beige shirt that hugged his muscles, and simple slacks, ones that were fit for household work. You allowed yourself to drink in the sight of him, enjoying being hidden from the possibility that he would catch your staring.

You averted your eyes from him the moment you heard Mrs. Reeves return from the kitchen. She continued humming her cheery tune while setting a cup in front of you. You thanked her quietly and enclosed your hands around the porcelain.

"Ah, I am so delighted that your husband came to help, Mrs. Smith" she exclaimed and plopped herself down in the seat across from you. You were still unused to hearing your new name, but nevertheless you smiled and nodded. "We are happy to help," came your polite reply.

"Well, yes," came her reply, before taking a tea spoon, and dipping it in honey. "But you see, not everyone would have been so willing to aid me."

You followed her movements and raised the cup to your lips, blowing softly. The scent reached your nose. Chamomile and mint, you recognized. The old woman slightly shook her head , before continuing.

"There are a lot of rotten people in this world, my dear - a lot more than back in my days! A cruel, cruel world we live in. I myself am constantly scared of being taken advantage of."

"Though," she quickly added, "I never had any hesitation to turn to your husband, Mrs. Smith. Upstanding folk never disappoint!"

You tensed, the cup slightly wavering in your hold. You caught what she was hinting at. Just how many people knew about you and Erwin? More importantly, how did your neighbor whom you have only known for a couple of hours figure it out? Mrs. Reeves noticed your subtle reaction and chuckled merrily.

"Oh, why the sudden surprise? I knew the moment I saw you two. Really, there's no reason to be shy and hide it. Such a handsome couple you are, truly befitting one another!"

You tried to regain your composure and smiled, listening to her gushing about you and Erwin. "I see," you answered. "It's that obvious, huh..."

"Oh, but of course! Even the blind can see it!"

You nodded once more, absentmindedly taking another sip from your tea, before she spoke again.

"I saw you that morning."

You flinched, and quickly tried to disguise it as a cough; placing down the cup and raising a hand to your chest. "I'm sorry. Wrong pipe."

So she caught you leaving the house early. Not good.

The old woman, usually all saccharine and gregarious, didn't even bat an eye at your coughing fit. Instead she continued.

"I hope nothing awful happened," she exclaimed, and you didn't like the tone of her voice at all. "Seemed like something befall on you two."

A worried expression planted itself on her face, but you could see trough the mask of deception; there was no warmth behind her eyes. Curiosity on the other hand – her hazel orbs were filled to the brim of it. It was almost malicious. If this were any other setting, you would have chalked it up to an old woman's insatiable thirst for novelty and need for delicious gossip. But it wasn't just any setting and you weren't in just any other world. A cruel, cruel world it was, indeed.

You cleared your throat. "Oh, that," you started and let out quiet laugh. "Nothing happened. I just happened to forget my hair rollers at home, so I quickly left to buy some."

And you weren't even lying that much. You did forget them home.

"Oh, then I'm glad!" sighed Mrs. Reeves, and feigned relief. "I didn't know if I should have called for help. I decided against it, but it sure made me worried seeing you absent for so many hours."

You knew exactly what she meant under help. She knew so much more. Minute by minute, anxiety crept upon you. Just how much did she pick up? And more importantly, how?

"I just got a little adventurous," you reassured her and buried yourself in the cup, seeing no other way out. "You know, with me getting still used to the whole arrangement. Excitement got the better of me, and I just wanted to see Mitras."

Mrs. Reeves agreeably nodded and hummed. "Oh, of course, I should have known. Well, you can't fault me for not thinking of that immediately," she laughed again, hinting at her old age.

"But you should be nonetheless very careful, my dear," she continued.

"Stress is not good for a woman who plans to expect very soon."

You didn't flinch this time. Instead, you nodded, and gazed at the warm afternoon sun, how it spilled in from the windows, illuminating the gold specks residing heavy in the jar of honey.

"How right you are," you said, and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

"Oh, my - no need to get abashed about this! You can talk to me about this as freely as you'd like, Mrs. Smith!"

That was the last thing on your mind and you felt yourself getting more and more restless. Sweat was slowly accumulating under your blouse and you were actively trying to think about a way to escape. As if sensing your distress, Erwin suddenly appeared and you were never before as elated to see him as you were now. He got some dirt on his cheeks as he wiped away the sweat from his forehead.

"It's all ready, Mrs. Reeves."

"Oh, thank you so much Mr. Smith!" she said, as she suddenly stood up and made her way to the kitchen again. "Do please have a seat, I simply must repay you for your kindness."

With no room to decline, Erwin hesitantly sat down next to you. He looked at your pale face, confusion apparent on his own.

'What's wrong?' his eyes asked but you could only stare back at him. Mrs. Reeves started humming again, only adding to your uneasiness.

'She knows' your own eyes answered.

Notes:

I'm going on vacation the next two weeks, so there won't be any updates until July. But here's an early - ish chapter - enjoy!

- A

Chapter 6: Maenad Circle

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Mrs. Reeves escorted you out of her house, cheerily leading the way to her front porch. As Erwin and you followed her, an idea sprung in your mind. You decided to gently encircle his arm with your hands, to which he immediately responded with his other hand gently descending on yours. The gnawing fear in your mind convinced you that you didn't look like a married couple at all. It was bad enough that you didn't think of doing anything about this while you two were inside - not once did you and Erwin hold hands or do anything of the sort, but alas you were too preoccupied and dizzy with the realization, that seemingly everyone knew what kind of life you were forced into. And that you weren't as thrilled about it as you should be.

So you made up for it now. As much as you could. You wanted to avoid any suspicion that may be cast on you two, if you wanted to make a run for it. But it was too late, you came to realize, as Mrs. Reeves, while waving you goodbye, suddenly gasped, making you flinch in surprise.

"Oh, silly me – I almost forgot to tell you!," she exclaimed, tone rising.

"There's a little club in this neighborhood, organized by and for married woman - - little tea afternoons, book discussions, and the like. An advice circle for women if you will. All of the members are married, like you. You should join us, Mrs. Smith, I'm sure it would do you good," she babbled on.

You really did not want to. As a matter of fact, the more time you spent in the presence of Mrs. Reeves, the more frightened you felt. Especially as her invitation sounded more like a thinly veiled order, than anything else. You willed yourself not to send a helpless look in the direction of Erwin. What could he have done anyway? Even if he sensed your discomfort, him butting in would only make things appear more suspicious.

So you mustered your sweetest smile, lips stretching almost painfully across your face.

"Gladly. Thank you for the invitation."

Mrs. Reeves clasped her hands in joy. "Wonderful! We meet once a week on Saturday afternoons, and each meeting we pick someone's house as our place," she continued and fished a pen and slip of paper out of her apron.

"Here's the address, dear."

You accepted with a quiet thank you.

Come Saturday, and you were in a frenzy, trying to find something appropriate to wear. Your choice fell on a cotton dress, one that drew the viewers' attention to your hips and bust, and outlined your shoulders with extra padding. It lay on the bottom of the dresser, having discovered it yesterday as your fingers brushed against the haphazard pile, and your eyes couldn't deny the pleasant sage green color, ever so inviting. You inspected it with outstretched hands. The dress gladly unfurled and its end brushed against the carpeted floor. You hummed in agreement.

After slipping it on, you stepped before the bedroom's mirror and examined yourself with an extra layer of scrutiny, leaving no space to any wardrobe malfunction or fashion faux pas. No one outright told you this, but you couldn't shake off the ominous feeling that newcomers had to face certain expectations if they were about to enter ' club. And if you were to displease those women, in any way, shape or form, you'd have to endure their harsh judgment. Something you wanted to avoid at all cost. It's not that you felt the desperate need to fit in, but you couldn't afford to stick out, not in your current circumstance. If you wanted to escape, you had to lay low.

But sticking out in a good way was also a no-no. And as you turned to your side, inspecting your bum and legs, you wondered if by worrying about embarrassing yourself, you managed to do the complete opposite. Because you looked good. Really, really good - the little dress snugly hugged your curves, the hem of it ended just below the knee, showing off your shapely legs.

This was evidently proven, when you walked down the stairs and met Erwin in the living room, who – upon seeing you – closed the newspaper he was reading and stood up. His gaze on you was a little bit overwhelming, but you couldn't deny the feeling of satisfaction at the reaction you managed to pull from him. Still, you busied yourself with your bag, and brushed a castaway lock away from your face as you arrived downstairs.

"You look ravishing," he breathed, as he came to stand before you, his newspaper long abandoned on the couch.

You sent him an uncertain smile. "It's not too much, is it?"

"Not at all," he replied, and the delight in his eyes spoke of the truth as well. It was silent, but it was there, and you more so sensed than realized how your cheeks started to turn red underneath the fine layer of powder.

You thanked him with a nod, before grabbing the straps of your bag.

"I guess I'll be on my way then."

"Shall I go with you?" he offered.

You declined with your head. "I think it's better if we draw as little attention to ourselves as possible. I'm kind of hoping they will only invite me this one time, and then hopefully forget about me," you reasoned, before letting out a dry chuckle.

Erwin nodded, with a smile of his own. "If you sense anything strange, don't be afraid to leave. Tell them you feel sick."

"Yeah," you agreed.

He walked with you to the front door. You stepped outside, but not before turning back one more time and sending him a smile.

Lively chatter emanated from somewhere behind the house you arrived at. As you rounded its corner, in hopes that you'd find the source of laughter, you were met with a scene that looked as if it came straight out of Vogue: young women, with perfectly applied make-up mingling among themselves, gleefully conversing – or more like gossiping – about this and that. In the middle of the quaint little garden stood a table, with baked goods and scones, tea, coffee and lemonade. Fine china was carefully laid out among tastefully picked napkins and even some decorative rose petals were thrown in the midst of it for an added layer of fancy.

You risked a step closer, and were immediately thankful for having picked out the green dress. Anything else would have made you feel drab in comparison to the women in front of you, who were still unaware of your presence.

Just as you were about to clear your throat, the gnarly frame of appeared in the corner of your eye.

"Mrs. Smith!" she called to you, way too loud for your liking, making some of the club members turn around. You sent everyone a nervous smile, clutching your bag as you faced the elderly woman.

"I'm ever so glad you could make it! I hope you're doing well."

"Oh, yes," you assured her, timid smile not wavering. "I'm fine."

"Splendid!" she said, before gesturing with her hand to the group behind her. "I already told everyone about you, but I thought I'd leave the introduction up to you. I'm still just about to serve the cake, you see."

You dutifully nodded, listening to Mrs. Reeves' kitchen adventures, half aware of the growing number of curious stares you were becoming. At last, someone from the group decided to join you. Her ginger hair tied in a low ponytail wasn't even the first thing that caught your attention about her - - but more so her bulging stomach. It took every ounce in your body not to stare at her as she walked up to you. A friendly smile wedged between her freckled cheeks.

"Ah, Mrs. Kafka," Mrs. Reeves called out to her the moment she arrived. "This is the lady who's husband came over the other day to help me, Mrs. Smith."

Mrs. Kafka offered you her hand. "It's nice to meet you! Just call me Hannah," she chirped with such genuine warmth, that for once you actually meant it when you accepted her handshake and replied: "Nice to meet you too."

Still, you couldn't help but flit your gaze to her bump again. The cheerful woman – well, more like girl – looked awfully young. She caught your glance and chuckled.

"Ah, yes," she whispered, and lovingly laid her pale hand on her stomach. "I should be due any day now."

"Mrs. Kafka is actually one of our youngest club members but also our oldest new joiner," informed you Mrs. Reeves in a prideful tone. It was obvious how much she approved of Mrs. Kafka. You wondered how old she was, both fear and curiosity present at the prospect of finding out, when your ears picked up the sound of grass being stepped on.

Someone was advancing from behind. Mrs. Reeves and Hannah already smiled at the oncoming figure, the latter even waving her over. You could sense her eyes on your form before you could actually see her, but it didn't take long for a tall and slender woman to casually appear on your left side.

"Hello," she greeted everyone. Her lips were the color of rich burgundy and they stretched unnaturally thin, as her eyes zeroed in on you, almost swallowing you up.

You made sure to stand tall, feeling provoked for some reason. With her cake being long forgotten, Mrs. Reeves didn't live up to her promise as she managed to introduce you once more.

"So you're Mrs. Smith," she drawled, discreetly looking you up and down. "Everyone's been in such a frenzy ever since you arrived to Mitras, you know," she continued with a breathy giggle. And maybe it was the harsh sun beating down on you, but you could swear that sent her a sharp glare at that. Her smile dropped a bit as well, fine wrinkles following the motion.

You could only look at her nonplussed, but before you could even wonder what exactly she was insinuating, she let out another laugh.

"Don't look so nervous, dear – I meant no ill gossip or anything of the sort. Your house just happened to be highly sought after in Mitras, that's all. People were already placing serious bets on who'd move in," she explained with yet another laugh, lazily throwing a dark lock of hair behind her shoulder. "I am Mrs. Dok, by the way," she introduced herself, and you nodded back with a tight lipped smile. "Pleasure to meet you."

Mrs. Reeves then impatiently folded her hands. "I am glad you two could get to know each other, but I think it's high time for lunch. Hannah, why don't you show the way to the table for Mrs. Smith?"

To your surprise, Mrs. Dok immediately protested at that. "Oh, Mrs. Reeves, there's no need to order Hannah around like that. You should rest as much as you can, poor dearie," her voice dropped a few tones as she spoke in a coddling manner.

"I am more than available for the task. I'll gladly show her the way."

You weren't one to stare, and especially not ever since you moved to Mitras, deeming it to be dangerous. But you couldn't help but observe the yet another icy look sent the ravenette.

She took it all in stride though, with lips still stretched to her dimples. Her smile never seemed to tire. "Of course. Why not," retorted Mrs. Reeves after a miniscule pause.

Mrs. Dok turned to you and winked, before turning around, indicating to you that you should follow her. You did just that.

As you walked past garden pinks and dahlias, you stole some furtive glances to her thin back. The black and white plaid dress suited her insanely, and her gait oozed confidence and self – assurance. She paid you no mind, and you two continued your walk in silence. Until...

"So tell me – how's Erwin doing these days?"

You could only stare. Mrs. Dok however was still facing forward and kept walking as if she merely just asked you what weather you preferred. Your heart continued its early rhythm of panic, clueless on how you should answer. A myriad of questions invaded your mind.

"You know him?"

Mrs. Dok laughed, almost obnoxiously so. "Oh, of course I do!" she chirped, and then turned around, coming to a halt. You two were pretty close to the table by now, you could practically smell the food, and this unnerved you to no end. "Went to the same high school. We were classmates."

Then, a dramatic pause.

"Ended up dating him too."

She feigned interest in the buzz coming from the table behind her, but you could sense that she was keenly interested in your reaction at that. You decided to keep your gaze on the table as well, silently hoping that it would make you appear more indifferent, than if you were to look at her.

But by Sina, was it extremely hard. Your hands started shaking, and a wave of panic induced nausea washed over you. What did this mean? Did it even mean anything? Why was this woman provoking you? Or were you just overreacting?

Another thought shot trough your mind, making you shiver.

Could it be that Erwin is a spy after all and Mrs. Dok teamed up with him in order to get to you? No, it couldn't be. If he wanted to report you, he would have done it by now. Or did he need tangible evidence? Eyewitnesses?

You inwardly shook your head at that. It can't be. If that's all he needed, he would have teamed up against you when Mrs. Reeves first invited you over. Whatever Mrs. Dok is scheming, he's got no part in it.

Steeling yourself, you forced yourself to nod. And then smile. "I see."

You bit your lip. "He's doing well. Works as an attorney here in Mitras."

Mrs. Dok then continued. "Oh, how wonderful! My current husband told me how he pursued law in Trost. Good to see his hard work paid off."

Your mind was reeling. You didn't really know what she wanted you to do with all of this information, but it was clear she wanted to make you feel uncomfortable. How were you even supposed to react to that?

Before you could even utter anything else, she set her legs in motion, and brought you to the others. Resigned, you followed. As you two approached, everyone present turned their attention to you. Marie immediately introduced you simply as Mrs. Smith, as if your own name and personhood was merely an interesting addendum.

She also made sure that you were sitting close to her, a gentle but firm hand on your arm guiding you to sit adjacent of where she was seated. You all but obeyed her silent orders. And it didn't take long for you to realize how wise of a choice that was. As you were silently sipping your own beverage, somewhat blending into the background, you noticed how everyone seemed to heed her words like gospel.

Whenever someone spoke up, expressing their opinions about certain matters, they almost immediately looked to Marie to see if she'd agree. Two young women made sure that she always had something to drink, acting a tad bit too devoted for your taste. Luckily, Hannah came not long after you sat down, and took a seat next to you. You immediately set your glass down to help her slip into the chair. She sent you a warm smile, thanking you.

A few minutes later Mrs. Reeves arrived with her promised cake, the spongy food sitting all inviting on the tray in her hands. The group of women instantly erupted in delighted aahs and oohs.

"My, it looks so good!" someone loudly exclaimed, only resulting in Mrs. Reeves smiling in pride. "Thank you. I pray it also tastes as such."

As the cake was cut into pieces, and Hannah gave you a plate for you to try, careful not to drop any frosting on your dress. But on your skin you could always feel the almost obsessive glances that Mrs. Dok sent you across the table.

Notes:

Angottos fails the Bechdel-Wallace Test, part I.

Back from my vacation, and watching the opening ceremony of the Olympics
(rooting for Croatia, of course, haha!) I'm actually finished with the next chapter as well,
so I'll upload it in a few days, as soon as I can.

- A

Chapter 7: Matryoshka doll

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The chatter went on, and the atmosphere remained mostly friendly. The feminine murmur around the table melted into one calming, buzzing noise, occasionally interrupted by a laugh or a dramatic gasp of wonder, as the scent of expensive perfume danced around your nose. Absentmindedly observing the tiny pastry fork on your plate, having been finished with your slice of cake, your eyes started to wander again and you couldn't help but notice how elegant everyone behaved: from the way they sat and delicately removed tiny crumbs from their lips with a napkin, right down to how they laughed; head tilted back and throwing back shiny locks of hair, while manicured nails daintily held each utensil. It honestly made you a little jealous. You silently hoped that you managed to act just as refined as them.

You had to admit it, though: it was nice to be sitting in that garden, in the shade of a tree's lush crown, a gentle summer breeze keeping everyone cool. If only you weren't so keenly watched.

As you emptied your cup, you were growing aware of the glances the women at the table were stealing at you. When you caught one of them red handed, she sheepishly smiled.

"I'm so sorry for staring, I don't meant to be rude. I simply wondered where you got that dress from?"

"Oh," escaped your lips, colored red from eating and drinking. You reached for your own napkin and quickly wiped your mouth, your lipstick following. "I'd love to tell you, but I'm not really sure."

It only occurred to you how dumb that sounded after you already said it. She sent you a teasing smile.

"Let me guess – you also found it in a dresser?"

Everyone erupted in laughter, leaving you shamefaced in your seat. What were you even supposed to say now? Did they know the house was given to you as a gift? Did everyone know everything about you at this point? Honestly, you felt like making a run for it right then and there.

Hannah noticed your silent embarrassment, and immediately leapt to your help. "Oh, no – it's not like that! Ruth only asked because she also found hers in a dresser. Right, Ruth?"

The woman named Ruth nodded, having immediately stopped with her teasing after seeing your crestfallen expression. "Yeah, that's right! Honest!"

That made you think. And so you once more dragged your eyes across everyone as politely as possible. Wait a minute...

"Uh – oh, I think she's onto us," hummed Mrs. Dok, her grin hidden behind a glass of punch. "Mrs. Reeves, I thought you told her what our little circle was all about."

Mrs. Reeves only smiled, but not with malice. "Maybe I didn't hint at it strongly enough". Then, to you: "Mrs. Smith, everyone here carries the same responsibility as you do. This club was specifically formed for honorary women, in order to help them carry out their duties. So if there's anything at all that bothers you, feel free to discuss it with us," she continued, and looked around with delight. The old woman regarded everyone as if they were her own flesh and blood.

You in turn had to take a deep breath at this revelation. Was this a joke. Another trap?

You glanced to Hannah again, her presence being the only non-threatening one. She nodded back reassuringly and placed her hands on her stomach. "That's right. The Capitol made me marry Mr. Kafka. We were immensely lucky, though - - we liked each other ever since we were children!"

The women told you one by one who they married, some of them even going into extensive detail about their husbands' ancestry and occupation, although you knew none of the men. Despite this, you willed yourself to nod and smile at every name, trying to appear as if it was only the assumption that your dress was borrowed that upset you this much. The circle ended with Mrs. Dok, who nonchalantly informed you that she was – as her last name already implied - married to a gentleman named Nile Dok.

"I am obviously satisfied with him in every possible aspect, but I did hope that I'd get paired up with someone else," she finished, avoiding your eyes and taking another sip from her drink. The women chuckled.

"Marie, you still didn't tell us who your dashing prince charming is," someone quipped, setting another wave of laughter into motion. Marie only replied with a secretive smile, clearly enjoying the attention. After that, she swiveled her deep gaze on you, and it took you a few seconds to find out why.

"Oh. Me." you stuttered, trying to compose yourself. Was it wise to tell them about Erwin? You'd rather not. But you knew you wouldn't get off the hook – not easily, or at all for that matter. So you hastily thought about something vague. "I am married to Mr. Erwin Smith. He's a lawyer, and moved here from Trost."

Some women seemed to have recognized his name with an aah, or claimed to have seen him at least once, but most of them only nodded, having been content with your short explanation. You hoped this was all, but then someone else scooted closer to you, leaning over Hannah.

"When did you two first meet?"

You fidgeted with your napkin. "At City Hall."

A short silence ensued. Then - "Wait, you mean – for the first time?"

You shrugged. "I think we attended one class in university, but I just simply didn't remember him that much."

At this, everyone - including Mrs. Reeves - listened to you with rapt attention. You were marginally aware of the souring mood emanating from Mrs. Dok beside you. You couldn't help but feel that somehow you managed to screw up. With bathed breath, you asked "Is something the matter?"

Hannah and everyone else snapped out of their stupor.

"Oh, no," Ruth murmured, visibly disoriented. "It's just that every one of us already knew the man we were about to be married to. Of course we weren't friends, but I'd say we were already pretty close."

Everyone nodded, and some whispering ensued. "I think it's extremely rare that the Capitol would pair up two strangers."

And there it was. A tiny bead of hope. Emboldened by this sudden nugget of information you couldn't help but take a deep breath and ask what you wanted to ask for a long time now.

"So could it be that it was a mistake, then? That someone else was supposed to take my place?"

You didn't like how your voice slightly gained in volume, how heavy your breathing became. But in that second you hardly cared. You needed to know if there was another way out of this mess. If there was even a miniscule chance that you could be absolved from this absurd obligation.

"No," replied Mrs. Reeves with all the assurance in the world.

Every head turned to her. She merely continued, voice even and calm. "The Capitol never makes a blunder when it comes to state matters. The duty of a mother is of utmost importance and could never be placed upon someone who is not worthy of it. Trust me, dear – you're just where you are supposed to be."

Another dramatic pause ensued, before everyone started nodding and whispering, agreeing with her. Mrs. Dok merely looked upwards. Her tongue brushed against her teeth in her mouth, and her jaw visibly tensed. By now you were absolutely certain that she was angry, though you didn't really know why.

"Were you worried that you wouldn't be good enough for the Program, Mrs. Smith?" asked Hannah, good humored. "Or for Mr. Smith?" she continued, with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

At that, the cheery atmosphere returned to the table.

"Nonsense!" Mrs. Reeves laughed along. You didn't think you'd ever see her laugh this much. "You girls should have seen them together! Like pieces of a puzzle."

"Oh lá lá," quipped Ruth, her cheeks rosy from joy and chatter, clapping her hands together. "Now you're making me curious! Do tell us more about him!"

Almost everyone chimed in with an excited yes, successfully setting your anxiety in motion again. What was there to tell? You barely knew him. More importantly, your head was still reeling from everything you learned from just 10 minutes of conversation. All of these women here were willingly participating in the Program. None of them seemed to be against it. Mrs. Dok was the only one who so much as hinted at not being satisfied with her predicament, but she seemed to be unhappy with her partner, and not necessarily with the Program itself.

All the while, the club members' enthusiasm rivalled that of high school girls'.

"Is he tall?"

"Is he charming?"

"Does he treat you well?"

Some of them were answered by Mrs. Reeves herself. You could hear snippets of her conversation from the other end of the table, such as oh, yes, he's devilishly handsome and I'm sure he provides for her well.

Hannah also asked you some questions, which you tried to answer as best as you could. Then, she smiled. "I'd like to invite you two over for dinner one day. I think Franz would like him."

"Is he okay with this, though?"

You turned to your left. The question came from Mrs. Dok, arms crossed, still nursing her drink in one hand. Her mien seemed neutral, but her tone had an edge to it. You were at loss for words again.

"Marie," warned Mrs. Reeves from the other end of the table. The ravenette merely shrugged.

"I'm just asking. You said you didn't even know each other that well prior your engagement. All I was wondering if he's fine with the idea as well."

Something started to click. Well, it should have been obvious from the get go. Composed, you deemed it best not to rile her up any more, and let Mrs. Reeves come to your rescue. Which she happily did.

"Marie, I won't have that kind of talk in my presence anymore. Mr. Smith is over the moon to have been paired up with her. Even if they weren't acquaintances, it was clear how much he approves of her. You should have seen the way he looked at her."

Your gaze slipped to your pastry fork again, not being able to handle all the eyes that flicked to you. How embarrassing. There was nothing you could do against the pink hue that settled on your cheeks, like a second layer of fine powder. Fortunately, Mrs. Reeves continued, drawing all the attention back to her:

"Honestly, if I didn't know you, I'd say that you're being influenced by conspiracy-spewing lunatics."

Then, with a more subdued voice. "Or is there a possibility that you think the Capitol did something wrong...?"

That one sentence instantly charged the air with unprecedented amount of tension. Everyone snapped their heads to their plates, and even Mrs. Dok straightened herself in her seat. Setting her drink on the table, she answered.

"No. Of course not."

"Very well. Then maybe you should apologize to Mrs. Smith."

"There's really no need," you took over, immediately, trying to ease the stifling air around the table. Even if you could feel the onset of a growing migraine. You knew you wouldn't have an easy time at the club, but at this point you were setting records left and right. You risked a glance to Mrs. Dok. Her eyes were downcast to the table, before she spoke.

"I apologize. The heat must have gotten to my head."

You waved it off, offering her a timid smile. She did not return it. Mrs. Reeves let the silence go on for a few more seconds, before she let out a loud sigh, shoulders sagging.

"We're all out of tea, anyway. I'm going to brew us some more. Marie, come with me – it's much cooler inside." The latter followed her wordlessly.

You silently watched her leave the table; the sway of her hips, and her dark curls softly bouncing with each step she took. And you wanted to bawl your eyes out. You knew should have declined Mrs. Reeves' invitation.

Notes:

Angottos fails the Bechdel-Wallace test, part II.

I know everyone and their grandmother smoked cigarettes in the 1950's,
but I personally find them so off putting, that I decided to just omit them.
Well, at least for now. Until then, tea parties and cakes it is.

I feel like the story is picking up here, plot-wise. More intrigue to ensue in the
coming chapters. Enjoy!

- A

Chapter 8: Solace

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The escape you were scheming was nothing grand: get rid of everything that might lead to you, escape to a little settlement close to the walls, change your name, your whole appearance and start anew. You'd have to make due with living inside Wall Sina, as crossing into Rose would get you questioned. Even so, there should be a remote location for you to hide. Of course there was also the possibility to escape into the Underground. Make it seem like you were abducted, or suffered an untimely death. Had an accident. Got into something shady, and now paid the price for it. You only had the slightest idea what it's like living there, and you'd burn that bridge when you get there, but the fact that you even considered it an option, only spoke of your desperation.

But the more time you spent in Mitras, the more you had to come to the terrifying realization that you won't make it. That it was simply impossible. That everyone could secretly read your mind and know what you were planning. And therefore, actively prevent it. Just the mundane act of sneaking out in the morning was carefully monitored by Mrs. Reeves.

These were the thoughts that plagued you as sipped on your tea, forcing yourself to look like you were enjoying yourself. Your only relief was spotting some guests excusing themselves from the table amidst waves of goodbye 's and it was lovely to see yous. Since you wanted to avoid looking like you were fleeing, you promised yourself to not be the first one to depart. Only after three seats were left empty and unoccupied did you deem it safe to stand up and leave. Hannah offered to walk you to the gate, despite your gentle protests.

"Oh, don't worry about me," she said as she waved off your worries. "I'm tired of everyone coddling me so much, as if I'm a helpless dimwit. I might as well become one, if they keep this up."

As you hugged her goodbye, she regarded you again with her pale green eyes. "You know, I meant it when I said that I'd love to invite you over some day, Mrs. Smith."

You sent her a smile, and thanked her, to which she promptly scribbled down her landline on a napkin. You slipped it into your dress pocket. And after a certain while, when you were absolutely sure that you left some distance behind you, your legs stopped in the middle of a sidewalk. A shaky exhale left you, deep and troubled. Your hands were trembling.

It's going to be impossible, your mind shouted at you again. You're not going to make it. How would you? They'd get you before you could even take a step outside. There was almost no one to trust, almost nowhere to run.

The sound of birds chirping and flying overheard momentarily snapped you out of your reverie. Glancing up, your mouth was left open, as your eyes took in the flock of little black dots flying overhead, calmly flapping their wings against orange hued sky. It took you some time, all of it spent intently staring, heart still violently beating against your ribcage, before you recognized them. Swallows.

Of course, you thought to yourself. The time has arrived for migratory birds to take their merry leave. Somewhere. You were naturally unsure where exactly, and you were almost sure no one in Eldia knew. But it wasn't here. And that was already solace enough for you.

The only thing you could deduce with certainty by now is that - for whatever reason - you were forced to participate in this Program as if the world depended on it. Someone or a group of someones were hell bent that you be in it. As for why – you, yet again - didn't have the slightest idea.

Erwin turned around the second he heard the door close. You entered the kitchen, and laid your handbag on the table as you took him in. He was wearing an apron and mittens, the sight both comical and oddly endearing. A small smile lifted the corners of your lips as you both said good evening.

"Made dinner again?" you asked, as you slipped your hands in your dress pocket and leapt closer to him. The napkin from Hannah brushed against your hand.

Erwin nodded. "Figured you'd be hungry."

You hummed, and switched your gaze to the oven. Stew. The scent was mouthwatering; the perfect combination of potatoes and red wine vinegar, carrots and beef broth. It seeped under your clothes, under your skin and chest, deep and warm. The whole kitchen smelled like it.

"That's very sweet of you," you started, suddenly looking sheepish. "But I think I'll just skip dinner today and head straight to bed."

His face remained impasse, but you could sense that something passed trough his mind at that. It wasn't because of his eyes, or because of his stance. The air around him simply changed. Taking off the mittens, and putting aside the ladle, he turned to you.

"What happened?"

You shook your head, avoiding his gaze. "Oh, nothing," came your curt reply, before taking your bag and leaving the kitchen. You didn't make it far, though, as you came to a stop at the threshold. Before gently slumping against the wooden entryway. Erwin remained at the stove, patiently watching you.

Maybe it was the welcoming dish lovingly prepared for you, or the sight of him in an apron and mittens. Or maybe it was the excruciatingly gentle energy that radiated off of him whenever you were around. But you couldn't help but drop your guard, too defeated to care.

"This is going to be a weekly thing, I'm afraid. They are going to invite me again."

A rueful smile crossed your lips. "And everyone in that circle is apart of the Program. Besides Mrs. Reeves, of course. She just keeps an eye on us."

Erwin's eyebrows furrowed slightly. "So she's a spy after all"

You turned around and nodded, still slumped against the kitchen's entrance. "I'm afraid so. Not just your run of the mill nosy neighbor. We should be really cautious around her."

He nodded again, while you closed your eyes, your head coming to rest on the slip of wood behind you. Then, a short silence fell on to the dimly lit kitchen, only disrupted by the gentle ticking of the ceramic Junghans clock. In those short few seconds did you begin to realize how exhausted you felt; the utter uncertainty of today pumping you full of adrenaline. You should have been used to it by now, a voice inside you chided. Ever since you moved to Mitras, life was nothing short of chaotic.

"I'm sorry," you half-whispered, eyes still shut tight. You sensed Erwin turn to you again.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"Because if I had just behaved in that car that brought us here, this wouldn't be happening," you explained yourself, opening your eyes and staring ahead. "I'm afraid that I made it harder for you to escape as well."

Erwin remained silent for a short second, seeming somewhat surprised. "At the risk of sounding arrogant, let me just say that I don't mind the supervision," he starts, while taking a step closer to you. "It won't really affect my plan. So please don't blame yourself."

Raising your head, you looked at him. He held your gaze, letting you openly evaluate him. With a shake of your head, you let out a tired giggle. "I gotta give it you, you do make me curious."

Picking up on what you were hinting at, he replied.

"My offer still stands - "

"Will you tell me what the driver told you at the gate?"

He clammed. Then, after a while: "I think I've proven myself that I won't betray you. I also gave you my word," he reasoned, calmly. You inspected your shoes, somewhat agreeing with him. If he also suspected Mrs. Reeves to be a spy, he would have turned to her by now. Or would he? Is there a possibility that he just wanted to wait for the right moment? But why would he? And what would that right moment be? Time was ticking, and the Capital wanted results, preferably in the form of a big, swelling stomach.

Was it paranoia at this point, or just you acting as carefully as possible. You run trough every other possibility. And among a dozen, almost traumatic memories, burgundy lips with raven hair flashed in your mind.

"Oh," you suddenly murmured. "Your ex-girlfriend was there, too."

You didn't think you'd ever see him bewildered. But that one sentence alone made him raise his eyebrows impossibly high to his hairline. "Pardon?"

You smiled, somewhat teasing. "Marie – or well, Mrs. Dok as she is called now."

Recognition dawned upon him in the following pause. Erwin closed his mouth, before opening it again.

"Marie is participating in the Program?"

"Sure is. And she'd love nothing more then to strangle me to death for having you as my husband," you finish with a flat chuckle. As you chanced a glance at his face, you could see that he was genuinely caught off guard. Almost reeling.

The sight somewhat irked you, but you quickly reminded yourself that you had nothing to be salty about. If it were up to you, you'd gladly let Marie take your place. Still, you couldn't help but quietly ask.

"Does this revelation somewhat affect your escape plan?"

Before Erwin could answer, another thought crossed your mind. "Wait a minute," you started again, now standing a bit more alert, "What if you escape with her?"

Erwin stared, confused but seemingly ready to reply, yet you only continued. "She's not fond of her husband, just so you know. You could offer to help her like you did with me? I'm sure she'd be over the moon."

But Erwin shook his head, making you blink. "Why not? I'd gladly look the other way"

"Have you thought about what would happen to you if Marie and I made a run for it?"

You bit your lip. "It could be beneficial for me as well. The Capital would be distracted with hunting you two down, and I could escape during all the commotion."

He narrowed his eyes. "Escape to where exactly?"

You held his gaze, stern and stubborn. "Somewhere safe. Obviously."

He retorted with a tired exhale. "Miss, there is no such thing as a safe place inside the Walls. Unless you don't plan on leaving the entire country, you will be found. While the authorities might be distracted with us for a while, it won't take long for them to follow you either. You'd basically end up as collateral damage. After that, they'd interrogate you ad nauseam."

Crossing his arm, he went on. "And there's also the possibility, that after all that, they'd assign you someone new. The same would happen if you left before me. The wisest choice would be to leave at the same time."

You listened to his reasoning, head hung low.

Then, subdued. "Wouldn't there be collateral damage too if only you and I escaped?"

"What do you mean?"

"My parents," you explained, still looking at your feet. "Wouldn't they be interrogated as well if we just vanished from one day to another?"

Erwin remained quiet. You didn't look at his face, but you could sense the gears turning in his head. This was little solace for you, if it was any solace at all, but at least you'd know that he didn't – or rather couldn't plan out everything perfectly either. There's only so much someone in this predicament can do, and he was human after all. As were you, since the fate of your parents often crossed your mind as well, wondering what would happen to them after you left.

Your long awaited moment of victory never arrived, though, as Erwin decided to break the silence with words you never imagined he'd say:

"I can smuggle out your parents too."

Whipping your head to Erwin, you blinked in astonishment. He merely stood there, face stone serious. No hesitancy, no second-guessing. As if he was merely stating cold, hard facts.

Heart pumping, you turned to him. "How?"

He regarded you again, gaze softening. "If I tell you how, will you accept my help?" Turning away from him, you let out a long, exasperated sighed. "Why is it that every conversation with you feels like a bargain?!"

"I really do only have your best interest at heart."

You momentarily buried your face in your hands. "No, you're just annoying. And why do you even care so much about what happens to me?" you asked, once again raising your gaze at him. "We're practically strangers."

He shrugged, good humored, and leant his hip to the counter beside him. "Who knows. Maybe I'm just trying to appease my conscience?"

You scoffed. "What for? You didn't cause this, so there's no need to feel guilty."

You didn't see his reaction at that, choosing that moment to fully remove your bag from your shoulder and place it on the kitchen chair.

"And anyway," you started again, plopping yourself down on the adjacent chair. "If what you say is true, then I'll become collateral damage either way - regardless if you escape with or without Marie."

"Yes, you would," Erwin spoke, and stepped closer to you. "Hence why I don't plan escaping until you accept."

You turned to him, eyes wide. "What?"

He nodded. And you clenched your fists, instantly springing up from your seat.

"You know what? You're not just annoying, you're downright infuriating! Are trying to make me feel guilty? Do you enjoy bullying me like this?"

Erwin closed his eyes for a moment, and glanced south, almost looking ashamed, before his eyes found yours again. "If we don't escape, we're going to have to go trough with the Program. There is no other way, but to leave Eldia behind."

Tears sprung into your eyes, as he basically confirmed your worst fear. I know that! a shrilling voice shouted inside your head. I know that!

Exhaustion wearing you down, you had no energy to spare anymore. Still, you tried to grab your last remnant of hope. "B-but what if - " you tried to explain, flinching at the way you're voice sounded raspy and thin. "But what if it was all a mistake?"

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe I was wrongly picked and someone else was supposed to take my place!"

Erwin watched your tears slowly run down your rosy cheeks. "Why do you suppose that?" he asked, unnaturally quietly. You hiccupped a bit, before replying. "The women today told me that everyone was mostly acquainted with their new-to-be husbands. They weren't strangers when they were about to be wed! Mrs. Reeves staunchly disagreed, but maybe it's true, and I wasn't supposed to be here. I'm just not supposed to be here!"

By now you were crying, the tears freely flowing. Not having any napkins, you buried your face in your hands again, shoulders shaking. You couldn't help yourself. You still couldn't believe how your life changed, how you lost any agency over your life. You resented everything and everyone.

Some time passed with you standing in the middle of the kitchen, hiccupping and shaking, before your ears picked up the sound of hesitant steps. Not long after you felt the presence of warm hands on your shoulders. The same hands pulled you slowly, but surely closer to him, up until your chin was at his chest. And you let him. You quieted down, surprised at the action, before looping your arms around him and crying on his shoulder. Erwin's arms caged you in, firmly hugging you back. Your shoulders continued with their shaking, your tears kept on flowing, the room being filled with the sounds of your unstable breathing. It suddenly occurred to you that you didn't even remember the last time you hugged someone.

It was months ago, around the time you got that damned letter.

Too exhausted to care, you remained in his hold, even after your cheeks and nose remained red, cheeks mostly dry. Ears pressed against him, you listened to his heartbeat, to every drum it struck. Noticed how his wide chest slowly rose and fell with every breath he took. It calmed you down, but most importantly, gave you a feeling of safety, one that you were starving for in these unprecedented times. Like a sturdy boulder on the shores of a raging sea.

And the intensity of it didn't even come close to the one you felt when you two were in the basement. It was more reliable and secure. You were given the sense that you were in good, dependable hands, and not just literally.

And Erwin didn't seem to mind that you were there either, your crying having transitioned into sniffling. He was just about to ask you if you were all right, when you broke the silence yourself.

"What about you, Erwin?"

He blinked, confused. This might have been the first time you called him by his first name, all this time only referring to him as Mr. Smith. Not that he minded – not in the least.

"What do you mean?"

You exhaled, voice dulled and exhaustion getting the better of you. "Well, wouldn't it be better if instead of me you'd be paired up with Marie?"

You really didn't know why you asked him that, but the simple answer would be genuine curiosity. Erwin didn't answer immediately, and the hesitant pause made you worried that you might have said something wrong. Just as you were about to glance up at him from your more than comfortable position, you heard him chuckle.

And if you were smitten with his laugh the first time you heard it, now you were practically love-struck.

"About that," he continued, still quietly laughing. "I never dated Marie."

At that, you looked up. "Oh... Really?"

"Yeah... Well, Nile – her husband - and I both had a crush on her. But she chose Nile, and that was the end of it. I didn't know they got picked, though."

"Huh," you replied, lazily, almost dreamily. It really was so good to be in his arms. Closing your eyes, your head came to rest on his chest again. "Looks like she changed her mind."

"Looks like it," he replied. "Is she giving you trouble?"

You hummed. "Not yet. But I think she will."

Erwin stayed silent for a good while, before murmuring: "Well, it's not like she can do anything about it. You're mine."

By now you were only marginally aware of everything, and so you missed the somewhat possessive edge to his last sentence, or the way his hands somewhat tightened around you. Eyes shut close, you were on the brink of falling asleep. And Erwin had to smile.

Bringing his lips to your ears, he gently whispered. "You sure you don't want to eat anything? Stew's still warm."

You shook your head in the junction of his neck, eyelids feeling like lead.

"Okay. I'll carry you up to your bed again, if that's all right."

He felt the affirmative nod on his strong neck again, making him smile. Then he slowly bent down and scooped you in his strong arms. Holding you bridal style, he carried you up the stairs, being careful not to brush your limp legs against the various corners and walls on his way up. By the time he was at your door, he felt your small puffs of breath caressing his neck, effectively giving him goosebumps all around.

Firm determination burned in his chest, effectively cementing his resolve: to take you out of Eldia, by hook or by crook.

Notes:

Ahoy, more intrigueeee!

08/09/2021* proofreading, spelling mistakes ✓

Chapter 9: Show me how

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You flipped the calendar in the hallway to October, and an advertisement for a soft drink glared back at you. As your eyes ran across the rows of days and weeks, you exhaled, long and desolate. The two month anniversary of you moving in here loomed over you like an annoying reminder, and it did nothing to ease your survival anxiety.

That's not to say that there was no shortage of distractions, either, and they say time flies when you're busy. But perhaps this only rings true if you happen to enjoy your day-to-day activities, which is something you still can't really say. The weekly club meetings, (or your weekly anxiety classes - as you secretly called them) went on without any hiccups, and you made sure to show up every time, despite the emotional toll they carried. And what a burden they were, despite you hoping that you might just get used to them, if only you tried hard enough. Alas by now you dreaded each and every weekend, and if your eyes could burn a hole on every Saturday on the calendar, they would.

They'd just reschedule it to another day, a voice inside you snickered. You agreed with her.

The rustling of clothes from behind you made you jump a little. Turning around, you saw Erwin putting on his grey trench coat, the oversized lapels coming to rest on his broad chest.

"Ready?"

You sent him a short nod, but not before quickly stepping to the mirror. You buttoned up your own coat, dyed in a friendly beige color, reaching down to the middle of your shins. Outside the entrance, Erwin offered his arm and you took it, while he locked the door. As you two left your front garden, an observant pair of eyes immediately settled on your backs, by now almost familiar.

"Do you think she ever gets bored of this?" you asked him in a whisper, almost smiling and he wryly smiled back.

"Are you kidding? This must be the most exciting part of her day."

But for now you really didn't want to occupy your mind with Mrs. Reeves or even imagine how she looked right now; probably hunched over and curtains slightly pushed aside with her finger to peer outside. Momentarily closing your eyes, you inhaled the crisp and early autumn air. It reached deep within your lungs, expanding your chest, bringing forth fresh air. Not to mention the rustling canopy of leaves underneath you, a heavenly sound for your ears, cushioning the click-clacks of your shoes.

Tranquility

"Are you cold?" Erwin asked, and you had to giggle, unaware of how much closer you drew to him.

"Oh, not at all," you replied. "I'm just enjoying the weather so much, I didn't even realize where I was going - - sorry!"

But he only smiled, lightly quirking an eyebrow. "Is autumn your favorite season?"

You hummed, looking ahead. The pace he set was neither too fast nor to slow; coaxing you to walk in a perfect, leisurely rhythm.

"I like all seasons, actually," you answered, while somewhat rearranging your hands on his arm. "But if I had to pick... yes, I'd say it's autumn."

"Any reason why?"

The side of your lips pulled upwards. Most people were not fond of this season, as it heralded a slow descent towards death, but your mind only had place for fond memories of you eating roasted chestnuts, playing in huge leaf piles and carving pumpkins.

"It gets so peaceful after three full months of summer, don't you think?"

He nodded, smiling at the way your voice took on an appreciative tilt.

"I was thinking we could make a Harvest Pie for the Kafka's," you suggested, eyes eagerly flitting over all the apples and pumpkins laid out in front of you, vibrant colors of reds and oranges spilling over various crates. Turning to him, you asked. "Do you like it?"

Erwin replied with a shy smile. "I have to admit, I never had it."

"Really?" you grinned, astonished yet amused at the same time. "Oh, then you'll love mine!"

"No doubt about it."

Laughing, you hoisted up a medium sized pumpkin, Erwin ever the gentleman, immediately coming to take it from you.

As unnerving as the club meetings were, the whole thing still had a silver lining to it in the presence of Hannah Kafka. After she asked you one more time to visit her at the last club meeting, you inclined with a quiet laugh, and told Erwin all about it the moment you arrived home. He seemed fine with the idea, nowhere near as alert as when Mrs. Reeves showed up the first time. While you were inspecting an apple, turning it this way and that, you went on, excitedly talking about Hannah for probably the umpteenth time by now.

"I have a good feeling about her," you confessed to him, voice now quieter, making sure no one was around. "I don't think she's in the Program for ideological reasons or for any benefits. I think she's just over the moon that she could be together with her childhood sweetheart."

Despite your own personal feelings regarding Eldia and how things worked around here, you had to smile every time Hannah crossed your mind. She was one of the most easygoing people you have ever met, and the more time you spent with her, the more you took a liking to her. Sometimes you wished you could just earnestly talk to her about your feelings when it came to Mrs. Reeves and the women's circle though, but then you thought it wiser to keep quiet about them. Not out of fear that she'd report you, but simply, because she might just not understand your predicament, seeing how happy she is with her own.

Erwin only hummed. A thoughtful look lay heavy in his eyes, as he watched you put the shiniest, most vibrant apples in your basket. After paying and leaving the store, you immediately got to baking.

"Need a hand?" he asked, while you tiptoed in front of the kitchen cabinets, reaching for different bowls and ingredients. An apron – the same one he used to wear – was fastened above your hips, drawing attention to your delicate waist. He let his gaze idle there, appreciative blue eyes taking in the feminine back, small shoulders, thin neck and hair tied into a bun. The assured reply from you "Oh, it's okay – I got this!" registered in his mind only seconds later, by which he was thanking whatever deity out there that you didn't turn around and catch him in the act. This was the most domestic sight he ever had of you, and as he left the kitchen, he felt mild annoyance for letting his fantasies run wild.

Thinking about Hannah didn't always summon happy feelings, though. Sometimes they turned into genuine worry. Whenever you were around her and looked at her a little longer, you kept remembering how young she was. You didn't know her exact age, but the way she smiled or pouted or acted silly – it all seemed to hint at her being in her late teens or early twenties. All this, coupled with her huge belly was something that made you especially uneasy. Of course you never really asked her, fearing the reaction this would gain, and you didn't want to risk losing the only person you could somewhat call a friend. You inwardly always hoped she just looked really young for her age.

Evening arrived with a quiet dim, as you and Erwin went over to visit her and her husband, Franz. The latter was the one who opened the door after you knocked, his thin, dark eyebrows shooting up with glee.

"Oh, good evening!" he greeted you two with a big grin, and you had to wonder if the friendly smile and exuberant aura was a trait that ran through the Kafka's, as he immediately ushered you inside.

Hannah leapt to you in seconds, which was impressive, considering the extra weight she carried on her stomach.

"Ahh, finally you're here!" she cheered, throwing her arms around your neck, hugging you all snug and tight. You reciprocated her gesture, laughing, before introducing her to Erwin. She nodded with a grin, while Mr. Kafka shook his hand.

"Glad to make your acquaintance," the Kafka's echoed, to which Erwin replied with a warm "Likewise."

The table was already set when you entered the dining room. This prompted you to fish out the dessert you had prepared. Hannah's mouth hung slack at the sight. "Oh, you shouldn't have!" she exclaimed, yet immediately reached for the pie, clearly excited. After instructing you to take your seats, she whirled around and disappeared into the kitchen, but not before Franz asking her "You sure you don't need any help, honey?" but a muted decline was all that could be heard.

Sitting down, you now took the opportunity to sneak a look at Franz as well. He looked to be just as young as Hannah, if not younger; his face only hinting at the inevitable sharpness his cheekbones will gain with time. His smile still had a boyish charm to it, and the way he spoke showed his excitement for the future, having his whole life ahead of him. And yet, despite this, he already had the role of a doting husband down to a T. It was adorable seeing him look out for Hannah, his gaze almost always positioned in her direction, ready to leap to her help if need be, even as you and Erwin were talking to him. It was undeniable how relieved he seemed, when at last his wife returned, setting the food on the table and sitting down next to him.

"Here you go my lovelies," Hannah sang, while offering you a knife. "Made from a special recipe, passed down from my auntie. Never once disappointed me," she winked.

The oval-shaped plate that sat in the middle of the table harbored a round-shaped mound, its surface sporting a lattice pattern, and the sides of it adorned with slices of oranges. Glazed Ham, you came to realize. You took the knife from Hannah, and cut some slices on a plate for Erwin. He took them from you with a quiet thank you, before you helped yourself. At the first bite, maple glaze was all you could taste. Coupled with the soft, chewy meat underneath, it made for an exquisite combo; the warm texture easily spreading across your tongue, raising your eyebrows.

"Wow...! it's really tasty!"

Franz could only agree. "She's a brilliant cook, but she seldom believes me," he chuckled, while lovingly extending his hand and placing it on Hannah's. The latter smiled back at him, the appreciative gesture making her blush. "Oh, shush," she rebutted shyly.

The sight - sweet if not almost saccharine - elicited a chuckle from both Erwin and you. But Franz could not be deterred. "Merely talking facts, sweetheart. And I'm sure Mr. Smith here would agree with me that there's nothing better than a dish lovingly prepared by your wife."

"How true," Erwin replied with a soft smile, while you tried to hide your own reddening cheeks by opening a glass of Merlot that Hannah had already prepared on the table.

The rest of the evening went by pretty much the same, the air around you always remaining warm and welcoming. Hannah and Franz did most of the talking, while you and Erwin listened, and asked polite questions at all the right moments. They told you how they met each other: coincidentally ending up in the same kindergarten group, where the childish desire to play with the same toy ended up blossoming into sandbox love, then later ending up in the same elementary class, and so on and so forth. The Program to them was therefore almost a guarantee, and with perfect timing to boot, as Franz was already heavily mulling over what ring to buy for Hannah. Soon, the conversation turned to Hannah's baby.

"Is it going to be a girl or a boy?" Erwin asked, already having been finished with his plate, and joining you with his own glass of wine. At that, Hannah and Franz perked up even more.

"It's going to be a baby girl," Franz answered, almost gushing; eyes lightly flitting to his wife's stomach again. "A very healthy and strong baby girl!"

"Ah, but you know," Hannah started, raising her hands protectively over her stomach. "On one hand I can't wait for her to leave. On the other hand, I'd want her to stay here forever."

Growing quiet for a few seconds, she then immediately added. "I know, it's strange, but I just can't help it," she laughed, trying to swat away her worries. Franz picked up on her anxiety, and immediately grasped her hands. "Everything's going to be okay – it's normal to be nervous."

You cast your eyes south, somewhat ashamed. This should have been your line. Easing Hannah's worry, preparing her for motherhood and giving her advice should have been somewhat your job too, seeing as you both shared the same responsibility. You weren't in the same club for nothing. Still, you were unable to. And truth to be told, you felt yourself stiff at the sight of her and Franz. You couldn't help but remind yourself yet again how insanely young she was, and how difficult it must be for her, even if she seems to be willingly participating.

Instead, you stared; eyes glazed over from alcohol, and your mind started to fantasize, lightly pondering if Erwin would be just as doting as Franz if you changed your mind and told him that you'd actually like to carry out his children. Would he be at your beck and call, label you with all kinds of nicknames? Would he also lovingly brush along your baby bump and make sure you're feeling all right?

Too preoccupied with his, you forgot your gaze on Hannah, eyes and lips twisting into sorrow. When she caught you staring, you blinked in surprise, blushing.

"D-Do you know what you're going to call her?" you asked, immediately, just in time to deflect any attention from you.

Both Hannah and Franz sighed. "No, not yet, unfortunately," replied Hannah, pouting. "We just can't decide on a nice name. There are so many."

"I think we're going to go with a name that one of our mothers or grandmothers had," Franz shrugged, looking at Hannah, who only nodded. Then, her gaze returned to the dish before her. "Actually, I was also thinking about the name of my auntie. I'm sure she'd be thrilled, and it's pretty too."

