WhIP

by footfungus

nederlands verhalen over mijn otp

35. Chapter 35

Great Descendant

caxsthetic

Summary:

You were important, from the day you were born you knew what kind of life that you would had. People praised your name, knowing that you could be the savior to either your own race or those people who wanted nothing but to eradicate titans from this world.

In your blood, there was a curse and a blessing at once.

And what kind of life you decided to have, everything was in your hand.

Chapter 1: Leather Journal

Chapter Text

Tiny footsteps belonging to you echoed throughout the empty hallway. Your forehead scrunched as a bead of sweat trailed down your skin, but you dismissed the discomfort as you needed to find your father, wanting some explanation.

It was around four in the afternoon, and you were certain that your father must be occupying himself inside his study, probably enjoying his coffee as he read some reports regarding the military advance. You always wondered why he got all of that information even though he was not even in the military, but perhaps the book in your hand was the answer to your question, and you had to find out more.

You were used to running around this part of the mansion — since you would spend some of your time with your father when he didn't invite the military higher-ups or some of his business partners for a meeting. Truthfully, you could have waited for later after dinner to confront him, but your mind was already fuelled with curiosity that wouldn't die without being given the right extinguisher.

So you scurry out within an instant, far from the east wing where the library was located to the west where your father would entertain his friends and colleagues. In your small journey, you took off your mules and ran barefoot, ignoring the gasp from the maid that you passed in the hallway.

Panting, you felt the exhaustion course through your body as you finally reached your destination. Some eyes regarded you with worry beneath their intimidating gaze, but they knew that you had been running out of breath before, certain that it was nothing serious.

Two guards were standing tall on each side of the door, guarding your father's study against the outside, and you were certain there were another two on the other side of the door. They didn't give you any attention or warning, so you knew that he was not in some kind of meeting or too engrossed with work.

Sucking a deep breath, you hide the book that you found behind your back before raising your hand to the wooden door, knocking it with your knuckles several times, soft yet enough that it would echo inside the room. You heard the rustling of papers, probably from some of the military letters that he read.

"Name and busi—"

"It's me, pa!"

Your voice cut him off in a gleeful manner, holding yourself from bursting with hundreds of questions. If you wanted to know the truth, you needed to play your cards right. Well, what could a six-year-old girl do? Anything of course, especially if you were the only child (for now) and your parents loved you like you were their stars in the night sky.

You tried to hide your smirk when you heard the audible 'click' coming from the inside, followed by the door opening simultaneously. The sun penetrated through the windows, lighting up the whole room and the hallway behind you. A pleasant smell of cedarwood filled your nostrils in an instant, the unique scent that you knew embedded on your father's suit too since he spent the majority of his time here.

There was a massive round table in the middle of the room, one where you like to sit when your father was busy with work but wanted your company. You would sit there without a care and boredom since your nose mostly touched the paper book in your hand, too engrossed with whatever literature that you could find within his study.

You didn't need to go back and forth from the east wing and grabbed some books there. Your father studies already engaging enough with a wide variety of history, self-improvement, and many other philosophy books. The room would be engulfed with silence if that happened, but the atmosphere was serene and comforting to both of you, making times fly past naturally and just felt right.

"Well, isn't it my precious daughter?" He stood up from his plush leather chair, dark yet warm eyes never left your figure as you skipped toward where he was. His lips shaped into a gentle smile as he watched how giddy you looked right now, with both hands on your back as if you had a surprise for him.

It was indeed a surprise, but whether he liked it or not was another story.

"Pa, I need to speak with you!" Your bubbly personality was always so endearing. You were witty, smart, wise — his little rascal but still had a personality like a noble lady when needed.

"And what do you want to talk to me about, my little star?" He walked closer before kneeling in front of you, levelling his eyes with yours. "Something serious? Something playful? Or maybe you just want to talk to me since you missed your pa so much?" His smile turned into a little smirk, raising one of his eyebrows in a teasing manner.

You jutted your lips at his question as your hands clench tighter on the brown books that you found before. Your father waited for any kind of explanation, but you didn't open up your mouth, not even a little. But you suddenly averted your gaze away, pupils shifting back and forth.

He blinked, trying to understand what it was that you wanted. Your father then looked past you, finding the guards inside the room. It left a question inside his mind at the moment, because you never once needed to talk alone as you always threw questions at him without caring if anybody heard.

This would be the first time, and he decided to indulge you with it.

"Guards, you can wait outside."

"Sir, with all due respect—"

"Please."

The two guards looked at each other before giving your father a salute, answered with a firm nod from him. You stood still with your eyes closed as you waited until the sound of footsteps started to fade, not realizing the scrutinizing look that he threw at you. The second you heard a gentle thud echoed in the room, you let out a breath that you subconsciously held.

You were alone now, with your father waiting for any syllables to come out from your lips. A few seconds ago, you were so eager, ready to burst out all of the questions that popped inside your mind. But now, as he gazed at you with a look that you couldn't fathom, you started to rethink your decision.

Would he mad at you for reading the book that he strictly said was forbidden to read? He always kept it inside a glass compartment, telling you that it was filled with a history of mankind. The truth that someday he would tell you. So, would he be angry if you knew it now instead of later?

"You read the journal, my star?" You subconsciously dropped the book as you never thought he could see through you like that. Your hands were shaking behind your back before you tightly grip your bow's dress, fearing that he would not let you walk inside the library ever again.

Seeing the distress in your eyes, he immediately rested his hand on your shoulder, squeezing it gently as if to make sure that you didn't have to be afraid. That whatever you did, you always became his little star, the daughter that he loved so much. "It's alright, sooner or later I will tell you all of it."

His voice was calm as he picked up the book from behind you, opening it right in front of your face as he checked that in case some pages were wrinkled. You still kept your mouth shut, waiting for him to say something more — because for sure his words before were still not enough to calm yourself.

When he looked at you again, you were averting his gaze and decided to look down. So he closed the book and reached out for you, holding your much smaller hand as he brought you toward his desk. The silence was deafening as he didn't say anything afterwards, making you have to focus on the footsteps to dwindle your concern.

His hand was warm as it engulfed yours, squeezing it softly here and there as he plopped himself to his chair. With how light you were, he picked you up and tucked you gently on his lap, wanting to make sure that you were comfortable since it would take some time to explain everything to you.

"Now, can you tell me what you already know so far?"

It was now that you finally dared to look up, curious about the expression on his face. You should have known that your father wouldn't be angry at you, he couldn't, at least not towards you. His face didn't even show any sign of resentment, he just sat there, looking down, and waited until you were ready to talk.

"Almost everything, I guess." You finally dared to speak up, yet it still sounded so timid. "That King Fritz was not our enemy, it was thanks to him that the war is over." Continuing your words, you swallowed a huge lump. "And those people on the island, they are not devils, but they are exactly like—"

"Us."

He finished your word without pause, knowing what you were going to say next like he always did. Your forehead scrunched at this, lips turned into a scowl as you tried to understand the world that you live in right now. All the war, the hatred that Subjects of Ymir received inside the internment zone, if only this true story was out in the public then they wouldn't get treated like that, right?

"B-But why do we hide this information, then?" You croaked out, not believing that your family concealed such truth. "If people knew that King Fritz was the one who wanted peace, if only the whole world knew that all Subjects of Ymir did not want anything but to live like a normal human, they were not going to be treated like this, pa!"

You were begging right now, needing some answer that could justify the choice they made. It felt awful, like someone had put a blindfold on you all your life, whispering to you that the world was filled with hatred and that because of your ancestors, because of the blood that flows inside your veins and there was nothing else that you could do except living through the brutal knowledge.

But it was all a lie, because your family could have made a change in this world yet didn't do anything about it.

Your father just sat there, listening to your cries and complaints. He knew from the start that you were someone that would do anything for Subjects of Ymir to be free, he often saw you sneaking around and talked to the maids, after all, questioning about how their children were at home and many other mundane things.

He didn't have the courage to tell you the reason why he kept the information to himself when he was warned by the current inheritor. He didn't have the courage to tell you what lies across the sea, what slept inside the walls that the king had made. As your father, he didn't want his six years old innocent daughter to know that the fate of the world was in their hands — the Eldian.

His lips turned into a frown as he realised. No matter how much he wanted to protect you from this cruel world, no matter how much he just wanted you to live and be happy without a burden on your shoulder, he couldn't grant his wish.

Because soon, you would be the one in the family who held the biggest responsibility.

"You would know soon enough, my little star." He gulped down, dark orbs gazing at your face as he was so tormented from this fact only. Your beady eyes shone under the orange hue that slipped through the large windows, making you look even more innocent, an angel to him and his wife as he cradled you like this on his lap.

Soon, he needed to start telling you now how much weight you would carry throughout your life. "Once you inherit the war hammer titan."

"Wake up!"

You sat up straight as you tried to inhale the air bit by bit, feeling like your dreams that you had just stolen the oxygen out of your lungs. No, it was not a dream, it was a memory that you had with your father. The day when you knew the truth, the day when you knew your responsibility and how you needed to keep a blind eye over it.

And for sure, hiding the fact from everyone was the hardest part. Especially when you had these people you called friends as you invaded the island of Paradis with the mission to take back the founding titan. You wanted to tell them the danger, or how the people inside the wall were not as different from those in Liberio.

But you had made a vow to your father to keep your lips sealed, no matter how much you wanted to share it. And you were not going to break that promise, not when you knew there was a high possibility that you wouldn't make it back alive.

"I am sorry, I should have been more gentle." Your gaze still casted down your lap, wanting to control your emotion first before interacting with the other warrior. "Nightmare?" But his gentle, mature voice was so endearing you couldn't help but lookup.

His forehead scrunched in worry as you realized that he squatted down right in front of you. Large hazel eyes scrutinizing your every movement, and you felt so bare with how he seemed like he could see right through you.

"I am fine, Marcel." You answered him a matter of factly, not wanting to prolong the constant worry that he had for his fellow warriors. "Sorry, I will clean up the firepit and be ready in a minute."

"Oh, no need. I mean— you don't need to." He stood up, reaching out his hand for you, and you took it despite the confusion that was written all over your face. "I already cleaned it up, so you just have to grab your bag and we will be ready to continue our journey."

"Marcel!" You exclaimed, stomping your feet to the ground subconsciously as your eyes drilled on his skull. "It was supposed to be my turn!" And your outburst of course caught the others' attention. "You always do something like this, making sure that everyone can relax while you do all the work."

"(Y/n), I am sure that he—" The glare in your eyes now fell to another victim, the colossal titan inheritor, and you could see him flinch from just being the recipient of your glare. "N-Nevermind, I will just, uhm, check on Reiner if he is okay."

And just like that, he scurried off to find his friend, not wanting to interrupt your little tantrum that he was sure would subside soon.

Bertolt knew you, you were always a little cranky when you woke up, at least that was what he could see by the past three days as he woke up with you not far from him. You needed at least a minute just opening your eyes without doing anything, and after that, you were good to go. So he understood why you seemed so extra for what Marcel did right now.

You continued to scold the older boy who just stood there scratching his nape bashfully and apologising for what he did. He didn't do anything wrong, but you just disliked the idea that someone did something that was supposed to be your job. Though you always said thank you before taking your leave.

Feeling that you had enough with boys, you walked to Annie who was currently nibbling at some sweets that you gave her before at the boat that brought the companion here. She seemed to see your little quarrel but decided to keep silent, waiting for Marcel to lead the way when he was done fanning his reddened cheek.

Three days had passed after Marley dropped you off to this cursed land. Everyone had so much expectation for this generation, and the fact that a Tybur took part in the mission brought so much hope to the Subjects of Ymir in your homeland.

Your father was right about the burden that you were going to have. All the expectations set the bar so high for you. So for that, he prepared you to be a reliable and strong individual. Ever since the revelation, he pointed a lot of private instructors to teach you all the basic things about self-defence, archery, firearms, and swordsmanship skills.

You were shaped to be the saviour of the cursed subjects in Marley, ever since you were six. And you would make sure that all your knowledge and experiences would be put to good use.

Marcel told you about the plan, and for now, they all would rely on Bertolt and Reiner's titan since it was the most destructive and save the rest for later days. When he first told you about the plan, the two of you were alone. He liked to discuss strategy first with you because your mind was the most mature of all of them.

And all the time he told you about it, your mind always thought that it was so wrong for him to ask for your advice. You wanted to tell him not to destroy the whole outer wall, just one district was enough and everyone could sneak in already. But you knew the chances to get in were lower if there was not enough damage.

So reluctantly, you agreed. You told him that he was brilliant, telling him that it would work for the warriors. And after that, everyone would enrol in the military cadet corps, some would graduate to be a survey corps, while the others joined the military police regiment. It would need a few years to get by, but it would be the safest and optimal route.

Just a few years here and you could come back home, reading books and annoying your father even more. Though you were sure that your mother would scold you for spending too much time with him, she would want you to go horseback riding with her while telling some stories about the family.

Yes, everything would be just like before, and you couldn't wait for it.

Your eyes fleeting toward the brunette who walked in front of you, his hair swept to the back, reminding you of his brother that was the complete opposite of him in terms of personality. Marcel was gentle, compassionate, reliable, all the things that you would expect from an elder sibling. Meanwhile, Porco was aggressive, emotional, and somewhat a little rude when he talked.

And the big difference between Porco and Marcel that you knew, was the fact that the younger brother despised you. The blonde often threw shades and mockery, telling you that you were not like them, how you were a spoiled kid, and could never understand what they really felt with all the privilege that you had due to your last name.

But that didn't stop you from wanting to befriend him. You could see through his harsh facade, he was actually gentle inside and cared deeply for all the warrior candidates. He even let his guard down that day when they knew Reiner would be the armoured titan inheritor instead of him, letting you sit beside him outside the headquarters as he let out a sob.

He wept silently when you put your hand on his back, comforting him through the single touch. That was the only push he needed before breaking down in front of you, cursing himself for not being a better candidate, that it was his fault for being too confident in his skill and not trying harder to get the military's attention.

Oh, if only he knew. If only he knew the real reason why he was not here.

It felt like it happened such a long time ago despite knowing a month just passed ever since. You wondered what the other warrior did right now, more accurately, what he was doing right now. Maybe he had lunch with his family, or perhaps beating himself to the pulp and kept on training until he couldn't stand anymore.

Knowing that was enough to make you frown since you really cared for him, and to think that he blamed himself for his failure broke your heart even more. Every time you walked, there was an extra weight on your chest as an ivory shark tooth pendant grazed your skin, reminding you of your days in Marley once again.

Especially the day when you received the necklace, something you never took off ever since.

And now as you walked right behind Marcel, you could only imagine that the brown strands were blonde instead. But you shook your head after that, knowing for certain he would have a longer lifespan, that he wouldn't have to carry so much burden like the rest of you. He could enjoy his life, and that was what caused Marcel to put Reiner on the pedestals instead of him.

You didn't remember when you were getting left behind. Of course you could still see the fellow warriors in front of you, but they were a few meters ahead from where you were. It happened a lot, so you didn't really complain since they knew sometimes you would need alone time.

It was not like there were titans around anyway, the Marleyan Military had assured you that the titans would only be there near the outer wall. So everyone should be saved since it was still halfway through the journey, no one needed to worry and be too on guard for now.

At least that was what you believed until you saw a large shadow looming from behind you.

The silence was deafening when you felt the air sucked out from the space around you, leaving you to stand there alone as you slowly lost the ability to breathe. Fear, that was what you felt right now as your mind could only conclude one thing — there was a titan, right behind you.

No, you still needed to finish your mission. You had promised your father that you would come back to him, you had promised your mother that you would come back home intact, even if it needed you a few years to grant that, as long as you could see them again, it was alright.

As long as you could come back and see him happy and living a beautiful life even when your term was going to end, it would be fine.

But you were glued to the ground, your muscles tensed and you couldn't move your limbs to run, or just to evade that gigantic hand which was now ready to crush your small body with its hand. Yet despite all that, you felt a strong push coming from your side, pushing you out of the way and snapped you back to reality.

You saw Marcel, his dark brown hair dishevelled as now his torso engulfed in the hand of a titan. He looked distressed, panicked, and he flailed his body around as he tried with all his might to survive, despite an impeccable fate that he already knew deep inside his heart.

No one knew where it came from, one second they were chatting, and the next as Marcel saw a titan running toward you, his feet moved on their own with one goal to reach for you. You couldn't see it, you just gave him an empty look as you were just deep in thought a moment before.

He knew that you would be too shocked to understand what happened, he knew that you couldn't move away when you turned to see what was standing behind you. And there was something inside his soul that boosted him to run faster, pushing you away as he decided to replace you.

"Come on, let's go!"

He heard Reiner shouting at you who was still sitting on the grass, eyes focused on him as you tried to wrap your head around you. There were tears in your orbs when Bertolt and Reiner pulled you away forcefully, your legs even wobbled, and that was when the ravenette decided to hoist you up over his shoulder.

Marcel heard the shout, the pleading in your voice as you called out his name. The others were running to safety, but he could still see you as your hand stretched out for him, not believing that you would lose him like this.

"(Y/n)!" He screamed with all his might, hoping that you could hear what he said. Wide teeth already surrounded his head, and it was a matter of time before his world turned black. So he needed to say it, he needed you to tell his brother that his job was done for now. "Tell Porco I did it!"

Then he was gone as the jaw of the titans closed with his body in between it. He died in the hand of a titan who no one knew where it came from. You should have been cautious, no matter what, this island was filled with titans and you shouldn't have trusted whatever the Marleyan Military said. And it should have been you, not him.

Your eyes never left the scene as you saw Marcel being devoured alive, starting from his head, slowly down to his hip. The details were so vivid and you were sure it would be engraved in your mind for as long as you lived. This would be your constant nightmare, reminding you every day what a cruel world you lived in.

And you didn't know if you were ever ready — if someday you met a circumstance when you had to face Porco, knowing that his brother died saving you.

Chapter 2: Extra Bread

Chapter Text

"T-Thank you, sir!"

He stuttered out and bowed a little to the soldier who gave him five loaves of bread. Though the older man did not acknowledge his gratitude at all, instead he just sneered at him, making him flinch since he was reminded of the fact that this island was filled with demons.

His long feet stride out from the line, wanting to get back to where his friends waited. Today it was his duty to get the food for his companions, and it took all of his courage to utter how many people in his family were left when the soldier asked him.

Four, it was the right answer that he was supposed to say. But he couldn't help but stutter five instead. It had only been a few weeks after they breached the outer wall, Maria, and yet he still couldn't believe that it was only the four of them now.

Each of them was grieving. Annie would now scowl a lot and buried her face in her hands, not wanting anyone to see the vulnerable look on her face. Reiner was different, he tried to act tough despite the nightmares that often accompanied him in his sleep. While him? He hid his sadness and pain deep inside his heart because he knew that someone suffered more.

You, you didn't talk at all for days as if you were just their shadows. Annie made sure that you were not hurt when he and Reiner crushed the gate. And even though you were not uttering any words, you could do your task ideally without a hitch, and that was to sneak inside with battered clothes, acting like a child who lost everything.

But maybe you indeed lost everything, that was what he thought when he saw you just staring into space without any expression on your face. The bubbly and warm person that he met back then in Marley was nowhere to be found at this point and he hoped that someday he could meet her again.

When his pale green eyes fell to the familiar strands of your hair, he started to run, wanting to give you the bread for today since the sun was up for hours yet no one ate anything just yet. The shelter where all of them were hiding was an abandoned barn just outside the main city, no one knew who the owner of it was, but when Reiner found it empty, they decided to use it as a temporary house.

They just needed to survive for a few years and they could enroll in the military after that. But now they had to make a plan about what they should do in the meantime. Now they were just four orphans who lost everything from wall Maria. A few days ago a soldier gave them a form to fill out, consisting of some questions about names, birth, and the residence they used to live in before.

And that was the first time he heard your voice after weeks wallowing yourself in silence. When Marcel was alive, he told you that you needed to change your last name. Just for a disguise, it was the safest option because who would have expected if someone knew the weight of your name.

"No." You whispered out, one hand scribbling down the paper to write your name. "I am not going to lose my identity. No." There was a lingering pain in your voice that everyone could notice. "I will do anything, Reiner, but not this. This is my last name and I will lose it if someone takes it away from me."

The blonde frowned when he heard your rebellion, you seemed fine when Marcel asked you to do that back then, but now you changed your mind and he wished he knew the words that could sway you. You continued to write down your information without stopping while the boys stared at you with wonder.

Annie knew that you couldn't be forced to do something that you wouldn't do, so she just shrugged it off and focused on her paper, not wanting to spend her time filling forms if she could do it fast. She really thought Reiner would drop it after hearing your statement, but sometimes he just didn't know when to stop.

"Hey, but Marcel would tell you to do the same."

Bertolt could imagine his friend getting beaten up again at this point. But this time not from Annie, instead, he would get it from you who was now gripping so tight on the pencil that he was afraid you would stab the armoured titan inheritor on the neck with it.

"That's the thing, Braun." You gritted your teeth, avoiding yourself for kicking him in the face. And when the poor boy heard you call him by his last name, he knew that he was done for good. "Marcel is not here anymore, and youare not Marcel."

Bertolt made a note in his head that he would never want to get on your bad side. He felt a shiver down his spine at that time when you completely disregarded Reiner, and those words were not even for him. He couldn't imagine what his friend felt, it must be hell for sure.

"Hey, I-I got the food for us today." Stopping on his track right in front of you. You were currently cleaning up the dust on the window, he recalled you said that you despised dirty windowpane last night, and he raised his eyebrow since he wondered how you got some clothes to clean it up with.

"Thank you, Bertolt." You gave him a soft smile, and from just that gesture he could feel his cheek burning from — goodness, he didn't even know what he was feeling right now. "Oh? You got five? How?" He was still in a trance when you threw the question, making him baffled for a second there.

"I said that there were five members in my family." He averted his eyes, ashamed to confess that to you. That and the fact he would see the sadness inside your eyes if he did so."I didn't mean to, really, b-but I only realised it after the soldier gave the portion to me."

"Oh, Bertolt." You let out a long sigh and grabbed two pieces of bread from his hand. "You know you could correct yourself after that, right?" He knew that you were scolding him, but with how soft your voice was, he just accepted it, not even once trying to correct himself. "I will give it back to the soldier, okay? You go inside, Reiner and Annie are waiting for you."

"But shouldn't you eat first?" He was concerned for sure, and despite knowing the fact that you could handle this harsh world by yourself, he was not sure if it was the right choice to let you go alone. "I can drop this off to them and I can accompany you, right?"

You chuckled at this, and his pupils widened at that since it was the first time you expressed some kind of joyful gesture since Marcel's incident. Your eyes closed as you chuckled at him, he didn't know what he did to make you like this but his brain short-circuited to even think about it. He just stood there with his mouth agape, enjoying the pure, melodious giggle that slipped from your mouth.

"Bertolt," And how much he loved his name rolled down your tongue was uncanny. "It's okay, I will eat mine on the way. And I can handle myself, I am going to be back before you know it! You don't have to be concerned about me." You gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder, and his body went rigid at that. "See you later, tell the others where I am going, okay?"

He was too frozen in the spot even when you already strolled down the street with the loaves of bread in your hand. There was no time for him to answer you, and he felt like all the words were stuck in his throat. You just touched him, that was the only thing that he could process right now.

Yes, it was nothing special since you always held Pieck's hand back then or gave a pat to the other warrior candidates (especially Porco, for as long as he remembered even though the boy seemed to dislike your presence and unfazed by it), but to him, feeling your touch like that was everything.

It gave him some kind of boost, maybe it was the warm tingle that he felt whenever you were around or the fact that your existence just screamed comfort — he didn't know exactly what caused him to treasure your touch. What he knew for sure was that in the end, he enjoyed your company.

"Oi, Bertolt! Why are you standing there like a statue?!"

"S-Sorry, Reiner—"

The wind caressed your hair as you wandered down the street, turning left and right to the alleyway that would lead you to the plaza. This place had been your home for a few weeks now, and you started to enjoy living here, greeting some people here and there despite how many times Reiner told you not to.

They would ask, of course, where you were from. And you always answered it without hesitation, without a pause, as if the one who talked was an entirely different person with how you always lost all the light in your face when you gave them your answer. They would sympathize, and you took their pity and kept acting it out.

You had a different approach in this mission compared to the other warrior. While they decided to keep a low profile, you were going all out and showed yourself as a victim from the fall of wall Maria. Lots of benefits coming your way with how some adults asked you to move in with them or offering you a job so you could fend for yourself.

Their offers were always so sweet, but you didn't want to leave your friends inside a cold barn with nothing to lay on except the pile of hay. You always ended up cuddling with Annie, not caring that she wanted to kick you in the face at first for not giving her enough space, she ended up liking to sleep in your embrace days after that, so for you, it was all worth it.

Maybe though, their offer about working for them could help you. There were some of them and you sure at least one of the jobs had good earnings. You could buy food for your friends if that was the case, all of you didn't have to rely on free food anymore. And so, you decided that you would go to the adult near the plaza after this, asking if the offer was still up.

"I am sorry! It was already late and there was only one piece of bread left for us!"

Your ears caught the distressed tone that came from the alleyway near you. The plaza was empty now since it seemed like the ration had already finished for the day. To know that a lot of people couldn't even have one bread to eat made your stomach churned with guilt and anger for yourself.

"It's alright, Armin. We can share it."

"Yeah, it's not like I eat a lot anyway."

There were three of them, three children that looked like they were the same age as you, and they only got one piece of bread for the whole day. Knowing that the soldier was not there anymore and the commotion already dispersed, you decided to give the bread to them instead.

Your tiny feet waddled toward them, they were currently deep in thought about how to divide the food fairly. And you were thankful that you haven't eaten your fair of bread, so now each of the kids could have one.

"Excuse me," You interrupted their discussion, three pairs of eyes immediately turned to face you. Two of them looked at you with confusion while the other one had her eyes filled with caution. "I am sorry, I heard about your problem before, and I have two extra pieces of bread that you guys could take."

The two boys, one with blonde hair and the other with short dark brown hair — looked at each other without saying anything. It was like they had this kind of bond, talking through their minds before giving each other a nod. Maybe they were debating if it was alright to accept your hospitality or not.

"It's fine, but is this bread really alright for us to take?" The boy with the ocean blue eyes spoke up, taking one step forward to your figure. "What about you then, have you eaten yet today?"

"Yes, it's fine. If not, I am not going to offer it in the first place." You gave him a gentle smile before answering his next question a little bit too quickly to your liking. "Don't worry about me! I already got breakfast before and ate mine. You don't have to think—"

"You are lying." The girl that had been silent the whole time suddenly cut your sentence. "Don't tell me I am wrong because I am sure that I am right." She didn't sugarcoat her words at all, and you couldn't understand anymore if her words mean good or bad. Because surely her onyx orbs looked at you as if you were a threat.

You closed your eyes and exhaled loudly, knowing that you couldn't lie anymore with how sharp the three of them were. But this fact wouldn't stop you from wanting them to take your fair.

"Well, yes, I haven't eaten." Surrendering yourself to honesty, you continued. "But I am going to be fine, an adult in this shop near the plaza offered me a job and food, so I could get it from them after this." You explained truthfully, handing them the bread thereafter.

"Then how come you had extra bread in the first place?" The short-haired boy now squinting his eyes, wanting to understand your hidden motive in case there were any. "You had one for yourself too despite knowing that you could get food from this adult you told us about. So why should we trust you?"

"Eren!"

Ah, so the boy's name is Eren. You thought, couldn't believe that someone would even doubt the others for giving free food. But then again, you couldn't blame them for being extra cautious. No one knew what could happen inside these walls. The worst-case scenario from this was that you poisoned them to get rid of another life to prevent any more hunger.

"You don't have to trust me, of course." You answered him with a soft and calm tone, something that you learned from your house back in Marley. That even when someone raised their voice at you, you needed to handle them with care. "My friend was the one who got the food from me, and he didn't check that he got extra food, so I am here with the first mission to give it back to the garrison soldier."

You gave them the answer that they wanted, both hands still pushed forward, waiting for them to take it. "Promise I wouldn't disturb you anymore, I just want to make sure you guys get enough food. That's all."

There was a long silence engulfing the four of you. That was until the blonde took the bread out of your hand and gave you a smile of gratitude, which you answered with the same gesture as him. The other two were now looking at you with a softened gaze, finally stripping away their caution towards you.

"I am sorry that I sounded rude before." The brunette started, giving you a cheeky smile as his ears tinted with a pinkish hue. "I just need to be careful around strangers, everything just messed up at this time, you know?" He chuckled bitterly, his eyes darkening as if a terrible memory fleeting through his mind for a second.

"It's fine. I know where that thought is coming from." You kicked the pebbles near your foot before, making it bounce to the wall as you looked down. "Everything is just a nightmare after the breach." And you tried so hard not to break down, not in front of anyone, especially those who were the victim of your action. "All of you — didn't deserve any of it."

Your voice that was so warm and comforting before now turned into a completely different tone. There was sadness, at least that was what they could hear from you. They couldn't see the expression in your eyes since you persisted in looking down at your feet, avoiding their gaze at all cost.

"And you didn't deserve it either."

The blonde, if you recall from before, was called Armin, telling you words that you thought you wouldn't need to hear. "No one wanted this to happen, no one deserved to live like this." He continued, and you were ready to crumble even more. "But this is our life, for now, so we can't do anything else but move on."

You wanted to get down on your knees, hugging his legs as you begged for forgiveness. Just like what you saw in some of the memories from your ancestors, there were just normal human beings inside these walls. Just like in Marley, just like on the other continent, there were good and bad people, and nothing differentiated them except the fact that they had a titan's blood flowing inside their veins.

Nothing else but that — and the dangerous truth that lies within the walls.

"It's called rumbling, right?"

Just one month from now, you were going to inherit the war hammer titan, and you have been studying a lot, reading the journal that your ancestor wrote. The book was so helpful, preparing you to know the truth that this world had to hide. Sometimes your twelve years old brain could not even understand it.

The past few years you had been training hard privately. You got the best instructor, honing your mental and physical build at the same time. But since you reached the age of ten, your father introduced you to Commander Magath who was in charge of the Warrior Unit, the unit for those titan inheritors.

And you trained with them ever since then. Creating a bond and friendship to those who would fight alongside you in the upcoming battle. The majority of them were easy to talk with like Marcel, Pieck, Zeke, Reiner, and Bertolt. While the rest — not so much.

Annie was fine though, she still talked to you here and there and taught you about some certain techniques of hand-to-hand combat that you deemed remarkably useful. Porco on the other hand, you wanted to grimace at the interaction that you had with him. Yet despite all that, you couldn't stop yourself from smiling just thinking about him.

But this moment was not the right time to reminisce about the warrior training, not when a few months from now, you would embark on a mission to reclaim the founding titan.

"Yes, when the founding titan decided to unharden the walls and released millions of colossal titan, it was called rumbling." Your father sat across from where you were, filling out papers from the military about you. "If that happened, the whole world would turn into nothing."

You gave a nod of acknowledgement, fingers tracing the ink that seeped on the worn-out paper journal.

"So it was risky to let the founding titan stay in Paradis since no one knew if someday they would activate the rumbling or not." You stated the sentence as a matter of factly, absorbing the information that sometimes made your head pound. "It was risky since they closed themselves inside those walls and no one knew what happened there."

"Yes, my dear." His voice cracked like any other time, having so much burden for throwing you to the frontline of the battle like that. You, his little star, his precious daughter, that he never wanted to turn her into a war machine that could only live for thirteen years. "That is why you need to prevent it from happening."

But it was something that needed to be done — and there was nothing that you could do except embracing the cruel truth like an old friend.

"Yes, you are right." Fixing your composure, you were back to the kind girl from before. "Thank you for telling me that, I think I need it." You chuckled softly, fingers tucking the strands of your hair behind the ear. "I-I will go now, then. Hope all of you survive and continue on living!"

Bowing yourself a little before departing (a trait that you couldn't shake off that easily), you waved at them and turned your heels, walking away from the three children that you really hoped would have a beautiful life ahead, for as long as they could have.

"Wait!" But you halted your feet to move forward when you heard Eren's voice calling out for you.

"Yes? What is it?" You were still not that far from them, so you decided to use your normal volume as if they were still right in front of you.

"We haven't got your name!" Yet despite how calm you were, the boy seemed to choose to shout at you anyway. "I am Eren! This is Armin and Mikasa, they are everything that I had left! Now, what's yours?!"

Hearing how excited he was made you giggle, such a complete opposite for real compared to him a few minutes ago when he looked at you with caution. Now he became the child he was supposed to be, with a wide grin on his face as he just wanted to know the name of his probably new friend.

And so you indulged him with it, answering his question with a clear and solid tone.

"It's (Y/n)!" You decided to shout back, equaling his enthusiasm. "(Y/n), (Y/n) Tybur!"

Chapter 3: Obsidian Scarf

Chapter Text

When you first breached the wall maria, what went inside your mind next was how to make sure everyone could survive. You and your fellow warriors were just thirteen and fourteen years old kids at that time, and no one knew what the condition would be inside the walls.

There were lots of crimes such as robbery, human trafficking, and fraud going around. Even the garrison soldiers who were supposed to take care of the crisis inside the walls along with the military police seemed to be overwhelmed by how the condition turned out to get worse and worse every day.

So a year right after the breach, the majority of the refugees had to devote their lives and join the military to reclaim back wall maria. The royal government summoned around two hundred fifty thousand people to join the operation, mostly healthy men, and some of them were even women.

It had become a public secret that the results of the mission would turn out like that. With only a few surviving, barely one hundred people left, and you were devastated that day when you worked near the Plaza, finding Armin walking mindlessly, clutching a worn-out hat which he told you that it was belonged to his grandfather.

One of the summoned soldiers — who went to reclaim the wall and never came back.

Even though it was a cruel way to push those people to die, everyone inside the wall couldn't thank them enough for their sacrifices. The food shortage slowly got better for everyone who was still alive, the refugees even got a proper house to live their days. And slowly, everything started to ease down.

But of course, there was no guarantee that they would be safe. There was no guarantee that they wouldn't have to relive the same thing ever again. You knew that, you knew things that they never thought would happen. And you still hate yourself for becoming the reason why it happened in the first place.

"Are you sure that you are going to join the military?"

Your thought was interrupted by the gentle, mature voice that belonged to Mrs. Keller. She was the one who had been helping you out and offered you a job two years ago where you and the others barely survived. You worked with her by putting labels on her husband's wine, and she had treated you like her own daughter ever since.

"Yes, I am sure of that, Mrs. Keller."

Meanwhile, Mr. Keller himself was never home, rarely to be exact. He always traveled around Sheena to distribute his wine to the nobleman and aristocrats, leaving his wife in a house that was too big to be filled with one person. And even now, you didn't dare to ask her why she didn't have children.

She was such a perfect woman in your eyes, reminding you of your mother back home. Mrs. Keller remembered all your stories that you told her, about how you were not alone since you had three friends who were always there for you. She even invited them to have dinner with her, saying that the atmosphere would be nicer with more people around.

Annie being Annie was cautious at first, refusing to eat the meal that Mrs. Keller prepared for everyone. But when she saw Reiner crying after one mouthful of a spoon, she decided to taste the meal and always became the first one who finished it after that.

"Oh, dear. I will miss you so much!"

You were currently focusing on the label in your hand, sticking your tongue out a little as you didn't want the paper to be wrinkled or else it wouldn't look good on the bottle. But of course, you didn't expect Mrs. Keller to wrap her arms around you all of a sudden, squeezing your torso playfully, yet you could feel the affection from the gesture.

She didn't say anything as she just continued to hug you, sometimes even planting her lips at the back of your head. And you just stood there, basking yourself from the tenderness of a parent. It was nice to have something to hold on to for a while, even if you knew that she could possibly die by your own hand in the future.

But you shook it off, erasing all the negative thoughts that often slipped inside your mind. Just for once, you wanted to be selfish, so you pulled away from her, only to jump at her embrace and squeeze her torso so tight you didn't want to let go.

Today would be the last time you helped her. Tomorrow you were going to the cadet corps along with your friends. She had been talking a lot more than usual, not wanting to waste just one second away from you. You knew that she loved you like her own daughter, and you too, loved her like she was your mother.

From how her fingers would gently untangle the knot on your hair or the gentle pat on top of your head — you had been masking yourself with the idea that you were just a normal citizen in Paradis, whom your father always busy with work and rarely home, whom your mother was a gentle, loving woman who loved children.

You knew you didn't deserve any of it, you knew you didn't have the right to feel such love and hugged her body as if she was not one of your future victims. But when you felt her palms caressing your hair, whispering that she would miss you and send you lots of letters — you decided to accept this little heaven that you created.

"By the way, I have something for you!" She abruptly pulled away as she grinned, her green orbs glimmered with mischief before booping your nose. "Wait here, okay, darling? I'll be right back!" And before you could answer, she already stormed off to the upstairs, who knew what that woman would do.

You shook your head as you just leaned yourself on the table behind you. This workplace filled like home already with how many days that you spent here. Boxes filled with high-quality wine, stacks of shiny labels that you should stick on the red bottle — you would genuinely miss this place and the person who owned it.

The sound of footsteps echoed through the room, interrupting your thought. And you could imagine how Mrs. Keller was running down the stairs impatiently so she could see your adorable face once more. She had her usual charming smile plastered on her face as she strode towards you, a kraft paper bag in hand.

"Here you go." She handed it to you with a giddy smile, wanting to see your reaction to the gift. "I ask my husband to send something from Sheena. It's nothing much, but I hope you could use this as a soldier." So you opened the paper bag, retrieving a piece of cloth from inside. "You know, maybe to warm you up when winter comes."

You gently laid the packaging on the desk, orbs never leaving the warm, velvety clothes in your hand. It was an obsidian-coloured scarf, and you knew from how thin yet warm it was, or the way that you couldn't find any shabby seam on the textile — this must be worth lots of coins inside these walls.

"Mrs. Keller you don't have—"

"Hush, now."

She shut you up in the most gentle way, resting both hands on your shoulder and squeezed it gently. You didn't have to hear any other syllable slip from her lips, it just needed her warm gaze and reassuring smile to know that she wanted you to take it without hesitation.

It was as if she was trying to tell you that you couldn't get rid of her that easily — and she would be there for you every step of the way.

Your vision blurred. A single teardrop fell down your cheek, followed by a hiccup and nasty snort. You never cried like this, even when you bid farewell to your homeland, even when Marcel died to save you, never once you became such a mess.

Maybe it was because everything mixed into one that your heart and mind could not even understand. You didn't know if you cried because of your sadness and the guilt that kept eating you every day from the inside, or because of something as simple as feeling so loved.

It was both.

Her fingers delicately fetch the piece of cloth from your hand, asking you if you wanted her to help you wear it. You couldn't even answer it verbally, afraid that your voice would crack. So you just gave her a single nod in between your sobs, and it was the only thing she needed before circling the scarf on your neck.

"Oh, I forgot you wore a necklace. Pardon me."

You didn't flinch as her cold fingertips grazed your skin. She looked so focused, biting her bottom lip while squinting her eyes a little as she draped the scarf unevenly. Looping the longer end around your neck, she crossed both ends and tucking it gently under the loop.

Mrs. Keller took one step backward to admire her handiwork, but as her orbs moved up and down with an affectionate look, you knew that she wasn't just trying to make sure if the scarf was tucked in nicely. She appreciated you, engraving your figure like this inside her mind.

"You are perfect, my dear!" She clasped her hand together, grinning so wide that sometimes you wanted to ask if it hurt her or not for doing so. "Remember me when you graduate! I will send you lots of letters, and you have to answer them back, okay, little girl?"

"Yes, yes. I will." You chuckled softly before wrapping your arms around her once again, one that she reciprocated almost in an instant. With your mission, you didn't know if you could meet her again after graduation, but surely you would answer each of her letters without a doubt. "I promise I will, mom."

Everyone knew how much Mrs. Keller loved and cared for your entire well-being, so it didn't surprise them when you came back later than usual today. You always looked like you had no burden on your shoulder when you got back, having this little smile and a serene expression on your face.

So many times Reiner had been telling you to be careful, afraid of the demons putting a spell on you. But you shrugged it off and kept silent since you knew the truth about the citizens in Paradis, and he knew too well not to push you too much — still haunted by your glare that he received two years ago when he brought up Marcel.

"What's going to happen to our room?"

You were currently packing some of your clothes into your bag when you heard Annie's voice. She was mostly silent, but the two of you talked on a daily basis since she was a lot more comfortable being around you than the others. Probably because you had the same gender as her and became her roommates.

"Maybe they are going to keep it open for us, in case we are going to be back here." You stopped for a while, deciding to sit on the edge of the bed that creaks a little as you plopped yourself. "Since they literally give this room to us, and there are no other refugees who still need shelter."

Annie just gave you a small hum as she leaned her back on the wall, showing that she listened to your answer. But something bothered her mind and you could see it from how she seemed to be a lot more fidgety, not calm and collected like usual.

"But we are not going to be back here." Her voice dropped, lingered with solemn. "Right?"

You knew the answer to that, hell, you were sure that she knew too all along. Yet the way she asked you right now, she wanted you to lie. She had grown fond of those people who worked with her on the stables for the last two years, the blonde started to feel like she was home.

And you wanted to lie to her. If that meant she could at least live in a fantasy where she was just a normal sixteen years old teen instead of a warrior, you would lie to her. But you knew there was no point in that, sooner or later the fantasy would crack.

"I don't know, Annie." Though maybe you could give her the benefit of the doubt. "There was a possibility." And you didn't have any intention to give her more than that.

She seemed pleased enough with your answer, and you didn't try to say anything more as you let her create her own fantasy, her own path. You have been doing that for the last couple of years with Mrs. Keller as your mother figure, and you thought Annie would need that too, with a goal to keep her sanity in check.

"Have you ever missed anyone from home?" You were surprised when she talked again, and it seemed like she was a lot more talkative today. "From Marley, our homeland."

Your mind immediately veered from one person to another of the familiar faces that often popped up every now and then. Long-blonde hair, warm dark eyes, and cheeky smile; your father. The first one who filled your mind within a second when you heard the question. Then soft strands, styled in an updo — her laugh resonating through your ear as she watched you sneeze over a horse mane; your mother.

Pieck's dishevelled hair that was always tied in a ponytail and how she always scurried off to anywhere Zeke went to, you could always picture them together. Whether it was something utterly platonic, or perhaps more than respect and admiration, you would never know. Hopefully, someday you will.

And of course, of course, he slipped in your mind. Perhaps he even popped at the same time as your father, but you just didn't want to acknowledge it before. His smug, annoying face that you wanted to slap sometimes. Or his cute, button nose that you liked to pinch or boop at random times that resulted in you getting another shout from him.

There was this peaceful expression on your face as you daydreamed about them, spending time again with those people that you loved and adored so much. Annie couldn't help but look at you with a small smile since she knew who would be in your mind at the moment. Despite her not being attached to the other warriors, she was quite observant of what happened around her.

"Galliard, eh?" Her voice pulled you back forcefully to the present. "I could never understand how come you like him. Marcel is more — partner material, but you never batted your eyes at someone else far from the rude blonde."

"Hey, now!" You fake gasped, clutching your heart dramatically. "Porco is unique, mind you." Annie snorted a little at your reasoning, shaking her head in amusement before she finished her packing, throwing the large backpack near the door. "And I don't know what you are talking about. I don't romantically like him if that's what you are trying to imply."

"Oh, please. Everyone with eyes could see how much you liked him."

"I do not—"

"Your eyes would light up with hearts like a lovesick girl."

"Annie, I am not!"

"You don't even realise that someone looks at you the same way, right?"

Your heart stopped at that. Before, you were whining and begging her to stop, jutting out your lips as you were too embarrassed that she exposed you like that. But this, this information — she announced it so smoothly as if she just talked about how bland the food was in Paradis.

You waited for her to elaborate more, perhaps giving you a hint or just saying it again since you still couldn't believe it. But with how Annie just tucked herself under the white blanket, ready to sleep, it seemed like you wouldn't get any explanation that you wanted. And at the same time, you were actually relieved, because then you didn't have to think much about this person she mentioned.

Pouting, you decided to just sleep in for the night since you would need all the stamina that you had for tomorrow. And just like any other night, you hoped that you could have a good dream today instead of the usual nightmare which never got tired of haunting you.

But it seemed like today, the one thing that haunted you was Annie's words.

You couldn't sleep, turning and shifting your body around that made your friend groan in a few minutes. Her bed was placed right across from yours, so when you turned to the left, the two of you would see eye to eye, and she had been glaring dagger at you for ruining her sleep (and you forgot that she could be a lot crankier than you when it came to that).

"What?"

Grinning sheepishly, you ignored the irritated look on her face. You were curious about what she meant by that, surely if someone was interested in you, you would have known it, right? But perhaps this someone was subtle, so despite having your friend ready to bark at you at this moment, you decided to ask.

"May I know who this person is?" You whispered-shout, feeling like anyone could walk inside the room. "Or you know, just give me a hint or something?"

"It's a boy." But that was the only thing she said before covering her whole face with the blanket, wanting to rest already and hoping that you would leave her alone for now. Yet even though she already hid under the white sheet, she could still feel your gaze bore on her. "And he had been looking at you like that since we were in Marley."

So hopefully, that added information — which actually didn't help you at all from knowing who it was — could satisfy you for tonight.

You decided to focus on your own thoughts after that, not wanting to disturb your friend even more. Having this mission in your hand shouldn't make you think too much about a matter of the heart. But something like this always excited you, and you cherished all of the precious feelings that you harboured for anyone.

Whether it was platonic or family love as you had to your parents and the maids in your home, or perhaps romantic love that you slightly felt when younger Galliard was around — whatever it was, you loved to understand it. Because you were certain that feeling was the greatest invention humans ever found.

The sun almost set for the day, painting the sky with an orange hue, creating a sense of comfort and tranquillity. Golden hour, you read that in one of the books you had, about how the sun turned everything that it touched into gold, for how everything felt like you were walking in a dream as warm enveloped your body.

For about the majority of your life, you always flew to your father's study when the clock struck five in the afternoon. No maids or butlers would stop you, knowing too well what you were going to do. The large window inside the room stretched throughout the wall, making it possible for the sunlight to illuminate the space.

And he would wait for you, you knew that your father saved all of his work and took a rest at such an hour. Because you were going to be there, because you would barge inside the room, running towards the windowpane and pressed your face on the glass, eyes glimmering as your orbs tinted with orange.

You remembered that one day you barged inside the room, not seeing how the guards tensed up and tried to stop you. White, maybe around a dozen men wearing a white uniform, a military uniform. Your father didn't scold you and gently scooted you outside, telling you that he had to finish a job. But you couldn't forget the menacing and disgusted look on their faces when they looked at you.

That was the first, and the last time you ever saw them. Your father always made sure that he had an empty schedule in the afternoon ever since, certain that his little girl would go to his study without knocking, and he didn't mind that, not at all. And that had become another routine that you shared with him.

When the clock struck five p.m., your tiny feet would drag you to your father's study. And he would always be there, sitting on his plush leather chair, waiting for you.

"I am not going to wait for you, you know."

Grumbling under his breath, he didn't face you ever since you sat there on top of the wooden crate right outside the base, accompanying him even though he didn't ask you to. "Either you or Marcel, I am not going to wait for the two of you to come back. Hell, I even wish that Reiner didn't come back at all but he had the armoured titan so he needed to come back."

He had been kicking pebbles and turned his back on you, both hands pocketed inside his trousers. And after around fifteen minutes of silence, he decided to speak up, only to say some discouraging things to you. Then again though, it was Porco Galliard you were talking to. He never said anything nice to you, what made you think he would change just because you are going to Paradis tomorrow?

"I know, Porco." You answered to satisfy him, knowing that he could be more irritated if you didn't say anything back.

Then it went back to another silence.

You had to get back after this, your parents must have wanted to spend their time with you, their only daughter. Tomorrow morning you needed to get on the ship that brought you to Paradis. A one-way-ticket, you believed. The military would leave you there with the other warriors, not coming back for perhaps a few years.

There was a high chance that some of you wouldn't come back, even everyone in the military knew that there was a possibility that this mission would fail. Yet they kept on going, feeling certain that at least with five titans infiltrating the Paradis, stealing the founding titan would be an easy task once they knew who inherited it.

Warriors would decapitate them, bringing whoever it was back to Marley and let other warrior candidates devour them. Though if they showed immense resistance, one of the remaining warriors had to eat them. No, the military was absolute and they told you to be the one who ate them — because you were a Tybur, because you inherited the powerful war hammer titan.

And yes, you should have been back by now. The last warrior meeting ended around half an hour ago. Yet here you were, wanting to spend your time with someone who didn't even look at you the entire time you were sitting there. You should have come back, having a quality moment with your family instead of wasting your time here, watching the back of the warrior candidates whose expression was unknown to you.

You could have caught the sunlight and watched it with your father inside his study, maybe even invited your mother for the day. That was what you were supposed to do, that was the right thing to do from the eyes of others.

But just today, for the last time in Marley, you wanted to have a memory where you watched the sunset with Porco Galliard.

It was always the same, no matter where you were in this world, the orange hue would stretch across the horizon at this time of day. And here, nothing changed, except maybe beside the fact that you were enjoying it with strangers, fellow soldiers , instead of warriors.

You thanked whoever built this place for making the barracks facing the west, becoming a perfect place for you to see the sun when it started to set. Now, you could spend time here, enjoying the serene atmosphere and the steady yet gentle breeze after the training was done for the day.

Your eyes flickered to a female soldier that had been running around the main ground, you shook your head in amusement when you recalled the event from a few hours prior. The girl ate a boiled, warm potato in the middle of the field where everyone was supposed to stand still with a perfect stance.

Well, here she was right now, running until her body couldn't take it. And despite how Annie mumbled under her breath about how nonsense everything was here — either it was the weak cadets or the messed-up training system — you couldn't help but smile at the variety of people that you met here so far.

Maybe the life of a soldier wouldn't be so bad after all.

"Pock, Commander Magath called for you."

A delicate voice rang through his ear, pulling him back from his thoughts as he stared at the orange sky. But he didn't avert his eyes from the sight, not even for a second since he waited until the sun was hiding behind the horizon. Wanting to feel the only connection that he had with someone.

"There's only one sun in this world, Porco."

He had been standing here for a while, on the cliff not too far from Liberio. Two years, he wanted to mock himself for doing something like this for the past two years. No one knew the reason why he seemed so engrossed watching the sunset when he had never been like this before.

"It would be where I laid my eyes upon every day before the night came."

And despite all the rumours that were going around, despite how many times he was called at this time of day to face the commander. He would still stand there, hazel orbs watching every second passed by as the sun hid behind the hill, believing that your eyes landed on the same thing.

Even though you were an ocean away from him.

"I'll be there in a minute, Pieck."

Chapter 4: Cheap Beer

Chapter Text

You laid down on the ground, not caring for the dirt and mud sticking all over your clothes. The hand-to-hand combat course was finally done, and after having the manoeuvre training along with horseback riding this morning, you wanted to die from exhaustion.

Well, it was not like you to lose your stamina that easily. But today was different, either to you or some of the people that you were close to. You wanted to curse Sasha now for dragging you out there with another dozen cadets last night. With everyone circling inside an abandoned storage room not too far from the forest training.

Some of your friends were sneaking out to celebrate how they were still here, not even one of them had been threatened to get back to the fieldwork (if you didn't count what happened with Eren on the second day of cadets training of course). Finding a wooden crate full of beer as they cheered and clinked the bottles to each other.

And you couldn't forget how Armin and Marco threw up after one gulp.

For a couple of hours, everyone was having fun. When you looked into their eyes, just for that moment they were not soldiers or dumb cadets. For a moment they were just normal teenagers, talking and hanging out together with friends, not having any burden on their shoulders while drinking cheap beers.

And you didn't regret joining them — you felt much more alive last night compared to any other day that you had ever since you stayed in Paradis.

"Come on, (Y/n). It's dirty there, let's get you some water after this."

"Let me rest in peace, Marco, you didn't know the torture I had last night."

You groaned as you recalled the event from yesterday. Sasha and Connie initiated a game called Truth or Dare where they would spin a bottle (poor Connie who had to finish all of his drinks after mentioning it), and those who it landed on would be asked if they wanted to answer a question or fulfill a dare.

Thank you for the luck that happened to leave you last night, you were the first one who got chosen. You could still remember the smirk on Reiner's face from the corner of your eyes, that smug look you always wanted to punch (something you did a lot already in the training) was looking at you with a challenging gaze.

So without hesitation and with confidence streamed inside your blood, you asked for a dare.

And running around the forest training area with just shorts and a thin shirt was something that you never thought would do.

"G-Guys, I think it's wrong. She could catch a cold, you know?"

You had to run in a circle five times, and your blonde friend (who you met a few years ago after the breaching of the wall Maria, and a pure-hearted person on top of that) scrunched up his forehead in worry, afraid that it would affect your performance on the training tomorrow.

But of course, a dare was a dare, you had to finish it or you would be known as a wimp in the game for the rest of your life. Your other friends were cheering on you, and perhaps this was the reason why Annie chose to sleep instead of joining you here — because she had an instinct that something like this would happen.

Despite the frozen air that bit at your skin, you kept on running, ignoring the whistles that you heard when you ran past them. Man, of course, they would like to see a girl run with only her shorts and thin white shirts. As much as they would deny it, saying they were gentlemen (you would trust Armin on this though), they would be lying that they didn't enjoy what they saw even though it was just a little bit.

And truthfully, you couldn't help but just enjoy a rare moment like this. Ignoring the ogling gaze from some cadets, you just dashed through the clearance, feeling certain that it would change nothing of your performance the next day.

"Loosen up, Armin! She's going to be fine!"

Ah, yes. Fine indeed.

"You know you shouldn't have done it, right?" Chuckling a little, the freckled boy slipped his arm under your neck, helping you up despite how limp your body was from not wanting to move at all. "They would understand, we are not going to talk about it at all if you wanted to."

"You say that as if you didn't know our friends, Marco." You grumbled and turned your face a little to see him, pouting since you were still peachy from the soreness that you felt all over your body. "They wouldn't let it go, especially since I was the first victim."

Your friend just responded with another chuckle, one that he couldn't quite hide since he found what happened last night amusing. He hoisted you up gently, not letting you go even though you already stood straight. The little wobble when you walked didn't go unnoticed by him, so he decided to drape his arm around you still, just in case.

No other cadets dared to look at you even though you stuck out like a sore thumb. You were one of the most promising female cadets after all, along with Mikasa Ackerman and Annie Leonhart. So to see you looking like this, legs barely holding your body and a friend to help you stand up, it was such a rare sight for them.

Though they wouldn't dare to even look at you despite the fact that you were the warmest between the three of them, they knew too well not to stick their noses in your business — like now.

"How far are we from the Mess Hall?" You questioned your friend, your mind just filled with a hearty soup and fresh bread that became a daily menu for dinner.

"You do know you still have to clean up before eating dinner, right?" But then the vivid image in your mind was gone in an instant from the reminder. "I walked you there to get you water and call Sasha. I didn't trust you enough to shower by yourself." He explained, a worried look prominent on his face.

"You are too good for this world, Marco." You let out a sigh, taking pleasure in the breeze that slipped in between your clothes. "I don't know how I could deserve a friend like you."

"Huh? What do you mean, (Y/n)?" He turned to look at you, face only a few inches apart from yours. "Everyone deserves a good friend, and for me, you are too, you know?"

Your pupils dilated when you saw how his lips shaped into a characteristic pure, gentle smile that he always had. Marco looked at you as if you were his dearest friend, appreciating all your kind and encouraging words for the last year you had known him.

He was the closest male friend that you had along with Connie and Jean, but the connection that you shared with the freckled boy was so much deeper compared with anyone else.

But as you looked at him now, you were only reminded that there was no guarantee he would still be safe with the plan that the warrior had.

"Marco, I—"

"Man, look at you."

You and Marco whipped your head to the sound simultaneously, only to find your ash-brown haired friend crossing both arms in front of his chest. His eyes twitched a little when he looked at the proximity between you and the ravenette, and you just stood there, clueless as to what it was about. "To say that you are one of the strongest female cadets must be an exaggeration."

"Oh, shut it, Jean." You pulled away from Marco and immediately launched to attack the horse-face (you clapped Eren on the first day when he told you about this nickname), but of course, he could easily ward away from the playful attack.

"See? You are so weak you can't even—"

"Shut!"

You immediately jabbed his chest with all your might, using your elbow since he was right beside you. The way he gasped and coughed after that was enough to indicate that you could still bite, not like him who was all bark anyway. You were sure if before he paired up with you, you would still be going to win.

But Shadis paired you up with Marco for today, so you couldn't really beat him into a pulp and stick with formal sparring and technique evaluation instead.

"G-Guys, calm down."

It had always been like this ever since you enrolled in the Cadet Corps. For you to bicker with Jean, pranking the instructor with Sasha and Connie, sharing deep talks about life in general with Marco — you got the best of friends that you could ever meet and be close to.

With them, you immersed yourself with a lie that you were just like them. It was just only when they surrounded you that you felt like you were free to do anything. And you almost believed that. For a year you wanted to believe that you could do anything you want, at least when the sun was up.

Because when the night came and Annie waited for you on the back of the female barracks, your dark reality crawled back to you, wanting attention.

"(Y/n)?"

You stopped yourself from pulling Jean's hair from his head when a gentle, delicate voice chimed through your ear. Your fingers slowly retracted themselves from the ash-brown strands, focusing on the tall, familiar man whose pale green orbs eyeing your interaction with worry. "Did he do something to you?"

"No, no! It was just Jean being Jean!" You immediately scurried away to Bertolt's side, looping one arm around his so he could just take you away from there, forgetting the promised water that Marco wanted to get you before. "Come on, Bertl. Can you take me to Annie? I want her to teach me more hand-to-hand combat techniques tomorrow."

It was so easy for you to get away from Jean. Bertolt seemed like he always had this sixth sense when you were having yet another fight with the said male. Somehow appeared right in front of you and asked what happened, and sometimes he could be extreme and stand in between you and Jean without saying anything.

No matter how many times your friends seemed to creep out over his antics, you found his behaviour to be — strangely endearing.

You remembered how he used to tense up over your touch when you were younger. Cheeks covered with a pinkish hue every time he talked to you (or any other girls in particular), a little pout on his lips when you scolded him or just telling him to raise his own voice. You couldn't really pinpoint since when did he become like this, but you never dwelled on it too much, just accepted the fact that your friend had matured.

"Reiner wanted to talk tonight."

He had been talking before, about how you always had a petty fight with Jean and telling you about Annie's decision to join the Military Police Brigade. But he could see from the corner of his eyes that you were dozing off, listening to him but not really putting your mind to it. So he informed you the only thing that could snap you back to reality.

The reality itself.

"Oh?" You turned to face him, the serene look that you had before now turned into anxiousness. "What does he want now?" What new plan, what kind of reminder, what did he find — there were a lot of questions in your head that automatically appeared every time Reiner wanted to gather everyone.

"I think he found something." But Bertolt's answer never gave you a peace of mind. "About the monarchy here, I am not well-informed either."

"He's always like that." You scoffed, but the way your lips looped into a smirk made your friend know that you were not really annoyed, a little maybe, but not to the point you wanted to throw the blonde to the ground. "Always so serious. Can't he loosen up a little when he talks to us at night?"

Reiner could be so different when he was around the other cadets. He embraced the role of a big brother that everyone looked up to, someone that you wanted to be on your side. It was refreshing for sure, you loved that part of him, because it felt like he was really your friend , not just another war machine.

You loathed it when at night he became distant, cold, detaching himself, especially with you. It would be understandable if he was serious and critical, but the fact that he treated you no more than a warrior that he wanted nothing to deal with after the meeting — was something that made your blood boil.

He was not like that before, the boy that you met on Liberio a few years ago was warm and passionate. You used to love his company despite how Porco wanted to flip him off since day one, still greeting him at every meeting and reassuring him that he was a good warrior. He was nothing but kind to you, and so you did the same.

But now, not anymore. Not when he treated you like this.

"Hey, Bertolt." Your eyes were solemn as you stopped right in front of the barrack, hesitating if you should ask him or not. "Why do you think Reiner hates me?" Though, your tongue rolls the world down so easily. "Is it because of that time I disobeyed him? Is it because I am the one who should have been de—"

"No!"

You flinched, not expecting your gentle friend to shout at you. "No." But then he calmed down, his hand reaching out to yours, pale green beads never looked up to see your face. "He was just worried." You didn't understand, if Reiner was worried, why would he become so aggressive? "He was just worried that he couldn't control it."

"Huh?"

There it goes, another vague sentence. You wanted to ask more, but at the same time, you knew he would never give you the answer that you wanted.

Then you felt a shiver down your spine, so sudden, so unexpected — but somehow didn't feel like it barged uninvited. When his thumb gently swiped the rough skin of the back of your hand as if it was the most fragile thing in the world, you have no control over your own body as it just asked you to stay still.

And you couldn't even part your lips as you wondered since when he had that look on his face. Your gaze taking a peek at his expression. Even though his head was hanging low, you still could see a side of his face. Eyes softened, his pupils turned into another shade of green, something that you never saw before.

Or perhaps, something that you never acknowledged before since your mind was always preoccupied with another thing entirely.

"Bertolt, what—"

He let out a small chuckle before he looked up at you with a sheepish smile plastered on his face. There was a pinkish tint on his cheeks that was gone after a few seconds, but enough time for you to notice it. "What do you mean that he couldn't control it, control what?"

You felt so lost at this. First, your mind was predominated by how you hated Reiner's guts, but now it was something else entirely, and it made you mad with how confusing your friend was.

"I am sorry, I shouldn't have said anything." Bertolt rubbed his nape as he averted your gaze, knowing that you were narrowing your eyes at him at the moment. "Just— Just remember that Reiner wanted to talk later tonight, (Y/n)." And he knew how weak he could be when you looked like that. "I'll see you later."

And you were left there feeling even more confused, trying to connect the dots but failed miserably.

Why did men have to be so complicated?

"(Y/n), come on. I want to go back to sleep."

"Yes, yes, Annie. I know."

You yawned, not bothering to cover your mouth at this point. There was no one else around except you and Annie anyway, but deep down you felt a little guilty for not covering it with your hand since the voice of your mother scolding you rang inside your head in an instant.

Tonight was another routine for you and the fellow warriors, gathering near the forest area to present some information or reporting progress. Usually, you always fit and were still full with stamina even when it was midnight already. But today, you just wanted to lay your body on the bed, still a little drained from the cursed game the night before.

And what Bertolt told you this afternoon was not helping you at all.

Did Reiner like you or something? Was that the reason he was so petty and putting distance when he was with you? You never wanted to be too confident when it came to someone having a feeling for you. Despite how Sasha told you that your friendly personality captivated some of the cadet's heart, you didn't want to make a fool of yourself.

Then you recalled something that Annie said a year before, the night before all of you enrolled in the Cadet Corps.

"Hey, Annie." Your feet sped up the pace, jogging a little to match your pace with her. "Does the boy that you said — has a heart in his eyes when he looks at me — is in this team? Like I mean embarked on this mission with us right now?"

You looked around, afraid that one of your friends appeared out of nowhere. Asking this to Annie was not risky since you knew she always sealed her lips and kept her nose out of other people's business (at least not so much, and you thanked the deity for that because she could be such a tease sometimes).

"Reiner and Bertolt?" She answered as a matter of fact, her orbs fixated forward without looking at you. "If that's what you mean, then yes."

For a year you had been thinking about it, about the possibility that one of the warriors took a liking to you. But when the information was out in the open like this, you realised that somehow you felt a little guilty.

You were usually sensitive to someone else's feelings; knew when someone was angry, could see the mask that people wore to hide their real emotion — you should have seen it before, maybe you could change how you acted toward him and try to open up your heart.

It was not empty, that heart of yours. Someone already slipped inside a little back in Marley, but you knew too well that the possibility for you to come back alive was small. So if in here you could give another key to someone and let him fill the space, you would let it be. Because in this timed life you had, at least he deserved to feel what love was.

And despite how you wanted to be faithful to your first crush (or in this case, it turned into a first love), you wanted to love and loved, feeling the full extent of this miraculous yet cursed emotion where both parties felt the same — with hands intertwined, loving each other.

So now, you decided that it was time to set your feelings aside. You decided that you had to live in the moment, enjoying where life took you. And if someone wanted to love you, you would embrace its love with open arms.

"Finally."

Reiner spoke up as he saw the two of you. His voice was gruff, sounding a little bit irritated. Usually, you would roll your eyes at him and then grumble underneath your breath about how unnecessary his sarcasm or snide comment was.

But apparently, not this time.

You chuckled. A melodious sound from your lips rang through the cold air of the night. All of them were surprised, of course, no one expected you to take it so easily. Bertolt looked at Annie, eyes begging for some explanation of why you acted like this all of a sudden.

Though, the blonde male was the one who couldn't even move his body right now. He was so starstruck as he watched you sit across from him, the image of you chuckling so carefree with eyes closed and face contorted with happiness still replayed at the back of his mind.

It was no wonder that his best friend was head over heels for you, he would be too if only the tall ravenette was not so obvious with his crush.

And now as you sat there with a gentle smile on your face, muttering a little sorry before asking him to proceed with the meeting, he would like to bask in the fact that he wanted you too. Though he needed to be subtle at this, he couldn't let his best friend know what he was feeling at the moment even though it was nothing much.

But then again, he should have known how sharp the ravenette was — and he should not have tried to accept this tingle, knowing full well that what his best friend felt towards you was more than just a mere crush.

Chapter 5: Letter From Home

Chapter Text

My dearest, (Y/n).

I am sorry that I didn't send you any letters last month. I will tell you why in this letter too but later on, okay? Now, I want to know how you are first. Have you eaten enough meals? To be a good soldier you need nutrients! Keep yourself hydrated too because you knew that the majority of your body was liquid! Blood and stuff. I don't know much about science but water is good!

Alright, now, tell me how everything goes there. Even though it could take three or four pages I will gladly read it all through! The more the merrier! So I have something to do except label the wine with the other workers.

My dear, from the last letter that you sent to me, I know you have been struggling to keep your friendship and your soldier life apart. Don't be, sweetheart. Life as a soldier wouldn't be long, as much as I hated that fact, it is the truth that everyone knows. Especially since you want to enlist in the survey corps.

Your friends would be the reason why it's worth it to keep on fighting, they would be the reason why you want to keep on living in dire situations. Especially if somewhere along the line, you found what it was to love someone, he or she or they — would be the main reason why you wanted to come back home alive.

So please, remember that it's fine to enjoy your time befriending a lot of people, while still focused on your training and duty as a soldier. I know you can do it, you are a remarkable kid after all. Your birthday is around the corner, right? I will make sure I send something for you, maybe to replace the scarf that I gave you before your departure.

Last thing before I end this letter, the reason why I didn't send you anything last month is because I am moving! Yes, my husband had enough money to move us to Stohess, his business always goes up. So now I am here with him, spending time together like a real husband and wife. I will write down the address behind the paper, come visit us soon and send your answer there, okay?

I love you so much, little Tybur. Take care and I hope you have the best life in the military. Please tell Annie, Bertolt, and Reiner that I said hi, I miss those three so much too and I would love for them to visit too. Can't wait to receive a reply from you!

With all my heart, Adaleigh Keller.

A gentle smile never once left your face as you laid the paper down on the wooden table. You had been rereading the letter three times over in one seat now, feeling like you couldn't get enough of the warm tingle on your heart every time you read a letter from her.

On the first day of the second week, every cadet would receive the monthly letters that came from family and friends, and you always waited for this date, knowing that you had someone who would send you a letter.

You recalled how anxious you were last month when you didn't receive any. Fear and insecurity started to creep inside your heart. Mrs. Keller had become the only solace that you could find in this world, in between your distress over friends, love, and the life of a soldier, she always knew the right words to say (or in this case to write) to make you calm down.

Now, receiving the information that she was just busy with her life and moving into the innermost wall had made you feel ecstatic because you knew she deserved it. Though you wondered what she would do with her old house in Trost, probably selling it or using it as a storage room or something, you were going to include that question in the reply later.

"Mrs. Keller?" Annie spoke up as she waited for you to be done with your thoughts, her ocean eyes had fixated on you for the past few minutes. Subtly, of course.

"Yes, Annie." You fetched a few pieces of paper from the drawer, wanting to reply to her as soon as possible. "Mom said hi to you, saying that she wanted you and the others to visit her if we had time."

The blonde narrowed her eyes when she heard the way you called Mrs. Keller, but she just shrugged it off, knowing that it was just a slip, and after a couple of years masking yourself, you deserved to live in that imaginary world you were in at the moment.

"Not going to lie, I miss her pudding or whatever that gooey sweet thing." Your friend declared as she jumped down from the top bunk bed, fingers gently untangling the knot on her loose strands. "And her vanilla cake, and chocolate or peanut butter cookies."

"Oh, Annie, by now you are going to list down all of the sweet condiments that she had made for us." You shook your head in amusement, starting to write down your letter. "You are such a sweet tooth, not really suited with your cold persona, you know?"

Chuckling a little, you could feel her glare at the back of your head, and you wrote down the answer even faster than before, afraid that she was going to throw you out of the window.

"I do not have a sweet tooth." She clicked her tongue. "I just prefer it more than salty foods."

"Just admit it, Annie, it's not that hard."

"And I am not cold. I am just like this. I always like this."

"Hmm, sure, sweetie."

"Why you—"

The door to your shared room swung open, and you sighed in relief because your roommates saved you from Annie bashing your head off. "Oh, it's just you two." Her voice which was slightly raised and enraged before now came back to her usual flat tone.

"Hey! Are you two having fun?" Sasha chirped as she strode towards you, resting both hands on your shoulder and taking a look at the paper in front of you. "Oohhh, your mom sent you a letter again? Did she tell you why she didn't send any last month?"

"Sasha, respect her privacy." Your other roommate who was the exact opposite of the brunette gently pulled her out of your distance. "Sorry, (Y/n). You know how Sasha is."

"Mikasa!"

"It's fine, it's fine." You let out a breathy laugh at the interaction shared between the two. "It's just Mrs. Keller, and a reminder Sasha, she is not my mom."

"But didn't you call her mom?" She tilted her head to the side, trying to understand you. "I thought Mrs. Keller was your mom all along, no?"

"Goodness, you are so innocent." Well, what were you expecting from someone who only thought about food? "No, Sasha. She is not my mom, I worked for her for two years before the cadet corps registration opened again. Yes, she is my mother figure, but not my mom. Our last name is even different, Sasha."

"Ah, that makes sense." She was suddenly deep in thought, eyebrows furrowed as if she tried to process some kind of bizarre theory. "I always thought you were a bastard or something, since you are a Tybur, and she is a Keller." You snorted at the word that she chose.

"I should have asked Shadis to swipe roommates on the first day."

"No! (Y/n), I am sorry I am this stupid!"

Sasha kneeled on both knees before she crawled to where you sat, arms wrapping around your waist, teary eyes looking up at you as she rested her chin on your thighs. She could be so dramatic most times after getting close to you, but that was just Sasha anyway, and you never complained about her weird antics.

"Sometimes I forgot that you are from wall Maria too, (Y/n)." Mikasa chined in as she sat at the edge of her bed, making all pairs of eyes turn to her since it was not common to hear her talk without being asked first. "Even since back then, you are still lively, kind, and warm."

Her fingers gently lifted the red scarf around her neck, trying to hide her lips and the blush that covered her cheek. She knew that everyone looked at her right now, and she sat there, feeling embarrassed as she averted everyone's gaze. Truthfully, she too didn't know what came over her, but she just had to get it out of her chest.

"Mikasa," You softly called out to your friend, one of your hands resting on top of Sasha's head, caressing the poor girl who slowly drifted off from the way your fingers scratched her scalp. "I am glad." Then you gave your attention to the ravenette, bestowing her with the best smile that you could ever do. "I am glad you thought of me that way."

Attachment. That was the only thing that distinguishes you from the other warriors. Annie knew that, and she could see it by the interaction that you shared between the other cadets that everything from it was genuine. Each smile, each act of service, each encouragement, you do it all from the bottom of your heart.

She knew that you were different, you were too good for this world and she thought that everyone knew that already. You grimaced at blood, you detested violence — so you always knocked someone out in a second on every hand-to-hand combat by jabbing the vagus nerve, careful not to put too much force into it.

Though she knew too well it was a different case with some people. With Marco, the two of you always helped each other by adjusting each other's postures and technique. With Jean, well, the tension was too high, you would bark at Jean and vice versa. Then there was Sasha or Connie where you would play around until Shadis scolded you both.

You would fight seriously though when you were facing off with Eren, Reiner, Mikasa, or of course herself. The fight would usually gather some crowds because it was always so good. Both sides showed a perfect stance and graceful moves, loud cheers and betting on dinner talk rang through the outdoor space.

There were a lot of sides that people could see from you. The mature, reliable one that made everyone look up to you. The lovely, nurturing self that made some cadets want to be babied by you. The loud, comical side which could get you in trouble sometimes but fun to hang out with — no matter what it was, they all liked to have you around.

And sometimes, Annie couldn't help but think that you were bored with her.

She didn't know since when she thought about it. Maybe ever since everyone wanted a little of your time, maybe ever since you started to hang out with all of them and not with the warriors anymore. But that negative thought would go in an instant after she received that .

That smile of yours. Like now. She kept looking at you as you chatted with surprisingly talkative Mikasa. Your fingers still weaved through Sasha's strands of hair who now already fell asleep with her head on your lap. Yet you turned to look at her for a second there, lips curled into a smile — as if wanting her to know that you acknowledge her presence in the room.

Yes, that was enough for her. She shouldn't even have that stupid thought from the start.

Because she knew you were always the loyal one — at least when it came to friends and comrades. Sometimes, you even turn yourself in without thinking twice. As long as your friends would be alright without any additional burden on their shoulders.

"You guys can take off that armband, you know?"

All the warriors were gathering inside Tybur Manor since they were going to have a meeting with the higher-ups. It was a week before the start of the mission where five titan inheritors would be sent to the island of demons, and those inheritors were now running around the mansion, led by none other than the descendant of the Tybur.

You decided to bring them to the other side of your father's study, which means you literally pushed them inside the library. Not everyone likes books, you knew that, but you chose this room for reasons. There were padded, wide couches scattered around the room, a continuous floor to ceiling window that overlooked the inner garden — it was the best place to just hang around with friends.

There were no pure Marleyan citizens here, that was a plus, and you thought it would be a good idea for your friends to just become a free people. Even though it was for a few minutes, you wanted to make them feel where the world didn't despise the curse that flows in their blood, you wanted to make them know what freedom felt like.

"I don't think that's a good idea, (Y/n)."

Zeke, the inheritor of beast titan, the oldest warrior — it was always him who would make you think twice. Yes, you knew that everything he said was facts and followed orders, but that didn't mean you liked it every time you ended up agreeing to his proposition. He always took the safest route, not wanting to risk anything. Most of the time you would just give up, but now, you wanted to make your proposition become a reality.

"Zeke, it's just for a few minutes. When we are called, everyone can wear it again."

"No. If Commander Magath knows—"

"But Commander Magath is not here, Zeke. Please, just this once."

You never begged him before, so you didn't know if he could actually be persuaded or not. But you had to try. Of course the others could just do what they wanted since they were not small children anymore, though the fact that they looked up to Zeke would make them hesitate to do everything freely here.

"Fine. You guys could do anything you want."

So when you heard that, you couldn't help but wrap your arms around him instead. It made you feel so happy as you muttered a little thank you to him, then pulled away a second after that to run to your friends. One by one, they took off the armband that differentiates them from you. Marcel, Bertolt, Annie, everyone kept that cursed red piece of clothes inside their pocket before scrambling around the room.

You saw Reiner became the only one who still had his armband, and you wondered why he had that solemn look on his face. There was a rumour that his father was a Marleyan, who apparently just wanted his mother for fun. You grimaced at that, shaking off the rumour out of your head before trudging toward him.

"Reiner." He had his head hanging low, so you decided to bow a little, taking a peek at his expression. "Why don't you take off your armband like the others?" His body jolted at your question, apparently not seeing you who was right in front of him. He must have been so lost inside his mind before.

"I think I don't want to." You raised one of your eyebrows at that. "This is the reason why I was here in the military, to become an honorary Marleyans." His voice was stern as he said it without any expression on his face. "So I am not going to take it off. This is what I am."

You were speechless for a while, not seeing how the others glanced towards the two of you with concern. But then you composed yourself, swallowing a huge lump before straightening your posture.

"But Reiner," You started, one hand resting on his left arm and squeezing it softly. "With or without the armband, you are always considered as an honorary Marleyans."

His breath hitched as you smiled at him. Yeah, why didn't he think of that anyway? He was a warrior, the armoured titan inheritor, a better candidate compared to Porco. His mother already had that armband, everyone in Liberio knew that the Braun Family had become honorary Marleyans.

So he didn't stop you as you slowly took off his armband. It turned out, nothing changed. He thought he would feel like shit if he didn't wear it anymore, but everything felt the same, just like what you implied. And as you handed it to him, he looked at it for a second before pocketing the piece of clothes in his jacket.

"Thank you, (Y/n), for treating us like this."

"It's nothing, Reiner." It's how the world is supposed to treat us as Eldians.

You watched your friends occupying themselves with whatever things they could find here. Marcel had been frustrated that he lost a round of chess against Bertolt, Annie and Pieck helped each other to finish a large puzzle that they even needed Reiner to join them with since they couldn't finish it.

While you decide to sit across Zeke, books in both of your hands. The atmosphere was light in this room as snickers and boisterous laughs echoed around the large space. It was as if those children were not just a weapon for Marley, as if everyone was just your close friend that you invited to your house.

How you wished everything could be so simple and last.

"Can someone explain why none of you wears the armband?"

Commander Magath's voice boomed throughout the room despite how low his voice was just now. And just like that, all of those fantasies of being normal children were gone in an instant. "I am asking each of you except Miss Tybur and Zeke who still had his armband. I need an answer now."

Your friends were frozen in place, too scared to answer as some of them quivered on their seats. And before you let any of them or Zeke speak up, you immediately dashed in front of Magath, giving him a perfect salute with your right hand.

"It was all on me, Commander." You didn't flinch under his deterring gaze. "I am the one who told them to take it off. They do it because I am the host, and it would be impolite for them to say no." You literally threw yourself to be the only one to blame.

Yes, everyone knew that you were the one who gave the idea. But all of them did it anyway without regret, liking the little time they could steal as a normal human without having to wear an armband to mark their race like an animal.

"Miss Tybur. You do know the consequences for the Subjects of Ymir when they take off their armbands, right?"

"Yes. I do know." Yet despite the threat on Magath's tongue, you still stood in front of him without wavering. "As I said before, I am going to take full responsibility for it."

"Then you willingly take all of the punishment that follows for five of them?"

"Yes, commander."

"No—"

You heard Bertolt squeak out a little, but his voice was immediately muffled by perhaps Marcel who could read the situation. The colossal titan inheritor was the smartest among the other warriors, and he usually decided to stand in the shadow. So you were a little surprised that he revolted.

And even though that was a reckless move from him, you felt your heart skip a beat from his outburst. Either it was a good thing or not, you didn't know it at that time.

"I am going to let it go for now. We had a meeting and the General already waited on your father's study. But this is a warning for you. The first and the last." Then you could hear a sigh from behind you, so soft but enough for you to hear.

Magath ordered the others to wear their armband once again, and you didn't leave his side as the others lined up after you. The commander knew the path that would take everyone to the west wing from how he decided to walk first and led the warriors to where the meeting was held.

Now it was time to mask yourself as a full-time warrior, wearing the pride as a Marleyan on your sleeve, you walked inside your father's study who somehow felt so cold, unlike any other time you were here. The other warriors immediately occupied the seats that were already prepared for them, and you trailed right behind.

But a hand stopped you just right before you walked to sit beside your father. You looked up, finding the commander's eyes on you with a look that you couldn't quite fathom. Some of your friends saw the mysterious interaction, wondering what the commander would do to you, afraid that he took back his words for not giving punishment.

Though, that was not the case. And no one could hear it from the distance and the low volume of his voice as he spoke with you.

"I hope you remember what I said before, miss." His intonation was stern as his gaze never faltered, not threatening but at the same time not civil. "You are the only one here who is a Tybur."

Annie still wondered sometimes, the words that Magath said to you on that particular day. The rest of the meeting went well, just like any other meeting that they had done a dozen times already every week. You usually focused and became the voice of the warriors when needed.

But that day, after that old man pulled you to the side for a bit, you ended up dazing off the whole time they were there. With lips shaped into a thin line, orbs that usually light up with warmth or pride just turned dull as if the colours were gone from your eyes.

She couldn't think of anything that would turn you to be like that, it even needed perhaps a week for you to start acting like normal. So sometimes when she was currently spending her time alone (which almost every time), she would let her mind wander to it. It was always you or her father who slipped in her mind, back and forth.

"Annie." Light footsteps followed the voice while she just waved her arm to whoever called her just now. "Why are you here alone?" The creaked of old wood could be heard as the tall figure leaned themselves on the wooden railing, a little bit hesitant to continue after that, afraid that it would fall off.

The blonde chuckled a little at the question, shaking her head as her fingers skimmed the white thick parka that she wore.

"I am not the little miss Tybur. Being around people is not my scene, Bertolt." She stated, eyes never leaving the empty training ground that laid in front of her. "One (Y/n) is enough, you know?"

She could see her friend nodding his head from the corner of her eyes, and it amused her as she realised that the mention of your name was enough to make his cheeks redden. The effect that you had on people was outstanding, but she never saw something as passionate as how Bertolt always looked at you.

The two were silent after that, no words being shared as she just enjoyed the quietness that she rarely has. It was a surprise though to see the tall man alone like this. Bertolt never left Reiner's side for almost three years where they enrolled in the Cadet Corps, and she wondered why he decided to be here right now.

Ah, Reiner probably was bombarded by the others today since for the first time he actually could hit Mikasa in hand-to-hand combat today. Even though he lost at the end of the match, still, laying your fist to that genius (or monster sometimes when she thought about it) would be considered as an achievement of a lifetime.

"Have you told her?" She didn't know why she asked about it actually. "(Y/n), I mean. Have you told her about your feelings?" But she started to get annoyed at the not-so-subtle pining which had been going on and on without progress for years.

Bertolt's face turned into the deepest shade of red at this point, not expecting Annie of all people asking about such things. She never said anything before, not indicating that she knew about what he felt for the girl who started to slip away from the three warriors.

He wanted to retort, to tell her that what he felt for you was nothing but a platonic fondness. Bertolt really wanted to shrug it off, not wanting her to push this information out of him. But he couldn't really deny the fact that he was honestly, truly, and completely in love with you.

So he let out a sigh, knowing that even though he tried — Annie already knew the truth anyway.

"Is it really that obvious?!" He was panicking, mumbling underneath his breath, hands gripping tight on the wooden railing since he was still embarrassed that someone else could know about what he felt for you. "Reiner knows too, I think. But he likes her too, you know? I saw how he looked at (Y/n) once in a while, thinking that maybe I didn't notice. But I do, I do notice that. And I just think why should I confess? She had everyone wanting a piece of her, she could choose anyone! Even between Reiner and I—"

"Shut up."

His body flinched when Annie snarled at him, and he was scared that he annoyed her with his non-stop rambling of his pent-up emotion. He sighed, of course she would get annoyed, who would want to hear a coward like him complaining about his non-existence love life anyway. "It was different, Bertolt." But her next word made him raise his eyebrows.

"Reiner looked at her like she is the most precious thing in the world." She started, still not facing him as her eyes just stared into the distance. "While you looked at her as if she was the world itself."

His heart stopped beating for a second there, before gradually getting back to normal as he took a deep breath. "But even when she is loved like that, she will never know anything if the person in love just keeps his mouth shut." Yet the next sentence felt like another bomb dropping in, only now the effect was much greater.

Annie didn't say anything afterward, wanting him to contemplate by himself. She already said enough, and she decided to silently retreat back inside, leaving him there to stand alone with mind spiralling out of the line.

He knew that, if he wanted you he needed to man up and say it right to your face. If he really wanted you, he had to be more assertive, to be braver. From the start too, he knew who had your heart all these years, and he felt like he couldn't compete with that man no matter how many years went by.

And the fact that love was not a privilege that he could have as a warrior of Marley — was what stopped him from taking another step forward.

Oh, how he wished he met you in another life.

Chapter 6: Hand Knitted Gloves

Chapter Text

White. It was the only colour that you could see as your vision stretched towards the horizon. You couldn't feel your hand anymore even though you already wore a thick glove and placed it in your pocket, hoping that it could at least warm you up a little. But it looked like it didn't change anything since you couldn't move your fingertips anymore.

Today was the last day of the winter training, you knew exactly what to do since it had been the third time you and the others were through this. The cadets were assigned into a group of six, each bringing a different essential to fight the harsh environment. Everyone was already used to it, same as you.

Though, no one ever expected there would be a blizzard coming in for the day.

Your lips had been shaped into a thin line since you couldn't see anything right now. The first few minutes were fine as you and your group just followed the same route that had been prepared by the instructor, chatting up while asking around in case someone started to feel cold.

And now there was only silence. Everyone walked at a close distance, not wanting to get left behind. Plus, they hoped that maybe it could at least make them feel warmer if everyone stayed together.

You cursed the weather under your breath since you always preferred a hot temperature to a frigid one like this. Even though you were a titan shifter, the coldness still bites, torturing you for every blind step that you took on this thick snowy ground.

"(Y/n)." You looked up, finding the familiar pale green of eyes scrutinizing the contort of your face. His eyebrows scrunched up in worry seeing you like this, teeth clicking against each other as the colour started to drain from your face. "Hey, hey. What are you feeling right now?"

Bertolt was scared that something would happen to you. Yes sure, you were powerful, your physical endurance was top-notch too compared with some other cadets. But he knew how much you disliked the cold and the feeling of numbness that followed after.

You didn't answer him yet as you slowly lift your left hand from your pocket. Both hands were shaking even though you wore the same glove as what the others had, he could see it for a split second before you hurriedly put your hand back inside, shyly huddling your body closer to him in search of any other source of warmth.

"It's numb, I can't even feel my finger anymore at this point."

His cheeks flushed from the sudden gesture and the gentle intonation that you use, even redder than before when the only thing he could feel was just the frostiness of the blizzard. For the next few seconds, he tried hard to walk normally. His legs wobbled a little every time your body pressed to his side, and he had to chant inside his mind that it was nothing.

Everyone knew that as a colossal titan, his body somehow became a lot warmer than the others. He recalled how you always wanted to hold his hand on a winter training back then in Marley, complimenting that ability as a gift since it would be harder for him to get cold.

That was maybe the first time he ever felt his heart skip a beat. Yes, wintertime, eight years ago in Marley around four in the afternoon. Everyone was resting after hours of training on the dangerous terrain of the hill near Liberio. The others were busy grabbing as many blankets that they could find on the building, some even asked for a hot chocolate.

Yet somehow, not you. And he remembered all the details about you on that day.

The way you, a real-life princess from the Tybur family, suddenly skipped towards him with a broad smile. The way your gentle voice rang in his ears as you asked if you could feel his hand. The way your eyes lit up the second he gave you a nod, and of course, how your tiny hands engulfed him as you looked at him with awe.

He remembered all of that, perhaps he could never forget about it even though he wanted to, even though he knew he shouldn't have let that moment linger far too long inside his head. But he knew it was out of his control when it came to memories that he had, especially if you were included there.

"Do you want to hold my hand?"

If Reiner and Annie were here right now, both would probably be shocked hearing his sudden initiative. Bertolt was shy around you most of the time, and to hear him bluntly ask if you wanted to hold his hand would be the most scandalous act he ever committed.

Your pupils widened at his sudden question, and he predicted that would be exactly how his friends would look if they heard his proposal.

"A-Are you sure?" Your voice was so small as your beady eyes looked at him with such an adorable look. Oh, how much he wanted to just hug you right now instead of just holding your hand, but he knew it would freak you out, right?

"Yes, I am sure." He extended both of his hands to you, wanting you to know that his worry was genuine, that he was not forced or anything. "You know how warm I am, right? I think it could help you now. But if you don't want to—"

"I'll take it!" Without letting him finish his sentence, you immediately put your hands on top of his. He smiled at the gesture before securing your hands in between his, rubbing it gently to warm it up even more. "Goodness, Bertolt…" You breathe out, creating a white puff in front of your lips. "If you let me grab your hand like this, don't expect me to ever let you go."

Then don't.

He swallowed a huge lump at your words, taking it as something more significant instead of just a cute rambling of relief. You started to relax, teeth not chattering like before as you seemed far more comfortable, lips that were shaped into a thin line now started to curl up into a smile.

The contented look on your face as you looked grateful for his gesture and didn't at all feel bothered by it really made his heart swell. And now, he tried so hard not to stare at you as you looked forward, making sure that the others were not far from the two of you.

He decided to occupy himself by staring at your hand instead, it seems like it wouldn't make things too awkward compared to him watching every contour of your face. His celadon eyes scrutinized the black glove that you wore, wondering how come your fingertips become numb since the glove was supposed to be enough to warm everyone up.

Then he saw it as his fingertips trail over the knitting on your thumb, finding a small hole that was enough to let the cold air go inside.

"There's a hole." He announced, making you shift your sight to him. "Here, around your right thumb. I found another on your left pinky finger."

"So that is why…" Your eyebrows furrowed as you were disappointed at yourself for not checking your own equipment again before the training. "I am sorry, Bertl. If you are tired of holding my hand, you can always tell me, okay?"

"No, that's not the case." He was just worried now. What if you were assigned with a group of strangers? Yes, it was no secret that a lot of people fell over you, but in a condition of life and death, not everyone would willingly do anything for other people since their life was hanging on the tightrope. "I am fine holding your hand. It makes me feel — secured, actually."

He gently lowered your hand to the side, frantically searching for something inside his bag as he remembered what he had. There was something that he always brought around but never had the chance to wear it before. So maybe, he could put it to good use now.

"Here, I have an extra glove." He shoved a pair of hand-knitted gloves to you. The colour was dark green, reminding you of the forest. And with how the knit was still neat, it seems like he never used it before. "It stretches easily, so it would fit if you wanted to layer it with your current glove."

"Ah, how about you?" Your lips curled into a small pout as you eyed him with worry, not wanting him to sacrifice his comfort for you.

"You know I am warmer than you." But he cast your worry aside in an instant, gently grabbing your hand so he could help you wear the glove. "If I needed it, I would have used it earlier, (Y/n). So it's fine. I am glad that it could be put to good use actually. I never had a chance to wear it since we already got our own gloves from the cadet corps."

The green gloves fit your hands perfectly, helping you out from the cold that was trying to slip inside ever since the start of the blizzard. With both the new addition of clothing and the way Bertolt's hands wrapped around you, it felt like the warmth started to seep back on your fingertips.

You parted your lips, wanting to thank him for what he did right now. But before you could say something, he suddenly lifted both your hands in front of his mouth, pale green orbs gazing at you with a gentle look as he blew some hot air to your fingertips.

This sudden gesture made your breath hitch, feeling your heart skip a thousand times faster, mouth agape, too shocked to move since he kept taking you by surprise for the last few minutes. The blizzard that seemed to bite your skin didn't hold the candle over the effect that he had on you right now.

"Better?"

His voice still lingered with worry, but it was now accompanied by tranquillity. He was always careful around you, making sure that you were alright especially after you played around with your friend that got you being called by the instructor or perhaps when you were in another petty fight with Jean.

You wondered why he did all of that, you knew for sure since the both of you in Marley, he was one of the kindest warrior candidates that you have ever met. But somehow, it felt like he always jumped a thousand miles more for you compared to when he was with anyone else.

The first time you started to recognize this trait from him was back then at the start of the second year of the cadet corps. His words were vague by now, but you remembered how you were lost in his demure orbs as his warm hand grasped yours, thumb caressing gently across the back of your hand.

Like now, you were lost in those green orbs once again. He didn't say anything, just repeating the same thing again and again. Hot breath fanning your skins, sometimes he focused more on one or two of your fingertips, his hands rubbing yours simultaneously. He was persistent, not skipping one of the steps.

"Yes." You swallowed a huge lump, lips parted slightly since you didn't understand what came after you all of a sudden. It had been years since the last time you felt something like this, a thundering heart and a desire to have someone to be as close as they can be with you. "I feel better now."

The last time you felt something as strong as this was when someone draped a shark tooth pendant around your neck, saying that you couldn't lose it, saying that you had to give it back to him. And it was years ago before you stepped foot on this island.

For the past few years living the life of a soldier, you succumb yourself to friendship and camaraderie. The pendant that used to feel so heavy dangling on your chest became lighter as you reached out your hand for those people around you and befriended them.

They made you forget, they were the only coping mechanism that you had. And despite how many nights you repent your decision to be close with them, every morning when Sasha woke you up with a smile on her face, you couldn't help but embrace this life and fall into it all over again.

As long as you still remember your mission, as long as you stay alive, it would be fine.

But surely, having to experience this feeling one more time was not something that you planned in your agenda.

And the sentence that Mrs. Keller wrote for you suddenly flashed in your mind.

Especially if somewhere along the line, you found what it was to love someone, he or she or they — would be the main reason why you wanted to come back home alive.

It used to be Porco. Porco Galliard.

He was the one who would always slip inside your mind when you were in Marley. He was the one who you wanted to be by his side with on every small mission as a warrior candidate. He was the one who could make your heart flutter, the first person ever that made you feel giddy by just thinking about him.

But now as tenderness spread from the towering ravenette, as his hands wrapped around yours in one goal in mind to warm you up, as those beautiful angelic orbs never left your face — you felt it again.

In someone who all these times stayed beside you, whose gaze you would often meet when you were randomly looking around.

And yet, you never acknowledge that someone held such strong feelings for you.

You knew Reiner turned out to have a crush on you and he used the bullying method to get your attention, Annie said he was trying to be Porco, but failed miserably. And as time went by, you could see that his love for you was purely conveyed as a mix of respect, admiration, and platonic.

But you never delved deeper when it came to Bertolt. You never felt such longing feelings that you wanted to be with him and only him before this, you never wanted to steal him away whenever some girls talked to him, you never had the urge to ask him more about his subtle words from that time.

Then again, perhaps you never had that strong desire before caused by the fact that deep inside your heart — you knew.

That by the end of the day, you were the one he would crawl himself to.

Now everything made sense. Why would you long for someone when he was always there by your side? Why would you want to steal him away from a conversation when his eyes tend to focus on you instead? Why would you want to ask him when the answer was always there?

You knew. He knew. But neither of you ever said anything for the last few years you had each other's back.

Because of the same, brutal reason.

"Hey, you two! Huddled up, we are near the base already!"

"Be right there!"

You shouted back at Floch, one of the cadets that had always wanted to surge forward through the blizzard, not caring for his stamina since he just wanted to get it set and done. Well, you thanked the deity that he could get it set and done by reaching the base instead of dying in the middle of the storm, really.

Speeding up your pace, Bertolt immediately followed right after and adjusted himself to match you. He never let go of your hand, not completely as his hand still intertwined with yours. You even thought that if only the two of you didn't rush forward, perhaps he would still hold you like before, not changing his gesture at the slightest.

He let go because he knew that it would be hard for you to walk if he held both your hands. So now, he just had to indulge himself that walking side by side like this — was enough. One bonus point since he could still warm you up by interlacing one of his hands with yours.

Truthfully, he had been a little anxious since Floch told them that they were almost there. Curiosity spread in his mind as he wondered what you would do once both of you reached the base. His throat felt so dry as he squeezed your hand a little, afraid that you would pull yourself in an instant once your friends took you away from him, just like how it always was.

He continuously felt a pang in his heart every time you left. You used to spend around half an hour or even more talking about life and the universe with him. But now, let alone having a deep talk with you, holding a conversation for more than a minute seemed to be so impossible.

Surely he didn't blame you nor the others. You were just too loveable, it didn't surprise him anymore that the relationship you had with him now was nothing more than a mere acquaintance and fellow warrior. And as much as he wanted it to change, he was not sure if it was the right thing to place himself in between your day.

Especially when he knew how much you wanted to forget about everything when the sun was up.

"She's here! She's finally here! And she's with Bertolt too!"

Bertolt recognized that voice, one of the most gluttonous people he ever met in his entire life. Your roommate and somewhat best friend — Sasha Blouse. Loud cheers followed after that as the others sprinted to where you stood right now. And this was the moment of truth.

The cheery brunette was running to you, and you showed a gesture of wanting to open both of your arms for her to jump in your embrace. But as you tried to let go, he surprisingly held it still, squeezing your hand one more time as if he was not ready to let you go just yet.

"We will talk, Bertolt. I promise."

But those whispered words were the only push he needed to loosen his grasp on you.

He saw it all, the same sight that he was always being forced to watch. Your friend would jump to your embrace, tackling you to the ground while you accept it with open arms. He didn't know what was inside your mind every time you were surrounded by your friends like this. But from the gleeful smile on your face, he was certain that you loved having this kind of life.

This was expected to happen anyway, and he shouldn't have hope that perhaps what happened before in the blizzard would change the dynamic between you and him. He knew he was a warrior, the only thing he had to focus on was to reclaim the power of the founding titan, nothing more.

Yet sometimes, he just couldn't help but wanting to know if there was any other path he could choose along the way.

Swallowing a huge lump, he retreated himself silently, feeling that you would be taken care of, and it was time for him to leave you with them as he didn't think much anymore about your sentence from earlier.

"Don't go anywhere yet."

Before he could take another step away, he suddenly felt a tug on his coat. "Guys, as much as I love you all, I need to change clothes and warm myself." You giggled at Sasha's whining, but of course, she let you go after that, especially when Jean arrived and pulled her away from you.

"Are you sure you don't need our help?"

Marco piped in, brows furrowed with worry. But you just brush it off, giving him a reassuring smile as you tug at Bertolt's coat once again, asking him to help you up. Your tall friend knew what your gesture meant and immediately kneel to hoist you up with one arm wrapped around your waist.

You just smiled at your freckled friends, leaning your body to the ravenette as you wanted nothing but taking a warm shower right now. Then maybe after that, the two of you could talk. And whether it would end in a good way or not, at least now everything would be out in the open.

"It's fine, Marco. I got Bertolt here with me."

The droplets of warm water hit the wooden floor everywhere you go, leaving a trail behind you. Chatter and laughter resonated through the hallway, and you couldn't help but smile at the atmosphere inside this main cabin.

You greeted Eren, Mikasa and Armin before as they huddled up together, probably talking about the outside world or some training just like they always did. Ever since you met them back then after the breach of Shiganshina, they had looked at you with admiration glinting inside their orbs.

And despite you not being as close with them as you were with Jean, Sasha, Conny and Marco, they still welcomed you every time you skipped towards them and told you everything about what they were currently talking about.

You continued the journey to the mess hall after you talked with them for a while, greeting some of the soldiers that you knew as your feet brought you closer to your destination.

A chuckle slipped from your lips as you heard Sasha's scream and Connie's laugh resonating through the hallway already. You were not even in the same room, and yet their voices spread so far with how loud they were.

Though, for the first time in winter training, you went to the mess hall not because you wanted to talk with them. Sure they would drag you to sit and eat first, but you had something that you needed to deal with it. Something that all these times, you always cast aside.

But it shouldn't have been like that, even though it should have been exactly staying like that.

Someone stood up from his seat the second you walked inside the room. Pale green eyes met with yours, and each sound which rang through space suddenly deafening with silence. You ignored how your fellow friends from home looked at the both of you with raised eyebrows, gaze just set on the man who now excused himself from the table.

It was as if he knew that you were there for him. He didn't say much to the soldiers around them and immediately sauntered to where you stood. Same as you, he ignored the questionable look that the others threw at him, not stopping them to think about what could possibly happen between the two of you.

No words were being spoken as he stopped in front of you, his soft eyes told you everything. And when you decided to reach for his hand, that was the only sign he needed to finalize his thought.

That now, you were here to talk it out. No more putting a blind eye over everything.

"Let's go."

Chapter 7: Grassy Pathway

Chapter Text

Bertolt used to wonder why you always stood behind Porco, trailing the boy like he would give you a pat on the head or the tastiest candy in the world. At this, the ravenette tended to have a scowl on his lips whenever he saw you like that, and he wanted nothing but to be in Porco's position.

The blonde never once said anything kind to you, never once he treated you right since the only thing that boy ever did was throwing mockery and endless teasing. And Bertolt always wanted to ask you how you could like someone who didn't even take a proper look at you.

But he never asked. Who was he anyway?

Maybe behind all of the interactions, the blonde cared for you so much, maybe the two of you even dated back then in Marley despite being warrior candidates. And he was just so afraid to ask why, afraid to hear all of the reasons why you took a liking for the blunt candidate.

Bertolt had such a contrasting personality compared to the younger Galliard. First off, he was not assertive, timid, and not brave enough to voice out his opinion. On top of that, he was not really smart when it came to girls. He could only speak normally with Pieck, and that was even because she was kind enough to talk to him first.

So he didn't want to ask why, not wanting to hear you list all the things that he would never be, not wanting to be reminded that he could never be perfect on paper in your eyes.

Shaking his head from the sombre thought, his pupils cast down to where your hands intertwined. And all of those thoughts about your possible first love were replaced with something else entirely as he focused on the fact that you, too, were radiating warmth.

With how you held his hand now, surely it was nothing but physical, if he cast aside his sensibility for a second, he could feel how cold your skin was compared to him. But the way you subtly squeezed his hand, the way your kind words always resonated in his head — gave an effect much greater than any other heat.

Because with you, even when you ended up dragging him outside the cabin to talk, the coldest temperature would be nothing in contrast to the warm tingle inside his heart by knowing you were here with him.

The blizzard had already passed, replaced by a breeze that was gentle enough it wouldn't bite the skin. His eyes trailed your form up and down, just trying to make sure you were alright with this temperature. Despite knowing that you dislike cold, he knew why you chose this place to talk.

Everywhere his eyes roam, he can't see any other person except you. No one would be crazy enough to stay out even though the blizzard was not here anymore. They would prefer to hang out inside the main cabin or huddled up under their blanket in their assigned barracks.

That was the main reason you dragged him outside in the first place. Because out here, there were no prying eyes and curious ears. Because out here, you would be alone with him. Because out here, you were free to talk without being afraid of getting interrupted.

He watched as you fetched something from your pocket, finding his hand-knitted glove on top of your palm as you handed it to him.

"I already washed it. Thank you once again, Bertolt."

He didn't need you to do that for sure, but of course you would try to give it back to him in perfect condition.

"It's nothing."

"Trust me, it's everything."

You let out a small chuckle, leaning your body forward on the bannister, eyes never leaving the scenery that laid in front of you. There was this peaceful expression on your face as your lips shaped into a wistful smile, adorning the already beautiful complexion of yours.

Bertolt didn't dare to say anything more, not yet. And instead of saying something, he decided to lean on the bannister a few feet beside you, arms hanging on the other side as he occupied himself by playing with the hand-knitted gloves in his hands.

"Did you make it yourself?"

That question was of course unexpected, he thought that you would be straight to the point, knowing it was pretty late already. But then again, your mind inclined to change from time to time anyway, and he should have remembered how much you loved small talk.

Something that he never had with you anymore ever since the mission started.

"No, I am not that good at knitting. I am bad at it, honestly." He snickered sheepishly, thumb grazing at the neat seams as he unlocked the memory of that day. "It was my dad. When he couldn't get down from bed due to his sickness, my mom taught him how to knit."

It had been so long since he talked about his parents. Now he wondered how they were, he wished that with them wearing red armbands, they could live a better life compared to before. And it made him want to go home, it made him want to just finish this mission so he could make his parents proud and be with them for the remaining years of his life.

"Mr. Hoover is always a delight, I love hearing his constant sarcastic comments about Marley."

"Well, yeah, he is. Mom sometimes needs to shut him up by shoving up food down his throat."

"They are really one interesting couple, huh?"

"I guess. They made the best of each other too in my opinion."

He didn't remember when was the last time he could open up like this. Talking about family, talking about home, something that he already tried to forget because he knew it could hurt him even more. But discussing it with you, inserting jokes and teasing about them made him focus on just all the beautiful things he left behind.

Bertolt did love you, perhaps he always will. As he listened to you rambling about your family, he didn't feel any kind of jealousy over the privilege that you had since you were born. Instead, he thought about how wonderful life could be if he had that kind of future (and he slightly blushed when he imagined it to be with you).

His children wouldn't have to sacrifice their life to save their parents, his wife wouldn't have to work hard with minimum wage to support the whole family. He wanted that, he wanted to have a house with a vast yard where he could see his children and wife playing around until the sun started to set.

That was a future he needed to see, a future that he shamelessly imagined he could share with you.

"So, what do you think?"

He snapped back to reality as you scooted closer to him, beady eyes gazing at him with a look that he couldn't quite fathom. Blinking, he tried to process your words. The last thing that you said to him was how beautiful the bond between his parents and yours was. And then you were silent, you didn't say anything else after that for the next few seconds.

"I am sorry, what do you want me to think about?"

"Love."

His pupils widened, heart beats a thousand times faster as your eyes never left his face. He wanted you to elaborate more because every time he heard that word, the only thing that came to his mind was you. "Love, relationship—" You trailed off, averting your gaze for a second before finding its way back to him. "Us."

It felt like his world suddenly filled with nothing but you, the sounds of the chatter from the main cabin could not even penetrate his hearing since it seemed like the earth rotated to where you stand. He just looked at your figure, with his pale green eyes, lips slightly apart as he wanted to blurt everything.

His mind screamed to just tell you about what he thought about love in general, his mind screaming at him to just leave after that. There was no time for him to think about a love that was shared between humans, he had to focus on his mission and nothing else.

Despite how much he longed to see another path, that was the best decision he should have taken as a warrior.

But his heart was pleading for him to open up his eyes. You stood there in front of him, with hope and wonder twirling inside your dreamy orbs, you were there for him to be honest.

It seemed like you were ready to put a blind eye to the fact that love was not something that should be explored by the two of you. It seemed like you already cast aside everything and were ready to let him in, opening up your heart for a better chance to live this life.

You reached out your hand for him to take, wanting to pull him in the same path as you.

And if you could do that, why couldn't he?

"It's a gift."

"A gift. How—"

"Love is a gift for me. The only thing that kept me going is the fact that someday I will go back to my hometown, that someday I could hug my dad again and prove to my mom I am powerful enough to stay alive and make it back home." He cut you off as he felt so desperate right now, words after words came tumbling down his lips without stopping. "But even sometimes, having that to be the reason why I keep going — was not enough."

He gently took a step closer to you, leaving just one feet gap between you and him. "There are lots of times I just want to give up, you know?" His body started to shake, remembering how he just wanted to accidentally slip from his ODM Gear, hoping that as he fell, it would take him somewhere else. "But you, you just always have this smile on your face and I want nothing but to wake up and see it again. Every single day, even though that smile was not for me."

You were the one who had your pupils dilated at this point. Never once you thought someone could have such a deep feeling for you. In your life, you just want to make sure each person that you met felt appreciated, but to think that somehow you had become a reason for someone to live—

"Bertolt," Clearing your throat, one of your hands captured his, and you couldn't help but smile at how enormous Bertolt's hand was compared to yours. You felt a shiver down your spine as you looked at him, making you wonder if he felt the same. "You know that the duty chains us, right? There was nowhere else we could go except moving forward."

Every day, you live your life with a lie. The friendships that you had with the others, the laughs that you shared with them, and the promises between you and your comrades — despite how genuine your feelings were for them, it was not real.

"You can always turn around, but I need to ask you this." So you hoped, you really hoped there was something beautiful you could cling to that was not fake, maybe in the form of the ravenette warrior. "Will you let me be a part of your life?"

There was a reason why he never said anything to you despite the endless lingering gaze of his that always followed you wherever you go. When you took the shower before, you thought about why, and you were sure it was not just because he could be a little insecure around the opposite gender.

Marley chose Bertolt as a colossal titan because he would do anything that was commanded to him. He inherited the god of destruction, and with his lack of assertiveness, your country had their hand on him like a puppeteer.

You knew that there was a huge chance he would say no, that even when you realised the feelings that were shared between you and him, it wouldn't change the fact that he was a loyal warrior.

But you need to lay it all out, and like what you thought about before, whatever the outcome was, at least there was no more hidden secret.

"Shouldn't I be the one who said that?"

Your jaw hanging slack at his question, surely not expecting that kind of response from him. His lips slightly curl into a smile as a blush slowly crept on his cheek. "I mean, I am the one who always likes you, you know that already." His eyes twitched for a moment there, not really comfortable by downgrading his feelings for you.

Though with how this moment unfurled, he wanted to take it easy. He knew that he only had a few months left before the two of you graduated, and Reiner would probably start to command everyone to proceed with the plan that he already brewed for the last three years, but for now, he wanted to act like the two of you had all the time in the world. "Will you let me then, Miss Tybur?"

Your orbs shone with a glimmer that could only be seen by him. It is so endearing to see and he could get lost inside those eyes for as long as he could. He needed to hear the words, despite how everything was answered with how you gazed at him right now, he wanted to hear you say it.

"Of course." You whispered out as you closed the gap even more that now both your bodies met with each other. "I will let you, as long as you let me too." And it made him feel like everything was worth it.

The two of you were just awkward teenagers, built as warriors and weapons for your country. Never once did he know how it felt to run around the neighbourhood with friends or having a crush on a shy girl that would walk past his house every afternoon. Never once did you know how it felt to just go to school and enjoy the lessons or receiving love letters from the other student.

Nothing was normal if you saw the life that you had up until now, so at a time like this, you were uncertain about what you should do next.

His lips parted slightly as he leaned in closer to you, and you stood there, tilting your head slightly to make it easier for him. Easier for what — you didn't even know, but it was as if someone was taking control of your body, and the only thing you needed to do was just to close your eyes.

So you did, and a burst of feelings erupted from your heart, sending warm tingles as you felt how every fibre in your being touched by an unknown force that made you feel so much more alive.

You welcomed it — as his plump lips met with yours, and you let yourself relished into the delicate act of love that you never felt before. Your legs wobbled a little, still foreign with the gesture. But you didn't have to worry about falling, since he wrapped his arm around your waist, almost instantly, securing you in your place.

Pale green eyes, soft black strands, pointy nose, tall figure, warm skin — Bertolt.

You memorized it all, engraving his existence deep inside your mind, not wanting to miss every single detail. Your hands went to his chest, subtly feeling the warmth that you could feel even when there were layers of clothes in between your fingertips and his skin.

And despite how you wanted to taste his lips as long as he could, the two of you had to pull away simultaneously, needing to fill your lungs with oxygen. His palm never left your cheek as he leaned his forehead so it met with yours, not wanting to let you go just yet.

"T-That's a kiss."

"That's a kiss indeed."

You shyly look away, the warmth in your lips still putting you with a lot of great effects all over your body. A small chuckle that slipped from his lips made your heart swell even more. He is so cute, you thought. You cursed yourself for a second there for not realising sooner the feelings that erupted in both his and your hearts for the past years.

Maybe this was how it really felt, to be silly teenagers in love who didn't have such a great duty weighing both of you. And you really felt grateful that along the way, you could have something as great as how it felt to put your heart on someone.

Bertolt was always there for you, often asking if you were hurt after some physical training, he would be there when you and Jean were having a petty fight, getting worried over all the simplest things despite knowing how strong you really were.

Then perhaps, even though it needed time for the both of you to finally lay it all out, it was still worth it.

His pale green eyes never left your face, still not believing that he just kissed you. You, his first love and the only woman that could make his heart beat a thousand times faster in a majestic way that made him feel addicted.

Caring for someone, experiencing the butterflies in his stomach, feeling the warm tingle on his skin when you touched him — it was the privilege that he knew a warrior like him shouldn't even have to know what it tasted like. And for years, he thought that being in love with you on the sideline was enough.

But now as his thumb gently grazed your cheekbones, orbs scrutinizing the little details on your face within such a close distance, he wanted to do it all over again.

"Do you think the others would know?"

"Come again?" He was deep in his thoughts earlier when you suddenly parted your lips.

"About us. Like— we k-kissed. And uhm, I think we can label ourselves as a couple, no?" It seemed like you were unsure, but he didn't mind about it much since he knew it was mostly because you were new to this,

"Ah, yes. If you want us to be a couple—"

"I want to." You cleared your throat as if not believing yourself that you just burst like that. "I mean, that was what people said, right? Go big or go home?"

He was stunned for a second there, pupils widened slightly in wonder from the way you were thinking. But he composed himself after that as his shoulder shook, a small chuckle followed after since he found how you act the past few minutes so adorable.

"Yes, go big or go home, my love." You flinched softly at the pet name and he started to get worried you didn't like it. But the way your eyes glinted with affection was enough to calm him down. "You like that, eh? Do you like the nickname?" Swallowing a huge lump, you didn't answer him verbally as you just gave him a slight nod.

"I-I think, yes. I like it, it sounds… Soft and endearing."

Wow, it was just a few minutes since the two of you were (hopefully) official, but you already made him want to just run away with you, far from this cruel world. Though, he knew that the only thing he could do was just to keep you safe, that the only thing he could do with you was just to hold you for as long as he could.

He wrapped his arms around your torso, pulling you closer to him to give you the well-deserved warmth that you craved so much. His large hand caressed the line of your back while resting his chin on top of your head, securing you in his embrace.

There was still a puff of air coming from your lips, and he wanted to reduce that at least. He knew the right thing to do was for the two of you to get back inside, but at the same time, both understood each other's feelings for wanting to be alone. Just the two of you in this world.

"I love you, (Y/n) Tybur."

You closed your eyes for a few seconds, revelling in his affection. "From a long time ago, way before we departed to this island." But now it was wide open as your ears perked up from this deeper confession. "I just realised it along the way, and I am saying this not because I want to hear it back."

He let out a small chuckle after that, you could feel when his chest reverbrated with the close proximity that you two shared. "Who am I going to lie to? Of course, I want to hear it back, but…"

Pulling away, he rested both of his hands on your arms, green eyes finding yours as a gentle smile tugged on his lips. "But I know. And I am not going to force you to say it back, not until you do really feel the same with your entire heart, okay?"

Earnestness. You could find it in his tone. From how he looked at you, you knew that he deserved someone who would give him the same amount of love just like how he gave it all to you. It was as if he knew that if you tried to say it back, it wouldn't be real because a piece of your heart was still left behind in Marley.

And with time — you really hoped that someday you could say it back to him, in all honesty as you gave all your love for him.

"Okay."

Chapter 8: Another One of Your Friends

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"Is it legal to barf?"

"Jean, no! We are in the mess hall."

Marco could no longer count how many times Jean asked him the same thing. Perhaps it was a dozen, or maybe hundreds already. These days for sure, the only thing that slipped from his friend's mouth was mostly an annoying remark or sarcastic comment that seemed to be endless.

"Oh come on, Marco. Just look at them!"

The brunette grabbed the top of Marco's head, turning it slightly so the freckled boy could see what Jean had been subjected to the entire day. "They are just so… lovey-dovey! That is not normal at all. How could two people become that in love in the middle of training as a soldier?"

Ah, of course. It was no secret since their last winter training that Bertolt Hoover could finally catch Tybur's attention. Everyone in the cadet corps knew about the little crush that the tall ravenette had towards the female, and it seemed like after years pining over the almost perfect girl, he could finally have her for real.

"You are just jealous, Jean," Marco stated matter-of-factly, pushing his friend's hand away from his head. "They are just a normal couple. Come on, you didn't even bother when Franz and Hannah were in a relationship since the second month of our training here. Why are you being so petty now?"

Marco's first sentence was really hitting Jean in the first place, but he just shrugged it off, not revealing any kind of emotion that he was indeed — jealous.

"I am not that close with Franz and Hannah, that's why," Jean muttered under his breath, grabbing his spoon as he just played with the soup, one meal that they always had for dinner. "How come you are not petty? She always sat with us, spent most of her time with us , Marco. And suddenly all of that changed because she got a pet."

"Jean!"

The shout really got a lot of people's attention, and now the freckled boy could only look down on his lap, slightly embarrassed since some of the attention was all on him. He waited for a few seconds, wanting to continue but waiting for the others to focus back on themselves. "You are usually not like this. She is our friend , yes. And as a friend, we should be supporting her, not degrading her lover instead."

Was it wrong to feel jealous? When someone who he usually spent his time with all of a sudden rarely was there at all, wouldn't it be normal for him to be like this? He couldn't understand how Marco and Sasha were alright with it. Maybe Sasha was not minding it much since you slept in the same room as her, but the others?

Maybe Marco was just a different breed, he was literally the only one who didn't mind that one of them was not there anymore, that you were not there. Connie whined about it a few days ago, about how you were only there with them on either lunch or breakfast.

He even said something as sarcastic as how you laughed harder when you sat with them all compared to when you were now with Bertolt and Reiner. Yet, of course, Marco would try his best so the two friends could stop being bitches about you and your new relationship.

"Why does everyone look so gloomy?" Having a tray in your hand, you sauntered over to their table, probably done with the dinner and ready to turn in for the night.

"You will never understand," Jean muttered under his breath, shoving food down his throat without looking at you. "Why are you here, anyway? Where's your pet?" He knew that he was not fair to you right now for acting out like this, but he couldn't help it.

You gripped the tray in your hand tighter than before, wanting nothing but to bonk Jean's head with the wooden tray. But you composed yourself, feeling that you would be the same as him if you let his snide remarks get to your head.