Franz and Hannah then spiraled into discussing a list of names. Lost in their little world of wonder, they momentarily forgot about your presence, too preoccupied for the time being. You didn't mind, hardly listened to them, too exhausted to follow. Sipping your third glass of wine, the sweet taste was numbing your senses, giving your cheeks a lovely glow. It had a smooth, silky mouthfeel, notes of cherry and plum discernible after every swallow. From the corner of your eyes, you saw Erwin quietly listen to the pair in front of you, but only seemingly, of course. By now you knew him well enough to know when he was actually paying attention. And thus, minutes passed by like seconds. After a while, though, you saw their shoulders sag in defeat, still not knowing what to name their darling child. You however missed how they both suddenly looked at each other, as if struck by lightning. And then slowly to you.

The wine was already pleasantly buzzing in your head, unable to connect why they took such a keen interest in you. Not thinking much of it, you continued sipping the sweet liquid, before -

"Do you already know what you guys are going to name your child?"

The loud clatter of silverware was the first thing that hit your ears. Looking to your left, you saw Erwin drop his fork on the table, before calmly apologizing and picking it up. You were thankful for his blunder, because in turn no one heard you elicit a cough, or well - how you almost choked on your drink. So unexpected.

Or was it? Sooner or later someone was about to pose this question.

Your hand came to rest on your chest, trying to will down another cough. You were way too drunk, you realized, to even think of a random name. Literally every name you knew was thrown out the window, and as the minutes of awkward silence passed, the more panicked you grew.

"We have yet to think of a name ourselves," Erwin then replied, to which you immediately nodded, almost hurriedly. Like it was just on the tip of your tongue.

Hannah and Franz glanced at each other. The latter then exclaimed, jovially. "See? We're not the only ones struggling," and in turn Hannah let out a merry chuckle. Then the couple went into yet another discussion, listing all the names that they'd find perfect for their child.

Meanwhile, under the table, you sneaked your hand in Erwin's and squeezed his hand in silent gratitude.

A quiet groan pushed past your gritted teeth, when you felt a teasing shiver ran up and down your back. Erwin immediately drew you closer to him, trying to offer protection from the unforgiving autumn air. The walk back to your home was otherwise eerily quiet; both of you still under the charm of the Kafka's. The utmost devotion they reserved for each other was unlike anything you've ever witnessed before, even if it sometimes bordered on cheesy. Still, the more you thought about the couple, the more you felt your cheeks get warm. The adoration in their eyes, hands always brushing against the others' hands or shoulders or cheeks. What's it like to have that kind of love you silently wondered, but immediately shooed the thought away, suddenly turning bashful. You hoped Erwin didn't pick up on your drunk musings. And how lucky you were that it was so windy outside, serving as an easy explanation for the color of your cheeks. Despite all this, you flinched somewhat when he suddenly spoke:

"You were right. They are really nice."

You raised your head with mild surprise, before smiling. His must have been thinking about the Kafka's as well. "Right? I don't think they're spies or anything like that."

"No, me neither," he agreed with a smile of his own.

What a shame though, ran through both of your minds. A shame they're swallowed up in this cruel practice, even if they're unaware of that. You just hoped that everything goes all right with the delivery, and that they'll be able to live the rest of their lives comfortably. And that, if you and Erwin escape – regardless if together or separately – the authorities won't connect the two of you to them. They'd be questioned, that's almost guaranteed, but neither Erwin or you did or say anything in front of them that would come across as suspicious. Still, you just wished they'd live out their domestic bliss somewhere safe, without the confines of an unforgiving breeding program.

A small bridge appeared in front of you, a quiet help over the shallow little creek that crossed your paths. Once you reached the middle of it, you tugged on the arm of Erwin, signaling to him to stop. He easily obliged, seemingly finding the bridge to be just as serene as you. So you walked to the railing and stayed, all the while listening to the water quietly ripple underneath you. The scenery around you was practically begging for you to remain.

"Did you ever want to have children?"

Erwin blinked, the question leaving him slack jawed. Glancing to you, his eyes displayed worry.

Cheeks still glowing, you let out a raspy laugh. "I'm sorry. I think I'm a bit tipsy."

He then grew quiet, before replying.

"I guess I did consider having them."

"With Marie?" you asked, leaning your head on his shoulder. He laughed, almost scoffed, all in good humor though. "No. Never really envisioned anyone. Why?"

A tired exhale left your nose, before you hummed. "Well, I never really had any detailed plan to become a mother, but I was never really opposed to the idea either, so I don't know. I just wanted to ask if that's something you should plan for," you shrugged.

Seconds later, after the weight of your question settled in, your cheeks started burning anew, but now from a completely different reason. Because you weren't really sure why you asked him that question. The sight of Hannah and Franz must have left a bigger impression on you than you thought. Yet Erwin didn't seem to be weirded out by your question all that much thankfully, and didn't pry anymore either.

Looking ahead, your eyes lazily searched for anything to distract yourself. And they settled north.

Here, away from the city, the stars shined their proudest. Million little dots adored the sky, and even in your slightly inebriated haze you could make out the shape of a constellation.

"What's that I wonder," you mused, and Erwin immediately answered, following your line of vision.

"The constellation Grus."

"Grus?"

"It's crane in Latin."

Looking at the aforementioned constellation, you guess you could make out the distinct shape of a bird. Your eyes quickly zeroed in on another group of stars, though. "There's one above it."

"Piscis Austrinus, also known as the southern fish. They used to be one constellation, before they were separated. If you look to the north, you'll see Aquarius, the water bearer. The southern fish is there to supposedly swallow the water being poured from Aquarius."

"And the crane is there to swallow the fish?"

Erwin laughed, teeth flashing in the dark. "I suppose. The ancient astronomers didn't specify his role."

You pursed your lips, being satisfied with your own explanation. Then, curiously -

"How do you know all of this? Did you stargaze a lot?"

Erwin didn't reply immediately, still staring at the stars above in the deep sky.

"Yes, with my father. Every summer he'd take me somewhere remote and we'd spend the night scouring the sky. If the weather was nice we'd go in spring and autumn, too, but rarely in winter."

Slowly straightening yourself, you suddenly realized that you never even asked Erwin about his parents. Not once did they cross your mind, if you wanted to be honest with yourself, and you never wondered about his childhood. Most of your alcoholic haze dissipated as you continued listening to him, but even so, the somewhat morose undertone from him could not be missed.

"I see. That sounds wonderful," you replied, trying to keep the conversation cheery. "I'm guessing your summer vacations were never dull?"

He smiled, but the sorrowful air around him did not budge. "Yeah. They were amazing."

You came to realize that you did not see his parents when you two got married, and that suddenly made you nervous. Putting two and two together, you were slowly surmising why that must be. Still, you hoped you might be wrong. They might be busy. Or just painfully distant. But just to be sure, you took a deep breath and gathered all your courage.

"Where is he now?"

The silence that followed was deafening. Nothing moved, and even the creek underneath you seemed to shy away from the question, trying to flow as quietly as possible. Erwin didn't get angry, though.

"He passed away when I was around thirteen. As for my mother, she died when I was young."

A hurt exhale left your lips, not realizing that you were holding your breath. You turned to him and your hands immediately came to rest on his shoulder and arm.

"Erwin, I am so sorry."

He welcomed your touch, and turned to you, grabbing the hand on his shoulder and bringing it to his chest, holding it. "It's all right."

Still nonplussed about the new information, you moved closer to him and hugged him.

"That must have been so hard. Who took care of you?"

"A family friend of ours. Stayed with him until I was eighteen. After that I moved away to Trost."

You stayed in his hold for a good while, listening to his heartbeat.

"I feel so guilty," you whispered to him.

"What for?"

Somewhat stepping back, you glanced up at him. "Up until now I was so convinced that I was the only one who had it rough. I'm so sorry, I really had no idea."

Erwin's brows furrowed. "You do have it rough. You're being forced into something you don't want to do."

Gaze slipping to his chest, your eyes became misty. Were you still under the influence? You felt very emotional and honest, almost whiny. Touchy-feely.

"But what about you? You're being forced into this, too. To have me as your wife. No one asked you if you wanted this or not."

His arm shifted, and you saw his hand come to rest at your cheek. You locked your eyes with him and saw him smiling, amusement dancing in his eyes.

"You're making it sound like being with you is the same as being sentenced to death."

Leaning into his touch, you momentarily closed your eyes. "How do you know it's not," you murmured, giving yourself into his warmth. "I might just hinder you in your escape."

He remained silent, and you hadn't the slightest idea what expression he had on. You stayed like that, before getting curious and slowly opening your eyes.

He looked pained. Almost regretful. It was subtle, but just enough to be visible.

Slightly furrowing your brows, you kept holding his gaze, but your confusion was soon joined by another strange feeling. While your mind was busy trying to find out why he always looked so morose and guilt-stricken when the topic arose, your heart decided to play mean. Once more your eyes raked over his chiseled jaw, sharp nose and impossibly blue eyes. There was never any doubt regarding his good looks, that was obvious the first time you saw him, but now, as he stood here in front of you, with his grey coat and somewhat disheveled blond hair, he looked as if he stepped straight out of a Leyendecker illustration.

Satisfied with that comparison, you smiled lazily and sultry, and let your fingers, lithe and warm, sneak to his cheeks. Erwin's eyes immediately sprang to yours, somewhat alarmed at your sudden proximity.

"What's wrong?" you asked him breathily, your voice taking on a tone that did things to him. Your arms came to rest on both sides of his strong neck. Realization dawned upon him on what you were about to do, and he gently pried them away.

"You're still drunk."

"No, I'm not," you whispered, and tried to reach him again, getting on your tiptoes, but he only let you brush your mouth against his, before he whispered back.

"I think you're going to regret this."

"Why? Don't you want this?"

He broke away for a moment, letting out a quiet, but pained laugh, and swallowed thickly, before grabbing you by your waist, drawing you against his taut form. Closing your eyes, you offered him your lips, and patiently waited for the smooth, warm skin, but was left surprised when you only felt it on the corners of your lips, almost like an apology.

Then, a warm murmur against the shell of your ear.

"Let's just go home, Darling."

Notes:

I changed the surname of Franz Kefka to *Kafka*, because it is so obvious whom he got his name from, and it just looks all around better. Also, just to reassure everyone - there *is* going to be smut in this :D It's just gonna take a while to get there, because of the plot, and also because I don't want to make Erwin too OOC.

Anyway, enjoy!
- A

Chapter 10: Gluggaveður

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

From the corner of your eyes you noticed the hot steam of your coffee, as it lazily danced upwards to the ceiling. Drowsily munching on a piece of toast, you followed its trail, ever so slowly. Not yet ready to recall today's schedule, you made it your absolute mission to not think about anything during breakfast. Just be present, take deep, even breaths, taste every bite with intention and enjoy where you are.

Outside was cloudy; dark layers of cotton taking up residency above Mitras, far outweighing their welcome in your opinion. They cast a greyish light in the kitchen, further elevating your sleepy state. Nevertheless, it wasn't the weather that made it hard to concentrate on nothing. Rather, the sound of hasty steps from the living room. For a while you remained seated, savoring every bite of what was left of your breakfast, trying hard to block them out. Before, at last, you sighed in resignation and followed the source of your interruption.

It lead you to the living room, where you saw Erwin hurriedly searching for something. The drawers of the dresser where he used to keep his clothes were all pulled open.

You willed down a yawn, before asking. "What's wrong?"

"I have a hearing to attend, but I can't find a nicer jacket," he sighed, still rummaging. "I thought I had seen one here somewhere, but I guess I must have imagined it."

The sight of him was downright tempting. His hair was disheveled; fair locks unstyled and laying flat on his forehead, hiding his eyebrows, which were currently furrowed in frustration. He was still in his sleepwear, baby blue pyjamas traded for a light grey T-shirt and pants. The former hugged his upper torso all snug and tight and outlined his strong chest. Your eyes, growing curious and curios-er, travelled southwards, quickly taking in his backside and legs, before you reigned them back.

"Oh, err," you stammered, before clearing your throat. "I am sorry, but I might have thrown it into the laundry basket. I saw it lying on the armchair, and thought it would be okay if I washed it. I didn't know you needed it."

Erwin turned to face you. He tried to mask his confusion, instilled in him to always appear as polite as possible, but it was evident enough that he didn't know what to make of you right now. Not that you could blame him. Ever since you two moved in, you made it crystal clear that you won't become his walk-in maid. Household chores were to be split 50/50 and everyone was responsible for their own laundry.

Still, when you were about to wash your own clothes yesterday, you didn't find it particularly bothersome to see if he had anything to wash as well. So you took the liberty to walk to the living room, which served as his bedroom, and see for yourself. It was just you being polite, of course. Something a good housemate would do. Nevermind the fact that you never washed the clothes of your actual university roommates back in Trost, but he didn't have to know that.

Now, however, you felt a tinge embarrassed. Like a child who's been caught stealing from the cookie jar.

You grabbed the front of your robe, you yourself still not dressed for the day, trying to subconsciously shield yourself from his gaze. "I checked the pockets and they were empty," you continued, before an idea presented itself to you. "But there are some clothes for you in the t-the bedroom, too. Feel free to pick something from there. If you want, that is."

"Thank you," he replied, hesitantly looking you up and down. "Are you sure it's fine?"

Biting your lip, you nodded. "I'll show them to you."

And with that, you walked to the stairs, motioning for him to follow. He did just that.

Reaching your bedroom, you walked to your own wardrobe and grabbed it's left door – the one that was originally meant for the husband. Leaving it wide open, you stepped aside and quietly wondered why you never offered him to wear any of those clothes, before realizing that you forbade him to ever enter this room.

But now he was here, muscles flexing under his thin T-Shirt as he carefully rummaged through racks of jackets, pants and button down shirts. Crossing your arms, you forgot your gaze on his undercut and shoulders, delighting in the sight of him. There was a warm flutter in your chest, and you were scared he could hear it in the deafening silence.

Almost a week passed ever since you visited Hannah and Franz. And ever since then, you two never discussed your (admittedly) drunk behavior, never even so much as hinted at it. You were glad for it, and as you woke up the next day, still vividly remembering it, you had half the mind to apologize to Erwin. But when you dressed yourself, tip-toed to the kitchen and sat down to eat breakfast together, he acted as if nothing happened. Merely greeted you with his usual smile and asked you how you slept. You replied, somewhat subdued, but had difficulty looking into his eyes.

Lips tingling, you tore your gaze away from him.

Feeling torn and confused wasn't the only thing plaguing you. You were also very angry at yourself.

Just two months ago you were contemplating jumping out of a car and planning every possible way to escape. Now, you realized, that you didn't even mind being here all that much. You didn't mind Erwin's presence or living with him. You didn't mind the routine that you two slowly seeped into. You didn't mind this house, either. It was big, spacious, well-decorated, just perfect for the two of you. Of course you still disliked the women's circle and the incessant prying of Mrs. Reeves. But would it have been so bad to participate in the Program? Were you wrong after all, and they did know what they were doing?

This thought filled you with dread. How can that be, you mused to yourself. What am I even doing here?

And what were you doing, indeed. Still in your robe, with nothing under it (when did you get so comfortable around him to wear nothing but that?), in your bedroom with Erwin only a few steps away, his back still turned to you.

You chanced one more glance at him. What would he do if you came up behind him and hugged him? Pressed your lips against his neck, and then his earlobe -

Right then, he moved, almost making you jump out of your skin. He slid off a jacket from the rack and turned around with a smile. "Thank you, this one will do perfectly."

You angled your face to the windows, before he could see your face. "There are some ties you might find to your liking as well," you stammered, praying that your voice only sounded squeaky to you.

This wasn't the first time this has happened. There were some other interesting scenarios to note.

Like how one day you were about to open a jar of jam, and would have been perfectly able to do it on your own. You've opened tons of jars: loosening the lid with a butter knife always did the trick after all. Still, a few days ago, when you were just about to do it anew, you remembered the blond who was there in the kitchen with you. Currently seated at the kitchen table, absentmindedly browsing through a magazine of some sorts, with his legs crossed at the ankles.

You could have done it yourself. There was no reason to suddenly stop in your ministrations and look at him from the corner of your eyes, to gauge if he was busy, to see if he could spare some minutes for you. So why did you turn to him and ask him if he could open it for you? Why did you walk up to the table, and look at him with doe eyes, and let him take the jar from your outstretched hands, fingers brushing? The answer can't possibly be because of the way his forearms bulged when he gripped the lid and turned it (especially since he just so happened to wear his sleeves up to his elbows that day, giving you quite a show.) Or how effortlessly he did it, the lid immediately obeying him. You knew he was strong, it was obvious the day you met him in City Hall, but you could still never quite get over the fact.

Upon giving the open jar back to you, the action accompanied by his trademark smile, you wanted to brush aside his magazine and sit in his lap.

Entering Ruth's dining room, you gave a cordial greeting to everyone present, before your eyes instinctively scoured for a familiar redhead. This was how it went ever since you joined the circle: arrive on time, look pretty, be polite, but all the while be on the look out for Hannah. She was almost always on time, if not a good 10 minutes early; Franz always by her side, and leaving after making sure she's arrived safe and sound. It wasn't any different this time, and so you looked around, taking in your environment.

The oval-shaped dining table was mostly reserved, the women having taken their seats and amicably chatting between themselves. Pastel macarons and tea adorned the middle of it, fine china already on full display.

Hannah was nowhere to be found, though. Once more you glanced around, but failed to find her. A bit confused, you walked to one of the few remaining free seats and sat down. The women around you paid you no heed and continued chatting amongst themselves, their usual happy chirping and gossip having no foreseeable end.

Maybe she's just late, you wondered inwardly while circling your hands in your lap. Maybe something came up or she misread the clock. Happens to the best of us. Yes, that must be it. There's no way she wouldn't show up today.

You took a deep, deep inhale, and tried to reason with yourself. But all for naught. Minutes passed and a few more women poured in. Every time the door opened, you glanced up, hoping to meet pale green eyes and a freckled smile, only to deflate when you realized it was not Hannah standing at the door.

Your anxiety got on a whole another level, though, when you noticed that by now everyone except her arrived. You wrangled your hands under the table, trying to stop them from shaking. And then turned to the woman on your right.

"Excuse me. Do you perhaps know where Mrs. Kafka is?"

The woman turned to you, all smiles and dimples, before her eyebrows furrowed somewhat.

"Oh, she called Mrs. Reeves an hour ago or so. Said she doesn't really feel well."

You thanked her quietly, not being able to mask your worry, which was now unbridled. The woman immediately caught on.

"Oh, don't make that face! I think she just might be due!"

"Yeah," you agreed with her, which was exactly what you were afraid of. You had half the mind to excuse yourself and check up on her, but you didn't want to come across as paranoid. And who knows how she'd take your unannounced presence. Franz is surely by her side, and that alone was reason enough to calm down. You trusted him – how could you not? As attentive as he was, Hannah is surely in good hands. So you swallowed down your intuition, trying to remain in the present, away from the realm of your worry-filled mind.

Which was excruciatingly hard, however. Leaning back into your chair, your chest felt tense, your limbs twitched with the desire to do something. What if she was in pain? What if they needed help to get to the hospital? What if, what if, what if...

After a good while, you had enough. Excusing yourself from the table, a good few heads turned to your departing form in confusion as you stepped into the hallway. You were just about to reach for your coat, when Mrs. Reeves appeared behind you.

"Mrs. Smith, whatever is the matter?"

You whirled around, pale-faced. "I think I'd like to check up on Mrs. Kafka, if that's okay," came your reply, one arm already pulled into a sleeve. "Maybe she needs help."

Mrs. Reeves shook her head. "In this weather? It's raining cats and dogs, you'll catch a cold!"

At her words, you hastily looked trough the small window of the entrance door. She was right, it was pouring. So much so that it was impossible to see through the thick layer of rain. How was the weather this whimsical? It was mostly cloudy when you arrived.

Your coat now fully on your frame, you fiddled with the buttons. "May I borrow an umbrella, then? I'll bring it back to Ruth."

At that, Mrs. Reeves sent you a motherly smile. Her hands came to rest gently on your hands, stopping them in their frenzy.

"Oh, child. There's absolutely no reason to worry your pretty head. Trust me, Mrs. Kafka is in very good hands. Besides, there's nothing we can do for her now. The midwife is already en route to her house. We'd only hinder them. We'll make sure to go and visit her, once she's well rested."

You knew she made sense. There was no real reason for you to be there. You're not a midwife, and have no idea how to assist someone during a parturition. And Franz, ever so loving and attentive, was already there for any other support she might be in need.

Seeing your shoulders drop, Mrs. Reeves lightly tugged at the hem of your coat, indicating for you to take it off. Reclined, you did just that.

Then, she took your hands in hers once more. "You're a dearie, Mrs. Smith. But really, there's nothing to be so alarmed about. Come," she told you, gently pulling you along.

"Why don't you come to the kitchen with me and help with the Danishes? They'll ease your mind."

Lunch passed, and the buzz around the table quieted down. The downpour outside turned into a full-fledged storm by now; droplets of rain hurriedly rapping against the windows, and the branches turning obsequious.

You held your cup, your hundred-yard-stare on full display, not looking at anything particular. Since Hannah was not here, you tried to engage in polite conversation with the woman sitting in front of you. It worked and you managed to hold a light conversation with her, never swaying from shallow topics. But after a while you grew tired of the stale, polite questions and equally as polite answers, and she seemingly did so too, for she excused herself with a light smile, and walked to her friends at the corner, who were animatedly talking about something completely different.

You remained seated, and managed to listen to your neighbors talk about a new dress they bought at one of Mitras' elite clothing stores, before gradually blocking out everything around you. Instead, your ears re-focused on the sound of rain behind you, soothing your nerves. You allowed your eyes to close for a few seconds, reveling in the ambiance.

How you wished you could be back home with Erwin. You two would make dinner and have Hannah and Franz over as your guests. Which reminded you how you should repay their kindness and invite them over. Opening your eyes, you sipped your already lukewarm tea and decided to do just that once Hannah recovers. You wondered how she was doing right now, if her baby is healthy and well. Franz must be over the moon, you thought to yourself and a light smile lifted your lips. The child can count herself lucky to have parents like them, of that you were sure. You made a mental note to yourself to get a gift for the young parents.

So lost in your own world, it took you a few good seconds to realize how everyone was suddenly standing. Looking wildly about, you carefully set down your tea and followed.

Ruth stood at the other end of the table, glass and fork in her hands. An announcement vaguely passed by your ears. Muffled, as if everything was under water. Her set of white teeth, rosy cheeks and beaming smile was all you could focus on.

"... happy that I can share these wonderful news with you all!"

Everyone looked on, excitedly. Mrs. Reeves clasped her hands together, looking exuberant. Then, after a dramatic pause, Ruth revealed the cause of her own joy.

As expected, everyone immediately erupted into joyous squeals and gasps. In just a few seconds, Ruth got surrounded by numerous women, all whom wished her the very best. Then, the onslaught of questions followed:

"Is it going be a boy or a girl?"

"What are you going to name them?"

"I know a good store with high-quality baby clothes – I'll give you their card!"

Shifting from one foot to the other, you felt somewhat out of place. You weren't as close to Ruth to immediately jump at the chance to congratulate her, but you didn't want to come across as rude either. Interlocking your hands, you opted to wait a little bit before walking up to her. All the while you failed to pick up the presence next to you.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

You glanced to your left.

Marie was standing there, ruby red drink in her hand and looking absolutely bored, as if Ruth had just casually told everyone that she's planning to go the grocery store. Looking as fashionable as ever, she had on a maroon dress, the color rich and deep, and her raven hair was pulled back into a sleek chignon.

Face slightly tensing, you flicked your eyes back to the group.

"Why do you ask? What exactly would I be thinking about right now?"

Marie didn't take your reply as provocation. Instead she smiled lazily, gingerly caressing the glass in her hand.

"I'm not sure myself. Was just wondering if anyone else found this whole charade as tedious as me. And I saw you standing here by yourself, looking all lost like a new-born puppy. Thought you might enjoy my company."

You'd have a much more enjoyable time with a cactus. Still, you kept calm, your answer carrying no trace of animosity.

"Aren't you going to congratulate Ruth?"

Marie's smile turned arrogant. "I will. But not while she's being swarmed by that," she said, pointing at the group of women, who were still circling her, vivacious chatter not relenting.

"I'm happy for her, but I think she enjoys the attention a little bit too much. No wonder why she insisted to host this week's meeting. Why else would she announce it like this? I sure won't do it like her."

At that, you got somewhat curious. "Isn't this how you usually do it?"

Marie took a generous sip of her drink. "Not necessarily. Most of 'em do, but after a while it gets so boring. Every few months there's someone who's pregnant. The novelty of it wears off pretty quickly. Mrs. Reeves loves each and every announcement, of course."

You listened to her drawl, not really sure what to make of her. Because it almost sounded like Marie was jealous. Maybe even bitter. But the cause of her resentment wasn't Ruth herself, that much you could already sense.

You would have been fine if the conversation stopped there, and you kind of expected for her to just leave, having done her deed of doling out unsolicited advice, but she remained standing. And then suddenly looked to you.

"How are you going to announce it? Or are you going to surprise us?" she asked you and you didn't miss the way her dark, sultry eyes skipped to your stomach.

You smiled back at her, coolly. "After all this, I think I might just keep quiet about it."

She opened her mouth in mock protest, before laughing. "Oh, don't listen to my silly blabbering! I merely stated my preference, but of course, to each to their own. Please, do announce it once the time comes."

You nodded, ignoring the way her eyes took on a far away look, bordering on something somber. Once you saw the chance to get closer to Ruth, you left.

Notes:

Fun (?) Fact: Ruth is an actual character in AOT, albeit an extremely minor one. Her full name is Ruth. D. Kline, and she's part of the 104th Training Corp, so I didn't just come up with a random name, haha. Also, sorry if this chapter seems rushed, I really wanted it to have a normal-ish pace, but for some reason I don't think I did a good job. I might re-write some parts once I proofread the last two chapters.

Oh, and does anyone know of a good website where I could upload drafts or even just write? My laptop gave me quite a fright last week, and I thought I won't be able to turn it on anymore, so that had me thinking that I should maybe write everything on a website from the get-go (because yes, all this time I've been doing it the traditional way ála Word docs) - Thanks in advance!

- A

Chapter 11: Ruth's kitchen

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

An hour or so later, everyone was leaving, one by one. Yet the rainstorm outside was unrelenting; fat droplets of rain and wind wreaking havoc, somewhat frightening the women around you. And by the sight of the harsh tugs the crowns of trees were currently victim to, you could completely understand why. Everyone around you seemed to speak a little bit more quieter, almost hushed, as if speaking louder would somehow make the roof over your heads disappear.

Despite the outside situation, the women were getting restless, slowly but surely clutching their bags and taking their coats, indicating their wish to leave. Ruth – after telling everyone repeatedly that it's fine if they'd like to stay more and wait for the storm to pass – slowly reclined herself to the fact, that the majority of her guests chose to decline her generous offer.

This is how you remained in the dining room, alone, still peering outside the window, and basking in the silence that usually follows after a big gathering.

"Nasty weather. Uncommon to boot," said Mrs. Reeves, suddenly appearing from the hallway and shaking her head. You calmly turned around and watched her as she started collecting the plates from Ruth's dining table. You hummed in agreement; tropical storms around this time of the year were indeed very rare.

The impatient tapping of rain against windowpane was soon joined by Thank you for comings and It was so nice to see yous, seeping in from the entryway, Ruth's voice naturally being somewhat louder. Sometimes you could even recognize sounds of deep baritone, surmising that some of the husbands came to pick up their wives, in lieu of the weather.

You heard the gentle clacks of porcelain behind you whenever Mrs. Reeves picked up a new plate, and you self-consciously crossed your arms. You sensed her gaze on you, and you could already guess why.

"Mrs. Smith, should we also call your husband?"

You shook your head while offering a tight-lipped smile. "That's okay – I'll just wait here a little bit. Maybe the storm will ease up somewhat."

Mrs. Reeves straightened up slowly, a tower of white plates safely resting in her arms, as she looked at you somewhat hesitantly, if not concerned.

"I'd hate to let you leave in this weather, and there's no way to tell when it's going to pass. Not that we don't enjoy your company, but it might turn late until that happens. I also wouldn't want you to walk home alone. Would you like to stay the night, perhaps?"

Another shake of your head, polite smile following suit. "Thank you, but I'll manage."

Then, your gaze slipped to the dishes. "I'll gladly help until then."

Now it was Mrs. Reeves who shook her head, her own smile turning her wrinkles of worry into those of mirth.

"You're a sweetheart, but I got this. Feel free to use the phone in case you change your mind. It's in the living room."

Once more you sent her a nod, complemented with yet another smile, and she mirrored your expression, before leaving. Turning back to the window, you continued listening to the ongoing chit-chat from the entrance and gazed trough the gray shower.

There was no real reason as to why you didn't call Erwin. You just didn't want to inconvenience him by asking him to bring you an umbrella. By the looks of the violent conditions outside, even the sturdiest of umbrellas would snap in half, or in the very least, would offer only minimal shelter from the elements. In the end, both of you would just end up thoroughly soaked.

Ruth's voice suddenly spiked, her excited voice momentarily disrupting your train of thoughts:

"...Once we send in our request, we'll get a car and then I'll get you all home safe and sound...!"

Giggles and laughter followed. Leaning your forehead against the cold glass, your slow exhale left a circle of fog in its wake. A car. Of course that would come in handy too, and not just for husbands to chauffer their wives home to safety. But you recall Erwin telling you, that the Capitol only grants this commodity to couples, if the wife gets pregnant. A little thank you, among enormous requests, to balance out the lovely symptoms of an early pregnancy.

"It sounds like they're gifting it to us, and it sure is a big help for a new family. But they're also basically tracking devices on four wheels," you remember him saying. Back then, you stared at him, still wary and keeping your distance. Upon asking him how he knows that, he somewhat shrugged.

"I can't say for sure. But it's something I can imagine they'd do."

Present time you sighed at the memory, leaving another blotch of fog behind on the glass. As enamored as you were starting to be with him, you were still not sure how much he really knew and how much he decided to share with you, further giving fire to your conflicting feelings.

Thoughts wandering to Erwin, you wondered what he was doing right now, when suddenly, you heard the sound of ceramic breaking. Head turning in the direction of the hallway, you looked on, waiting and confused. It came from the kitchen.

Deciding to check out the source of your disruption, you inwardly berated yourself for not helping Mrs. Reeves after all. The chatter from the entrance kept going however, and as you crossed the hallway to reach the kitchen, you saw Ruth still animatedly chatting with her friends.

And then your feet came to a halt, when you spotted Marie and Mrs. Reeves standing before the cupboards. The younger woman was slightly hunched over and appeared to be pressing her hand against her chest, while Mrs. Reeves looked on, alarmed. Between them you saw the broken pieces of a white ceramic plate on the floor. As luck would have it, they had their backs turned to you, unaware of your presence.

Mrs. Reeves extended her hand to Marie, but she only waved her away.

"I'm fine," she hissed. It was immediately clear from her voice that she was crying. Then, you saw her step to the faucet and wash away the tiny, red line that formed on her finger. Mrs. Reeves bent down and carefully started to pick up the pieces.

This was the point where you would have left, curiosity satiated and with no wish to interfere, especially if Marie was involved. But then Mrs. Reeves started talking.

"I know you're vexed, but you won't do yourself a favor if you continue acting like this. At least pretend that you're happy for her!"

Marie sniffed, and then laughed in indignation. "Well, excuse me for not jumping from joy every time someone announces that they're knocked up! I'd like to see how you'd be acting if you were in my place!"

Mrs. Reeves threw the broken pieces in the trashcan and dusted her hands, before turning to her. "I understand how difficult it is, but you're putting too much pressure on yourself! It won't happen if you focus too much on it."

The rushing water was all that filled the silence after that. Marie was still keeping her finger under the faucet, refusing to look at Mrs. Reeves, before, with a whisper she asked:

"But what if it's never going to happen, huh? What then, Mrs. Reeves?"

At that, the old woman's expression of motherly worry quickly morphed into something stern.

"It is going to happen. There is no way it won't."

With lips trembling, Marie slowly shook her head and raised her hands to burry her face in them. Strands of her hair escaped from her chignon and her eyeliner was starting to smudge. You don't recall ever seeing her like this. Holding your breath, you continued eavesdropping.

"Maybe it would if I didn't have Nile as my husband. I'm sure it's because of him!"

"Marie," Mrs. Reeves warned in a whisper.

But she only continued. "You'll see," she started, sniffing. "I'm never going to make that announcement, not like this."

"You still have time."

"I'm running out of it!" she burst out, somewhat louder, and started pacing up and down. Flinching, you leapt back a bit, fearing that she might notice you. She didn't, her gaze fixed on the floor as she crossed her arms. "We've been married for some time now, and still –- nothing! If he doesn't get me pregnant soon, they'll - "

"It won't come to that," Mrs. Reeves repeated again, calm but strict. Walking up to Marie, she unclasped her crossed arms and grabbed her hands, much how she grabbed yours a few hours back. "Listen, just between the two of us, I know an excellent obstetrician. Maybe he could help you out?"

So shocked at the things you just witnessed, you completely failed to realize the sudden presence behind you.

"Oh..!" came the gasp from – you realized, turning around – Ruth.

At the sound, both Mrs. Reeves and Marie whirled around, the color suddenly fading from their faces. The younger of them looked wildly between Ruth and you, akin to a criminal about to be captured. For a moment you could swear that she pinned her terrified gaze on your form for a second longer then on your newly arrived companion. All the while, Ruth's lost gaze switched between Marie and Mrs. Reeves, then to you, utterly nonplussed.

"Is something wrong?" she asked, daring to step closer to the pair, almost as if asking for permission to enter her own kitchen. Then her eyes zeroed in on Marie's bloodshot ones.

"Mrs. Dok, whatever is the matter? Why are you crying?"

Marie, pale and shaking, awkwardly turned away from her. Mrs. Reeves stepped closer to Ruth, shielding the ravenette while licking her lips, clearly thinking about a way to best explain what just happened.

"Nothing's the matter. I was just cleaning up, and Marie offered to help me. Unfortunately, I dropped one of your plates – I am very sorry. I'll buy you a new one."

Ruth stood in the middle of the kitchen by now.

"I see," she breathed, still not sure what to make of them. Marie wiped at her face with a napkin, and quickly tried to sweep her wayward raven locks back into her chignon.

"I'm sorry," she then said, looking at Ruth. "It was actually me who dropped it. I wasn't paying attention and it just slipped from my fingers."

Ruth could only stare. From the looks of her, she must have also never seen ever so composed and elegant Marie like this before.

"Oh, that's okay," she answered, her eyes still staunchly fixed on her. "I have plenty of those plates, it really is fine. I was just worried to see you so upset, I thought something happened."

"She just had a bad day, is all," replied Mrs. Reeves, almost too hastily, and promptly walked up to Marie, holding her hand again. "Then she dropped the plate, and the crocodile tears started. You know how it is – a lot of small, frustrating things add up and the next thing you know you're wailing like a child that got denied candy."

Marie smiled, but it was clear that she had difficulty doing so; it looked like it caused her great pain, her lips hardly budging. Nevertheless, she tried to make the best of it and nodded.

"Yes, that's right. I just had a bad strain of luck these days and it finally got to me."

"Happens to the best of us," Ruth replied, worried expression slowly vanishing from her face.

Then, she turned to you, making your heart jolt. The motion caused the other two women to refocus their gaze on you as well. Before any of them could say anything, your mouth opened, shaking.

"I just came to borrow an umbrella, I think I'm gonna head home, too. I'll return it next Saturday."

Your words came out rushed, breathy, even if you knew very well they shouldn't have. Ruth's worried expression returned, but now addressed to you.

The moment she answered with 'Yes, of course' you whirled on your heels, and made a run for it. You could vaguely hear her shouting 'But Mrs. Smith, actually - - ' but politeness having been long thrown out the window, you just marched on, terrified. Sprinting to the hallway, you made your way to the basket at the entrance door, getting hold of the last umbrella. Quickly slipping on your shoes, you didn't even bother buttoning up your coat, before grabbing the doorknob with more haste then necessary.

You barely managed to take two long steps, however, before colliding into something hard.

With a quiet cry, you bounced back, rain and wind suddenly assaulting you from all angles, as the freshly borrowed umbrella fell to the ground at the impact. Panic-induced blindness shouted at you to just get out of there, and ignore whatever or whoever you just barged into. A shaky sorry was all that left your trembling lips, as you tried to maneuver yourself around the person, leaving Ruth's umbrella behind. As you attempted to do that, you immediately felt two strong hands on your upper arms, holding you back. Another wave of panic washed over you, so you immediately tried to wriggle yourself out of their hold, until:

"What's wrong? What happened?!"

You stopped and snapped your head up. Erwin stood before you, blue eyes anxiously zigzagging across your face, searching for any signs of pain or injury. He had his own umbrella with him, yet some strands of his hair still managed to get wet and stick to his forehead.

Panting, you breathed his name in wonder. The scene from Ruth's kitchen still appeared vivid in your mind, but your eyes gradually re-focused on the tall man before you.

He came to pick you up. Without having to call him. Your dear husband came to your rescue, and this not for the first time.

Jumping up, you threw yourself in his arms, burying your face in the junction of his neck. Erwin reciprocated the hug. You felt him encircle his arms around your back, surprised and growing anxious with each passing second.

"I told Ruth I came to pick you up, and the next thing I see is you fleeing. Did they hurt you?"

Shutting your eyes, you shook your head, the cold tip of your nose brushing against the hollow of his collarbone. Your heart was still violently beating in your chest, making it impossible for you to speak. When, at last, you stood on your tiptoes and gasped in his ear:

"Take me home!"

Soaked. Utterly and unequivocally soaked is what you two were by the time you reached your house. The familiar Rhododendrons, in spite of them wilting, goaded at the poor sight of you, as you hurried along dark concrete and huge puddles. Coat, blouse, skirt, your stockings and even your underwear clung to your body like a second layer of skin. Erwin looked much the same, soaked bangs hanging low in his face, and white button down sticking to his chest.

When at last, you made it past the door and the satisfying sound of it shutting behind you finally hit your ears, you let out a quiet hiss, shivering. Erwin let the umbrella fall to the ground; it's punishment for having failed to protect either of you from the downpour. Then the both of you immediately peeled off your coats and shoes, and you grimaced as the latter emitted a wet, squelching sound.

Still, despite your waterlogged state, you got straight to the point.

"I think I overheard something I shouldn't have," you explained, still panting and quivering, offering an answer to your earlier behavior. Erwin peered at your tousled form, patiently waiting. If he was cold, he didn't show it; merely stood there in his rain-washed attire.

You brushed your own wet locks out of your face, and turned to him. Licking your lips, you squared your shoulders and asked him something that you were already scared to hear the answer to.

"What does the Capitol do if it turns out that someone can't get children?"

Erwin's brows furrowed. Not in confusion, but because he already knew why you were asking that. He didn't immediately pry who you were talking about, though. Instead, he exhaled.

"I am not sure. The Capitol would say that it's impossible. According to them, they go to great lengths to make sure everyone is fit for the role of a parent."

"Do they?" you asked, a fine eyebrow raised. "I don't recall any examination for starters."

"I didn't go trough one either," Erwin nodded in agreement. "So it might be propaganda. I suppose in order to quell the anger of those who didn't get picked and therefore are not allowed to have children. If someone found out that a Program participant is infertile, it would cause riots. Ah, well," he then added, his arms coming to cross at his chest. "Not that they wouldn't be able to quell those riots. But it would be bothersome, for certain."

Then, he looked at you again.

"I can say this much, though: whoever they are, it's probably not gonna be pretty for them."

Lips pressed into a thin line, your gaze evaded his. Growing quiet, the sound of rain showering the grounds seeped in from outside. The silence merely lasted a few seconds, but in those very seconds you fought an internal battle. When, at least, you decided to tell him.

"It's Marie," you whispered.

Upon hearing this, Erwin closed his eyes and his shoulders dropped in defeat. You observed him closely, quietly, your own heart growing heavy at the way his expression slowly morphed into silent sorrow, like he was already mourning the death of her.

Lips quivering, you bit them, harshly, and tried to get a grip on yourself. You were feeling sorry for Marie - how could you not! Her predicament, you realized, was even significantly more dire then yours. You could only imagine how horrible it must be for her right now, being acquainted with the familiar feeling of hopelessness all too well.

That being said, you also hated yourself.

Since, you realized with shame, that in that exact moment, you were also a little bit jealous of her. The way Erwin reacted to her predicament tugged at your heartstrings, rough and unforgiving. He fancied her in the past, a diabolical part of you whispered. What makes you think he still doesn't?

This made you bring your hands to your face, and let out a deep, deep breath.

Because you fell for Erwin. There was no denying this anymore. You fell for his demeanor, his charm, his smile, his good looks. Suave, polite and intelligent, yet with nary a hint of arrogance; he was a real gentleman through and through.

But now was the time to be sensible, to be logical. To cast aside your own desires and wishes. Realize how lucky you were to be with him, and that you didn't have it as bad, that - as a matter of fact - you might be one of the lucky ones. So with a sad, pitiful sigh, you blinked up at him, and tried to quell the tears in your eyes.

"You should escape with her instead of me."

At this, he looked shocked. And then stern. Like how a father would look at his child that's about to be disciplined. He let the following silence linger for a little longer, before he opened his mouth.

"Why?"

Surprised, you blinked at him trough teary eyelashes.

"Because if she doesn't get out of here, she might get in danger," you explained, wringing your hands.

Not daring to look into his eyes, you then added, quietly.

"W-while I think I'm able to have a child, so they'd just assign me someone new if you two escaped, right? That's what you said."

The blond's expression remained strict, but he nonetheless continued listening to you. So you went on.

"Or I could just escape too, that's what I wanted to do anyway from the get-go. I'm sure I can pull it off, somehow."

"Out of the question," he finally replied, immediately, pining you to your spot with piercing blue eyes. "I'm either escaping with you, or I'll stay here. The rest is up to you."

His voice was low and gruff. Almost peeved.

Meanwhile you didn't know if you should feel flattered or confused.

"Why are you so hell-bent on taking me out of here?" you asked, stepping closer to him. "What's the real reason behind it? There must be something!"

Erwin didn't reply immediately. Instead he remained standing, his hands in his slacks, calmly inspecting the wet puddle that has already formed under the both of you. Then, his fair eyes swiveled to you, submerged in something dark and unfamiliar.

"Maybe I just want you. Have you ever thought about that?"

Lost for words, you could only gape. His reply took you by surprise, not sure what to do all of a sudden. Under his gaze, you got reminded how you were still in your wet clothes, fabric devotedly sticking to your skin. Your skirt hugged your legs and the wide curve of your hips, while your creamy blouse turned see through. Just like Erwin's, you came to realize, when your gaze slipped from his, and stopped at his collarbone, the top buttons of his shirt undone.

"If that's the case," you started, not sure if what you were about to say was wise. Licking your lips, you decided to say it anyway. "If that's the case, then why did you push me away on that bridge?"

You saw him move and by now he was standing so close, you could see droplets of water slide down his blond strands and eyelashes. The air around you turned heavy, charged with tension. Despite this, he was still breathing evenly, eyes never wavering from yours.

"Not in my nature to force myself on a drunk woman. Even if she's my wife."

The way he claimed you, even if just verbally, sent your heart in a frenzy. For probably the first time since you got married to him, you absolutely adored the feeling of the golden ring on your finger.

But it was madness. There were other things on the line right now, more important topics to discuss. And yet...

"Is that so?" you asked him, voice dropping. In an almost provocative matter, you chanced one more step to him.

"Well, it just so happens that your dear wife is now completely sober," you whispered to him, gaze expectant. His eyes raked you up and down, blond, wet lashes following, before coming to halt at your lips.

"And it just so happens that your dear husband is drunk at the sight of you."

And that was all it took. In an instant, he bent down and you immediately closed your eyes. As his lips met yours, zestful but still considerate, his hands gently grabbed your hips, making you sigh at the touch.

It was nothing like the first time you met him in City Hall, where you were forced to perform and felt terrified of this tall stranger. Where every occupant of that room had sky-high expectations of you, where one wrong move would end your fate. Now it was intimate, exciting and so, so welcome.

Your hands sneaked into his wet hair, cradling the back of his head, and you knew he welcomed your touch when you felt him pull you closer to his chest. But just when you were about to slide your tongue past the seam of his lips, he gently pulled away. Eyes opening, you observed his face, sharp and robust; the familiar solemn look returning to his fair orbs.

"What's wrong?" you whispered against his lips.

"Nothing," he answered after a short pause. But he looked at you like he couldn't believe you were standing before him. As if you'd disappear if he moved a certain way.

Raising your hand to his cheek, you were just about to lean in for another kiss, when a sudden ringing made you stop.

Slowly breaking away, Erwin and you exchanged a glance before looking in the direction of the living room. It came from the corner, from the little device sitting on the round desk. An incoming call.

A few more seconds passed, before Erwin decided to take the initiative and slowly walk to the small rotary phone.

Whoever was calling was most probably calling him. Especially at this day and hour, and mostly because of his occupation. Even so, they were incredibly rare, not being able to recount more then two times this has happened ever since you lived together. How very strange. Following him into the living room, you defensively crossed your arms, and ignored the bad, sinking feeling in your stomach.

Erwin picked up the receiver, and peered at you when he raised it to his ear.

"Hello?"

Even from a few steps away, you could instantly hear the panicked breathing and shouting of a woman from the other end of the line. Your eyes flicked wildly between Erwin and the phone, slack-jawed at the unexpected nature of the caller.

Recognition dawned on his face, as the caller still went on, her voice sounding downright terrified. Before you could even ask who it is, he turned to you.

"It's Hannah."

Eyes growing wide, you immediately took the receiver from his hands.

"Hello?"

"Mrs. Smith!" Hannah cried from the other side, her voice tearing your heart in two. You couldn't make heads or tails of what she was saying, her speech was rushed and incomprehensible.

"Hannah," you tried to calm her down. "Hannah, what happened?"

She cried and wailed, way too perturbed to speak coherently. Whatever upset her this much must have been horrific. All you could hear was her repeating "They took him! They took him!" - And then another wave of tears and hiccups and coughing and gibberish. You shot a glance at Erwin, before pressing the receiver to your ear with both hands.

"Hannah, it's okay! Hang in there, we'll be right there!"

Notes:

And thus, it finally happened! Eleven chapters in and there it is: a kiss! (That is, if you don't count the one in chapter 1, and I sure don't lol)

Sorry for the three weeks hiatus, but between watching Squid Game, the new James Bond movie, cooking and baking everything pumpkin themed, I was a little busy. Also, I wanted this chapter to turn out *perfectly* and not rush its execution, but like this I also managed to put a little bit too much pressure on me, haha.

Oh, but you guys, I found the perfect Youtube channel for this fic! Youtube Channel 'Conceptually Yours' has the best vintage playlists and I listened to their compilations while writing this, and I have to say, it's so perfectly fitting for this story! Check them out if you want a more nuanced reading, haha: watch?v=WGLNV6djJ5M

- A

Chapter 12: Friends

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

There was no time to waste. Veins pumped full of adrenaline, you rushed back to the entrance door. Only a second was wasted on contemplating if you should change out of your soaked clothes, but you knew it would have been futile long before it crossed your mind. And Erwin knew that as well, because he didn't bother with the umbrella he left lying by the door. Instead, he placed his hand on your back, guiding and protective, as you both left your shared house and marched into the storm – yet again.

Running down the path to the gate, you instinctively whipped your head to Mrs. Reeve's house, before remembering that she was still at Ruth's.

Once on the street, you picked up your pace, darting down the sidewalk, puddles splashing your shoes, stockings and even the hem of your skirt. Not that anyone would have witnessed your rain-soaked and waif-like appearance. The whole suburb was empty. Erwin was right beside you, jogging and panting, only fast enough for you to keep up with his long strides.

After roughly twenty minutes, you finally got a glimpse of the front yard of the Kafka's. Your heart was pounding in your throat by the time you reached their entrance, legs and arms violently shaking. Amidst your heavy panting, you took in the house, the familiar rusty-brown door, but nothing seemed amiss from the outside. Your hands moved to grab the handle, but Erwin stepped in front of you.

"Let me go first," he advised, and with no reason to object, you let him. He then opened the door, but not before he himself hesitating for a few seconds. Or was he listening for something...?

Inside was fully lit. The blond looked around briefly, then stepped inside; you right behind him. The entrance door came to a close with a gently clack behind you. After that, silence.

You both looked at each other, listening. And waiting. But you failed to pick up anything unusual.

A few short seconds passed, followed by a somewhat more assertive step to the inside.

The kitchen and the dining room were empty, but the miscellaneous clutter on the dining table showed obvious signs of people eating here just a few hours ago. Then came the living room, which turned out to be just as vacant. You checked everywhere, from the storage to the pantry, but there was no sign of Hannah and Franz. And if you didn't know any better, you'd have believed that they simply left.

Glancing to the staircase in the hallway, you shared a look with Erwin, before going upstairs.

The bedroom was the first thing to come into view. Intimate territory you wouldn't have dared to wander into if it were any other situation. But when Erwin and you carefully looked inside, with its door ajar, as if nothing to hide, you found just that: nothing.

Giving out a defeated sigh, you were at a loss on what to do. Looking at Erwin, he seemed just as nonplussed. The house looked completely unoccupied. Did they leave after realizing the danger they were in? And amidst their hurry left the lights on? Or was it only Hannah? You remembered her talking about 'them taking him away'. Was she running from someone? Running after someone? But then why did she waste her time calling you?

The intense barrage of questions were tortuous, and your worry grew to the point where you thought you were going to get sick. You could hardly stand straight. The urge to help the Kafka's was eating away at you, but you were at a loss on how to do that, when they seemingly disappeared from the Earth's surface. Arms crossed and hunched over, you bit your lip in frustration.

In the meantime, Erwin went to see the only room left unchecked on the second floor: a guest room, that turned out to be just as empty as the rest of them. You knew this by the way he shook his head as he returned to you.

Dread coiling in your stomach, you tore your gaze away from him. Exasperated, it slipped once more inside the bedroom.

And just when you were about to turn around and start searching anew, you uncrossed your arms, shocked. Still looking in the direction of the bed, your eyes narrowed. Before they slowly widened.

Erwin looked at you confused when you suddenly left his side just to come to a halt at the foot of the bed. There was something on the bed. No... the sheets.

It was dark; black, deep-red, burgundy and blotchy. He walked up to you, and the horror that was suddenly apparent on your face told him everything.

Exhaling once more, you looked at it again, before noticing another blotch, just slightly to its left. And then another. And another.

Eyes following, you realized it was a trail. And it ended right before the built in wardrobe.

Your legs walked on their own, before Erwin could even reach for you. Grabbing the handles of the wardrobe, you waited a few seconds, ears ringing from terror, before taking a deep breath and opening it.

Inside was a mess. Clothes and hangers strewn across, joined by shoes and bags, and miscellaneous fabric. And amidst them a very comatose, pale looking Hannah.

Mouth agape, you immediately bent down. You heard Erwin leap to your side.

"Hannah," you gasped, reaching for her shoulders, before carefully turning her face to you. She didn't register your presence at first and merely looked ahead, somewhere far away, before she recoiled with a pitiful whimper, pushing herself further into her wardrobe, silent tears running down her freckled cheeks.

Before you could ask what happened, she started hiccupping and your eyes noticed the way she protectively hugged her stomach. But something was wrong.

Before, Hannah was radiant. Her skin had a peachy, healthy glow and her breasts were full. Her stomach was ample and round, almost too round for a petite girl like her. Yet now it seemed less so. As if it was ... deflated.

It only took you some seconds, before you took a gander southwards and – utterly alarmed –realized the very reason why Hannah was covering herself. The very same color and texture that you found on her sheets surrounded her. Everything under her was soaked in blood. Your mouth turned dry.

When Hannah noticed you piece together what happened, she instantly let out a loud sob, chest shaking and head hanging low. Turning around, you raised your eyes to Erwin, somewhat lost and helpless. He looked back, his mien grim but eyes full of compassion.

"I'll get help," he curtly informed you, and with that he was already on his heels. Too shocked to ask him where and how and from who he intended to get help from, you turned back to Hannah, and hugged her to yourself, cooing and trying to calm her down.

He had a friendly face and an overall non-threatening presence, but you still felt the need to scoot closer to Hannah when he arrived in the bedroom. Erwin immediately leapt to him and shook his hand, familiar and known. Then, he turned to you.

"I'm Moblit. I came as fast as I could."

You sent him a nod and introduced yourself back, before he stepped closer to take a look at the redhead.

While Erwin was out, you helped Hannah into the en suite bathroom to wash away blood, tissues, sweat and mucus. You tried to pry, as gently as possible, what happened. There were so many questions whirling around in your head, it was almost maddening to keep them all to yourself. You needed answers.

Hannah didn't answer the first few times you tried to ask her. Merely sat in her bathtub with a hundred yard stare in her green orbs, as if she fell asleep with her eyes open. You lathered soap on your palms and cleaned her back, her arms, her neck, her thighs and legs, all the while avoiding her stomach with your gaze.

When, at last, she spoke.

"Everything's over."

Slowing down in your ministrations, you set your worried gaze on her. She continued.

"Everything's gone. Along with her," she whispered, fresh, silent tears running down her face.

Slowly pouring a bucket of lukewarm water on her tiny, freckled shoulders, you squeezed your eyes shut in commiseration. Grabbing a long towel by the laundry basket, you carefully wrapped her in it, before hugging her to yourself.

"I'm so sorry," you whispered to her, but her face remained impasse. You might have as well remained silent, she didn't respond. Still, you went on.

"Hannah," you started again. No response.

Then...

"What happened to Franz? Where is he?"