"I came over to greet you guys, but I guess my presence is not welcomed here." You gave them a small smile despite the passive-aggressive method that you used. "Alright then, nice to meet you guys."

"Wait, (Y/n)—" Marco swallowed down the bread on his throat forcefully, wanting to catch up with you. But before he could say another word, you were already walking away, greeting the other cadets. These days for sure had been tiresome for him, Jean had been so petty about you spending more time with your boyfriend, and the man rubbing it so easily to Connie. "If she didn't even sit with us at breakfast from now on, I am blaming it all on you, Jean."

"Hey! But Connie is being petty too, why am I the only one who got blamed?"

The ravenette didn't bother to answer that statement, he always wondered himself how come for the past three years he chose to be with Jean and Connie. Then again, maybe it was because of how Jean is a mundane human in the flesh. His friend was petty, somewhat childish, not that strong, and a little egoistical, but that was all a part of a normal human being.

Connie and Sasha too — when he thought about it, it seemed like his group was filled with those people who wanted to be in the Military Police. Well, everyone but you. You never really opened up about what regiment that you were aiming for, you just tried your best to rank in the top ten, but that was it.

Even when you spent the majority of your time with them, you didn't like to talk about yourself that much. You were the epitome of a perfect friend, always listening and cheering them up, yet a little bit suspicious since no one knew much about you other than how a successful wine merchant practically adopted you when Wall Maria fell.

Marco never minds that though, and he felt like the others do too. As long as you were not commenting much about their cocky attitude and being supportive, not one of them ever asked much about your past. Especially when they knew you were a refugee from Wall Maria, they couldn't imagine how painful it was to remember that day from your point of view.

He could still remember the first time he met you. It started with hand-to-hand combat, him being a little skittish since he only learned things from books. He didn't expect a girl to suddenly slam his body on the ground with just a single move, and ever since, he was amazed.

Truth to be told, he was quite timid for someone who wanted to be in the Military Police, so he didn't expect himself to be friends with a lot of people at first — or so he thought.

After that incident he somehow always found himself jogging towards you, asking what you knew about hand-to-hand combat, about the best angle to attack a titan on their nape, it seemed like you knew everything and he just couldn't let you slip away from his sight when you were passing through.

The freckled boy adored you on another level, and he was so thankful to befriend someone as brave as you. So now, even though he didn't show it that much, deep inside, he felt a pang in his heart every time you turned down his invitation to eat dinner with him and the others like usual.

But you promised him that you would be there for breakfast time, and he didn't think much about it, feeling that it was enough. Thus that was the reason why he didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. Jean and Connie were already being dumb about it, acting like a child every time they saw you with your lover, so he needed to be the one who kept everything at bay.

And he wished that tomorrow morning, as the sunlight goes out for a new day once again, he would see you there once again, sitting right in front of him with God knows what kind of story and knowledge that you were going to share — something that he was always looking up for every single day.

Now, Marco wanted to bash Jean's head for saying such a thing last night.

"O-Oi, Marco, want me to get you your breakfast?"

It was rare to hear Jean Kirstein stuttering, there were only two conditions that could make the ash-brown-haired man act like this. First; of course when instructor Shadis ran his mouth about how lame the cadet could be. The second one, happened when Marco, his best friend, and the most patient human being that anyone ever met, gave him a silent treatment.

The second they walked through the mess hall for breakfast and you were nowhere to be there, waving your arms in the air like you usually do, Jean knew he had fucked up.

Marco had this permanent smile plastered on his face, humming softly as he sat on the empty table, perhaps still wishing that you would pop out of nowhere. You did though, but not to sit in front of the empty seat in front of the ravenette. You were walking side by side with Bertolt, and you greeted the freckled boy with your warm smile when you saw him.

But just like that, you walked past his table and sat on the one at the cross of the room. And maybe, this was what Jean felt all the times you went to Bertolt and Reiner instead of them since your relationship with the young man had started.

Though, unlike Jean, he knew he didn't do anything wrong. Even more, the ash-brown-haired man was the cause of his current unfortunate predicament.

"Jean, you didn't have to do anything, really." He finally spoke, and he could see how his friend flinched. "You only need to do something, and I promise we are good."

"Wait, so we are really not good—" The glare shut him out in an instant. "Alright, Marco. What is it then?"

Light brown orbs that belonged to Marco stared deep inside his friend's eyes. A smile never faltered from his face, but everyone could know that this time, the smile was a little bit sinister than how it was supposed to be.

"Talk to (Y/n)." He started, folding his arms in front of him before he leaned forward to the table. "I don't care how, but talk to her and get her to sit with us again at breakfast tomorrow." Now he closed his eyes, making a shiver run down Jean's spine since now he knew the usually patient friend of his was at his limit. "If not—" He cleared his throat, facing Jean who was now having beads of sweat on his forehead "—I will make sure your mom knows about her."

"Marco! You don't understand—"

Jean's word was cut off as he looked at his smiling friend who appeared like he was challenging him. "Fine. Fine! You will get her back tomorrow, promise."

The ravenette leaned back to his seat with a triumphant smile, liking the fact that he finally got what he wanted. He knew that Jean was a man full of pride, and the chance for him to actually pull you to the side and apologize would be slim.

But Marco believed in his best friend, knowing that deep inside Jean's heart, he wanted you back at the breakfast table with them.

All day long, Jean had been trying to get you alone. The second you were done with breakfast, he frantically put down his spoon and jogged towards you, but with how crowded it was in the mess hall, he couldn't get to you fast enough since you were already with Mikasa, Annie, and Sasha to get to the next class.

Before lunchtime, he tried to get to you once again, but of course your boyfriend was there, and he didn't like to interrupt some quality time that you shared with the tall ravenette (despite how he wanted to sometimes, but he knew it would make him get on your bad side even more).

So now, maybe he could finally get his chance. He didn't know if he should thank the wall for putting hand-to-hand combat as their next subject or cursed its existence incredibly. Sure, he could talk with you in the middle of the combat like always, but ever since preparing your stance, you had this vacant look inside your eyes as your gaze fell towards him.

He could feel a shiver run down his spine. Everyone knew that you had this serious facade when you were training, but this look that you had right now — he felt like prey that was already locked by the predator.

From the way you didn't wait for him to say anything and launched your fist directly into his stomach, he knew at that moment, that you were fed up with his attitude. You were strong — it was no longer a secret that you tone down your strength each time you were in combat with someone.

Though now, as he coughed up and fell down to the ground, you didn't hold back. Not even the slightest perhaps.

"We are done, right?" Your voice that usually filled with a kind tone, now just sounded flat as you threw the question. "I will be going now."

"N-No, oi, Tybur!"

You were already turned around when he called out to you, and despite how you wanted nothing but to get away from him, you could never ignore your comrade. And Jean never felt this relief as you immediately turned to face him once again, even going all the way to kneel down in front of his body and helped him up.

"Sorry—"

"I am so sorry!"

He shouted, a little bit too loud that you could feel everyone stopped their movement and drilling their eyes at the back of your head. Surely you didn't expect him to burst out with something like an apology. Jean Kirstein and humility was not a combination that you thought you would see.

"Huh? Kirstein, why did you apologize?"

"For being such a jerk?" He cleared his throat when he realized that sounded like a question. "I mean, I am a jerk, and I am sorry."

You looked to the others and sent a small glare towards the cadets who wanted to butt in on whatever happened between you and Jean. Once you knew they finally got back to their training, you let your friend lean towards your body a little, realizing now that you mustered too much force before.

"I am not going to lie and say that your attitude towards me for the last couple of weeks is not bothering me, Kirstein." You whispered out the words, guiding him to the nearest bench so he could take a rest for a few minutes. "I don't know what's inside your mind, but maybe you can give me a little explanation?"

Gently, you put his body down on a wood log near the classrooms, crossing your arms in front of your chest after as you expected him to start talking.

"It's embarrassing, actually." He groaned a little, both from the pain in his stomach and from the fact that he didn't want to confess his pettiness.

"Well, you better tell me something, I am frustrated here—"

"I am jealous, okay?"

He didn't mean to raise his voice a little, but he was too frustrated from acting like this. "I mean, you always spend your time with us. With me, Marco, Connie, and Sasha. You're always there before." Sighing, he knew he sounded like a spoiled child. "But ever since you are with Bertolt, you are rarely with us anymore."

You would hate him, he could feel it already in every fibre of his being. There goes his chance to have you back as a friend. And sooner or later, his mom would know about his secret too, knowing Marco already threatened him about that before if he couldn't get you to sit with them again tomorrow morning.

He expected you to leave him alone, or perhaps scoff from his childish reasoning. But he should have known that it was you that he was talking to at the moment, you could never .

A small chuckle slipped from your lips a few seconds after his confession, and his pupils widened slightly from the melodious tone that reverberated in his ear. It was not a laugh that sounded like a mockery, but it sounded so endearing as you suddenly rested your hand on his shoulder, patting him a little after that before you composed yourself.

"Oh, goodness, Kirstein." He still couldn't understand it though, how your mind works. "That's adorable, dear walls, I didn't expect you to have such a thought." Your chuckle finally subsided, and you wiped the imaginary tears at the corner of your eyes before you continued. "I am sorry. I never wanted you to feel unappreciated"

You sat down in front of him after that, plopping down on the ground without caring that your pants would get dirty (he remembered that you once cursed the military for thinking that white was a perfect colour for a uniform).

"Wait, you are not the one who is supposed to apologize!" He retorted back, frowning slightly since you still snickered as you processed his words. "I am the one who is petty, at least that was what Marco said about me. So no, you didn't do anything wrong."

"Sorry, sorry."

"Stop apologizing!"

He couldn't help it now, when he saw your pretty smile and the way you held your stomach from all the chuckles and giggles that you just let out, a small laugh slipped from his lips too, finding the situation oddly endearing. You made him soft, yes, that was probably it. Even though he just shouted at you he couldn't stop the small snort and chuckle that followed through.

The two of you sat there idly, facing each other while laughing like madmen, not caring that a certain instructor was sending a death glare in your direction. Just for a few minutes, and you promised yourself that you would get back to the arena, at least until the laughter subsided.

"Oh, don't worry, Kirstein." Your fingertips skimming your uniform as you stand up, taking care of all the crook that was created when you sat on the ground before. "I could never be angry with you for far too long." With one last pat on the shoulder and the gentle smile that you threw for him, you jogged back to the arena, leaving him with relief in his heart.

Once you were out of sight, he clutched the green shirt that he wore. His palm could feel the beating of his heart that always thumped a little bit faster whenever you were around. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before releasing it slowly, trying to calm himself down.

This was what he seemed afraid of, this was the reason why he needed to see you back at the table with him and the rest of his friends. He couldn't let anyone know about this, about the way you effortlessly made his heart flutter. The only one who knew about this was his freckled friend, and he wanted to curse his subconscious for even dreaming about having a date with you in Trost and whispering your name when he was asleep.

Jean groaned when he remembered, covering his mouth with his palm as he recalled the look on Marco's face and the cheeky smile that the ravenette gave him once he woke up in the morning. A blush spread across his cheeks, something that he never let anyone see, not even Connie knowing how loud that boy could get.

Shaking his head, he stood up slowly and winched a little when the impact of your previous hit still lingered. He used his old facade, wearing a serious expression on his face since he had to get back to the arena before instructor Shadis called him out. Jogging back to greet Marco and Connie, his eyes fleet towards your figure without even trying to.

You were with Mikasa and Sasha now, it seems that the brunette just got paired with the deadly ravenette as she whined about how much stronger her friend was, and you, of course you would listen to whatever ramble that your friends throw. Your focus was fixated solely on Sasha, and it only gave him a chance to take another look at you without being afraid of getting caught.

Although, he didn't expect you to abruptly catch his gaze.

His lips parted in shock there, wanting to look away but then again, you already knew that he was looking towards your direction anyway. Swallowing a huge lump, he just gave you a firm nod and acted nonchalant like usual. When he thought about it now, he had not earned any concrete answer from you whether you were going to sit with them again or not tomorrow morning.

But then, all of his worry seemed to dissipate into thin air when your lips suddenly curled into a smile. With your gaze never left him too, staring at him with those glimmering eyes, that was enough of a reassurement that you would be there.

Notes:

OH MY GOD I FINALLY WRITE! Please I cry when I finished it and thanks to my baby my love who never stop supporting me... University has been so hectic, full day full time full assignments fahffdsafdsa now I am going to have a month of break and I hope I can write more in the meantime... Love you all guys so much who never stop commenting and giving me kudos!

Chapter 9: Countdown

Chapter Text

"I just realised that this is going to be my last dinner here."

The clinking of silverware against the plates was heard throughout the room, but it stopped the moment the sentence rolled down from your lips. Your eyes still focused towards the steak on your plate, knife cutting through the medium-rare meat as you tried to ignore the way your parents' gaze settled on you.

Tonight would be your last dinner with your family and the realisation slowly seeped in. For years, you sat here across from your mother while your father seated at the head of the table. The three of you often shared the things that happened that day, speaking up about some ideal or random thought of life, or maybe just bantering and teasing each other.

And now you were aware that you wouldn't have it anymore, making each moment that passed seemed to happen in slow motion. You tried not to show it, not when you knew how high their expectation on you as the warrior, as the last hope of Eldian's empire that was neglected here by King Fritz to suffer.

Both your parents didn't know how Paradis would be or what would happen to their daughter once she stepped foot there with the other warriors. But it was the price of being a Tybur, the name that everyone considered as a hero, and it was laid upon you, the one who inherited the war hammer titan.

You have seen it all, the trial of a war as Marley tried to expand their land and colonised neighbouring countries. You have been there to fight, to have the blood of another human being in your hand and they said it was alright. It was for the better, they said. But for the better of who? Why could they not just live in peace side by side? Why did Marley love to be feared by the others?

Flinching, you were surprised when you felt a gentle touch of your father on your cheek, a gesture that was enough to make you look at him. There was this smile on his face, the same smile that you loved to see because it was enough to bring you so much bliss and serenity, erasing all the negative thoughts that plagued your mind.

"It would not, my star." His voice sounded so soothing as he said it, so absolute as if he could see the future. "So don't cry, no need to be scared." His fingertip grazed your cheek, collecting some of the tears that you didn't know escaped your eyes.

"Number three, Bertolt Hoover!"

"Your father is right." Turning your head, you were now faced with a gentle look that belonged to your mother. "We will have this again, so you need to come back to us, okay?" She reached out to you, patting the back of your hand as a reassurance. "No matter where you are going, we will be waiting for you."

"Number two, Reiner Braun!"

With your lips slowly turned into the same smile as them, you squeezed your mother's hand then looked at the two figures that you held dear in your life. Yes, someday you would be here again, telling your stories about what happened in Paradis. Your parents would listen to what you have been through, and everything would end well.

So for that to happen, you have to win this battle first.

"At the head of the class, Mikasa Ackerman!"

You slowly came into your senses, taking a note of where you were standing right now. The bright yellow hue from the torch illuminated your face as it became the only source of light beside the moon. It was not the time to reminisce about what you had before, not when after this you would have to choose what regiment you were going to devote your life to.

"Of course, out of you raw recruits, the only ones who can join the Military Police Brigade," It would be such an easy task for you, "Are the ten with the highest scores!" Since you only had two options in front of you now, and the Garrison was out of the picture for far too long.

From the start, you knew that you were going to go to the Survey Corps, the branch that would make you fight on the front line. Yet no one knew about this except for the other fellow warriors and Mrs. Keller. "But as of right now, the 104th cadet corps is officially disbanded! Dismissed!"

"Yes, sir!"

All the cadets were walking back towards their barracks, but you were still standing there, just sharing a glance with Bertolt as he reminded you that tonight was the only thing that you got. Nodding at him, the ravenette walked past you since he knew what you had planned for the rest of the day.

Looking at Jean, Marco, Sasha and Connie, you couldn't help but to jog towards them and wrap your arms around their necks. Resulting in the poor brunette squeaking in surprise since they must have had a lot of things in mind, mayhaps still unable to grasp the fact that they would be safe after this.

"You guys really did it!" You were shouting by now, embracing your role as the supporting best friend, the one that you wished was your true self after all the years you had known them. Your arms wrapped around Sasha's neck, clinging into her from behind as you had this bright smile that even the stars could not compete.

"(Y/n)..." Marco whispered out your name, so soft before he let out a small chuckle after that. "Yes, we did it. We are so close to achieving our dreams, now. Ah, I can close my eyes and imagine myself standing beside the king, such an honour."

"Oh, please. Can't you just drop your goody act now, Marco?" And of course Jean, never changing from the day you met him. "Come on, there's no one here. You can tell us now, you actually can't wait to get into the interior, right?" He nudged Marco's side with his elbow, wanting to rile him up, something that was proven hard to do.

Resting your chin on top of Sasha's shoulder, a smile never left your face as Connie piped in to tease Marco. The three were mostly talking about how good it would be once they moved to the interior, how Sasha would eat all the meat she could get, Marco would always be the prize pupil, Connie going to laze around as he enjoyed his life, and Jean finally had a chance to feel safe.

Even as the other cadets threw them an envious look in the mess hall right, they ignored it all and subtly boasted that what they did for the last three years in the training was worth it. You were drinking in silence, your lips quirked into a smile as you listened to their banters, just enjoying the night with your friends. That was, of course, until Marco passed the attention to you.

"Enough about us," He started, and you raised one of your eyebrows when he turned to look at you. "But what about you, (Y/n)? You are going to join the Garrison, right?" Blinking, you tried to understand the meaning behind his question and why did he look at you with such hope in his eyes. "With that, we can always go to where you are assigned to, we can drink and eat together every now and then."

Your grip on the wooden cup tightened at his words, and you just looked back at him with a look that the other's could not understand. Marco's pupils dilated when he understood, he knew you long enough to know what went inside your head most of the time. And his dream to hang out with you in the interior, might remain to be a wishful thinking forever.

"I am joining the Survey Corps, Marco."

"You are what?!" You were startled when Jean suddenly stood up from his seat, copper orbs staring at you with a lot of emotion mixed into one. "Are you crazy?! Did that suicidal blockhead possess you?!"

"Isn't that better?" As if knowing that he was mentioned, Eren walked towards your table, ignoring the tug from Mikasa. "Years ago maybe humanity didn't stand a chance against titans, but is that what makes you give up?" There it was again, the tone that could send a shiver down your spine. "Is it better to escape from reality where you are throwing away your hope?"

By now, you were certain that some of the cadets had their attention on the commotion around you, to Eren Yeager to be exact, someone that you felt had the strongest will when it came to eradicating titans. His words had so much passion inside them — and you knew it was because of how much he had lost in the first attack.

You could still recall the first time you met him, Armin, and Mikasa. The cautious look in his eyes as they tried to protect each other in this rotten world, coated by determination to find out why, to find out the reason why titans mercilessly pressured humanity for the last few decades. If only he knew.

As you realised that Jean's focus was not on you anymore, you discreetly slipped away from the table, patting Marco on the shoulder before you walked outside, not having an appetite anymore. You could hear people shouting at each other, and from the voices you already recongnized that it belonged to your friend and the suicidal blockhead himself.

Your mind returned to the look on Marco's face before as you found a hint of hope that you would say yes to his question. He held you dear in his heart for being one of his closest friends, and for you, he was too. If you could choose how you were born before, you would want him to be a part of your family.

You stopped your tracks when you heard footsteps from behind, gentle but it was there. Letting out a sigh, you already knew who it was without turning your head.

"Tired with the commotion, Bertl?"

"No. I was just looking for you, actually."

A snort slipped from you, so unladylike that you could hear your mother's scolding in your head. You shook away those kinds of memories every time, but not letting it go since it was part of the reasons why you were sane after years went by. Those memories were the only thing left that could make you remember your place, and what was the goal of your existence here.

"I was going to the hill, you come then?" You turned your head to face your lover, and he didn't waste any other second to follow you, and with his long legs, it was easy for him to catch up with you. Once he stood by your side, you stretched one of your hands in front of him, and he just stared at it for the first few seconds. With brows furrowed, it seemed that he still was not used to any physical contact.

"Should I—"

"Hold my hand? Yes." Even when there was no light in this forest except from the moon that was peaking in between the branches, you could see the pinkish hue that slowly presented on his cheeks. "Only if you want to~"

"I want to." He grabbed your hand without hesitation after that, squeezing it to warm you up since your body temperature was much colder than his. You let out a small chuckle at how pouty he looked afterward, and you couldn't help yourself but pull him down a little so you could leave a peck on his cheek.

"You are cute, you know that?"

"(Y/n)!"

The pinkish tint on his cheeks seemed to turn red by now, and you just smiled at his attempt to keep his composure. Even after dating for a year, sharing small kisses here and there and stealing some time to snuggle with each other, he was still a bit shy if there was no warning beforehand. And in your eyes, you didn't mind any of that.

As you walked deeper into the forest, you could slightly see the path that led you towards the hill. Bertolt walked forward, making sure that there were no branches hitting you, clearing the way like a gentleman he was. The atmosphere now was so serene, such a contrast to what you felt before when you recalled that this night was indeed the end of the daydream.

For the last three years, you had been living with these island devils, walking alongside them as if you were not the cause of their constant sorrow. There were so many times that you wished the founding titan was there when you first breached Wall Maria five years ago. If that happened, you wouldn't have to get to know these people.

You would not have met Mikasa, Armin and Eren, those who would do anything to explore the world outside of the wall. You would not have met Mrs. Keller who treated you, just a plain little girl from Maria, like her own daughter. You would not have met the comedic duo of the cadet corps and, of course, Jean and Marco. Those names somehow engraved in your heart and weighed you from doing more damage.

As the two of you finally reached the hill with the moonlight overlooking the horizon, he didn't say anything to you since he knew. Bertolt knew about this, he could see that his friends were slowly falling to the mirage of this life within the walls. They could have forgotten their missions and lived with them, no one here would know that they were outsiders.

He looked at you from the corner of his eyes, understanding the troubled look on your face. Even with your brows furrowed and lips jutted to the front, he still found you beautiful. Yes, they could forget their mission. And maybe by then, he would have the chance to live a normal life with you, to have the remaining years of his life just focus on knowing how to love.

"Are we really going to do it tomorrow?" You finally spoke your mind, and it only proved to him that he was right all along. "I mean, can't we wait until maybe graduation? Until some of the cadets get into the interior? So our friends, they don't have to—"

"They are not our friends." He saw you flinched, but he didn't falter since he knew that you needed to hear the truth. "We are warriors, (Y/n), and you are a Tybur." You needed to remember your place, that all the Subjects of Ymir in Marley were waiting for you to punish these island devils for leaving them there to suffer. "You understand?"

Since at the same time, he too needed to remember that he could never have a life with you.

"I understand." Your gaze was sharp, and the soft smile on your face before was replaced by a thin line. From the start, he knew that you were just a gentle soul, treating all Subjects of Ymir fairly despite being a Tybur, something that actually made some Marleyans tone down their harsh treatment.

If his voice mattered, he would speak up to Commander Magath that you didn't have to go here, that you could wait in Marley with your family as a back-up. But of course it didn't matter, once Marley said that you were needed here, then you had to be here with them. "I was assigned to maintain the artillery."

"Then you must be careful, (Y/n)." He let out a sigh, cursing Instructor Shadis inside his head for assigning you to the front line. Despite knowing how skillful you were, the mindless titan was still dangerous. Turning to face you completely, he gripped your shoulders as he looked deep into your eyes. "You have to be there when we win, so don't die on me."

Your pupils dilated at the serious tone in his voice, and you were starstruck in your place since this side of Bertolt was rare to be seen. In a split second, your eyes softened, and you reached out your hand to cradle his cheek. Your calloused fingers making contact with his warm skin, and you smiled at the way he pressed his cheek to your palm.

"Don't worry, dying is not on my list." You whispered out underneath your breath, the way those green orbs stared at you made your heart flutter. His lips then curled into a smile, satisfied enough with your answer for now. "And you have to be careful too, Bertl. You better live and come back to your father."

A small chuckle slipped from his lips, it seemed that you always knew the words that could make him feel at peace. The image of home, of his father waving at him once he could get back to Marley as a hero, was enough to get him through the day. Leaning in, he pressed his forehead on yours, just closing his eyes as he basked in the comfort that you offered.

"Don't worry, dying is not on my list." He cheekily answered with your words, earning a laugh from you and he couldn't help but capture your lips with his. You were just so adorable sometimes, so precious that he wanted to hide you from this world. But at the same time, he knew how much power that you had within you, and it made him remember something that was nagging his mind.

"Let's go back to the barracks." Leaning away, the magic slowly dissipated once he opened up his eyes. He had to compose himself first, nodding at you before he straightened his posture. "It was late and you, sir, have to use a lot of your stamina to transform." You patted his cheek one more time before he took your hand so he could intertwine it with his.

"I know, I know." He let out a huff, acting like a spoiled child since he wanted to spend more time with you. But the mission was top priority, and even though as a titan shifter you had much more stamina than a normal human, it was better safe than sorry. "Anyway, (Y/n), how come you are not in the top ten?"

Like when the two of you got here, he led the way first, pushing the branches out of your way. You forgot to bring a candle torch before so you had to squint your eyes every now and then to make sure not to bump into something. Although when you heard his question, your mind went haywire for a second there, but you immediately composed yourself so he wouldn't see you blanking out.

"You understand this decision can not be undone, right, Miss Tybur?"

With perfect stance, you stood inside the instructor's office as your eyes fixated on the man in front of you. He looked at you as if you were crazy, but then again, he knew you always had been something else from the start. So to find you here tonight, just a day before the rank announcement, did not surprise him at all.

"I understand, Instructor Shadis."

"I wonder too." You shrugged your shoulders, not wanting anyone — including your lover — to know that you had an agreement. "Maybe Shadis is not fond of me."

Chapter 10: If I Die

Chapter Text

You dropped the duster in your hand once you heard it. Turning your back, your pupils dilated as you stared at your friend, who now didn't have the courage to look at you. Just last night, he cackled out loud and felt so content that he would finally be safe in the interior. Just last night, he boasted to everyone that he could live the perfect life that the majority of them sought for.

"What…?!" Eren's voice was the one who broke the silence. "Connie, you're number eight, right?! You were saying that you are going to the Military Police last night." Even he was in disbelief. Someone that from the start wanted nothing but getting into the innermost suddenly changed their mind, surely surprised them all.

"Your speech last night affected him, you know?" And of course you. You dropped to the ground, jaw still agape as you looked at your friends. What did Eren say last night that made Connie change his mind? You were unsure, and you thought that he was too hard-headed for letting someone's words get into him.

"H-Hey, now! That's wrong!" Connie tried to retort, huffing as Eren continued to focus on Thomas instead. "When I think about it now, I just don't want to be in the same branches as—" He stopped midway when he suddenly felt someone's arms around him, pulling him so tight that he couldn't breathe for a second there. "O-Oi, Tybur!"

"I will keep you safe." You whispered out just for him to hear, and that seemed to be enough to shut him up. Everyone might have been looking at the two of you by now, but you didn't care. Getting into the Survey Corps meant closer to death, and to know that one of your closest friends were going to take that path, it just shook you to the core.

Leaning away from him, Connie was still frozen in place since what you whispered out before sounded so much like a promise. He was going to ask what it was all about, wanting to just swat your worry away since he was number eight and stronger than anyone ever expected him to. But his mouth just felt so dry, and you already stood up to continue maintaining the artillery.

"Pardon me, but—" Your head whipped towards the familiar voice, and you swore you could not handle any more surprises today. But when you saw the bundle of meat in her hand, you just could not understand anymore. "I borrowed a little meat from the senior officer's private stock."

There were drools all over her chin, and you wanted nothing but to facepalm at her antics. A small chuckle slipped from your lips, and you wanted to snort at the various responses that were thrown towards her. Of course the others would be surprised, but then again it was Sasha anyway, she would be the only one who was bold enough to steal from the senior office — meat on top of all.

Your eyes just softened when you look at her, and it seemed that she could feel your gaze on her since she turned to throw you a dumb smile after that. She gestured that she would get a slice, putting the meat inside a basket before she jogged towards you with her duster, ready to actually do her work now.

"What do you think? I want you to get some meat before going out there, you know?" Blinking rapidly, you didn't quite understand what she meant by that. "I heard that the Survey Corps wouldn't get enough privileges. So I want you to know what meat tastes like! Who knows when you can have a chance like this, right, right?"

Wriggling her eyebrows, she didn't wait for you to answer and walked past you, humming a tune about meat as she cleaned up the artillery on your side. At a time like this, you were just too starstruck at the kindness that you received. How could you forgive yourself for enjoying the warm gesture that your friend had given to you?

If only she knew, she wouldn't be here smiling at you like this. If only she knew how much blood had stained your hand, you were certain that she would look at you with horror and disgust instead of love and care. But you could only smile back at her, taking how many seconds left before the countdown towards destruction.

And it started now — as the colossal titan loomed over the walls, just like it did five years ago.

Your legs moved on their own, getting closer to Sasha because you knew how her body went rigid at the mere sight of the titan. You didn't even realize your stance as you stood right in front of her as if trying to protect her from the titan that at any given moment would burst something from its body.

"Sasha, switch to vertical—"

Before you could finish your words, the colossal titan released hot steam that blew everyone away from the top of the walls, and you thanked yourself for being fast enough to change your gear. Once you had your grip on the gear, your eyes roamed all over the wall, trying to make sure that your friends were alright, counting each one of them until you realized Samuel was knocked down.

Clicking your tongue, you dashed towards him who had this vacant look in his eyes, and you could not imagine what would happen if you were not there. Your arm wrapped around him, gripping on it tight as you had to make sure that he was alright. "Everyone! We should report this—"

"No!" Looking up, your eyes widened when you saw Eren taking his blades ready. "Prepare for combat! The target is here!" He was crazy, you didn't doubt it in a beat. "Only the colossal titan can destroy the wall! We should kill it now!" Dashing to the top of the wall, you were ready to follow suit, wanting to know what happened up there. But when you heard a grunt coming from Samuel, you knew you could not neglect him.

"Shit." You cursed underneath your breath, debating what you should do now when one of your comrades was hyperventilating in your arms. "Everyone! Take care of yourself and be careful! The titan has intelligence!" Shouting out, you were glad that you got the other's attention. "I am going to get back to the headquarters! You guys stay alert!"

Gazing at Sasha and Connie one more time, you dashed deeper towards Trost. It was just a few seconds after the destruction of the wall, yet the nightmare had already begun. When you looked back, you watched the colossal titan crushing all the artillery, making sure that the military would be overwhelmed.

Trost, your eyes widened when you realized why you were so uneasy when Reiner told you about this mission. Someone lived here, you never met them but someone important for you was from here. You grappled your hook to the nearest building and dash faster, wanting to see if the others were going to the same destination as yours.

One by one, all the cadets were appointed to the headquarters. You got Samuel to the medical wing, but you doubt that he would be there long since it seemed that the military needed as many soldiers as possible, and that included those in training. Everywhere your eyes went, you tried to look at the familiar freckled boy, your gluttonous friend, or even anyone.

They were not ready, you could see it in their eyes. Fear and disbelief slowly gnaw inside their soul, making them feel nausea. You couldn't blame them, just last night they were ready to come back to their family. But now, you were certain that they hoped what happened now was just a nightmare.

"Argh, why did it have to be today?!" As you were ready to go to your assigned squad, you walked past Jean, and you couldn't stop yourself from holding on to him. "Tybur! This is a dream, right? I am going to wake up and go to the interior after this. My parents—"

" This is not a dream." You gripped his shoulders, maintaining your focus on him as you needed him to be present. "The titan attacked Trost, your hometown, and we have to protect this place since if not—" Shaking your head, you slowly lifted him so he stood straight. "You are number six, right?"

"I-I am."

"And you said you are a lot better than me, right?" He snorted at that, and you could see a faint smile slowly appear on his lips at the way you said it.

"Damn right."

"Then here, hold my hand." Your friend raised one of his eyebrows at that, but not wasting another second and just did what you told him to do. "I am not shaking, and I am not even in the top ten. Are you going to lose to me?"

"Tch, no way." He slapped your palm after that, and you felt satisfied as his composure slowly returned to normal. "I get it, you can go now. I am okay." You rolled your eyes a little, knowing that was his way to say thank you, and that was the best you could get from him. "Watch your back, Tybur!"

"I will!" You shouted at him as you got to your squad, and it seemed that Connie, Christa and Ymir had been waiting for you now at the rooftop. Before you grappled your hook up there, you saw Bertolt from the corner of your eyes, and you turned to catch his gaze one last time.

"You have to be there when we win, so don't die on me."

"Don't worry, dying is not on my list."

Anywhere your eyes went, you saw destruction. Buildings started to crumble, titans bit all the innocent humans into half, people were crying and tried to run for their life. Even if they were all devils, they still didn't deserve this kind of torment. You were there when you first breached the wall, but back then, you were still too young to see this.

All the blood that could never be erased, the dead body of your comrades that you shared a roof to for the last three years — you knew this would happen and it was your fault for letting yourself get attached.

You kept an eye on Connie, hand resting on his back every now and then as a gesture of comfort that you were there. Ymir and Christa were doing great, they were not as shaken as he was and you were glad for that. The rest of your squad was already down, meaning they were either screaming inside a mindless titans, or chewed inside their mouth before they threw it up again.

After hours fighting the titans and trying to run away from them, the bell had finally rung, a sign that the evacuation was finally done. But now, you were pretty sure that you did not have enough gas to continue onward. Knocking the cylinder on your side, you groaned since what you predicted was true.

If you stay here, the possibility for titans to attack you was bigger, but if you didn't have anywhere to go and went on aimlessly, then that would be a death wish. Looking up, you squint your eyes when the sky darkened, and you only gritted your teeth in annoyance as droplets of rain following

"Connie, Ymir, Christa," You whispered out their name, afraid that if you made too much noise that the titans would know where you were. "How is your gas and blade?" The three immediately checked their equipment, and from the way they let out a sigh, you knew that they were the same as yours. "We can't stay here."

"Yes, but where?" Ymir spoke up, almost like she was hissing by now as she covered Christa behind her. "I can't see any other squad. I think they are all dead—"

"Ymir!" A little squeak from behind her was enough to stop her crude words. Then again, what she said was probably true. Your squad right now was stranded too far from the middle guard, and you could no longer see anything in the close radius with how heavy the rain was.

"Let's check the headquarters." Right now, that place was the only reasonable destination. Even if it was swarmed by titans, maybe somewhere along the way you could find the other cadets. "Mind your senses. With this weather, hopefully we can dash through undetected."

But would it be enough for us to reach the headquarters?

Gritting your teeth, you let your friends go first as you scout the perimeters. It seemed that the titans were going in slow motion by now with the rain. You tried to remember everything that Marley had taught you, using it now so you wouldn't die stupidly by being eaten by any titan here. "There."

As much as you tried not to show your relief, you couldn't help but continue onwards. Your legs wobbled a little once you stood on the roof where the rest of your comrades — or at least what was left from them — were idling around. You tried to count how many heads, but when you saw Marco with the rest of the warriors behind him, you couldn't stop yourself from jogging there.

"Marco, Bertolt!" You didn't wait for them to greet you back and immediately tackled your lover and your best friend. Knowing that they were alright was enough to boost your spirit. Their arms immediately wrapped around you, and you just closed your eyes to let their warm sink in. "I am glad you guys are alright."

Annie looked at you with a nonchalant look, and you just let out a small chuckle at that before pulling away from the two ravenettes and went on to hug her, just her now. "You little miss, good to know you are still with me." You rested your chin on her shoulder, and even though you could not see her face right now, you were pretty sure that she was alright with you hugging her like this.

"Am I not going to get any hug from you, Miss Tybur?" Hearing Reiner's voice, you groaned with annoyance and kicked him on the shin, earning a hiss from him that made your friends snicker.

"Come here then, you big oaf!" You patted Annie's on her back before leaning away so you could give Reiner a side hug, smacking his arms as you gave all your force at it. "There, there~" Such a contrast to the gentle pat that the petite blonde girl received before.

For a few seconds, you let yourself get into this lighthearted atmosphere. Yet at the same time, you needed to know why everyone was stranded here. Looking around, you could see that most of them had the same problem. They wouldn't make it to the top of the wall because of their limited gas, and it seemed that the headquarters were taken over by titans. "I think, I think I have enough blade and gas for—"

"Thomas Wagner, Nac Tias, Mylius Zeramuski, Mina Carolina, Eren Yeager," You whipped your head towards the familiar voice, and somehow before you could hear the rest of the sentence, you already knew what the continuation would be about. "Those five carried out their mission and died bravely in battle!"

Your lips were parted as you suddenly couldn't think about anything else by now, trying to process Armin's words. Eren? Eren Yeager died? Right now everyone needs a boost, something or someone to take control and lift their spirit, and Eren Yeager would be the best choice for that. Yet if he was crossed out from the list, then another had to stand forward.

And Mikasa Ackerman was here as the miracle itself.

There was this look in her eyes, either determination or excruciating pain, you could no longer choose since there must have been so much going on inside her head. But she was too calm, too calm to your liking that you were certain she was like this to hide her sadness from everyone.

You knew how much Eren meant for her, and to lose a family, or in this case someone that she loved dear — surely even the top soldier would never be able to put on their mask for too long.

Because she was still human, even after everything that happened to her.

"I am strong, stronger than all of you, extremely strong!" She raised her blade and pointed it to the sky, eyes overlooking us one by one. "And that's why I'll be able to drive the enemy out of there, even on my own." You stepped forward, having your blades in your hand, the last set that you had. "If I can't do it, then I'll die. But if I win, I'll live. And if I don't fight, I can't win."

She looked in your direction, but said nothing more before she turned her head and ran towards the headquarters, practically ready to sacrifice herself because it was better to die trying than sucking your thumb here and waiting until titans ate you.

"Hey! Were we taught to let our comrades fight alone?! " Jean's voice booming all over the rooftop, a sign that he was starting to get riled up. "All of you really are cowards if you stay here!" You shook your head in amusement as Sasha spurted some rude nickname, following Jean as she was hot on his tail.

"Game on, Mikasa, Jean."

Gazing at your friends and comrades, you ran forward to follow the path that Mikasa had open for the rest of the cadets. You were still careful and on guard, making sure there were no titans left around. Mikasa was dashing with her vertical manoeuvring gear, spending her gas without a care as she slashed the titans' nape that was in her way.

But with that speed, she would fall soon. "Mikasa, slow down!" You stopped on one of the roofs, followed by Armin and Connie as the three of you watched her run out of gas and just like that, gone from your vision. "We need to—"

"You go ahead, (Y/n)!"

"What?"

"Your gas, you didn't use it at all." Your grip on the blades tightened at the way Armin recognized this. "You must have none left, or even if there is, it's too low." He was not wrong, your supply was already on its limit, courtesy from how you tried to kill all the mindless titans before, afraid if they were going to attack your friends.

But you couldn't move your feet, not when Connie and Armin would be alone as they tried to get Mikasa.

"I can fight the titans—"

"Yes! But you can't be our bait." You turned to face Connie as he looked at you with so much rage right now, slightly pushing you to just give in. "Just believe me here now, (Y/n)! I am number eight, I am capable of this, and Armin is smart!"

You were hesitant by now. This far, you were grateful that you had seen all the familiar faces that you hold dear in your life as the Tybur from Wall Maria. They were still alive, except Eren Yeager since he already fell in this battle. And you didn't want to lose any other, as selfish as it may sound.

"We are warriors, (Y/n), and you are a Tybur."

But if you die here trying to save them, then all the sacrifices that your fellow warriors had given would be for nothing. All the skills that your parents taught you, the war that you were forced to follow, countless blood in your hands, Marcel — you were here for a reason and that must become your first priority.

"Alright." You fixed your stance, standing straight as you looked at Armin and Connie with a glint that they had never seen before. "You both better get to the headquarters as soon as possible, with Mikasa."

Without sparing them another glance, you moved on towards your first destination, believing at the two of them that they would be safe. But right now, you have to focus on yourself. Your gas was only enough for you to jump from the last roof on the road to the headquarters, then that meant you couldn't encounter any titans.

You raised one of your eyebrows when you saw Jean and the others stopped halfway, and you knew what was the cause of the horror on his face when you looked down. "Ready as you are, Jean." He flinched when he heard your voice, trying to ignore all the screams and cries that your comrades let out as the mindless titans got a hold on them.

"I know." He muttered underneath his breath. "Now! Go to the headquarters! It's now or never!" Screaming at the top of his lungs, he charged forward as the others didn't waste their time and used the sacrifices that their comrades made to continue forward. "Everyone, charged! Use your gas now!"

You grappled your hook, trying to use the gas as low as possible. Using the anchor to pull you up so you could get faster to the headquarters. In the corner of your eyes, Marco had this serious look on his face as he looked at you for a second before dashing first. It seemed that he had more gas, and he used this as an advantage.

Smiling softly, you were running and dashing right behind him, trying to make sure that you had enough for one last jump. You were relieved that it seemed that Jean and the others were getting inside the headquarters already, that means Bertolt, Reiner, and Annie might have been there too.

You couldn't believe yourself that humanity inside the walls had this much strength, their will to live overcoming their fear. Even when there were titans, even though they must have known that a human alone could never win against that monster, they were still going to do whatever it takes.

With pupils dilated, your hand reached forward as you subconsciously pushed your best friend out of the way. There was this titan, climbing the tower of the headquarters with its large hand trying to grip whoever unlucky soul out there. And it was supposed to be him —

"Marco!"

Not you.

Chapter 11: If She Die

Notes:

This is supposed to be chapter 10.5 or a filler in-between. But I can't make numeration like that in Ao3 so here you go! Enjoy and I hope you have a nice day~ Thank you for reading my story as usual~

Chapter Text

"Oi, Marco!"

He couldn't move his body as if he had no control over it anymore. "Marco! Get away from the windows!" You were just there, you were right behind him after Jean gave them a sign to move. "The titans are going to—" He could swear to the deities that a few seconds ago, he saw you trailing on his back, jumping towards the headquarters at the same time as him.

But now, he could only see the two giant heads of the titans, looking down at him with those creepy eyes as he heard Jean's voice stop all of a sudden. His friend must have seen it too before, right? What happened to you? The way the titan gripped you as if you were an insect with how easy they swallowed your whole body.

His gaze was fixated on the last place you were seen before, but he started coming back to his senses when one large hand punched the titans out of the crack in the wall. Slowly but steady, he heard Connie's voice, followed by Jean, Armin, and Mikasa. He could get some information inside his head. About a titan attacking another titan, how they survived and Armin led that abnormal titan here to fight its kind.

"Marco, let's go."

Yet he was still frozen in place, blinking at the empty spot that was supposed to be filled with someone. "We have to plan our next move." With (Y/n) Tybur. "Come on now, it's not like you to be shaken up like this. Isn't it usually me?" Jean was chuckling underneath his breath as he helped him up, and now, Marco could only look at him with a blank look in his eyes. "What?"

He faintly heard the way Jean panicked before, about how many people died because of his signal. You were precious to him, to both of them, and when he realized that Jean seemed to compose himself already, he just couldn't get the courage to tell him about what happened to you.

"Nothing, Jean." Just for now. "I am glad you are here." He would imagine that you were already inside.

Bertolt's gaze scanned the room, wondering where his lover was. He saw you before at the rooftop, and he thought that you must have wanted to help Mikasa with Armin and Connie. The three of them were here though, planning the ambush mission to take over the supply floor, and he was supposed to focus for now. Although, he couldn't shake this nagging feeling when he realized that you were not in this room.

He already asked Reiner before, curious if maybe he sent you to a private mission, but when the blonde answered calmly that you probably were wandering around the headquarters, he knew that something must have happened.

You cared too much for these island devils, and you would put yourself most of the time to make sure the others were safe. That was the reason why he often reminded you of your place. A warrior, a Tybur, the war hammer titan. On your shoulders, there was so much weight that you needed to carry, one that the rest of the warriors had to give support.

And if you were gone too, following Marcel, then the mission to retake the founding titan might have been considered a failure already.

"Annie, that was too close." Trailing behind Reiner, he jogged towards his friend who just slew the titans that Connie missed before. "I am glad you are not injured." The blonde girl just shrugged, albeit, from the way her eyes looked around the room as the other cadets restock their supply, it seems that she had the same concern as him.

"Where's (Y/n)?" Annie was close to you, maybe even closer compared to how you were with Pieck. It was also visible that she saw you as more than a comrade. "I haven't seen her ever since we were here." And despite trying to look nonchalant, the worry in her tone was too prominent to ignore.

"She is strong, surely she can handle herself somewhere." Reiner tried not to put his mind over it, either because he believed you that much or he was trying to hide his fear, the two other titans shifters could no longer pinpoint which. "What should be in our concern is the titan out there, you guys heard about it, right?"

Of course, who could ignore something as important as a titan attacking another? They were the only titan shifters out here, and they could cross out the possibility of it being abnormal. Even when the titans were abnormal, they would still eat humans. But in this case, the titan that had been a huge help to them might have intelligence.

"It was not her, we can cross that one too." Bertolt fixed his vertical manoeuvring gear, mind still clouded about the missing warrior. "Her titan form would be so much different than the others, everyone would talk about it too, but they didn't." He yelped when he felt a hand patting his back with so much force. "Reiner—"

"Ha! You are actually pretty sharp, aren't you, Bertolt?"

"What?"

"Or it's just you showing how much in love you are with lady Tybur."

"Reiner!"

He cleared his throat, shaking his head at his friend's teasing, trying to ease down the way his heart was beating so much faster at the mention of his love for you. Yes, Reiner was not wrong anyway, he just cared so much for you that he would recognize everything. That was why after everything was settled and they figured out who was the human behind this new titan, he would look for you.

Because even though you were also a titan shifter, he knew that you were the most human in between them all.

"Marco, Connie, Sasha, Ymir, Historia—" He was furiously counting the cadets that were now here, safe and sound after the Garrison took care of the rest of them. Once they climbed the wall, they got mineral water and a place to lay down after what happened, except of course Mikasa, Armin, and Eren — that bastard Yeager.

Jean couldn't believe his eyes when he saw the suicidal blockhead coming out from the titan's body, the same one who helped them by attacking the other titans. His friends that knew nothing about the situation now wondered about what happened. But he already swore an oath of secrecy, forcing him to seal his lips when they asked around about why the Garrison unit still looked distressed.

He didn't want to fall in too deep within the weird circumstances, so he decided to calm himself down by counting his friends, a habit that was usually subtle since he rarely said it out loud. But the adrenaline in his blood was too much that he didn't care anymore if someone called him a softie for worrying about them.

"Bertolt is here too, but where's (Y/n)?"

He muttered underneath his breath, and he raised one of his eyebrows when he saw your lover had this uneasiness plastered on his face. Sure everyone was sweating a lot by now with the sun boiling them like meat, but the ravenette kept looking down as if he was thinking about the mystery of the universe. That man was not calm at all, something stood up since Bertolt was now to be someone who could keep his composure.

"Jean," He was just going to walk towards the tall soldier, but Marco's voice stopped him from doing so. "There's something that you need to know." And from the way his friend balled his hand into a fist, Jean knew that something was not right.

This felt wrong, he didn't know what it was but from the way Bertolt and Marco looked, his gut told him that he should just sit down.

"Huh?" But his best friend beckoned him to follow, so he didn't waste any other second and caught up with him. He didn't have any clue about what kind of secret Marco wanted to tell him. Although when he saw his best friend dragging his feet, and how he took him to a secluded alley, then it must have been serious. "You know, you look weird ever since we are in the headquarters."

Swallowing a huge lump, he wanted to make the atmosphere somewhat lively, and he thought he could just make a normal conversation with the freckled boy like usual. That was why he joked around for a bit. But his friend didn't throw any kind of response as if his mind went somewhere else.

He disliked the silence. The fact that Marco just kept his head down made him slightly irritated and scared at the same time. It was not just like him, what with his best friend and your lover acting weird now? In his mind, there were a lot of scenarios regarding the words that Marco was going to say, and as far as he thought about it, there was no good outcome.

Marco stopped on his track once they could no longer hear the other's voices. As if they had been walking for hours. The alley was somewhat dark as the sun was only able to peek in between the high buildings. All the details here just screamed negativity. From the minimum light, the quiet atmosphere, and the way his friend tried to look away from him. "What are you hiding?" He felt this nausea to the point that he wanted to throw up.

The freckled boy let out a sigh as if he was trying to drop all the burden that he had. Jean watched how his best friend started to lose his cool, but if he didn't know what he was hiding, then how was he going to help? "You should speak now, Marco. Or else we would get left behind by the—"

"..."

He heard the words that the ravenette spilt from his lips. So soft, just above the whisper and with how quiet the environment was, he heard every syllable of it as if Marco was screaming at the top of his lungs. His copper orbs widened, mind blanking out and he slowly lost control of his own body, legs weakened at the same time the information went inside his head.

"Ready as you are, Jean."

His butt hit the ground, followed by his friend who now muttered an apology underneath his breath over and over again. No, it was not Marco's fault. From the start, Jean was the one who led the other cadets, and he too signalled them to charge the headquarters at the same time as the titans were occupied.

That must be the cause of it. When he asked the others how many people died because of his signal, he already tried to forget about it. After all, there was nothing else that he could do except to move on and survive this hell so he could always remember their fallen comrades.

"(Y/n), s-she was eaten, Jean."

But to know that you were one of them — he just knew he couldn't possibly forgive himself.

Chapter 12: Dimmed Stars

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Even with your eyes closed, you knew that the fallen leaves from that oak tree would sway towards you. The wind caressed your right cheek, and since you laid on the left side of the tree, then some of the leaves would fall on top of your body. You wrinkled your nose when one of it grazed your face, but your eyes were still close as you slowly let the rustling of the bushes and trees sing you a lullaby.

"This is a good place to sleep."

You heard footsteps coming in closer to you, and without opening your eyes, you already knew who it was from the gentle voice that came tumbling down from their lips. "But the night is cold here, you shouldn't stay too long, (Y/n)."

"You are such a worrywart, Marco."

A small chuckle answered your retort, and you felt the weight of his presence by your side. That was when you decided to open up your eyes, and your lips immediately curled into a smile when you looked at how peaceful he looked right now. "It's so serene here, right?"

Looking down, he imitated your smile and nodded, enjoying the way it felt like time stopped when the two of you were here. He didn't lay down though, he just sat beside you with his legs stretched forward. Even though he never showed it, you knew that he felt as beat as any other cadet.

You met Marco Bott in a hand-to-hand combat with him as your opponent. He was calculating your every move, and he was willing to learn anything from as many people as he could. At first, you didn't want to befriend these island devils, but knowing him had become an escape that you needed, something that kept you sane even after knowing how many people died because of you and the warriors.

He had a dream to serve the king, and with how his skills and passion exceeded a lot of people, you thought it would be nice if you maintain a connection with him. Of course it was for the purpose of the mission, but getting to know him every day, meeting his other friends and practising with them — you purely wanted him to be your friend.

"Don't you feel the grass pricking your head when you lay down?"

"No? I think my skin is thick enough not to feel it."

Despite joking around, it seemed that Marco believed in you completely. He slowly lay on his back, winching a little when he felt the pointy grass tickling his cheek. But you just looked so comfortable, so he wanted to try it out. After moving around and getting to the most comfortable position, he finally smiled and looked up, now understood why you love to be here at night.

"Oh—" Turning your face, you looked at how much in awe he was as he looked at the skies. "The stars, it's so visible here." You let out a small chuckle before whirling your body around, now laying on your chest as your eyes never left him.

"But you know, I see stars every day, even when it's daytime." Your exclamation seemed to pique his interest, and those light brown orbs lit up even in the dim of light. "Here." You pointed at his cheeks where freckles were so prominent there. "There's a lot of stars here."

Blinking his eyes, it took him around three seconds before he realized what you meant, and he immediately backed away as if trying to hide the way his face flushed with a pinkish hue. "What? Why are you pulling away from me?!" You let out a boisterous laugh as your friend tried to blurt some coherent words.

"Y-You! (Y/n), you are such a tease!" At his remarks, you could only laugh harder that your stomach churn a little at that. You rarely teased him, but you had so much fun every time you did it. His lips jutted into a pout, and you just cooed at him before he stood up. "L-Let's just get back to the barracks, Instructor Shadis will have our head if he finds us here."

Dusting the wrinkles on his clothes, he got rid of the leaves and grass that stuck on his body, not wanting the instructor to know that he had been wandering around. He always worried about this, such a goody two shoes compared to other cadets but not that strict since he knew when to have some fun too.

"Yes, yes. Sorry, wait for me!" Wanting to follow him, you immediately sat up straight, feeling your legs wobble a little as you tried to stand."Wait, Marco!" Shouting at your friend, you shook your head to get a hold of yourself, head spinning around from moving too fast. You took a few steps forward, going to the path that Marco took before.

You pouted when you realized that he was nowhere to be seen, and even though you knew that he brought a candle torch before, you still dislike the idea of him wandering alone. "Marco, where are you?" With your vision slightly blurred, you tried to search for him.

The forest was not that far from the barracks. Even though someone gets lost, the others could find them so easily. Although, as you tried to move forward and followed his trail, you raised one of your eyebrows when a stench suddenly attacked your nostrils. In reflex, you pinched your nose so you didn't have to sniff it out, wondering where it was coming from.

Taking another step forwards, you arrived in a clearing. The trees and bushes around you suddenly turned into wreckages, and the night sky was replaced by the blazing sun that made you sweat. You didn't know where you were, but there was something about this place that made you feel familiar. "Marco?" Calling out to your friend one last time, you wondered if he could see this too, if maybe he was roaming around.

Yet as far as you could see when you kept on walking, there was no one other human here, and you started to feel scared. Ah, fear, something that you already let go for the last couple of years after inheriting the war hammer titan. You were not afraid of blood, of a sin that weighed your shoulders, of how many people that you were going to betray for you to successfully finish your mission.

But as your feet stumbled on something hard, eyes casted down to find your friend laying there, or in this case what was left from him, and those light brown orbs seemed to lose their light — there was something inside you that begged for you to stop.

Because you had enough.

"M-Marco…?"

"Marco."

Whispering his name, you didn't know why he seemed to occupy your mind. You tried to open your eyes, but somehow it was so hard for you to do so. There was this reeking smell of dead bodies as you slowly gathered your consciousness, similar to the one that you sniff in your dreams.

Recalling a few moments before, you let out a groan once you realized where you were right now. You tried to sit up straight, grimacing at the way slimes were covering your body. Even though you were a titan shifter, you never knew how it felt to be inside a titan's stomach, and you were pretty sure that you didn't want to experience this ever again. "I am alive, huh?"

As you scanned the area, you tried not to look at the dead bodies of your comrades, deep down not wanting to break down in case your friends were here. Well, Marco almost swallowed down, and you were pretty sure that he would have died if you didn't push him away with how the titan gripped on your body before.

You gathered the blades that you could find around as you checked all the parts of the titan that you could stab. It would be nice if your vertical manoeuvring gear still worked so you could climb up towards their neck, but with the way it was covered with slimes, the gas couldn't be pushed out.

There was this gash on the titan, and with the way hot steam started to appear, it only showed that the titan might have been dead already. Waiting for the titans to evaporate would take some time, and every second counts at a time like this. Seeing an open wound, you sunk your blades repeatedly against the flesh, over and over until light started coming in.

You could finally take a deep breath once you pushed your way out of the dead titan, but you didn't have time to rest. The area around you was eerily quiet, there were no other titans around and any other soldiers could be seen. "Goodness, what happened here." Muttering underneath your breath, you need to replace your vertical gear, and you were grateful that you found one laying not far from you.

It must have belonged to another cadet before, one that sacrificed themselves to distract the titans so the others could get to the headquarters. Checking the gear one last time to make sure that it worked, now you were ready to scan Trost and collect some information.

You heard a loud roar coming from the middle of the town, and your eyes widened at the sight in front of you. A titan was lifting a boulder as if it had an intelligence. But what kind of titan is that? Definitely not from Marley, but could it be—

"(Y/n)?" You flinched when you heard a familiar voice calling out your name, and you immediately turned your face towards the source. "You are alive."

Annie didn't move an inch from her place as she just stood there a few feets apart from you, trying to make sure that it was really you. Hours since the last time she saw you in a flesh, and you had the audacity to just stare at her without saying anything. "Where have you been?"

"Titan's belly." Well, that explained a lot. "What happened here? Who is that?" You jogged towards her, needing as much information that you can gather.

"It's Eren."

"How—"

"No one knows, but he suddenly turned into a titan, and he has intelligence." Looking back towards the middle road, your mind buzzing with the news as you tried to understand the situation better. "Right now, we have to kill all the remaining titans here so he can plug the hole in the gate."

Five years living with these island devils, you finally could gain an intel. It seemed that Eren had somehow had become one of the titan shifters, and you really wished that he was not the founding titan. "So what do we do now?"

"Let's not get separated again, Annie." You rested your hand on her shoulder, looking at her deep in her eyes since you could feel that she was troubled. "We should search for Bertolt and Reiner now." Patting her on the cheek, she scoffed a little at your gesture, but not really pushing you away at the same time.

"Yes, let's."

She whispered lowly before dashing away, and you followed suit to catch up with her. It seemed that most of the titans were eradicated already, and some were gathered on the side of the walls where the soldiers acted as bait to distract them. Your movement was still a bit sluggish after what happened before, but your vision was already sharp, enabling you to see if there were titans that needed to be killed.

If Eren could really plug the hole, then it would be the first time humanity won over titans, but what was going to happen to Eren next was still hard to see. Some of the humans might have been afraid, and when something changed within the society, they would not be ready to embrace the truth.

"Someone help—"

Your eyes widened when you saw Reiner pinning Marco down on one of the rooftops. And you moved your body fully relying on your instinct as you kicked the buff warrior right on his face, one hand grabbing Marco from his grasp. "(Y/n), what— Y-You are alive!"

"(Y/n)—"

"Step back, Reiner." You pushed Marco to your back before you stretched your left arm in front of him, trying to protect the boy who had become your best friend for the last three years of your life. "I can kill you in one swift and you know that."

"(Y/n), listen to me!"

The blade in your hand pointing forward, and you almost graze Reiner's neck as he comes closer. "Give me a reason why I should listen to you, Braun." You tipped his chin with the tip of your blade, and you tried to ignore the titans that started coming your way. "You better tell me now or I will leave with Mar—"

"He knows!" Reiner shouted at you, and there was this distress on his face as he tried to compose himself. "He heard my conversation with Bertolt, and you know how sharp he is, (Y/n)! He should be killed, it was either him or Marley! It was either him or us, including you."

"(Y/n)," You gritted your teeth as your lover stepped forward, biting his lip before he pushed Reiner to the side since he was too desperate to bring you to your senses. "You are a warrior, you are a Tybur. If we let him go, then we are all done for, we are going to die."

This was too much, you didn't know how to process the information in your head and you couldn't think clearly. You cherished Marco so much, more than anything in this world right now. He was there to keep you sane, to make you feel like you are one of them, that you are not a monster who tried to annihilate everyone here. "Remember our mission."

"W-What are they talking about?" You flinched when you felt Marco's hand gripping on your shoulder. "(Y/n), are you really—"

"I am!" Swallowing a huge lump, tears were pricking in your eyes by now as memories of your life replayed over and over again at the same time. "I am, Marco." And as you looked back to face your best friend, his usual gentle orbs were replaced with betrayal. "There's a lot of things that you don't understand in this cruel world."

"Bertolt, now!"

You let out a gasp when you felt a jab on your throat, making you stagger as your lover wrapped his arms around you, pulling you away from the scene. "Annie, take off his gear!" No, not Marco. "Annie, don't tell me you are attached to these evil races?! Do it now, Annie!" Please from anyone who knows, it couldn't be him.

"Stop it, no!" You screamed out at the top of your lungs as you tried to wriggle away from Bertolt's grasp. "This is not in our plan! Reiner, this is not in our plan!" The warmth of your lover that usually could always soothe you, now just felt so restricting as he only tightened his lock on your limbs.

"(Y/n), please! W-We can talk, just like always, right?! Please tell them to stop!" Even though you couldn't move your body with how strong Bertolt's grip was, you could still hear everything. "Oh, Annie— I know we are not close but please hear me out, don't do this. No!" You couldn't, you couldn't bear it anymore.

It was like a deja vu, you were pretty sure that you had been here before. A titan's hand wrapped around a human's body, someone who you held dear in your life. It was brown before, the colour of the hair, and now it is black. Their scream, you could hear it ringing in your ears, all the syllables that they let out.

"(Y/n)!" Your vision blurred as tears started to stream down your face, watching how the titan opened its jaw. "We haven't had a chance!" "With that, we can always go to where you are assigned to, we can drink and eat together every now and then." "We haven't had a chance to talk this through!"

"M-Mar—" Croaking out, you couldn't find your voice as you tried to call his name. Once again, you saw someone had to experience a painful death. Once again, you were reminded of how cruel the world was, and the cause of this was your homeland. If only Marley never sent the mindless titans to Paradis, then either Marcel or Marco wouldn't have to die.

You went limp as you saw the titan had their teeth tearing your friend's body apart, chewing on it with one goal to kill. The tears on his face, the way he called your name as he begged for you to help him. You hated this, you despise yourself for being born as a Tybur, as someone from Marley.

But you couldn't choose how you were born into this world, and you had to remember that there was a reason why you were here in the first place.

"R-Reiner, why?" Surely even though Marco had to die, there was a way so he didn't have to get through such pain, right? "You could have—"

"Why—" You looked to the side, eyes widened when you saw the horror on Reiner's face, such a contrast to him just a few seconds ago. His gaze was fixated on the titan that now had your best friend on its grip, one that filled with terror. "—is Marco getting eaten?"

"(Y/n)!"

You were tired. "Y-You are here, you are alive!" You were here, yes. "I thought I would never see you again." But you didn't feel like it ever since what happened.

Eren Yeager finally closed the hole on the gate, making history since this would be the first time for humanity to win against titans. The Survey Corps came back from their mission outside the wall, and with the left of the Garrison unit, they killed the remaining of the titans inside Wall Rose, retaking their land in a span of hours.

It was remarkable indeed, but the lives that they lost was far too much for them to celebrate.

Resting your chin on top of your friend's shoulder, you tried to distract yourself from the scream that was ringing in your head without end. Even after minutes went by, you still couldn't believe that Marco had to die in front of you. Your eyes were wide open, despite how tired you were right now, you didn't want to close your eyes because the details were still so vivid.

You could feel Bertolt's presence as he just stood not too far from where you were, and as much as you wanted to tell him that it was not his fault, that this was the same sin all the warriors had to bear, you didn't have the energy to do it.

Because after trying to save Marco from a titan's grip, he still ended up being eaten in front of your eyes.

Bertolt knew that you were out of reach, that now your heart wasn't beating for Marley anymore. He doubted that it was for their country from the start anyway, but after years of knowing these people in Paradis, it felt like there was this huge gap between you and the rest of the warriors.

When he saw Sasha running towards him, he knew that somehow, you belonged here. He gently pushed you towards the brunette who cried at your sight, pulling you close to her embrace, one that you reciprocated immediately as your arms wrapped around her body.

You were tense, when he hugged you before after Marco's death, you were still trembling, gasping for air since you just wouldn't acknowledge what happened. He whispered in your ears that it had to be done, he tried to remind you over and over again where you should stand in this war.

Even though you finally calmed down and recited the exact same words that he whispered to you, in your eyes, all he could see was void. It was the same cycle as when Marcel died. It took you days to finally get a hold of yourself, and weeks until you could finally smile and be the person that they knew.

That time you were breathing, but you were not really alive. He knew that the three of them would not be enough to heal you from this endless pain. So now, the best decision was to let you embrace this life as a soldier.

Until the duty called where it would chain you back again to Marley.

Notes:

Hello Marco lovers, does your heart okay? As someone who always fond of him it hurts to kill this man off ): But it's for the story (to make miss tybur got even more depressed yes /hj )

Chapter 13: Empty Barrack

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Two days and the nightmare still ensued. All the cadets and the Garrison soldier had been deployed to collect the dead bodies of their fallen comrades. If you were not injured, you would have been out there, scouring the street and building for what was left from Trost.

Sasha was too much of a big mouth since the second you were back to the Southern Division, Instructor Shadis practically put you on the medical bay for further treatment. She told him that you were eaten by a titan, and it was purely out of a miracle that you were still alive and survived such terror.

Hence the reason why the Instructor forbids you to go anywhere. Before, you really thought that he was a cold person and only tried to shape the cadets so they could be good soldiers by the end of the training. But after years took note of his action, you knew that deep down, he cared so much for them all.

You didn't know what was better actually, to be there in Trost and watch the horror once again with a chance to see Marco's body, or laying here inside a sterile room that had a sharp odour of antiseptic. Either way, you were grateful that you had a chance to collect yourself in peace.

"Are you feeling better now, my dear?"

A gentle, motherly voice slipped through your ears, and you couldn't help but smile as you turned around to face your mother figure in Paradis, Mrs. Keller.

Since yesterday, she had been here to accompany you as Sasha and the others were out to continue their duty. All the way from Stohess, she went back and forth to spend her time with you during the visiting hours.

"I do feel better now, mom." You were quite clingy to anyone that you were comfortable being around with, so the second she sat at the edge of your bed, you immediately wrapped your arms around her waist. "Especially now since you are here."

"Oh, please…" She let out a small chuckle, and despite her lace dress practically feeling so harsh against your skin, you still nuzzled your cheek closer to her. "Always know how to charm others, aren't you, darling?"

Her hand started to thread your hair, and you let out a soft purr at the way her fingertips gently massaged your scalp. Back then when you were just a spoiled lady from the Tybur's house, you would spend your time in your mother's painting room, not minding the strong odour that usually penetrated your nostrils since your mother's touch was enough of a comfort.

Just like this, your head would lay on her thigh, her left hand caressing your face and threading the strands of your hair as you relished her presence. Maybe this was one of the reasons why you loved Mrs. Keller so much. Because even though you were now living on this devilish island, her existence was like an angel in this hell that reminded you of home.

"Have you decided what branch you are going to choose?" You blinked at her sudden questions. "You are going to the Garrison unit, aren't you, my dear?" One that reminded you when someone asked you the same thing before.

You didn't have enough courage to answer her, and when you heard a faint sight slipping from her lips, you knew that she knew. "I think there's no way for me to change your mind, yes?" Her voice lingered with so much pain and you wondered why. "They said that The Survey Corps would be the hardest branch, but if they come back after a mission, then they would have a lot of time to rest."

She patted your arm, a sign that she wanted you to sit up since she must have something to tell you. You leaned away slightly but did not let go of your grip on her dress. Her slightly wrinkled fingers tipped your chin up, somehow pushing you to look at her in the eyes. "No matter what happens next, you are going to have a home with me in Stohess, understand?"

"But, Mrs. Keller—"

"Mom." Her voice was firm as she said it. "You always called me mom, never change. Because when I took you under my wing five years ago, I already saw you as my daughter." With a smile on her face, she patted your cheek before pinching it lightly, a habit that she loved to do ever since you worked for her.

Her delicate fingers then went down towards your neck, and her eyes glinted when she realized that you wore the scarf that she bought you three years ago as a memorial. You just threw the long end to your back, not doing anything much since it was enough to warm you up anyway.

Squinting her eyes, she muttered a small excuse underneath her breath before she pulled the scarf from your neck and draped it back with both ends on your chest. You didn't say anything else, just letting her do whatever she wanted for now. Mrs. Keller had this serious expression on her face, brows furrowed as she looped the longer end around your neck, crossing both ends before she tucked it gently under the loop.

"Done, perfect." She rested her hand on top of her thighs as she admired her little handiwork. "When I bought this for you, it was supposed to be something that you wear even when you are in the military, you know?" Her fingertip checked the seams, and she sighed when she realized it was still perfect. "Wear it like this, tucked the end inside the loop, it wouldn't interfere with your movement when you fly around with your gear."

"Oh, I am sorry." You smiled sheepishly as you memorized the way she helped you fix the scarf before, now understand why she always styled it like this. "I just don't want it to get dirty, especially get torn."

"If it gets torn, I will send you another." Patting your cheek, her intonation was firm since she wanted you to take note of that. "Wear it on your next mission, and remember that wherever you are out there, you will always have me waiting for you."

Sometimes you would ask yourself if knowing these kinds of people was a gift or a curse. One way or another, you were going to betray them, and yet you continued to embrace this life that you found within the walls. Her love, her affection that she had shown, there was no way that you could turn everything that she offered.

"Thank you, mom." So for as long as the world allowed, "Thank you for being my home here ." You would embrace this life of a Tybur from Paradis.

The medical bay finally dismissed you just a few hours before the graduation, and you took your time exploring the training ground, the place where you lived for the last three years. Mrs. Keller said that she already packed up your clothes, so when you were finally able to come back to your barrack later, you only had to change into your uniform and prepare yourself for the night.

When you first arrived here, you could still remember all of the people that tried so hard to get through the rite of passage, and knowing Sasha kept munching on the hot potato in her hand, it was something that you would never forget. But now, the ground was just so — empty. The cadets that you knew and met before, the majority of them were already gone, bodies turned into ashes.

Bertolt visited you this morning, informing you about how the Survey Corps captured two titans for an experiment. To stop the humanity inside the walls from knowing about the truth of titans, Reiner asked Annie to take care of it. There might be a further inspection for this, and he asked you to be careful in case the military interviewed you.

No wonder there was no one here right now except you and the other staff from the medical division. You didn't know when your friends would come back here, so you decided to just roam around and check out the facilities one more time before resting inside the barrack that you shared with Annie, Mikasa, and Sasha.

After the Battle of Trost, you didn't have a chance to meet Jean, and truthfully, you were thankful that he was nowhere to be around. Sasha mentioned how he found Marco's body, or at least what was left from him, and you just knew you couldn't face your friend yet, not when you were still grieving too.

You recalled those nights as the small group of your friends shared some cheap beers, the way you felt so content without having the need to focus too much on your mission. But now everything had changed, you were no longer cadets, Annie could be a good intel in Military Police, and the rest of the warriors would keep an eye on Eren Yeager.

Eren, who would have thought that he was a titan shifter. He was the same man who shouted over and over again about how he would eradicate titans existence in the first place, the one who despised titans more than anything in this world and yet he ended up becoming one, making his life to be a whole circus.

Stepping your foot inside the female barrack, the creaking of the door resonates throughout the empty rooms, sending goosebumps all over your skin. If you close your eyes, you could imagine the girls running around from one room to another, trying to swap perfumes or showing off their new clothes that were sent to them.

Now, the majority of the rooms belonged to no one. The Battle of Trost took countless cadets for it to be a success, leaving their belongings here without an owner. Some of the family fetched their stuff, taking it as a memorial, but some of them decided to leave it here, not wanting to remember how they lost their daughters.

When you opened up the door that led to your room, somehow you felt grateful that all the stuff here still belonged to someone. Annie and Mikasa probably packed their clothes already by now as you could find their duffel bag on top of the bed. You slightly snicker when you saw one bag still in disarray, a sign that one of your friends wasn't done packing.

"Oh, Sasha…"

Shaking your head, you opened the drawer and the wardrobe, checking if there was any clothing left. You found two shirts that were still hanging inside the wardrobe, and you decided to fold them as neatly as possible before putting them beside the opened duffel bag.

After checking the room one more time in case there was some stuff that your friends forgot, you decided to take another rest, waiting for your roommates to arrive. This would be the last time you slept in this bed, the same one where you often shared with Sasha since she could sleep better with you by her side.

The last three years, you already had a good life within the walls, you didn't have to think about the mission during the daytime since Reiner only arranged a meeting now and then once everyone was asleep. Most of the meeting was only filled with you checking up with the other warriors, making a strategy, or planning about the next move, nothing else but that.

But you were going to graduate, meaning that after this all the things you had planned with the fellow warriors would start to take place. The lead about another titan shifter couldn't be cast aside so easily too, and even at the end the four of you couldn't get the founding titan, bringing Eren to Marley would be considered a huge success.

That if you could actually separate him from Mikasa, one that you were pretty sure would be so hard to do.

"He saved me."

You looked up to see a distant look inside those obsidian orbs, raising one of your eyebrows since you didn't know why she suddenly spoke up. The two of you were on cleaning duty, and you let the comfortable silence take place since she was not a fan of conversation. "When I was a kid, I lived far from Shiganshina."

So for her to start one, you decided to stop swiping the floor and listened to her completely. "All I ever know is my mom and dad, and of course Dr. Yeager since he would often come for a check-up routine." She had this vacant eyes as she said it, and somehow you knew the story wouldn't end up with a happy ending.

Pulling a chair for her to sit, she seemed to hesitate for a few seconds so grabbed the duster from her hand and gently guided her there. Both of her hands were now on top of her thighs, and you reached for it, making her look up and face you.

"Mikasa," You intertwined your hand with yours, her skin felt so cold compared to you. "I will always listen to you, any time you are ready."

Her obsidian orbs widened for a second there, but she immediately composed herself and gave you a firm nod. There was no one else here since your friends were taking care of the other room, so if she wanted to talk to you alone, this would be the right time.

"It was a normal day as we were expecting Dr. Yeager." She never let go of your hand, clinging into it. "I was talking with my mother, she told me that maybe Dr. Yeager will invite his son who is the same age as me. I got a little bit excited, and my dad teased me about it. Just a few minutes after that, there was a knock on the door and dad opened it, greeting Dr. Yeager and said that he came early and—"

"Mikasa, look at me." She gripped your hand tight, and it seemed that she fell too deep into the memories that made her feel like she was there once again. "You are here with me."

For months knowing your roommate, you never thought that there was another side of her which contrasted her calm demeanour. She was too perfect, cool and could maintain her emotion well, a perfect soldier just like how the other cadets said about Annie. But seeing her like this, it only reminded you that she was just a normal human being.

"It was not Dr. Yeager that came early, it was a group of reavers trying to do something. They didn't hesitate to kill my father in front of me, and as my mother wanted to fight them, she got killed." Her voice wavered a little when she talked about the murder. "They kidnap me, I think they are going to sell me somewhere, I don't understand."

She was silent for a few seconds then, trying to remember all the details from that day. You immediately distracted her mind by kneeling in front of her, knowing how much it could affect her emotion. "I— then Eren saved me." You smiled at her, one that she reciprocated. "He saved me, didn't waste any time and got rid of those men."

Squeezing your hand one more time, she then pulled her hand away and touched the scarf around her neck. "When I told him I didn't know where to go, when I told him that it was cold, he wrapped this scarf around me, (Y/n)." There was this glint inside her eyes, so bright that the moon didn't even hold a candle. "Eren, he then pulled my sleeve and told me that we should go, we should go to our home."

Now you understood everything, you couldn't imagine what would happen if Eren was taken away from her. That boy was practically the only family she had left, the only person that she had comfort with, the person — that if you dared to say — was the one that captured her heart from the start.

"I am glad that Eren was there then." You whispered out, gazing at her as she still had this gentle look on her face. "Always remember the things that make you happy, Mikasa. Because whenever you are feeling down, that will keep you going."

"Yes." She nodded at you, reaching out to your hand once again as her eyes still held so much emotion. "I know that, I know that the world is cruel." You subconsciously squeeze your hand at her words, because you fully knew about it. "But it's still beautiful, right?" You fully knew how unfair the world could be for those who just wanted to live.

"Goddamn it, Eren." You cursed underneath your breath, eyes glossed with tears as you realized that one way or another, your duty would force you to take him away from Mikasa. "From anyone in Paradis, why you?"

She wasn't someone that would open up to anyone so easily. For years living in this world, she spent the majority of her time just to be around Armin and Eren, no one else but them. Majority of the cadets considered her as cold and someone that was too hard to approach, but you knew that wasn't the case. Those cadets thought it was on her, while actually, they were just the ones who weren't patient enough.

If you never greeted her every morning, helped her take care of Eren after the gear incident, or started a conversation about training and her childhood, maybe she wouldn't let her guard down around you. Maybe she wouldn't consider you as her close friend that she could open up to. At that time, you just wanted to befriend everyone, telling yourself that it could help you gain more information.

But it wasn't the sole reason and you were fully aware of your real intention. You genuinely wanted to get to know them, you often thought that they were much more human than you and Marleyan citizens. They were here to survive, to just keep on living in the world that was adverse to human kind. While you? You were going to destroy them all just because of your fear towards the rumbling.

Rumbling, doomsday for the rest of humankind outside the wall. Once the founding titan unharden the three walls in the island of Paradis, two hundred thousands of colossal titans would flatten the ground. Your father kept pushing the information inside your head, he needed you to succeed the mission because no one could be secure if such power was held by one person.

You swallowed a huge lump, fingers roughly wiped your tears stained cheeks. Yes, even though you didn't want to hurt anyone, you had to remember your place. These islanders couldn't stop you from getting the founding titan. Not Marco, not Mrs. Keller, not Jean, not everyone. What you did was for the sake of humanity. It was to save the civilisation outside the wall.

Right…?

Notes:

Basically, our protag started to wonder if the mission was for the sake of those living outside the wall, or something else...

Chapter 14: Ashes and Bones

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

He was not strong, his best friend knew about it and once confronted him. Even though he was considered as the top ten cadets from 104th Training Corps Southern Division, it was a miracle that he could survive the battle. The Battle of Trost, he could still remember all the details that happened back then, how the sun shone in the sky without any clouds around, a sign of a good day.

But then the bell rang, the same bell that they heard when the titans breached Wall Maria and took over their land five years ago. All of a sudden he felt like he was standing in the middle of a decayed bridge, one wrong move and he would fall to the darkness that swallowed him whole.

He was panicking, if only that colossal titan appeared the day after, then he wouldn't have to think about it. Just one more day, he could bring his family deeper within the walls and they would be safe and sound, leaving the problem to the Survey Corps and the Garrison unit.

The world was cruel, and he knew it ever since he was a little boy. That was the reason why he enrolled in the military, because he would join the Military Police Brigade and climb up the rank. Because with that, he could secure his life, living peacefully in the innermost city with his family, buying a prime real-estate downtown, and falling in love.

Falling in love —

When he was a kid, he used to dream about a girl. He couldn't remember how she looked, but at that time, he was certain that girl would be the love of his life. In the first week of his training, he was finally introduced to that feeling. His heart beating so fast inside his ribcage, cheeks dusted with a pinkish hue.

Who would have thought that he would find the girl of his dreams to be another trainee in the Cadet Corps?

She was Mikasa Ackerman, someone who apparently ranked first at the end of the training year. Everyone knew that she only had her eyes for Eren Yeager, the suicidal blockhead. The same person who was now under the supervision of the Survey Corps after people found out that a normal human being could turn into a titan.

For three years, he tried to catch her attention, but it was so hard when she already locked her heart for anyone but that boy. He didn't know how come Eren could be so dense, that suicidal blockhead literally had a perfect girl adore him and yet what he could only think of was how to eradicate all the titans in this world.

You always laugh every time you see his failed attempt to have a conversation with Mikasa, mocking how he talked and acted around her, saying that he was so unnatural. Your snicker and the way you rolled your eyes whenever he retorted, he could still hear and see it even until now.

Ah, yes, you. The famous trainee of the 104th Training Corps Southern Division, (Y/n) Tybur. First, he found out from Marco that you were eaten by a titan, and now his best friend died too, with half of his body becoming the only thing that was left from him. At least enough for him to recognize the corpse.

When they burned all the dead bodies of their comrades, he couldn't stop his tears from coming out. He didn't know which bone belonged to Marco, and he didn't even have a chance to take a look at you one last time, not when your body was probably disorientated inside a titan's stomach. Every time he closed his eyes, he could only see you and his best friend, all the memories that he shared with the two of them.

And up until this point, he was pretty sure that he started to go crazy. You only appeared in his nightmare before, but now you were starting to haunt him even when he was awake. He could see you and Marco from the corner of his eyes, most of the time it was just a fleeting shadow that was gone too quickly without a trace.

But right now, you just looked so real . He recognized you anywhere, he could find you in the crowd by just looking at your back. Your posture, the detail of your hair — he believed that it was you.

You were standing there with his back on him, facing Sasha and Connie who looked so distressed and had their mind muddled in fear and hesitation. Your presence here was just like an angel, a fallen angel mayhap since you were here in this hell called earth. You were there as if you were trying to soothe your friends, that whatever happened you would be there by their side.

"I am sorry." He whispered out once he stood behind you, or at least the image of you that his mind created. Slowly, you turned your body around, now facing him with a look that he couldn't quite fathom. You must have hated him, for always trying to pick a fight with you, for being a scoundrel to your lover, he just knew that even the most patient person had a limit.

"Kirstein?" He couldn't stop himself from sobbing the second he heard the melodious tone of your voice, something that he never thought would hear again. "Hey, hey, I am here, what happened? I am sorry—"

"No!" Stopping you from saying any other words, he needed to let everything out first. "Y-You don't understand! I am sorry, I am sorry for annoying you, I am sorry for bitching your boyfriend. I am sorry, Tybur, (Y/n)... I am sorry for giving the signal to move." He croaked out, hands gripping on your arms as he looked at you in the eye.

Jean was so scared, he wanted to tell you about how much he cared for you because he knew this was his only chance. If he could not tell you when you were alive, then maybe he could tell you now. "If only I didn't give the damn signal, you must have been standing here right now, with us."

He saw how your pupils dilated at his words, and he took it as a sign that you accepted his apology. Right now, he didn't care if everyone was looking at him weirdly. But he knew that letting it all out now would help him make peace with himself. "I missed you, more than you can ever imagine with how much of a bastard I am." Or at least, that was what he hoped for.

"Oh, Kirstein…" You suddenly wrapped your arms around him, and he was too shocked to know how real it felt. He didn't hesitate to hug you back, so tight since he was afraid that you would vanish forever if he let go. "I missed you too, but I am here now, don't worry."

As he closed his eyes, he basked in the unfamiliar warmth that he never felt before. Three years he had known you, three years he secretly considered you as one of his best allies, he never once felt your hug. And if he knew it could bring him this much comfort, he would have hugged you from the first day he met you.

"I wish I could hug you sooner." He whispered out, burying his face on your shoulder. Your hug reminded him of his mother, the one that made him feel so loved. "I wish I could hug you every day." Something that made him feel like he was home.

"Then hug me every day." Oh, how he wished it was that easy. "But now, let me get you something to drink, okay?"

"No, wait." His hug on you tightened at those words because he didn't know how many seconds were left for him to have this chance. "Just a little more, I just want to spend as much time hugging you." He knew he was being clingy, and the others were probably scurrying away from him since he was hugging the air.

"Alright, alright." And he didn't give a damn about what others thought about him. "Sasha? Can you get a glass of water for Jean?"

"Sure, I know a shortcut to the mess hall, wait a minute, (Y/n)."

Blinking, Jean pulled away from you all of a sudden, too fast that he fell on his butt. His pupils dilated, looking at you, Connie, Armin, and Mikasa (he just realized that she was there too). His gaze went back and forth from one friend to another before it finally laid on you for the last time.

"W-Wait," He cleared his throat, the colour slowly draining from his face. "Can you guys see her?"

"Huh?" Connie looked at his friend as if he was crazy, or maybe he was already. "She is not a ghost, of course we can see her!"

You shook your head, not knowing what was just happening. One second Jean practically poured his heart out, and the next he looked at you with this flabbergasted look in his eyes. And truthfully, even Jean didn't know what he should believe.

"Y-You are real…?" He raised one of his eyebrows, still trying to process everything by now. "But Marco said that you are—" His mind was muddled by now, not knowing what he should do since he really thought you were gone. "No way, you are not here, you are just in my mind."

"Do you want me to die that much, Jean—"

"No!"

Swallowing a huge lump, he just stared at you as you slowly kneeled in front of him. Marco would never lie, especially with how real the pain that lingered on his face when he told him about your fate. But as he felt your hand slowly resting on his shoulder, he could finally let the truth sink in. "H-How?" That you were still here, alive and well.

His copper eyes stared at your face since he was still afraid if in case everything was just a dream right now. When he threw the simple question, he could see your eyes looked troubled for a second there before it came back to normal. Right now he wouldn't ask much about it, he just needed to know what actually happened.

"I don't know, Kirstein." You let out a sigh before looking down towards the ground. "I am just lucky that the titan swallowed me whole and I was conscious at the right time." He raised one of his eyebrows, there was something that you hid from him with how you avert your gaze just now.

He was friends with you long enough to pick up some of your habits. Every time you felt guilty or hiding something, you would avert your gaze for a second before looking back towards the person that you were talking to. But in the meantime, he would just let it slide. He didn't know the horror that you must have been through, and giving you more time to share it would be the best decision.

"I—" Clearing his throat, he shook his head and closed his eyes to compose himself. "I am glad that you are actually here then." He whispered underneath his breath, so low that the wind almost swayed it away.

"You can't get rid of me that easily, you know?" He rolled his eyes when he saw the smug look on your face, and after burning the dead bodies of his comrades before, this was the first time he felt that everything would be alright. "Come on, the graduation ceremony is starting. Why Sasha takes so long, I wonder."

You were mumbling as you looked around and searched for the brunette, one hand stretched out for him to take. When he thought about it, the last time he felt your touch before you were swallowed down was when you tried to reassure him that he could get through the battle. You always knew the right thing to say, and he just felt so grateful for knowing you amid this hell.

His eyes never left your figure, at least not completely. Deep inside his heart, he was still afraid that you would be gone again, and he didn't want to feel it when he just had you back. He subconsciously grabbed you by your arm, pulling you to where he was going to stand as the two of you got in line.

"Kirstein, what—"

"Stay here."

He knew he was demanding, and if you decided that you wanted to be with Bertolt, Annie, or Sasha, then he would let you since he was getting a bit selfish by now. But when you just gave him a nod and perfected your stance for the graduation without saying anything else, he just felt so relieved.

The night was darker than usual since the cloud covered the only source of natural light. Everything was just so quiet except the clicking of boots against the wooden platform that belonged to Erwin Smith, the Commander of the Survey Corps. His hair was slicked, blue orbs scanning the remaining cadets.

Jean already heard about all of the remarkable achievements of the man. Everyone knew that he loved to gamble everything on the mission outside the wall, creating various strategies that were new and never proven to be safe. Then again, it seemed that he was someone who would justify the end, not minding about how dangerous the process would be, or how many lives he would lose.

The commander was here to invite the cadets to join the Survey Corps, and Jean was pretty sure that if he was standing here a week ago, then he probably wouldn't even care about what the man said. Now, everything was different. He saw it with his own eyes the terror of the titans, everyone standing here right now was different from the previous cadets, knowing full well their fear and limits against those monsters.

No wonder Erwin Smith was considered the best commander that Paradis ever had for the last decades. That even though he knew about ninety percent of the cadets here would never want to experience the terror again, he tried to ignite the curiosity and hope inside them all so easily.

To put their hope in the Survey Corps, to live in the same era where humankind was slowly having a lead about the true nature of the titans.

But all of a sudden, he felt like he wanted to throw up. The numbers, all the soldiers that the Survey Corps had lost. Ninety percent for the last four years and it could be him, it could be one of his friends. If any of them decided to join this branch, it was as if they would hear the ticking of the countdown of their dead.

It was not too late now, he could still turn around and join the Military Police. By then, he would live longer and he could remember his best friend and achieve his childhood dream. The majority of the cadets wanted to be in his position, so he could just walk away now and take his chance.

But if he did so, what would those ashes and bones say to him?

If he walked away now, he wouldn't know the truth about titans by himself. If he walked away now, then that meant he would let his remaining friends die out there alone. One last call, one last chance for him to just leave this all behind. Annie was already turning around, chasing her dream where she could save herself.

He could do the same, he was ranked sixth among hundreds of cadets in his cohort. His parents would be so proud of him, and they would be safe in the innermost wall. But he knew he couldn't, not after facing the titans, not when you and the others were all here.

Sasha was sobbing, she probably didn't know why she didn't walk away too. Connie muttered underneath his breath some reassurance that this was his own choice. Mikasa's presence here was absolute from the start, she would go to wherever Eren was. And despite them all having different goals to pursue, they were all the same.

"I welcome the newest members of the Survey Corps! This is our real salute!"

They stood there in front of commander Erwin Smith, with their right hand balled into a fist as they put it exactly in front of their heart — a sign that each one of them was ready to devote it for humanity. "Dedicate your heart!"

"Yes, sir!"

There was no turning back now, he knew about it. He already gave the commander his salute, and he was not someone that would back down now once the man welcomed them already. His eyes casted to the ground, mumbling how the corps was the worst choice compared to the other branches. Yet here he was anyway, with all twenty-one other cadets who chose to devote their lives to humanity.

He couldn't possibly know what was laid in front of him, but one thing that he could be certain of was the fact that from now on — dead would trail right behind him.

The atmosphere was solemn as the carriage brought them towards the Survey Corps headquarters in Karanes District. No words were being shared between the freshly graduated cadets, and the only sound that could be heard was just the horse hooves clicking with the ground. There were two carriages prepared for them, each for either female or male members.

A pair of ocean orbs wandered to his friends, deducting what they were thinking about right now. He wasn't trying to be a creep, but this was just a distraction for him since his brain was too tired to think about the purpose of commander Erwin's statement before about Eren's basement.

He played with his fingers as he looked at Bertolt and Reiner first. The two looked the most normal now with how it seemed that they were not afraid at all for the life they were going to have. But then again, looking brave right now after how they were on the brink of death a few days ago made them to be the most unusual.

Reiner didn't act like he was affected by anything, only pursing his lips every now and then since it seemed that there was something preoccupying his mind at the moment. The tall ravenette didn't say anything much, but his eyes would often go to the carriage behind them, the one that haul the female cadets where his lover was currently in.

His orbs drifted towards Connie, his hands basically covered his whole face as he muttered again and again about how the Survey Corps was the best decision. Armin understood well that most of them would be shaken up by now, so he thought that it would be wise if he gave his friend some privacy to encourage themselves.

And then, he looked at Jean. He couldn't understand at first why someone who from the start wanted to be in the Military Police brigade suddenly swerved his way to the complete opposite of the said branch. Then maybe, maybe it would just feel so different without having his best friend there who died without anyone knowing the cause of it.

Everyone knew that Marco Bott died at the hand of a titan. He heard that Jean only found half of the ravenette's body in one of the alleyways, and when it was time for them to burn all the dead bodies of their comrades, he almost broke down in front of everyone that he was going to join the Survey Corps.

Now here the man was. He already calmed down by now, at least that was what he tried to appear to. The number six cadet was now throwing his face to the carriage behind them, the same as what Bertolt did and it reminded him of something that happened before the graduation today.

Armin never imagined that someone like Jean Kirstein would let himself look so vulnerable in an open area, not when he was considered as the most self-centred cadet in their cohort. Maybe because he thought that Tybur already died, much like his friend, so he lost control when he saw the girl was still intact without any injury.

"What?"

The petite blonde flinched when Jean suddenly called out to him, it seemed that he was not being subtle. "If you want to talk, then talk, Armin." He wanted to just jump out of the carriage and bury himself six feet underground by now since the rest of the members immediately put their focus on him.

"N-No, sorry. I was just wondering," Shut up, Armin Arlert. "But it's nothing! I am just thinking about your outburst from before." Now you actually said it.

At this rate, they probably could hear the pin drop with how quiet the atmosphere was all of a sudden. Even in the dark of night, his orbs could catch the dusty pink hue that was tinted Jean's cheek. His mouth was agape right now as no retorts came out from it. Jean always knew what to say, but this was enough proof that he had a weakness.

"That's stupid." Scoffing, Jean just shook his head and looked at the outside again, now with a scowl on his face. "I was not in my right mind, forget about it."

No one said anything afterwards, but the solemn scene before now turned into an awkward one. Armin cursed himself for letting it slip, and he couldn't stop himself as he darted his gaze towards Bertolt for a second. He was surprised to see that the man looked a little bit irritated, something that no one ever thought would see from the quiet and somewhat withdrawn soldier.

Now, Armin concluded that anyone could act so differently if a certain person was mentioned. From Jean who suddenly burst everything out and exposed his weak side in front of everyone, to Bertolt who had his gaze hardened because of someone having a close interaction with his lover.

Humans had such complicated emotions, and he learned from his grandfather that the strongest power in this world was either anger or love. With anger, if it was too much then something that was made so perfectly could be shattered in no time. While with love, even in a life and death situation, it could make those who possessed it feel strong.

And right now, he was sure that each one of the cadets who now decided to join the Survey Corps had both of those two emotions at once.

Notes:

I still miss Marco but anyway I always enjoyed writing for Jean huhu and Armin... Goodness they are both just my fav (":

Chapter 15: Worthy Life

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

From the time you arrived at the headquarters, you knew that something was going on. What the commander said last night and how his eyes pierced into the crowd, he was trying to find the culprit of the titans' experiment murderer. That man was sharp, but you and the other warriors were one step ahead of him.

You heard from the senior soldier that there would be a change of schedule in the Survey Corps. Usually, the new members would be given field training on their first day. But once the morning came, each one of them was taught about the long-distance scouting formation that Commander Erwin had devised.

For hours, you were waiting until Squad Leader Ness mentioned Eren's whereabouts in the formation, but his name never once slipped from the man's lips, making you groan internally since it would be harder to get Eren without taking too many casualties. And since it wasn't possible to know where the brunette was, for now, Annie had to be the one who wiped up those soldiers until he was found.

"Something on your mind?" Your brows were furrowed the whole time from thinking, but his delicate voice was enough to ease you down. "Is it about the upcoming mission?"

"Exactly." Turning around, you faced your lover as he was taking out his horse from the stable since it was time for them to join the rest of the Survey Corps on the old headquarters. "I wonder why they never mention where Eren would be."

You were not scared if anyone heard the conversation since you and Bertolt were always subtle and chose the words carefully. "Eren is important, he is practically someone that has to be safe, shouldn't we know where he is going to be so if something happens we can go straight to where he is?"

"About that," Your lover was now having the same questioning look on his face, still trying to figure out the plan that the Survey Corps devised for the next expedition. "Maybe because of trust." He gently led the horse out and joined you towards the middle ground where the rest of your friends were waiting, and when you could see Sasha waving at you, you knew that there was no time to discuss it.

"Trust." You repeated Bertolt's last word, nodding at him before you mounted your horse and beckoned him to follow you. "Eyebrow man is sharp, I swear." And that was the last thing you said to him before you galloped your horse to the middle ground, smiling at Sasha as you put yourself back to your role here.

You understood what your lover meant. Commander Erwin must have been trying to lure the culprit out with this expedition. So you and the other warriors had to be careful of what you said to each other, and you believed that the man had eyes and ears everywhere.

The sun was starting to set, and you wished you could arrive at the old headquarters before nighttime, not liking it if you had to travel around when it was dark outside. Right now, your eyes were fixated on the Squad Leader at the front of the formation with your mind still going astray for the next plan.

One month from now, all the members of the Survey Corps, including the recruits, would initiate the 57th expedition. Bertolt, Reiner, and of course, you had to gather as much intel in those days, and it had to be fast since it would be hard to contact Annie if there was not enough time.

You straighten your posture now when your eyes catch sight of the old building, the group was slowing down since the destination was already around the corner. There were vines all over the castle, and you were pretty sure it used to be a majestic one if it wasn't abandoned for years.

The place had an oddly comforting ambience, something that made you feel like you were right where you belong (despite knowing that you were not supposed to feel this way on this island). All the new members were gathered in one place after they tied each of their horses on the stable, and it was finally time for them to receive their new uniform.

"Hey, everyone!" But then again, you knew Eren would pop out sooner or later. "It feels like it's been forever!" There was this goofy look on his face, lips curled up into a wide smile as he looked at Mikasa, Armin, and the rest of his friends that he recognized.

You couldn't help but feel so light to see the encounter, especially with how Mikasa just practically burst out her worry. His green orbs roamed around to take a proper look at those who enlisted on the Survey Corps, and you waved your hand a little as he looked at you, one that he acknowledged by giving you an enthusiastic nod. "If everyone's here, then the only ones who picked the Military Police Brigade would be Jean, Marco, and Annie, right?"

Right at the moment he let out the question, your smile faltered since you realised that Eren must have been not given any information about what happened. Jean walked towards him from behind, and like everyone who knew Jean ever since in the Cadet Corps, of course, he would be surprised to see the guy standing here. "Huh? No way that you are—"

"Marco's dead."

"We haven't had a chance to talk this through!"

There was this searing pain in your head to the point that made you want to rip your hair off. Your eyes cast towards the ground, chest heaving since you could still see everything from that time. Even when your head was pounding like this, Eren and Jean's sentences faintly went into your ears. The pain that lingered, the disbelief and pure shock — you couldn't breathe.

You let out a small gasp when you felt someone's hand intertwined with yours, and you only squeezed it tight since the warmth of his skin was just the only thing you needed to keep you on the ground. Bertolt's hand was fairly bigger than you. His thumb caressed the back of your hand, so soft as he tried to ease you down from your muddled mind.

Jean was wrong, Marco didn't die alone, nor did no one see or know about what happened to him. You were there when it happened, you were there when Reiner pinned him down so he couldn't move as Annie took off his vertical manoeuvring gear. He asked for you to help him, you could have done something but you let him die a painful death with heavy betrayal in his heart.

When the Squad Leader called all the recruits to take their uniform, you were the first one who walked away from the crowd and took yours. You needed to get out of there and compose yourself once more. Marco was just one of your allies before, and his death should never bother you this much because you knew everyone here could have died in your hand.

The warriors all depended on you, you were someone with a stable emotion and yet you became so weak because of the death of someone you weren't supposed to care about from the start. You shook off the thought and wore your robe, and the weight of the wings of freedom on your back now lifted a little of your burden.

Just a little bit more, you just had to endure this a few weeks longer. One month from now you would get Eren and bring him to Marley. The higher-ups from Marleyan Military would still praise the warriors for at least taking another nine titans power back to their hand. You could just go home and spend your time with your family after that, basking in their comfort once again since the duty was done.

But would your duty be considered done after that? You had your doubts regarding that.

"Hey, Eren." The rest of the recruits were now checking up their gear in the basement that was shipped last night. "I heard that as a titan, you tried to kill Mikasa." And somehow you felt that the atmosphere would get heated soon enough. "So, can you explain yourself?"

"You are wrong, Jean. Eren was just trying to hit a fly—"

"I didn't ask you."

You wanted to face-palm when you heard Mikasa's retort. Even though she was at the head of the class in your cohort, she could be foolish when it came to Eren. "But, Mikasa, that wound on your cheek seems pretty deep. When did you get it?"

This was interesting. You didn't know about the process before, so now any information could be valuable, especially about Eren's ability to be a titan. Stepping closer towards Jean to stand behind him, you were also curious about what with all of the sudden questions that your friend let out.

"I think it's true." Eren finally answered, and he looked so guilty since it seemed that he didn't know about it either. "After turning into a titan, I tried to kill Mikasa."

"You think ? So you don't have a memory of it?" Your friend didn't waste any second to pass as he tried to push more information from the new titan shifter. "In other words, you didn't even know that you possessed this ability, you can't even have full control over this power you had, am I right?" One that made all the other recruits swarm closer towards him.

"Yes." The brunette looked like he had a cold sweat by now since everyone's attention was all on him. "That's about it."

You heard a few gasps coming from behind you, and right now you didn't like how Jean was trying to corner Eren like this. There was a burden on his shoulder now, and to have someone calling him out like this wouldn't do any good for his emotional being. Especially knowing he almost killed Mikasa, someone that he considered precious in his life.

"Did you guys hear that? This is what our lives and the fates of humanity depended on." The answer from Eren seemed to be enough as Jean turned slightly to face the crowds. "This is what we'll die for, and just like Marco, Eren won't even know about any of it." That was a low blow coming from him, but you knew what he was aiming for in this one.

And you could only hope that it was exactly like what you were thinking of.

"Kirstein, you don't have to be so harsh about it, you know?" You furrowed your eyebrows, not liking the murmur that you heard on the back of your head.

"Yes, what's the sense in driving Eren in the corner like this?" Your eyes caught the irritation and anger that was fueled in Mikasa's eyes as if she was ready to bash his head at any moment by now.

"Look, not everybody is like you who would throw their life for someone else so easily." Jean balled one of his hands into a fist as he glared at you. He said it as if he knew that you would, and maybe he heard about this from his best friend before. But he just let it go after that, shaking his head before turning his attention to Mikasa. "And not everyone will blindly die for Eren without anything in return."

The look on the ravenette's face hardened, and you were really afraid this would go out of hand. "All of us, Eren included, should know what our lives are going to be used for. Otherwise, we might hesitate in a crisis." Jean looked down as if when he said it, there was something that flew into his mind. "But that's why we need to see if Eren can give something in return, and let us appraise its value. So we can decide whether it's worth our lives or not."

You let out a sigh, closing your eyes now since you remembered that these people were not used to seeing those titans. Especially when they saw it with their own eyes how titans were eating humans alive. Of course, even though they were all here and devoting their lives to humanity, they needed more reassurance about what they were truly fighting for at the moment. "Seriously, we're counting on you." And right now, it was Eren.

Jean gripped the brunette's shoulders, so tight as he was mentally prepared himself for what would come next. He already threw away his life of safety and security for the truth of titans. He already told his parents that he couldn't take them to the innermost walls for now, and maybe never in this chaotic world.

So for what it was worth, he really had to trust Eren that they could achieve something — even though the others would be the ones who paid the price.

"Hah~ I am glad that I have you as my roommates again!" Sasha chirped in the second she was done unpacking her commodities. "Even though we're on the second floor and far from the mess hall, I think I am going to be fine." She sunk on the bed, only for her to yelp and sat up within an instant.

"The bed is stiff, you know? You can break your back if you do that again."

"Why don't you tell me?!"

"You didn't ask~"

After what happened before in the supply room, you really needed to spend your time like this. Laying down on the bed, maybe having a small conversation with your dearest friend. Mikasa settled on the same floor as you, and only two rooms away if you were not mistaken, so you could easily visit her later. But as for now, you would just stay here in your room, waiting for dinner time. "Hey, Sasha, what do you think our dinner would be?"

She looked at you with those giddy eyes, lips parted already and somehow you could see that she would have her saliva all over her chin right after this. Surely you knew that the Survey Corps didn't get as much budget as the Military Police brigade. Even when they got some money from the monarchy, it would be used to advance military power, not for something like beverages.

"I called dibs on hearty soup!" But you thanked whatever deity out there to have a friend who would literally eat anything. "I hope it's not as plain as what we get in the Cadet Corps, though. Maybe with chicken? As long as it's not just carrots and potatoes, I think I am satisfied enough."

She suddenly stood up from her bed and paddled towards you, and you just rolled your eyes playfully and shifted closer to the wall so she could lay down on your side. "You are the best~!" Sasha didn't really like physical contact before, and she used to be so cautious around people, even hiding her true nature from others.

"Oh, I know~" But back then in the first month of the training, she once fell asleep in your bed instead of her when she was exhausted. You were surprised when you woke up with her clinging onto you, and she too — screamed right on your face once she realised that she slept next to you instead. No one would have imagined that it would be the start of a new routine.

The second she laid beside you, it wouldn't take too much time for her to fall asleep. You didn't even need to touch her, just feeling your presence nearby was enough for her to take down the walls that she built before. Turning your head slightly, you were surprised when you saw that her eyes were wide open as if something was bothering her right now. "Penny for your thought, Sasha?"

"What?" Her voice cracked a little, and she immediately cleared her throat and pulled herself together. "It's nothing, (Y/n). I just remembered that we didn't have a chance to eat that meat I stole before." She chuckled sheepishly and just let out a sigh after that. "But as a Survey Corps, we can take over our lands after that, and I think it would be a sweet victory if we eat the meat from the lands we recover."

Your eyes softened at her words, lips curled into a smile as you listened to the reason why she wanted to join the Survey Corps by the end of the day. She was a hunter, and her father taught her how to hunt down wild animals since she was a kid. Her time would be spent hiding behind bushes, waiting for the right time to shoot. And for her, all the things that she ate from her hard work always taste the finest. "How about you, (Y/n)?"

"Come again?" You were not expecting her to suddenly throw the question at you.

"I mean, I am here because maybe I can help to take our lands back." She trailed off, raising one of her eyebrows as she wondered if you got what she meant. "But what about you? You never told us anything about what branch you are going to choose, then all of a sudden you said to Marco that the Survey Corps is where you would be on."

"About that," no one ever asked you about this, always respecting each other's privacy. But then again, Sasha had become your closest friend for the last three years, and it was only normal for her to ask you about it. "Sorry, though, for never sharing about where I want to be, I just know it's a dead branch, don't want to dampen the conversation, you know?"

"Yes, but you almost gave me a heart attack that night, (Y/n)." Sasha blew a raspberry, maybe because she didn't like how you were hiding the information from her. It was not that you tried to hide it actually, but the question was never thrown at you so you ended up sealing your mouth instead.

You didn't answer right away, taking your time to answer it because you didn't know what side of you that was talking right now. If you were honest, you enlisted in the Survey Corps because it was the branch that made contact with titan firsthand, and of course would be the branch that had the first information about it. But it would only trigger another question — of why you wanted to know about titan.

"I just want to protect as many people as I can." Shrugging off your shoulders slightly, you decided to just stare at the wooden ceiling as if it was the most interesting object here. "It's just wishful thinking, but I do want to be there for—" Marcel and Marco appeared out of nowhere in your mind, making you purse your lips. "—for people that I hold dear."

It was crazy to think about for sure, that you wanted to join the Survey Corps because of such a noble (at the same time stupid) reason. Somewhere deep in your mind, you wanted to enlist here because you could never live peacefully if you were staying inside and were blind of what happened out there to your fellow warriors.

"You should tone it down, (Y/n)."

"Huh?"

Blinking your eyes rapidly, you turned to face your friend one more time, wondering what with the sudden attack that she threw just now. Sasha was sharp and she was also known as someone with a top notch instinct. So your heart felt like it stopped beating for a second there since you were really afraid she noticed something.

"What I was trying to say is, you should consider your life worthy too." She just shrugged her shoulders, and your jaw slightly dropped at that. "You are strong, we all know that, and everyone would agree if I ask them whether you are worthy to be in the top ten or not." Closing her eyes, she mumbled something underneath her breath before looking at you once again. "But you are reckless, (Y/n)."

Never once had someone ever blatantly attacked you. You never realised that someone would notice and warn you about this habit of yours, so to have your friend told you about it really opened your eyes. "You moved so carelessly. Jean even told me that your manoeuvre was risky. Sure it made you move faster, but it will endanger you one day if you are out of luck."

You took notes over this, engraving it inside your mind so you knew that you should be more careful afterwards. "I don't know if you realise this, but," Sasha bit her lips, eyes casted down as she was deep in her thoughts. "When you are out there with the vertical manoeuvre gear, you act like you are invincible." She mumbled the last part, and her gaze just looked so critical unlike usual. "As if you can't be killed so easily."

"Ahah, now, that's just exaggerating, Sasha." You chuckled underneath your breath, trying to interfere with her thoughts since you knew once she put her mind into something, she could solve even the most difficult puzzle. "I am just like another human being, just like any of you." Your finger grazed her cheek before pinching the soft flesh, making her yelp at that. "I am just careless sometimes, that's why."

"Yes! And you should tone it down a little, what if you are injured?" She stuck her tongue out at you, getting a little pouty now and your heart just melted at that.

"But I appreciate your concern, you know that, right?" Your voice was barely above whisper, and you just looked deep into her chocolate orbs. "I will try my best. Although, I would like it better if you are always there to remind me once in a while~" You cooed at her, babying her now that was responded with a grunt.

"Fine, fine. It's a deal then." Pinching your arm, she knew that was enough to stop you from treating her like this. Even though she didn't particularly hate it, your gesture just made her feel embarrassed since no one ever did the same. "I will sleep now, wake me up when it's dinner time, okay?"

You just shook your head at her words as she immediately gave her back to you. Probably trying to stop you from teasing her once more. You couldn't look away from her as you just fixated your gaze on the loose brown strands of her hair. For sure, you really thanked her for opening up your eyes about the worth of your own life since you never thought that you were careless most of the time.

Then again, sometimes your body just moved on its own to any kind of danger mayhaps , as long as your friends and comrades were safe. That was why you didn't promise her anything, but at the same time, you would try to be careful from the day onwards.

Because even when your hands were stained with so much blood already, your life was still as worthy as anyone else.

At least for now — that was what you were trying to believe.

"Okay, Sasha."

Notes:

Hewwo~ So this story is like reaaaallly in slow pace so I hope you guys gonna stick with me till the end ahah (": Thank you for those who bookmark, leave kudos, and always be so kind to comment! It boosts my day so much... Love you all guys;

Chapter 16: Dangerous Terrain

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

As you ride your horse towards the clearing, you could feel someone's gaze fixated on you. Truthfully, they were not even trying to be subtle, or that person was just too unaware of themselves you couldn't decide which one. But one thing that you knew for sure, you started to feel uneasy over this.

"What is it, Armin?"

You slowed down the pace of your horse, letting it stay in the same tandem as your blonde friend. He flinched a little when you turned around and caught him looking at you, but then again, maybe your action from before was just too unbelievable for him to see. "You are not hurt, right?"

"N-No, nothing like that, sorry." He shook his head before looking around at the seemingly empty terrain, and as your eyes drifted towards his hand, you could see how he was trembling for a little there. "I just— you were awesome back then."

A month full of training and briefing had passed, and here you were embarking on the mission to test the long-distance enemy scouting formation. You were on the same unit as Armin in this one, second column, fourth. It was considered as a safe formation for the recruits, since if the field test worked without a hitch, then everyone wouldn't have to encounter any titans at all.

But it seemed that lady luck didn't side with you today. Your unit saw a black flare only an hour after the expedition started, meaning that an abnormal titan was coming your way. No one could avoid this one, there was no other choice but to kill since it would destroy the formation if the unit let it pass.

You just told Sasha this morning that you would try your best not to engage with any titans, you told her that she would see you once the expedition was done. But of course, you could only hold yourself for a while before your horse galloped towards the abnormal titan, once again letting your instinct take over.

He was too shocked before, to the point he didn't even realise you were not by his side anymore, and you could still hear his scream when he saw you engage with the titan. You were reckless, you knew that now as you shoot your hook at the titan's shoulder. Squad Leader Ness shouted at you to leave, that it was too dangerous, but you were so close already that you couldn't stop even if you wanted to.

There were no buildings or trees around that was enough for you to use your vertical manoeuvring gear effectively, so this was the only choice. Jumping off from your horse, you dashed to the side of the abnormal titan, right next to the top of its head. And just like what you predicted, it didn't bat its eyes on you as its main focus was to attack Armin.

Releasing the trigger, you let the gravitation pulled you towards the titan's neck. At the Battle of Trost, you could kill three or four titans right on its nape and assisted two from Connie and Ymir. So now, you were pretty sure it wouldn't be much too different, even easier since there would be no attack coming from it.

With one swift move, you pierced your blades across the titan's nape, taking a huge chunk of flesh as it went down within an instance. You didn't waste any other second to pass and immediately called your horse, and like a good boy he was, the ash-coloured mane stopped right to where you were.

Even after you came back to accompany Armin on the front, you could still feel the adrenaline in your blood. There were so many possible scenarios back then, things that mayhaps could take your life. If the titan just moved a little, or if its focus went towards you instead of Armin, then you were doomed.

But you reminded yourself that it was now in the past, so you just focused on scouting the ground once again with your friend by your side.

"It was nothing, Armin." Of course it wasn't, only a few people could face a titan without thinking twice. You were pretty sure that your squad leader hesitated for a while there since the chance for them to succeed was extremely low, and you understood why. "As long as you're alright." Because like what your friend said, not everyone would be willing to risk their life for another.

The scenery was quiet for a few minutes afterwards, and you just proceeded onwards since there was no flare that could be detected as for now. The formation was surely perfect, and you applauded commander Erwin in your mind for thinking about this outstanding plan. In a normal situation, you were pretty sure that the expedition would go without a hitch.

Although, you knew for sure that this wouldn't be like any other expedition that the Survey Corps had experienced before. You felt it on the ground, something was coming in towards your direction, fast. Armin shot a flare towards the air, another black coloured one since he must have thought that it was another abnormal titan.

"Armin, faster." He kept looking back, and you just gritted your teeth when you saw the horror in his eyes for a second there from the corner of your eyes. "Armin! Faster!" You shouted at him, louder now since his mind was probably running a hundred miles per hour as he mumbled underneath his breath, too shocked to process anything clearly.

You could hear your squad leader commanding his comrades, ready to attack the second abnormal titan in your path. They wouldn't make it, the titan now was different from before, you didn't have to look backwards to make sure of it. A loud squashed and slammed was the only result of the command, and your eyes hardened at that.

"I-It's not abnormal," Armin's voice cracked a little as he said it, his intonation filled with terror by now since you were pretty sure he saw everything. "What should we do? That titan can think, (Y/n), just like the colossal titan, armoured titan, and Eren!"

He was sharp, and you really should keep an eye on him so much more than before after this whole ordeal. "It must be a titan with a human inside! This is bad, (Y/n)! It's faster than the horses, it's gonna kill us! We are going to die!"

"Armin!" You called out to him, snapping his mind to where the two of you were right now. "Let go of the horse!" He didn't hesitate and immediately let the horse on his grasp go somewhere, feeling certain that the titan wouldn't follow it. His movement was much faster than before, but still, with how fast the new titan ran, the possibility to escape its grasp would be so thin.

"We should separate—"

"No!"

You shouted back within an instant, afraid that the titan would hurt him if you were not by his side. It wouldn't dare to kill you, the movement would be more mindful since it wouldn't risk you getting hurt. But Armin, his horse ran faster than yours, and you felt your heart stop beating for a moment when you saw how the titan's foot stomped right in front of him.

You were only a few feet away from where he was, so you let out a gasp since you were thrown away from your horse not long after you saw Armin on the ground with his hood covering his head. Your head knocked towards the ground first as your vision was blurred, but you could faintly see how the titan had its hand stretched towards your friend.

Not again, not right in front of you again.

You tried to stand up as your gaze never left Armin. The titan was now pulling his hood off, checking who was the soldier under the green cloth. Just leave him be, he is not the subject in this. You staggered a little as you walked towards him, and you were so relieved when it went away after making sure of his identity.

Armin was still too shocked to move as he sat on the ground, eyes never looked away from the titan that was attacking you both. You slumped beside him and immediately pulled him into a hug since you swore you couldn't see another dead of your comrade right now. He was trembling as he muttered how it didn't kill him, how it spared his life and checked on his face.

Your arms only tightened around him at this as you scanned the ground, wondering if there was any horde of titans coming your way, but it seemed that the titan was alone since its goons were probably busy killing the soldiers on the first column.

"Armin! Tybur!"

You whipped your head to the back when you heard Reiner's voice. And you were glad that he had at least a horse in his possession since yours and Armin were running away somewhere. "Can you two stand? Just, never mind, get on a horse! Anyone couldn't survive outside the wall without a horse!"

"Thanks, Braun. Armin, let's hurry up." You nodded at Reiner as you helped Armin to get into the horse, making sure that he was alright first.

"W-Wait, but, (Y/n), what about—" Armin didn't even need to finish his words as you just sat right behind him. You took the reins from his hand as you led the horse in the same direction to where the abnormal titan went to. "Oh! I- Uhm, I need to fire off a flare, wait, the titan— It's not abnormal, it's a human inside the titan's body! This is an emergency, we have to hurry!"

There was an echoing boom right from behind, and you turned around to find out who it was, finding Jean hot on your trail as he tried to catch up with the three of you. You wondered what happened at the moment, well, at least you had to act like you were curious about the current condition of the mission.

"Jean already fired one, Armin." You didn't have to shout since your words went straight in his ear, but you didn't catch how the blonde was letting out a small stutter of acknowledgement since your focus was on your side. Jean had this troubled look on his face, and you were pretty sure that something big already happened. "Kirstein, any information to share?!"

"The right flank has been wiped out! A bunch of titans showed up out of nowhere and no one had any idea why!" Ah, so Annie decided to start from there. "Lots of them run pretty fast, and we're trying to hold them off for now but it's impossible for us to continue the expedition at this rate!"

Your eyes now fixated forward, looking at the blonde-haired titan with female body parts. The Survey Corps had suffered major losses by now, and with how many titans attacking them all of a sudden like this, then they would be all wiped off within an instant. This was what the warriors were aiming for, to make sure that they would go back within the wall. And soon, Annie would fetch Eren.

"That's the same direction that one titan came from!" Armin exclaimed, and you just sealed your lips as you listened to what his brilliant mind already figured out. "Look over there, Jean! I think that titan led the others. It— no, they are an intelligent titan, just like Eren. But maybe with those body parts, the human inside is a girl!"

"Come again?!" Your gaze fell towards Reiner, not saying anything as he locked his gaze with yours for a split second. Armin was too sharp for his own good, and you really wished that this trait wouldn't make himself killed. "Oi, Armin, what makes you think that?"

"All titans do is to eat humans so they will ended up dead, Reiner, but her goal isn't to murder us." You looked back towards where the titan was, and you really thought people wouldn't notice her behaviour. "But when the soldiers in my unit tried to attack her weak point, she immediately killed them. That was enough to set her apart from the others."

This was Armin that you were talking about, his brain never stopped thinking of something. He was a genius if you could say. Sure he was not the strongest soldier, but his brain was enough to make him a valuable asset if treated right by the higher-ups. "Colossal and armoured titan, their purpose before was to break down the wall, so with her ability that we can see so far, she must have been the one who led all the other titans."

Your grip on the rein tightened as he kept on talking, one way or another he had to shut up or you and your friends had to do something before his speculation fell into the wrong person. "Her purpose was to attack the human race, but now I had a feeling that she was looking at someone." The hood, the way Annie pulled down his hood before. "And I bet that the one she's looking for now is Eren."

He really did it, with just a few seconds having a close contact with the female titan, he could predict everything right. You closed your eyes for a moment there as you took a deep breath, calming yourself that whatever happened from now on, Armin Arlert was a threat for the mission that you had with the warriors.

"Eren? But he's in Levi's unit, which is leading the right flank where that titan came from!"

"Huh? According to the operational chart that was given to me, he's supposed to be stationed near the back of the left flank!"

You didn't check where he was in your chart before, and you gritted your teeth once you realised that something was amiss, that the information given to you and the other soldiers wouldn't be too easy to get like this. Of course, that was why Annie was still looking for Eren, because he ended up not in any of the positions that the warriors knew.

"The copy that (Y/n) and I received said that he was positioned up front on the right flank, but I think it was too risky to put him on the front line despite how superior his team was."

"Then, Armin—"

"So where the hell is Eren right now?"

Reiner cut off your words, and you just stared down at him for a second before letting him be. It seemed that Armin now realised what Commander Erwin was looking for the night of the graduation. The reason why he gave different charts to each unit was because of trust, because the enemy was hiding somewhere in the military.

"Safest spot in the formation." You muttered underneath your breath, and you saw Armin nodded at your words.

"(Y/n) is right, Eren must have been somewhere in the centre towards the back." With how genius Armin was, both you and Reiner could believe this speculation. So one way or another, Annie had to know about this to prevent any wasted time and reduce the casualties. "But it's just what I am thinking, it could be wrong."

"Armin! We don't have time to think things over now! If the flare reaches the commander's unit and we're ordered to go back, then we can avoid the group of titans on the right!" Jean snapped him off from letting his mind wander, but you had a feeling that he wasn't done with the talking. "But if that one is a big threat, we're not prepared to relay complex information through flares just yet."

When you looked to the side, you saw how Jean had his brows furrowed. "And if it crushes the commander before the flare gets to him, then we will all be annihilated out here." His voice became lower and lower on every word as if he couldn't believe his way of thinking. "So, maybe we can buy some time until the retreat order is given by drawing her attention."

That was a death wish, you were certain Jean was already here when Armin explained that the titan was intelligent, that it was a human underneath those thousand of kilograms muscles. But right now, he would risk everything to make sure the titan didn't get into the commander's unit.

Armin and Reiner just stared at him, not believing the Jean Kirstein who they knew always so full of himself suggested a suicide plan like that. The titan was not a normal one that they encountered in Trost a month ago but Jean didn't give a damn about it. He had been through hell, and he was ready to go through another if that meant he could never see any other ashes and bones.

"I am with you." Maybe it could be some kind of a redemption for you, but no matter how you see it, you knew that you just couldn't let Jean distract that titan alone.

"No doubt." He chuckled underneath his breath as fear and shock still lingered in his voice right now, not believing himself that he was going to execute such a plan. His eyes went towards Armin and Reiner, relief now since they gave him a nod. "I know what needs to be done, so don't worry about it and do what I tell you!"

The galloping of the horses was steady for now, and the four of you had your hoods on since the titan wouldn't kill anyone so easily in fear if any of you were Eren. It seemed that she already lost some of her stamina since her run was much slower than before, but you knew she already realised the other presence around her.

You were taking the right side, hands on both of your gear by now as Armin took over the rein. They all knew it wouldn't be possible to kill her since she was aware of her weak point, but maybe between you, Jean, and Reiner could do something with her tendon.

She was still running, gaze fixated forward and never once looked to the side.

But then she suddenly whipped her head in your direction, and with a split second, she took a huge step and snatched the horse that you rode with Armin. You shot the grapple hook towards the nearest tree, but your hand failed to get him. And you had to see your friend thrown towards the air before he knocked his head on the ground.

"Armin!"

"Kirstein, watch out!"

You saw how Jean shot the hook right on the titan's back, and it was a risky move since one grip on his wire then he was done for. But you believed in him, he was known as someone with the top notch skill when it came to vertical manoeuvring gear. In no time, he was already flying on top of the titan, ready to attack her nape.

Although, just like what Armin said before, she was conscious about how humans killed titans and she immediately put her left hand to cover the nape area. At this rate, Jean didn't have anywhere to go and she already fixed her gaze towards him, ready to attack.

"Jean! Revenge that suicidal blockhead !" Armin shouted all of a sudden, and that was enough to make the intelligent titan stop moving. You immediately dashed towards Jean, wrapping one of your arms around him as he pulled his hook back. "She's the one who trampled my best friend! I saw him sticking to the bottom of her foot!"

You made sure that Jean was safe for now before you ran to where Armin was. He tried to distract her, he knew that she was looking for Eren and if her subject died, then her effort would be in vain. You couldn't shout that it wasn't true or even tried to question his words because it could have raised his suspicion towards you, so you decided to just seal your lips for now.

From the corner of your eyes, Reiner suddenly screamed out at the intelligent titan, and you understood now that he would take care of it. You saw how he was trying to aim right on her nape since she was distracted, making it easier for him to attack her. But now, you didn't focus much on him besides getting Armin out of there.

Pursing your lips, you made a mental note to take care of your friend since he must have hit his head hard on the ground before, proven by the blood covering his face. He gasped when you suddenly lifted him up, carefully settling him on your back before running away from the scene.

"Reiner, he's safe." His voice was barely above whisper, and you just squeezed his thighs as an answer. "But the titan, why did she run… there?"

"Just rest now, don't worry about any of it." You turned your head slightly to face him, letting him rest his chin on your shoulder as he started to drawl. "She wouldn't chase us anymore, and if she did, I wouldn't let her get to you."

Reiner caught up with you in no time, and he gave you a firm nod to tell you that the titan would get to the direction where Eren was, based on Armin speculation from before. You needed to know if Eren was really there, and deep down, you were slightly worried that your blonde friend was only baiting one of you from telling the titan.

But if that was the case, he would have been panicking right now. So for the moment, you would just focus on getting the rest of the horses and take care of your wounded friend. "Let's get out of this hell, Reiner."

Notes:

Aaaand the action is back~ This is one of my favourite arc, not gonna lie.

Chapter 17: Blind Trust

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Something happened inside the forest of the giant trees, and you wanted to just go deeper and find out what. The formation was already all over the place by now, and yet Commander Erwin decided to continue the expedition, simply changing the course towards this abandoned site.

What made you feel troubled was how only the central column wagon escorts were allowed to enter the forest. At first, the other flank was ordered to go around before they were told to dismount and stand by on top of the trees. With both blades in your hand, everyone was supposed to be ready if they had to engage titans.

You got separated from Reiner, and you didn't have a chance to greet Bertolt when you saw him near the new base of the operation before. He was positioned on the left flank along with the rest of your friends, and you could only hope they were going to be okay.

Meanwhile, you were stuck here with no other explanation from the higher-ups. They only told everyone to keep the titans out of the forest, and that was what you were doing right now. One by one, titans started to swarm towards where you were standing. Thankfully it was all normal, so none of you should have to engage with them.

Jean kept on mumbling and questioning everything by now, getting more and more irritated since no squad leader out there was going to open their mouth.

"Armin, how is your wound?" You stood beside your blonde friend, eyebrows furrowed from worry since he knocked his head so badly before. "Did I tie the bandage too hard?"

He was deep in his thoughts, both eyes went vacant as he just looked down with an empty gaze, no one knew what he was thinking about at the moment. As you looked at him, you could still remember how your palm was covered with his blood. You were so dazed before to the point that Reiner had to take over since it looked like you almost faint.

After years went by, who would have thought you were still getting nausea and panicking over blood? Mostly, you could keep it under control and just walk away from it. But to know that it belonged to someone that was considered important in your life, someone that you considered as a friend — it would make your mind turn haywire.

"N-No, not at all." Armin's lips shortly curled into a smile as he tried to give you some reassurance, gazing at you with gratitude. His cheeks were covered with a cloud of pink dust, so faint but it was there. "Thank you, (Y/n). You are always so kind to everyone, I don't think I can survive this whole ordeal today without—"

"Oi, Tybur, do you think it would leave a scar?" His words were interrupted as Jean butted in. He turned to face you, pointing at the scratch that was visible on his left cheek, precisely underneath his eye. "I hurt myself before meeting up with you, helping my squad engage with a titan." He jumped towards your branch, careful not to fall as he stood right in front of your figure.

"Huh? I think it's not that deep." You subconsciously cradled his cheek, tipping his chin up to check the little wound. "See? It's not hurt, right?" Your thumb pressed on the red cut, and he just let out a small hiss at that. "You are going to be fine. The scratch will fade with time."

"Oh? I think it would be cool if I have a scar here too, don't you think?"

"What? I mean, you do you. Since when scar makes people look cool though?"

You just shook your head at that, maybe he was thinking about someone right now. A cut underneath the eye, reminded you of a certain ravenette that had a seemingly permanent scar on her right cheek. You turned away from Jean as you looked around once more, noticing how the area was too quiet.

Annie should have been screaming right now if she ever needed help. But there was no sound coming from the forest. You could still feel the ground shaking, so she was still inside and trying to grab Eren. It wouldn't be easy since he was guarded by the special operations squad, but whatever happened, you believed in her.

A loud whoom suddenly echoed throughout the forest, making the birds fly away from all the branches. Your eyes widened, mind going one hundred miles per second as you rethink the details from this morning. You were pretty sure that the survey corps didn't bring any cannon, either you or your friends would have noticed big artillery in one of the carts before the departure.

So maybe the explosion didn't come from a cannon. But if that was the case, then from what?

"(Y/n), let's move! The titan started to climb!" You were snapped from your thought as Armin tugged your sleeve, beckoning you to go slightly deeper into the forest. Not wasting any time, you immediately jumped towards other branches, and you just grimaced when you saw a titan looking at you like you were some kind of toy that it could play with.

Deep in the forest, the Survey Corps were doing something that you couldn't pinpoint what. If that explosion you heard just now was truly coming from a cannon, it wouldn't be much problem for Annie with how agile she was. But if it hit right on her nape without her noticing, then she would be in deep trouble by now.

"I bet they are trying to capture the female titan, that's why only certain soldiers know about the real operation," Jean spoke up, and the realisation sank in since it must have been the case. You just couldn't believe that it happened now, neither you, Bertolt and Reiner found anything amiss from the equipment that was brought in the expedition today. "But if that's the case, then the one who destroyed the wall was from our ranks?"

His voice lingered with disbelief, and you just cast your eyes towards the ground since you knew that it was true. Jean let out a bitter chuckle after that, not wanting to dwell on his speculation as for now. "The female titan, the armoured titan, the colossal titan — each one of them must have made an appearance five years ago."

"I think the commander is certain of that." Armin piped in, and you just listened in, for now, wanting to know how far the two of them understood the situation. "After what happened to Eren, now we know that humans may be controlling the titans. So we can assume those who destroy the walls are humans, and they are inside the wall as for the moment."

Clever, genius, brilliance you could no longer count how many times you praised his brain for speculating everything that ended up to be true. "And if we could capture them, we might gain the information that humanity had longed for, about the truth behind this world we are living in."

"But how was the commander so sure that the group of titans would come after Eren if he went outside the wall?" You mumbled underneath your breath before turning to face Armin. His brows furrowed but then gave you a firm nod as a sign that he already found the reason.

"Because their latest incursion didn't completely destroy the wall. If it was like five years ago, then the armoured titan would have destroyed the inner gate of Wall Rose, but they didn't. Something stopped them, something that was more important than destroying the wall." He looked at you deep in your eyes, saying all those words in one breath. "And that was Eren turning into a titan, I am certain of it."

For a split second, your mind brought you to the first few minutes after you got out of that titan's stomach. The look in Annie's eyes as she found out that you were alive, her explanation about the change of plan, about how Eren Yeager turned out to be a titan shifter without him even knowing — furthermore Marco.

"Then one of the people who knew about Eren's ability is a spy, right?" Jean's voice was enough to bring you back to the present. You couldn't let yourself get distracted, not when the situation had become dire. "I don't get it though, shouldn't a few more soldiers have been told about this operation?"

"No, it would be too risky, Kirstein." You tried to think like the higher-ups, putting yourself right on their feet. "The one who knew must be the survivors from five years ago, the people that commander was certain were not titans."

"But if they'd known about that female titan, many lives could have been saved!" His voice gradually became louder by now, thinking about what could have been if more soldiers understood the circumstance. "The response would've been different, everyone would be more careful of their tactics and—"

"Jean!" Armin had to stop him from continuing his words. "You can't know what the results will be before making the choice. We don't know! As always, there's so much that we don't know! But the time to make a choice always comes, even when we don't know the outcome!"

Your lips parted slightly as you listened to the blonde, for once he exuded authority with the way he talked, and you couldn't do anything but all ears. "The commander may be cruel, but I think that is good! Even if it puts his comrades in danger, he has to envision all the possible scenarios and make a choice. Between a hundred lives of us or humanity behind the walls."

"And the commander chose to write off those hundred lives."

You whispered underneath your breath, making you realise how come Commander Erwin Smith became the only one that could make a change in the Survey Corps. He was dangerous, that's for sure. But it was because he gambled everything and calculated it beforehand, because he knew that the truth was priceless, and he had to pay it with the lives of the soldiers.

"I know I haven't lived an especially long life, but I am certain of something." Armin's gaze fixated on you before he moved it towards Jean, who had to understand why. "The people who are able to change things are the ones who can throw away everything dear to them."

Everything dear — yes, you had been through that. You left your family behind, you had to kill your best friends, you had to mask everything so you could make a change. "When forced to face down monsters, they even leave their humanity." In the hope that someday, you would obtain the founding titan and the world could live peacefully without having to worry about the rumbling. "Because someone who can't throw away anything, will never be able to change anything."

Your pupils dilated within an instant, lips pursed since his words resonated with how you and the rest of the warriors carry out this duty. All of you wanted to turn away so many times, tired of hearing the cry out and the bodies that were crushed underneath the gigantic feet. But now, you realised that was the price each one of you had to pay.

Jean seemed to understand the whole thing by now with how quiet he was, processing every syllable that rolled down from his friend's lips. Reasons behind the commander's cruelty , how low the chance would be for this mission to succeed if people knew about what happened behind the door — now he knew and it seemed that he wouldn't complain much from now on. Knowing in a world like this, there would always be things to sacrifice.

One moment you were just gazing from Jean to Armin (wondering if any of them wanted to share another thought), and the next second you had to cover your ears with both of your palms, winching when an ear-splitting howl blared from within the forest. You knew what that meant, and after the scream passed you immediately held on to something, feeling the ground move.

"What—"

All the normal titans swirled their attention to the source of the noise, ignoring the soldiers that were standing by on top of the trees. Annie called, and you just gritted your teeth since there was nothing that you could do for now. No orders were given from the squad leader as their face turned into a whiter shade of pale at the phenomenon. "What was that cry out just now?"

You were debating if you should answer Armin's question. Even though it sounded like a rhetorical one, you were certain that he would appreciate it if someone could help him understand. But if you answered without thinking or by giving the right example, he could wonder more about how you knew. Too risky, so you ended up sealed your lips and looking at the sky.

Someone shot a blue flare within a few minutes, an indication that it was time to retreat. You were still trying to understand what happened inside and whether the mission was a success or not. As much as you would like the first option to happen since you were a Survey Corps, the latter would be the one that you were hoping for since Annie couldn't be captured at all cost.

The squad leader instantly ordered the soldiers to withdraw from the battlefield. It was time to go home, despite how your feet begged you to get inside the forest, you fully knew that it wouldn't be possible. Not when Jean and Armin were with you. There was nothing else that you could do for now as you just hopped on your horse, steering him back to Karanes.

You were just riding for a minute or so with the right flank when you suddenly heard another roar coming from the forest. Both of your pupils dilated as your hand subconsciously pulled the reign of your horse. Turning your face around, you glanced towards the forest where the voice came from. It must have been Eren, and you wondered what pushed him to transform now.

Sure, that boy was number one (or two after Mikasa) when it came to hand-to-hand combat, but Annie had a lot of tricks on her sleeves that he needed to be careful of. Your eyes roamed towards the left flank that slowly followed your group, counting each head that belonged to your friends. Sasha, Connie, Bertolt, Ymir, Christa — but Mikasa couldn't be seen anywhere.

"Where is—"

"Tybur!"

You flinched a little when Jean suddenly called out to you, not expecting his voice booming all over the crowd. The tramp of his horse sounded louder as he headed towards you. Hearing that, you could only wave at him with a sheepish smile, trying to ignore the way he glared at you with furious eyes. "Are you out of your mind?! Don't go wandering around without anyone backing you up!"

"Sorry, I was just—"

"Let's go." He let out an exasperated sigh and immediately fetched the reign of your horse, carefully taking you back to where the right flank went. "I know you want to help, you always do. But mind your own life, wouldn't you?" You were so close to snap at him for not letting you explain, but your voice just stuck in your throat when you heard his remark.

He didn't give you another glance after that, not even once. No words were being spoken out loud as the two of you just rode side by side, exactly at the same pace. Something was on his mind mayhaps, but you couldn't pinpoint what. You subtly glanced at him, and he had his brows furrowed as if he was in deep thought, so you ended up just letting him be, not wanting to infuriate him even further.

Letting out a sigh, you distracted yourself from thinking too much into the situation. You just looked forward to where your friends were, counting each one of them to remind yourself that all of them were alive. Your eyes lingered towards your lover once you were done, feeling grateful that he was here too amidst this chaos. As if he could sense your presence, he turned his head to face you, waving his hand as his lips curled into a smile.

It was surely enough to ease you down from the way your mind started to overthink the past events. Your mission with the warriors, the expedition that took too many lives of the people from Paradis, how Annie was probably fighting for her life — you didn't care anymore if the plan you had was accomplished or not. The only thing that mattered now was for her to keep on living.

Silence overcame the Survey Corps as all the remaining recruits started to get in line, setting the formation flawlessly since the Commander had come into view to lead the way. The atmosphere was sombre, the corps had lost too many soldiers in this expedition to the point that they couldn't fetch all the dead bodies of their comrades.

The second Captain Levi arrived with only Eren as the remaining member of his unit, it became a sign that even humanity's strongest soldier was not prepared for such atrocity outside the wall. Not even Oluo, one of the greatest members of the special operation squad, survived today's expedition. No one dared to ask the captain about what happened inside the forest, the sorrow that was written on his face was enough to show.

And with the existence of the female titan threatening both outside the wall and possibly from within, all the members just kept reminded how humans were mere insects compared to titans.

The monarchy had called the higher-ups from the Survey Corps, demanding them to turn in Eren Yeager. After what happened on the 57th expedition, it wasn't a secret anymore that the casualties and damage costs were too much for them to handle, and it only showed that they couldn't do anything for the case of the titan shifter.

"(Y/n)."

You, Reiner, and Bertolt could only think so much within the span of a few hours. The world didn't give enough time to plan the next move, not when no one knew if Annie could make it back to the innermost or not. So from now on, each one of you has to do anything based on your instinct in case a decision needs to be made.

"(Y/n), hey?"

Now Eren, you couldn't let the Military Police get him. The second those cowardice creatures had their hands on him, then they would surely decapitate the poor boy. Beside the attack titan, you and the fellow warriors couldn't be so sure about what power that he had too since he lost his memories. Worst case scenario was if he ended up having the founding titan power and got killed, then you were all doomed.

"(Y/n) Tybur!"

Your body jerked when you felt a hand gripping on your shoulder. You were just so deep in thought that you didn't even realise someone had been calling for you. "I am sorry, I didn't mean to shout." He retracted his hand, lips pursing since it looked like he did feel bad for surprising you. "You didn't react, so I had to do it."

"It's alright, Armin." Letting out a small chuckle, his timid demeanour was surely endearing at a time like this. "I am sorry too for — zoning out. Do you need anything?"

You raised one of your eyebrows, now realising that he had been acting weird with you around, one that you didn't know since when. He used to be so carefree around you, taking your time without shame and just rambled about the books that he read when he was a kid and how curious he was if the ocean was really blue. But now, he always had this distance that you couldn't fathom why.

"Commander Erwin is looking for you."

" Me? "

"Well, not just you, so please don't worry about anything!" He waved both of his hands in front of him as if trying to calm you down, not wanting you to be scared or panicking. Such a considerate act when you thought about it. "Mikasa, Jean, and well, me, were called too. I am just here to get you since I am on my way to the Commander's office."

You ignored two pairs of eyes that rested on your figure from across the room, fixating yourself on the boy in front of you instead. Just a few minutes ago, the Commander asked each of the soldiers from your rank to be put under supervision. You were just on your way towards your room, wanting to just rest for a while so you could have enough energy to meet up with Bertolt and Reiner later on at night.

But now, the plan was crossed out from your list. You wondered what the commander wanted to do with you and the rest of your friends. On top of it all, why you? The other three were someone that you knew everyone could trust, especially Armin and Mikasa. Jean too, people knew he came from Trost, and his parents were still alive to prove that he was no way an infiltrator.

So there was nothing that you could do now except to just play along.

"Alright, then. Lead the way, Armin." You patted his back, slightly pushing him forward as you walked right behind him. Once you were sure that his attention was going somewhere, you turned your head to face your fellow warriors. Reiner looked at you and gave you a firm nod, while your lover smiled with worry apparent in his eyes as if telling you to be careful.

Each step that you took felt so heavy. Both of your legs were slightly dragged on the floor. There was no reasonable outcome from the commander seeking for you. A perceptive man like him wouldn't call anyone without a good reason, but you couldn't find what kind of reason that he had in mind, even until you were standing in front of his door.

Your blonde friend glanced towards you, ocean orbs wondering if you were ready or not. You wouldn't lie to him that you were not nervous, because one way or another you had to face the man. Commander Erwin could possibly know that you were one of the infiltrators, and you wouldn't be surprised at all if that was the case.

But no matter what happened later behind the closed door, no matter how dangerous it would be once you stepped inside — you wouldn't be able to turn around.

Knock knock!

"State your name and business."

Notes:

I wonder who is the best dynamic that our Miss Tybur had? Who is your favourite? I got her talked around with a lot of people and I am curious...

Chapter 18: Out of Place

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Stohess district, the town located on the eastern side of Wall Sheena, one of the innermost cities in Paradis. Anywhere you laid your eyes on, the tall buildings were in perfect condition, pristine and free from decay. The dress and clothes that people wore here contrast to those from Wall Rose. Their etiquette, the way they talked — you still couldn't decide if you would like it here or not.

You were hiding on the rooftops, careful of your movement since one wrong step could make you fall and endangered the entire operation. It looked like Annie ended up going along with Plan A, but when you saw the look in your eyes as she walked past by your position, you speculated she realised what would ensue next.

You never thought you'd be here two days after the failed expedition. Commander Erwin called you, Armin, Mikasa and Jean — chosen by the man to be a part of the plan to capture the female titan. Until now, you still wondered about what kind of aspect that he saw from you and what kind of blind trust he had for the rest of your friends.

The look inside those eyes, everyone could see that he had been through a lot. Each of his judgments must have been consecutively right, despite how risky the strategy was. Like now, he appointed four soldiers from 104th Cadet Corps, not knowing one hundred percent if any of them ended up to be the female titan's ally.

And well, here you were in the flesh.

"We should get closer." Your squad leader muttered underneath his breath, and you only gave him a nod before following him as he grappled his hook towards the next building. It had been a few minutes ever since Annie was supposed to be in the tunnel with Armin, Eren, and Mikasa. If everything went smoothly, then you only had to trail where the tunnel ended. "That's your friend, huh?"

You rested your back on the chimney and carefully glanced down. Annie was standing still on the outside all alone, not following down the tunnel like the plan. At this, you realised she must have been one step ahead of everyone by this point. "She looks so fragile and petite. Is she really the female titan?"

"Yes." Truthfully, you were not a fan of your current squad leader. He underestimated the situation ever since the start of the operation, not careful enough when he moved from one building to another. "She can kick your ass so easily, sir. You know nothing about her." And the way he kept on yapping about Annie was irritating you.

"What did you just say to me—"

Blam!

Forgetting your remark, your squad leader shortly landed on the ground, running to get to where the blonde girl was. Dozens of people came in, trying to make sure that she didn't turn into a female titan by shoving her mouth with a piece of cloth and locking her limbs to prevent her from hurting herself.

You were just touching down, not running towards her, but at least keeping up your act by following orders. If you heard Armin shoot the flare into the sky, you should have helped to immobilise her. But when you saw she had her right hand stretched, a silver ring glinted from the sun, you knew it was too late.

And despite that you stood dozens of metres away from the crowd, the blast of her transformation was enough to knock you on the building.

"I still don't trust her."

You had just arrived from Mrs Keller's house, getting the labels on the bottle of wine like usual when Annie confronted you. The second you opened the bedroom's door, she had this scowl on her face as she folded her hands in front of her chest. That was something indeed, and you wondered what twirled inside her mind as she attacked you out of the blue like this.

"Glad to be home." You ignored the icy look she threw at you as one of your hands patted on her cheek nonchalantly, a gesture that seemed to annoy her even further. "Mrs Keller packed me a vanilla pudding, saying how your face lit up when you ate it." Dropping your bag on the edge of the bed, you searched for the meal boxes your employer gave to you before. "Do you want it or not?"

You waved the box at your friend once you found it, giving her time to let her walls down for now. "Five, four, three, two—"

"Fine, I want it." Your countdown stopped when Annie fetched the vanilla pudding from your hand, and you just couldn't help yourself but snicker at how adorable she could be sometimes. "Thanks."

People said that she was cold, but you knew her for far too long that you couldn't agree on that. She cared for many people, to the extent you found her crying in her sleep, muttering apologies again and again for God knows who. You couldn't be sure, but if your prediction was right, then the idea of killing these island devils within the walls still haunted her.

"To say that you didn't trust her." You muttered softly, and with how quiet the room was, you were certain she could hear you. Annie was already clutching a teaspoon in her hand, ready to shove the whole pudding into her mouth at any given moment. Although she stopped and just looked at you, the meal box was now resting on her lap. "You should try trusting on someone. Having doubts will only stress you out, Annie."

"Still, she is one of the island devils. You made contact with her every day. Maybe she was a witch and tried to lure you into hell with her." She said blatantly, not batting her eyes as her brows furrowed, as if not believing her own words at the moment. "I mean — I try, but between the two of us, someone needs to be the cautious one, and you are already not."

Letting out a sigh, you just sat across from her as she devoured the pudding on her lap. She wasn't wrong, and you couldn't possibly string her to believe these island devils, not when she didn't know the truth of what happened a hundred years ago between King Fritz and Helos. You tapped your foot on the wooden floor as it creaked with every beat, eyes never leaving her. "But I trust you."

"Come again?"

"I trust you. That's why I tried to trust Mrs Keller, too." Her voice was muffled, mouth filled with pudding, that you had a hard time understanding her words. She didn't once look at you, her blue orbs still fixated on the meal box, as you could see a faint blush fanning on her cheek. While you just sat there, letting her speak up for her mind. "For you, I will."

You bit your bottom lip, not expecting Annie Leonhart to be so honest with you. She rarely showed any sign of affection. Even when the warriors were playing together, she would just stand on the back of the line. From the start, her goal was clear, and that was to have a privileged life with her father, the only person who she knew wanted her.

As a Tybur, you had a lot of benefits, and one of them was information. You knew the past of all the warriors' unit, their birth, family, likes and dislikes, everything was in your hand. You could never forget the time you read the file with her name written on the cover. Tragedy was the word you used for her story, but unlike those books where the girl turned out to be a heroine, she believed she wasn't one.

Annie could have lived as a lady in the capital. Her mother was one of the prettiest countesses in the nation of Marley. Beautiful doe eyes as clear as the sky, a perfectly structured face everyone would be envious of, blonde hair flowed like a golden liquid — every man and woman praised her name. Until she gave birth to a bastard, to whom the father was an Eldian.

A pure child, barely taking her first breath, and society considered her as a mere filth. She was just a little baby. Her skin was still red when they put her in front of their gate. Disowned by her mother, cast away from her family without her even knowing. From the day she was born, no one wanted her. At least, that was what she believed.

Except for Mr Leonhart, the man who adopted and raised her to be who she was now. Her father, the only family that she had, was the sole reason she wanted to be a warrior. All of her life, she believed that the world wanted nothing to do with her. Because of that, she wouldn't give too much to those around her.

So knowing that she slowly tore down her walls to let you into her life, you couldn't help but to feel star struck. Your jaw dropped, eyes blinking repeatedly as you let her words sink in. For Annie Leonhart to trust you surely became one of the greatest achievements in your life.

She was just there, enjoying the vanilla pudding someone made for her. If you forgot the situation you were in right now, you would think that she was just a normal teenager. Someone who was too happy to eat sweets. Standing up, you slowly walked towards her with one hand stretched forward. And when she was finally within your reach, you immediately wrapped one of your arms around her. "I don't like physical contact—"

"Push me away if I make you uncomfortable." You close your eyes, voice barely above a whisper as you wait for her to wriggle herself from your embrace, something that never came. Your lips curled into a smile, satisfied to know that she didn't mind the proximity between the two of you.

There were no words emitted from your lips as you rested your chin on the crown of her head, just basking at how Annie considered you as a friend too, not just as a comrade. "Hey, Annie?" So you promised yourself that one day, she would get the privileged life she deserved. "I will make you a lot of pudding once we are done here."

Your nose twitched as dust covered your face. Opening your eyes, you tried to remember what was happening before. Your gaze wandered around, finding deserted areas and how there were human limbs scattered all over the place. Ah, Annie's transformation. With your ear pressed on the ground, you could hear the loud thump she created, followed by screams and cry out.

The blast hit you, knocking you out for God knows how long. Right now, you didn't know how the operation was going, and you cursed yourself for not being careful enough. Standing up, your legs wobbled slightly, and you could feel your joints popping and cracking here and there.

"Oi, Tybur!"

Squinting your eyes, you found Jean flying on top of the building with his vertical manoeuvring gear before landing right in front of you. "You good? Can you still fight? Eren is fighting the female titan right now. We should help him. There's no other chance." He said it all in one take of breath as his forefinger poked your cheek and joints in case you were hurt.

"I-I am good. I just hit my head before." You gently swatted his hand, not wanting him to worry, especially at a time like this. "Lead the way, Jean. Eren is top-notch in hand-to-hand combat, but you know Annie was the one who taught him in the Cadet Corps."

"Shit, of course she is." Clicking his tongue, he beckoned you to follow him, grappling his hook towards the nearest building as you were right on his trail. You couldn't stop yourself from looking around, watching how the building crumbled as people suffered from loss.

You wondered what Annie felt right now, knowing she caused this massacre with no time to prepare her heart. This wasn't written on the paper. No one would expect she had to transform inside the wall, where countless innocent people had to die. People that she knew were all devils, yet deep down realised they were human beings too, just like the rest of you.

"She's trying to escape!"

A shout came from the squad on the left, probably squad leader Hange, and you gawked when you saw the female titan running towards the wall. You landed on the roof where everyone gathered in one place. Armin and Mikasa were both here as they all saw how the female titan climbed the wall.

Annie didn't want to die here. That was what you believed in right now. There was no plan. She just wanted to escape because she knew she was cornered already. With Eren following right behind her and the forces from two military branches surrounding the perimeters, the only way to escape was through the wall. "Her movement is too fast! We can't stop her!"

She was so close, just a bit more, and she could escape from this birdcage. Your lips subconsciously curled into a smile, hoping inside your heart that she would make it through. Captain Levi was not here now because of the injury that he got beforehand, and no one could catch up with her at this rate.

But that was when you were wrong.

Your pupils dilated when Mikasa suddenly dashed out from the roof, trying her best to get to the female titan. Her raven strands flew so freely as her movement now was nearly at the same level as humanity's strongest soldier. Blades in her hand, she knew what she was doing as she got up there, catching up with Annie in no time.

"No—"

In an impulse, your legs strode towards the edge of the roof before you grappled the hook to the nearest building, ignoring the shout of your name. Both of your eyes never left the sight in front of you, as everything happened in slow motion. Mikasa cut down the fingers of the female titan. The gigantic body slowly fell, and at last, Eren pressed her on the ground.

The soldiers immediately swarmed towards her, not wasting any other second to pass. You staggered a little as you landed in front of her titan's form. Blue orbs looked so empty as she looked straight at you. She didn't fight anymore, or maybe she couldn't, not when everyone was decapitating her limbs and legs already.

And you just stood there, staring back at her. There was nothing else that you could do now, no way for you to win this fight in human form, and it would end everything if you transformed now. Her eyes glossed with tears, and you let out a small sob since her eyes showed nothing but fear. "Annie."

You walked closer, hearing how the soldiers screamed at each other to cut the flesh on her nape faster. "Annie, it's okay." Your voice was barely above the whisper, but you knew she could still hear it with how she never turned her gaze away from you. "I will come back for you, I promise." Lower and lower, your words subdued, and you pressed your palm against the hot muscles of her cheek. "Remember your training."

As if on cue, blinding light came from within her nape, making all the soldiers step back since it must have hurt their eyes. You covered your face with your arms, closing your eyes as you tried to compose yourself. Everyone here was so focused on the female titan that they wouldn't care if the recruits practically got closer to her.

Even if Jean, Armin or Mikasa saw you, you were pretty sure that they would just think it was merely because of the bond you shared with the human behind the female titan. You swallowed an excessive lump, letting a lonely tear slip from your cheek as you saw your friend inside a crystal, hardening herself to prevent further interrogation.

Falling on your butt, you realised Annie would be out of the picture from now on. You and the rest of the warriors had to think of a way to make another plan, but at the moment, you certainly couldn't use your brain. The fact that Reiner and Bertolt were away in Wall Rose under the supervision of Mike Zacharias only weighed you down even more.

Right now, you were all alone once again. Without Annie to snap you back, without Marco to anchor you down, without Sasha scolding you for acting recklessly. In a moment like this, you just wanted to go home. You knew you already devoted yourself to the safety of the world, but for a seventeen-year-old girl, you swore you almost hit your limit.

You covered your face with both hands, wanting to scream out since you didn't know what to do anymore, but you decided to just swallow it down, not wanting to gather people's attention. They were concentrating on taking Annie, mayhap, underground since it must be the safest place in case she tried to transform again.

But you knew it wouldn't be possible, not when from the start she wouldn't dare to unhardened herself. Crystallise was a trick that she asked you back then in Marley. Ever since she saw you hiding your human body in a crystal when you transformed, she wondered if she could do the same too since the female titan had a similar trait.

And now, she wouldn't risk trying to get out of the crystal until everything dwindled. You were sure of it.

"(Y/n)." Opening your eyes, a familiar ravenette hair greeted your sight, looking down at you with worry tinted in her eyes. "I am going with Eren. He needs treatment soon enough. How about you?" Mikasa caused this. If she wasn't here, then Annie would be able to run away. "Hey, did you hit your head?"

But what she did before needed to be done. As far as she knew, the female titan caused the destruction that happened five years ago. Along with the colossal and armoured titan, they were the ones who were responsible for the fall of Wall Maria, Mikasa's hometown. Even though she was probably here to follow Eren, it was clear that she wanted an answer too.

"I am fine, Mikasa, I just—" Taking a deep breath, you just gave her a small smile despite this weariness you felt. "I am tired." Her lips pursed when she heard your answer, and she immediately leaned down to scoop her arm around your waist, helping you to stand up, not uttering any other words.

You didn't know where she would take you, maybe towards the Military Police headquarters to rest with Eren. Truthfully, you didn't know how you should act around her anymore, or the rest of your friends here, to be exact. To differentiate yourself as a soldier now, then as a warrior later. It took a toll on your body and soul.

"I think you need a day off."

" We need a day off, Mikasa."

She just shook her head at your retort before her eyes looked forward, with her lips shaped into a thin line once again. You followed her line of vision, raising one of your eyebrows when you found a commotion between one pastor from Stohess and Squad Leader Hange. "Goodness, what now?"

"There's a titan inside the wall." You whipped your head towards your friend, now curious about how she could find out about this. "The female titan was digging too deep into the concrete, and I saw its eyes following my movement." Another mystery to the people of Paradis, and another time for you to act dumb, as if you know nothing. "What happened in this world?"

"I am asking the same, Mikasa."

As you walked past the commotion, you heard the Pastor shouting and demanded the soldiers to cover the wall so the titan didn't come alive. You shuddered a little when you thought about it. If you failed your original mission, one day those titans would be awakened and trampled everything on its way. "Hey, Mikasa? I think I can walk on my own now."

Obsidian orbs squinted as she looked at you, gazes roaming all over your body as if trying to make sure if you would be alright or not. A few seconds passed, and she let you go, retracting her arm from your waist and gave you a firm nod. "And I think I am going to take that day off for real."

"Huh?" Her eyes widened slightly, not understanding your words. You didn't know why you could find distress within the contour of her face, but her usual calm expression immediately replaced it in the next second. "What do you mean? Are you planning to—"

"Oh, no! That's not what I mean!" You shortly crossed your arms in front of you. "I mean, I am going to take a detour." And subconsciously, your lips curled up into a smile as you realised why she looked so distressed for a moment there. "There's a place that I want to visit. I will not take long. Don't worry about it."

For Mikasa, your existence was more important than any other soldier that she knew from the Cadet Corps, and it was proved by how she told you all the details of the darkest time of her life. The one time when she thought she had lost everything, the same time when she found a new home in a boy called Eren Yeager.

"Please tell her I said hi, (Y/n)." Right now you stood there resembling the way she looked before Eren found her. "Just take your time. I am going to tell the others." And she understood well that at a time like this, you need to meet the person who you considered as your home. "I'll see you later." The same person who wrapped that obsidian scarf around your neck.

You waved at her as she jogged towards the cart, which also took Eren, and you waited for the departure before turning your back from the street. Taking a deep breath, you just realised the impact of the titan's fighting. Blood smeared on the ground as the smell wafted at your nose, and anywhere you laid your eyes on, the supposed perfect building had crumbled.

Somewhere in this city, there was someone waiting for you. You promised her you would visit if you made it back inside the wall after the expedition. Here you were now, ready to just feel the love that made you sane for five years living in Paradis. Shooting your hook towards the nearest building, you set towards your destination.

To the place where you feel you were a normal human being. To the place, you also called home.

Notes:

OH WOW SEASON 1 ENDED😭 Man I never thought I would go this far! This is the longest book I have ever done... So I am sorry if things are rusty...

Butt thank you ... Thank you so much for all the comments, kudos, or just by far continue reading this book... You guys are the real MVP huhuhu...! Lots of lovee for everyone and who make it this far with mee

Chapter 19: Torn Scarf

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Another nightmare for you.

To lose someone, either a comrade or a friend, you were so used to seeing them dying in front of your eyes.

It was the first war you were a part of in Marley. You made an acquaintance with a little girl around your age, a sniper. She always tied up her brown hair into a messy bun, and there was a scar on her chin where she confessed it was from the training days (while you fully knew it was courtesy of her abusive father).

You could still remember her dream of becoming the first female higher-up in the Marleyan Military. She wanted to make her mother proud, mayhap even taking her old woman away from that rotten house. At this cause, you fully supported her, to the extent you asked Commander Magath so he could put you on the same field as her, dodging all the bullets coming her way.

Day three. They said that the war had ended. There was no sight of the enemy on the battlefield, so Marley called some troops back towards the base. She was just going to stand up from her post back then, her grin reaching her eyes as she felt satisfied with herself, saying how that first war was just the beginning of her excellent career.

Who imagined that a bullet would hit her head? Just a moment after her brag resonated in your ears.

At that point in time, all of your senses captured the details in slow motion. Your eyes saw how the small bullet pierced her skull. The loud bang rang in the air, so loud that you subconsciously covered your ears. Your nostrils twitched as a sickeningly metallic smell overcame anything else around. The blood that splattered all over your skin slowly thickened, making you feel sick to your stomach.

You couldn't even hear your scream as her lifeless body slumped on top of you, heart beating a thousand times faster whereas you thought it had already stopped.

That was the first time someone died in front of you, so close it engraved every detail inside your head.

You were not yourself for the next few days, hiding underneath many layers of the blanket as your mind repeated the disturbing incident. Despite your father trying to reassure you it was all the enemy's fault and a miscalculation from the Marleyan military themselves — you couldn't help but think you took part in her death.

Over time, you grew up to be a much more mature lady. You rarely flinched over the sight of blood, only needed a little time to hold yourself together after a terrible event, and could maintain yourself well in dire situations. But your mind never stopped bothering you when you faced a certain case of death.

Again and again, you ate the guilty feelings that were forced on you. Like an endless cycle, your mind became your very own hell. And the saddest part was the fact that you couldn't run away from it.

You didn't know how long you had been standing here, in front of a mansion that was coated with broken white paint. The door was made from mahogany, a kind of expensive wood that only a few people could get their hands on. Mrs Keller told you in one of her letters about this place, a safe haven in the innermost where you could go whenever you were tired of military life.

The only thing left you needed to do was to walk towards the door, one that you lost the courage to the second you landed. You ignored how the rain pricked your skin, breath staggered as the cold water seeped into your uniform. A shiver ran down your spine right after you stepped forward, bracing yourself for the worse.

Taking a deep breath, your palm gently pushed the doorway that was already ajar, letting it creak while the noise echoed in your ear. As you took another step, the wooden floor didn't even make any sound, proof that the structure was done nicely. Even though this was the first time you went here, you were sure that this place really belonged to her.

She adored flowers, either real ones where she could tend them in her garden or just mere paintings for decoration. At the corner near the stairs, there was a heliotrope inside a vase, and from the look of it, you were certain it was just recently picked. You just stared at it, mind going haywire as you tried to recall the meaning of that flower.

It was something nice, but with the condition you were in right now, you couldn't remember anything. Your body was aching, emotion went all over the place because of the past events that happened in a span of a few weeks after you graduated from the Cadet Corps. This mansion was supposed to be your home in Paradis, and you thought you would see her the second you step foot inside this place.

Tears were pricking at the corner of your eyes, but it was immediately wiped off by the heavy rain. Rain, you swore you already got inside the mansion; you were even standing in a living room since you could find a coffee table and two similar couches that looked so comfortable to sit in. But you still felt the cold water cascading down your skin, and that only meant one thing.

All the things that you saw now, it wasn't your mind playing tricks on you.

"Mrs Keller?" There was a reason you lost your courage the second you landed in front of the mansion. "Mrs Keller? Can you hear me?" You wanted to believe everything you saw now was just an illusion, that it wasn't real. "I am home! The expedition is over. I am safe and sound! Are you here?!" But it wasn't, and reality kicked in.

Half of the mansion was now turned into rubble, leaving only a few pieces of furniture intact as if you were standing inside two different buildings. Something already flattened the roof on the ground as a tremendous gap on top of you became the reason the rain was still pouring in.

This was your haven. At least it was supposed to be one where Mrs Keller would be here waiting for you. But as you called her name, running around from one room to another in case she was here and still could be saved — silence was the only thing that greeted you inside this immense mansion.

"Mom?" You opened each room that was still intact, frantically searching for the familiar figure as if you were going to run out of time. But in this case, you were sure that there would not be enough time for you to save her if she was here at the time of the incident. "Mom is not here. She's fine somewhere in the city, (Y/n) Ty—"

You felt like someone just knocked the air out of your lungs, legs staggered the second you saw a hand sticking out underneath rubble at the back of the mansion. One second you felt like you were dying, and the next your adrenaline kicked in that forced you to run, wanting to know the person who was stuck there.

Falling on your knees, you tried to push the rubble out of the way, screaming out how you were there, that if the person was still alive, you knew it would be enough to soothe them down. There wasn't enough energy in your body since it was already slowly drained as each day passed by. You tried to smack the wreckage away, mind and body giving up, since you knew it wouldn't budge.

You hiccuped as you slumped the side of your body on the rubble, eyes never leaving the outstretched hand. Dread was dawning upon you when you reached for it, intertwining the rigid fingers with yours since you needed to convince yourself. You needed to make sure that it belonged to Mrs Keller, to your mom here, to your home.

One squeeze and that was all it took for you to be sure.

"Mom…" Your breath hitched. And you didn't let it go, still feeling the solace that could only be found in her. "I am home, mom, I am here." Trying to imprint this moment in your brain, the last time where you could feel her hand.

There was no place on this island where people could be safe. Even when they were all living in the innermost, even when they built higher walls to protect themselves, there would be a way for the titans to break through. No, you needed to correct that phrase — there would always be a way for you and Marley to break through.

You felt so small right now, tired of crying your heart out. When you thought you would find comfort here, you ended up having your heart torn into a million little pieces instead. The idea of having someone to come back to on this island was now gone, as the one that greeted you was the fact that you never belonged here.

Destruction, that was the only thing that you brought. Funny how everyone that you held dear in your life seemed to die one by one. The thing was, you knew it couldn't be stopped. Not when you were here to make sure that Marley got their hands on the founding titan. Yes, that was what you were supposed to focus on.

Everyone on Paradis Island was just a stepping stone that could bring you closer to your goal. Once you fetched the founding titan back to Marley, then you would be able to rest after that for the remaining years of your life with your family. Your actual parents were waiting for you there. Yes, you only needed to push through these nightmares for a bit more.

"I am sorry, mom."

But now, your mind just wasn't able to think about any of that. You didn't have any care in this world as you lay beside the rubble, hand still holding on to what remained of Mrs Keller. Closing your eyes, you just took yourself to a month ago when her delicate fingers were threading through your hair.

Her small hum as she sang you a lullaby for you to rest, the small whisper of compliment and encouraging words about how wonderful you were as a soldier, the crinkles that appeared every time she smiled — you could never experience it ever again.

"For I haven't been the daughter that deserved your love."

When you opened up your eyes, you didn't know where you were. As far as you could remember, you were clutching Mrs Keller's hand before you passed out, and the last thing you saw was the dark sky that poured heavy rain down the earth. But now, there was a roof guarding you against the weather, and a wooden ceiling became the first sight that greeted you.

"The Military Police found you inside a mansion wreckage." Turning your head to the side, you just realised someone was sitting on a stool a few feet away from the bed you were laying in. "You were unconscious for sixteen hours. There's a lot of things that you missed, you know?"

Jean crossed his hands in front of his chest, copper eyes slightly glaring at you. You didn't answer him right away, still trying to collect your thoughts. Raising one of your hands, you clenched and unclenched it as you recalled the icy hand that you held before. "Is that the place?"

"Yes, Kirstein." His voice when he asked was soft, barely above a whisper, since it looked like he didn't want to trigger any kind of negative emotion. "But Mrs Keller was already gone when I arrived." He said nothing else after that, but you could hear him let out a sigh after he heard your words.

Sixteen hours. Who would have thought your body was already hitting its limit? You really knew nothing about what happened for the past few hours. Eren, Armin, Mikasa, and then, of course, the rest of the Survey Corps's recruits from your ranks in Wall Rose, you wondered if they were alright or not.

"Is Eren awake?" You croaked out, your throat felt so dry since it wasn't used for hours by now. Jean immediately fetched mineral water from you, and you took it within an instant, gulping it down as if you had drunk nothing for days. Your eyes glanced towards him, waiting for any kind of information from your friend. But when you saw a troubled look in his eyes, somehow you had a bad feeling about it. "What is it?"

"Mikasa, Eren, Armin along with Squad Leader Hange and Captain Levi are now going to Wall Rose." You raised one of your eyebrows, wondering what with the sudden plan, especially when Eren must have been still in poor condition. "Titans breached the wall, Tybur."

Your pupils dilated as you tried to let the words sink in. Titans breaching Wall Rose. Did that mean Bertolt and Reiner moved alone without waiting for you? You purse your lips at this, not liking how today turned out to be the worst day of your life. "Our friends, they are in Wall Rose, so the commander-in-chief dispatched the Survey Corps there to save the day."

"Why are you not there?" Pushing the blanket off from your body, you drawled your legs around, stretching your body that made your joints pop now and then. "We should be there, too. You are good with your vertical manoeuvring gear, Jean. I am the same. I can help. We should ask another Squad Leader to—"

"Slow down, now." Jean flicked your forehead, making you gape at him since you never thought he would do something like that. "Look at yourself first. Your eyes are drowsy, hair dishevelled. You look like you just got drunk the night before." You pouted at how he pointed out your condition, but you knew he was right. "If you are worried about your boyfriend, remember that he's in the top three within our ranks."

"I know he's strong. I believed in him." As you sat on the edge of the bed, you were now mimicking your friend that was back to folding his arms. "But can't we do something? If I remember correctly, they are not prepared for engaging with titans, and if they didn't wear their gear, they are no match for those monsters!"

"We are going, Tybur!" Jean slightly shouted at you, trying to make sure that his words got through your thick skull. "Commander Erwin is still here with us, so we are going to catch up with them. Understand?!"

"Sshhh!"

The two of you whipped your head towards the door, both now having weary smiles. A nurse was just walking past in front of your room, eyes slightly glaring at the commotion you made with your friend. "Thank you, soldiers." Her aura was menacing, and you could only answer with a nod, waiting for her to walk away.

You didn't make any sound after that, just looking at the figure until she was finally out of sight. And once she continued, you instantly turned your face towards Jean.

"Understand, Kirstein!" Whispering a shout, you hissed a little before jabbing his chest to push him out of the way. He staggered a little at that, but composed himself and just sat on the stool where he waited for you to wake up before. "You haven't answered my first question, though."

Standing up, you went to check the wardrobe since you wondered where your uniform was. Right now, only a simple white gown was cladded on your body, and wearing this only makes you feel icky. "Armin, Mikasa, Eren, they are all going. Why are you here? Squad Leader Hange or Captain Levi didn't ask for you?"

You took the uniform, closed the wardrobe and locked the door so no one could get in. Changing your clothes would be a good start to make you feel better, thus the reason you wanted to take off the white piece of clothes on your body right now. Facing your friend, you spun your forefinger as an indicator for him to turn around.

Jean groaned at that, but said nothing and pivoted to face the window instead. "Thanks." The atmosphere was quiet now. You could only hear the rustling of the medical gown as you discarded it on the floor.

"They did." You stopped fixing up your collar for a moment there, waiting for his next words. Five seconds, ten seconds, it never came, so you just continued wearing the fitted white pants. You didn't even realise that you were holding your breath, but you forgot about it and unlocked the door in case the nurse wanted to check on you.

The second you opened the door, one of the squad leaders were standing right there. His lips parted, but no words were rolling down from his tongue as his eyes wandered past your back. You immediately got into a perfect stance before you gave him a salute, wanting to ask if he needed anything.

"I don't want to know what you two did just now." But he beat you through it, and his words were enough to make you gag.

"I am sorry, but it's not like what—"

"It's fine. Teenagers being teenagers, I've been there before." You groaned internally since he already set up his mind, and you were sure that he wouldn't believe whatever reason from your lips. "However, I am here because someone wanted to see you, Tybur. I already told him you are still recovering, but he insisted on meeting you."

"Someone?" Frowning, you made no acquaintance except for those in the military and some people in Trost that you knew before your enrollment. "I don't understand, sir. Since the fall of Wall Maria, I have been an orphan. I don't have any family or relatives here. Maybe he had a wrong name?"

"I don't think so, Tybur. He insisted it was you." Now you were confused, and somehow afraid since no one knew who the man was. "He knew the colour of your hair, some minor details of your physical appearance, and even the slight of your personality." You took a step backwards, not knowing what to do now and whether you should just meet with this mysterious person or not.

"She didn't have to do it, right sir?" Jean was now standing right beside you, giving the squad leader a salute. "Tybur is just conscious, and we have to prepare ourselves for the next mission. Commander Erwin demanded our presence, sir. So with all due respect—"

Your hand reached out to his shoulder, and he immediately stopped talking with the cue. He turned to face you, eyes piercing since he didn't quite understand what you wanted now regarding this matter. But he was worried about nothing, anyway. Surely you could choose the right decision for yourself.

"I think it's fine. I was merely confused." Your voice sounded much calmer by now, and the soft smile on your face was enough to make Jean's worry dissipate. "But before that, may I know his name?"

"Oh, yes, of course." Your eyes glanced at Jean as you waited for the man to check his notes, mouthing a little thank you for his concern from before. At first, you really were cautious of anyone who looked for you. "His name is, ah, this one." But then you reminded yourself that there was nothing you should be afraid of on this island. "Emmerich Keller."

Well, maybe, except for that last name.

Your head was pounding the second you knew his identity. Emmerich Keller, you recognised that name from the mother figure who you lost yesterday. When the squad leader led you towards the main hall where he was waiting, your anxiousness only heightened as your mind pulled their usual torture.

You didn't know what he wanted. Maybe he was going to scream at you, blindly taking out his rage towards the only person he knew from the Survey Corps. It wasn't a secret anymore that what happened in Stohess was the work of the branch, since they were the only ones who had vast knowledge of the titans.

"I finally met you." But this, you would never imagine something like this to happen. "Adeleigh told me so much about you, Miss Tybur." To hear his gentle voice so close to your ear. "How wonderful you are as a soldier, how kind your heart was to those around you." Having his arms wrapped around you the moment you were alone with him.

This warmth, you only received this kind of embrace from Mrs Keller before, as long as you were living in Paradis. It was a motherly touch before, and Mr Keller was here to complete the feeling of having a father in this rotten reality.

Five years had passed since the last time you got this kind of comfort. Ever since you were born, your father, Willy Tybur, had given you so many hugs and affectionate gestures even until you became a warrior for your country. It was a long-lasting kind of love, something that would never die on any condition.

"Mr Keller, I—"

"She said that you called her mom. Is that true?" He leaned away slightly, but never let go of his grasp as he moved it to your shoulders. You just gave him a small nod, an answer to his question. "I still remember how ecstatic she was when you first called her like that. She wrote five pages of a letter for that occasion only."

Your lips slightly parted, not knowing that you had such an impact on her happiness. Her adoration towards you wasn't subtle, of course, and you adored her just as much. But to know she was so attached to you, you didn't know anymore if knowing this was a piece of bad news or a good one. "I am sorry. It must have been weird to have someone you just met getting too close, right?"

"N-No, it's not like that, sir." You didn't want him to think you dislike his kind gesture, and you smiled at him as you ignored how your head had been screaming at you not to let him in. "I just, I don't know how to act right now." Knowing that one way or another something bad would happen to anyone close to you.

"I understand, but really, knowing you are letting me see you is enough." His warm hand patted your shoulder, his gesture tried to ease you down since he could still feel your body tensed. "I wouldn't ask much of your time since you must have been busy after, well, after everything." His adam's apple bobbed, eyes went dim for a second there before he cleared his throat. "But when you are free, can I ask you to have lunch with me?"

"Huh?" Despite knowing that he had no hatred towards you, you were still a bit guarded around him. "I am sorry if this sounds rude, sir. But may I know what for?" He just let out a small chuckle at your question, as if knowing that you would ask him this.

"You are the only person who I can talk to about Adeleigh." And he answered truthfully. You were aware of it from the sincerity in his eyes. "There are so many things that I wanted to show you, so many things to tell, but I know that now is not the right time."

Faintly, you could hear horses neighing on the outside and a shout coming from the commander, reminding you that the time was ticking already. "I will send letters, that's what Adeleigh always does before, so I think I want to — relive her memories by doing the same. Only if you allowed me, of course."

This was it then. You could say no and you wouldn't have to worry about disappointing someone from Paradis ever again. The death of Adeleigh Keller was supposed to be the last reminder you couldn't have anyone you should be attached to, especially from this nation.

"About that, Mr Keller,"

But when you looked into his eyes, so full of hope, you just didn't have the heart to take that away from him.

"I will look forward to it."

Notes:

Double update for this week! Because I want to Ahah (": I have actually done until chapter 25 but imma add little by little... I felt like my words have been too repetitive, no? I don't know... But compared to what I did in an earlier chapter? Or is it just my head? Because the circumstance from back then is different? Gahh sometimes writing stressed me out because I feel like I can do more... BUT WELP I will just try to improve with time (":

Chapter 20: Unbreakable Chain

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Home, that was what urged him to fight for his life. For once, he took initiative by himself, since he knew he couldn't survive if he didn't make up his mind in a situation like this. He stabbed the titan who almost got Reiner, calming himself down when death was knocking on his door, and he was also ready to transform, even if that meant he would be the only survivor.

He couldn't die, not yet, not when he hadn't told his father that he had become a son that his old man could be proud of, that he was one hero for the Subjects of Ymir in Marley. Yes, he knew it wasn't his time to die. Not when he too — already dreamed of a future where he could make it back home with his lover, safe and sound as people praised their names.

When he finally landed his feet on the ground, his eyes immediately roamed around the environment. He saw how Christa blindly tried to help Ymir (who came out to be a titan, the same one who ate Marcel five years ago), but right now, the only thing that he had in mind was a scheme to get both the jaw titan and the attack titan.

He didn't even bat his eyes when he saw a titan peeking from behind the rubble where Christa headed to. Its creepy look stared at the blonde female, so close to eating her petite body alive. Reiner and Connie were shouting at her. The soldier even jogged towards her figure, hoping he could get her out of the way.

Bertolt stayed still in his place, not because he was being a jerk and didn't care about her life (although, maybe that was one case, since he never let himself get attached to these island devils from the start). He didn't move from his place because he could hear the manoeuvring gear from where he stood, meaning that help had arrived.

Raven coloured hair adorned the sky as it flew with its wings. The vertical gear that made the humanity within the walls knew how it felt to be a bird. One by one, another soldier comes in, slashing their blades right on the titans' nape skilfully. He remembered the day he knew how advanced the civilization was on this cursed island, how these people tried to do their best to survive the attack of the titans.

It was a mesmerising sight to see how high humanity willing was in a matter of survival. They were ready to face whatever hell that this world had thrown at them, the hell that was caused by his nation. Reiner once cursed about this, saying how their mission would be so much more complicated since these devils ended up having a brain.

But Bertolt never cared about that. What he knew was how he could act as if he always belonged here, learning how to live with them, getting to know their tactics while still knowing his boundaries. He knew how dangerous it was for someone when they fell too deep into their role, so from the start, he already decided that he would step away from the spotlight.

Five years passed, he could proudly announce that he must have been the only sane warrior left in their team. Annie was now having a soft spot for a few people, hesitating to kill their so-called friends from the 104th Cadet Corps. Reiner lived as if he had two identities, the warrior side where he usually focused on their task only, and the soldier side where the others knew him as a dependable big brother.

Then, of course, there was you. Even when you tried not to get too attached to these people, they were going to swarm over you. You were fascinating. Your existence was like the sweetest honey in the world since anyone often found themselves wanting to get closer to you. Fully conscious, he knew he was one of those people.

You were loyal to anyone who you considered friends and comrades, and before the mission, that place fully belonged to the warriors. But five years living in Paradis had changed that. Sasha, Mikasa, Jean, Connie, Marco, Armin, Mrs Keller — he knew the names of the people you would sacrifice yourself to for them. And truthfully, he knew there was no way to convert you back.

No matter how many times he tried to make you remember your role as a warrior and a Tybur, no matter how many reminders about the mission that he had told you, nothing passed your head anymore. Despite how your mouth said that you were still the same, he knew you long enough to be certain that it was just you trying to reassure him.

Thinking about you, he now wondered where you were since he couldn't find you anywhere. You would love to save your normal human friends. It must be the first thing that appeared in your mind before him. And at a time like this, he was unsure if he liked the idea of you trusting him greatly with his abilities, or getting jealous for not being your major concern.

"Armin," Everyone was now going to the inner wall of Rose, and after a few hours not seeing your figure, he realised you were never around to begin with. "Do you know anything about where (Y/n) is?" You wouldn't possibly turn down this mission, and he couldn't think of any other reason for your position. "Is she alright?"

Getting a horse for himself since he got no injury, he galloped closer towards the petite soldier. He was getting anxious now since he didn't know the whereabouts of his lover and his fellow warrior, getting a bit too deep within his distress that he didn't see Armin swallowing an enormous lump at his simple question.

"I think she is." Bertolt's brows slightly furrowed at that, not liking how the usual know-it-all boy didn't have any knowledge about where you were. "I mean, she was unconscious when we were going here to save all of you, Bertolt."

"Unconscious?"

"Yes."

"What happened?"

Armin didn't answer him right away, and the distress that he felt before seemed to worsen even further by now. When he left with all the other Survey Corps from his rank, it surprised him when he didn't see you there, along with the other four recruits. At some point, he even asked the seniors about them, but they said it was classified, slightly making him tick because he got nothing.

So knowing that you were unconscious somewhere within the walls, he had a twisted feeling that he couldn't get rid of.

"Mrs Keller passed away." Armin never looked at him as those ocean orbs only fixated forward. And for Bertolt, those words were enough to explain everything. "(Y/n) got called by the Military Police because she was the only person who was close with Mrs Keller besides her husband. She passed out after hearing the news. Maybe she was already awake now and ready for the investigation since they speculate—"

"Investigation?" Bertolt gaped at the blonde with disbelief. "We just barely survived the expedition and you are telling me they possibly accused my girlfriend of a crime?" He had never been a fan of talking, but if the topic was revolving around you, then he could be the chattiest person on earth. "She is not even a titan shifter, why would she get dragged like this?"

"No, no, you misunderstood!" Right now, he loathed his situation, since he wasn't there to defend you. Military Police. He knew all the stories about how cruel and cunning those people were, entertaining themselves with alcohol and torturing those in custody. "They are just trying to question her about her relationship with Mrs Keller."

Bertolt shaped his lips into a thin line, the orbs that usually looked bright had dimmed. He was getting tired now, and he wanted to just get back so he could find you. Once the two of you reunited, then they could make a plan along with Reiner. Yes, they could just get one of the titan shifter then their mission would be considered a success—

"I think being a soldier started to have a toll on her."

"Huh?"

He turned to face Armin once again, eyes slightly widened in surprise since he never expected him to talk more about you. Right now, he wanted to scoff at the words. This genius surely didn't know you that much. You were strong, maybe even stronger than the rest of the warriors here, if you never toned down your strength.

Your stamina was even higher than him. Some of the Cadet Corps might have known about this from that day, where they celebrated with cheap beers. The time where you ran in circles over and over again with nothing but shorts and a white shirt as a dare.

"Emotionally, I mean." But that, hearing Armin blurted the only weakness that you had made him pucker his lips. "I always wondered why she wanted to join the military. She never talks much about herself, despite being able to make friends with many people. But well, ever since I've known her, it was apparent that her primary goal was to protect others."

Bertolt recalled all the meetings that the warriors had, and he wouldn't argue with Armin now because he, too, knew that it was right. You would always be the one who asked about the casualties, always be the one who tried to make sure there wasn't too much destruction. You questioned it as if you didn't identify these people within the wall as devils.

"Yeah." He gripped hard on the rein, not noticing how his knuckles slowly turned white. Of course, he knew that you always prioritised the safety of these people. Yet something was bothering him. You never thought much about their enemy back then in Marley. All of you had to join a war, and you did your job without question, becoming the prized pupil of the military.

But you never treated humanity inside the walls as if these people weren't your enemy from the start.

In a way that you were aware of something that the rest of them didn't acknowledge.

"So, if she dislikes hostilities so much, why did she force herself to be here?" He let the blonde ramble about anything by now since he could only answer it within his heart. You never wanted to be here, you just wanted a peaceful life and yet you were born carrying a massive burden because of the last name that you bear. "Don't you think she suffered enough?"

His pupils dilated at that, lips parted slightly as his throat felt so dry all of a sudden. He felt like someone just dumped cold water over him, body going rigid at how his mind repeated Armin's question without a break. As much as he tried not to affirm it, he could no longer keep a blind eye.

About how, after all this time, you were indeed — suffering.

Bertolt had his arms around you when you cried from longing for your family, he could still see the horror in your face when Marco got eaten right in front of you, he had been aware that you slowly lost your sanity for slaughtering countless people in Paradis.

All the moments of your vulnerability. He was there. He was the one who you turned to every time you had to push through your limit.

His breath wavered as realisation slowly dawned on him. He never became the lover that you deserved. He should have told you it was alright to feel like that, but he only ended up pointing out the duty that you had to finish. You had been crushed so many times by having to live this lie, and yet he never consoled you about this matter.

He just listened, and once you calmed down, he only reminded you of the responsibility that you had to bear. Despite being a warrior, he was also your lover. And he realised he was selfish all along for implementing his dream within you, but never asked first about what you truly wanted.

For years knowing you, he ended up shaping your mind to be this perfect woman that would help him achieve his dream. He loved you. That was real. Way too deep and way too long. Even before you turned to be a soldier like what you were now, he was already head over heels for you. Yet he didn't realise that you were never yourself around him.

And foolishly, he only acknowledged this now when you were not even here. He couldn't hug you or apologise for not being sensible, for not asking how you felt after every terror. Maybe deep down it was because he knew the duty already chained you to where you were, and he could never help you achieve whatever dream you had in mind.

But starting from now, if he could find a way to break you free from the burden, he would not hesitate any longer.

Armin just kept his mouth shut after throwing the question at the ravenette. His ocean orbs would glance towards the taller soldier once in a while to check on him. He knew that what he said was harsh and made his friend overthink about you. But it was something that he had to do.

He saw how those dark eyebrows furrowed, lips pursed as the man possibly thinking about a lot of scenarios that involved you. Armin couldn't read Bertolt's mind, but he was certain that his words would be enough to shake something up within him.

No one ordered him to do anything after getting the information about Annie's background check. Instead, Squad Leader Hange even asserted them for not saying anything that could make anyone get suspicious. Armin just couldn't help himself right now. He wanted to make sure if the information was right.

He had to confirm if you were also on the same side as those who brought hell to Paradis or not.

"I finally received a copy of Annie's Leonhart background check." They were now in Ehrmich district, preparing themselves first with vertical manoeuvring gear before going to Utgard Castle. "Our records are a mess. It took a while for me to get a hand on this, but it's here now." Squad Leader Hange gathered some soldiers, including the new recruits. Their eyes looked so pensive and troubled, making them all worried.

Sasha, Mikasa, Armin, Eren, the four of them stopped whatever they were doing, now focusing solely towards the brunette squad leader since it was about a matter of their so-called friend. "It said that there were three people in 104th Cadet Corps who came from the same area as her." Their eyes widened, except for Mikasa, who just waited until the adult spilled the name. "The names of those three…"

Squad Leader Hange furrowed their eyebrows as they read the names once again, since there was a name that she recognised. "Are Reiner Braun, Bertolt Hoover, and (Y/n) Tybur." Mikasa had her pupils dilated within an instant, lips slightly went apart when she heard the last name rolling down from their tongue.

She never truly cared about the other two since she just saw them as the big brother that Eren was close to and the boyfriend of (Y/n), someone that she considered as a good friend. It wouldn't be possible for you to be the traitor of humanity. She knew that (or it was just her trying to reassure herself, she couldn't differentiate it anymore).

"I-I don't understand." Eren spoke up, taking a step forward, as he didn't want to believe the information that was thrown at them. "It's just mere data, right? Just because the four of them came from the same area, doesn't mean they have anything to do with Annie."

"Of course, but," Hange put down a stack of paper on top of the table, letting them all see what it was. "During our last expedition, we gave each unit different information about Eren's position. Their unit was told that Eren was on the right flank. The only difference was Reiner and Bertolt were given the one where Eren was on the back, while Tybur was in the front line."

"The back, it was where the female titan came from." Armin chirped in, eyes casting down as his mind was currently repeating the details from that day. "That means Reiner and Bertolt could have told Annie about where Eren was." His voice became lower for every word that he said, somehow not wanting to believe this situation either.

"And Tybur?"

"T-Tybur?"

"Yes, Armin. Tybur. How is she when she's in your unit?"

He parted his lips, wanting to point out any strange action or words that you made and said as long as he was with you. You were panicking over his safety when the female titan first appeared, but there was no fear lingered in your tone. You also said something reassuring after he knocked his head on the ground, feeling certain that the female titan wouldn't chase them anymore.

Then again, it was pretty normal. You were a gentle soul from the start, so the things that you did on the expedition were nothing out of the ordinary.

"She's normal." He looked up to see the squad leader, and he tried to keep his neutral expression when they raised one of their eyebrows at his simple answer. "Ever since in Cadet Corps, she had always been the type to help others. She is a warm person, and can get along with anyone, even to me, who couldn't start a conversation easily."

Armin tried to recite everything, unlocking the memories that were so vivid in his head.

The first time he met you right after the fall of Wall Maria, how sweet your smile was whenever you met him in town, the way you always cheered him up after the Instructor scolded him, that one time you were ready to distract the titan so he and Connie can save Mikasa despite your limited supply.

"Oi, Armin." Eren nudged his best friend, a bit flabbergasted now as the blonde mumbled all of that underneath his breath. And when those ocean orbs looked at him with a questionable look, he now knew that Armin didn't realise he had been saying it out loud. "I think Squad Leader Hange understood about (Y/n). She is not a threat. We are sure of that."

"And Commander Erwin also took her for the Stohess mission." Mikasa, who was only observing the whole time, now opened her mouth. "We can consider that fact for her judgement."

"Yes, I can see the point." No one would have thought that the ravenette was going to report something, too. Even Squad Leader Hange didn't expect that, but maybe you just had this impact on a lot of them. "How about the other two? Bertolt and Reiner, maybe anyone remembers about the interaction between them with Annie?"

Now Armin and Eren mumbled everything. They voiced out about how close Reiner and Bertolt were to each other. They all too never saw Annie have a conversation with them. As for now, the discussion about their connection to one another was going nowhere. Even Sasha, who was Annie's roommate, could only notice a few things about her.

"Annie didn't really talk to anyone. She never let another cadet get close to her."

"In the mess hall too, she would always sit by herself and eat silently."

"I remember nothing except — no, nothing."

Armin threw a glance towards Mikasa who was going to say something there, but it looked like she ended up keeping it to herself. He said nothing much about Annie, but when he listened to his friend's comment, somewhat his mind always went to you. Annie never let another cadet get close to her, mostly sitting alone in the mess hall. She always kept a distance from all the people in the Cadet Corps.

Except for you, and it appeared that Mikasa noticed this too.

"After training together for three years, I find it hard to doubt them." Knowing that this discussion wouldn't be able to be cleared, Eren piped in with a hardened look in his eyes. "Bertolt is quiet. He only talked to people that he knew like Reiner and, oh—" His green orbs widened, and his jaw dropped for a second there. "Bertolt is, uh, close with (Y/n) too. So close, yes."

"They are lovers."

"Mikasa!"

"Aside from that, Bertolt never acted on his own. He lacks drive and usually just lets others decide, even for himself." Armin cut in, voice getting serious now as he wanted to just end this conversation. "As for Reiner, he is like a big brother to everyone in our ranks. He also helped me, (Y/n), and Jean fight the female titan. He would have got crushed in her hand if he hadn't—"

He stopped his words, now remembering something. "R-Reiner survived from her grasp, but after that, Annie changed her course and went to where Eren was." Would it be possible for Reiner to write or do something within that time? "And shortly before that, I mentioned Eren's position, but Annie shouldn't have been able to hear me."

"Huh? Then what are you saying now, Armin?"

"Armin, did Reiner seem unusually interested in Eren's position?"

Lifting his head, his orbs fell towards the Squad Leader as he tried to recollect the details back then. Reiner came in with a horse, him and you riding on it together. Jean came in, shot the flare and informed them about the current situation, the talk about the intelligent titan, their conclusion about her goal, and…

"Then, Armin—"

"So where the hell is Eren right now?"

"I-I only mentioned Eren's position because," You asked first, he remembered that because he could hear his name flowing down your lips. Just like Reiner, you were going to ask about where his best friend was, but the tall blonde beat you to it. That was just a coincidence, he didn't have to bring that up too. "Because Reiner specifically asked me about it." It wouldn't hurt anyone, right?

Gulping down, he knew it was wrong to hide something as urgent as this. But he wanted to make sure first if you really had something to do with Annie. He didn't want to build suspicion over your name when he couldn't be sure. "And I remember after Reiner escaped, the female titan stared at her palm. He could have written a message on her hand with his blades." But everything here was all speculation too, so why did he say it out loud?

With Bertolt, he knew little except how close that man was with you. You were his lover anyway, always eating dinner together and just being a lovey-dovey couple sometimes. He pursed his lips at that, thinking that there was nothing amiss from the ravenette except how he grew together with Reiner.

As much as he didn't want to doubt their friends, everything was possible in this bizarre world. And he should have included you too on the list.

"Then we can cross out Tybur's name for now. But for the others, everyone listen up!" Squad Leader Hange called out to all the soldiers, their eyes shone with determination. "If we meet Reiner Braun and Bertolt Hoover along the way, they couldn't catch on to our suspicions. Avoid mentioning Annie and whether they were her accomplices. We should confine them deep underground. Understand?!"

Granite-grey clouds rolled in over the blue sky, covering the one sunny day with its gloom. The wind that blew felt much stronger now since each of them was standing on top of the wall, and they were all cautious of the step they took. Not just because they were afraid of the wind flows, but they were listening, all ears, to what the possible two enemies had been saying.

No one knew what horror that some recruits experienced in Utgard Castle. Whatever it was, they knew it might shake them to the core. Mikasa could hear how easy it was for Reiner to confess about his sin, how smooth he told Eren that he was the armoured titan while Bertolt was the colossal titan.

She didn't want to believe that, just like how Eren responded to the words, maybe Reiner was just tired to the point he was hallucinating. Her hand trembled a little, holding on to her blades, since she would be ready to attack at any given moment.

Just leave, Eren.

The brunette already walked away, wanting to just let the confession go and forgot about it. Those obsidian orbs stared at her two comrades, eyeing them with full caution, but at the same time a little hope. Since deep down, she really didn't want to believe that they were indeed the traitors of humanity.

But when Reiner exposed how his arm slowly healed, when he shouted how he had to fulfil his duty to the bitter end as a warrior — she knew what she had to do.

It was from the cracks in the cloud layer that the brightest patches came, shining as if the sun had multiplied into these brilliant sky-puddles. She loathed how it looked like the world tried to give the two a stage, that right now it was indeed the right moment for the two traitors to show the humanity within the walls that they knew nothing.

With her lips shaped into a thin line as she threw away all the fond memories that she could find, her blades already sliced into Reiner's arms and Bertolt's neck. She didn't want to do this, to kill those that she thought of as her friends. But when she realised it was them or Eren, she immediately stood on top of the supposed colossal titan. One stab and she could end his life.

Those eyes, it pierced into her soul as she could see a lot of emotion mixed into one. Fear, sadness, but also determination — those light green orbs were the one that you loved so much. And she could only apologise to you for what she was going to do.

"Eren! Run!"

Notes:

Honestly this is one of my favourite chapter ever. Maybe because like it's revealed how a certain someone had been keeping their eyes on us. How easy it was for the other soldiers to say out loud about Reiner and Bertolt but not our miss Tybur. Mikasa who added the reassurance, wow, ahahahha... I hope you guys enjoy this chapter~

I will add chapter 21 as usual in the same day as the AoT new episode dropped~ This is a bonus, I want to update again HEHE

Chapter 21: Stranded Ship

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Your mind was so much like the incoming ship at the harbour in Marley. They were calm on the surface with so many deep undercurrents, each of them had their own purpose as they docked. Like now, maybe the other soldiers saw you as a calm recruit, not saying anything as you waited for the scouting party to come back, but they didn't know what could be nested in your mind.

You had been set in place for hours and you swore your neck was fit to spasm already. Waiting. You never liked the idea of idling around in one place. Previously, you asked Captain Levi if maybe there was something you could do, and you were so ecstatic when he ordered you something.

He told you to sit down beside him on the wagon.

Now you were cursing at yourself for trying to approach this man. If you just stayed with Jean before, you were going to wait with at least a roof on top of you. But now you had to hold on as the scorching sun slowly burned your skin. You sat there with only him and Pastor Nick, with none of them striking a conversation.

"How many titans have you killed?" Oh, that was surprising. "Both from the Battle of Trost and the last expedition." It seemed like the deity had answered your prayer by making the captain talk, and you just couldn't help but smile at that.

"Oh, um, five titans, sir, in the Battle of Trost, with three assists." You tried to recount, and you gave him a nod once you were sure at the number. "And just one at the last expedition. Armin, Jean, Reiner and I engaged with the female titan but we failed to take her down, captain."

The humanity's strongest soldier just let out a hum at that, but you acknowledge it as approval. You knew you weren't supposed to feel giddy and excited to talk with him. As far as you knew, he could be one person who the warriors should eradicate with how strong he was in titan killing.

"That's a good number for a newbie." But hearing those words, for him to praise your ability, surely boosts your gloomy mood from before. "Keep that up, Tybur." You let out a sheepish smile by now, fingers fiddling with the shark tooth pendant that currently dangled on your chest to calm yourself down.

"I will, captain."

"The scouting party is back!" A shout came from your back, and you immediately whipped your head towards the source of the voice as the smile on your face wiped off within an instant. "Inform Commander Pixis!"

"Captain, we—"

"Yes, let's hear what they are going to say."

Giving him a salute, you immediately hopped down from the wagon, wondering what the report would be. If there was really a hole in the wall, then there would be two causes of it. The first one was that both Bertolt and Reiner moved on their own and leave you behind, and the second was for Marley to send another titan shifter to do the work.

Then again, it wasn't possible. Either Pieck or Zeke couldn't destroy the wall since they were a medium size of titans with no ability to harden themselves. Their ability was leaning towards ranged offensive and support. But Zeke was a wonder boy and he could turn any human to be his slave in a form of titans.

"Sasha!" But your thoughts were interrupted when you saw your friend, still intact and no injury could be seen. "You are alive, goodness here, have my drink!" She looked so tired, and you frowned at the way she gulped down all the water as if she had drunk nothing for the whole day. "Slow down, let's gather there with the others."

The Squad Leader, who was in charge of the scouting party, explained everything that he saw. Both Commander Pixis and Commander Erwin circled closer, noting the information that was given. Your eyebrows furrowed at this, now feeling certain that it must be the work of Zeke, maybe turning some people from within the walls to be a titan.

That meant, Marley got impatient with the work of the previous team — your team.

"H-However, another situation has developed." Sasha choked on her water, making you look at her with worry as you tried to calm her down by caressing her back. "On our way back to Trost, we ran into Squad Leader Hange's unit of the Survey Corps." That must be them. Eren, Armin, Mikasa and perhaps the rest of your friends would be with them. "And as it turns out, the three of the recruits from the 104th Cadet Corps were titans!"

"What are you talking about?" Your pupils dilated for a few seconds there, but you tried to keep your expression neutral. "M-More of them were — wait, the three of them?" You glanced at Jean, his copper orbs blazing with rage and distress since he wouldn't have thought another titan shifter was all from his ranks. "Who was it?!"

It was probably Eren, of course, and the other two were Reiner and Bertolt. But if the other one was Eren, shouldn't the Squad Leader not count him as the other titan shifter? Having your focus back towards Sasha, you made a mental note to ask her about the identity of those titans shifters.

"Alright, if the situation hasn't changed, we should deploy as many soldiers and horses for our comrades on the front line!" The wait was finally over, and you immediately went to prepare your gear. Whatever happened out there, you had to follow through and look for a gap to slither in between the plan.

Right now, you were as blind as the rest of them. You didn't know how the situation was, except maybe the two warriors could get a hold on Eren. Looking at Sasha's condition, they were all probably lost their stamina and got exhausted, so they wouldn't be able to get back to the harbour within these few hours.

"Are you fit enough?" You were just done tightening the reins of your horse and putting in the supplies when Jean suddenly stood beside you. "Are you sure you wanted to do this? We don't know what we are going to do once we arrive there."

"Oh, come on, Kirstein. You actually doubt me?" Patting the horse, you then turned to face your friends. He slightly threw a glare that made you roll your eyes. "I am fine. I have been sleeping for what? Sixteen hours? I am well now, and I don't want to go idling around without knowing what happened out there to our friends."

You didn't lie. Deep down, you knew you were worried over the rest of the recruits from your rank. Sure, it would be possible that today would be the time for you to expose your affiliation with the colossal and armoured titan, but you had to make sure there were no other casualties that ensue.

"Fine, but don't go running to death again." Jean slightly hit your arm before going back towards his horse, and you just blinked at that. If you ever came back to your hometown, you were certain that you would miss him dearly. Despite being a snide and would often lash out at you over mundane things, he secretly cared for you.

You didn't answer him, eyes just bore into his figure that became smaller and smaller. He hoisted himself upon his horse, and he just glanced at you before pulling the rein as he turned in another direction to follow his squad leader. Shaking your head, you knew that whatever happened next; you had to prepare for the worst.

And that was to say goodbye to these people you called friends.

The skies were now turned into an orange hue by the time you arrived at the top of Wall Rose. Your orbs glimmered with relief when you saw Mikasa, Armin, Connie, and Christa. You couldn't help yourself but run towards them the second you tied your horse safely on the pole that the Survey Corps provided.

You were a warrior. That was what your real identity was. Everyone here was only supposed to be a stepping stone, people that would help you reach your goal, nothing else but that. Yet these feelings, the joy that seeped into your heart every time they were safe and sound, the contentment you felt as they wrapped their arms around you — for the last five years you had belonged here.

Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath as you buried your face in Mikasa's shoulder. She didn't waste a second and engulfed you with a gentle hug. Just slightly — you could feel how her body trembled, and you knew what caused it.

Eren was out of her reach. She had been in this position once, and you knew she would never want to experience it ever again.

Ocean eyes gazed at the heartfelt reunion between his childhood friend and the fallen angel. No one dared to interrupt the moment as their arms wrapped around each other. Even as Jean asked him if he was alright and the others swarmed towards his direction, he couldn't fully take away his gaze from the two.

No one remembered the fact that you were coming from the same area as the three titan shifters who tried to destroy humanity. Mikasa and Sasha were there when Squad Leader Hange announced your name along with the others. But right now, both women practically cherished you like you were never a threat in the first place.

"Oi, you didn't hit your head again, right, Armin?" Jean's voice snapped him back from his thoughts. "Something in your mind? What's brewing in your brain now?" That question was also enough to get your attention, it seemed. You slightly pulled away from the hug and turned to face him now, and he instantly gave you a soft smile before answering Jean.

"No, I am not hitting my head again." He slightly pouted at the mention of that, not liking how his friend brought it up again. "But yes, something is in my mind, actually. About our — I mean, about the colossal and armoured titan." His ocean orbs glanced at you, and he noted how you kept your face neutral.

"What about them, 'min?" Oh, he didn't expect you to call him like that. The last time you called him with that nickname was years ago mayhap, before all of you enrolled in the military. Three years had passed then, since if he remembered correctly, you had never used that again after the passage of rite on the first day of the Cadet Corps.

"It's just, I think they are in a rush." He cleared his throat, averting your gaze since he could feel his cheek heated up. "Before, they always planned everything perfectly, but Reiner and Bertolt looked so desperate to get Eren. Maybe they saw something before, or maybe because now they found Ymir too."

"Ymir?" You looked confused now, and he raised one of his eyebrows at that. He thought you and the rest of the squad that came with Commander Erwin already knew about the new titan shifter. "Wait for a second. The scouting party said that there were three people from our ranks that can transform. Eren is not included?"

"No, it must be Ymir." Another voice piped in, joining the conversation. "I am always with Ymir. We are f-friends, you know that, (Y/n)." Christa now stood in front of you. Her doe eyes lingered with determination to get her friend back. "It looks like she knows she can transform, but she is not on their side!"

"Christa,"

"My name is Historia." She gave you her hand, one that you immediately took and shook. "Historia Reiss. Sorry for the confusion, but that's my real name, (Y/n)."

You looked down at your hand that was still holding hers, and even though you still didn't know fully of the situation, it was nice to know that your friend revealed her identity. Reiner once mentioned the name Reiss, the family that should have borne the founding titan power.

But there was an accident right after the fall of Wall Maria. The family prayed together inside their chapel, and a horde of thieves tried to steal any valuable items. If you were not mistaken, they couldn't find anything there, yet the thieves burned the place down, leaving just the father to survive.

"Nice to meet you, Historia." You squeezed her hand, your smile reassuring her you didn't have any negative thoughts regarding this matter. "I think this name suits you much better." The blonde girl now looked at you in awe, her orbs glistening as the ray of sunshine softly touched her delicate features.

"Y-You think so?"

Wasn't it always like this? For you to be the reason that the atmosphere became light. Before, everyone was tense, as they only focused on their goal of saving Eren and Ymir from the enemy. But since you were here, somehow they could let go of the tension on their shoulders, even though it was just for a few minutes.

"Of course. When did I ever lie?"

Winking at her, you let out a small chuckle when you saw a small blush adorning her cheeks. Historia subconsciously pulled her hand from your grasp, clearing her throat before she tucked a single strand of hair behind the ear. "Alright, let's get your friend, our friends back, okay? I think Commander Erwin is going to say something now. Come on."

It was so easy for you to be a soldier, to be a part of the Survey Corps and live this life within the wall. Even though you knew you were here for a purpose that your father had told you, even though you knew that the fate of the world was also in your hand, you couldn't help but close your eyes every time you embraced this role.

After all, maybe this moment would be the last time you could lie to yourself. Once you were out there, Bertolt and Reiner would ask you to come back to them, and of course, it would be wise for you to do it. Once you come back to Marley, the suffering of seeing your friends die would no longer follow. You could just throw it away and pass the duty to another warrior.

And you could have another dinner with your family, basking yourself with their love like you used to.

"I think (Y/n) Tybur shouldn't come with us, Commander." You felt like someone just poured cold water on your shoulder when you heard that suggestion. "Bertolt Hoover, she was his lover." She is his lover, but you couldn't say anything with your jaw dropped on the ground, not expecting him to blurt something out of the blue.

"And why do you think she shouldn't come, Armin?" Now, you were also curious about his proposition. He would never suggest anything if he didn't thoroughly ponder about it first. "That reason could be an advantage to us. I heard that Miss Tybur here is good with her words, so her existence on the mission could help us if we ever had to engage with Hoover."

"I have a plan for that." Closing your lips, you cleared your throat as you demanded more explanation. No, you couldn't stay here. If you were not on the mission, then a chance for you to come back would diminish. The family dinner, the broken chain, the promises — everything was going to be out of reach if you stayed behind. "It was possible for Bertolt to take her to his hometown. If he did that, we are going to lose a good soldier and a good… friend."

"I see." The commander usually took Armin's advice without a doubt, and you could only hope that he wouldn't agree this time. Fear burst all over your body. This was your only chance to get out of here and if you didn't work on it now , "I trust your judgement, Armin." You knew you could never turn your back on them. Not anymore.

"D-Didn't I have a say in this?" Your voice slightly cracked, and even though you knew everything was set in stone, you still had to fight for your voice. "With all due respect, sir, I have to be there. Bertolt is indeed my lover. That's why I wanted to meet him. I needed to ask if everything was true. H-He lied to me for years and I had to know if something that happened between us was — real."

Desperation, every second that passed, felt like torture as you waited for Commander Erwin's answer. His icy orbs pierced into you, and just like usual, you couldn't read anything inside those sharp pupils. You needed an answer, because one way or another, a soldier should follow the chain of command. And that meant to not defy whatever decision he would give you.

"You are staying."

Staggering back, you felt like someone just knocked the air out of your lungs. The world suddenly became dead quiet, and the only voice that you could hear was just those three words echoed inside your head. Louder and louder. You let out a small gasp when you felt someone's hand on your back, one that helped you to pull yourself together.

"Hey, you want to know the truth, right?" Even though he turned your body so you were facing him, your mind was still in disarray. "You want to know if his feelings for you are real, right?" Even his grip on your shoulder couldn't snap you out of the muddy thought that was circling in your mind. "I swear, once I see him out there, I am going to ask everything ."

Right now, your eyes were already glossed with tears. This sadness you felt, the stress that was now flowing in your blood, you couldn't pinpoint anymore what was the major cause of it. Either it was because your chance to go home eventually be faraway or because your warrior part weathered.

Copper eyes never left your figure, for once in the lifetime at least after three years knowing you, this was the first he saw you looked so — frail. In his eyes, in everyone's eyes, you were known as a passionate and determined soldier. You let nothing bring you down, thus making many people love to be near you, since your existence was enough to channel those positive energies.

But you were so broken. For the last few hours, he had to witness his dearest friend like this. He was panicking when the Military Police brought you into the medical ward, unconscious and weak. First, it was Marco, then Annie's revelation, and he thought the death of Mrs Keller would be the last test of your sanity, but no, your lover had to screw your head too.

"Everything?" He winced when he heard your voice, so small, as if you barely said it.

"Yes, everything." And he responded softly, as if it scared him you would flinch if he spoke too loud. "So just wait here, okay? Wait for the rest of us to come back. We have been friends for years. Believe me in this." He squeezed your shoulder, locking his gaze with yours since he wanted you to focus on him. "I'll be back soon."

"Just," You cleared your throat, and he didn't rush you despite he saw some soldiers were already on top of their horses. "Just be careful out there, then." For a second there, he thought you were going to ask him to talk it out with Bertolt, but it seemed that you already believed his words from before. "They could be dangerous."

"Hah." He tried so hard not to snort at your words, a way for him to cast aside that little fluttery feeling inside his heart. Somehow, every time your eyes predominate with concern for him, unsought emotions appear to slip in. And he never liked to dwell on it that much, getting somewhat disgusted with himself since he saw you as a pal from the start. "I am number—"

"Six, I know." There was this annoyance within your tone, but you also coat it with a playful one, so he thought little about it.

"Therefore… You don't have to worry about anything." His hand went down on your back before he pushed you towards the wagon. "Now you wait, maybe walk around since, well, I know you can't just sit and do nothing." He snickered, slightly leaning away as he subconsciously looked at you.

The boyish, smug look on his face was slowly gone, replaced with an earnestness. You raised one of your eyebrows at that, wondering why he abruptly went silent now. "You wouldn't lose me too, Tybur."

The sky was dark before, hurling billow ready to tear you to pieces with how you were lost within it. Amidst the storm, he came with a purpose, one that you just realised what it was. His existence turned out to be the first light that broke through the crack at the grey clouds, illuminating your once bleak path.

Your mouth slightly parted as no words couldn't be emitted with how star-struck you were. His words were enough to lift the worry in your mind, and you couldn't help but shape your lips into a smile.

"You better meant it, Jean." The heaviness in your heart slowly melted away, making you feel much more at ease now. "I am going to kill you myself if you die out there."

He snorted at that, still standing in front of you as he took your hit on the arms. Now, this was the you he always knew. The one with a perfect smile, someone that could banter with him even in the darkest time — he felt like he had done a good job as your friend. With one last pat on your shoulders, he jogged to the others that were ready for the mission.

Unlike before when you were pressing for your own sanity, you could pull yourself together as you sat there. Your eyes fell towards the rows of your friends' figures that became smaller and smaller, riding their horses as they went to save Eren and Ymir. You didn't know what would happen there or how Reiner and Bertolt would react when they knew you were not on the mission.

But whatever it was, you were going to stay in Paradis for a long period. So you saved yourself by just letting everything flow and see where the waves would take you.

Notes:

It's 8 am and I am here to deliver- in the middle of class and I get zzz so much. ANYWAY, FOR HTE HONOUR OF THE NONE EXISTENCE EPS NEXT WEEK, I AM GOING TO UPLOAD TWO OR THREE AT THE SAME TIME NEXT SUNDAY/MONDAY~ Enjoy this one here for now, yuh?

Chapter 22: A Place to Call Home

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

No clouds were adorning the crystal blue sky, allowing sunbeams to touch every nook and cranny on earth. It had been a long time since you stood inside the Survey Corps headquarters without wearing your uniform, or maybe it was the first. You couldn't remember well after the hellish events that happened in the past few weeks.

It felt like yesterday when you stepped foot in this headquarters along with the cadets from the 104th Cadet Corps. The voices still lingered there. You could hear all the laughs and banter every time you closed your eyes. No one knew what would happen that day. They believed they were going to graduate and continue their life as a soldier. Most of them were going to take the Garrison branch, of course.

Who would have thought that four cadets between them were traitors for humanity within the walls? Who would ever imagine the comrades they respected and shared the roof with for three years straight turned out to be the reason titans ate them? Not a soul, no. They knew nothing about how cruel this world was, after all.

Your eyes fixated on the sky, recalling how it was sunny too back then. But unlike before, you didn't have to worry about the casualties you would cause. There was nothing for you to stress about except the well-being of your friends now. Friends. No matter how many times Bertolt reminded you they weren't, you already considered them as one.

Ah, Bertolt. You swallowed an enormous lump and closed your eyes, thinking about how you would have lost yourself from the start if he had never been there, to begin with. He had become your anchor for a long time, making you stay in your place for years. You couldn't go back or look forward, and he was there to make sure that you could keep yourself afloat.

But he was already too far from where you were, out of reach, since Paradis had become your place now, maybe even home. As long as you were here, you wouldn't think too much about warriors or the duty that you still bear, only remembering the goal that you were still striving for.

You finally forgave yourself for surrendering to this life, and it was also no use for you to dwell on the decision that was already made.

For that reason, you couldn't wait for the weekend when Mr Keller would pick you up for lunch.

"I like your smile."

You didn't hear footsteps from behind, so it surprised you when a familiar gentle voice vibrated through the air. "I am sorry if I interrupt you, (Y/n)." It was Mikasa in all her glory, walking towards you as if she hadn't just injured her ribs before.

"Nah, you are not interrupting anything." Your eyes softened once you laid your gaze on her figure. Despite how she already looked much better compared to that night, you still pursed your lips and did not approve of her decision to wander around. "Aren't you supposed to rest, miss Ackerman?"

She only gave you a small smile at how bossy you sounded, and truthfully, it was the thing she needed at the moment. To see you well, to see at least someone without agony written on their faces. For the past few days, she met many people, and most of them had their eyes dull. So your existence was like a breath of fresh air to her.

"I am resting." Resting her emotion, of course. "I am even ready to be put on the field again."

"Now, that's not good." The second she was within your reach, you immediately patted her arm, not liking how she always tried to push her limit. "You can't force yourself too hard, Mikasa. You are strong, we all know that, but you are human, too." She pouted at your words, and you knew she would retort. "How about I take you to where Eren is?"

"Oh… Please." She was going to argue, but you gave her the only thing (or in this case someone) that she couldn't resist. You wanted to snicker when her expression changed in a split second at the mention of the brunette, but you held it since you didn't want her to hide away that glow in her face. "Where is he now? Is he done with the meeting?"

"Yes, yes, your precious Eren is done with the meeting." As you interlocked your arms to her, your lips curled into a smirk once you noticed the pinkish hue that now dusted her cheeks. "He's such a worrywart. When you were asleep, he would just sit beside you in case you were awake."

You knew you were being a tease by now. But having to see this side of Mikasa Ackerman that not everyone has the privilege of just makes you want to keep your act longer. "By the way, Jean boasted about how he was the one who saved you that time, and goodness, the look on Eren's face when he heard it sent a shiver down my spine!"

"(Y/n), E-Eren was only worried." This would be the first time you heard her stuttering, and it was a fresh view indeed. She let out a sigh, maybe trying not to imagine the look on Eren's face. So you just let it slide, for now, enough teasing for the day, especially since you were near the mess hall already.

Her pace slowed down, and she stopped right in front of the wooden door. Even when you were still outside, you could already hear Jean's rambling and Connie's shouting about how Sasha took his food. You were just going to push the door open when she suddenly reached for your arm, one that made your attention go to her.

"Mikasa? What is it?"

You didn't realise when her expression turned back to her usual one, and you could only retract your hand slowly, all ears as you ignored the loud noises from inside the mess hall. She just stared at you as if debating whether she should say something now or later, so you waited until she was ready, not giving her another push.

"I want to ask for permission." Her voice lingered with slight fear, about what you couldn't understand yet. "Back then, I already slashed the armoured titan's hand, and I also swerved my blade on the colossal titan's neck when they were still in human form."

Your pupils dilated at her words, and you could only imagine what happened at that moment. You fully knew that she was capable of doing a lot of things, and if she already harmed the two severely, she could have killed them by now. "I even had my blade ready to stab him, but I failed. They transformed, then kidnapped Eren and Ymir."

For every syllable that rolled down her tongue, the tone became harder and harsher, as if she blamed herself for what happened. "I hesitated for a second, (Y/n). Because at that time, I think about what your reaction would be if you know I am the one who killed him. Who killed the colossal titan, your… lover."

"Mikasa—"

"That's why, (Y/n)." She stood up straight, obsidian orbs now filled with determination as she looked at you. Somehow, you knew where this conversation would lead to. "I want to ask for your permission." And you didn't know what you were supposed to feel. "I want you to let me kill colossal titan and armoured titan if a chance was given to me. Especially the colossal titan."

All the words that you wanted to say stuck in your throat, lips parted as the only thing that you could let out was just a shaky breath. You were supposed to think like you were born here, that despite him being your lover, he was also humanity's biggest enemy — and that was what you should focus on.

At the same time, you knew enough about the Warrior Unit and the reason Bertolt fought for Marley. You couldn't put a blind eye over it even though you tried. However, you had to remember that you were in a war, and no matter which side you were on, there would always be people you had to let go of.

"I—" It hurt, you never thought it would be this painful. Mikasa didn't even kill him yet and your heart already felt like it shattered into million little pieces by just the image. "B-Bertolt, huh?" Even when your voice cracked, her gaze never wavered, a sign that she meant it. That even if you ended up not giving the permission, she would have done the same. "Of course."

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and letting it out little by little as if she could finally erase the guilt that was weighing her down before. And you just smiled at that, albeit it wasn't the same bright smile that you usually had. "Permission g-granted, Mikasa." So you reassured yourself that at least by giving this, she could do her job without worrying about anything else.

Before any of you could emit another word, the door to the mess hall creaked open. You were met with a questioning look from a pair of forest green eyes. Blinking at the sight of his dearest friend that he thought was still resting inside her room.

"Mikasa, you are awake!" He cleared his throat and shook his head, now realising that you were there too. "Sorry, am I interrupting?"

"No, not at all, Eren." You gave Mikasa one last smile before striding inside, leaving the two if maybe they wanted to talk alone. "See you later, Mikasa~" As you got closer to the table where your friends were, you looked back only to see them having a conversation together. It looked like they needed some time alone, and you hoped that one day the two could talk about how much they meant for one another.

"(Y/n)! Hey! You are finally here!" Sasha's voice boomed through the entire hall, making you chuckle at how silly she looked right now with her mouth full of meat. "Do you know that Mr Keller sent a lot of steak to these headquarters? Steak!" Oh, you didn't know that. He once told you he would treat some of your friends too, but never once did you think it was this way.

"Now? Bet you love it, don't you?" Taking the seat right beside her, you didn't want to eat just yet since you were still full from the breakfast, now eyeing your friend as she looked so satisfied with the steaks she ate. "I wouldn't even ask how much you already had."

"Four." Jean raised his fingers, showing you the exact numbers. "You should have seen her when she got her first plate, even titans are more refined when they eat." A boisterous laugh immediately flowed from your lips, especially when Sasha threw a fork towards the man, one that if he didn't dodge fast would have hit him on his forehead. "You crazy bitch — You could have killed me!"

"That's what you got from calling me out like that!"

"Sasha, oi, calm down!"

Ah, you missed this so much. To see them banter like there was no tomorrow. Your smile was now reaching your eyes as you prodded your head with your palm, just snickering here and there as they got louder and louder by now. It was as if the four of you were alone, ignoring all the shaking heads and disapproval of the other soldiers.

No one seemed to stop them anyway, letting the commotion get bigger since the soldiers must have known what kind of hell the 104th Cadet Corps graduate experienced. And to have something mundane would be a break they needed right now. "Oh, (Y/n), I think you should have postponed lunch with Mr Keller."

"Huh? Why?" You straightened your back, eyebrows furrowed as you listened to Connie. "Did something happen? Are we going to have a mission soon?" If that was the case, then there would be nothing you could do.

"Yeah, it's the Captain's order."

The remaining of your ranks had been assigned to the new Special Operations Squad. All the senior soldiers died from the last mission to save Eren and Ymir, and Captain Levi picked you and the rest of your friends to be put under his wings. It was such an honour to say, less than a year of experience and here you were.

But after everything, it was no secret that your ranks had gone through stuff most of the soldiers never had to confront. From having to face the horror of titans on the first day, to meeting all the intelligent titans that turned out to be their acquaintances — lady luck was never on their side.

"Oh, well. I will send a letter to him." You felt so tired all of a sudden, maybe because you had been waiting for the lunch meeting with Mr Keller. But when the Captain himself already gave a command, there was nothing you could do but to postpone. "What's the mission, though? Any idea what we should do?"

Connie was munching on his shoestring potatoes by now, looking at you with the same tired eyes that matched yours. You didn't blame him for looking the most unenergetic compared to the others, not after the truth that he and Squad Leader Hange just discovered.

When they got back towards Ragako Village, his hometown, they found out more about titans. Humans. It was human that they had slain and became the prey of. It was also humans all along who made the people within the walls afraid to wander outside. Even when Squad Leader Hange told everyone that it was just speculation, they were pretty sure about it.

"Captain told Eren we are going to stay somewhere remote." You raised one of your eyebrows at his words, now wondering what that old man wanted to achieve here. "Saying stuff about how we have two people to protect from now on." Now you understand, and you just realised that one of them was nowhere to be seen today.

"Speak about Historia," Trailing off, your eyes roamed around the room. "Where is she?"

"Hm? I think she's in her room. She hasn't talked much ever since we were here." Truly understandable, and you just nodded at your friend for the information.

After knowing that Ymir went off with the two titan shifters, somehow you understood the reason. Jean told you about the details of Ymir's titan form, and you could be sure that it was the same one who ate Marcel alive five years ago. Yes, the woman just wanted to give back what she borrowed from them. And as you were talking with them now, one of the warrior candidates might have eaten her already.

You wondered who it was, but somewhere deep in your heart, you had a feeling who.

Jean's eyes never left your figure, subtle without no one noticing, but it fell right on you. He said nothing after you asked about Historia, too deep in thought. And just like any other day when you got lost in your mind, you would fiddle with the shark tooth pendant that was dangling in front of your chest.

He had been wanting to ask about how you were doing, knowing that your lover practically betrayed you, betrayed the rest of humanity inside the wall.

"Who the hell would choose to kill other people?!"

It gave him a headache every time he recalled Bertolt's confession and how tears were streaming down his cheeks.

"Someone has to be willing to stain their hands with blood!"

Even until now, he still couldn't understand it. The reason they were trying to wipe off humanities within the walls and where did they come from. That man's words were confusing, and Jean just didn't have enough knowledge of it to decipher the meaning.

"Everything was real! We really thought of you as a friend and she—"

He thought you would be a crying mess. When he came back with the remaining of the soldiers and told you about what happened out there, he thought that you were going to break down. But then again, you never took that smile off your face. You never let them see another side of you.

Sometimes he would think that you were some kind of superhuman, just like Captain Levi, but with a kinder heart and your power was how well you were with emotion. Even when you were sad or just had a negative feeling settled in your heart, you would only cast down your gaze for a few minutes to compose yourself.

After that, you would look up with the same gentle gaze. Calming them all if you needed to, reassuring them they were alright even when the situation had become dire. You always made sure everyone was safe and sound, so he wondered — who would you turn to now when you needed to let your heart out?

He assumed it was Bertolt's job for the last three years, and he also knew about some deep conversations that you used to share with Marco. But now, with both men already out of the picture, he hoped you would find a place where you could open up to someone else.

And he wouldn't lie to himself that he secretly hoped it would be him since, of course, he was the most decent person compared to the others. Sasha would mostly just listen, Connie couldn't even process any heavy words, Mikasa had her hands full of Eren, and Armin, well, the blonde could actually be another excellent candidate.

However, he was the one who was close with you long enough. You only talked with Armin now and then, while he bickered with you every single day after each class and training. So he knew if you needed someone, that spot would be his. He wanted to be that person not because he likes you (as a friend, he kept saying that to himself), no, but because he might be the one who you were the most comfortable with.

But since it seemed that you currently didn't need anyone to share a burden with, he would just keep his lips sealed and look out for you from afar.

"I think I will go back to my room." You suddenly stood up from the seat, making Sasha bewildered since she thought you would at least eat first. "I needed to send a letter to Mr Keller. It would be nice if it arrived early, right?" Your gaze landed on the brunette as if knowing that she wanted to ask why you left so soon, answering her unsaid question and pinching her currently chubby cheek with how much she ate.

"Okay, come back here as fast as you can!" Sasha swallowed down some of the meat in her mouth, grabbing a glass of water as you already left the table. "I will still be here, promise!" And you just let out a small chuckle at that, muttering something underneath your breath, probably commenting on her last sentence.

He watched you walk away. As creepy as it sounded, he just couldn't take his eyes off you. Right now, his mind was filled with the scenarios that would happen once you were alone inside your room. You might have been going to write the letter and come back, but after what happened, he didn't want to leave you alone just yet.

"I will go with you." He didn't know what possessed him, but he didn't wait for your response and just caught up to your figure. "I mean, I need to get back to my room too. Maybe send a letter to my parents. Not that I want to accompany you or something, of course." Scoffing, he put his hands on the pocket of his slacks as he matched your pace, ignoring the way your eyes glanced towards him.

"Sure, Jean, sure~"

"Oh, just shut up."

Groaning as a chuckle slipped from your lips, he cursed himself silently for exposing his true intention. Something that you must have realised with how good you were at reading between the lines. He was thankful you ended up not teasing him that much, dropping his abrupt gesture and just letting the comfortable silence take over.

It went quiet the second they were out of the mess hall, and the only thing they heard was just the rustling of the leaves. He wished you would say something, maybe start a conversation. Sure, he wanted to talk to you and dig a little about what was clouding your mind, but he didn't know where to start.

"Where's Armin?"

He didn't like this starter, though.

"Huh? He said that he was going to write reports or something if I am not mistaken." Pursing his lips, he questioned himself now why he sounded so bitter as he answered that simple question. "He was like a little commander, running around with ideas in his head." A small giggle slipped from your lips, and it worsened his pout.

"I can totally see that." But he could never have a negative feeling seated deep for too long, not when you were around. "His mind is full of wonders. I am sure he will be a superb commander one day." Not when you always had this gentle beam on your face.

"Yeah, totally."

Eventually, another silence. He could have slipped in some questions, asking how you were doing and what you felt at the moment, but then again, he was never that direct around you. Marco was probably the only person who knew about the soft spot he had for you, and the freckled man was not even walking on this earth anymore.

"What do you want to talk to me about, Jean?"

But he never foresaw that you might have known about it, too. "You know you are now that subtle, right?" There was a hint of playfulness in your voice, and even though he threw his gaze away towards the middle ground instead of you, he could imagine an amused look on your face.

"It's nothing big." Shrugging off his shoulders, he only muttered the words out underneath his breath since he was still caught off guard. "I am just wondering how you are feeling. That's it."

"Ah, I see." You hummed softly after that but did not answer him right away. The pause made him glance towards you, wondering why you had to dwell on something first whenever you talked to him. "I am fine now. I got sad before when I knew that I had to postpone lunch with Mr Keller, but I am good."

That wasn't what he had been worried about. He knew it disappointed you with how the Survey Corps mission would not synchronise with your plan, everything was written on your face. "But I think that's not what you wanted to ask. Am I right?"

"What?"

If he barely knew you, he would think that you were some kind of witch. You remembered all the details about him and your close friends, taking notes in your mind about their little habit. And by now, he shouldn't have been surprised anymore. "I mean, yes. I am curious if you are alright with Bertolt turning out to be our enemy."

I am your enemy.

You didn't dare to face him. Despite how his intense gaze laid upon your figure, your eyes just fixed forward. Jean was still rambling, saying that he was worried since you were Bertolt's lover. Then he cursed at himself for telling everything that the ravenette had told him, thinking that he should have just kept the words to himself.

"I am alright." Interrupting his words, you stopped your pace before you finally looked at him. "And I can't thank you enough for asking him if our relationship was real." You knew it was. You knew how much that man loved you. "That was the only thing I needed to know." But to hear from Jean about his cry out would always tear you apart every time you recall it.

His copper orbs just stared at you, lips slightly parted as if he was going to say something. Perhaps he saw it within your eyes that you were not really alright, and he wanted to call you out. But when he ended up closing his mouth and mumbling some incoherent words instead, you couldn't thank the deity enough that he let it slide for now.

"If there's nothing else that you wanted to talk about, I will go inside now, Jean." The two of you stopped right in front of your room, and his eyes just widened a little there when he realised that. "See you later, yeah? It wouldn't take long since Sasha would sulk if I didn't catch up with her."

"Yeah, sure." He gave you a nod, and you gave him one last gentle smile before you opened your door. It was nice to know that someone was worried about you. You could see that Jean was trying to make you open up to him, but you didn't think it was currently possible.

For the past few weeks, you have lost the people that you hold dear. First Marco, then Mrs Keller, and now Bertolt considered how he was not around anymore. The second you let someone in, then a part of your heart was there within them. That was why when they were gone, it meant they took the part that you gave to them before.

And right at this time, you couldn't bear to lose another portion of your heart.

You let out a small gasp when you felt calloused fingers wrapped around your wrist, stopping you from closing the door. Looking up, your eyes locked with the familiar copper orbs that had been accompanying you for the last three years. That intense gaze — it forced your feet rooted to the ground. "You are not alone, Tybur."

Jean didn't give you time to respond as he dropped your hand, letting it fall to your side. You wanted to at least say something, maybe a small thank you for the reminder, but it was pointless since he was already marching away from your door.

Clutching your shirt, your heart beats a thousand times faster with his words echoed in your head. You were astonished, frozen in place as your eyes followed his fleeting figure. That was surely unexpected, and it needed you an entire minute before you composed yourself and closed the bedroom door.

You pressed your forehead on the wooden surface, still trying to wrap your mind around what happened just now. Jean — you thought you had known everything about him, but it looked like you were wrong. There would always be new things that you discovered from him, and it was just amusing to know that. Letting out a small chuckle, you just shook your head before toppling yourself down on the bed.

"Stupid, Kirstein."

Notes:

Yes, Eremika is going strong in this one... BY THE WAY next week is the latest episode before they proceeded to either movie or pt.3 and goodness waiting for another year - i hope the animation would be purrfect for real!

Chapter 23: Chamomile Tea

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

His bony, pale fingers slowly turned into a reddish hue from gripping too hard on the quill pens. Sweats made his skin glisten even under the dim light, slightly trailing down to his neck, but he didn't mind any of that. The hankie he put on the right side of the ink bottle was mostly used to clean his hand, not wanting the ink on his skin to stain the pristine parchment.

Blonde strands fell to the side of his face like a curtain, clouding his view from the report that he had to finish. He realised that his hair was outgrown, and it irritated him since he had to tuck his hair behind the ears once in a while. The length was tolerable, not that short but also not too long, but that was the thing that annoyed him — he couldn't tie it up.

He was too laser-focused on the task, not even going out of his room ever since breakfast. If Mikasa didn't knock on his door and give him a couple of bread and soup, he probably wouldn't eat anything for the whole day. The only edible thing inside his room now was a cup of tea that you brought him this afternoon, and he only drank it twice.

Chamomile tea wafted through his nose the second he opened the door with you right behind it. A gentle, dazzling smile on your face as both hands carefully held the tray, was a sight for sore eyes indeed after hours of looking at parchments and ink. The reason he didn't want to finish his drink was mainly that he loved the lingering scent, one that now would remind him of you.

Armin made a mental note to ask you about the brand of the tea, but maybe not too straightforward since he wanted you to brew a cup for him and not just give him a box of it instead. Now when he thought about it, you always infiltrated his mind, too often to his liking, since he knew he was supposed to finish this report anytime soon. Especially since tomorrow he and the rest of the new Special Operation Squad had to go somewhere.

His ocean orbs darted towards the ticking clock on the wall. Two hours, he had to finish this off before eight since he needed to get enough rest. By now, his friends were probably inside the mess hall, having dinner together as they bantered and enjoyed each other's company. The image of it made him frown, wanting to be there too, but alas, his duty came first.

A sudden knock on the door surprised him, and he wanted to shout something so the person would leave him alone. Maybe saying stuff that he was busy or he would come out later since he was in the middle of writing a report. But before he could say anything, your words rang first to cut the air.

"Dinner is served, Mr Arlert!"

He instantly stored the quill pen, standing up from the wooden chair at the same time he felt his heart leap from his chest. Truthfully, he didn't know when he considered your existence so important to him. Sure, he had considered you as a dear friend ever since that day you paddled towards him with two loaves of bread in your hands, but for him to notice a lot of things about you was considerably new.

"(Y/n), you know you don't have to." His eyebrows were slightly furrowed as he opened the door. Now seeing you in all your glory with the same tray from this afternoon. "I will join everyone soon, I just have to finish this—"

"That's what you said before." You strode inside once he made way for you, humming softly as your eyes wandered around the room, wanting to see where you should put the tray down. "Let me put this on the bedside table. Don't want to interrupt your work there, am I right?"

"Oh, yes, thank you." Fiddling with his fingers, he awkwardly stood near the door, just looking (more like admiring) at your figure as you set the tray. "I can take it back to the kitchen later. You can go back to the others, (Y/n)." You slowly straightened your posture before turning to face him, and he felt a shiver run down his spine when he saw the death stare in your eyes.

"Sit down and eat, Armin."

"No, it's fine. I am going to—"

"Sit."

He couldn't really say no to you at the end of the day, but right now, his mind was filled with the reports that he had to finish. Squad Leader Hange told him he didn't have to put all the details, just two or three pages would suffice, but he wasn't satisfied with that. Not when there were a lot of things that he could write, that maybe would be a tremendous help for the Commander on later days.

Glancing at the clock, he decided to indulge you for a few minutes. He begrudgingly sat on the edge of his bed, taking the plate you offered to him. Maybe he was acting stupid now for not knowing his limit to the point that his friends had to take care of his health. But it was only for the past few days, just until he finished it.

His ocean orbs never once left your figure as you wandered inside his room, checking the utensils that were lying around on his table. You scrutinised the parchment. For a few seconds, it looked like you were reading the report. Although, you shook your head and tidied up the knick-knacks that scattered there, respecting him since it would be impolite if you read things without his permission.

"You don't have to do any of this, (Y/n)." He let out a sigh, slightly went pouty since you always tried to take care of everyone around you. "I will get my food, and eventually I will tidy my table. I am sure you feel tired too. The others are probably waiting for you in the mess hall so, please, you can leave."

"Do you hate it every time I do this?" That wasn't what he meant, and he immediately put the plate down on the tray once again when he saw a glimpse of hurt in your eyes. "I am sorry if I cross the line. I should have asked Mikasa instead."

"No, no. It's not like that." Standing up, he took another step closer, slowly, since he was scared if you ended up not going to show this side of you again. "I felt happy, it's — nice. To know that someone cared, even though it was probably because you are always like this but, whatever reason your kindness is, I am glad I can feel it, (Y/n)."

Your lips slightly parted because of his words, but it seemed that it was enough to make you understand his view. "I like y— it . Yes, I like it every time you do this. I just don't want you to tire yourself out."

"O-Of course, sorry. I am just worried." You were avoiding his gaze, and he felt remorse at that. "You know how close Eren and Mikasa are, right?" But your question, now that made him wonder what was inside your head. "Sometimes Eren would be angry when Mikasa did things for him, and that makes me think ."

"Oh, I know what you meant." He pulled his desk chair, wanting you to sit there before he continued his words. "Eren liked when Mikasa cared for him. They were always like that from the start." A soft smile etched on his lips when his mind wandered to the two. "But if you saw Eren looked irritated or angry, it wasn't because he disliked her fond gesture, no."

"No?" Your beady eyes never left him, and he tried not to focus on that too much. "Then what is it? Sometimes he didn't even want to talk to her. She's just worried and lo- I mean, cared for him so much, right? Then why did Eren cast it aside as if he disliked whatever she did to him?"

"It's because Eren wanted to be the one who takes care of her, I think." He sat back on his bed, finished his food to give you peace of mind. "He didn't want Mikasa to spend her time worrying about him." His eyes settled towards you, but said nothing else and just swallowed the food down his throat. "It's a man being a man, especially to the person who they considered special."

Armin whispered the last part, fully understanding the relationship between his two best friends. The brunette was known as a hard-headed and impulsive man. It wasn't new that people would not be a fan of his personality. To others, maybe it looked like Eren didn't care about Mikasa, always acting up and pushing her worries aside, but it wasn't the case.

"So am I special?" He was just done with his dinner, his hand reaching out to the mineral water that you also prepared, but his body went still like a statue at the question. "To you? Maybe?" Your expression, it looked like you were asking him seriously, but the intonation was a bit high-pitched as if it was just a tease.

"I—"

Yes.

"Sorry, sorry, I am just teasing you!" You let out a small chuckle, now taking the plate from his lap and putting it on his tray. He felt like his heart stopped for a second there, but he thanked the walls when you interrupted his words before he could continue it. "You don't have to look so scared, 'min."

How could he not, though? You were still in a relationship with someone, and he was so close to letting his feelings out. The words already settled at the tip of his tongue, ready to finally pour it down. Then again, if that happened, he could always wing it if somehow you were flabbergasted. Saying you were important to him as a friend. It wouldn't hurt anyone if that was the case, including him.