"...Gone, too," she shuddered, so quietly, you weren't even sure she spoke.

Confused, you could only blink.

"Did he leave to get help?"

"They took him. When the medical professional saw that I... ," she stopped. But then. "They wanted to take me somewhere, and he wasn't letting them. He insisted that he come along. Then a fight broke out. And he lost. Overpowered him. And then they took him."

Suddenly, as struck with realization, she turned to you.

"That's right. It's not safe for you here. You shouldn't help me. They're gonna come for me, too."

You searched her face for more concrete information, before you helped her stand up and pat her dry. Right after she changed into fresh clothes, and crossed the treshold to the bedroom, Erwin appeared, out of breath and just as wet as if he too just took a bath. The rain was unrelenting.

"Help is on the way."

You knew he was a very smart man. Still, as you made Hannah sit down on the bed, right before flinging her bloodied blanket from the mattress to the floor, you turned to him.

"You didn't call the hospital... right?"

To your relief, he immediately shook his head. "No. A friend."

Anxiously switching your gaze between the young woman and him, you went on. "We should probably not loiter around here for long. Someone might come back."

His face hardened, before nodding. "Don't worry, he should be here soon."

And he was. You were somewhat worried what Hannah might do once Moblit approached her, fearing that she might get frightened again, but to your relief she merely regarded him as something of mild interest. Moblit commenced his examination with a quiet apology. Impasse eyes lazily followed every move of his, but she remained still, nonetheless.

Erwin and you decided to step outside the room for a second.

"He's... he's a doctor, right?" you asked him the moment the door shut behind you.

"A nurse," he reassured you. Then, more to himself. "A male nurse? A murse? Either way, she's in good hands."

"How did you get a hold of him?" you asked, worry filled eyes gleaming in the dark.

"There's a telephone booth just around the corner. Don't worry, no one heard me. It's not wiretapped."

Relief washed over you once more. Stepping closer to him, you hugged him and his arms immediately welcomed you. His clothes were still damp, and yours were too. You knew you should change out of them, lest you get seriously sick, but there was simply no energy left in you to search for dry clothes. Not to mention how highly distasteful it would have been to rummage trough the clothes of a woman who just miscarried and a husband who simply vanished into thin air. As if Erwin was reading your mind, he asked you.

"Did she tell you anything about Franz?"

You nodded. "They arrested him" Then, looking up at him. "And they'll most probably do the same to Hannah. She can't stay here."

"She won't," Erwin agreed. "A friend of mine works as a doctor. She's highly skilled and the clinic she owns is private. Moblit's going to take her there."

Before you could react, the very man reappeared at the door.

"It's going to be all right for now," he started, serious hazel eyes switching between the both of you. "I did everything to quell her bleeding, but she needs urgent medical help."

Turning to Erwin, he asked. "Carry her to my car, will you? Until then I'll stand outside to see if the coast is clear."

"Of course," Erwin replied, already entering the bedroom. You followed him, instantly in search for a suitcase. Meanwhile, Hannah sleepily blinked at the blond, and didn't resist when he bent down to cradle her in his arms.

"Everything is going to be all right, Hannah," you told her, while trying to offer her your most genuine smile. Then your hands grabbed the handles of her wardrobe again and flung them wide open, eyes intently scouring. The outlines of a pale blue Samsonite luggage could be seen on the upper shelf. Hands reaching upwards, you managed to hoist it down. A cloud of dust descended on you like fresh snow, making you cough and gasp. But you ignored the dry, flaky particles in your mouth and eyes, and hurriedly brought the suitcase to Hannah's bed, before taking a dive into her wardrobe again, frantically searching for dry and clean clothes.

"We're going to take you somewhere safe, don't you worry," you continued, but this was also partly to reassure your own self, you realized. Hands still trembling, piles of clothes sometimes slipped from your grasp, making you groan in frustration, before, at last, everything you deemed essential was packed.

Erwin waited for you at the bedroom door, Hannah already hanging pale and unconscious in his arms. The moment he saw you stand up was the moment he started walking down the stairs.

Once he left the porch, Moblit having signaled to him that it was safe to come out, you took the extra effort to switch off every light downstairs, before following him outside.

Your mouth was left slightly ajar at the vehicle that was standing on the lane. Even while closing the door behind you, your eyes were glued to it.

Erwin was taking Hannah to that exact vehicle, and you spotted Moblit already sitting in the drivers' seat. You signaled for him to wait before driving off, and pointed to the luggage you were carrying. He gave you multiple nods after deciphering what might be in it, and pointed to the back of the car with his chin. Meanwhile Erwin gently laid Hannah into the backseat, positioning her in a way so no passersby would see her.

After throwing her luggage into the trunk, you and Erwin both walked to the front of the car. Moblit pulled down the window.

"I'll be off then. I'll make sure to send you information about her recovery."

"Wait," you protested, wet hands coming to lay flat on his window. "Can't we visit her?"

Moblit stilled and shook his head. "I'm sorry. It's just best if you don't."

Cold dread shot down your spine, panic reappearing. "What do you mean? Will I ever see her again?"

"Never say never," Moblit started slowly, car keys already turning the ignition. "But not for a good while, I'm afraid. They' re going to be after her high and low, so it's best if no one knows where she is. We also have to be careful, you see."

Upon seeing your solemn frown, Moblit continued. "But we'll figure something out. I promise you'll hear from her again."

Then, taking a look at your soaked, disheveled forms again, he went on. "I'm sorry I can't offer you two a ride as well, but you should probably go home and change. You'll catch a cold."

And with that, he pulled up the window, sent you two one last nod and drove off. Despite the freezing droplets of rain pelting down on you, you stayed rooted to your spot and watched them like a hawk, until they disappeared between street signs, well-kept front yards, bushes and houses.

You lightly felt Erwin touch your waist.

"He's right, we should head home. You're still shaking."

For a while you didn't say anything, gaze fixed to the spot where you last saw Moblit and Hannah.

"Who are these people? Moblit... and that doctor you mentioned."

Erwin didn't answer at first. You sensed his eyes on you, sensed the breath he was withholding in suspense. So you turned to him, and those doe eyes of yours - almost always furious or wary - were now burning with ambition. He found them alluring. And they prompted him to answer.

"Friends."

You held his gaze trough the shower of rain, droplets of water sliding down your eyelids and hair to join their kind under your feet.

"Then... I accept your offer."

His eyebrows rose north, his lips parted. You went on.

"Let's get out of here."

Notes:

And exactly one month later, chapter 12! 😬 I'm really sorry you guys, life's just been all around busy. Also, I will check my ao3 more frequently from now on, and answer comments much sooner, if not almost immediately! Really sorry for the delay in regards to them as well, but I am genuinely thankful for each and every comment, kudo(s), bookmark or hit that I get! Never thought I'd get this much support for this fic, haha.

This chapter was immensely helped by The man in the high castle OST by Dominic Lewis! Seriously, I feel like the music in that series *perfectly* fits the suspense in this fic as well!

- A

Chapter 13: In Sickness and in Health

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

A loud sneeze from the living room was immediately accompanied by a wet, productive cough.

You flinched at the cacophony of sounds. Standing in the kitchen, they made you glance over your shoulder, alert and listening. With lines of worry etched in your face, you stood with your ears trying to pick up any other sound that might indicate the need of your immediate presence over there.

After a while though, when nothing else followed, you let your muscles relax. The ensuing silence was only disrupted by the gentle bubbling of the hearty chicken soup currently in front of you. The soul-warming meal, containing chopped carrots, broccoli and corn was a recipe that has never failed you during flu season, and as you turned back to the stove to resume your stirring, you hoped with all your might that it would serve its purpose now just as well as it did so many times before.

Grabbing a ladle, you submerged it into the pot and raised it to your mouth. Pursing your lips, you blew the white, angry steam away, before giving the meal a quick taste - one, that left you nodding with approval.

A few minutes later, you entered the living room with a bowl of soup in your hands, and a commiserating smile immediately sneaked on to your lips the moment your eyes caught the blonde man on the couch.

Erwin lay there in his pyjamas, nose red and eyes puffy, his hair a disheveled mess. Two layers of thick blankets covered him from chest to leg. And they would have reached up to his neck if it it were up to you, but he protested, claiming that he wasn't feeling that sick and feverish. The thermometer you used to take his temperature begged to differ otherwise.

As you stepped closer to him, the soup in your hands began swaying with every step; a reminder to mind your pace. Since it was still scorching hot, you opted to set it on the coffee table for the time being. Between the table and the sofa was a round ottoman; just tall enough for you to sit down on it and be at the same height as Erwin. Taking your seat with a quiet sigh, you turned to the blond.

His eyes were closed, his hands were resting on his broad chest, and they rose with every deep breath he took. ...Or well, attempted to take. It seemed that even just breathing caused him great discomfort, courtesy of his stuffy nose. You made a mental note to buy saline spray and prepare a warm compress. His skin appeared pallid, too, his lips were just as pale - his whole face was devoid of color. You silently hoped that he wasn't currently fighting a fever.

There was one thing that made the slope of your downturned lips change course, however: his growing stubble. The more you looked at it, the more it made you grin. You don't recall ever seeing him unshaven. Not that it didn't suit him, you added quietly, all the while trying to shoo away any inappropriate thoughts.

But your grin, along with your mild amusement, gradually died down the more you let your gaze linger on him. As your eyes took in his pitiful state, guilt soon joined your side. As much as you found it somewhat entertaining that a big, strong man like him could get this abysmally sick, you did blame yourself for this. As to the why – it was pretty obvious.

Before you could ruthlessly submerge yourself into another pity party, Erwin opened his eyes and looked at you. He must have sensed your presence, felt the weight of your gaze on him. His sudden movement caught you off guard, making you straighten in your seat. You felt like you've been caught doing something indecent. Like staring. Immediately, you extended your hand to his forehead, brushing back some strands of his hair.

His skin was glowing.

"Oh, you poor thing," you cooed lovingly, as one would do to a child or a pet, and his eyes shifted to something playful, the blue in them not having lost their intensity, not even while he was sick.

"Making fun of me now, are we?" he asked, smiling, and you giggled at his nasal voice.

"I'd never. This is no laughing matter."

"It really isn't," Erwin agreed, his smile only growing. "I might lose my voice."

"The opposing lawyers in court would love that," you drawled, curling your lips. "No more Mr. Smarty-pants to deliver calculated responses."

"And how would I talk to you then?"

"We could set up a system of taps to communicate."

"And how would that look like?" he asked, smile never wavering.

You pretended to think with a hum, before replying.

"One tap for yes, two taps for no. And any more than that: take out the garbage."

He laughed, before collapsing into a coughing fit, which effectively wiped off your smile, and your worry immediately replaced the lightened atmosphere.

By some strange happenstance, only Erwin managed to fall sick, no small thanks to all the running around in the storm for hours. You on the other hand were fit as a fiddle, not even a scratchy throat or a dizzy spell to overpower you. Of course you were feeling terrible otherwise, claiming responsibility for his current state. You apologized to him for the hundredth time, but he merely dismissed you with a wave and a gentle smile. Since then you've been looking after him, cooking him warm meals and making sure he took his medication. Bringing him blankets and tucking him in whenever you saw his limbs sliding of the couch.

After Erwin recovered from his coughing fit, you pointed to the bowl.

"I made you some soup. You should have some."

You didn't expect any specific reaction from him at your suggestion. So it did surprise you when Erwin, instead of sitting up and reaching for the bowl, leaned back into his pillow and closed his eyes with a quiet exhale. You frowned.

"What's wrong?"

He didn't reply immediately.

"I'm sorry. I just really don't feel like eating."

With one eyebrow raised, you tilted your head, and sent him a long look, smile reappearing. Completely relaxed, he kept his head buried in his pillow, arms coming back to lay on his chest and legs comfortably stretching along the couch. Like this, he almost resembled a little boy. Biting your lips to hide your smile, you inadvertently wondered if this is how he acted when he was a child, too. You could almost picture it. A small, blond boy with red, cherubic cheeks and big, watery eyes, grimacing when offered food.

Adorable, you thought to yourself, and a giggle slipped past your lips. At that, Erwin glanced at you with one raised eyebrow.

"What is it?" he asked with a small smile.

Just when you wanted to answer him, you remembered his father, and how it would be wiser not to bring up his childhood. Maybe some other time, you thought to yourself whilst your smile wilted.

"Oh, nothing," you whispered with a shake of your head. Getting reminded of the soup sitting next to you, you carefully grabbed it and brought it to your lap.

"Would you eat just a few spoonsful? Please?" you asked, your voice taking on a slight pleading tone. And it seemed to have worked its charm, as it caught Erwin's attention right away. He angled his face to you, noting the kind and motherly way you suddenly appeared, making him feel all warm and cared for.

As in a trance, he sat up, slowly and carefully. How could he say no to those eyes of yours. Especially when you rewarded his obedience with one of those sweet smiles he oh so much adored. He reached for the bowl, and you slowly gave it to him.

When he raised the spoon to his lips, you felt the need to whisper: "Be careful. It's still hot."

At that, he smiled, almost grinned.

"Oh, so it was the soup all along. I just assumed it was you," he mumbled, low and insinuating, flicking his eyes pointedly to yours, before burying them in the contents of his bowl.

You could only gape at him.

Before trying to will down your smile. But it was futile, of course. The man was armed to teeth with charm. This was probably the second time he openly flirted with you, if memory serves you right. Granted, you have honestly lost count, as you weren't always sure when he was just being friendly or making romantic advances. Who knows, he might have been flirting with you since day one, and you just never noticed, being too preoccupied to be cross with him. But even if he was, he quite surely wasn't as bold about it as he is now – surely, you would have noticed if he was. And while you were still trying to get used to it, you would have lied if you said you didn't enjoy this new kind of attention from him.

Finding your bearings, you countered. "Talk like that won't let you get off the hook."

"Is it really flattery if I'm just stating the obvious?" he asked, as he finally took his first taste, eyes gleaming with mirth when you playfully flicked his knee buried under the covers.

Then, you turned in your seat and hastily grabbed for the remote control to see what's on the telly. Your keen interest in the Quiz Show currently being broadcasted on the first channel the television awoke to, was - naturally - because how much you always loved these kinds of programs. And not because you wanted to hide the sudden change of color on your cheeks or your rebellious lips curling upwards. You swear you could hear Erwin grin, right before he resumed eating.

A comfortable silence settled between you two. Laughter and chatter from the TV was the only thing audible in the living room. The device's screen illuminated the furniture closest to it and it cast shadows at you whenever there was a camera cut. The audience abruptly gave out sounds of disappointment when a promising contestant failed to answer one of the questions. The presenter wished him good luck and bid him farewell amidst applauds and cheering. Then, a rather silly advertisement for a hairdryer appeared, and for a while ads took over the role of mindless background noise. Keeping in mind to set the volume low, you turned back to Erwin.

"Is it okay like this? You don't have a headache, do you?" you asked him, and he sent you a series of nods, then a shake of his head. When he raised the spoon to his mouth again, you couldn't help but ask.

"Is it good?"

His eyes met yours, and the surprise in them tickled you pink. As if he was startled that you'd even ask something so obvious.

"It's delicious," he stated, before continuing somewhat quieter. "Thank you. I didn't even say that."

Your smile reached your eyes, and that was enough to tell him not to worry about it.

The advertisements now switched to packaged foods. A joyous housewife appeared on the screen, with the biggest Cheshire grin between her cheeks, clearly elated at how much time she'd save on cooking, thanks to the new products presented. The voiceover, a voice that of an older gentleman, excitedly listed all the benefits of those goods, and the music mirrored his exuberant mood, as a fast paced, preppy tune accompanied his speech. Words like the Bee's Knees and Superb were thrown around left and right. Buy it now, buy it today. They droned on and on. And you kept on watching, absentminded. For a good few moments you were perfectly content with shutting off your brain, taking every and any chance to just not think about anything.

Until the next advertisement rolled by. One trying to sell baby formula.

Slowly shutting your eyes, you defeatedly turned your head away from the TV. Attentive as ever, this did not escape Erwin's attention. He gently murmured you name and when you didn't respond immediately, he tried again.

"I am sure Hannah is doing fine."

You nodded, not in the least convinced. And yet...

"Did Moblit contact you yet?" you asked, trying to keep your voice steady.

"No," Erwin admitted slowly. "But it's only been a few days. He'll send us something soon, I know he will."

At that, you carefully lulled your head back in his direction and watched him as he kept on eating, the sound of spoon hitting porcelain reaching your ears. You contemplated if you should bring up the next topic laying heavy on your mind. The one you only touched upon lightly ever since you uttered those words in the rain. The one that made falling asleep almost impossible the last few days.

Noticing your gaze on him, the blond glanced back and held eye contact.

"You're thinking about our escape."

"You're very scary when you do this...," you sighed.

"As I've been told," he murmured, but not without good humor.

He did hit the nail on the head, though. And despite your fears, you had a hard time not to shake him by the arms and ask him about every tiny little detail back at Hannah's. But then he fell ill, and you didn't want to bother the poor man. Or at least, that's what you always told yourself. The very uncomfortable truth of you being terrified of the escape plan itself was something you weren't sure you were ready to face, despite witnessing what the Capitol is capable of doing. So that's the excuse you went with for now.

But then you remembered Moblit and his car. And how fast he arrived. And how swift Erwin acted, how he didn't even waste a second to panic; mind and body strained with tension, clothes and hair soaked and wind-whipped, and yet he didn't buckle, not even once. The whole rescue was executed so efficiently, it was almost too good to be true.

And as you tended to him the last week, you slowly came to this very realization. That even in his his ill-stricken state, it dawned on you just how powerful he was. How he had connections, friends in high places, and the means to do what he promised you. You weren't sure if his occupation was the explanation behind all of this or simply because it was Erwin we were talking about, but then again, the two did not necessarily have to be mutually exclusive.

"After you get healthy... can you give me a little bit more detail on how exactly we're going to go about it?"

Erwin appeared somewhat confused at that. "I could just tell you now?"

"Only if you don't mind," you winced, not wanting to aggravate his voice. "I can understand if you're not up for it."

He smiled with a shrug. "Nonsense. I'll tell you right away."

You mirrored his smile. Before you realized something.

"Waaait a minute," you started. He was obediently - albeit leisurely - eating his meal up until then, but he still had some to go. You could see the bowl was still half full.

"Only after you finish your soup, Mister!"

Erwin sighed in defeat, before chuckling, and you joined him. It wasn't like you to force him to do anything he didn't want to do, but he hardly ate anything today - or the past days for that matter - so you were naturally very worried.

You let him finish, assured him to take his time.

All the while, you turned your attention back to the television, trying not to let your mind wander too far to unpleasant places. It was almost impossible, though. This time, not even the mindless drivel of the device in front of you could make you forget about last week's incident. You just hoped that Hannah was all right. As for Franz, there was still no trace of him. And it's not like you could just up and start asking around if anyone knows what happened to him. You had to act as if you were unaware what happened to the Kafka's. Next Saturday's get together will be, therefore, absolutely delightful, once everyone realizes that Hannah's gone missing. You hadn't dreaded any Saturday like the one coming up soon.

You jumped out of your stupor, when the bowl suddenly appeared in the very corner of your sight. It descended on the coffee table with a quiet clack. It was empty, much to your delight.

"Thank you again, it was really tasty," Erwin said, and you sent him a bashful smile. Then, turning more serious, you angled yourself in your seat in his direction, giving him your undivided attention. His sign to start talking.

At that, his eyes turned from appreciation to something morose. A short pause followed.

"I guess I'll start at the very beginning."

"Please."

He nodded.

"The plan is to get us smuggled out of Eldia," Erwin started, making you nod hastily. This much you already knew. He continued.

"There's a mechanic, a very good friend of mine, who's also somewhat of a car dealer. The repair shop he works at is his own, and he has full authorization to use any of the vehicles stationed there. Some are his own, some are from other, questionable sources. But on paper, everything is legal."

Then, a somewhat wry smile crossed Erwin's lips. "I'm not quite sure how he managed to pull it off. Well, knowing him, I'm pretty sure he forged papers and bribed the right people to get this far. Maybe even asked for favors from the Underground in exchange for something."

He shifted, and leaned back into his pillow with a quiet grunt. For a moment it seemed like he let himself ruminate about the potentially unethical activities his friend engaged in. Before he refocused his attention on you.

"Anyway, the most important thing is that it works. He was never once questioned by the authorities, so he pretty much enjoys complete immunity."

You let his words seep in, trying to connect the dots.

"So, he's going to forge papers for us to leave? And then just drive us out of Eldia?"

That seemed innocent enough. And not as dangerous of a plan as you originally envisioned it to be. Just as you were about to feel hopeful, the possibility of an easy escape lifting your spirits, Erwin shook his head, and you frowned.

"It's not going to be that simple," Erwin replied. "In order for us to escape, we'd have to drive trough the three walls first. The security situation there is ten times more serious than the ones in the cities. And as far as I know, he very rarely crossed them. If at all."

"And also," he continued. "There is a possibility that the border guards would recognize us, forged papers or not. We can't risk to be seen by them."

A sigh escaped you, shoulders slumping.

"Then how...?"

"I was planning on meeting him to discuss further details. The last time I talked to him, he said we'd understand the how part of the plan if he showed it to us."

At the hesitation imminent on your face, he quickly added. "I'm bringing you with me, of course."

Lips parting, you gave him a long look.

"I guess he's also one of those people... like Moblit?"

"Yes."

Just how many of them are lurking here in Eldia, you internally wondered. Erwin went on.

"It might take some time and preparation before we go meet him, since we're being spied on. It's absolutely imperative that no one sees us with him. If we go along with this plan, it's not just our lives that we're endangering."

His voice was stern. It was that shift in his tone, that clearly told you: once you see his friend, there's no going back. It made you straighten in your seat.

Then you nodded, albeit more to yourself than to him; trying to finally come to terms with your decision. To calm your erratic heart and convince yourself: you're doing the right thing. But then, something else occurred to you.

"Is this why you didn't want to tell me the specifics right away?"

"Yes."

You hummed, lost in your thoughts.

"So, what if I would have said yes, but then later changed my mind?"

"You wouldn't have," Erwin replied immediately and with such conviction, it made you blink.

"What makes you so sure?"

He grew quiet and his eyes slipped to his hands resting on his thighs. Something painful flashed behind those clear, blue hues.

"You saw what they are capable of."

You took him in, his slouched shoulders, the sorrowful sheen in his gaze. You exhaled, before nodding multiple times.

"Yeah."

"Sooner or later you'd have come to the depressing realization that escaping is better than whatever else this Program, this country asks of you," he continued, morose. "And we are sitting here discussing our escape plan," he added.

Just as planned, huh? You felt like at this point he read you like a whole book. Gathering your skirt against your thighs, you hugged your legs, turning somewhat shy.

"Can I ask you one more thing?"

"Anything."

Biting the inside of your cheek, you braved on. "You said that you would escape with me no matter my answer. How would you have pulled that off? Alone, without your accomplices?"

"Would have been tough. Or well, tougher," the blond admitted, a wry smile crossing his face. "I wouldn't have been completely alone, though, they would have still aided me from afar. But it would have taken me much, much longer, and as you know, time really isn't on our side. In the end, it would have been still up to you to accept my help."

"Or you could have just left me behind and make a run for it yourself," you joked, trying to shoo away your feelings of self-hate. He really did work so hard on this, and you don't feel like you ever took the time to express your appreciation. He caught your internal train of thought right away, though.

"No reason to feel guilty. No one could have forced you to just start trusting us. Actually, you did the right thing to wait a bit."

You nodded a few times, pressing your lips into a straight line, but the stormy sensation didn't really let up that much.

"You still have something on your mind," Erwin stated after a moment of quiet.

"It really is creepy when you do this..."

"It's all over your face."

You smiled a bit, exhaling through your nose. You did have to work on your poker face more. But for now, you let your eyes turn into something pleading, enough to tug at his heartstrings.

"Well, it's just...," you hummed, afraid of what he might say. Even if he were to promise you the stars and the sun, you were still scared that you might stretch him too thin. Erwin only encouraged you.

"Yes?"

"What about my parents?" you finally asked, lips trembling. And you only realized how truly terrified you were of hearing his answer, when you noticed your eyes escaping his. You don't think you could bear it, should he say something cruel, force you to face your reality. Even if your parents were complicit in your current situation, it's not like they had much of a choice. Despite all you went through, you wouldn't wish them any harm, and if there's even a tiny chance that they could be saved, you'd like to make use of it.

But when Erwin replied with an assured We'll get them out - without even missing a beat, you whipped up your head, wide eyed and gaping. You searched his eyes, looking for any signs of uncertainty. But he met your stare, square on, never wavering. He had the same exact air of assurance about him that he had on that fateful, Saturday evening in the kitchen.

"Are you- "

"Yes. We'll discuss further details once we meet our aide, but we can make it happen. He's resourceful, I'm sure we can make it happen."

Immediately feeling hopeful, a rush of air filled your lungs. Shifting in your seat, you unclasped your hands from under your thighs.

"Thank you so much."

"No need to. There's sadly no guarantee we'll make it out."

You bit your lip, nodding. "I know, but still," you whispered. Gratitude bubbling in your stomach, you ignored his warning, and let yourself submerge into another level of appreciation for this man.

There was just one more thing...

"What will happen to Hannah once we leave?"

Erwin soothed out the wrinkles on his blanket, appearing busy and contemplative. He was stalling, you realized, which immediately made you nervous.

"I just," you stammered, trying to compose yourself. "I don't want to leave her behind."

"I know."

"And I'm aware that I'm already asking so much of you, and I really am grateful for your help, but can we maybe -"

Erwin was nodding, but failed to look as confident as he did a few minutes prior. The cogs in his head were still turning, but it was apparent he wasn't sure if it's a matter he could solve. At this, you lowered your head.

"I'm sorry. I'm asking too much."

"No, it's fine. We'll figure something out."

"Please don't just say that."

"I'm not," Erwin answered firmly. Giving you a long look, he continued. "I'd never promise you something that would fail from the get-go."

You held his gaze, letting his words and gaze settle in.

"I still don't understand why you're helping me this much."

The words slipped out of your lips before you could even realize what you were saying. Erwin's mien remained calm, but it didn't take long for him to shift his head back into his pillow, breaking eye contact.

"Isn't it my job as a husband to keep my wife safe and happy?" he murmured with closed eyes and a smile.

He was half-joking, and yet. The intensity behind his words and actions sometimes still caught you by surprise. Could someone really invest this much time and energy to help save someone he only got to know for a few months? Even if he already revealed his feelings for you, it was clear that he was somewhat fond of you from day one. You wondered when exactly he started to scheme up a plan and call his friends for help.

For a while, you let yourself submit to your thoughts, mildly aware of the television still droning on in the background. By now, the advertisements have stopped and the Quiz Show returned. You watched the program from the corner of your eyes, but you weren't really retaining anything from it. Another set of ideas and musings were swirling in your head, and you turned back to Erwin, with your lips parting, ready to ask away. That is, until you took a closer look at him.

His head has not moved from his pillow and his eyes remained closed. You noticed the way his breathing changed to a calmer, more mellow rhythm. He was on the brink of falling asleep.

Suddenly overcome with admiration for this man, you smiled and stood up from the ottoman. Carefully angling your hips, you sat down on the couch, just beside Erwin's abdomen.

Your interrogation could wait, of course. The most important thing for you was already crystal clear: you could trust him. Completely and wholeheartedly. And you were content with that for the time being. Anything else could wait.

While you were thinking all of this, you let your eyes look him up and down. They slipped down to his chest, to his muscular arms laying flat on his stomach, then back to him. And as they did so, they also took note of something else. Frowning, your fingers lightly brushed along the furniture underneath you and wondered if this sofa is comfortable enough for Erwin.

Unlikely. When it came to its length, it was acceptably long, which was a wonder in on itself, seeing how tall he was. But he didn't really have that much space left edgewise. He never once complained or even hinted at having issues with sleeping here, and as much as you were grateful for respecting your privacy and keeping his distance, you did feel a tinge bad for his sacrifice. Then again, he was the kind of person to just suck it up and make no deal about it.

Then, another thought followed. One, that made the heat in your cheeks return.

Like how maybe he should start sleeping in the bedroom. Next to you. And with those arms wrapped around your waist.

Shaking your head, your hand came to rest on your cheek, trying to will down your blush.

What is wrong with you, chided a voice inside of you.

Ever since that kiss, your thoughts have turned even bolder than before, and you weren't sure how to handle them sometimes. You should really pull yourself together, you told yourself, trying to take deep, even breaths.

Hand leaving your face, it descended back on the couch, and your eyes resumed their observing.

Erwin was by now in deep slumber, his breathing having never changed. You watched him again, his blond lashes, his eyebrows hiding behind his fringe, the bridge of his nose, the sharp line of his jaw - Gosh, he really was so handsome, you thought to yourself - before your eyes went even further, and came to a stop at his lips.

The latter seemed the most interesting to your inquisitive gaze, you realized uneasily, as you had difficulty leaving his side. Even before, whenever you looked at them, you were surprised just how full they seemed, balancing out his wide cheekbones, bringing harmony to his features. Of course you never outright stared at them (or at him, for that matter), it was just something one noticed, the more time one spent around him. But then he actually offered you a taste of them, and they really were as smooth as they appeared...

Without any further consideration, your hand closest to him tensed with the added weight of your body the moment you started leaning down. All the while, you kept your ears sharp and listened to his inhale and exhale, ready to pull back should you notice them change.

They did not, however, and before you knew it, you felt his exhale fan your mouth.

But only a mere second was wasted on your hesitation, before you laid your lips on the corner of his.

Keeping it short, but sweet. Like a flower petal against smooth skin.

And since it wasn't his style to force himself on drunk women, yours wasn't either to force yourself on unconscious, sick men. Even if they happened to be married to you, but who had time to care about trivialities.

At the contact, you felt his stubble lightly prickle your skin, making you grin again, before you pulled back.

He didn't wake up, didn't even stir at your ministration, and you were somewhat glad for that. Still, as one last affectionate gesture, you let your hand lovingly caress his cheek, your smile only widening at the feel of his unshaven face. It really did suit him so well.

Once you shut off the television, and left the room, Erwin opened his eyes, sporting a sleepy, lovesick smile.

Notes:

Longest chapter in this series, yay! (13 Word Document pages, damn!)

So, here you go guys, this chapter is my little Christmas present for you! 🎅🎁❤️ Tried to make it as detailed as possible, hehe. As this is my last chapter for 2021, let me take this chance to thank everyone for sticking around so long. And for leaving such really nice comments, kudos, bookmarking this series, subscribing to it or even just reading it, I really appreciate it! Here's to another year of scheming and plotting and escaping, and of course, a crap-ton of old-timey romance!

Let's hope I'll finish this series next year *fingers crossed*
xoxo
- Angottos

Chapter 14: Mitras Daily

Chapter Text

In a blink of an eye, your most hated Saturday rolled around; and that was quite the statement, as you grew to hate each and every one of them. But what made this one even more unbearable was the utter uncertainty surrounding it. Sure, in a way, every Saturday meeting was full to the brim with its own unpredictabilities, but they mostly presented themselves as unwelcome questions about your marriage to Erwin or talks and gossip about pregnancies and whatnot. With time, you were able to politely evade them or draw attention to something else entirely, usually just answering with a wave of your hand and then immediately coming up with a question about the other person. This one seemed to do the trick, as everyone in that circle loved to talk about themselves.

However, you weren't sure how to answer should any of them start questioning you about Hannah.

If they would discuss her disappearance, that is. You weren't sure if the members of the women's circle were already aware of what happened to Hannah. Or if they were, but weren't allowed to talk about it. Sooner or later, they'd notice that she's absent. Or would they be forced to ignore her empty chair, under the watchful eye of Mrs. Reeves? Act as if nothing happened?

These were the thoughts that were gnawing at you throughout the week. So much so, that you even considered to use the ol' reliable excuse that you've fallen ill and thus couldn't make it. But if they knew very well what happened to Hannah, it might come across just a tad bit suspicious if now you, someone who was obviously very close to her, conveniently also couldn't make it to this Saturday's meeting.

So you squared your shoulders, inhaled quietly and stepped into the dining room of this weeks host – who's name was rattling around somewhere in your brain, but having been preoccupied with more pressing matters, you just couldn't have been bothered to remember it.

You politely greeted everyone as you took a seat, the chair underneath you giving out a creaky protest, and you hoped with all your might that you appeared and sounded as neutral as possible.

As for your previous tirade of questions, they were all promptly answered the moment you let your eyes sweep over the morose gathering. With the way everyone glanced up at your hello, shoulders slumped and frowning, they more resembled mourning widows than young wives. No one said hello back.

You kept your composure nonetheless and folded your hands in your lap, trying to draw as little attention to yourself as possible. Not that it took such an Herculian effort to do that, you slowly realized. Everyone present was way too preoccupied with their own thoughts, paying little to no heed to your fidgeting form. This might be the first time you arrived to such a quiet gathering.

Your eyes silently studied the table in front of you, and you noticed that instead of the usual array of fancy cakes and scones, there was merely tea. And even that, untouched and already cool. No lipstick smudges to be seen on any of the porcelain rims, either.

They definitely knew what happened to Hannah, you wryly thought to yourself.

And just as you wondered if the whole meeting would merely consist of everyone quietly staring ahead, Ruth decided to break the silence. With a sorrowful exhale, her shoulders rose and sank.

"Awful. Just awful," she whispered with a shake of her head. She was sitting across from you, pale and frightened. In front of her, a tiny, decorative and empty plate.

Everyone present mirrored her posture, looking forlorn and lost, refusing to eat or drink anything. In support for Hannah or because it would have just looked so ghoulish considering what happened, you weren't sure.

"The world is an unpredictable, hostile place," took over Mrs. Reeves, sorrowful yet steady. "Even here, we aren't completely safe. You must be vigilant."

From the corner of your eyes, you silently studied the older woman. Mr. Reeves appeared despondent, but even so, seemed to be the only person in the room who managed to keep her wits about herself. While you noticed the red rimmed eyes of some of the girls around you, or felt the obvious air of despair from others, she looked the most calm. As if she merely lost one of her canaries from her birdcage. And while she was obviously not elated about it, there really wasn't anything else to do but to keep a stiff upper lip and exercise better caution next time. You felt something cold sink in your stomach the moment you started to suspect why that might be.

"But what could have happened to her?" questioned one of Ruth's friends out loud, distressed and confused. Her lips trembled when she posed her next question, her tone quieting: "Did she leave? Escape?"

"Don't be stupid," reprimanded Ruth. "For what reason? She was happily married and taken care of. Not to mention, heavily pregnant. It would have been physically impossible!"

"But then where could she have disappeared to?"

Everyone turned silent, trying to come up with reasonable ideas. Then, Marie spoke up.

"Is there a possibility that she was kidnapped?" she asked, calm and collected, leaning somewhat towards Mrs. Reeves, and thus indicating to everyone who's opinion she was only after.

Mrs. Reeves did not immediately answer, however. Instead, she steadily held Marie's gaze, before slowly bowing her head.

"There is. The authorities are actually looking into this as we are speaking."

You had to force every inch of yours to not react at that. Fortunately for you, the commotion that erupted at this revelation from the table managed draw away any attention anyone might have given you.

"Mrs. Reeves, how do you know this?" Ruth asked, voice wavering.

She exhaled, playing the role of a concerned matron expertly. "Well, as we all know, she was just about to give birth and told us that she won't be making it to Saturday's meeting. I happen to know the midwife who was en route to her place, and I specifically asked her to give me a call once Hannah's baby was born. That call never came, though, and I started to get worried. So I called her instead."

She shifted in her seat, and you tried to look at her and mimic the expressions of everyone around you. She cleared her throat and continued.

"When I got ahold of her, she was in great distress, the poor dearie. Took me a while to try to calm her down, and she was already back in the maternity ward to boot! When at last she told me that both Hannah and Franz weren't there by the time she arrived at their house. It was completely empty."

This was, of course, a lie. The midwife and her entourage immediately noticed Hannah's miscarriage and went back to the hospital to give notice of this. That's when they must have taken Franz with them too. As they were mostly small in numbers, they deemed an enraged and protective Franz a bigger threat to take down, than a fragile, young mother who's just miscarried. So she was left behind, and Hannah took that opportunity to call you.

There was just only one thing you weren't sure about: if the midwife was lying to Mrs. Reeves, to try and keep up pretenses, or if she told the truth to Mrs. Reeves, and its her lying to your group right this moment. Seeing how eerily quiet Marie looked as she posed her question made you guess the latter. You could easily imagine Mrs. Reeves telling Marie everything, her close confidante, especially after witnessing that scene last week at Ruth's.

"What's more," Mrs. Reeves went on. "Her house was in disarray, clothes strewn everywhere. The police found obvious signs of struggle, too."

The women once again began murmuring amongst themselves, not believing their ears.

"But why would anyone kidnap them?" came the question from another young woman, seated across from Marie. "What would they gain by kidnapping a married couple? A pregnant woman to boot?"

Mrs. Reeves' eyebrows turned upwards, mostly to make herself appear motherly, but she couldn't mask how appalled she was by such naïvety.

"Oh, sweetheart, there are bucketful of rotten people out there. Evil scum that take young children and sell them in the Underground for example"

Someone gasped and then whispered, loudly. "Human traffickers? In Mitras?!"

"Oh, yes," nodded sorrowfully Mrs. Reeves. "Don't let yourself delude with the false myth that we're completely safe just because we're in the Capital. Safer, for certain, but still potential targets!"

A tense silence ensued, and you swore you could hear someone gulp.

"But," quipped another voice. "What exactly would they do with a young infant?"

"The children we bear aren't just any children," Marie spoke up again, somewhat catching you off-guard. "I think it's obvious that if anyone can get their grimy hands on our children they'd be compensated highly on the black market," she finished, sounding irritated and going the extra mile to display her annoyance by perching one of her perfectly penciled eyebrows.

You didn't miss how Ruth suddenly turned pale and protectively covered her stomach with her hands. "Please," she pleaded, voice weak. "Let's stop talking about this for now."

Mrs. Reeves agreed, nodding. "Yes, but of course. Sure, it's dreadful what happened, but there's not much we can do for her now, can we? I just hope they'll get found and brought back."

And there it was – you realized - the only silver lining to this particular Saturday: not having to mask how anxious you felt about Hannah. How worried you have been for her safety, how often you seem to space out, and realize later on, that you were thinking about her again, wondering where she is or what she's up to.

Now you could pull all the sad faces you so pleased, and no would find it queer or rude.

You could hardly wait to get home. And for maybe the first time since you moved in here, the word home actually felt like home. The timbre framed house no longer felt threatening or eerie, and you were surprised to realize how much you grew to love even the sight of those Rhododendrons, too. They were still blooming, even in late autumn, and as you whizzed past their bronze-colored petals, you were still unsure as to how. Of course the inside of the house was where you started to feel most welcome, an example being the living room and the kitchen, which were rapidly becoming your favorite spaces to habitate. Of course this had no real, logical reason behind it. None at all.

Stumbling in trough the front door, you mentally shooed away the image of a certain tall blond and let your bag fall to the ground with a relieved sigh. But you didn't even get one foot out of your shoe, when familiar steps approached from behind, immediately making you smile. Erwin appearead beside you, looking somewhat apprehensive, but still very glad to see you. He wasted no time to step behind you as you started shrugging off your coat and you gladly let him slip the material off of your shoulders.

"How was it?" he asked, while folding your coat in half, but he just as well let his arms re-open wider, when he noticed you turn and leap into his embrace.

Pressing your cheek against his chest, you snaked your arms around his wide torso and exhaled, long and tired. "Dreadful."

You sensed his own arms encircle you, one of his hands coming to rest at the crest of your back, and giving you a soothing rub. Another sigh followed, this one more content.

The urge to just just lie down and cuddle overcame you. Especially since you didn't really get that much sleep the night before, having tossed and turned in your bed, feeling anxious and on edge about todays meeting. As a matter of fact, every night leading up to this particular Saturday was just a blur of insomnia and frazzled nerves. You often thought about tip-toeing down to the living room and see if Erwin was awake, but you would have felt guilty if he were to wake up because of you. So you remained alone in your bedroom, wishing he were next to you.

But now, having the whole ordeal behind you made your muscles ease up, as they no longer felt the pressure to overanalyze every movement, every remark or conversation and pinpoint the exact moment to flee.

You two remained in that position for a good while, content in each others' embrace. Still, you sensed his curiosity, his wish for you to elaborate, so you went on.

"They don't know anything," you mumbled against his chest, while breathing in the scent of his detergent. "Or well, the bunch of them don't. Mrs. Reeves might know that she escaped with someone's help, but not the specifics."

"So they don't suspect you," he clarified, gently murmuring in your hair, and the fine hairs on the back of your neck stood alert. A testament to how much you enjoy his voice and proximity.

Lightly shaking your head against him, you answered. "They don't," you started, before remembering an important detail.

"But we still have to be careful. The authorities got involved and they're supposedly investigating their disappearance. All though, everything considered, Mrs. Reeves might be lying... Then again, what reason would she have to do that. She told us that she spoke with the midwife of Hannah, and that's how she got ahold of what happened."

You mumbled your thoughts aloud, partly because you were too exhausted to care if you came across as paranoid, but also to see what his take on them would be. But he chose not to comment or add anything, merely hummed an 'I see' and continued holding you close to him.

Oh, how the times have changed. A good few weeks back you would have threatened to rip his arms off if he so much as glanced in your direction, and now you couldn't wait for him to be near you. Whenever you passed him in the hallway, whenever you were near him, whenever you two did your chores together – whether that be cooking, cleaning or going grocery shopping - your fleeting glances at his tall form were proof enough of how much you wanted those very same and very strong arms around you. And you would have felt embarrassed every time you've been caught staring, if not for the fact, that most times, he was already looking back at you.

Things have rapidly changed ever since that kiss you shared... Now if you two could only make it out of here. Speaking of which.

"What's the next step?"

"I'm waiting for a message from my friend to meet him."

This made you realize something.

"Wait," you said, and somewhat straightened yourself up. "How does he know that we wish to meet him? As a matter of fact, I've been meaning to ask you this for a while," you went on, looking up at him. "How do you communicate with your friends?"

You already witnessed him run out and use a public phone booth when you were helping Hannah, but surely he wasn't always running around searching for one whenever he wanted to contact them.

He smiled with one upturned eyebrow. "Trough newspapers and magazines."

You blinked, once, then twice. Reading your thoughts, he chuckled.

"Yes, that is exactly why I browse through them so often. And not the least because I'm interested in what my horoscope has to tell me," he continued, before a contemplative expression took over his features.

"All though," he hummed, and raised his pointer finger to his chin. "Come to think of it, it actually foretold me nothing but the best for the coming weeks," he said, making you chuckle.

"So you place encrypted messages in them?"

"That's right," he answered, smile widening. "Well, I sometimes ask someone at the courthouse to do it for me. A shoeshine boy or someone from the cleaning staff. But yes, that's basically what I do."

You heard about spies doing this back in university, but since you never had any reputable sources to either confirm or deny if this practice was legitimate, you never really knew if it was true or not. You learned something new today.

"When do you think he's going to reply?"

"Should be soon."

"Is that something your horoscope told you as well?"

He let out a small laugh, shoulders shaking.

"I wish, but no. I just know him well enough."

You laughed along, before another idea popped into your head. "May I see one of them?"

Erwin stared back. He appeared a bit surprised, but you weren't sure if you deciphered his expression right. It made your smile wilt.

"I'm allowed to... right?"

He nodded, smile returning. "But of course."

He then let his hand stay at the small of your back and manouvered you to the kitchen. Upon entering, he left your side to step to the small dining table and retrieve the newspaper from last week. You do remember wondering why he just didn't throw it away.

Then he opened it, started leafing through it, all while heading to the counter and coming to a halt before the small window, the only source of light in your little kitchen. You often noticed him reading right by that counter, just in front of the window, instead of sitting down at the dining table or turning on the lamp. You wondered if maybe he was due for reading glasses.

When you came to stand next to him, he placed it in front of you.

The bold letters of Mitras Daily greeted you at the very top, along with its date and price. It was already pretty crinkled, but not to the point where you couldn't make out the words. Before you let your fingers smooth down its pages, you sent Erwin one last glance, one asking for permission. He answered with an assured nod, and so you turned back to the pages, curiosity rapidly taking over.

First thing you noticed was the myriad of column inches on both sides. Retail advertisers and all kinds of advertising agencies trying to reach out and sell their products or services. Some of them contained pictures, some of them didn't. But every one of them was buried in the lines of a long article, as if the latter itself was just a mere afterthought; served only as decorum for everything else printed on the pages.

You bit your lip. Back in Trost, your friends also theorized about those secret messages being hidden in ad columns and it seems they weren't far from the truth if Erwin decided to open it here. It couldn't have been a coincidence. Now you just had to find which one belonged to him.

To be honest, all of them looked equally mundane and ordinary. And while you were perfectly aware of that being the exact point, that didn't make it any easier for you to find out which one of them was fake.

There were just too many to chose from. Different ads for offering cleaning and gardening services, then some reserved for babysitting. Interior painting, drain cleaning and a bunch of other things only meant to be done by professionals. There was even one for a garage sale somewhere near by and one whole column titled 'Marketplace' – where civilians could put up ads to sell off their own possessions. Your eyes would have simply swept over this one, if it weren't for a picture of a car positioned right in the middle of it.

Eyes narrowing, you couldn't help but let your gaze idle.

It was a picture of a Chevy. And while the picture itself was in black and white, you just had this feeling that the car might have been baby blue. Someone seemed to be interested in such a model, and you were proven right as you started reading the text underneath it:

Looking to buy a 1955 Chevrolet Bel Air.

Black or blue is preferred.

- Rommel

Underneath the signed name stood a telephone number.

You looked at the picture again, taking in every detail of the car; the stainless steel windows, the full wheel covers, the Ferrari-inspired front grille. And then you smiled.

Slowly, and with some added dramatic flair, you raised your finger and pointed at it.

"This one," you exclaimed, calm and confident. "This one is yours."

Erwin chuckled behind you, voice rumbling deep in his chest. It completely escaped your attention how close he came to stand behind you while you were studying the columns before you. So close in fact, that he almost caged you to the kitchen counter. His arms were on either side of you, resting on the countertop, while he looked at the newspaper right over your shoulder.

"Correct. Good job," he praised, and his voice appeared so close, that you only now realized how close his lips were to your earlobe. It made your body tingle pleasantly, the fine hairs on your nape standing straight again.

You smiled, before scoffing.

"Oh, It wasn't that difficult. You said your friend was a mechanic, wasn't he?"

Momentarily forgetting about his proximity, you slightly turned your head towards his, before you could realize the position that movement would put you in. Your earlobe replaced your lips, and now you found his incredibly close. A bit taken by surprise, you glanced up to his eyes, to which he switched his gaze from the newspaper to you, smile still present.

"Yes. But," he started, and leaned a bit closer. At first, you thought to do something you were kind of hoping he would do. But your cheeks ended up ablaze, when you saw him simply move closer to point at another spot on the rough pages. "There is another ad here for a car repairman. You could have easily picked that one."

True. Then again, looking closer...

"Here," you countered, and tapped to the same ad he was pointing at. "There's an address underneath that one. Isn't his location supposed to be under wraps?"

He didn't say anything, but you could swear you could hear him smiling, still impossibly close to the shell of your ear. Willing down another blush, you quietly cleared your throat, and your gaze slipped back to the Chevrolet.

Your eyes zeroed in on the name underneath the picture. Rommel.

"I suppose this is another name of yours?" you asked, and by the way he immediately started laughing again was answer enough.

"In a way, yes," he started, laugh dying down. "It's my code name, a cryptonym if you will. All of us have one."

"And what about that telephone number, is that yours too?"

"No, it's fake. I merely put it there to make it seem more authentic. If you call that number, the outgoing call won't go through. Trust me, I tried."

You nodded, more to yourself than to him, before glancing back at the picture for the umpteenth time.

"Do the colors stand for something, too? What does blue and black mean?"

You weren't sure if you were imagining it, but the air around him changed when you asked that. Head turning, you caught him looking back at you, surprised. This, in turn, made you deflate, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"It does stand for something... right?"

He smiled. "It does," and he raised an eyebrow, almost appearing proud. Something teasing danced at the edges of his lips, and before you could ask him what he found so amusing, he beat you to it with a question of his own.

"If you ever want to tell me that you're secretly a spy as well, now's the time, sweetheart."

You blinked, open-mouthed, before rolling your eyes.

"Oh, shush," you retorted. "If I were – which I'm not – I would have made a beeline out of this mess months ago. And you don't need that much brainpower to suspect that the colors might indicate something. You're just trying to kiss ass."

"Well, you're not wrong about that...," he murmured, his voice dropping an octave, and only by the suggestive shift in his voice did you realize the double meaning of the words you just used. You could have used any other expression for flattery, like bootlicking or apple-polish, but you just had to use the one that could also fuel flirtatious banter.

Still, you let out a little laugh on your own, and shook your head. "You're impossible."

He laughed along, before answering your question.

"The colors mark the days we'd meet up. Blue means Sunday, Black means Wednesday. Blue would be better for us, since I don't have to work and Mrs. Reeves seems to be the most preoccupied that day – well apart from Saturday, but that won't do, as you know. Whereas Wednesday would be more tricky for us, but it would be the best for him, since his repair shop is mostly busy on the weekends, and there is a lapse at the middle of the week."

"How does he know which color marks which day?"

"We established them in previous encrypted messages."

You nodded, taking in everything, not quite sure yourself which day you'd prefer.

"I'm a bit nervous," you confess to him quietly, before trying to shake off your anxiety with a weak laugh. "What if he doesn't trust me? If he doesn't end up liking me?"

"Impossible," Erwin immediately countered, and you heard the amusement in his voice. "I can guarantee you, he'll trust you. After everything you've been through he won't have any reason to doubt you."

"You just accused me of being a spy a few minutes ago," you reminded him, teasing. "What if he does the same?"

Erwin grinned, and you felt one of his hands come to rest at your hip, giving it a gentle squeeze. "If our demise is going to be at the hands of someone as captivating as you, then so be it - I'll gladly accept my fate."

By now you were biting your lip, trying hard not to smile and give him the satisfaction of seeing how much his words are affecting you.

"You sure have a way with words, " you told him, while meticulously folding the newspaper in your hands. Partly to distract yourself and partly to draw his attention away from your face.

"I think we already went over this," he replied, still grinning.

"Well, yes – but sometimes it still seems like you're schmoozing," you countered, mentally patting yourself on the shoulder for having been able to come up with another word this time.

Erwin was still grinning. "And what exactly would I gain from that?"

"I don't know," you shrugged, teasing. "Make me like you even more?"

His laughter subdued somewhat and you slowly realized why. Quietly swallowing, you tried to shrug off what you just said by putting the newspaper aside with absolute nonchalance. Then, you cleared your throat and turned to walk away.

That is, until you felt both of his hands from behind gently stop you at your waist, still caging you to the counters. So you halted, and sensed how he leaned in closer to your ear.

"Even more, you say?"

You heard the satisfaction in his voice, dripping like honey. All the while, you raised your gaze upwards with a smile and with another roll of your eyes, refusing to look back at him. Your hands came to grab his on your waist, and you muttered an Oh, shut up while trying to break free from his grip.

"Well, there are certainly ways to shut me up..." he teased, and by now your blush returned tenfold. But not sensing any serious attempts to escape from his hold, he hugged your smaller form to his. Or at last, attempted to.

Because just then, in a split second, you whirled around in his hold.

Blinking once, he took a step back, taken aback by your sudden movement, and watched as you reached for the newspaper again.

In an instant, your hand came down, zeroing in on his upper arm. And he was just about to believe that you seriously intended to hit him because you had enough of his antics, and he was already preparing himself to earnestly apologize for crossing lines he shouldn't have.

If it weren't for that huge grin splitting your cheeks in half, followed by the naughtiest giggle he has ever heard leave your lips.

And even in that flurry of movements, he could clearly see how the light from the window bounced off of your curls mid-twirl and how it cast a shine on your glossy lips, making his heart tremble.

Reflexes ignited, he grabbed your wrist before the newspaper could make contact with his arm. You blinked, mouth opening, and stared as Erwin suddenly leapt closer to you and cradled your face with his other hand.

It all happened so fast; like magnets pulling at each other - and yet, even in those few seconds you caught his eyes switching from your lips to your eyes, asking. It didn't need much convincing from your part, as you let the newspaper fall from your hold and throw your arms around his neck, slotting his lips against yours.

And that's all he needed.

His kiss was hungry and zealous, claiming you without any restraint, turning you dizzy. Immediately, you felt his hand pull you flush against him, making you inhale sharply. His hold was so strong, you could feel his wedding ring digging into your flesh trough the thin material of your dress. In any other situation it would have made you wince, but right now, as the air around you was charged with unprecedented amount of electricity, it just only added to the intimacy between you.

It made you giddy, and you wondered if he also felt your ring pressing against his nape.

Lungs slowly begging for air, you broke apart, but only momentarily, before he dived down and continued pressing kisses against your neck, making your head loll to your side. His breath, hot and needy made you shiver in his arms. This didn't escape his notice, and you flinched somewhat when you suddenly heard him chuckle, while still mouthing down your neck.

"What," you breathed, almost moaned.

He laughed again, deep and low, before pressing his lips against the shell of your ear.

"Nothing," he whispered, his hot breath immediately warming you up, shooing away any remnant of goosebumps from before.

Only to make them return when he grinned, and elaborated with:

"I just can't wait to get out of here with you,"

Chapter 15: Wish you were here

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Thereinafter, life turned a bit calmer.