Armin already lied to himself about his fondness towards you since day one. He could do it again anytime he wanted.

"Thank you once again, (Y/n)." Standing up, he hurriedly jogged towards the door, opening it for you since your hands were occupied with the tray. "I can finish my report with a full tummy now."

"Glad I can be a great help for you." Your lashes fluttered as you smiled at him, and if only he was the type that put his heart on the sleeves, you would have known for a long time what he felt towards you was nothing close to platonic. But he could maintain his facial expression well, so there was nothing he should be worried about. "See you tomorrow, 'min?"

"Yeah, see you tomorrow, (Y/n)." He stayed put in his place even when you already walked away towards the kitchen. Your hair flowed on your back as the wind softly caressed those soft tresses, and he kept admiring you until your figure was completely out of sight. That was the cue for him to close the door and back to his task, finishing the report as fast as he could.

It was deemed hard. He already held the quill pen in his right hand, ocean orbs staring (or maybe glaring) at the yellowish parchment. The last sentence was there, screaming at him to continue it without a break, just like before. But when the image of you danced around inside his head, he knew he couldn't.

Everything with the name of (Y/n) Tybur was so vivid, forever engraved in his memories. The first time he saw you with that choppy clothes, the way his name rolled down from your tongue, your gentle touch that was enough to bring comfort — all of his senses captured the details as if he had eidetic imagery.

In the middle of hell, you came with two loaves of bread in your hand, prioritising him and his friends more than yourself. And he thought you were not supposed to be here, someone as kind as you would never survive long in a world like this. It was a miracle you were still alive, especially with how easy it seemed for you to push them all away from the death door, only for you to be the one who replaced their spot.

You were an angel incarnate. That was what he believed. Without wings, without a halo blinding his vision, but even though you just looked like a normal human being, in his eyes you were so much more than that. And he could be certain that he wasn't the only person who ever thought about you that way.

He swallowed an enormous lump, feeling his throat go dry all of a sudden. A shade of black, Bertolt, appeared in his mind, throwing away all the peaceful thinking he had about you. That man — Armin never liked the idea of you with him, especially ever since they all knew that Bertolt was the colossal titan.

For the past few days, he was debating if he should put his speculation about you on the report. That was his duty, to trust his instinct and genius brain since most of it ended up to be true. Before, he could always blind himself from the truth, about the little details he found while you were around with Bertolt, Reiner, and Annie.

But it got harder and harder for every moment that passed, making him furrow his eyebrows since he had to choose. Either his heart or his duty, it became the hardest option that was ever laid in front of him.

All the fragments of memories about you that he locked inside his brain were now unlatched. One by one it appeared at the front of his mind. His hands now started moving again, jotting down the details that he could remember. Despite how heavy it was for him to report this, as a soldier, he knew it needed to be done.

(Y/n) Tybur came from the same area as the rest of the enemy of humanity within the walls. Annie Leonhart wasn't fond of anyone, not even that close with Mikasa and Sasha, who were her roommates, but it was a distinct case for you. Reiner Braun, the two of you rarely interacted, but he knew a lot of things about you like a childhood friend would do.

Then, of course, Bertolt Hoover, quite detached from the rest of the ranks, somehow became your lover in the second year. Since the first day, he had always been around you, appearing now and then when it looked like you were in trouble, whether it was with Instructor Shadis or Jean Kirstein. The relationship was quite envious, with the two not being subtle, even in public.

It seemed like there was a deeper bond between you and the tall ravenette, there must have been promises shared too. And—

"Hey, Bertolt." He didn't know what kind of face he made right now, but he was certain he wouldn't dare to look at himself in the mirror. "Are you going to leave her alone?" Her.He chose that word because it could mean either you or Annie. With Reiner around, it only made sense if he baited them with Annie, two birds in one stone. But Bertolt was the one who had Eren right now, so stirring him up would be enough.

"What?" It was faint. The question slipped from his lips as those soft green orbs staring at him with anxiousness predominated there. Even in between the screaming of the soldiers and the titans surrounding his tiny body, he could still hear the weak voice.

"(Y/n) Tybur," He started, and that name was enough to get his full attention. "She's your lover, right, Bertolt?" Those eyes didn't blink, as if begging for him to just continue the words. "Do you know? The relationship that she has with you had its consequences. The military police caught her, Bertolt. At first, they were just questioning her, but then they took her away because she decided to shut her lips."

"You are lying." The man gritted his teeth, and when Armin saw how he unsheathed his blade, he knew everything was going according to his plan.

"Am I?" But he couldn't be satisfied, not yet. "Don't you realise she wasn't around? Knowing her, she would have been here, right? Talking it out with you?" The green orbs wavered, and the horror slowly sank in. "She's not, and what hurts the most is when you remember the way Military Police got their information."

There was once a rumour going around when they were still in the Cadet Corps. How dangerous the Military Police were, especially if it came to interrogation. They wouldn't stop until they got something, at whatever cost. Maybe giving a slap on the cheek, maybe tugging on people's hair until it almost pulled off from the head, maybe cutting their nails too short until it bleeds — it was a horror story that the cadets once heard.

"Jean was with her before he was called here by the Commander, so she was all alone. He said he could hear her scream, Bertolt, all across the Military Police headquarters. She begged them to stop, and she gave nothing, so they continued—"

"You hellspawn!" And that was it. That was what Armin had been waiting for. "I will kill you all! We will take her back!" His scream, pure of agony as the man was so ready to bash his head for not trying to save you, for doing nothing when you were tortured. "I swear, I swear we are going to go back to our hometowntogether—"

And…

Staring at the parchment, he just realised that the ink seeped inside the pores since he had stopped writing for too long. He jotted it down, the words that Bertolt said before Commander Erwin attacked him out of nowhere and saved Eren. The sentence was halfway done. He was so close to giving the information that could change everything.

Everything indeed. His hands trembled a little as if his heart was telling him to stop, and he had to drop the quill pen to calm himself down. This was wrong. He was almost done with the report. The only thing left was the added data about (Y/n) Tybur. Ocean orbs scanned the sentences that he had written, again and again, from the top to the bottom.

One page full of evidence with you as the primary subject. He was a good soldier, and the commander already trusted him as if he was the right-hand man. If he wanted to see the ocean soon, then he had to help the Survey Corps sniff out their enemies.

"The ocean, a salt lake so big that no merchant could deplete it." He recited the quotes that he read from the book that his grandfather gave to him years ago. It was what kept him going, the only reason he was here now and he wouldn't let anyone take his dream away. "Not even in a lifetime."

Taking a deep breath, he counted to five before slowly letting it out. He fetched the cup of chamomile tea and left the room, needing some fresh air. His brain was muddled up from coping inside the cramped space for far too long. He harshly sipped the tea as he just stood there, eyes overlooking the empty ground.

It was late, and maybe his friends were all asleep since they had to wake up early in the morning for the mission. It reminded him why he needed to finish the report tonight. He should drop it on Squad Leader Hange's office before he sleeps, so he would be free from the task. Allowing him to focus on the next mission, about what, it was still a secret as for now.

Yes, he should go back inside and finish the report. It was done anyway. Maybe he needed to do a little revision here and there, but the mandatory information was written clearly. This was the first time he wrote a full report. Surely if he made a spelling mistake, no one would blame him for it.

He looked down at the cup of tea that he held, swirling the sunshine yellow, honey-like sweetness liquid absentmindedly. Even though it had been hours since he got this brew, he could still sniff out a hint of apple and a delicate scent of herbs, one that from the first time he received this cup, soothes him to the core.

Closing his eyes, he sipped the remaining tea and just let the taste burst inside his mouth. He let out a small hum at that, smiling softly before he got inside to check on the report one last time. Taking his time, he grabbed the parchment with his other hand and read it thoroughly, approving the work that he made himself. With his fluid choice of words, he knew the insights would be easy to understand.

He carefully put down the now empty cup of tea once he reached the last paper, the one that had a smudge of ink at the bottom. His eyes just stared at it, humming underneath his breath before he separated that one from the rest since he wasn't done with it. He knew what he was going to do now. His mind was already clear after taking a slight break outside and he made up his mind.

The quill pen was dried, so he dipped it a little inside the bottle of ink. Looking at it one last time, he then scribbled all the sentences that he had written before, making sure that no one could make out any words from it. He didn't need a long time, just a minute, and the paper was now crumpled inside the dustbin.

He felt satisfied and the only thing he needed to do was to drop the finished report at the Squad Leader Hange's office. His task was done. The papers were perfect as it is without too much additional information, something that wouldn't make anyone confused. Yes, this would be enough.

After all, Squad Leader Hange told him he didn't have to write everything , right?

Notes:

The struggle of head over heels for the enemy. Poor you, Armin Arlert.
THEN AGAIN, Our miss Tybur is too - fdshsafdsfsd what is this why am I making this story, I swear (":

Anyway~ wanna befriend on Twitter? My acc is /_caesthetic
I am currently opening a writing commission because my mom's sickness is getting worse and we need a lot of kaching! If you are interested to the commission, please do check my carrd on the Twitter Bio... THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SUPPORT!

Chapter 24: Rustic Cabin

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"You look tired, 'min."

Hopping down from the waggon, you thanked Jean as he passed you a box filled with food supplies before your attention fleeted towards your blonde friend once again. There was a bag underneath his eyes, and he looked much wobbly than usual. You knew what caused him to look like this. Everyone knew. That report Squad Leader Hange requested from him, he truly took the task deliberately. "What time did you finish the report?"

"Hm?" Goodness, Armin looked so dazed now as you scrutinised his face. The blue orbs that usually shone so brightly now looked a bit dull. "Oh, sorry, around ten if I am not mistaken." That was late compared to the others, and you were sure he didn't immediately go to rest after dropping the report for the Squad Leader.

You and the rest of the new Special Operations Squad ended up bickering inside the mess hall until the clock struck eight in the night. Mostly talked about how they all needed to defend Eren and Historia from now on. The first one was because of his ability to be a titan, then the latter was because she had a monarchy bloodline. They didn't want any of this, for their friends to be the ones who ensured their safety, but it was the mission that was laid upon them now.

When you sat across from Historia at the table, you still couldn't believe that it was her. She was the last descendant of King Fritz, the remaining of them. At least if Reiner's intel was right, then she would be the only one alive. The entire night you were tossing around your bed, thinking about the possibility of the founding titan passed to her. Although, with how clueless and innocent she looked, you had your doubts.

Then again, anyone could have put up a mask to conceal their secrets.

"You should rest after this, you know?" Your eyebrows furrowed when he shook his head, and he was so close to retorting. Probably going to say that he didn't feel tired at all, that he had to stand by with the others. "No, take a nap." But you beat him before he could say anything else.

"Wait, (Y/n). I-I am fit enough, really!"

"Tell that to the bags underneath your eyes, Arlert."

He flinched at the way you called his name. For him, that just sounded so wrong, especially since for the past few days you always called him by a certain nickname. With the slight glare in your eyes, he often forgot you had two sides. Sometimes you could be so gentle and caring, but the other was you getting a bit ruthless, usually for their own good, so it was the same in the end.

"Okay, I will rest for a bit."

"You scared him, Tybur." You rolled your eyes at the remark that was coming from Jean. He walked in front of you with Sasha, and your lips quirked into a smirk when you thought of something. "I swear, even Instructor Shadis is not — argh!"

Letting out a surprised yelp, you laughed boisterously at how his legs quivered. You decided to nudge his knee from behind, making him almost drop the box in his hand. "Tybur, what the hell?!" He kept muttering profanities, now turning back since he didn't want you to pull any other antics. "I am looking at you now."

"Ooh~ Scary, Kirstein. Careful with that pebble there, though."

"Huh, where?" He looked around at the ground, only finding a flat terrain and stone pathways. "Tybur!"

If you cast aside the mission and the warning that was given by your captain, it would feel you were currently on holiday with the rest of your friends. Everyone was here anyway, and the casual clothes they wore only made the atmosphere more at ease. You didn't know who chose this location, but you were going to thank them if you had the chance.

It was a cabin in the middle of the woods but located right in a clearing. There would be no wild animals around, and wherever your vision stretched, no other human could be seen. The pine trees made rustling sounds with how the wind caressed their leaves. Once you were done with your task, and that was cooking, you would relax outside. Maybe invite some of your friends who wanted to join.

"Sasha, can you grab some potatoes for me? Two for each one of us. I need it for our lunch." Washing up the kitchen utensils, you decided to just get the cooking done so you had a lot of leisure time for the whole day.

"Of course!" She skipped towards the pantry, grabbing the ingredients furiously and you could only shake your head in amusement at her excitement. "Is this enough?" When she nudged your side, you can see drools gushing down her chin. Typical Sasha, for sure.

"Fifteen? There's only seven of us at the moment." Raising one of your eyebrows, she didn't move from her spot and just gave you a sheepish grin. "Surely you remember that Connie and Captain Levi will catch up tomorrow, right?" You waited for her to say anything else, but she just stood there with the same dopey look. "Oh…"

"Please, please, just an extra one?" She put the basin on the countertop before clasping your hand, her orbs glistening like a puppy. "I promise just for this lunch too. I will forever be on your side if you let me have one more, (Y/n)."

Your pupils slightly widened at her words, somehow feeling a melancholy hit you once again. You knew she was probably joking around, just spouting all the words she could think of so you could say yes. Nevertheless, a seed of hope grew inside you. Wouldn't it be nice if she never left your side? Forever there, despite knowing what you were?

"Fine. You know I couldn't say no to you." Squeezing her hand for assurance, you immediately get on with the work. Her squeal could be heard throughout the entire cabin. Happiness surged through her entire body just because of a simple extra potato. "Sasha! Keep your voice down or the others would—"

"The others would what?" Eren's voice suddenly boomed in the entire room, making you flinch at that. You just gaped there, hoping that Sasha shut her mouth since she didn't have the ability to lie. "Nevermind, but (Y/n), can I trust you not to make the kitchen dirty? Captain Levi wouldn't be satisfied with soldiers who couldn't keep their stuff clean. You can, right? I am already infuriated with Jean. He can't make his own bed."

"Hah?! Stop acting like you are my mom!" When Jean came into view, you immediately nudged Sasha so she could go, knowing that no one had their attention fixed on the two of you. Humming softly, you ignored the commotion between Eren and Jean, those who could never keep their volume down.

It kind of felt like you were recruits again, maybe cadets with how light the circumstance was. At the same time, they all knew that protecting Eren and Historia was a major assignment, something that should have been given to seasoned soldiers instead of you and the rest of your friends.

Yet Captain Levi chose all of you to be the members of his team, and you had a gut feeling that it was because the recruits were all precious to Eren Yeager. Paradis had become a veritable hell even deep inside Wall Sheena. There wasn't enough food to produce, even clean water had become so expensive the past few days. Robbery, human trafficking, murder — you were back to the days after the fall of Wall Maria.

But now, the situation has become way too dangerous compared to that time.

Glancing from your shoulder, you watched your friends ganging on Sasha since she tried to smuggle a piece of bread for later on. They were all trying to push her to confess. Even Mikasa, who usually just let her off, was looking quite tense and kept asking the brunette if it was true.

You cast your eyes back on the herbs in your hand, chopping them to pieces so you could season the potato with them. Even though your body was here, your mind was going all over the place. One second you were thinking about your father, in another, you could faintly feel Bertolt's lips against yours.

Then the last one was a slap on the face. A reminder of how you chose to stay and embraced your role as a Paradis citizen.

When Commander Magath explained the mission, it looked like everything was clear. You were going to get the founding titan, take the power back to Marley, and you could have some leisure time with your family. But oh, how you wished it was that simple. Back then, you were just a naïve warrior, thinking that you could always turn a blind eye to history.

Five years you ended up getting attached, five years you ended up cherishing these people that the other warriors knew as devils. You thought you could just pack your bag and leave, but that wasn't the case anymore, and truthfully, you still didn't know where you should stand in the middle of this chaos.

"You look tired, (Y/n)."

Raising one of your eyebrows, now you just looked at Armin, who used your own words to attack you. The audacity. "Do you need help? I am done with my task."

"Didn't you promise me to take some rest? A nap, right?" You tried to ignore him, you really do.

"I didn't promise it, though." He mumbled underneath his breath, smiling sheepishly at you before he took another herb that wasn't touched yet. Not once looking up at you as he could see the glare he received from his peripheral vision. "Don't worry, (Y/n). I will take a nap after lunch. Everyone is also lounging by then, so I wouldn't feel like I am lingering around when my friends are busy."

You knew once Armin was fixed on something, he wouldn't back down. So you didn't stop him anymore and acknowledged his help. It seemed like he knew a lot of things about house chores, and he was easy to understand your instruction. Now you were too occupied with his presence and getting the lunch done, not realised that the room became quiet.

"(Y/n)?" As you just closed the steamer, you let out a small hum to give Armin a sign to continue his words, a sign that you were listening. "What do you think would happen next?" The question caught you off guard, making you straighten your posture before you faced him.

"Another war." You folded both of your hands, tapping your feet to the ground to shimmer your emotion down since you didn't expect him to start a heavy conversation. "But not with titan, maybe on later days. In the meantime, you know how everything's going now, right?" He gave you a nod and leaned his body slightly on the countertop.

"Yes. Trost had become a nightmare, they said." You frowned at that, now thinking about Jean's parents since he came from there. What happened now to his mother? You wondered about it and made a mental note to ask him later. "The monarchy was all over the place. They even called Commander Erwin to face the king. As usual, they wanted Eren, but now Historia too. So what happened next would be…"

You didn't like this situation, not at all. When you arrived here, you thought there would only be these clueless people within the walls who knew nothing about life outside Paradis. Yet, of course, insatiable aristocrats exist in any part of the world. Either in Marley or here, there would be people who had the upper hand and used their position to monopoly everything.

"Like I said, another war." In this case, you wondered what they were going to do if they got their hands on Eren and Historia, but you were pretty sure you didn't want to hear any of it. "But instead of fighting titans, I think we are going to fight another human being, 'min."

And what you thought before had become reality. After days of being safe in the cabin, experimenting on Eren's titan ability while keeping a low profile, the holiday ended with the newest letter from Commander Erwin. Orders were given by the government. The Survey Corps was banned from venturing outside the wall, and they had to hand over Eren and Historia.

In earlier days, you had already predicted this situation. Captain Levi and Squad Leader Hange arrived with calamity on their trails. They explained what happened in the capital, how there was a military group called the First Interior Squad who was sent to plunder the Survey Corps at all costs. The same people who handled the death of Pastor Nick.

No one knew who controlled this squad, but it looked like they were assassins who always got their hands dirty for someone in the government. Even the Military Police didn't know a thing about what that mysterious group would do, having a different chain of command with no official control over their doing. And that was what made them dangerous.

They could do whatever they want with a free pass to kill and torture anyone on their way. Compared to them, you could think that you were much more human. You and the rest of the warriors were. None of you liked the idea of killing people, always tried to make sure people died in an instant so they didn't feel any kind of pain.

Yet them, those people in the First Interior Squad — they were the actual devils on this island.

"That was close." You peered down from the top of the hill, the rustic yet comfortable cabin where you had been staying for the last couple of days. Now filled with the Military Police as they tried to look for the rest of the Survey Corps. "What would happen to us if we hadn't left immediately?" Glancing towards Connie, you only patted his shoulder to calm him down.

"We are safe for now. Don't think about a scenario that wouldn't happen." Squeezing his tensed muscle one last time, you faced the middle of the group as Captain Levi and Squad Leader Hange discussed what arose now. The way they were all still blind, not knowing who they should point their blades at, made the situation muddy. "It's like we are chasing shadows."

"That's why we need to find out who's behind this." You were surprised when Captain Levi acknowledged your words. It was barely above a whisper, and yet he was able to hear the full sentence. "So, let's move to Trost District. We need to stay away from the interior. With Trost in panic, it should be easy for us to slip in."

Trost. The second he mentioned the district, your eyes instantly flew towards Jean, who now had his hands balled into a fist. You knew how dire the situation was in that place because he received letters from his mother before. He told you about what happened there, how it was so hard to get food to the extent they would hear children cry from starvation.

"And if it's necessary, we can use our gear more freely." As Armin murmured the sentence out that was immediately approved by the captain, your eyes were still fixated on your ash-brown haired friend. Your pinky finger slowly nudged his fist, and thankfully it was enough to snap him out of his murky thought.

His eyes found yours, and you immediately reassured him that everything would be alright. If he could, you knew he wanted to meet his parents, but it was too risky. Especially when each one of you was now being hunted by the enemy. One that could kill without a trace, a foe that wouldn't show mercy even to women and children.

Despite Jean appearing to be a jerk, it was only on the surface. He cared so much about the surrounding people, and the reason he wanted to join the Military Police in the first place was mainly for his family. He wanted to bring them inside, safe from the attack of titans within layers of walls. That was what he dreamed of. To have a secure life.

Something that changed the second he saw his best friend's corpse.

Even when your lips were shut, he could understand the meaning of your lingering gaze. His full expression of gloom now slightly came back to normal as he looked back at you. A small smile emerged on his face, just the thought of someone noticing his dark sentiments was much appreciated. Before you could pull away, he linked his pinky fingers with yours. Subtle from the other's eyes and surprising to you.

You flinched at his gesture, and he was close to moving away, cursing at himself since he thought you were uncomfortable. His heart dropped when you pulled your pinky, but it leapt or maybe even thrown away from his rib cage as you snatched his hand instead. It was just you, (Y/n) Tybur, his best friend. He didn't have to feel this nervous over a small body contact like this.

He was supposed to focus on the order that Captain Levi gave, solely on it since he had to be another body double of Eren once again, acting as bait for the enemy. Before, maybe he would have a scowl on his face since he didn't like the task that was given to him. But to everyone's surprise, he accepted it without a hint of irritation on his face.

"Alright, everyone knew what to do." Once Squad Leader Hange and Moblit went back to Sheena, your captain stared at each one of you. His steel, sharp eyes landed on something between you and Jean, and you could see his eyebrow twitch a little at that before moving on. "We are going to continue the mission tomorrow morning. For now, we need a place to rest."

Realisation dawned on them. The cabin that they thought would be their hideouts turned out could be tracked so easily. It was impossible to stay on a property that was owned by the Survey Corps too since the government had detailed information about each commodity. Trost, no one here was from Trost, and even they wouldn't endanger any family members.

"I think I have a place." But then you remembered. "I don't know if it's still intact, but I am sure no one will search for us there." The earthy aroma of wine, stacks of labels, and glue waiting for you each morning, the soft call of your name as it tumbled down her lips. "I worked there before I enrolled in the military, and last time I knew, the place was abandoned."

Even though it had only been two years since you received the letter from her about the movement. For you, it felt like a decade had passed. You didn't know the condition of the building, whether it was destroyed in the Battle of Trost or unscathed. There was no certainty. The Survey Corps couldn't camp around here, too dangerous with the Military Police around.

"Oh?" It would be a gamble, that was for sure. "Then lead the way, Tybur." But even he knew the chance was too promising to pass.

"Yes, Captain."

The second window at the back of the house was never locked. Mrs Keller was a careless person, often dropping her key house when she went shopping or just walking around the plaza downtown. Even when she moved to Stohess, she didn't check all the latches in this house. For that, you were uncertain whether you should be grateful for her characteristic or shake your head in disappointment at her negligence.

Your wager immediately paid off when you arrived and saw the house still standing tall. And you couldn't stop yourself from smiling gleefully when you could slide the window open. One by one, your friends and the other soldiers get inside. They certainly made themselves comfortable, since the place was more extravagant than the other houses in Trost District.

The seasoned soldiers from Squad Hange were all going down to the basement, Captain Levi checking the thick dust that could be seen on some surfaces. Your friends mostly just passed out on the floor. While you? You reminisced. From the kitchen and dining room, you saw a glimpse of a smaller you with the other warriors, eating dessert and all the good things they never had.

The spacious living room where you would take a nap still had the same furniture, all draped with a slipcover to protect it from the dust. You thought she would sell this property, but it looked like she tried to hold on to this place in how well the condition was. Maybe she didn't do it because of the sentimental value. It could be seen with how nothing changed.

No new furniture, no drastic renovation, no transformed arrangement of the rooms. Everything was still in the same place when you first arrived and never changed, even on the last day you were here.

The door creaked as you went to the room where you spend most of your time. There was one massive table in the middle of the room and three stools around it. If it was five years ago, bottles of wine would be lined up. One worker checked the perfection of the bottle, another did the cleaning, and the last put labels perfectly.

Your nostril twitched as an earthy aroma of wine still lingered inside this room, but now it was mixed with the smell of old wood. There was no more wine around. This place must have been sterile for months or maybe even years if no one lived in this house anymore. But even though there were no other people here, somehow the atmosphere was still warm.

You just stood right in front of the door, both feet rooted to the ground. Not going inside or trying to leave. You disliked resting in the middle of the work. So even when the other workers were taking a break, you would still be cooped inside doing all the jobs. Every time you were like that, then cookies and chamomile tea would be served, with a gentle kiss on the forehead as an extra appreciation.

Mrs Keller, she was—

You shut the door, not wanting any pleasant memories to emerge again. There was something else you should be focused on, and that was the next mission you would do tomorrow. When you walked past the living room, the guys were all there except Armin, making you wonder where he was, along with the girls.

It seemed like they were all busy with their mind, so you just walked past them, going upstairs to check the bedrooms.

The first one was locked. No voices could be heard from the inside anyway, so you checked the other room. You raised one of your eyebrows when you could hear some fusses. What could happen inside, and who? Taking another step forward, the voices got even louder now. Some sniffles and you instantly broke down the door when you recognised who the voice belonged to.

"Armin, what happened—"

Your jaw dropped to the ground at the sight in front of you and you didn't know if you should be here or not. When you heard your friend's sniffles, surely this wasn't what you expected would happen. Mikasa was holding on to women's clothes, the same ones that Historia usually wore. The blonde girl herself was combing a wig that was similar to her hair colour.

Last but not least, well, this was the main reason you were speechless in the first place. Your dearest friend, Sasha Braus, was now stuffing balls of fabric inside Armin's dress shirt. The poor guy just stared at you, babbling out incoherent words as his face slowly turned into a whiter shade of pale.

"N-No, someone please bury me now."

"Oi, Armin! Don't pass out. We are not done preparing you for tomorrow!"

"It's (Y/n), she looked at me when I am like—"

You couldn't comprehend what you just witnessed, but you shook your head in amusement at the scene. It seemed like Armin didn't want you inside, so you ended up waving at them, closing the door as if you saw nothing absurd a few seconds ago. It was quite a sight for real, and you knew that was what you needed to boost your spirit up.

Before, you were in too deep with the memories of where you spent your early years here. Your mind was going haywire as you recited the time you ate together inside a beautiful house with your warrior's friends. Those who were now scattered all over the place, one inside a crystal, two probably out there waiting for the right time to strike, and the last was slowly turning side.

Sometimes you wished you could see the future, so you didn't have to feel you were walking on a tightrope all the time, so you knew if the path you chose was right or wrong. But then again, if people knew something beforehand, then the outcome could be altered too. And if things could change, then there was no point in foreseeing the future anyway.

You stopped at your track when you saw Jean, Connie, and Eren snoring as they were sleeping on the couch. Leaning your arms on the wall, your eyes lay on the brunette. He was the one who made the warriors stop destroying Wall Rose. None of you expected the soldier who wanted to eradicate titans to be the one who had the power of titan himself.

If you were not mistaken and your knowledge still served you right, then he was the attack titan. They were able to foresee the future and the past life of the said titan inheritor, one ability that was considered dangerous and yet valuable. But that was it, he was only the attack titan. Surely these people didn't need such power, right? Especially when they just kept on burying the truth.

"Why do they want Eren and Historia alive?"

Why indeed? You once felt electricity coursing through your body when Eren and Ymir were kidnapped. It was as if something was awoken inside of you, ordering you to attack. At that time, you were clueless about the fleeting spark, but you were sure it was the power of the founding titan. And now another question appeared, one that you knew couldn't make you sleep tonight.

Then who inherited the founding titan?

Notes:

And the third season begin! Honestly this is my favourite arc, AHAHAH! I upload it now to celebrate 7k hits! Huhu I still can't believe it... Some people may say it's not much (": But to me it's a whole lot! Thank you for everyone who has been sticking up with me for so long... I hope you are still there even when the journey ends... LOVE U GUYS LOTS! Comment is always appreciated!

Btw, yes. No one actually told miss Tybur about what happened, and she was never there in the rooms where it happens as they discussed about Eren's ability

Chapter 25: Hand of Sinner

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"Sasha, don't roam too far from the group." You pinched her cheek as her eyes wandered around, drooling at all the food stalls that you passed. She let out a yelp, rubbing her now reddening skin before muttering a small sorry and scooting closer towards you. Subtly, you glanced behind you as you made sure that Eren and Historia were there. Well, you meant their body double.

It always entertained you every time you saw Jean wearing that wig, replacing his ash-brown hair with a darker shade of colour. You still recalled the day of the Stohess mission and how you cackled so hard your stomach hurt, something that resulted in him throwing the brown wig right in front of your face to shut you up.

Armin, on the other hand, was acting weird. Ever since he got out of the bedroom with Historia's clothes cladded his body, he never once looked at you. Whenever you tried to talk to him, he ended up muttering that he had things to do and left, making you purse your lips since it stung a little. Especially since you were oblivious to what you did wrong.

Maybe you would ask him after the mission, not wanting the awkwardness to continue. But right now, you had to focus on where you were. Your eyes scrutinised the ground, looking out if there was any kind of unusual movement from these people around. There was also no one at the top of the buildings, so for now, it seemed that the enemy wasn't around.

"I hear something," Sasha muttered underneath her breath and you immediately slowed down your pace. She was sharp, exactly like a hunter, with all senses heightened.

You couldn't hear anything when she first mentioned it, but now the sound of the carriage was getting closer and closer. "(Y/n), it's coming from behind!" She pushed you away from the main road, and your arms instantly wrapped around her figure so she would fall with you.

It throbs when your back was knocked down on the ground, especially when your friend practically used your body as a cushion to land. Your fingers immediately traced your friend's arms and limbs, checking if maybe she was injured in any way. "Ar—I mean, Eren and Historia! They are kidnapped again!" But hearing her shout loud and clear right in your ear must be a sign that she was alright.

"Let's get them." Whispering out just for your friends to hear, you stand up as Mikasa and Connie nod at you.

Captain Levi ordered everyone to get to the closest alleyway so the civilians wouldn't witness as the squad switched to their vertical manoeuvring gear. There was no time to lose. Each one of you had to catch up with the carriage that kidnapped Armin and Jean.

Who knows what they would do to your friends? But you swore if those bastards ever hurt them or left a scar on their skin, you would not let them go without enough punishment.

"There." You landed on a building near the inner gate, following Captain Levi as he asked them not to make too much noise. Peeking inside from the window at the roof, the kidnappers didn't look like they had enough guts. "These kidnappers are awfully green. Why would they send amateurs on a job as important as this?"

"Then it would be easier to take them down." Whispering underneath your breath, you saw Sasha and Connie checking out the perimeters, making sure that there were no other guards around. From where you stood, one guard approached Armin, and your hand clenched at that. There were no blades or anything from his hand, so you wondered what the man was trying to do to him.

The moment their dirty hands roamed all over Armin's chest, you made an oath that the man would pay for what he did. Your blonde friend looked both disgusted and scared, something that only made your blood boil. If it wasn't because you had to wait for the boss to arrive, then you would have beaten that man to a pulp.

The things he did to Armin, his lustful look as his hand kept wandering around, your mind already filled with kinds of crime and punishments.

Only when Captain Levi suddenly stood up that it diverted your attention, wondering if he was going to go somewhere else. "Captain? Are you going to check on the wagon?"

"Yes." He gave you a side glance before nodding. For a moment there, you see him furrowed his eyebrows when he moved his left leg. "I know you can take care of the rest. Remember to keep your eyes open and come meet up with me once done." But it seemed like he was more than fine already, so you didn't put your worry too much on him. "Oh, and there's something that I need to say."

Both you and Mikasa looked up at him, waiting for an order. "Sometimes we have to get our hands dirty with human blood." Your lips parted slightly, not expecting him to say it now. Then again, you understood well how societies had worked. "We have no choice but to fight humans. It was either our enemies or allies. So, make up your heart."

That was the last thing he said before grappling his hook towards the wagon, joining Nifa and the rest of Squad Hange. You knew from the start that you were going to fight another human just because of being on a different side of the war. For you, of course, it was nothing new. Years of living in this world and you already stained your hands with human's blood through the war in Marley. This wouldn't be any different.

When you darted your eyes to the side, Mikasa had this unreadable look on her face. Murdering humans wasn't new to her too. If she didn't get her hands dirty years ago when she was kidnapped, both she and Eren wouldn't be alive right now. You reached out to her shoulder, patting it softly since you had a feeling that her mind was repeating the memory of that day. Her obsidian orbs now locked with yours, and she gave you a firm nod as if saying that she would be alright.

"Let's get inside. Sasha and Connie already gave a sign." Standing up, you offered your hand for her to reach. "But Mikasa, leave that fat, dirty blonde haired guard to me." She blinked, knowing exactly who you were thinking.

When she thought about it, you always had a gentle smile on your face. But when things got dire, it wiped all the sunshine and delicate complexion off, replacing with this darker side of you. Your lips were shaped into a thin line, eyebrows creased and your orbs slightly hooded.

A murderous aura radiates from your body with an absolute intention of giving your all. And right now, you needed to hit someone for laying their filthy hand on your friend.

Four men in total. The two must have been important since they walked first. You eyed the area, making sure that there were no other guards around before you looked at Sasha. She raised her hand, telling you to wait since all of them needed to attack together.

One, two, three — you immediately kicked a guard on his neck the second Sasha balled her fist. It wasn't the one who touched Armin, but you had to do what you needed to do now.

The guard you ambushed was fully unconscious. You didn't put too much force on the kick, or else he would have died by now. Still, you never thought he was down from a minor hit there. Grabbing ropes and medium length fabric, you made sure that he was tied up and gagged, not wanting to hear anything from him since the boss would be sufficient if you were digging for some information.

After securing them on the pole, your eyes wandered to the warehouse. At first, you were going to greet the filthy guard from before, but when Armin appeared in your sight, you couldn't help your legs from running towards him. His ocean orbs looked surprised when you got closer, and he felt like he couldn't breathe when you tipped his jaw and checked if maybe he was hurt. The murderous aura was gone within an instant as you were back to your usual self.

"Did he hurt you?" Your thumb grazed his chin, not liking the fact that someone was so close to doing things . "Are you alright? Do you need anything? Connie is fetching your clothes now. Please wait, okay?" A pinkish hue tinted his cheeks, and that was when you realised you were doing the same thing as the guard from before. Touching him without his consent. "Dear goodness, I am sorry, 'min, I didn't mean to—"

"I-It's fine, (Y/n)!" He waved his hands in front of him since he didn't want you to feel guilty. "I know what you mean, and I am okay." Clearing his throat, he tried to calm himself down since you just touched him with all the gentle pressure. Something that woke him up with goosebumps.

He removed his wig, now showing his usual short length hair as he looked at you with subtle adoration in his eyes. "I am alright if you are the one who touches me."

"Huh…? What the fuck does that mean?!"

"Let's go meet up with Captain Levi." Mikasa cut off Jean's response, one that, of course, was enough to shut him up. Your best friend would practically do anything for the ravenette, and one of those was to listen to anything she said. "Get your gear ready, Jean, Armin. There's also a message that the captain wanted to tell. I will wait on the rooftop." Oh, you knew what it was, and you could only hope the rest of your friends could take the message as easy as you were.

The only enemies that they knew were mostly titans. Nightmares came from them being eaten alive, not from a bullet piercing their chest. What they knew, humans live side by side. Even when sometimes they would fight over trivial matters, the worst thing they ever saw would just be a man hitting another.

Your friends never saw humans killing each other, but with how things escalated, then maybe today would be the moment they had to open their eyes.

As everyone was done with the preparation, you could hear gunshots coming from deeper within the city. You gritted your teeth at that since it was the route that the wagon would take. It happened now — the killing spree. Your fingers subconsciously pulled the blades from the scabbard, one that made your friends surprised. They were all looking at you with a hint of fear written on their face, questioning why you had your weapon ready.

"Captain Levi told us that there are circumstances where we have to kill humans." And Mikasa answered their silent concern. "From now on, our enemies are not only titans." Before any of your friends could retort, both you and her dashed forwards to the source of the gunshots. You didn't know how many people were trying to kill the Levi Squad, but if you go there late, who knows what would happen to your captain.

Even when your friends were hesitant, they followed you and Mikasa right after. Your eyes scanned the ground, wondering where the wagon was until you found it. Connie shouted they should save Eren and Historia. There was no other time to waste.

But when they all saw Captain Levi pulling someone with his hook and slashing them to pieces, your group suddenly went quiet. Their eyes never left the decapitated corpse that now fell on the ground, still in shock over the circumstance.

"Oi, took all of you long enough." Your captain scoffed, and you knew the irritation in his steel eyes was not for his squad. "Those guys already killed three of our own. They had been practising to kill people all of their life." A crimson hue already stained his face, the fresh blood of the enemies. "So if you have a chance, never hesitate to slay them." And it was a sight that forever be imprinted inside their head. "Armin, Jean! Take over the wagon. We are going to cover for you!"

The blonde was fast to respond, collecting his mind and just focusing on the order that he received just now. While Jean, his eyes still lingered down on the corpses and the enemies that Captain Levi killed just now. He never thought he would be in this position.

This wasn't what he wanted to do when he enrolled in the military, and he was supposed to fight titans as he joined the Survey Corps. Not this, not these humans. "Jean! Catch up with Armin!" But it had to be done. He knew if he spun his brain long enough, he had to.

You gritted your teeth when you saw the anxiousness bubbling inside his molten copper eyes. He wouldn't dare. Jean still didn't have the courage to kill his own, and it was written all over his face. Dashing down towards the wagon, you kicked the First Interior Squad on her face, making her stumble backwards. If you were not mistaken, both Jean and Armin had a gun that they stole from the guards. It would give them an advantage since with humans, blades became a poor choice.

Knowing their unsettled heart, you didn't dare to stray too far from them. There was this one man who aimed his gun towards Armin, wanting to seize the wagon. But before he could harm your friend, you shot your hook at his stomach, pulling him towards you and slashed his neck exactly on his carotid arteries.

Your method killed him right within an instant, not wanting anyone you killed to feel any pain because they must have just followed orders. But it caused the vein to burst the scarlet, thick blood to splatter across your face.

Pushing the dead body away as you withdraw your hook, your eyes immediately meet with the familiar copper orbs. There was horror on his face, and apparently, he witnessed the performance that you just did. His hand trembled as it held a blade that was pointed towards the brunette woman, and you saw how she clashed her gun on the sharp steel, making it fly away from his grasp.

She was the one who had the upper hand now, with the barrel pointed towards him.

"Kirstein!"

Bang! Bang!

You snatched him away from the wagon, just right in time before the bullet could hit his body. It felt so hard to breathe. The image of him getting shot was already swirling inside your mind. If he died, if he was gone too, you swore you would kill all the remaining First Interior Squad.

Your clutch on his figure tightened, cursing at him underneath your breath for not trying to kill the woman, especially when you knew he had a gun in his hand. "You are stupid. Extremely stupid."

If the two of you were in another circumstance, he would have shouted back at you. But right now, he fully understood what you were feeling, and he could sense the lingering concern in your weakened tone. He only embraced you back, clinging to you and muttering a small apology instead.

His eyes drifted towards the corpse of the woman, now realising that Armin was the one who pulled the trigger and killed her. That was why he heard two gunshots.

There were too many of them. The enemies were three steps ahead of the Survey Corps, and he disliked the drawback they had to experience. He saw Sasha save Armin out of the way while Mikasa tried to catch up with the wagon. But knowing how they would die if they fought now, the captain knew it was time to fall back. Even if he was too far from the two, he could hear the anguished cry of Eren's name that came tumbling down her lips.

"Kirstein, are you well now?" Her attention snapped back towards you, one of his saviours. "I-I need you to fly back towards the warehouse on your own." There was a sense of urgency in your voice, and when he looked at your face, he was surprised to see furrowed eyebrows as if you were holding down a pain. "But only if you are fine. I am alright if you still need me to—"

"No, I am good." The two of you landed on one roof first. When he pulled away from your grasp, his eyes scanned your body, afraid you were hurt. "Hey, Tybur, why are you looking like that?" You didn't face him, just fixing up your cloak as you let out a sigh.

"Let's just go. The longer we stay here, the faster for the enemy to catch up with us." He knew it was a lie. The First Interior Squad ignored them right away once they got their hands on Eren and Historia. But he just nodded at you, letting you go first before he followed right from behind.

You didn't look different now, still agile as you grappled your hook towards the buildings. Although at the same time, he had a feeling that something happened, and he wanted to know what.

When the two of you landed at the warehouse, you didn't once glance at him as you walked past the others. You just looked around, acknowledging the rest of the squad, before you delved deeper into the building. It looked like you were looking for something, and Jean wondered what it could be. "I am going to the bathroom." Well, he didn't expect something as mundane as that. You announced that so they all could hear, but you didn't even bother to take off your cloak as you wandered there.

"Is she alright? She looked a bit off." Connie apparently had his eyes focused on you too, as you slowly left their vision. "Hey, Jean, shouldn't you check on her? Sasha is stitching Captain's wound right now, and Mikasa is with Armin."

"She's going to be fine." He didn't know whether he said it to convince Connie or himself. You were fine. Physically, it looked like you were, but who knows what was on your mind? A part of him was begging to follow you while the other just told him to let you go. Maybe you just needed some time alone. He was debating which one that he should follow.

But when he just stayed rooted on the ground, he knew he chose the latter. "I hope."

The second you locked the door, you immediately took off the long cloak that covered your whole body. You winced a little; you were moving your arms too fast to your liking that you could feel the metal bullet shift. A shaky breath slipped from your lips before a small chuckle of dismay rolled down your tongue.

It had been a long time since you got shot, and before, it was usually when you were in your titan form. Something that never hurt you with how the bullet would bounce off.

But well, you were in a human form and it was too risky to regenerate yourself. Not when your friends were around and right now, probably wondering what took you so long inside the bathroom. Unbuttoned your shirt, you pushed the right sleeves until your arm was exposed. The gash was nasty, leaving a small hole in your once perfect skin. You had to get the bullet out before bandaging it, and you knew you would need something to bite on.

As your vision flew towards the cloak, you tore the lower part of it. You hoped by shoving the clothes inside your mouth, it would be enough to muffle your scream or any excruciating noises you let out. Now you were ready. You just needed to let the bullet out. That was it.

Your friends shouldn't be worried about you, so you have to do it fast. With one hand holding a pocket knife and both eyes staring at the blurry mirror, it was time to enjoy the pain.

Taking a deep breath one last time, you braced yourself for what would come.

Notes:

One of my fav chapters to me! dsfdsfsda I think I love all kind chapters I wrote in S3 (": IDK I just love the story and the development for our Miss Tybur! But what do you guys think?

Comment is always much appreciated!

Chapter 26: Two Sides of the same Coin

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The lantern in the middle of the room became the only thing that illuminates the building. Surely it wouldn't be enough to light up the whole warehouse, but it was sufficient for the squad as long as they circled around it.

Just your luck , the place was humid. Despite how Sasha opened the skylight, the breeze didn't flow as it should have.

This mistake on the installation caused the stale air to go nowhere, something that made your stomach churn since you could still sniff out the rusty smell of blood combined with slick, unpleasant sweats.

"What's wrong?" No one opened up their mouth once they were done eating, so you were grateful when Captain Levi decided to speak up. "Did this filthy room kill your appetite?" It wasn't a pleasant starter as per se, but it was enough to distract you from nausea that clouded your mind ever since this noon.

You glanced towards Armin, the one to whom the shorter male talked. Your friend looked like he was deep in thought, looking as calm as possible despite how you knew from Mikasa that he had been crying before. You wouldn't blame him for feeling like this, realising he had his hand stained with human blood needed some time to process.

He was no longer pure , and he knew about it too. Armin was a genius. After all, he pulled the trigger because who knew what would happen if he didn't?

The woman could have pursued you and Jean, or maybe she would point her gun at him instead. He was certain he did the right thing, but of course, the fact that he murdered someone still troubled him.

"No, but I wonder about something." Armin turned away from the snack that he had been staring at before facing Jean. "When I fired that gun, I felt like I had moved too late." Almost, almost too late, but it was fine. You wanted to reassure him it was alright. In the end, Jean was still here, and the woman didn't shoot you and your friends anymore. "Sorry for that, but, why was I the one who shot first?"

Oh, you were thinking about it too before. Jean had so many chances to shoot her, and yet he faltered. Then again, he wasn't ready to kill. You were pretty sure the bullet would have hit him if you were not fast enough to grab him out of the way. It was fine, though; you didn't have any regret for swooping in, not minding the way you cried out in pain for a few minutes as you tried to pull the bullet out of your arm.

Doing it all by yourself was a mistake from the start, but you had your reasons. If by the end of the night no one realised you were shot, maybe you were going to regenerate yourself. Swallowing an enormous lump, you put yourself back to the present moment and gazed at your friends.

Jean pursed his lips, eyebrows furrowed and his breath went shaky as if he was brought back to the perilous moment.

"That's because…"

"Because the other person hesitated." Captain Levi continued the words, reading his mind since it seemed that he was once in the same position.

"It's true." Gritting his teeth, you felt bad for both Armin and Jean as they looked so guilty. "Armin, I am sorry. I knew what I should have done, but…"

"Is that how it is?" Your eyes shifted towards the blonde. Now you were the one who pursed your lips. "I bet the woman I killed was a good, kindhearted person. She must have been much more human than me since I pulled that trigger so easily. I-I am—"

You didn't like this at all. The way he blamed himself for something that needed to be done. Parting your lips, you were just going to say something before the captain beat you to it.

"Your hands are permanently stained with human blood now. You'll never be able to go back to the way you were." The words were much colder than what you had in mind, but maybe your friends needed the harsh truth to be poured in front of them. "Embrace the new you. If you'd kept your hands clean, either Jean or (Y/n) would be the ones who died. Someone like her wouldn't stop when she missed. No."

And you hoped it was enough to open their eyes to the situation. "Let me tell you why you pulled the trigger."

Captain Levi explained from the start it was thanks to Armin that nobody on the team ended up dead. If he didn't bloody his hands, the First Interior Squad member would keep firing at you, Jean, and of course, himself too. They wouldn't stop as long as Eren and Historia were still in the Survey Corps' grasp. Maybe it was wrong for humans to fight each other, especially when life was at its stakes.

But you knew there was no right or wrong in this. You were in a battle, and there would only be those who survived and those who died, nothing in between.

"Understand," Armin whispered underneath his breath, followed by Connie and Jean, who nodded at the captain's words. They all knew that murdering the enemy was needed because it was to kill or be killed from the day onwards. "Oh, (Y/n)?" You blinked when he suddenly called you, wondering what he wanted to say now.

His ocean orbs wander towards your arm, and your eyes immediately widened at that. "How is the wound?"

"What wound…?"

You tried to ignore the second question that slipped from Jean, mouth still agape since you never thought Armin would notice it. He didn't speak a word about it before. Even when you were out of the bathroom, he just greeted you normally.

Well, if you remembered correctly, he asked if you are alright, but that was a common question after a mission, so you didn't put your mind too much into it.

The other's eyes were now fixated on you. Even Captain Levi raised one of his eyebrows. They all waited for you to say something, inspecting your form in case you were still hurt.

You wanted to curse Armin for exposing you like this, but maybe he was just worried you would keep the information and hurt yourself even more. So you were not angry at him, you just blamed the situation and your lack of ability to hide things.

"When I got to Jean, I covered him with my body since I didn't want him to get shot." Casting your eyes downward, you didn't dare to look your friends in the eye. Especially Jean. "I thought Armin shot twice. Even if he didn't, I thought I could dodge the bullet she fired." Slowly, your voice got lower and lower. The words stuck at the tip of your tongue, lips parted, but no syllables were spilt.

Truthfully, the main reason you didn't want to explain it was mostly because of Jean. He already blamed himself for pouring the blood on Armin while it was supposed to be his job, and you didn't want to add more weight to his shoulders. Then again, it seemed like all of them already expected where your words led to. "But it ended up grazing my arm. Nothing big though, it's just a scrape—"

"Is it?" You flinched a little when you heard Jean's question. "Is it really just a scrape?" A shiver ran down your spine, but you acted as if his intonation didn't affect you at all. "Look at me, Tybur. I knew you long enough to notice that you were lying." You still didn't want to look at him, just glancing towards Mikasa as she gave you a nod. A nod of what, you couldn't fathom anymore. "Oi, Tybur!"

"It doesn't matter, doesn't it?"

"But, captain,"

"She got shot. That's what you should focus on." The short ravenette stood up from the box of goods that was used to sit, slightly glaring at Jean as if telling him that there was no use in worrying about a thing now. "Add that to the cause of your hesitation." That was the only thing he said before walking towards the boss of the kidnappers, followed by Mikasa, who apparently knew who he was.

Jean couldn't focus on anything now as he felt like he experienced déjà vu. He had been here before. He swore he had been in this place that day after the Battle of Trost.

The idea of you dying because of him.

He never wanted to encounter something like that ever again. Yet the world seemed to have pleasure in torturing him, especially when it came to his emotion.

Even when his feet brought him towards the merchant boss, Dimo Reeves, he always ended up looking at you. You were here; you were still alive. That was what mattered now. He recited the exact sentence repeatedly inside his head, knowing that he had to collect himself together. There was no time to dwell on the demon inside of him.

His focus was now on the conversation between his captain and the merchant, not wanting to miss any important detail. He would have any other chance to think about your well-being and to prepare his mind for what would come.

When you were sure he didn't have his eyes on you anymore, you finally glanced at his figure. It looked like he was starting to make peace with himself with the face that he made now. Even if it was just for a while, you were glad that he didn't stress out over the bullet that hit you before. The last thing you wanted was for him to blame himself for your minor injury.

You were so fixated on him at the moment, though of course you still listened to the next plan that you had to execute later on as Dimo Reeves agreed to help the Survey Corps. But one thing that you didn't realise was the way a pair of ocean orbs scrutinised you up and down.

There were a lot of questions in his gaze as he looked at you as if he saw a puzzle that he needed to solve. Maybe because you were. Until now, he only knew so little about you. Your family, the reason you joined the military life, it was all a mystery.

And as greedy as it sounded, he wanted to know everything. That was why he made it his goal to be the first person who could resolve you.

It had been minutes since Squad Leader Hange came down to the basement, and the scream that you heard had become louder. Even when it was Captain Levi who tortured the prisoner before they came, the wail wasn't as harsh as now. Your friends were sitting around the tables, all of their eyes never once leaving the wooden surface as if it was the most fascinating object in this room.

Maybe right now they were thinking about the same concern. Especially Armin, Jean, and Connie. The three had this pained look on their faces as they could only listen to the screech that blared right in their ears with how quiet it was here.

Both Mikasa and Sasha had this calm look on their faces, not showing any kind of emotion, but you were pretty sure the brunette would crack any minute by now if the scream continued.

"All of us are criminals now." Armin decided to break the silence, catching everyone's attention as they waited for him to say something more, distracting their mind from the hell they had to endure for the meantime.

Sucking a deep breath, he tried to control his emotion. "We've started killing our enemies not because they will eat us if we fail, but merely because we have different beliefs, or maybe even just because we are in a different group." His voice slowly turned into a whisper, and you couldn't help but reach out to his back.

He flinched at first, not expecting to feel your hand against him, but he welcomed the kind gesture with open arms. "I just, it just feels wrong to take a life over that." His forehead was now scraping the table, hiding his face away from you and the others. "We can't call ourselves good people anymore, right?"

The low intonation he used lingered with desperation, needing validation since he felt like he was floating midair, not knowing where the proper place to land.

"Oh, 'min…" You whispered out his name as you rubbed his back up and down, feeling how he was trembling. "We kill titan because they end up going to eat us, right? Because if we fail, we are going to die. It's the same with humans, you know?"

Leaning closer, you scooted your chair towards him, making your knees touch with his. "Titan deserved to be killed because they were going to eat us. Those humans deserved to be killed because they are going to kill us. It's the same, it's a matter of perception."

In this world, there were always two sides of the same coin. You learned about it even before you inherited the war hammer titan. Your father once told you that there was no wrong or right in this world. It all depended on the way people saw things.

To you, colonising another country was wrong since it was their liberty. But to Marley, it was right because they had enough power to unite another territory they could prosper.

At your words, Armin slowly turned to face you, and you greeted him with a soft smile that could always make him feel lighter. Tears were pricking at the corner of his eyes, something he tried to hide, and you realised that was the reason he covered his face before.

You decided to rest the side of your head on the table too, never let go of the eye contact you shared with him. At this, you could see him more clearly. Every pull of muscles on his face, all the stress he tried to endure.

He looked so fragile with those ocean orbs glossed with tears of despair. Ocean, if you told him that his eyes had the same hue as the vast land of water, you wondered if he would believe you or not.

Someday, if it was really possible, if someday you were going to go far away with a slight chance of coming back here, you were going to say it. Your hand that was on his back before slowly went up to his face, cradling one side of it as you gently wiped the tears with your thumb.

Armin felt like he was the luckiest man on earth now (casting Bertolt aside who was your actual lover) with how you practically gave all of your attention to him. One look into your eyes and all of his dark thoughts dissipated into thin air. That was how easy for you to pull him back towards the light.

He knew you were trying to lift everyone's mood, but he would think that your words were solely meant for him. Maybe they all heard your reassuring words from before, but they were not the ones who felt your fingertips tracing his cheeks.

The way you shared your affection through this gesture, he wanted to believe that it wasn't platonic. Even then, despite how much he wanted to think that you adored him like he did to you, he realised that was as far as he could do. Imagine.

"Thank you, (Y/n)." Despite that, regardless of how deep his feelings were for you, there was something else that he needed to make sure of. "For staying here with us."

Your pupils slightly dilated at his words, as if someone just slapped you on the face, and he tried not to point it out. He already exposed you to everyone about the bullet. Just like Jean, he noticed the habit you did when you were lying.

You always looked someone in their eyes whenever you talked to them, but you averted your gaze somewhere else when he asked if you were alright after you got out of the bathroom beforehand.

He knew you were hiding something, or at any rate, you were not as fine as you confessed to him. When you shielded Jean on the wagon, he was there to see the bullet that the woman fired gone without a trace.

She aimed the gun down, and at that angle, the bullet was supposed to at least hit the wooden surface. But as Sasha took him away, his gaze still fixated on the seemingly unscathed wagon.

The second you walked away to meet up with Sasha and Mikasa, he immediately went inside the bathroom. Maybe it sounded creepy, but he was just worried you were in pain without no one knowing. He wanted to make sure if you were really alright or you were lying. It became so important because he cared too much for you and, at the same time, was curious.

The bathroom turned out to be pristine clean, as if no one ever used it but you were just there. He inspected the entire area, not wanting to miss any clue just because of the unspoilt upbringing. Even though it was weird, he traced each surface of items in the bathroom, checking if it was wet or not. And the only place where his fingertips got damp was from the sink. Nothing else but that.

For almost an hour, you just stood there, looking at the mirror. He set his foot right where you were standing before, trying to recreate what you have been doing all along.

His eyes roamed around the bathroom once again, noting the closet, the tub, the sink, the mirror — and, of course, the small rubbish bin that he almost missed. He swallowed an enormous lump before crouching down, thinking hard if it was worth it to look inside.

Then again, knowing you better has always been worth it. He fetched his handkerchief from his trouser pocket, covering his fingers with it as he lifted the lid.

And somehow, he got disappointed when there was nothing else there but a muddy piece of clothes. He almost slumped his back on the bathroom wall, out of disappointment, before he decided to just keep going. Not that sanitary, but he could endure it a little more.

He grabbed the clothes and put them on the bathroom floor, unfolding them as he checked if maybe there was blood staining the fabric. Much to his dismay, he found nothing there. It was just normal dirty clothes that you didn't use anymore. And he was going to return it inside the rubbish can before his eyes found a glistening, tiny metal at the bottom.

With maximum care, he slowly picked the item up, lips slightly parted as his concern was coming true. It was a bullet; the colour used to be gold, but it turned into a scarlet hue, probably because it was stained with your blood. And he decided to cover it with his handkerchief, pocketing the item in case he needed it for something.

He didn't know what he was going to do with the bullet, but his guts told him to just keep it, so he did. Before he left the bathroom, he made sure that everything was exactly like before. Although he made a minor change in the closet as he let it open instead. He also wetted his mouth and shoved two fingers down his throat so it looked like he was vomiting.

You and the others would never think that he was playing spy inside the bathroom, especially you. Once he got out with a dazed gaze, his face slightly went pale as he could only croak out your name. He knew you would get worried once you saw the state he was in.

And at that time, you did. You immediately jogged to where he was, becoming the one who asked if he was alright, just like how he asked you a few minutes prior.

Armin knew a secret the others didn't, a secret about you and oh, how much he took satisfaction in that fact. Maybe they were all aware that a bullet hurt your arm, but what they knew was how it grazed your skin, nothing much direr.

If you were only scraped, then the bullet should have fallen somewhere else. In your case, you had it with you, and Armin concluded it was once inside your arm. Snug in between your toned muscles and flesh.

And now, he wanted to ask why you looked surprised when he thanked you for staying. He wondered what scenarios you had in mind right now, as if you remembered you were not supposed to be here. You were like a little girl that was hiding underneath many layers of blankets. While him? He wanted to be the one who unravels each one of them, wondering what he would see once he saw your bare skin.

"O-Oh." Like now, confusion was written on your face, and it made him curious what prompted you to look like that. Though, it slowly dispersed as your expression went back to the previous one, radiating tenderness and kindness. "You are welcome, 'min." With how enigmatic you were sometimes, he couldn't wait to figure you out to the core.

Would it be a terrific sight or a grotesque one? He didn't know yet at the moment, but he lived to find out.

Notes:

Gah, midterm exam week is here! Things went a bit haywire here in my life too... fdsfbdgfds Thank you to all of you who still wait and are patient in this journey with moi~! Love you guys so so much!

Chapter 27: Sensibilities

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You adored the woods. To stay there for hours and let the fallen leaves touch your skin. Back then, when you were still in the Cadet Corps, you often flew towards the rows of oak trees near the titan training area. Whenever you stayed there, you felt like there was nothing you should be worried about.

The duty that chained you, the burden you held on your shoulders, everything just dissipated for the few minutes you spent there.

You claimed a spot for yourself near the cliff. Liking it there since the breeze was much stronger compared to the titan training area. Sure, it took more time to get there, but to lie down underneath those oak trees was worth the sweat. You would bask yourself there, just taking a nap for an hour or two before dinner.

For an entire year, it became your sanctuary. You were the only one who knew about that place. Until Marco decided to follow you out of worry. Your eyes were closed, already in a trance as you waited for your brain to let you sleep. But before you could drift towards the dreamland, you heard a snap of the wood coming from the training ground.

"Whoa, whoa, it's just me, (Y/n)."

You wanted to chuckle at the memory. How you were practically preparing your pocket knife since a lingering fear that someone found out about your secret haunted the back of your mind. But when a tuft of raven hair popped into view, with his orbs dilated at the stance you were in, you immediately withdrew the small weapon. Surely you didn't expect your best friend to catch up with you. Not after a year did he do nothing.

The wariness you felt for a moment was replaced with relief. Marco Bott was someone you cherished from the day he approached you, always radiating kindness as he greeted you after hand-to-hand combat. He was unlike anyone you ever knew before. A bit timid, but once you acknowledged his presence, he immediately bombarded you with questions.

It was refreshing and the turning point that pulled you towards a life full of adoration. Ever since the first week, some of their cadets had their eyes on you. Mainly because you could be one of the strongest women in the rank, but not as cold as the other two. At first, no one tried to strike a conversation with you, not knowing just yet how you were going to act around strangers.

But when they saw Marco had his hips attached to you after training, they could conclude you were a warm person.

He was the one who started it, who made you want to know more of them. The dreams each cadet had, the things they wanted to achieve in this life, their fear and weaknesses, each trait they possessed, you loved to get to know different people. You told yourself that it was for gathering intel. You said that too at Reiner when he held the first meeting and warned you about your action.

You just shrugged at him, saying things like you had set your own boundaries, but oh, you didn't understand yourself as the warriors knew you. A delicate person, someone who despised war, blood, and killing another human being much more than them.

Someone with a privilege like you needed twice their time to get used to all the above. And you were also stubborn. You felt like you had taken the right path to get to know these island devils personally.

As a warrior, you knew it wasn't. You tortured yourself with guilt every time you saw someone you cherished died in front of you, and every time it happened, you considered that as a way to redeem the sin you had in the first place. But you fully knew that wasn't the case. You just didn't want to hear "I told you so" from the warriors when they found you struggling to keep your sanity at bay.

"Captain, we got all the supplies you asked for." Jean's voice snapped you from your thought, and you immediately whipped your head to face him. Armin and Mikasa were right behind his tall figure, just back from buying some food and any other important items that the captain ordered them to get before. "Oh, and the Military Police handing these out."

Everyone scooted closer to Captain Levi, wanting to see what it was all about. The Survey Corps had been disbanded, and the rest of the soldiers who were still missing were hunted down. Now all of you were considered a criminal, accusing how the Survey Corps killed civilians. You gritted your teeth at that, not liking how the table had turned.

Then again, you knew Commander Erwin had a concrete plan. He was someone who would think out of the box, gambling on everything with a slight chance of winning. But if he did, it would be the biggest achievement of the century. You faced Sasha, who now had her eyebrows creased, and you immediately understood something even before she opened up her lips.

"Someone's coming, Sasha?"

"No, I think two." Connie looked at you both with bewilderment in his eyes. "From that way." The brunette pointed at the south, and each one of you stood up since she missed nothing with her senses. Either the smallest sound from the distance or a shadowy figure in the dark. She was gifted with that ability despite being a normal human.

It didn't take long for Captain Levi to give an order. Armin was going to play decoy while you and Jean attacked them from on top of the tree. You considered this an effortless task, especially since the two soldiers were Military Police, not the First Interior Squad. They were quite chatty, and you were interested in the man's perspective. Wondering how someone with an idealistic point of view decided to stay within the inner wall.

"Let's see." Captain Levi spoke up. "Stohess District Military Police." He read the identification card that Jean gave him before, out loud, since he wanted the two to hear them. You were standing behind the captives. The man with black bowl-cut hair was called Marlowe Freudenberg, and the other who kept looking down was Hitch Dreyse. "What should we do to you two?"

"It's your fault that more than a hundred people from Stohess District got killed!"

"Hey, Hitch!"

"Maybe you think you are saving humanity, but you send those victims straight to hell!" You wanted to shut her mouth now. She kept trying to remind the sin that everyone had, how the Survey Corps became the reason there were so many deaths within the walls. But you just sealed your lips, for now, lifting the black fabric that wrapped around your neck to cover half of your face.

You knew too well about the victims of Stohess District. Even now, you still could feel how cold and rigid her hand was when you interlaced it with yours. The sky turned dark as the rain slowly erased the crimson hue from the road and building. Maybe the blood and corpses were now gone, but you knew the story would never be forgotten. "And you guys were in the Southern Cadet Corps, right? Just like Annie Leonhart!"

Your pupils dilated at the mention of the petite blonde, making you purse your lips since she kept on talking as if she knew everything. "Were you friends with her?! Nah, I don't think so. I doubt someone as distant and abrasive as she made any friends. I didn't even get to know her, and she's gone! Bet the reason we never found her is because those titans pulverised her until there was nothing left!" And you were reaching your limit the second she screamed the last sentence at your face.

"She's my best friend." Her eyes, which were filled with rage before, slightly toned down. "You are right about her. Not making any friends because she often looked like a scared child around crowds." Despite the warm intonation, you looked at her with a harsh stare. "But the reason you couldn't find her is that Annie was the undercover titan who we needed to fight back then."

A glimpse of Annie's crystal suddenly appeared in your mind, stopping you from saying another word. You pressed your temple at that, feeling an intense throb before you decided to leave the scene, of course, after telling your captain beforehand. Ever since yesterday, you always got a headache every time the warrior member appeared in your mind. And it irked you how clueless you were about the cause of it.

As you went deeper into the woods, you thought you would feel the serenity that usually surged all over your body every time you lost yourself within these rustling leaves. But for the first time in forever, the only thing you could feel was just — nothing. Not sadness, anger, disappointment, or even regret.

Despite how it should be things you felt, right now your heart started to get numb.

"What took Jean so long?" The egghead started to yawn, feeling so sleepy since the captain told them not to do anything before Jean came back from tying up those two Military Police. You wondered about it too, and you got worried since your friend usually did any task quickly. If something happened to him — no, he would be fine. He had a knife and a gun, truly having the advantage over two soldiers with nothing but their clothes.

"I will check on him." Still, you couldn't help but think of the worst. You asked Captain Levi before taking your leave, wanting to make sure if it was alright for you to catch up with your friend. The man just stared at you for a few seconds, as if debating if he would let you or not. But when he tilted his head toward where Jean went, you immediately thanked him and dashed to where your friend was.

Since you didn't know the situation there, you decided to unsheathe one of your blades. You heard footsteps, eyes scrutinising the area since it looked like the two were in a loose. What happened to Jean, you wondered. He became your top priority at the moment, not caring if the two Military Police were going to report your presence. Your priority now was to make sure if he was alright, and you finally found him with a pistol in his hand with the barrel pushed on Marlowe's chin.

Jean appeared to be collected, feeling certain he had the upper hand since a bullet could kill faster than a knife. Despite how it looked like he didn't need any help, you decided to be on standby, preparing yourself if the woman arrived back with reinforcement.

"No human alive would believe that you want to join us." Ah, so he wanted to test the man's will. "Who would believe we're going to save humanity while we're being hunted like animals?" Jean kept shoving the barrel of the gun right on Marlowe's throat, and he could have shot him right away. Yet somehow, the ravenette didn't even falter.

"Then what about you?" Instead, he asked back. "Why are you still with the Survey Corps?" Right now, you wished you could have seen the look on Jean's face. You didn't know why indeed, but one thing for sure was that Marco's death opened his eyes to what happened in this world. "It's because of her, isn't it? You are not subtle. Your eyes never left her figure, even when she—" He shut his lips, maybe finding something else inside your friend's eyes.

You didn't know what stopped that man from continuing his words, but you couldn't do anything but watch for now. "Fine. But you need to know that I regret joining the Military Police." He began again. A different turn from his last sentence. "So long as you in the Survey Corps continue to risk your lives for the rest of us, I will trust you." The knife that was pointed at Jean dropped to the ground, and maybe the two of them now finally met an agreement.

One thing that you missed was how a certain woman with tousled hair suddenly hit your friend in the head. So hard that it made him topple to the ground. Getting furious that he was hurt, you rushed towards his side and pointed your blades right in front of her face, making the poor woman gasp in surprise at the sudden appearance. Your eyes glowered as if you dared her to move an inch, not liking it when Jean was beaten up.

Except you were the one who beat him to a pulp. Then that would be a different story.

"Hey, hey, let's just calm down." Marlowe butted in, and she really should thank his existence or else you were going to make her regret herself for being born into this world where you were in it. "Hitch, he was just testing us! And you, well, Hitch, just tried to save me, that's all." You clicked your tongue, knowing that it was true. That didn't mean it could erase the annoyance when someone hurt your friend like this.

"Okay." You withdrew your blade, sheathing it right back inside the scabbard before turning to face Jean, one hand reaching out for him to take. "Let's go, Kirstein. We can just let them go. I think they wouldn't dare to open their mouths." Your voice turned one hundred and eighty degrees when you spoke to Jean, and the two Military Police just looked at each other at the sudden change.

"I think we can let them help us, Tybur." Jean took your hand, groaning as you hoisted him up from the ground. You raised one of your eyebrows at that, your face questioning why he could be so sure. "Believe me. I can reassure Captain Levi that we can work together with them." Of course, you were a bit sceptical, but when you glanced at them, eyes now looking with determination, maybe it would be fine to trust another.

"Fine, but it's all on you. I will just stand behind while you do all the talk." You asked Jean to lead the way while you went closer to the two with a pocket knife in your hand. "Come here, give me your hand." Marlowe still flinched a little as you touched his hand. "Be still." And with one flick of the knife, the ropes around his wrist fell onto the grass. "Sorry about before. We need a little doubt here and there in this situation. You too, Dreyse, right?"

"Y-Yeah." Her eyes cast down towards the way you touched the ravenette's hand, and it surely intrigued you. Oh, did I sense jealousy here? You wanted to chuckle at that and there was an urge inside you to get more reaction from her. "Now, even though you are not in the Military Police, your hands are calloused." Your fingertips traced his before pressing your palm on the clammy hand. And when you glanced at her, she had her lips jutted forward. "I wonder—"

"Oi, Tybur, quit playing around!"

"Yeah! I mean, let's go. We are still unarmed here."

Jean bit his inner cheek at the sight, not liking how his friend flirted in front of him. Seeing you with Bertolt getting all lovey-dovey for the past two years was enough to make him gag. Surely he didn't need to see more. Especially with a guy you barely knew. He grumbled under his breath, not waiting for you to catch up since he could see you teasing him after this.

For the minutes he walked first, he didn't once turn to face you. The footsteps were enough to tell him you were right behind, along with the two Military Police. He didn't know why he felt so petty right now. Maybe because he had been there when you spent your time with your lover rather than him and the rest of your friends.

Despite Marco once saying you were fair when dividing time, he still felt like you were a little too far from him.

Sometimes he asked himself if he was being selfish. After all, he was just a close friend. You were always there too whenever he gushed over Mikasa, telling you how beautiful she was and how she deserved the universe. There was no complaint coming from your lips, so he felt like he should fix his attitude from now on.

If it was possible, of course. He already tried it before, but the slight irritation never went away completely.

"Are you sure you like Mikasa?"

The second he heard the question, Jean couldn't help but choke on the soup that he ate. He didn't expect his best friend to suddenly ask about his feelings out of the blue. Marco should have known how much he adored the quiet ravenette.

Her soft strands as it blew with the wind, how majestic her figure in overall, Mikasa Ackerman was the epitome of perfection. What he felt for her wasn't subtle, at least to his circle of friends. So it made Jean wonder about the reason behind the question.

"What?" He gulped down his drink and wiped his mouth off with his sleeves, copper eyes never leaving the freckled man. "Of course I like her. Hell, I could even say that I love her. Ever since she came into view, I know she is the one that I want to be my wife." The way he said it, it was as if he could foresee the future. That was his dream anyway, to live in the innermost and get that prime real estate, living with his little family.

But the way Marco pursed his lips, it was as if he knew something that even Jean didn't fathom. He didn't like the expression on his best friend's face, full of questions and uncertainty inside those light brown orbs. "What? What's in your mind? Just spill it, Marco."

"No, it's just…" His eyes drifted towards someone on another table, three rows behind Jean, and it caused him to turn his head too, wondering what his best friend was looking at.

There you were with a handkerchief in hand, wiping the edge of Bertolt's lips since there was a stain there. Your hearty laugh could be heard even in the middle of the crowded room, ringing right in his ear. You leaned in closer to your lover, whispering something that caused the taller man to have his cheeks tinted with a pinkish hue.

Jean's throat felt so dry at the sight of you looking so happy with someone. He kept telling himself that Marco, Sasha and Connie could have made you laugh harder. You didn't need a lover. Their existence would be enough to make your life filled with colour. But you let someone take your heart away, then slowly your attention too. In the end, there was nothing left for him and the others in your day.

Maybe he started being foolish for wanting to be near you every time like it used to be before. But he felt so sure it was normal. That was just how friends should feel when someone they always spend their time with was barely there anymore. "I doubted it."

"Huh?" When he snapped his attention back towards Marco, he was just scooping the warm soup from his bowl as if he didn't just mess with Jean's head. "What are you talking about?"

And right now he wished, he really wished, that his friend could have told him what those light brown orbs saw back then.

"In other words, we are free people once again." Your eyes glimmered even under the dim light of the lantern as it locked on his before your lips curled up. There was this glee on the way you smiled once Squad Leader Hange dropped those last words. And he knew he had the same expression that matched yours, maybe not as bright as you, but it was there too.

One, two, three — both you and Sasha jumped beside Mikasa, making the poor young Ackerman squash between the two chatty women as their shout of victory perhaps scared any wild animals around.

He felt so relieved knowing everything was over. Well, not entirely since Eren and Historia were still in the enemy's grasp. But the fact that at least they would have support from the government made their next step easier than before. What they needed to do now was just to wait for the wagon. There was no time to rest and celebrate their freedom, at least not now.

Squad Leader Hange told them about this lead, an investigation report regarding the Reiss estate. No one knew what kind of hell they were going to face there underneath the chapel. But no matter how hard it would be, each one of them started to get used to this kind of life as the Survey Corps, who never rest from thrills.

"Are you ready?" You were just going to get on the wagon when he decided to approach you. "I have a feeling things are going to get messy." He didn't know why he wanted to face you now, maybe because he hasn't talked to you ever since he asked you to stop playing around this afternoon.

"Oh, I am sure it will." Despite how light your voice was, he recognised the lingering sarcasm there. "Why? Feeling anxious or something, Kirstein?" Oh, he did. He felt a bit all over the place and he thought it would be gone by talking to you. But no, it only made it worse. And he decided to hide the distress in his heart by putting on a facade.

With how you raised one of your eyebrows, he had a feeling you could see right through him. You already parted your lips, maybe going to ask him more about it. "Hey, Kirstein. I don't know what we are going to face or how many enemies I need to kill. I swear I will let no one hurt you." But no, you decided to change the topic, maybe not wanting him to dwell on that mysterious feeling.

It worked. Your words were enough to get him all fired up. He slightly sneered at that. There you go again, talking as if you were the strongest woman in the universe. Sure, he liked it every time you showed off, but sometimes, he wanted to be the one who would be able to say that without thinking twice.

"Huh? I appreciate the sentiment, Tybur, but I can protect myself. Also, I can be the one who protects you." And at a time of vulnerability like this, he decided to just say it.

One side of your lips quirked up, smirking at his words as you stared at him. The way you looked now was just showing how smug you were, but those beady orbs seemed to be filled with a lot of emotions at once. Things he couldn't understand. And by far, the only one who could read you like an open book was Marco, yours and his dearest friend that wasn't even here anymore.

"Alright then." You patted him on the shoulder before ascending to the wagon, waving at him one last time. He knew he should have mounted his horse now, but he stood there for longer than he intended to. "Go get to your horse and see you on the battleground later, yeah?"

"Hah, wipe that smug look on your face first, Tybur!"

"Shut it, horse-face!"

"(Y/n)! That's foul!"

He just shook his head when Sasha and Connie snickered at the nickname you threw. But he didn't even try to retort or anything and just went to his assigned horse. Maybe that was what he needed after all. A little banter was shared between you and him, just like old times. Something that made him feel like he was still in the Cadet Corps, where reality wasn't as cruel as this one.

Whatever happened next, even though he lost one of his best friends, he would become stronger than anyone else, so he could protect the rest of them. Those who now fought beside him.

And of course, you.

Notes:

This is the time when I don't know whether I want Jean as the endgame or Armin... I think I need to make a vote smh...

Chapter 28: Fleeting Moments

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"Are you two lovers?"

You blinked. Once, twice, as you were trying to process what Squad Leader Hange just asked you. One moment they were talking about the possibility of titan's involvement in the Reiss estate that caused the stone chapel to be ruined.

And now that random question was suddenly tossed into the air, making you baffled. "I mean, you and Jean Kirstein?"

"They are not ."

Your lips parted, ready to retort, and said things about how he was like a brother to you. But a voice coming from the front seat beat you up to it. "If I am not mistaken, Jean had his eyes set for someone else." You wanted to thank Armin for his backup, appreciating how he answered for you when you were tongue-tied. "And (Y/n) is Bertolt's lover."

"Bertolt? Bertolt Hoover?" However, his next sentence made you feel depleted.

You bit your inner lips at the way Hange and Captain Levi had their eyes fixated on you as if questioning why the blonde used present tense instead of past tense. "Oh, I remembered now. That's the main reason you stayed with us on top of the wall during the last mission, right?"

"Yes, Squad Leader Hange."

"Hange is alright."

Silence overtook once again, and you could only fiddle with the pendant in front of your chest as you occupied your mind with something else. Your friends were questioning the status of the relationship you had with a certain someone. It was prominent in their eyes.

But none of them was brave enough to ask why you kept holding on to it. "Do you still like him?"

Except for them, apparently.

"Pardon?" You were a bit flabbergasted, not knowing the proper answer. Yes, you liked to be with him. He was the anchor that made sure you didn't drift apart from the other warriors. "I—Yes. Despite how he turned out to be the colossal titan, I understood him more than just a weapon for the enemy."

But you need to be careful when saying it out loud. "He was like us, human beings who needed to fight for their life." Your voice gradually became smaller, eyes cast down since you didn't want to catch sight of any judgmental look.

Mikasa had her attention solely on you, lips slightly pursed since she recalled the moment when she demanded you to let her kill Bertolt. Your words. Sometimes she wondered if maybe you knew about him being a threat to humanity. And she knew she wasn't the only one who noticed it.

Both the captain and squad leader had their eyebrows raised at your last words, trying to decipher the underlined meaning.

"Oh, I see. I see." There was this little nervousness in the older brunette as they fixed their glasses. "Sorry if I crossed any line, that's not my intention." You gave them a nod of reassurement, meaning they didn't offend you at all before turning your attention somewhere else.

No one said anything afterwards and somehow it made Hange uneasy since the atmosphere went blue.

From the first time they met you, there was something that made them feel you were some kind of enigma. After everything you had been through, no sane person could have a heart as pure as yours. They knew that you often got overprotective of your friends, and you lost so much in the last couple of weeks.

Yet you were still standing here, without once breaking down or showing any hesitancy.

Levi told them you didn't think twice when he ordered you to kill humans. He even said your movement looked like you were born for it, to be a weapon of some sort, and they both wondered how come you were not in the top ten of the Cadet Corps. That made it more intriguing to learn about you, added with how the reason you fought here was still vague.

Hange's chocolate orbs scrutinised your figure before they followed your line of vision, something that somehow lightened their heart. Jean Kirstein was making a stupid look, sticking his tongue out at you as you rolled your eyes at his childish antics. At the sight of such friendship, they subconsciously smiled.

You were always so calm and collected, gentle maybe to all of your friends. But the ash-brown haired man brought another side of you that was amusing to see. Now they were wondering too about the one who Jean had a crush on. It was hard to predict, after all. Not when all the way to the Chapel, Jean never once took his eyes off you.

After giving one last rolled eyes to your friend, you decided to sit still, listening to what the captain wanted to expose about the enemies.

Ackerman. You recognised that clan from the book you read back then in Marley. It was one of the restricted books your father tried to hide from you. But after you were six and knew how to pick a lock, it only took you three months to finish the entire shelf full of wonderful stories that turned out to be true.

The clan used to be both sword and shield for the Eldian King, way before King Karl Fritz decided to live in peace within the walls. They were the warriors, soldiers, protectors, guardians you named it, stronger than any other living human on earth. But when the king decided to wipe the memories of what truly happened, they deviated from the monarchy.

As the king feared for their incapability to control the Ackerman, they persecuted them, not letting even one person left walk in this world. Yet here you were now, befriending one, respecting another, and trying to kill the older. It seemed they were the only Ackerman left who got away from the persecution.

Although tonight, you knew there would be only two of them alive.

"Do we have a sniper rifle?" You asked Captain Levi as he crouched down to check the door that led to the underground chapel. There was no answer. He just looked at you as if your question was bizarre. "It's a gun, type of it. High precision and usually accurate. It's quite long, similar to what the Military Police had, but with an optic."

"An optic?" Now, this caught his attention, and you wanted to smack yourself for asking for such an advanced technology here in Paradis. "I don't know what that is, but no. We don't have it." He immediately looked at the others as he wanted to say something but hesitated, his mind still predominating with your question. "How do you know a lot about firearms?"

"Books." It was the easiest reason. "My father used to collect some restricted books. I don't know where he got it from, but I know a lot of things from there." He squinted his eyes a little, but just gave a small hum when he saw your face looked as neutral as ever. Nothing he should be suspicious about. The second he turned away and conversed with Hange, that was when you finally could let out a breath you subconsciously held.

You couldn't let your knowledge be the one who brought doom. Maybe your friends wouldn't even think twice about your question, trusting your words without giving any doubt. But these people had been a part of the Survey Corps for so long. It was in their nature to question even the smallest detail, and you couldn't be careless around them.

"Once Armin is done with the smoke barrel, we can immediately go inside." Captain Levi stood up, checking his supplies by knocking on the gas tank. "There's no time to waste. The faster the better, since we didn't know the progress." His words were bitter, just like usual, but there was something in the way he spoke that was different now. "The question is, are you guys ready to get your hands dirty?"

Concern, even though it was barely there from the start, you could see it underneath those sharp, blue steel eyes. He was known as humanity's strongest, someone who would stand up no matter how many times he was being shoved to the ground.

No, the metaphor wasn't for the enemy winning against him. But it was more to how he kept going back as the soldier when he already lost too much along the way.

"We are, captain." You spoke up first, earning a firm nod from Mikasa since she was ready to make those people pay for taking Eren away from her — from all of you.

Both you and she were ready, with no hesitation. You didn't know about the others, but you could only hope they resonated with your answer.

"Alright, good." He scrutinised the faces of his squad, one by one, as he made sure that they wouldn't back down again. "Remember, the one who died was them or your friends. The decision is all in your hands." Giving one more nudge to the heart, he opened the trapdoor. "Let's go."

Eren held both the founding titan and attack titan. Historia finally took the throne and ruled as the queen, and once again, the Survey Corps got closer to revealing another truth. It was such a heroic act, for Eren to inject himself with who knows what kind of titan fluid in his vein, but it helped him to protect his friends from the chapel's ruins.

He got the hardened ability, and it meant after this, the plan to reclaim Wall Maria would be executed. No one knew how it would go, but one thing was for certain: you were going to encounter Reiner and Bertolt.

The thought of that was enough to send a shiver down your spine. To fight someone who once became your friend, with them not knowing you were changing sides.

No one knew what they would say or how disappointed they were in you. But you already made up your mind, and that was to stay here, to help these island devils get the freedom they deserved.

"How come you are not moving from that spot?"

Sasha chirped behind you, yawning since she was sleeping like a log for hours. The bedsheet and mattress were surely something she had never tried before, so soft as if she was floating in the sky with clouds as her bed. You were not interested in sleeping, at least not as long as her.

The plush seat on the balcony, a lush garden that stretched in front of you, and a book in your hand was enough to replenish your energy.

You raised the book in your hand to show it to her, earning a small nod of realisation before she slumped her head back on the bed. "Where's Mikasa though? Is she wandering around the palace or something?" Her voice was slightly muffled with her face pressed against the fluffy, white sheets, and you almost asked her to say it again.

But Mikasa's name was enough for you to speculate her whole sentence.

"Oh, you know her, Sasha." Closing the book in your hand, you plop it on top of the table before walking inside. The room temperature was quite cold, making you hug yourself as the sleeping robe helped so little to warm you up. "She woke up and wanted to join Eren, especially when Hange designed the Executioner from Hell. We don't have any schedule either, so I bet she would spend the entire day with her childhood friend."

"And crush ."

"Sasha!" You cackled a little as you lay on the bed just right beside her figure. "I am betting it's more than just a crush, though."

After weeks of endless nightmares, Commander Erwin gave the Survey Corps some time to rest. Two months would be such a long time, but they all said it was well deserved. The battle of Trost, the 57th expedition, Stohess ambush, the revelation of three other titan shifters, Pastor Nick's death, becoming a criminal of the nation — the entire branch surely had a rough time this year.

Historia Reiss, now the queen of the Paradis Empire, invited her dearest friends to stay in the palace for as long as they wanted. It was a pleasant surprise, and for you, the bed was so similar to the one you had in Marley that you ended up sleeping the whole day right after the coronation.

Three weeks had passed since Historia proclaimed her ability to save the citizens within the wall from Rod Reiss' titan with her petite body. Something that earned her the trust and respect of civilization, since not even the king ever stood on the battlefield. She was rarely around with how the commander-in-chief taught her about the military structure and things that the Queen had to do.

Your friends went to different places at first. Jean wanted to go home for a while, checking on his family before he had to go again for the next mission where he fully knew it would bring him to another life and death situation. Connie went to Ragako and accompanied his mom, sometimes talking to her since he hoped that maybe she still recognised him even after she turned into a mindless titan.

"Some of my siblings wanted to meet you, you know?" While Sasha? She decided to visit her family for a few days, wanting to meet with the kids that her parents adopted too. "I told them about this one best friend of mine who could slash the enemies without hesitation because she wanted to protect their older sister! Not just my siblings, my parents too. They wanted to meet you."

"Oh…? Really now?" Your eyes softened as you turned your head to face her, listening intently to how she kept on praising your name to her family. "We still have more than a month with no duty. My dad, I mean, Mr Keller, he owned a restaurant uptown, and he said he would prepare an area just for us. Maybe we can—"

"Yes!"

"You didn't even hear the rest of my sentence, Sasha."

" Still yes."

You rolled your eyes, but the snicker that slipped from your lips was enough of a sign that you were not annoyed, perhaps amused. "Jean said he would join us here in the fourth week. I missed seeing your banter with him! Connie too, he's a bit off sometimes because of, you know, but I want to hang out with all of you once they are here."

No one ever imagined there would be time to leisure around. After all the progress the Survey Corps achieved this year, it was bound to make each one of you busier. Even now, you heard from Captain Levi that Hange had been inventing new weapons and something as simple as a lantern that utilised the fragment of the glowing stone from the Reiss Underground Chapel.

Not only that, many cadets wanted to join the Survey Corps too, and some from the Military Police or Garrison even wanted to be reassigned. You heard that Marlowe, the bowl-cut man who helped the special operation squad before, joined the day right after Historia's coronation.

And with how things went by for the last couple of days, it felt like the future looked so bright for those who lived on this island.

"What do you think awaits us in Shiganshina, (Y/n)?" The brunette was rolling her body so she could lie on her stomach, beady eyes looking straight at you. "They said the titans in Wall Maria were slowly gone now. Thanks to the Executioner from Hell working effectively without the need to deploy soldiers."

"I honestly don't know, Sasha, but," You recalled the golden key that dangled in front of Eren's chest, a key to his basement that held the secret of life outside the walls. Even for you, so many questions were left unanswered. About the origin of Attack Titan to be in Paradis, and whether Eren was the same Yeager as a certain warrior from Marley.

There was a missing puzzle underneath these incidents that had occurred. "I think we will find the truth." And you were determined to find out.

"Reiner!"

He gritted his teeth when his best friend toppled down. The hardened part of the armoured titan was shattered because of the small, sharp crumbles of stone that the beast titan had thrown at him. He didn't waste any other second and ran towards the fallen titan. Panic struck him since after he lost you and Annie, he couldn't possibly lose the blonde too.

Of course, Zeke would win the fight. He should have known that. But both Reiner and himself were too stubborn for their own good, wanting to increase the chance for the chief to let them take you and Annie from the enemy's grasp. Then leave the island for now. With Reiner losing the fight, it meant Zeke would be the one who decided the next plan, and none of them actually wanted to do it.

"Sorry, Reiner, I think I did it too hard." Zeke Yeager, the boy wonder of the warrior's unit. The way he said it didn't sound like he was genuinely sorry for making Reiner almost go into unconsciousness. "But you two know what we are going to do next, right?" He pushed his spectacles up to his pointy nose, looking down at the two with a determined look inside those smoky beads.

Bertolt didn't answer the man as he just cut the nape on the armoured titan, careful not to hurt his best friend. He slightly glared at the chief, who only seemed amused. "Oh, come on, Bertolt. One day, we are going to save Annie and our little princess."

Zeke jumped out of his titan's body, letting it evaporate behind him. "For now, I need you and Reiner to remain in Shiganshina. We are going to wait for their arrival and get the founding titan."

"Who's the other warrior in Marley that is going to help?" The ravenette asked before he slumped Reiner's back on one of the rubble, earning a groan and a cough since he handled his best friend far too rough for someone who just got beaten up.

"Pieck, of course."

"What about him? "

Zeke raised one of his eyebrows at the mention of the other. For five years he hadn't met Bertolt and Reiner. They changed so much, but the colossal titan really intrigued him with how he became much braver than usual, speaking up his mind more and outright with what he wanted. "He's at the top of the class and training endlessly, right? Why is he not here too?"

"Calm down, now. Porco is a fresh titan shifter, remember? That girl Ymir just gave herself a few days ago. It would need more time for him to adjust." He wondered why Bertolt looked agitated as if the mention of the new jaw titan inheritor could make him snap. But then he remembered how the man wanted to save you and Annie, how desperate he was since the soldier from Paradis once said that the two were tortured.

The boy wonder recalled the memories from when they were still little kids, forced to do the dirty works of their nation. Back then, you always followed Marcel and Porco around, while Bertolt could only look at you from afar with those light green eyes longing for your attention. "I don't need a reckless titan shifter at the moment. Everything needs to go my way if we want this to succeed. Understand?"

"Understood, Zeke."

The last thing that Bertolt knew from Armin was how the Military Police captured you. Just because of your involvement with him, just because you were known as his lover, you became a target and he couldn't help but blame himself a little at that. Reiner tried to reassure him so many times before that it wasn't his fault, that it was the price each warrior needed to pay.

Then again, Bertolt believed if only he never let his feelings out, there was a high chance you would be safe and sound. Everyone would know you as Marco's best friend. Your time was always spent on those island devils and no one would suspect anything. You wouldn't be in danger, scared, lonely, and in pain.

So since he was here to fight the people within the walls and retake the founding titan, he would avenge all the torture you had to endure.

Oh, if only he knew.

Notes:

FDSAJKBFDFDS I AM IN LOVE HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS SEASON!

Chapter 29: Blind Side

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Never once crossed your mind about the possibilities of fighting the warriors. Zeke Yeager was here too on this island, and you just remembered how calculated the man could be. For the whole two months, you were resting with your friends without thinking about what would happen in Shiganshina. What you knew was the fact that there was no titan left, all thanks to Hange's weapon.

Around a hundred soldiers would be deployed to reclaim Wall Maria from the titan's grasp. After five years, the Survey Corps would finally learn about the truth that Eren's father tried to tell. Everything they needed to know was hidden inside the basement of his house, including why Grisha wanted his son to inherit both the founding titan and the attack titan, letting himself be eaten by his own blood.

It would be easy to get there, especially when the titans were wiped off after two months using Executioner from Hell. But you forgot that humanity outside the wall existed. For the past weeks, you forgot your nation existed and they could have waited for the right time to ambush the founding titan. And when would be the best time to capture Eren if it wasn't tomorrow?

"You looked like you wanted to throw up." Maybe you were. The thought of the other warriors being there was surely depressing and made you sick to your stomach. "Oi, Tybur." If it was just Reiner and Bertolt, maybe the forces from Paradis could handle it. But if Zeke got involved along with Pieck? Then they were all done for. You were all done for. "(Y/n)!"

You finally lifted your face, eyes went blank as your gaze fell towards your agitated friend. Jean's eyebrows creased when he saw your expression, raising one of his eyebrows when you didn't give him any response. "That's it. Let's get out of here." You didn't understand his words, not knowing what he wanted from you before he stood up and walked to where you sat. "Let's go grab some fresh air."

"I am fine, Kirstein." The others were having fun now. At least they all looked calm and collected, as Marlowe would ask about tips and things that he needed to prepare for tomorrow.

You didn't want to ruin the atmosphere, and you already felt bad for making your friends worried about you. "Really, really, just continue the conversation! I am fine!" Letting out a soft chuckle, you just gave them your usual smile, hoping that Jean would drop it.

"You are not, don't lie to me now, Tybur." Seemed he wasn't.

"Oh, shut it, Jean. You don't know how to back down, huh?" Eren cut in, and your smile turned into a sheepish one since you could predict what would happen in the next few seconds. "If a woman says no to you, then you should take the signal. That meant, she didn't want you to push her around. Right, (Y/n)?"

" You shut up, suicidal blockhead! Just because you are always charging first doesn't mean you suddenly become a genius!"

"Huh? Who do you call suicidal blockhead? I am very much an average person, remember?" The brunette chuckled, gulping down his drink before slamming it down on the table, using the words that he heard from Instructor Shadis. "So if that's how you think of me, I think it means you are just a coward, Jean."

Uh, oh. You closed your eyes, praying to whatever deity out there for not letting them make any ruckus.

"You got some nerve saying that, you dung heap!" And once again, your prayers were left unanswered.

"How about you tell us why you're growing a mane to match your horse-face?!"

Now, that was a good comeback. You couldn't help but cackle at that, and it looked like Jean had heard it. He glared at you for a second there before focusing back on his arch-nemesis. Knowing they would end up fighting each other anyway, there was no use in trying to stop them, especially when they looked like they were having fun.

The smile that you forced out your face before was completely replaced with a genuine one, amused at how they kept punching each other in the stomach by throwing comebacks. How they talked about Mikasa saving Eren's ass. The jealousy that you found lingered on his intonation. You chuckled softly underneath your breath and just cheered at how Eren punched his gut by mentioning his mom.

"Oi, T-Tybur! Whose side you are actually on—"

Before Jean could finish his words, he was punched again by the brunette and you cackled at that. You never had this much fun after graduating from Cadet Corps, and this fight paid it all off after four months in hell. After dozens of punches and kicks being thrown at each other, it looked like they got tired, just heaving a breath.

Jean's face turned into a whiter shade of pale, and you had a hunch that he would throw up if he was hit on the stomach again. From the corner of your eyes, you saw a figure walking towards them. Once you realise who it was, you immediately nudged Mikasa on your side, whispering that the referee had come to end the match.

You winced once Captain Levi kicked both Eren and Jean in their stomach. Patting Armin and Mikasa, you hurry to get to your best friend. Kneeling on his side, you gently caressed his back, afraid he had an injury that was more than he could take. His hand roamed around the floor as if trying to find something, and your pupils dilated in horror once you realised what he wanted.

"Stop making such a racket." You tried to back away, only to know that his other hand was clutching on your bottom. "Go to sleep."

"N-No, Kirstein. Let go — Jean Kirstein!" Your shout resonated throughout the room, accompanied by the sound of someone throwing up. You were gaping at the sight, at how your best friend sullied your clothes as he spits his stomach out. And now, you wanted nothing but to kick him in the face for making you his personal rubbish bin.

"After you clean yourself, of course."

"Yes, sir!"

Connie just snickered at the sight of you and Jean, the audacity of him for not doing anything. You made a mental note that you were going to ruin him in later days, but now throwing daggers at him was enough to shut his laughter, since it looked like he understood what you wanted.

The egghead scurried away somewhere, probably fetching a towel or anything that he could find to help you. There was nothing you could do but wait. You were forced to get stuck here, not daring to move since you didn't want his barf to spread all over your clothes even more.

Jean looked up at you, dazed with all the hits he received and for once you didn't even feel sorry for him.

"T-Tybur, sorry—"

"Save it, Kirstein."

You felt so icky after what happened. The image of your best friend puking on you would forever imprint in your head, and you just grimaced at it a million times tonight. After Connie got you a towel, you immediately shrugged the seemingly unconscious man and made your friend take care of him. You were showering for almost an hour, cleaning your skin with soap again and again until you felt better.

It was only after you walked out of the bathroom and took a stroll in the hallway that you came to your senses. The way you shrugged Jean off, how you cut his words and glared at him over something he couldn't even control. It left you with a bitter feeling in your heart.

Your hair was still damp even after drying it with the towel, and you just draped it around your shoulders with how your arms wore out. If you looked down on the pavement, droplets of water would fall there, darkening the floor with every step you took. Your mind was going all over the place now and you didn't even realise that you arrived in the male's barrack.

The clock past nine already, and you remembered how the rules said that females were restricted to be here after dinner. Any higher-ups who saw you right now would think that you were here to seduce men, especially since the only thing that cladded your body was a white, camisole dress. Yet your feet were still rooted on the ground, eyes staring at the wooden door in front of you.

From where you stood, you could hear faint screaming and shouting inside, probably your friends making a ruckus even when it was bedtime. They never tired of being scolded, it seemed, same as you since you were not going back to your barrack. Your friends sounded like they were having fun now, teasing each other and probably making a bet about who was going to come back tomorrow. Sharing dark jokes, but that was just how they were sometimes.

"Tybur?" Before you could turn around, someone opened the door, and you knew there was no backing down now. "W-What are you doing here?" He stuttered out, eyes subconsciously gazing down at your figure, and he wanted to smack himself for checking his friend out like this. "It's late, you—"

"Jean? Who is that?"

Your best friend slammed the door closed and leaned his back on the wooden surface, not even answering the question. From the small and gentle voice, you recognised it belonged to Armin, but you didn't pay any other thought since you wanted to go straight to the point, feeling you had bothered your friend enough tonight.

The apology was already at the tip of your tongue, so ready to be spilt. But it seemed like the words stuck when you saw the bashful look on Jean's face, something you rarely, no, you never saw when it was just the two of you.

"Why are you here wearing that? " He started, casting his gaze down out of respect. "This is a man's barrack, Tybur. Are you out of your mind?"

Despite his crude words, there was a lingering concern in his intonation, one you often found nowadays every time he talked to you (or it had always been there, but you never put your mind too much over it).

You just bit your inner cheek, fully aware that you wore revealing clothes as you roamed around the headquarters. Lady luck was on your side for not sending soldiers your way as you were in this situation, but you didn't want to test it further and the silence made you nervous.

"Kirstein, I am sorry that I—"

"I am sorry, Tybur."

Around two or three years ago, you felt like you had been through this conversation. Not as gentle as it was now, but you remembered when you tried to say sorry and he cut your words off by saying the same thing. Although in this case, you felt like you were the one at fault. "For being an asshole and puking on your clothes."

And this time, he knew why he wanted to apologise in the first place, unlike before, when Marco was the one behind his action. His eyes were still cast down, but it flew right on your face in a split second so he could lock his gaze with yours, not wanting to let his curiosity win by wandering his eyes all over your body.

"I-It's fine, Kirstein." It was more than fine. He wasn't even in the right mind before, after so many hits that he received. "But I am the one who should apologise, you know?"

"Huh? Why did you apologise, Tybur?"

"As far as I am concerned, I practically pushed you off me when you lost consciousness." You let out a sigh at how hard you shrugged him away before. "It was wrong of me because, as your friend, I should have thought of you first. I am the one who wanted to be there by your side. I am the one who wanted to help you out but…"

"Oi, there's nothing wrong with thinking about yourself first." Your pupils slightly dilated at that, making your throat feel dry as you gaped at him. "You realise that you always prioritise others, right? I think you should change it sometimes."

You frowned at that, now thinking that was just who you were. Helping or prioritising others always leaves you feeling satisfied and content.

So for someone asking you to change it, "I am not asking you to change who you are." Oh, Jean Kirstein was surely a wizard for reading your mind. "Hell, this is who you are, and it would feel wrong if you suddenly change or reveal yourself as a distant person or something else. But, Tybur, it's alright to be selfish sometimes."

Jean Kirstein came into your life like a knight in shining armour, and you just realised it as the words rolled down his tongue. The sentence was so simple and everyone should know about it by now. In your case, you never let yourself think like that. You were the one who decided what you wanted to do, but you always weighed the sentiments of the other first, and Jean wanted to change that.

"So, you are not mad at me, right?"

"Tybur, even if you turned out to be another titan shifter that was trying to destroy the wall, I would never ."

You let out a small gasp, pupils slightly dilated out of surprise at hearing such a carefree intonation coming from him. He was joking, blurting all kinds of words that he could find. You were certain of it, but it was enough to make some part of yourself believe in his words.

Your vision slightly blurred, losing the ability to compose yourself before you let out a slight hiccup, which made Jean go into panic mode. "H-Hey, shit. Did I say something wrong? Hey, Tybur?"

He was flabbergasted, stupefied, and utterly at a loss when his best friend, who was usually calm and collected, cried in front of him.

Without warning, your arms immediately went around his torso, making your poor best friend flinch at first. There was no way he meant those words. He said it purely because he was certain you were not a traitor, not because he knew he wouldn't hate you even for all of your sins. Jean could never. He despised all the death he had to see, always wondering how Marco passed and it was all your fault.

You took part in turning his life into hell and he didn't even know that.

He wasn't good at consoling someone. His touch felt so awkward as his palm patted your back, careful not to touch your exposed skin. But for you, the gesture was more than enough, especially when he squeezed your body a little. Even though he didn't really mean his words, just hearing the words slipped from his mouth was all that you could ask for.

"Thank you."

You croaked out, hiding your face in the crook of his neck as your nails slightly dug into the shirt that hugged his body. He slowly relaxed, just taking a deep breath as he got used to the feeling of your bare skin against his. This time, it was he who needed to console you. And even though he wasn't good at it, he made sure that you knew he was always here.

"It's nothing, Tybur."

He would hug you too as long as you wanted, just like how you always did the same for him, again and again until you felt the comfort you needed. "That's what… friends are for."

So, this was what Bertolt saw five years ago.

Wall Maria, back then you were here to breach this exact wall, causing thousands of lives to be wiped off within an instant. What a joke to begin with as you were now here for a mission to reclaim it, taking back what you had been destroyed along with the other warriors. For information underneath one of these houses, for giving back a chance to live that you had robbed from them.

Your feet staggered a little as you touched down on top of the wall. Feeling so small since you had been just a normal human for as long as you lived here. The breeze of wind almost flew your hood to the back from Eren's transformation and he sealed the outer gate, and you could only hear Hange order everyone not to let their guards down, and just that.

You pursed your lips, wondering why there were no enemies for as far as your eyes could see. If you were them, if you never left the warriors, where would you be? There was no booming sound from their transformation, no other clues or signs if someone was here from the start. But you knew they could be anywhere.

"Tybur! Let's go to the inner gate!"

"Roger!"

As a part of warriors, or at least used to be, it could be an advantage for you to deduct their hideout. Your eyes scrutinised the ground, imagining yourself if you were them. If only Armin was here with the group protecting Eren, you wanted to talk with him since he let nothing pass his judgement. Then again, maybe he already found something near the inner gate. You just needed to get there.

A red flare shot into the sky, halting the group from continuing the mission. Something happened. That genius friend of yours mayhap found a lead and your lips subconsciously curled into a smirk as proud swells in your heart. You grappled your hook up to stand by atop the wall, joining the others and on guard.

Two groups were now divided to check on the walls near the inner gate, making sure there was no hollow space. To think Armin stretched his brain this far, one way or another, he would stand with the higher-ups if he kept this up. Every second spent felt like forever as the other soldiers got anxious. The search party was almost done, and you thought, maybe the warriors decided to fall back first.

But that would be too easy for the entire force, and Zeke Yeager never wasted a chance to take the founding titan when the man was right here.

"Here! There's a cavity!"

Just a second after the soldier closed his mouth, a blade pierced through his stomach, killing him within an instant. It was true; they were here. Of course, the warriors would be here. You gritted your teeth as a familiar blonde tuft appeared from the wall, and as fast as he killed the soldier from earlier, Captain Levi did the same to him in a flash.

That wasn't enough. Stabbing the neck wouldn't be enough as long as his brain and spinal cord were still connected. You didn't wait for any order, ignoring how Jean and Sasha shouted your name as you tried to catch up with your captain, needing to tell him he had to slash Reiner's head. He would be killed with that. No time to regenerate.

And you could have shouted the idea to the ravenette. One slash and that was all it took to end the armoured titan.

"This is the reason I was here in the military, to become an honorary Marleyans."

But you were too much of a coward to take part in his death.

Reiner's body fell to the ground with a hard thud, and you heard from Captain Levi that he failed to kill the man. You looked down upon him. Both hands went to your blade as a bright yellow hue filled your vision. The thunderous boom echoing through spaces before it revealed the armoured titan in all its glory, a weapon that Marley had grasped from the Eldian by force.

As if his presence wasn't enough to intimidate these soldiers, more and more lights came from behind. You turned around, finding none other than Zeke Yeager in his titan form, with rows of mindless titans as his puppets that he could control as much as his heart contented. The chief of the warrior unit finally made his appearance again, it seemed.

He started the match by throwing a boulder right at the inner gate, plugging the entrance so the horses could no longer pass. With this first move, he already blocked the escape route, and it wouldn't take much time before he commanded those mindless titans, annihilating all living beings on his path.

"We're both hoping for the same thing." Right now, there was no turning back from this mission. "To settle this once and for all." Everyone here knew the consequences of being a part of this branch. "Humanity or titans?! Which side will live?! Which side will perish?!" It was die fighting, or live to see another day.

And you would make sure that the latter came true.

Notes:

Damn... I am really in my Jean Kirstein feels... Tybur gonna remember those words every day even though she knew Jean wouldn't mean it, he could never (or was he?)

ANYWAY, ANY ERWIN FANS HERE? AHAHAHAH I have an Erwin x Reader mini-series. It's crazy though since it would have age gap like more than ten years hahahaha... Dw dw, the reader is 25 years old!

Chapter 30: Changing Tides

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Another meeting in the dark, another reminder about how you were in the middle of a war despite the mundane life you had been having for the last couple of years. Your feet dragged on the ground, not having enough energy because today had been full of training, and you already missed the warm yet hard of your mattress inside the barrack as you walked to the desired meeting point.

If it wasn't for Annie punching your arm now and then, you would have fallen forward and slept on top of this lush grass. And despite her saying she wanted to see the lady Tybur tripped on her own, she ended up reaching out her arm for you when you stumbled on some rocks, preventing you from toppling over.

"Took you both long enough." You let out a yawn, a bit too loud for the warriors' liking that she had to slap her palm in front of your mouth. "Tybur, after three years, you never learnt somehow. What if someone hears your loud, brusque yawn? With that voice you make, I will not be surprised if titans could find us here." Reiner had this smug look on his face, and you just rolled your eyes at that, sitting beside Bertolt as you were ready to hear whatever plan and strategy he had today.

"Give her a little rest, Reiner." Your lover, who always became a worry-wart and prioritised you over anything, spoke up. "You know, she got into yet another long fight with Jean. She also sparred with Mikasa right after, so she must have been tired." You were so close to kissing him right here and there, but you saved your friends from such a sight by giving a smile of appreciation instead.

"Yeah, yeah, she was just too fun to tease. Try that sometimes, Bertolt." A small snicker passed through Reiner's lips, and you were amused since both of your lips quirked up to match his. "But anyway, since the girls are here too, let me tell you what we are going to do near our graduation day."

You could still recall the details of the first time you met him, how timid he was compared to today. Or you could even say, the first time your father introduced you to fellow warrior candidates. It was in the reception hall of Tybur Mansion, with an oriental tapestry attached on one side of the wall as a gift from the Azumabito Clan. A golden chandelier hung in the middle of the room, with the lights of nine candles illuminating each nook and cranny.

He wasn't the only one who looked nervous that day, gaping and in awe since never once they ever stood in such a lavish place, and they would never believe that the one who owned it was none other than a Subject of Ymir's family, those who had the same blood as them. When they heard about the Tybur, there was a bit of jealousy in some of their hearts, saying that someone who had never experienced life like them wasn't one of them to begin with.

Pieck once told you that before they went to your residence, the younger Galliard tried to provoke Reiner and Bertolt to show resentment to the host.

The Tybur family wasn't like any other Subjects of Ymir. They never got humiliated or being looked down upon by another. And once in a while, it would be nice to put them in place. Never got bewitched by their charming smile, never faltered even when they gave sweets and tea or coffee.

But when your father presented you, wearing the same uniform as them, and wrapped your small arms around their bodies after they bowed down to you — that moment changed their view completely. There was warmth seeping inside their heart even when you leaned away, grinning from ear to ear before you gave them a salute.

No one gave them the first salute before. They were always the ones who needed to give respect. But knowing someone from a well-known family in Marley, a hero to be precise, honouring them with that simple military gesture, somewhat bestowed them with the feeling of being a normal human.

"You look content." As you walked back towards your barrack after the meeting, Reiner struck a conversation after towering you with his presence. "Weird, since you always despised our late-night hang-out." He raised one of his eyebrows, looking much more relaxed now once he dismissed the gathering with a concrete plan.

"I am not. I still hate the fact that we have to destroy yet another wall." You were blunt with committing yet another havoc, but never cut him off whenever he explained the strategy out of respect.

He only let out a small hum as a response. After five years, he knew not to tick you off, especially after you glared down at him on the day after the breaching of Wall Maria. Sometimes he could feel a shiver run down his spine when he remembered about that moment, but as if he would let the other two know about it (he had a feeling both Annie and Bertolt were aware of it but he tried to blind himself from the truth).

"But you know it needs to be done, (Y/n)." When the conversation was serious, he always called you by your first name, leaving the teasing nickname such as little miss Tybur and the like. "We have been here for five years. Information is not enough. If we come back to Marley, without knowing who was the founding titan inheritor, we are all done for. Maybe not you, but the three of us? There may be other new warriors candidates."

As a Tybur, the Marleyan Military wouldn't touch you even if you fail horribly. They would only be disappointed with the results, but let you go back to your parents after that. It was them you were concerned about. Low life Subjects of Ymir with no highly respected name to save their life, he doubted the higher-ups would hear their reasoning. "Or you know, maybe they would feed me to Galliard."

"No." You halted your step, looking into the distance before you turned to face him. "I will tell them what we all have been through. We are going to be given another chance." He was dumbstruck as he looked deep into your eyes, which were filled with determination. In awe of your words, that sounded like some kind of promise. "We only have thirteen years, Reiner. And I will not let them take more of it from all of us."

At first, he thought you would say no because you didn't want Porco to inherit the nine titan power, much like how the older Galliard threw the armoured titan at him instead. But no, you were not thinking about the man at this moment. You were thinking about the lifespan that each one of you had for having this power. You were thinking about them, the ones who you stood by your side on this suicide mission.

"Hah, I thought we lost you for good."

"What?"

You blinked, perhaps never aware you had been straying too far from the rest of the warriors. He just smiled at you, not wanting to take that figment away since sometimes, he too would do the same. Embracing his role as the older brother figure everyone could rely on, shaping them into outstanding soldiers and being there when they lost their morale. "Reiner, what do you mean?"

"Nothing." So, for now, it was just right for him to repay you. "Just glad that I have a friend like you." For all those times you saved him in this cruel world, merely by your existence.

A friend. You had too many people you considered as your friend and it was proven hard to keep them alive together when you were in the middle of a war. Your hands slightly shook, remembering how you just shot the thunder spear right on the armoured titan nape, twice in a row because one time wasn't enough to hurt him, not even the slightest.

That was a tremendous blow, and you just stared at the lifeless human body in between the hench muscles the soldiers forced open. You stared at him, doubting it would be this easy. Knowing Reiner Braun, he was someone who could choose when he wanted to die, and it wasn't now. That was why, you needed to check on him, maybe giving another hit to his nape until his flesh disoriented on the ground.

You felt like thorns were puncturing your throat for each swallow of your saliva. Sweats glistened on your skin despite the breeze caressing your skin. You didn't move from your spot, not listening to Hange's order to ready your equipment for the next round. Your eyes just fell on another one of your friends, feeling so numb and tremendously guilty.

This was for Paradis, You reminded yourself. This is where you stand in this war now

"It's not like we had a chance to negotiate."

"We haven't had a chance to talk this through!"

Someone just punched the air out of your lungs with those words, and your head immediately whipped towards Armin, who said it. His ocean orbs just stared at Reiner, or what possibly left from him, and it reminded you too much about a certain freckled man. "It's caused by our minimum knowledge that we can't capture our enemies. We can only kill them. There was nothing we could do, right?"

Nothing could be done, but they didn't know they had someone who knew everything about both sides of the world. Things that even the other warriors didn't know, things that made you stay here instead of fighting for Marley. If you faced the commander before the mission, would he believe your words? Would he believe you would not turn away from this island?

Knowing his tendency to take any risk for a higher reward, it was certain he would. And maybe, the plan could be changed. Maybe you didn't have to be here and attacked your enemy with thunder spears that slaughtered them.

You were too deep in thought, wondering of what could have been, not realising how the armoured titan's jaw clicked for a moment there. One second you were too numb to move, and the next second, your palms went to your ear as a deafening roar booming through the entire place. It was a signal, given for his ally and you understood well who would come after this. The one and only colossal titan inheritor, Bertolt Hoover — your lover.

"Everyone fall back!" You shouted, making everyone's attention snapped towards you. "I think it's a call for help! We need to get away from Reiner now!" Your eyes caught a barrel that flew from the rear line, and you pushed everyone to get as far as possible from the armoured titan's body. Now, you could only think how Bertolt would transform, and if that happened, you were all going to die.

Hange, who saw the barrel too, immediately ordered everyone to retreat towards the front line, and you made sure the soldiers followed them first before dashing away from your place. You kept looking backward as the wooden vessel soared so high into the sky, it would be in any moment by now before he transformed and ravaged Shiganshina, maybe even destroyed all of you at once.

The squads wouldn't make it. Within this reach, they would be stuck in the middle of the catastrophic occurrence. You counted underneath your breath until ten second passed, squinting your eyes so you could see what happened up there and braced yourself for the impact, hoping to no one that you and your friends could make it.

But nothing happened. There was only silence before Bertolt's scream echoing throughout the abandoned district as he landed on where the armoured titan was.

This would be enough to buy some time for you and the others, maybe climbing to the top of the wall so if the colossal titan transformed, everyone would be saved. But Hange had any other idea as they stopped on one roof. Far enough that Bertolt couldn't hear anything, but enough for you and the others to spy on the ravenette as he talked to Reiner.

He was alive then. Just like what you thought before.

"Levi Squad! Protect Eren at all costs under Armin's command!" The time felt like it passed in slow-motion as your eyes fixated on him. His soft, raven strands and that pointy nose you loved to trace with your fingertip. He got closer, and you could finally see his expression clearly. "And for the rest! Work together to take down the two targets!"

"Roger!"

An expression that was so much more different compared to the one he used to have.

Bertolt Hoover could be considered as the most gentle soul in the warrior unit, coming close after you. He never picked a fight, understanding his task, making sure he did everything right so the commander didn't have to shout at him. After any war, he turned his back away, not wanting to see all the dead bodies behind him, all that was caused by his destructive transformation.

But now, as he dashed closer to where you stood, those delicate features you always found on his face were wiped away. Replaced by a somewhat hardened expression, one that, at the same time, brimming with determination. It looked like whatever he wanted to do now, everything was set in stone. And you wondered if it was still possible for you to show yourself and change his mind.

"Armin!" You heard Connie shout. "The hell is he going to do?! Did he lose his mind?!"

Armin caught up to Hange. The two now shared their brain together, and you wondered what he tried to do. Your pupils dilated slightly, putting the puzzles together as you remembered his words from before. Negotiate . He wanted to negotiate with the enemy and this would be the last chance he had. "What— (Y/n)! Oi! Wait, hey, hey, you guys!"

You trailed right behind him, ignoring the shout from your friend as you kept a small distance from Armin, hiding right behind a chimney with your blades ready.

Blades ready? You looked down, not noticing how you unscathed the two steel weapons from the scabbard, holding it tight as if your body knew first that you had to be ready to attack, more than your heart ever could.

The shout of your friend and lover ringing into your ear, as one searching for reasons, and the other answered with ambiguous words that couldn't be understood. But you knew about it, the underlying meaning underneath Bertolt's sentences. The harsh, bitter truth was poured right in front of you once again, as you knew how duty chained him to end everyone's life.

"That's unfortunate, then! Bertolt! I hoped we didn't have to hear Annie's screams any longer in the Military Police's hands!" You felt a shiver down your spine at Armin's intonation, and if you didn't know the truth, you knew you could go berserk at the thought of your friend being tortured. "At this rate, they'll end up feeding her to the pigs!"

"Fine by me then!" He flew down, and your eyes immediately followed his figure. "Let them feed her to the pigs. I don't care! If they really have her, that is!" And by his direction, he tried to get closer to your blonde friend, wanting to see him eye to eye. "What's the rush, Armin? We are going to talk, aren't we?"

"Then what about (Y/n)?"

Silence. You didn't dare to move from your spot, knowing that one look was possible for Bertolt to recognise you. He was deep in his thoughts, and you wondered what lingered in his mind now. Was it about the old times? Or maybe it became just a fragment of memories that he should throw away soon. You were unsure. "Are you going to leave your lover to die?"

"If that is the price I have to pay to reach my goal. I could only say — how unfortunate. " Your breath hitched as the words echoed in your ear. "She is not my lover. Not when I realised none of us could survive by the end of the day." Slowly numbed your body, making your grip on the blades loosened. "Those who loved in this cruel world, Armin, would be the one who suffered the most."

Both you and Bertolt were aware of that from the very first moment he confessed his love for you. For two years, you gave yourself to him. You couldn't count how much heartache that you had to feel every time your mind wandered to the possibilities of the future. One of you wouldn't make it, or maybe you and him both at the same time.

In contempt of how you kept telling yourself that love could strengthen your mind, body, and soul, it really contrasted with reality. Because in the end, the attachment you had only made you so brittle that your mind couldn't comprehend which one was right or wrong anymore.