You felt it in the way you woke up lately; sinews and muscles no more strung up, brows un-furrowed and worry lines absent on your forehead. Your head was also clear and light, and your ears stopped ringing, too. Whereas a month ago you began each day with a sigh of melancholy and world-weariness, now you caught yourself smiling as you got out of bed, drew the curtains aside, and stepped to your wardrobe, ready to get dressed.

The weather outside was still abysmal; wet, gloomy, windy. And yet, you merely shrugged with a hum as you glanced outside, and picked out a warm, Marigold yellow skirt. Feeling bold, you even dabbed on some make up, even if it wasn't Saturday and you didn't really have anywhere to go.

Regarding yourself in your mirror, you mostly focused on your lips.

You decided to go with a darker shade of red; one that carried brown undertones and no shine. Pursing your lips, you took a step back and did a once over, smiling.

At that, the color moved with the elegant stretch of your lips, effectively drawing attention to them. Your cupids bow, the underside of your lips, even the corners of your mouth were all begging for the attention of any potential onlooker. It wasn't too flashy, but noticeable enough to gift you just the right amount of pop.

Satisfied, you smiled once more, your reflection mirroring you, before turning around and making your way downstairs.

Your mood only took a turn for the better, once you entered the kitchen and laid eyes on blond hair and square shoulders.

You don't really know what made you lift your hands, and gently rest them on Erwin's shoulder as you walked past him and greeted him with your most pleasant sounding good morning, but it felt right to do that. Not that he took offense to that, as one of his own hands immediately landed on top of yours, giving it a gentle squeeze.

He didn't immediately look up to see you, though. His other hand was currently nursing a cup of coffee, and you weren't in the least bit surprised to find today's issue of Mitras Daily in front of him on the table.

The sight of him immersed in the pages amused you. Biting your lips, you willed down a grin as you grabbed a bag of sliced bread from the counter, your other hand plugging in the toaster. Then, you leapt to the fridge, and the sound of one more page being turned reached your ears, before –at last- he finally spoke.

"I'm sorry, darling, I didn't even say good morning back. I just wanted to make sure if we got any messages - "

You turned around, your hand just about to close the fridge, when his voice faded. Still seated at the kitchen table, Erwin looked at you, mild surprise evident on his face.

You blinked back, trying to figure out why he suddenly swallowed down his words.

"What's wrong?" you asked, cradling a jar of jam and butter in your hands. Erwin blinked back, slow and heavy, before redirecting his gaze to the newspaper.

"Nothing. Well, it's just... ," he started, before standing up and getting closer to you. You put everything on the counter in the meantime, arms already outstretched to place one slice of bread into the toaster. He stopped right beside you, and continued, voice lowering.

"You look lovely."

Grinning, you decided to tease him. "As opposed to any other day when I'm not wearing make up?"

But he couldn't be shaken, and retorted, swift and smooth as always.

"Nonsense. You always do."

Your attention was momentarily drawn away from the toaster in front of you, when you felt him step even closer and bring his fingers to your chin. Tilting your head in his direction, you suddenly found yourself staring right back at him, lips involuntarily opening.

He looked right at them, smiling, satisfaction dancing in his fair orbs.

"It's just that I have never seen you wear this shade."

Smiling back, you replied. "I'm glad you like it this much."

"I love it."

"You might as well enjoy it while it lasts, because it's most probably going to be messed up once I have my breakfast," you said, and pushed down the lever of the toaster. It obeyed with a click.

Erwin's hand found solace on your waist again.

"That really would be such shame," he started, as he turned your form to his. Leaning a bit closer, he then continued, voice deep and pleasant. "There's luckily another way to mess them up, if you'd rather have them like that...?"

His suggestion surprised you somewhat. Still, your hands came to rest on the top of his arms, one eyebrow raised.

"You do realize I'm going to get lipstick all over your face? I'm not sure your clients at the courthouse would be in favor of your new look."

He grinned back, his own eyebrows coming to rise in a challenging manner.

"Well, as a matter of fact, that would be one sure-fire way to prove to the Capital how much we have bonded as husband and wife, don't you think?"

You laughed, imagining him going to work with his face covered in lipstick, and he laughed along, before actually leaning closer. You stopped him by lightly pushing against his chest.

"Erwin, seriously, you can't possibly - "

"I don't care."

"What are they going to think?" you hissed, but he only pulled you closer to him.

"Devil take them," he murmured, low and dangerous, before placing his lips against yours. You didn't separate, not even when the lever of the toaster sprung up, revealing one slice of golden brown bread.

After you both finished your breakfast, and he was already at the door, dressed in his trench coat and hat, ready to leave, you suddenly appeared beside him. Grabbing his chin, you gently but firmly turned his face towards yours, and started wiping away the smudges of red from his lips and cheeks, all the while shaking your head.

The rest of your day went by uneventfully.

The only interesting thing to note was the seemingly permanent smile that etched itself on your face. But other than feeling its effect on your cheeks, which now had a pleasant burning sensation to them, nothing note-worthy happened.

That is until you spotted someone at your mailbox.

Your legs came to a halt at the living room window, and you stilled, quietly watching as an unidentifiable figure opened the latch and hastily slipped something inside. They were wearing dark trousers, a vest and a peaky hat, effectively shielding their face from any onlooker. The person also had a rather diminutive figure, you noted; to the point where you weren't even sure if it was an adult or a child.

But whoever it was, the person in question was not a postman. That much was immediately obvious.

Growing curious, you looked on, trying to see if they did something that would give away their identity. But they merely closed the latch, looked left and right, and left just as fast as they appeared. Your eyes followed the nimble figure, small and quick; akin to a small cat scurrying away.

Your heart beat against your ribcage as you fiddled with the white curtain, only now realizing that your hands began clutching them amidst the suspense. Trying to make sense of what you just witnessed, your hands released the fabric and you stepped away.

Then your legs took you to the middle of the living room, and before you knew it, you were walking up and down as your arms came to cross at your chest.

You got a letter. Or at least, you assumed it was a letter.

Was it from Erwin's friend? It could be, but then again, he mostly communicated trough Mitras Daily. Why would he now choose another method to reach him?

It wouldn't have been that strange, your mind tried to reason with you. Erwin switched up his methods too; calling Moblit trough a public telephone booth when it was an emergency.

That made you stop.

Was this also an emergency? Did Erwin's friend decide to send a message like this, because he couldn't afford to wait until tomorrow's issue of Mitras Daily?

Before you knew it, you hurried to the entryway and reached for your coat. Then you slipped one foot into one pair of your shoe, before coming to a halt again.

What about Mrs. Reeves? you suddenly wondered.

Is she home and if yes, did she also see the mysterious figure just now? If she did, did she think anything of it?

Letting out a worry-laden sigh, you let your foot linger at the opening of your shoe, trying to come to a decision. What would happen if she now saw you come out of the house and retrieve whatever was in the mailbox?

Could you explain yourself, if she were to someday bring it up?

Resting your hand against the wall, you were balancing yourself on one foot, the other still raised above your shoe. Leaning your weigh against the wall, you thought back to all your interactions with your elderly neighbor.

Come to think of it, she only mentioned seeing you do something suspicious when you first arrived here with Erwin, and you were desperately trying to get employed. Other than that, she might have caught sight of you when you stumbled upon her and Marie discussing the latters' secret. Then again, if she did, she – again – never brought it up or even alluded to have seen you.

And you weren't sure if you could have used that information to threaten her to leave you alone, or even blackmail her – it was your word against her after all; a new participant of the Program who was under suspicion to be against the whole thing versus a seemingly highly respected citizen of Mitras.

You'd be surprised if anyone from the Women's Circle would believe you, much less the authorities.

So it's not like all of a sudden, she was afraid of you, and kept her mouth shut, because she was afraid you'd report her and Marie.

And she has no idea that you were the one who helped Hannah escape.

Your train of thought stopped there for a moment. Before something dawned on you.

Then, your foot hastily slipped inside your shoe, the other one following suit. Grabbing the handle of the entrance, you rushed outside and walked to the mailbox with long, confident strides. The cold wind outside brushed your locks behind you as they bounced with every step.

Even if Mrs. Reeves was somehow watching you now, huddled behind her little window, hazel eyes following every move of yours - for now, you really didn't care.

Even if she somehow decided that this incident was worth mentioning, you could always just lie and tell her that someone pranked you or mistook your address for someone else's.

And who knows, maybe she wasn't even reporting your actions to the Capital anymore? You were attending every Saturday meeting, dressed in your best clothes, acting ever so polite and never voicing your opinion about the Program. There was nothing to keep track of. You were a good little wife to your darling husband and a promising mother-to-be!

Thoughts like these fueled your movements, up until the very last step.

When at last, you reached your target and opened the latch, not even caring to mask your impatience.

Peering inside, you held your breath, eyes wildly taking in the contents of the box.

It was fairly dark, and empty.

Well, aside from something small, white and rectangular.

Dumbfounded, you kept looking at it for a while, before reaching inside.

You assumed it was a letter, even if it did look a bit small to be one. And your perceptive eyes turned out to be right, you realized, the moment your fingers made contact with thin cardboard instead of paper.

Your confusion only grew, when you retrieved the object in question, and an unfamiliar, yet scenic landscape stared back at you, with the word GREETINGS plastered on top of it.

It was a postcard.

You blinked. Once, then twice, before turning it this way and that. The back of it, the one that's usually reserved for a heartfelt message and wish you were here's was completely empty.

Furrowing your brows, you weakly closed the latch; the open mouth of the mailbox suddenly mocking you. What was the meaning of this? Were you really pranked after all? Do people even get pranked in this part of Mitras? You never recalled seeing any misbehaving children in this part of town.

Or maybe the postcard was meant for someone else, after all? Hence why the postman looked so unfamiliar, because they were supposed to look unfamiliar to anyone but the intended receiver?

Studying it again, you searched for an addressee. Only to find nothing.

As a matter of fact, looking at it once more, the to: and from: slots of the postcard were completely vacant. No sender, no intended receiver.

A disappointed sigh left your lips. You weren't sure what the meaning of this empty postcard was, but it wasn't even close to what you were expecting. Besides leaving you more confused, you could also sense yourself getting angry. Here you were, getting your hopes up of receiving a message from either Hannah or Moblit, only to be let down like this.

Who else could it be? That friend of Erwin's? Why would he send you an empty postcard?

You'd have to ask Erwin once he comes home. Maybe it does carry some sort of a meaning, but only he knows what it is.

Turning around, you made your way back inside the house, by now completely uncaring if anyone witnessed you looking sour-faced like this. This would play in your favor anyway, as even from an outside perspective it looked like someone pranked you and your peeved mood was only thanks to that, and nothing else.

Shutting the door with a harsh yank of your arm, it closed behind you with a loud bang. Then, leaning against it, you let out another exhale, heavy and tired.

Thoughts of Hannah returned and you tried to keep a stiff upper lip as memories of her flooded your mind. Your tears remained at bay, but only barely as you harshly bit your lip in order to regain composure.

The catalyst of your current state was still in your hand, and suddenly you wished you could just crumple it up and stomp your foot on it. You wondered if this was some kind of bad a joke?

You were worried sick for Hannah and wished only to know how she was doing. If she was even alive, a wry part of you whispered.

Flinching at that, you straightened yourself, before slipping out of your shoes and coat. Trying to shoo away your impulsive thoughts, you trudged into the kitchen and threw the postcard on the counter; the one before the kitchen window.

Then you rested both of your hands on the space next to it, forming a triangle with your arms on top of the counter; eyes coming to a close.

Taking in deep, even breaths, you focused on your expanding chest as you inhaled and tried to let out as much air as your lungs could possibly manage. Tried to quell the feelings of fury and disenchantment, rebelling low and heavy against your ribs.

Minutes and seconds tip-toed by you, as time itself appeared to take your feelings in consideration. They were quiet, silent, leaving you to sort out your mess of emotions and racing thoughts full of worry and unease.

Slowly re-opening your eyes, you let your gaze fall on the counter before you.

The white rectangular body of the postcard teased you from your peripheral vision, almost vying for your attention. You didn't give in to its call, not at first, and instead opted to study the patterns of the counter before you, carefully studying your hands and nails too, even gazing out the window. Anything to get a clear head.

You allowed yourself one more sigh of disappointment, one more thought of damning this Program, before you let your eyes swivel to the postcard again.

And at first you weren't sure if only your eyes were playing tricks on you, but like this, as the light spilled in from the kitchen window and hit the postcard from above, you caught rows of slight indentations on its surface. Like miniature valleys inviting you to follow them.

Mouth opening in disbelief, you stepped closer, before actually grabbing the postcard, and holding it closer to the window.

Suddenly, it became very clear to you why Erwin preferred to study and analyze everything in that spot.

It had nothing to do with his eyesight and everything to do with the simple fact, that standing there allowed you to pick up more than what meets the eye first.

Looking at it once more, you let your fingers gently brush against the outwardly empty surface of the postcard and felt the bumps and lows against your tips. Mouth agape in silent wonder, you could only stare.

The postcard did have writing on it! It was merely invisible!

As if struck by lightning, you left the counter and sprinted out of the kitchen. Your feet carried you to the telephone, to the stacks of little post it notes and pens strewn beside them. Grabbing hold of them, you immediately spun back around and laid them out on the counter.

With dexterous fingers, you tore off one yellow page and laid it on top of the postcard. Then, you grabbed the pen and started sketching, all while trying not to apply too much pressure.

The first letters appeared after just a few long strokes.

De r Mr m th

You couldn't help the gasp of wonder that escaped you; your tears from before now dangerously close to spill and land on those precious, unearthed words you just revealed. With new-found vigor, you continued, hunched over the counter and coloring fast and intense.

More and more letters appeared, and with them, more words and sentences, meanings and interpretations - before at last, there it was, bare before your very eyes.

Hannah's message.

Putting the pen aside, you excitedly reached for the yellow paper and held it close to the window, your forehead laying flat against cold glass as your eyes greedily drank in its content:

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Smith,

I am doing OK and slowly but surely recovering. I try to follow the instructions of your dear friends, who so graciously took me in and looked after me, but I must admit it's rather hard to keep going after what happened. I'm not sure if I will be able to write you any more messages, as that would risk us getting found, but I just wanted to thank you for your help and wish you all the best in the future.

P.S.: I hope F is doing ok

The glass before you turned foggy by the time you finished reading.

Hannah was alive!

She was alive.

You clutched the paper to your chest; elbows coming to rest on the counter as relief turned your body slack. Eyes coming to a close, you repeated the sentence in your head, making sure to really assess its meaning. Even so, your chest felt hesitant to completely expand itself, as if the contents of the letter were too good to be true, too suspiciously convenient.

But it was true, it must be!

The way it was written and all the information in it could only be tracked back to Hannah.

Coming to stand straight, your eyes swept over her last sentence. At that, your somber smile got replaced by a frown.

Poor Hannah.

No one really knows what happened to Franz. Best case scenario is him currently being detained somewhere. But if you were to ask around if anyone knows what happened to him, or worse, take matters into your own hands and visit all the detaining facilities, you'd pretty much give yourself away.

After all, you're not supposed to know what happened to the Kafka's. You're currently under the impression that they either escaped somewhere or that they've been kidnapped – just as Mrs. Reeves told you. If you were to go search for him in a specific location and even find him there, people will immediately ask themselves how you even assumed that he'd be there. You'd basically set up sign after sign, all of them pointing to you and Erwin.

Nevertheless, when Erwin came back that evening, you immediately rushed to greet him. When you showed him the blank postcard, he raised an eyebrow, smiling.

"Never been to that place, but they say it's really idyllic. Want me to take you there one day?"

You rolled your eyes, mirroring his smile, before showing him the yellow post-it-note. Taking it from your hands, his eyes went back and forth as he took in its message.

Smiling, his own shoulders relaxed. "She's doing well, I am glad. It means they could take her in without any trouble."

You hummed in agreement, your head coming to rest on that spot between his shoulder and neck, reading the message once again with him. He welcomed your presence by circling an arm around your waist.

His thumb started gently caressing your side, as you told him about the mysterious figure from earlier.

"I'm sorry – I hope they didn't do anything to startle you?" Erwin immediately asked, and you glanced up at him, eyebrows furrowing.

"Oh, no, they didn't scare me. I was just worried about Mrs. Reeves seeing me."

He hummed, absentminded. "It should be fine. If she ever mentions it, just tell her it was a prank"

You both chuckled.

Angling your head closer to his, you lifted your arms to hug him round his chest and he lowered his head to give you a kiss on the crown of your hair.

He must have seen the last sentence of Hannah's message, but you decided not to touch upon it.

At least, for now.

Notes:

Fluff, fluff, fluff.

Chapter 16: BMW Isetta

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"Are you cold?"

You weren't. Your new winter coat, one that you only recently discovered somewhere far back in your wardrobe, kept you plenty warm. Still, as Erwin stood beside you on the dimly-illuminated sidewalk - and keeping true to his habit - offered you his arm, you weren't about to refuse him.

Immediately encircling his whole tricep, you drew close to him, silently enjoying the added heat he provided. In turn, his other arm - one, that usually rested on top of yours - gently slithered to your waist, bringing you closer to him. Closer to safety.

You two were currently idling in front of a garage, somewhere in the most outer skirts of Mitras. Nothing else dared to stand in its vicinity, safe for a very small gas station a few miles ahead, but even that seemed rather abandoned and kept in place by the various tall trees and bushes surrounding it.

Still, this part of town couldn't really be described as rundown per se, as it was more unassuming. Silent. Easily overlooked by anyone who clearly didn't arrive here to conduct the same business that you were about to.

Because of this very reason, you were keenly aware of your environment and paid attention to every sound, every noise that might indicate someone's presence. And while Erwin was extremely apt at hiding it, you knew he was doing the same.

Despite the extra task your ears were suddenly trust with, you couldn't discern anything unusual. Apart from the fact how quiet it was, almost surreally.

That's not to say you weren't nervous, though, which was immediately apparent in the way you lightly twitched in Erwin's hold when the garage door in front of you suddenly shifted.

At first, it opened with a sudden start. You were expecting it to go all the way up, but then it stopped just a few inches off the ground. The space it left behind was only wide enough for a child or an animal to scurry trough. You could have maybe fit your head in there as well, but you definitely wouldn't have gotten any further.

Seconds passed, with the garage door seemingly stuck like that, before - with a loud rattle - it slowly and gradually continued its way north. Your anxiety would have made you wince at the ugly, rickety sound it emitted upon doing this, if you weren't currently somewhere so disturbingly remote.

Erwin and you looked on silently. Once you were certain the door would remain open, you shared a fleeting glance, before taking a step towards it.

Inside was pitch black.

Despite your eyes already getting used to the night sky outside, they still narrowed upon entering. It was way darker here; so much so, that you could just barely make out the outline of your hands intertwined with Erwin's arm. Not being fond of the vulnerable state this whole new environment put you in, your instincts immediately kicked in and you were desperately trying to make out any shape or form in the garage. You felt Erwin pull you even closer to him. He turned his head left and right, estimating the possible danger you were currently in.

Then, you heard steps.

They were slow, almost lazy, as they approached you somewhere from your right side and it unnerved you how much they resembled the rhythm of an old grandfather clock.

Erwin and you remained on your spot, listening.

Until the familiar sound of a switch could be heard.

And then, with an audible click, there was light.

Turning to the source of the sound, you were met with the sight of another man. Tall and well built, he stood at another door. Shaggy strands of dirty blond hair hang low in his face, only for a mustache to follow. He sported a lopsided smile, and his eyes harbored warmth, if not amusement. You would have found him intimidating, if not for his friendly and welcoming stance, and the fact that Erwin didn't seem alarmed at seeing him. Quite the opposite.

You first heard, rather than saw the smile of Erwin, as he slowly left your side and stepped to the man, who you assumed was behind all those encrypted messages.

"Mike," he greeted, and the brotherly tone he addressed him with further managed to ease your nerves.

Mike's smile quickly turned into a grin, as he walked towards Erwin. He then shook his hand, only to pull him in a hug and pat him on his back.

"The one and only," he chuckled, pleasant baritone voice rumbling deep in his chest. "And by the way you looked upon entering, I'm glad it was me standing here. I'd rather not imagine the fate that would have met my impersonator."

Erwin was still smiling as they separated, raising an amused eyebrow. "Maybe if you didn't make such a show of revealing yourself, I would have appeared more amicable. And to welcome us like this, with the lights turned off - you did that on purpose, didn't you?"

"You know me: never make it boring."

They shared another laugh, before turning to you. Erwin walked back to his previous spot, placing one of his arms on your shoulder.

"Allow me to introduce my partner in crime," he said. It didn't escape your attention that he only revealed your first name to his friend and didn't attach a second one.

Mike walked up to you, taking in your face and smaller figure, his eyes crinkling with interest. Standing taller, you tried to make yourself look as confident as possible, but the closer he got the more you realized just how tall he really was, easily casting a shadow over you. Still, your smile didn't waver as you reached out your hand to him, mentally preparing yourself to administer your firmest handshake.

But he subverted whatever you imagined the next few seconds to play out like, when he accepted your hand, only to raise it to his lips.

"So you're the mystery wife of Erwin! The pleasure is all mine, Miss," he murmured, blond strands of his mustache brushing against your knuckles. Mouth left hanging open, you sneaked a peek to your left side, and caught sight of Erwin giving a pointed look to Mike. He would have appeared irritated, if not for his still present smile.

"Thank you for having us," you quickly added, trying to dissipate the suddenly heavy atmosphere around you.

Mike's smile only widened. "Don't mention it. Shall we get a bit further inside?"

Erwin and you nodded. Mike swiveled around, pressed another button on the wall, and with that, the garage door closed behind you.

"Did you make sure no one followed you?" Mike then asked, as you walked behind him into another room; this one even bigger then the one before.

Upon entering, an unfamiliar smell greeted your nose; an amalgamation of oil, grease, gasoline and other automotive chemicals. It wasn't exactly foul-smelling, but it did make you somewhat light-headed at first. The lighting here was also dim; the bulbs overhead only burned with a mild nature. You weren't really sure what to make of this new environment.

But what caught your attention among all this were the several cars lined up against a wall further away. You were marginally aware of Erwin assuring Mike that no one followed you two, but try as you might, you couldn't stop staring at the vehicles behind Mike. You have never seen so many cars in one place.

Mike noticed your staring and followed your line of vision.

"They're gorgeous, aren't they?"

You nodded, albeit only out of politeness. You weren't really sure what made a car pleasing to the eyes, since to you they were merely a means to an end.

You also remembered Erwin telling you how Mike got ahold of them, so you made a mental note to avoid asking him that. This proved to be unnecessary, though, as the taller blond immediately changed the subject.

"So," he started and exhaled; his large shoulders and pectorals moving in tandem at the motion. "I assume you guys have some kind of a plan to escape?"

Erwin and you exchanged a glance, before nodding.

"Yes. And I think you already know why we have decided to turn to you for help," answered Erwin.

Mike's smile was still present, but there was no denying the serious shadow that suddenly passed over his face. "I had my guess once you contacted me."

"I know we're intruding on you," you suddenly added, looking him straight in the eyes. "But it would mean everything if you could help us out."

Mike blinked at you somewhat surprised, before grinning.

"Don't worry about it, sweetheart. You could never intrude upon me."

Then, turning serious again. "But do you have anything concrete planned?"

A short suspenseful silence followed, before Erwin answered.

"We'd like for you to smuggle us out of Eldia. With the help of your arsenal," he elaborated, nodding to the cars behind him. Mike turned around again, following the line of Erwin's gaze, his arms remaining at his hips. He didn't answer immediately, but you could see that the gears in his head were now rapidly turning. After it dawned on him what exactly your were asking of him, he turned back to face you both.

"You mean trough all three walls? Even Wall Maria?"

"Yes."

Mike hummed. A hand came to rest on the back of his neck, head now angling south.

"Well, it's not completely impossible," he explained, slowly. "But it will take extreme planning. Human trafficking isn't really my forte. Or, ah well," he corrected, looking at the both of you. "I just never really had the opportunity to try it out."

"I realize it's a whole another ball game than smuggling cargo. But we would be forever indebted to you if you could take us out of here with one of your cars."

"That's just it, Erwin," Mike continued. "For this to work, you need to be hidden from the border patrol. Even if I forge you guys some passports, they usually check each and every poor soul who enters and leaves Eldia. Since there are few people who can afford this privilege, it's not that hard to do a quick background check on everyone that passes trough. More importantly, Program Participants are somewhat known among the authorities. I'm sure it wouldn't take long for one of them to recognize you. It's not a guarantee that someone will, but I'd rather not risk it."

Chewing on your lip, you remembered Erwin telling you the same while you were tending to him. No wonder why he kept emphasizing the dangers of this plan; the more you thought about it, the more you realized how damn difficult it will be to pull it off.

"Moreover," Mike continued, giving one furtive glance to a corner somewhere further away. "I never crossed all three walls in one day. I assumed you guys only wanted to drive to the walls and cross to the other side on foot."

At the last sentence, he looked at Erwin, expecting an explanation. Erwin obliged him.

"If that were so easy, we wouldn't be standing here," he sighed. "Not even all this prestige and respect for my position was enough to find someone that could help us without drawing attention to ourselves. I tried pulling all the strings I could, asked around as quietly as possible, to see if there's a way to just walk out of Eldia. But ultimately we'd just end up facing the same problem: being seen."

Mike nodded in understanding. "I do have some contacts working there that I could easily bribe to look the other way, but to do that three times? They'd sniff us out before we even left Mitras. There are no goods important enough that I would cross three walls in one day and they're aware of that."

"What if we changed our appearances?" you suddenly suggested. "Cut or styled our hair a certain way, or even dyed it?"

The taller blond shook his head. "Could work, but to tell you the truth, you two are way too noticeable together. Not just anyone can marry each other in Eldia, you should know this more than anyone. One glance at you both and they might just figure out what's up."

Completely ignoring what Mike was even insinuating, you spoke up.

"We could just be two people going about their business," you countered. "What does it matter what we might be to each other?"

"They might still assume that you were picked and were currently escaping the Program," Mike sighed. "What other reason is there for a man and a woman to leave Eldia? And what is so important out there that it requires two people to get it done? We have virtually no relations to other countries, no sport team that goes competing outside the walls. Not even the members of the Eldian elite venture outside for their vacation. I could forge you all the papers in the world, but the fact of the matter is that we are a completely isolated nation. There is just simply nothing else to do out there."

Growing silent, your eyes turned a tad bit desperate, effectively making Mike avert his.

"Listen, if they see a young couple heading out, especially at Wall Maria, they will ask questions. Most people that go trough the borders are single men, most of them members from the Underground, en route to transact something illegal. Heavy bribing is the only reason they get away with it. But no bribe is big enough to convince even the stupidest border guard to let a Program Participant cross the walls. It's rare to see a couple, much less a woman – it wouldn't be hard to put two and two together."

At this, Mike again glanced at Erwin and it was clear how much he hoped that his friend could have maybe found a loophole in this, could have maybe find a solution that would have made the whole thing look just a tad bit more legal.

Erwin stood the helpless glance of his friend, didn't buckle under his pleading eyes.

"Is there really nothing else we can do then?" Erwin asked.

Mike exhaled, loudly and you swore it almost echoed throughout the space. He started walking up and down, his eyes wildly zig-zagging, as if he was searching something on the ground. Then, coming to a halt he whirled around and Erwin looked surprised to see him walk to one of the smallest cars in the line up.

If you could even call that vehicle, in front of which Mike suddenly stopped, a car.

None of you were able to hide the utter confusion on your faces, once you laid eyes on the baby blue vehicle. It was egg-shaped, sported bubble-like windows and looked to be around 2.29 meters tall. Suffice to say, it was tiny and seemed more appropriate for a child than an adult. But even more surprising was its entire front end, which hinged outwards to allow entry.

You two glanced at Mike, then back at the car, puzzled. Mike either didn't see your baffled expressions or he chose to ignore it. Instead, he raised his large hand and lovingly placed it on the car's smooth bodyshell.

"This little darling here is what we call an Isetta," he explained, smiling approvingly. "And I think," he started, at first somewhat uncertain, his voice subdued and quiet, so unlike what you first heard him sound like, before he lightly shook his head and went on.

"Yes... I think it might be the very answer to your question."

You thought you were seeing wrong.

"You want us to fit in there?" you asked him, trying not to offend him. "All three of us?"

You didn't want to doubt Mike, but you weren't even sure if Mike himself would fit inside, much less Erwin. Your wonder only grew once Mike shook his head.

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that," he smirked. "Because, first of all, I'm not going to be the one driving. And second of all: there's only one person who's going to be sitting inside."

At this point, even Erwin had a hard time to keep his mien collected and Mike seemingly enjoyed the look on our faces, evident by the way he suddenly burst out laughing. Just when you were about to voice the blindingly obvious fact that the car in front of you had no backseat whatsoever, a voice from the far away corner startled you into silence.

"Oh for fucks' sake, Mike. Stop messing with them and get to the point already!"

Erwin and you whirled to the source of the voice. Something shifted in the least illuminated part of the room - a corner - before another man appeared. He was pale and thin, dressed in an attire which clashed quite noticeably with the environment around you. His leather shoes, polished and clean, click-clacked against the grimy floor and his hands were leisurely tucked into the pockets of his slacks.

Another thing you noticed right away was his diminutive statue. And yet, despite this, you could immediately tell that he was a force to be reckoned with. The way he moved was light, nimble yet cautious; ready to strike if the need for it arises.

If you thought Erwin appeared relieved upon seeing Mike, he looked positively elated once your new guest made himself visible. It was a quiet sort of happiness; one, that from the outside could be merely noticed by they way his arms relaxed and the way he turned to him, chest opening up with a sudden intake of breath.

"Levi," Erwin breathed.

The man kept walking closer and stopped just before you two.

"Glad to see you too, Blondie. You don't look a day older since the last time I saw you."

His voice was deep, raspy, but you could hear that he was also glad to see Erwin, the tiny tinge of warmth in his voice was unmistakable. You surmised that they were allies of some sorts, if not friends. Someone more familiar to him from his various connections. From the way Erwin addressed him, he must have kept contact with him too, along with Mike. You wished you could have had more time to examine him, since he appeared so otherworldly, but then his eyes, dark as the midnight sky, swiveled to you.

"And I suppose this is your blushing bride."

You found no animosity in the way he regarded you. Still, you wanted to make a good first impression, so just like with Mike, you straightened yourself for the second time this day once he leapt closer to you. Unlike Mike, though, he offered his hand for an actual handshake.

You took it and while his hold on yours was appropriately firm, the strength that lied beneath his skin startled you somewhat. Just by this simple way of greeting, you could sense that he could have easily crushed your hand if he so desired. As he had no reason to do that though, you quickly pulled yourself together and introduced yourself to him. He reacted with a bored nod.

"Nice meeting you, too. And also," he continued, his almost unreadable eyes burrowing themselves into your own. "Allow me to offer you my deepest condolences for ending up with this big oaf as your husband," he finished.

Mike immediately erupted into laughter, but Levi's face remained impassé. A bit taken aback, you glanced to Erwin, who merely sported an amused smile.

"I'm glad you didn't change, Levi," he said, voice full of mirth.

Levi sent an annoyed stare in his direction. "Well I might now, after hearing whatever insane plan you just came up with again. There's only so much I can do to stay sane, and you're not exactly helping."

Erwin's smile withered a bit.

"Again, I apologize in advance for any inconvenience that might befall on you because of this," he started, "But we could really use all the help we can get. Please understand that this time I'm not the only one involved."

Your gaze slipped to your shoes, but you could sense everyone else's eyes on you.

All the while, Levi studied Erwin for a while. His eyes then shortly flittered to you, before he looked off to the side somewhere. For the first time since we arrived here, it became completely silent. You glanced curiously between the three men in front of you. Then, Levi tsked.

"Fine, whatever," he sighed. "I guess I can play chaffeur for a little while."

Both of your mouths opened in bafflement.

"You're going be the one driving," Erwin stated, more than asked, to which Levi raised a fine eyebrow. "Any objection to that?"

"None at all," Erwin smiled. Still, you couldn't help but silently glance to Mike. He immediately caught the question swimming in your eyes and chuckled.

"Not like I wouldn't love to, under normal circumstances," he answered. "But I'm quite known at the borders, and if we get caught, I'd risk more than just my business," he explained, but had the good grace to wince a little bit upon registering what he just said. "I realize how this makes me sound like."

"Don't be coy, Mike," Levi drawled. "You're welcome to say it."

Mike didn't reply immediately, only settled for a chuckle, before a mischievous smile appeared on his face.

"There's - of course - another reason why Levi is going to be driving," he went on. "And it's an obvious one. The size of the car - "

"Finish that sentence, Mike," growled Levi. "And it's not just that car that's gonna end up looking like a fucking egg."

Mike laughed, defensively raising his arms higher.

An amused smile crossed your face, and you swore you saw the lifting corners of Erwin's lips as well, before he cleared his throat politely.

"That only answers one of our questions, though. How are the two of us going to fit in?"

Mike's grin only widened, and you thought you've never seen him flash a smile like that since you stepped into his garage.

"That's the best part," he answered. Erwin and you could only stare once he reached the end of the carosserie – and then he tapped the back window with his pointed finger.

Still unsure as to what he was so elated about, Mike looked at Erwin and then you, before beckoning the two of you to take a step closer. You did as you were told.

Approaching, you didn't tear away your gaze from his finger, eagerly trying to find out what he was pointing at. Once the both of you halted beside him, you kept looking down.

From above you could see the tiny compartment behind the front seat. It was completely empty. Some components and parts of the car could be visible; unfamiliar and dark shapes reaching out from its walls and floor, but you wouldn't know what they were or what purpose they served.

Otherwise, there was nothing.

But then, the more you stared at it, the quicker it dawned on you.

"You want us to hide there," you stated.

Mike grinned again.

"Eeexactly."

Erwin redirected his gaze to the hollowed out place behind the cushioned backseat, and allowed himself some seconds to contemplate. Then, he looked back at you.

"What do you think?"

Your lips parted. You felt touched and honored that he would ask your opinion about this, to make sure you were okay with it too. Meeting his gaze, you sent him a slow nod.

"Let's give it a try," you answered. It's not like we have much of a choice, you thought hastily.

And I trust them, your eyes spoke. Erwin didn't tear his gaze away from yours.

And I trust you.

His mien slowly transformed to give you a quiet, kind smile.

"We should try it out now," Mike suggested, already circling the car to reach the front. You both watched him open the front door, before pushing down the back-rest of the seat.

"I originally planned to use this in case I'd have to transfer a crap-load of stuff. Since the car's so tiny, the possibility that someone would accuse me of carrying something prohibited would be miniscule. I'm not quite sure, though, if it's fit to carry people...," he started, uncertainly glancing to Erwin. "But I could still make some adjustments if you guys feel like its way too closed off."

Nodding, Erwin and you followed him. First, it was him who climbed in.

You watched him, as his muscled back slightly bent down, past the roof of the car, and how his wide leg stepped just behind the empty space of the seat, before being followed by his other leg.

Despite his tall form, the back of the small car managed to swallow him whole. Only his blue eyes could be visible, as they twinkled back at you from inside the shadows. Something else moved, and then the outlines of his arm could be seen, as he was extending it to you.

Stepping closer to the vehicle, you accepted his offer, and positioned your leg to the same spot he did just a few seconds ago. Once your foot was securely standing somewhere inside the car, Erwin gently tugged you to him, and your form followed, the hem of your skirt rushing after you with a loud whisper.

A familiar, firm chest and strong arms greeted you in the semi-darkness.

"And?" you heard Mike ask from the outside. "What is it like?"

Narrow. Confined.

No wonder why Mike was so unsure about this. Still, despite that, you two did fit in here, in some kind of a miraculous way. Erwin slowly positioned himself to lay on his side, and you followed him, which made existing here a tad bit easier. You weren't sure if you could survive here forever, though, and hoped the border wouldn't be that far away.

Leaving the Isetta, Erwin followed shortly after you.

"It's doable," you answered politely.

"We'll have to make do," Erwin answered behind you.

Mike nodded, before whipping out a tiny, foldable notebook from his jeans-pocket, then a pencil from his shirt pocket. Scribbling something hastily on the white paper, he opened his mouth. "I'll try to open up the space even more, but," he sighed, before morosely glancing to the car behind us.

"I guess I can say goodbye to her forever. After all the modifications I did, an MOT test is going to be out of the question. Drastic changes like these would raise every alarm bell. Once our stunt is over, I'll have to sell her parts separately."

Guilt managed to embed itself once again. "We really are very thankful for all that you're doing."

Mike's sad eyes turned mellow upon hearing you. "It's perfectly fine. It is for a good cause."

"I'll make it worth your while," Erwin spoke. "As soon as the opportunity arises, I'll pay you back."

To your surprise, Mike only started laughing. "Pay me back? I still owe you my life, Erwin! If anything, this should be my way of paying you back."

Your eyebrows subtly moved at this new nugget of information, and you decided to ask Erwin about it later.

"More importantly," Mike continued, bitter laughter dying down. "When do you guys plan on leaving?"

Erwin and you shared a glance.

"There's no definitive date as of now," you explained. "But the sooner the better."

"There's just a few things we still need to take care of. And speaking of which, we'd like to ask another big favor."

True to his character, Erwin didn't try to downplay his intentions of how dire the situation was. Lightly turning to me, I took this as a cue to take over.

"I'd like to ask for your help and smuggle out my parents. And another friend of mine, who's also a Program Participant."

"She's currently being looked after by Hange after suffering a miscarriage," Erwin quickly explained.

At that, Mike's mien fell and even Levi appeared stunned. It was immediately clear to them why you were so keen on getting her out of Eldia. The latter didn't allow the realization to settle long, however and expressed his annoyance.

"Oi, Blondie. Don't you think you're asking a little bit too much?"

Your eyes scurried south, ashamed. You felt like a petulant child demanding something so outlandish. Your mouth moved on its own, ready to apologize yet again, but Erwin beat you to it, and replied without a bother in the world.

"I'm aware of that, but please – if you can help us out this once, we'd be eternally grateful to you two."

Levi let out a loud sigh, not hiding the fact how much this bothered him. To your surprise, Erwin only sent him a warm smile, one eyebrow raised in amusement.

"Think of it like this, Levi. If you help us now, you're never going have to see me again."

At that, a shadow of a smile crossed the raven-haired man's thin lips; the idea of never having to meet your husband apparently pleased him.

"Now there's a reason," he grunted, his hands coming to rest at his hips.

Even from a distance, you could see his muscles working underneath his pale skin. You quietly wondered why every male around you seemed to be in such a great shape.

Levi then turned to Mike. "We'll have to plan a different route for them. They'll obviously not fit into that little capsule you call a car."

Mike nodded, his pointer finger coming to curl under his nose as he rapidly tried to think of some other way to smuggle out three more people.

"We still have time," you timidly interjected, trying to take off as much pressure of their shoulders as possible. "Please don't exert yourself over this. We're always willing to forego certain things and make sacrifices if it helps. Even if - "

Faltering for a second, you realized way too late what sentence you were just about to start. It was something that was on your mind for quite some time now and it lied heavy on your consciousness. There was no turning back now, though, as everyone, including Erwin, suddenly started studying you and were beyond curious as to why you abruptly stopped talking. When the weight of their stares was getting unbearable, you composed yourself, and went on.

"Even if it means having to switch places with my friend."

Silence.

The need to explain yourself rapidly arose, especially when you sensed those familiar pair of eyes on your back, but Mike immediately waved away your worry.

"It's quite all right. We should discuss this matter some other time, though. You said you had no definitive deadline for your escape, so we should have the time to thoroughly talk everything trough."

"Speaking of which, there's one other thing that we should discuss," Erwin went on, and you got worried that he might question or comment on your previous statement. You did use we in your previous sentence, without actually asking him what he thinks about your little last-minute stunt, should all else fail. He didn't, though, and instead said something that managed to surprise you even more.

"I don't think we should meet in person any more," he explained, carefully looking at all three of you, before continuing. "It was difficult enough to come here without anyone noticing us, and the same goes for Mike. I suggest we keep in contact in some other way."

"Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" Levi droned on.

"Hmph," huffed Mike. "And I was always trying to be so creative with our newspaper messages. Guess you didn't find them as enjoyable as I did."

Erwin smiled lightly at his friend.

"You know I enjoy your car pictures and encrypted messages, Mike. But they take too long to reach us."

Then, he turned to you.

"Are you familiar with number stations?"

You held his stare, the blue of his eyes a bit subdued in the dimly lit garage, but still sharp and keen as ever. All the while you were marginally aware of Levi rolling his eyes, somehow knowing what Erwin was going to suggest. Then, averting your eyes to a spot somewhere else, you tried to recall if you ever heard anyone talking about number stations. Alas, the expression was completely lost on you, and thus, you shook your head. Erwin continued.

"They are shortwave radio stations that broadcast numbers in order to send a message. They are mostly used by intelligence officers, but we could also make very good use of them."

"And since they are shortwave radio stations, all you guys need is a shortwave radio, " said Levi, gunmetal eyes boring into yours. "I'm pretty sure you already have one somewhere in your home. Other than that, Mike and I will provide you with a one time pad – to encrypt the numbers you receive."

You nodded, quickly trying to remember if you really did have a radio somewhere in the house. Levi ignored your slight hesitance, and went on.

"Usually, we'd use a different one time pad for every new message, hence the name. We won't be able to do that now, so make sure to not lose the one we're gonna give you. But more importantly, if you're not using it, make sure to hide it somewhere in the house where no one can see it! If anyone else gets ahold of your one time pad, they'll quickly figure out what we're up to."

You nodded, your features serious, before turning to Erwin.

"How are we going to hide our messages from the authorities, though? I assume the radio stations you talked about are public. What if they catch us?"

"We'll pick a frequency that has relatively low traffic," Erwin assured you. "Alternatively, we could also hijack a brand new one that only broadcasts testing transmissions, as this would be even less conspicuous. If someone were to turn on their radio and stumble upon our series of numbers being broadcast, they would simply chalk it up to the station currently testing their new frequency."

You nodded and the men let you take in this influx of new information. Technology was truly something these days.

"All that's left to discuss now is the time," Mike said.

"Night time, of course," Levi replied, curt and sharp. "I think I speak for all of us if I say: the evening hours are the most optimal for tuning in."

Erwin and you both nodded.

"That's settled, then," Levi finished. He then raised one of his hands to his nape and let his head fall back.

"This whole charade is going to be a pain in the ass, but we'll soldier trough it."

This calmed your frazzled nerves, but just barely. You hoped that by coming here, they'd offer you a solution that was almost, if not guaranteed, to succeed. Even if you remember Erwin telling you the same, that your chances to pull this off was extremely uncertain, somehow you were still hoping for more assurance. Surveying the men around you, you wondered why they were willing to help you out this much, at the risk of their own lives even. It must have had something to do with Erwin, and you already surmised as much, when Mike spoke about repaying his debt to him. Despite this, you weren't sure if they would have willingly told you their stories and how they came to know Erwin, so you decided to ask Erwin himself sometime later.

More importantly, now that most things were agreed upon, you felt the familiar drowsiness engulf you and press down heavy on your shoulders. The men around you must have felt the same, as they too started to uncertainly shift from one leg to the other, prepared to make their way home.

Levi was the one to break the silence first. Looking at his wristwatch, he hummed. "Well, it was nice to swing by and catch up, but I'm afraid I will have to take my leave soon."

Mike nodded, and his hands came to rest on his hips while stretching.

"Me too," he exhaled, before suppressing a yawn. "High time for my beauty sleep!"

"And plenty of that you are in need of," Levi murmured, making Erwin and you simultaneously laugh to the chagrin of the taller blond. Then, composing yourselves, you turned in the direction of the exit.

"Thank you for having us," Erwin said, and you joined him, before adding. "We'll never forget the help you're giving us."

Mike smiled once again and even Levi's features softened a bit. You were just about to take the first step towards the exit, when the latter suddenly called after you.

"Wait, stop, there's one more thing...!"

Turning around, you watched as Levi turned to the very corner he originally appeared from. His voice was discernible enough, and so you swore you could hear him grumble 'Damn, almost forgot about it' under his breath. Erwin, Mike and you watched him astonished, before Mike, as if struck by lightning, slapped his own forehead.

"Right, right!" he said, and scurried over to where Levi went to.

"What's going on?" you whispered to Erwin, who looked just as nonplussed as you. Stepping closer to you, he raised his arm to your shoulder and watched the two men grab something.

A thing, that upon being touched by them, rustled like nylon or paper.

When they turned around and walked over to you both, you got a clearer view of what was in their hand. And that's you how you and Erwin were met with the sight of a basket.

It was wrapped in ribbons, tulle and cellophane.

But what made your mouth hanging open were the various goods inside it. Because of the distance, you couldn't make out everything, but even so, you saw bottles of wine, chocolate, jars of what appeared to be jam and many more miscellaneous things.

"We thought we'd give you guys some sort of present to celebrate your union," Mike explained, positively amused at the flabbergasted sight of you and Erwin.

"So, here – we'll hope you like this wedding basket we arranged."

A few months or even weeks ago, this gesture would have infuriated you. Getting a gift like this, while being forced to marry someone you did not know, would have been quite the slap to the face. Now, however, you felt touched. Delighted, even.

"Oh," you cooed quietly. "You really shouldn't have..."

Erwin took it upon himself to grab the basket, as it was quite big. Nodding to his friend, he too sent a smile their way. "Thank you. Really."

The men nodded, but stiffened for a bit, when they saw you suddenly approach them. Completely overtaken by gratitude, you first hugged Mike, who quickly managed to compose himself and return the gesture. Gently patting the place between your shoulders, he murmured to you.

"There, there. You're welcome, Missy."

Separating from him, you sent him a smile. Then turning to Levi, you weren't so sure if you should replicate your hug on him, so instead you decided to reach him your arm again. He looked at it a bit strangely, but he accepted it. Giving it a gentle handshake, you said to him "Let me repeat again how grateful we are for you help."

Levi nodded, and all though he looked a bit aloof, you could sense from his handshake that he appreciated your gratitude.

"Don't sweat it."

Notes:

14-15-ish Word pages later, and here we are! Whew!

I'm so sorry for the 2,5 months of unplanned hiatus, but I really didn't want to rush his chapter, since it's one of the main stepping stones of this story! I hope the longevity makes up for it at least, haha!

The idea to smuggle out people with a car was inspired by a story I read about the BMW Isetta. Back when Germany was still divided into East and West Germany, a man smuggled out his friend from East into West, by hiding him in a BMW Isetta. I was so fascinated by this, that I must confess, one of the main inspirations for this story actually derives from this snippet of history. And its historically accurate to boot, since the first Isetta was produced in 1956 ;)

* MOT test: MOT stands for the Ministry of Transport, the government department that introduced the test as a means of testing vehicle safety, exhaust emissions, and roadworthiness.

Hope you're all doing great and now that summer is approaching, don't forget to use sunscreen and drink lots of agua!
- A

Chapter 17: Wine & Chocolate 1

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Mrs. Reeves' house was dark, the curtains shut close.

Yet even so, precaution was still of utmost importance, so you made sure to slither into your house as quietly as possible. Which proved to be more difficult this time, owing to your gift, wrapped in the most noisy fabrics imaginable. Still, you managed, and closed the door behind you with a quiet sigh.

Erwin took off his coat and hat, before turning to help take off yours. Once you were free of it, you hummed and blinked owlishly. The freezing air outside, a premonitory sign of winter, pinched your cheeks red.

"Tired?" Erwin murmured behind you and saw your head tilt forward with a nod. But before he could open his mouth again and suggest that you retire for the night, you gathered what little was left of your energy and spun around. Erwin blinked with surprise, when he saw you walk to the basket he abandoned at the door. Shooting him a toothy grin, you bent down to grab it.

"C'mon - let's open this up!"

You didn't want to sleep. Not really. Not yet.

He studied you, not sure what to make of your idea. It was very late; you had a long and rather demanding day behind you, and despite your smile, he could notice the dark lines that were gathering under your eyes. Nevertheless, he sent you a slow, somewhat uncertain nod and watched with silent curiosity as you hoisted the basket into your arms and whirled in the direction of the kitchen. Following after you, he watched as you carefully placed your gift on the table, all the ribbons and tulle moving in tandem.

You let your eyes take in the basket, now in a more comfortable, familiar environment and admired the tasteful arrangement. You wondered if Mike and Levi were responsible for the wrapping as well. The thought made you smile, the image of them scratching their heads to try and make your gift look as beautiful as possible flashed before your eyes. Or maybe they didn't even have any difficulites and immediately knew what colors and fabric to choose? Either way, it must have been quite an odd sight.

Erwin appeared beside you, moving a bit slowly, so as not to spook you. You sent him a smile, this one more genuine. In his hand was a scissor, one that he was offering you to take and you obliged him, all though not with much haste.

"It's just so beautiful. Such a shame," you whispered, and he let out a quiet chuckle before you joined him and started cutting.

The cellophane immediately obeyed, with the ribbons following soon.

And then there it was, unobscured by any material and you let your eyes roam the contents of the basket, your very personal horn of plenty.

Two bottles of wine sat at the very back; one of them containing deep, dark red, the other golden yellow. Various boxes of sweets; buiscuits, chocolate, pralinés and more. A bottle of fine perfume, candles, soap, face cream but also coffee and fruits. Mouth open, you could only stare, before sharing a glance with Erwin; silent astonishment washing over you both.

"This is all imported... right?" you asked, while tentatively reaching for one of the bottles. You don't remember seeing any of these goods in Mitras. He hummed beside you, just as transfixed by all the products before him, but you already knew the answer to your own question, once you started – or well, attempted - to read the label of the wine you were currently holding. You failed, however.

All the letters looked strange, even alien. It did not resemble anything you have ever seen before.

A slow realization dawned upon you.

"What language is this?" you finally asked.

"Marleyan," Erwin answered, as he himself reached for one of the jars. This one was the easiest to decipher, as it had a cute little strawberry drawn next to the sequence of those weird symbols. Still, the name of the language didn't ring a bell - as a matter of fact, you never even heard of it. Knowing what was on your mind, Erwin continued.

"It's a nation right across the sea; closest known civilization to Eldia. They're quite wary of Eldians, but as far as I know, they don't plan to launch any kind of attack against us. Whenever our government keeps mentioning our enemies, I think they mostly refer to them, though, but as you already know, it's all propaganda."

You nodded, but his answer only gave birth to more questions.

"Can you read Marleyan?"

Erwin smiled lightly, placing the jar of strawberries on the table and reaching for another jar. This one had a blueberry drawn on it.

"No," he answered, turning the glass in his hand this way and that. "But Mike can, and I think Levi might too. I just recognize it, but don't understand it."

Toying with the bottle's neck in your hand, you redirected your gaze to the basket and slightly bit the inside of your mouth.

"Is that where we are going to flee?"

You felt his gaze on you, and heard him put down the second jar.

"Yes."

You hummed.

"So they're not hostile to us, you say?"

Now he turned to you completely. "Are you scared of them?"

You sighed. "Well, I don't know... I don't know anything about them. Everything I read about the outside world was unpleasant, and even if I'm aware that most of that is false, I wonder... I can't help but wonder what they're like."

Placing the bottle on the table with a quiet clank, you went on. "What if they have a similar system set up like ours?"

"They don't," Erwin answered immediately, his voice drawing your attention to him. "Mike's no expert when it comes to international relations, but he's traded with them long enough to know, that they don't have anything that even resembles this system." He let his gaze rest on you, one that spoke volumes. "No one's forcing anyone to do anything," he emphasized, but your forlorn gaze and your lips between your teeth made him continue.

"I can tell you more about them, if that would calm your nerves?"

"Yes," you nodded, once and then some more. "Please do."

Erwin nodded back. "All right, fair enough. I'm sorry this didn't come up until now," he said, before shortly glancing at the Junghaus clock.

"But you should really go and rest for now. It was a long day."

You tore your gaze away, back to the bottle in your hand. "Actually, I was thinking...," you started slowly, searching for the right words, before you walked to the counters and opened one of the drawers. Sounds of steel and plastic clashing against one another followed, before you found what you were looking for. Erwin only saw what was in your hand, after you shut the drawer with your hips and returned to the table. In a swift motion, you removed the lid of the bottle, before pushing the corkscrew into its opening, internally reciting the right way to open a wine bottle. Rotate corkscrew 6 half turns. Lever cork out slowly ...

You saw Erwin stiffen beside you. "You really shouldn't...," he started, but his warning fell on deaf ears, after he saw you wrestle the cork out of the bottle, only to leap back to the cupboards, stand on your tiptoes and reach for two wine glasses. Just like any other time, his eyes zeroed in on your waist whenever you were in the kitchen, reaching upwards for something.

"I just - " you stuttered, while bringing the two glasses to the table. "I think this would help me calm down even more, you know?" came your half-hearted explanation, but Erwin didn't miss the way your hands were shaking. So he watched you, a solemn shadow passing over his features, before he slowly walked up to you and rested his hand on yours. This stopped the flow of the beverage. Then, he took the bottle from you with his other hand and you let him.

You thought he was going to put it away, to savor it for another day, so you were quite surprised to see how he just kept on pouring the dark liquid, finishing what you started. After he was done and both glasses were full, he asked you, calmly.

"Tell me what really ails you."

It wasn't an order but a gentle inquiry; one that prompted you to let out a world-weary sigh.

"I guess I just didn't think about what's going to await us once we cross over there," you whispered.

"If you want, I could tell you about them right now, we don't have to wait. But really, there's nothing to - "

"No," you sighed once more, glancing away. "No, that's... that's not what I mean," you started and you disliked how your cheeks started to turn a shade darker before you even voiced your question. Erwin didn't seem to catch what you were after either, for he kept looking at you expectantly.