"H-Hey! Let's get out of here!" You looked up, finding two ocean orbs staring back at you with concern lingering inside. "We should go now. Come on." Armin knew you were here, hiding yourself as you just wanted to see your lover, no, ex-lover. And he knew you were probably too shaken up right now, but he couldn't let you stay here, not when after this, the colossal titan wouldn't hesitate to transform.

"I— Y-Yeah, let's go." Your hand reached out to him as he helped you up, not wasting another second, and just dashed away as far as possible.

Unlike before, you didn't take another look at Bertolt anymore, backs against another as the two of you went in the opposite direction. If he already decided where he would stand in this war, then so were you. Disregarding your knowledge that the founding titan could have destroyed the world with rumbling.

You were here to defend him , the founding titan himself, so he didn't have to think about the need to kill the enemies across the ocean.

"Armin, Mikasa! Take cover!" You pulled the two towards a nearby building that looked sturdy, covering them as you heard the thunderous boom of transformation throughout the district. The force was too impactful, causing the roofs and some houses to fly away. If you were just a few metres closer, you knew you wouldn't make it, but something bothered your mind for a second there.

"W-We are safe. Let's go to the others now."

He could have done more. He ravaged a small country with one transformation years ago, but he didn't do it now. Bertolt hesitated to go all out, and whether it was Zeke's plan or his heart not wanting to kill all of his friends at once, you didn't have time to think about any of that. Not when you realised the ones remaining were you and the rest of the Special Operation Squad.

"Thunder spears wouldn't work on him." You spoke up, cutting in right after Armin passed the command to Jean since he still couldn't think of anything right now. "On the colossal titan, I mean. Look at those steam. His whole muscles are also hot. That's why he could burn these houses down so easily." They listened in, and really you didn't know what to do too except pointing out some information.

"He also didn't know Eren's location, I think." Looking up at Jean, you gave him a firm nod before he continued. "For the meantime, let's get to the nearest river. Everyone aboard Eren! Conserve our gas as much as possible now!"

You needed to think of something, anything. The colossal titan was trying to burn down Shiganshina as he got closer to the inner gate. It looked like he would trap the horses in between the fires and the beast titan. This was bad. You couldn't hide for far too long.

The fate of humanities was on your shoulders if you assumed that the other squads were dying in battle. And right now, there were two enemies within your reach.

"We have to end them here." You heard a small murmur from your side, and you scooted closer to your blonde friend who now had his brain went hundred miles per second in this current situation. "But there's so little of us. Then again, maybe, yes, maybe we can do that." He was trembling, and you couldn't help but rest your hand on top of his. "H-Huh? (Y/n)...?"

"We are ready whenever you are, 'min."

The thump of Eren's step as he retreated further to the riverside was the only thing he could hear. His gaze fixated on you, lips slightly parted as he wondered if you would be alright. This plan, what he had in mind, could ruin your fragile heart. You could handle the armoured titan. He knew that. But he needed you as a backup if something happened to Eren later on. After all, he needed to think of all the holes in his plan.

"Thank you, (Y/n)." He whispered out, feeling determined to end this nightmare. "Everyone, listen to me!"

Eren stopped moving and stood on both knees, helping his friends jump towards the nearest roof. "Alright, we assume we are the only ones left. There are two targets as for now, we can't seclude the armoured titan out of this, so…" They all listened to his genius mind, saying how the first team would be responsible for Reiner and made sure he stayed down while the other took care of the colossal titan.

The squad could handle the armoured titan before. Now they just needed to repeat what they did before and spent all the thunder spears to injure or even kill him. "Mikasa, Sasha, Jean, Connie, the four of you would be in the first team. Go now! The fastest we can paralyse Reiner, the better!"

"Roger that!"

Your eyes fell on Jean as he gazed at you one last time before he flew with the rest of the team. There were no words needed to slip from his lips. You understood that gaze so well. But now, you were at a loss since you didn't know what needed to be done when Armin still had his back on you. Both you and Eren were waiting for a command, and you could only wonder what took him so long.

"Eren, you are going to be a decoy."

His voice sounded much more moderate than before. You couldn't decide whether you liked it. "My plan, I will go up there and face Bertolt myself."

"What?!" You were flabbergasted, taking another step forward as you spun him around. "Armin, what do you—"

"No, no, don't get me wrong, I am not going to commit a suicide there." He was far too calm, a gentle smile etched on his face as if trying to reassure you what he had in mind differed from yours. "It's a plan I thought of myself. Its success mostly depends on how long I can hold out for. I want to see the ocean. That's why I will have to quit before it gets out of hand."

Your grip on his shoulder tightened, and a small chuckle slipped from his lips as he looked at you. "I am not a hero, so the rest is up to the two of you."

"Wait, 'min, but—"

"(Y/n), I know you are not ready to kill Bertolt." No, that wasn't what you meant. "But I am counting on you here, okay? You will know when to act. You have a good instinct, so I don't have to explain the details." He averted his gaze down, and you really had a bad feeling about this. "No matter what happens, stick to this plan until the end. Got it?"

How could he have such a pure smile at a time like this? It never faltered even as he commanded Eren to distract the colossal titan first, as if knowing this plan would be a success, one hundred percent a success. Armin turned to take another look at you once again, giving you a nod of reassurement that he hoped could calm you down.

You were not afraid. You wouldn't hesitate anymore to get Bertolt out of his titan form after this. His gaze filled your heart with comfort, telling you that everything would be alright, but it wasn't the thing that bothered you.

"Before we catch up to him, (Y/n), there's something I needed to talk to you about."

Notes:

Shit is intense in this one. Sigh, Armin makes me go agugugaga ): Like, cinnamon roll, but not really... Anyway sorry for the delay! Things are hectic because it's Eid week!

Chapter 31: Lifelong Dream

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"I love you, (Y/n) Tybur."

What was the meaning of love? Your father once said it was a feeling so intense and filled with so much affection towards another person. When you love, you would get attached to someone, wanting to be a part of their lives, even dreaming of sharing a lifetime with them. Something you didn't have — a lifetime.

The moment your parents brought you down to the basement of the military headquarters in the capital of Marley, everything changed.

You laid your eyes on the chained figure of your aunt. Your eyes went blank, even when someone injected a titan serum into your body. In that moment, you already traded your life over a pure, almighty power that benefited the nation you were born into. Selling your life for Marley, selling your time for the power-hungry community.

There was no backing down. No other chance to have the mundane life you could get. You wouldn't be able to have a crush on the class leader or the one who annoyed you for wanting your attention, searching for a dream or things you wanted to do after graduation, travelling around the world with your loved one or some of your dearest friends. And on top of it all, you couldn't fall in love.

The only love worth remembering was the one your parents had given to you. You didn't need to explore romantic love, not when you only had thirteen years left to breathe in this world. That time wouldn't be wasted as something as enchanting as finding true love. So you knew, you couldn't have the same bond your father and mother shared. It would be forever out of reach of you.

How about platonic love? The answer would still be no . You couldn't rely on someone, a best friend, or colleagues. None of that, you couldn't be attached!

Yet from all the things your father had taught you, love somewhat grew inside your heart to anyone you have ever met. And for you, that was a curse you had to live with, not this power, no. The power to transform into a war hammer titan, despite cutting your lifespan, you considered a blessing. It would help you save humanities, thus becoming such an honour to bear one.

But to love someone, to love your friends and anyone you held dear in your life, that was a curse you had far before you could understand the meaning of love.

You knew you shouldn't have got into a relationship when there was no future where you were in it. Yet you still dived in, letting someone share the same sentiment and an even more powerful attachment towards you. Without thinking twice, you gave them something as powerful as hope. To him and to the people you befriended on this island.

The hope of having a normal life with you, the hope of having you by their side in every battle they had to face.

"I want to be free and see the world."

"Do you think it's possible to save my mother?"

"One day, I am going to get that prime real estate downtown."

"Meat. We can hunt a lot of animals once we reclaim our land!"

"I will like it anywhere, as long as he's there too."

"They said, the ocean is a vast territory of water."

From there, they repay your faith in them by sharing a glimmer of their dreams. Whether it was a small one to achieve or their lifelong pursuit.

"I want to be an honorary Marleyan, of course."

"My dad is waiting for me."

"We are going to come back to our hometown. Together."

Together, Bertolt once said. But it wouldn't be possible from now on. Not when you tighten your grip on the steel blades. Dashing in a flash of lightning as your hooks grappled on the thinner muscles of the colossal titan until you flew on top of him. Your vision was blurred, but you could aim clearly.

And you didn't waste a second to force your way and grabbed him out of his titan form, decapitating his limbs and legs to immobilise him.

By now, you didn't know the main reason tears stained your cheeks. You cried when you saw your friend scorched to death by the hot steam. You cried as you saw those light green orbs staring back at you with shock. He didn't know you were here, it seemed, lips parted as he wanted to say something, but all the words stuck in his throat. And in a split second, his gaze turned back to how it usually looked, as if he accepted his fate.

Bertolt didn't even feel a thing as he looked at you. He was just relieved you were alright, that they did not torture you like what Armin said. The way you hovered over him, eyes filled with despair, rage maybe even tinted with guilt, he still found you beautiful. Nothing changed even after years when he first laid his eyes upon you.

In the briefest moments, you had shown him everything. Two years was enough for him to taste a bit of love, to know how it felt when someone he loved reciprocated his feelings. Not as strong as how he loved you, but he never asked for more. So even if this would be the end of his duty, the end of his life in this world, he didn't mind glimpsing you as the last thing he saw before his death.

"This is surely a cruel world we lived in, Bertolt." You whispered out, enough for him to hear before you knocked him out with your punch.

Holding on to his shirt, you landed on the rooftop where Eren stood. And you didn't have the courage to take another step forward. There was no glimpse of blond anymore, the fluffy hair that would fall right on his neck, and those beady ocean orbs full with wonder of the outside world —

All of it was now turned into the darkest shade of colour.

"He's always been a hero." Eren fell to his knees, right in front of the scorched body of his best friend. "More than me, more than all of us." He looked so lost, wanting to reach out to the one who planted the dream within him, but at the same time, scared. "I should have known something like this would happen."

Gritting your teeth, you walked closer towards the lost boy, and he was just a moment away before shedding any tears. "Why? Why didn't he run away?"

"Eren." You called out, hearing a ruckus near here, and you had a feeling about who it could be. Reiner was probably dead by now in the hands of your friends. The beast titan was too big to get here unnoticed. But of course it was her. You saw the cart titan, red orbs glowed in between the fogs, with a man holding the same intense glare on top of her. "Eren, it's the enemy!"

"Take hold of Bertolt!" He stood forward, shielding you from the cart titan with his blades unsheathed. You hid behind him with the ravenette's torso pressed against yours, ready to gash his neck if the circumstances forced you. "Make one move to take him and my friend will cut his head off!"

"You are… Eren Yeager, right?" Your pupils dilated as Zeke spoke, and you knew your friend would be the same. "You are nothing like your father."

Yeager. They had the same last name, but it wouldn't be possible if the two were related. Not when you knew Zeke's father was exiled from Marley, injected with the titan serum, so he ended up roaming in this land as a mindless titan. By that logic, someone has already killed the man, or he was still wandering somewhere. "Believe me, I know what you have been through."

"Eren, don't listen to him." You muttered, and your friend just gritted his teeth as his eyes bore on the enemy. "I bet he's just trying to rile you up. We are on the winning side here. Do not engage."

"We're both victims of your father." Your grip on the blades tightened as the man continued, and now as you scrutinised his face underneath your hood, you could see the vulnerability inside those smokey eyes. "You've been brainwashed by him, Eren." Something that you never saw before, not when he always put some distance and had this nonchalant facade around the other warriors.

But then he looked up, and you followed to where his gaze landed on to. "Levi, tch. Let's just call it a draw." He looked scared. Maybe he already knew what humanity's strongest soldier could do. His eyes went back to you and Eren, and he let out a sigh when he saw the man in your hold. "Bertolt, you have done well. But I am sorry, it will be the end for you."

That was the last thing he said before the cart titan turned around, ready to just leave the scene before Captain Levi could catch up. "And Eren, I will be back to rescue you!" It looked like Zeke was too fixated on Eren, because of the same last name, and you were thankful for that. If he just scrutinised you enough, it wouldn't take much time for him to recognise who you were with his sharp intuition.

"What…? He ran?" The second after Eren muttered the words, your captain landed right in front of him, throwing the now dull blades. "Captain! What happened out there—"

"That was the last of my gas. I will chase him. Hand over your gas and blades, now!" The man that usually looked so calm and collected, now shouting out in desperation. You didn't need to move. Eren already did what your captain asked. "Hurry !"

Gasp—

It was so small, so low, but it came from behind you. The sound of someone's breathing, not that clear and constant but it was there. You slowly turned around, hands trembling to the point you had to drop your blades, not wanting to accidentally cut the titan shifter that maybe could save your friend.

"A-Armin," You whispered his name, not believing he was still alive, but you needed to make sure. Laying Bertolt down on the rooftop, you crawled to your friend, swallowing an enormous lump since you were scared that you had misheard. "Eren…?" And when you hovered on top of his burned body, tears welled up in your eyes at the realisation. "He's breathing."

Your lips slowly curled into a smile, feeling a burst of happiness when you remembered that Captain Levi was here too. He possessed the titan serum, so Armin, he could live again. It wouldn't be too nice since his lifespan was going to be just thirteen years from now, but it would be more than enough. "Captain! Please give me the syringe!"

The ravenette just kept looking down, though his hand went inside his coat, and you hoped he was looking for the small box filled with the serum. His movement was so sluggish, as if he lost all of his energy already. But it was something about life and death. Surely he could have moved a little faster, right? Unless, unless he was waiting. For someone or something, a miracle. You didn't know for sure.

Mikasa arrived just a second after. She landed near your captain saying nothing, still trying to grasp the situation as she pressed her palm against the right side of her head.

"Please hurry , captain!" Eren shouted right into the man's ear, but of course he didn't flinch at all. He grabbed the unconscious titan shifter, trying to show Captain Levi that the two of you knew what to do. "We can make Armin into a titan and we will have him eat Bertolt!"

"Yeah, I know." You felt like someone lifted the weight on your shoulder, ignoring the small pang in your heart as you heard Eren's last words, waiting until Captain Levi gave the syringe to Eren.

After this, despite how you knew Bertolt would be gone for good, his life would be given towards someone you believed could change the tides. With Armin's dream and that brain you always praised, he could build a path for the people in Paradis to see the world. Not only that, maybe also peace for all Subjects of Ymir.

But as fast as the happiness surged into your body, dread came back into your senses when you saw a soldier, Floch if you were not mistaken, with Commander Erwin on his back. And that was the time you finally understood the hesitation in your captain's gesture. He could have just pushed the box to Eren. He could have wasted none other second and injected it into Armin, but no.

From the first moment, he was still thinking of the Survey Corps commander's survival. You took Bertolt from Eren's grasp once again, so possessive of him as you wouldn't let anyone else but Armin eat him. Waiting patiently for the final decision, you took a step backward as your captain checked on his friend like what you did before, needing to make sure if he was still breathing. "I will give the injection to Erwin." And what you feared the most was unravelled in front of you.

"You said you'd use it on Armin." Eren stood up, hovering right beside his smaller body. Three versus two. You were with Eren and Mikasa here, with the captain losing a lot of his stamina already. Everyone could handle him just fine. "Captain, give the syringe to me. "

"You guys," But even when he knew he wouldn't win here, he didn't move from where he stood. "Do you have a damn clue what you're doing? It's Erwin Smith, the Commander of the Survey Corps, and you are telling me we will let him die?" He only clicked his tongue, one that made you feel so enraged as if the other life wasn't as important. "Now, stay out of my way."

"No." Eren tried to take the box from him, and you let out a gasp when the captain suddenly punched your friend so hard that it sent him flying down the roof. And that was such a wrong move. He should have been aware Mikasa Ackerman was standing right behind him.

In a swift move, she tackled Captain Levi down, screaming out of rage and sorrow as she was so confused by the situation. At this, you dropped Bertolt and immediately reached for the box, snatching it away from his hand while he couldn't move. This was it. You had Armin by your side. You just needed to take him and the unconscious man away from here.

"(Y/n)!" You slipped the syringe underneath your jacket, ignoring the call out. "You should know as well as I do! Without Erwin's talent, we can't beat the titans!"

"It's no different if we lose Armin!" If you went back safely, you knew you would be held captive for defying your captain's command. "He— He is the one who revealed Annie's identity, right?! It was him who came up with the idea of moving at night! He was the reason we could find Reiner's hiding spot, and he, too, became the one who defeated Bertolt!"

"But the one who will save humanity is Commander Erwin!" You gritted your teeth when Floch opened up his mouth, and you were so close to just leaving now once you took hold of both Armin and Bertolt. "You didn't know what happened out there! He thought of a plan to counter the beast titan and we followed him! He was the only one who could force us to be smashed to bits! So stay out of his way!"

He suddenly ran towards you like a madman, and you unsheathed your blade as you were ready to defend your friend.

"Over my dead body!"

"Don't do it!"

You felt an arm locking you in place, and you could only gasp as Floch tried to find the box underneath your jacket. His hands, roaming all over your clothes like this, you collected your saliva before spitting it right in his face. "(Y/n)! I-I don't understand what happened. But you didn't want to kill Floch, not really, right?"

"Kirstein! Let me go!" You shouted at the top of your lungs as Floch finally found the syringe. And when Mikasa wasn't looking, Captain Levi pushed her out of the way to Hange's embrace. The only thing that resonated throughout the space was mainly your scream and Mikasa, slowly turned into sobs and hiccups. But when you saw that the serum was ready to be injected, you couldn't help but go berserk. "Captain! Armin can do everything that the commander did! He can—"

"(Y/n)!" Your gaze flew towards Hange, lips parted as you saw how Mikasa just sat in front of them with such a vacant look in her eyes. "No matter who it is, there comes a day to say farewell." You felt so numb, knowing that there was nothing else you could do now. "We are a Survey Corps, you know that, right? We have known goodbye since the day we devoted our life to humanity."

Oh, you had known about saying goodbye for far too long. But right now, you didn't know why you couldn't. Maybe it was because of what Armin said to you before, maybe because you hadn't got a chance to tell him that his eyes were as beautiful as the ocean. "I know it's impossible, and there will be times you can't keep your sanity." Whatever it was, you just knew this would haunt you too.

You stumbled backwards, feeling Jean's arm on you tightened as he whispered sweet nothing into your ear. Empty reassurances, words that could no longer help you get back on track. "It's tough. It's very tough. Even then, we have to keep moving forward."

Thereupon, you would lose two people you held dear at once. First Bertolt, the person who always had your back, who allowed you to experience something as mundane as a romantic relationship. And the second would be Armin, someone whose dreams lit up inside his eyes, turning all the impossible into possible, the one who you knew could achieve so much if only the world let him.

"Captain Levi," Panting out, you were surprised to see Eren's hand gripping on his captain's ankle. "Do you know about the ocean?" Jean felt your body shifted, strengthening his hold on you even more. "Armin said there's a sea beyond the walls. Our dream is to go there together, but it was when we were little I forgot it a long time ago! Avenging my mom, eradicating titans, my head is full of hate!"

"Eren—" Mikasa sobbed once again, crawling towards the brunette and just held him tight, the only family she had left.

"But he's not like that!" The tears in her eyes flowed nonstop. "Armin cares more than just fighting!" And all of you could see that she was on the brink of her sanity. "He has dreams!"

"Everyone, get out of here!"

Captain Levi shouted to the entire soldiers, and you flinched at the desperation lingering in his tone. "I am going to have Erwin eat Bertolt!"

The decision had been final ever since Floch bought the commander here. Yet Eren, Mikasa, and even you, tried as best as you could, so maybe your captain would change his mind. The three of you had said everything, right? Could you have said something? Anything?

Jean tried to pull you as the others flew away from the roof, instead, you shrugged yourself away from him and stood up, walking towards Captain Levi. You ignored his shout, and the ravenette turned towards you, parting his lips as he wanted to remind you of the situation, not wanting Commander Erwin to accidentally eat you.

"Captain," You swallowed an enormous lump, eyes fixated on him as your mind was as clear as the sky right now. "Don't you have another s-serum?" Your mind was telling you to leave, giving you a warning, but you paid it no mind. "Can you maybe give a half to the commander, and the rest for Armin…?"

"Huh?" He only stared at you as if you were crazy. "Even if I do that, one of them would be a mindless titan. There's only one titan shifter—"

"What if there is another?" His eyes widened for a second there, so many questions whirlpool inside those steel orbs. In this moment, you knew he could figure out what you meant. "Captain, please."

He was debating what he should do now. Whether or not to believe your words, but it was possible that you were just wanting to buy some time, hoping the commander already died by now. But with those resolute within your eyes as it bore on him, and the fact he had kept an eye on you long enough, he knew you weren't bluffing.

"I am sorry, Captain."

You squeaked when someone suddenly lifted you up on their shoulders. "We are going to go now."

"No, Kirstein!" You balled your hand into a fist, smacking his back when your best friend took you far away from the roof. "Kirstein, you don't understand! Put me down in this instance! No, Jean Kirstein, put me down!"

And once again, you couldn't save them.

It was déjà vu for so many times in your life, especially for the past five years. The same scenarios with different victims in front of you; a brother figure, your best friend, and now them. Someone who had your heart and the dreamer, whose life had given you a lot of meaning for the times you knew them.

Just like what Bertolt said before, the one who suffered the most was those who loved. In a world like this, someone who got attached would bear the biggest weight on their shoulders, with their sanity needing to be questioned.

And you were one of those people.

Notes:

This thing is an emotional rollercoaster. Miss Tybur started to lose her mind for real. (": She is conflicted with her position. One side of her telling her to flee and save Bertolt, but the other... She already promised herself to make sure Marley didn't hurt those people here anymore...

Chapter 32: Still Image

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The thunderous boom. Lightning struck down as the colossal titan transformed. You covered the two of them from the impact. Mikasa shouted at him to get down. All the houses were ravaged in no time. Then small sobs. Something, someone, the voice he recognised. It was the only thing he could hear as it echoed right into his ears.

"It hurts." The sorrow that lingered in his tone, "It hurts so bad." It was so agonising.

He opened up his eyes only to find the colour of smoke surrounding his vision. Was this the afterlife? If he was in hell, then why was there no eternal fire that burned him? Then he averted his gaze to the side, finding the colossal titan's head. He was frozen in place, pupils dilated since he couldn't understand why the titan sobs in front of him. Tears welled up, and it poured on the cheeks.

"Bertolt…"

"Armin!"

He flinched when his best friend shouted his name. Finally, someone could at least explain what happened. When he sat up and found Sasha laying by his side, he felt so scared since she looked battered and unconscious. Frantically checking her wound in case she needed any medical help. Now when Eren ran towards him, he was so relieved. "I am glad you are back."

Blinking, he didn't know why the brunette looked at him as if he was raised from the dead. Those arms wrapped around his torso, holding him tight and he could feel tears wetting his skin. He just looked to the sky, still trying to grasp the situation, and he wondered if maybe the three of them were the only people left.

But then he heard a vertical manoeuvring gear, a sign that somebody else (and he really hoped it was more than one) survived this battle. Captain Levi landed on top of the wall, looking as healthy as possible that he couldn't even see any scar or wound on his body. "C-Captain, he's up!"

"Captain!" Eren slowly released him, and Armin could just stare up at the man, hoping he would get some more information. "What happened here?" His hand went to the side of his head, aware that something was missing from his memory, but he didn't understand what. "I only remember Bertolt transformed into a titan. Mikasa pushed me down before (Y/n) covered the two of us. Huh— W-What about them and the others?!"

Captain Levi shot a green flare to the sky. Knowing that it was to inform the other soldiers when a plan or mission had been positive, he hoped his friends would at least be here too. His lips curled into a soft smile as one by one, familiar faces came into view. But no one seemed to share the same sentiment as him.

They looked solemn, tired, and he immediately had the same expression the second Eren explained to him about what happened.

There were only ten people left in the Survey Corps out of hundreds of soldiers who embarked on this battle. They sealed the walls of Shiganshina, but the armoured titan, beast titan, and the other escaped. Leaving just the colossal titan, or Bertolt, here. Then there was a dispute about who was supposed to get the injection, him or Commander Erwin himself.

And in the end, he ended up being the chosen one. Injected by the titan serum, turned into a mindless titan and ate Bertolt.

He felt his stomach stir, throats felt so dry before the bile went up. Even a new soldier would know the commander should be the one who got resurrected, not him. "Captain, why did you choose me?" The petite soldier only kicked Eren on the butt, grumbling that his best friend was supposed to tell him everything. "You should have given it to the commander. Everyone knows that."

"The thing is, Armin, these two and a certain girl didn't think that way." Even when the captain didn't spell the name, he knew who was mentioned. "They stood up to me, prepared to draw blades. The three will be disciplined for insubordination, that's for sure." And now he wondered why he hadn't seen you ever since he woke up.

"I see." He held the waterskin tighter, knowing he would bear the weight of the colossal titan and the life of the commander. Captain Levi, Eren, Mikasa, and of course you. He couldn't let them down. Three of his friends fought for him, and the captain decided to choose his subordinate over someone he had been fighting alongside for so long. "I-I will try my best to be his replacement."

"Hey, don't get the wrong idea." Captain Levi cut his haywire mind. "You will never be Erwin's replacement. But I know you have a strength that nobody else has." Spouting words that might open up his eyes. "I won't regret my decision. However, I didn't know about your friends or the others." Because the man was certain Armin could bring them to the top with his top-notch brain. "But above all, don't regret it yourself."

"Yes, sir."

Armin already accepted his fate. The next path wouldn't be carved so easily, knowing there were enemies out there. From now on, he would help Hange, the new commander of the Survey Corps, in thinking of strategies. They couldn't be reckless and choose the wrong decision.

The commander and captain accompanied his childhood friends to go to the basement for truth. Ready to get as much information as possible down there. He was told to rest, especially since once they were done, they had to come back to the capital and report their findings. But now, he couldn't help but look around, wondering why one of his friends was still missing.

"Jean," He called out to the fatigued soldier. "I am sorry, but, where is (Y/n)?"

Truthfully, he was afraid something happened. Or maybe, maybe you decided to come back to where you were from and it scared him to no end. Sure you were trying to resurrect him instead of the commander, but what if you were disgusted by him once you realised he ate your — he ate someone you adored? He felt like he wanted to throw up again, but he held it in, taking a deep breath to compose himself instead.

"She needs some time."

"Oh,"

He read in between the lines. You stayed. Even when you could have reunited with your family, you decided not to. But why? He thought he knew you already. You looked like you were tired of all the death of your comrades and yet you were still here. Armin just folded his knees, hugging himself as he wished he could have talked to you now. "That's understandable."

But at the same time, he wasn't ready. He was afraid you would look at him with rage and sorrow, afraid you would cry if you faced him. From all the things that have happened. He simply couldn't bear to see you lose the light in your eyes, especially when he was the one who caused it.

Those light green orbs, soft and filled with gentleness, met yours just a few seconds before a titan devoured him whole. His scream, the relief on his face when he saw the rest of his comrades there. You didn't know what kind of twisted delusion he was thinking when he cried for help.

Mikasa could have dashed towards him. She was speed, accurate with her aim, and then he would be saved.

Maybe that was the wishful thinking he had before. But once those eyes were laid upon you, he finally remembered everything. Why did his friends just stand on the sideline? Why didn't you save him from the titan's grasp? Despite him being so ready to face death, you knew anyone would think differently once the grim reaper knocked on their door. And in his case, he was the same.

When his tiny head rested between white, gigantic teeth of Armin's titan, another one of his friends that he needed to burn so he could finish his duty, he knew he was at the end of the line. You could do nothing. Body slumped against Jean as he held you tight, afraid you would run towards Bertolt and change your mind.

It was no use for your best friend wrapping their arms around your torso. You didn't even have any power to move your muscles, let alone run to someone who was already in the grasp of a titan. Someone who for two years introduced you to the feeling of being loved, someone who lets you experience a mundane life. Things no warriors or soldiers were supposed to have.

At first, you thought you would scream your heart out, spouting how he didn't deserve this kind of fate, but your lips were sealed. Even when his decapitated body was ready to be smashed into bits, you only stared at him without moving an inch. After seeing death so many times, maybe you were already used to it and that was what you wished for.

But seconds after he was devoured alive, after that mindless titan fell to the ground and revealed your blonde friend, the emotion kicked in. All at once. Bile went up to your throat, your lungs constricted that no oxygen could get in, bloodshot eyes shedding yet another tear. You squirmed from Jean's hold and ran away from the scene.

"I am sorry." Swallowing an enormous lump, you wished you could have said something when Bertolt screamed out your name. "I am sorry, Bertl." The sorrow in his eyes. He just needed some reassurement when he locked his gaze on you. He needed your comfort.

For two years, he gave you everything. And when there would be no tomorrow for him, you couldn't even say the words that he had been waiting for. "I l-love you. I love you so much."

You hugged both of your knees as regret spread inside you like a wildfire. Eating your already shattered heart just a little more as you recalled what happened a few moments ago. You didn't expect him to open up his eyes, so when you met with those soft green orbs, you were too shocked to say anything else.

He must have known it would be the last time he could take another look at you, and before he was gone, you just wished you could give him a proper farewell.

Maybe wrapping your arms around him, maybe pecking his cheek and pampering him with kisses. You wouldn't feel icky even when blood and sweat stained his skin. You were going to cherish him the same, just like all those times that were shared between you and him.

But regret would forever be regret. It was something you could have done in the past but ended up not to. And in the present moment, it was dangerous to fall for the same sophistry. You knew that well.

You just couldn't help it.

"Tybur,"

You lift your head to see your best friend, copper eyes gazing down at you with a forlorn look. Perhaps noticing the tears that welled up in your eyes even when a few hours had passed after Bertolt's death. He said nothing and jumped to your side, one arm awkwardly draped around your shoulder, not knowing if you would be alright with him intruding on your alone time like this.

So when you leaned on him to search for comfort, he immediately pulled you closer to let you rest your head on his shoulder. Once he found you, he should have told you the others were ready to come back now. Ten soldiers remained from almost two hundred of them this morning, and truthfully, he wanted to just get out of here.

But one look into your eyes, his priority changed within an instant. He ignored the way his left arm throbbed every time he shifted. The shard of wood that impaled him before had left him with a deep wound. And he couldn't care less about the fact. What mattered now was for you to know that you were not alone. Even when your lover was gone, he would always be there for you.

"Why are you here, Kirstein?" You sounded so raspy and he couldn't help but winch. "I never sent you the invitation to this pity party, after all." If someone didn't know you, they would think you were not welcome in their presence. But he befriended you long enough to know you just attempted to lighten the solemn atmosphere.

"Oh, please," He let out a small chuckle, peeking at your face as your head still laid on his shoulder. "I am on your VIP list, remember? So whether you like it or not, either me, Sasha or Connie are going to crash your party."

You snorted at his words, and for sure it suited you better than the endless sobs you emitted before. Even though it was so unladylike, something a woman should never do, especially when the opposite gender was around, he liked it best if you were like this. Just being so carefree without being afraid to be judged. "Eren found three books from the basement."

After a few seconds passed with your breath coming back to normal, he decided to tell you about what they found down there. "It was journals made by his father. What was unexpected was how Dr Yeager ended up being someone from beyond the walls." This seemed to pique your interest since you immediately leaned away, not that much, but enough so you could face him properly. "He mostly stayed silent when we asked for other information, only revealing something, a technology."

When Eren opened the journal, Jean was completely in awe at the portrait that was displayed right on the first page. With the perfect body structure, balanced light and shadow, he wondered what kind of magic pencil the artist had. But when Eren flipped the perfect art, everything made sense. "It was called a photograph. Where light reflects off a subject and burns the image on a particular paper."

Your orbs gleamed so beautifully once he was done talking as if he was a raconteur, whose stories were so interesting no one could take their eyes off him. He gaped at you for a second there, clearing his throat before he continued and told you more about the discovery. Things that either Eren or Hange mentioned. They said the details would be shared later along with the Queen, so everyone had to be patient.

"Do you think anyone here could make it?" Your lashes fluttered as you still looked at him. "Photograph, I mean. Eren's father explained some technologies too, you said. Do you think we could have one on this island?"

"Hmm," He pondered about it and straightened his legs since he started to feel stiff. "If we have the right tool and assemble it right, yes, we can have one, or maybe some." There was this gleeful smile on your face once he shared his opinion. "Why? What's inside your mind now?"

"Nothing, not that important, just a random thought." You let out a sigh, but not the one that was filled with stress like before. "If someone can build one, I want to have a photograph too."

"Okay?" He still couldn't understand where the sentence would go. "Sure, I mean."

"You are not curious who I wanted to take a photograph with, Kirstein?" Alright, was that a trap or something? Jean just stared at you, not knowing what to say, as you wiggled your eyebrows stupidly. "I will take the silent as not." But he took so long to answer, and you immediately stood up, dusting off your uniform. "We should come back, won't we?"

"Oi, the silence means yes." As you helped him up, he flicked your forehead and tried not to snicker at your whine. "But, yes, we should come back. That's actually the main reason I was here." He didn't see the way your eyes dropped a little at his words. "So? Want to tell me who you want to take a photograph with? It's going to be expensive, I bet, so you better choose wisely."

You shrugged, making him raise one of his eyebrows since you suddenly looked so petty. Walking towards the end of the roof instead as he followed right behind you. "Alright, did I say something wrong, now?"

"Nah." Fixing up your gear, you never turned to face him again. "Let's just go, Kirstein." He was baffled by the sudden cold in your tone, lips curled into a scowl within an instant, since he was certain he had been such a good friend this whole time he was here. Before he could confront you about it, though, you already grappled your hook towards another house.

"I swear, Tybur." Groaning, it was another time where he couldn't read you. And every time it went like this, he ended up stressing himself out even more. "You are going to be the death of me."

All the way back to the capital, you could feel two pairs of eyes staring at your figure. You tried not to acknowledge it, busying yourself by checking on Sasha once in a while since she took the hardest impact than anyone else. But with them practically throwing daggers on the back of your head, it was hard to ignore.

Armin didn't say a thing when you landed on top of the wall, averting his gaze to anywhere else that wasn't you. He might have felt so guilty. Someone as pure as him, bearing the power of destruction, added how Commander Erwin was the other person who should have been saved. You pitied him, wanting to ask how he was feeling, but before you could talk, Captain Levi strode towards you with a reminder.

Fourteen days. You were going to be held captive inside a prison cell for a whole two weeks straight because of insubordination. No one was allowed to visit you, no extra food and clothes. Everything was prepared by the military and you could only sit still and think about what you did wrong. You needed to reflect; he said. And now you finally felt what Mikasa meant when she said she wanted to punch him.

On the bright side, you wouldn't feel lonely since both Mikasa and Eren had the same punishment. When the guard wasn't around, maybe you could talk with her to kill some time. Yeah, it wouldn't be so bad. And maybe, baiting Eren to spill something else, information that wasn't written in the journals, or images he saw in his head.

"Hey," Your thoughts were scattered in an instant when Jean called out to you. "You still owe me an answer, you know?"

Blinking, you didn't understand what he meant as he looked at you with that smug face. He left you alone this whole time, perhaps knowing you felt a little icky after what he said before. But knowing him, he mostly wouldn't realise that he hurt your heart for a little there when he said he was only there just to call you, not because he wanted to check if you were doing alright.

You only looked at him with one raised eyebrow, expecting him to elaborate more. He let out a sigh at that, as he could see you weren't really in the mood to talk to him. "The photograph. I said that my silence means yes, right?"

"Oh, that." Even though you only muttered the words out, he could hear it clearly as he rode closer to you. "It's not important, Kirstein." And he frowned when you decided not to tell him. A bit unfair since you sounded like you wanted him to ask you before. "It's just a random thought, I told you."

Giving him a polite smile, you just left and galloped your horses even further. Like before, he could only see your back and wondered what he did wrong again. As far as he knew, he gave you enough space for the first few hours after your dearest friend was devoured by Armin. Even after that, he made sure you were alright first before taking you back to join with the others.

Women were weird. They were also hard to understand, but usually you were not like this. These days you became even more sensitive, and he wished he could have been more like Marco, someone who knew what the right words to say in every situation.

"Oi!" But one thing was for sure, he didn't want to let you go easily. "If you don't want to tell me, then I will. " Wall Rose was already on sight, and after this you were going to be out of reach for the next two weeks. So once you gave him another glance, he continued his words. "If our civilization can create a photograph, I am going to have one with my comrades!"

Your eyes slightly widened at that, not expecting him to shout right in front of you when you believed the others were supposed to hear it. "With Captain, Hange, Mikasa, Sasha, Connie, Armin, Eren, and especially you!" He knew he was being a jerk for not taking Floch in, but he barely knew that man despite being in the same rank. "So—"

"I am the same!" His words cut off within an instant when he saw a genuine smile come back to your lips. "I am going to have one or two or three with all of you too!" So bright that made him feel so serene. " Especially you~!" Because somehow, the fact that you looked so content affected his happiness too.

As much as he didn't want to acknowledge it, now he understood what Marco said before. About the doubt, about how he could see he wasn't madly in love with Mikasa Ackerman anymore, or maybe never at all. Jean still had a crush on her, he was certain of that. He adored her existence because she was the girl he always dreamed of.

But at the same time, he was aware he cared for you so much more than he did for the girl of his dreams.

And even though the realisation scared him a little, he couldn't help but to be curious where this feeling would bring him.

Notes:

Hello, hi! Sorry for the delay ): I have been sick and uni is just so much at the moment! I haven't write for days and I finally rewrite things here and fix some words that made me icky hwhwh... Anyway, I HAVE A NEW FIC, yes, if you are Erwin hoe, no I mean Erwin lover, go check it out! It's here too~! The age gap is a lot, but don't worry they are both adults, the reader is 25!

By the way I think I want to add Happy is Her chapter 3 or some, with Marco perspective ofc... He is so sweet and I wanted everyone to know how he had been making the main character feel alive and move on from Jean (not really fully but well, makes her happy)

LOVE U GUYS!

Chapter 33: Heroes of the Wall

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The waves collided with each other and became a reminder for him. As he stood on the shoreline of an unknown territory, whether or not he liked it, it would be a place to say goodbye. His dark orbs fell upon the tiny figure of his daughter, his little baby, as she talked with commander Magath once more for the last briefing. Those warm eyes never left your figure.

He thought he would be ready. After all, he prepared you to be the best lady in the world. Not only with mannerism and vast knowledge, but also with endurance training and many other top-notch skills that differentiate you from all aristocrats. Then again, it was just hard knowing the path you chose was going to be full of obstacles, and he could only wait for the time when you came back home. Ifyou ever did.

His lips curled into a soft smile, complementing his mature, chiselled face once you turned around and faced him. You? His little star had her lips curled into a permanent, wide grin. It was as if you knew he would need it. It was as if you knew he was reluctant to let you go for the past few weeks once this day was around the corner.

"Are you sure there are no other things you need?"

"Papa, don't worry." The fine lines on his face became more prominent now with how he creased his eyebrows. "I already checked it twice last night, and everything is there. Clothes, food, a penknife in case I need to transform in dire times." Eyes prevailed with concern, as his little star would be taken far away from him. "I am going to be fine, pa. Promise."

You were so small compared to him, so precious, and he asked himself so many times if it was the right thing to do. To let his precious daughter board the ships with a one-way ticket in her hand. He could have let you stay here in Marley, only inherit the war hammer titan later on near his sister's end years. Maybe having a normal life, at least longer than a quarter-century.

But the moment you brought him the restricted leather journal with curiosities and justice in your eyes, it was impossible for him to keep you by his side forever. Not when you knew something the rest of the world didn't. Not when you always wanted to show the world how Eldian, too, were people.

"How can I not be worried, my little star?" He kneeled right in front of you, not minding how his suits wrinkled and smeared with sand. "You are my daughter." His eyes bore into yours, wanting to see you clearly as he memorised the minor details on your face. "My warrior." Because at that moment, he was afraid it would be the last time he saw you.

"Pa!" You looked surprised for a second there, the smile you had before now replaced with a small frown. "I told you not to cry!"

"Am I?" He chuckled underneath his breath at your cuteness. The baritone voice sounded so warm as it flowed in the air. "I am sorry, ah, where is my composure when I need one?" Closing his eyes, he was expecting your usual, gentle gesture you always did when he cried.

Your finger felt calloused, something that reminded him of how hard you work for years. It gently wiped the tears from the corner of his eyes, making sure there was not even a drop left. He was someone with high status, knew how to let his guard up and maintain his appearance in the public. But not now. He just wanted you to see your father with no walls built so high.

At this moment, he wasn't Willy Tybur, the great descendant of the Tybur family who brought victory for humanities in the Great Titan War. He was just a man, a father who loved his daughter with all his heart could offer.

"I need to go now, pa." Once you were down wiping the tears away, he opened up his eyes only to take another look at you. "The others wait for me." He couldn't help himself. The smile he had slightly wavered as he gave you a reluctant nod. And to your surprise, he pulled you into his embrace, covering your whole body with his as yet another dam broke. "Pa…"

"F-Finish the mission, my little star." He whispered out, not minding how the military saw him like this. So fragile and so much more human than he ever appeared to be. "Finish it fast. Spend the remaining years of your life with us, your family."

You slightly blinked, not expecting your father to break down in front of you. The sands underneath your shoes felt like they stopped you from moving as you tried your best not to spill any tears. For you to join the warrior, you knew your life had been on the tightrope ever since, and there were a lot of possibilities where you wouldn't make it.

And your father was also aware of it too.

"I will try my best, pa."

"Those who inherit the power of Nine Titans perish in thirteen years." You only hugged your knees even closer to your chest. Letting Eren's voice pulsate through the entire basement of the stockades. "The Owl called it The Curse of Ymir. " Even though it wasn't the first time you knew about this, the way the power took someone's lifespan still ate your heart out.

"I only have thirteen years left, then." Armin's voice was so small, and with how quiet it was down here, you could hear it clearly, as if he was right beside you. "And Eren, you…"

"Eight years, probably." You swallowed a huge lump as you listened to the conversation, counting your days too subconsciously. "Not even that."

"You're wrong." Your heart cracked at the familiar voice that meddled in between their talks. "This has to be a mistake." So desperate, as she didn't want to listen to the harsh truth. That both of her childhood friends had their hearts having a countdown. "I am sure of it, it must have been wrong."

You wished you had been placed in the same cell as her. But alas, there were stone walls that separated each one prisoner. You wanted nothing but to sit with Mikasa. Maybe you couldn't do much, but being alone at a time like this would be such a nightmare. Especially when you knew how precious Armin and Eren were to her. She loved them, just a bit too much in this cruel world.

Two days had passed since the punishment started, and you already got a lot of information without needing to ask him. The commander-in-chief had asked Armin to stay down here, taking notes if maybe Eren remembered something else with his titan power. And he kept on talking every time he woke up, telling stories so vividly as if he was the one who experienced it.

Then again, that was just how the power of titan worked. There was some kind of connection for all subjects of Ymir, something called a coordinate or path. A place where everyone was connected with each other, but only the Nine Titans inheritor could see through some memories collected there.

Like you did sometimes, watching some fragments of events you never experienced before. You saw through the life of your aunt, Lara Tybur. One of them was the time when she fell in love with a Marleyan. A man with a sharp jaw, blonde hair combed nicely to the back and striking green orbs dazzling underneath any intensity of light. Even the dimmest one.

You felt what she felt. How she longed for him, an earl from another house. Someone whose smile was so warm that she wanted nothing but to bask in his presence. She was so close. She was already there. In a ballroom, dozens of ladies and gentlemen danced with chandeliers on top of them, becoming their crown for the entire night.

His hand touched her. Sweet whispers slipped through her ears as the two embraced one another. The giggles she let out, so drunk in love and so naïve. Just a little flirt, just a little graze on each other's skin, but it was enough to make her feel like she was floating.

For the first few moments, she felt like there was no burden on her shoulder. Several pairs of eyes fell upon their figure with jealousy as she became the main show that wintry night. Such a beautiful sight, to see her so content in the embrace of a man she always dreamed of. And somehow, it made you wonder why she had no smile on her face anymore.

A question that was answered in the next seconds.

He wanted to meet her again, somewhere, someday, in another place. Your aunt wasn't the only one who got hooked on the feeling. So he threw a question, still whispering close to her, voice lingered with intimacy. Her name, that was what he needed, and tragically, the very reason he dropped her hand.

The warmth inside his eyes was gone, as if it had never been there, replaced by horror and a hint of disgust. She felt lost, not knowing why he suddenly turned so cold. He took a few steps backwards, and the jealousy in people's eyes as they looked at the dancing couple turned into a questioning one.

Why did he push her off like that? Someone asked. What happened between them? Always a gossiper, those people were. Oh goodness, she's a Tybur! And once they understood the situation, No way! An Eldian here?! All the fingers were pointed at the now drooping figure.

"Why, brother?" She bawled her eyes out once she sat on the plush seat of their family carriage. "Why do those people hate me? My name? I just wanted to feel love—"

There were so many reasons you wanted to take the founding titan, or at least secure it. One day, you were going to come back home, telling your father about everything you once only knew from that leather journal. And you would bring your friends in front of him, those who did everything to survive the hell Marley had pushed on them.

Both sides could talk it out. There was no need for either your nation or Paradis to continue the hatred that had continued for hundreds of years. The only thing you needed to do first was to make sure Eren wouldn't fall into the same trap of madness. And with how everything unravelled now, it looked like he was only curious to know more about the civilisation beyond the walls, beyond this island.

At least, you hoped it would remain just like that until you found a way for him to meet your father.

You never wanted to punch someone as much as you did with him. That tousled auburn hair. You always thought he had a bird's nest on top of his head. He talked like he knew everything, like he was the only one who had been through hell.

Hitch just greeted you and the rest of the group. She was there to congratulate the heroes of the walls, she said. Ten out of hundreds, and everyone knew she hoped it would turn into at least eleven, with a certain bowl-cut haired man standing in between. She felt relieved, both shoulders relaxed the second Jean said that Marlowe had been a brave soldier all the way until the end.

But those beady, light green orbs turned into horror within an instant. Her hands balled into a fist once Floch Forster narrated the details of the beast titan's raid. Before eventually, said a small thank you and left the group.

"Hey! Why did you say that?!"

"Because someone has to tell the truth."

The second Floch's gaze went to the left, glancing at a certain blonde who was alive instead of the Commander, you patted Sasha's shoulder and walked towards him. You knew what he was trying to do, what he wanted to stir just a few minutes before the awarding. "What?"

"Did he tell you that?" He was confused by your words. "Marlowe. Did he tell you he was scared?"

"O-Oh," His adam's apple bobbed, while your glare didn't waver at all. "No. But I was there just right beside him when our comrades turned into bits of meat! So I can—"

"He's not you." Cutting his words off, you took one step closer to him. And from the way he kept swallowing down his saliva, it looked like that was enough to intimidate him. "I don't know what he felt. You don't know what he felt. So throw away the audacity to talk as if you were Marlowe."

One second, two seconds. He just gritted his teeth before turning his face away. Good, then he knew he was already losing here in this argument. You inhaled as much air, holding it for a few seconds to calm yourself down. Since even though you wanted nothing but to hit the man, all military higher-ups were here for a reason and watching a fight wasn't on the agenda.

"Commander Erwin. He could make me, a cowardly person, to join in the raid and feel like it would be worth dying for." You just wanted to go back to Sasha afterwards, but your steps halted as he continued to talk. "A coward like me ." He repeated. The stress in his voice only showed that he was still shaken up over what had happened that day. "He made us feel like we were not expendable!"

By now, you could see some pairs of eyes falling upon your groups. Especially to Floch as he kept on shouting out loud. "He could have done so much more! He could have made yet another coward like me become the rightful soldier who devoted their lives to the humanities!" Gritting his teeth, he now pointed his finger at Armin. "The one who should have been brought alive is Commander Erwin Smith, not you!"

All the fingers were pointed at the now drooping figure.

Your palm swatted against his mouth. "Nghn!" While your free hand wrapped around his digit, pushing it up opposite his joint. Anyone close to you would hear a small crack, but they didn't have to worry since you only wanted to warn him a little.

There were tears glossed on his brown orbs as he stared at you as if you were crazy. Then again, after receiving all of those crises, maybe, maybe you were.

"Oh, Floch. Don't worry, I will not break your finger." You cooed at him, a smile etched on your lips, but your friends knew they should step back. "I just need to remind you that — it was impolite to point your finger at someone. You understand?" He nodded furiously. Never foreseen you, the same person who bawled their eyes out when Armin was dying, for having this kind of side. "Good boy."

You released the man, turning to face Jean, and it was adorable when you saw him flinch a little. There was some saliva coating your palm, and it disgusted you to no end. Though your eyes twinkled when you thought of something. With your friend still standing there like a statue, you patted his arm with your damp hand. He just gave you a nod of acknowledgement, not knowing your actual intention.

Walking past him, your legs took you in front of Armin, who now had his eyes dimmed. The blue, which was usually so bright and lingered with enthusiasm, ideas and dreams, now looked so dull as he once again lost in remorses. Most people wanted Commander Smith to be the one here. With how those whispers and judging eyes never left his figure. Never letting him rest for the past few days.

"Armin," And now there was fear. Whenever he looked at you, it was as if something stressed him out even more. You wanted to ask why ever since you were still locked up, but he always scurried away before you could even call him. "If something happened, then that's how it was supposed to happen." But now you just continued, not wanting him to dwell in self regret.

He only cast his gaze down at your words as if he didn't believe it. "Maybe you are going to be the one who brings us beyond the walls. With your tactics and genius brain—"

"No, (Y/n)." You stopped, eyes drooping, since it looked like you failed to make him see his worth. "Floch is right." He took one step backwards, and it made you frown since it appeared that he didn't want you around. "The only good thing about me is my brain. It's not enough. I-I am not enough."

"Now, now, Armin." Eren butted in, one hand on top of his shoulder as he tried to shake his best friend from any negative thoughts. "Listen to her and me." You let his childhood friend handle this. He knew Armin way longer than you, anyway.

Your lips still curved downwards. Both of your eyes never left the two who now tried to cheer the other up. You didn't know since when he cast your gaze away from you and what could make him act like this. So maybe after the awarding, you were going to talk to him, not letting the only person who knew your secret slip in between your fingers so easily.

"There's something I needed to talk to you about."

"Huh?"

The thick, grey smoke from the burned houses wafted through your lungs, making you cough a little. This wouldn't be a pleasant spot to have a conversation with someone, especially at a time like this. But those ocean orbs stared at you with a little plea inside. So you decided to relent, at the same time curious about what he had to say. "What is it, Armin?"

He looked down at his feet, kicking the cracked clay roof as he muttered something underneath his breath. You didn't push him despite knowing the limited time, not wanting to interrupt his mind that was always filled with so much information at once. Though right now, with how he moved his lips and mumbled to no end, you got worried. Whether about his sanity, or another speculation in his mind.

"I-I know you are a titan shifter."

But surely, the sentence caught you off guard.

It wouldn't be possible for him to know. He was a genius, yes, but you never transformed into your titan power for as long as you lived in Paradis. "At first, I didn't want to believe it. But everything started to make sense once I put all the missing pieces." He was certain of his theory, and you wanted to ask how, but it only meant your assent to him. "I wouldn't say everything, but, do you remember when the first interior police tried to shoot Jean?"

You gave him a nod, scared and at the same time curious about his next words. "The bullet. I found it in the toilet." He looked nervous as he said it, knowing that it was too far even for him. "You said it only grazed you, but there was so much blood, even layers of flesh. The bullet hit you, (Y/n). You force it out, but then the next day you were completely healed."

That was careless of you, you knew that. You should at least keep it first, then throw the tiny copper down the river. But you dropped it all inside the trash can. Never thought someone would scrap around.

"Why did you share this information with me, Armin?" Without you realising, one of your hands was already wrapped around the hilt of your blades. "Aren't you afraid to expose this?" Ready to strike at any moment. "I should kill you. This is what we do to those who know." Despite that, he didn't move from his spot and gazed at you with a look you couldn't quite fathom. "You know that, right, 'min?"

"I know." Yet there he stood. No panic, no fear. Fingers fiddled with his cape as if he was confessing his love instead of exposing his enemy's identity. "But you wouldn't."

You almost faltered as he walked closer towards you, leaving just a one-foot gap in between yours and his figure. Turmoil was written all over your face, debating what you should do now since the image of you being tortured flashed in your head. One way or another, you were going to go to Commander Erwin and tell him everything. But if you were exposed now, no one would believe that you were on their side.

Everyone except Armin Arlert, perhaps.

"H-How can you be so sure?" Your voice sounded hushed and the crack in it made you winch. "I am still the enemy. You know nothing about me, Armin. If you know, you shouldn't have told me. You should go straight to either the commander or captain. That was the right thing to do, and I know you must have thought like that with how quick-witted and smart you are—"

"Then you would be taken away." His shoulder slightly slumped, biting the gummy inner cheek. "And to be honest, I am not sure about you not killing me. You can, you are trained for that." He gripped his head, now getting anxious as he realised the situation he was in. "I always think rationally, (Y/n). But in this one, I give in to my emotional way of thinking."

"Armin—"

"Yes." He perplexed you. One second he was so close to having a panic attack, and the next he straightened his posture, eyes looking at you with faith. "You are not going to kill me, not even hurting me in the slightest." And you could only gape at him, one hand still on the hilt, but you didn't think about taking his life. Just like what he said.

He then whispered your name with that stupid, innocent grin, as if he had already attained his freedom. "Let's go catch up to Eren." A firm nod, followed by a softer smile, before he turned around and dashed to where the next mission took place. It was as if he understood you more than yourself. He knew first you were going to follow him anyway, without him needing to say it twice.

And once again, just like what he said, you did.

Armin peeked to his back, gazing at how someone from the other side fought for the nation they were supposed to destroy. Maybe he didn't know everything about you, not yet. But after watching (Mikasa could even say admiring) you from afar ever since your tiny feet brought those plain bread for them without thinking twice. He could already draw a line there.

Your life, your blades, and your heart — were in the rightful place. Here, on the island of Paradis.

"Nice cut, Sasha!" Your laugh resonated through the open air before it was muffled by your best friend who tackled you right after. "Next time if we meet another titan, I will cut the tendon and you are the one who takes the nape, yeah?"

"No! (Y/n), I told you—"

The way he gazed at your figure, predominated with respect and fondness. He took his time to preoccupy himself with something he liked after what happened before, calming his rapid heart rate. Two titans on the way and you didn't hesitate to ambush while dragging Sasha with you, not even for a second.

And Mikasa decided to jump in right after her two friends, with no one assisting her, taking care of the other mindless titan.

After winter forced them to be cooped up inside for so long, spring came and brought a new chapter of life. Out in the wildland, far beyond Wall Maria, no one ever imagined the haunting feeling they once felt every time they explored this land, would finally be gone after six years of catching up on their trails.

The Survey Corps got the permit to resume their expeditions after months passed. Once again embarking on the new journey, to places they had never touched before, a distant dream that was now within their reach.

With full speed ahead, the clopping from the horses accompanied them as they moved forward. What remained from the mindless titans the enemy sent here, was slowly wiped out completely as they alternately finished them. By the time the green, grassy land full of soil turned into an unknown territory adorned with sands, there was no titan left on this island.

And that was when the gallop stopped.

You remembered with whom you were here around six years ago. Marleyan military, the warriors, and of course, the one and only Willy Tybur, your father. And now you came back to the place where you first started. Now, with another company. The ones who were supposed to be your targets.

In front of you stood the wall where your nation made monsters. Turning all the Eldian sinners into mindless titans. A torture, they said, one that was worse than decapitating them alive.

"What's behind this structure?"

But right now, none of your friends needed to hear such a tragic story.

"Only one way to find out, isn't it, 'min?"

Notes:

Surprise surprise who is still alive, me, Eycee. Anyway, thank you guys for being patience and following me through this journey! I wouldn't stop until the end, heheh, I love writing this so much :3

Chapter 34: Swelling Storm

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Six years. It had been the longest time in your life since your nostrils caught the sharp smell of salts. The breeze was so much different here compared to the humid, balmy one within the constriction of the walls. It was fresh and delightful, making you feel you were on a holiday somewhere.

And after a few months clearing all titans' existence on this island, maybe you could consider it as one.

You took off your military boots and plop them at one huge rock near the passage, wanting to feel the warm sands beneath your feet. If you were here alone or perhaps only with your friends, you would discard the rest of your clothes and swim. But you had a hunch no one here knew how to float on the water. Not when the monarchy restricted citizens to touch the river within the walls.

"Kirstein?" As you stepped further on the shoreline, you found your best friend cupping waters on his hands. He gaped at you, his tongue sticking out to taste it, but stopped at your call. This would be interesting, for sure. "No, no. It's nothing. You can continue." Biting your lips, you tried so hard to keep your face neutral, wondering if he was going to do it for real.

He gave you a nod, clearing his throat before he decided to just lick up the remnants of water on his palm.

"Argh, it's so salty!" You snorted so hard at his remark before letting out a boisterous laugh, not helping him as he frantically wiped his tongue with a handkerchief. "Shut up, Tybur! I'm just curious!"

"I didn't even say a word!"

"Yes, but you laugh at me!"

When was the last time you felt this way? With happiness bubbling inside and no tension around you. As the year changed, you wished for a break after all the madness you experienced a few months prior. For you and your friends to see what the world offered, delighting in the territory they thought only existed inside an encyclopaedia.

Hange gave the Survey Corps a heads up, saying it was possible they would have to camp outside for a few days. No wonder since this expedition potentially became the longest one in existence. With new lands to explore, and samples they needed to get, your new commander sounded so excited at the night they exposed the plan.

"Commander—"

"Hange! I told you to call me Hange, Miss Tybur!"

"Ah, I mean Hange, yes. Do we have a plan for today?" You jogged towards them, clothes slightly wet from your friends' attack. "Like, are we going to stay here for a while? Or maybe collecting samples of the sands? Anything?" If not, you already had an agenda on your own, of course dragging the others too for some fun. "And no calling me Miss Tybur too, Hange."

"I used that nickname because you called me commander." As they patted your shoulder, you tried not to grimace since they were just squeezing sea cucumbers a few seconds prior. "But I think we will camp here today. No need to think about anything and just," Those light brown orbs glanced to the side, overlooking the ocean. "Enjoy the scenery. You agree?"

"Oh." The two of you now had the same grin, a bit scary if the others didn't know the context. "Thank you, Hange! Enjoy the holiday!"

"Huh?! What holiday?" Before you turned around to catch up with your friends, Connie already shouted excitedly at the mention of the word. It didn't take long for you to explain what Hange said to him and the rest of your friends, earning a jump filled with excitement before they completely soaked themselves by plopping down the shoreline.

Crystal blue sky greeted you in an instant. So clear as no clouds were adorning it, just one eternal light from the sun. The warm sunlight balanced the cold water that now glued your clothes into your body. And you didn't mind how the sands followed suit, sticking on your exposed skin, which usually made you feel icky.

Then again, it was when you were just a little girl. The time when your father would let you run around the shoreline, collecting seashells, and hear the ocean waves echoing inside the empty husk. Your beady orbs glimmering under the yellowish light of dusk, lips poured hundreds of questions about the mystery of the universe. Oh, how you used to be such a handful kid. Even the guards could never keep up.

The look in your eyes turned melancholic as you kept on staring at the bright sky, one which was caused by the scorching sun. Your hand subconsciously went to the shark tooth pendant that dangled on your chest, never taking it off but at the same time, feeling like you had lost the significance of the said item.

Porco Galliard. Why did his name suddenly pop into your mind when you were supposed to have fun? For quite some time, he didn't cross your thoughts anymore. Especially after the events that occurred, you fixated your soul on something else, slowly letting go of the past as you embraced this new life.

"Look, Eren! On the other side of the wall—"

"There's a sea. And on the other side of the sea, there is freedom."

But what you were afraid of the most was always trailing behind. "That's what I used to believe in." It never left, and it never ceased from catching up to you. "I was wrong about that." The reminder of how you could never escape. "On the other side of the sea — are enemies."

From the duty that chained you.

You sat up straight. Water dripped down from the strands of your hair, falling back right on the ocean as you felt suffocated at the realisation that Eren saw everything . And you really — tried not to listen in. "If we kill all of our enemies over there." But with him whispered-shout the words as if he was talking right into your ear. "Can we finally be free?" How could you not?

He knew. That was what you were aware of right now. A few months ago, after retaking Shiganshina, he only recollected the memories of his father, learning about the Subject of Ymir and the titan's power. He didn't have any tendency that would lead to war, not even having spite towards those people beyond the walls, the civilisation across the sea.

"(Y/n)? Hey, are you alright?"

Was it all an act? Was he losing his composure and showing his true nature? Eren Yeager was the founding titan. He had the power to control everything . The only thing he needed was to make contact with the king's bloodline for the world to be in his grasp.

"The hell, Tybur, hey! Where are you going?!"

There would be nowhere to run, no chance to fight. Not if he woke the slumbering titans within the confinement of the walls.

What pressured you the most was how you came to be the only one who perceived this. The sole person on this island who knew his far stretched ability and the danger that would ensue.

In other words, you were alone.

"Armin, eat." He couldn't.

Even when the smell of the stew was so appealing, especially when Mikasa shoved a bowl into his lap, his mind went all over the place. Someone had been missing for hours, passing lunchtime and now, dinner time. His lips jutted out slightly, worrying for the empty seat beside Sasha.

And, of course, it frustrated him when it appeared that he was the only one who felt so. You were a skilful soldier. Maybe they had a lot of faith in you and believed you would come back, anyway. But it wasn't just like you to be gone for so long.

"I-I can't." He bit his lips, mind still predominated with the thought of you to the extent he lost his appetite. "Hange, may I leave? I want to search for (Y/n)." Putting his bowl down, he gave it to Sasha, who had been eyeing his stew for the last couple of minutes, one that she immediately snatched since she was afraid he would change his mind.

"Eh? She's going to be fine, Armin—"

"I know, Hange." He pursed his lips, looking at the others who looked the same as the commander — unbothered. "Still, I am going to." Hange didn't give a yes or no. Whatever it was, he already stood up and left the bonfire, not wanting to waste another second, especially when the sky was dark already.

Connie raised one of his eyebrows at the sight of the usually timid soldier. Armin fetched the flashlight and began his search. The cape on his back was to prevent the chilly night from making him sick, and with only that, the man was already strolling along the shoreline.

"Oi, Jean, do you feel Armin has changed?" No answer came from his best friend beside him. "Maybe he's always like that, but now he's more assertive? Eh, what is even the right word?" His eyebrows creased since he tried to describe this new version of the blonde, but it was proven hard with his brain capacity.

Though, what actually confused him was the silence that he received. Jean didn't speak a word, and it brought Connie to look at his side, only finding those copper orbs that belonged to his best friend, hardened with mixed emotions. "Huh?" Jean shoved the stew into his mouth, mumbling some incoherent words. "You good, buddy?"

Even though it was faint, and the meat muffled the sentences coming from Jean's lips, Connie could pick up some of it — I can search too or You are so stupid, Jean Kirstein or The hell is wrong with you? and something like, You gonna lose from that guy? — things that he couldn't understand despite how obvious it was.

Connie could only gape at his best friend who kept biting hard on the wooden spoon, something that scared him a little. Now became the reason he decided to just let Jean be. Well, maybe it was because of the salty water he had tried to drink before.

While the rest of the soldiers filled their stomachs with the hearty stew, one ventured onto the beach on their own. Armin felt like he didn't need a cape, not when his body heat was far warmer than before. Perhaps one benefit of being a titan shifter — the one who could let out hot steam on top of it all.

But he was still not used to it. He often forgot that he too held so much power inside his smaller body (compared to any other male soldier and scratched Connie from the list). The power of destruction. Someone mentioned to Bertolt once before he got here, and he remembered how he felt back then. Anguish, disgust, anything in between.

And Armin understood the emotions perfectly, feeling it in every fibre in his beings.

Eren told him that sometimes the memory fragments from titans' ancestors would appear at the most random times. For him, it mostly came when he was asleep, as his dreams felt too real to be just a mere imagination. From waving his hands to a father figure as he boarded a ship, running for his dear life when one of his comrades was eaten, to the fluttery feeling when your lips were against his.

He should have felt guilty for taking someone else's chance at living. Someone who had a wonderful woman as their lover, someone who was so tall that he wished he could have got a bit of it when he inherited the titan power. Along the way, he finally accepted what they gave to him.

From Mikasa's story, he found out how you fought the captain so he could get the injection. Your lover, well, ex-lover, was the one that had their life at stake, yet you thought about him, about how he was the one who should live instead of the commander of the Survey Corps, whose capability preceded everyone in the military.

Just the thought of you caring more for his life rather than Bertolt was slowly healing his heart. You could have run away, he knew that. With the ravenette soldier in your hand and the power you had, you could do it so easily.

Yet you stayed, begging and screaming at Captain Levi to give him the titan serum, wanting to see him live again. Letting him get the second chance to be in this world, to see the ocean with his own eyes, by devouring someone you had known far too long than himself.

He blinked repeatedly when his ears caught a small splash, and he wondered where it came from since it sounded so distant and faint. With both eyes wide open, he hoped he could see your figure somewhere, maybe playing with water. But then he realised the source came from a dark cave. The wide, tall aperture was enough to send a shiver down his spine.

It wouldn't be possible that you were there, right? He knew nothing about this world. He only knew so much from a book he read before. There was no preparation, not enough courage to go inside. Although he knew if you were actually there and he missed it, he would curse his entire existence for as long as he lived.

With one arm stretched forward, he minded his steps and let the flashlight illuminate the stone's pathway, hoping that it would bring him to you. As every second passed, the faint sound of splashing became louder, and it wasn't the only thing as he found out the traces of you.

Harnesses, then a dark brown waist skirt, fitted white pants, the familiar shirt you always wore, and a certain obsidian scarf that he knew where you got it from. His lips felt so dry and chapped despite him licking it repeatedly, wondering why you discarded all of your clothes.

You were going to be naked, and he was pretty sure he would faint. Whether or not it was true, he still debated about continuing on or just came back, but with his heart hammering louder and going all over inside his ribcage, his legs decided to just step forward.

He sucked a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds the second he reached a clearing. The stones he stepped on before became a border of another part of the sea that was separated from the erosion, creating a lake inside and somehow, the water glowed. Whether it was the water or you, he couldn't differentiate anymore.

His feet stay rooted on the ground, not realising that his hand shook out of nervousness. He should have turned on his back when he saw a glimpse of your naked shoulder and legs, but he couldn't. As if there was a magnetic field that forced him to look at you, at the magnificent sight he would never imagine existed.

Armin could say that he relished this chance. What a time to be alive indeed, as his orbs followed you around. Until you were the one who had full attention on him.

"Oh, you are here."

"For quite some time."

If Bertolt could take over his body and choke himself to death, he would allow the man. "I mean, I have been looking for you." He corrected his words and shrugged the embarrassment off. Trying to, at least. "For quite some time. Yes, that's what I meant." And at this point, he was reassuring himself more rather than you.

"I see." He averted his eyes, and thus he wasn't able to see the amused look on your face. "Why don't you sit here? On the edge, I mean. Don't want to get wet?"

"No, it's not like that." You were probably wearing nothing as you talked with him, and yet you acted so casually despite the fact. "I don't know if you want someone around, so…" Nothing to cover your perfect skin, nothing to hide you from his wandering gaze. "That's why I, well, choose to be here."

He stared at the stone edge, still facing you, but being a gentleman enough by not looking at your body as if you were a show presented just for him. But when he heard another splash, he couldn't stop himself from settling his eyes back on your figure. The way you glide in the blue water, arms stretched to the side like you were flying.

What kind of bird fluttered its wings on the ocean?

You were beautiful. He was aware of that from the moment he saw your timid smile as you offered those loaves of bread. But with how you had matured, and the way you gracefully danced in the water, it took his adoration to another depth.

"Have you eaten?" You emerged to the surface, palms wiping the droplets off your face so you could see him clearly. "It's dinnertime, right? You are done with it?" He was the one who should have asked since you had been gone for almost six hours, and yet you always had a way to beat him.

"No, actually." Armin took your offer to sit on the edge. He discarded his boots first before dipping his legs in the water, just a few centimetres away from where you were now. "I don't have the appetite, so I looked for you."

Lies. The reason he didn't want to eat in the first place was because of how you domineer his mind, everything that he could think of was your existence and thus made him restless. And when he thought he could be at ease once he found you, it was proven difficult, since the closeness only prompted all of his senses to focus on your being.

"I see." You only scooted closer and crossed your arms together, leaning on the stone edge right beside him. Most of your body was still submerged, and he was thankful for that, saving him from the urge to bask in all your glory that he knew appeared to be — indecent.

Silence overtook the atmosphere as the droplets of water fell from your hair was the only thing his ears could catch. He wanted to ask why you run away before, but he had a feeling it was because of your memory. Because something resurfaced and you couldn't bear it for a moment there.

Maybe you were once here with people from your nation, and to come back as a part of your target instead, "I know things, a secret of history." which troubling your mind and identity. "My family is the only one who bears the true story of what happened in the previous war. Not even the military in my nation or my other — friends, are aware of it."

"What is it about?" He wasn't that stupid. The chance for you to share it with him was so slim, but there was no sin in asking. "Why didn't you tell anyone before? Is that the reason you stay here with m– us?"

"Oh, 'min…" You chuckled lowly, eyes fleeting up to see him. He couldn't understand why you had that look on your face, written with sorrow, but your lips curled into a smile. "Knowing the accurate history is why I became a titan shifter and something that's supposed to make me understand how dangerous it is for me to stay here."

The answer only emitted yet another question for him. If that wasn't the reason you stayed, then what? You would have wanted to be with your family again, and yet you threw them away just so you could stay with people you lived with for only six years. Even neglected your previous mission and let go of your first friends.

"Then, if staying here can be your doom." He was too dumbstruck, the gear inside his brain spinning nonstop. "What is something so important you are throwing away your safety? The previous life you had?" That he didn't even realise you were already in front of him, scrutinising his expression.

His brows creased, and you felt bad for making him rack his brain when it was supposed to be the day he could enjoy his longtime dream. Right now, he could have joined you down here, feeling the cold, refreshing water on his skin and maybe swimming around. Oh, but he didn't have the skill, not yet.

"Hey, 'min?" You snapped him out of his deep thought, and he only raised one of his eyebrows since he didn't expect you to grin at him, enough to disperse the cloud in his mind. "Let me teach you how to swim."

"Swim?" The word still sounded bizarre as he spelt it. "Is that what you did before? When you dance in the water?"

"Dance?" Again, he wanted to bury himself six feet underground. "Oh, if you think my swimming stroke is as graceful as dancing, then I am flattered, Armin." But when he heard your small giggle, he couldn't help but feel his confidence built up by a bit. "And yes, I did swim before. I want you to experience it. Swimming in the ocean is nice, really, but be careful with the water getting in your eyes."

He knew nothing about the outside world, about civilization across the ocean. With you here, he felt like he had a personal mentor that would teach him a lot of things beyond his wildest dream. And he was all in, letting you be his guide in this new opportunity to enjoy life.

"Alright, then." Armin was still clueless, but he was so close to just jumping on the water before your hand pushed his butt down on the stone edge once again.

"Whoa, wait, you are wearing too many clothes." You chuckled at his impatience, and the blush spread on his cheeks was too adorable to ignore. "We don't want you to go back to the camp with a wet uniform, right? I don't want you to get sick." Taking a step backwards to give him space, he was still trying to process the information.

"So, I have to take off my clothes?" He swallowed a huge lump as if it embarrassed him to be exposed. Especially to you.

"Yes, it's fine, really. I wouldn't judge." You tried to reassure him it was alright, and for a second, you were scared he would back down. But when he gave you a nod and stood up, discarded his uniform one by one and piled it up on top of dry rock, it took you ten seconds to collect yourself and look away.

It's just Armin, get a grip! Mother will be disappointed in you!

"I think it's enough?" Then again, you wanted to teach him. One way or another, you have to look at his figure. "I can get in the water, right?"

"Oh, yes, of c-course." You wanted to slam your head down for stuttering, but you only cleared your throat before swimming to the edge, where he sat and waited for your instruction. "Start with your feet, slowly. Don't rush since it can shock your body with how cold the water is, 'min."

His hand found your shoulder, and you let him hold on to you as he dipped inside the water. Your hand reached towards his back, caressing the naked skin that made him flinch a little because of the cold. You told him to splash his face with the cold water, helping his body get used to the temperature.

It took him a few seconds before he stopped shaking. And once he did, you went in front of him, arms spread to the side as a sign that you were going to hold him if he ever needed one. "The water is shallow. Come on. Get to the water right away so your body completely adjusts — Armin!"

Your pupils dilated when he jumped into the water, submerging himself completely. He had already washed his face before, so it was unnecessary to sink his head too. You were not panicking, but you couldn't help and dive in, wrapping your arms around his figure to straighten his body.

"It's cold!" Armin coughed. Some of the water spluttered out from his mouth and he shivered at the taste. "And it's salty!" He wiped the droplets off his face first, clearing his throat before he looked at you, chuckling as he tried to hide the fact that he tripped. "But it works! I didn't feel that cold anymore—"

"Are you alright?!" He didn't expect an outburst coming from you, something that was enough to shut him up. "Goodness, I thought you slipped! I forgot to tell you that the stone is covered with moss."

"A-Actually," There was almost no gap in between your body and his, and he only realised that now as he could feel your hot breath against his skin. "I slipped." His heart was ramming so hard, trying not to stutter anymore as he collected himself. "I just didn't act like one because it's not cool at all."

You blinked, eyes just staring at him as he looked like he could explode with the way his entire face turned into the darkest shade of red. One of his hands went to his nape, rubbing it to ease his nervousness. But then you snorted, followed by a small chuckle that at the end turned into a boisterous laugh.

He gaped at you, wondering what was funny. However, with the way your laugh was so contagious, he couldn't help but let out some chortle. The cave was now filled with yours and his stupid cackles reverberated through the stone walls.

You because of his answer, and him because of — well, he wasn't even sure why he laughed in the first place.

"Hey, 'min?" You tried to catch your breath. The voice was barely above a whisper as your eyes locked with his.

"Yes?" He matched your tone, hushing the word out as somehow, he felt like the time had stopped without warning. Your face turned serious, lips parted as the hot breath fanned his face, faintly, but it was a reminder of how close you were to him.

"Why did you tell no one about my secret?"

Notes:

FDSHUFFDGUHDSGFDS I AM A COMPLETE FOOL FOR ARMIN ARLERT, GOODBYE, THANK YOU!

Chapter 35: Ocean Eyes

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

And as if bewitched, he couldn't feel the cold anymore as his whole body froze. How wondrous, a simple question, and that was all it took for him to be so — still. For all the times he spent with you, he could always control himself, acting as a friend because he knew that was the furthest thing he would ever be in your eyes.

As if that wasn't awful enough, he ended up devouring someone that had been your lover ever since in the cadet corps, someone who had known you for years, way before he did. He didn't know if you were really alright with such a cruel outcome, and he often wondered who you saw when your eyes lay upon him.

Was it Bertolt Hoover? Or was it still him, the ocean dreamer, Armin Arlert?

"Because—"

He always knew what to say. This wasn't the first time when a love confession was already on the tip of his tongue. You had asked him a similar question back then when he told you about his awareness of your power. He could have answered the same, maybe changed a few words, but at least that would be enough to satisfy your curiosity.

"Because…?"

"I like you."

But thirteen years.

The fact that his life truly had a countdown made him feel like every chance he got would only happen once. For years, he kept his mouth shut because he knew his place. He was just a mindless romanticist, someone who had his head in the clouds, imagining things. And you were there. You were one of his dreams.

However, he couldn't be greedy. The world already gave him a chance to see the ocean with his own eyes. Having you would complete everything, but that was too much to ask for. Admiring you from the sideline was enough. After all, he couldn't bear it if his feelings repulsed you. That was the main reason he didn't want to say anything.

Like now, he could see shock within your eyes, and he needed you to say something, anything. Or else he would go crazy for real. It was fine if you didn't reciprocate his feelings. That was what he felt ever since he knew you, anyway. But one thing that he wished was for you not to change, for you to stay the way you were around him.

He was preparing for any kind of response. Dozens of scenarios played in the back of his mind. If you laughed and shrugged it off, he would shut himself out and continue the swimming lesson. If you asked him to elaborate more and had a tint of disgust in your eyes, he would save himself by saying that he liked you too much as a friend.

And if by a miracle you said the same, then — actually, he was clueless. He didn't know how he would react if you did. Because now, or even from the start, he couldn't even let his mind believe that you would ever feel the same.

"Why…?"

Armin didn't know how to answer that, honestly. He never expected to ever confess his buried feelings. Even though he read so many books, even though he could always think out of the box, love was something that he didn't get a knack for. "Why from all the girls out there? Why me?"

"You are warm." He swallowed an enormous lump, remembering the words he read in one of his books, about how honesty was a virtue. "Like every time I see you, the rays of the sun are streaming through your hair." And some beautifully written prose that he thought could help him express his feelings. "You are also bright. Like you can cast all the darkness around as you turn into a source of light."

His mind was predominant with the words that he had encountered before, things that he thought could impress you. It wasn't the only reason he used those gratifying lines. What he said was truly how he saw you, and he wanted you to understand the depth of his heart, brimming with your name in every nook and cranny.

But then you leaned away, and it felt like you took his ability to breathe. What was already in his head dispersed within an instant, lips parted as he panicked, stuttering as he wanted to reach for you, not knowing how to take back all the words that were spilt from his mouth. "(Y/n), I-I am sorry. Please forget that I said—"

"Let me teach you how to swim." You cut him off, and he didn't know how he should act right now. He should have been grateful that his flowery confession did not disgust you. He should have been happy that you acted as if nothing happened. "Start on your legs first. I will help you." And yet, he ended up falling to his greed.

In his mind just now, he had already pictured a perfect memory. You would lean in, palms cradling his cheeks as your lashes fluttered, letting the drops of water fall to join the ocean again. That would be the last thing he saw before he closed his eyes since your lips were going to be smashed against his, exactly what he felt in the fragments he stole from Bertolt.

Instead of that, his body felt how cold the water was once again. With you trying to avert his gaze, the way you talked to him was the same, but it sounded — hollow, how your fingertips touched his skin tentatively, as if afraid that he would break.

You didn't have to think about that, really, because he already did.

He followed your instruction well, leaning his arms on the edge with his stomach facing down. Excitement filled his heart when you first proposed the idea of teaching him to swim. But it wasn't there anymore. Not when you were so close to him, skin against skin, with your voice going straight to his ear, yet you felt so far.

It seemed what Floch said was right. He was still cut off from Commander Erwin's ability. He was nothing compared to the man who almost won every wager.

If only he said nothing, if only he used his rational mind like he always did before, then the situation wouldn't be like this. The two of you would still be the same. Nothing changed, and that was fine. That was enough for him in the past six years. He wouldn't mind it for the next thirteen or until he passed.

And yet he went all in, gambling on what he already had with you, only to lose it all.

As the two soldiers walked back to their camp, the sound of waves collided with each other, filling in the reticence. The full moon shone so brightly, and one of them wondered why it looked blue when the light was always seen as white. You could have known the answer, he was certain of that.

But he didn't have the courage to say something, afraid to mess things up even further.

After getting him to swim from one side to another, you ended the learning session once you realised it was getting late. All of your friends were probably worried, especially when Armin was here with you too. The colossal titan shifter, a fact that rendered him a great asset for the Eldian within the walls.

"Once in a blue moon."

You whispered out, eyes glancing towards the sky. "It's an idiom. I don't know if you ever read about it." It was as if you could read his mind, and even though he pledged himself to walk at least two metres ahead of you, he subconsciously slowed his pace down to get closer to you. "Night like this happens once every two years and seven months."

He listened in. Ocean orbs filled with marvel once again as he paid full attention to your portrayal. "This phenomenon is possible if the first full moon of the month occurred earlier. So, near later dates, another full moon will appear, but unlike usual, the light is blue. Exactly like what you see now, 'min."

His jaw slightly dropped, looking up into the sky after you were done with the simple, yet thorough, explanation. It was beautiful; the hue was darker than the ocean in broad daylight, but it piqued his interest nonetheless. He learned something new every time he opened up his eyes, and that was thanks to you too.

"It's fascinating." As he kept walking down the beach, his eyes glimmered and became another shade of blue, making his eyes pop out even on the duskiest night. "The colour is nothing I have seen before. It's as pretty as the sea!"

"Really?" You chuckled softly at his enthusiasm, the only thing needed to make him face you again. "I prefer the sea. Especially during the day. When the blue hue is shimmering underneath the sun. It's beautiful." And even though your words were nothing fancy, you sounded like you were reciting poems from a book.

A chitter-chatter faintly slipped in his ears, a sign that the two of you were finally close to the camp. One part of him wanted to run first, burying his face somewhere after what happened in the cave. However, the other part of him just wanted to stay, strolling on the white sandy beach with you by his side, particularly since the awkwardness he had before was long gone.

The campfire lit the night, an orange tint spread into the sky and he thought that this was it. He should lock the previous event deep inside his heart because it was crystal clear that you didn't want to acknowledge his feelings. Not when you brushed it off so easily. Once he stepped into the camp, the two of you would go back like usual, a friend, as if one party didn't crave for more.

He would join Mikasa and Eren, talking about the wonder of the world, as his eyes would subtly search for you. Sasha probably tried to wrap her arms around your figure, asking if she could have your dinner, only to be scolded by Conny and Jean. Then, once in a while, he strikes up a conversation with you. A simple greeting, maybe two or three times a day.

Just like usual, the same old routine he had ever since he knew you, and for the rest of his life.

"I never told you before." Your feet came to a halt, and he followed while hoping that maybe — you also wanted to stretch the time. "But I always wanted to tell you this." You turned to face him, a soft smile on your visage, only compelled him to fall even deeper. Especially with the ocean breeze swaying past the strands of your hair.

The beady orbs luminesce under the dim light of the blue moon, pervasive deep into him, and he couldn't look away. "Your eyes. It's the colour of the ocean, 'min."

Oh, it was a compliment, right? You said that you prefer the blue water during the day, how it shimmered and you even called it beautiful. Then were his eyes the same? Somewhere deep in your mind, did you think he was as captivating?

You tucked some lonely hair into the back of your ear, somewhat looking so bashful, but he didn't dare to think too much out of the gesture. Even though you would never feel the same as him, maybe this was enough. To know that you found him beautiful, at least a part of him, he would take and hold it inside his heart.

"T-Thank you." His lips curled into a smile, matching yours, as he felt like he was the happiest man alive from just a simple compliment he received. "That's very nice of you, (Y/n)." A compliment from you, though. That was why.

You couldn't look away from him, not when his smile reached those beautiful eyes. It brought his cheeks up, eliciting a shiny appearance on his skin. He looked so adorable, so carefree, as if you didn't evasively turn him down a few moments ago.

Not fair, after everything that happened, you didn't want to explore the same thing that you had lost miserably. You tried so hard to keep a blind eye. Somewhere deep within your mind, you understood what his lingering gaze meant for all these years. It was adoration, and you forced yourself to believe it was only out of respect.

Yet the truth was finally out in the open. With such thoughtful words, you listened as he offered your heart for you to take. It was deep. His feelings were. So it wouldn't be possible for you to not acknowledge it anymore.

"I never said I love you." You started. Making him stop smiling as he gave all of his attention back to your words. "With Bertolt, I mean. We shared kisses, spending time as lovers, but I never said I loved him back." And by the unsteadiness in your tone, at the last few words, he was aware that by telling him this had reopened your old wound and regret.

He wanted to reach out to you, giving you the comfort you deserved to feel. You looked so fragile, with both arms wrapped around your body as if you needed a hug. Hoping you could warm yourself from the coldness that bit your skin and heart at the same time. But it scared him he would cross a line by doing that.

You then let out a small chuckle, a bitter one. "Even when he passed. Even when I knew he had to be freed from his duty, I still didn't have the guts to say it." The colour in your eyes slowly faded, glossed with tears that were threatening to spill. "I love him, I am certain of that, but." And the shakiness in your breath made him frown. "It's not the same."

"What do you mean…?" He whispered out, wincing when he couldn't even figure out your words and forced you to explain it to him. "Your love, was it not romantic?"

"It is romantic." You snorted, now resting your hands on your hips as you just gazed at the hurling of the waves. "But it's not as much as the one he had for me."

He said nothing else after that, letting you collect yourself, especially since he was clueless about the words that he should utter. The wind blew his long blonde strands as it gusts harsher than before. To the extent he had to cover his eyes, not wanting the sands to get into his eyelids. While you? You only stood there — so still.

"Then…" He cleared his throat once the breeze ceased, gingerly taking another step closer to you. "M-May I know why you told me this?"

You had your back turned towards him. So he wasn't able to read your expression anymore, waiting impatiently for you to utter a word.

Love was something that he could never understand. He just knew he had it for his childhood friends, Mikasa and Eren, the same. He also cherished all the people that fought beside him in this war, and of course, he understood that what he felt towards you was nothing like he ever had for someone else.

"I only have five years left to live, Armin."

"W-What?"

He felt the blood run cold in his veins, one hand intertwined with yours since he wasn't able to stop himself. Five years, what he could have achieved in five years that would make your life worthwhile. "No, no. The curse of Ymir. It's not true, right…?"

And in your silence, he found the answer.

Time was never kind to anyone who lived in this world, especially for those who had dreams like him. He didn't want to believe it. What Eren said before, he thought maybe there was another explanation regarding that. But when even you, someone who knew the world more than anyone else here, welcomed the cruel information with open arms, then he had to do the same.

"You still have thirteen years, 'min." You finally looked at him again, and his breath hitched when he saw the tears staining your cheek. "Even if I want to see where the road will take us, five years will roll so fast. Maybe you should try to fall for someone whose life is certain. Someone whose life is not on a thin line."

"I can't!" Before you could say anything else, he felt the need to burst it out. "Even if I can. Even if there is someone who the world thinks suits me more, I don't want them!"

Perhaps that was selfish of him, but he felt like you were too when you asked him to like someone else. As if choosing someone he adored was as easy as flipping a page of a book. "I-I am sorry for yelling, but, even if I should spend the rest of my life only knowing how to l-love without feeling it back, that is enough for me." He sucked a deep breath, trying to control himself. "Because it's you."

Your jaw dropped to the sandy beach, not having the ability to retort any longer. Armin was so sure of what he felt. He didn't want to try looking for someone else, someone that wasn't as cruel as you, someone who was sane, perhaps. After the past months, he must have already been aware of what you were capable of.

You wouldn't hesitate to kill anyone as long as it could save your friends. And at first, you thought it would make him see you differently, deemed you as a monster. However, it only pushed his admiration toward you. You threw away your humanities if needed, and your calibre to do it even in dire times amazed him even more.

"There's no way I can force you, isn't it?" You let out a sigh, but not out of disappointment or sadness, more towards amusement. A smile was back on your face, but Armin still didn't know what to do, or what was going to happen between the two of you from now on. "Then, alright."

"Huh?" His lips slightly parted, and both eyes glimmered with hope as he wondered about what you meant. "A-Alright? You mean—"

"Let's just see how it goes, 'min." It wasn't a no, but it wasn't also a yes too. He was in between, and he didn't know if that would be enough to satisfy his greedy heart. "My father once told me not to have any regrets. I have five years, and who knows if I have it that much? It could be shorter than that." But for you, he would tone it down.

For the past few years, liking you from afar was enough. So knowing that you acknowledged his feelings and tried to see how it goes for the two of you, that was already so much more than he ever imagined.

"Are we friends, then? Or is it more?" He hurriedly asked, biting his lower lip since he knew it was bold for him to ask that. "I just want to make sure… I need to know if there is a line between us I can't cross or anything."

You continued your pace towards the campfire, waving at Sasha, who had been calling out for you to get the stew. His eyes never left your figure, despite having both feet dragging on the sands to match your pace. He waited, an assurance, as if his whole life had just rotated around you and your decision.

Then again, for now, maybe it was exactly like that.

"We are friends, Armin." And he jutted his lips at your answer. You could only let out a small giggle when disappointment was all you could see on his face. "But our lines, you don't have to worry about any of it. If you want to cross it, I think it will be fine. Just wait for the right time." That was why you tried to cheer him up a little.

"Huh?" You could see a familiar brown tuft from the corner of your eyes, getting closer and closer to where you were. But your attention was still fixated on the man with the bright, ocean blue eyes. "But when is the right time?" And at that, you smiled.

"You will know." That wasn't the answer he wished to hear. He only looked at you, flabbergasted. However, with that cheekiness on your face, he could only shake his head and let out a small chuckle, letting Sasha drag you away from him out of impatience. "Use that genius brain of yours, 'min! But now, don't forget to put your heart into it too!"

He didn't answer as you were already a few metres away from him, a bit embarrassed since some pairs of eyes went towards his figure. It made him stiffen up, his feet dragged awkwardly towards Eren and Mikasa on the other side of the campfire as he only focused on his two friends instead.

There was this small glint in those obsidian orbs that belonged to the ravenette. Her lips softly curled into a smile that people had to squint if they wanted to see it. Armin settled in beside Eren, not wanting Mikasa to tease him with the look he received. Even though she said nothing, her eyes told him how she wanted to hear the story.

"Something happened?" Which eventually, she asked. "Remember, you are already eighteen, Armin."

"Mikasa, it's not like that!"

Notes:

Sigh, Bertolt will strangle Armin for sure... But anyway, what do you guys think? Would they become something more? What about Jean, right? What about him, indeed, he never said anything though...

/just me thinking because the author didn't even know who the endgame would be

Chapter 36: The Lost Princess

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Almost a year after the battle of Shiganshina, where you had to let go of Bertolt and decided to stand your ground for Paradis. A few months after that, the Survey Corps reached the ocean. They made a new map, exploring all sides of the island without needing to worry about any titan lurking around. But after that, well —

Never once crossed your mind you would be in this position.

"Whoa, she really shot her allies on the head! As easy as that." Connie sounded so surprised when he said it, but it was nothing new in this war and he should have imprinted it inside his head. Then again, after what happened in the underground church, none of you had to experience any human killing spree ever again. "What do you think she wants?"

"Beats me."

Everyone was tired. The Marleyan ship arrived just around midnight, and all the soldiers had been on standby ever since. Five hours passed after Yelena, the lanky woman who shot their commanding officer, had been negotiating or whatever she was doing with Hange and Captain Levi. No one knew what she was trying to do. It was hard to decipher someone as an enemy or ally at a time like this.

"But the fact that we found someone willing to share information is an unbelievable stroke of luck, don't you guys think?"

Your eyes softened at the blonde's words, always so positive under any circumstances. When the other soldiers thought about eliminating the Marleyan — not your friends though — he raised his voice and told them to calm down, starting his preaching about how this could be a bright chance for Eldian in Paradis. Yes, to talk with the outsiders, hopefully, there was really a positive outcome from this.

"It is lucky, yes." You wanted to groan as Eren butted in, but you kept your irritation to yourself because somehow, you could predict what he wanted to say. "It's a total fluke we stopped them from landfall. If Marley was serious, we wouldn't stand a chance." Of course, you knew that too well, and you averted your gaze to the side when those emerald orbs stared at your figure. "We have to do something."

As if on cue, Hange came out from the camp along with the grumpy old man who never kept his eyes off the tall commander. There was an unreadable expression on their face, and you wondered what they had discussed, and how far Paradis knew about Marley from Yelena.

"(Y/n), get down here! She wanted to talk with you!"

You blinked, taking the information momentarily as Hange shouted from down there. "I don't know why she asked for you, since, well, you are not a titan shifter, no offence, (Y/n)!" A weary chuckle just slipped from your lips at that, especially when you could feel a worried look thrown at you. "But she said you are intriguing!"

"Like hell, we allow Tybur to be alone with that lanky ass woman!"

"Kirstein!"

Despite wanting to laugh at his retort, you only bite your inner cheek to calm yourself before looking down at your commander once again. "I will be down there, Hange!" You waved at your friends, smiling sheepishly since you were also confused why the woman seemed to be eager to talk with you. Sasha was awake now, whispering to be careful before she growled a little, as if knowing how dangerous the blonde woman could be.

"Ah, are you alright to talk with her alone?" As you jumped down in front of Hange, you were greeted by that question. "I mean, Levi also said that he wouldn't let his soldier talk with someone, who is also a potential enemy, alone."

Oh, you didn't expect that. You wanted to smile at the soft attitude, but you still wanted to live, so you only nodded as a sign for them to continue. "We negotiated a little, and she said if you wanted someone to be there with you, just one person, though, is alright."

You pondered before looking back to face your friends. The first person who you saw was Jean as he raised one of his eyebrows as if asking you if everything was alright. Then your eyes fleeted towards the ocean orbs who tilted his head to the side, looking at you with concern. "So, who's going to accompany you? Just call them down here."

A part of you wanted it to be Jean since he had been your best friend for far too long, but he knew nothing about you yet. He didn't know that you were a descendant of an Eldian aristocrat in Marley, and it was possible for Yelena to talk about it. In the end, you knew who would be with you, the one who was practically aware of all your secrets.

"Armin!" You waved at him, earning a flinch, since he didn't expect you to call him, perhaps. "Do you want to join me inside?!" Those beady orbs, a wide grin etched on his lips. He just loved spending his time with you and you only chuckled at the way he looked.

"Gah, teenagers." Captain Levi muttered underneath his breath and you rolled your eyes at that. "Just get down here, Armin! Compose yourself!"

"A-Ah, sure! I mean, yes, sir!"

And now it was a staring contest. Her metal irises gazed at you as her slender fingers wrapped around the teacup's ear. Both of your hands were on the table, waiting for her to talk. Armin sat up straight beside you, having another contest with the man across from him, Onyankopon, mayhap Yelena's right-hand man.

"This conversation is probably not suitable for another soldier, Miss Tybur." After a few minutes of silence, she finally parted her lips. "What I am going to talk about is your past. I suggest you talk with us alone, and to—"

"Armin knows." You waved one of your hands in front of her, discarding her worry, or whatever was inside her mind. "You can continue, Yelena. My past, he knows a lot that no one else did, and it's alright if he heard more."

There was this little awe on her visage when she received your answer. She never believed that it was true, what Zeke speculated about your missing whereabouts. How the Eldian princess, the one who brought hope to their race in Marley wherever she goes, was now defending the devils on this island.

"Very well." She gently placed the teacup down on the saucer, right in the middle of it, before she gave her full attention to you. "It's an honour to meet you, Miss Tybur. May I?" Without waiting for your response, she took one of your hands, coarse and yet so light, before planting a kiss on the back of it. A gesture that surprised both you and Armin.

Your friend may know about the fact that you were a titan shifter, about how you were an Eldian from Marley, a part of the warrior unit that comprised brainwashed kids and teenagers to fight for their nation. Hoping one day they became honorary Marleyan, treated just like other human being, not as monsters.

But he didn't know the meaning of your last name. Armin was clueless why Yelena treated you as if you were a part of the monarchy. He thought the information he had was enough. For the past few weeks, you talked about your time as you went to war in Marley, the time when someone gave you a shark tooth pendant that you saved in your uniform's pocket, and a lot more about how the military worked there.

He was overjoyed you relentlessly shared about the outside world, answering all of his questions about the civilization across the ocean. Then again, you rarely talked about yourself. He only realised this now, how there was no progress in knowing you privately, and he intended to find out more. Whether from you or this woman, maybe even both.

"What do you want from me?" You retracted your hand, settling it on top of your lap after Yelena was done admiring your figure. Even though you didn't try to scare her off, the intonation appeared a bit rude, making you winch since you wanted to be polite.

"Oh, it's nothing like that, Miss Tybur. I assure you." She closed her eyes and bowed slightly. "I am merely here to get to know the princess, someone who had been lost for years, that made even a nation like Marley have an uproar when the news spread. A lowlife like me being in your presence is considered as a blessing, indeed."

You let out a sigh. It seemed you would work with someone who treated you like you were in Marley again. You never liked the way these people saw you as if you were a God they needed to please. For years living here, you didn't have to worry about any of that, thus also the reason you never told Armin about your family history.

"Alright, but I don't want my friends outside to worry about me." Calming down, your eyes glanced towards Armin for a second. "So let's make it quick for now, Yelena. We can continue our talk later on when we fully have your trust."

"Yes, just a little of your time would suffice. I just wanted to have a small, casual conversation with you." She clasped her hand excitedly. An eccentric person, this woman was. "You said you don't want to worry your friends outside. Then who is this man beside you, Miss Tybur? Is he the prince?"

Your eyebrows creased at her question. You thought she would ask about the reason you stayed here in Paradis. Surely that was a lot more interesting than your private life here. But it looked like she was fascinated with the bonds you made with these island devils, especially if it was romantic and you wanted to find out why.

"Maybe, yes." Your right hand went to fetch Armin's, interlacing it with his as a gesture of assurance. And Armin, well, he could only yelp out of surprise. "You sounded so interested in fairy tales, Yelena. Want to elaborate more regarding that?" Maybe it was only a random topic, but the way her eyes gleamed, there must have been something else.

"Nothing, really. But as a kid, aren't we supposed to love fairy tales?" The creepy smile never left her face, as if it imprinted there forever. "For me, I am a fan of it even when I reach adulthood. Just a story about two protagonists saving the world, or two people falling in love under bizarre circumstances. Fairy tales are my dream."

So that was what pushed her to be a volunteer soldier. She wanted to be someone worthy, and she chose to be the hero of Eldian restoration for her storylines. Then you waited for another word from her, hoping for a name tumbling down, the love interest perhaps. "But Zeke Yeager is the protagonist in my fairy tale. I am merely a helper here, maybe a tritagonist."

You wanted to snort at the mention of the man, but you respected her feelings and gave a nod of affirmation instead. By how she looked right now, with adoration written on her face, there was no way she considered herself as low as that. She was probably the deuteragonist, someone who would do anything for the main character.

Those grey orbs were the same, both Zeke and Yelena. Underneath the murky shade of their irises, laid hundreds of mysterious thoughts. They were so carefree on the outside, knowing how to communicate, so they were appealing to their interlocutors. But underneath those honeyed words and pleasant gestures, who knew what was actually rotting in their mind?

The two of you continued to converse for about half an hour. She mostly asked about something mundane; your routine here in Paradis, friends you adored and cherished, whether you missed your family in Marley, who do you want to meet if you ever come back — but she didn't dig too much, only touching the surface.

"Oi, the sun is up." You were just done receiving her last question, something about how close you were with the younger Yeager, she meant Eren, before Captain Levi slid the tent open. "We are going to go back to the capital to report this. You came with us, Yelena." His eyes flew towards you for a second there, concern faintly seen, but he said nothing else before leaving again.

"That must be our cue." Your lips curled into a polite smile, not answering her last question since she could see it on her own later. "We can continue this later, Yelena. But before I leave, I'd like to remind you not to address me as an aristocrat." She let out a hum, understanding your situation, especially when the others were around.

You would monitor her, more than anyone else. Even though Armin said it was alright to believe in luck sometimes, having a small doubt for someone was necessary. That was what you learnt as time went by, what you remembered from Annie. You couldn't be too naïve, or else someone would stab you from behind.

"That can be arranged." She stood up and fetched your hand once again, still giving you that one look of admiration. But behind those misty beads, there was another emotion you couldn't fathom. "I am sure we are going to be around each other a lot, Miss Tybur. And thank you for your time this early in the morning."

Leaving the tent, you turned to face Armin, whose face had been indescribable for quite some time. His hand subconsciously reached out to you again, though his eyes were far-stretched, as if he was in another world, and your existence was the only thing that would anchor him back to the present moment.

"I am sorry for dragging you there. You must have been bored." Your gentle intonation burst the bubble in his mind, and once again, his thoughts filled with you. "You are the only one who knows, and I trust you the most with my secret. So…"

"Oh, I am not bored!" His pupils dilated in surprise, or maybe a little fear, since he didn't want you to think he was forced to be there. "I actually feel happy…? I mean, yes, I felt happy. For a second there, I thought you wouldn't call me because I saw your eyes go towards Jean. And it made me—" He frowned a little at that, debating if he should say it or not.

"Jealous?" But of course, you understood, completing his words for him. His cheeks immediately heated. Tomatoes would probably not be as red as his skin right now. "That's adorable, 'min. You are adorable~" You cackled a little as you kept on teasing him, earning a small frantic whine since the others were around.

After that nightfall, where the two of you basked underneath the blue moon, your friends were aware that something happened between the colossal titan shifter and the lost girl from Wall Maria. The subtle glances, how the ocean orbs were now always met with yours. The warmth from the two ignited every time they looked at each other was too intense for them to ignore.

Armin considered himself lucky, to think you were so close to not engaging with his feelings at all but eventually agreed. You could have despised him after what happened in Shiganshina, resent his entire existence for having the audacity to confess his affection when he had Bertolt's blood in his hand.

Yes, he needed to convince you more, telling you how he wanted no one else despite him being able to move on (maybe, he didn't know if he could though). It was alright to spend thirteen years of his life letting this feeling bloom only for you, and maybe that was what pushed you to see what would unfurl next. You were a romantic, who craved something so mundane because nothing about your life was normal.

So when he offered the right thing to you, showing you how much he meant his words, there was no way you could shrug it off. You already cared for him, so much that you didn't mind being the person who took Bertolt, to attack and shout at your higher-ups because you were desperate to save him.

If that wasn't enough for a start, then he didn't know anymore what else would.

His eyes never left your figure even when you squeezed his hand one more time and caught up to the others. The contented smile he had etched forever when you were around, but — those emerald orbs, how Eren would slightly glare at him. He couldn't understand what his best friend was trying to tell him.

Armin didn't care if you were a titan shifter. He had a feeling that Eren knew, maybe from his power too or something. However, with you supposed to be the enemy, his feelings for you never once wavered. So every time the brunette gave him this unsettling gaze, he only gave him a polite one before turning away.

He liked you, maybe more. That was why Armin willingly ignored any warning and other perilous details. He wouldn't let anyone stop him from having you, not even his best friend. Not when you were finally within his grasp.

"Today, Marley sent their first Survey Fleet to Paradis." Your fingertips trailed the dirty lines of the tiles. "Turned out, some of them are Anti-Marleyan Volunteers. You would like this Yelena woman. She shot the commanding officer in the head and actually bowed to Hange as she introduced herself."

The report given towards the monarchy caused an uproar within the chain of commands. Of course, who would want to cooperate with the one and only beast titan himself? The same person who threw rubbles towards dozens of the Survey Corps, the one who was responsible for the death of Commander Erwin.

"Have I told you that the founding titan is in Eren's hand?" A small bitter chuckle slipped from your lips. "What a joke, right? Also, the one who Yelena complies with is Zeke Yeager himself. That man — he had royal blood in his veins. Thus the reason for his outrageous titan power." Swallowing down your saliva, you plopped yourself down on the damp floor of the basement, looking at the brick ceiling.

The courtroom had become the silent witness. They saw it when Eren stood up from his chair and justified the proposition from his half-brother, saying things about how he could use his founding titan power only after his fist brushed against Dina Fritz's titan, his father's first wife, the woman with royal blood.

And what you were afraid of was also coming true. The man was aware of the rumbling, those who slept inside the walls, waiting for their King's command to trample the earth underneath their gigantic feet. Your father was right. There was no way to save the world except to get the founding titan in their hand.

Yet, you still hoped that maybe the two of them could talk. Exactly, you couldn't be here crying out of frustration. There would be a way, you were sure of it. After this, you were going to ask Yelena about Zeke's further plan, asking her if it was possible to get to Marley undetected. You would take Eren to your father, he had to understand.

Willy Tybur was someone with a rational mind. He wanted nothing but the world to be at peace, so of course, he could also think about the best outcome for both Eldian in Paradis and those in the confinement of Marley. He would help you reach the utopian future, where everyone lived side by side without fear.

He was your father. That also became an advantage. You were going to explain everything, and he would see the same vision as yours. Right?

"Ew, (Y/n)! Haven't I told you the military police never cleaned this floor?" A booming sound came from behind, making you jolt out of surprise. "And you just lay there. I thought you were dead for a second with how still your body is. But anyway, what are you doing?! Who knows if there are rats around?!"

"Hitch." You felt a throb in your head since you sat up straight a little too fast, making your vision muddled with stars. "What did I tell you about knocking on the door first? I could have spoken about any Survey Corps's plan, or maybe my family secret that I didn't want anyone to hear."

"Oh, come on. Aren't we friends?" Puffing your cheek, you only groaned as she went to you and whacked your head with a rolled paper. "After all, if it's not because of me smuggling you down here, you wouldn't be able to talk to her."

She kept on walking, passing your body until she was merely five feet apart from the crystallised body. You couldn't see what kind of expression she had right now, but you knew that she, too, felt longing. "She is so special to you, huh?" Her voice was barely above a whisper, threading carefully since she didn't want to say anything that could hurt you.

"She is." You chuckled lowly, crossing your legs as you stayed seated on the floor, eyes overlooking the white quartz that encased your friend's figure.

"Can she even hear you, though?" Hitch turned back to face you, extending one of his hands for you to take. "You talk and talk. Wouldn't it be nonsense if she ended up in a coma or something for all the times you have been here?"

"I don't care about that, I guess." You stood up with her help, dusting your wrinkled uniform and muttered a small thank you. Without leaving your gaze from the sleeping blonde. "I just — I wanted to accompany her."

You knew she could hear you. But you couldn't blatantly say that because Hitch would ask. You were the one who taught Annie to crystallise her human body, knowing the condition perfectly, more than anyone else.

With how the world had changed, how the stories had been told about the battle in Shiganshina and things that ensued until now — you wished she could hear your silent plea. To wake up, and to join you in this war once again. Something that you could have said out loud but never did.

Because at the same time, you didn't want her to taste another hell in this world.

Notes:

When I thought I would have free time in a month of Uni break. I don't. Have to work, do papers, get paid... Sigh...

THANK YOU, however, for those who never stop waiting, who leave kudos, and comments! Huhu please leave comments, it always boosts my mood and makes my day a hundred times better! Have a great dayy!

Chapter 37: House on the Prairie

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"Should I call you your highness too from now on?"

You nudged Mikasa by her waist, eliciting a shade of red in her pale cheeks. The bloodline she had was finally revealed as Hizuru came to aid Paradis to advance the country. A shogunate clan called Azumabito, and your friend was the last descendant of them in this nation. The only hope Hizuru had — they said.

There were tears in Miss Kiyomi's eyes when Mikasa revealed the tattoo her mother left for her. It was the only genuine emotion you could find from the visitors, while the other help she offered was mostly out of desperation. Her proposition, the way she wanted to monopoly the iceburst stone, you wanted to snort at the meeting since they were not even trying to hide their intention.

Right now, you tried not to think too much about it as the two of you were strolling up the hill in Wall Maria. Queen Historia had deployed so many people to work on restoring the outer wall, sending families and citizens back there. And unlike years ago, the ones who lived here wouldn't have to be afraid of becoming titans fodder anymore.

There were three new houses near the tree at the top of the hill. The one that you heard from Mikasa was the spot she always ran to with Armin and Eren by her side when they were kids. She told you how Eren was always the winner, and you understood she must have been not giving it her all, letting the brunette's chest swell with pride every time.

And there was Armin. He could have run, but he mostly jogged. Knowing he would never be the winner anyway, so he settled on the back by enjoying what the world offered to him. Mikasa said that he was always in his own world, catching up to them with a toothy-grin smile as he tried to catch the falling leaves from the surrounding trees.

What an adorable sight. You still recalled the innocent smile on his face from six years ago. How warm his eyes were and how welcoming his gesture had always been, so naïve compared to his two best friends.

"Which one is yours, and which once belonged to Armin and Eren?" After climbing up the hill and reaching the infamous tree, you were greeted with a moorland. Short grass stretched far to the wall and beyond, with wild sunflowers sticking up out of nowhere.

Not too far from you stood three newly built wooden houses. Something different from the past architecture Paradis had before, and it was thanks to Onyankopon. He shared not only information regarding war, formations, or the military forces from Marley. The man was kind enough to share more, even something as ordinary as buildings.

A bungalow — that was the word you remembered from him. Unlike any ordinary cabin in the woods, this one had wide verandas where people can sit and enjoy the outdoor area. It would be a shame, he said, if someone lived in an area as beautiful and fresh as this but couldn't bask in it.

That was the reason you immediately gave the floor plan to Historia when you heard she was going to get the three heroes a little gift.

"Mine is the one in the middle." She pointed at the house with a swinging chair. "Eren is the one near the tree, while Armin is on the other side." You let out a hum of acknowledgement, somehow feeling so happy to know they would have a house on their own. A place to call home. "I told Historia that there was no need to build three houses."

Raising one of your eyebrows, your eyes darted towards Mikasa, who was now hiding half of her face with the iconic red scarf around her neck. "Two would suffice."

It came out as a mumble, but you could hear it clearly with how quiet the place was. You understood what she meant by that, and you were so close to letting out a giggle, maybe even teasing her about it. But you decided to keep it for yourself, only wrapping one arm around her instead as you let her blush and relished whatever imagination she had right now.

The two other houses were still empty as Armin and Eren had a meeting with the commander-in-chief, along with all the higher-ups of the military chain of command. They said Azumabito would help Paradis by building a small city near the ocean, equipped with a harbour and ports for ships to dock.

You couldn't help yourself but think that Armin would like that. He would love to live in a place where every time he opened up his eyes in the morning, the sparkling glitter of water would be the one who greeted him.

But for now, a lot of work needed to be done if this nation didn't want to get left behind even more by another country beyond the sea. They had to build; they had to create new weapons. More importantly, all of you needed a solid strategy to continue forward.

"Come in, (Y/n)." You could think about it later, yes. Not now when Mikasa invited you to her new house. "I didn't have time to decorate this place with anything, but I got some porcelain cups and plates I chose by myself."

Like what you predicted. The bungalow was still plain. Only some basic furniture in its right places, filling the space of the living room, dining and kitchen. An open floor plan with two bedrooms and one bath. With how hectic the Survey Corps had been for the last couple of months, of course, it would be hard to just settle down and enjoy what was given to them.

There was time, but your friends used it to lie down and replenished their energy by hanging out with the others, thinking about their wildest dreams and sharing their opinion about these new opportunities. First the forces from Marleyan and Zeke, then the help from Hizuru.

Who knows? Maybe another country would also want to get to know them. To talk and settle down while drinking some tea, instead of pointing their guns at each other's heads.

Maybe that dream was too far-stretched, but you still had hope for humanity beyond the walls. If they could respect you and your family, what hindered them from looking at the rest of your race the same? It would need time and patience, a lot of it, as everyone in Paradis should gather as many alliances as possible.

These people, they had been treated like a monster, that was the cause of their devilish acts in the first place and yet the world didn't even realise that. They were tortured, and eaten by the one who had the same blood as them. Somehow, that was still not enough. And you wondered what kind of redemption they all wanted to see.

You thanked Mikasa as she got you a cup of coffee, a new beverage you got from Marley. It was already grounded, so she only needed to stir it with hot water. The aroma wafted through the air, adding up the serene atmosphere as the wind blew past the window, lifting the conversation you had with her.

"What's your answer?"

"Hm? What do you mean, Mikasa?"

Settling the cup down on the table, your eyes gazed at the ravenette. She realised something and shook her head, muttering a small apology that made you question her even more. You still looked at her, a bit judgingly, and with the way she hid half of her face behind the red scarf, something was up. "What is it…?"

"It's nothing." She cleared her throat, looking at you a bit bashfully, and averted your gaze. You were an inquisitive woman, never a fan when someone tried to say something but ended up casting it aside when you didn't understand. "You will understand later, (Y/n). I promise."

You jutted your bottom lip, not quite satisfied with her answer. But if she said you would know what she meant another time, then you would just take it.

The conversation between you and her continued to flow. Mainly with you teasing her about Eren and how he grew so much for the last couple of months, and her countering by using Armin's name to make you choke on your coffee.

"Aren't the two of you dating already?" Mikasa folded her arms on the table, leaning forward as she lowered her voice. "It's been almost a year since the first time we went to see the ocean, right?" She was always talkative when it came to a conversation about romance, as adorable as it sounded.

"Yes, for almost a year we went to the ocean." You bit your inner cheek, not answering her first question yet, the most important one actually. "But no, I am not dating him just yet. We hug, cuddle, sleep next to another sometimes when we are out in the expedition—"

"How about a kiss?" She asked with such a neutral expression, but there was a lingering excitement on the tone, making her appear to be so normal, like any woman out there in their adolescence instead of a soldier. "Not yet, I assume, from how you tensed up. But you want to."

"Mikasa! I am not!"

"You licked your lips just now."

Letting out a groan, you practically slammed your forehead down on the table, earning a chuckle from your friend as she fiddled with the end of your hair. She wasn't in the wrong. After months of getting to know Armin in a different light, you had been wondering how those lips would taste like.

Was it sweet? Smooth like a desert?

The same lips that always slipped out genius ideas and positive remarks, one that you often stared at absentmindedly as he talked to you. It wasn't only once or twice, you couldn't help yourself but stare, wondering if a kiss from him would be any different from the one that your ex-lover once gave to you before.

You had a feeling he knew. About how you wanted him excessively, just as he did, but he was so patient. Not wanting to push you yet as he knit the thread of love between the two of you as perfectly as possible, not a flaw could be seen. Because once it was done, he wanted you to wear it with pride and utmost care.

After months of being careful with everything he said and showing himself more of how much he wanted you, Armin was so close. If at any moment, he tried to kiss you, you wouldn't turn him down. His smile, his dream, and his compassion finally settled in your sense, and you couldn't wait to see how the last few years of your life would unravel with him.

And unlike before, unlike the time when you were with a certain tall warrior. You would give yourself to this man completely, with a huge amount of affection, and of course, to make sure that he would also feel — loved .

This would be the first time Armin gave himself to someone. He could only hope you would continue to see him the same, or maybe with even more passion as time went by until the two of you leave this earth together. You first, while he followed a few years after. With nothing to regret because he got to spend his life with you .

However, before he could have that confidence, he had to own you first. After contemplating so many times when it would be the right moment for him to ask you out for real, he decided that today was the day. No more dilly-dallying. He wanted you and every second mattered to the two of you, to the titan shifters who were in love.

But now when he could see Mikasa's house, one when he knew you were there too, looking as fine as possible with the Survey Corps coat, he felt all the jitters.

"Are you ready?" Armin was deep in his mind, muttering the same words that he recited for the last couple of weeks. He jolted a little when Eren suddenly placed his hand on his quivering shoulder. "It's not like you are going to propose to her, Armin. Don't worry too much about it. It's just (Y/n)."

"Maybe for you, she is not really important, but to me, she is everything, Eren ." He snapped a little, groaning in the next second because he didn't mean to get so riled up. "I am sorry. I don't know what's just got into me but—"

Taking a deep breath, he knew the brunette would understand without him needing to clarify things. But the least thing Armin wanted right now was for his best friend to get irritated or get angry out of miscommunication. "We are not even dating yet and I am going to ask something as big as this…?"

Armin was an absolute mess. His childhood friends needed to give him a lot of mental support for the past few days after he confessed his proposition. The others reckoned it would be a great idea, but now, when he thought about it, he felt like it was bad. Downright bad, since what if you felt like he was pushing himself too much into your life?

But four years was the only time he got. Armin took a deep breath, holding it in for a few seconds before releasing it bit by bit. He cast his worry and insecurity out of the window for now. He already wasted a year by playing safe, and he knew he would be stuck there if he wasn't bold enough about his feelings.

"She liked you a lot, I can see that." Eren took off his hat, ruffling his own hair as he cleared his throat. "You have a chance to feel this love. Don't back down now."

"That works for you too, Eren." The blonde chuckled when he heard a groan coming from the attack titan shifter.

"It's not about me right now, Armin."

"I am just saying. She's here too anyway, right? Might as well do something."

His ocean orbs glanced towards Eren, who now had such a neutral look on his face. But there was something in his emerald orbs lingered underneath the irises. Longing. Of course, all of his friends knew what he felt for a certain ravenette. The feelings were reciprocated for a long time, and Armin always wondered why the two never let their feelings bloom.

Then again, love was still something so foreign to him. A romantic one especially. So he couldn't really give a push, not when he needed it too from the outside.

Armin said nothing else, not wanting to dwell on something that was supposed to be solved by his two best friends themselves. Now, he would just focus on what was going to happen. He walked first, feet slightly dragged on the wooden floor of Mikasa's veranda before he raised his hand, knuckles rapping the door.

He stood up straight, fixing his now short hair, as he wanted to look as presentable as possible. Eren only nudged him. The side of his lips curled into a smirk, as if to say that everything would be fine. And Armin believed it. He knew it would be fine with you.

"Armin! Eren! You guys are finally here!"

But the second the door opened, revealing you instead of Mikasa, he felt like a stuttering mess all over again. "Come on, come on. Mikasa is still showering now."

You urged them to get inside, and Eren strode inside first, leaving him and you at the doorway. All the words that Armin wanted to say before suddenly dispersed into nothing. Right now, he could only think about you greeting him every time he came home, seeing your smile the second he arrived after an endless meeting.

Your hand intertwined with his, taking him to sit on the dining chair as you prepared tea for him and a cup of coffee for Eren. And that was the only thing he needed to snap back to the present moment.