The ring on your fourth finger buzzed pleasantly, even though now you really wished it wouldn't. To distract yourself, you grabbed your glass and took a generous sip from it, much to the surprise of the blond in front of you.

"Hey..."

You didn't even notice how he stepped closer to you, worry-stricken, as both of his hands came to rest on your upper arm. Your glass came to land on the table, as you let him stabilize you, still avoiding his eyes.

"What do you mean, then? What's on your mind?"

An amused smile snuck itself on your lips, and you laughed, quietly. With a loopy smile, you asked:

"You're usually so good at reading me, Erwin. What's the matter now?"

He didn't mirror your smile. "You're avoiding the topic."

Your smile faltered.

"I am, aren't I," you answered, before looking down at the space between the two of you. His hands were still on your arms.

"I just... I meant..."

You searched for the right words, before you realized there are no right words and there's no right way to ask this. So you braved on.

"What about us... after this is all over?"

And there it was. The uncomfortable silence that you were dreading, that you knew would follow the moment you asked him this. Your heart was pounding a mile a minute and the fact that he most probably could sense it made you feel even more embarassed. Biting your lip, you were too afraid to look him in the eye. Instead, you opted to look at your glass of wine, half-empty.

"What would you want to happen?"

Trying to stabilize your breathing, you slowly looked up at him. He held your gaze, calm yet curios.

"What... I would want to happen?"

"Yes"

Furrowing your brows, your gaze slipped back down; down his nose, his lips, his jawline. Then to his neck, collarbone and finally stopping at his chest. And yet, you weren't actually looking at him, rather through him. What you would want to happen...

That's right. You didn't know what you wanted to happen after you crossed the border. At first, you thought you didn't know because you simply weren't aware of the outside world and how you'd fare out there. No sense in trying to plan out your future, if you still struggled to wrap your head around the mere fact that there is an outside world.
But that wasn't completely true, was it? That's not what you were on the fence about.

What you were slowly but surely getting anxious about in the last few days was the possibility that – after this is all over – you might never see Erwin again.

You weren't sure were this was coming from. It was clear that he liked you and wanted you to get out of here as soon as possible. So was it such a wild conclusion on your part that he'd want to continue to be with you even out there?

No –- and yet! You two never talked about it. He never once mentioned what's going to happen to you two after getting out of Eldia.

What if he changed his mind? What if he, the moment you were out there, decided to abandon you and continue on his own? What then?

The mere thought made you sick, and not the least because you'd be vulnerable out there from the get-go.

Your fingers burrowed themselves into his upper arms, bunching up his sleeves. He didn't seem to mind and instead awaited your answer, with all the patience of a saint. Meanwhile, your gaze switched to your glass again, your hair somewhat obscuring your face.

Opening your lips, you answered him.

But even without looking at him, you knew he must not have heard you, when you sensed him step closer to you.

"Come again?"

Frustrated and feeling annoyed at yourself, you bit your lip and hoped that the alcohol you just drank was going to kick in soon. Summoning all your courage, you tried again:

"I want to stay with you."

A mere whisper, raspy and yet – clear enough for him to hear.

And at first, nothing happened, which of course you immediately misinterpreted as something he didn't want at all. But before any shame made you dart out the kitchen and into your bedroom, you felt Erwin hands slither down to your waist and pull you closer to him, his lips giving your forehead a gentle kiss.

"Do you want me to take you as my wife again?" he murmured against your skin, his lips lodged against your forehead, and his deep voice giving you goosebumps. "Out there?"

You nodded; first slowly, then hastily. And though your eyes got dewy, as the feeling of relief washed over you, the way he asked you this didn't escape your attention.

"Why again?"

Erwin sighed. "Well, I don't know what Marley's stance is going to be when it comes to our union. There's a possibility that they might not recognize it. It wasn't exactly facilitated in the most democratic ways, after all."

No surprise there, you thought to yourself. Still, the fact that there is a chance it might happen –

You leapt closer to him, hugging him even tighter to yourself and he reciprocated your gesture, burrowing his nose in your neck, breathing in the scent of your hair.

"I don't - ," you whispered, voice cracking. "I don't want to get separated from you."

"And I won't let them. Even if they annul it, I'll just marry you again. And if I can't do that in Marley, for whatever reason, then we'll just go somewhere else and get married there."

A tear was threatening to escape you, but you pulled yourself together in time and just kept hugging him, enjoying the way his bigger frame encaged you. You stood like there for a while, before you felt one of his hands leave your side. Looking down, you saw him reach for your glass and gingerly giving it to you. Then, he grabbed his own and brought it to yours.

"To our new future," he murmured, before the sound of glass reached your ears. You both kept looking at each other; him, with softened features, and you with something completely hazy.

Taking another generous sip, you brought down your glass with a satisfied sigh; the wine only giving fuel to your cheeks. You observed as he finished his own, neck contracting with every swallow and his defined jawline coming into view the way he angled his head up.

You forgot your gaze on him, thinking back to all the weeks and months that you spent here with him and everything that happened ever since then. As Erwin brought down his empty glass next to yours, his fair eyes swiveled to you.

"Everything still okay?"

"You want this too, right?" you asked him, before you could even think. You knew he worked hard for this plan to succeed, and he made it clear that he liked you, and yet, your constant overthinking, the barrage of what if questions never left you alone.

He looked at you, surprised, wondering how you were still doubting him. Maybe it was the alcohol that made his playful side shine a bit more, for he decided to humor you. Raising an eyebrow in amusement, he studied the wine glass in his hands, humming.

"I guess my flirting skills are in dire need of improvement if you still feel the need to ask me that."

For some reason you felt the need to apologize, and you knew it was silly the moment the words left your mouth, but he didn't let you, and went on:

"If I want this, too?" he said quietly, repeating your question. "How could I ever want this?"

Your heart sank for a minute, almost not believing what you were witnessing, before he took a step closer to you, continuing his charade:

"I'm merely being asked by the most brilliant woman I know to marry her. Oh, yes, I'm downright being forced against my will here," he grinned, stopping in front of you, while his hands came back to your waist. "However is poor little ol' me going to survive that?"

Your gaping quickly transformed into a firm line, before you lightly hit his chest, but still welcoming his hands on your waist.

"You scared me there for a minute!"

He broke out in laughter and bowed down to hug you closer to him; his hands coming under your thighs to lift you up. You squealed in joy and your arms circled themselves around his neck. Before you knew it, you were peering down at him, while he was carrying you in his arms, almost effortlessly.

You met his gaze, his eyes. They were gentle, appreciative. You never would have imagined that those distant, cold eyes back in City Hall could one day look at you like this. Then your eyes took their usual, by now almost familiar treck down his face and you would have felt somewhat guilty at your unashamed way of openly staring at him like this, if he currently wasn't doing the exact thing with you.

It didn't take long for your lips to find each other.

You tasted dark, deep wine, before you tasted him, but he was there, eagerly waiting for you. Your breathing changed, your heart picked up a different rhytm as you two engaged in a passionate kiss. Your grip on his shoulders and neck got stronger, digging into his skin, but he didn't seem to mind, not one bit, when you felt him do the same to your thighs. The action made you let out a quiet whimper into his mouth, one that shot excitement in him. You felt this in the way his kisses got more heated, more passionate, holding your frame to himself just a bit closer.

But as strong as he was, even he had his limits, and amidst all the excitement and everything else that you two went through today, it didn't surprise you when you started to feel him tremble. First, it was his arm around your waist, then the other one under your thighs, then his torso, and as hungry as his lips were, you knew he was slowly nearing his limit. Not wanting to cause him any more discomfort, you slowly seperated yourself from him and he took this as his cue to slowly set you down.

Before he could kiss you again, though, you took both of his hands and started slowly walking backwards. He watched you, desire begrudgingly giving place to curiosity, as you pulled him out of the kitchen and into the living room. At first he thought you were walking him to the sofa, but got surprised when he saw your legs change direction and walk to the staircase instead. Once you reached the lowest step, you glanced back at him. Your eyes, hooded and framed by alluring, dark lashes described him a thousand wishes and desires. He understood each and every one of them, before he let you pull him along.

Reaching your bedroom, you opened your door, your other hand still holding and pulling his arm, before you continued your journey to your bed.

Right at the foot of it, you heard him whisper. "Are you sure about this?"

Flashing him a teasing smile, you pulled him closer, whispering against his lips.

"We never did officiate our marriage did we? And there are no rules what we ought or not ought to do if we're both tipsy."

The tension between you two finally reached its peak.

"Touché," he whispered back; not wasting a minute to recapture your lips.

Notes:

Michael Scott The Office GIFfrom Michael Scott GIFs

Strap yourselves in folks, because next chapter is going to be steamy. At least, hopefully.
I am not sure how my smuts are going to fare, but I will try my very best to make it as sensual and intimate as possible 🙈

Listening to Lana Del Rey while writing this was the best idea I ever had.
- A

Chapter 18: Wine & Chocolate 2

Notes:

NSFW!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

You don't think your bedroom was ever this quiet before. In the midst of the palpable silence, every sound that you two emitted was perfectly perceived by your ears; every hum, every kiss and every rustle of your clothes.

Nerves buzzing with anticipation, your senses were ordered to stay alert and successfully navigate yourself trough something that was so very unfamiliar but so very exciting, too. But this, you realized with a shudder, was harder than originally anticipated. Even if your fingers were trembling with the need to be bolder, his presence, his cologne was enough to cloud your mind.

Erwin however didn't seem to have any such problem and immediately got to work. Puling you flush against him, your chest met his, and you already lost count of how many times you were admiring the sheer width and expanse of it. And now it was yours, he was yours and you could lay your head to rest on it, feel his heartbeat, touch it –

Realization made you falter. He sensed your hesitation, your lips slowly distancing from his, just to feel your dainty hands, so much smaller than his, slither to his pectorals. Opening his eyes, he glanced down and watched the way you focused on his chest, your mouth slightly agape and hands hesitantly brushing him up and down. An amused smile crossed his lips, but he remained silent, relishing in the way you sized him up.

The bedroom was mostly dark; only a sliver of light snuck in from downstairs. And that thin stripe somehow managed to struck you, shedding light on your plush lips, right eye, vulnerable neck and collarbone. He studied your features, like he did so many times before, relishing in the fact that now he did not have to restrain himself or glance away before you could catch him openly staring. Now he could look at you as much as he pleased. And so - overcome with admiration at the sight of you - one of his hands left your waist in order to raise your head by the chin.

You obeyed him, glancing up trough rows of dark lashes.

Meeting his gaze, you noticed the mirth lines around his eyes.

"Enjoying yourself?" he murmured, teasing. And any other time you would have snapped out of your trance, profusely blushed and stepped away. But now you held his gaze, and he noted the way your eyes were glazed over. One of his eyebrows slightly lifted at that. That expression on you made him suddenly realize that he's never really seen you like this before. How intriguing.

Your petals for lips shifted, ready to say something. And when you opened your mouth to reply, he held his breath, curiosity gnawing at him to hear what you had to say to him, now that you were standing at the threshold of something he couldn't wait to see the end of.

"You're just so... broad," you breathed in wonder, and your hands decided to expand their surveillance, switching to his arms, repeating the motion there. "Everything about you is..."

You did not finish your sentence, but the way your voice lowered to a deliciously sensuous alto was enough to rile him up. The fact that you studied him with so much more gusto then you did those presents back in the kitchen certainly didn't help matters. And he would have continued to take pleasure in the way you were observing him, realizing how much he loved this never before seen side of you, before getting reminded of something. He let your touches continue to turn bolder and firmer, all while carefully selecting his next words. Only to realize that there wasn't really any other way to ask the following. So, with a gentle exhale:

"Have you ever done this before?"

A whisper, formal and respectful, not having any adverse effect on the intimacy around you. Yet your movements stuttered somewhat, merely for a second, and even then, he might have just imagined it. What he wasn't imagining was the subtle shake of your head.

Not because you were ashamed, at least you didn't seem to be. You were merely too deep in the clutches of desire to feel shame. And as for his question...

You had your fair share of crushes and admirers during high school and university, but they never progressed past the 'holding hands' and 'giving out shy kisses after going to a movie' phase. And this formula was something that was most preferred, too, as anything beyond this would have quickly garnered you judgmental looks and mean whispers behind your back. Even before getting selected, you had to adhere to certain societal rules.

You saw Erwin nod.

"Are you scared?" he asked with another whisper, only to get the same shake of your head in return.

"No," you whispered back. "I'm with you after all," you added, eyes full of trust looking back at him, making his heart swell. Before he even realized it, those very eyes made him bend down and give you a slow kiss, before continuing.

"How about I give the reins to you and you decide what happens this evening?" he murmured against your lips. You stilled for a while, enjoying his proximity against your mouth, before humming your consent.

The very next moment, he felt your hands back on him, pulling him or more like turning him to direction of the bed. Before he could express his surprise at your vigor, the back of his knees hit the edge of the bed and with a soft thump he fell. He watched mesmerized as you bunched up your skirt and slowly crawled up to him.

Again, just from the little light that seeped in from the outside, he could discern a tiny speck of abashed expression on your features, but curiosity and lust were far more represented in your eyes. Unlike the stereotypical virginal girl, you settled on his hips, like you belonged there, and your hands immediately took to work, with utmost dedication to finish what they started. Beginning with his sweater.

It took him a while to process what you were doing, but when he did, he supported your ministration by raising his arms, the cloth coming off without any hiccups. After that, it wasn't long before he felt your little fingers again, unbuttoning his shirt underneath.

And as you were busy undressing him, he continued watching you, completely smitten. How very intriguing, indeed.

His hands came to rest on the sides of your thighs, giving them an experimental squeeze. You either didn't care or didn't notice, because you didn't flinch or do anything for that matter; too focused on the little ivory buttons in front of you, and more importantly, to the skin that they were giving way to.

Once you were done with them, you stopped in awe, taking in everything.

Even in the dim light, you could see the vast expanse of his trained stomach. As a matter of fact, the outside light source now switched to him, illuminating the planes of his abs, every little groove, dip and bump. Holding your breath, you tentatively touched him, your fingers softly gliding across them, making him shiver.

He didn't think this was possible, but right now you looked perfectly adorable yet alluring at the same time. He wanted to hoist you up and tightly hug you to himself, wrap his arms around you and hold you until dawn. Yet at the same time, he also wanted to kiss your lips until they were bruised, leave marks across your body and coax every kind of sound out of you with the mere force of his hips. Something similar must have gone trough your mind as well, when he got aware of your eyes on him, making him snap his attention away from your parted lips to your eyes. He's not sure how long you must have studied him, but he didn't even have much time to wonder about it, once you leaned down and reattached those very lips he's been ogling to his.

Your kiss was fiery, needy; plucking the air out of his lungs. Your hands decided to go on with your previous ministrations, caressing the muscled abdomen underneath you, and the blond took this as his cue to do the same. Inching his hands a little bit further north, he gave you another squeeze, right where your behind met your thighs. Like thunder after lightning, your quiet moan immediately followed, giving another spark to his desire for you.

The sounds of your breathing gradually turned to needy pants; yearning completely taking over your bodies. He was just about to send his fingers wandering further, feeling like you two were easing into this nicely, when you suddenly pulled away for the second time this evening. Opening his eyes, he saw you bow your head and position your forehead on his naked chest.

He heard you sigh and sensed the light tremble that zipped trough your body.

Slowly gulping, he repositioned his hands on your waist, and your skirt – that was already bunched around it – furled down. After giving you a moment to catch your breath, he quietly cleared his throat:

"What's wrong?"

He saw the way your shoulders rose before going down, sensed the hesitation that suddenly overtook you. After a pause, you replied.

"I'm suddenly not so sure what to do now...," you whispered against his skin, biting your lip. Then a quiet, uncomfortable giggle left your lips. "I'm sorry, Erwin. You told me you'd hand over the reins to me, but I'm afraid you'll have to show me how it's done after all."

Letting out a long exhale of relief, Erwin couldn't help but smile. If that's all there is to your sudden bashfulness, he'd gladly show you the ropes and more. Lowering his lips, he kissed the crown of your hair. "It'd be my utmost pleasure. Do tell me if you change your mind," he whispered back. You nodded against his chest.

And then you felt the world turn upside down.

It took you a few seconds to realize as to why, but the sight of Erwin hovering above you was enough for you to know that he flipped your positions around. Gone was the shameless and confident woman from before, the more you stared upwards at the shirtless blond, who placed both of his strong hands on either side of you. The man before you was pure muscle.

For a moment, you forgot that he was all yours, that you could actually touch all that was in front of you. Your eyes momentarily fled to the side, but before you could completely turn away from him, he lowered himself down and captured your lips, holding you in place.

His first kiss was slow, gentle, making you feel safe and cared for. Then a miniscule pause followed, before there was a second kiss, followed by a third. And so, slowly but surely, your fingers got emboldened again and sneaked upwards to his chest, to his shoulders and finally burrowing themselves into his hair. Silky, you noted to yourself.

Your fingers weren't the only one that got spurred on, you realized, when you felt a pair of his position themselves at the hem of your blouse. Your heart only thumped stronger when you felt them stop there.

Opening your eyes, you met his darkening ones. They were lidded, pupils blown out of their usual composed state, swallowing up the remainder of his blue irises. Your lips were still touching, brushing against each other, but his hands remained still. When you realized that he was asking for permission, you sent him a definitive nod, to which he straightened himself, sitting back on his haunches. His hands grabbed either side of your shirt and you sat up with outstretched arms to help him take it off of you.

At first, you didn't see anything, being blinded by the fabric sweeping across your eyes and forehead, before you were freed.

Looking up at him trough your eyelashes, you watched as he looked back at you, silent mesmerism joining his dark gaze. This in turn made you feel something peculiar, something weird, as heat pooled between your legs.

Erwin threw your blouse down to the floor. When he turned back to you, he was blessed with the sight of you and your hands slithering behind yourself. He watched the way you pushed out your chest, your inviting breasts still clad in a bra, just for the aforementioned garment to slowly, almost torturingly so, slip down with a click.

Erwin exhaled slowly trough his nose.

His eyes were wild, switching to every surface of your skin, eagerly lapping up the sight of you. Then, you felt one of his arms encircle your waist, while tenderly pushing you backwards, laying you down. You felt bashful yet curious, too; pride blooming inside you upon seeing his eyes still shift between your face, naked collarbone and chest.

"You're so gorgeous," he whispered, short of breath as he burrowed his face into the junction of your neck. He retracted his arm from under you, while his mouth began a long line of scorching hot kisses, starting at your clavicle. His firm chest pressed against yours while doing so, coaxing another sigh out of you. It was exhilarating, having him so close to you, and you made him aware of that, with your hands reaching around him and hugging his big form snug against your dewy skin. He appreciated your gesture with a groan of his own, and as if he was ordered to, swooped down with a swift movement and took one of your breasts into his mouth.

The surprise on your face went unnoticed in the dark, but the way your head lolled back into your pillow and the way you let out your first proper moan during the night was anything but. Erwin didn't look up, and he sure as hell didn't stop with his actions. But you knew how very pleased he was with you reaction, when you felt two of his hands come to your ribcage, lightly hoisting you up, right into his mouth. Your head remained on the pillow, loosely hanging back, lips left open at the sensation. It was warm, wet, smooth, eager and unlike anything you ever felt before.

He was rewarded with another erotic hum from you, when he switched over to the other side.

Your hands and fingers now felt the urge to do something as well, and so they lightly burrowed themselves into his pale skin, anchoring yourself to him. And Erwin seemed to be just as pleased with this as he was with your chest, if the low groans he was making was anything to go by.

And then and there, in your utter delirium, it hit you just how much you were enjoying this. Not just all the attention and the pleasuring that you were receiving from the blond, but the hushed whispers, the moans, the sighs, the dim light, the closure, his scent, his skin against yours – just everything.

So this is what it's like to be intimate with someone, you mused with flushed cheeks.

A whole another level from exchanging coy glances with boys and leaving behind hastily scribbled love notes.

But his lips against yours wasn't the only thing that you were slowly but surely getting aware of.

You didn't feel this the first few minutes you were on the bed with him, but sometime after you disrobed in front of him and he laid you back against the bed, you sensed him. Down there.

Feeling flattered and emboldened, your fingers slowly glided back around. First, to his chest, and then steadily making their way to his abdomen. The blond was either unaware of your advances or maybe he just didn't feel the need to acknowledge it, still busy with savoring every inch of your upped body, but stopped in his movements the more your fingers approached his belt. Then he slowly looked up, his bangs already messy and covering his forehead, dark blue eyes searching for yours in the dark.

You held his gaze, and even managed to put on a 'come hither' look, while continuing with your movements.

When at last, your hands made contact with the leather and metal clasp of his belt. Deft but steady, they unclasped it, almost teasingly. You could have sworn that Erwin stopped breathing, watching you with hawkish attention.

When his belt relented, his button and zipper followed. Then, your little fingers slipped under his waistband and it gave you such satisfaction to hear him shudder, when they slowly brushed against the hilt of his member.

His head came to rest against your neck with another shudder when your fingers decided to continue further south. Then, gently and ever so slowly, you grabbed him.

While his breathing picked up against your ear, you only looked up at the dark ceiling above you, past his shoulders, your mouth opening in slight surprise at the new sensation. It was warm, almost as if suffering from a fever, and thick and so eager. And when your fingers brushed against its tip, it was wet, sticky, easily sliding against the surface of your skin.

It was a comfortable weight in your palm, you realized, something you could get very much used to. Especially with the reactions you were pulling out of him with your caressing. Which now consisted of kissing, sucking, licking and biting; the shell of your ear, your neck, your collarbone, clavicle, shoulder, breast - every surface of skin he could reach, he claimed it, ardently marking you as his own.

Your hand and fingers decided to match his intensity and curled and pressed down harder, moved up and down just a tad bit faster.

That, however, made him stop with a gasp and pull himself up.

Bewildered, you could only peer up at him, watching him try to catch his breath, muscled arms almost shaking. Fearing that you might have done something wrong, you apologized, immediately retracting your hand. Erwin caught it before you could pull it to yourself and hastily shook his head.

"No, don't apologize. You did everything perfect," he whispered, his voice thick, hoarse and labored. "But if you continue like this, then I'll..."

His sentence was left hanging unfinished in the air. You were curious to know what he wanted to say, but instead you saw him lower himself back to you. His lips were on you once again, before:

"I can't believe you're really here. I'm still not convinced I'm not dreaming."

His deep voice would have lulled you to sleep, if not for the sudden movement on your side. In the dark you sensed his fingers swoop down the feminine curve of your waist, until it hit the edge of your underwear. Then, slowly, he moved it southwards and your arms shot up to his neck, waves from your earlier shy-spell returning.

Ever as attentive, Erwin immediately noticed the way your breathing picked up, the way your heart started thumping fiercely underneath him.

"Don't worry, darling," he whispered against your ear with a smile, his fingers opting to leave your underwear on you and instead move to it's front, slipping underneath the fabric. You sucked in a breath when he mimicked your movement from earlier, warm appendages coming to touch your most sensitive part, just when he managed to add, "I think you're going to like this."

And he was right.

Something akin to electricity zipped through your entire being, bending your torso in half, pushing your naked breasts against his firm chest even more. Your mouth came agape in a silent gasp, fingers burrowing themselves into his hair and nape, holding on for dear life. And the blond didn't mind, not one bit, as was apparent by the smile still snuggly lodged against the skin of your neck; his other arm swooping under your back, pulling you even closer to him.

You have never experienced anything like this before.

It was so much more different, so much more new than anything that you've ever done with a man. No passionate kiss or embrace could ever replace this. You never really wanted it to stop, as a matter of fact, you wanted it more and faster and -

Your loud breathing slowly but steadily turned into little gasps, matching the pace with which he was touching you, massaging your folds north and south and every other direction, too. Very soon, the lewd sounds of something wet could be heard in the dark, an obvious by-product of his ministrations. Not that either of you minded, quite the contrary: it spurred you on, lit your veins on fire.

It was somewhere around here when you started moaning again. At first they were quiet murmurs against the hot shell of his ear, before they progressed to more vocal ones, giving voice to your culminating desire, crying out his name, the names of any deity you could think of.

And just when you were about to reach something entirely unfamiliar, something, that even your hips were yearning for by thrusting upwards to meet his hand, Erwin pulled away.

You let out a long whine and he chuckled darkly somewhere above you.

"Not to worry, sweetheart, I won't leave you hanging."

You felt his fingers return to the side of your hips again, trying to find the band of your panties. And by the second time he attempted to remove them, he was unsurprised to find you eagerly cooperating. Hips lifting without a trace of hesitation, the offending, soiled garment left by following the delicious curves of your legs.

Now you lay completely bare before him.

Trough the half light you could discern his blue eyes as they swallowed you up.

Gone were the traces of abashment, as you opened your legs even more, offering yourself up to him. He remained sitting on his haunches for a few more seconds, trying to imprint the picture in front of him as much as he could, but his restraint ended the moment he heard you moan again. "Erwin," came the impatient sound from your thoroughly kissed lips, and so with a shudder, he bent down and claimed your mouth for the umpteenth time that day, suddenly very hungry and territorial.

You really were here, before him, all his.

You welcomed him with your arms snaking back to his neck, tugging at his hair, loving the new vigor with which he devoured you.

Alas, your impatience was still a very obvious guest in the bedroom and it wasn't about to be satisfied with just passionate kisses and eager touches.

So when you felt the blond slow down with his lips and something gently poking you down there, you knew what was about to happen. Opening your eyes, you met his gaze.

He saw the question in your eyes, the one that every woman wonders to herself whenever she finds herself in such an intimate moment for the first time in her life. Right behind your pretty lashes lay warnings and well-intended conversations from the past, long ago, from a time when you were just in the midst of turning from a girl into a woman.

Erwin gave you one more slow kiss, sweet and heavy like honey.

"I'll stop the minute you tell me to," he breathed.

There was no way he could predict if it would hurt or not, everyone was different. What he could promise you - and would always promise you - is that he will take the utmost care of you. You nodded back, understanding what he meant.

And thus, he guided himself to your entrance. His tip, which you knew was hot from the very beginning, felt paradoxically cold against your heated skin, making you elicit a quiet hiss. You sensed the blond checking if you were all right, but after seeing you nod, telling him you're okay, he ventured on. Slowly.

At first, you only felt something foreign enter you for a few inches. But instead of going all the way in, Erwin let you get accustomed to the feeling, and pulled himself back.
You let out an exhale, when he repeated the motion, biting your lip at the way he made you feel. Arms sliding down his arms, you gave him a gentle squeeze.

"Are you all right?" he asked, to which you hastily nodded.

"You can go deeper," you whispered back.

He didn't move at first. Instead, his hands came to rest on your hips, to get a better grip on you, before re-entering, this time deeper.

You gasped quietly, all thought not from pain. Your hands went back to his neck to grip him back, and Erwin lowered his head in the junction of your neck and shoulder, trying to steady his hips. The foreign sensation from before started to prickle, as if something deep inside you was trying to repeatedly pierce you with a needle. Nonetheless, even then, it wasn't really something that outright hurt you. It was just something that stretched you out, explored a never before seen territory, pulled those muscles deep down to new directions.

Letting yourself relax, you welcomed this new feeling with more and more thirst.

Your head came to turn to your side, your plush lips making contact with the shell of Erwin's ear, huffing and panting your appreciation of him in there. He in turn gave you gentle love bites, folds of your skin edged between two perfect rows of white teeth, making you sigh even more.

And as time went by and he realized that you were getting braver and bolder, your hips coming to meet his, just like they did before with his fingers, he released your skin, gripped your waist just a tad bit more secure. And then snapped himself back with the hardest trust he has done up until now.

You rewarded him with a gasp of pleasure, followed by a moan of his name.

Repeating the motion a few more times, he had the utmost pleasure to witness something he wasn't even sure he could dream of. In the dim light he saw the way your arms fell from his neck and instead came to rest beside your head, grabbing a fistful of the duvet underneath you, steadying yourself against his relentless thrusts.

Your skin was flushed a lovely pink, from your cheeks until your chest; your full breasts heaving and bouncing with every move of his. Your stomach contracted with every breath you took, his hands and fingers leaving pretty pink bruises at your waist. His eyes then wandered further and watched the very point where you and him connected.

A low groan escaped him at the sight of that, at the sight of you, the way you swallowed him up, took him in your warmth.

And he would have loved to voice his opinion of the way you looked right now, so very perfect underneath him, if he weren't so deep in the clutches of lust, animalistic urges getting the better of him.

As for you, you couldn't even think of anything at that moment. All you could do was experience and exist, brain completely void of any coherent thought, besides how good it felt, how good he felt. No book or magazine or pamphlet, no friend, no parent or supervisor could ever prepare you for something so wonderful.

Eyes still squeezed shut, you suddenly knocked your head back, your body forming a perfect arch.

"Ah, I'm - "

Overwhelmed, wound up, reaching your limit? You didn't know either, but you did know that even despite your unexperienced self, you were getting close to something that was more than just the end of your fun. Erwin heard you loud and clear, he himself looking like he was about to get to that very end that you were, breathing, panting heavily, hair completely hanging into his forehead by now, throwing a shadow over his lust-filled eyes.

Then, you cried out, small and whimpering, your hands violently twisting the covers. This is heaven, you thought to yourself, completely flushed and absentminded, eyes open yet unable to see anything but white.

Lying back limp and completely spent, the blond above soon joined you after a few more powerful thrusts of his own. And even though he was just as fucked out as you were, he still took great care to carefully lay himself down next to you, minding your soft form underneath him.

As he did so, he heard your ragged breathing, still panting fiercely. Fascinated by your utterly ravished and post-orgasmic look, he turned to his side, an arm coming up to rest his head on and watched you trying to catch your bearing. When your breasts, all perky and flushed, started to slow down with their heaving, and your hands unfurled the fabric underneath, you blinked a few times. He watched as your tired eyes slid over to him, full of wonder.

"How are you?" he murmured.

You breathed in once and twice, before reaching up to him and giving him a slow, sensuous kiss as an answer. His other hand immediately found itself to your ribcage, turning you on your side, closer to him. You separated with a quiet smack.

"That was...," you breathed against his lips, eyes zig-zagging from his eyes back to his lips. Erwin laughed quietly.

"I take it you enjoyed it."

You held his stare, biting your lip, before nodding a few times. Still, he went on.

"Nothing aches then?" he asked, his fingers brushing along your curves, down to the meat of your behind, before gliding back up your spine, making your shiver against him.

No, you did not ache. At least, not right now you didn't. You weren't sure you wouldn't sometime later. It was a completely new experience down there, after all...
You told him as much, and he hummed back in the dark.

"Tell me if you feel anything. Tell me everything."

"Okay," you whispered, elated, feeling completely taken care of.

Then, he lay back on his back and his arm dragged you along with him, landing you on top of him. The covers underneath you rustled with your movements, only stopping when you were both embracing each other. Erwin buried his nose into your hair and inhaled, deep and long.

What a comfortable weight you were in his arms, he realized. So much so that he wasn't sure he'd want to go on with his daily routine without this. He'd feel like a spoiled child that got denied candy after misbehaving.

But there was no reason to dwell on this, was there? You weren't going anywhere, you were his, and soon you'd leave this life behind with him and start a new one outside the walls. At that thought, his arms instinctively closed further around you, caging you in.

Only when he sensed your breathing slow down did he dare to shut his eyes.

Notes:

And here it is - it finally happened!
I'm so sorry for the long wait (almost 2 months, whew), but I really wanted this chapter to be perfect (or at least decent), and I'm so awkward when it comes to smut :( (I know, how ironic that I love writing romance, but struggle with NSFW content). SO because of that I kept putting off writing this chapter, but then finally forced myself to sit down and finish it.

I hope it is somewhat okay, as said before, it's not really my forte. I salute everyone who's able to write them, haha, teach me your ways!

- A

Chapter 19: Wine & Chocolate 3

Chapter Text

This is what it must be like to be submerged in honey, passed trough your mind, as you stirred awake, not opening your eyes. You did not want to; even made the conscious decision to press your eyelids as close together as possible. Relished in the warmth, the pleasant ache in your lower body, your lazy limbs - and most importantly - that strong and sturdy arm around your midsection. You were aware this wasn't a dream - even if it felt like one, ultimately making you want to fall back asleep, so you could continue it.

Alas, the call of nature was beckoning you and you could only ignore her for so long.

Thus, with eyes reluctantly opening, you blearily blinked in the dim light.

It took you a few moments to take in your surrounding: the curtains that failed to keep out every gray light, the corner of your bed, the outlines of the furnitures closest to the window. But most importantly to the very obvious presence behind you.

Carefully rotating your head to the other side, your forehead was immediately met with wisps of messy, blond hair and a chiseled face burrowing itself into the pillow beneath it. A well defined, naked shoulder followed and ended in the muscled arm that was currently gripping onto your waist.

You watched Erwin sleep, finding it amazing that a man of his size could sleep so silently. Aside from his eyes being closed, the only other sign of him resting was the deep but almost inaudible breaths that he was taking trough his nose. He was out like a log, somewhere far away in his distant dreamland. It made you smile, biting your lips in giddy excitement.

You let your eyes linger on for more; admired the tranquil expression on his face. Noted the few blond eyelashes that merged with his other darker ones, all of them brushing against his masculine cheekbones. Something warm and pleasant welled up in your heart at the discovery; wondering how he could look so intimidating most times, yet still retain remnants of his boyish charm, carefully hiding away those parts in his hair, his grin or even his eyelashes.

Pulling the covers aside, you got ahold of his arm and gingerly put it aside, before tip-toeing into the adjacent bathroom.

After being done with your business, you emerged with a shiver.

Wrapping your hands around yourself, your arms tried to smooth out your goosebumps. And while your nude state served as an obvious explanation for their presence, you couldn't help but glance to the darkened windows.

And as you did, something in you compelled you to go there and take a look outside.

So as you were about to round the bed and crawl back to your lover, you obeyed your inner voice and pulled the curtains aside.

At that, a quiet gasp of wonder escaped you.

Everything outside was covered in a thick blanket of snow.

The crystalline element mercilessly conquered every inch it could. The roofs and trees were supporting layers and layers of the flakes, while the garden accumulated quite an impressive number of small hills and bumps. Not one footstep tarnished the white ground outside and the mere possibility that you might be among the first ones to witness this picturesque, almost otherworldly landscape gave you quite the thrill.

It shouldn't have surprised you this much - it was late autumn, after all. Still, even after seconds have passed, you were rooted to your place, completely mesmerized, not really trusting your eyes.

Winter, you realized dreamily, was a force that could render even the artificial suburbs of Mitras into something breathtaking.

Your warm breath fogged up the window and you were mildly aware of your goosebumps returning (the cold windowpane not helping matters, either), all while failing to pick up the approaching steps behind you.

You twitched lightly when two thick arms encircled you from behind.

"Good Morning," a gruff, familiar voice murmured behind you, turning your previous goosebumps into a different sort. As you said good morning back, Erwin lazily swooped down to lay a gentle kiss on your shoulder.

"Did I wake you?" you whispered to him, as if afraid that raising your voice would melt all the snow outside. He shook his head. "Was about to wake up, too."

You hummed, raising one of your hands to brush against his cheek, which he eagerly accepted.

"Look how beautiful everything looks," you murmured, expressing your open appreciation for the season that decided to appear. You felt the way Erwin raised his head and looked outside.

"Do you like the snow?"

"I love it," you breathed after a pause. "It's like the world starts fresh anew. Nature's tabula rasa. It's the most perfect time for contemplation."

When you didn't exactly feel him match your enthusiasm, you quirked an eyebrow with a smile.

"I gather you're not that big of a fan?"

He smiled. "I'm okay with it. It's the shoveling I'm not so fond of," he remarked, making you chuckle.

"Oh, I wouldn't know. That's what husbands are for," you teased him while turning your head and pressing a kiss to his cheek. He laughed along, before, with a subdued tone, he asked: "How do you feel?"

You leaned back into his chest with a satisfied sigh. "Good. Really good."

"Nothing aches?"

You winced a little. You would be lying if you didn't feel a little sore down there, but you wouldn't outright say that it hurt. "Just a tiny bit," you confessed at last.

He buried his nose into you hair, inhaling. "I hope I wasn't too rough with you yesterday."

"Oh, no," came your immediate reassurance. "You weren't. You were amazing."

"As were you."

"Was I?" you asked, surprise tilting your tone upwards. He hummed in approval.

"You were perfect."

That was all it took to jump start your reminiscence of yesterday's happenings. Neither of you said it, but it was obvious that you were both thinking about it. And the more you let your memories linger around your lovemaking, the more excited you were becoming.

It suddenly wasn't really that cold in the bedroom anymore. Despite that – or maybe because of that - you did not resist Erwin when his hands began to turn adventurous.

Thereafter, it was only a matter of minutes, before you let go of the curtain to completely turn around and smash your lips against his. And even less then that to end up on the bed again.

You exhaled at his eagerness that rivaled that of yesterday.

"Erwin," you gasped, when his fingers made contact with your sensitive folds again.

"You gave me quite a scare this morning," he whispered harshly, voice shaky from anticipation. "I woke up and you weren't next to me. For a second I thought I dreamt the whole thing."

A heated kiss, followed by a harsh tug at your lower lip.

"And then I look to the window and there you are, standing all naked and tempting. Do you even know what you're doing to me?"

You had some guesses as you felt him perk up against your quivering thigh.

A flirty laugh was all he got as a response. A feeling akin to mischief got ahold of you for having such an effect on him. But your coquettish smile was soon replaced by parted lips, as your pulse quickened at his continuous touch.

"You sure you're not too sore?"

"No," you gasped, when he slowly inserted one of his fingers. "Just keep going."

And that he did. Gone was the uncertainty, the shabby choreography of first sex, the awkward pauses. Like a well-oiled machine, he slid against you, arms gripping you much more firmly, before entering you.

It was maddening. The fact that it was freezing outside, while you were here in his arms, safe, secure, taken care of. It only heightened the intimate moment: the fact that while everyone else was already about to wake up, start their usual routine, shovel their driveway, you two were here, lazing around and shamelessly making love.

And it was just as exhilarating as the first time.

Shallow pants from the both of you echoed around the bedroom as you lay next to each other. Turning to face him, you exhaled, pleased and satisfied, before scooting closer to him. He immediately welcomed you in his arms.

Pressing your cheek against his pectoral, you shut your eyes, listening to his heartbeat. Your head rose with every slow inhale Erwin took. That, and the fatigue that was catching up with you from before, were subtly lulling you back to sleep.

Your own fingers started a dance on their own, caressing him; taking joy in the feel of the peachy skin and fine blonde hair that dusted his arms, navel and chest. His breathing slowed down and you knew he appreciated your touch when he practically purred upon your treatment.

The bedroom was lighter by now, you realized, when you glanced around and realized how much you could detect from your environment. And the man underneath you.

Refocusing your attention to him, you studied his physique, head still patiently situated on his chest.

There was never any doubt that he had a nice body. You knew this from the moment you first saw him; noticed the way his clothes fit him, the way they were indicating to the trained statue underneath. And even if any uncertainties remained pertaining that, they were quickly shut down when you accidentally walked in on him that one time.

But now, with the sufficient light inside the room and him laying bare underneath you, did you actually come to fully appreciate him. All your musings about his build made you remember a question, that quite frankly, resurfaced on your tongue time and time again, but you were too scared and shy to ask him before. It would have been wildly inappropriate, too, not to mention that you would have basically confessed to him that you were looking at him in that way. However, now ...

Calling his name, he hummed back, signifying his attention.

"How are you so muscular?"

You didn't have to look up to know that your question surprised him. He shifted in his place a bit.

"I uh," he started, "I did rowing back in university."

"Really?"

"Yeah...," he sighed, and you just knew that he was on the brink of nostalgia, as memories from his younger days started flashing before his eyes like bright flashcards. "I was actually captain of my team."

Your response was an immediate, warm chuckle. "Why am I not surprised?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you do seem like the leader type."

He grinned. "Well, I was a really lousy one then. We competed against other teams from rival universities, but never really brought home any significant medals. Made it to maybe one or two regional championships, but could never participate in any big regattas. Small victories were all we had going for ourselves."

He then paused, thoughtfully. "Still, I never regretted being apart of that team. Everything my friends and I went trough during those years, every training we did together was worth more than any race that we could 've ever won. Team spirit really forged us closer. It also helped me trough a lot of bad periods in my life. No matter what I was going trough, everything felt right the moment I had my oars in my hand. I could completely unwind, clear my mind, not think about anything and just focus on the repetitive motions until my arms couldn't take it anymore."

You listened to his monologue with your eyes closed; enjoying the wistful tone his voice took on, his gentle heartbeat thumping underneath you. All the while, you were keenly aware of the tender track his fingers began on your back; mapping the naked skin from your waist to your shoulder. You turned putty at that.

Trying to will down any reaction his ministrations caused, your next question soon followed.

"Is that where you first met Mike and Levi?"

"Well, yes and no," Erwin replied. "Mike was my teammate, but I'm sure Levi would have rather let himself dissolve in bleach, than sit between buff, sweaty men and row in the sweltering heat for hours."

You shared a laugh, being able to imagine the exact scowl that would mar the man's face now that you've met him.

"Not that I didn't try to convince him – Oh, the Walls know I tried. He might not look like it at first glance, but he's very strong and his endurance is almost frightening. He would have been perfect for our team. I believe we would have bagged ourselves significantly more victories with him on our side."

You didn't really need any convincing of his strength. Just meeting him once was enough to make you realize that he was not the sort to trifle with.

"So how did you first meet him then?"

Erwin grew quiet for a bit.

"We shared some classes together in Trost. We didn't immediately get to know each other; I mostly knew him by sight. A cordial nod in the hallway or campus was the only interaction I had with him. He avoided social gatherings like the plague, always kept to himself, never made any effort to blend in. People started to get intimidated by his standoffish ways, which also didn't help the budding rumors about him... That he was a criminal, a hoodlum with a rather questionable background."

A sigh rattled his chest. "All I knew was that he had a very difficult upbringing. And while a criminal lifestyle is often a companion to people who don't have it easy, I also knew that people were only badmouthing Levi, because they envied him. He got one of the best marks in our year; breezed trough exams like they were nothing, always knew the answer to any question the professors asked. This, coupled with his aloof attitude, made him look rather arrogant."

His voice then turned melancholy.

"Then one day a huge fight broke out on campus. I was actually nearby when I noticed people around me getting excited and start running somewhere. I usually tried to stay out of university drama, but a fight sounded serious enough, so I went to see if I could break it off. Something in me just ordered me to go and stop it."

"I was baffled to see Levi when I arrived. He was surrounded by three other guys, all of them taller and more muscular than him. And yet, he beat them to a bloody pulp as if they were nothing."

"Wait a minute," you breathed. Something from your past memories sluggishly stirred awake. "I heard about this fight. About a guy who fought three other students and won."

You were in your dorm room at that time, reading a trashy magazine on your bed, when your roommates excitedly barged in and told you all about it.

"So that was him?" you half-asked, half-stated, never being able to have imagined that one day you'd be conducting business with that mysterious fighter. "That was Levi?"

You sensed him nod.

"I stepped in and pushed back one of the guys that was still trying to have a go at Levi. He could hardly stand, his eye was swollen, there was blood dripping from his nose, but he was still chock full of rage. I remember being so confused while looking at him, wondering what on Earth Levi might have done to make him so angry. I didn't find out immediately, as one of the facility members decided to arrive at that time. When he told the crowd that he notified the vice-chancellor about this, everyone immediately dispersed."

"What happened after that?"

"Everyone involved in the fight got a long talk in the principal's office. For some reason, Levi got a harsher punishment then the others and an academic suspension for a whole semester. I knew he was getting financial aid and that he would have stopped receiving that if he got suspended, so I talked to the chancellor and convinced him to let him stay."

A bittersweet smile involuntarily appeared on your lips. "Is that how you kickstarted your law career?"

Erwin chuckled quietly. "I guess so." Then, more serious.

"One day he came up to me after I was already about to leave the main building and curtly but politely thanked me for my help. Both for stepping in during the fight and for talking to the chancellor."

"He didn't immediately tell me why the fight broke out and I never pried. It wasn't my business, after all. I just knew that he was one of the smartest and most even-tempered people I have ever known and that he most likely had very good reason to fight so fiercely."

He sighed.

"Well, turns out I was right. Almost a year after that incident, he invited me to eat lunch with him. By this time we were well acquainted, but I suppose we still wouldn't have referred to each other as friends. Of course I agreed and I didn't notice anything weird about him. But then, after being finished with our food, he suddenly started opening up."

Erwin sensed the slight, confused turn of your head. It was extremely subtle, with you not even having noticed that you did it. So you were quite surprised when you suddenly heard him laugh somewhere above you. Glancing his way, you quirked an eyebrow.

"What? What's so funny?"

"Hard to imagine, right? Levi suddenly talking about sensitive matters like that."

Mouth pressing into a thin line, your response tiptoed on eggshells. "I mean... he doesn't really strike me as someone who would."

"He doesn't... I can count on three fingers how often he did that. Well, anyway," he started, the mirth from his voice politely leaving.

"He decided that lunch would be the ideal time to do that. So he told me about how those guys started insulting and provoking him. They were jealous, because Levi managed to bag himself a scholarship that would have helped him cover tuition and living costs. And at first, he took it all in stride, not really bothering to entertain them. Even when they were starting to get loud and causing a scene, he mostly shot them a withering look and was about to turn around and leave. But then the ringleader said something that made him halt in his tracks: that he should stop putting on airs and think so highly of himself, especially because his mother was a lowly prostitute. They started calling him a son of a bitch, putting emphasis on the word. In an instant, he was in front of them - and that's when things turned ugly."

You listened to him with rapt attention, compassion blooming in your chest for the man.

"Oh," you whispered, concern lacing your voice for a young adult Levi that had to endure such horrible bullying. Erwin sighed once again, his breath hitting the strands on the top of your hair.

"Do you know what really got to me in all of this, though? What really stuck with me? The expression that he had on his face, when he stared ahead, somewhere really far away and then informed me, with the quietest voice I have ever heard him speak, that the bully was right: his mother really was a prostitute. I guess he was maybe expecting that I would make fun of him or start judging him, but I remained silent. That's when he started to talk about her."

"How she was named Kuchel and how she was the kindest, sweetest woman in this godforsaken world. How much she strived to give him a better life, even at the expense of hers, how much she tried to keep her profession a secret, wanting to shield him from this part of her life. I only listened, stunned but also extremely flattered that he was willing to open up to me like this. I never to this day heard him talk so much."

A little pause followed. "After that we just sat there in silence. I remember it was late May and we were mostly done with our exams, looking forward for our summer break. Still, I didn't want to let his long confession remain unanswered, and told him what I think: that his mother was an admirable woman for going trough all of that. There was no doubt about how much she must have loved him."

"He didn't say anything, only kept staring ahead of him. But I knew and sensed that he was extremely grateful for those words."

Another pang of sorrow could be felt in your chest.

"After that, we were pretty much inseparable, safe for the last few years due to our worklife. But even then, we still kept in contact trough encrypted messages. He never told me he's gonna show up yesterday, though. Mike must have informed him."

Another question emerged, after realizing that you knew what Erwin and Mike were doing, but having no clue when it came to Levi. Upon asking Erwin, he hummed quietly, but you could hear him smile into your hair. "Will you promise not to change your opinion about him if I tell you?"

You blinked, confused. That only increased your attention. But you promised him, albeit not without slight hesitation.

"He has dealings in the Underground."

Mouth opening, you placed both of your hands on his chest to slightly raise yourself. He looked back at you, blinking in surprise.

"The Underground? Really?" you whispered to him, to which he nodded. Gaze then slipping away, you contemplated telling Erwin about your escape plan into the Underground.

You were somewhat wary of what he would say to that, but he listened to you, gifting you all his attention when you detailed what you were planning to do. He didn't get angry or even sad after you were finished, quite the opposite – he laughed.

Staring, you could only watch, before he flashed you a mischievous grin and keeled over. With a quiet yelp, you followed him, thick arms immediately caging you to him.

"Was I really such a bad husband that you would have rather escaped to the Underground then be with me?" he asked, laughter not dying down. "Ah, you wound me."

In his embrace, you whined. "Oh, shut up, you were a complete stranger to me."

His laughter died down to a chuckle, before he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. "I know, I know – I'm just teasing you, love."

Without being aware of it, a happy sigh escaped you at the term of endearment.

"Oh, so you like being called that?" he murmured, smooth lips moving to the space between your eyebrows. "Good. I have many more up my sleeves."

"You are so corny."

He kept smiling. You caught his gaze switch to your lips from the corner of your eye, and you pulled away when you saw him chase after them.

"No, I still have questions," you whispered.

"Am I being interrogated here?" he whispered back, good humored.

"Wasn't that obvious from the get-go?"

He laughed. "Ask away. What would you love to know more about, sweetheart?"

Smiling back, you posed it.

"Mike said yesterday that he owes you his life. What did he mean by that? Who else did you sweet-talk into looking the other way?"

Grinning back, he answered without a pause. "A judge."

Your eyebrows shot up to your hairline. "Excuse me?"

With his laugh returning, he found the flabbergasted expression on your face both amusing and adorable.

"You heard me. A few years back he got into a really nasty situation. One of his trips to the other circle went wrong and he needed me to bail him out. He called me one night, frantic and anxious, asking me to help him. Of course I immediately obliged. I pulled some strings, had a gruelingly long talk with a judge at the courthouse and asked him to sweep the matter over. Only a handful of people knew about it, but it got never reported and no one else ever heard about the incident; the story was shut down before it could get out."

"I see," you replied, still digesting the barrage of information that headed your way this day.

"And what did you have to do in exchange for that?"

"Oh, me," he repeated, absentminded. "Nothing special: paid a hefty sum."

"You know," you started, raising one eyebrow. "You're quite the corrupt individual despite being a man of law."

"I am, aren't I?" he echoed back and a flash of hurt was seen across his face. Raising your hand to his cheek, you hastily clarified. "I'm sorry, I was just trying to tease and it backfired. It was a stupid joke."

He smiled sadly. "Nothing you said was false."

Holding his gaze, you snuggled closer to him, giving him your own kiss on his forehead.

"Erwin, everything you did was for a good cause. It was necessary evil."

He nodded, but the sorrowful expression stubbornly remained.

After a short pause, he also opened his mouth.

"If we're in the middle of an interrogation, I hope you're also fine with me posing you a question?"

A bit taken aback, you nodded, not knowing what on Earth he might want to ask you. He seemed to struggle with it too, if his Adam's apple was anything to go by.

"What did you mean when you said that you were ready for a sacrifice if it ensured that Hannah would get out of Eldia?"

Oh. That.

Momentarily closing your eyes, you sighed.

"If there's no secure way for her to get out of here... then I'm willing to give up my seat. Maybe I could go later? Would they notice the same car passing by twice? I'd have to ask Mike about that."

"There's no need for that," came the immediate reply from Erwin. And while he intended his message to be soothing, you couldn't help but pick up the edge from his voice. He did not like the idea one bit.

A tepid smile crossed your lips, which then gradually turned into a frown.

"We didn't get any new message from them ever since that postcard, did we?"

He shook his head. "Not that I know of. Did you see anything?"

"No, nothing."

At that, you made a mental note to read through the columns of today's Mitras Daily. That is, if the paper boy didn't get buried by that avalanche of a weather out there. You also fleetingly wondered if the snow hasn't already damaged the paper.

"I still don't know how to tell her what happened to Franz. Especially because we don't know either. Or maybe she already knows somehow? Is there a chance that Hange and Moblit would know more than us?"

"Very unlikely. They live in their own world, not really bothered by what's happening in the Capital. I'm also quietly looking into it, but it's hard to do that without arousing suspicion."

A kiss landed on the top of your head. "But we'll burn that bridge when we get there. For now we should only focus on getting out Hannah."

"But what if we could also smuggle out Franz?"

Erwin stayed still, holding your gaze. His features were passive enough, but the sorrowful way his eyes looked told you enough about what you were already suspecting yourself.

"You think he - ?"

"Maybe they were lenient enough to only jail him. But," he sighed, the joyous aura from before long gone. "I also wouldn't be surprised if he's not alive anymore. From what we know of, he assaulted a person of authority. That is a very serious offense. Especially if he did that to someone who's overseeing the Program."

Dread shot down your spine. Oh, no. Poor Hannah.

Sensing your fright, he hugged you closer.

"This is exactly why we have to leave this place," he added lastly.

Thinking back to all the tragic backgrounds, mishaps and life changing events that plagued the people closest to you two, you realized, albeit not for the first time, how lucky you really were.

This is the last thing that echoed in your mind as you were snuggling the blond, his comfort, scent and body rocking you back to sleep, shielding you from everything that is wrong in the world.

So very lucky.

Chapter 20: Contemplations

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The doorbell cried out with a long, chiming ring.

It was clear, straight to the point, obviously there to garner the attention of whoever was home.

It fell on deaf ears, however.

Still in the realms of dreams, to you it was a dull, barely audible noise; one, that you weren't even sure actually existed.

Surely it was just a figment of your imagination, your sense of logic reasoned. You never had any guests over, and while the weather outside was an absolute feast for autumn-weary eyes, it was also rather unwelcoming for a casual stroll. Your ears must have played a trick on you; a simple case of paracusia.

Though you also couldn't deny the part of you, that simply loathed the idea to leave your cocoon of soft pillows and blankets to wander outside and see for yourself. You're only human. If it really was real and someone wanted you to greet them, they would -

The doorbell rang again.

A rather strange mish-mash of a groan and a sigh escaped you. Having no other excuse to stay, you sat up, groggy and sluggish. A few blinks and an eyerub later, you noted your bedroom, with all your furniture in tact and nothing amiss.