"(Y/n)?" You halted, only settling a tall mug and a cup on the countertop before facing him.

"Yes, 'min?"

"I haven't checked my house yet." There was a questioning look on your face, and he wanted to bury himself right now before Eren's feet kicked his shin a little. "What I mean to say is… Do you want to check it out with me?"

"Of course!" And he felt so relieved when you grasped his invitation. "Now? How about Eren and—"

"I can take care of it by myself, really." The brunette stood up and walked towards you, patting your back as he put the mug back in its place. "I will tell Mikasa that you are with Armin. Don't worry."

"Ah, alright, then." You smiled politely, waving at Eren before you paddled towards the blonde, who also stood near you. "Come on, 'min. Let's see your house."

Armin nodded, letting you wrap your arms around him. As you chirped and made some comments about the house architecture and how generous Historia was for the three, he subtly glanced towards Eren, expecting the man to give him a reassuring smile or something. But there it was, another look that he couldn't quite fathom.

"I haven't decorated it much, maybe even at all, though." And once again, Armin tried to suppress the nagging feeling in his heart. Whether it was a warning or what, he chose to ignore his best friend and focused on you. After all, today was all about him wanting to ask you to be — his. "Anyway, welcome to my house."

From what he mentioned, it wasn't surprising since there was nothing here except the similar furniture that matched Mikasa's. However, the walls had a lighter shade of colour, lifting the brightness of the room. You looked around with a soft smile on your face, wondering what kind of touch you can add here that would fit Armin.

He didn't move from his spot as he just settled in. You were here inside his house, and he could only picture more. Wouldn't it be nice to live with you? The two of you could get to know each other, way better than before. Cooking together, cleaning the house, everything turned out to be much nicer if he had company.

Especially if it was you. The only one he wanted for the past seven years, and the rest of his time on earth.

"Do you like it here?"

"I love it, actually." You chuckled softly, already thinking about the first thing you needed to buy. A bookshelf. The man spent his salary on books. There must have been a vast collection already. "Mr Keller could help me get varieties of decoration for you, 'min. We can make this place home, not just a house."

"I already know how to make this place a home, though." He slowly walked towards you. At his words, you turned to face him. Your lashes fluttered as you blinked. No, don't think too much about it. Armin is—, your thought was interrupted when he almost closed the gap between your body and his.

"Yeah?" He only left a few inches, hand reaching out to you once again. Skin felt delicate despite being in the military. "Want to share what you have in mind?"

His lips were still shut, and the soft sway of the wind was the only thing you could hear. His ocean orbs pierced deep into you as if he saw you naked in front of him, closer and closer, resting his forehead against yours. You could feel his faint breath fanning your lips. The proximity was so close that you were tongue-tied. "Armin…"

"You said I should use my brain and my heart, right?" He recalled the time when you told him when to cross the lines between the two of you. "I used it now, I do. I have known you for years, I have been caring for you secretly, and now, I want more. Standing on the sideline could never satisfy me anymore."

"What are you trying to convey here, 'min…?" You knew. For someone as smart as you, Armin was fully aware you understood what he wanted. You must have known about it for the past few months, ever since he told you about how deep his feelings were. "Tell me. Lay it all on me."

He closed his eyes for a moment, gathering his courage one more time. But your whisper sounded so sweet, going straight into his heart. You gave him strength with those words, and all the nervousness he felt finally dissipated.

Armin was ready. Whatever your answer, he would make sure you became the happiest woman alive until you took your last breath.

"Come live with me."

Notes:

Chapter 36 37 would be full of fluff? I hope so, huhuh... Tybur deserves a break, they all deserve one! I will get back on track to the timeline in chapter 38 or 39, depends... With this pace, I think the story would end in chapter 50s or even 60s... GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE I AM ALMOST FINISH!

Anyway- I got covid AAAAAA feel so sluggish all the time but I hope I can just continue to write before uni rolling~ Have a great day!

Chapter 38: Warmth Reading Nook

Notes:

I am alive.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

After Mikasa stammered the question before, your heart was confiding in you that something would happen. Between you and Armin, it was time for him to finally move this onwards. At first, you thought the blonde was going to confess and asked you to be his. To be his lover. Finally, finally.

But you didn't expect this, not at all.

You didn't expect him to try killing two birds with one stone.

"Live… with you ?"

Your pupils dilated at him as if questioning if he was for real. While he? Armin didn't waver at all when he thought he would be.

Armin had contemplated everything before rapping at the front door of Mikasa's brand new house, trying to foresee some answers you might give. Most of it was, of course, with you taking a step back .

Out of his reach, out of his life.

"Yes."

"Armin, do you even understand your question…?" And he felt that would exactly become the outcome this time.

Maybe he was being stupid, daydreaming too much to think that he had an actual chance with you. Or he could have that, by only asking you if you wanted to be his. Not this drastic, no. He should take his time well, maybe even more calculating.

Four years, four years, four years .

But time wasn't something he had. Human beings couldn't control their life anyway. The time that was given to them by the deity, no one knew how much. And it got worse as a titan shifter. He only had twelve years to live, and you were going to wither at any moment when he was reaching his mid-twenty.

Yes, that was the reason he had to be bold. Whether or not he liked the result was another crisis to be solved later.

"I mean every word that I have said." He whispered out, eyes filled with determination as he never once looked away from you. "From the very first time I knew you, and up to this moment."

You still couldn't believe your ears. Orbs followed the serious line on his face as you wondered if maybe he was only joking. But Armin wasn't someone who would play around. Especially not about his feelings, exactly like what he said.

The last few months that you spent with him, despite all the changes that happened, you ended up feeling so light. You were aware of the duty that chained you. The fear would often creep inside your heart once more, but it never lingered for too long. And you knew why. You knew the reason everything in your life seemed to be easy.

"Armin," His name tumbled down from your lips, and it sounded like those devotees praying for their God instead. "I only have four years." And you were indeed praying, to whatever deities out there, hoping for them to hear you out.

To give you more time because you wanted to live, more than this curse ever let you.

"Then let me stay by your side for the next four years." Because it felt like you finally found someone, the one person you wanted to spend everything with. "Let me spend my time loving you . I will make it all worthwhile."

You didn't flinch when you felt his thumb grazing on your cheek. Tears were pricking at the corner of your eyes, and he wiped them off so gently as he waited for your answer. Patiently so. He had been admiring you from the shadows for years. A couple of minutes more was nothing.

"N-No regret…?"

"Never."

A reassuring smile never left his visage, and it was the last push you needed before you sobbed and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him tighter as you wanted to feel him in every fibre of your being.

Armin was a bit surprised. Legs staggered for a moment there before he composed himself. He didn't need you to spell out your answer; he found it within the way you swayed against him. Your lips went to his cheek, pampering him with kisses and it made him think that maybe, this was what heaven felt like.

After his grandfather passed away, he felt like he had no one. Sure, he had Mikasa and Eren, one that if it wasn't for them, he would be long gone from this world with him not knowing to stand his ground when he was a kid.

Yet, he was here. Deemed a hero, exploring the land beyond the walls, spreading his wings to fly high away from the cage.

And among other things, he found you .

His ocean eyes glossed with tears as he hugged you close, still in disbelief that you also felt the same. Before, loving you from afar was enough, but that wasn't the case anymore. Not when his life was in the countdown, just like you were. He squeezed you within his arms, not realising that he too, also shed some tears because of the bubbling happiness.

None of you wanted to let go. Not even wanting an inch of space far from one another. Armin rested his chin on your shoulder, taking a deep breath as he collected himself, reminding you how, after all this time, one of his dreams was coming true. That was to have you like this, accepting his love.

While at the same time, also giving your heart to him.

And for Armin, that was more than he could ask for.

"Thank you, 'min…" You croaked out, a bit embarrassed when you realised how puffy your eyes were at the moment. "For loving me despite everything. Despite knowing that—"

"Hush, now." A small chuckle slipped from his lips, and you only stared at him in awe, still not believing that you would have a home in this nation. "Remember, I will make it all worthwhile."

Four years was the longest time you could be with him. And even though he knew well he would spend the rest of his life wishing on what could have been, he still chose this path of loving you. You could never foresee what the world offered, what kind of future would unfurl later on.

Whatever it was, you were just grateful enough that he was there with you.

"So, you are telling me that you are going to live happily ever after with Armin?"

"Sasha!"

You choked on the tea that you sipped, not expecting your best friend to throw the question so casually like that. It was a few days before the mission to Marley. Sasha, Connie, and Jean asked you to hang out with them. And it seemed, the words of you living together with Armin had already spread out throughout the ranks.

Jean patted you on the back as you had a coughing fit. The scolding turned into snickers before it finally burst into a boisterous laugh as your friends pointed at one another's stupid looks.

"What?! It has been years!" Sasha exclaimed, munching on the fries that you ordered for the entire group. "Armin is already on thin ice, though, if I could say."

"Huh? Why? He is more than fine." You raised one of your eyebrows, not understanding her words.

"He confessed after, what? Two? Three years? That is slow." Rolling your eyes, you really didn't like your best friend bad-mouthing your lover like this. "If he doesn't confess in a month, I swear, someone will sweep you off your feet!"

"Hah! That is where you are wrong ." You stressed your intonation by pointing the fries at her, then munching it with a sharp click of the jaw. "He can take all the years and I will be fine with that."

"What if someone else confesses to you?"

"What?"

Your lips parted, jaw slightly dropped to the floor. "Nah. That is only what if . No one had feelings for me like Armin does."

"Big talks, Tybur." Connie butted in, and you only looked at him with a glare. "Maybe no one did. The same, right? But maybe, someone had feelings for you so much more than Armin does."

"Connie…"

You whipped your head towards Jean. Who, for a few minutes, decided to keep his mouth shut. He was usually rowdy, bantering with you and Connie, never once sealing his lips for over ten seconds. But he was quiet today, eating his lunch in silence as he listened to the conversation.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry, dude."

"Okay, what is it all about?" Not taking your eyes off Jean, you only scooted your chair closer to him. "Did I miss something?"

When you thought about it, Jean had somehow changed. The man that was now sitting beside you wasn't the same guy with a boyish smile you met a few years back in the cadet corps. His smile was no longer reaching his eyes. The playful banter died down for each day that passed.

You wouldn't lie. People changed, and so were you. But to see Jean like this, slowly losing the light that always glistened in his copper orbs, made your heart constricted in a way.

"Nah, it's nothing, Tybur." His calloused hand fell on top of your head, ruffling your hair a bit roughly that some strands slipped from the hair band. "Nothing your pretty head should be worried about."

"I don't like it when I am the only one in the dark." Jutting your lips, you leaned back on your chair and folded your arms in front of your chest. "Connie knows something. Sasha sounds like she tried to imply something too. And then you, Kirstein, why I can't know about — whatever you three talked about?"

"Because it really is nothing, (Y/n)." Whenever Jean called you by your first name, you knew he was being serious. "There was just a game in the barrack yesterday where they asked you whether you choose to do something or answer a question. Let's just say… Someone, besides Armin, is having a crush on you."

"On me ?" You let out a groan, expecting no one else to have feelings for you. "Just great." Fiddling with your fingers, now you were deep in your thoughts, trying to guess who would act differently around you. "Do I know them, though?"

"Well, yes." Jean's eyes never left your face, and so you decided to lock your gaze with him, hoping you would find a clue. "You know him since Cadet Corps, actually."

"Cadet corps…" You tried to remember everyone, all the cadets that you talked with, even for just a brief second. There were only a handful of people, especially when you knew some of them had already passed away. "Who?"

As you were deep in your thought, Sasha and Connie only sent glances toward each other. They were both in the barrack, deciding to stay in the headquarters when it was almost time before their mission to Marley. The two of them understood well what Jean talked about, and at the same time were aware he wouldn't say anything.

"What was revealed in the game, stayed in the game."

You only pouted harder at Jean's words, and he snorted at how childish you could be sometimes. "Oh, come on. You already have a lover anyway! Don't think about anyone else, just you and Armin!" He slung his arm around your shoulder, pulling you to his chest as he tried to stop you from mulling over the new information.

"But I just want to say thank you, Jean." Your voice was barely above a whisper. "And apologise because, well, my heart is already for someone else."

"Do you remember what I said a few years back?"

Looking up at your best friend, there was this look on his face that you couldn't quite fathom. "Think about yourself first." Oh, you remembered this one. "It's alright to be selfish, you know?" You remembered it well, even to the last words he said.

"So, you are not mad at me, right?"

"Tybur, even if you turned out to be another titan shifter that was trying to destroy the wall, I would never."

You only smiled at the remembrance, and you wrapped one of your arms around his torso, hugging him from the side. "You owe nothing to anyone, Tybur. Just live your life however you want."

"Wow, Jean Kirstein is really here giving me a pep talk, huh?"

"I am so close to pushing you off the chair now, Tybur."

"I am joking!"

Two years had passed ever since the Anti-Marleyan Volunteers first arrived on the island of Paradis, and you started to forget that you were not supposed to laugh and banter like this with them. And yet, being here made you feel that this was your place. With your friends and lover, you were at home.

After staying here without your fellow warriors around, no one reminded you of your role anymore. Here, you blend in perfectly with these island devils, even letting your heart be taken away by none other than Armin Arlert himself, the same man who had the power of a colossal titan, taking it away from another warrior, once your lover.

You were already a part of Paradis now, but after this, you would be reminded of the duty that chained you.

The reason you were here, and what the effect it had on the world if you failed your mission.

"Is it past lunchtime already?" You leaned away from Jean, realising how the street seemed to be less crowded compared to before, with only citizens crossing by now and then.

"We have been here for about an hour now, (Y/n)." Sasha chirped in as she was still munching on another meal that she ordered for herself, another full course of potato salad and sausage. "Why? Do you have to go somewhere else? We have a break until the next expedition in Marley, right?"

"Yes, we are given a long break, just like usual." You stood up and fetched your survey corps' coat, looking at yourself in the mirror glass as you did so. "That is why, Armin and I have a plan to decorate our house now. I wanted to surprise him by coming home early, preparing something for him that I know he would like."

"Someone is smitten." An unlady-like snort slipped from your lips, and you only hit Connie with your bag at his response. "Peace, girl! You don't have to rub it with us every time that you are taken, though!"

"You and Jean needed someone to warm the bed, I swear."

"Hey, Tybur! Why am I dragged into this?!"

You snickered at how defensive the two men were suddenly. Then again, both of them never seemed to get attached to anyone else before. It made you wonder, actually, why they didn't want to just have fun outside their military life. Sasha already had someone now, who was really a match with her since he was a chef.

Connie and Jean, on the other hand. When the four of you walked around downtown, you could see women around your age practically drooling all over them. Connie was humorous and easy to talk to, a man who could make people's hearts flutter. Jean, with his lean yet well-built body, and the eyes that could melt you to the core, anyone could have their legs wobble from just being near him.

And yet, here they were. Focusing solely on the small circle of friends, perhaps thinking that it was no use in pursuing love when death seemed to appear on every corner of their life.

"Sasha, please tell Niccolo my gratitude for today."

"You are really going home now?"

A small chuckle left your lips when she spilt some food from her mouth, something that earned a little ewh! From Connie. "Uh, sorry." She chewed the meal and drank a glass of water before standing up too, throwing herself right into your embrace. "Take care, (Y/n). We will see you tomorrow?"

"Of course. My lunchtime is special for you guys." Sasha could be a bit clingy sometimes, and you didn't mind the way she hugged you with her hands covered with crumbs. "And don't forget, we are going to the harbour tomorrow."

"Oh, please, don't remind me." Jean groaned on his seat, making you snicker before giving him and Connie a hug too. "That damn Eren. If only he could just shut his lips."

"Look at the bright side, Kirstein. You can ogle at your favourite girl a bit longer~" He chuckled softly at your words, his copper orbs looking down at you with a gentle gaze.

"Yes, yes. I wouldn't take my eyes off you, Tybur."

Your lips parted, and the retort that you wanted to say seemed to get stuck in your throat. What you meant was, of course, Mikasa Ackerman, the one and only woman that you knew ever captured his heart. But with the way his eyes softened as he looked at you, you only nudged his side before walking away for real.

"You better, Kirstein."

When you arrived home and found the place still empty, you couldn't help but hurriedly make the most of your time. With the help of Mr Keller, you had transformed a space near the kitchen into a reading nook. There was a spot underneath the large window, one where you added a built-in bench for you and Armin to lounge around.

Your lover often wrote on reports. Sometimes he would even forget to eat since he had secured a spot in the Survey Corps as the high-ups. There was no room for a break, and if you didn't live with him, you had a feeling he wouldn't have enough rest with how he kept finding himself sitting on the workbench.

The only time he could relax was after he finished all the papers that were sent his way. Even now, when the others were given time to take a break, he was still nestled somewhere in the headquarters, having yet another meeting to attend.

That was why you wanted him to come home today with a little surprise.

Throwing in masses of pillows and feathery blankets, you made sure you created a perfect reading nook. When it was sunny outside, the window would let the sunlight in, and the two of you could get comfortable for as long as you wanted. With easy access to the books collection beside the nook, you and Armin didn't even have to leave the bench if it was possible.

"I am home."

Armin's voice resonated through the house, and you hurriedly jogged towards the source of the voice. "(Y/n), you are home already—oof!" Chuckling softly, you threw yourself at your lover, knowing well a hug after a long day was the only remedy he needed. "Hey, hello."

His voice sounded a bit timid, but with the way he wrapped his arms around you too, you knew he appreciated the affectionate gesture. He buried his face on your shoulder, taking a deep breath there and not letting you go at all.

"Welcome home, 'min."

He only tightened his hold on you, and you mimicked him the same, squeezing his body as if it had been years since the last time you met him, while actually, only a few hours had passed. "Hey, 'min. I wanted to show you something." You muttered under your breath; a bit muffled with how tight he hugged you.

"Hm? What is it?" You could feel how reluctant he was when he leaned away, and you couldn't help but pull him closer for a second, planting a kiss on his squishy cheeks. "W-What—"

"Come on," With a giddy heart, you didn't give him time to take off his coat and led him towards the back of the house. "Since you love to read, and we haven't got a space to just relax… I decided to turn this little space into a reading nook!"

The journey from the front door towards the sun-drenched corner only took a few seconds, but with how loud your heart was beating, it felt like forever. A gasp that escaped his lips was enough of a response, but you wanted to hear more. You needed to know if you did the right thing.

"You — (Y/n), you did all of this by yourself?!"

"Yes…?" Silence. "You are not angry, right?"

"Angry?! Sweetheart, this is remarkable!"

You let out a squeal when Armin suddenly turned around and lifted you up, spinning your body around to the air that you had to hold on to his shoulders, so you were not toppling over. "Can I sit here with you? We can, right? Let me clean up and then we can spend our time here, yes?"

In your mind right now, the one who stood in front of you wasn't Armin Arlert, but a golden retriever puppy. He looked so adorable when he was getting excited like this, without a worry in his eyes, as he kissed your forehead and bolted out of the room.

As you waited for him, you decided to brew a fresh cup of chamomile tea, knowing it could always help him relax. Step by step, the house that you shared with him slowly turned into a home. From an empty slate with basic furniture, to now decorated with potted plants and ornaments that you found in Mitras.

It was only a few days ever since Armin invited you to live with him, but it felt like it had become your life for a long time. To wake up next to the person you adored, learning to cook despite none of you had knowledge of it, and last but not least — to come back home in their arms, a place where there was no harm.

And you could only wonder how long this joyful life would last.

In the world where you knew too well — those who loved suffered the most.

Notes:

Anywho, I wonder if any of you guys still remember this story :" But I hope you do! Aahh, taking a break for weeks because uni had been so whoozy. I miss writing for my fav characters and our dearest Tybur.

Chapter 39: Quiet Hotel Room

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Somehow, the sun burnt even more mercilessly compared to any other day. It scorched your entire body, causing sweats to coat your skin for just a few minutes you had been here. Just yesterday, you told Jean not to get irritated at Eren for volunteering in the inauguration of the new city.

Today, however, you had the same sentiment as him towards the brunette.

"Why are we here again?"

It was the second time, actually, for all of you to be out in the open and finish the work that had been developed for months. "Sure we are not doing the muscle work anymore, but — why in the world do we have to be here at this hour?"

"You should question the Queen. Historia was the one who asked the inauguration to be held around noon." At your words, Jean could only groan and hurriedly searched for shelter. "It will start in a few minutes, Kirstein! Get back here this instance!"

"Stop acting like my mom, Tybur!"

"Jean Kirstein, I swear—"

"It's alright, (Y/n)." Armin rested his hand on your shoulder, squeezing it a bit before he dropped his hat on your head. "Here, wear mine for a while."

The gesture was surely enough to melt your heart, and you couldn't help but lean in and pressed your lips against his cheek to show your gratitude. While trying so hard to ignore the fake gagging that Connie and Sasha made close to where you were.

"Dear, walls. Please ignore them, 'min."

"Don't worry. I have been used to it for quite some time now."

You leaned away and let out a small chuckle at how honest he was. Truthfully, you thought he would be someone who got embarrassed by nature, especially over public displays of affection. Yet here he was, leaning closer to you and interlacing his hand with yours as if he wanted to show it to everyone that he, Armin Arlert, got the best woman in the world as his lover.

It was adorable. And you didn't stop him from wanting to get close to you. After all, there was nothing you should do despite waiting for the inauguration to begin.

In this same harbour, just five days from now, you would embark to another journey. A ticket to come home with the survey corps would have another expedition. Another breakthrough, and instead of merely exploring Paradis island, all of you now would visit another country, another civilisation that none of them knew existed before.

None of them, except for you.

"What's in your mind?" You turned to face Armin, and the worried look on his face only showed how much he knew what was probably going inside your head. "Are you thinking… About your family?"

His voice was barely above a whisper, always so cautious when he talked about your secret. If he never found out, you probably have no one to talk to, something that would slowly drive you insane. But his existence was like an anchor, stopping you from going straight towards the stormy seas.

"Yes." Resting your head on his shoulder, he scooted closer to make you even more comfortable. "I wonder how my parents are right now, and of course, a bit scared since I feel like I have failed them, 'min." Your voice went shaky at the end, and Armin only squeezed your hand at that, not wanting your mind to spiral down.

"I never met your parents, (Y/n), but from your story, I am sure they would be so proud of you."

"How so?"

"Because you have survived hell." You wanted to snort at his answer, but you only shrugged, wanting to believe in his words despite how hard it was. "You lived despite going through the years having one of your feet on death's door, and that was something that not everyone could go through."

Maybe he was right. Not just you, but all of your friends from the Survey Corps. They were the same. None of them were born to be a warrior, yet they pushed through, from never once imagined they would survive in fighting these titan battles, to now, where they were so close to see the truth of what was hidden across the sea.

And you wished you would see this through with them. At least in the last four years of your life, you wanted to feel you had achieved something.

Armin didn't need you to say anything, respond to his words or even say thank you. He could see it all in your eyes, how grateful you were with his existence. That was why, his hand never stopped holding yours, and he promised he never did for as long as he could.

"Oi, Tybur! Armin!" You straightened your body when you heard Jean's voice called out to the two of you. Your best friend had his hands flailing around just to call you, and you had a feeling his suit would be all crooked by now. "The inauguration is starting! Let's get it done now!"

"We will be there!" Shouting back at him, he only gave you a thumbs up before jogging towards the other, knowing you would catch up soon.

At a time like this, your mind was really going haywire. First, it was your family and how they would react when they knew you were alive and changed the tide. Now, you could only wonder what would happen when your friends here knew about your secret.

Something that you were pretty sure wouldn't be long from now.

The sea breeze touched your skin as you stood beside Armin on the dock. All of your friends scattered around the newly built coastal city, just right after the inauguration. Most of them got comfortable in the building with how hot the weather was. But you stayed outside with your lover, knowing well how much he adored the ocean.

If you were in another scenario, a story where you were not a soldier and warrior at the same time, in a world where there was no titan living on this earth, you were curious about how your life would unfold.

Maybe you were just an aristocrat from another nation, travelling here to check on the island that was famous for the iceburst stones. Then, along the way, you met a scholar who knew everything about the world, with his orbs as blue as the ocean, and his blonde, silky hair swaying by the wind every time he ran.

The two of you would talk, sharing the thought of the world and the mystery that the universe held, finding comfort from one another. Not long, he would confess his love, and you, who was smitten by his mind and gentle attitude, reciprocated his feelings without wasting another second to pass.

He would introduce you to his friends, and you were the same. The two of you lived together, going to work in a laboratory or government, taking care of the house with no burden weighing you down. When the hardest thing that you could think of was what meal to cook for dinner instead of what decision you would take next to save the world.

How simple life would have been? If there was no war between Marley and Paradis, if there was no titan power that ran amok. Surely, it wouldn't be like this.

Oh, how much you wanted to feel a glimpse of mundane life, even if it was just for a while.

"Do you think Historia would expand the city, 'min?"

"Hm?" He was deep in his thoughts, it seemed. "Oh? I think so. Especially when we are done showing the world that we are just like them." Perhaps about another dream, another wish where he would be free to roam the world with no one judging him where he came from. "This coastal city could be some kind of trading place? You know, like a market?"

"Ah, trade routes."

"Yes, trade routes." Armin let out a sigh, and you couldn't pinpoint whether it was a good or bad thing. "Imagine how many ships would be here, from all over the world! This side of Paradis would be exclusive for business deals, a city to introduce what this island could offer to the world—"

There he was with his dream. His blue eyes somehow shone even brighter when he was like this, talking about all the possibilities that could happen, as if he was sure the world would accept them. "And… And maybe, we can live here too."

"We?" You chuckled at his words, even thinking that it was stretched too far. "Armin Arlert, I only have—"

"I know!" He cut you off with his outburst, and you could only close your lips when he looked at you now with a minor frustration playing in his eyes. "But, I just think we could live here too. That would be nice, right?"

His finger pointed at one of the buildings, still empty for now. "Maybe in one building, there would be lots of families. Similar to a hotel, but instead of renting the place for a few days, we can buy it and live there for years. Like a second house."

You didn't know anymore what pained you. Either it was the fact he saw you in his future despite knowing you wouldn't be there, or because of how hopeful he was that a miracle would happen. Perhaps it was both.

"Oh, 'min…"

"You agree, right?" Say yes.

You could see it in the way he looked at you. How much he wanted all the things he told you just now to bloom in real life. And he needed some validation. He wished he wasn't the only one who could see it. Right now, you too, wished for it to happen.

"Yes." Maybe you couldn't see it as vividly as he did. "Yes, Armin Arlert. We will. We can live here once everything is done." But if saying it out loud could help him face his day, then you would agree to it, for how many times he asked you to.

Your hand went to his cheek. Feeling the soft skin against your coarse palm always made you feel giddy. He only closed his eyes as you did so, relishing how gently your thumb caressed him.

Whenever you were with him like this, you felt like you could do anything. His positivity, the way he was always one step ahead compared to the others. When what you could think of was only limited to how to stop Eren from initiating the rumbling, Armin already thought past that, believing the world embraced all subjects of Ymir.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Huh? Like what, 'min?"

He was silent for a moment. His big blue orbs gazed at you with a look that you couldn't quite fathom. But there was something else there — misery. A feeling you never wanted him to experience, especially not when he was with you.

"Like you are going to—" He shook his head, only taking your hand that was on his cheek and grazing his lips against your palm. "It's nothing. Are you cold?" And there he goes again, changing the subject. "Here, you can have my suit."

"First, your hat. Now, it's your suit, eh, Armin?" As much as you didn't like it when he stopped himself from saying something that was on his mind, you decided to let him be. He helped you wear his suit, and it fitted just nicely with the dress you wore. "The sun is setting now. Aren't you cold?"

"Me? You forgot who I am?" There was this small, boyish smug look on his face, one that made you snort.

"Ah, yes, of course." You only pinched his cheek at that. Sometimes, he could be quite cheeky. "The colossal titan inheritor."

You knew how much warmer their body heat was compared to any other human being. From the way he held your hand, from how many times he pulled you into his embrace, and surely — from before, when the colossal titan inheritor wasn't his.

"Yes. That's why…" He slung one of his arms around your waist, squeezing your body close to him as he pivoted himself to walk back towards the city. "Don't be too far from me."

"Me? Far from you?" Your lips curled into a smirk as you nudged your hips against his, forcing a small chuckle to burst from his mouth. "Never. Not even in your wildest dream."

The two of you strolled back towards the hotel building where you would stay for the night with him and the others. Your hips were practically attached to one another right now, and you didn't mind that at all. He was your lover, and unlike before, you wanted to experience all the good things for as much as you could.

And of course, to say the words . It was already at the tip of your tongue, and yet you were still nervous to just let it all out. You wanted more than just showing your love through action, but also to remind him verbally how much you cared, how much you adored him.

"There they are!" Connie waved his hand the second you and Armin walked inside the lobby hotel. Your friends were all here. Mikasa and Eren were in the lounge, sitting comfortably on the sofa with fries and tea in front of them. While the three of your brain cells chose to laze around at the bar, probably trying some liquor.

You kissed Armin on the cheek before leaning away, and he only nodded at you, knowing how perhaps you were going to have a blast with your rowdy circle. Sasha cheered when you walked towards them, and the blonde just chuckled softly at the sight, always loving it when you looked so relaxed.

After everything that happened, you deserved it. To just forget about anything, about the fact that you just betrayed your country and stayed with them, with him. Your forehead would crease so much even at random times. But whenever you were with the trio, you could always blend in so easily, being a normal young adult, as if there was no burden on your shoulder.

"Is it alright if she gets drunk?" Mikasa was eyeing you with worry, and Armin only patted his childhood friend by the shoulder before sitting beside Eren. "I think they are going all out tonight since the four of them can drink alcohol now."

"It will be fine, Mikasa." He fetched the menu on the table, mulling in his head what beverage he would have for the night. Though, his eyes would often fly towards you, who was now ordering a glass of wine. "If by chance she can't limit herself, I can always take care of her."

"Talking about Tybur," Eren cleared his throat as he pulled his tie down, probably feeling suffocated after hours wearing a suit. "She was supposed to room with Mikasa and Sasha." There was a pause, and Armin waited for him to continue his words. "But Hange changed the arrangement. She will sleep with you."

The attack titan inheritor expected a blush to appear on Armin's cheek. Just like how he always did every time you were dragged into the conversation and something led it to some inner innuendo between them. However, there wasn't even a hint of bashfulness that could be found from the blonde.

"That's nice." Instead, there was a smile. "Thank you for the information, Eren."

You really had changed Armin, and in a good way, of course. After years of having you close, opening up about his feelings for you, he became even more confident as each day passed. All of them could see it. How the relationship he had with you was something that lifted one another. How being in love made both of you — grew.

His ocean orbs fell upon your figure. It was so loud there at the bar, with you and the three of your best friends cheering for something. The words were a bit incoherent now. Connie and Sasha already had their cheeks covered with a pinkish hue, a sign that they were getting drunk.

It was only a few minutes after he dropped you there, and there they were, already having the time of their life. You had your arm slung around Sasha, keeping her body straight as you made sure that she didn't fall off her stool. Even when you were supposed to let loose, your mind was filled with your friends' safety.

Armin settled with a cup of chamomile tea, knowing it must be the best choice since it was already evening. He was tempted to try coffee before, but he remembered the side effects it could cause. Some people who consumed it could be alerted and awake. And even though he would need to be conscious when you were drunk, he would like to sleep together after taking care of you.

"Jean didn't touch the wine."

"Why are you looking at the horse face, Mikasa?"

"Huh? I am not." Armin wanted to chuckle at the prominent jealousy that lingered on his best friend's intonation. "I am looking at the four of them, Eren." The two were not even subtle about their feelings, and yet none of them ever said anything. "But, I think it's a bit odd that Jean is sober."

"Someone needs to fill in Marco's role once in a while."

That was surely — unexpected. Marco. A name that had been buried in the deepest part of their heart, but never once forgotten. He never thought that Eren would drop the name so casually like that. If you or Jean were around, both would probably go rigid, and it was understandable with how close they were to the freckled man.

But what Eren said was the truth, it seemed. When Marco was alive, he would be the middleman, the only sane person perhaps in the group. Right after him, was you, who cared for them all despite always bickering with Jean. Sasha and Connie were a bit hopeless. Sure, they had battle skills, but not so much common sense most of the time.

And then there were four. That was when both you and Jean had to fill the empty slot between them. Like now, for example. Of those who stayed at the bar, Jean was the only one who only tried the alcohol, but stopped with just a glass.

The man knew that the last three of his brain cells would probably be dazed by the end of the night. Thus, he ended up changing his drink to soft drinks instead, letting his best friends have all the fun while he took care of them.

"Minmin!" You squealed as you pulled your arm away from Sasha, making the brunette whine. When Armin saw how wasted you were already, with your eyes going all over the place and movement got sluggish; he decided it was time. "You come back!"

"I always come back to you." He whispered, chuckling softly when you immediately threw yourself towards him once he got to the bar. "You should get your drink, Jean." Patting your back, he could hear a light snore coming from you. His eyes shifted towards the last man standing, whose gaze roamed to the way he held your body.

For Armin, he could see it. Despite how the man tried to be subtle, he knew what Jean felt for you was something more than platonic love between two best friends. "Mikasa can handle Sasha, while Eren said that he could take you and Connie inside your bedroom, at least."

There was no immediate answer. Two seconds. Jean's orbs settled down on your sleeping figure as you mushed your face on your lover's shoulder. But as if a longing gaze was never there, those copper irises immediately went up to meet with the ocean one.

"I am good, Armin. Thanks for the advice, though." A small chuckle slipped from his thin lips. "Eren and Mikasa can just sleep. I will be with these two." Jean's arms slung around Connie's shoulder while the other kept Sasha still on her stool, careful not to let her hit the floor. "After all, I ordered a bottle of wine for me to drink later."

"Good for you then, Jean."

"Yeah, good for me."

There was a melancholy look on Jean's face, and Armin had a feeling it was about you. As someone who could see things that many people weren't aware of, he surely knew from the start that your best friend cared for you far more than the man could ever show.

He wondered though, the reason Jean stick to his act of loving Mikasa Ackerman. Why? Something that only the man himself could answer.

"Then, take care." Armin's smile never once faltered from his face as he waved his drunken friends and Jean goodbye. "I will see you tomorrow." Since you started to stir on his embrace, a sign that he needed to get you to the hotel room.

You were clinging on him like a baby. And when he felt your arms wrapped around his neck, he immediately excused himself from the lobby. The room was on the second floor, 204. There were four floors in this building, and he thanked the walls he didn't have to carry you from the lobby to the highest floor.

The hotel was still new. He could still sniff out the fresh varnish from the walls. Lights illuminated the hallway, and as much as he wanted to take a look at some paintings, his eyes never once left you. With your dress, he needed to be careful when he lifted you up, hands securing you to his embrace all the way towards the room.

"My love?" He called out, only above a whisper, since he didn't want to startle you. "Can you stand on your feet? Just for a few seconds, I promise." His other hand fiddled on the key that he got from the receptionist, helping you sling your arm around him instead as he held you by the waist.

Like what he said, he only needed to unlock the key before letting you cling on him again. It was hard to walk when it felt like you tried to just pull him down on the floor to sleep there. After the whole struggle, here he was, relent to what you wanted. But instead of toppling down the carpet, he could get you right on the bed.

No sound could be heard once the door was locked and he was alone with you. The two of you faced one another, but none said anything. Armin thought you were already asleep. And yet, your eyes locked with his. You parted your lips, but closed it as if your mind was still jumbled up. Then again, maybe it was.

He waited, however. His fingertips fiddled with the end of your hair that was sticking out, humming softly as he only scooted closer. He was supposed to change your clothes, or maybe just take off the outer layer.

But with the way you held his shoulder and beautiful orbs shone even under the dim of light, he couldn't help but stay still.

"Minmin?" You croaked out as you snuggled closer, hiding your face at the crook of his neck.

"Hm?" With a gentle movement, he rested his back on the bed while letting you lie on top of him. "What is it?"

There was a slight snore instead, and he only chuckled at that, kissing the top of your head silly as a smile bloomed once again. He wondered what you wanted to say to him, however. The gentle look on your face before you slept, your hand that never left him, not even for a second — he was curious about what was in your mind.

As he looked at the ceiling, he realised he didn't feel sleepy just yet. He laid there with your drunk self that was already going into the dreamland. His hand going up and down your arm, the other tried to reach for the blanket on the side since he didn't want you to wake up feeling cold.

It was proven hard, however. His arm couldn't stretch that long, and he didn't want to move too much. Not wanting to wake you up when you were already smiling through whatever dream residing in your head at the moment.

Letting out a sigh, he decided to just tighten up his suit that was still wrapped around you, not thinking about himself, since his body temperature was a lot warmer compared to yours. He wished he could have just covered your entire body with his embrace, but sadly, he wasn't that big to begin with.

Must have been nice if he had Jean's height.

Another sigh escaped him. After he saw the way Jean put his heart on his sleeve down at the bar, he couldn't stop his mind from throwing ideas and scenarios. Things that he didn't want to think about, but ended up having it.

The man was in love with you, perhaps almost as long as he did. Armin couldn't pinpoint when, but it was there for quite some time now. The worried look inside those copper orbs, the bittersweet emotion, whirlpooling inside it every time you were with Bertolt (and now him) — it struck a question inside his head.

If somehow Jean decided to take the chance and confessed his feelings, would you still be here? Snuggling in his arms, Armin Arlert, someone who didn't even have the courage to hold a long conversation with you beforehand.

Compared to your best friend, he lost in a lot of aspects. From the physical build, how close he was to you, then the brimming confidence. Jean had a bigger chance with you, and he had a feeling you wouldn't turn him down if he ever told you that his love was something more than a best friend should have.

Since, well, he almost believed the man's feelings were reciprocated. Without you even realising.

Three words suddenly cut through his clouding mind. So soft that he almost missed it, slipping through your lips and making his pupils dilated. Then another came, only a few seconds after.

The same words still. A simple reminder that there was nothing he should be afraid of. Nothing, because he was the one who was here with you at this moment. The person you chose to spend the last four years of your life with.

"I love you. "

Notes:

As the story goes, I really want to have both Armin and Jean as Tybur's lover, sighhh... MY MANS

Chapter 40: Long, Bloody Road

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

His breath hitched as he looked down at your sleeping figure. He didn't move an inch, mindful of you despite how he knew you slept like a log every time you felt safe in his arms. You were asleep; he swore you still were, but he surely wouldn't mistake your voice. So he wondered what it was before.

The way your eyes were closed, and yet you could utter something . Twice.

"Y-Yeah?" His breath went shaky, eyes dilating as he couldn't believe that he heard those words from you. He knew how scared you were to experience such feelings all over again. After losing so much, he wouldn't be surprised if you would turn down any form of love. "Goodness…" And yet here you were, whispering how you love him.

People said alcohol could mess up someone's memories, and perhaps you wouldn't remember this moment. But he knew something else. He knew that the alcohol in your blood could reveal even the deepest secret in your heart, begging you to be honest.

So instead of dreading the possibility of you forgetting everything after drinking at the bar, he was only grateful . One day, not long after tonight, he hoped you could also say it out loud when you were sober. Even if you didn't , at least he knew you were indeed — love him.

The insecurity that crept into his mind before, slowly dissipated into thin air. Yes, if you didn't feel the slightest love, you wouldn't let him court you, not when you only had so little time left to enjoy what the world could offer. Oh, how he wished you could enjoy your life to the fullest instead of here as a soldier.

He laid on his side, eyes tracing your face in the dark. His long fingers playing with the end of your hair, now messy from how drunk you were. A few days from now, you had to come back to your hometown, and he wondered now, whether you would continue to spend the remaining years you had together with him, or to come back in the arms of your family.

You once told him about them, how gentle your father was and what kind of power your family had. Armin wasn't stupid. He could see that you long for that, to come home. To let go of your burden and have your life secured, your once privileged life as the country's best asset. Yet, when the chance for you to come home arrived, you didn't.

Instead, here you were now, in the arms of your supposed enemy. You pressed your face against his chest, inhaling deep into his scent that could make his heart flutter anytime with how clingy you could be behind the closed door.

From anyone you chose, from anywhere you could be, you were with him.

And he promised to make sure that you never regret this decision.

Dozens, or perhaps hundreds, of leaves were falling from the trees, hurling down so fast like a storm trying to catch you. You were lost, bare feet treading the muddy road, the only path you could follow in between the darkness of the forest.

Why were you running? You couldn't even remember. Perhaps it was the whisper, the way they lure you in into your own guilt, asking you why you let yourself side with the supposed enemy. You knew the answer to that. It was the right thing to do, to stay with your own kin, aiming for the justice that the Subjects of Ymir were supposed to have.

Not just your family, but for the whole subject of Ymir. They had to be free. It was how human beings were supposed to be treated. Not like this, not to be cast aside from the world just to be eradicated by the end of the day.

You had seen enough. Enough blood from both sides, dead bodies of your loved ones — you had heard enough, all the screams they let out, the grieving tears they had cried.

But how? How could you stop these?

The air was knocked out of your lungs as you stumbled upon something. Your nostrils caught a tangy, rusty smell. Some of it stuck on your skin, and the fact that you just knocked your head on the ground didn't help at all. But did you really fall to the ground?

When you lifted your head, you wished you never did. You found a pair of familiar orbs penetrating right into your soul, pupils were blown wide, almost covering the dark irises.

"Pa…?" You choked out on your own saliva, trying to back away when you saw blood smearing all over his face. "N-No… No no no no…" He wasn't supposed to be here, in the middle of the war. He was supposed to wait for you, safe in the mansion you used to call home. So why? Why was he here too…? Only to die?

You let out a whimper of defeat when your back hit another. And you could only close your eyes, hoping, praying, silently screaming that it wasn't anyone else you knew. At least not those who you held close in your heart.

But you felt like your heart failed you when you realised there was an ocean of dead bodies surrounding you. From those who you recognised and cherished, to soldiers and warriors you only met in battle. The hardest one to process, however, was of course the way those eyes stared right into your soul, lifeless, without any warmth lingering there.

"P-Pock…" You were scared to touch him, afraid that it was all real. Not done with the horror that came hurling down, you almost screamed when you saw a familiar brown strand sticking out from the pool of red. "No… Not you too… Sasha…"

You tried to stand up, needing to control your breath as fast as you could or your heart would fail you. One moment you were laying down with your friends in a meadow, and the next, tall trees surrounded your vision, blocking the light from the sun as you were stuck in the dark.

"Please… Leave me alone…"

It started with a whisper, with voices blaming you for all the life being taken away. From Marcel's questioning where you stood now, to Bertolt asking what you had done — then, Marco. He didn't say anything, but his gentle orbs were filled with confusion, and you couldn't even look him in the eyes before you started running.

"I am sorry, I am sorry—"

You thought you would get back to where you were, wishing for Armin, Jean, Mikasa or anyone to save you. Instead of seeing them again, however, you were only met with tragedy. Was it a sign from the deity? Couldn't you do anything to save them?

Your whole body felt so numb, mind thundering with endless thoughts of your fate and those around you. Not just the people you knew, but also everyone else in the world. You needed to make sure they were safe, and at the same time, accepting all Subjects of Ymir.

Could you do that though? With Eren slowly closing himself from everyone, not even once sharing what he had in mind or what he planned next, you were lost.

"Sweetheart?"

The cold eyes that pierced right into your soul demanded a statement to justify what you did, something that you couldn't give, because… because you even started to doubt that things would go like how it had been planned.

You let out a yelp when you bumped into someone amid the darkness. When you looked up, you almost smiled when you saw the familiar copper orbs. But something was missing. There was no reassuring gaze dawning upon you, nor did his usual smile that made you feel like everything would be alright as long as you were here with him and the others.

"It's me. Hey, it's me, Armin…"

Instead, there was only disgust and disappointment. His thin lips parted, voice cracked as he uttered those words.

"How could you…?"

"Love, wake up!"

Gasping for air, you immediately sat up on the bed, eyes blown wide as you tried to remember where you were. Your nails slightly clawed on your arms, whimpering under your breath since you couldn't forget the way he looked at you. That was bound to happen, you knew that. For him to know, for Jean to hate you after what you had done back then in Trost.

You couldn't even feel the way a pair of arms slowly wrapped around you, nor the way sweet and comforting words slowly pulled you back to reality. That was one of the reasons why you never wanted any of your friends to know who you really were.

For them to see you with fear, perhaps even disappointment in their eyes once they realised you were responsible for the death of their family and friends — it would be your worst nightmare.

And you were grateful that Armin not once questioned you about all the blood that stained your hands.

"W-Where are we…?" You croaked out, and your lover only tightened his hold around you. He didn't answer right away, keeping you in his arms still since he could feel your body shaking. "I… I feel lost," As you started to collect yourself, you raised your hand and wrapped it around his wrist, squeezing it lightly.

"We are on a ship now." Armin was so patient as he led you back to the present moment, giving small bits of information, one step at a time. "We also share a room together. It's still early in the morning, so I didn't want to wake you up, but—"

"Why are we on a ship?" You were still dazed. The dream you just had felt so real that it got your mind going all over the place.

Armin leaned away slightly, but never let go of his hold on you. His touch was so gentle, and you took a deep breath for a moment there when he lifted your chin to take a proper look at him. He smiled, fingertips tucking the wild strands of your hair behind your ear, and you swore you fell all over again for this man.

"To take you home, remember?" Your pupils widened at that, lips parted as your brain finally worked. "We are going to Marley, for the expedition."

Of course, how could you forget such a thing? After all, this was the moment you had been waiting for. You only had to be careful not to be seen, slipped to the capital where your home was, then finally revealed yourself to your father and maybe — it would be the turning point for the Eldian.

Maybe, a peaceful future would finally be within your reach.

A smile broke on your face, and it was enough to make Armin let out a sigh of relief. His heart constricted when he heard your whimper and sweats glazing your skin while you were asleep. He was panicking, but he knew it would bring him nowhere, so he composed himself as he tried to wake you up from the nightmare that slowly corrupted you.

You had been getting even more fidgety and often deep into your thoughts as the day was getting closer to this moment. When the two of you packed, he found your suitcase to be — empty. You only prepared one sleeping dress and a new dress he never saw before. Perhaps a gift from Mr Keller, your father figure for the last few years.

When he asked you about it, you didn't answer right away, and it made him worried sick since you were rarely like that before. It was as if, the mask you had put on for years as a Paradis citizen, slowly melting away.

Then again, he couldn't blame you for overthinking every scenario that might happen once they all arrived in Marley. You gave him a clue of what you would do, how you were trying to get to your father, to inform your old man what you had found in Paradis. He would back you up, of course, believing in your plan.

By now, he believed in every single thing that perhaps could help him have a peaceful life with you. No matter how impossible it sounded, he would go down on it.

"It has been two days, right?" You whispered, still not sure about your surroundings. But when Armin gave you a nod, you felt so relieved. "Then, do you want to go out? I think we are close to Marley already."

"I do. I want to go and see, uh, the ocean…" He threw his gaze somewhere else, somehow still embarrassed every time he showed his excitement over the crystal blue water. "Only if you are also alright, though! I would rather stay here with you than stand at the deck."

"Eh? Why? I bet the others are there."

"The others, yes. Not you though."

Sometimes, there was this urge inside you that wanted nothing but to pull him tight and kiss him silly. This man could say things that made your breath hitch, easily so despite him trying hard. You wondered if he knew how much he affected your entire being. How with just a single touch from him, he was able to lift your mood, taking you into the present moment.

Never once let your mind wander too far into the darkness, something that you appreciated so well.

"I love you." You breathed out shakily, and the words didn't even progress well in your brain, letting your heart take over completely.

The ocean orbs that belonged to your lover now slightly hidden from how wide his pupils were as he looked at you. He blinked, lips parted as every word that he wanted to say seemed to stuck in his throat. He only swallowed a huge lump, feeling his heart beating so fast like he was just using an ODM gear from one building to another.

Armin knew you loved him. He could still remember the night in the quiet, hotel room — all too well. It was dark before, and you breathed wine for every syllable that slipped from your lips. Your words were slurry, but despite all of that, what mattered was how you whispered a love profession, something he never thought he needed.

It was the same now, but this time, you were completely sober, and he could take a look at your face clearly. His love. He still couldn't believe that you were his love.

"Can you… repeat that?" He whispered, cheeks flushed with a pinkish hue as he pressed his forehead against yours.

This was new. For you to come out with the profession. You never did before, not towards any other people beside your family. Not even to your childhood crush, not to your first lover. Fear was the one that settled deep inside your mind. You were afraid you would be too attached, afraid if one day you had to throw it all away. Perhaps even hurting them in the process as you gave yourself to them.

Although, as those glimmered orbs gazing at you with one look full of hope — how could you deny yourself from this gift?

"I love you," The word rolling down much easier now, more solid. "I love you so much, Armin Arlert, dear walls, you—!"

Before you could finish the sentence, he crashed his lips against yours, melting into a puddle as he took you to his lap. You didn't once complain or try to lean away like you thought you would. Despite how you always tried to keep your heads up, you slowly lost a sliver of hope after everything, especially when it came to having someone special in your life.

But Armin gave you strength. He was the one who fuelled the fiery spirit inside you, allowing you to experience things you never thought would be able to get in this life.

With how you wouldn't be able to have a real future, how your days were already in countdown, his love tasted like hope. Where maybe, in a distant world somewhere else, you and him could have been together without a burden. Not as a soldier, not as a warrior, nor a titan shifter — just two human beings.

If he could kiss you forever, he would, and of course you were going to let him. He was so tempting most of the times that you often think of a sin, of how, what if, you just left with him and spent the rest of your years with him, running away from all of these. Something that you were able to achieve from the power of your name.

But as much as you wanted that, there was too much blood in your hand that was waiting. They waited for you to reach the end of your journey, to finally see the outcome of your slaughter. It was for the greater good, you always believed. In every war, in everything, it needed sacrifices. And in this war, it was them.

So before you actually win this, you still have a debt to pay.

"Love, are you alright?"

To Marcel who saved you so you could continue onwards with the mission, Bertolt whose life was taken away because you did nothing back then, just to keep your real identity hidden, and of course, Marco.

Your sweet, innocent best friend. The person who in the last moment of his life was still in disbelief. "What's wrong…?" That someone as good-natured as you, hid such dark secrets.

"Nothing, Armin," If only they all knew. "Let's just meet the others now, shall we?"

The second you stepped your foot on the deck, you were immediately greeted by seagulls performing in the sky. They sang, flapping their wings as they followed some kind of invincible strings, moving in patterns. Their presence only meant one thing, you were finally close to home.

Armin kept his hand around yours, pulling you closer to where your friends were. From the other side of the ship, you could hear Sasha's whispered shouts, Connie loud remarks and Jean scolding them, a sight that makes you chuckle. Mikasa was with Eren, as usual, keeping themselves surrounded by comfortable silence while the other two mature adults talked with a hushed tone behind them.

Now you wonder how long you were able to see them like this. How long it would be before this peaceful moment was torn apart and for you to lose them all.

Perhaps not long. But when Armin only squeezed your hand, as if knowing, and with how those molten copper orbs found yours even when the crowds still separated the two of you, your heart continued to remain stagnant despite the troubled mind.

"There you are." Jean greeted you, followed by the others who looked happy to see you out here. Even when Levi just gave you a nod, you knew he preferred everyone to be together like this. "What took you so long?"

"Are you really asking them that, Jean?"

"Connie, the hell?!"

"But they are a couple!"

You couldn't even get angry at this man. The irritation in Jean's eyes coated more with disbelief and embarrassment, as if questioning himself how he could befriend someone as scatterbrained as Connie. Oh, the taller man was so close to smack him right at the back of his bald head, but it never happened.

Your giggle resonated into the air, and it was silent for a moment there. Or at least, Jean thought the time had stopped. His lips parted, and the pinkish hue on his cheeks seemed to get worse. But when he felt the stare, oh, he knew who was subtly glaring dagger at him now, he only rolled his eyes and just scoffed.

"And I was only asking if she is alright, don't make it look like I am a creep."

"Oh, Jean." You snorted, not even realising a small tension between your lover and your best friend. "Connie aside, I am good though. Just a nightmare, the usual."

"About what?" Something that you never expected, however, was for someone else entirely who asked you that. "What kind of nightmare?"

Those green orbs started to get darker every day, piercing right into your soul, and not in a good way that makes you flutter like how Armin usually did. It was haunting, and his voice was laced with more of a pry rather than concern.

"Oh, uhm…" Your heart was beating a thousand times faster due to fear. Something you never had around him or any of your friends before. "It was just," Now, not only him who got curious, but also the rest of the group. "I forgot."

"You—"

"Eren."

Your lover shielded you from that merciless glare, and you wanted to just go back to the room you shared with Armin before. Where you were safe and content, but then again, you refused to hide behind someone, this was not you.

"It's alright, Armin." You patted his shoulder, smiling at him when he looked behind to see your face. Nodding, he lets you step forward, and the smile on your face never once falters. "I saw blood and death, a normal dream for all of us when I think about it, don't you think?"

Those pupils now widened, and he only smiled back at you after hearing your response. Eren did act like there were two minds in one body sometimes. You noticed when it started, how he started to change into a completely different person. But, was he changed or were none of you just never tried to see this side of him?

"About that," he spoke up, leaning his back against the railing now. "That dream will only be just a dream. Soon."

That again, him with his cryptic words. You only raised one of your eyebrows, and before you could respond to his words, questioning him back, Mikasa already talked to him, with the same worried look in her eyes. If there is someone who could make him open up, it would be her with how he seemed to trust her so.

At least, that was what you thought.

"Oi, we are here."

Your head snapped to the shore, where a bustling city with vendors along the coast offering their goods filled your sight. You could hear them shouting in the streets, and when you closed your eyes, the sound of footsteps and kids running around seeped into your ear. Years ago, you were one of them.

You were the kids catching up to one another after a hectic day filled with practice and meeting. Talking about war at such a young age. Kids, they were supposed to enjoy what life could offer. It was time for them to play hide and seek with friends instead of spying on the enemies.

"It's…"

But that was something you and the other warriors could never have. Not when all your life, you were told to be a weapon. With a duty that even now, still chain you to a goal. One that seemed to bound you tighter the moment the ship docked.

Pa, I am here.

Taking a deep breath, you composed yourself as the passengers were told to make a line, and you could only smile at how excited and in awe your best friend was. Oh, they would know. They would know how lovely each nook and cranny in this country was. The various tastes of the cuisines, mixed from all over the world.

Although, they would also see another side that was hidden. The side that was twisted and cruel. "Marley."

I am home.

Notes:

I miss writing for nonstop, doing absolutely nothing but to share a piece of my imagination. But alas, university comes first (":

I appreciate everyone who read this series. Want to finish it with pride, and hopefully enough to make you feel attached with every chapter of the story.

Chapter 41: Photograph

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"There's a lot of people here."

Jean whispered under his breath, and you only patted his back when you realised how some women had been staring at him, to the point they giggled and fluttered their eyelashes. Something that would make any man feel honoured. If it was Connie, maybe, but Jean wasn't like any man out there.

They must be some kind of noble ladies. From the fancy dress, light make-up on their faces, and even to the way they walked. So proper, but infuriating to see, sometimes.

You used to walk like that, striding in one line, following an invincible mark on the street wherever you went. After you became a warrior, however, you started to drop it, letting go of a few parts of you that made you a noble. Even though some of it still stuck on your everyday gestures.

"What's wrong? Don't tell me you dislike the attention?" You snickered, earning a groan from the tallest man around. "Don't you have anything to bite back? Now that's new."

"I do like attention, but only from certain people. Mind you." He flicked your forehead, earning a little ouch from you that immediately got your lover's concern. Though, those ocean orbs continued to look around when it seemed like you were just playing around with Jean.

"Oohhh, must have been some special people, huh?" Jean just shrugged, not provoked yet. But you knew how to push some of his buttons. "Or someone? The black haired—"

You let out a yelp when he was the one who patted you on your back. No, it wasn't a pat, more like a smack. "Kirstein!"

"It's on you!"

"Kids." Levi, who had been silently observing the scene, finally commented on the two of you, but you and Jean didn't stiff up like how you used to when he said things that sounded spiteful. No. You and your best friend already knew that the captain had a soft spot for everyone in the group.

Onyankopon was supposed to be here, picking all of you up and taking you around this side of the city. Although, he was running late. Only a few minutes, not much, but your friends started to get agitated. Wanting to roam around, but didn't want to get lost in this horde of people.

You wondered where he was, it would be hard to find the nine of you, especially when everyone was perfectly blended in with the other citizens. While waiting, your eyes caught something that you never thought would find here.

A camera.

"I remember what you said, Jean"

Your best friend raised one of his eyebrows in confusion, not expecting your intonation to be soft and gentle all of a sudden. He followed your line of vision, finding a box with circled glass or something.

"Uh, which one?" He looked down at you, copper orbs softening when he saw the serene look on your face, something he rarely sees the past few days near this expedition.

"About the photograph." You started, watching a couple holding hands as the cameraman shouted the countdown. "How you wanted to have a photograph with us in it. With Captain Levi, Commander Hange, Mikasa, Sasha, Connie, Eren, Armin, and—"

The lovebirds giggled all of a sudden, looking at each other instead of the camera as the flash hit them. It must have cost a lot for one photograph, and yet they didn't put their mind into it when the pose wasn't like how they prepared first. The girl jogged towards the cameraman, and a smile broke on her face once she laid her eyes on the result.

"You." Jean continued your words, remembering the time when he shouted the words at the top of his lungs. " Especially … you."

"I am the same." Finally looking away from the lovely sight, you turned to face your best friend, grinning at him. "I want to take a lot of it. With everyone, and yes, you."

"Not especially me again?"

You rolled your eyes playfully when he smirked at you. Shaking your head, you didn't answer that, only shoving him on his chest as if it could sway him. "I got it, I got it. I know who you want to take a photograph with the most."

Hearing that, your gaze drifted towards the man with blonde hair. He had his back on you, talking with Hange about something. Must be important since they both had this cautious look on their faces. But even when he, Armin, had his lips curled downward into a frown, or his forehead creased from overthinking too much sometimes — you still found him gorgeous.

"Oh, shut up, Kirstein."

"I am not saying anything!"

"You are going to."

Letting out a huff, you stuck your tongue out to rile him up even more, so immature. Before he could quip back, you gasped at the sight of a man standing a few feets behind him. "Onyankopon!" Finally, the man of the hour was here.

"Hello, Miss Tybur!" He greeted you first since you were the one who noticed him. "Hello everyone! Welcome to the Marleyan Continent." His clothes were so proper, with a dark blue suit, grey vest, and white shirt hugging his body. "I will be your guide in Marley, and lead you all to the Azumabito estate."

"Thank you, Onyankopon—" Hange chirped back with the same excitement. Although, their eyes settled on a car who just passed in front of them. "Whoa!"

"I have a bad feeling about this." You muttered, already hiding yourself behind Armin, as much as he could hide you from the wandering gazes.

"Me too." He only chuckled however, not minding how Connie practically shouted. Your bald friend asked whether it was a horse, and Sasha's comment didn't help at all as she felt so sure it was a cow instead. "Oh no… People are staring."

"Just great." Jean groaned beside you, hiding his face too with his fedora as his cheeks dusted with pinkish tint. "Now they would think we are rubes."

"I think we should stop them." Hange, Connie and Sasha ran to follow the car. You winced at the sight, which earned a laugh from Onyankopon. "I mean it. They would feed the car with something."

"We should tie them up." You nodded at Levi's words, knowing how the three of them combined could be one hell of a circus. "Just watch. They will try giving it carrots next."

"Hah! There's no way. I believe Commander Hange— No." He let out a surprised gasp, pupils dilated in horror. "They are buying carrots!"

You let out a boisterous laugh at that, shaking your head as your hand crept to your lover's. Armin glanced at you, taking your hand fully now, interlacing his with yours. You thought you would be nervous as you finally settled here once again. However, you felt like you were on a vacation instead. Together with your dearest comrades.

"Something bothering you?" Usually, he was the one who asked this question. But this time, it was you. "You look troubled."

"Hm? It's nothing." Following where he looked, you found Eren and Mikasa a few feets away from you. "I just thought he would be ecstatic, you know? Eren always wanted to see the world, after all."

For the past few months you lived with him, you could detect a but wanting to follow after his sentence. Though, you didn't push him to say it. Maybe because you also knew what he was going to mention. That day by the ocean, Eren pointed his hand across the sea.

How from then, he perhaps considered the rest of the world as his enemy.

"Maybe he is just trying to take it all in." You stood in front of your lover now, wanting him to take a look at you. "You are the one who always opens up his eyes, right? To light his way, to have a dream of being free." Those black pupils widened a bit at your words, and you only gave him a reassuring smile. "Then what are you waiting for? Check up on him, 'min. He is your best friend."

"Yes, you are right." Armin smiled back. His shoulders relaxed now. He leaned in to peck you on the cheek before jogging towards Eren. You gave him a thumbs up before joining the three rubes who just got back after following the car. "Onyankopon, where to now?"

"Ah, glad that you asked!" Clearing his throat, his eyes scanning the crowd, waiting for Levi to call up the entire group. "There is a shorter route for us to take to the Azumabito estate. However, knowing everyone had never been here before, I decided to choose the other route and walked you through the festivity."

On the road ahead, the place was lively indeed. The vendors here mostly sold snacks or light meals that could be eaten while strolling around the town. Smells of the food wafting through the air, and you missed a lot of them. Especially since you had been living as a soldier, the fanciest meal you ever had would be steak. "Just don't roam around too far, okay?"

That was the only thing you needed to hear. Sasha quickly ran towards the nearest stall, an ice cream parlour. You chuckled at how excited she was, followed by Jean and Connie, who didn't want to lose her in a few minutes after they got here. Looking at the other side, Armin was still with Eren and Mikasa, so you decided to let them be for now.

You wouldn't get lost. Even though it had been about eight years since the last time you stepped foot in this continent, it didn't mean you forgot your life before Paradis, especially after you became an inheritor. Giving a respectful nod towards the adults, you walked past them and headed to the one place you had been eyeing after your arrival.

There was no queue at this booth. The young man who you assumed took care of everything at once, sitting beside the huge box camera. He was cleaning the lens carefully, and you waited for him to be done, not wanting to startle him. However, before you could say anything, he turned around and saw you, gasping in surprise.

"G-Good morning!"

"Good morning, sir." You bowed your head a bit, both hands clasped in front of you. "I would like to take a group picture." Taking your purse, you dropped it right in his hand. "I think it will be enough for about five times. Correct me if I am wrong. I don't know how much the film cost nowadays."

"Ah, you know a thing or two about cameras?" He counted the money inside your white purse, nodding in approval. "Well, you are right. I can take a picture of you and your friends five times, indeed. But for you, my lady, I will give you one bonus shot!"

"Is that really alright? Wouldn't you lose—"

"Come on, I didn't give a free shot to anyone, you know?" The cameraman grinned at you, and you smiled even wider now, knowing there were still a lot of generous humans out there. "So, where are your friends, miss?"

As if on cue, you heard someone shout your name in the middle of the crowd. You knew who it was, and you scolded yourself internally since you didn't actually say to anyone where you were going.

"Armin!" Waving your hand up in the air, you waited until your lover's gaze fell into your direction. And the moment he did, his feet strode so fast towards you with concern lingering on his face. "Hey, I was just going to call you—"

"What are you thinking?!" Your lips gaped at the intonation you just received. His hand held your upper arm, and there was fear at the way he looked at you. "I thought something happened to you…"

You never saw him like this before. To lose control of his own emotion. He was always so calm and collected, knowing what to say and making sure everyone cool down before any discussion started to heat up. Yet, here he was. Panting as he waited for you to say something.

"I am sorry," you reached his cheek, caressing the soft skin as you tried to calm him down. "I am fine! See? You don't have to worry about me, Armin. I have been here before, remember?"

"Exactly why I got worried." He whispered out, only for you to hear. You had a feeling that the cameraman threw his face somewhere, respecting your privacy. "What if someone recognises you? Or—"

Raising one of your eyebrows, you wondered what was going inside his head now. The kind of scenarios that got him so worked up. "—you change your mind."

Ah, there it was. Your eyes softened once you realised what he meant by that, and you wrapped your arm around his neck instead, pulling him into a hug. You didn't care less for being in public, what mattered was to make sure he knew. "It's stupid of me to think like that, I know."

"Armin, it's alright." Your voice was barely above whisper, "I am not going anywhere. I will be right at your side until the end." shushing him as you started to feel his breath getting even.

He took a deep breath, burying his face on your shoulder before he slowly leaned away, remembering where he was now. "Are you ready to take a photo with me?"

"Eh? Photo as in a photograph? The still image we saw—" He cleared his throat, scolding himself internally for almost spilling out the Yeager's name. "Yes. I am ready, of course. How much is it? Let me pay for the two of us."

Grinning, you only hugged his arm before facing the lens. "Wait, don't tell me you already pay?"

"We are ready now. I will take two shots with him, please." Armin was a bit flabbergasted at first, not expecting you to already prepare everything. His lips jutted forward, pouting since he didn't want you to spend too much of your money. "Smile, sweetheart. Look at that circle made from glass, the lenses. That's it."

He didn't know why he got nervous. Maybe because he feared that he would look wonky and ruin the photograph. You were so perfect, even ethereal in his eyes. So, of course, no matter how messy your hair could get sometimes, you would still look beautiful. Armin really thought he was the only one who mulled like that.

There was a sudden flash, making him winced since he felt like he was going blind for a moment there. It took him a solid five seconds before he had the courage to open his eyes. When he did, he saw you peering at him. "Are you alright…? I am sorry, I haven't told you properly about it."

"I-It's okay!" He chuckled lightly, rubbing his nape as he felt guilty now. "Did I ruin the photograph?"

"Oh, Armin, you will never." Patting his cheek, you scurried towards the cameraman who gave you a piece of paper. It was blank still, and you waited patiently for it to appear. As you muttered a small thank you, you let Armin take a look at the picture, slowly showing you and him.

"I look—"

"Adorable."

You grinned, cutting his words since you knew he was going to degrade himself. "See? You shut your eyes like a little kid! Adorable, really. Showing how this is your first time."

"First time…"

Glancing at him, you found him looking at you instead of the photograph. Your heart skipped a beat, something you didn't expect, but then again, you were with Armin. His lips curled into a gentle smile, fingertips reaching out to the strands of your hair that covered your face, then tucking it behind your ear.

"What is it…?"

"It's just that," his expression never changed, and you mimicked him, albeit much more bashful compared to him. "You are beautiful, have I told you that?"

Snick!

You gaped at the cameraman who suddenly captured the moment. Both of you and Armin were not ready, and you were just going to question him about it before the man only smiled at you.

"I am sorry, but," He walked towards you with the new photograph. "The moment is just right . Here, you can see it by yourself." Thrusting the paper into your hand, you muttered a small thank you before waiting for the chemicals inside the film to finish its magic.

A few seconds, and it finally revealed the scent that already passed from before. There, you and Armin were gazing at each other. Your lover had his hand beside your head, just after he tucked your hair behind your ear. The most beautiful thing from there, however, was how prominent the love you had for the blonde, and the same goes for him — all in just a piece of paper.

"I will take this." You said gleefully, earning a nod from the cameraman. "We can put it in our house, Armin. Frame it nicely one on the wall, perhaps. And the other on the table." Chirping out excitedly, you didn't notice how smitten he appeared now. The cameraman became the only person who saw it through.

"You like the results then?" He asked after you stopped talking.

"I love it, Armin Arlert." A lopsided grin appeared on your face, and you leaned in to peck his cheek before turning to face the cameraman again. "Four left, yes? I will get my friends here first."

The next hour rolled down so fast. You took two silly photographs with Connie, Jean, and Sasha. While the other two together with everyone else, including Onyankopon. It was a bit cramped for sure. Especially when the film wasn't the biggest one out there. Maybe one day, though. One day, you would take a picture with all of them again.

After the war is over. Once everyone got their freedom, and, of course,

Before you leave this world.

You would take another.

"Oi," You glanced up at Jean who slowed down his pace to match yours. "Don't let your mind wander too much, you are in public." The others were up ahead. Following Onyankopon to the Azumabito estate while also checking the other stalls they passed. "Be aware of your surroundings."

"Yes, Kirstein."

There was a comfortable silence surrounding the two of you, and you didn't want to break it just yet, liking how he made you feel safe that you knew even though you were daydreaming right here in the street, he wouldn't let anything happen to you. It was the same case with the other friends you cherished.

Even though you enjoyed this situation, you had a feeling something nagged his mind. Jean parted his lips, but then shut it again. You stopped yourself from snickering, aware that he wouldn't say anything altogether if he knew you caught him.

"I was looking for you before." He started, and you let out a hum at that. "Want you to taste this one cold dessert. Ice cream. It's really good."

"Ah, what is the flavour?" You asked absentmindedly. "My favourite is chocolate."

"Chocolate flavoured ice cream?"

"Hmhm." He paused a bit, as if pondering the situation.

"There's only vanilla flavoured one as far as I know." Jean finally responded, and that was when you realised your mistake. "I didn't see the chocolate one in the street. Where did you get it?"

Stepping your foot in Marley only made your mind go haywire sometimes. It made you feel so warm at the memories that were shown in every nook and cranny of this nation. Too nostalgic, to the point you almost forgot you had to hide this part of you.

"There's another ice cream parlour." How sombre. "Near the photoshoot stall." Even though you craved for him to know everything you could offer since he was here now, in your homeland, you still had to lie to your best friend.

Then again, this wasn't the first time. And surely wouldn't be the last.

"If the parlour is still there, you better lead the way." Your breath hitched at that, but you only smiled at his enthusiasm. The curiosity played inside those copper orbs, slightly getting darker as it filled with passion to explore the world. "I wonder what Marco's favourite flavour would be."

It felt like someone doused you in cold water when he suddenly and casually threw his name like that into a conversation. Jean never mentioned Marco's name, never again as years went by. Never since he found the remaining corpse of his closest pal in the cadet corps.

"Please tell them to stop!"

"Marco…" Those freckled cheeks and gentle gaze. "Marco, yes, he…"

"We haven't had a chance!"

"Tybur."

You let out a gasp when you felt Jean's palms on your cheeks. His long fingers settled on your ears, reducing the frenetic crowd as he needed you to focus on him. "It's alright."

No, it wasn't supposed to be him who comforted you. It was supposed to be the other way around. On the first few days, you could still remember how Jean would space out a lot. And just like you promised before, you always gave him a hug at least once every day when no one was around.

A promise that you remembered now — wasn't fulfilled for a long time now.

You didn't even realise tears pricked the corner of your eyes already, only blinking it away to not blur your vision. But it was no use, the tears cascading down faster than you thought. "I am sorry, I shouldn't have brought him up all of a sudden. I know that he was important to you."

" Is ." You corrected him, chuckling slightly from nervousness and the dark mind that consumed you again. "He is important to me, but, I know he is too… to you, Jean."

His thumb caressed your cheeks, wiping away the droplets of tears before he leaned away. Before he could say anything however, you immediately wrapped your arms around him, so tight as if to tell him you still remembered. "One hug a day."

Jean gaped at the sudden warmth, but he instantly composed himself and reciprocated the gesture. You really needed this. Between everyone in the group, you and him shared something in common, and that was how affected the two of you were from Marco's death. The only difference settled on the remembrance of that moment.

He saw his best friend's corpse, half of it without anyone knowing who caused it.

You, on the other hand, was the one who had responsibility over his death.

Two distinct traumas, but moulded into one in the name of grief.

"I don't know how I would do without you, Tybur." He whispered, tightening the embrace before reluctantly leaned away, realising how the others were probably looking for the two of you. "I am glad that you are my," there was a pause. "Friend."

"Ah, getting mushy now?" You shook your head when he groaned, having enough of you and ruffled your hair, a bit harsher than the usual playful one. "Hey, sorry! The same goes for me, okay? I am glad that you are my friend, Kirstein."

Swallowing a huge lump, you actually doubted that he would be like this once he knew your dirty, huge secret. Why am I thinking about it now?

With his arm draped around your shoulder, he led you forward to where the others were supposed to be, pushing a lot of people with how crowded it was. The fact that you needed to catch up with your friends and find them became a difficult task. Well, even though you knew where the estate was.

Only a few metres away, it looked like there was a commotion. Rude words spewing here and there from the vendors and other citizens. Their intonation was filled with malice and a hint of disgust. You frowned at that, and you walked faster there, finding a kid, perhaps an immigrant, having his arm raised by Captain Levi.

"Just toss him in the ocean!"

"Tch, he didn't even understand what we said."

"Then just cut his hand. He wouldn't be able to steal again."

"Wait! There's no need for that!" Sasha butted in, fear written all over her face, but she tried to make them see that such cruelty was unnecessary. "I already got my purse back, see?!"

"This is our business, miss." One of them gritted his teeth and stared coldly at Sasha. "We need to teach this brat a lesson. Who knows, the brat could even be the subject of Ymir."

Now, you were the one who gritted your teeth at the mention of your own kind. "Countries all over can't run those blood tests fast enough. People could never sleep in peace knowing those demons could be walking around among us!"

Your hands twitched, and without looking around, you already know what your friends might be thinking right now. Yes, this was the other side of Marley, one you hoped they wouldn't see. But all of you were here for a mission, and one of them was to know the terrain and condition of this country.

The citizens whispered to each other, planning a punishment that was brutal enough for a possible Subject of Ymir. Your friends went rigid, not knowing how to handle the situation as the air felt so thick despite being out in the open. As you gazed at Captain Levi, you had a feeling he also tried to think of a way to escape.

"Come on, let's just cut his hands now—"

"Step back."

Before the man who had been insulting your race took the kid's by force, you slapped the hand away, standing in front of the scared immigrant. "The kid is with me."

"Hah! Don't try to fool us, little miss." Your brows furrowed at the change of intonation that was lacing the last two words. "Just give him to us and you can shop with your other fancy friends again." A hint of mockery, and a disgusting lust at the way he looked at you up and down. "Go. Go back to your Daddy."

Oh, you really wanted him to be thrown in the ocean and got his eyes stabbed beforehand.

You let out a small chuckle, not moving even for an inch despite the other men trying to steal the kid from you. They could try, really, but it would be a mess and you didn't want to cause a scene too much on the first day.

"To my Daddy?" So, perhaps, you could pull the other string out your sleeve. "Then, will you give me a ride back home? I will give the kid to you afterwards if so ."

"Heh, sure. For a chance to talk with a pretty lady and to punish the filthy Subjects of Ymir, I will." One that would be the easiest way to get out of the situation. The best card you had. "Where to—"

Even though it could risk almost everything.

"Tybur Estate."

Notes:

I always thank everyone who comment and kudos! Especially comment... It boost my moral and to think that you guys read this fics really made me happy hehe :"

Chapter 42: Raise a Glass

Chapter Text

And then there was silence.

The crowd that continued to chant such barbaric words, those who tried to inflict such excruciating pain on the kid, and of course, the indecent way some of these men looked at you — gone within an instant once you dropped the syllables.

"Something's wrong?" You innocently asked, fluttering your lashes as you waited for this disgusting man, or anyone, perhaps, to say something. "Come on, just give me a ride there, and I will ask my Daddy to let the kid go for you." Internally, you cringed since you never called your Pa like that, but it was the game you had to play.

They looked at one another, hoping for someone to speak up. "No? Then, alright. I will continue my day," Without waiting for his response, you hoisted the kid up, carrying him before walking passed the crowd. "Have a great day, everyone…!"

That one was easy. You knew they wouldn't dare to oppose the name. Your name. The Tybur family rarely exposed themselves. Only one family member, and that was your father. No one knew who had the war hammer titan. None of the citizens cared enough to know whose subject of Ymir was sent to the hellish island.

You wouldn't get worried if they questioned your name, or your real identity — as if your name wasn't real — and paraded it around for everyone to hear. They were going to keep quiet, not wanting to get on the bad side of the so-called saviour of the nation, or what they would believe, of the entire world.

Handling them was easy, the one that would be tricky was the questions your friends would throw sooner or later.

Strolling on the same street, you were aware that the crowds had already dispersed, and your friends slowly followed you, still trying to read the situation. You squeezed the smaller hand in yours, looking down to see two dark orbs staring at you in awe.

He must have been scared before. Even if he didn't know any words they said, their hatred was prominent in the way they shouted at him. You didn't know what kind of war Marley had this time. One thing for sure, it caused a lot of damage and casualty, exactly how war worked in the first place.

No side won or lost, just those who survived and those who weren't.

Just like what you experienced ever since you got this titan power.

You heard footsteps on your tail, but you didn't raise your guard, feeling certain it was just your friends. The little boy led the way, taking you through each alley, out of the main street. You hoped you would find his parents later.

A second passed after you thought about it, however, he suddenly let go of your hand and ran off. You didn't even have time to shout at him, asking him to stop. He just climbed on one of the decaying walls and jumped to the other side.

"This is what I got from helping him, huh?" Shaking your head, you only let out a small chuckle at the situation you were in. One, you probably saved someone who would die sooner or later if he was proven as a subject of Ymir. Two, your friends knew that the name Tybur had a special meaning here in Marley.

"(Y/n)!" You jerked when Armin shouted your name. Ah, it felt like deja vu. Only a few hours ago, he called you with the same tone. "Hey, goodness. Are you alright? You are alright."

The others were still a few metres behind. But from your peripheral eyes, you could see Jean, Sasha and Connie running faster than the others. "It's the second time today. I swear you will give me a heart attack; I didn't even need thirteen years to die."

"Don't say that." You groaned, not liking it when he mentioned his lifespan. "I am sorry again, alright? I just—"

"Are you aware of what you have done?"

"Of course I am." You knew the moment you used your name in public while in Marley, your friends would be wondering what was so special about it. What made those people decide to back down and leave you alone? "I got it all planned, Armin."

"If you say so." He leaned away, waving at the others to join the two of you. Your friends were always so considerate, sometimes giving you and Armin a bit of space and privacy. "She's alright!"

It warmed your heart when the others jogged towards you with worry instead of pure curiosity or even cautiousness. None of them asked about the act you pulled before, they just made sure you were alright, patting your shoulder before Sasha jumped towards you, making you stagger a bit.

"I thought they would do something to you!" She tightened his arms around your neck, burying her face in your shoulder. "They are so scary, what is wrong with the people here?" One of your hands reached out to her head, carding through the brown hair as you tried to calm her down in the gentlest way.

"I guess, they really thought we were devils, Sasha."

After the whole ordeal, no one actually questioned anything about your name, surprisingly. Whether they didn't think much or just believed you learned enough about this nation from Onyankopon before you arrived. Anything was possible. Though, you could feel three pairs of eyes staring at you every now and then all the way to the Azumabito estate.

Armin, your lover, perhaps worried about you since he was the only one who noticed all the things about you.

Eren, the attack and founding titan, probably knew already from whatever future he visioned.

And Captain Levi. The man continued to keep his eyes on your figure, even now as all of you finally arrived at your residence for the next couple of weeks.

You wondered if Captain Levi presumed something. Perhaps he did, especially when you recalled how you had been hinting about you as a titan shifter back then when he had to choose between Armin and Commander Erwin. He was fond of you, yes. But a man like him would be the first one who got his guard up if a new sign came up.

"I am terribly sorry for what happened."

Miss Kiyomi sat across from you, Mikasa, and Sasha. Her wrinkled skin looked so delicate as she apologised for how Marley had been treating everyone so far. "But I am glad Miss Tybur here used that last name, smart decision. You had such a powerful name after all."

" Powerful name?"

Jean, who had been silent ever since you saved the immigrant kid on your own, finally raised his voice. You wanted to curse at how she brought it up, but you smiled at the subtle compliment you received from her first before explaining yourself.

"I heard from Yelena and Onyankopon about one of the noble houses in Marley. With Tybur as one of them, an influential one on top of that." Your comrades were now fixated on you, wanting to hear more regarding the secret behind the name. "I used to daydream, what if I had a life as a noble lady? What kind of luxuries would I have in another part of the world? Things like that."

You brought up another facade, appealing to their sympathy as your eyes glossed with crocodile tears. "It was no use to think about that too much, and I have no regret—" lies. "—choosing this path as a soldier, so I stopped. But this noon, I just felt a tug and remembered, so…"

"That was risky!" Connie exclaimed. "What if they didn't believe you?"

"Maybe I would be the one who was thrown into the ocean." You chuckled lightly, trying to ease up the tension in the room. However, it seemed that the rest of them took this matter seriously. "The Tybur house wasn't only influential, but also enigmatic. No one ever met the other family members, just the father."

"Indeed." Onyankopon backed you up, and you only smiled at him. "And the fact that they rarely go out really helps this situation."

He was there after all when Yelena revealed everything in front of him and Armin. And you couldn't thank him enough for not saying anything despite how he must be fully on Paradis's side. It warmed you in a way that after all this time, he realised where you stood in this war.

"That's still risky." Jean groaned, not approving of the way you practically throw yourself like that. "What if those people decided to search for your real identity and didn't find anything?"

"They wouldn't know where I am." You tried to reason out with him, "I am safe here, we are all." But from the way he clenched his hand into a fist, it seemed his head was still running a hundred miles per second. "I will be laying low from now on. I promise."

His copper orbs stared down at you as he leaned his back on the wall. Even though he looked a bit nonchalant to anyone who didn't know him. From how he tapped his feet on the ground, and the way he folded his arms in front of his chest, you knew he was pissed. Not at you, more like how reckless you were sometimes, like what Sasha always pledged you to be.

"Fine." He whispered before throwing his gaze away and facing Miss Kiyomi instead. "How is the world looking at us Eldian kinds? I don't think we could warm up to them."

"That is true, Mr Kirstein." You could foresee where this conversation would go, and you could only look absentmindedly as the host explained to everyone the reality in Marley, and even in every corner of the world. "It will be difficult for Paradis Island to establish a diplomatic relationship with another nation."

Everyone was silent for a few seconds, and you subconsciously clutched your dress, not liking how it seemed, the world would never accept Eldians no matter what happened. A stereotype, perhaps. Their judgement was clouded by their own fear, not realising how other humans out there were even more befitting to be called devils.

"I still think there is a way." There must be. "Not Zeke's plan, never. I wouldn't let a circumstance forever dictate a life that wasn't even born in this world just yet."

"Exactly as you said, (Y/n)." You nodded as Hange raised their voice, straightening their posture as they wanted to make sure everyone in the room listened in. "We are here to find a better way. Starting from Subjects of Ymir Conservation Society tomorrow, maybe we will find something."

"Yes, you can also use that chance to express Paradis Island's desire for peace." A smile almost broke on your face. Maybe from there, the nation would hear that all of you Eldians were not devils or monsters. Just people who had the same right as them to not live in fear and be seen as destruction. "Naturally, Azumabito will be happy to achieve such goals. But are you certain you have a serious chance of success?"

Almost. The last sentence, however, felt like a jab in your ribcage.

"I know it's going to be messy no matter what." The road ahead wouldn't be smooth. "And dangerous too." There would be a lot of sides trying to bring Paradis down. "But those reasons were the ones that made us have to give it all."

And no matter how long it takes, no matter how much more you needed to sacrifice before the world embraced all Subjects of Ymir — this was where you stand.

With your head filled with strategy and your heart burning with hope for a better tomorrow, you were thankful for your friends to be here. You looked up at Armin who had been sitting on the armrest, and he immediately gave you a reassuring smile, something both of you needed.

"Where…" As it turned out, there would always be a way for the deities to take away a peaceful state you just had. "Is Eren…?"

You've got to be kidding me. Everyone splits up once Mikasa realised that her precious Eren was suddenly gone without a trace. That man made you irritated these days. Eren became even more detached, and you had a feeling it was because he hid something. No one could ever predict what was residing in his mind, but everyone was frantic because he was considered the greatest asset.

At least, that was the only thing he would be in the eyes of the enemy. But for you, and of course for Mikasa and Armin, he was so much more than that.

"Wait, (Y/n)!" After the whole ordeal about the Tybur talks this afternoon, Jean no longer called you by your last name. "Shit, slow down." To make sure no one around speculated things that might endanger you.

"Come on, Kirstein!" You still called him the same, though. "Don't be such a slow poke! We should find him!"

"The others were looking for him anyway, wait—" He clutched his chest, panting as he leaned himself on the nearest wall. "We had been running for an hour or so. Take a deep breath for a minute, will you?"

"Oh?" You snickered, folding your arms before you set off towards him. "Someone didn't have much stamina?" Poor Jean, really. He looked like he was going to pass out, and there you were, teasing him instead. "Your lover would be so disappointed."

"I hate you." He growled, straightening his posture as if he was trying to assert dominance here, looming in front of you as he controlled his breathing. "I could go on for hours, if that's what you implied."

"And how could you know that?" Alright, that actually piqued your curiosity. You never saw him getting close to anyone. Not when he had been smitten with the one and only, Mikasa Ackerman. "Are you secretly doing something spicy behind our back?"

Both of you were aware of the missing person, but the topic of the conversation was too — intriguing to pass. "Jean Kirstein, since when you are not a virgin?"

"Hey, shush!" He smacked his palm against your mouth, making you gasp as you raised one of your eyebrows. "I don't want to be the only one who never did anything in our group, you know?"

You leaned in just to bite a bit of his flesh so he would let you go. A snicker slipped from your lips once he squeaked out Gross! and wiped his palm on his suit.

"Sasha and Connie actually did it?" You were blown away now, not expecting this from your closest friends. "Sasha maybe with Niccolo, but Connie…? You…?"

"We hit a bar." That was the only explanation he gave before turning away and continuing the search. However, as if you would let that go so easily. You followed his footsteps, matching his. From how you looked up at him, even if you didn't say anything, you had a feeling he would spill it anyway. "Some women… You know… They were the ones who came to us."

You continued to listen in, ignoring the way there was a tug on your heart that you didn't know where it came from. "They invited us to a private room. Things were wild back then, and, truthfully? Those women couldn't even walk properly once morning came."

The chuckle that left his lips after that, it sounded so bitter once it reached your ears even though he was actually reminiscing about his playful time with a satisfied tone. You wanted to be happy for him (if that was the right response), but your lips curled into a frown instead, subconsciously so.

And Jean, who had been snickering, now realised how quiet you had become.

"How…" Your lips parted, but then you closed them again as you were still debating whether he would be the right person to ask about it. "How does it feel…?"

"The hell?" You flinched at the answer, and you wanted to bury yourself six feet under the ground. "Sorry, but… Oi, are you alright?"

Jean stopped once again, facing you as he got worried since you suddenly lost the playfulness in your intonation. The banter was gone, instead, you were actually here as if you were asking for advice. As if — you were foreign to the outcome of sexual intercourse. He didn't know it was exactly how you felt. " Shit ."

"Just forget the question, Kirstein." A smile appeared once again on your face, and it only confused him to no end when you could easily switch your emotion like that. "Come on, bet the others are now looking for us. We are straying too far."

You couldn't believe yourself sometimes. With all the burden you carried on your shoulder, how the duty that was chained by Marley was only getting tighter now, you still had the audacity to think about your own pleasure. Having a lover who supported you through and through was more than you should ever have experienced.

But knowing your friends actually explored that kind of delight while you never did anything but share kisses — it just sounded unfair.

After a few seconds, you finally heard Jean's footsteps behind you. It wasn't the wisest thing to do to close the conversation like that. From his surprised response, however, you believed he wouldn't want anyone to pry on such private things.

"(Y/n)." Twenty-one years. You were already twenty-one years old and yet you never felt something more intimate rather than someone's lips on yours. "W-We can talk about it if you want, you know?"

"It's nothing, Kirstein, really." You were going to die in no more than two years, and yet you couldn't even enjoy it to the fullest. "Nothing important to you."

Then again, it wasn't like you could expect much with the duty that followed.

The yellow light adorned this shelter. Dozens of families lived under each tent, getting as much warmth as possible that they could no longer have after losing their homes to war. The same war that your nation just loved to get involved in.

You wondered how their life would unfold after this. Without work, without knowing how to speak the language used here, without a promise for tomorrow — as far as you knew, they would only be slaves. At least, that was one of the ways to fend for themselves.

Your lips pursed as you stood in front of the tent where your friends were waiting for you. Their laughter filled your eardrums, and usually, it would be enough to elicit a smile from your face. But when you were surrounded by the victims of the war, you couldn't. The situation only made you realise how even after years, nothing had truly changed.

Instead of joining the others, your feet brought you around to explore this encampment. One glance at their attire, and you could predict they were from the middle east. The same forces which Marley had been trying to get for the last three years now.

You used to be one of them. The infamous war hammer titan. All people in the nation knew it was the Tybur family who was the beholder of such a gift. The ability to create weapons, the hard shell of the skin. Everything in the titan form was impenetrable.

Although, no one knew who the human was hiding inside that gigantic body. You were never exposed to the public. When the warriors were parading a few days before the mission to Paradis, you were cooped inside your house, packing with peace alongside your family, and getting as much information you could gather from your father about the Subjects of Ymir across the sea.

A forbidden knowledge, one that actually made you change your side in this war between your kind and the normal human.

"(Y/n)!" And there he was, another reason you decided to stay with them, becoming an Eldian instead. "Hey! Hehe, I was looking for you!" With his cheeks dusted with a pinkish hue, a small hiccup leaving his lips every now and then, and his blonde hair dishevelled, "I didn't want to drink before you were there, but they insisted." Armin Arlert managed to look so adorable anyway.

"Goodness." A small chuckle rolled down from your tongue. You carefully inspected him, tilting his head from side to side as he slightly slumped himself against you. "How many glasses have you drunk, 'min?"

He was already tipsy. You could see it from the way his breath reeked of alcohol. The fact that he roamed around looking for you when he was like this only softened your heart. He didn't answer, though he blinked and muttered incoherent words, counting with his fingers.

"Two! A lot, right?!"

Ah, a lightweight.

"Yes, yes. That's a lot indeed."

You leaned in to peck the corner of his lips, not minding how stinky his breath was. Taking his arm, you decided to be the one who guided him back inside the tent. It wasn't hard to find your other friends, especially with how loud Jean was as he laughed boisterously, followed by Connie and Sasha's giggles.

The smile on your face never once faded when you finally found them. The three were outside, dancing randomly with the other adults. Jean was trying to sing, out of tune due to the alcohol running inside his veins.

Under this starry night, you couldn't help but feel contented. Even though sometimes you had your guilt eating you up for abandoning the warrior, Marley, and perhaps, even your family — you were sure it was the right path you needed to take.

"Tybur!" Your best friend finally recognised you, rubbing his eyes numerous times before grinning wide. "The girl of the hour! Finally! Finally, here! Your boyfriend almost passed out, you should let him sleep inside the tent and join us afterwards, mate!"

He pointed at the tent where you saw Mikasa and Eren talking. The ravenette giggled and continued to scoot closer to the man, their hands were grazed together as their palms were on the floor, but not entirely covering each other. You shook your head at that, giving Jean a thumbs up before greeting them.

"Hey, Armin was looking for you before."

"And so I have heard, Mikasa."

You laid Armin on the carpeted ground, took a bag that you could find around and used it as a pillow for him. His eyes were already shut. Though, when you leaned away, his hand immediately wrapped around your wrist, tugging you close. "Armin?"

"Kiss first." So needy, your lover was. "You are going to join Sasha and the others, right?" You could hear some snickers from Eren, one that was immediately gone after Mikasa scolded him lightly. "I wouldn't stop you, just let loose. But—"

"Yes, I know." It was so sweet, these stolen moments you had surrounded by your friends and lover. "Kiss first."

It felt like you were back to that night in the cadet corps. Under the moonlight, all of you were gathered together, trying to be quiet so Instructor Shadis wouldn't find out about the rendezvous. With cheap beers, and a tacky game of truth or dare. The only difference was just those who stayed around.

"Rest well now, my commander." You whispered, kissing Armin on the lips and forehead before leaning away. "I will join you soon."

He looked so content once receiving the small affection you bestowed upon him. Enough of a blessing, one that sent him straight to dreamland. You dusted your dress once you stood up, waved towards Eren and Mikasa and asked them to keep their eyes on your lover. An easy request, especially when it seemed they wouldn't go anywhere, having their own intimate time.

Your hand gently swiped the tent flap, not wanting to make too much noise as your feet dragged you towards your best friends. They continue to shout incoherent words, jumping and drinking without a care in this world.

One of the immigrants brought a guitar, and they tried to hum out the song, learning new languages even when they knew they wouldn't remember even a word out of it in the morning. Their backs were on you, but as if they could sense your presence, one by one, their heads whipped back, and eyes glimmered once they saw you.

"Tybur! Join us!"

"Come on! I prepared a glass for you!"

"Let's see who will pass out first, (Y/n)!"

Not wasting even a second, you jogged towards them and snatched a glass from Sasha's hand. Their arms immediately draped on your shoulders, keeping close to one another as you slowly drank the alcohol, not knowing what it was, but you didn't care right now.

"Hehe," you chuckled lightly, earning a raised eyebrow from the others as they slightly slowed down since the drink wasn't kicking in yet for you. "For… For us."

Raising the glass in front of you, Jean knocked it a bit with his, the canned glass clinking against one another as he grinned, followed by Connie and Sasha who immediately drank the whole thing afterwards.

Yes, you wouldn't put your mind on what would happen tomorrow once you woke up. The headache that would come, or whatever life would throw at you. What mattered now, was the happiness that was bubbling inside you as you danced with your best friends.

So silly and out of the rhythm, but at the same time — perfect.

Chapter 43: Confession of a Sinner

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Year 853, just a day after the Survey Corps' arrival in Marley — Eren Yeager abandoned the group without saying a word.

Perhaps it was the speech that triggered him, removing the remnants of hope he had left in his body and turning it into ashes instead. When all Subjects of Ymir should unite under the same umbrella, those in Marley were brainwashed, saying how the one who had responsibilities over their misery was the island devils instead.

You gritted your teeth for every second you had to listen to them, and you were so close to snapping and correcting their way of thinking. Before you could do anything in the spur of the moment, Captain Levi stopped you by pulling you back into your seat, knowing exactly what you were going to do.

"We should look for Eren in another direction, Captain." The meeting was dismissed, and you cursed underneath your breath when Hange appointed you to search for your missing friend with him. "Jean and Connie already went over here, I saw them."

Your Captain said nothing. He only fixated his gaze forward, never once looking back as he expected you to follow him. His pace wasn't in a hurry, contrasting the other Ackerman who ran around town, looking for the familiar brown tuff.

"I am not going to look for him." He finally responded. "Eren would have been gone by now, there's no use running around like an idiot searching for someone who didn't want to be found." With the truth that made you feel glad Mikasa wasn't around.

The ravenette was the one who first noticed it when he went missing, of course. Tears welled up in her eyes when she tugged on your sleeves, shouting in front of your face that Eren left. How cruel, for him to just leave like that. Not even once sparing a glance towards those who had been there for him since the beginning, especially to her and Armin.

"I see." You understood why Captain Levi didn't try to stop the others to look for Eren. "He's always like this these days, having a personal agenda." He tried to give the satisfaction of trying to them all, especially Mikasa.

"Talk about an agenda."

Captain Levi stopped his track, finally facing you now as the two of you arrived near the encampment from yesterday. This side of the city was fairly quiet despite how it was still bright outside. You were alarmed at the way those silvery orbs stared at you, but your body didn't go rigid like you thought it would.

"Yes, Captain?"

"What's yours, Lady Tybur?"

Maybe because you knew this moment would come, one way or another.

Surprisingly, you were not nervous at all. Far from it, even. However, the wall that had been crumbling into wreckage for the past few years you spent around them, slowly built itself once again as those eyes pierced right into your soul. It was as if he wanted to know everything, the blood that was spilt, the reason why you were here with them instead of your nation, and of course, the plan you had.

"To make sure all Subjects of Ymir will be able to live in peace." But you hoped, this answer would suffice for now.

You didn't deny his suspicion towards your real identity, aware that there was no use in lying when he was one of the sharpest men you ever met. He and Armin. The only thing that made your lover triumph was the time he spent with you.

"So that is true," Captain Levi leaned his back on the nearest wall, both hands tucked in his slant pockets. "You are too, a titan shifter, right?"

Would it be wise if you told him your biggest secret?

"Yes." No. It wouldn't be wise. "I only have two years left, Captain. I will be gone before you even notice." And yet you ran your mouth so easily.

Perhaps it was caused by how thoughtful he was actually around you and the others. Because underneath his hard facade, lived a considerate human being who cared for those he cherished. Even after this revelation, he still considered you as one.

His lips who had been shaped into a thin line, now pursed into a frown. It wasn't the fact you were someone from Marley that made him look irritated, not even the possibility of you betraying them like what you did to your own nation.

"Does Armin know ?"

Two years. His eyes twitched the moment those two words rolled down from your tongue.

"He is, Captain."

"About…?"

"Everything." You added, fiddling with your fingers as you clasped your hands together. "But please do not give him any punishment. He is just worried that the others would think differently if they—"

"Are you also the reason behind the Battle of Trost?"

Your heart stopped within an instant, pupils dilated at the mention of one battle that became the turning point of their life. Yes, the Fall of Wall Maria was just the introduction. Humanities within the wall could recover after a few years. However, the one chapter that elicited a domino effect was that day near graduation.

"I—"

"You don't have to answer that."

Levi always had a hunch over you, especially when Erwin once told him to never take his eyes off you. He saw you as a different breed, someone who hid underneath thousands of layers that you already set bare for everyone to see. There was something else underneath your smile and the tender look on your face. Despite how you showed everyone your stand in this war, he knew you could never go all out.

Despite how you wanted nothing but to make sure all Subjects of Ymir would be safe and used as an equal human being, it was as if you had your own agenda, something that still made you feel conflicted up until now.

"Is that all, Captain?" He didn't know why you were still trying to hide it, or why did you close yourself off when Armin already knew about you.

"Yes. That is all for now." Whatever reason you had, he hoped you could share it with them one day. "Let's meet up with the others."

The door creaked when you pushed it open, getting worried since there was no answer after knocking five times. Even when you tried to be as subdued as possible, it still made a sound, making you wince. If it was any other day, she would be alerted, obsidian orbs immediately fell towards the source of the noise — but nothing.

Her body just lay passively on the bed, curled up with arms wrapped around herself.

"Mikasa?"

Closing the door behind you, you were unsure whether it was a good time to approach her. After everyone came back from the search, she was the one who didn't report anything. You asked Armin about it, but he only shook his head, enough for everyone to know that they really lost Eren now.

There were nine members of Survey Corps yesterday, but him leaving without at least saying goodbye felt like a punch in the gut for each one of you. But of course, the one who felt the strongest impact was her. None other than the most devoted woman out there.

You calmly sat on the edge of the bed, frowning when you realised she had her eyes wide open, staring into spaces as she got lost in her own reverie. Your hand hovered on top of her legs, and carefully, you pressed your palm lightly against her.

She jerked a bit, but still not saying anything as if she tried to collect herself first.

Your fingertips grazed on her skirt, smoothing out the wrinkle as you were there for support. Even though she pledged herself as the strongest woman, everyone had their own limits and weaknesses. In her case, the core of her strength and the one that could make her fall apart were in the same shape, Eren Yeager.

"I couldn't find him."

"And it's alright, Mikasa."

"I should have run to him before he left my sight."

"It's not on you, it's not your fault…"

"Why," She never once turned to face you, lips parted to talk but her mind was still drifting somewhere else. "Why does Eren always leave us behind?"

That was a question you didn't know the answer to. From the way she whispered it out, you could understand that it wasn't the first time. Whether he left intentionally or not, it seemed — he could be out of reach even to those who had been there for him all his life.

"Mikasa," She sat up abruptly, hair dishevelled as her empty gaze slowly settled on you. "I wouldn't know why because I am not him, but you can ask him later once he comes back—"

"What if he doesn't?"

"Was he ever?"

You tilted your head to the side, scrutinising her expression as she took a few seconds to think. "He always left. Sometimes he did, right…? But he always found his way back home. To all of us, to you ."

Her pupils widened at the reminder. And from that, it was enough to make the dam break. Mikasa threw herself on you, arms wrapping around your neck as she cried out. The wail was enough to slash your heart, followed by ugly hiccups. You know exactly how it felt, to get left behind by someone you loved.

What differentiated you from her was how those you cared for went to a place you could never follow.

Still, the pain was similar. You knew she needed just a piece of hope to keep her sane. Hope was the one thing that drifted humans to act. For her, just to know that one way or another Eren would be back to her, it was enough. It would always be enough.

You didn't know how long she had clung to you like a baby. But after a few minutes of letting go of her bottled-up emotions, she finally cried herself to sleep. Your arms never truly left her, squeezing her figure as one of your hands went to her head, caressing the short strands even when you laid her back on the bed.

Mikasa appeared so peaceful now, and you only smiled at her before taking the blanket and covering her whole body with the warm fabric. You were hesitant to leave, but you had a feeling that someone else also needed you right now.

After all, she wasn't the only one who had known Eren ever since he was a kid.

Caressing her head one last time, you stood up before walking out of the room. You turned around, making sure she was sleeping soundly before you closed the door behind you with a gentle click, hoping that she would feel better once she woke up.

The hallway was empty and dim, only illuminated by the sunbeam from the large windows at both ends of the hall. You wondered where the other was right now, but you hoped they were all resting. After a tiresome day which drained them physically and mentally, it would be wise if they took some time to recharge.

Unlike when you visited Mikasa, you didn't knock this time as you slipped inside the room that you shared with Armin. The similar thing between the two of them was how they both were too deep in thought, wondering where the other part of them went to. Even before the Fall of Wall Maria, it was always Eren, Armin, and Mikasa.

So of course, when one of them suddenly left without a trace, it just felt — hollow.

Armin sat on the armchair in front of the window. The back was high enough to cover his body from the light penetrating through the paned glass. He still wore his suit, not even taking off his shoes yet as his hair was dishevelled from who knows how many times he tousled it out of frustration.

Before you could say anything, however, his eyes shifted towards your figure. The ocean orbs that you adored so much slowly lost their light. Bit by bit, you were aware how every time a horrible thing happened, the shine inside those eyes dimmed.

"Hey," You reached out to his cheek once you stood in front of the armchair. Armin, who probably had been waiting for you, immediately straightened up his posture as if he was drawn to your touch.

He buried his face in your stomach, body slumping against you instead of the plush back of the chair. Every time you were around, he was always chatty, never running out of topics. But with this circumstance, you understood how silence became the best choice.

Your fingers carded his hair, gently combing on the messy strands as your nails grazed on the scalp. It was the easiest way for you to calm him down, distracting him from anything else as it would lull him to sleep within minutes. Although, with how he kept on taking a deep breath and releasing it abruptly, with his mind wandering far to all kinds of possibilities after Eren's disappearance, you doubted he would.

"Armin, sweetheart." You whispered, calling out his name as your classic tenderness was prominent in your intonation. He never leaned away from you, opting on tilting his head up to take a proper look at your face instead. "Hey, you should rest."

"I can't, (Y/n)."

"You can." His eyes would often glance to the side, knowing how you dislike it when someone refuses to have a proper rest after such a crowded schedule. Today wasn't truly much, at least not physically tiring. But he felt sluggish even though it was only an hour after lunchtime. "Armin Arlert."

"Alright."

His voice sounded like a whine. You only shook your head before pulling him up, wrapping your arms around his torso to give him one more boost of reassurance. He usually gave you a big hug as a response. But this time, he only buried his face in your shoulder, closing his eyes to feel every ounce of comfort he could get from you.

With his legs staggered from how exhausted he was, you never let go of him completely. He looked like he wasn't even here, so you decided to take matters into your own hands, pampering him with acts of service.

You took layer after layer off his body; from his tie, suit, dress shirt, and even to his slacks, before you helped him wear one large fluffy bathrobe, courtesy of the Azumabito. He looked so adorable as he let you drag him inside the bathroom, both feet felt so light, trusting himself fully on you.

"Sit here now," there was a wooden stool in the shower box, and he obediently did whatever you asked him to like an obedient puppy. "How do you want the water for the moment, 'min? Cold? Warm?"

"What about you?" You blinked, not expecting him to ask since it was your time to take care of him. That meant, he should be the one who chose.

"Armin, you are the one who is going to shower—"

"You wouldn't join me?"

Oh, so that was what he implied from the start. "You will, right?" Sure you saw him naked before, especially when you gave him the towel that he often forgot. But to shower together, body exposed in front of one another under such intimate activity, it would be something new for the two of you.

"Can I?"

There was a blush on his cheeks, much prominent and redder than you ever saw.

"Of course."

You gave him a timid nod, a bit unsure, but at the same time, you also wanted to try it. Composing yourself, you were still too embarrassed to take off your clothes by facing him. So you turned around, hastily discarding your dress before you threw it inside the wooden casket for the butler to take care of.

Goodness, you felt like you were going to have a heart attack. You still had your underclothes cladded on your body, not knowing if you should take everything off since he wasn't too. With how busy your mind was, you didn't even know that Armin got down from the stool, only realising once his chest was pressed against your back.

"Armin—"

"You don't have to." He whispered, lips grazing on your naked shoulder. "We can just shower like this, but," sending tingles all over you. "Please remember how beautiful you are, love."

Armin wasn't stupid. Even when he was lost in his mind before, thinking about how his best friend left him in the dark again, he still lived in the present moment. His eyes scrutinised you, the silence that ensued and how your fingertips lingered on your undergarment was enough for him to know.

You lacked confidence when it came to your body. Something that he would never have thought of before. You were always hyping any other girls, complimenting each curve of everyone's shape. However, no one perhaps ever said anything about that to you. That was why he would, thousands of times, as much as he could.

"Are you sure…?" Your voice was barely above a whisper, and he only kissed the side of your head before humming out a yes . "Alright then."

He leaned away slightly, just enough to give you some space as you took off everything. There wasn't even an inch of fabric on you, so he decided to do the same. He too felt anxious about this, but he just wanted to offer anything in the shape of him. Whether you liked it or not, at least you knew you could take it all.

His hand reached out to your shoulder, squeezing it lightly before he turned your body around. He could feel his breath hitched the moment he laid his eyes on you, not believing that he would see a woman's body, you, to be exact, right in front of him. "So…? What do you think?"

"Perfect." Armin didn't even wait for a beat to pass. "Let's take a shower now." He only spilt the first thing that popped inside his mind before pulling you underneath the wall-mount showerhead. It was a lot fancy compared to the one in Paradis, made from steel and adorned with engraving.

When Armin first arrived and checked it yesterday, he was in awe, trying to see all the designs he could apply to his home. However, he should have known the details were not the only thing worth admiring. Your existence shone more than any expensive things he saw, after all.

You felt a shiver running down your spine, and you were debating what caused it. Whether it was the water hitting your skin, or perhaps his slender fingers that were resting on your waist. Whatever it was, both had made the embarrassment you felt before slowly diminished.

"Let me scrub your back." Unsure what you should say, you decided to bask in the silence instead, grabbing the loofah and asking him to turn around before he could retort. "My treat, remember?"

"Yes, of course." A small chuckle slipped from his lips. The bubbling excitement shimmered down into contentment the second you started treating him with such considerate action.

Armin tried to peek from his shoulder, and he smiled wider when his eyes locked with yours. "My turn, my turn!" It was fun, surprisingly, the refreshing one that pieced together a giddiness in his heart. He snatched the loofah from your hand, twirling your body around so now your back was on him.

Unlike you, however, he didn't immediately do his task. His magnetising blue eyes settled on every curve that was sculpted perfectly just for him to see. He knew he should clean you up too, being here for too long could make you sick. But he couldn't help himself right now.

"Armin?"

"I am sorry, but," he wrapped his arms around you from behind, skin against skin as his lips traced your back just like he did before. "You are— I just, I can't believe you are mine."

Was it the intense love he had for you? Or perhaps a bit of melancholy too? He didn't know for sure, but what he felt right now was enough to push some tears out of his eyes. You called his name once again, using the sweet nickname you gave him for years. Something that became much more meaningful now with every part of him belonged to you.

Back then, he really thought he would be satisfied for just admiring you from the side. What a joke really, not anymore once he received an ounce of love. He got even more greedy too. He said to be with you for a few years was more than enough. But how could he not want more ?

"Believe it." You whispered back, so melodious as if you were singing right into his ear. "I am yours, believe it, 'min." He basked in your glory, perhaps even letting out a purr when he felt your fingers on his undercut.

Armin realised how dangerous you were. Not only for the fact that you were supposed to be his enemy, the one who could also be the mastermind of the incident in Wall Maria. But it was how his rational mind could fly out so easily. It was as if nothing else mattered, and he could have been alright if the world burnt, as long as you were alive too.

He tightened his embrace, subconsciously so. Yes, he would make sure he found a way. Magic, spell, technology, anything — as long as you could be here forever.

It was another reason why he had to fight through this horrendous war.

For you, him, and the future of what could have been.

"Your fingertips are all wrinkled, 'min." Fifteen minutes were spent inside the bathroom where the two of you did nothing but shower each other with affection. "If we stayed just a bit longer with that warm water, we could have been dizzy."

"Uhm, I think it's worth it." You pinched his round cheeks, making him whine as he felt his skin redden. "What? It's true."

"Alright, alright. Now come here."

Your hair and his were still wet, so you decided to help him dry it out, and the same goes for him. Another silence ensued, but none of you actually minded, loving how there was an unspoken comfort surrounding the room. Your eyes would flicker towards his face, only to know he already looked at you first. "What is it?"

He shook his head, although leaning closer once again. In the past few weeks, he really changed so much. Not in a bad way, of course. But you were aware of how he got bold over time. Starting with holding hands, now he was fine with a passionate kiss on the lips while you were in public.

You didn't mind that, not at all. You adored how he still had his cheeks tinted with red sometimes, but took as much as he could at the same time. Even when you moved into his house (that now became your home too), he insisted on sleeping on the couch for the first few days until you asked him to join you in bed.

And everything progressed at a thundering speed after a while.

Maybe it was because of the upcoming missions, or the fact that he counted every day, keeping in mind when was your due. He embraced you tight, dancing with you without any music, pampering you with kisses for minutes, even showering together and got comfortable with it.

"It's just," but something lingered in his mind. "I have been thinking, (Y/n)." The same thing that also plagued yours ever since the conversation with Jean yesterday.

"Yeah?" The silence now made your lips dry, and you held your breath without you even realising it. "Would you tell me?"

"I have been thinking about this idea." Because maybe, just maybe — what you had been wondering of would be satiated. " Making love. " By him, your lover. "With you. "

Notes:

You know what happens next chapter...

Don't worry though, for you guys whose not looking for some heated moments, you can always skip the next part hehe~...

Chapter 44: Ocean and Shore

Notes:

content; nsfw

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Those who loved in this cruel world would be the ones who suffered the most.

You recalled the day when you first heard those words. With blades on both hands and sweat covering your skin, you pressed your back against the nearest chimney, listening to the conversation between Bertolt and Armin. The two continued to argue, but you couldn't grasp any other words that were said afterwards.

With Bertolt, you kept being reminded that love was something that couldn't stand in the way of the mission. It was unfortunate, he said. Trying to see it through, only to say nothing when farewell was supposed to be uttered. Funny how love worked in this world.

You needed reassurance that the two of you would make it out together, and he used to give it. But after a while, a slight hesitation arose, as if he already knew and foreseen how there was no you and him in the future.

And back then in Shiganshina was the time you had to close that one chapter of your life.

After him, you thought that was it. You wouldn't let yourself fall again. Just like he said, there was no space for love in the years you had left, no time for you to kiss and adore someone. You even discarded the warm feeling that appeared when you were around your best friend, diminishing it into nothing more than platonic love.

However, Armin Arlert just had to give himself to you. He offered you his hand, not expecting you to take it, but you did. And you did so much more than just holding his hand. You squeezed and twirled it around, warming him up when the day was cold, kissing the back of it and gently tracing his palm.

You experienced all kinds of love, but this one you shared with Armin felt like it would last for a long time, even after your death. Or if it was possible, perhaps, in another life where there was no titan on earth. Maybe it was him who you would spend your day with until the two of you were grey and old.

Armin was aware of your lifespan. His logic knew he couldn't even have you for more than five years. And yet, he always believed otherwise, dreaming of a better tomorrow you couldn't even see. That was the difference between him and your past lover.

With him, he saw you in a distant future. He saw you sitting on the balcony, with two cups of iced chamomile tea, waiting for him to join you. The breeze was humid compared to the house in Shiganshina. But he loved it there as the first thing he got to look at was the waves colliding with one another and — you .

No matter how he imagined his life would turn out, you were always going to be there. Whether as a foe or an ally, friend or lover, your face was the first thing that transpired in his mind.

His fingertips traced the soft skin of your cheeks. It was cold, caused by the warm water that remained there as it was exposed to the room's low temperature. He didn't find disgust in your eyes, just a bit of confusion as if you were trying to process his words just now.

And that was exactly what you were doing. You were debating what you should say, especially since he just thought about making love with you. It was supposed to be a common word in a relationship, right? But you were still foreign to it, not even bothering to learn much because you believed you would never do it with anyone.

That was where you were wrong. You never thought you would let yourself head over heels for him, or anyone else again after the end of your beautiful yet messy relationship with Bertolt. And yet, Armin showed you how it was to be normal .

"You mean…" Your heart was beating a thousand times faster as if you just ran a hundred miles. "You want to make love — with me? Now?"

After you dropped the question, that was when you realised the situation. Both you and your lover only wore the fluffy bathrobe provided by the host, nothing else underneath. There was no mission or plan, at least not today after Hange dismissed everyone to rest and have their free time.

Tomorrow and onwards, no one knew what would happen. Perhaps the Survey Corps would continue their expedition, or your Commander could have something in their mind already that might occupy everyone's time.

So, if you wanted to celebrate your love with him, now would be the best option.

"Of course." He let out a small chuckle. "That is if you want it too." One that made you stop and think, since when his voice came to be so low? And a bit sensual, if you could say it out loud.

"I-I want it too."

You whispered, hurriedly and a bit needy. Sure you never learned that much, but you had heard from the other soldiers how good it felt. Especially if you did it with the right person. Who could be more perfect if it wasn't someone you loved?

A gasp slipped from your lips the moment he captured it. This time, his kiss was nothing like he ever gave before. It was passionate, igniting something in you as if there was a flame that got brighter every second he stole your breath away.

His lips felt so soft against yours, and you closed your eyes as he took you to the edge of the bed. This was it, you were really going to give yourself completely for someone. A part of you was still scared, but the other chanted in your head to just take whatever he offered.

"Armin," You breathed out his name like a prayer, and the groan that left him made your thighs clench together.

You were clueless about what to do, purely depending on your instinct. His hands hitched up the robe that covered your body, getting a bit impatient in between the kisses as he wanted you to be exposed once again. Just for him to admire, for him to worship.

"Let me see you again, please."

Giving him a timid nod, you unstring the knot around your waist, feeling a bit conscious once again when he only stared at you, no words uttered out. You squirmed on his lap, and that was enough to snap him back to reality. "'M sorry, goodness, you are just so pretty."

Your heart thumped at the compliment. He said it dozens of times already ever since he confessed his love, but this one gave an enormous impact that got you whimpering in need.

Armin looked up at your face one more time, wanting to make sure you were alright with him exploring your body like this. So when he found no discomfort, no fear or any negative expression, his fingers immediately trailed on your waist, going up and up, mapping every curve and texture in the shape of you.

Sweat beading on his forehead, and he swallowed a huge lump when he finally touched you with his bare hands. Your breath hitched once his fingertips brushed against the softness of your breast, kneading it lightly to get some reaction out of you. He could feel you jerk as he thumbed your buds, all perky from the coldness of the room, and it made him wonder.

"A-Armin,"

"You are sensitive here, aren't you?" He whispered, nudging your nose with his. "Eyes on me, please. It's me who will make you feel good." You were still shy, not having the courage to look back at him, but he didn't want that. "Trust me. I will make sure to do my best."

It wasn't a request. He demanded you to trust him, and dear walls you already were. From the start, he could have taken you to the commander to confess your secret. But he didn't, always covering for you when the others (especially Eren) started to get suspicious in the past few weeks.

"I trust you, 'min." So, why would you still surround yourself with a wall? "Back then, now, until the end."

Armin surged forward to kiss you once again, and it was much sweeter than the previous one, wrecking all fear and hesitation. You tugged on his strands as he licked your bottom lip, asking for permission. Without wasting a moment, you allowed him, subconsciously moaning into his mouth as he slipped his tongue between your lips.

The tender kiss slowly turned into something more as you felt your entire body getting hotter. It wasn't the first time, but you and he always stopped before going too far. But today, there were no holes barred. The two of you would stay here for hours, succumbing to one of the biggest enemies of humanity — lust.

You let out a yelp when he suddenly manoeuvred your body around, pushing your back to the slightly creaking bed. He was getting comfortable now, and so did you. His move became more daring albeit calculated, body pressed against yours, giving you that comfortable weight.

His body, however, was still covered with the robe, so unfair.

"I want to see you too," you pulled the knot around his waist, pushed the white robe off entirely and threw it somewhere on the floor, you couldn't think about it much. The room was cold, yes, but soon enough, the two of you would get that fire ablaze.

When you were showering with him, you didn't dare to look down, but goodness you felt like you were going to pass out once his length brushed against your thigh. You jerked a bit, biting your bottom lip as your lover fervently pampered you with kisses. But he didn't settle on just your face, not anymore.