A shuffling sound from beside you manifested itself into Erwin following suit. Searching his face for any signs of annoyance, you were instead met with his familiar sleep-tousled hair and calm nonchalance. Sharing a look with him, he shrugged and got up. You watched him put on some underwear, pants and a shirt, as you stretched with your arms high above your head. Then you shrugged on your bathrobe and followed him downstairs.

Upon the third ring, Erwin reached the door, your form closely hovering behind him, only to discover a very warmly dressed Mrs. Reeves standing there. The small woman was huddled in layers and layers of fabric, her outerwear almost swallowing her whole, yet it seemingly did nothing to keep her warm, as she kept trembling on your porch.

And while you never once thought of Mrs. Reeves as adorable, you couldn't help but think so now, when you noticed the headscarf she decided to don this fine, wintery morning. It made her look every bit of a babushka and the sight made you suppress a smile.

"Good Morning, Mrs. Reeves," greeted Erwin, politely but reserved. "How may we help you?"

"Good Morning, Mr. and Mrs. Smith," said the old woman, her teeth chattering with the cold. "I'm awfully sorry to bother you in this blasted weather, but my lane has been completely snowed in and I simply can't shovel it away. Why, I could hardly leave my house to get to yours! I was close to just turn around and shut myself in until it all melts away, but of course that's impossible. Might I ask you to do it for me, please?"

Looking past the two, you saw that your lane wasn't faring any better. The footsteps of Mr. Reeves could be discerned and the imprints were so deep, you could see just how thick the layer of snow outside really was. The Rhododendron bushes on each side were completely covered in snow, too, making them appear as if they were merely big blobs of white.

"But of course, Mrs. Reeves," agreed Erwin, polite as always, making the old woman clasp her mittened hands in gratitude.

She thanked you both a thousand times, before turning around and scurrying back to her warm abode, as fast as her legs and the elements outside could allow her.

Erwin then closed the door and walked to the living room to properly dress himself for the task at hand. You lingered in his proximity for a while and made a mental note to carry his wardrobe to the bedroom. Then you slipped into the kitchen to fix yourself a cup of coffee. Once it was already warm and steaming in your hand, you caught him going outside with a shovel that he most probably retrieved from the storage. The entrance door opening and closing signaled his departure.

The house went quiet. You stood there, momentarily closing your eyes, enjoying the way the beverage in your hand warmed your hands. You listened to the clock on the wall, the whisper of your robe whenever you moved, and soon enough, to the distinctive sound of snow being shoveled outside. You hummed, content.

It felt good, it felt right.

The past two days were filled with so many blissful moments, they actually managed to bring you a sense of normality into your life. It felt like you finally had some agency and control over the things happening around you. It was addictive, too, for you can't quite remember the last time you felt this excited. For the first time in a long time you were actually looking forward to the future.

So when you opened your eyes and met your own reflection in your coffee, realization dawned upon you, that you were pleased. Happy, even.

You were happy with how things were going right now. You enjoyed living here, in domestic bliss, doing your day-to-day routine. The house was beautiful, fully furnished, perfectly equipped to cater to your every need, and while the neighborhood was somewhat strange, not even seemed that noisy or scary anymore.

You took your first sip, unaware of the direction your thoughts were heading to. As if all the hardships from the past months never transpired, as if everything that happened to you up until now wasn't even that bad and you were just overreacting-

Flinching, you brought the cup away from your mouth. The fast motion caused a few, dark drops to land on the tiled floor underneath you, while a stinging feeling, hot and cruel, gleefully spread across your tongue. You hissed, then pressed the burned organ to the roof of your mouth, all the while trying to steady yourself against the kitchen counter.

Have you completely lost your mind? Do you even hear yourself?

You did, albeit belatedly, though the feelings of panic and shame were eager to set your derailing thoughts straight. Turning around, you set the cup aside and grabbed a roll of paper towel. With more force than necessary, you quickly tore off some pieces, before bending down and wiping away the runaway drops of coffee from the ground.

No, that's not it, you countered, as you rose to throw away the drenched tissues.

You felt in control, now that you were apart of a plan, a whole operation. And it was easy to feel that way, as if you had the upper hand over everyone else around you, especially the ones involved in the Program, because you saw the light at the end of the tunnel for your dilemma. It made you tipsy with power.

Having said that, it was no easy thing to calm yourself down. Because you just seriously entertained the idea to stay here with Erwin.

Adjusting your bathrobe, you quickly left the kitchen and entered the living room, desperate to look for some sort of a distraction. Your eyes landed on the small fireplace by the window and it didn't take long to figure out what to do next.

Making your way to the basement, you looked around and found exactly what you remembered to have seen back in August. There, in the corner, was an unmistakable heap of wood laying around. Grabbing a few pieces of firewood, you hoisted them under your arm and walked back to the living room.

The match in your hand gave out a pleasantly sizzling sound and it almost instantly lit wood and paper on fire. You remained in front of the hearth, partly to tend to the fire, partly to admire the slowly kindling blaze in front of you. It took a few good minutes until it was actually crackling and burning and you hummed again, once the warmth from the fire was adequately warming up the living room.

That feeling of bliss was returning.

After that, you returned to the kitchen again.

You stepped to the small window and glanced outside. You caught Erwin and noticed how much of the pathway he already cleared up. Eyes softening, you remained there, admiring the way his strong arms and back moved under his coat, before rolling up your sleeves and getting to work yourself.

An hour or so later, the entrance door opened again. As Erwin stepped inside your house, with snow sticking to his shoes and pants in big clumps, the sound of something sizzling hit his ears. Shrugging off his coat and leaving his shoes by the entry, he followed the sound to it's source.

He found you in the kitchen, standing in front of the stovetop, stirring something.

Leaning against the wall, he stilled and let his eyes take in the sight of you.

You looked lovely as always, and while your usual apron was an appealing sight, that robe on you right now was downright enticing. What relief it is, that you can only wear it at home, he thought to himself a little selfishly.

Feeling the weight of his gaze on your back, you turned around and halted, before a giggle escaped you. He raised an eyebrow in a challenging way, but his smile did not budge.

"What?" he asked, while you kept laughing. A merry and playful sound. How much he adored the sound of it.

"You look cute."

His other eyebrow joined the former. "Cute?"

"Yes," you grinned, walking up to him.

His hair was disheveled, his nose and cheeks were rosy. But what caught your attention was something else.

"Your eyelashes are frozen," you whispered to him in another giggle. And sure enough, the same eyelashes that you were admiring today morning were powdered with white flakes, giving him quite a magical, enchanted look. Looking closer, some of them even dusted his thick eyebrows.

This discovery triggered another wave of your giggles and he joined you, although yours quickly turned into a little shriek, once his hands found their way under your robe.

"Erwin!" you cried out. "Stop, your hands are freezing!"

His deep laugh only gained in volume.

"Then you need to warm me up, darling."

After lunch, you rearranged the living room, and pushed the coffee table aside. Erwin changed into some loose-fitting pants and a simple shirt and was currently sitting with you before the fire. You let your eyes appreciatively take in his current look, with his hair down and wearing clothes meant for leisure. It was amazing how good he looked, even with no effort - then again, the man looked good in anything. Still, it was much more common to see him in a button down and formal pants, so the change of style was highly welcome.

"Did you manage to clear out Mrs. Reeves' pathway?" you asked, as you let your head lean against his arm.

He nodded. "Yes, I did. She wanted to give me some baked goods to show her appreciation, but I declined."

"Aww!"

"Should I have accepted?"

You giggled. "Mrs. Reeves can bake like no other, but ever since I know that she's an informant of sorts, I'd be quite wary of her offering."

"Why? Do you think she'd put something in her cookies?"

"Wouldn't surprise me," you replied immediately. "Maybe some sort of a device to spy on us."

"Spying cookies, huh," Erwin echoed, the mirth in his voice unmistakable. You shared a laugh.

"Besides, we still haven't tried out any of the sweets that we got from Levi and Mike."

Sure enough, the basket was still in the kitchen, opened yet untouched. No sooner had you said this when you were already on your feet, en route to the kitchen, to retrieve said basket. Erwin watched you with great interest once you returned and plopped down next to him.

"How about we try this one?" you suggested, pointing to a fancy box of pralines. Erwin nodded, but you didn't miss the way he was eyeing one of the wine bottles with more interest. At that, you burst out in a chuckle.

"This one it is, then."

He glanced at you, as if caught red-handed, before grinning. "There's no rule saying we can't have both."

"Wine and chocolate?"

"Would it be that strange?"

You shrugged, relenting. "No... at least I hope when it comes to Marleyan goods."

"Maybe there is some sort of a device in these goods, too," chuckled Erwin, already in the motions of effortlessly opening the bottle. One exquisitely looking praline, almost too beautiful to be eaten, was already on it's way to your opened lips, when you gasped dramatically.

"You mean to tell me that this very basket could be spying on us? And that Levi and Mike are in on it too and that's why they gave it to us?"

You whined, before playfully raising a hand to your forehead and "fainting" onto the carpet.

"Seems like we are forever cursed and will never be able to accept any treat from anyone. From now on we shall only eat what we bake ourselves."

Erwin laughed at your antics, all the while pouring himself a glass of wine. "I say we risk it."

"Agreed," came your quick reply, praline still pinched between your thumb and pointer finger. It hang just a few inches from your face as you couldn't help but admire the intricate design on its surface. You popped it into your mouth, once you felt the chocolate coating melt on your skin.

It gave out a deliciously crunchy sound under your teeth.

"What is it like?" Erwin asked.

You hummed. "It's good. Really good."

"Worth getting spied on?"

"Hmm, good question. I'd have to try another one to be certain."

He laughed, sipping on his own brand of weakness. Sitting up, you watched him; relished in the way the light from the fireplace illuminated his strong jawline and Adam's apple. The latter gently moved with every swallow. Not tearing your eyes away from that spot, you reached for another piece of chocolate, and asked him the same question.

"It's not bad," he answered, while looking at the bottle in a contemplative manner. "It has quite the sweet after taste."

At that, an idea popped into your mind.

"Can I have a taste?"

He looked at you, a littlest bit surprised.

"You don't even have to ask, love."

He was just about to get you another glass, hands and feet kicked into motion to stand, when your hand came to stop him. Erwin glanced back, confusion reflected in his eyes, but it left just as quickly as it arrived, the moment he saw your eyes, deep with want.

He understood your intention and set everything aside to welcome you.

The kiss you shared was slow, almost just a peck, as you revelled in the taste of him and the drink he's been enjoying. You were in no means a connoisseur when it came to wine, or any other spirit for that matter, and yet, you could immediately discern the sweet, dark flavor, the perfect balance of sour and bitter.

Creating some distance between you two, you whispered, "Red wine"

"Correct," he praised.

Lips interlocking again, the taste was now sharper, stinging your tongue. The residue wine introduced a new kind of pleasure, elevated the heavy air around you, the way it danced between you two. It was quite literally intoxicating.

Attraction flaring, you scooted closer to Erwin. Still in a heated kiss, you climbed into his lap, swift and smooth, without any resistance.

Then, with only one, commanding look from you, he removed his shirt and laid down. The blaze from the hearth threw shadows over his naked upper body and the sight made your head spin. His sharp jawline, his thick neck and the vast expanse of his chest were laid bare before you.

All the while, you were getting more and more aware of the pressing pressure under your bum. And who could have blamed the man underneath you? When you were sitting on him, like a queen ascending her throne, with parted lips and a curious glint in your eyes, the front of your bathrobe loose enough to grant a peek of your breasts.

Smouldering blue eyes watched the way your dainty fingers unbuttoned his pants, with careful movements demanding access to him.

Those very same eyes could only take in so much, however, when he then suddenly felt your fingers grab him. Hissing at the touch, his head lolled back.

Barely experienced strokes riled him up from base to tip. He shut his eyes and focused on restraining his hands, while you took in the sight of him coming more and more undone.

Though having remembered yesterday's mishap, you stopped with your ministrations at just the right time. At this, Erwin glanced up, eyelids heavy from lust, only to be met with the sight of you disrobing. The fabric first gave way at your round shoulders, slowly but surely exposing your breasts, before coming to pool at your waist. With quick, graceful movements, you threw the garment behind you and repositioned yourself before him.

The fire made your flesh shine like ripe fruit, begging for a bite.

If Jezebel was real, Erwin thought to himself, she must have worn your face.

All he could focus on was you, you, you and the way you took him in, his member standing upright, they way you bit your lip in a mix of eagerness and determination, both of your hands pressing against his hipbones, like a diver about to jump.

Raising your hips, you sank down on him: slowly, carefully; your mouth opening in deep reverence, as your most adored spot worked hard to adjust to him. His fingers dug themselves deep into the flesh of your hips, but he could nontheless keep his hips calm.

Seconds passed, and he could feel you ease up, before the pressure on his hipbones momentarily got heavier. And then you rose.

Erwin could only stare, mesmerized, bewitched, enraptured, as you repeated those simple motions of up and down. The first few ones were reserved and experimental, but the more you moved the more determined they turned. Soon enough your breathing picked up as your hips drew bigger and bigger circles. Your hair became more disheveled and your tits followed your movements with a delicious bounce.

It took him every ounce of self-control to stay put and not flip you over and have your way with you. He had to remind himself to let to have your moment, your glory.

You apparently weren't so impressed with his amazing restraint, though, as your hands descended to his and raised them up to your chest. Needing no further clarification, he immediately started cupping your breasts, the motion making you exhale from joy.

Spurred on by the added stimuli, you picked up your pace and rode him, hard and fast. He groaned, a deep, delicious sound, joining the inner part of your soft thighs slapping against his.

A few more repeated motions later your hips started stuttering, and Erwin having noticed this, immediately fastened his movements and helped you chase your high along with his. Reaching that very peak, your eyes rolled back for a second, and you stilled, before slumping forward, exhausted and spent.

The sound of your breathlessness filled the living room, a contestant loud enough to rival the wood cracking under vicious flames.

Your cheek, blazing red from your pevious exercise, took its familiar place on Erwin's chest, head swaying with ever rise and fall of his. Your mouth was left open, saliva threatening to escape at the corner, yet having no real shame or energy to care at that point, you let it be.

All you could do was gaze into the fire and watch the flames lick wood to ash.

While doing so, a strange sort of feeling crept upon you, and it took a while for you to figure out, that it bore the name of dissociation.

The scenario you currently found yourself in felt unreal.

Because, really - how did all of this even happen? You got roped into an extremely questionable, state-sponsored project, with seemingly no way out of it. And now you were resting on the Adonis-like body of your chosen husband, both of you sweaty and content and blissfully fucked out.

Between the fire cracking and Erwin's regaining breathing, something peculiar appeared: a voice, originating from the deepest recesses of your mind.

You would have lied if you said you didn't recognise it. It was the same voice that emerged today in the kitchen.

You weren't really sure why it suddenly decided to plague you today of all days, but it was here again and not about to leave anytime soon. But while you had things to distract yourself with earlier, you were way too tired, exhausted and delirious to ignore it now, so you had little to no choice but to listen to it. And the voice did not hold back.

Would it be so bad? It whispered in sweet, dulcet tones.

Eyes coming to a close, you still gave one last try to shoo it away, but it was oh so warm and pleasant in here and your brain was a mush.

Would it be so bad if you did stay here with Erwin? If you and him accepted your roles in Eldia, started a family and participated in the start of a completely new generation? You already like each other and everything is provided for, so why not?

You shifted uncomfortably, yet it kept going.

This house is perfect. And there is a huge lawn outside, perfect for children to run around and play. They need it, your healthy offsprings will need all that. And they will be so darling, so smart. And look adorable. They will have his eyes and your hair color, his intellect and your head-strong personality –

"What are you thinking about?"

Your eyes flew open at the baritonce voice. Vision blurry, your eyes came to blink a few times. The fireplace was still in front of you, the wood peacefully crackled inside it. The fuzzy rug, the wall, the curtains, everything was as before.

Contemplating if you should voice your suddenly emerging and absurd thoughts to him, you first remained silent. Would it be wise to even hint at them? What would he say if he found out what you were thinking about recently? Then again, not telling him anything would be just as suspicious. He knows you well enough to sense when your thoughts turn stormy. You inhaled deeply.

"Do you ever wonder what it would be like, Erwin?"

It was a croaky confession; rather timid and quiet, but coherent enough.

"What do you mean?" he asked, slowly.

You listened to his breathing, paid attention to any shift in his demeanor and noticed the subtle signs of unease. Still, you soldiered on.

"Well, I mean... what if they were right and we do belong here?"

Erwin went silent. Desperate for his answer, you sat up and peered down at him. He was currently looking at the ceiling, his visage was that of nonchalance, but that stoic look settling in his eyes was unmistakable. They unnerved you, especially when they suddenly swiveled to you.

"When you said that winter is the perfect time for recontemplating, I didn't think you'd mean this," he replied, at last, with a sigh.

Suddenly feeling the need to explain yourself, you sat up straighter, hovering above him.

"I just... I mean," you started, not quite sure where to start. He held your gaze, patiently waiting for your reasoning, but for the first time in a long while, he was making you nervous. You brushed your loose-hanging strands behind your ear.

"They made a good decision when they paired us together, didn't they? So I was just thinking that maybe... they know what they're doing and we're in the wrong?"

He quietly called your name, but you went on.

"Just think about it: we wouldn't have to escape if we stay. We wouldn't have to endanger Levi or Mike or anyone if we just stay put. You risked and still keep risking so much for this, for me, for us – but you wouldn't have to anymore."

All the while, it was getting harder to look him in the eyes. You saw him sit up, saw his hands come to steady you at your hips, so you wouldn't fall from his. When at last, with a shudder, you uttered something that you never thought would ever cross your mind.

"Erwin, I-I don't think I'd mind staying here with you."

You could only process two things after that.

First was you suddenly being on the carpet and him being on top of you.

And the second were his eyes that were glinting dangerously above you. So surprised at the change of his demeanor, you could only gape at him, not really sure what to make of him.

He momentarily closed his eyes and you could see that he was trying to calm himself down. Then, they softened and a hand came to softly brush against your cheek.

"Was this your choice?"

You held his gaze before shaking your head. "No... but I'd choose you now. Always."

"Would you chose me if not for the Program?"

You immediately opened your mouth, ready to fire back, before they came to a close.

Honestly, who knows. The urge to one-up him and confidently say 'yes' was a tempting treat on your tongue, but your rationale quickly reined it back. You can't imagine chosing anyone else but him, and you'd like to think that it would have been the case if you were to meet him under normal circumstances. And yet... you did go to the same university, you did share a class together and you never really took notice of him. Not that there was anything wrong with him, but you were more preoccupied with other things.

Still, that environment back then was a completely normal one, and the fact remains, that you had only vague memories about him. To you, he was merely familiar when you first met him, while he already knew who you were.

You didn't have to answer; your face pretty much conveying everything that just rushed trough your head and Erwin noticed.

"You were forced into this," he started, calm and patient. "Remember what you were feeling in the beginning. How your choice was taken from you. Remember what they did to Franz, what Hannah had to go trough, what Marie currently has to endure. What if all of this happened to you?"

You did know all of this, you knew he was right. And if you were in any less of an intimate position, you'd have felt embarassed and flushed red from shame. With a long exhale, you nodded and momentarily looked away from him.

"I'm sorry. The last two days were just so... magical. I guess I'm just still tired."

Erwin took one of your hands in his and raised it to his lips. "No need to apologize. Just keep in mind why we're doing this."

His kiss on the back of your hand was full of so much fondness and devotion, it made your tongue loose again. So when he gazed into your eyes, your other hand ascended to his cheek, and your question slipped out, umprompted:

"But Erwin, you... you do like me, don't you?"

You weren't really sure why you wanted to ask him that. But you only half-regretted it, when you witnessed the way his lips parted in astonishment and every inch of his features mellowed. The ice in his eyes completely vanished. Then, he chuckled, in a strangely painful way.

"Like you...? Darling, I love you so much, it downright aches."

Your eyes widened at his ardent confession. "Erwin - "

You were at a loss for words, when he then hugged you tightly to himself, leaving you to stare at the ceiling, completely flabbergasted.

"Why do you think I want to get you out of Eldia? I want to protect you - from them. If they did something to you, I'd - !"

He didn't finish his sentence, but the way he growled it, full of threat and rage, was enough to tell you the whole of it.

"Even if we stayed here and had children," he went on - and for some reason you blushed hearing him say that - "we don't know what they'd do with them. What if they turn out to be different then what they'd have hoped them to be? What if they don't meet whatever requirements they come up with? I refuse to raise a child in a country like this. And I refuse to put you through the Program."

Your previous shame returned tenfold. Those thoughts from before that you dared to voice now sounded painfully naïve and irresponsible. Your hands daintily encircled his broad back, returning his hug.

"I'm sorry, honestly. I shouldn't even have entertained the idea."

Erwin reappered in your vision with a warm-hearted smile. He then bent down to give you a short kiss.

"After we get out of here," he whispered, low and mischievous. "We'll get a house that's just as nice as this, if not even nicer. There, we're gonna raise as many kids as you'd like and I'll happily take on that parent role with you."

Your face was crimson and you could only stutter. "E-Erwin..."

He chuckled, before bending down and kissing you again.

"Well, you'd like that to happen, don't you?"

For some reason you remembered the night you moved in here with him. You two were sitting in this living room, after you both uncovered your true feelings and intentions regarding the Program, and he asked you something similar.

"Well... you don't want to be apart of this. You don't want to be my wife and have children with me, correct?"

Back then, your answer was apparent enough and he wasn't awaiting any other reaction, either.

My, how times change.

Returning his kiss, you answered:

"I'd love nothing more!"

Notes:

Do you believe me when I say that I have been working on this chapter since early december?

I mean, I did get sick for a week or so, and the workload at my work was crazy, but I originally planned to upload this before christmas (like I did last year) and when I missed that deadline, before NYE's, but for some reason, this chapter took me ages. I struggled so much while writing it, and I'm honestly baffled as to why. Nothing bad or gut-wrenching happens in it, and it's full of themes and topics that I love to write about, so I'm not really sure what happened.

On top of that, I'm not really that satisfied with it, and lately I've also started to wonder if I'm losing my mojo when it comes to writing. I'm scared that my prose is getting repetitive, boring and monotonous, and while it's coherent enough to get my story across, I'm worried that it gets stale here and there. (At the same time, I'm also so very scared that it's chock-full of cliché's and not the good kind, either, ugh)

Either way, I'm not about to stop writing and there are only 10-ish chapters left before I can finally finish it, and once that day arrives, I'm gonna sit down, re-read the whole thing and re-write every cringe-y scene until it's *perfect*. And maybe, just maybe, that finish line is going to appear this year (or at the very beginning of 2024!)

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you all for staying with me in 2022 and leaving me so many comments, kudos etc.! Here's to a (hopefully) happier, calmer year, since the world has gone batshit insane since 2019 and it seemingly doesn't want care to stop. Sometimes everything gets so overwhelming, and I'm not really sure when it's going to end.

Also, we're currently experiencing the warmest temperatures in Europe right now and it frustrates me and worries me at the same time. One big reason why I included the snowy scenes in this fic was because I myself LOVE snow, but each year we get less and less, and this year we didn't even have any. I know it's an irrational fear (or is it...?) and maybe even a little bit childish, but sometimes I worry that I'm never going to see snow again, at least in my home country. Winter for me is just not real winter if there's no snow, and I'm so tired of the same brown, dull season arriving each and every year.

At the same time I know there has been an arctic blast in North America, so to my american and canadian readers, I hope you're also doing well and that you're safe and sound.

Whew, this has been quite a rant, I'm sorry, haha. I just started typing all of this and then one thing led to another.

Anyway, I hope this chapter is to your liking.

- A

Chapter 21: 3.370 MHz

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The snow remained your companion for the next few days, much to your delight. It shrank in size here and there, gave way to the ground at some other corners, but the winter scenery largely stayed the same.

The route to your weekly Women's Circle did appear to be longer, though. But as you appreciatively glanced around the white and frosty street, admiring the bare trees and their branches weighed down by snow, you realized sheepishly, that it wasn't the weather that was slowing you down, but your own dilly dallying. You scoffed with a smile, and hastened your steps.

This weeks' host was yet another woman you didn't really know that well.

Still, you sent a tepid smile her way, the moment her front door opened. She regarded you with a distant, polite smile of her own, before letting you in. Then, she pointed with her sleek finger to the end of the foyer.

"The living room's that way. I'll join you shortly," she explained, before disappearing into another room; one you guessed was the kitchen. You nodded at her retreating from, hung your coat on the hanger and followed her directions.

Upon entering the living room, you immediately noticed the number of guests being smaller. Despite this, you could immediately pick out the all-too familiar and ever-present faces of Ruth, Mary and Mrs. Reeves. They were all seated in front of a cozy fireplace and glanced up the moment you appeared. You greeted them quietly, to which they nodded back. There was a free spot next to Ruth and you decided to claim that one as your own.

Her stomach was already showing and as you sat down, you immediately turned to her, attentive and well-meaning. "How are you doing?"

Ruth, who up until now was content enough to keep quiet and enjoy the warmth of the hearth, lit up. Angling herself in your direction, her cheeks reddened from excitement.

"Oh, I'm doing marvellous, thank you! I still have to pinch myself to believe that it's really happening! Well, but I guess you can already see it, can't you?"

You nodded with a small smile, before she downcast her eyes and a bit quieter, continued:

"But you know, I kind of wish my bump was a bit bigger; big enough to know that it's a baby bump. Sometimes it's not so obvious if I'm pregnant or if I just gained weight in my midsection. I often get the urge to immediately explain myself whenever someone looks at me," she giggled and you joined her, before adding, reassuringly.

"Don't worry, Ruth; you look lovely."

And you really did mean it. She was radiant from joy. Her eyes shone, a smile was ever present on her face and her skin was practically glowing. Despite your own personal thoughts regarding the Program, you wished her well.

At your compliment, she turned even prettier. She sent you a meaningful smile and her dimples at the corner of her mouth told you how much she appreciated your words. A comfortable silence settled between the two of you, before something teasing appeared in her features, one that you weren't sure what to make of.

"But you know, Mrs. Smith," she suddenly started. "You yourself look so much more joyful since you joined our Circle. I remember you looking so timid and apprehensive the first time you showed up. As if someone was holding a gun to your head and dragging you to us."

It took a good amount of effort to not glance away. You kept nodding, smiling and hoping that Mrs. Reeves and Ruth, who were sitting adjacent to you, weren't listening in on your conversation. You would have loved to see for yourself and peek at them from the corner of your eyes. Instead, you stubbornly kept them on Ruth.

"I guess you were nervous, since it is a fresh, new chapter in your life and you didn't know about the Circle. Ah, don't I know it, I was in the same shoes as you. Fretted over what to wear, wanted to make a good impression. But as you can see, there's nothing to be afraid of," she sighed, content, before adding. "I'm so glad you and Mr. Smith have settled into Mitras. It's just the place for folk like you. "

You thanked her, feeling positively awkward, yet also the tiniest bit touched. Safe for the first part, you quite literally disagreed with her on everything she said, but she was genuinely being friendly with you and you appreciated her gesture.

She was about to say something else, before the host suddenly appeared at the doorway and announced the tea being ready. While carrying a plate full of biscuits, she turned around and signaled for everyone to follow her.

The dining room was smaller than Ruth's, but with fewer guests, it was ideal. Two windows were on the opposites end of the room, each framed with opaque curtains. On the walls were pictures of the host and her husband, framed textile art depicting the quaint country life of Ragako, and some rather modern posters. Apart from that, a few plants occupied one corner, while a credence table the other one; holding miscellaneous nick-nacks on it's deep brown surface.

Tea and biscuits were served. As everyone sat down, you quietly listened to the chatter around you.

"Ah, this weather is driving me insane," exclaimed one woman to your right. "My feet keep freezing, no matter what shoes I decide to wear. No wonder why so few showed up."

"I do feel bad for Isabel. She was so excited to be this week's host and made so many preparations," quipped another woman.

"Yes, the poor dearie. Ugh, I despise the cold, too! I wish we never had winter," agreed a third one, waving her hand in the direction of one of the windows, as if to shoo away the frosty season.

You gingerly gathered the cup of tea that was placed in front of you with your hands, watched your reflection in the dark liquid and hoped the woman didn't secretly posses any weather changing abilities. Thinking about the way home, and how you wouldn't have to rush anywhere and just revel in the beauty of winter, made today's meeting more tolerable.

The conversation around you then slowly transitioned to the topics that are usually discussed.

"I finished up my grocery shopping today. I got some lovely fresh vegetables from the market."

"It sounds like you had a productive day. I worked on my sewing project all afternoon."

"Oh, I made some new curtains for my living room, too. The fabric was on sale, so I just couldn't help myself."

It was comfortable white noise. Sometimes you wondered what you would think of the Women's Circle if you weren't in this peculiar predicament. Would you not mind attending if you weren't forced into it?

At this passing thought, you silently looked around at the women. They were all animatedly chatting amongst themselves, laughing, joking around, teasing one another.

You didn't have anything against them. You never really did for that matter. You always though of them as victims, as people who have been roped into this system, even if they themselves weren't really aware of how dangerous it was.

Even if they gleefully accepted everything that came with it, or even treated the Program as something normal, as something that you should strive to participate in. Despite this, you couldn't help butt feel a tad bit sorry for them and their blissful ignorance.

But as you took your first sip of your – as you then realized – peppermint tea, you ruminated once more about that last part.

Was it not mean to judge them like that?

Even if you personally believed that questioning everything around you is of utmost importance, was that not coming from a place of privilege? Because you had the means and opportunities to be raised in an environment that allowed you to foster skills like that? You had no idea what these women went trough, what kind of a background they hailed from. To you, the Program might be despicable, but for them it might be a stepping stone for a better future.

You took another sip. Lost in your own world, you failed to detect a pair of dark eyes watching you from afar. Glancing up, you made eye contact with Marie.

She was sitting a bit further away from you, being surrounded by a small group of friends. They were all jovially talking about something, but she was only half-listening, half-present; her head turned your way. She did not look away, even after you caught her staring, and there was a strange expression on her face, one that both puzzled and unnerved you a bit.

It wasn't a frown per sé, even if her mouth and crimson lips were set straight. The corners of her lips seemed to have lifted, as if the shadow of a smile danced around them, but the movement was so subtle, you might have imagined it. But as always, the most expressive feature on her face were her eyes. Dark, intense, they sucked you in, while her lowered eyebrows suggested something you weren't really sure you wanted to find out.

You and Marie have not exchanged words ever since that incident in Ruth's kitchen. It would have been presumptuous to say that she steered clear of you ever since, but compared to how many times she sauntered up to you before that, to offer unsolicited advice or to quip about this or that, it did seem like that's exactly what she was doing.

You really didn't know what to make of that. On one hand you were happy to be rid of her. On the other, it meant that she knew what you witnessed that Saturday, and now she was scared of you for fear that you'd spread her secret. Only, knowing her, you knew she wouldn't stop there.

This thought alone made you so scared that you decided not to wonder about what she would do to you if the latter turned out to be right, especially because it was obvious that she had Mrs. Reeves on her side.

Still, as you held her gaze, you circled back to your previous train of thought.

Marie is another victim. Everything she did - or is currently doing – is the result of her desperate need to be in control of her situation. You didn't excuse her behavior but you did gain a new level of understanding. You felt for her; felt empathy because of what she was tossed into

Because as far as you were aware of, she did not have any back-up plan, no husband to take her out of this country, far away from this dictatorship. Sooner or later she will have to face certain repercussions, and according to Erwin, they're going to be far from pleasant.

Suddenly you felt somewhat silly. Your fear of her plotting some kind of a revenge against you felt self-centered. As if the poor woman didn't already had enough on her plate to waste her time on you. Thinking of this, your empathy only deepened for the ravenette.

You decided to send back a reassuring gesture. An olive branch of sorts. She was still looking at you with that same expression, completely shutting out everyone from her environment, and only focusing on you. So taking that opportunity, you softened your eyes and sent a warm smile her way.

Don't worry. I won't tell anyone.

At this, Marie blinked, slowly. Then her eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly, and her expression transformed into something you were not expecting to see. Indignation.

You could only stare, not knowing what made her look at you like that. Before you could even keep wondering about that, she suddenly turned back to her group of friends and interrupted their chattering. They fell silent and watched as she turned to the host to whisper something in her ear.

The host leaned in, offered her ear and listened. She appeared a bit confused at whatever Marie told her, but nodded nonetheless.

Then, Marie sprung up from her seat and cleared her throat.

It didn't take long for the table of women to go quiet, curious as to why one of heir most esteemed members suddenly decided to stand up.

Before saying anything, Marie slowly looked around.

"Thank you for gifting me your attention everyone. I promise, this won't take long."

Everyone stayed silent. She went on.

"As you all know, the winter holidays are just around the corner. And since I'm going to be hosting the next Women's Circle, I decided to make our next gathering a little bit more interesting! So to give it a festive flair, I hereby ask of you to please show up in jubilant, cheery colours. Reds, greens, whites – I'm sure you know what I mean."

Budding excitement swept trough the air. Everyone ooh-ed and aah-ed, nodding in understanding.

"Gifts are unnecessary, of course, and you certainly don't have to worry about the food and drinks being served, as I'm going to prepare a three course menu. There are even some fun games and activities planned for us to play and partake in, just to make it more special."

Her audience seemed to like this, too, as everyone present whirled to their closest neighbour and started excitedly whispering. Marie enjoyed the feminine hubbub she created. But she wasn't finished, if her smile was anything to go by. She kept standing for a few more seconds, before making it seem like she was about to sit down, only for her to stand straight again. This would have looked clumsy on anyone else, but Marie merely looked like a swan bowing down her head.

"Oh, and one more thing!" she said and her dark eyes landed on you.

Right on you.

"Don't forget to bring your husbands!"

The blood drained from your face while everyone around you instantly erupted into excited, joyous chatter.

"Oh, that's so exciting!"

"Do you really mean that ?"

"But of course," replied Marie, finally sitting down with an elegant movement. "They deserve to be apart of the festivities, after all!"

"There's never been anything like this before, has there?" someone asked Mrs. Reeves, to which the older woman shook her head. "No, indeed, there hasn't." She then added with a shrug.

"But I don't see anything wrong with it, if it's just for this one time... And Marie is right, it would be a shame to leave them out of the fun."

"I am somewhat nervous, though," a woman close to you confessed. "The Women's Circle is like our litte, safe haven, where we can discuss our secrets and talk about things we would never discuss with our husbands. It would be like revealing another part of ourselves."

Some women nodded understandingly, while your mouth twitched, as you listened to her, mildly perplexed. Were there things that Erwin and you never discussed? At the beginning of your marriage, sure, since you didn't trust him. But now you couldn't think of anything that would be taboo between the two of you. You even tell him what's happening every Saturday at the Women's Circle. Did the women around you not do the same with their husbands? A part of you silently wondered if you accidentally breached an unspoken rule of female alliance by going against the flow.

The chatter around you continued, oblivious to your internal turmoil.

"Yeah, but think of how much more interesting our next meeting would be!"

"Or perhaps they should form their own club sometime. The Gentleman's Club, maybe?"

Someone let out a well-humored scoff at that. "Yeah, and what would they talk about? Fishing? How to mow the lawn?"

Everyone laughed. You forced out a weak laugh, while you wrought your hands under the table, in an attempt to stop them from shaking.

You felt a familiar, dark gaze on your form. You didn't have to look up to know that it's sender was wickedly smiling.

The descending sun set the sky ablaze in pretty shades of pink and purple, but you could hardly appreciate it, as you hurried home in the ankle deep snow.

Arriving at your gate, you walked up to your entrance door, walking past the Rhododendron bushes, which were still covered in a massive layer of snow. Inside, you immediately got rid of your coat and searched for Erwin. You had to tell him what happened, lest your worry eats you alive.

When you found both the kitchen and the living room empty, you called out his name. "Erwin?"

Looking around, you didn't see any sign of him. Stepping into the hallway, you turned to the direction of the entrance, seeing his coat on the hanger. He was home.

Just when you were about to call his name again, your ears picked up a noise. It came from the basement. And sure enough, once you walked to the stairs leading down to it, you saw light emanating from downstairs.

With careful steps, you descended.

"Erwin... ?"

Something moved, and then he appeared at the foot of the stairs. His smile very quickly turned into a frown upon seeing your face. Once you reached him, he took ahold of your arms.

"What happened? You look pale."

"Well," you sighed and explained what happened at today's meeting. He listened, attentive and patient, before his own eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"You think Marie is scheming something?"

You nodded. "I can't shake off the feeling that something bad is going to happen. The way she looked at me from across the table..."

A dark pair of eyes, long, elegant lashes, perfect eyebrows lowered in contemplation. A shiver ran down your spine.

"I'm half tempted to decline the invitation. I was never absent, anyway. Surely it would be feasible to believe that we got down with the flu or something. Lots of women didn't show up today because of the weather, so I could just skip with the same excuse."

Then you sighed, heavily. "But I'm just so scared that missing even one of their meetings is going to cast me in a suspicious light. I'm already on their radar."

The blond shook his head. "It's fine, I'll go with you. We'll come up with a plan to leave should we feel like something is off."

"Okay," you relented, but it took a considerable amount of time until the uneasy feeling in your stomach subsided.

Then, taking a good look around the basement, you asked. "What are you doing here?"

His smile returned, before he stepped away and pointed to a corner. There was a small desk, on which you could recognize an old table lamp, sheets of paper, but most importantly – a radio. With his hand on the small of your back, he walked you closer to the device, letting your curious eyes roam around.

It's shape was that of a thick square, but what really intrigued you, was the handle-like protrusion from each side connecting overhead. This design choice – apart from signifying that it was a portable radio – was also something you've never seen before.

Taking one step closer, you crouched down and inspected the huge circle situated in the middle of it. On it was a long list of all the stations and their respective frequencies that you could tune into.

"I discovered it this afternoon in a small electronic shop on the other side of town. Couldn't believe my luck when I saw it's handle. It's just what we need."

You hummed in agreement, before coming to stand straight again. "I was so sure we'd already have one in this house." Then, another thought joined the former. "Could they have suspected that we would end up using it for something like this?"

He shook his head. "Unlikely... I think they just didn't bother with one."

You nodded, before looking at the other items laid out in front of you. Blank, regular sized A4 paper sheets were patiently awaiting their fate, along with the pencil positioned next to them. Meanwhile, Erwin turned to his briefcase. From the corner of your eyes, you saw him rummage trough various documents, before picking out one of them.

He laid it out on the table.

Your eyes narrowed, trying to decipher what you were looking at.

"I always carried it with me... figured it would be safer like this."

A wry smile crossed your lips. "Were you afraid that I'd lose it?"

Erwin looked a tiniest bit alarmed at your accusation, before he could identify the humor underlying your tone. He smiled back.

"Perish the thought. I would never think that you're unresponsible. But if, for some reason, they decided to do a random house search, they would immediately question why we have a one-time pad casually laying around in the house. It's much safer in my office, where I know no one can enter."

You listened to him, but one part of his answer stuck with you.

"Random house search? They do that?"

"It's a stretch and we'd have to be highly suspicious for that to happen. It's not something they'd happily do, either, since that would immedately prove that they're observing us. But if push comes to shove, I can imagine them requesting entry. Of course they'd never admit as to why they want to take a look around, so they'd most probably come up with a made-up excuse. Someone in the neighborhood has a gas leak and they just want to make sure we don't have one either. Someone discovered asbestos in their walls, maybe we have it in our walls, too? Or maybe there's a sudden need to exterminate roaches."

You tried to shoo away the horrible image of men in uniforms randomly marching inside here. Even if this house wasn't something that you picked out for yourself, over the months, it gradually turned into a place, where you and Erwin could withdraw to, undisturbed, free to plot and scheme. You were suddenly so grateful that you could keep up your charade well enough where you didn't have to worry about a random inspection. Still, better safe than sorry.

"Tonight's going to be our first transmission," Erwin continued, lightly brushing his hand along the one-time pad. "Mike and Levi should be sending their message in an hour or so. That's why I was here, to set up our own little spying station."

Hearing this from him was a bit weird. A cocktail of emotions was stirring inside of you, almost impossible to identify each of them. Excitement, fear, doubt, hope... it made your head spin.

Until then, you two decided to have dinner. You insisted on preparing something this evening, partly to show your appreciation for him, but also to distract your whirring mind with something.

Since an hour was not enough for anything elaborate, you whipped together something quick and easy.

Once seated, you found it difficult to eat, however; your nerves kneading your stomach into a tiny ball. Erwin noticed the way you were picking at your food and quietly reached across the table for your hand. You jolted at his touch, before melting at the way he gave you an encouraging squeeze.

You intertwined your fingers with his and resumed your eating.

After dinner, you returned to the basement, ready to face whatever was coming your way.

There was no prior discussion as to who was going to write down the received messages. Erwin knew this was another opportunity for you to feel in control, so he was not surprised to see you take your place in front of the table with a hue of determination in your eyes. With nothing else left to do, he walked to the radio and turned it on.

Instantly, the noise of an awakening device, joined by static sound could be heard. He slid the one-time pad closer to himself, just close enough so that he can make out something on the corner of the page, before turning back to the radio.

"3.370 MHz...," he murmured, turning the knob in the middle to the left.

You watched him, mildly confused. You looked at the one-time pad once he slid it back to you, and sure enough, there in the corner was the number of a frequency.

The station appeared quiet at first; only emitting a dull, even noise. Erwin looked at his watch, while you grabbed a pen, positioned the one-time pad and the papers next to each other, waiting with bathed breath for any sign or sound.

But nothing happened.

You weren't really sure how long you'd have to wait for the transmission to start. But when after a dozen or so minutes passed, and there was still the same quiet, rustling sound emanating from the speakers, you uncertainly glanced to Erwin. He was standing next to you, still looking at his watch. You shifted in your seat, wondering if something happened to Levi and Mike.

But before a tirade of your worries could ambush you, Erwin suddenly started counting back, slowly and in a whisper.

"Three... two... one."

The minute his watch hit twelve, the radio in front of you awoke with a song, startling you.

The song it was playing was one that you recognized from your childhood. Only it sounded a bit distorted, like it was played by a machine, rather than an instrument.

You looked to Erwin again, searching for a sign to see if this was normal. He caught your gaze, and sent you a reassuring nod, so you refocused your attention to the device in front of you.

The song lasted a mere 10 seconds, followed by another short pause of silence.

And then you heard numbers.

They were slowly enunciated by a female, synthetized voice. Despite the pace, your hand immediately kicked into action, hastily writing down the series of numbers.

"1-7-3-2-5-2-3 8-7-0-2-0 ... "

Pencil scratched against paper.

"8-0-5-5-7-6-4-2 3-0-7-8-2-3-6-5 ..."

You didn't dare to breath, afraid it would tune out the sound of the radio. Your fingers and elbow were hurting from the way your were gripping onto your pencil, but you staunchly ignored it and kept writing.

Before you realized it, the last few numbers were spoken. After that, a pause, then a quiet beeping noise, before the female voice started repeating the numbers again.

"1-7-3-2-5-2-3 8-7-0-2-0 ..."

Your eyes followed along the lines you scribbled down, making sure you jotted down everything. With a quiet, relieved sigh, you realized that you have.

The machine voice then went quiet, but not before saying 'end of transmission'. After that, the static noise from before continued.

None of you dared to moved. You kept staring at the radio for a while, as if expecting the synthetized voice to speak again. But when it was apparent, that the transmission really did end, you relaxed your hand and the pencil almost dropped out of your grip. Even Erwin, standing all tense and attentive, relaxed his position.

This was it. Your first message from Levi and Mike.

The whole ordeal turned out to be smoother than expected. Having said that, you couldn't help the prideful feeling of accomplishment taking residence somewhere deep in your chest. You tried not to get too taken by the feeling, though, as the hardest part of it was still ahead of you.

Your eyes slid to the one-time pad, while Erwin placed his hand next to you and leaned closer.

"Let's see," you murmured under your breath, searching for the letter that represented number 1. Your pointer finger glided across the surface, seeking and inquiring, until it stopped at the letter T. Reaching for the pencil, you scribbled it down.

You kept at this, only stopping to double check if you really found the correct equivalent for every number. Before, at last, the message revealed itself. It read:

they will leave via ship next week on Thursday

everyone is well

next transmission on Monday same time

You beamed. A loud exhale mixed in with a laugh escaped you. You glanced to your side and exchanged a grin with Erwin.

"I knew I could rely on them," he whispered quietly, almost proudly.

No wonder you didn't get any new messages about Hannah from Hange and Moblit since that postcard! They were too busy making sure she was safely transported to Levi and Mike. Spirits lifted, you pondered over the encrypted numbers some more. The plural they did not escape your attention, though.

"My family made it out, too, huh... " you murmured, more to yourself, than to Erwin. But he caught the somber edge of your voice, the worried yet curious pull of your mouth.

"I wonder how Mike and Levi approached my parents and convinced them to leave," you continued, tone turning amused. "Surely it wasn't Levi who did most of the talking."

Erwin chuckled. "Oh, he has his ways of convincing people. Just not in any appropriate manner."

You joined his laugh, albeit somewhat weaker. You pointer finger gently brushed across the paper, stopping at they.

You really did wonder how your mother and father were doing. Were they frightened upon hearing your plan? Unsure? What must have gone trough their mind?

"Is everything all right?"

You leaned back into your chair and nodded.

"Yeah."

What were they doing, what were they feeling the past half year, since you were coupled up with Erwin? Did they worry about you? Did they not care? They have never once contacted you since your engagement, then again, you also did plenty to make sure to push them away. You felt conflicted.

It all happened on that day, the day you got that blasted letter. You stopped talking to them right after that.

You closed your eyes, exhaustion suddenly taking over.

Yes, that's when it all began. You will never forget the utter despair on their faces upon opening that official looking envelope. You remember being confused, unsure as to why they suddenly looked so fear-stricken. Your mother was shaking and your father stood stock still.

You even remember teasing them, asking them what's wrong? being none the wiser that the letter you were holding in your hands was about to flip your life upside down. You remember your wilting smile as your eyes razed down to the bottom of the paper, your mind whirring with a barrage of questions, the world around you turning.

"... Is this a joke?"

"Honey, please, calm down. He's a good man. They made sure - "

"I don't care if he's a good man! How can they seriously ask me to participate in something like this!?"

"Trust in the Capital, dear. They know what they're doing - "

"I refuse! They can't force me!"

"You have to do it!"

"Or what?"

Erwin called your name. Your eyes sprung open, echoes of your past scattering away.

You felt his hand on your shoulder, gently turning you to him.

"Let's retire for the night. It was a long day."

You blinked at him, almost owlishly, before nodding. He helped you stand up, strong, dependable arms making sure you left the basement unscathed. After changing into your nightwear and going trough your usual nighttime routine, you both slipped under the covers. You immediately turned to Erwin and embraced him, head coming to rest under his defined jawline.

He reciprocated your embrace; big, warm hands descending on your back to pull you closer to him. You felt him sigh into your hair and your eyes got drowsier the moment he started to rub gentle circles into your back with his thumb.

"I know you're angry at them," he whispered, and you sighed, loudly, your eyes remaining shut.

"I just don't understand them... shouldn't it have been their job to protect me from something like this? Take my side? Do everything in their power to not make me go trough this?"

Your voice was raspy but audible in the silent bedroom. Erwin stayed quiet for some while, before humming against your forehead.

"It just shows how much power the Capital has if it forces parents to hand over their child like that."

His sentence carried weight, but you were too fatigued to pick up on that.

"I'd never do that to my children. Never," you whispered, harshly, bitterly, eyes getting misty. "I'd do everything in my power to save them."

"You see what they did to Franz when he wanted to save Hannah. They'd do the same to you. Your children would be enrolled in the Program and become orphans on the same day. They did the right thing."

It was quite a long while ago since you got angry at Erwin, mostly when he was still a stranger to you and his only and biggest sin was being your assigned husband. So you were quite surprised to feel that familiar feeling return; boiling deep in your stomach, heating up your cheeks and quickening your heartbeat.

Eyes flying open, you were just about to ask him how he could possibly take their side, when you glanced up and saw the expression on his face. His head was still slightly resting against the top of your head, but his eyes had a faraway look, staring somewhere ahead, mouth pulled into a deep frown. It was heart-wrenching.

Your outrage immediately evaporated.

Then it struck you.

You immediately crawled up to him and took his face into your hands.

"No, no, Erwin... I'm so sorry."

He did say his father passed away, but even back then, in your slightly intoxicated state, you were able to pick up the elusive way he talked about him. You cursed yourself for never asking him anything more, then again, it was a sensitive subject, you really didn't want to pry. He leaned against your palm, a sad smile crossing his lips.

"I guess I shouldn't have said that. I have no right to pass judgement like that. But sometimes I can't help but wonder what would have happened if my father didn't protest like that... maybe he'd still be around."

You shook your head, before he even finished his sentence. Scooting even closer to him, you embraced him tightly. Switching positions, his head was now under your jaw, pressed against your collarbone. He reciprocated your hug, hands sliding upwards to your shoulder blades. A short pause followed, while you chewed over your words.

"I suppose being a parent is much harder than it seems," you finally murmured, realization hitting you at the same time. There was no right or wrong way of doing things here, where almost everything was decided for you.

"I guess it was ignorant of me to say what I said."

"You're justified in your anger," Erwin murmured back. "But you're only going to torture yourself if you get stuck on trying to find out why they did what they did."

You knew he also meant this for himself.

Gaze softening, you leaned down to press a kiss on his blond strands. He closed his eyes, and you didn't close yours, until you were sure he was asleep. Your mind went trough everything that you two discussed, while your hands gingerly smoothed out the worry lines on his forehead.

When everything that transpired that day finally caught up with you, and you failed to keep yourself awake any longer, you leaned your cheek against his forehead with a despondent exhale, before joining him in his sleep.

Notes:

* Isabel is one of the members of Rico Brzenska's team that died. She's never shown, only mentioned once. My toxic trait is remembering insignificant (?) background characters.

* The Frequency 3.370 MHz is a real, existing one. It belonged to number station DCF37, which transmitted from West Germany beginning in the 1950's. There's some recordings of number stations uploaded to Youtube, if anyone's interested in seeing how they sound like. They're quite creepy tho, so i'd recommend checking them out when it's daytime.

Chapter 22: A lucky man

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Sunday morning was spent in a way Sunday mornings are meant to: idle and shiftless.

There was no need for Erwin to wake up early for work - something you still needed to get used to ever since he started sleeping in the same bedroom - nor was there any need to plan what to wear for another Circle meeting. No need to go grocery shopping, sneak out to meet up with someone, or find another device to execute your master plan of fleeing.

There were only satin pillows, blankets, the pleasant smell of laundry detergent, and soap.

You awoke in the same position you fell asleep in, with Erwin's head under your jaw, his face nesting between your neck and collarbone. You shifted, subtly and carefully, only to the extent of getting some feeling back into your limbs, all while trying to guard his sleep.

"I can let go if you want to get up," Erwin lowly murmured against your neck, making you flinch.

"Oh, I'm sorry," you whispered against his hair. "Did I wake you?"

He shook his head, the tip of his nose brushing against your pulse from left to right and then back. "No, you didn't. I was already half-awake."

You took him in, as he laid there in your embrace, eyes closed shut and his arms securely around your torso. As you did so, the conversation from yesterday night resurfaced in your mind, and your eyes softened with tenderness.

No longer was he only Erwin; dependable, competent, blessed with keen eyes and intuitions beyond your understanding, but also someone who harbored the deep and troubled waters of a lake in a storm behind a cool mien. It was a type of sorrow that was invisible, yet now it shamelessly hung around his shoulders, refused to leave his side in the grey Sunday light.

A peculiar feeling of wanting to protect, to shield this man was taking over you. His frame was wide and angular, yes, and he was impossibly tall and strong. But that only made you wonder... how much did he suffer silently, how many things did he have to shoulder in the past?

Closing your eyes, you brushed your lips against his hair and forehead, breathing a kiss on that spot.

He was your own personal Atlas.

But instead of holding up the sky of heavens, he's taking on the burden of the people around him. You thought of Levi, then Mike, even Hannah... and now he was helping you. And who knows how many other people he has helped out, how many more he promised to help?

Your thoughts and feelings bordered on something maternal. It made you want to hold onto him like this, forever. Never let him out of this bedroom, so he'd remain here with you, safe and sound - and you hoped with all your might – happy.

You felt him move. He opened his eyes, and you met his gaze.

"Are you all right?"

You exhaled trough your nose, short and disbelieving. "I should be the one asking you that."

Looking nonplussed, he stared, before pulling his head away from your neck.

"No, stop, go back to sleep," you protested lightly, but he ignored you and laid his head on his pillow, coming face to face with you.

"Too late," he whispered, a ghost of a smile on his lips, before he continued. "You can't say something like that and then expect me to go back to sleep. What did you mean by that?"

You didn't answer him immediately. "I feel guilty about yesterday."

"How so?"

"I didn't know what happened to your father, yet here I was complaining about my own parents."

"Well, there is your answer. You didn't know about it, so there's no need to feel guilty. And as I said yesterday, you're not wrong for feeling the way you do."

"But how do you - "

Feel. That's what you wanted to ask him. And so much more than that, like if he ever told this to anyone, if he ever really processed what happened. But just like previous times, he saw all your questions reflect in your eyes, in the way you were biting down on your lower lip, as if you've been caught doing something deplorable.

He smiled, and the lines forming around his eyes was every bit of comforting.

"I've already made peace with my past. You don't have to worry about me."

You held his gaze. "It still must not have been easy."

"It wasn't. But no amount of worrying or questioning is going to change what happened. All I can do is face forward and focus on what's in front of me."

You weren't sure if his choice of words were deliberate, seeing as it was you who was quite literally in front of him. You decided on the former, the moment his hand came to brush a strand of your hair away from your cheek. Still...

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He remained silent, and you were starting to fear that your question effectively broke the intimate spell you two were in, made him crawl back into his hard shell, never to be seen again. But his eyes and lips remained gentle, his hand still felt pleasant on your skin. And something fleeting did cross his mind, you realized, as you caught the signs of contemplation on his face. But then he spoke.

"Perhaps not right now. But I'll tell you all about it one day."

That was good enough for now.

"Will you let me know if you ever feel blue again, though? You always talk about what husbands are good for, but wife's aren't just decorations, either," you murmured.

At that, he blinked, before letting out a quiet laugh. "Of course, sweetheart."

"I mean it."

"I know you do."

A short pause ensued with you staring in each others' eyes, before you drew closer to him and left a short, soul-warming kiss on his lips.

Late in the morning, you drew the curtains open and Erwin heard a stifled laughter escape you.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to gather his bearings, he raised one of his eyebrows at the sound, and turned around. You were standing in front of the window, still in your night gown, hands currently hiding your mouth.

Curios and curioser, Erwin stood and sauntered up to you.

"What is so funny?"

He got his answer, the moment he reached you. For outside, there was a fresh layer of snow, tauntingly white, thick and sparkly. Your laughter only intensified once you saw the dejected expression on his face.

"Aw, come now," you told him, rubbing his upper arm. "I'll help you with the shoveling."

He looked at you. "You will?"

A roll of your eyes, accompanied by a smile. "Yes. Lest anyone think that I'm making you do slave-work," you said, already turning to your wardrobe and searching for shoveling-appropriate clothes.

The room was soon filled with the rustling of fabric, as you rummaged trough rows and rows of skirts and dresses. All of them fashionable, but way too formal and unpractical for the task at hand. Your smile did not wither, however, as you finally found the perfect opportunity to try out this other article of clothing that you've spotted in your wardrobe right after moving in. Pulling it out, you grinned in victory.

"Overalls?" you heard Erwin elicit behind you somewhat surprised. You nodded and walked to your mirror, holding it out in front of you.

"It's perfect, don't you think?"

He wanted to agree with you, maybe even crack a joke about how the Capital is more progressive than people give them credit for, gifting what is basically a pair of pants to a woman, when he saw you actually pull them on, and another realization hit him.

He stilled and watched, as you hoisted it up to your waist, while getting rid of your nightgown and reach for a sweater inside the dresser. Once it was pulled over your head and down your waist, you slipped the straps over your shoulders, giving them an experimental tug southwards. Stepping in front of the mirror again, you looked at yourself from the front and the side.

"So what do you think?"

It was more than perfect. The long pants elongated your legs and drew attention to your waist. Your skirts and dresses did the same, yes, and they made you look every bit of stunning, but they failed to showcase one particular area of your body.

For some reason, even after having seen you naked, Erwin averted his eyes, when he saw the way the fabric clung to your backside. He did offer you a curt 'it looks good' but his voice was uncharactestically thick. Turning around, you saw the tip of his ears take on a pinkish hue and his eyes kept resolutely on anywhere but you.

You quirked an eyebrow, at first mistaking his dispassionate reaction as something aloof.

Before it dawned on you.

You grinned, enjoying the effect your outfit has on him and making a note of wearing it more often. Though, as you were feeling quite charitable today, you decided to leave the topic of outfits as is, and not tease him any further.

The grin on your face, however, wilted once you two were outside.

"It's freezing," you shuddered, shovel already in your hand.

It wasn't this cold yesterday, of that you were sure, and you were wearing way more layers now, then you did the day before.

Despite that, your arms quickly fell into a comfortable rhythm of pushing and raising, the exertion and the weather pinching your cheeks red. The fresh snow was pliant, too, and made way to the frozen ground underneath. A cold breeze occasionally swept trough the streets, picking up snowflakes and giving them a swirl all around you. Some of them landed on your hair and lashes, yet this did not bother you, as you rather enjoyed the cold yet mild sting they gave you.

It was like this, until you got to the Rhododendron bushes close to your porch.

You stopped, stretched a bit and let your eyes take in their majestic, frosty and positively bulbous appearance. The more it snowed, the more they looked like two scoops of ice cream, that just so happened to magically fall from the sky and land in front of your house. The comparison made you chuckle, before an idea formed in your mind.

With a furtive glance behind you, you reached out to one of the bushes and grabbed a generous amount of snow. It let out a satisfying crunch between your fingers, as your mittened hands shaped it into a ball.

Your victim was none the wiser. Still in the motions of shoveling, he was turned away from you and his wide back was wide open. Unguarded. Vulnerable. Exposed.

The next thing Erwin registered was something cold and fast whiz past his ear followed by a whispered 'darn it'.

He straightened himself up and slowly turned around to face you. You met his gaze, a huge, unashamed grin on your face. But your mischievous expression was only seconds away from a worried frown, when he didn't immediately mirror yours. Fearing that maybe you had crossed a line, and that you should take things more seriously – after all, you two are about to escape a dictatorial hellhole – you were just about to apologize, when, in an instant, he was after you, letting his shovel fall behind him.

You shrieked in joy and sprinted the opposite direction, but he was fast on your heel and easily caught up with only a few strides.

"Oh, so that's how it is," you heard him chuckle, big, mittened hands grabbing you by the waist and hoisting you up.

"I am sorry, Your Honor, I didn't mean to," you wheezed, lightly protesting against his hold. "But you have to understand, it was too good of an opportunity to miss!"

"Oh, that's perfectly understandable," he grinned, an arm coming under your thighs for support, while you hung onto him by his shoulders. "But then it's only fair for me to also take the opportunity."

Your laughter died down, head whipping to his. "The opportunity to do what?"

You only got a lopsided smile as an answer.

Then he slowly leaned back and you gripped onto him harder once you realized what he was doing.

"No, wait - !"

Too late. You both collapsed into the white, untouched ground; snowflakes around you jumping into the air like powder upon impact. You whined out his name, but you were both laughing and breathless. It didn't take long for the wintry ground underneath you to make itself known, despite the layers of your clothes, and so your laugh was soon interrupted by a shiver. Erwin saw, and didn't waste any time to pull your form onto his, effectively creating a wedge between you and the icy layers underneath.

"You do realize that an innocent snowball would not have made you this soaked, right?" you told him, chuckling, after laying your head on his chest, his heartbeat covered by his jacket. He matched your laugh and you felt his hands on your back.

"I do, but it was worth it."

And it really was. His fair eyes appreciatively looked you over; the way you were laying on him, out of breath and grinning, your reddened cheeks and nose, and the playful glint in your eyes. The way your hair and eyelashes were spotted with snowflakes, giving you an almost fairy-like appearance, as if you just leapt out of a storybook and landed in his arms.

You were unaware of his admiring, still trying to catch your breath, so when you heard him move, you thought he was about to stand up. And you were just about to help him by removing your weight from him, when you felt him gently roll over you.

This time around you could hardly care less what the snow underneath you felt like, not when he leaned down and hovered over you with the most smitten, infatuated look on his face.

"Gorgeous woman," he murmured against your lips and you had no time to blush, as he kissed you ever so carefully.

The sight of two adults kissing in a snowy garden must have looked rather odd for any by-passer, but none of you cared enough to stop.

Propriety be damned.

Sitting in front of the fireplace, you glanced to the television set situated further away. There were a few books, magazines, and a small, empty vase positioned on its surface. Other than that, it was unassumingly sitting in the corner, collecting dust. None of you really missed its presence, though, not with its propaganda-riddled programs and an orchestra of oppressive tones and sounds.

Snuggling even closer to Erwin, a quiet, happy sigh escaped you.

After your stunt in the snow today, you both hurried inside and changed into warm clothes, before deciding to spend the afternoon in front of the fireplace. At this point you were thinking about proposing to leave the living room as is right now, with the the television left abandoned in the corner and the coffee table pushed aside, so that you could do this everyday, if not every other day.

"Penny for you thoughts?" Erwin murmured next to you.

You leaned against his shoulder, humming and searching for the right words.

"Did you really mean it when you said that we'd get a house out there?" You gulped, continuing quieter. "...And start a family?"

Erwin gazed into the fire, the dance of the flames reflecting in his eyes, before a smile crossed his lips.

"Yes. I meant it."

A small blush dusted your cheeks. Then again, you should have known him by now and how he wasn't the kind of man to say things he didn't mean. Getting bolder, you prepared to pose him your next question. Your nerves got the better of you, however, and it came out more like a quiet statement, than a question.

"So you'd like to have children, huh..."

You heard him chuckle.

"Yes. As long as you'd also like to have children."

You nodded. You did want to. And now there was no doubt with whom you'd like to have them. Still, there was one more thing you wanted to know. You were so engrossed in the flames yourself, the heat of the hearth beckoning you in, the crackling of the wood ensnaring your senses, that you didn't notice him lean down and brush his lips against your cheek. You jumped slightly, when you heard him close to you:

"Out with it, love. Before you bite a hole trough your lips."

In an instant, you let your lower lip escape the wrath of your teeth, not realizing that you were indeed biting down on it. So you turned to him and held his gaze, before -

"How many would you like to have?"

He didn't get embarrassed by your question, then again, there was hardly anything that would rouse him out of his usual composure. What did surprise you was how little he thought about his answer.

"Four."

Eyes growing wide, you could only gape. He stood your gaze, amused at the sight of you.

"I'm guessing that's too high of a number?"

"Erwin, someone has to carry out those children!"

"I'm well aware of how amazing women are, yes," he chuckled, his grin only getting wider once you swatted your hand against his bicep with a roll of your eyes. But then you clambered on your knees and put your arms around his neck. He drew you closer to him, smiling, one eyebrow arched upon seeing the shadows your worry cast on your face.

"What is it?"

Your teeth resumed their ambush on your lip, before retreating.

"Four children? Really?" you sighed, eliciting another chuckle from him.

"Well, I was an only child, so I always wondered what it would be like to have siblings."

"You don't need to have three siblings to know what that's like."

"Fair enough. But you're an only child, too. Tell me how many you would like to have?"

You closed your eyes, humming.

"I guess two would be a good number."

"Then how about we have three?" he offered with a wince, trying for a compromise. You curled your lips, mulling it over.

"I guess one more wouldn't hurt. I'll think about it."

You shared a laugh, quick and quiet, before your grins transformed into satisfied smiles; eyes gleaming at the prospect of your shared future. You then kissed, chaste and sweet, merely a loving peck, before you drew closer to him and leaned your head against his sturdy chest. His arms hugged you to himself, while his chin came to rest on the top of your head.

"We'll have to worry about how to settle down first, before we can even think about anything like this. Shouldn't we start planning for that before we escape?"

"I'll go and search for employment the moment we set foot in Marley. I'll just need some forged documents from Levi, first. But I'm confident that I'll find something, once that's taken care of."

"Do you plan on keeping to work as a lawyer?"

At this, Erwin let out a laugh, tinged with something sad and bitter. "No, I do not. I think I've had my fill with courthouses for a life."

His answer surprised you somewhat, making you glance upwards in his embrace. "And discard everything you worked for in Trost? I don't know about you, but I found university quite challenging."

"It was and I did work hard," he sighed, a strange hue overtaking his eyes at the mention of Trost University. "But I was also too naive to believe that I could make any significant change with a law degree. Naive, and maybe arrogant, too."

"Erwin, you're anything but," you sighed, and thought about how to combat his defeatist self-talk. For someone who's this competent, he sure has a negatve self-image. You decided to address this once you two left Eldia.

"So what would you like to work as?"

Now he replied a bit slower.

"I guess I'd like to become a teacher."

You sat up straighter in his lap and looked at him, grinning. "Really?"

"Is that weird?" he asked, smiling back.

"No, not at all!" you hastily clarified, your grin only growing, eyes turning gentle. "I think that's very sweet. But how come, if you don't mind me asking?"

His smile took on something woesome. "My father was a teacher, too, so I guess, the idea came because of him."

Filled with nothing but compassion and empathy, your feelings from today morning returned. You hugged him tighter, burring your face and nose back into the thin valley of his pectorals.

"You'd make a very good teacher."

He smiled into your hair, but said nothing. He didn't have to for you to know how much he apprecaited your support.

"What about you, though?"

You opened your eyes against his chest, while he went on. "We're not going to be in Eldia anymore. If you want to work, you can."

"You're right," you whispered, looking up back at him.

He met your gaze, kind and loving. "Would you want that?"

You thought for a while. Looking back, you did not mind the half a year you spent here living as a housewife. But that was mostly because of Erwin and his willingness to do his part of the housechores. Still, you did feel like you'd want to make use of your degree and earn your own money.

"Yes," you answered at last, looking him resolutely in the eyes. "As I said before, Trost was anything but a piece of cake. So I might as well. Plus," you continued, nestling your head between his neck and the junction of his shoulder. "Both of us would profit from a double income. I don't expect you to pay for everything, like you do here."

"I see," he answered and you heard the smile in his voice. "Then I'll ask Levi to forge papers for one more person."

You shared a smile and resumed your cuddling.

Behind you, the fire swayed and danced in the hearth, its every move dutifully mirrored in the lights and shadows it cast against the walls. The sound of fire crackling slowly lulled you into a drowsy state, and the atmosphere around you certainly didn't help with keeping you awake, as it turned more and more cozy. Outside, it turned dark, and the snow covered rooftops of your neighbours gradually vanished behind a wall of inky black.

It was pure bliss and comfort. At that moment you were completely unburdened.

"I love you," you whispered suddenly. So suddenly, that you yourself weren't even aware of what you just uttered, until you felt Erwin stiffen against you.

After that, a short pause ensued, with neither of you moving. The fire continued crackling, the shadows kept on dancing, while you felt frozen to the spot. But then you felt him move and your cheeks were already back to their usual hue of red, when he raised your head by your chin.

It really only dawned on you what just happened once you met his gaze, blue eyes smoldering in the dark living room. Feeling the urge to explain yourself, you stuttered.

"I just realized that I didn't even say it back... y-you know, that day."

He took you in for a while, before closing his eyes, and a pained, yet adoring smile accompanied his expression.

"So do you mean to tell me, that you only confessed to me, because you didn't want to leave me hanging the other day?" he asked, and you were just about to protest, when he reopened his eyes and you caught the teasing glint in them.

Still, you straightened yourself in his hold, as annoyance, mixed with the need to explain yourself, ordered you to snap back.

"N-no, of course not, that's absurd! I'd never - "

Erwin then laughed, a healthy, joyous laugh, effectively cutting you off, before he keeled over and delicately laid you down on the carpet. Once he was above you, he leaned down.

"Forgive me for teasing you like this," he whispered against your lips, still smiling. "I'm not doing it to be mean. But it's addictive, seeing you like this."

His eyes were overflowing with a variety of emotions, and a contemplative expression settled in yours at the sight of him. There was also something else there, you realized, the more you gazed up at him.

Fear or disbelief. Apprehension, even.

You raised your hand to his cheek, and he instinctively leaned into your palm, with his eyes closed, cherishing your skin, which he knew was warm, soft and so innocent, unlike his.

"Erwin," you started quietly, making him open his eyes. "I meant what I said," you continued. "I love you."

He gazed back at you, his eyes rapidly taking you in, as if memorizing every inch of your face. Your own eyes narrowed, not knowing what to make of him. Slightly worried and confused, you asked him.

"What's wrong? Why are you looking at me like that?"

He blinked, your voice successfully rousing him out of whatever stupor he fell into. Quickly pulling himself together, he shook his head with a sad smile and brought your hand to his lips.

There, he left one of the gentlest kisses you ever received from him. The warmth of his lips seeped into your skin, your veins, your bones, sending goosebumps down your arm.

"Nothing, love," he then answered, murmuring against the back of your hand. "There's just this quote that I got reminded of: A lucky man is rarer than a white crow. Yet here I am, feeling every bit of a lucky man."

You listened to him, eyebrow still cocked in curiosity, before a grin broke out on your face. Quietly laughing, you pulled him down to you.

"You're such a sap," you whispered to him, all in good humor, before giving him another sweet peck.

He then laid down next to you, and you wasted no time to slither back into his embrace, while the fire behind you dwindled to ember, the shadows on the walls retired for the night, and the inky night expanded even further above you.

Notes:

Fluff, fluff, fluff and a bit of hurt.

And I included this chapter for a reason, because - without giving too much away - it's only going to get downhill after this.
So strap yourselves in, folks, because we're in for a really bumpy ride 😟

Chapter 23: Apprehension

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The sound of a moving vehicle roused you from sleep. At first you only felt the way it rocked your body; the gentle sway of your head, as it lolled from left to right, before you straightened yourself in your seat and opened your eyes.

You were in a car, sitting in the backseat. On your right side was Erwin, looking calmly ahead. On your left side was the window, and outside was dark — so much so, that you couldn't even identify where you were. As if you were driving trough an insidiously dark tunnel.

You rubbed at your eyes, hurriedly trying to make your vision sharper. Disoriented, you turned to the blond sitting next to you.

"Where are we?" you croaked.

Erwin only looked ahead. "Just outside Wall Sina, we crossed the border not long ago. But there's still a good few miles ahead of us before we can stop for a quick rest."

Still confused, you echoed. "A quick rest?"

"We've been on the road since dawn. But we can't stop now, we're still too close to the border. We can't risk them noticing us."

You glanced to the window on your left again. If you were driving since dawn, why is it still so dark outside?

"Why didn't you wake me? I don't remember crossing over to Rose."

Erwin turned to you for the first time. He smiled, but his eyes were devoid of their confident sheen. He looked exhausted.

"I didn't see the point in waking you. Figured you'd need all the rest you can get," he explained, before placing his hand on yours between you both. "Go back to sleep. I'll wake you once we leave Eldia," he added, giving you a reassuring squeeze.

You gazed at him, and then nodded drowsily.

Relaxing your posture, you leaned back in your seat. Your obedient eyelids came to a stop, however, when your gaze swept over your conjoined hands again. Specifically, when you caught sight of the color of the seat underneath your hands.

It was burgundy red.

Eyes widening, you looked around once more. The interior of the car looked familiar, but in no way was that comforting. And as snippets from your past resurfaced, you came to the realization, that you've sat here before.

In an instant, you retracted your hand. Erwin didn't react, and kept looking ahead. You studied him from the side, growing uneasy. Why were you in the car that first brought you to your house in Mitras?

You turned ahead and leaned forward. You were about to ask Levi, but you stopped once you recognized who was sitting behind the wheel.

It was the same driver that picked you up at City Hall on the day of your engagement.

Mouth turning dry, you stared. He didn't look back, merely drove ahead into an impossibly long darkness.

"What's going on here?" you asked, turning back to Erwin. He was undisturbed at your obvious distress, and regarded you coolly.

"What do you mean?"

"Why are we here? Where is Levi?"

He flicked his eyes back ahead. "Why does it matter? The important thing is that we're finally leaving."

You stared at him, not believing your ears. Erwin acted nothing like himself. There was no trace of his usual friendly demeanor or the gentle air surrounding him. Instead he was rigid, distant, almost indifferent.

"How did you get ahold of this car?" You suddenly realized that you have no recollection of even entering this vehicle. A shiver passed through your form. "Did you carry me here?"

He didn't answer you. Instead, he stubbornly looked ahead.

"Erwin!"

No reaction. His blue eyes, dull and unaccompanied by that twinkle you've come to adore, only faced forward. This was not your caring and gentle Erwin, not your doting husband.

Reaching for your seatbelt, you turned to the driver.

"Stop the car!"

The driver didn't listen to you, and only kept driving. Your trembling hands managed to free yourself, before you turned to him again.

"I said stop the car!" you now shouted. But no one even batted an eyelid, both Erwin and the driver acting as if you weren't even there.

Your head wildly switched between the blond and the man in front of you, waiting for any kind of acknowledgement. When none came, you turned to the door next to you.

"Fine! Then I'll just jump!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," said Erwin behind you, his voice nothing short of lukewarm concern.

You decided to ignore him, instead trying to open the car's door, but it proved to be more difficult, when your hands kept slipping off the handle.

Erwin called your name again, just when you finally succeeded, and the door opened. Outside was so dark, you didn't see anything. That didn't stop you from scooting to the very edge of your seat, and when Erwin called your name again, you grabbed at the sides of the car and jumped.

You expected solid ground to skin your legs and arms, to roll a few times after the initial impact with concrete.

Instead, there was nothing. Underneath you lay an endless void.

Heart jumping in your throat, you turned around mid-jump and grabbed the door of the car, hanging on for dear life as the vehicle quite literally whizzed through nothing.

Being preoccupied with that, you didn't notice Erwin scooting over to your side of the seat and looking outside.

"See what happens when you don't listen to me, darling? This is why you need to trust me more."

His tone was charged with contempt. He talked to you like you were a simple-minded child.

Lost for words, you could only focus on the way your fingers were turning white. Tears pricked at your eyelashes, when you sensed a few of them slipping.

A ray of hope appeared, when you saw Erwin lean down. Believing that he'd grab you and pull you inside, you internally let out a sigh of relief. Instead, he grabbed your hands, and worked on loosening your hold on the door. With utmost dexterity, he removed your remaining fingers, one by one.

"No," you whimpered, eyes going wide. "Stop it!"

He didn't listen and continued. One of your arms slipped down, leaving you dangling with the other. Through tears, you locked eyes with him, pleading.

"Please!"

Erwin remained unfazed. He looked at you like you were something mildly interesting to look at. Your last fingers were shaking, and your whole arm strained with the effort to keep you chained to the car. Then he leaned down.

"Misbehaving wives need to learn their place," he exclaimed in a voice so cold, you almost didn't recognize him. Never once did he talk to you like that. You had no time to ruminate about his cruel words, though, when he suddenly reached for the handle of the door. Realizing what he was about to do, you cried out.

"No! NO!"

Your words had no effect. He forcefully shut the car's door, forcing you to let go. You caught one last glimpse of his icy eyes, before falling.

As you fell through the dark, endless void, you watched the car above you drive ahead, leaving you behind. Soon it was merely but a small, white dot moving across space, before disappearing.

Your hair and clothes violently flapped around, your tears fell upwards, and your ears rang loudly in your head. Each second you fell, the more numb you became.

You turned your head southwards. Underneath you was completely black, too, but you knew that whatever was down there was coming at you fast. Closing your eyes, a few more tears rolled along your skin, as you awaited the initial impact.

It never came.

With a loud gasp, you awoke in your bed, heart going a mile a minute. You blinked - once, twice, thrice - before you could get your breathing under control. Feeling the need to feel your limbs, you flexed your hands under the covers; your minds way of determining, that you were still very much intact.

As you vision refocused, you saw that you were in your bedroom, back in Mitras. Before you could take note of anything else, you heard your name being called from beside you.

You flinched when you saw Erwin sit up, a look of utmost concern marring his face. The lines on his forehead deepened once he saw the fine layer of sweat on your face and the way your hair stuck to your forehead.

"Darling, what happened?"

Your breathing was still irregular, leaving you wheezing beside him. Your eyes zig-zagged across his face, his muscular upper body, and when you didn't answer him immediately, he turned to you, ready to reach out.

"No," you tensed, ready to scoot away from him. You caught the quiet flash of pain in his eyes, but he retracted his hand and watched as you sat up. You brushed your hair away from your face, mostly to occupy yourself with something, but it wasn't enough to hide from Erwin how much you were still trembling.

"Did you have a nightmare?" he suddenly asked, gaze switching between your hands and face. You nodded, but found it difficult to look at him while doing so, terrified that you'd meet those same pair of icy eyes. And as perceptive as Erwin was, this was enough for him to deduce that whatever you dreamt about, he was in it.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Dread enveloped you once again. Did you? Were you ready to discuss the things that nightmare was alluding to?

Letting out a shaky breath, you hung your head. You weren't. Not when you were so deep in this alliance you and him formed. You had to keep believing him. This was merely stress taking its toll on you.

Erwin only ever treated you right, and not once did he give you cause to suspect anything. Your mind whirred, playing back the last months you spent with him. Meeting up with Mike and Levi, helping Hannah, visiting her and Franz, the day you first moved in –

The day you moved in, the chauffer –

The chauffer –

Erwin called your name, snapping you out of your thoughts. Finally able to look at him again, he looked nothing like the man in your nightmare. Even in the dark, you could recognize the soft, kind eyes that were reserved just for you.

"I can sleep downstairs again." he started. "If you'd like to be left alone."

There was no animosity in his voice, or any trace of him being offended. Just endless compassion and patience.

Your hand slipped from your chest to your lap. In an instant, you wanted nothing more than to be in his arms.

"No, stay," you replied, scooting back to him. "Please."

He sat there, carefully eyeing every movement of yours, but opened his arms the moment he saw you climb in his lap. He rubbed soothing circles on your back, while you nudged your head between his shoulder and jaw, in the safest place on Earth.

"Are you all right?"

You hummed. "Yes. I just had a silly dream, is all."

He pulled you closer to himself, making you sigh out of contentment.

"I'm here for you if you want to talk about it."

You nodded against his warm skin.

You have to trust him.

You frowned. This is the first time your magic wardrobe has left you hanging ever since you moved here. Standing in front of the furniture, you pursed your lips, rummaging through its contents for the fourth time. Alas, nothing suitable turned up.

Letting out a sigh, you came to the decision to go shopping. It wasn't something you were keen to do, but you absolutely had to find something a little more fancy to Marie's party.

Grabbing your bag, you left the house, and contemplated - not for the first time - if maybe skipping the next meeting would be wiser after all. This feeling only got stronger the more you browsed for dresses. Surrounded by an amazing selection of clothes only managed to intimidate, rather than impress you. Despite your decision to enter one of Mitras' less flashy stores, the feeling of dread was no less apparent in your chest.

And not only did this pesky feeling staunchly remain throughout the week, it got worse the nearer the weekend arrived. The only comfort you had was the thought of Hannah and your parents being safe. Whenever you felt your composure crumble, you reminded yourself of this very fact, putting full faith in Levi and Mike to take care of them.

This worked, until Thursday arrived, and you suddenly found yourself gnawing on your nails again. You spent the whole day thinking of them, wondering if they arrived safely, if everything went just as planned. Erwin could sense your anxiety and helped in whichever way he could, but he was also getting aware of you being a tad bit more distant since Sunday. It wasn't obvious, and to anyone else you seemed just like your usual self, but nothing escaped his keen eyes.

The way you'd be just a little more skittish and nervous whenever he was around, or the way you sometimes had difficulty meeting his eyes. Even when he kissed you, he could feel how tense you were. He knew you were on edge, given what was happening a good few miles away, but Erwin was also someone who never fed into any delusion, and knew that part of the reason for your current behavior was he himself.

Finding it wiser not to address it, he let you be.

That was rather hard, though, when he caught you eyeing the basement the whole day. Only after your eyes, so pretty and yet so pained, locked with his, did he decide to talk.

"There's no scheduled transmission today, I'm afraid," he stated gently, something you were just as aware of.

The last transmission was on Monday, and nothing groundbreaking happened. Levi and Mike merely told you how everything is as was: fine. Their next call would be on Saturday, if all goes well. Which means that you'd have to endure Marie's party while also fret about their message that would await you once you returned. Raising a hand to your forehead you shut your eyes, as waves of worry crashed above you.

Friday arrived and everything was a blur. You didn't even remember what you were doing the whole day, besides wandering aimlessly around the house. The television was on, serving as background noise, seeing as no program could actually reel in your attention. Reading was just as hopeless of an endeveour, eyes skipping entire rows and pages without retaining anything. You were in no mood to clean, had next to no patience for needlework. Not even the snowy landscape outside was enticing enough to go for a walk.

Once Erwin arrived home from work, you immediately abandoned whatever you were doing, and ran to him. The ice between you momentarily broke, when you leapt into his arms, and he reciprocated the embrace just as eagerly.

"Darling, what's wrong?" he whispered into your hair, and you burrowed your face into his chest; the scent of chimney smoke his coat carried very apparent against your nose.

"I'm so scared," you admitted, finally allowing yourself to be just as vulnerable and open as you were before that nightmare.

He kissed the top of your head, his hands soothingly rubbing at your waist, up-and-down.

"I know you are, but I'll get you out of here very soon. You know I promised you that. And you saw what we are capable of. Mike, Levi, Moblit, Hange... it's going to work out."

You sniffled, a few tears unabashedly escaping your eyes, as you hurriedly nodded into his warmth.

"I know. It's just... sometimes it's just too much. There are so many things that can go wrong, it's exhausting to keep everything in mind. Always having to be on your toes, always keeping up your guard. I have no idea how you do it."

"There is no other choice, I'm afraid. It's all part of our survival," he murmured, drawing you even closer to him. You stayed like that, embracing each other tightly, enjoying the way his big frame molded against yours.

"Make love to me," you suddenly requested of him.

Erwin blinked, surprised, before quietly laughing. "Would that help?"

You drew closer to him. "Yes, it would," came your reply, with nary a hint of bashfulness.

Erwin stepped away from you, and your head whipped up, crestfallen, thinking for a second that he wasn't in the mood. You calmed down, however, when you realized that he merely did so to take off his winter coat and remove his shoes. After which he calmly turned to you and before you knew it, bent down and hoisted you up bridal-style.

The action startled you a bit, gasping out his name and grabbing onto his neck much tighter. He left a long, soothing kiss on your temple, all the while making his way upstairs.

Once in your bedroom, he gently laid you down on the bed, and while he was already impatiently kissing you, you suddenly realized that he didn't even have dinner.

"Are you hungry?" you asked him, lips stubbornly attached to his.

"No," he replied, his voice strained.

"Good," came your whisper. "I completely messed up dinner anyway, so there's nothing to eat."

Erwin gently bit down on your lower lip. "Au contraire, there's plenty to eat right in front of me."

His head swooped down to leave a trail of warm kisses against your neck, and you sighed, as his hand wandered to your waist and pulled you close to him. Even with the layers of clothes between you, the strain between his legs was apparent, only adding fuel to your arousal.

Your hands snaked to his belt, while his rose to your blouse, the both of you making quick work of each others' clothes. Every time an article of clothing was removed, you two were immediately back on each other. Soon enough, his naked chest was pressed against yours, his thick, strong arms were around you. And when your whines gained in volume, and your hips sought out his hand, he didn't waste any time to slither his finger between your fleshy thighs.

You let him massage away all your worries, the slick of your sex and the motions of his fingers creating quite an orchestra in the otherwise quiet room. With a satisfied moan, you raised your arms above your head, completely giving yourself over to his ministrations. You sensed his gaze on you, and even with your eyes closed, you could picture his darkened, hungry blue eyes, as they swallowed up the sight of your teeth teasing your lips, or your bare chest and perky nipples rising up and down.

Jaw going slack, he groaned. Now there was a sight he could never tire of.

His impressive patience snapped, however, once you opened your eyes. They remained hooded while your lips were still captured between your teeth, and so you managed to gift him your quite possibly sultriest gaze he has ever seen on you.

With a growl, he was back on you again.

As he reclaimed your lips, his fingers slipped inside you, and you whined into the kiss, arms and hands coming to cradle him by his hair and neck. Eager lips then left yours, only to brush against your collarbone, your breast; sucking your nipple, capturing it, teasing it with his pearly whites, eliciting another adorable whine from you, making him smile against the flesh. You didn't think anything when you felt his lips go even further, and kiss under your breast, then arriving at your ribcage, your stomach, your bellybutton. Your brain was still mushy and unbothered, even after he gently bit into your hip bone, immediately licking the already forming bruise on the thin skin.

Your eyes sprung open when you felt him move down even further.

"Wait!" you called out, breathing labored. Erwin stopped and glanced at you; some strands of his blonde fringe falling onto his forehead at the motion. Propping yourself up on your elbows, you looked down at him, searching for words, but the only thing that escaped you was:

"D-down there?" you stuttered, cheeks ablaze.

"Don't you want me to?" Erwin asked, he himself already getting up to sit on his haunches. "It's not that," you tried, but your legs did draw closer together at his question. "I just never... you know."

The blond playfully raised an eyebrow. "You won't have to do anything, sweetheart. That's kind of the point."

He was about to dive down again, when your arms shot out to stop him. "No, wait -"

"Yes?"

"W-what if I smell or taste bad?"

Erwin laughed. "That is literally impossible, darling."

"I'm serious," you insisted, but no amount of talk was enough to extinguish that lustful hue in his eyes. "I didn't even shower yet! You might not like it."

Erwin then raised his hand, the one he touched you with before, and held it under his nose. You heard him inhale, and it made you blush, the way he closed his eyes at your scent.

"Anything that smells this good can only taste better," he said with a grin, before leaning in to give you a long kiss on your lips –- the ones on your face. "So will you let me have a taste, love? I'm getting quite hungry," he whispered, his voice lowering into a seductive whisper.

You gulped, still a bit hesitant. But how could you say no to him when he was this eager? So you nodded and laid back down. Shutting your eyes, you were still apprehensive of what he would think of you.

Every last worry of yours vanished, however, the moment his warm tongue made contact with your folds. Eyes springing open, a quiet gasp slipped out of your parted lips as Erwin repeated the motion.

The sensation was nothing like you ever felt before. With each long lick you melted more and more against the mattress behind you.

It took him only seconds to relax you, and so you were soon rendered motionless, only able to watch the ceiling above you, as he continued with his deft appendage. The pleasant sensation was accompanied by his hands, as they started a slow and soothing track against your thighs.

You whispered his name in delight and you felt him smile against you.

The tension in your abdomen built up, your hands sneaked down to bury them in his blond strands. Then, as if out of instinct, you started tugging at them, but then stopped, worried that you might hurt him. That worry was short-lived, however, when Erwin, sensing the pent up tension in your body, suddenly decided to switch gears, and eat you out faster.

Head snapping back, you moaned.

Your hips started moving, not knowing what to do with the onslaught of arousing stimuli. You heard (and felt!) Erwin groan, making you glance down and watch as the blond between your legs held down your hips with his arms.

That was all it took.

Climaxing with an exhale, your body deflated, spent and happy. Zapped from any energy you had, you laid there, with your thighs shaking.

You saw Erwin shift from the corner of your eyes. Raising himself over you, he gazed down at you with the same smile from before, the only difference being that now he also sported something slick and shiny on his lips.

"Are you all right?"

You realized you were looking at him slack-jawed and out of breath, legs still wide apart, so you nodded. At first, only once, then multiple times.

"Yeah. More than all right," you croaked, and he grinned, laying on his side next to you. One of his hands gently rubbed the skin on your thigh, before coming to stop on your stomach.

"And you were worried about your taste. I could devour you all day," he chuckled and leaned down to give you a kiss on your cheek, but before he could move away, you grabbed him and guided him back to your lips.

Despite your previous orgasm, your kiss was charged full of want and need, something Erwin immediately took note of. Slightly pulling away, he was just about to ask something, but you cut him off.

"No, don't pull away," you panted against his lips. "Just fuck me."

Your crude language might have surprised him for a second, never having heard you talk like that, but you couldn't care less, especially when he returned your kiss and mounted you, as if to say your wish is my command.

There was no need for any more preparations, he was still plenty hard and you were still plenty wet. The penetrating feeling you felt almost a second later was therefore more than welcome, and you made it your duty to show him how much. While he moved in and out of you, you panted into his neck, gasped out his name, kissed him, bit him, licked him. Erwin groaned each time, but as time went on and his hips started snapping into you with more vigor, those groans gradually turned into growls.

In the end you both took on a harsh, almost grueling pace, but you loved it, reveled in it; reveled in the sound of skin slapping against skin, the sound of your headboard banging against the wall, the way he breathed hard against the shell of your ear.

Chasing pleasure, you two were loud, the loudest you've ever been, but clearly none of you cared, only focusing on each other.

When at last, the coil snapped.

Instead of him rolling away from you, so as not to crush you with his body weight, you two remained in each others' embrace. You felt his heartbeat thump against his skin, and he was so close, pressed against you, you swore you could hear the blood rushing through his veins, flowing into his muscled, veiny arms.

You turned to him, and saw him with his eyes closed, his plush lips open to even his breathing, his hair a charming mess.

"I love you," you croaked to him, and this time without any hesitation, without any second thoughts or any sense of obligation. You weren't even sure he heard you, but he immediately opened his eyes and locked gazes with you. Eyes softening, he scooted closer to you, until his face was hovering above yours.

"I love you, too," he whispered back, not wasting any time to give you a gentle, heart-melting kiss. "So, so much," he added between kisses.

Notes:

Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait, I was battling a massive case of writer's block, and I could only now kind of recover from it. But here it is, the next chapter.

I also got a lot of lovely comments on the last few chapters, sorry if I couldn't reply to all of them, but I just wanted to let you guys know that I appreciate literally every interaction with this piece 3 Also, holly hell, some of you are really good at guessing where this story is going or what might possibly happen in the future chapters 👀 I mean it's not like the story is hiding it, the signs are there, but still, I'm impressed 😉

Hope you enjoy & until next time!
(Which hopefully won't take another 2 months, lol)

Chapter 24: "I'm having a picnic"

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You weren't the least bit surprised the first time you saw the house of the Dok's. The pitched roofs, the long, wraparound porch, the turret and roof tower - they all oozed the same air as Marie.

The path up to its front door was swept perfectly clear from snow, and as Erwin and you made your way to the house, you wondered if Marie and her husband insisted on having such a grand Victorian house, or if the Capitol gifted it to them without any special thought.

Your heartbeat quickened the closer you got to the entrance.

You tried to look around, intent on distracting yourself from whats to come. But all you accomplished was getting a glimpse of the neighboring homes, which looked so small in comparison to the one in front of you, it almost seemed as if they were about to be swallowed up.

And now the same fate awaited you.

Erwin noticed your stalling. Glancing down, he saw the look of dread marring your face.

"Are you all right?"

A slow gulp forced its way down your tight, swollen throat. "Yes," you breathed. "I think so."

Unsatisfied with your answer, you sensed his eyes narrow disapprovingly on your form.

"We don't have to do this. We can still turn around."

If he thought you looked frightened a second ago, you positively looked alarmed now.

"Oh, no, no, no," you replied, your voice barely a whisper. "We can't do that, we have to go inside."

Erwin's frown deepened. He stepped in front of you, barring your way, and raised his hands to your upper arm.

"Look at how much you're shaking. If you feel like this is a bad idea, trust your instincts and let's leave."

You held his gaze, his stern expression. The sun has set early, as it always does when it's winter, but even the foggy darkness wasn't enough to hide his chiseled face and familiar eyes.

"Is that how you go about it? Listening to your instincts?"

"Sometimes they are all you have. Your gut feeling is there for a reason."

You only now realized, that today's get-together could also potentially endanger Erwin. Up until now, you were either risking your own safety or relied on him to play it safe whenever he was scheming up a plan. But If something happens tonight, it's entirely going to be your fault.

Wait a minute, you thought to yourself. Why do you immediately assume that something bad is going to happen? Sure, Marie acted weird the last time you met her, but what else would she do besides eyeing up Erwin and making passive-aggressive remarks towards you?

Biting your lip, you glanced aside. Was there something else to worry about...?

Surely you were overreacting, your mind countered. Of course it was going to be one of the most uncomfortable evenings of your life, but your departure from Eldia wasn't that far away, so maybe it would also be the last - or at the very least – one of the last few Women's Circle events you had to attend.

All you had to do is survive this one.

Forcing to relax your shoulders, you let out a long breath, watching as your warmth escaped into the wintry night. Then, with a nod, you signaled to Erwin that you've made your decision, and so the two of you held hands and stepped to the front door, ready to ring the door bell.

Endure

Endure

Endure.

The front door swiftly opened inwards. A small, elderly lady – a maid, you realized – stood behind the dark panel and knob-style door handle. Her tired, brown eyes quickly passed you up and down, before stepping aside and offering a distant good evening.

Erwin and you quietly greeted her back, stepping inside.

Upbeat music could be heard from somewhere, and you discreetly looked around as Erwin helped you with your coat. The foyer was immaculately clean, the carpet in the middle vibrant, as if brand new – and it might as well have been. The walls were adorned with tiny, antique silhouette pictures and you even spotted some sort of a potted plant in the corner.

After Erwin shrugged off his own coat, the maid wordlessly stepped ahead and you followed her, only to arrive at the treshhold of a big room, which you could only guess was the parlor. Once there, the maid left without a word.

Your eyes remained on her frail, retreating figure, until you heard your name being called.

Head turning ahead, you saw Ruth approach you with a wide grin etched between her rosy cheeks. She wore an off-shoulder, deep green dress, belted just above her baby bump.

Her grin faltered for a second, once she arrived in front of you.

"Oh... wow! Look at you, Mrs. Smith," she said, her eyes turning awed. "You look positively stunning!"

You know she meant well, but you had to wince at the volume of her voice. Her compliment caused the people standing closest to you to turn around with interest. Still, you thanked her with a small, polite smile, while trying to ignore the growing number of gazes your skin now had to carry.

From the moment Marie announced her little party, you made sure that whatever dress you'd arrive in would be one that isn't flashy. You also paid attention to the color, steering clear from ruby red or anything that was red for that matter.

"And why is that?" Erwin asked you this morning, standing in front of his dresser in his usual grey pants and white shirt. Meanwhile, you were rummaging trough his formal clothes, on the hunt for something that would complement your dress.

"It's Marie's color. She is always wearing something red. There's no doubt she'll wear it tonight as well."

Erwin nodded, wisely opting not to question the unspoken rules of dressing etiquette between women.

"Quite the shame," he went on, watching as you pulled out two elegant suits from the deepest recesses of his magic wardrobe. "I'm sure red would look amazing on you."

You turned to him, about to raise one of the suits to his chest, when you noticed him intently eyeing your lips. A bit confused, you locked your eyes with him, and he continued.

"Does that mean you won't even wear red lipstick?"

A beat passed, before you broke out into a little smile. Then you refocused your attention to his clothes, raising up the other to his neck, curious to see which one would suit him better.

"Sorry to disappoint, but I'm afraid I'll have to stick with something a bit more muted."

Erwin's shoulders dropped in disappointment, and you kept smiling at his antics, all the while deciding on the suit in your right hand to be the better option. A classic, gray evening suit.

"I think this one will do. As much as I'd love to see you in white, I think it would arouse too much attention if we both ended up wearing it," you said with a sigh, glancing down at the dress you were currently wearing.

It was exquisite. The corset in the middle highlighted your chest and waist, while your sleeves were translucent, gifting a glimpse of your smooth skin, up until your collar, where a small, nice bow tied the whole dress together. The layers of your skirt from your waist down made it tastefully voluminous, and swayed with each step you took. The fabric also sparkled, and this was made even more apparent the moment you stepped into the room, where the crystal chandelier emitted its warm light, almost eager to illuminate your presence. Considering the weather outside and the theme of the party, you resembled a snow fae, having wandered out of the pages of a beloved children tale.

You did a quick, cursory glance around, and took note of the guests who were also wearing white. There weren't that many of them, but they were dressed just as elegantly, if not more elegantly than you. At that, you let out a quiet breath of relief.

Good. You weren't too noticeable, then.

Your silent victory was short-lived, however, the moment you saw something move from behind Ruth. It was the guests parting way for someone. You knew who it was even before seeing her.

A tall, slim figure emerged. Refined and sophisticated, more so than usual. Red lips quirked into a foxy smile, while high heels click-clacked menacingly to you.

Marie appeared, and in a span of seconds, took in your dress, your face, everything – with her dark eyes dropping to your feet and then back up.

"Mrs. Smith," she drawled with a voice that was way too sweet, way too saccharine to be considered genuine. "I'm so glad you could show up."

You forced a smile, hoping that you did a better job at faking yours than she did hers.

"Thank you for inviting us."

"Oh, don't mention it. As a loyal member of the Women's Circle, there was never any doubt that I wouldn't."

From the corner of your eyes, you noticed Ruth shift her weight from one foot to the other. Her eyes nervously flitted between Marie and you, as even she took note of the tension-filled air.

Marie then nodded to your dress.

"And my, what a lovely dress you have. You look just like a little princess."

But somehow this did not sound nice coming from her. It was contemptous, but just enough so that it could be misinterpreted as such. Should anyone call her out on her tone, she'd easily flip the script and accuse them of being malignant.

It was difficult to keep your cheeks cool. Until now, you were so sure about your dress, and thought it looked really nice on you. But now you felt silly. Childish, even. Her choice of words resembled something an adult would say to a small kid, that decided to dress up and did a poor job doing so.

Aww, aren't you adorable? You're mommy's and daddy's little princess, aren't you?

There wasn't much for you to do about it, you were well aware of that. So you swallowed down your pride and thanked her.

"Your dress is also very nice," you then continued, reveling at how Marie's lips twitched ever so slightly at the flat and unpassionate way you said that. It was honestly unintentional, your throat still being thick from her previous comment, but it did manage to serve as your little revenge.

Even if she was looking quite beautiful.

You were also right about the color she'd be wearing. Of course your guess was not hard to come up with, seeing how often she decided to don the bold shade. Still, tonight especially, it gave her an inexplicable glow, one you don't recall ever seeing on her.

Or was it her face that made her look a tad bit different? Her aura?

Whatever it was, Marie looked reinvigorated, if not thrilled. And that made you uneasy.

Marie then, finally, turned to the blond next to you.

"Erwin," she greeted him, in a voice that was both breathy and melodic. Her features softened and the teasing glint was gone from her eyes. "How nice it is to see you!"

Erwin nodded back, his smile tepid. "Its nice to see you, too, Marie."

"Gosh, it was ages since we last saw each other! How are you doing these days? You don't look a day older than when I last saw you."

As Erwin replied, you noticed that he used the same tone which he usually reserved for Mrs. Reeves. Polite, friendly, but very passive, very distant. Marie either didn't notice or didn't care, as she intently clung to his every word.

"We simply must catch up later on! We have so much to tell each other."

"Perhaps," he replied, still in his distant way.

Marie didn't let this bother her, her smile ever present. You saw the multitude of questions still dancing in her sultry eyes, but her opportunity to pose them got snatched away by the arrival of new guests. She craned her neck, and waved to the couple behind you, before locking eyes with you.

"Well, either way, I hope you two will have a wonderful time tonight," she said, lightly touching Erwin's arm as she brushed past him, hips swinging and leaving behind a thick waft of expensive perfume.

In the end, your plan to blend into the crowd proved unsuccessfull, too.

No matter how much you paid attention to the color of your attire, or the make up you wore, the hairstyle you decided to don, Erwin and you garnered looks from all around the room. Granted, he did so more than you, which was not that surprising, seeing as he was possibly the tallest man in that parlor, but even you got your own share of curious looks from both men and women.

In any other situation, you might have even enjoyed the attention; an obvious sign that you two looked good, and you looked good together, but right now it was anything but welcome.

After Marie left, Ruth stayed there for a while and continued chatting with you, but left the moment she spotted a friend of hers on the other side of the room.

Erwin and you decided to withdraw to one of the corners, close enough to a table offering drinks and finger foods.

The selection was impressive: deviled eggs, celery stuffed with pimiento cheese, fruit on skewers and croquettes were among the first few that you could recognize, but there were many, many more. The options for a drink didn't leave you unsatisfied either, as all kinds of spirits and juices lined the furniture it was placed on. A bowl filled with pink caught your eye.

"Still feeling okay?" Erwin asked next to you, and you felt his familiar, comforting gaze on you as he watched you reach for the ladle.

"Yes. Just nervous. How about you?"

You first poured him a glass, which he accepted with a smile, before pouring one for yourself.

"Everything's fine."

The warm, sweet liquid easily traversed down your throat, before landing in your stomach, warming your belly. It had a sweet and fruit-forward taste with a tart kick. You let out a sigh, this one less trouble-stricken, enjoying the taste the beverage left on your tongue.

The party behind you went on. The wives animatedly chatting amongst themselves, while the husbands they dragged along stood awkwardly behind them, drink in hand, slowly but surely getting to know each other as the night progressed.

Languidly looking trough the crowd, you took your time to observe them. You recognized the faces of the wives, even if you failed to place a name to most of them. Safe for Hannah, everyone was here.

Your chest tightened at the thought of her. You wondered if she and your parents made it safely to Marley. You couldn't wait for this night to end, so that you could go home and receive your next message. Taking another generous sip from your drink, you now swept your eyes over the attending husbands, but none of them appeared familiar. At that, you began to wonder.

"Do you recognize anyone from here?"

Erwin looked ahead, nursing his own drink. His mouth opened to answer, when a jovial, male voice beat him to it.

"Smith!"

Both of you whipped your heads to your right, and saw a tall man with dark hair approach you. He was beaming, the grin on his face only growing bigger once he reached Erwin. You willed yourself to relax, once you saw the latter greeting your soon-to-be acquaintance.

"Nile! It's been a while," Erwin said, and the two men merrily shook hands.

"A while? It has been eons!" went on Nile, still enthusiastic. "You completely vanished off of the Earth's surface!"

Erwin grinned back. "I could say the very same about you, my friend."

Nile's smile remained, but a sobering layer joined the dimples on his cheeks.

"Well, you see, I've been somewhat busy," he explained, before his dark eyes swiveled to you.

His gaze was neutral, if not a bit curious, but harboured no arrogance or malice. He allowed himself a quick glance over, merely a split-second of it, but then something appeared in his eyes; a look that might have even bordered on recognition. As if he already saw you somewhere.

"And by the looks of it," he continued slowly, looking back to Erwin. "You were, too."

Erwin nodded back, his smile also subduing, while they exchanged a glance only the two of them could understand.

That was still no excuse to ignore basic decency, so Erwin being his usual gentlemanly self, carefully pulled you closer to him.

"Allow me to introduce my wife," he said, revealing your first name to his old friend. The way your name rolled off of his tongue could be best described as comforting. It was as if he paid very close attention to the way his mouth formed and pronounced the series of syllables that tied together your precious name. This, along with his voice dipping to something warm and low, sent a shiver up and down your back. It carried a clear message: he was proud to have you.

Nile bowed before you, introducing himself again. The moment you heard his last name, however, you realized with subdued terror, that this man was Marie's husband.

The scene you witnessed in Ruth's kitchen flashed before your eyes, and it was hard not to flee from his presence. Thankfully, he didn't seem to notice your discomfort, or the way your eyes suddenly decided to study your drink or your white shoes, as he went on without a care in the world. Come to think of it, Erwin did mention him once, when you two were in your own kitchen, having survived your inauguration into the Women's Circle.

"Erwin and I go way back," he continued, his smile from before returning. "But we mostly hung out while we were both freshman."

You nodded, trying with all your might to show him that you listened. Erwin picked up on the shift in your mood, and skillfully took over your part in the conversation, much to the joy of Nile, who was naturally more eager to talk to him.

But the more Erwin and Nile conversed, the more you could observe the latter. Once the pressure to engage him in a conversation vanished, and you could really listen to what he was saying – and more importantly – how he was saying it, you realized with a strange feeling that he was nothing like his wife.

Nile Dok was friendly. His hands sometimes wildly gestured whenever he talked, and his voice, while a bit more on the gruffer side, held no trace of conceit. His mouth often formed into grins, which was also apparent on his developing laugh lines. But the wrinkles that danced around his mouth didn't make him look older - quite the opposite.

This realization lifted a weight from your chest, and you found that, after a while, you could easily slip yourself back into the conversation. Nile noticed, and wasted no time pulling you into their discussion by asking you questions.

"Your dress looks amazing by the way. Very winter-y," he then added, and you winced, thinking that he'd also start making fun of you. But when he looked at you with all the good intentions in this world, you relaxed and smiled, thanking him.

He chuckled upon seeing your bashful expression, and by this time around, you were unsure as to why Marie was so scared to tell this very convivial man about her condition.

An hour or so passed, and by the looks of it, everyone in the parlor ended up forming their own groups. Not that you minded, as talking with the two men didn't feel torturous at all. It amazed you how the conversation never petered out, never had the space to fit in any awkward silences.

Meanwhile, you felt Erwin's warm hand on your lower back, and your cheeks erupted into a bloom of pink – from the drink in your hand, from the happy conversation you were having, from the addicting feeling of the blonds hand on your waist. You realized that he has never claimed you like that in front of so many people - never really had the opportunity to do so, and especially not in front of a trusted, old friend.

Maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad, after all.

The buzz of the multiple conversations echoing around you died out the moment you heard a series of claps. The three of you turned around, and saw Marie standing in the middle of the room, her arms still raised high above her head.

"Excuse me for interrupting your pleasant chit-chat, but dinner is served."

The dining room was spacious. The chandelier up above appeared like a giant diamond illuminating the whole space, while underneath lay a long, oblong-shaped table. The latter was already set, with plates, napkins and cutlery having been placed at every chair. Tall, thin candles stood intimidatingly on the table, joined by small pinetree branches weaving between them.

As you entered the room, Erwin and you refused to leave each others' side. His arm was firm against the small of your back, while you held onto his bicep. Despite you both being on edge, you tried to walk and behave as naturally as possible.

Before you even reached the table, you were already busy planning where the two of you could sit, undisturbed. So it was quite hard to keep your composure, once you caught sight of the little name tags indicating where everyone should sit. Unsurprisingly, Erwin and you were to sit adjacent Nile and Marie. You were too exhausted to even groan at this.

Once everyone took their seats, the door opened, and the maid who answered the door entered with a food trolley. On it was a big, silver stock pot, a tray with some kind of a bird on it, and various little bowls surrounding it.

The chatter in the room quieted down, as several pairs of curious eyes followed the elderly woman's movements. A wave of quiet thank yous echoed in the room the moment she put every pot and tray on the table. After she retreated, someone in the group immediately perked up.

"Mrs. Dock, all of this smells heavenly! What did you prepare for us?"