You felt a shiver running down your spine as he tenderly placed wet kisses on your neck, shoulder, and down to the valley of your breast. He pecked and bit into your skin, trying it out for the first time, marking you as his. Your hands settled on his hair, not knowing where to rest it on as he wanted to be the one who pleased you first.

Remembering what he asked you before, your eyes gazing down at him, never once looking away as he too, looked up at you. There was another thing that glimmered in his eyes. Not just the usual softness, but you could see how his bright blue irises got darker, and turned into a murky colour of the deep blue sea.

"Wait, Armin. Not there—" Your back arched as he suddenly buried half of his face in between your legs. "No, no… It's ticklish!" He breathed in, never once leaning away even at your tug.

It felt weird at first. Tears were welling up in your eyes once again due to embarrassment, but you calmed down when you felt his hand clasped against yours. Armin didn't say anything. His hot breath fanning against your exposed heat, making you squirm as another feeling hits.

Arousal — you were sure of it. The newfound emotion made you spread your legs wider for him as if you were trying to give yourself completely. No, it wasn't as if. That was what you did right now, letting him flatten his tongue and swiped it against your folds like a kitten.

Armin knew you were still a bit hesitant to do more, and that was why he decided to take it slow. He too was learning along the way, searching for a way that could make you tick. One hand never left yours, engulfing you with affection that would stay on your body. The other one, however, roamed all over you from your soft breast and slowly down to your thighs, pushing it more so he could see you.

He leaned away slightly, wanting to see the wetness he had created. A small hiss escaped his lips, especially when his aching length pressed on the bed. As much as he wanted to do more, he wanted you to reach your high. He needed you to feel as comfortable as ever before he took it all from you.

Your breath got heavier in seconds. Some of them turned into a gasp and pause as his tongue found a little bundle of nerves that made you squirm more than ever before. He knew that spot, and he decided to bully it a bit. Closing his eyes, he stuck his tongue out and licked your clitoris, swiping up and down before he shook his head from side to side, giving you the much-needed friction.

You clamped your thighs together at the ministration, not expecting such pleasure zapping through your body like that. It got your lips parted as his name rolled down your tongue with a sigh. He stayed there, not minding how you practically suffocated him.

"Good?" And he had the audacity to stop and ask. "It's good, right?" He already knew the answer to that, you were sure of it, especially with how the corner of his lips tugged into a smirk. Dear walls, you didn't know the monster you had created.

"Yes," He didn't even get back down again, not immediately. "Yes, Armin, it feels good." But you knew how to make him do anything you wanted. "Please… Please continue."

Just like what you predicted, the magic word was enough to make him groan and pull your legs up to his shoulders. The new position enabled him to wriggle his tongue deeper in between your wet folds. You couldn't explain it, but there was something in the pit of your stomach, like a tight knot that was ready to snap any moment.

"Wait, 'min—" He hungrily ate you out, both hands now on your thighs as he locked you there. "I-I feel something else!"

Your velvety walls clenched around his slippery tongue. His button nose nudged on your clitoris feverishly, giving more friction that brought you closer to your first high. You didn't know what it was, but he did.

"Release it." He licked his lips as some of your essence coated half of his face. "It's alright. That's how it's supposed to be." His words were so nurturing, and he replaced his tongue with his middle finger instead, prodding deeper into you.

"But—" You tried to hold in it, and he could see it from the look in your eyes.

And oh, he disliked that. He wanted you to let go of everything.

" Cum ."

You didn't even know what he asked you, but the knot in your stomach snapped the moment his fingertip nudged a spongy spot inside you. His name was the only thing you could utter as it felt like the whole species of butterflies were fluttering its wings.

The unknown feeling was addicting. You wanted to have more of it, and it was shown by how you were moving your hips, trying to meet the thrust of his fingers.

Armin was mesmerised at the sight, not expecting you to ask for more. Even though you didn't say it verbally, your body said it all. He cooed at you, eyes fluttering before he added another finger in, now thrusting two as he fingered you open, wanting you to get used to the feeling.

He ate everything that passed your mouth as he straightened his body and kissed you. Devouring the moan and whimper that poured out continuously. Your body felt like it was now blooming. All these years, you thought there was nothing else you could feel except the hurt and ache after training, or some comfort you received from hugs and cuddles.

But he proved you wrong. There were a lot of things in this world that were still left unexplored. And his existence became the sole reason you were able to see it through. Your body moved on its own, believing in your instinct as your mind got muddled up with pleasure and the craving for more.

No words were being spoken out loud, lips moulded with one another like a perfect set of locks and keys. From each touch, lick, and playful bite, it was enough to lead both of you slowly to the position where it mattered.

You let out a gasp when you felt his tip poke your slit. Your wetness combined with his leaking pre-cum made it easier for him to slip his length. And when you were the one who hesitated with all of this before, right now, it was him.

"I—" Armin swallowed a huge lump. His length ached so much and the feeling of your soft heat only took him closer to his high. "I want to take you. All of you, but," However, he knew how precious the experience was, and a slight insecurity just had to hit him now. "But are you sure…? Do you also want this? With me?"

Blinking, you controlled your breath before reaching out to his cheek. Inside those deep ocean orbs, still hidden a hurl of a storm. You gave him a small smile before pecking his lips, much softer and filled with tenderness, just a hint of lust there.

"I do." Armin Arlert was the man who helped you live in the present moment. "I do want it. With you, that's what makes it meaningful." Not just that, but he was also the only one who ever made you see a peaceful future.

Thereupon, you knew from the time he asked you to make love with him. He was the man you allowed to do it. To help you embrace this heaven on earth.

"Then I will gladly have all of you,"

He whispered your name at the same time of his thrust. The head of his member nudged against your puffy folds, slowly pushing in, searching for a way to be fully inside. Your breath went shaky, and you never thought the stretch would sting, but it was nothing you couldn't handle. "Take a deep breath, sweetheart. Come on, breath."

Armin saw — no, he could feel the way you tensed up, and he knew it would hurt you more if you were not relaxed. "It's alright, just tell me when you are ready. I won't do anything, I will wait for you."

He didn't rush it, taking his time as he leaned down to kiss you, ignoring the churn in his stomach to continue. Sure it hurted him too with how hard he was, but Armin never wanted to inflict any kind of pain against you, whether it was physical, or mental. That was why he waited. Dear walls, he could even wait forever for you.

"I am alright." He never once stopped smiling. One of his hands went to your hair, caressing it as his blue orbs scrutinised your expression.

"Are you sure?"

You hummed, nodding to answer his worry. Your hands were practically gripping his arm and shoulder when he thrusted in, and now it loosened up, a sign that your body started to calm down. "Okay, okay, I will, uh… I will continue then."

An awkward but playful chuckle broke out from his lips. He pressed his forehead against yours, and with another try, he moved his hips to sheathe himself deeper inside you, stretching you wide that was enough to let a gasp slip from the two of you.

Your nails were digging into his skin once he bottomed out. It stung and burnt as if someone had gassed you with a knife, but you believed this would be temporary. Your hand that was on his arm, slowly went up to his nape once his pelvis pressed against your lower stomach.

You still couldn't believe it. Just yesterday, you were sure you would never experience this much pleasure in one moment in time. Not in this life, not with the responsibilities you had to carry. But you laid here now on the bed you shared with your lover. Him on top of you, worshipping your entire body with each kiss.

And when he pulled away only to shove his whole length back in you, it took your soul to cloud nine.

"Armin—"

"(Y/n)—"

It took everything in you to not let the band in your stomach snap once again. No, you didn't want that. Your velvety walls clenched around his hot member, eliciting a hiss from your lover that for a second there, you thought you hurted him. But with the way he only let out such an adorable mewl, with his hand raising one of your legs and placing it on his shoulder, you knew what he felt was far from pain.

Your back arched when the tip of his length nudged this one particular spot inside you. He could see pleasure all over your face, and like the genius he was, he continued to thrust in and out, hitting the same spot over and over again so that you could do nothing but cry out his name in ecstasy.

Armin was merciless, each snap of his hips made your toes curl as it forced out a wanton moan from you. The way you called his name, and how needy your body was with this, it spurred him to please you more. One of his hands roamed down your body, settling on your hips as his thumb reached your puffy clit.

"O-Ohh, goodness—" When you thought you could hold yourself from gushing out another high, "Armin, Armin, A-Armin!" You were completely wrong.

He fiddled on your body as if he already explored it dozens of times before. Perhaps he did, only in his mind. But this was the first time he executed it and yet it could numb your mind from thinking about anything else that wasn't him. Armin was greedy, even more than you, and anyone could see it if they were here.

But they wouldn't. Never. As if he would let anyone else see this side of you.

"Moan more," He didn't need to ask, actually. "Moan for me, more, please." He didn't need to beg, not when every time he plunged his member inside you, it felt like he was stirring your gut.

"I am close again," The tip of his length nudged not only your sweet spot, but also something else in you that made a small pop could be heard at the right angle. "A-Armin!" You mewled needily, feeling your high built up like a wave. "Please…!"

"Please what?" Goodness, since when he was such a tease?! "Come on, let me hear you, my lady." He cooed at you, making you jut your lips but oh it didn't even last for a second when he didn't stop bullying his way into you.

"Please let me—" Armin was such a menace. "Let me cum…?" He wasn't even like this a few seconds before. So timid and cautious, but it was as if another part of him awoke at every moan and whimper that left your lips.

"Then cum ."

Your body shook underneath him as the hurdle of waves finally came to the shore, swiping everything else from your mind, blanking it completely but the thought of him. Your legs and arms wrapped around him, clinging to him as he didn't give you a few seconds to breathe. "Just… A moment…"

He hadn't reached it, so he used your body still, shushing you in a gentle manner (as much as he could, at least, with how he was already so dazed too from the lust) when you started to whine due to the overstimulation.

"I-Inside." You muttered, so low, just barely above a whisper but his movement faltered for a second there. Those ocean orbs covered with black, pupils were blown wide as he looked down at you as if questioning whether he heard your words right.

"What…?"

"It's okay." Something that you learned from books was this. "I-I want to feel it." How a man could give life to a woman's body. "I want to feel you, 'min." But at the same time, how it was a process that only normal humans could ever have.

It only took those reassurances from your lips to push Armin towards his high. A gasp of your name became the only thing that he could utter as he poured his thick, viscous cum deep into you. It was warm, the creamy liquid spreading on your gummy walls so heavenly, mixed with your cum as it oozed out from where the two of you were connected.

Both of you didn't bother to think, just basking in the glow that you experienced for the first time. His member twitched at every massage of your heat, spilling more inside you, and you took it as much as you could.

Your fingertips traced his cheeks, still flushed as he tried not to look away. He swallowed a huge lump, feeling all his senses heightened at the moment. His hands were on your waist, thumb easing the side of your body. Those blue orbs that you loved gazed at you with so much intensity, a fusion of love and lust.

Comfortable silence ensued. You shared your heavy breath, and him with his pants against your lips. Dusk came and the orange sunbeam passed through the windowpane, hitting the left and right corners of the room. Not you, not him too. But even when the two of you weren't touched by the light, from how you saw it, he was still the most radiant thing in this room.

And that was also exactly how he envisioned you.

A small chuckle, disbelief still written all over his face. Then followed by a shy giggle, this one came from you. "Oh, 'min—"

You surged forward, tilting your head up so you could kiss him once again. Once, twice, it would never be enough.

When you came here to check on him, this wasn't the one you had in mind. A cuddle perhaps, then layered with dozens of professions as you tried to ease him down after Eren abandoned the corps. And yet, you and he decided to go the distance, reaching for another act that conveyed the feelings shared between the two of you.

Another shape of love. Much more intense and filled with a fiery passion, making it harder if someday one of you had to say goodbye.

You were aware. Often reminded of the words that someone once declared. How those who loved in this cruel world would suffer the most, but, in moments like this. Where his heart beat at the same rhythm as yours, you couldn't see love as an act of sin that brought despair.

It was the other way around since love — became the only thing that mattered in this cruel world.

Notes:

ngl I don't know why I always felt so shy uploading smut in my fics. but when it came to commission, I always go all out and like no holes barred AHAHAHHAHA

Anyway, DOUBLE UPDATE

Chapter 45: Letter After Letter

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The sun went through the windowpane, too bright for an afternoon around tea time, but it didn't stop you from leaning your body near it. There was a special occasion today, and the beaming light was there to celebrate with people who now paraded on the street.

Citizens were leaving their homes, embracing one another as tears streamed down their faces. From elders to youngsters, men and women, aristocrats or humble dwellers, they danced and laughed with one another.

After four years of wondering when it would end, it finally did.

You peered down from the second floor, inside the same room you had resided in ever since you were back in your nation. Your arms folded in front of your chest, an unfathomable look in your eyes as once again, your heart conflicted.

Marley won, but at what cost? You heard from the intel about the warriors that joined the fight. Reiner was out there, appointed as a Deputy Chief, needing to go to war once again as if the Paradis Island Operation wasn't enough to torture both his physical and mental stability. Zeke, of course, that man was still the most trusted warrior, especially with his mysterious ability regarding his titan power.

If only Marley knew whose side he was on.

You wondered if Pieck was there too. She probably was, especially when she could stay the longest in titan form. Her ability wasn't too significant on the battlefield, but she could be a huge help to load some artillery and equipment. Then again, you heard about her being an agile titan, and how Marley used her like an advanced tank.

Last but not least, of course, the new Jaw Titan. Porco Galliard, the irritating kid you used to follow around, was rude but you knew he deeply cared for the other fellow warriors. You still recalled how furious he was when Marley chose Reiner instead of him, but at the same time, you were a bit glad .

Especially when Marcel told you about his wish, how he wanted Porco to actually have a life as a normal citizen. To live past thirteen years of the curse. How ironic now that the younger Galliard still inherited such power.

The necklace he once gave you felt so heavy that at one point in your life, you decided to put it in your suitcase, along with the slightly torn black scarf and a pair of knitted hand gloves. A memento of the past, of those who once were there in your life, but no more due to circumstances.

Although, from anyone who was no longer there anymore at your side, tragic how you didn't get anything from your family. A kiss on the forehead by your mother, yes, and a tight embrace by your father at the shore in Paradis a few years back, nothing else but that.

Just a sliver of memories, ones you could never have again.

Knock knock!

You jerked, turning around to see a tuft of blonde peeking from the door already. Your eyes softened at that, and the melancholy you felt previously was slowly lifted from the mere sight of him. Armin, and any of your friends, actually.

"Yes, 'min?"

"Another letter came in."

"Oh, I see." He waved a slightly crooked envelope to show you, and you knew what that meant. "Let's go to the meeting room then."

It had been months since Eren Yeager left the Survey Corps without notice.

At the same time, the end of your plan to meet him up with your father.

For the first few days, everyone still tried to search for him, hopelessly so in case he was in danger. Unlike the others, however, you knew there must be a reason why. And you had been waiting for him to show up once again to explain his next master plan.

He did, in the shape of paper and ink. All of you knew that when a letter came, they needed to gather in the same place. So, here you were.

"What is it, Armin?" Mikasa had always been the one who couldn't wait. Not even for a second. "Does he finally reveal when the plan will take place or where we can see him?" Her eyes filled with hope, wanting to calm down but everyone knew she wouldn't be able to even though it was just a mention of his name.

"I will read it out loud, Mikasa." Armin patted her shoulder, trying to calm her down before he opened the envelope, flicked the seal and took the letter. Just one piece of paper, the back was even blank.

As he stood near the desk, you joined your best friend on the wall whose face was hard to read too. But you knew, just like the others, he was as stressed as them at the moment. You bumped his shoulder, not saying anything but the gesture was enough to loosen his furrowed eyebrows.

Jean's lips curled into a soft smile, leaning a bit on you as the two of you listening to Armin's voice. Soon, that was the only thing Eren said about when the plan would happen. He was already nearby and there were a few things the Survey Corps needed to prepare for the upcoming battle.

No one knew what he tried to achieve here. The Marley Mid-East war was just over, and it seemed he wouldn't let the warriors or Marleyan military have some rest. Just like how they never did to Paradis Island with Reiner pushed through the plan after graduation day from the Cadet Corps.

"Is there anything else?" Commander Hange, who had been listening intently, finally raised their voice. Armin only shook his head, folding the letter once again and throwing it to the fireplace along with the envelope, not leaving any trace behind.

You watched the once pristine paper slowly darken as it burnt. The flame mirrored on your pupils, and before any unnecessary thought consumed you, Hange dismissed the meeting, reminding everyone to never wander in Marley alone. A warning that you somewhat often disobey.

Glancing at Armin, it seemed like he would be pulled into another meeting with the Commander, Captain, and Onyankopon. The adults (plus your lover) were talking, brainstorming for the next move with such minimum scoops. When he met your gaze, he only gave you a warm smile, and before he could say something, his attention was already demanded by Commander Hange once again.

You closed the door behind you, not knowing what to do as you waited for the upcoming order. The forces in Paradis already honed their skills and prepared for battle, with Floch (much to your dismay) leading them in the absence of some other important figures of the Survey Corps.

As you descended towards the first floor, you saw Sasha and Connie hitting the entertainment room as usual. They tried this one board game similar to chess called Shogi. It was from Miss Azumabito's hometown and Armin's favourite way to distract his mind, while for your two friends who lacked brain cells, the most frustrating but addicting game they ever tried.

It was amusing to see them with these serious faces, planning their next move. Though, you had a feeling there wouldn't be a winner between them. A few minutes from now, the board would be neglected as they roamed around the estate, searching for another thing to do instead.

Before you could check up on them, a gentle click came from the front door, raising your curiosity. Someone went out, and you believed it was Jean. Odd, he always dragged at least one of you to accompany him. But today, it seemed he had another plan.

To see your friend being outside alone in a country they never thought existed, it worries you to the point of restlessness. Your feet immediately trailed right behind him, as if having a mind on its own. A part of you felt guilty since you knew he was a grown-up man, and he had every right to spend his time alone.

Well, he could also punch anyone who tried to do him harm. With his charm too, you believed it was easy for him to get out of trouble. Still, you wanted to make sure he was alright.

"Just walk with me, Tybur." Although, you should have known he had a higher sensitivity when it came to you.

"Hey, Kirstein!" You greeted him, acting all innocent even though you were sure he caught you. "I was going to look around, searching for some afternoon snacks." Lies, he could read you like an open book and yet you continued to yap anyway.

"Mhmhm, afternoon snacks, huh." The corner of his lips tugged into a smirk, and you only shook your head at that, sensing another remark. "Admitting that you are worried about me is not that hard, you know?"

"I am not!" You didn't even face him, puffing your cheeks childishly instead as you looked forward. "You are so full of yourself, Kirstein, I swear."

Rolling your eyes, you decided to go to the plaza, leaving your best friend behind. Though, you could still hear a boisterous laugh, courtesy from him. He just knew how to make you tick, annoying to no end. The same for you.

However, if you want to admit it, you were no longer sure the attack you had was still useful. Before, just a mention of Mikasa would be enough to make him blush, turning him into a stuttery mess before he punched you on the arm. Lightly, of course. But now, he only shook his head at your tease and ruffled your hair, not fazed by her name anymore.

"Thanks to the Marleyan army's courageous actions, Fort Slava has fallen at last!" You almost stopped in your tracks when you heard the shouts that followed ensued. "Marley's army is the greatest in the world!" These citizens praised those who probably died in the war, boasting about the power that you believed came from warriors instead.

"The newspaper, please." You fetched some coins from the pocket, but before you could give it to the vendor, someone else already beat you to it.

"I will take one too and pay for her." Jean dropped double the coins before pivoting back towards the estate.

"Kirstein, wait up!" Bowing a bit to thank the vendor, you caught up to Jean, matching his pace as he read the headlines. "Thank you, by the way. Are you going back now?"

"It's just a newspaper, Tybur." He muttered before closing the print, saving it for later. "But yes, I think I will. I just wanted to look around before, having some air after another not-so-helpful letter from that dumbass."

You snorted at the nickname he gave for Eren before nodding. The two always bickered and fought with one another. But that was back then, you never heard them shout anymore, especially when Eren slowly kept everything to himself after retaking Wall Maria, getting detached from the others on most occasions.

"Ah, the plan is already taking shape, though. Now we should wait—"

"What about you?"

"Pardon?" You were taken aback when he faced you, not even letting you finish your words. "About me?"

"You are not that subtle, you know."

The two of you stopped in a park near the Azumabito estate. It was quiet here unlike the plaza. Some children were running around with their parents keeping an eye on them. You were still unsure of what he meant, and your heart almost failed you when an idea of him knew about your ability— "Leaving at night, sometimes whole noon. Usually after lunch or dinner. Where were you?"

With the way those copper orbs pierced at you, there was no way you could utter some lies.

But, he couldn't know. He should never, or else he would be able to solve the puzzle.

When was the last time you were here? To step foot in the city where you were born, the same place you spent about the first ten years of your life. In your childhood, you rarely went out of your home because of how important you were. Your parents provided you with everything. Books, toys, doctors, teachers — you didn't have to leave home.

But sometimes, you often gazed through your bedroom window, looking at the kids who ran on the fields with their friends. You wondered how it felt to play hide-and-seek with anyone who had the same age as you. How it felt to stay outside for hours without guards standing a few feets away from you.

Your friends were the maids and butlers, sometimes you even asked the company of your bodyguards, asking them things such as their families and the stories of being normal. Even when you had the privilege of being a noble, it just felt so restricting sometimes. Though, you knew it was all for your own good, the only thing you kept in mind so you would never rebel.

So, imagine how overjoyed you were when the warriors came to the mansion. You hugged them one by one, asking their names enthusiastically even though some of them seemed to be cautious and wanted nothing to do with you.

All your life, you felt lonely. Sure you had your parents, their love became the only support you need. You had those people who were loyal to you and your name, but it wasn't enough.

"Who are you, miss?" You jolted when you realised that you had been spotted. "I wouldn't tell Pa or Ma, don't worry! I am just excited to see a new face"

Your hiding spot (well, it wasn't really hiding when you always tried to peek between the iron gate and the tall pines) was enough to cover your whole body. For the last three weeks, you had been here, checking on your family from the outside, you never thought someone would see you.

"Oh, uhm—"

"My name is Bruno!" The kid with dark hair (no older than six, you assumed), grinned at you as he got closer. "Are you a Subject of Ymir too?"

You were a bit flabbergasted at the question. "Because I am! A lot of people in this city aren't, though." He was so innocent, perhaps not knowing what would happen if you were an extremist instead of a harmless stranger. "So? Your name?"

"It's (Y/n)," You reluctantly gave your name, and you almost wished you could retract it.

"That's a pretty name! Like mine!" But with how he continued to praise and ramble around, you couldn't help but relent. "Pa is the one who gave—"

That day, you realised they were not guests. The kids you had seen in the backyard for the third time you checked on your home; one girl and four boys, they were all your family. They were your brothers and sisters.

You could have met them properly if only you joined the others at the battle in Shiganshina back then. The last dinner you had with your parents wouldn't be the last anymore, and you could have taught your siblings about this world. Although, you already chose this path. There was no turning back anymore, no time to wonder.

After this, you would clash with the nation you were once fighting for. You were with the Eldian from Paradis because of a reason, and that was to make sure they could make changes in this world. To make sure everyone could see how they too, deserved to be seen as a normal human beings.

They feared what they didn't understand, so it was your job, along with the delegates from Paradis — to explain it to them.

"I see."

You told Jean where you had been when you were gone, but left some important details aside. "Then, how do you feel knowing them?"

The sun was setting, and the kids you saw in the park before were long gone to come home with their parents. But you decided to stay here with him anyway. When you were in the Azumabito estate, Connie and Sasha would often follow through, thus hindering you from having a private conversation.

"A bit weird, actually." It wasn't like you didn't trust them or anything. "I felt like it was mocking me. I could have had them all, but," Sometimes, you were just unsure whether it was the right thing to do to show them your vulnerability. "That life wasn't mine to begin with."

You didn't flinch, or even try to pull away when Jean's hand covered yours. Usually, you were the one who always made sure he and the rest of your friends were in the best state of mind. After Marco's passing, it was your job anyway. But these days, especially when you were here, you were floating.

When Armin or the others were with you, you would be there. Your mind wouldn't wander as long as someone was around. When they were not, however, that was when your mind started to go somewhere else, a distant dream, a future that could have been.

"Do you hate your life then?" You blinked, not expecting such a question from him. "This life, up 'til this moment." He never spoke up, rarely, at least. Every time you needed to confide in your thoughts, he only gave you physical reassurance.

"I— Of course not!" But perhaps, there were just things he needed to make sure of. "After all, I experienced not only grief and sadness, Jean, but also joy and love ."

"Armin, I assume." He let out a sigh, not realising how he was holding his breath for a second there. "After all, you also met me."

Jean was really full of himself, but sometimes, he said it because he hoped you would agree with it. That his company was important, that he mattered in your life. You always mocked him or answered it with a joke before, and that was also alright too. After all, you wouldn't stick around his annoying ass if you were infuriated by him.

"Mhmhm, you are right." But to actually hear it from your lips, "My life would be so boring without you in it, Jean." It was enough to move his heart.

Marco would surely laugh at him now, or perhaps scold him for never taking this matter seriously. He blinded himself with his love for Mikasa, not even once realising she wasn't the one he would die for at the end of the day. When he was aware of his feelings, however, everything was too late.

Someone swept you off your feet, in ways he could never imagine. He thought he was the only one after Bertolt who loved you in a different light. That was his mistake, and he had lived with that ever since you gave the blonde a chance he never had.

"Oh my goodness—" You poked his cheek, making him grumble as he furrowed his eyebrows. "Did you cry? Why are your eyes glossed like that?"

"I am not! Shut up, you are seeing things!"

With Jean, there was just something else there. No, it was completely different from what you felt when Armin was around. When you were with your lover, you felt safe and knew that everything would be alright. His touch was comforting, the voice sounded like a lullaby with how gentle he was when he talked to you.

But with your best friend, there was an energy you couldn't understand existed. It made you live in the present moment as his snarky remarks and tease accompanied you endlessly. You used to dislike his cocky attitude and the way he tried to attack you, but you knew that wasn't what he intended to do. That was just how he bonded.

"I couldn't believe Floch would be in my team." You snorted at the stress and annoyance in his intonation. "It's really my honour when Commander appointed me as the Captain of the team, but fuck."

"Meaning you could give him all the dirty work, right?"

"Eh, that's actually a better way to see it, Tybur."

You plopped on the wide sofa, Sasha joining you before you could lay there. Instead, like the needy cat she was, she decided to lay her head on your thighs. "Oi, Sasha! We just ate, you shouldn't nap!"

"But you know how it is, Jean." She shrugged, smiling a bit when she felt your hand on her hair. "You are the most relaxed after filling your tummy."

"Bet you miss someone's cooking, though, right?" With a whine coming from her lips, you knew well it was a yes. "It's alright, Sasha. Really, we know what happened between you and Niccolo."

"Okay, okay! I do miss his cooking, it tastes really good!" When she started to salivate though, you pinched her cheeks.

"Sasha, don't drool all over me."

"Heh, remind me so much of when Jean puked on you." Another voice chimed in, it seemed your clown friend got his whiskey when you saw him holding a glass of it.

"Oi, Connie! Don't remind her!"

"I hate you for that, Kirstein."

"But you said—"

Your eyes crinkled as Jean tried to defend himself, reciting back your apology and whatever things came out of your lips the night before reclaiming Wall Maria. "I did say you should care more about yourself, but still, doesn't mean you could retract your words!"

"I know!" You threw a pillow towards him, and he punched the incoming threat aside. "Then you should never retract what you said too, okay?"

"I would never!"

"Including if I am one of the titans shifters?"

Your lips quirked into a smirk so it appeared that you were teasing him instead of throwing a serious question. You would have been alright if he took that back, actually. It was just a spur of the moment, after all.

"Damn right."

But with the same smile and intonation as what he had before, he was still so sure. You didn't know anymore whether he was joking or not. Whether he believed you one hundred percent that you were not a shifter, or he really just cared about you too much that it was alright even though you had killed hundreds of people in Paradis.

"You really had faith in me, huh? I am honoured, Mr Kirstein."

Just like how your lover saw you, and you really wished it was the latter.

"Nah, I just know there is no way you are a shifter."

But of course, life didn't always give you what you wanted.

Connie and Sasha chirped in, but you couldn't hear what they said. Your mind went blank, and the only thing in your mind right now was just his voice. "Well, to answer your question, Connie. Just look at her! She would die for all of us! Though, please don't do that, Tybur."

His eyes were fleeting back and forth towards you and Connie, who casually asked about how he could be so sure. Jesting, of course, especially when he continued to snort while Jean entertained him. "I mean, she even tried to protect us, right?"

"Annie protected us too, though, horse face."

"Well, yes. But—"

You couldn't be here anymore. If this conversation went on with them being so trustful (at the same time, hopeful) towards you even though it was the exact opposite, you could have outed yourself from guilt. You knew too well you couldn't, though. There were lots of things that needed to be done.

"Sasha, I want to stand up." You muttered, taking another pillow so she could continue to lie down.

"Where are you going, Tybur?" Jean stood up too as if he was going to follow you. "Need company?"

"No," From anyone who could have been with you right now, he was at the bottom of the list. "I appreciate it, Jean. Just need to catch some air."

Jean could see that something was wrong. Especially when you didn't once raise your head to look at him. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but maybe, you were just going to that same spot you had been going to. The others didn't know, so he only gave you a nod before sitting back on the armchair.

"Alright then," When you walked past him, he stopped you, subconsciously as he reached your wrist. "It's only five days before the raid, lay low."

You looked down at him, with once again an expression he couldn't decipher. But then, you let out a smile, one that was enough to comfort his worried mind.

"Don't worry, Kirstein." Patting his shoulder, you also bid farewell to Connie and Sasha. "No one knows who I am anyway."

Notes:

I am dying, thanks to the trailer (":

Chapter 46: Still Water

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"You can't catch me!" Truly, this entire room wouldn't be enough for the four kids from Tybur's family. "Alois! Don't just stand there! Fine will get you if you are!"

The three boys with dark hair ran around the residence that the military bestowed them. None wanted to be still, playing tag instead while their older sister tried to get them to calm down.

Commander Magath, an important guest from the Warrior unit, was now talking with their father on the balcony. They should have been polite, yes. Showing these so-called normal humans that they, as Eldian, could also be respectful and proper. But he couldn't help it! Dinner time was close, and his parents didn't allow them to play after the meal.

"Kids, say goodbye to Commander Magath now." There they were. Just like Bruno thought, it wouldn't take too long. Especially when the meeting was impromptu. Their tiny feets jogged toward the adult beside their father, waving at the stoic-looking man.

"Goodbye, Commander Magath!" And their faces were still filled with innocence. Perhaps, Willy Tybur wanted to make sure it stayed that way. "Hope you can join us for dinner next time!"

Even with such cuteness surrounding him, Magath never once smiled. He just nodded at them before leaving the room along with another higher-up trailing behind him. The heavy talk was over, and Willy wanted to spend time with his family more. Knowing well that after this, he might not be able to.

He only hoped he could have spent it with his oldest daughter, still hoping that one day, she would join the table once again. Alas, the dinner they had together before her departure was the end of it all. The last warm, like what she was always afraid of.

"So, any stories?"

The clinking of silverware could be heard throughout the dining room once everyone was seated down on their chair. Willy's warm eyes gazed at his kids, wondering what they would tell. Though, he heard from one of the maids that Bruno recently stayed in a certain corner every afternoon.

Their backyards were filled with pine trees, tall enough to cover the gates and gave them privacy. But, of course, if someone tried to look closer, they would be able to peek. Bearing this last name, however, minimised their enemies since all people in the world respected them more than anything.

That was why he got curious. "Bruno, perhaps?"

The kid flinched. He could see it, but he didn't say anything as he bit into the fish that became the main course for today. "Pa heard from someone that you had been talking a lot lately. Not with someone from the house, though."

His wife stopped eating for a moment there. From the look on her face, he assumed this was the first time she heard about it.

"Is that true, Bruno?" Her tone lingered with worry, and Willy felt bad since he didn't mean to put the little kid in the spotlight. "Who are they? What did Ma tell you about talking to strangers?"

"But she is not a stranger!" Bruno finally retorted, whining a bit as he jutted his lips forward. "M-Maybe she was, at first, but we have been friends ever since!"

"Friends, huh?" They needed it. Their kids needed it, and the two adults already prepared them to go to school once they reached a proper age for middle school. "Do you know her name, then, Bruno?" However, they also needed to know that not everyone could be considered as friends. They still had to be cautious.

"Of course!"

"Who?"

"(Y/n)!"

Willy could feel the knife and fork in his hands slipping through his fingers. The clanking was enough to surprise everyone, and he should have done better to compose himself, but — how could he when his kid just mentioned a name that they should have never known?

He was acting irrationally, something he rarely did since he usually had his emotions under control. But he couldn't. He stood up and walked towards Bruno, turning the chair around so his son faced him now. "W-What is it, Pa?" The six-year-old kid looked scared, frowning when his father said nothing. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Describe her, Bruno."

"Willy, darling…"

"Bruno, look at Pa." He felt like his heart was going to be ripped off his body. "It's alright, Pa is not angry at all. Pa just wants to make sure, so, can you describe her?"

When the ship from Paradis only brought the armoured titan shifter after five years passed, he saw his world crumble in front of him. He could still feel the hot tears in his eyes, hearing the sobs and hysterical cries that belonged to his wife. It was so clear, the reality of where he would never see his little star ever again.

He read the reports from Reiner Braun, the lone survivor of the operation, knowing all the details about the things they did while on the island. How she was gone, how the military from Paradis caught her. It made him want to curse himself for paving such cruel life for an innocent soul, his own daughter. How could a father do that?

It was how he was going to atone for his sin. The blood in his veins, he always despised what Eldian used to be. And by giving a chance for Marley to conquer such power, the same one that made the nation almost eradicated completely — he hoped that maybe, it could at least lift a bit of his misdeed. Even though it wasn't his to begin with.

But when he sent his beloved daughter towards the island, without knowing well what would happen to her, there was no day he didn't regret it.

Perhaps, that was the way for him to pay for what his ancestors had done. To have grief following every step of his way, with sadness and guilt eating him alive in every breath he took. And this news had become his salvation.

"I think she's older than Fine." Bruno whispered, and with how quiet the room was, everyone could hear it. "But not like Ma or Pa, maybe she is in her early twenties." For a second there, Willy glanced at his wife. "She's also gentle, kind, and—" He continued to recount every detail that he could remember.

From the colour of her hair, the shine in her eyes, and the way she talked. With every word he said, Willy was sure that the woman was the same person as his daughter. Their long lost daughter that they never brought up anymore, the woman that none of her siblings know existed.

He thought there was no use for it. Both he and his wife had come to an agreement that they would put it all behind them. The sadness that was never once completely gone from their hearts, it was no use to giving these pure souls a painful memory. But he realised it now, that was selfish of them.

"Good kid." They deserved to know. "Pa and Ma would like to talk to you about her." After all, she deserved to be known and loved, even by the family members she never met. "All of you."

You had revealed too much. Not verbally, not in the way you outed yourself completely by telling them about your secret as a shifter or how you only had no more than two years left to be with them. It was subtle, shadowing in between your words and expression.

Before, you had full control of your expression and body gestures, but now, it was so easy for you to just strip yourself bare in front of them. A part of you was curious how they would react. Another one, the prominent side, was fear.

With Connie wondering what their family did to be turned into titans, Sasha questioned why the enemy across the sea tried to take their peaceful life, and of course, Jean — he used to make scenarios of Marco's death and what happened in the last moment of his life.

You could only wrap your arms around him, easing his heart with your warmth. If it became too much, if the pressure he felt was overwhelming, you made sure he listened to you. Your palms pressed against his ears and cheeks, forcing him to look at you in between the messy thoughts he had.

He would thank you after that, clearing his throat before he leaned away and faced the day as if he didn't almost break down and cried.

If only he knew. You couldn't imagine the betrayal he must have felt if it ever came to that. To share a roof with someone responsible for his best friend's death, to care for her, putting his life on the line for her. All of the things Jean did — for you.

"Oi! Watch out!"

You let out a small yelp when you felt a tight grip on your arm. Your mind was going all over the place that you didn't even realise how you almost got run over by a car. The driver looked back at you as they passed, shaking their head before going forward.

Well, that was your fault anyway for not watching where you were going. "Do you wish for death?"

Blinking, you forgot that someone practically saved you. His gruff voice sounded like he was irritated, though. As if he was so close to just letting the car hit you or something. Your eyes went towards the band around his arm, and your pupils almost dilated at the sight.

Red. It was bright red. With a white star in the middle, a nine-pointed star for nine titans power rampaging in this world.

"Shit."

"Hah?! Did you just—"

"I mean, I am sorry." You pulled away, your heart beating much faster compared to when you almost got hit by a car. "And thank you for saving my life." Fuck, fuck, fuck. "I will be on my way then, good afternoon."

This was the worst, truly the worst. You never imagine that you would bump into a warrior. From anyone who could save you, it had to be one of them. You didn't look at his face, just scurrying away as you tried to control your heartbeat and tried to understand where you were.

You swore you were going to the capital before, wanting to see Bruno perhaps, since the kid had a lot of interesting stories. Whether about his siblings and how they always created a ruckus. Sometimes, he would also talk about his parents. Your parents; Pa and Ma.

But you ended up here instead. From the grandiose walls surrounding this one particular area, you realised you lingered near the internment zone. No wonder a warrior was around. The headquarters was just around the corner after all, and you should have come back to where you were from.

Your feet were stuck to the ground, however. As your gaze went far away to the orange sun in the sky, you could only see seven kids with yellow armbands running towards that one building.

The blonde boy always tried to be the first one who finished, aiming for the best spot even though a girl often beat him. Behind him, the tallest among them slowed down to match his pace with the blonde boy. Then the brothers, talked about what titans they would inherit while the rest just followed behind.

The dark-haired girl in a ponytail, however, usually not with the other kids. She always followed another warrior candidate around. The oldest candidate, one that she adored, was visible from the way she looked at him, but never truly admitted.

Then there was you, eyes going to the sky and sometimes building, feeling the air caress your hair. You never cared about who reached the headquarters first, head in the clouds as always. It just felt comforting. To see them all running happily like normal kids. You always fantasised about how everyone was running back home after playing outside instead of going to a military base.

That was just a harmless daydream. A wishful thinking you often had in mind to remind yourself why you were there in the first place. To make sure there would be no other kids having the same faith as you and your fellow warriors. You heard about the next generation though, and it made your hands ball into a fist sometimes.

Before they inherit it, you must find a way to stop them.

But even now, it seemed like you had no power anymore (or perhaps, you never once had from the start). With Eren having his agenda along with Zeke, you could only follow through and make sure it would end without too many casualties.

"Oi, miss!"

Turning around, you saw the same man who saved you before. He jogged towards you but stopped momentarily. "Shit, uh, why are you crying?"

You blinked some of the tears, then immediately hid your face to wipe each drop away. What a kid, you thought about yourself. Why can't you just control yourself for once?! Remember what Pa told—

As you still tried to control your breath, you saw a handkerchief being pushed into your vision. You swallowed a huge lump at that, wanting to cry even more since you knew. Who he was, oh dear walls, you had missed him so much over the past few years you were away.

"Thank you, again." You snorted a bit, still not having the courage to face him. He didn't try to rush anything, only standing there right beside you as he awkwardly patted your back. A bit harsh, if you were honest. "I don't even know what I am doing."

"And I absolutely don't know why I keep…" He cleared his throat, and a soft smile tugged on your lips for a second there. "...trying to check on you. If I can be bold."

"It's alright, sir." How nostalgic it was. To hear his timid voice when he was usually so brash and hard around others. "That means you are a kind man."

"Eh, I am a good devil."

Devil. You remembered everything the military taught before. The way Warriors were brainwashed ever since they were kids. Getting manipulated so that they had to atone for their sin of having cursed blood streaming in their veins. How they had to work harder if the world wanted to see them as an honorary Marleyan, a hero.

"Heh, true." Shaking your head, you finally dared yourself to look at him. "We do live in hell, after all." And by all the deities in the world — he didn't change much.

There was no surprise, not even a sign that he recognised who you were. He leaned his back on the wall, with a friendly face that was rarely there ever since you knew him. It was weird, actually. To see him growing up. And as the orange sunbeam hit his figure, it turned his dirty blonde hair into a shade of red.

Marcel's. He looked exactly like his brother.

"You are surprisingly a nice lady for a Marleyan." He chuckled before offering his hand towards you. "I'm Porco by the way. The inheritor of—"

"Jaw titan." You heard about it from the intel, and you clasped his hand within an instant before he could retract it. "I heard a lot about you, and the other warriors. Marley could never win this war without your services, along with the Eldian's soldiers."

"Oh?" There was a look of amusement visible on his face, and he only smirked at your words, enough to boost his pride. "Not a lot of Marleyan would easily accept that." No indeed, "We Eldians were the ones who dirtied our hands, and yet those people received the recognition. Sounds like bullshit, right?"

"Like I said, Mr Porco." It cringed you a bit at the honorific, but you had to since the two of you were acquaintances. "We live in hell."

When you left Azumabito estate a few hours prior, you never thought you would encounter your old friend. It was too risky, Captain Levi even warned you about it since he knew your identity. For the past few months here, it was safe since the warriors were on the battlefield.

But they were back already.

The chance for you to see at least one of them was high. Though it was never a problem before since you always went towards the capital instead of the internment zone. So, you were safe on each of your journeys for the last few days.

"Have you ever experienced it though?" After meeting him, from all warriors, you still had to be cautious even though it seemed like he didn't recognise you. "Hell, I mean."

That was a tricky question. Right now, your clothes showed that you were a noble. Miss Azumabito gave the best treatment for each one of you, after all. It wouldn't make sense if you said that you could relate to them. Because even though you were too, an Eldian, you had a privilege none of them had.

"I do." But at the same time, you were human. "I lost a lot of things , Mr Porco." From every feeling that existed in this world, there was one that everyone could relate to. "Those who I hold dear. Either from death or a different path—" Grief and, "then of course, I lost a chance to know another road that people said I should have taken." Regret.

Your hand subconsciously gripping the handkerchief he offered you before. It was now crumpled, but you didn't even realise it as you only leaned your back on the wall, just three feet away from him.

"People said…" He muttered, repeating your words. And you waited for him to elaborate more, wanting to know what he was trying to say. "But since it's your life, I think you shouldn't mind what people said in the first place, Miss."

"I know." You whispered, taking a deep breath as you closed your eyes. "It's just that — sometimes I wonder what would happen if I choose another path."

"I felt that." Letting out a hum, you gave him a sign that you were listening. "M-My brother perhaps would have been alive if only I never pushed him to join the warrior unit with me." And you had to react as if you weren't surprised by anything that dropped from his lips.

"Oh, goodness. My deepest condolences—"

"It's in the past."

Your throat felt so dry after he brought that up. You knew how much he cared for his brother, the bond was strong between them that nothing could ever keep them apart. Except for death. And Marcel was already taken away to another place that Porco could never follow. Not now, maybe in a few years.

If you came home with Reiner, you would have told him everything. You had a feeling your friend didn't report all the details, at least that was what you hoped for. Because when the time was right, you wanted Porco to know about it from you. Not from a mission record, not from anyone else — just you.

But even now, when he was right here, you couldn't. The circumstances didn't let you. Later, you intended to. Hopefully, you would have another chance for that.

Comfortable silence ensued afterwards. No one said anything, but there was a hint of warmth with how the two of you looked in the same direction. The sun was slowly setting, hiding once again behind the horizon. You were so corny before, to tell him that if he ever missed you, he should have just looked at the sky.

No matter how far you were from each other, there was only one sun. Both of you loved the sunset, so you asked him to look at it every time he wanted to feel your company. After eight years, you were beside him once again. So close, but still so far.

"It's pretty." You whispered under your breath as half of the sun finally sank in between the clouds. "The colour is always so — mesmerising."

"Hm, this is not the best spot, though."

"Oh, really?"

"For sure. The hill near the headquarters is much better." He turned towards you, both hands inside his pocket as he jerked his head towards the said place. "We can still catch it if we go there now."

That was a tempting offer. You knew exactly where he would take you, it was probably the same spot that you and the warriors spent your time before in between training. He waited for your answer, and truthfully, you wanted nothing but to accept and follow him.

"It's only five days before the raid, lay low."

But you already promised your friends to be careful. It was a necessity, who knows how many people were there in the headquarters? And if you somehow met Reiner, then it would ruin everything. He would be able to see through you, about how you were not there alone, that the forces from Paradis already infiltrated Marley.

That was why you couldn't possibly risk it. Not when it involved the safety of your cherished comrades.

"I apologise, Mr Porco. But I—"

"Come on. What are you so afraid of, (Y/n)?"

"You seriously let her leave the estate alone?!" Armin never snapped at anyone before, not like this. "It's too dangerous, especially when the warriors are back from the war. Don't any of you realise what that means?!"

"We all know, Armin." But when something involved you, it felt like he could explode, whether it was in a positive light, or like this. "She's still going out a lot the past few days, sometimes at night too, right? She will come back soon—"

"How could you be so sure, Jean?"

Armin was in another meeting with the Commander and Captain right after lunch. When he was done and took his break, his mind was already filled with you. He wanted to wrap his arms around your torso, feeling the way your fingertips immediately scratched his scalp, sometimes letting him use your breast as a pillow.

He was already so stressed when he thought about all the innocent life he was going to take at the raid. Eren asked him directly to take care of the naval fleet, destroying the chances for Marley to strike back. He didn't want to think about it, and he needed your comfort more than anything.

Imagine how appalled he was when you were out without anyone accompanying you. None of them even knew where, it had been hours and the sky was going to be dark soon and yet you hadn't come back. With how tired he was already, this seemed like a breaking point. And he might have already reached that if it wasn't for Mikasa and the Commander trying to calm him down.

Jean's hand balled into a fist. His gut was telling him to follow you previously. Sure there was a look on your face that told him to step back, but when it concerned your safety, he knew he should be persistent.

He felt guilty in a way. You even stepped out just to make sure he was alright all those days ago when he went outside alone. But he let you be, believing in you too much, not thinking about how you could have been caught by the enemy. His knuckles turned white, and even Connie couldn't stop him from blaming himself.

"Hey, there's no need to accuse each other at the moment." Commander Hange tried to snap them out. They too were as distraught as the two men. "Right now, we can only hope. If by the morning she is not back yet, then—"

Their sentence was cut off when the bell from the front door rang. Armin who felt like the world was caving in, was finally able to breathe properly when he believed that it was you. He immediately stood up, rushing towards the door and once his eyes laid on your figure, he almost cried.

"(Y/n)!" How many times had he felt like this? Ever since the team arrived in Marley, his mind has always been plagued with the idea of you changing your mind. "I thought something happened to you…" He had gone crazy, maybe because he knew you were the only one that could keep him sane right now.

"I am not, Armin. Nothing happened," His breath was shaky, but the moment you wrapped your arms around him, he could finally relax. "I am sorry, did I worry you?"

"You worried everyone."

Another voice chimed in, and when you looked up, the others were there. Just a few feet away from you and Armin, your best friends along with the higher-ups, all waiting for your arrival. "You better have some explanations though,"

"Levi!" Commander Hange shook their head before walking towards you. "Don't mind him. Are you alright? No harm?" Armin gave the commander a space to check on you, but never once left your side.

"I am alright, Hange." You gave them a reassuring smile, not wanting your commander who you saw as an older sibling to panic over nothing. "I crossed paths with the jaw titan inheritor previously, that's all."

"That's not—" Your lover surely would have a heart attack, knowing how close you were with those warriors. So you instantly grabbed his hand, interlacing yours with his. From everyone, he and Captain Levi would be the first ones to know how dangerous it was.

"We…" You hoped they would never ask about this. "We do talk," Because you had made an agreement, "but nothing worth reporting, Commander." one that you wished it wouldn't have to go that way.

Notes:

Are you guys ready for the Tybur reveal...?

Btw comment alwayss appreciatedd :"

Chapter 47: Utmost Treachery

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"This uniform…" You felt like you were naked in a way. "It really shaped our body, huh?" Only cladded with a black body suit, along with a breastplate and lots of straps to keep the equipment. "Eh, at least it feels light enough for us to move around."

A snicker left your friend's lip. Sasha was already done with her uniform, wearing it with ease. Unlike you who seemed to find trouble, especially with all the straps. Who would ever imagine that Tybur, someone who people looked up to in Cadet Corps and were told to be the top soldier, had a few weaknesses?

Even when you were a kid, you could still remember how you needed to ask your maid to help you with your dress. The fancy one for parties, especially. Even after you grew up, it was no different. You turned around, giving Sasha a small pout, and from that one look on her face, she knew what you wanted from her.

"I get it, I get it." She let out an amused chuckle, buckling some of the fastenings, making sure none of it slipped out in the middle of a battle. "Hold your breath a bit." You looked down at her as her fingers fixed your breastplate, believing in her one hundred percent as she took care of your uniform.

The past few days, you had been trying to get her old self back. At one point, Sasha started to get distant. Not completely since she still hung around the three of you, and tried to play Shogi with Connie sometimes. But, her smiles were often just there for a split second before her lips were shaped into a thin line once again.

It was as if she was really tired and wanted to come home. And you understood it so well. Even though you offered your shoulder to her, taking bit by bit of her burden, it was still too heavy. Not everyone would be able to keep themselves together after everything that happened ever since Cadet Corps.

"Thank you, Sasha." Furthermore, it broke your heart when her gullible and friendly attitude seemed to diminish every day. "What would I do without you?"

"Well, Mikasa can always help." She joked, and the oblivious tone was enough to make you pout. "What?" Perhaps she didn't realise it.

She wouldn't realise how you only wanted her to be the one who helped you like this. It has become a habit, something you didn't want to lose until your dying breath.

"Nothing." You let out a sigh, stalling the moment a bit before the two of you got to be in position. She was ready, and you were too. But you didn't want to leave this place just yet. "It's just that…"

"(Y/n)." She called your name, so softly before she suddenly wrapped her arms around your neck, pulling you close. Subconsciously, as if on instinct, you also did the same. You buried your face in her shoulder, taking a deep breath there.

Sasha was always there since the beginning. You remembered the potato incident, clapping inside your heart for her bravery. The things she said on top of Wall Rose, chunks of meat she stole, the drool on her face. Everything about her just made you feel at ease in its own way. "We are going to be alright."

"I know, Sasha." You grinned at her reassurance. Even though she could be careless and simple-minded at most, her instinct was sharp. "I just hope Eren actually gives us more information, you know? Why did he choose today of all days? A festival where dozens of people are going to be there—"

"He wanted to declare war."

Your eyes widened, not expecting her to actually answer your rhetorical question. "I shouldn't have said this, but there is some information that only the higher-ups know." A blind spot, again. The same strategy that Commander Erwin used before.

"What? But why they didn't—"

"Eren's order."

Everything just made sense now, when you thought about it. "I walked past the meeting room. The day you went missing , remember? I could hear something like how all of us didn't need to know the details. Just make sure we fetch the Yeagers, place all the lights for the airborne, and go home. That's all."

You let out a hum, sighing heavily before leaning away. Her chocolate orbs were so dark under the yellow light of the Azumabito Estate's parlour. Those eyes were much sharper, keener and alert. "Let's get this done."

"For sure." Your gaze locked with one another, and for a split second there, her lips curled into a soft smile. "Let's just go home and eat Niccolo's cooks again, Sasha."

"That sounds like a plan."

Falco Grice wasn't supposed to be there. An innocent soul. And you wanted to curse at Eren for dragging him to the basement where he had a reunion with none other than Reiner Braun himself. Just a few minutes from now, the theatre would start. You wondered what your father wanted to tell with such a grandiose set-up.

Maybe, hopefully , he would reveal the truth. The real history of how the war ended between Marley and Eldian. Not the one with Helos and Tybur's family, but the story of King Fritz who wanted peace. If he stood there on the stage tonight to bring that up, then maybe — there was still hope after all.

"I didn't expect to see you smile."

Jean whispered in your ear, and you shook your head at that. The two of you were still hiding in one of the buildings that were close to the main stage. Waiting for the signal from Eren and the Ackermans. "Thinking about your little war criminal?"

"Armin is not little." You let out a sigh, him and his way to annoy you. "He's just… Fun size."

"All on him is fun sizes?"

"You are gross, I swear."

"What?! It's not that I am asking about his—"

There was a groan coming from across. Connie practically wanted to bang his head towards the table he leaned on right now hearing the bicker. He was probably too stressed right now. Usually, he would bully you alongside Jean, but it seemed like his mind was fixated on the mission completely.

Like how you and Jean should have acted. More importantly, since he was the captain of the team.

"For your information though, Kirstein." You whispered back after a while, hearing the rhythm of the drums. "I wasn't thinking about him before." He furrowed his eyebrow, all ears as he stood up, getting ready for his position too. "There's just something that will change how the world sees us Eldians."

Jean hesitantly nodded, not really understanding your words, but he always believed in you anyway. With how you spent your time with Armin, your mind was probably filled with more wishful thinking, and hope. Something that he was glad for.

He didn't tease you about it, not asking for more elaboration. Your words were just enough of a reassurance, even though he didn't know from the start what you meant by that. "Just listen to the play while we get to our stations."

"Anything you ask me to, Tybur."

Almost everyone in the internment zone had their eyes focused on the plaza right now where dozens of people from all over the world were ready to watch the play. With Willy Tybur, your father and the head of the family as the narrator, you knew they would listen .

After all, your father held the name of the world's saviour. Even if they never met him, they would trust him completely. That was how big his power was.

"It's starting."

As you got on top of the building, you heard Sasha murmuring under her breath. You caught up to her, ducking a bit so no one could notice in case their attention went towards your position. "That man… Willy Tybur, right?"

Your eyes softened momentarily once the curtains were up. There he was, standing tall with his composed expression. For someone who never got on a stage before and was not keen to talk outside a private gathering, he sure looked like he belonged there.

"Yes, Sasha." His low, wistful voice boomed throughout the internment zone. "That is Willy Tybur." The same voice that you longed for years.

All this time, he was also clouded with fear. Even though he was considered a hero, some people still found him and the rest of your family disgusting. You knew how much he despised his own blood, accidentally listening to one of his talks with your mother.

So to know that he finally had the courage to speak out in front of the world — you were really proud of him.

"Oi, Tybur. Stop staring at your father." You flinched, eyes widening when you heard Jean call out for you. "Come on, we have a real mission here." With your lips parted, you gaped at how easily he dropped the sentence, which earned a worried look from him. "What?"

"How—"

"Sorry, sorry." He patted your shoulder, and he only raised one of his eyebrows at how rigid it was under his touch. "I didn't mean to mock you like that, that's low even for me."

Ah, so that was just a joke. You finally were able to breathe, not realising how you had been holding yours for a moment there. "Hey, you are good, right? Are you not feeling well?"

Even when the two of you were supposed to get closer into the position, he didn't care and let the others go first, focusing on you instead. You only shook your head, grabbing his wrist when he tilted your chin up. He wanted to make sure you didn't hit something or had an injury.

His copper orbs gazed at you with worry, and you only bit your inner lip as guilt started to haunt you once again. Perhaps not long from now, what happened that day in Trost would finally be revealed. And if only he knew, he wouldn't even want to look at you. Let alone touch you like this, thumb stroking your chin, one that made you realise how close the two of you were.

"I am fine, Kirstein." You cleared your throat, assuring him before taking a step back. Your eyes then met with the brown orbs that belonged to Sasha as you threw your gaze, but she said nothing before setting off with Connie to her spot. "Let's go now, the others are—"

" Millions of titans capable of crushing the world flat, still slumber on that island ."

"What the—"

Your head jerked towards the stage once again, both hands felt clammy now when you listened to your father's narration. When the world was supposed to see the human side of Eldians, he talked about the destruction that might happen instead. He continued, saying how everyone was still alive right now was based on pure luck.

"What is he trying to say?"

"I don't know but," Your best friend cursed from behind you as he pulled you by your upper arm. "God damn it, we couldn't even rely on this so-called powerful Eldian."

Jean felt so conflicted right now. For a moment there, he still yearned for hope; that they didn't have to go through this. The mission was to eradicate the Marleyan military, while at the same time pushing the casualties to a minimum. It would be enough to create a few peaceful years, but — then what?

As he held your arm, he could feel how limp you were. And with everything that happened, he couldn't lose you, not now. "Tybur, focus!"

" My fatherland, Marley, decided to take the initiative against the island. " He gritted his teeth when the blonde men continued to yap, not liking each sentence that was being thrown for everyone to hear. " They sent five titans to neutralise the threat, but the plan failed. Only the Armoured Titan returned, not even my daughter. "

"I am sorry." His eyes widened, and it was hard for him to swallow his own saliva when he, too, overheard the sentence. "I will focus on the mission now."

It was as if you were a lightbulb, a switch. One second you were in another world, but the next you came back.

You pulled your arm away from his grip, but he didn't let you get too far. His mind was running a hundred miles per second right now, memories from the past flooded so easily. From the time he first met you, the way you always cared for another, how broken his heart was when Marco said you were gone.

No. You had your back on him, staying in your place once you got to your position. You are not the same Tybur, right? He wanted to ask. He needed to make sure.

"Hey, (Y/n)..."

"Listen." Nothing seemed to rattle you as you pressed your forefinger in front of your lips. "The complete truth, he said."

He was still flabbergasted, but he tried to do what you say. Was it fear that slowly crept into his being right now? Was that the reason why he obeyed your words? No, he always did whatever you asked him to, even before this slight uncertainty emerged.

His eyes were still settled on your figure, but he also paid attention to what Willy Tybur said. You looked so calm unlike a few minutes ago, now you were the same soldier who tried her best to kill the mindless titans that were swarming inside Trost back then. But there was something else, a part of you that was long buried, slowly revealed right in front of him.

" Yes, we the Tybur family bargained for our family's continued safety. We joined hands with Karl Fritz and sold Eldia to Marley. " Your eyes were glossed, but no tears were falling down your cheeks. " The Tyburs are no more than a family of petty thieves who coveted a manufactured honour. "

He knew, he could see it now. Jean wasn't stupid, his mind already matched all the missing puzzles of you. And if the rest of the soldiers were also listening to the play, then they probably realised it too. He could hear each grappling and dash, even when the new mobility gear was faint compared to the old one, his ears caught about five or six soldiers using it.

All of them — they were here for you.

"Fuck." You didn't even move from your spot, your eyes never left the stage and he could do nothing but stand beside you, covering your body from others. "(Y/n), you gotta be kidding me…" He shouldn't, he knew damn well that he shouldn't. But, at the same time, he knew he could never get you hurt.

"It begins."

"However, several years ago, a revolution occurred on Paradis Island." He balled his hand into a fist, glaring at the soldiers (one of them was Floch), who already stood in the opposite building, eyeing you with loath. "The Founding Titan has been stolen by an individual outside of the royal family. And once again, the world is in danger."

"Hey, Jean?"

"What…?"

"Do you remember the night before we reclaim Shiganshina?"

"So, you are not mad at me, right?"

"Tybur, even if you turned out to be another titan shifter that was trying to destroy the wall, I would never."

"Of course. I remember."

He didn't like this situation, not at all. Willy Tybur continued to reveal the truth, too much of it now. And now, you stood there, nonchalant about how everyone from the Survey Corps wanted nothing but to capture and question you.

" I hated my blood. " You smiled, how could you look so calm when you must have realised that some of your friends wanted you dead? " More than anyone else, I wished for the eradication of the Eldians. "

Finally, you finally turned your gaze away from the man, your father. Your pretty orbs that he always adored, now fell upon Jean, " But I don't want to die. I was born into this world. " And that was when he saw a teardrop running down your cheek.

"I am glad, Jean." At the sight, at the realisation, he could also feel his eyes water. "I am glad I chose this path, and have you as my friend." That perhaps, tonight would be the time he bid farewell.

" So now, I ask for aid from everyone who also wants to live! " One that was supposed to be done four years ago in Shiganshina. " Please! Join me in living far into the future! "

"Wait, but if you are a titan shifter, then—"

It looked like you could read his mind. You raised two of your fingers, answering the unspoken question. And the dread that he felt got worsened once he was slapped by the truth. "No, no… There must be something wrong. You are not the same Tybur."

His hands gripped your upper arms, so tight that his knuckles turned white, but you didn't even flinch. You kept that stupid smile on your face, eyes softening as you looked at him. "Right…?"

" I, Willy Tybur, declared on behalf of the Marleyan government, " You didn't answer, you just reached out to him, wiping the tears that were already streaming down his cheeks. " That our war with the forces of Paradis Island begins now! "

He didn't need to tilt his head and look towards the plaza to know that the raid had started. The roar that probably reached the neighbour city, how the ground slightly rumbled — it was time. Eren Yeager had already declared his war.

"I have been hiding for far too long, Jean." Your voice cracked as you leaned away, and it felt like you stole his ability to breathe when you did so. "I wanted to stay and live with all of you, even though it's just for another two years."

"Then stay!"

You grinned, that freaking grin made him lose a bit of his sanity. "Just fight with us tonight! Be selfish, (Y/n)! For once! I don't care anymore if you kill a lot of our c-comrades! You deserved a peaceful life, and we are going to have it once we are done—"

"There would be no peace, Jean." Was this it? "As long as humankind still fears the rumbling, they won't stop." The end of the line?

"Floch! Get her!"

"Goodbye, Kirstein."

The end of his camaraderie with you?

"Jean! What the hell are you thinking?!"

He watched you slipping away, dashing from one building to another, swallowed by the dark of the night. This wasn't what he had in mind when he saw you once you were out with Sasha wearing this new uniform. This wasn't what he had in mind when you patted his back and told him to stay alive, similar to what you did back then in Trost.

It wasn't supposed to go like this. The two of you would provide backup, eradicating the Marleyan military unit while Mikasa and Captain Levi stationed in the plaza to assist Eren. Just like that, the airborne would take everyone back home.

Paradis was your home, you once told him. So why? Why did you suddenly side with Marley when you had become a part of the island devils?

A blinding yellow light shot through the sky. And he could only look, losing all of his composure as he wanted nothing but to sit on his bed and cover his ears. He didn't want to believe this reality where you were not (Y/n) Tybur from one of the villages in Wall Maria.

But no matter how many times he closed his eyes and opened them back, you were no longer beside him.

"Why you…?"

Mikasa tucked her bangs behind her ear, reminding herself to cut it even more once she made sure Eren was safe and sound in Paradis. She was already in her stations even way before the play had started, wanting to make sure that no one interrupted Eren too as he talked with Reiner under one of the buildings.

Everything had to be perfect. Eren would declare war by devouring Willy Tybur, The War Hammer Titan. They would capture all the titan shifters and kill everyone in Marleyan's army. After that, the airborne was ready to pick them up, a ride to come back home, then hopefully, the expedition would end for a while.

She winced and frowned as she peeked behind the window, seeing how dozens of people were trampled by one another, most of them crushed by the huge debris. The Eren she knew, the Eren who wrapped a scarf around her neck wouldn't do something like this, but,

The past few years had already shaped him into this. A titan who roared on a rampage, pulverised the military elites with one slam to the ground. They brought this to themselves, that was how she coped, if they didn't try to take the founding titan, Eren's mother would never be eaten and he wouldn't go this far.

"Stay alert, Mikasa. Focus." Captain Levi spoke up all of a sudden, "You are on your own, he only asked for your assistance after all." There was a hint of annoyance in his voice, and Mikasa knew too well what was the cause. "That damn Yeager, as crazy as his brother."

She slightly glared at him, even until now, she disliked the way this old man badmouthed Eren. Unlike before, however, she kept it to herself, not trying to strangle him or anything. It was childish for her, but she just couldn't help it sometimes.

There would be another time for revenge , she was aware of that. Now, she had to wait for his signal.

A sudden thunderous boom echoed throughout the city. Alerted both of the Ackermans on standby. "Tch, get closer, Mikasa. Don't let him die."

"I would never."

Even without his command, she already prepared her gear, opening the window as she aimed for the nearest building. A titan, another titan joined the fight. She could hear Eren's roar still, followed by dozens of punches ensued. He was winning, but still, she couldn't let her guard down.

She dashed closer towards the plaza, wanting to see properly how it turned out for now. A titan with white shells surrounding its body was beaten to a pulp on its face. She let out a sigh of relief, one that was haphazardly turned into a gasp when a spear-like tower suddenly emerged from the ground and impaled the Attack Titan.

"Eren," She whimpered, but of course, she didn't let herself fall into panic, gritting her teeth afterwards as she waited for him to call her.

It had been months, the longest time she had been away from her childhood friend. She missed him, and it pained her to see her enemy get the upper hand. Be patient, Mikasa , an enormous hammer arose in its hand, but she stayed on where she was. Trust him.

Not only that, the Marleyan military started to use anti-Titan cannons. Just like how it was revealed in the newspaper, it could pierce through titan's skin and flesh. Then again, she was ready with her thunder spears. She would give the same treatment to the War Hammer Titan if any of the cannons grazed her friend.

The Attack Titan was already overwhelmed, and the moment she saw Eren emerge from its nape, she almost choked. Too long, and she wished she could just take him home after this and never come back. Enough danger, she wouldn't risk it anymore.

"Eren Yeager, the usurper." The hard-fleshed Titan raised its hammer, ready to strike him down. It could have killed him by now. But somehow, it looked like it was stalling, hesitation evident in its hollow eyes. "My… friend ."

Mikasa's brows furrowed for a moment there. Did she mishear it? But did the War Hammer Titan call Eren its friend? No, she didn't have time to think about it. She had to cast aside the possibility. "Before you die, do you have any claim to justify your doings?" What mattered now was for her to save him.

"It's time, Mikasa."

Without wasting another second, she aimed her hook towards the pillar as the gear boosted her up into the sky. Her hands were full of thunder spears, using as much force to make sure it would crack the napes open. And with two accurate throws, the spear settled deep inside the hardened flesh.

She pulled the safety pin, cutting the string off and a tremendous explosion followed afterwards. Another perfect hit. Usually, she felt proud of herself.

However, as she landed beside Eren, her eyes couldn't leave the War Hammer Titan. She felt a nag in her heart, and it made her so uncomfortable.

The only thing that mattered was to keep Eren safe and helped him to get the power of the titan. From how she had been observing the battle between them before, the titan's ability could be useful for a lot of things, not just in a war.

That was it. She had to make sure Eren would be able to devour whoever it was underneath that hardened flesh. Whatever it took.

Including casting away the heartache and pressure that filled her lungs ever since she listened to the theatrical performance.

Notes:

There chu go...! Hope u guyss leik it (:

Chapter 48: War Hammer Titan

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"What is she doing there, Pa?"

Your doe eyes blinked repeatedly when you saw your aunt row a small boat. Going far towards the deepest end. The sight worried you, but the warm pat on your back calmed you down a bit.

Just this morning, your father suddenly asked you to follow him somewhere. He didn't say anything, taking you inside the carriage and asking you about what you knew about a titan. As a five-year-old girl, you already consumed dozens of historical books. All because you considered them as your friends, since you didn't really have one.

You were too excited talking about the wonder of this world, not realising that the two of you already arrived at the destination. The chauffeur opened the door for you, letting the yellow lights from the sun illuminate the dark carriage. Your father helped you to get down by carrying you, only letting you walk on your own once you thrashed around in his arms.

A lush green field was laid out in front of your eyes. There were trees surrounding a wide lake. The air was still fresh, not even a hint of pollution could be smelled. You ran around on your tiny feet, feeling so content even though you were still clueless about why you were there.

You stopped when a familiar figure stood near the lake. Her dark hair was kept behind her head in a bun, so neat without one strand could be seen sticking out. You immediately jumped towards her arms as she hugged you close. Aunt Lara wasn't chatty, but she always gave you the warmest hug. You could say it was tight too.

And now, you saw her rowing the boat to the middle of the lake. She looked so tiny from the ground where you stood. Your eyes still blinked with wonder, not sure what she was going to do there. "S-She wouldn't do anything harmful, right?"

"Of course not."

An assurance from your Pa was enough to calm you down. "Just watch. You will see something out of this world."

The words sounded like magic, especially for a little girl. You nodded excitedly, waiting for your aunt to do something. Was she secretly a mermaid? Maybe she was since Aunt Lara always looked so proper and elegant. Or perhaps she could control water? That was the reason she paddled towards the midstream. Whatever it was, you were ecstatic.

In the middle of your wild thoughts, a yellow light flashed in front of you, trailed by a thunderous boom as your tiny body almost fell backwards if it wasn't thanks to your father who held you tight.

You covered your face with your arms, subconsciously so since the force was just too great. Your heart was beating so fast, worried for your aunt since it seemed like the crackle came from where she was. But the moment you lowered your arms, a gasp left you instead.

There stood with all of its might, a creature higher than the buildings in the capital. Its skin was light, similar to the colour of the clouds, but from how it didn't even flex like any human skin, it was as steely as armour. You gaped at the sight, pupils dilated since you never believed that something as it existed.

"Who is that?"

You muttered, which earned a small chuckle from your father. "Pa, but— Where is Aunt Lara?!"

"It is your Aunt Lara." Oh, surely you didn't expect that answer. "She could turn into that creature." Your eyes never once left it, seeing how it could produce a shield, sword, or anything from its hand. "A titan, my little star."

"A titan." Your small lips repeated the word.

Even with your parents forbid you to play outside, they taught you a lot of things about this world, and one of them was about the Eldia. The blood that was streaming in your veins, the legacy and history, everything you needed to know as a Tybur. "She is one of the Titans."

"Yes, you remembered the nine titans I told you a month ago?" You nodded at this, eyes sparkled since from what you could remember, not every Subject of Ymir could own such power. "Good. She can materialise any weapon and even structures."

"Is it because of its skin?"

"That's hardened flesh."

"So the whole body is—" You didn't even have to finish, already knew the answer from how quick your mind was. "That's awesome!"

"Indeed." As you were too busy gawking at the sight in front of you, you missed the blues that were visible inside your father's eyes. "Do you remember the names of all the nine titans?"

"The Founding Titan, the Armoured Titan, the Attack Titan…" Remembering its name one by one, it wasn't that difficult since you were always amazed at the power that was bestowed upon your blood, as opposed to your parents. "... The Jaw Titan, and,"

"The War Hammer Titan."

Clapping your hands, you grinned as your father finished listing it up. "Your Aunt Lara, she is the War Hammer Titan." Eager to hear more, to learn about this miracle."The titan power you will inherit some time later in your life."

Not knowing what kind of path he already prepared for you.

How naive. You used to think that it was a gift from the deities. The ability to turn into a gigantic creature called Titan, each differed in power. It used to be so grand, seeing your aunt teaching you a thing or two about receiving one of the nine titans. She only told you about all the good things, however.

Never once she mentioned memories that often flooded her mind, the previous inheritor. She didn't tell you how the world despised Tybur's name still, she didn't even warn you about the curse of Ymir. You only knew that after you inherited it, so there was no going back.

Your parents tried to hide some aspects from you, in hope that you wouldn't have to worry about it. But you were bound to know anyway, so why? They were selfish, but you couldn't blame them. They always tried to give everything they could offer; love, materials, knowledge — just not all. Not when it came to the Subjects of Ymir.

For years you had to see your fellow warriors hating their own kind, trash-talking the so-called island devils. You wanted to tell them the truth, but you couldn't since you never knew the situation in Paradis. When you arrived there, however, the fear that your father once told you became reality.

That one day, there would be a rebellion. One day, someone outside the royal blood would take the Founding Titan. You were unsure at first, but after five years of blending in with them, you knew there was nothing you could do anymore.

But your hopeful mind didn't want to surrender. You tried to get Eren, the Attack and the Founding Titan too, to meet your father, for them to talk. That perhaps, there might be a chance for a peaceful approach. No war needed, no violence, just like what the last King Fritz wanted from the start.

What a cruel reality , you thought. It seemed, war will forever exist for as long as humankind ruled this world.

A sob left you, and unlike all the times before when Armin or Jean was there to wipe the tears off your cheeks, the wind did the work for them. You dashed as fast as you could, realising the consequence of your father's death. Marley had no protector anymore, not when the other titan shifters were captured, and you knew you wouldn't forgive yourself if Eren continued to rampage this nation.

"Damn you, Eren."

Without leaving a gash on your skin, without the need to inflict some kind of pain, you could transform any time you wanted. Just know the reason , and focus on that. And this time, even though it felt so excruciating, you already had your goal.

And that was to fight, or if it was possible, kill him. Eren Yeager, your friend.

But with Mikasa around, you knew the chance was slim.

Your control over the War Hammer Titan never once subsided. Even when it was almost ten years since the last time you transformed, your mind and body memorised it all. The swing of your hammer, how to materialise weapons and structures — if it was just you and Eren, no doubt you would be the winner.

You saw the destruction that this man had caused with your Titan's eyes. People got trampled underneath these rubbles, and he didn't care less. Maybe it was the same, he did exactly what he needed to do. Just like you did when you agreed to Reiner's plan in destroying Wall Maria.

With you already preserved your energy ever since the start of the battle, you could stand up, again and again, no matter how many times Mikasa struck you with the thunder spear. You growled, not wanting to attack her since one smack to the building, she would die. Something you didn't want to see even though you had to.

Because in this battle, it was either you or him. You, or Eren.

Nine years in Paradis surely softened your heart. It was always fragile from the start, but it made you see the people inside the walls. How mundane their life was, the bond that was made out of camaraderie and friendships — eventually, you found out that you only tried to stall the moment, waiting for the airship to arrive.

Your attention was fixated on Mikasa, not even realising that Eren figured out about the differences in the War Hammer Titan. When you turned around, it was already too late. He pulled the cord that connected the titan with the crystal that protected your human's body.

And with that, your vision turned black for a moment as your consciousness snapped back to your human brain.

He could try devouring you. If his jaw was strong enough, of course. You stared at him, and he did the same once his gaze settled on your figure that was protected by the crystal. He stopped for a moment there, and you wondered what was running inside his mind right now.

Would he change his mind? You doubted that. Eren Yeager was someone who would do anything to achieve his goal. But perhaps, with how he showed a bit of hesitation, what he said back then after helping out at the railroad — it was genuine.

"Because all of you are important to me. More than anyone else."

You had stalled the moment enough. The airborne would be here soon, and they would come back to Paradis. As much as you wanted to live, at least saying a proper goodbye to your lover and friends, there wasn't really enough time. They already killed Marleyan Military's higher-ups, so they would have enough time to relax, just enjoying the peace for the next few years. Something they deserved.

With that in mind, you were ready. He still had a few years left to live, unlike you. Your time was limited, and he could do so much more by getting your titan's power. Yes, that was probably the best choice. Rather than killing him, it should be the other way around.

Hopefully, he would find a way to use this power without creating any more destruction.

In a blink of an eye, someone swooped in and bit the Attack Titan right on its nape. Your eyes widened at that, not expecting Porco to escape. He only needed to close his jaw, and that would be enough to take the Founding Titan. But of course, another Ackerman, your Captain, slashed through its flesh, preventing him from chewing Eren's titan.

Eren slammed Porco with all his might to the nearest building, and you couldn't do anything to save him. It looked like it was your power that Eren had been looking for the most, not the others. The forces from Paradis could have just gone, leaving the other warriors behind. They didn't need to capture each shifter, they couldn't do anything without a concrete military plan anyway.

You wanted to transform back. Your power was still needed to protect Marley. But with how you were gripped tight, Eren would only pull your cord once again.

Or, you could just hide your human body in a random place of your titan's form.

Gathering more of your strength, you shifted once again right in Eren's hand. In the middle of shifting, once your hand was already formed, you immediately materialised a hammer, hitting Eren's titan right on his head. The same thing he did to you before.

You dashed towards Porco, whose titan was getting limp from each slash and spear he received. When he recognised you a few days back, it was never your intention to actually fight alongside him on the battlefield. You already warned him about where you stood in this war. But now, here you were, covering his much more fragile body as you become the armour.

Your hand subconsciously went towards the left side of its chest, making sure that your human body was still intact. The thunder spears were going to hit you any second by now, but the idea of you having to kill them still troubled your mind. Especially when you saw them; Sasha, Connie, Mikasa — Jean.

So you were a bit thankful when Pieck came with her machine gun armaments. It was enough to make the soldiers hide and run away for a while now.

While their guards were down, you crafted a huge pillar that was enough to cage the Attack Titan up in the sky, penetrating its body so it would stay in its place. The ground rumbled, and you let out a small chuckle at that, straightening your titan's form as you turned around, seeing Zeke's Beast Titan.

"It's good to see you alive and well, Miss Tybur."

You stared at him, the dark eyes of your titan looked much gaunter compared to your human ones. "No greetings for me?"

"Let's just push them back to their home."

He couldn't fight her. From the four titans that were ready to shed each of their drops of blood, he couldn't be the one taking you down. Jean gritted his teeth when another wave of attack came from the Beast Titan. The rubble hit him right on his shoulder despite how well he had been hiding.

Six soldiers of the forces from Paradis already died in this raid. And he tried to clear his mind, remembering how they still had a trump card.

When the whole world felt like it was shaking, and the dark shade of yellow, tinted with red illuminated the sky, they should have known what was coming. This was the ability of the titan that they stole, one of the nine titans the forces from Paradis had reclaimed from the enemy.

The Colossal Titan — the power of destruction.

"Porco! Get back!" Jean gritted his teeth when you warned the hot-headed warrior, and no matter how much the Jaw Titan inheritor meant to you, they should capture them all. If not, then the other option was to kill them right then and there. "Don't leave Zeke—"

Too late. With the four titans from Marley scattered all over the places, no one would be able to guard one another. Zeke was ready to be taken, but what they knew was how the War Chief died at the hand of an island devil. "Porco! Come back to Pieck!"

You were already overwhelmed, he knew that. It was foul for him to think that it was good. Whenever some people you held dear were in danger, your action would be reckless. Not thinking through everything as you tried to keep them alive as much as you could.

But with Zeke gone, and the Cart Titan battered by dozens of Thunder Spears, it was only you and the Jaw Titan that was left on the battlefield.

He knew he should have focused here to finish the Cart Titan once and for all, though he had to miss in this dire situation, blaming himself for being weak when that kid stood there in front of the dying titan.

"Tch. Fall back!"

Then this was enough. No one needed to kill you off, right? The airship was here, enough casualties, enough of this bloodshed. They could go home, safe and sound inside the walls just like how it always had been. "We only have one chance to get to the airship! Don't waste it!"

As a captain too, however, he couldn't possibly hurry up. His eyes settled towards Sasha and Connie, who nodded at him, knowing that it was finally over. Though, as his eyes drifted towards the plaza, he felt like his heart was going to stop.

Mikasa slashed the legs of the Jaw Titan swiftly, followed by Eren who brutally pulled each of its arms, immobilising it completely.

You were still standing there just a moment ago, but now your titan form was already laid on the ground, head blown off with your legs and arms still in the process of recovery. And before it could continue, Eren pushed the sturdy jaw from the male's titan towards your left side, where a human's heart usually was.

"What is Eren trying to do?"

Connie swallowed a huge lump. The airship was right on top of them, but not him, Sasha, and of course Jean, could take their eyes off the gore scene. "Is that—"

"(Y/n)...?"

Eren found the spot where you had been hiding yourself. Finding it wasn't enough with your ability, but he had realised something along the way regarding the Jaw Titan's current inheritor. The maniac used the jaw like a nutcracker, shoving a crystal in between it, knowing it could break the unbreakable surface.

But it wasn't any crystal.

"Eren! Stop!"

It was a crystal with you in it.

Red was the only thing he could see as his ocean orbs raked through the apocalypse he created. He did it a bit too much, but he wasn't able to control his transformation just yet, he couldn't possibly know it would destroy half of the internment zone.

Even when Commander Hange picked him up, his mind was still clouded with guilt. He saw what Bertolt saw a few years back. He listened to the painful cry out, watching as each life was trampled underneath his feet. Civilians, women, children — this power was truly a disaster.

"I swear, you came up with the craziest idea, Armin." A small chuckle left the Commander, and he usually felt sheepish around them, especially when they started to gush him with compliments. "Did Erwin's ghost possess you or something?" But right now though, he couldn't think too much about it.

"I wish it had, maybe he would give me strength."

He turned around, leaving the cockpit as he went deeper into the body, wanting to greet their friends one by one once they came up. Where were you right now? Were you safe with Jean and the others? He could only hope so.

The heavy door was opened already, and he only looked down, seeing each soldier who survived come up to the airship. Some of them patted him on the shoulder, others just walked past him as if he was a ghost. After the horror they had been through on the battlefield, it was no wonder if they were nonchalant with everything.

"Your girlfriend is surely something, huh?"

He was taken aback by the mention of you. His heart bloomed, wanting to hear more about you as Floch got inside the airborne. "She is such a menace,"

"She is," Armin chuckled a bit, letting out a sigh when he realised that you must have been alive now. But maybe, he was too fast to feel relieved. "Where is she now, Floch?"

"Hm?" There was this amused look on Floch's face. "She is down there, of course." Though, it wasn't a playful or teasing one, more like a mockery instead. "Down in the Attack Titan's stomach or something,"

"W-What?" Dread was coursing through his body right now, and he was grateful he still wore the new uniform. He didn't listen to any of the soldiers asking him if he was alright. His whole body went rigid at the idea of you being swallowed by titans, and he needed to understand what happened.

No no no — why? Did you turn your back on them? Him? Armin cursed at himself. He really should have told you about the plan, maybe you would understand and not be shocked to the core when Eren devoured Willy Tybur. Your father.

"Armin! Where are you going?!"

He gritted his teeth as he got back to the cockpit to install the gear completely. Commander Hange gazed at him with worry, never once they saw him like this. "Oi, listen to me, Armin. You shouldn't go down there."

"I have to!"

Armin shrugged the hands that were settled on his shoulders. "I am sorry, Commander, but I have to see for myself what the fuck is happening."

He never cursed, and no way in hell he would ever spat in front of someone he respected. But he wasn't in his right mind at the moment, he pivoted towards the door, running past the soldiers who were wondering what he wanted to do. If they knew him, though, they would have known.

Aiming his hook towards the nearest building, he flew closer towards the plaza, wanting to make sure if what Floch said was right, or it was just him being mean. He felt like he couldn't breathe. Not when you already promised him you wouldn't be reckless, not when you told him you were always on his side.

Snatched the Yeager brothers, killed the military higher-ups, captured the warriors — that was it. That was the plan everyone knew about.

But in Willy Tybur's case, only a few people from the Survey Corps were given the information.

"Eren! Stop!" He heard Jean's shout as he dashed closer, and he staggered a bit once he landed on one of the buildings where he saw Mikasa was, the sight was too much for his poor heart. "That is (Y/n) you dumbass! Stop it"

Armin watched in terror when he saw you inside a crystal, similar to Annie's. Nothing could break it, but from where he stood, he saw how it slowly shattered with every press of the Jaw Titan's mouth.

He felt so weak, why didn't he think about bringing a thunderspear? He could have used it to attack either Eren or the enemy, taking you back and running away if he had to. His head turned towards his childhood friend, who now had the same traumatised expression written all over her face, his last hope.

"Mikasa, please tell me you have a thunderspear left!" She didn't react as she stood there, short-circuited. "Mikasa! I know you will do anything for Eren! But he's trying to kill her, your friend too! Mikasa!" Even when he shook her, she didn't get out of her stupor. "She is my love ! Please, please do something!"

And as if the deities heard his cries out and prayers, another lightning appeared behind Eren, catching him off guard momentarily.

The Armoured Titan rose from its dead , and for once, Armin didn't feel dread at the sight, only relief. Eren, who seemed like he always had a grudge against Reiner ever since he knew that the man was a traitor, gave his whole attention to him. One punch, Eren just needed one punch to make Reiner topple down.

Though, he didn't realise how his new opponent never once had a goal to kill him, no. Reiner was there to save its fellow warriors, including you who were still stuck in between the jaws.

"Let's go home."

Armin finally snapped out of his melancholy thought when Mikasa dashed towards Eren, who now released himself from his titan's body. He would still want to punch his childhood friend senseless for what he was trying to do, but maybe later.

His gaze never left you as tears were brimming at the corner of his eyes. He wanted to take you back, but the other soldiers pulled him towards the airship, not letting him get closer since it was too dangerous now. There was nothing else he could do except to wish you a deserved treatment.

You were home, after all, and it was time for him to remember the truth. You and he weren't supposed to happen, so now, he only relied on fate. If by any chance, he could still see you again, he would absolutely take it. Whether as a foe, or an ally. As long as you lived, Armin would be satisfied.

"I will be waiting." At least, that was what he hoped for. "In our house, in Shiganshina." No one could really know what waited for them in the future.

Notes:

Sigh... Writing this fanfic really an eye-opener

Chapter 49: Last Word

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

How could everything fall into this?

Jean couldn't take it anymore, he couldn't. First, you were back to where you were supposed to, leaving them all behind in the past. There would be no hug, not even the stupid bicker you two always shared. And when he was feeling down into the lowest pit of hell, he didn't have anyone he could confide in.

You wouldn't be there anymore, but at least, he still had Connie and Sasha. Yes, he could share his burden with them. After all, they were the one who also held you dear in their heart.

There were five of them. One died in their first battle, and no one knew what happened to him. The second one, it was you, leaving the three of them without any explanation, none could even ask for your reasoning.

He just lost you by now. Jean almost saw his dearest friend — no, not just that. He almost saw the woman he ever truly loved getting devoured by his own friend. Sure you were still alive now, but you were already slipping away from his grasp.

And as if it wasn't enough, the world just had to take another part of his soul.

Bang!

They were celebrating. Well, some of them were. Captain Levi ended the night by kicking Eren right on his face, and Jean thought that man deserved it. He would never forget the fact that Eren almost killed you, just for the power of your titan.

Your titan — he clicked his tongue, still not believing it. But the fact that Connie and Sasha were safe and sound right beside him, it was enough to make him feel content. He just stood up, asking the female brunette why she looked so gloomy, as if he didn't know the reason.

Connie even tried to remind her about going home and who was waiting for her there. She only kept her lips shut, for once, not having the appetite to eat.

One moment Sasha was still beside him, standing in the middle of the crowd. The next, she laid there on the wooden floor, with blood spurted from her lips and abdomen.

"Sasha! Hey!" Jean was woken up from his stupor when he heard the ugly cries from Connie. "Speak to me! Please!"

He didn't care less about the kids who were now beaten up to pulp by the other soldiers. Nothing stayed in his mind except the fact that his best friend was dying. Sasha, the most gluttonous woman he ever met. The clown of the group alongside Connie,

"Where—" Her brown eyes were getting dull, "—is she?" But the pupils still wandered around, searching for someone. "We made… a plan…"

Jean knew who. He knew how close you were with Sasha. She wasn't a fan of physical contact, keeping her guard up to those outside of the circle. But with you, she practically threw herself as if her mind knew you would always be there, catching her in the process. Your gentle touch, she craved for it, even when one of her legs was already on death's door.

Both him and Connie couldn't take this anymore. Another soldier gently pushed them backwards, giving Sasha enough space to breathe. They were already in the airship, they would have time to rest afterwards. But they couldn't, not when the two of them were aware of something. "Meat… We are going to… Eat meat…"

She wouldn't make it. One of them wouldn't make it back home. He gritted his teeth, turning away so he didn't have to look at her. Where were you when he also needed you? If you were here, you would have been able to calm him and Connie. Everything would be alright, Sasha would eat a lot once in heaven, not having to hunt anymore.

But was there truly heaven for sinners like them?

"Jean, these two flew up here using Lobov's manoeuvre gear." He looked at the side, seeing the two kids who infiltrated their airship. The boy looked so guilty for even being here, while the girl kept on snarling. "I'm gonna toss them out. No problem with that, right?"

He punched the walls, not knowing what to think. This nonsense, the war they had to go through ever since they enlisted to the Cadet Corps. No, this war was already upon them even before they were born. Gritting his teeth, his nails scraped on the wooden surface, wondering what would be the best choice.

"If we drop kids out of the sky to die," He tried to imagine that you were here. "Will all this senseless killing ever end?" With your hand on his shoulder, gently bringing him back to his senses.

Though, he needed to remind himself more that you wouldn't stand by his side anymore. Never.

"Don't touch me, you devil!" Jean took hold of the girl as Floch opened the door for him. "We haven't lost to you! War Chief Zeke left us his legacy!"

"Gabi! Stop it!"

"So, what are we gonna do with them, Jean?"

He looked down, his usual bright copper orbs getting dulled, the same as everyone. This girl, Gabi, kept on cursing at them Eldian in Paradis. He listened half-heartedly, but then he raised one of his eyebrows when he heard that she wanted him to tell it to the one who was responsible for this attack.

"I'll take you straight to him then." His grip on the girl's hand was tightened. "Go ahead and tell him that by yourself."

He took the blonde boy too, telling the other soldiers to stay here, and he didn't once look down as he walked past Sasha. The tears were almost spilled, and before he showed these two rascals the truth, he wanted to keep his composure first before mourning in peace.

Once they knew who was here, the brain of this raid, the two of them seemed to shut their mouth. Zeke's eyes blown wide at the sight of the kids, a miscalculation, perhaps. Everything was a miss, if he could say it outright.

If only Eren didn't run away, if only they didn't have to be here right now, destroying the whole city while at the same time baiting the whole world to get ready for a war with Paradis, they would be safe by now.

"Where did the kids come from?"

"They killed Lobov and got on board with his manoeuvre gear." His hand settled on each of the kid's shoulders now. "This girl, she shot Sasha." But the one that was holding on the girl was tightened once again. "She isn't gonna make it."

It was hard for him to say the last sentence out loud. And he wanted nothing but to run back towards Sasha right now, to be with her as she took her last breath. Though, he was still hopeful that maybe, she could still be alive, and later got a proper medical treatment once the airship touched down.

A false hope, another one. Just like how he was still hopeful tonight never happened, and you were never a titan shifter to begin with.

"You probably don't care about any of this, and are wondering where she is by now."

Armin sat on the cold floor, his legs crossed as he came down here with loneliness seeping deep inside his heart. He didn't have someone that he could talk to, not when the others were still grieving. In his hands right now, was a conch shell that he picked up a few years back when they first saw the ocean.

That day, it didn't only put hope about the world across the sea, but also became the turning point of his life as he confessed his love for you.

"Three years ago, I can't help but feel like things could have gone differently." He wanted to sob, but at the same time, he couldn't. The past few years, he always had a place to confide in. Someone who would listen, knowing exactly what to do when he was feeling down. "We Eldians may have been hated and feared by the world, by all those people across the ocean we had never met."

And this time, he was pouring all of his stress to someone who didn't even know what was happening out there. "But not everyone out there was an enemy, I realised that. We got to learn how complicated the world really was, and so many other discoveries we never thought existed."

So he decided to just tell the story, informing her a bit about everything that happened for the last few years.

His lips curled into a soft smile, remembering the first moment those Marleyan arrived. "It took some time to make them see us Eldians as human. However, once we face each other as another human being," How they were suspicious of what Paradis truly wanted from them, "I'm sure we can understand each other." To the way they helped the people within the wall with no reluctance.

If only Paradis had more time, then maybe, the outcome would change. If only the world wanted to listen. People feared what they didn't understand, but why wouldn't they try to get to know it first? To clear up all the misunderstandings, at least.

"What we did—" His lips curled into a frown, eyes felt so hot as tears were threatening to come out. "Were we really doing the right thing?"

There must have been another path. Just like you who chose to stay behind with them instead of going back to spend the remainder of your life with your family. He too could have done something else, that was all he could think about right now.

Sometimes, he thought he knew Eren better. Even more than Mikasa since she was often too blinded by her devotion to think through anything. But as years went by, with Eren slowly detached himself with the others, with them, Armin felt so helpless.

"We raid Marley, by the way." If she wasn't trapped within the hard crystal, she would have strangled him by now. "Eren would have done it alone if he had to, him and his agenda." But she didn't, so he continued to sit there, holding back the tears. "There was no avoiding this large-scale tragedy."

He could still remember it all. The things he saw when he stood at Marley's port as a Colossal Titan. He didn't count how many people he had killed, it must be endless. Battleships, soldiers, civilians, women, children — human beings. He stole everything he could see, without giving them any warning.

Just like what Bertolt did in 845 when he crashed Wall Maria with just a kick of his feet.

"I didn't want to, but if we left that port intact, the Marleyan Army wouldn't hesitate to strike back." He let out a sigh, now hugging his knees as he stared at his company. "The peaceful path is closed to us, and we didn't even have a choice. The same as you and the others back then, right?"

Both sides were clueless. Not knowing what it was on the other side of the ocean. When he thought about it again, they actually knew. Paradis knew that there was another nation out there. At the same time, a nation who wouldn't hesitate to turn Eldian as a mindless titan.

So? Which of them was the cruel one?

"Oh, and you are perhaps wondering about where (Y/n) is, right? You must have wanted to see her. I knew she often went here now and then to check on you." He tried to focus his mind on something else. Anything that wasn't just wishful thinking. "She… Don't worry, she's alive. I hope she is alive and well."

He looked so content now, just trying to think this through in a positive light. "She's back in Marley. It saddened me that we haven't had a chance to say goodbye, but," Oh, as if he would blind himself so easily when it came to you. "As long as she's alright, surely, as a lover, I should have been happy, right?"

How pathetic, Armin Arlert. He thought to himself. Crying in front of a girl , how could he stop himself, though? The last few years had become the happiest days he ever had. With you giving him a chance to love, to experience whatever it was in his limited time on earth.

"But I couldn't be happy." And then you just had to leave, without saying anything beforehand. "Not when she said… We are going back home together after the raid."

There were two teams in this battle. Those who had to leave Paradis and back-up the Yeagers as the first wave, and then him with the others at the airship, the trump card and recovery team. He frowned when he realised you would be far away from him, just a few hours, yes. But anything could happen in a battle, especially when no one knew if anything was missing from the calculation Zeke's had.

"What's with the frown now, 'min?" You were wearing the new uniform, and if it was another scenario, his cheeks would have been flushed by now since he could see the curves of your body vividly. "Hey, are you here with me?"

"Of course." Your fingers were so delicate, caressing his cheek and he couldn't help but to lean in into your touch. "I am always here with you."

He wondered if there was another universe where he wasn't yours. How hard would his life be there? Without someone who loved him so, treating him like a king as a devoted follower. In his eyes, you were not a follower though, you were always his queen. Never less.

"What was in your mind then?" Your fingertips trailed towards his hair, making his legs wobble as he felt so putty already. "Come on. You can tell me, 'min."

"I-" As a man, he wanted to look as composed as possible in front of someone he loved. He wanted to be the strong one in this relationship, to be the one who takes care of everything. "I am scared." But when he had you, the sole person who never once judged him, how could he not show his vulnerable side?

"It's alright." You smiled at how honest he was, and your arms immediately wrapped around him afterwards. "It's alright, I am scared too, Armin."

"You do?"

"Of course."

He reciprocated your warm hug, resting his chin on your shoulder as both of your heads pressed against one another. "We are going to be apart for a while, but don't worry about anything, okay?"

"O-Okay." He closed his eyes, not wanting to let you go even though the ship that would take you to Marley was ready. "Promise you will take care of yourself?"

"I promise." You leaned away, and he reluctantly pulled himself too. "Once everything is done, we are going to spend time together."

Your words were the only thing he would take to his heart. No matter how many people he had to kill later, no matter how the world might hate them even more. At least, he would have the best years of his life with you.

"In our house?"

"In our home."

Usually, when everyone was gathered in the same space, it would never be this quiet. Someone would at least nudge another, throwing some harmless mockery before it followed by laughter. That was before, though. Before the raid, before everything.

Jean let out a sigh the moment he stepped inside the private lounge. Connie, Mikasa and Armin were already there, but none of them said anything. Not even a greeting was thrown at him, and he didn't ask for it, nor even try to joke, understanding the situation too well.

Connie looked like he had seen a ghost as he stood by the window, and perhaps he did. In each waking hour, whenever he ate, or even when he did nothing — Sasha was around. She was still in his mind, the other half of him that had been there since the two were still silly soldiers in Cadet Corps.

Mikasa sat comfortably in the armchair, probably thinking about the one and only Eren Yeager. After months of being apart, she just had to see her childhood friend, and someone she adored so much, killing hundreds of people in a day. Without mercy, and in the most brutal way.

Almost killing you , if it wasn't thanks to Reiner who miraculously appeared.

Talking about you, of course he knew who received the biggest impact at your departure. Armin had his eyes casted down, staring at spaces. Jean walked towards him, wanting to offer the man some comfort since he believed he had the same way of thinking when it came to you.

The two of them put you on a pedestal, after all.

Jean almost sat beside Armin, but the latter extended his hand subconsciously.

"The seat is for (Y/n), Jean."

The Colossal Titan inheritor muttered under his breath, but never once looked up. Everyone in the room was now staring at him, concerned lingering in their eyes. Armin looked like he hadn't slept at all ever since the raid of Liberio. That was probably the truth since there were dark circles underneath his eyes.

"Armin." Jean didn't even know if he realised what he just said. "Oi, Armin." He patted his friend's shoulder, carefully, since he didn't want to surprise the man when he was sure his mind was in another place.

"What?" His voice was so small, barely above a whisper. "What is it, Jean? I am sorry, I am thinking about something." Those ocean orbs looked so bleak, no lights were left.

"Nothing, it's just that…" A frown appeared on Jean's face, and he only shook his head. "Nah, forget it."

He squeezed Armin's shoulder, wanting him to know that he wasn't alone before he walked to another side, sitting across the gloomy man. Everything that happened the past few days too, it made Jean want nothing but to run away. "Commander Pixis arrested the volunteer soldiers, huh?"

The room was too hushed, and he didn't want anyone to think about what could have been or what they did wrong (just like what he did on the first night).

"Yes, the Survey Corps has a close relationship with them, that's why we weren't told about it."

"Well, can't blame them for that." He leaned his back to the couch, feeling some of his bones popped at the movement. "We don't know what Zeke's thinking, so we are still in danger. But, damn that suicidal maniac." His hand balled into a fist, remembering the cold green eyes. "Why is he suddenly on board with Zeke's plan?"

No one could answer that. Only the Yeager brothers were there when they talked with one another anyway.

"Hey, did that really look like Eren to you guys?"

When Jean wanted them to talk, this wasn't the topic he was going to go to before. "If I can be honest, I couldn't see Eren anymore." Mikasa frowned at the continuation, but not giving any reply. "And if he's gonna side with his brother, we'll have to be ready to kill him one day."

"I would never let you do that!" The ravenette gritted her teeth, and the outburst was enough to shock Connie as he finally looked away from the window, now facing her.

"Are you on his side too, then, Mikasa?"

"I—" Her eyes widened, perhaps realising how she instantly dismissed that idea. "Eren cares about us more than anyone, so I don't think it will come to that." She swallowed a huge lump, tightening the scarf around her neck. "You all know that, don't you?"

That was what Eren said before. Back then, he wouldn't even put Mikasa in the frontline, no matter how strong she was, no matter how he was even more helpless compared to her. But now, he practically asked his childhood friends to risk everything; to be by his side in the battlefield, and to destroy the enemy's port.

So, really, he was with Connie in this one. "That's why he got so aggressive with anyone outside our circle. His feelings for us are too strong."

"Is (Y/n) not in our circle then?"

Jean's pupils dilated at the mention of her, and he believed he wasn't the only one. He gaped at Connie, who was still keeping his gaze on Mikasa. "You must have seen everything, right? Mikasa, he almost ate her alive! " He stressed, wanting her to see reality. "A-And you were there too. You helped him."

"Connie, that's enough."

"What, Jean?! That's the truth!"

"She is not in our circle!" Mikasa tried to retort, but that earned a gasp from Armin instead. "She— She is the enemy?" When she said it, she wasn't even sure. But still, they believed what she said, and it made them judge her way of thinking. "That's why, we have to kill her."

"I won't let you, Mikasa." Armin, who had been silent since before, finally opened up his lips. "I get it that you love Eren, but not like this." His hand was gripping on his sweats, taking a deep breath to control himself. "We couldn't… We couldn't kill one another, Mikasa. We are family ."

"Even when it will bring us doom in the future?"

He didn't respond to that question.

The situation had become complicated. Jean pursed his lips since he too, wouldn't let you get killed. Not when from the start you only had two years left to live. He was mortified too at the sight before, when you were practically pressed in between Jaw Titan's mouth, the crystal cracked already.

He felt like he was going to puke at the sight since he wouldn't be able to live knowing that you passed away in the hands of someone you cherished.

"She attacked first, Armin." Mikasa whispered, wanting to justify her action. "She transformed into a titan, even asking Eren if he had any last words." Maybe because she knew, she would forever be traumatised if your blood was on her hand.

"Then what about Sasha?" Jean had his gaze lowered, but he could imagine the terror and grief in his friend's face. "What do you think Eren did when Sasha died? Do you think he cried? Do you think he was frustrated?!"

"Connie—"

"That bastard laughed! That bastard we trusted so much dared to laugh when I told him Sasha's last word!"

Connie never wanted to break anyone's heart, not even the strongest soldiers. However, he was already in ruin, and he wanted to hear some answers. He needed to know why his friend that once told them they were important to him, now putting their lives on the line so easily. "Tell me, Mikasa."

He needed to know what he was fighting for. Their freedom? A peaceful life? It was nowhere in sight after the raid.

"Let's talk with Eren." Armin let out a sigh, not knowing if it would work. "Just me, Mikasa, and him. We will find out what he really wanted." But he still had hope, he was tired of all the accusations and misunderstandings.

"Then what? What if he really had the same goal as Zeke?"

Armin always thought not just one, but a few steps ahead. He tugged on his hair subconsciously, feeling like he almost went crazy right now. Eren was his best friend, someone who offered their hand to him. The brunette always listened to anything he said; his dreams, rambles, and anything about you.

But, if the world was at the stake, he needed to make another sacrifice. Either it was his best friend or lover, whoever it was, even if it pained him so, if it ever came to that — he had to.

"We have Titan serum now, Jean." He glanced to the other side. "That gives us more options." Knowing they would understand, and the only woman in this room would retaliate.

"Armin, what do you mean—"

"We can choose someone we can trust, and have them inherit the Founding Titan from Eren."

Notes:

Writing this pain me so much (":

Chapter 50: Night Terror

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You had no energy left.

Your eyes widened, there was nothing you could do when you realised what was just happening. You looked around to see Captain Levi taking care of the Beast Titan, and the next was the Cart Titan, burned by dozens of thunder spears alongside the Marleyan soldiers.

The forces from Paradis had given them a taste of hell, and when you saw the airship on the way to the plaza, you thought then that was it.

You only wanted to stall the time, not wanting to kill anyone as you just focused on protecting the other titans since you knew what your friends in Paradis were capable of doing with the anti-personnel equipment. They could surely immobilise each of the titan shifters within seconds, and it was exactly how the battle ended.

What you didn't expect, however, was for Mikasa to blind your sight with the spears, before she continued to destroy each of your limbs. You were already exhausted, and it took more time to regenerate yourself, even though it was just one eye. Before you could heal completely, you felt a jab right on your left chest, and you realised what it meant.

They knew, Eren knew where your human body was.

A part of you didn't want to believe it despite your submission to fate. He was going to devour you for power, and it was bound to happen knowing he ate your father since he thought the leader of the family must have been the inheritor. Eren perhaps needed the power, and even though that meant he had to kill you, it wouldn't change anything.

You closed your eyes already, surrendering everything as you were all alone now. Even if you still wanted to live, even when you wanted to kiss Armin one last time, and hug each of your best friends — if this was really the time, then you could only hope you will be able to meet them again in another life. You have done enough.

A crack, your brain already feels disorientated. Each press of the jaw was enough to break the bones in your body.

The pain, it was excruciating. Too much! It hurt, you never thought it would feel like this. Dying, to be crushed inside a crystal.

"Eren! Stop!"

Your head was pounding the moment you opened your eyes. Where were you? What was all of that? You felt like you had a deja vu. You sat up abruptly, a wrong choice since you could feel every fibre in your being tensed up and snapped.

"Bad dream?" You let out a gasp, turning around to see Porco, Pieck, and Reiner on the other bed across from yours. "That shitty, huh?"

"Pock?"

"Not you too."

A smile threatened to slip on your face, and it did the moment Porco kept on whining when he received a scolding from the long-haired ravenette. "I know you called me Pock too when we were kids, (Y/n), but please, we are grown-ups now!"

"And just because we are grown-ups, doesn't mean I can't call you affectionately? " You teased, slowly gathering your energy as you tried to remember piece by piece of what happened. "Sorry, sorry. It's just nice to talk to you without… Having the need to hide myself."

"Yeah, well, that one problem is yours."

Pieck kicked his leg a bit, glaring at him since he kept on picking on you. "I mean— You did say that you were not going to be with us anymore. Since you knew and experienced a lot of things on that island, right?"

You moved your legs slowly, wanting to get used to the feeling. After changing your side, you never thought you would wake up with your old comrades surrounding you.

As you stared at them once you threw your legs to the edge of the bed, you still tried to collect yourself. For a moment there, in Reiner's bed, you could see Eren. In Pieck? It was Sasha. Then of course, close to you was Armin, who offered you a drink right now.

Though, it wasn't them. The people who stayed here, waiting for you to wake up were those who you betrayed the first time around. It made you purse your lips, especially since you didn't feel like you deserved their greetings.

Truthfully, you expected to wake up in an underground basement. The Marleyan Military, or at least what was left from the, would have locked you up, especially if they knew what happened in the last four years you were stuck in Paradis Island.

You told Porco almost everything when he met you a few days before the raid. How you stayed because you were still clinging to one hope; that there was another way to enable the rest of the world to see Eldians. Not just the Subjects of Ymir in Marley, but anywhere else, including your home for the past nine years.

However, the wishful thinking was now burnt down in flames. There was no way another nation could see Eldian as nothing but an enemy, or even worse, the source of an apocalypse. Not when you couldn't count anymore how many delegates from each nation had died at the hand of Eren Yeager.

Including your father.

"Pock only told us warriors about your — circumstances, (Y/n)." The gentle and angelic voice belonging to the ravenette slowly pulled you back to the present moment. "I am still not sure whether we can trust you fully after the choice you made, but," Her palm rested on your thighs, tending the wrinkle on your hospital gown. "We know how you always choose humanity over anything."

You were unsure whether the word was a commendation or an insult. If it came from her, though, perhaps it was the former. Your mind was still predominating with scepticism. You didn't know whether they were seriously going to embrace you with open arms once again, or it was just another facade.

Everyone in this room only had two years left. Except for Porco, the only one who didn't have to worry about not having enough time. The others were running out of it, and you were surely curious about what was the plan next. If there was any.

"How is Commander Magath?"

"General now."

His gruff and domineering voice echoed in this quiet room. No one said anything, but the others immediately gave him a salute.

"General Magath." Except for you though, you rarely did. Especially it wasn't in a formal setting. "That sounded better, actually."

You were always so casual around him. Even though he could be scary, in reality, he was like this huge teddy bear. You never saw a smile plastered on his face, but you knew how proud he was of each warrior. Not directly saying it out loud, his gesture just often betrayed his hard look.

"Your sweet smile would never work on me, (Y/n)."

"So you admitted that my smile looked sweet, General?"

He glared down at you, but you didn't waver. Once the quiet poured in, you realised that there was someone else behind him. The man was probably younger than you. Not so much, maybe a year or two. A shade of yellow replacing the usual red one that you once saw from the other warriors, the armband Porco, Reiner, and Pieck used to wear.

"There's no time for a proper reunion, kid." Magath stood beside the Cart Titan's inheritor, arms crossed across his chest as he scrutinised your entire being. "Since you are awake, the meeting to talk about Paradis will be held this evening. I expected you to be there."

You gave him a nod, wanting him to know that you were ready. There was no hope anymore if you stayed in Paradis, you were aware of that. One way or another, with Zeke and Eren's power combined, it wouldn't be long until a war broke out. And with the remaining years of your life, you could at least make sure the rumbling didn't start.

General Magath never once threw his gaze somewhere else. Perhaps, he was still cautious of your presence here, and a bit annoyed over the fact that you could have warned Marley of the upcoming raid, and yet there was nothing. You couldn't pinpoint how much he knew about you, so you made a mental note to shut your mouth unless he asked you to.

"Yes, sir."

Pieck never once left your side ever since you woke up after three days of being unconscious. Yes, three days. Who would have thought transforming into a titan after years would take a toll on your stamina like this.

She explained how it took a whole day for the crystal to melt away, and when the titan expert tried to lift you up, it horrified them when they realised you had broken every bone in your body. Safe for your ribcage and skull. The others? Might as well fused with your blood.

That was why she always stuck beside you. She helped you get to the shower, accompanied you there even though she didn't do anything but stand near the doorframe. Her delicate hands fixed the way your shirt crooked. And it almost reminded you of your best friend.

You often found yourself wondering what Sasha was doing. Maybe she shoved her mouth full of Niccolo's food, or resting in her childhood's house as she sought comfort within the confinement of home.

Whatever it was, you hoped she found her peace, and understood why you had to stay here instead of coming back with them.

"You have changed." Pieck was someone who never beat around the bush. "Did you make friends there? Found a foster parents? Falling in love?" And her gaze was too unfathomable for you to see what her motive was.

"Hmm, all of the three." You shrugged before thanking her when she thrusted the pale yellowish colour of the warrior's long coat. "My best friend died because we have to kill him, my foster mother killed by the rubbles of Annie's transformation, and—"

For a moment there, Pieck felt bad for asking. She only wanted to get to know you more. After about nine years, she finally saw you once again. The only one she could share anything girl's related to since Annie was too distant and the other candidates before were all male.

She just wished that maybe, you would open up yourself to her. And you did, you said it all in a heartbeat but she stopped you from finishing your sentence. You had lost too much. Those people who you somehow cherished from inside the walls, the other warriors and of course — your father.

"It's alright, (Y/n)." Her lips shaped into a soft smile, "I would like to hear everything once you are ready." Patience. That was what she needed.

"Thank you, Pieck."

She only patted your back before beckoning you to follow her. The headquarters had already changed a lot. They installed new wings and upgraded some rooms, and if it wasn't thanks to her presence here, you would have gotten lost.

Your eyes often drifted towards the tired figure by your side. As a cart titan, she could stay in her form for months, but it would also take a toll on her human body.

You were surprised though when she didn't say anything about Zeke. Ever since you enrolled in the Warrior Unit, she always had her hips attached to him. You didn't know why at first, but whatever feeling she had towards him, it was fairly reciprocated.

Then again, she only knew that Captain Levi had killed him senseless. She was there when the Beast Titan was taken down, seeing how the thunder spears were pierced through its nape, and that was it.

She was supposed to protect him, and yet she failed miserably, panicking over the situation for a moment and letting her guard down.

Her eyes were downturned, a bit half-lidded, and it had a similar shade to Zeke, despite how much warmer it was. But right now, you could see there was a war inside her mind. Slowly eating her sanity as guilt inched closer to her heart.

For a few minutes there, her lips were tightly shut. She was a bit chatty before, talking to you about the progress in Marley for nine years you had been away. Then of course, poking a bit of your life in Paradis, wondering what kind of people you fell in love with, perhaps.

The two of you passed an office before, she didn't tell you who it belonged to and just walked past. From the way her gaze lingered there, you could predict whose room it belonged to.

"Huh?" You subconsciously tugged on her wrist, a soft smile plastered on your face, similar to what she offered to you when you woke up. "What is it?"

"Nothing, Pieck."

Her pupils slightly dilated, confused by your gesture. But she didn't pull away, letting you get closer. You wanted to tell her that he was alive. How the only man you ever aware of she harboured a special feeling to was only captured.

Then again, you didn't know what the Survey Corps would do to him anyway. One thing for sure, your higher-ups wanted to separate him with Eren.

Eren Yeager. Your lips pursed when you remembered the rage in his eyes. Not for the titans anymore, no. It was addressed to everyone else across the ocean. He would gladly do anything for Paradis, one of them was to eradicate the whole world if that meant they could live a peaceful life.

What a dream, you wanted that too for Paradis and the whole Eldian. But to let millions of colossal titan trample the world flat, it couldn't be justified. Whatever the reasoning was.

You also wanted your friends to live, for them to have a future without anyone trying to take it away from them. Those who didn't get to inherit the nine titans' power had a normal lifespan like other human beings, after all.

That was why you needed to do something. Eren was the cause of the uproar, the sole person who caused a ruckus and the root of fear in people's heart. You needed someone trustworthy to devour him for the Founding Titan power. Yes, that would be the right thing to do. Although, you still hoped there would be a way to negotiate, not wanting to kill someone who once said that you were important in his life.

"Hey."

Reiner waved at you, enough to bring you back from your stupor. He was leaning his back on the railing, waiting for the meeting that would be conducted in an hour. Pieck's eyes went back and forth from you and him, then decided to slip away, perhaps knowing that the two of you might want to catch up.

You didn't want to, actually. Sure you were worried about him with how he looked like he lost a lot of weight. But there was a nag in your heart. He would probably ask about Bertolt and Annie, a wound that left a scar on you, gradually healed but never once faded away. Especially the former.

"Hi." You rarely felt nervous, but you didn't know what to say now as he motioned you to come closer, joining him in this stillness before the storm.

Following his line of vision, your eyes drifted towards the empty field. No Marleyan military, no warriors, not even a bird landed on the barren land. You hunched forward, propping your body on your crossed arms as you waited for him to start a conversation. Or if he only needed company, then you would provide him that.

"I am glad you are alive." He filled the silence, along with wiping out the fear and anxiousness off your body with his words. "At least… I am not alone."

You couldn't imagine the nightmare that consumed him ever since he came back. The lone survivor, not even able to keep the others alive. Even though he survived hell back in Paradis, he might choose to die if this was the future he had. But it seemed, he was one of God's favourites.

"Oh, come on, Braun." You nudged him by his waist, which earned a small chuckle from the depressed-looking man. "I am not the only one who is alive, don't worry."

"Really…?" He gaped at you, and you only gave him a nod at that. "Did they keep Bertolt?"

"Reiner," Though, you didn't expect him to immediately ask about your former lover. "They… They aren't." You weren't. "Bertolt, he—" You really thought you would be ready to tell him. To tell the details about the people you lost. "Let's just say that the circumstances were unfortunate."

And yet, even though years had passed ever since, it was still difficult.

Maybe because the four of you were the epitome of ride or die. No one knew who you were, you could only seek comfort from one another. The burden that you carried was the same as theirs, just differed a bit with your last name and knowledge.

You were a fighter, your skill was the same as theirs. But you could never see yourself as a warrior, nor a soldier, no matter how many times Bertolt reminded you that was exactly who you were. With how you wanted nothing but to end this war, to make sure no one died in this nonsense fight that happened because of an event from thousands of years ago — you pledged yourself as a pacifist.

"Then who is the Colossal Titan?"

"Armin."

"Poor him."

A snort escaped you even before you could stop yourself, and that was enough to make him cackle too. "I mean, he already looked so traumatised from the start. And now he had to carry the Colossal Titan? That was way too much,"

"Hmhm, and I think Hange also saw him as the next Commander."

Reiner winced at that, shaking his head before he just let out a long sigh. As you scrutinised him, you realised how his coat was a bit bigger for him. Not just that, but there were actual wrinkles on his face. From how you saw him, he looked like he had aged by ten years instead of four since the last time you saw him.

Maybe because he was already at the end of his line, just like you. And it made you wonder whether you would have grey hair in your last year. That if you survived whatever war that was raging right now.

"And Annie?"

"Oh, Annie is safe and sound, don't worry." You stretched your arms up, feeling some of your bone popped and you wished it didn't actually snap or fractured. "She was almost captured too, but she decided to harden herself inside a crystal to avoid interrogation. Smart move, but I missed her ever since."

He didn't say anything afterwards, just nodding at every piece of information you provided. Perhaps that was enough. To know that he wasn't the only one who lived in this world. At least three out of five were still here in this world.

The two of you basked in the silence, waiting until the clock struck four in the afternoon. You wondered what he would think if you told him about your newfound love. Would he be disgusted? Betrayed? Because you were aware how Armin Arlert was the one who inherited Bertolt's titan?

"Let's go to the meeting room, Tybur." That thought would be for later, "Better early than late, right?" For now, it would be wise if you kept your lips shut. Similar to what you planned before with General Magath.

Your boots drummed on the wooden floor as you followed behind him. You wondered what Magath wanted to talk to you with, or everyone in general. It must be urgent since he didn't even let you rest for even a day.

Whatever it was, you reminded yourself that each second passed was precious. So for him to gather everyone in a meeting once the doctor deemed you capable of leaving the medical wing, it was bound to happen.

As you were getting closer to the room, you could hear people converse with one another. Porco, Pieck, and that one boy you didn't know the name yet. He must have been important, knowing how he practically stayed in Magath's shadows. The moment you walked in, he stood up from his seat beside Porco and gave you a smile.

This guy looked precious.

"H-Hello." He greeted you, still not sure perhaps of what he should say. "We haven't met before, but my name is Colt. Colt Grice." And at the mention of the last name, you almost flinched.

"Hello, Colt Grice." The blonde was none other than Falco's brother. "It was nice to see a new face." You didn't know what happened to the little boy, but you hoped he was alive and well. "I am (Y/n), by the way."

"And so I have heard."

You took his hand that he offered to you before, wanting to know more about him since he might become your new friend after this. You never learn, huh? His fingertips were calloused, and you focused on him rather than the cryptic thought that invaded your mind. He would die soon, just like anyone else.