Marie stood with a honeyed smile, and grabbed the handle of the stock pot.

"Oh, nothing too fancy. This is a simple onion soup, and this - ," she continued, while pointing to the tray next to it. "– is duckling with orange stuffing. In the bowls you'll find cranberry sauce, whipped potatoes, gravy and some vegetables."

Her guests hummed in anticipation, watching her pour the first portion of the soup into the plate of her husband. Nile looked nothing short of happy and well taken care of, his smile turning bigger at her gesture.

"She woke up at the crack of dawn and busied herself all day long with cooking and baking – it was nuts! As if we were welcoming guests from the Capitol."

Marie laughed, and grabbed the plate of the woman sitting next to her. "Nile, all my guests are equal in my eyes. Besides, Mrs. Braus helped me a lot."

"Don't sell yourself so short, honey. You did most of it, and you worked hard."

Another wave of something strange descended on you upon witnessing this scene. You have never seen Marie interact with her husband, couldn't even imagine what their relationship might look like. All you know is that Nile is unaware about Marie being barren.

Though the more you looked at Nile, the harder it was to imagine him getting enraged at her for this, seeing as he was clearly very enamored with Marie. His dark eyes were brimming with awe, as they followed every elegant move of his wife, as if she were to disappear if he so much as glanced away for a second. Even with the insane amount of pressure from the Capitol, there was no way he'd abandon Marie. How did she not realize this herself?

You wondered if they would also join forces and go against the Capitol if the chance for that arose. Maybe even scheme an escape just like you and Erwin...?

That last thought of yours suddenly felt very foolish, however, once Marie took Erwin's plate. It wasn't the gesture itself that unnerved you, rather the look she gave him upon doing so. It was very subtle, but also obvious enough to be deciphered as flirty.

Nile didn't notice, while Erwin opted not to notice, and merely thanked her quietly.

Meanwhile, the sound of cutlery being used slowly filled the room. People around you started eating, some of them loudly humming.

"Marie, this is exquisite!"

"I've never had anything like this before," whispered someone seated close to you, fingers raised against her lips. As you grabbed your spoon and had your first taste, you too had to admit, that it was very delicious.

"So, Erwin," started Nile, clearing his throat after a few spoonful of soup. "You still haven't told me anything about your job. I heard you started working at the courthouse - congratulations!"

Erwin smiled, before giving him a very simple, very watered down version of his occupation and what he has been up to. That also meant excluding everything that had to do with your escape. Nile nodded along, looking every bit of interested. And while Marie looked busy eating and looking in the direction of her closest girlfriends, you knew she was listening to his every word, if not more so than her husband.

Nile then grinned at you.

"This old dog was in our rival rowing team back in university. My team and I trained almost everyday to beat them, they were that good. And now I hardly know if he's even alive or not."

Then he took in Erwin once more. "I see you still haven't lost your physique from those days, either. Lucky bastard, mine is already as good as gone."

"Nile," whispered Marie, amused. "Mind your language," she reminded him, but even her eyes got caught on the vast expanse of Erwin's chest. Erwin disregarded Marie, and sent a polite smile towards Nile.

"Trust me, I'm not as strong as I used to be. Just the thought of holding a pair of oars makes my arms ache."

Nile laughed and shook his head. "I believe it once I see it. This guy - ," he started, once more looking at you, while jerking his head towards Erwin. " - was strong as a bull. I swear he was the sole driving power in their boat, his other teammates were just there for moral support."

You smiled, even laughed a little, feeling grateful for Nile to still include you in the conversation. Erwin shook his head, giving Nile a little chastising speech about how everyone in his team was important, only for the latter to raise his eyes to the ceiling, still in good humor.

"I guess that team spirit of yours is exactly what my team lacked. No wonder you guys went on to represent Trost University."

And for a good while, this was the dynamic that went on between you three: Nile fondly recalling his university years, Erwin joining in, and whenever they felt like you were being left out, they turned to you and filled in the gaps.

Time passed, and the main dish was served.

You were picking at the orange slices on your plate, still listening to the conversation around you.

"Sometimes I wish we could go back and do it all again," Nile sighed. Meanwhile, Marie poured herself a glass of wine. But as she raised her drink to her dark lips, her eyes peeked at Erwin over the rim of her drink, almost as if to signal how much she agrees with her husband.

By this time around, the glances she was throwing his way started to make you feel unnerved and uncomfortable. You were surprised she didn't seat him right next to her, though you supposed that would have been way too on the nose. What did surprise you was Erwin's reply:

"Sometimes I wish the same."

Your fork stilled in your hands, its edges stuck to your orange slice. For a moment, you remained still, not sure how to interpret his words.

"But in the end, it all worked out, didn't it?" you heard him continue, smiling, and you knew that he mostly meant to say this to you. You were proven right once you carefully raised your head, only to meet his eyes, which harbored both sorrow and infinite tenderness.

For a moment you looked at each other, while everything that transpired since your engagement flashed before your eyes, but not without the promise of what's to come.

Good things. Great things. A bright future, far away from this place.

Tonight, you'd listen to another transmission from Mike and Levi, reassuring you that Hannah and your parents made it safely to Marley. And after that, you two would follow their example.

All you had to do is survive this dinner party.

You mirrored Erwin's smile.

"Yes. It certainly did."

Dessert was plum pudding and spiced rum fruitcake.

Everyone around you dug in heartily, enjoying the sweets with much gusto. The atmosphere turned from lively to outright vocal, with more and more people errupting into a loud laugh or even slapping the table whenever someone said something funny. The empty wine bottles on the table bore some responsibility for that, too.

Still, as you took in the flushed faces around you, you had to admit that even you were somewhat enjoying yourself. Erwin and Nile were still talking to each other, while Marie decided to mingle on the other side of the table, closer to her friends. Which played no small part for your somewhat elevated mood.

You could do this.

No.

You did it. This was it.

Your own cheeks flushed from relief. Feeling like a huge burden was lifted off of your shoulders, you grabbed your fork and took a bite of your cake. Shutting your eyes, you exhaled at its taste.

Nile was saying something to Erwin, but the latters' eyes were on you, admiring. Nile had to smile to himself at the sight. He continued watching the scene before him, and saw you open your eyes and glance to Erwin. But the blond was far from embarrassed, and only smiled at you more. You smiled back, and pointed to your cake, asking him if he would like a taste. Once he nodded, you buried your fork into the dessert and raised it to his lips, making him turn towards you in his seat.

"It's good, isn't it?"

"Mmmh."

"Should I ask for the recipe and try it at home?"

"Only if you promise to feed it to me like this."

After the candles tunneled down, and every plate turned empty, the party once again quieted down. It turned late, and by the growing number of yawns you witnessed in the room, you knew that most of the guests were slowly planning to head home. You were eager to see who'd be the first to break that uncomfortable phase before the inevitable departure, filled with shiftings in seats and pointed glances to the door.

That is, until a friend of Marie's suddenly stood up from her place.

"Hey, I just had a great idea! How about we play a game?"

Erwin and you glanced her way, not sure what to make of her suggestion. Your eyes went further and landed on Marie. She was currently standing next to Mrs. Reeves, smiling at her friend, not looking surprised at all.

"Really?" Ruth asked, her interest seemingly piqued. "What kind of a game?"

"It's called 'I'm having a picnic'!"

"I've never heard of it," Ruth replied, smile withering. "How do you play it?"

At this, Marie's friend started grinning. "That's just it, you'll have to figure it out yourself as we play. If you don't, you lose. It's half the fun!"

"I think it's a great idea!" Marie then butted in, looking around the room. "C'mon everyone, let's play!"

Nile smiled, then shrugged. "Sure, why not. You're not in a hurry to go home, are you?" he asked, turning to the both of you. Erwin and you both shook your head, while trying not to take another desperate glance at the clock.

Calm down, you told yourself. It's just this game you have to play, and then you'll be free.

Marie called for Mrs. Braus, who promptly carried away all the empty plates and cups. After that, everyone who was standing returned to their assigned seats. You saw Marie exchange another glance with her friend, full of mischief and trouble, causing your composure to crumble even more.

"To make things even more exciting, I think it would be funny if people who didn't immediately catch onto the rules left the dining room to wait in the parlor. This way you can even bet on who's going to win! I prepared a little prize for anyone that guesses right. So, how about it?"

Her spin on the game worked, as the people around you immediately sat a little bit straighter in their seats, curiously glancing at each other and grinning. No doubt about it, her guests were hooked on the idea.

You risked a glance to Erwin, and he met your gaze.

"Do you know how the game works?" you whispered to him quietly, but he only shook his head. For some reason that made you even more nervous, only for you to wonder why you were getting so worked up about a game who's rules you were unaware of. You cared little about the promised price, nor did you think it would be humiliating if you didn't realize how it worked.

It was just a silly game, you told yourself. ...Right?

"But wait," Ruth spoke up again. "How's that fair? Marie, you already know the rules, so your chances of winning are pretty much given."

Marie's eyes narrowed with mischief. "See, that's just another thing with this game. It's not a given that I win, even if I know the rules."

When no one at the table looked any more relieved at this tidbit of an information, she let out a laugh.

"Don't worry everyone! I'll start and then you'll know what I mean."

She then paused for dramatic effect, while sweeping her dark, alluring eyes around the room. Before her dark-tainted lips parted.

"I'm having a picnic and I'm bringing marmalade."

Everyone stared. That's it? No hints or anything that would give you a sign? Wringing your hands under the table, a light layer of sweat started accumulating under your dress. You were trying to find out why exactly she chose the word marmalade, but she didn't let anyone have time to think about it, and instead looked at her friend sitting next to her.

"What are you bringing to the picnic?"

Her friend grinned even wider, before giving her answer.

"I'm having a picnic and I'm bringing cherries."

It was apparent that everyone in the room was still very confused as to how to play this game. You glanced to Erwin again, and he looked back, grim and stern.

Marie's friend looked to the guest next to her, which happened to be Mrs. Reeves. You surmised that the elderly woman would know how to play the game, seeing how close she is to Marie. And your assumption turned out to be correct, once you saw Mrs. Reeves confidently take over the proverbial baton.

"I'm having a picnic and I'm bringing rhubarb."

Food, vegetables and fruits... but not just any of them were being said. It had a system, they said it based on something. You just had to find out what that something was. Think, think, your mind shouted at you.

Another guest on the right of Mrs. Reeves, a young gentleman, came next. Everyone stared at him, curious if he knew what to say. He looked nervous, but tried to hold his own.

"Come on, Guido, it's your turn," urged Marie kindly.

Guido laughed nervously. "Uhh, I'm having a picnic and I'm bringing uhh ... "

He glanced around, perhaps to see if someone would help him. But when no one did, he took a wild guess. "I'm bringing ...lemonade?"

Everyone chuckled at his random choice of words, before Marie, with a quiet laugh of her own turned to him. "Aww, Sorry Guido, but you can't come to the picnic!"

Guido looked surprise, still not sure what he said wrong, but then shrugged with a lazy smile, and left the room.

Ruth was next. She bit her lip, but looked determined none the less.

"I'm having a picnic and I'm bringing ...raspberries."

Her tone had a slight lilt at the end of her sentence, signaling uncertainty. Everyone looked over to Marie, curious to see her reaction. When Marie started nodding and grinned back at Ruth. - "Great, you can come to the picnic!" - the party looked flabbergasted.

But not you. With a quiet exhale, you realized what the rule was. Sharing another look with Erwin, it seemed he did, too.

The game went on, with some people catching on to the rules rather quickly, but most of them still unaware of how it worked. Very soon, it was your turn.

"I'm having a picnic and I'm bringing - "

And then you uttered a word that started with the same letter as your name. You expected Marie to look a bit peeved, or even aloof, but to your surprise she appeared satisfied. This satisfaction seemed to double, once she heard Erwin's example.

A few more people followed, most of them still none the wiser what the rule was. Granted, they were already quite deep in the clutches of inebriation, and therefore didn't really mind not being able to participate anymore. After they left, Nile was next.

"I'm having a picnic and I'm bringing nettles."

"Nettles?" you heard someone from beside you ask. "Whatever would we do with nettles at a picnic?"

"I heard you can use it in salads," explained Nile quickly, but he only relaxed, once he saw the series of nods from Mrs. Reeves validating his answer.

We've come full circle. Thus, Marie started again.

"I'm having a picnic and I'm bringing Meringue."

Her friend continued, then Mrs. Reeves, then Ruth and so on, before you and Erwin were next. A few rounds went by like this. Everyone present already figured out what the rule of the game was, but that was of no help once they ran out of ideas. This is what Marie must have meant when she claimed that knowing the rules is no guarantee for winning.

"I'm having a picnic and I'm bringing...," started Ruth, biting her lip and thinking very hard about something fitting. Her predicament was made worse by the fact that Mrs. Reeves took away all the words she could use. Having no other suitable example, she helplessly glanced around.

"Oh, I don't know what else I could say!"

A quiet laughter rolled trough the remaining party.

"Come on, Ruth," grinned Marie, pouring herself a glass of wine. "If you can't name anything, you can't come to the picnic."

Ruth let out a long sigh. "All right, I give up." With her shoulders slumping, she resigned and left the room with a quiet mumble, lamenting her losses.

You couldn't fault her for that. The game was now getting so difficult, people resorted to naming non-edible, picnic-appropriate objects. You weren't sure if this was allowed, but Marie accepted every answer, so you decided to follow their example suit.

A few more rounds followed, and the circle got smaller and smaller. During one such round, you saw Marie lean close to Nile and whisper something into his hear. His brows furrowed, looking a bit confused for a second, before nodding at whatever she said. Then, he quietly excused himself from the table. Both Erwin and you followed his retreating form, confused.

Another round with more and more people leaving. Eventually, even Marie's friend left. When the person next to Erwin stood up to leave, you realized that only Marie, Mrs. Reeves, Erwin and you remained at the table.

The room suddenly turned quiet, with only the flickering of the candles being audible.

"A bit more and it's over," smiled Mrs. Reeves, and your gut lurched at the way her voice lowered. "It has been fun, though, hasn't it?" she then asked, but Marie interjected.

"Mrs. Reeves, you're acting as if the game has already finished. There's still a couple more rounds left. Or who knows, maybe even more than a couple. I don't know about you, but I myself could play this all night long."

Her dark eyes practically swallowed you up with malice. Can you? they seemed to ask.

This should have been your cue to leave. A simple 'I'm sorry, but we're getting tired' and then just up and go. Looking back at this moment, you'd forever regret not listening to your instincts practically screaming at you to book it out of there.

Marie smiled, seeing no protest from either of you.

"I'll start the round again. I'm having a picnic and I'm bringing macaroons."

Your turn. You said your example, putting extra effort into your voice sounding as even and confident as possible. So far so good.

"I'm having a picnic and I'm bringing endives," said Erwin after you. He too sounded calm.

Then came Mrs. Reeves, and just when you thought that maybe Erwin and you should deliberately say something wrong, so that you could leave earlier, she said her own example.

"I'm having a picnic and I'm bringing a radio."

Erwin and you froze.

The candles between you continued flickering undisturbed.

Marie looked dumbfounded, her mouth hanging open, before she started laughing. "A radio? Really, Mrs. Reeves? Whatever would you do with a radio at a picnic?"

"Whatever do you mean, Marie? Listen to music, of course! After an hour or two, a picnic can easily turn into a snoozefest."

"Is that so?"

"Oh, yes. But there's also a bunch of other things you can do with a handy little device like that. You can even use it to communicate with people who are far away. Did you know that?"

Small beads of sweat appeared on your forehead, as your heart pounded against your ribcage.

"Really?" drawled Marie, feigning interest. "No, I did not know that."

It was obvious by now that they were not talking to each other, but at Erwin and you. And you also finally realized why she insisted on her other guests leaving the room if they failed to come up with the right words. You thought the game was all about winning, that you had to stay there and win, or else something would happen. Turns out, they knew you'd think this too, and planned accordingly.

You shared a glance with Erwin. His face was hard, serious, blue eyes overtaken by a shadow of urgency.

They know.

You had no idea how they figured it out, but they know that you and Erwin are planning to escape. The question begets: should you act innocent, and look as if you had no idea what they were talking about, or stand up and flee?

"Oh, yes, of course," continued Mrs. Reeves. "For example if you have friends on the other side of town. Or even Marley."

There was no use. It was obvious they knew pretty much everything.

"Enough of this," Erwin suddenly ordered with a growl, making the women in front of you flinch in their seats. "Just tell us how you found out."

The jovial air surrounding Marie and Mrs. Reeves immediately disappeared. But then Marie's shocked frown transformed into another one of her honeyed smiles.

"Fine, of course, why not. You deserve to know, after all. Especially since you are quite the cunning little pair."

"Cunning doesn't even describe it," scoffed Mrs. Reeves. "For years, I oversaw all kinds of couples, but I must say, none of them gave me quite as much of a headache as the two of you. Hence why we came up with this game. We knew you'd win."

You held her gaze, brows low and eyes unvavering, still waiting for their explanation.

"All right, I'll tell you, before you burn a hole trough me," laughed Marie. "We suspected what the two of you are planning ever since Hannah disappeared," she explained, while raising her long, manicured finger in the air to mimic quotation marks.

For a moment, you thought your heart was going to jump out of your chest. They even knew about Hannah.

"But... how?" you asked quietly, not being able to hold yourself back.

Mrs. Reeves smiled. "Remember that exact day? It was a Saturday, and on that day she missed the Circle Meeting because of her giving birth. Well, once it turned out that things went awry, she made a desperate telephone call to a certain couple."

You could only stare, mouth open, not believing your ears, before it painfully dawned on you.

That's right.

Hannah had called your house on the day she miscarried. You suppose your telephone was wiretapped without you being aware of it, so they heard everything. It didn't matter that Erwin went out of his way to call for help in a telephone booth somewhere outside, when the first, incoming call was already being listened to.

"Oh, you didn't know," said the old woman, amusedly raising her eyebrows. "We share the same telephone line. So whatever you discuss trough there, I'll listen to it."

You thought you'd faint.

"So here's a little advice I can give you," continued Mrs. Reeves, as if she was merely explaining a particularly difficult recipe for you. "If you want to make sure that no one's listening in on your call, wait to see if there is an echo. Sometimes you can even hear a clack, if the third party gets bored of your chatting and decides to hang up."

Her advice was cruel, seeing as there was no chance for you to listen to any of those sounds, not when Hannah was screaming on the other side for dear help.

That still didn't explain how they knew about your escape plan. The encrypted messages perfectly blended into the newspaper, the postcard was immediately in your hands, and the sender was someone from Erwin's circle.

"How did you know about the radio?" you whispered, trying to not keel over in your seat.

Marie looked at Mrs. Reeves, which was her cue to explain.

"Oh, that was a bit harder to figure out. But I noticed that sometimes in the late evening nights my television set would act up. At first, I didn't think anything of it, but then it happened the second time...," she went on, making sure to really look in your eyes. "And I got reminded of my training days, when I was taught how to send those messages myself. Since radio messages interfere with other frequencies, they begin to act up."

Erwin suspected from day one that Mrs. Reeves was an informant, but having this be confirmed from the woman herself was still very hard to accept.

"Oh, but don't look so alarmed. We're not going to get you arrested," Marie drawled between her sips. Her sentence caught you off guard - so much so, that you weren't even sure if you haven't misheard her.

"What do you mean?"

She emptied her cup of wine, before studying the empty glass, leisurely swirling the remaining droplets in them. "Well, I have a proposition."

You looked on, confused.

"If you accept, Mrs. Reeves and I will forget this ever happened and we can go back and continue living our merry, little lives. How about it?"

"What is it?" you heard yourself ask, before you could even register it.

Marie smiled and looked at Erwin.

"One night with him."

Your head was reeling. By the looks of it, Erwin was just as shocked.

"What?"

Marie's angry eyes were back at you again.

"Oh, don't act so shocked! I know you heard us that day at Ruth's. You of all people should know why I'm asking this."

Marie glanced back to Erwin, her voice softening. "One night is all I ask for. That should be enough for me to conceive. And we'll tell no one about this. Mrs. Reeves is the only one who heard that incoming call from Hannah, anyway. Well, I mean, she did record it, so if the authorities ask her again about the disappearance of Hannah..."

She left the sentence hanging, and it felt like a huge chunk of ice was forcing its way down your throat at the realization, that Mrs. Reeves and Marie purposefully withheld that information from the authorities, just so they could blackmail you with their proposition. The investigation was still nowhere near finished, and this also explained why the authorities never bothered to interrogate you: because they never even had the chance to come up with the idea in the first place, as the missing piece for that was in the hands of the women sitting in front of you.

There were layers of danger you weren't even aware of. Now that they were visible, their weight crashed down on you, causing everything around you to spin violently.

"Technology is truly advancing at fast rates these days. I must confess I didn't think it was possible to record telephone conversations like that," she said to Mrs. Reeves, before turning back to Erwin. "So, what do you say?"

"No." came the immediate answer from your left. It was a low and very enraged refusal, with no possibility for any bargain. "I'm not interested in the least. I would also never betray Nile like that."

Marie's face contorted in fury at the rejection. "Not interested in the least? What do you mean you're not interested in the least? You were all over me back in Trost, practically competing against Nile for my affection, and now you claim you don't want me anymore?"

Her voice rose at the end of her sentence, but Erwin remained unfazed. "That's not how it happened, Marie, and you know that, too," he explained, in a voice that would pacify her. And it might have worked, if not for the sentence he decided to carry on with.

"There's also no guarantee that your proposition would work in the first place."

Her fury returned, nostrils flaring.

"What are you insinuating?"

The blond next to you remained quiet for a beat, and you knew he was carefully picking his next words.

"Did you ever consider that your problem might not stem from him but from you?"

Marie slammed her wine glass down the table, making you flinch, while the candles in front of you flickered fiercely.

"How dare you even assume that! I was chosen for this!"

"So was Nile."

"That was a mistake, then," she retorted, but not without a barely audible stutter. "I-I was surely intended to serve this country! It couldn't be me, there is no way!"

As you watched Marie try to convince everyone around her that it wasn't her fault she couldn't have children, your heart sank with each second. Inky strands of her perfect updo were slipping out, while her mascara started to smudge. Her lip quivered, and her eyebrows shot up in worry for the first time this evening. Her eyes wildly zig-zagged between the three of you, looking akin to a wild animal being mercilessly cornered. Even after she threatened to turn you over to the authorities, you couldn't help but feel sorry for her.

Sensing movement from your side, you saw Erwin stand up. He reached for your hand to gently tug you along. Once your shaky legs obeyed your command to stand with him, he turned to the women still seated at the table.

"We're leaving."

His hand then slid to the small of your back, turning you in the direction of the door.

"You'll bitterly regret this," Marie seethed after you, standing up from her place. You have never heard her speak so angry. "Just you wait, you won't come far!"

You shivered at her threat, but Erwin only pushed you forward and out of the dining room. Upon opening the door, the people outside turned to you, grinning and smiling, completely unaware of what just transpired inside.

You paid them no heed, and merely walked trough the small crowd.

One person asked you if Marie won the game after all, while another told Erwin not to look so sour.

It's just a game, after all.

You picked up your pace, which ended with you fleeing, not even stopping to grab your coats.

Outside, the freezing air clashed with the layer of sweat accumulating on your skin.

Having no time to realize how cold it was, you left the porch of the Dok's, and ran to the snowy street. All this time, Erwin's hand was securely on your back, acting as your only source of somewhat warmth. He only let go once you actually started running outside, vision clouded by puffs of warm air as you two panted into the air.

Even without discussing it, you two knew that you couldn't run back to your house. It won't take long for Marie and Mrs. Reeves to contact the authorities - that is if they're not already at your house, waiting for you with open arms.

It was getting harder and harder to run in the ankle deep snow with your heels, but you pushed on, trying with all your might to reach the only safe place inside Eldia: Mike's garage.

Notes:

I am physically unable to be productive when it's summer, because the warm weather keeps me outside and busy - hence the 2 month hiatus. Hopefully this chapter makes up for the wait, because it's the longest one so far: 22 word document pages, whew. We've also reached the part of the story where more and more gest uncovered ;)

Other tidbits:
- The dress I envisioned reader to be wearing is this one: .
Of course you can opt to imagine something completely different, but I felt like this design from Helen Rose perfectly fits the theme.

- The part where Mrs. Reeves explains how radio messages interfere with other frequencies was something that actually happened to a Dutch spy. He sent out messages, which interfered with his neighbors' television reception. His neighbor, an old lady, was so confused at the strange noises she would hear from her device, that she alerted the police, and that's how he got caught. Coincidentally, the spy was called Erwin, too!

Chapter 25: Farewell

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You don't know how long you were running for, but it certainly felt like eternity.

Your ears, head and throat seared from the unforgiving cold air. Your feet were bruised; your lungs screamed, begged for you to stop. But the adrenaline pumping in your veins muted every desperate plea from your body, as you pushed on, keeping your grueling pace.

When the familiar silhouette of Mike's building came into view, you quickly took note of the darkness it was shrouded in. You hoped the lack of lights didn't signal Mike's absence.

Stopping in front of the garage, Erwin and you took a moment to catch your breaths. Looking over at him, you saw his wind-whipped hair; the color red blooming on the tips of his nose and ears. Then you watched as he bent down by the knees and gripped the underside of the door. Once his fingers got a good purchase, he began pushing it upwards. The door gave way to his ministration, coming undone with a rickety sound.

You didn't have the time to marvel at his strength, hurriedly slipping inside.

It was dark. You heard the way Erwin crouched and followed you inside, only to come and stand before you, alert and protective.

Dread engulfed you once more. What if something happened to Mike? What if the Eldian authorities got to him before you? If Marie and Mrs. Reeves knew about Hannah, who's to tell they also weren't aware of Mike and Levi? Or even Moblit and Hange...? What then...?

Before the feeling of panic could completely overpower you, your ears picked up a sound from the room adjacent. Even in the dark you knew which room it was –- the one full of cars, where the little Isetta awaited you. You also remembered a switch next to the door that would lead you to it.

There was no time to tell Erwin that you should probably turn the lights on, because everything around you was suddenly painted blindingly white. Erwin and you raised your arms in front of your faces, trying to block out the sudden onslaught of light. You only had a few seconds to realize that it did not come from above you, but from somewhere in front of you.

The light was then accompanied by the sound of a motor awakening. Before the sound of tires screeching against cement could be intercepted in your head, you felt a harsh tug on your waist, as Erwin pushed you against the garage's wall.

A second later, a car came to a stop at the very spot you were just standing at.

Your vision swam. Blinking multiple times, your mind whirred, trying with all your might to realize what just happened. But for the following seconds, all you could register was Erwin' chest pressing against your back, grounding you.

Then, you heard the door of the car open.

"What in the world are the two of you doing here?!"

Erwin and you turned around and saw Mike exiting his car.

"Are you insane?! I almost ran you guys over, thinking you were intruders about to rob me blind!" he shouted, forcefully shutting the door behind him. His angry expression gradually fell the more he took in your rumpled forms.

"What the hell happened to you? Where are your coats, it's freezing outside."

At first, you allowed yourself a second of relief to wash over you upon seeing him unharmed. He's okay. Before stepping away from the wall, turning towards him.

"Mike, you have to help us."

Erwin and you gave him a summary of what just transpired an hour ago, which also served as an explanation for your trespassing. The giant turned gray behind his blond mustache.

"They know...?"

You both nodded, grim and serious. Mike looked around, raking his hand trough his shaggy hair.

"This is the worst," he whispered, and you let him pace around, allowing him time to properly digest the bad news. Then, he came to a halt, only to drag both of his hands down his face.

"Fucking hell," he cursed, which was quickly followed by a heavy sigh.

"So I'm guessing you have to leave Eldia. Immediately. Correct?"

Another nod. Another string of curse words from Mike.

"Levi is still out, escorting your parents and your friend to Marley. I was actually waiting for him to send me a signal, so I could start a new transmission and tell you how it went. I have no idea when he's going to return. It might be hours before he shows up again."

You didn't have hours to wait. Every minute spent in Eldia decreased your chances of a safe escape.

"Mike," Erwin started, calm but stern. "You're the one who's going to have to take us out of Eldia."

Mike whipped around, aghast. "What?"

You didn't think it was possible for a man his size to look this terrified.

"W-what do you mean? Did you see the size of the Isetta? Look at me, how am I going to fit in there?"

Erwin shut his eyes. "If you don't want to do it, I won't force you. But we're about to get arrested, and there's no telling if the same fate is not going to await you, too."

Mike's mouth opened, lower lip trembling once he picked up on the secondary message of Erwin's sentence.

"Are you telling me that... I'm going to have to escape, too? Over there, to the other side?"

Erwin lowered his head, as if apologizing.

"We didn't account on our enemies figuring out our escape. I am still not sure how much they know, but it is obvious they are aware of our outside aid. It wouldn't surprise me if they came knocking on your door sooner or later."

Mike listened, letting out a heavy exhale at the last part, shaking his head. He continued pacing around, while his big hands interlocked behind his meaty neck.

"Fucking hell," he muttered. "Fucking hell!" Mike then shouted, and kicked something on the ground to the side. Whatever it was, it let out a big, metallic sound upon hitting the wall, before bouncing back and spinning on the ground.

The sound echoed around you.

In the following seconds, Mike stood there and gazed around. You saw him angle his head upwards, taking in the interior around him. His life's work, the one he worked so hard to have. He let his eyes roam, head still shaking in disbelief of the unsavory route fate had suddenly – and not for the first time - foisted upon him.

When seconds turned to minutes, and he still refused to turn around, you were slowly acquiescing to the idea that he will not help you.

Erwin and you watched him slowly head towards the room where his arsenal of cars were lovingly looked after. Your eyes followed his wide back, curious, if not a bit confused, but the feeling of remorse was ever present. You felt sad for Mike, all too aware of the huge sacrifice he was forced to make.

When after a long while he still didn't emerge, you were ready to conclude that he won't help you. Erwin and you exchanged a glance, exhausted. Like so many times before, he stepped closer to you, arms encircling your white-clad figure. In his embrace you wondered if this is how the authorities will find you.

When at last, Mike reappeared. His eyes were stone cold, his face set in pale determination. Erwin and you were still embracing each other, awaiting his next words.

"Get in the car."

An hour or so later, you were still tightly embracing Erwin, only now it was in the back of a moving vehicle. His arms were securely holding you to him, your head pressed against his chest, his heartbeat still audible enough even in the commotion around you. Despite it being cramped, it was truly blissful to be finally laying down with your beloved, not having to run or flee. Or at least, not with your legs and elegant heels.

When it finally hit you that this is it, the thing you were planning for months was really happening, exhaustion overtook your already fatigued extremities. Your eyelids lowered multiple times, and the steady breathing of Erwin close to your ear only aided them in their descent.

That was to be expected. After all, you were on edge for most of the week, and were at the height of your anxiety from the moment you woke up today. Hours upon hours of worry will do that to you, and your body was more than grateful for what little rest you could squeeze in, both literally and metaphorically.

What came unexpected, however, was the wave of melancholia washing over you.

It took a Herculean effort to admit, but the thought of never seeing your house in Mitras again left you feeling strange. You'd never sit in front of the fireplace again, never see the Rhododendron bushes bloom for you in spring, and your wardrobe full of fashionable dresses would stay abandoned and lonely. You thought of the mess that you left there; the book you didn't finish lying on the coffee table, all the food in the fridge fated to get spoiled in due time, the radio in the basement, the curtains you've come to adore, the lace crochet tablecloth, the kitchen in all of its entirety. Despite how much you cursed the past six months of your life, you still managed to find beauty in the nooks and crannies of your predicament.

You felt silly and ashamed for feeling like this, however, and feared how insulting this might sound to Erwin, so you kept it to yourself.

Time stretched on, and you slipped in and out of conciousness. The short patches of the ride filled with sleep made it difficult for you to determine how long you were on the road. You were in one of those said patches, still very drowsy in Erwin's arms, when you felt the car underneath you suddenly stop.

Eyes snapping open, you remained still. Erwin and you listened to the sounds of the outside, but not before registering the car slightly rocking to one side. A sure sign that Mike stepped out of the vehicle.

Once you heard – and then felt – the door of the car coming shut, another sound soon joined in. A laugh.

"What the hell is this thing?" snickered someone outside. "You call this thing a car?"

Mike laughed along, with no trace of nervousness. "You'd be surprised of what this baby is capable of."

The other voice let out another laugh. "Whatever you say, man. Pass?"

You shuddered, realizing that you've reached your first obstacle. Wall Sina.

The rustling of paper could be heard. Then a hum.

"What brings you to the outer circles?"

"Something urgent is waiting for me at Wall Maria."

You didn't have to see the border guard to know that he just sent a sharp look Mike's way.

"And what pray tell is so urgent that you have to cross three walls so late at night?"

"Cargo for an elite member in Mitras," answered Mike without hesitation. The border guard let out another hum.

"It can't be big if you're going with that thing there."

"It's a small package. I can't tell you more about it."

Silence. Then the sound of footsteps circling around the vehicle could be heard. You pressed your eyes shut, holding your breath.

"All right," drawled the border guard, his voice now somewhere a bit further away. "You may go. But you owe me, you hear? The next time you run your little errand, make sure you bring me a souvenir, too."

Mike laughed, as you heard him enter the car. "Sure will."

And with that, the car awoke with a tremble, the sound of the engine audible again, as it continued on its path inside Wall Rose. Only after five minutes were you brave enough to breathe again.

"Are you all right?" you heard Erwin whisper against the crown of your head.

You nodded, before realizing that it was dark and he might not see it. "Yes. Can't believe it was so fast though."

The whole ordeal between Mike and the border guard lasted five minutes at most.

"It should be just as quick for the other remaining walls that we have to cross," continued Erwin above you. "Still, we can't be too relieved. We're still not safe."

He was right, and yet, your chest already felt tons lighter.

When the adrenaline from your first obstacle wore off, your limbs relaxed once more, allowing you passage to your drowsy state. You weren't sure if Erwin was afflicted with the same fatigue that you seemed to have fallen victim to, but by judging how tightly he was holding on to you, tense and ready to act should anything happen, you guessed he didn't sleep a wink.

"Aren't you sleepy?" you croaked. You felt a shift in the darkness, before his lips descended on that sensitive patch between your cheek and earlobe.

"No. I'm fine."

Oh. Feeling like you left him to shoulder the danger the two of you were in, you felt inclined to join him.

"I'll stay up with you."

His lips stretched into a smile against your skin. "There's no need for that. Go back to sleep, darling. I'll wake you once we reach Wall Rose."

And as it turns out, there was no need for that either, as you instinctively woke up once the car came to a stop for the second time. You felt and heard the familiar movements of Mike exiting, and then another foreign voice, soon joined by two other.

"State your business," ordered one of them, and Mike repeated the same thing he told the first border guard at Wall Sina.

"A small package, eh?" asked one of them, and you heard someone scratching a bearded jaw. "Are you also delivering something outside?"

"No, nothing," Mike replied, neither too hastily or too slowly.

"Are you sure?" another guard asked, and you heard the sound of approaching footsteps again. "Not that I care, but the guys over Wall Maria dished out new taxes on imported goods. They've been forever bitching about us not keeping a close eye on the stuff that gets in from Rose. So I just gotta make sure..."

Before any of you could react, the guard stepped to the back of the car.

Panic rushed trough your veins, but you willed yourself to stop trembling. The car had no trunk, so all the guard could do was to point a flashlight trough the small window in the back. The sliver of light that shone through the cracks of your cover made it possible for you to see Erwin's hand reach for the gun behind him.

Something he got from Mike right before entering the Isetta. Just to be sure, you remember him saying.

His other hand was still securely around you, protectively holding your form to his.

The guard stood there for a good while, as evident by the small rays of stark white light that were still pouring in. You closed your eyes in relief once everything turned dark again..

"You can go."

Then the steps receded, and only then did you feel Erwin relax. Mike thanked the guards, before jumping back in the car.

It would have taken a lot longer to reach Wall Maria, the final hurdle in your arduous journey. So when Mike stopped the car an hour after crossing Wall Rose, you were quite confused. You heard him shift in his seat, and then your cover from above disappear with a whisper.

"Are you two lovebirds all right?" He asked. As it was nighttime, you didn't quite see his face, only the outlines of his massive form.

Erwin and you nodded, but nonetheless, took this as your opportunity to exit. A quick break would do you good. As your legs were bent for hours, they were riddled with pins and needles. You almost fell upon stepping outside, but Mike was quick enough to grab you by your arm.

"Woah there, sweetheart, just take it easy."

You thanked him, before a shiver ran trough you. Crossing your arms, you looked around.

In the heart of a winter night, a forest stood in solemn silence. Towering, ancient trees stretched their long, gnarled branches toward the heavens, their boughs laden with a heavy burden of snow.

Despite the absence of the sun's warmth, your environment was not cast in the shroud of darkness as one might expect. Instead, it was a world bathed in the gentle radiance of snow, where even the night held a whisper of luminescence. The air was frigid, crisp, filled with the scent of pine.

You sensed Erwin behind you, and sure enough, a big, grey jacket descended gently on your shoulders.

"You'll catch a cold," he murmured. Turning around, you saw him in only his white button down and tie, his breath hanging in the frigid air. Brows furrowing in worry, you grabbed the sleeves of his jacket, ready to take it off.

"Don't be silly, now it's you who'll catch a cold. Come here," you whispered and were about to share the piece of fabric with him, but his hands stopped you.

"Don't worry about it, I'll be just fine," he replied, but he was smiling, almost grinning. Curious, you studied his face in the snowy night. He looked at you with quiet relief, his happiness palpable. You smiled, although a bit confused.

"Whats got you in such a happy mood?"

He stepped closer, taking your face in his hands.

"This. You," he whispered low, his lips close to yours, making you shut your eyes. There was still some mileage ahead of you, too early to celebrate. Still, half of it was behind you, and a quiet celebration was in order, so it was quite welcome, when he leaned down to give you a long, drawn out kiss.

You heard Mike clear his throat, and you separated, but the smile you wore on your face was anything but abashed. After everyone managed to properly stretch their legs, Erwin and you returned to your hideout. As much as it was nice to stop for a short break, it was also blissful to return to the space that was kept sufficiently warm from the engine, cramped as it was.

You sighed in delight once Erwin and you were in each others' embrace again. The sound of snow crunching under the tires hit your ears, as the vehicle started moving again. You buried your face in Erwin's neck, breathing in his cologne, while his arms snaked around you for the umpteenth time.

Time only accelerated after that. For some reason it felt like the remaining distance that you'd have to take would stretch on forever. Instead, it felt like the shortest, quickest part of your escape.

When you sensed Mike step out again, you were surprised when you didn't hear noises. Only the pass and papers of Mike being paged trough.

Channeling your focus on your hearing, you tried to guess what might be going on outside.

But nothing happened. No footsteps, no talkative border guards. Nothing.

And then you heard Mike say thank you, before the door of the car opening and closing could be heard. Not long after that, you were moving again.

Heart in a frenzy, you looked at Erwin, and even though it was dark, you knew he was looking back at you.

That was it? No questions, no suspicions, no nothing? Logically you'd expect that Wall Maria would be the strictest about its border control. Could Mike have something to do with it...? Did his shady dealings make him so well known to the Marian border patrol, they simply learned not to ask questions?

You let out a shuddering breath. For some reason you couldn't feel relieved, as much as you wanted to. It felt too easy, too good to be true.

Mike seemed to have thought the same, for after a while, you heard him whisper behind him.

"I don't know about you guys but I feel like something's off."

Erwin beside you agreed quietly. "Don't start driving faster, but don't stop until we reach the harbor, either," he ordered Mike quietly, to which Mike replied with a roger that.

That's when you sensed the feeling of unease engulf you again. It was one thing when you felt like something was off. You could explain it with your nerves acting up or even chalk it up to your inexperience. But it was a whole another thing when Erwin and Mike were also on the opinion that something was just not quite right.

You prayed. Hiding your face in Erwin's chest, you shut your eyes and prayed. Pleaded, even. Begged whatever force reigned over you to have mercy on you. Let you off the hook just this one time. And then you'd face anything it threw your way, and never complain about it. Would never take your life for granted, would never take anything for granted. Would never –

The sound of Mike letting out a shout snapped you out of your thoughts.

The next thing you registered was you getting hurdled to one side of the car, effectively hitting your head hard against its confines. There was no time to feel the way it stung, though, as then you were very quickly thrown to the other side of it, your kneecaps crying out in pain.

You felt Erwin grab you, while the world seemed to whirl and spin outside. And it apparently did, because you heard Mike hit the brakes, and the car screech to a halt.

After that, nothing. The only thing you registered were the veins in your throat pulsing violently. That is until you heard Mike.

"Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"

You heard him shove the key into the engine, desperately trying to start the car again.

Meanwhile, your ears picked up something else too. The sound of heavy boots crunching down on snow.

The door of the car opened, and for a fleeting, hopeful moment, you thought it was Mike getting out of the vehicle, maybe to survey what made him serve the car off the road, but your breath hitched in your throat when you heard and felt him struggle.

"No! NO! Let me go you fucking bastards!"

The car wobbled, and you pressed your mouth hard against your mouth once you heard him get torn out of the Isetta. The sounds of struggling continued, and you heard Mike grunt, before something heavy fell down into the snow.

Something cold and metallic brushed against your arm.

You were too terrified to realize at first that it was Erwin's gun. He was readying it, holding it upwards, ready to shoot away once your cover above you disappeared. And by now you were aware that it was only a matter of time before it inevitably did.

Or was it...?

For the next seconds, no – minutes, were silent. Eerily so. Gone were the sounds of struggles, grunts and heavy breathing. A thought entered your mind, to just stay here and wait it out, and see what would happen. But it was as brief and fleeting as the life of a mayfly. Mike was in trouble, you couldn't just hide and cover like a coward, after everything he did for you two!

Then you heard your name. It came from beside you, from Erwin himself.

It was a quiet whisper, so quiet, you would have missed it if he didn't whisper it against the shell of your ear.

"Listen to me. You stay here and I'll go outside. No matter what happens, no matter what you hear, do not leave the car. You hear me?"

Your whole body trembled, physically unable to agree with his plan. But he went on.

"If an hour or so passes, and I don't come back, you run for it. We should be very close to the harbor, all you need to do is to go straight forward."

Tears welled up in your eyes, as you were well aware why he was suddenly telling you this. Shaking your head against his chest, you whispered.

"No. No, no, no, I'm not leaving you behind."

He whispered your name again.

"Listen to me," he continued. "I endangered your life enough times. All I wanted was to get you out of here. So please, as my final request," he then paused, and you heard him swallow painfully.

"Leave Eldia and be free!"

There was no time to argue with him or ruminate about his words, as he then suddenly sat up, effectively pushing the cover up above you aside. The little light that scattered in made the gun in his hand visible, then his outstretched arm, shoulder, and finally, him.

That was all you saw, before you sensed movement from the corner of your eyes, and the both of you froze, as multiple barrels stared hard back at you.

The next few second were a blur. Even so, you registered big, harsh hands tearing you out of the car. The sounds of Erwin struggling, as he too was trying to break free from the many hands holding him down.

His attempts to break himself free from – by now you realized – soldiers only intensified, once you were torn away from him. Unlike Mike, the rough hands that manhandled you had little to no regards when it came to your legs, and so you managed to stumble and fall a few times.

Still, while your aching, bruised legs dragged against the deep snow, you locked eyes with Erwin, not believing what was happening. He looked back, pale, with his hair disheveled and tie askew, still trying to brush off the multiple men it required to hold him down.

His struggles only quieted down, once he sensed someone approach him. You followed his gaze.

From the depths of the winter mist, where the world dissolved into a haze of gray, an old man materialized as if conjured by the very elements themselves. As he moved closer, the winter mist clung to his form like a loyal companion, enfolding him in its embrace.

He was rather short and stout, with his hands locked behind his back, as he slowly and leisurely made his way towards the tall blond. Behind him you caught sight of Mike, as he was laying in the snow. Two soldiers were kneeing on his back, pressing him against the cold, freezing ground.

You had hardly any time to note that at least Mike was still alive, when the elderly man stopped before Erwin. He peered trough his little round glasses at the younger man, coldly appraising him. Erwin merely stared back, not shying away from his gaze.

That is, until the old man sneered, before raising his fist and landing a punch on his face.

Your scream got caught in your throat. Erwin would have fallen to the ground from the blow if not for the men holding him. His face was now angling away from the old man, his hair covering his eyes. Your instincts screamed at you to run to him and help him, but the soldier holding you down made it impossible for you to move.

The old man tutted and shook his head.

"Erwin," he said, addressing him in a deep, condescending voice. "I thought we had a deal."

Erwin slowly straightened himself up and looked back at the man in front of him, breathing labored.

"But I guess if nice words aren't enough to make you understand, then perhaps harsh actions will," the old man growled, only to send another punch Erwin's way. Even in the dim night, you saw red splatter on the white ground.

"Stop it!" you cried out, and you saw Mike start trashing against the ground, desperately trying to get the kneeling soldiers off of him. Your voice alerted the attention of the old man, and he did indeed stop. Turning around, he advanced towards you, still in his unnervingly calm manner.

"Mrs. Smith," he started, before shaking his head with a tiny, mocking smile. Then he said your maiden name, small, unapologetic eyes locking with yours. When this didn't elicit any reaction from you, he appeared surprised, thin, grey eyebrows shooting up to his forehead.

"You don't remember me? Impossible. Not after those provocative discussions you loved to pick with me during my classes."

Your mouth turned dry. Sure enough, once the man was close enough, you recognized him as your old ethics professor from Trost University, Darius Zackly. Far removed from the lecture halls and academic routines of your past, his sudden appearance left you feeling utterly and irrevocably confused. He was the very last person you expected to see here.

"Ah, there we go. I can already see it written all over your face," Zackly smiled. "Why am I here? What am I of all people doing here? At last you start asking the really important questions, Miss," he went on, but you found it difficult to pay attention to him, still not sure he wasn't just a figment of your imagination.

"But I must say I'm quite disappointed in you," he said, aimlessly walking back and forth; the snow under his heavy weight eliciting a crunching sound. "After all, teachers and professors alike were singing praises about you in Trost. The intelligent, little miss that asked bizarre yet hard-hitting questions. The one that asked the important questions. Questioned the status quo. Saw the big picture. Were you even aware of your reputation? Well, I'm sure you were. You must have."

He then stopped, and turned your way.

"And yet, you never quite figured out this one. Maybe came close to it, but never really enough to realize what was happening around you. And what a shame, seeing as your salvation would have been brought upon by another question. A very simple one at that. But one you failed to remember."

"What are you talking about?" you asked Zackly, your voice hoarse and weak. Your brain was dulled, body trembling from both the cold and fear.

Zackly only smiled and glanced to Erwin. The latter was getting paler and paler.

"Erwin. On the day you two moved in to your house in Mitras, a chauffer was tasked with driving you there from City Hall. Correct?"

He stepped closer to him, and continued without waiting for his answer.

"Your lovely wife was then made to wait at the entrance of your new house, while you conversed with him. There was something he told you that... how was it again? Only concerned you?"

You looked on as the memories of that day slowly but surely shuffled back.

"Then you formed an alliance with her in order to escape. Naturally, the execution of a plan so asinine and insane requires complete trust. You said it yourself so. And yet, when your wife asked you to tell her what you discussed with the chauffer, you clammed up," went on Zachly, shaking his head. "I never took you for a hypocrite, Erwin. What would your father say?"

Then he turned back to you.

"Well, but he did promise you that he'll tell you once you two reach the border, didn't he? And here we are."

The older man expectantly looked at the roughed up blond, who was still in the unrelenting grip of the soldiers behind him. His nose was still bleeding, leaving behind a thick line of crimson. He tried to open his mouth, but it was apparent that the two hits he received made it hard for him to concentrate.

Zackly tsked, losing his patience.

"What is the matter with you young people? All you do is waste time and lie."

The old man then raised his eyes to the sky, before shrugging.

"Oh, well. Then the honor to tell you befalls on me, Miss."

Your eyes were switching between Erwin and your former professor, terrified of what's coming next. And when the latter opened his mouth again, you realized that your fears were not without reason.

"You have your bitch. Now make sure you commit to your end of the deal."

The world spun with you, a blur of whites and greys. Gone too was your sense of hearing, at least partially, as you registered nothing but your own heartbeat thumping in your ears.

"... apologize for the crude words my chauffer said behind your back, Miss. Obviously I don't cond -"

You blinked, multiple times, trying to focus on what Zackly was saying.

"...wonder how I know about it? On the very first day we planted hearing devices in your house, but then I thought to myself: where's the challenge in that? So we removed them the next day after you both left the house..."

Your legs were now giving out and the soldier behind you grabbed you by your arms, harshly holding you upwards.

"... you two seemed to behave after weeks – no, months of moving in. Surely, I thought to myself, they have accepted their rightful path by now and were getting busy! I trusted you. I kept telling them it's going to work out. You know, we even had a little bet, and I happened to bet a huge fortune on you succeeding. Lots of money that I will now never see again. Not to mention the humiliation that I'll have to face because of you..."

Zackly then walked back to Erwin.

"But nothing is ever enough for you, is it, son? I thought if I gave you her, you'd do as you were told. I even had to find that ravenette a spouse, ad hoc, because even she wasn't enough for you, was she? All though, I must say, you sure have interesting tastes," Zackly continued, and looked your way, with your hair in disarray, your crumpled up dress, nearing catatonia.

"No offense, Miss, but you're not much to look at. Even if you are healthy and of childbearing age. But not quite the smart cookie that I was told you were. Then again, you were little more but a nuisance during my classes, too."

The torturous words fell out of Zackly's mouth, but your ears failed to pick up even half of what he was saying.

The old man merely shrugged.

"It is what it is. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice - "

He let the words hang in the unmerciful, winter air, before nodding to the soldiers behind Erwin.

"Take him."

The men nodded, and took ahold of Erwin, dragging him towards a big car in the opposite direction of you. You saw the soldiers do the same to Mike; at first grabbing him by his coat, before roughly pulling him up. Both men were not letting themselves get dragged away so easily, though, as they fought tooth and nail to break free.

The soldier behind you remained still, and so you could only watch. Erwin and you locked eyes, his blue ones utterly desperate. His mouth moved, and you weren't sure, but it sounded like he was saying your name.

Then a deep green winter jacket and a bolo tie intruded in your vision, and it was embarrassing how long it took you to realize that Zackly was now standing in front of you again. You looked at him, exhausted and devoid of hope. The frames of his glasses glinted coldly in the winter night, as he evaluated you once more.

"Forster. Take her a few miles further away and then leave her there to fend for herself. I have no use for her anymore. She has already cost me way too much for what she is worth," sounded his final verdict, and you sensed the soldier behind you salute. Then thick, mittened hands grabbed you by your elbow and turned you around.

"Ungrateful woman. She should be thankful she was even considered to serve the State," muttered Zackly darkly behind you. Simultaneously, you also heard the sounds of trashing intensify, while Erwin repeatedly called out for you.

Not what it looks like

Explain

I love - -

A sickening crunch echoed around the forest and you stopped, mouth hanging open at the sound. The soldier behind you tightened his hold on your elbow, signaling you to continue with your walk. You did as you were ordered, but the sounds behind you didn't stop.

Grunts, shouts, moans of pain ensued like a never ending litany.

Even after taking a considerable amount of steps, you could still discern the sound of Mike and Erwin getting beaten around.

It felt like hours have passed before you left the forest and came to a vast, snowy clearing, taken hostage by more mist and frost. Even when the soldier stopped, you kept looking ahead. Ahead into the thick, white nothing.

He released you, at last. But to your surprise, he didn't immediately go back to Zackly. You felt his eyes linger on you, and then heard the rustling of clothes. When you finally tore your eyes away from the road ahead to look at him, you saw him hesitantly take off his coat. Now that he stood so up close, you could put a face to the man who so obediently followed Zackly's order.

He was young, younger than you, his face mirroring worry.

From what little surprise you could still feel, you kept looking at him. His coat was halfway down his arms, that is until he saw the grey jacket on you, which then made him change his mind. So he shrugged it back on, hastily bowed before you and then retreated into the deep of the mist.

Slightly turning around, you watched him walk away.

Until second by second, minute by minute, his black boots, uniformed back, red hair and cap disappeared into the dull, white landscape. When the footsteps he left behind in the snow appeared to be the only proof that he was there in the first place, you slowly turned back around.

The world around you was a tableau of glistening white, with no discernible path or familiar landmarks to guide you. Every breath of yours formed ethereal clouds in the cold air; your senses overwhelmed by the stark beauty and the eerie silence around you.

Something tiny and cold touched your nose. Raising your head, you were met with thousands of small, white dots descending, twirling and spiraling in an intricate dance.

It was snowing again.

Notes:

... whoops?

Notes:

Ummm. Hey! Anyone still here, haha?

I posted this fanfic back in 2017 (*literally* four years ago!), and while I enjoyed writing it, I thought that it left a lot to be desired. The writing wasn't flowing nicely, and it was waaay too wordy, and while I was initially satisfied with how I depicted certain themes, there were also some parts in it that I found really cringe-y. But a lot of people seemed to like it, so I decided that I would finish it, and - what's more - to rewrite the whole story. But ever since 2017 a lot of things happened, and I was just way to busy, working, studying, and I was starting to lose motivation. So I was majorly surprised when I logged in to my account and was met with comments and encouraging messages, and people asking me if I'm going to finish it.

I felt flattered that people would still remember this story. And guilt. So I decided, it's now or never, and slowly but surely started writing again. It's a bit more fast paced, but I am overall happy with how it turned out. And I posted two chapters just to make up for the four long years of waiting - oops! (I even forgot how to post chapters on AO3, haha - it was *that* long ago)

I hope you enjoy! ️
- A