"Alright, Colt." The hand was jerked away forcefully, "Come on, sit. You too, (Y/n)." By none other than Porco Galliard himself whose face looked like he was irritated.

Colt was confused at the sudden aggressiveness he received. The Jaw Titan's inheritor was never a gentle person, he knew that, but also not as petty as this. He didn't know the past before he joined the military though, not knowing about whatever history you had with Porco. He only sat back, much more skittish now, which elicited a small chuckle from Pieck.

"You never grow up, huh? Pock?"

"Pieck!"

The accused man grabbed his heart, dramatically so, but he only scoffed and said nothing, not wanting to make fun of himself even more. Porco threw his face away, looking out the window instead of the others in the room who were now snickering at his somewhat awkward gesture. Except for Colt, of course.

Another click came from the door, and all of them stood up as General Magath arrived with a box in his hand. This time, including you. You remembered the salute, knowing well you didn't have to, but you loved to give respect in a formal setting like this. And since you were not as dazed as before, you did.

"At ease." Magath commanded all of you to sit once again. And after he walked to the other side of the room, one by one, they prepared their ears to whatever input they would receive from their general.

He hastily threw a familiar gear out of the box to the table laid in the middle. Your eyes widened at that, knowing exactly what it was. The new manoeuvring gear; from the gun and hook, the cylinder gas, and also straps that once fastened to someone. You were dreading, swallowing a huge lump as you got scared at the idea of your friend turning into a corpse.

Your gaze never left the gear, trying to see if there was a name or some kind of mark there. None, of course there would be none. You were so hyper-focused on thinking about it that you didn't even acknowledge how Magath looked down at you like a hawk. "Is there anything you want to share, (Y/n)?"

"It's—" Where was your position in this war, really? "The new gear that was recently advanced, General." Paradis? Marley? "Inspired by a force from deep within the walls. There was a special squad that used this gear, called anti-personnel. Instead of anti-titan."

Truthfully, you didn't even know yourself. One thing for sure was to stop Eren from activating the rumbling, but you didn't know where your loyalty lay if someone asked. You cherished the warriors like a family, but you had grown to love the island devils at the same time.

"So, the development got nothing to do with our beloved war chief?"

"What…?"

Pieck's gaze went towards the general once again after it was long settled on you. "What the Paradis Island's evolution has to do with Zeke?" Her lips parted, not knowing if she should put the puzzle herself. A part of her might have understood, but she objected to the idea at once.

"We found the remains of him," Magath pinched the bridge of his nose, perhaps aware of the fondness that she harboured towards Zeke. "Arms, limbs— but that was it." Of course he did, he couldn't even look her in the eye at the moment. "Not enough to declare him dead."

There was a sigh of relief escaping from Pieck's lips. She didn't even hide it at this point, but she was glad Zeke was alive. "Yes, the enemy captured him. But, knowing him, it wouldn't be that easy." The solace that had already occurred in her mind, was now scattered once again.

"Then," Porco's brows furrowed, already able to figure out what General Magath tried to say. "He was taken by his own will…?"

And all of a sudden, their eyes were fixated on you, demanding an answer.

One you had to reluctantly convey.

Notes:

I tried to post at least one chapter a week! Hope all of you guys would enjoy this journey with me.. We are almost there :3

Chapter 51: Spilled Wine

Chapter Text

Eren Yeager had escaped.

First, Darius Zackly, the Commander-in-chief of all three military branches and also served as premier, was killed by a bomb. His corpse was thrown out of the office's window and straightly landed right in front of the protestors who wanted the military to free Eren, causing a whole ruckus in its wake.

He stood so close to the office when it happened, along with Mikasa by his side. If only he still lingered around with her, both of them would have been killed. The thought elicited confusion in his heart. If the assault was instructed by Eren, would it be alright then if they died too?

Armin Arlert had never been this frustrated before. He always had hope, keeping it in his heart that there would be a way for Paradis Island to get its place in this world. Never once he surrendered, his mind already there in a distant future where peace was always an option.

But after the raid in Liberio, after he lost you — he started to wonder whether he was just trying to lie to himself about the life he had.

It had been a month ever since the raid, and instead of having a serene time, Paradis had more trouble in its hand. Yelena exposed her secret meeting with Eren, which no one knew about, including Onyankopon. There was an uprising regarding the civilians who wanted to free Eren, and now the premier died as another act of rebellion.

The Yeagerist. That was the title that Nile Dok gave to those who fully supported the Founding Titan inheritor, Eren Yeager himself. Almost all of the Survey Corps were bowing their heads to him, and everyone else in the military started to get wary of the rest of them who still stayed in Mitras.

Hange, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie — along with Onyankopon, were the only ones who could perhaps crack the problem that was bestowed upon this land and find out the Yeagerist's true goals.

And they started by visiting Niccolo, the free Marleyan man in this country.

It wasn't the first time Armin walked past this street. A smile always appeared on his lips every time since the building was one of the proofs of truce. That Marley and Paradis could unite, and everyone could live side by side if only people recognised how Eldian was also human.

But this time, his eyes didn't spark like they used to.

The group often went here to eat together. Actually, no, more like accompanying Sasha to meet none other than the head chef himself. You were always the one who pushed her to talk with him, saying how it might be a once-in-a-lifetime love. A chef who was smitten, and an adorable food connoisseur.

They knew the place like the back of their hands. And for once, Armin's lips curved into a soft smile, all because of a glimpse of you in his thoughts.

"It's about how the volunteer soldiers were arrested." Onyankopon interrupted Hange once the chef looked guarded at Hange's small talk. "We need you to answer our questions."

"Ah, about that."

Niccolo's brows still furrowed, perhaps wondering what was going on at this time around. The news about Eren was classified, and hopefully, it didn't reach his ears just yet. "Come on, all of you can wait here for the time being."

He led the group towards an area they had never seen before. The design was similar to the main floor, but the table was all round. It was probably a lounge, a perfect place for the Military Police to drink and play cards.

"Whoa," Jean snatched one of the wines from the rack, "it's that wine that brass won't shut up about! The good shit they only serve to high-ranking officers."

"Really?!" And his other brain cells scurried towards him. "Don't we rank pretty high in the Survey Corps?"

"Yeah, we can try—"

"Don't touch that!" When they thought Niccolo left them already, he came back with panic written all over his face as he took the bottle off Jean's hand. "This stuff is wasted on the likes of you Eldians!" Gripping it tight, hugging the wine as if it was a sacred remain.

Armin felt like there was something more to it. The way he acted around them was different. Niccolo had been so welcoming, to the point he would stay at their table when they ate, checking on them with a contented smile — so for him to change drastically like this, Armin couldn't stop himself from speculating.

"I think there's more to it." He walked up to Jean who was gritting his teeth, taken aback by the words that the Marleyan said. "You know him, I-I bet he already saw us as a friend, Jean."

" Friend my ass."

Jean took a deep breath before shaking his head and walking to the other side of the room. He stood by the window, eyes scrutinising the street before he punched the wall nearby. "Damn it."

Prisoner. He could feel someone stealing his breath when he heard the word. Not in a magical way like how you did it — this was harsh, and it made his throat feel so dry. All along, of course he knew how those walls were seen like a cage, a prison cell. He never thought about it anymore for quite some time, but when someone spat it in front of him, it was engraved into his mind.

He was only trying to lighten up the mood. It wasn't like he would get irresponsible by drinking alcohol when he was on duty. Jean was nothing like those stuck-up Military Police. And he didn't expect Niccolo to be so aggressive over a bottle of wine.

Just like what Armin said before, he already considered the chef as a friend. Especially when he knew the secret relationship between the man and his best friend. Sasha, if only she was here. Not just her, if only you were here, at least one of you would be able to calm Niccolo down.

None of them was around anymore, though. Not Sasha, of course, knowing how she was no longer breathing in the first place. And a chance for you to suddenly appear out of nowhere was surely less than zero percent. It was impossible.

For a month he had been grieving over the death of Sasha. The image of her uniform turned red, the faraway look in her eyes. As if that wasn't enough, she even asked for you before as she exhaled her last breath.

Yes, today could have been them having the best meal in the world, cooked by none other than Niccolo himself. He would get shit drunk with Connie, and Mikasa would stay by Eren's side just like always, the same as you with Armin. Sasha, however, would go to the kitchen, learning some other cuisines and probably sharing silly kisses in that private space.

But once again, it was just another daydream. He really needed to stop hanging around Armin, or else he would continue to be hopeful. Something he didn't want to feel. Because it hurts. To just wish, but never granted.

"What's with the fuss?" He was pulled out of his contemplation when he heard Armin's shout. "Everyone, over here!"

Jean raised one of his eyebrows before hurrying to where Armin was. And the second he got there, his eyes widened at the sight of the little kid. Gabi, if he could remember. The same girl who shot Sasha. He gaped at the sight; the knife, Blouse's family, Niccolo, the warrior candidates.

"N-Niccolo, what are you—" His eyes widened in horror the moment he saw the knife was placed right on the kid's neck. The boy was unconscious, blood covered half of his face. "What are you trying to do here?!"

"Stay away!" He looked like he was possessed by the devil itself. "I'm avenging Sasha! Don't move!" Eyes filled with rage, wanting nothing but to kill.

"Stop, Falco didn't do anything!"

The girl cried out, once again beaten up to a pulp, and it reminded Jean of that night a month ago. She looked so helpless now, feet staggering as she couldn't even stand up, face swollen from how many punches she received — everything was so messy.

"What is this kid to you? He took that hit for you just now!" And now, the survey corps couldn't do anything but wait for the right time to take the boy from Niccolo's grasp. "Is he important to you? 'Cause I had someone important to me!" But with his rage, it would be difficult. "An Eldian! A descendant of demons!"

Jean pursed his lips, feeling tears threatening to spill in this broad daylight as he realised what Niccolo was trying to say. "But she loved my food more than anyone I've ever met! She saved me from this god-forsaken war, she made me realise I am only myself when I made people happy with my cooking…"

He gritted his teeth, listening to how his friend's lover was crying his heart out. "That was Sasha Blouse, the girl you took from me!"

"She took everyone from me too!" And these shouts between two Marleyan only proved how cruel this world was indeed. "Sasha Blouse shot them! So I got my revenge! She was the one who started it all!"

"I don't care who started it!"

"Niccolo!"

Jean couldn't take this anymore. He stepped forward, both hands up to show the man that he didn't try to take the boy by force. "I-I understand what you feel," he was just here to explain, to try to diffuse the anger in this room. "I lost someone too in this war. She, she was everything to me, not just Sasha—"

"I wanted to stay and live with all of you, even though it's just for another two years."

"This fucking war, it gave, but it also take." He understood well. How it felt to let go of someone, to not be able to see them anymore. "Don't do this, Niccolo."

It hurt. As if someone stabbed him repeatedly, maybe even more painfully.

But the blonde was still seething, teeth gritted with one another despite how tears were welled up in his bright eyes. The man probably knew what Jean meant, everyone with eyes could see the longing and adoration inside those copper orbs every time they landed on someone. It was you, just you.

And when Niccolo couldn't see you around, he put a thing or two together, already connected the dots.

"I am sorry, Jean," still, acknowledging it wouldn't be enough to give him some peace. "I had to do this for her."

"Niccolo, give me the knife."

Another voice cut through the tension in the room, and the ringing in his head before slowly diminished as Mr Blouse opened his palm. "Please."

The only person who could take the little girl's life was him. Sasha's father, the one who taught her about how this world works, who raised her into the woman she was. So of course, Niccolo didn't even hesitate and gave the knife away.

Mr Blouse stepped forward, dark orbs gazing down towards the helpless girl who couldn't even turn to face him.

"That's enough—"

"Sasha was a hunter." Hange didn't want to see another bloodshed. "I taught 'er the bow when she was a munchkin, and she'd hunt animals in the forest to eat. That was how we lived." That was why they tried to stop this, but they were too astounded at the moment.

Pain was lingering on each syllable he spelt out, and he only had his eyes staring into an empty space. It was as if Sasha was there, standing right in front of him with her usual smile plastered on her face. Not the forced one she had for the last couple of weeks, but the one she always showed every time she wanted to eat.

Jean was so defeated at the moment as he listened carefully, wanting to cover his ears, but at the same time — he needed this closure.

Sasha, his best friend, who had been there ever since Cadet Corps, wanted nothing but to join the Military Police before, devoting her heart to this land. From living her past in the forest, then leaving the place she was raised in so she could have a better life, until the world opened up in front of her.

Coming from the small forest in Wall Maria where she could have been killed by dangerous animals, she explored the world out there, only to realise that it was all the same. Everything was still about killing or being killed. A prosperous and peaceful world, it was still in the distant future.

"We should at least get the kids out of the forest. Otherwise, they'll just keep running in circles forever." And all because of what? "So, it's our responsibility as an adult to keep shouldering the sins and hatred of the past."

A different belief, an unknown knowledge, distrust, rage — things that could have been avoided if only people in this world wanted to listen.

He frowned at the whirlpool of emotion that was now sitting in his heart. It aches once again. Accepting the truth was the hardest. He had never been good with grief, but before, at least he had you. Jean never thought of a scenario where you were the one who was gone.

Mr Blouse gave the knife to his wife, and with such care and love, they tended to Falco and Gabi instead, seeing them not as enemies, not as their daughter's murderer — just lost kids who ran in a big forest with a minimum grasp of reality.

They were already mature, so they could see how it was never the kids' fault. But Kaya only knew one thing;

It happened in a split second. Mikasa had her eyes on Gabi, her voice was soft as she asked the wounded girl if she was alright. And perhaps, if it wasn't for the ravenette who stayed by her side, she would have been dead when Kaya attempted to lunge at her.

"How could you kill my sister?!" The cried out from the innocent. "My sister?! My saviour?!" It was the most painful one as they were still not able to see the truth. "I thought you were my friend!"

In a world like this, things weren't always as it seems.

Armin felt like he had a headache now. The group went here to gain more insight regarding the plan of the Yeagerist or Yelena.

"Tell me, why did you save me?"

"I don't know, no particular reason."

Then this happened. They didn't get anything and met the Warrior Candidates that were on the run instead. The kids were taken care of by the Blouse family for a while ever since they escaped the prison cell, a bit ironic if he could be honest.

Even if Sasha's parents were so forgiving, Kaya glorified the brunette's existence. After all, if it wasn't because of Sasha's courage, she wouldn't be alive. So of course, to know that someone her age shot her saviour, the sole reason she could be here now — rage and shock were bound to flare up.

"I killed one of your best friends." Armin let out a sigh, eyes drifting down as he just stared at his own hands. "I beat that soldier to death with a rock." These kids, her , especially, reminded him of someone. "Falco didn't do anything, so I'm the only one you have to kill, right?"

"We won't kill you."

"But you must want to kill me so bad."

"We don't want to." She was similar to him, his childhood friend. "Is killing the only thing on your mind…?" Eren Yeager, the man that he wanted to see.

The same man who suddenly walked in unannounced, raising his bloody slit hand, answering his prayer right away.

"Sit." Both Armin and Mikasa were still in shock, mouths went agape when the very man they wanted to meet appeared right in front of them. "Both hands on the table."

A part of him felt like it would be the greatest chance. Maybe, something would finally happen like he wanted it to. He didn't know how Eren found them, and whether the others saw him when he got to this place. But at least, he didn't have to look for Eren anymore. His best friend was here, "I wanted to talk to you two."

Armin nodded at Mikasa who was still surprised, eyes watering a bit before she did exactly what their friend asked them to. There was quite a ruckus outside, he could hear Hange's voice and Jean cursing at someone. He wanted to ask what it was all about, something that was answered by Floch as the man knocked at the door.

"We are heading out."

His blue eyes widened, not expecting Eren to cooperate with Floch. From everyone, from those who he thought were the most loyal to him, his best friend chose to have someone that barely knew him as his right-hand man.

He didn't dare to talk. Not yet. Not when he didn't even know what was going on out there. Eren had his eyes downcasted. The light in his eyes was nowhere to be seen. His passion for freedom, to live and see what was out there, his dream. It was as if the man in front of him wasn't Eren, to begin with.

"Don't worry about Hange and the others." His pupils slightly dilated, listening to the answer to his previous thought. "We're just moving them somewhere else, that's all."

"Eren," And he had a feeling that there wouldn't be a second chance. No other time to talk things through. "Mikasa and I wanted to talk to you too." He needed to know all the reasons. "Why did you decide to attack Marley and do all of this? Did Zeke and Yelena win you over?"

Every second that passed felt like it rolled forever. Sweat started to form on his foreheads, Gabi was shaking too as she didn't know what would happen to her, and neither did he. But Armin didn't relent, he looked forward, facing the man who was the root of all of this commotion.

"I am free." His thin brows furrowed, needing Eren to elaborate more. "Everything that I did, it was all of my own free wills." And the elaboration wasn't even enough.

"Including what you did after you met with Yelena…?"

"Yes, Armin."

"No, you're being manipulated." Mikasa gritted her teeth. Her usual calm tone was now filled with disbelief. "The Eren I know would never get innocents or children involved, even those he considered as enemies." Then she remembered, "And… You wouldn't risk our life either, you care about us more than anything else."

The talk from that night. How she tried to convince Connie that Eren cherished them all, "Am I wrong?" But from Armin's eyes, it was her trying to convince herself. "Back when you saved me, back when you wrapped this scarf around me. That was your kindness—"

"I said, hands on the table."

Those eyes, the green irises that belonged to Eren, it got even darker now. Mikasa stood up when she said those words, begging for more explanation as her fingertips traced the very same scarf. And like what she always did, she obeyed him. "When I was in Liberio, I talked with Zeke. Just us brothers. He knew more about Titans even than Marley does."

Eren continued to stare at Mikasa, but his gaze abruptly settled towards Armin. "What do you think drives you to get closer to (Y/n) after we reclaim Shiganshina? Are you doing that of your own free will?"

"What are you—"

"If memories make us who we are, then part of you has turned into Bertolt." Armin didn't like this. "Within you is an enemy who's in love with another one of our enemies." He didn't like this at all. "Bertolt has taken over you. Understand?"

All his life, he had been pining over you. Ever since your tiny feets brought you towards them after the fall of Wall Maria, you never truly left his mind. He adored the way you cared for others, and how you could maintain your composure even when things were getting haywire.

From anyone, Eren should have been the one who knew him inside and out. In Cadet Corps, he nudged his side every time he looked so wounded after knowing about you and Bertolt, then proceeded to talk to him as a distraction. Eren was also the one who patted his back when he was worried over you, right when the Military Police found your unconscious body inside the broken-down house.

He should have known — Armin's devotion towards you was nothing new. It was intense and selfless. "You never loved her. It was never on you." And yet he continued to push this nonsense. "In the end, you're the one being manipulated by the enemy."

"Eren! Why would you—"

"And you're no better, Mikasa!"

Stop, he couldn't say anything. Please, stop this. Armin knew he should never let Eren's words get into his head, but they did. And now, it started to get on the ravenette's mind too. "You're part of a family that lost its identity, and now exists only to follow orders. Mine." Such cruelty pierced right through both of their hearts. "A slave."

"Stop it, Eren!"

"You know what I hate the most in this world? People who aren't free."

"Eren!"

"Just the sight of her always makes me feel so sick. And now I finally know why," first, Eren tried to trick his mind by saying how his feelings were never his. "I couldn't stand looking at a slave who lived just to follow orders."

Now, it was all appointed to Mikasa, whose life never left Eren's side. "Mikasa, ever since we were kids," Spewing words with a goal to ruin, "I've always hated you." To stomp and wreck an already fragile heart.

He couldn't take this anymore.

"Eren, how dare you—"

Armin for once let himself fall to the rage he promised himself not to. One second he stayed in his seat, the next, he was ready to lay a punch on Eren's face. But one thing that he would never expect was for Mikasa to stop him. He controlled his breath, feeling like someone knocked the air out of his lungs with how she slammed his body on the table. "Mikasa…?"

"All your life, you've been strung along by your Ackerman blood. That's all you are."

Acting purely with instinct, Armin growled and continued his first mission. His fist landed on Eren's cheek, enough to make the man stagger and fall backwards.

He knew too well that he couldn't win in a fight with his best friend who was one of the most skilled cadets back then in the Corps. But he couldn't just stay still when someone bad-mouthing his best friend, even if the culprit was another one of his.

Armin let out a gasp as Eren pushed him towards the wine racks. His back was aching, face was swollen from each hit he received. He fought, and he never stopped trying to land another hit on his best friend whom he didn't recognise anymore.

"Stop, just stop it."

"All you have to do is tell me where Zeke is, we won't even need to fight."

His senses were in shambles. If he wasn't a titan shifter, it would take weeks for him to recover from such a heavy blow. "Take them away, including the girl who killed Sasha."

A part of him still won't believe this. That Eren Yeager, someone who saved him too back then by offering his hand for him to take, was now beating him into a pulp. One of his eyes was closed because of how badly Eren knocked him before. He looked up with the help of Mikasa, and even if he was hurt, he wanted to make sure once again.

"So that's it? That's what you want to say?" He needed to make sure whether it was true that he was at the point in life where he lost the man he fought side by side with from the start. "The freedom you yearned for is the freedom to hurt Mikasa? Heh, you are nothing but a slave too, Eren."

"Tch, don't you dare call me a slave."

Through his glare, Armin found his answer.

Chapter 52: Memento

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You stared at the suitcase you had been hiding under one of the beds in Azumabito Estate. It was still locked. The leather was a bit worn out since it was a hand down from Mr Keller, the same suitcase that his wife previously used when she travelled around between towns inside the walls.

That was the first expensive gift he ever gave her. Mrs Keller cherished it for years, using a special liquid to clean each crevice, not wanting the iron handle to corrode. Once she settled down peacefully at the innermost, she never resorted to it anymore. Only when she checked up on you after the Battle of Trost, that was the last time.

When you told Mr Keller about someone asking you to live with them, he was ecstatic. He wanted to know more, like a father making sure his daughter had a great life. Even though you would live in Shiganshina, one of the outermost cities, he was confident you would love it there.

The scenery, hills and river, everything in Shiganshina were much more beautiful with the vast land. Especially after the Queen planned to build the town and secure a lot of life by allocating the residents to their desired occupations.

And you did. You loved the days you spent there. How you woke up every morning with sunlight pouring in from the window, with you scooting closer to someone who lay on the other side of the bed — your life there was pure bliss.

Mr Keller gave you this suitcase as a memento. He asked you to find any use for it, anything better than just letting it decay in an attic.

So you decided to put each fragment of your memory inside. Things that were in the past, locked away because the sight of it made your heart ache at the remembrance of the chapters of life you used to have.

Your fingertips traced the dark brown leather, taking a deep breath before you inserted the key on the lock, twisting it until you heard a small click. You didn't know what came after you. At one time, you promised not to take a look at any of it and stayed in the moment you shared with those around you.

But at the thought of going away, when you knew this war would be your last — if by chance your blood would be spilt, then you wanted to go to them. Maybe these keepsakes would be enough to take you to where they were.

"Tybur," Magath's gruff voice trailed after he knocked at the door. "We are going to depart in ten minutes."

"I will be out in five."

You closed your eyes, listening intently as silence engulfed you once again after the footsteps receded away. Even without looking, you already knew the latch that would open the suitcase. And after unclasping the last hook, your breath hitched for a moment there as you pushed the hard frame ajar.

There weren't many items. At the top layer, your clothes were still intact. Underneath it, however — stop . You took a deep breath, focusing on what you had to do before letting your mind roam free. There was no time for you to postpone this anymore. Might as well rip the bandaid from your heart and just get it done with.

You hurriedly took the ivory shark tooth pendant that was wrapped by a handkerchief. A piece from your childhood, given by your dearest friend as he reminded you that he was waiting for you to come back. And here you were now indeed, going to the battlefield with him by your side, standing in the same lane.

Over the necklace was of course the black scarf that Mrs Keller wrapped around your neck. It wasn't too thick, but enough to warm you up when the night was cold. You recalled the first time you had this, and your fingertips immediately moved on their own to replicate the way she tucked each end under.

The last thing, another item that was supposed to warm you up. A soft smile appeared on your face when you felt the hand-knitted glove. The wool stretched so nicely, still fit and as comfy. And you purse your lips when you remembered how the one who made this recently passed away.

It broke your heart when you knocked at the door of Hoover's residence, only having Bertolt's mother there to greet you. You stayed for an hour, listening to whatever things she said, about how they always waited for him to come home.

There was an urge to reassure her that he died as a hero, to explain to her how he had tried his best. But you were so tongue-tied, especially when you could have done something to prevent his death back then. And yet — you just surrendered everything to fate, saving your own life along the way.

The decision that felt like one of your biggest sins, an action that could never be undone and atoned.

"There you are."

Reiner greeted you once you boarded the airship, golden orbs scrutinising your attire, amused since you didn't hide it from anyone whom you were supposed to stand alongside for the last few years. "You are serious about pulling that Paradis look, huh?"

"All the straps were quite tricky, yes." The new Survey Corps's uniform. "But I remembered how Sasha did it before, and realised I had been doing it the wrong way at first." A suit you wore when you arrived here as Paradis' soldier, and the one you wore as you got back there.

When you thought about it, the goal was the same. To infiltrate, to raid. A month ago, it was Marley, and now you were going to raid Paradis Island.

Your mind was messy as you realised that you had no loyalty at all. Not for your fatherland, and not even for the nation to which you felt attached for the last nine years of your life. You even questioned yourself about what you were trying to fight for. The Subjects of Ymir, yes, for their freedom and a promise for a better future. Not only that, but also for the rest of humanity.

But at what cost? Did you already achieve something in your life?

Even after losing so much; Marcel, Mrs Keller, Marco, Bertolt, it seemed like it would never be enough. You wanted to know how many deaths you had to witness. Because if all of your loved ones were dead before a peaceful outcome would unfurl — then that would be cruel.

The warriors, the Survey Corps, were the ones who did everything and sacrificed their own life for a world where Subjects of Ymir could live happily among other humans. It would be shameful if they couldn't even enjoy the fruit of their labour.

You let out a sigh as you sat on the iron floor, recalling what you had to do once you arrived. The objective of this mission was to make sure Eren would be no more. You gritted your teeth at this, knowing how Mikasa would probably try to kill you, or even worse, despise you until the end of your life once it comes to that.

If only he had listened, if only he waited a little bit more and not opted for a path of violence that jeopardised an amicable path, maybe things could have been different.

Your fingertips traced the pendant on your chest. When you didn't have anyone, when you had no one you could confide in anymore, you settled by sitting in the corner of a room. There, you let your mind wander as you fiddled with something you could touch. Currently, it was the shark tooth pendant from Porco.

Just three days ago, when the first wave of the infiltration was getting ready to depart, you finally gathered your courage.

No one said anything at first when you dragged him towards that hill. The place where the two of you always went to after training, just to stare at the way the brightest star in the sky decided to rest and let the moon take over.

It was excruciating. To open an old wound, the very first tragedy that occurred in Paradis Island Operation.

But you had to do it, to tell him everything. For the sake of the two brothers.

Every time you sat on one of the boxes, and him standing just a few feet in front of you with his hands tucked in his pocket, it took you back to when you were kids. You couldn't remember who was the first between you two that found this hill, but for the first few months in Warrior Units, it had become a safe place.

Before going home, the two of you would run here, slipping away from the others. Marcel knew of course where his younger brother went, and he always let it be, waiting for Porco to come back by idling on the porch of their house instead.

Marcel, what a gentle soul he was. If you were reincarnated in another life, you would want to have him as your older brother. You once told Pieck about it, and she said that you could have him like that, but you had to marry the younger Galliard first.

Pieck was always so blunt and to the point. You were perplexed by her answer, but you used to daydream indeed. After all, he was your first crush. That cute button nose, thick eyebrows, adorable temper, and how he gave his best to the Marleyan Military — it shaped Porco into the man he was now.

"You didn't wear the necklace anymore." You almost flinched when he suddenly broke the silence. "Is it broken? Did you lose it or something?" Not expecting him to since he often preferred the serenity that enveloped the atmosphere.

"I keep it safe, Porco. Somewhere." Then again, maybe he too also realised that the hourglass was almost running out of sand. "It's important to me, after all." Just like the one who gave it.

Porco's eyes never left the sun, half of it was already hiding behind the horizon, and yet he never looked away. He only let out a hum, knowing you a little too much to understand what you meant. And you were glad at that since you didn't want to lead him on or anything by saying how much you cherished his existence too. "Like you." Then again, not everything should be in a romantic light, right?

As your gaze landed on him instead of forward, you saw the way his cheeks flushed with a red hue. Not just pink, but a whole shade of red. You only grinned, not calling him out since you knew he would blame the heat for the change of colour.

Something that reminded you of your time in railroad construction back then in Paradis.

The sun was fully settling in now, resting for the next few hours as the orange tint in the sky turned blue. You jumped down from the box where you sat, and he was ready to walk back towards port since they would go by ship. But before he could, you tugged on his jacket, making him take a look at you.

"Huh?"

"He said he did it."

His eyes dilated for a moment there. You didn't give him any context, not even spewing another sentence to elaborate more. But he knew, he understood well what you meant by that. Marcel asked you before he was swallowed whole, he needed you to tell his little brother that he had done it. You too didn't know what it was about.

"I-I know." However, you still had to deliver the message that was due for years. "After all, you are here, right?"

One that after listening to his words, you realised why Marcel sacrificed his life for you from the start. "He did it well, that damn redhead." It was a request, a plea, anything. "I still wish he didn't have to die while doing it though." A promise he kept and fulfilled.

Before the Paradis Island Operation started, Porco took his older brother to the side. They hugged, embracing one another as they had felt this mission would be a one-way ticket for most of the warriors. He didn't have to say anything regarding Marcel, the older Galliard must have known how much he wanted him to come back home.

That was why he decided to bring your name into the conversation instead.

Porco asked his older brother to take care of you, to be by your side where he couldn't. He never felt so attached to someone else that wasn't his family before, and he would be lying if he said he didn't have even the tiniest crush for Lady Tybur. So he asked his brother to promise him something. Whatever happened, you had to be safe.

And just like a true gentleman Marcel was, of course, he did. He made sure you continued to live on, at least until the curse became the one thing that took your life.

But today, it might be where the end of your line was.

"Tybur, it's time."

You stood at the edge of the airship, looking down at the breathtaking sight of your home . Shiganshina. On the outskirts of the city, there were three lookalike houses, and one of them belonged to you. Yours and Armin's, a safe house.

Your lips were shaped into a thin line as your eyes drifted to their rightful place. Eren Yeager himself, now already transformed into Attack Titan. There were four titans in total, all ready to make sure he would be devoured whole. No one should give him mercy, not when his true motives were still unknown.

Whatever it was, however — he constructed himself as a threat to both Eldians and the rest of the world when he showed his pure rage and hatred in Liberio.

So, with a heavy heart, his death should be ensured for a possible better future.

Jean clicked his tongue every time the thump and rumbles from the surface could be felt throughout the basement. No one knew what was happening out there, none of the Yeagerist cared about them enough to give them even an ounce of information.

He tapped his feet on the ground as his patience was wearing out. They just heard a little about another infiltration, one of the Warrior Units who said that she wanted to be an ally. He wondered if that was you. Maybe you had come back to them, and now you were going to prove your loyalty, yes.

Once everything was done, he could embrace you once again. Slapping you on your back perhaps for even thinking about changing your side. He didn't care anymore if you were born as a Marleyan. Not when he had known you for almost a decade, living under the same roof of the Cadet Corps and then the Survey Corps barracks.

Not when he could only have you for another two years, before someone else had to devour you so the nine titan power would be passed down.

That was why, the moment Onyankopon arrived with keys in his hand, panting after perhaps running from the rooftop towards here, Jean rushed in front of the bars.

"What's going on out there?!" He needed an answer, fast.

"The Marleyan's airships arrived from the sky." And an assurance whether you were out there or not. "About five hundred soldiers, along with the Armoured, Jaw, Cart, and War Hammer Titan all at once."

He felt like he could breathe a sigh of relief. The fact that you were back here, it mattered the most to him. "And Eren's fighting them on his own." But when the last sentence tumbled down, perhaps it was wrong for him to feel at ease so soon. "He's doing his best, but it's only a matter of time before they kill him!"

Marley tried to steal the Founding Titan, the Founder, and the chance for Eren to survive was the same as Jean's sanity at the moment — it was running thin. Especially when you were also there to provide backup. Onyankopon begged the prisoners to help, to back him up.

The second he opened the prison cell, Jean didn't even try to stop Connie from strangling the panicking man. He too was reaching his limit, and he could only stare at the sight as the usually simple-minded friend of his finally lashed out. He did nothing to stop the brawl, his long legs just walked closer, and that was it.

"I'm sick and fucking tired of being betrayed! You hear me?!" Tears welled up at the corner of Connie's eyes, frustrated over the events for the last few years. "Reiner, Bertolt, Annie — Eren, and also (Y/n)! When is this going to end, huh?!"

He screamed at the top of his lungs, wanting whatever deities existed to answer it. From anyone else, the worst betrayal came from you. He would never have thought you were someone from across the sea. Not when you stayed for years, not when you had become another part of him, similar to Sasha.

When his other half passed away, he expected you to be there. He was still hoping that what he saw was just a dream. To think you are the War Hammer Titan, it felt like he also got shot. But in his case, it was right at his heart.

"Connie," Then again, he knew he wasn't the only one. "Let's hear him out."

The very first man who he expected to be the most damaged about the reveal compared to all of them, just calmly asked him to listen. Armin had his composure intact, and he even made sure that he didn't continue to torture and question Onyankopon for each explanation that was given to them.

And up until now, he was amazed at that fact.

If only Connie knew his secret.

"Eren could only play along, who knows what Yelena will do if he disobeys?" Armin too was so close to snapping, he even thought he was going crazy in seconds. "But if he went along, he could use the Rumbling to protect this island! And for the next fifty years at least, no one would be trampling us down anymore!"

He always kept his head cool, trying to rely on hope, on a future he would never truly be in. However, he knew he wasn't the only one, and it wasn't just about him, it was all for them. Fifty years would be enough for them to think about the next step, enough for them to rest and just enjoy the life that Eren provided for Paradis Island.

It was also the reason why they had to protect and save him. Because even though rumbling wasn't supposed to be an option from the start, it was the only action that would postpone the whole world from destroying them.

"Armin, if Eren's hiding what he really wants, why did he push us away?" His mind was going haywire right now, "Whatever his plan is, why did he say he hates me?" Trying to recall everything that Eren once told him, to understand the situation better so when they had another chance to talk, he would know what to say.

His brows furrowed as they rushed upstairs, tracing the memory lane that involved his childhood friend. Then he remembered that time, the first time they reached the ocean together. Eren was the only one who didn't have a smile on his face, it was as if he knew there wasn't true freedom in this current world.

"He couldn't be…" His eyes were downcasted, shaking his head before he tried to match his pace with Mikasa. "Anyway, Eren and I noticed your headaches for years, so he took advantage of that to make his lies more believable."

Right now, he focused back on the one thing they needed to do. "He couldn't tell the truth in that situation, Mikasa." To protect Eren, to make sure he continues to live on, "And once this is all over, we can ask him about it, okay?" Whatever it takes, giving his childhood friend another chance to explain himself.

"Okay."

Even if that meant he had to stain his hand with your blood.

But he wished — it wouldn't have to reach that point.

You couldn't count anymore. The blood in your hand from the soldiers who tried to intervene in the fight between Eren, Reiner, and Porco. Your first move was to lock the founding titan on the ground with your spears, and then you gave the reign to the other two, having to follow the order that was given to you a few days prior.

A greatsword materialised from your hand, and you had been using it to slash the buildings around you. All filled with soldiers who tried to protect Eren. None of them was your friend, at least that was what you wished for. If somehow they died from your attack, perhaps it was better for you not to survive this battle.

Because the idea of it was enough to chip away at your sanity.

There was a roar coming from Eren. And when you glanced at them, you could see Reiner using one of your spears to impale the founding titan. Everything looked like it was going as planned, but that didn't mean you could lower your guard, no. After all, the golden boy hadn't made his appearance just yet.

You heard from Captain Levi a few weeks ago about how they wanted to separate the two brothers. Because when the capability of the royal blood, combined with the founding titan that Eren had, everything was possible. Either it would lead to prosperity for all Subjects of Ymir, or destruction to the whole humanity — they were the ones who had the power.

Just a few seconds. You just took your eyes away from the warriors, and the next time you checked on them, Reiner was thrown backwards with a huge chunk of rubbles launched at him. Your eyes wandered to another place, searching for Porco, who looked like he was beaten into a pulp. With the crack you saw on its jaw, you had a feeling Eren used his hardening ability.

But that wasn't the scariest part of this battle. There on top of the wall, Zeke Yeager had finally arrived. The soldiers around you were no more. Other troops hadn't been sent on your way. And with the Beast Titan making its appearance, you knew they would run as far as they could.

Because who knows — in a few minutes, the whole city might be titans territory.

Notes:

ELLO! OMG I am sorry for not updating since it was Ramadan before, so I have to be there with my fam and didn't have time to write... May you guys enjoy this chapter! Don't forget to share ur thought and comment!

Chapter 53: One Day

Chapter Text

"W-What do you mean by that?"

You didn't know about any of this. "Oi, Colt!" About the wine, how those bottles that were shipped to Paradis might as well be poisonous. Not something that would kill those who drank it to die within an instant. Even worse, they turned into titans, mindless titans.

Just a scream from Zeke Yeager. It would be the only thing it took.

"That was a speculation, I swear!"

Your lips felt so dry as you tried to process this information. The Warriors just had a meeting with General Magath, the last one before the raid to Paradis two days from now. Everyone was just talking, bantering about what they wanted to do before the battle that was possibly their grave. But then Porco started to talk about drinking, and it had been long since he had one.

Colt's body went rigid at that, stopping on his track with brows furrowed. Horror was evident in his eyes, and a snap of fingers in front of his eyes wasn't enough to break him from whatever thought that was running through his mind. Until you squeezed his shoulder, gazing into his eyes that looked so dark with the pupils blown wide.

Then before any of you could ask whether he was alright, the young warrior already ran his mouth, mentioning the wines that Zeke sent somewhere, a gift for his comrades. It was shipped to another country, but Colt didn't find anything amiss with the reasoning, so he just brushed it off before. "B-But if it's true, then maybe…"

He gritted his teeth, perhaps blaming himself for not reporting it to the General before. His trust in the blonde Yeager was far too high, so he believed everything the man said, never once questioning it. Your breath turned heavy, it was as if someone pressed you to the ground with piles of corpses on top of you.

It was like you were back inside the titan's stomach a few years ago, but this time, it was even more suffocating.

If Colt's speculation was valid, then anyone in Paradis who drank the wine could be turned into Zeke's titan puppets. They would become mindless titans, and you knew what you needed to do. Even though you couldn't — if it ever came to that, if any of the people you cherished just had a sip, there was no other way.

"We will have to kill them all,"

"Wait—"

"Wait!" How did it come to this? "Stop! It's Falco! He drank your spinal fluid!"

You swore everything was taken care of. With the soldiers from the Paradis no longer trying to get closer towards Reiner and Porco, you became their shields, creating huge walls made from your hardened flesh to reduce the blow from Zeke's catapult.

It had been going on for minutes. Once the shields broke, the two would continue their pursuit of Eren, who limply walked closer to where Zeke was. Then you would have to cover for them again, having the strongest flesh, taking the stone bullets for them, all to make sure they would be able to catch up to the Founding Titan.

Until you could no longer materialise anything, and you received a huge blow all over your titan's body.

There was no more protection, not from you. You didn't expect any soldier risking their lives to be in this area, aiming to kill anyone who got in the way of the Yeager's reunion. Not when the blows from the Beast Titan could kill them on sight.

Who? Who could possibly—

Blonde. Your eyes caught the familiar blonde strands you never thought would ever see again. The same one you always cherished for the last few years of your life. That soft hair you played with when you read books on the reading nook at your home in Maria. He was here. Armin was around, he fought in this battle too.

But unlike before when he was there by your side, this time, he readied his thunderspears to attack you.

"Oh, Colt." War was an endless nightmare. "I am so sorry." It took, and it took, greedy to be bestowed with more sacrifices, over and over again.

Your pupils dilated at the sorrow that lingered in Zeke's voice. It was engraved into your mind, and it felt like someone had stabbed you right into your heart when you heard the scream. The same scream that threatened to tear your eardrums, a howl belonged to the Beast Titan, a call for subordination.

A yellow tint of glow illuminated the whole city. Your home, Shiganshina. Just like that, the place that you thought had become a safe haven, now turned into hell itself. You couldn't count how many of the Eldians rapidly turned into titans. But it was probably the whole military police and garrison, those who stayed in Paradis when the Survey Corps raided Liberio.

As you tried to heal yourself faster, something that seemed to be impossible with how you were already reaching your limit, your eyes caught the brothers who were hugging one another. No, it was Colt who never left his little brother's side, and your eyes watered the moment a thunderous boom blinded your vision.

You gritted your teeth, focusing on healing your legs first. If only you could walk, then you could use yourself as a shield. Porco was already defeated, and you doubted he could stand up once more. You needed to take him away. This place had become even more dangerous now with dozens or perhaps hundreds of titans running around for free.

But, what about Reiner? Even though you were not completely healed, you stood up, finding him being thrown backwards by none other than Eren Yeager himself. Gathering all your energy, you run towards your so-called friend, slamming him down to the ground, locking him underneath you.

"Reiner! Watch out for Falco!"

Bang!

You gasped when an anti-titan bullet hit the Beast Titan right on its nape. His body was so still, and a part of you felt so relieved since at least, Eren wouldn't be able to use the power of Rumbling anymore. But the battle wasn't over yet. The Founding Titan tried to retaliate, squirming away from you, but as if you would let him.

"It's over, Eren." The gaunt eyes of your titan stared right back at the glare you received. "You don't have to kill anymore."

He stopped moving, and it felt like someone had lifted the burden off your shoulders. "Thank you." If he cooperated, maybe then, you wouldn't have to kill him. It would still be risky, but maybe, both sides could have talked it out, just like how it should be from the start. "Let's get out of here and talk. You, me, Reiner—"

As your eyes drifted behind you, dread coursed into your body like a zap of lightning. A titan who resembled Farco had its jaw fixated on the Armoured Titan's nape, and with the way Reiner didn't try to move or even attack him, you had a feeling he had surrendered. Your fellow warrior didn't have the will to live anymore, wanting to just go somewhere else where war and tragedy wouldn't follow.

But as if the world just wanted to punish him. As if the two of you didn't lose enough in this endless slaughtering, you had to witness another one.

Falco retracted his jaw from the Armoured Titan's nape, and you wondered why. He was so eager before, the instinct to follow an order from the Beast Titan was absolute after all. So what else could make the mindless puppet stop?

"I finally witnessed some of my brother's memories." In the shape of your old friend, "You are the weakest candidate, Reiner, but he tricked the higher-ups to protect me." Wounded and battered from the battle, "Now, you have no choice but to admit this, right?" That was the answer to your question. "I was a better man from the start."

"Porco, don't do this!"

"Even for you , I am."

"Pock, no!"

You screamed out, letting go of your grip on Eren and running as fast as you could. Marcel already died in front of you, and you wouldn't forgive yourself if you let the same thing happen to the younger Galliard. "Pock, get away from there!"

"And I will prove it one day."

Your hand stretched forward, grasping right on Falco's ankle. Hope filled your mind since he fell before he could reach Porco. You did it. Your breath hitched as you waited for your childhood friend to say something, anything. Your grip tightened when Falco squirmed, moving his upper body.

And when he turned around, you might as well die.

It was visible. Even when the debris, dust, and steam from the Beast Titan had clouded your vision, you were still able to see the two legs dangling in between its teeth. Porco Galliard, someone who always tried to save his comrades and children, now he did both by sacrificing himself, embracing death like an old friend.

Everything just happened so fast. He was there, and now he wasn't. You wanted to weep and cry, but there was no time to grieve when you heard a roar coming from Reiner. His fist hit Eren right on its mouth, and your eyes widened when he suddenly crystallised himself, just like what he did to seal Wall Maria a few years back.

He got out from his titan's shell, running on his feet towards Zeke's corpse, or so you thought.

"No. Eren!"

The Beast Titan was alive, that damn Yeager. You weren't supposed to let your guard down like that, believing that there might be a way to undo all of these damages already. A peaceful talk. But with how the two brothers wanted to continue whatever plan they had, to link with one another, your dream was crushed all over again.

Before you could stand up properly, another thunder spear was shot right behind your knee, rendering you helpless as you fell. As if that wasn't enough, the enemy kept bombarding you with an attack. And when one of the spears sheathed into your abdomen, where your human body was stored, your vision turned black.

Who would have thought this was the way you died, in the hand of your lover.

"Hear me, Subjects of Ymir."

Stars. The second you opened your eyes, thousands of stars greeted you. Everything was so serene, no wind, not even air, it was just so — still. Your body was laid on the stretches of sand, but it felt as if you were sleeping on a cloud. It was so light, like you were floating as your mind went blank, not even having the urge to know where you were. "My name is Eren Yeager."

Until of course, that friendof yours seemed to haunt you even when you were dead. "I speak now to all Subjects of Ymir through the power of the Founding Titan."

You couldn't move. You tried to sit up, trying to look around whether you were alone or not, "All the walls in the island of Paradis had crumbled to the ground, and every titan buried within has begun their march." But your whole body was rooted to the ground, nothing you could do except listen to the speeches of the Founder.

His goal, you should have known this was what he wanted from the start. For the people in Paradis Island to have a peaceful life, to be free. But the outer world wanted nothing but to see them perish, the people across the sea wouldn't be satisfied until every last one of the Paradis' citizens was purged. It was always like that before, and even more now when they already saw what these titans could do with their own eyes.

So before they could do any harm, Eren would let these legions of titans trample the land outside of Paradis, and crush all traces of life under its rumbling feet.

After that — there was nothing.

You blinked, and as if you knew no force strung you down anymore, you hurriedly sat up. Emptiness, it was the only thing you saw as far as your eyes could. There were only sands and stars, and you wondered whether it was the afterlife or not. Was this your end? Would you stay here for the rest of your life? Without any other human being by your side?

Your feet staggered once you stood up, feeling so lost as you continued marching forward, just like those colossal titans that Eren sent to destroy the world outside the walls. But they were even better than you. They knew what they needed to do, unlike you who kept walking mindlessly, searching for the purpose itself.

"My little star?"

You whipped your head, and you thought you were going crazy when you heard your father's voice just now. "My little star," No, you were not hallucinating. It was real, too real. "You are not—"

And then you felt it. Hands resting on your shoulder, the touch of someone that you had missed so much. Everything just felt so right with the way he squeezed it, grounding you to this moment. You could see him now, the gentle look on your father's face, never once changed despite how there were fine lines on his forehead. "You are not supposed to be here."

His voice sounded like a plea. Tears welled up in his eyes as he traced your cheek with his palm, unsure that you were really here. In whatever place this was.

"But I am here." You whispered, almost choking out with the emotion that was now bubbling inside you. "I am here, Pa." The longing you felt, it was sticking into every bone in your body.

You thought he would be happy. That finally, the two of you could reunite. It had been years, almost a decade but it appeared that he didn't want to see you. "Pa…? What's wrong?" He only shook his head, and it made you frown since you already let go of your duty, leaving it all behind as you believed you were already dead. "We are together again, Pa."

"It's not…" But with the way he looked at you, hands retracting away from your body, "It's not your time." You knew it would be another farewell.

His gaze softened for a moment there, and you flinched when his thumb wiped the lonely tear that was slipping out at the corner of your eyes. "One day, we will meet again." Just like what you did to him before at the shore of Paradis island. "One day, we will live a better life. With your Ma, along with your brother and sister."

"But when, Pa? When exactly would it be?"

You didn't like this. The two of you just met once again, but another force seemed to pull you away from him. Your hand clutched into his sleeve, shaking your head like a kid who didn't want to go home.

"One day, my little star."

"No, Pa—"

"Take care of them for me."

"No, Pa! Wait!"

You gasped for air, not believing you were thrown into this world once again. Just a moment ago, you were embracing your death already. You only had two years anyway, what was the point of delaying the death that was already so close?

The reason you lived in this world — you often think about what it could be. You knew what kind of life you would have. The name you bore held so much meaning, and there was a chain of duty that locked you in place. It was to save humanity, you always believed so.

But with Eren already starting the rumbling, was there even a way to stop him?

"Tybur." Your eyes shot up to the source of the voice. "Are you well enough to stand up?" It was General Magath. And by his side, Pieck peered down at you from the nape of the Cart Titan.

They saved you, and as you collected your thoughts, you stood up carefully, feeling the muscles in your body already formed once again. He gave you a nod of approval before pivoting deeper towards the forest. There was no command, but you knew he wanted you to follow him. So you did. "Let's talk with the two island devils."

"Island devils…?" You whispered under your breath, not knowing who it could be. "Who?"

"You tell us."

The trees were tall enough to block the sunlight, making the path you took seem to be so dark. You only rose from your death, or whatever state you were in before as you met your father. But now, it seemed there was no time to rest. Not until the reason you were alive was accomplished.

You squinted your eyes once you arrived at a small clearing, and once your eyesight finally adapted back to the light, you wanted to cry out at the sight of the two.

"Ahoy, (Y/n)!"

"H-Hange…!"

He had lost everything.

When he shot the thunder spears towards your titan's form, over and over again without any more hesitation in his veins, he knew a part of him already lost you. No one wanted to, not Connie and Jean with how they kept saying they wouldn't hurt you no matter what, even if that meant they were the ones who would be dead.

What a loyal friend, and he thought he was the same as them.

But oh, he wasn't. He justified his action by blinding himself that it was for the good of all Subjects of Ymir in Paradis. You and the forces from Marley were trying to take the Founding Titan, and who knows what would happen next if he let that happen.

Just a few nights ago, he screamed at Mikasa, snarling at her for even thinking about killing you. Look where he was now, hands stained with your blood.

He didn't even know what possessed him when he shot the thunder spears into your limbs. But he knew that Mikasa wouldn't be able to handle everything, especially when the supplies were limited. It was supposed to be Jean and Connie who caught up to Eren, backing him up in case he needed help. And yet they had to waver for a moment, knowing you were there.

So when his childhood friend dashed to where the brunette was without wasting another second, he couldn't do anything but follow.

It still haunted him, even until he peered into the darkness of a titan's mouth. He wondered whether you saw him back then. Did you know he was the one who hurt you? Did you know it was never his intention to do it? Maybe you would hate him for what he did, and he wouldn't blame you for that.

You were the one who saved his life, and yet he repaid your good deeds by taking yours. He never got tired of listening to the story. How you stood up for him, yelling and readying your blades to fight anyone who chose Commander Erwin instead of him. He was always in awe, and he fell even harder when he heard about it.

What a shameful creature he was for even thinking to shoot you with the thunder spear.

When he was eliminating all the mindless titans within the walls, he caught up to where you were supposed to be. You were nowhere in sight. He kept trying to look for clues, a possibility that maybe you were still alive. And when he saw the shark tooth pendant stained with blood, he fell to his knees and broke down.

Jean was the one who found him in such a pitiful state. The man kept asking him what was going on, but Armin didn't dare to answer. It was as if his brain was short-circuited, and Jean had to help him go back towards the headquarters, collecting himself there before his departure to catch up on Connie.

He only hit you on your limbs, believing you wouldn't hide your human body in such a fragile part. But with how he got the remnant of you in his hand, it seemed he miscalculated it. A miscalculation that took your life, which all of it was his fault.

Maybe that was the reason why he jumped into the titan's mouth. Because he knew, he wouldn't be able to live even a day without thinking about it. He was a murderer, someone who killed his lover. Armin believed his love for you was something undeniable, and it was. But at the same time, he was afraid to be a failure.

The people in Paradis knew he was the one saved instead of Commander Erwin. They would talk about how everything would be better if it was the Commander who had been revived, not him. That was why he needed to prove them wrong. He could make an impact, he could also save them from extinction.

"Have you told Jean?"

But was it all worth it? To live on for the remaining years of his life, knowing he participated in his lover's own murder?

"No, not yet."

He only hugged his knees tighter. His dimmed ocean orbs glanced at the two kids who cried in each other's embrace. When it was all ended, he would want something like that too. To have someone wrapping their arms around him, comforting his mind from going to dark places, such as the battles in the past.

He wanted that someone to be you. You were his future, after all.

But he broke his own dream by shooting those thunder spears towards you.

His lips pursed, and he couldn't stop himself from crying as the realisation finally kicked in. Armin Arlert, someone who promised to keep you safe, who wanted to be there by your side until your dying breath — was the one who took it from you.

Even though he knew Mikasa couldn't take all the titans shifters down by herself, even though he knew Eren depended on him, it shouldn't become a reason for him to kill you. He should have followed his gut. His aim was messy before, it was as if a part of him already warned him about the consequences.

Not just about your death, but also what came after once Eren and Zeke linked together.

Armin would never have thought that his childhood friend would go down this path. He knew how much Eren cared for those on the island of Paradis, his homeland. The man would do anything to make sure they all could be free, but Armin didn't expect him to genocide the rest of humanity outside the walls.

So, not only he lost his childhood friend he cherished, but he also lost the one person who would do anything to keep him safe, who opened up her battered heart just for him to have, who gave him the warmest smile when he was at the lowest point in his life — the one person he ever loved. You.

There was nothing else he could do now but accept it. He just wished there was another path that he could have chosen, one that wouldn't lead to this.

Chapter 54: Be Alright

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

His heart was beating so fast, engulfing him with this uncomfortable feeling.

No, not again. It had been a year since the last time he dreamt about that, so why did it come back? Everything was emerging into his mind. The scorching sun that made all the cadets groan, the rotten smell from dozens of corpses that were piling up, and the nauseating blood smeared all over the corners.

Jean always tried to shrug it off every day. They were commanded to collect the dead bodies of their fallen comrades, scour the street and make sure no one got left behind to avoid any plague. He was already used to it for the past few days, but the sight of his best friend's corpse laid on one of the houses, it forever haunted him to the core.

For the first few weeks after that, he needed someone to check his condition. With him becoming the one who found Marco, the horror entailed no matter where he went. Thank the Walls, you were always there, providing him with whatever affection he could receive. Even after they retook Shiganshina, after you lost someone precious to you, you never stopped.

When it was too much, you even go for miles. As if you were a God who knew everything, you always noticed when his anxiety started to get the best of him. If the two of you were surrounded by others, you would ask him to grab some air, and he followed you like a lost puppy, craving for your kind gesture that would be enough to heal him every time.

His chest felt so heavy at the most random events, and his breath got uneven, body shaking once his mind took him back to that traumatising day. With your tender touch, however, you led him back to the present moment. Your palms pressed against his cheek. The dainty, but at the same time, strong fingers tickled his ears, covering them completely as you demanded him to focus on you.

"Listen to me, Jean—" You started, "Take a deep breath, four seconds." Guiding him with the most gentle tone. "Hold. Yes. Then release it. Slowly." Something that almost made him cry sometimes. "That's it. There you go. I am so proud of you, Jean."

He needed you. Jean always knew that he needed your existence. Whenever you looked at him, all the storms inside his head perished. Just a single glance. That was all it took for you to save him from whatever dark thoughts that were trying to consume him.

For a year, though, he was delighted he didn't have to dream about that day ever again. The nightmare never followed him anymore, and he no longer had to annoy you with such a pitiful request no one else could ever disperse.

But a week before their next expedition to cross the sea, the vision of the past had to come back.

He hurriedly stepped outside his room, skin sheened with sweat as he leaned the side of his body on the wall. The headquarters was like a maze, but with how many times he knocked at your door before, his body already remembered where to go when he was in this state. His body was burning, and he needed to see you more than anything.

Jean's fist slammed at your door, not even able to knock properly. Just the image of you in his mind was able to calm him down. Just the tiniest bit, but it was enough, and he couldn't wait for you to open the door and pull him inside. You would have known the meaning of his arrival. You would help him once again like how you always did.

But even after a minute passed, the door was still locked.

"Tybur—" his throat burnt as he tried to speak. "Tybur, please." And yet he kept doing so, calling you over and over again, even by your first name.

He wondered why there was no answer. You were a light sleeper, and you had this heightened sense when it came to those you cared about. His mind even started to wonder if maybe you fell and knocked your head on the ground, making each second to be even more dreadful. But that wasn't possible, though. He didn't hear anything from inside.

Oh — of course.

A bitter chuckle left his lips once the realisation dawned upon him. The door he had been knocking on and scratching, it led to an empty room. You were no longer there. Ever since his friend confessed his love to you, you had been staying in another place. You packed your bag and went away, leaving nothing behind as you started a new life in Shiganshina.

Jean gripped the knob, turning it open before he pushed the door. When his copper orbs found no one in the dark room, the aching in his heart got worse. He swallowed a huge lump, trying to process that he would no longer feel the comfort you radiated.

You were away, and this time, finally far within his reach. His long legs dragged him towards the empty bed, and he could only take a deep breath on his own as he imagined you to be there right in front of him. The hands covering his ears weren't his, but yours. Your soft smell still lingered in the room, and maybe, that would be enough.

It wouldn't, but he knew he must get used to it from now on.

You didn't hear anything, Jean. His eyes were closed, shutting them tight as he recited the same words again inside his heart. Don't go anywhere. Just stay put. Your place in the interior is waiting. You earned it. He tried to believe in what Floch said to him this afternoon, something he clung to. Just stay here.

What would you say to him if you were by his side right now? He thought about it numerous times already. Knowing you, you would try to calm him down first. Your voice could always put his mind into a serene state, and it wouldn't take more than five minutes for him to finally regain his composure.

After that, you would ask about what he wanted; whether to stay here or follow where Commander Hange went. What a considerate person you were, prioritising others' opinions first before you gave them some advice.

He only shook his head as it was now predominated by the thought of you. Before he could wonder what you would say, he should have thought about your survivability. You were nowhere to be seen. No one saw your corpses, nor the remains of your titan's form. You just vanished into thin air.

But from the look on Armin's face when Jean found him crumpled in that certain area, the place where you were supposed to be — somewhere deep inside his mind, he knew what that meant.

You were gone. And this time, it was for real.

Maybe that was the reason he stood up. You were back in Paradis for a goal, and that was to make sure Eren didn't start the Rumbling. Blinding yourself, you killed all the soldiers who ever tried to intervene, hoping none of your friends was there. But even after such a fierce battle, you never truly accomplish your goal.

Those colossal titans kept marching on, and wherever you were right now, your soul might not be at peace.

Still, as much as he wanted to believe that Eren had to be stopped, a part of him knew the rest of the world would eradicate Paradis for good. They were all monsters to the eyes of the humanities outside the walls, and after this massacre, those people would even be more terrified of all Subjects of Ymir.

You were right from the start. If Eren had been more patient, if they had more time, perhaps it wouldn't have ended like this. The result of the raid in Liberio was the turning point of everything. Now, the whole world knew how the Island of Paradis was indeed — filled with devils. It wasn't just lore anymore.

"We had spent years looking for answers, looking for a better way to approach the world." Now when some parts of the earth already trampled underneath those giant feet, "We did our best, and we already ran out of time. This is the reason Eren did the Rumbling in the first place!" He doubted they could erase the fear that was already ingrained.

"But what Eren did was wrong!" Hange raised their voice, something that Jean never heard before. He saw the Commander he respected lose their composure, stress piling up on their shoulder, and he gritted his teeth when he realised how selfish he might sound just now. "It's a genocide, and I will be damned if I sit here and tried to justify it!"

He swallowed a huge lump at that, lips pursed as his eyes cast down. "You are not wrong, Jean, and truthfully, I almost gave up the fight before Eren broke down the walls," Listening intently, trying to find a click that could make him wake up once more. "And just live peacefully here, thinking that I have earned it."

It felt like he had been here before. That night after the Battle of Trost where Commander Erwin stood in front of them. This was what he felt that night. Back then, he was conflicted about what he should do. He joined the Cadet Corps for one goal, and that was to live comfortably on the innermost wall.

But he couldn't forgive himself if he ever turned away from humanity. Back then, all he knew was they were the only humans left on this earth, and they had to find out what happened and what was out there for them to explore.

Now he knew the truth. He finally knew how vicious the world was. This island was called Paradis for a reason, and no one should have done anything to jeopardise the dream that the King had. But, of course, humans just had to be greedy. Aiming for something they didn't know.

And when everything was revealed, it was far from what they ever thought.

Jean wanted to stop. He wanted to turn away and go back to where he was before. Floch already promised him a house in the innermost. He would be deemed a hero, everyone would look up to him. That was what he always dreamed of from the start. Something he thought would never have once he joined the Survey Corps.

Now when it was finally within his reach, when the dream might not be just wishful thinking anymore, "We only get one chance to stop this slaughter, and this is it." he concluded that he would leave it all behind once more.

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he started to feel himself shaking. There was no turning back after this. He had to let it go; the thought of him deserving a peaceful life — how could he when the world was on the brink of an apocalypse?

"Hange, I-" He joined this branch because he believed in the survival of humanity. "In the end, I am still a part of a Survey Corps." And if he had to die, then he would die for the same reason.

Paradis was such a magnificent island. Jean's copper orbs fell to the orange sky, not moving even after Hange called him and Onyankopon to warm up. He stayed there, sitting on the gentle stream of the river as he tried to take everything in.

Today might be the last time he could be here, eyes wandering far to the horizon of his homeland. With Eren already trampling countless cities and their citizens, they all needed to catch up to him. They just had to wait for Armin and the others to get here first. Then they could finally discuss their next move.

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he basked in the silence. A privilege, if he could say. Especially when these days, everything has collided altogether. Sasha's death, Eren's running away, them being captured — and now the Rumbling.

Who knows when he could be able to relax like this? Maybe never. This last battle he would get involved in was the most dangerous one. It was him, a normal human who didn't even have a titan power, against the Founding Titan and legions of the Colossals who were ready to do anything its Master commanded.

Sure, he had Commander Hange, Captain Levi, Connie, and Mikasa, along with the other titan shifters who survived. Hange also told him about the meeting with the Cart Titan and the head military from Marley, which became a huge help for this team to strive. Still, would it be enough to approach Eren?

Maybe not, and this was just a suicide mission. But he knew, just like the other Survey Corps who joined this alliance, they wouldn't be able to live knowing their dearest friend massacred all living beings outside the walls.

He breathed out, facing down towards the reflection that was staring at him with the same tired look. If Marco was here, if Sasha was here, and of course, if you were here — maybe he wouldn't feel like he carried this burden alone. Just like Marco, he didn't even know how you died. Worse, he couldn't find your body lying around somewhere.

When a titan shifter didn't get eaten by another Subject of Ymir, would their body just rot like others? Or perhaps, would it disperse into dust like how some mythical creature would in the storybooks? The latter was surely beautiful, and he could imagine it somehow.

The moment you took your last breath, perhaps your body became as soft as a cloud. It would slowly diminish as you closed your eyes, integrating into small puffballs like dandelions. What a sight, and even though it sounded beautiful, he knew he would scream out of anguish if he witnessed such things.

His body jerked for a second, alerting him since it could sense your presence. He didn't know when he had this power , but it was always there even when the two of you were still in the Cadet Corps. Every time you were around, he always found you. His eyes fell upon your figure so easily, and it never changed even after years went by.

"Kirstein," your voice, sometimes when you called his name, it felt like angels singing from above. "Hey, Kirstein?" He wasn't exaggerating, but that was just how much he adored you. "Jean," Hell, he even started to imagine things when he was supposed to join the others. "Jean, you will catch a cold."

He felt someone draped a dry coat on his shoulder, and that was when he realised your voice wasn't just in his head. His lips parted the moment he turned around and saw you standing there. Concern lingered in your eyes as they peered down at him.

"Tybur…?" He gaped at you before hurriedly standing up, still not expecting you to be here. He almost stumbled with how slippery the ford was, and as if on instinct, your hands immediately held his shoulders, steadying him. "You are here…?"

"I-I am. Get déjà vu?" A sob escaped his lips the moment he embraced this truth. It felt like he was back on Graduation day. To think that you had died, only for you to be by his side once more. "Jean? Hey, what's wrong…?" And he wondered if it ever came to this again. Would he still be this lucky?

"Everything." Everything was wrong except for your existence. He never expected to see you again. Not when Armin looked so defeated yesterday.

But you were really here. Alive and well, with no scars or flaws, scathed your skin. His fingers traced your dry shirt absentmindedly, wanting to take you into his arms, but he didn't want you to get cold. Even at times like this, even when he knew you already killed dozens of people from Paradis, he still thought about your well-being.

Seeing the hesitation that was evident on his face, your eyes softened. He didn't need to ask. You already knew what was there in his mind, and so you gave it to him. The second your arms wrapped around his torso, not minding that you would get wet too, it felt like someone breathed the purest air into his lungs.

Marco would probably laugh at him for his oblivious self for years of his life. Jean wanted you, more than anyone else in this world. He needed you. The banter shared ever since in the Cadet Corps, your melodious laugh when the others bullied him, the sincerity and adoration in your eyes every time it laid on them all — he knew.

He finally embraced it. He finally took it into his heart that he loves you.

And it never changed. After knowing you were in a relationship with Bertolt, then proceeding to give your heart for someone else, even when you turned out to be one of the titan shifters, he still held you the same. He could only wish that, if there was a life after this one, it would be lovely if he could confess his feelings.

Jean closed his eyes once again, warming up to your body heat. He should have picked up the signs. The way your skin felt so much warmer than others, how you rarely had scrapes all over your body, or perhaps when you went rigid at random times. There was something that you hid from everyone. He had been aware of that.

He just didn't expect such a big secret to be revealed.

So many questions were brewing in his mind, but he kept them to himself. He was curious about the reason you pushed through on the Paradis Island Operation, why you decided to stay with them island devils for a long time, and of course — Marco.

Did you know? He knew there was something wrong with Annie, Reiner, and Bertolt. But what about you? Annie was crystallised, Bertolt was gone, and Reiner probably went crazy if he decided to throw the question. No one knew when he could ask him or whether he actually had a chance to hear the story behind the tragedy.

However, you have been there every time he asked you rhetorically about Marco's death. You never had an answer, only hugging him tighter. So maybe, you really didn't know about any of it. Maybe you were still inside a titan's stomach when he died. If not, you wouldn't possibly feel suffocated every time the name was brought up, not knowing why he wasn't around when you were back.

"Then," Your fingers tangled on his wet hair, soothing his heart as he listened to your gentle voice. "Everything would be alright." Your reassurance, something he always missed ever since you moved in with Armin. "We can do this. Whatever happened, Jean, do know I am always on your side."

He leaned away slightly, just enough to take a look at your face. You meant those words. It might not look like it with the way you easily switched back to protect Marley at the raid a month ago. But he knew you, he believed he knew you enough, and being a liar wasn't one of your traits.

"Yeah, you are right." He smiled, something that was rarely there ever since the death of Sasha. His hand that was on your arm slightly trailed up to your cheeks. He tried to ignore the pang in his heart when you flinched, perhaps not expecting it.

Those lips. He always wondered how it tasted. How all of his energy would probably replenish if he ever had a chance to kiss you. He wanted to. Just for once in this life. But he only shook his head and draped his arm around your shoulder instead, putting his facade back as he clung to your words. "Come on, lead the way."

"Oh, okay!" Something that he hoped would forever be enough. "Let's get you warmed up, Kirstein."

You were dreading every second that passed as you waited for the other soldiers who would join the alliance. When you asked Commander Hange about them, they weren't sure if everyone wanted to go on this mission. Armin, Mikasa, Sasha, Connie — hopefully, Reiner would also be here too. If he was alive, you knew he would.

From anyone you knew, he was someone who would try the hardest to atone for his sin. Ever since his armband was in the shade of yellow, he proved to everyone that he would be an honorary Marleyan. He would be a hero, someone who could save the world. You couldn't possibly imagine his sorrow once he realised that what he knew was all a lie.

There was no devil on this island from the start. Everyone here was just like them, humans. You knew about it from the start, but you already promised your father not to tell anyone. There were times when you wanted nothing but to expose yourself to your Commander, but when you knew Eren was the Founding Titan all along, when you knew someone who wasn't tied by the peace treaty had its power, you could do nothing but seal your lips.

You were snapped back from your thought when you faintly heard the familiar gallop. They were here. Your comrades, friends, and lover — they were finally here. You stood up from where you sat down near the fireplace, followed by Jean as the two of you were basking in the warmth of each other before.

"It's them." Hange announced the arrival, and you couldn't stop yourself from running, wanting to see each one of the precious people you held dear. "Heh, always so eager." You didn't even stop to reply to their amused chuckle as your feet brought you to the source of the voice.

Your heart was beating so much faster. A part of you was scared of what they would say, knowing you were here. But your excitement and the longing you felt were much bigger compared to that. Your chest heaved once you stopped running, and you could only clutch your shirt once they got down from the wagon.

Even with the dimmed light, you could make out each of their silhouettes. You wanted nothing but to greet them. But when a pair of obsidian orbs fell upon your figure, your body went rigid within an instant.

Notes:

I am back! Ah, so good to be back~! We are so close to the end of our journey~!

Chapter 55: Night of Revelation

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Guilt. It was something that ate you alive ever since your father sent you to this island. When you were kids, before you inherited the titan shifter, you glorified the power and felt so proud of the name you carried. Until you became a warrior, knowing the hidden truth, and obtained memories from your predecessor.

Your hands were clammy, the same ones that were stained with blood. Of Marcel, Marco, Mrs Keller, Bertolt, and people you slew after you became the War Hammer Titan. Whether it was directly or not, each of the sins you committed kept pulling you under, suffocating you until you couldn't breathe anymore.

You swallowed a huge lump when she started to walk towards you. Mikasa, her obsidian orbs never left your figure. And you could see that she didn't look enthusiastic at all, something that made you bite your lower lips.

It was bound to happen. For her to hate you. Especially ever since in Liberio, you tried to kill Eren, an action that she might never forgive. Although, perhaps now she knew how it felt when someone you loved would be killed by your friend. This was similar to when she asked you to let her kill Bertolt all those years ago.

"(Y/n)," she whispered your name, a bit shaky as she walked closer towards you, a tone you didn't expect to hear. "I thought… Armin said…"

"Maybe I have nine lives, Mikasa. Like cats." You tried to chip in a joke, chuckling awkwardly as none of you moved away. The others were taking down the supplies, and in her hands, there were gears and blades. Perhaps it would be wise if you just brought them to the camp. "Hange is cooking right now—"

Before you could finish your sentence, she dropped everything from her hands. "Mikasa,"

"I am sorry," she let out a small whimper the second she took you into her arms. "I-I am sorry, (Y/n). I never wanted to hurt you." Your pupils dilated as you tried to process her words, and you couldn't hold yourself from crying when all these times, you believed she would hate you for the lies and betrayal you carried out.

You held her tighter. Tears dripped down her shoulders when you felt her body shaking. She kept uttering apologies, and you wanted to say that there was nothing to forgive. Not when you were also the cause of this cruel reality she had.

"M-Mikasa," You croaked out, taking a deep breath as you tried to calm down. "I never want to hurt you too… Not you, not Armin, Jean, Connie, Sasha — not even Eren." Your fingers rested on her hair, caressing the soft strands before you leaned away to face her. "None of us want to hurt each other. There's nothing to say sorry for. What matters is we are here now, right? Side by side once again."

"R-Right."

She let you go after that, knowing that you would want to see the others. Even though it seemed she still wanted to hold you close, she only waved at you before carrying the supplies towards the camp. Letting out a sigh, you walked closer to the wagon, and your gaze fell on someone beside Armin.

There was a girl. An old friend you never thought would see. Her hair was longer by now, and before you could stop yourself, you fell on your knees right in front of her. Those blue irises, the shade that was hidden from you for so long with the way she had her eyes closed when she was hiding under the crystal.

"What?"

"Annie?" You were still in disbelief, and you could see the faint pinkish hue on her cheeks despite how dark it was here. "Annie, it's… It's really you."

"Yes, it is me." She never changed. Even after four years inside the impenetrable shining glass, she still had this nonchalant tone in the way she talked. Your hands fell on her arms, smiling softly as you tried to take it all in. That she was here, finally. "Hey, stand up. It's embarrassing." And still the same, no matter what.

"Oh, Annie…" You let out a small chuckle, hands staying still since you didn't know whether she was alright with you hugging her. Although — her eyes said it all. Those orbs, it also filled with longing as they lay on your face. "Annie, Annie."

Your lips wouldn't stop uttering her name. Even when you finally took her to your embrace, your head was still a mess as you tried to feel her through your senses, that she was real. She breathed in and out on your neck, and your eyes watered since it had been so long.

Annie always cherished you. More than she ever admitted. You were always so patient, trying to get her to talk or just to be around her even when she already tried to push you away. Everything about her, you memorised it all. About her father, why she became a warrior from the start, or even the smallest thing such as her sweet tooth.

"I—" She didn't even realise that her teardrops were hitting your skin, and for once, not trying to hide her vulnerable side. "I am back."

If the two of you were in another scenario, she wouldn't want to let go. It had been too long, and she didn't want to lie to herself anymore about how much she appreciated your presence all her life. You even got down to check on her now and then, sharing the progress of the mission and what happened out there.

At the same time, stories about yourself as you confide in her. How you started to lose your mind, your apology as you decided to stay in Paradis, the way you let them kill Bertolt. You cried so much around her, and sometimes she wished she could have wiped those tears away, to show you that she cared. Always had been.

But even now, when the two of you finally met with one another, skin against skin, you were the one whose thumb caressing her cheek, not wanting to see her cry.

"You should go to the camp. Just follow the light." Your touch was as gentle as ever, something she didn't like at first with how easily you made her feel putty. "I will help with the remaining supplies." But after experiencing it over and over for years, it became one of the most favourite things she knew in this world.

Giving you a nod, she took a crate that fits in her arms before walking deeper towards the forest. You were left alone, and you only let out a sigh of frustration when you realised Armin said nothing. Not waiting for your reunion to be done with Annie, not even a greeting. Then again, maybe he just felt so betrayed when you suddenly chose to fight for the other side, and thus, not being able to forgive you.

Maybe his love for you was also gone with the wind on the night you left without warning.

It still shook you to the core. Knowing he was the one who tried to kill you with the thunder spears. You wanted to justify it. The two of you had different beliefs against Eren before, after all. But even then, you would rather die instead of hurting him. You couldn't even bear a sight of his blood since before he became a shifter.

Then again, you couldn't possibly expect everyone to be like you. This was a war. It was you who decided to keep some of your loved one's safe no matter where you stood in this fight. For someone like him, like Commander Erwin — they believed if they couldn't sacrifice anything, they would never be able to achieve anything too.

And at the last battle in Shiganshina, he had to sacrifice you. If that meant the Founding Titan would still be in Paradis Island's hands. It was another gamble, since perhaps he didn't know what Eren planned from the start. And now, he had to live with another guilt creeping inside him because of the Rumbling.

He lost the wager, and that included you.

"Hey, Tybur." You flinched, not expecting someone to lurk in the dark. Turning around slightly, you found Connie looking at you with an unfathomable look in his eyes. Something had changed within him, and you were unsure whether it was for the better or not. "Been a while."

You put down the boxes filled with canned food, and hesitantly nodded as he walked closer towards you. Your mind couldn't stop itself from thinking about what he wanted to say. If he lashed out, probably screaming at you for not telling them about your identity, for the way you embraced them all only to become a traitor at the end of the day, you would take it.

"Indeed."

But instead of that, he only rested his hand on top of your shoulder, gripping it slightly as if his life depended on it. "C-Connie, I—"

"We are all a mess without you." Your pupils dilated at the confession, and once again, tears were pricking at the corner of your eyes at how in pain he sounded. "Surely, I still can't believe that you are one of them , but…"

And it made you want to reach out too, just like how you used to do when someone was in distress. "As far as I know, you are also one of us. "

He tried to grin, showing his white teeth, but you could see how he was quivering right now. "You fought with us, stayed with us. Nine years, (Y/n). It surely means something, right?"

You didn't know what happened here for the past month, but maybe he felt the same as you. Dreading for the future, uncertain if what you did was the right thing, confusion and doubt clutching on you in a tight grip.

So if he let you, you would like to remind him once again. Just like what you did to Jean before. You carefully pulled him into a hug, spreading your palm as you patted his back, soothing his shaking body.

"Connie, even when I was in Marley, all I can think of is the friends I made along the way." You whispered, wanting him to know that after all these years staying with them in Paradis, a part of your heart would forever be here. "That includes you, of course. The only egghead in our group."

He let out a snort at that, but not pulling away as his hands now clenched on your beige coat. You wondered though, whether Jean told him about the remaining years you had. "Don't worry, Connie." Aware or not, you just had to stick around here until the end of your life. "You will never be alone."

The two of you really took quite some time. He might not cry like Annie, but after witnessing so much death, he was probably even more shaken up. You leaned away once you heard a call from Hange, saying how the stew was almost done. Connie only smiled at you, then helped you with the last supply in the wagon.

A walk to the camp was filled with comfortable silence. No one said anything, but you were actually curious about something. From the silhouettes before, you could make out seven figures. Three were from Paradis, and the four were Warriors from Marley.

You pondered where she was. "Hey Connie," Someone who had been there with you ever since the start of Cadet Corps. The only person who dared to call you reckless, who never wanted to leave your side when the two of you were roommates.

"Hm? What is it?"

"Where's Sasha?"

When Hange called you and Connie to speed up, they expected you to get to the camp. Your presence was very much neutral. You were someone who could handle the tension between two people, always able to make them see eye to eye if a conflict rose. With you here, they hoped each side would stop throwing daggers at each other's head.

But when they all heard a loud crash from where you were, followed by someone throwing up. Hange couldn't depend on you, no. Not when it looked like you just received a tremendous blow yourself.

"Tybur?! Hey, what happened?! Connie—"

Hange could hear it. Faintly, at least. Jean rushed in to get to you, followed by almost everyone. It was just them, Levi, General Magath, Yelena and the two kids who now stayed seated on the ground. Your scream, it became a howl as it continued for seconds. Their heart broke at the sound of it, and as much as they wanted to check on you too, they knew you were already taken care of.

"No…! You are lying!" You choked out, trying to speak in the middle of your breakdown, and from your words, they had a feeling what it was all about. "She's not dead…! She must be somewhere in the innermost, r-right? With Niccolo, Uncle—"

They bite their lower lip, knowing this day would come. You were not there before. You left to save your friend from the other side when Sasha was shot. Their eyes glanced towards the other, and they only let out a sigh when Gabi had tears streaming down her face, crying in silence.

She was aware. The kid knew who the person you mourned, someone who made you let out a scream of anguish. "Sasha, no. Sasha…"

And the night went on like that. Hange didn't bother to call the others back, since they must have been trying to calm you down. It was usually the other way around. Whoever died, you were the one who always collected each piece of their heart and mend it back to them. But not this time. Not when it was Sasha.

No one said anything even when they were circling the campfire. The sound of wooden spoons hitting the bowls that Hange got became the only thing that enlivened the mood. Your body was still shaking, and you only stared at the orange hue of the fire, not touching the food they cooked for you.

You were tired. It had been a long time since you felt something quite like this. You were here, alive. But when you received the news from Connie about the whereabouts of your best friend, you felt like dying. It was as if there was a thorn in your heart, ready to squeeze it any moment until you were bleeding inside.

She was looking for you. When she got shot, her mind was running to another place, not once thinking about the pain in her abdomen. Connie narrated the details, and it felt like you were there.

You could imagine how the light slowly leaves those warm eyes. Her head on your thigh, brown hair damped because of sweats and her own blood. Your hand was shaking as you caressed her hair, telling her that you were there. Sasha wouldn't make it, knowing where she got shot. She lost too much blood already, and there was nothing else you could do except offer her peace.

Something that you couldn't give in the end.

Your head was wrapped around the fact of her death that you didn't even budge when Annie questioned Mikasa and Armin. You still had your head hanging low, but when they started to raise their voice, and the ring blade that belonged to the former was readied, you reached out to tug at the end of her sweater.

"Annie," You called out with the gentlest tone, and it was enough to make her calm down. Her breath wavered, and you knew exactly what she had in mind when she threw all the questions to Mikasa. "We are in the same boat for now."

"Yes, that is why I—" She glanced down, gingerly holding your hand that was on her sweater. "I need your help, Mikasa." It was the only thing she needed to open up, the boost that was enough to reveal her reason to be here. "To save my father, I need us to be on the same page. I would like it better if you can change Eren's mind, but until then, we shouldn't fight."

A reason to be here. When you thought about it, you always believed you fought for humanity. It was such a noble purpose, something that was taught by your parents ever since you were kids. But as years went by, you wondered if it was really just that. Was it humanity? Or was it a dream for a utopian society where people could love each other, and embrace everyone in a positive light without hatred and fear?

You called it a dream, something that wouldn't come true — because you knew well human beings were not like that.

But you still aimed for it. You joined the Paradis Island Operation not only to secure the Founding Titan's power, but also to prove to the world that the Subjects of Ymir were just like any other people in this world. However, when fear and hatred were passed down, when it was ingrained into their mind, no matter what you claimed, they wouldn't believe it.

It was a fact you learned along the way. Something that your six years old self was too naive to acknowledge.

You were so caught up in your state of mind that you didn't even care how Yelena brought your name into the conversation. Oh, you listened to it well. Just because you didn't put your consciousness fully here, didn't mean you couldn't hear what people said around you.

Yelena's background, how disillusioned she was, and the need to save the world with the Prince. Then, of course, all the talk about each sin everyone had. You kept it all in your brain, not giving any response as you started to gather yourself and lifted the spoon to your mouth to eat Hange's stew.

She felt attacked. Yelena already had her dreams crushed into nothing the moment the rumbling started, and now when someone pointed out about it, she wanted to drag the others down. After all, misery loves company.

None of your friends took the bait. They just continued to stare down at the ground, or for Jean, he shrugged and asked Hange for a second bowl instead. Something that made your lips curl into a smile, so faint, but it was there. They all knew what Yelena was trying to do, and even though you wanted nothing but to just punch her in the face with each sentence she dropped, you knew it was unnecessary.

"Right, almost forgot—"

Your friends could handle her just fine, and you were glad. A fight between the alliances would only lead to a drawback. "You mentioned another name. He was already dead at the time we met, but I remembered you said you were good friends."

At the new topic, however, this time, you couldn't help but listen intently to her words. "Who was it? Ah, Marco. "

Your breath hitched at the mention of your best friend. Those freckled cheeks, the brush of his hands to tell you that he was near, laying underneath the stars after such a long day of training in the Cadet Corps — you didn't expect to hear his name once again. And this time, falling from the lips who knew nothing about him.

Jean swallowed a huge lump, but he didn't let it get to his head. Even when Yelena continued to yap, bringing Annie into the conversation. A part of him just wanted to let it go. There was something more important than the past, he didn't need to hear it now. But then again, that was one of the reasons why he was here in the first place.

To know what happened to his best friend, to finally understand the situation after knowing about Marco's gear that was on her.

His eyes fleeted towards your figure where you sat beside Annie. Your pupils were blown wide, lips parted as if something was dragging you down. When he thought about it, you always had a vacant look on your face when he brought up Marco's name. You could always compose yourself in a split second before, but,

After hearing about Sasha's death, and now this, he believed you wouldn't be ready to know about the truth. How perhaps, your so-called friends from Marley, those who you fought with for the first year of your military life, were the same ones who took your newfound best friend in Paradis.

"I don't need to hear it, Yelena."

"Oh, are you sure, Jean?" Her voice was filled with malice, and he wanted nothing but to plug his ears right now. "Try asking her, I bet she will tell you."

Your hands were shaking, and those memories came flooding in once again. You could feel it in your body, how your skin was covered with slime after you were out from the titan's belly, the wonder of Eren and how he became a titan shifter, Annie by your side, and then the scream.

"Someone help—"

"I stole his manoeuvre gear." It was all so vivid in your head. "And left him where a titan could get to him." No matter how many years went by, something would be able to bring you back to that moment. "Marco was eaten because of me,"

"Annie only followed orders." For once, you realised how you even cherished the people in Paradis more than you could ever imagine. "During the battle of Trost, Marco overheard my conversation with Bertolt, something he shouldn't have heard."

You had your blade pointed at Reiner, almost nick him on his neck if only he came closer. "If we let him go, he could have exposed us. So we had to silence him," at that time, you were not in your right mind. You panicked as you knew you had to choose sides. "Nobody would think twice about a cadet getting eaten by a titan."

But Marco's words, his last words kept you up at night. "I tackled him down on the roof, and I ordered Annie to strip him off his gear. Then we left him there until a titan reached for him."

Back then, you wondered if maybe you could have done more. He was already behind you. And even though you had a fear that maybe he could have blown all of your covers, you didn't care. Because you had seen too much death and if it also fell on him, he became the pinnacle of your sorrow.

For once, you really couldn't think about your goal. All of the things that your parents taught you, the duty that chained you into this life, you were ready to throw it away just so your best friend who knew nothing about it could live on.

"Did he say anything before he was killed?"

"(Y/n), please! W-We can talk, just like always, right?! Please tell them to stop!"

"Yes." If he was here, if only Bertolt let you go and tried to talk it out with Marco, would something have changed? "He said, we haven't even tried to talk this out."

You had this huge frown on your face, seeing the tears on your best friend's face as a titan reached his helpless body. His scream, it pierced you right in your heart every time your mind took you back to that day. All the syllables that escaped his lips, how your vision went into a blur but still able to imagine it clearly.

"That's it, right? That sentence applies! Even now!" Jean's voice filled with hope when he declared it, but you knew it was one of his ways to hide the shock and ache that was slowly growing in his heart. "Nobody ever opened a discussion, that is why we keep on killing, not trying to understand each side."

"And it's not too late to have one." Hange tried to break the ice like the great commander they were. "We are here now, exchanging words instead of bullets and knives. Who would have imagined we will share a meal and a fire like this, right? It's a good start." Reminding everyone about their place, that there was no need to continue the endless cycle of hate anymore.

But really, it was much easier to say rather than get it done.

"At that time, I didn't know why the titan ate Marco." Everyone's eyes were now on Reiner, confusion danced in the way they looked at him. "I snapped, killing the titan. Hellbent on avenging Marco." It was exactly the same as how you were before when you saw it. The rage in his light irises, cutting the titan into pieces as if there was a switch in his body, and there were two Reiner.

"We get it, Reiner. The guilt is driving you nuts."

"If only, if only I let Tybur took him away—"

Notes:

Ngl this chapter drained me so much

Chapter 56: Day of Reckoning

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Everyone could hear a pin drop the moment Reiner mentioned your name. And you felt it, the way those molten copper orbs darkened once they fell on you.

One way or another, you knew this moment would come. When Jean finally gained the knowledge of Marco's death, the details and the cause, then of course, you. You who kept your lips shut every time he wondered about the ravenette's death. You who he trusted with all of his life. You who he continued to love even when it was revealed that he wasn't supposed to ever have that feeling.

Something that now made his heart shatter into a million little pieces.

"What…?"

"She already told me not to hurt him." You looked down, not having the courage to look at your friends from Paradis. "If only I let her save Marco, to let her talk to him,"

"Reiner," Biting your lip, there was no use for him to bring this up. Not when Jean had enough, not when you knew it would only make the bond between each one of you snap, probably not able to be mended. "Stop. No need to talk about regret. We all have it."

"Maybe, Marco could have been alive."

With how hard you were biting on your lips, you didn't realise the blood that was trickling down your chin. That sentence, all of the things about what could have been, a dangerous thought that lurked whenever guilt and wishful thinking moulded into one, there was no use of it. And yet, he continued anyway. "I-I am sorry."

In a split second, a loud crash could be heard as you saw Jean stood up and ran towards you with rage in his eyes. No, he didn't come to you. His fist met with Reiner's face, and you gasped at the sight of how close you were, seated in between him and Annie.

The blood on Jean's knuckles, each hit that resonated all over the camp, the groan that he let out as Reiner just accepted the attack. Tears welled up in your eyes at the sight, followed by fear and guilt as you started to crawl towards the warrior. Hatred, it was an endless cycle created by human beings.

Generations after generations, it was passed down without any of the sides willing to sit and talk. How crazy it was sometimes. Just because they wouldn't listen, just because everyone blindly believed what was taught by their ancestors, the world had become like this. A place full of violence, tears, and blood.

"Jean, stop it!" You really were tired to see all of this. "Man, let him go!" For someone hurting another, avenging life for a life.

The violence had never stopped. You couldn't count how many times Jean punched the now unconscious warrior. His face was covered with blood, and even though you knew he could heal himself, it still pained you, to see your friends trying to kill and charge at one another when each side was supposed to make peace.

"Kirstein—"

You choked out, blood splattered across the ground as your vision blurred from the tears and the force that hit you. It all happened so fast. One moment you were crawling towards Reiner, and the next you felt the steely boots of the Survey Corps knock you right on your ribcage.

It felt like the bones had broken, splinters of it tearing your lungs and puncturing your heart. You were thrown slightly backward, mouth eliciting endless coughs as you tried to gasp for air. It was just a hit, and yet able to numb your whole body.

"Tybur—"

His heart stopped when he realised what was happening. Jean only wanted to punch Reiner, to at least knock some senses that enough was enough. He already felt betrayed when it was revealed that you were there when it all happened. Ever since he knew that you were a titan shifter, he never wanted to acknowledge the fact that you were also the cause of the destruction inside the wall.

You were sent to Paradis for a mission to kill, to get the Founding Titan no matter how many lives would be taken. You knew about the Battle of Trost, you knew about Marco's death, and you were responsible for the death of his comrades.

And he was so angry at himself for still worrying about you.

Your body was thrown to the ground, only two feet away from Reiner. Even when he listened to Gabi's apology, the reasoning that she hoped would make them all understand, his eyes could only fall on you. He wanted to reach out to you, making sure you were alright, but this was what he always asked for, wasn't it?

He always wanted to avenge Marco's death, his best friend. He wanted to know what happened and who was responsible for all of the massacres. But when he knew you were also one of them, he continued to close his eyes as if you were still pure.

"Please," His lips quivered, a part of him trying to justify himself. That you deserve the pain. It was because of you too, right? You could have done more if you wanted to save Marco, but you didn't try hard enough. "Please lend us your strength!" And yet, at the same time, he knew you had no choice. "We are begging you!"

Not when he didn't know what kind of emotional torture you carried all your life, and what kind of duty that was rested upon your shoulder.

He continued to stare down at your body until it finally fell upon the two warrior candidates who had been trying to make him stay. His head was pounding so much, and he wished, sometimes he wished this was all a dream, a nightmare.

"Get off me. Let go." He shrugged Armin and Connie who kept trying to lock him in place, afraid that he would riot once again. They didn't have to worry about it anymore, though.

Jean never wanted to snap in the first place. Knowing the truth would suffice. But when someone responsible for his best friend's death kept on talking as if justifying himself, how could he not? He lost to his own rage, something that he was trying not to do because it was the cause of all of this endless war.

And now, as he covered his ears with his palm, expecting him to calm down within seconds just like how he always had, it wasn't that easy tonight. Not when his eyes could still see it all. The remembrance, from when he first met you, the time he befriended Marco, with Sasha and Connie fitted inside the group so easily.

It was you who became his strength. Without your gentle words, without your support and the mutual reassurance about protecting one another, he would have left the Survey Corps in the middle of the way. So many times, he almost did it so many times with how death kept trailing behind his loved ones.

He thought, he really thought it was you and them against the world.

But it was rarely the case since the beginning.

The alliances were scattered right after, and he was too shocked to move. His ocean orbs drifted from one person to another. Mikasa and Connie had the same disbelieving look on their faces, Annie tended to Reiner while General Magath walked towards you.

Before the older man could take care of you, he found himself kneeling beside your unconscious body. Even if you were the strongest shifter alive, you must have felt so weak after receiving news about Sasha. Not forgetting the fact that now the others knew about you being there when Marco died.

"I will take it from here." He carefully took you into his arms, giving a nod of acknowledgement at the general who perhaps still wasn't able to trust him. "I wouldn't hurt her." At least not again. Hopefully never again. "You can believe me, she is—"

"I know." His pupils slightly dilated, keeping you close to him as he took comfort in the way your chest moved. "Go on, Arlert. She already… went through so much."

He knew that. From the start, he was the one who knew about your identity, but it had never become a problem before. Not when you stayed by their side, not when you promised to devote your heart to Paradis. So when you suddenly had your hammer thrown towards them, towards Eren, his mind stumbled in panic.

If he didn't stop you, then Paradis might have lost everything once and for all. He had to throw the thunderspear at you, something that left him with a hollow in his heart after realising what he had done. In Liberio, he cursed Eren for even thinking about killing you. But here he was, almost doing the same.

His thumb was gentle as he wiped the blood on your lips, so timid since he was afraid you would wake up. There was a reason why he didn't try to talk to you at all ever since he arrived, no matter how he wanted to break down the moment he knew you were still alive. He was afraid of your reaction, afraid to see you looking at him with disappointment and disgust.

Ever since the fall of Shiganshina, you always saw him with those orbs filled with understanding. It was the one thing that got his heart to beat so fast. A love at first sight, if he was bold enough to say it.

And you continued to look at him in the same way. Even much more beautiful as love started to bloom inside you too. He was always content with you by his side, one look into your eyes and it was all it took for him to move forward.

He always saw you in his future. Believing that maybe, the curse wasn't there anymore after everything the Subjects of Ymir had been through. When you were asleep by his side, he always dreamed of a time when the two of you could live somewhere else in this world. Perhaps a house near the ocean.

But it all crumbled into piles of dust the second he hurled those thunderspears. At least, that was what he believed. Because he finally acknowledged the warning that he shouldn't have overlooked ever since he knew about your secret.

"I want to go back." He flinched and stopped caressing your hair when your lips parted. "To our house. I want to be there again." Uttering words that lingered with longing, something that made his heart skip a thousand times faster.

You already opened up your eyes, but they looked so empty as you stared at the starry night sky. "I miss the old time, 'min." It was as if you had lost everything, "I miss our home in Maria, laying down together at our reading nook." and your heart wouldn't be able to get mended. "Those peaceful times, I miss them so much."

He gaped at your words, not expecting you to talk about the past when you and he were happy together. For hours, he had been thinking about your reaction. How you probably wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Not when he almost killed you when he tried to defend Paradis.

Would it be naive for him to take your words as a cue? Maybe you still wanted him the same. Even when he couldn't forgive himself over his actions, perhaps you were already did even before he could say sorry.

His finger reached out to yours that was on your side, slowly interlacing your pinky finger with his. He looked down at you, sitting there as he hugged his knee while you were still in the same position, laying on top of the grass, watching the wind swaying the tree leaves. He buried his lower face in his arms, thinking about a response that wouldn't infuriate you.

"I miss it too."

Then again, being honest and relying on his own heart was the reason he could be with you. "I miss when I didn't know anything about this world, when what I know is just you choosing to fight for us." He proceeded to hold your hand now, feeling the coarse skin that he loved to feel so much. "But I can't blind myself all the time."

A small chuckle rolled down from your mouth, so bitter he flinched. Before he could correct himself, you already pulled your hand away from his grasp. "(Y/n), what I mean is—"

"We are not even supposed to meet, to be friends." You whispered as you sat there with the same vacant look in your eyes. "Let alone fall in love, 'min. So I get it." The gaze that broke his heart, something that was even more painful than you looking at him with disgust. "I understand why you have to kill me."

Because he knew he was the reason why you were like this.

Your statement made him frown. You threw the reality check, one he needed to accept. He wanted to retort back, saying how he didn't try to kill you. But oh, he almost did. Four thunderspears, he knew if he miscalculated where you hid your human body, it might as well be considered as an attempted murder.

Armin just wanted to stop you from taking Eren. His childhood friend was supposed to be the only key. Someone who could guarantee the Subjects of Ymir in Paradis having a prosperous life. Everything he did, Armin knew it was for them. But he never thought Eren would go this drastic and eliminate humanity outside the wall.

He couldn't even justify his action. Deep down, he knew it was his duty to make sure Eren was safe. And the same goes for you with your duty. You had one mission to take the Founding Titan, securing billions of life across the sea so they knew the Rumbling wouldn't start with Marley's connection to the world.

Ever since you transformed into the War Hammer Titan, he knew you were no longer on Paradis' side. You fought to make sure humanity didn't perish, whether they were Subjects of Ymir or not. And for years you stayed with them, you thought it would be possible for the two races to live side by side. To have a peaceful life in the same universe.

Apparently not.

"Then," Not when the world would always fear them. "What are we now…?" Not when Paradis continued to show them all why they had to be feared in the first place.

You had your back against your lover for the entire time, hugging your knees as you felt so defeated after everything that happened in the past hours. It pained you so when you realised you had to kill Eren. His dream and goal also helped you to move forward, that and how you knew him for years, fighting alongside his reckless self, similar to yours in a way.

And yet you had to take him down. In the same battle your parents put you through ever since you were born.

Not only that, but you also saw Armin launch those thunder spears at you. How easy it was for him when you were aware you could never. You didn't blame him though, because you were convinced he was just trying to defend himself and his homeland. Still, a part of you couldn't comprehend how he could hurt someone he loves.

You, who at the same time, rather kill yourself than inflicting pain on him.

"Why did you ask?" Was it possible then? That he did so easily because he could no longer love you? "Tired…? Now realise I was never someone who you expected me to be?" Maybe after Liberio, after the last raid in Shiganshina, those feelings in his heart had finally vanished into thin air.

"No," You pursed your lips, now turning your head slightly so you could see him from your peripheral vision. "I am not tired, not towards you." He had his eyes downcasted, staring at the tall grass that slowly swayed by the wind. "I just…"

He knew. The two of you knew about it.

Armin wasn't just a lover, he was possibly the next Commander of the Survey Corps. His life, he devoted it for humanity. But most importantly, those who lived in Paradis. Even when the two of you survived this whole mess, if somehow the alliance shattered and another fight ensued, he should have his blades ready.

No matter how it was, if you were still on the other side, he wouldn't have a choice. Even though he didn't want to, even though a part of him still believed there must be another way, a harmonious one without them having to stand in another war, without you as his enemy — history might repeat itself. "I don't think it's wise."

"For?" Swallowing a huge lump, you finally faced him. You felt like someone had their hand on your heart, squeezing it tight you couldn't even breathe.

"For us." He still didn't have the courage, though. "For us to be lovers, I realised that now after what I did." To see you, to see what kind of expression you had right now. "In the end, even if I didn't want to, I had to." Because he knew it would also break him.

If both of you were in a different circumstance, maybe what you two had would last for so long. He was a perfect lover, always making sure he woke up first so he could smother you with affection afterwards, asking what was your plan for the day, offering to cook together instead of eating outside most of the time,

You were also the same. Always prioritising him over anything else. You prepared a lot of surprises after each of his meetings in the headquarter, sometimes doing the chores that were supposed to be his, because you knew he had a long day already. Above all, Armin figured you were a better lover.

Because unlike him, you never put your duty above those you loved. They were your priority, he was at the top of the pedestal. And yet, he couldn't do the same with how much weight he had on his shoulder as he carried Commander Erwin's name for as long as he lived.

"Okay." He couldn't breathe. For a moment there, he thought you would say no. "If ending our relationship is what you want." But of course, you always respected whatever opinion he had. "Just know I am not on the same page as you."

"Neither do I!" His hand found your wrist within an instant. You were standing up, ready to just leave him and go somewhere else. "That's not what I want, I just think it will be best because you might have time to move on. With us not being together, if somehow we will be on different sides again, it would hurt less!"

"Does that mean you believe you will have to charge at me again?"

"Y-Yes." He bit his lower lip, cursing at himself since he hoped the situation never ever came to that. "One day."

"How could you be so sure?"

"It's a possibility! We don't know about the future!"

"In case you are not aware, I don't know either, 'min!" You raised your voice, something you never did before. "I don't know whether I will die tomorrow, I don't know if we can stop Eren from trampling the lands outside Paradis." But you just needed to, you wanted him to open up his eyes for once. "Something I know well, though. I would never, ever , hurt you! Or Jean, Connie, Mikasa. E-Eren is enough."

You were so ready to die, what mattered was for them all to live.

That was the main difference. Between the two of you, even though he wanted to be selfish and run away with you, spending the last year of your life somewhere — he couldn't. Not with the ghost of such a tremendous figure behind his back.

When he said nothing, you only let out a snort. Your legs felt like cotton, ready to dissolve since you couldn't handle the weight in your heart. When you told him to see how it goes after he confessed to you, this was something you never thought would occur. He already said so much, planting hundreds of dreams and each one of them was so convincing.

His promises. He always assured you that he would stay by your side. When you took your last breath, he would be there to hold your hand. Hoping one day, in another world that wasn't cruel, the two of you could fall in love freely. "I thought—"

You felt like a child right now as you leaned your back on the tree, butt hitting the ground when you slid down. He declared so many things for the last three years, and all of them just shattered easily in front of you. You needed to ask whether what he said was all genuine, not wanting to think he only ever uttered sweet lies, but all of those only stuck in your throat. "I thought you would never stop wanting me."

"I can't! Even if I can. Even if there is someone who the world thinks suits me more, I don't want them!"

"I am sorry, (Y/n)."

"Because it's you."

The truth was, Armin would never stop wanting you, loving you. "It's the best for the two of us." But the guilt that was now rusting in his body hindered him from embracing a better possibility. And if he was honest to you, you might reassure him everything would be alright, that the future he always dreamed of really existed.

Something his past self would believe.

A single teardrop glided down his cheek as he looked up at the stars like what you did before. He couldn't look at you. Not once ever since you pulled yourself away from him, finally agreeing to his viewpoint.

The sobs and gasp that left you, it was ample of a hint that he already ripped your heart apart. One he had to endure, perhaps for a whole night long.

I am sorry, I really do.

He wanted to wrap his arms around your torso, at least trying to soothe you down, just like what you always did to him.

I love you, and always will.

But with how he cut the line that connected him to you, he knew there was no turning back. And that was the price he had to pay until death knocking at his door.

Everyone could sense that something happened. More than the conversation around the campfire, more than the revelation of you knowing about Marco's death and the way Jean went on rampage.

You followed General Magath like a puppet, never once opening up your lips ever since the morning came. Jean had been wanting to talk to you. It was visible with the way he always met your gaze. But you continued to steer away from them all, afraid you would break down if you ever showed an ounce of your human side.

The alliance was formed for a reason, stopping Eren from continuing the Rumbling. Either it would be successful or resulted with everyone dying, at least they tried. And that included you.

All this time, you thought about what kind of life you had, everything was in your hand. But no matter how you tried to shape your future, nothing ever went as planned. From a peace treaty between Paradis and Marley, then to spending your last day on earth with those who love you with all of their heart, none of that came true.

So you hoped, this plan the alliance had would at least become reality.

"Tybur," You looked up, seeing Magath checking up on you as you fixed your gear one more time. His speech before when he acknowledged his sin, it was an eye opener, and you could finally put one hundred percent of your respect towards him. "You don't — I know how much these people meant to you."

Raising one of your eyebrows, you were curious what his goal was for telling you that. You dusted the sands that were sticking on your clothes, standing up so you could properly talk with him. "That's why, I am not forcing you to—"

"We are here for the same reason, General Magath." You cut him off, knowing the time was running thin. "But I assure you, I am perfectly fine." With ease, you climbed up to the hill, where you could see everything clearly, even the sea of Colossal Titans who were now marching towards Marley.

"Jean said, you might know them from the Cadet Corps." You understood the implication. But you were tired of getting sentimental that made you so irrational, causing all of the things you wanted burned into nothing right in front of you.

"General," That was why. This time around, you could only focus towards the ultimate goal — and that was to stop the Rumbling your friend initiated. "I am here in Paradis to finish a mission."

Notes:

Not gonna lie, I feel so drained writing this (": But eh, enjoy~!

Chapter 57: Grim Reminder

Notes:

I need help deciding which type of ending I should publish. Please comment below after you read the note at the end. Thank you!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

You didn't shed any tears. Each time your assembled blades slashed through the Yeagerist, or when you stomped them all underneath your gigantic feet, there was no sign of remorse. You stepped out from your titan form as if you hadn't annihilated hundreds of soldiers in a span of minutes, at the same time, protecting the alliance with shields and offensive weaponries.

It was as if you were not the same person, not the Tybur that Jean had grown accustomed to for about seven years ever since he met you in the Cadet Corps.

Your lips were shaped into thin lines the entire time they all boarded the ship. Perhaps a second, your eyes glossed for a second when everyone could see that the General had sacrificed himself to detonate the Marleyan Cruiser. But only for a moment before you got inside the bridge, still nothing to say.

Jean thought you would be so emotional since Armin went unconscious because of the shots he received. He remembered the time when they had to fight with the First Interior Squad under the Reiss chapel. You were using your own body to shield them, looking so invincible as you dashed to each column and shot them.

What a reckless woman you were when it came to those who you loved. That was why he didn't believe you when you said you didn't care about any of the Yeagerist on the port. You knew them. Maybe you were not as attached, but they were all the same soldiers who once swarmed all over you back then in the Cadet Corps.

You trained with them, having the same meal under one roof for three years. With how genuine you were as you talked to them, with how much you gave your time for those on the Island of Paradis — he doubted you didn't feel any heartache.

People changed, yes. He was aware of that. They would grow as time passed by, depending on the environment and the society surrounding them. But a character would stick. It was something that someone carried ever since they were born. And even though you tried to mask yours, he could see right through you.

You were alone on the primary deck, eyes overlooking the blue ocean. The others were resting after the emotional battle a few hours ago, waiting for the ship to arrive at Odiha so they could just end this nightmare once and for all.

He was debating the whole time. After last night, he didn't know how to approach you. The feeling of his boots knocking you right at your ribcage, the crack and the blood that splattered out of your mouth, haunted him to sleep. Even though he was angry since you never said anything, he knew you had your reason.

With what Reiner said, it was visible that you were not keen on the idea of killing Marco. You had your blades ready towards the Warriors, betraying them from just that simple act, and yet still failed to protect one of your best friends you made on the island of Paradis.

The burden you carried on your shoulders, add that with the heaviness of your name — if it was another person, they might as well have gone crazy in the first few years.

Now he knew how it felt to be a traitor as he shot those Yeagerist right in the middle of their head. His hand was shaking, sweat covering his skin as each trigger he pulled made him want to throw up out of guilt. And for you to do that over and over again, changing one side to another, cherishing and trying to keep them all alive despite the waging war, it was a miracle itself in the form of you.

So, even though he needed time to forgive Reiner and Annie, it wasn't like that with you. Whether because he believed you already redeemed that part of your sin, or because he just loved you so, he was uncertain. Then again, maybe a mix of both.

"Just join me, Kirstein." He jolted, not expecting you to call out for him, knowing he was around.

"Hey," After all this time, he thought he was the only one who could sense it when you were within a close radius. "I didn't mean to interrupt. I am just going to get some fresh air, that's all." But when you discovered him hiding in the shadows, the power was perhaps mutual.

"Fresh air, huh?" He didn't know whether his mind was playing tricks on him, but the corner of your lips curled up for a second there once he approached you. "Admitting that you are worried about me is not that hard, you know?"

This again. The feeling of deja vu was intense sometimes. The two of you were inseparable ever since the start of the training. When he was just a stupid and selfish cadet, you already looked so bright with a gentle smile plastered on your face. And if it wasn't because of Marco, maybe he wouldn't have had the courage to get to know you.

"I—"

"Sorry, that's a stupid joke."

The walls you built within a night were crumbling before, but now it went back stronger. He frowned at that, not liking the situation even though he knew he shouldn't have acted like this towards you. You were the same person who was responsible for the death of his comrades, one who did nothing when the other titan shifters decided to break down the walls. Twice.

But he couldn't cling to those hurtful truths forever, and he already made peace with himself regarding you. Because once again, you stayed with them for so long, believing that you could be a bridge between Paradis and Marley. To know that the plan went down in flames, surely wasn't your fault.

"It's not stupid." He growled, hands gripping the railing as he pushed himself backwards, eyes looking down at the ground instead. "And unlike a certain someone who could never admit that they cared for me, I actually wanted to say — I know."

A sigh escaped his lips, and truthfully, he was a bit scared of what you would say. He gazed at you from your peripheral vision. And unlike before when your eyes settled into the vast ocean, you were looking at him. "What? I am worried about you."

"What for?"

"Huh?!"

His pupils dilated a bit as he gathered enough courage to face you. The emotionless look you carried ever since this morning had slowly withered away. Your lips jutted forward, making your cheeks look so full. He could feel heat starting to creep on his face at this point, and he only cleared his throat as an attempt to calm himself down.

He wondered what happened last night, or why did you never try to reach for Armin who was still unconscious. You and the blonde always stuck together like glue, so loving to one another that he often scoffed at the sight. That was why, it weirded him a bit when he never saw you try to talk with your lover at all.

Then again, maybe the latter felt guilty after the raid in Shiganshina. When everyone refused to immobilise you, Armin had to be the one who stepped forward. "Are you… Are you alright…?"

"You are weird, Kirstein." The small whisper softened his gaze. It didn't sound like the usual mockery and jest. Those words lingered with gratitude instead, as if you were thanking him. "I honestly don't know what to feel. Most importantly, I don't know why you are here." At the same time, not believing he still wanted to talk to you. "Not after everything I did."

"About that," Last night, it made him realise why you always tense up at the mention of Marco. No matter how good you were at keeping your composure, you always had this unfathomable look on your face when he asked for your company. "Because we're in this hell together, right?" Only for a second, but the pain was there.

Your lips parted slightly, wanting to say something, and he had a feeling what it was all about. "Don't tell me I am wrong. Ever since Cadet Corps, it's you, me, Marco, Sasha, and Connie." He knew you. You were going to say shit about yourself, that you didn't deserve his pity, nor a second chance with so many times you lied to them about your origin.

"But Jean, I—"

"I don't want to hear any apology, okay?" He had enough of it, and you didn't have to. Not when you were forced to take this path. "What I said on the night before we reclaim Shiganshina, it's still applied."

That even though you were one of the titan shifters, he could never be mad at you. Maybe at first, but he knew this situation everyone found themselves in was none of their fault. It was the hatred that was rooted deep from thousands of years ago. And if either side didn't try to put it behind their back to start anew, then they would be in the same circle as satan.

It wasn't Marley's responsibility alone, not just the rest of the nation across the sea, but also Paradis too, the Eldians who were alive, and most importantly — not just you. Maybe you believed it was, as a great descendant of the world's saviour, the burden you carried was much grander than any of them.

But that doesn't mean you have to bear it on your own. "You are not alone, Tybur." And he would never get tired of reminding you about it.

He reached out to your pinky finger, interlacing his with yours together to show you that he meant every word he said. With you trying to detach yourself from everyone, he was unsure whether you would be alright with this small physical contact. But when you pulled your hand away, then grabbed his hand fully instead, that was enough of a reassurance for him.

"Thank you, Jean."

Whatever future the world had, he wouldn't let anything separate you from him, not even when you released your last breath.

"It's nothing, (Y/n)."

Her gaze fixated on you for quite some time now. It never left ever since this morning, not for long. Even though she wasn't around much with her trapped inside the crystal, she was still sharp. Annie felt proud and confident with herself when it came to you. Knowing when you lie or if something troubled you.

That was why — the moment she woke up and saw you with a facade on, she had to know the cause of it.

With so many years listening to your stories, ugly sobs, and sometimes chirping voices as you talked about Armin, she always wished she could give a proper response. After all, from anyone you could talk to, you never pushed her away from your life. So now, she wanted to give back, and that was to figure out what turned you to be so impassive, something you were clearly not.

When Annie felt your hug again after a long time, she finally was able to breathe normally. Your touch could ease her down within a second. Even though she always tried to break free from your hug before the operation of Paradis Island, it became a routine she always waited for before in the middle of the day.

You patted her back when she almost broke down in front of everyone. Hange announced the doom that fell for the people in Liberio. And she was so tired of everything: slaughtering people, not being able to come home, losing her father — it was an endless nightmare and she couldn't escape those.

Before she could lay her eyes on you, you already withdrew yourself from the scene. As someone who would never turn away when the people she cherished were in distress, that action surely baffled Annie to no end. She knew something was amiss from the beginning, and she swore to find out why.

Thus the reason why she threw a dagger towards this newly conscious man.

"Fully healed now?"

"Huh? Annie?"

She didn't respond as those irises that mirrored his continued to stare down at him. Her palm went to her side, patting the space beside her as she urged him to sit. Armin looked confused, perhaps not expecting her to want his company. She had her reasoning, and he would know about it soon anyway. "Is there something you want to discuss?"

Armin didn't have the courage to look at her. Especially when it seemed she held a grudge against him. If it wasn't because of him as the mastermind, perhaps the rest of the Survey Corps wouldn't be able to catch her in Stohess. That risky plan, it either came from his genius brain or the Commander before Hange after all.

"What did you do last night?" But that wasn't the cause for her snide. "To (Y/n). What did you do?" It was a completely different reason, something that also made his heart stop for a second because she mentioned your name.

"We—" He balled his hand into a fist, blonde strands sticking out in between his fingers with how he propped his head. "We discussed our future." Last night was still so fresh, and it made him feel so small every time. "The possibilities of me hurting her again—"

"Again….?"

"I launched thunder spears at her titan form." There was this murderous aura that radiated from her small form. "Because I had to, even though I didn't want it. I had to protect Eren. For Paradis." That was why he immediately elaborated more.

"Look where it brought us now. Thanks."

Armin winced at the sarcasm, but he couldn't blame her for wanting to punch him in the face at the moment. He made a lot of mistakes, and some of them would never be redeemed. Such as when he blindly shot those thunder spears at you, and the realisation that he was also responsible for this genocide. "So? I don't think a mere discussion is enough to make her… you know."

He parted his lips, then closed them again. In his mind right now, your sobs were so loud, one that never ceased until you fell asleep. Armin could only muster up the courage to look at you when you were already curled on top of the prickly grass. Tears were staining your cheek, and he couldn't even wipe it away.

"We ended our relationship." A small gasp escaped her lips, and he kept his gaze on the wooden planks, not once looking at her. "We were born in different places, both nations having a grudge against each other." His mind was still predominated by the thought of you. "One day, it's possible we are still going to pick sides."

From the first time he met you, the way you saved him from abnormal titans on the first expedition, then you who had your blades ready to fight Captain Levi for his sake — after all of those, he repaid the good deeds by almost killing you.

"I thought you were an optimist." He frowned at the remark. Her words were like poison, "She gave up everything for you, even Bertolt." seeping deep into his vein, little by little trying to kill him. "She l-loves you. After quite some time, I believed she would leave everything behind if that meant she could be happy with you."

He knew that, and maybe it was also the reason why he couldn't continue the love that he shared with you. You deserved a better life. For at least the remaining time of you living on this earth, he didn't want you to stay with him where peace might not follow. Because he was an Eldian, a race that the whole world feared and despised.

Even when the alliance could stop the Rumbling, it was possible for the surviving nation to try to eradicate Eldian once and for all. "And to think I listened to her rambling about you for the last three years. If this was how it unfolded, I should have cursed your entire existence and told her to abandon you instead."

"You should."

"Sadly, she loves you too much."

"That—"

"I can even say she loves you more than you do her."

He fell first. Ever since he saw you with that shabby dress hugging your body, offering your bread for the three of them to share, he already adored you so. But as time went by, with you ready to sacrifice yourself for a better future for Paradis, staying with them through all plans, sharing a home in Shiganshina — he realised that you fell harder.

"I-I don't think so."

"Really?" Annie scoffed at his remark. Even if he did, or even if he loved you with the same intensity as yours, he was bad at showing it. "She only had a few years left when you confessed to her, and from anyone she could give herself to, she chose you." And it got worse now with what he proposed last night. "I envy you, Armin. She gave you her heart, but you tore it apart in the last few months of her life."

His frown deepened. He knew that already. It didn't make sense for him to break it off with you, but he just knew he couldn't move forward if you had to be the one who he fought against in the near future. Annie wouldn't understand, because she would always be on the same side as you. She would never know how it feels to—

"Envy me?" He blinked, reciting the word that she conveyed as he backtracked. "Why would you envy me? You are on the same side as her no matter what. It was me who should be envying you right now."

"She loves you." She didn't waste even a second to answer his curiosity, and from the blush that now covered her cheeks, he could only gasp at the realisation. "Shut up."

"I—" He swallowed a huge lump, never once expecting someone to like you this much (beside Jean, of course). "I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything." Letting out a sigh, she decided to just go. Already knowing the reason for you detaching yourself from others. "If anyone knows about t-this, I will skin you alive. I mean it, Arlert."

"What about her?"

She stopped on her track, already halfway towards the bridge, but she pivoted back to look at him once more. "I-I mean no harm, Annie. I know how it feels to not say anything to someone you love. Who knows, maybe you can be the one who actually stays with her when she—" he shook his head, almost breaking down all over again.

There was this genuine aura from the way he talked, and not wanting to lie, she was so tempted to tell you. After all, who knows if there was still another day for you, or maybe even her.

"Even if I do, I don't think it would change anything." But she knew you. "Ever since in Cadet Corps, I know two names she would die for, more than a friend should." She observed you from the shadows, knowing where you would often lay your eyes. "And I am not one of them."

"Bertolt and?" She shook her head, making him raise one of his eyebrows since he thought it was the former Titan inheritor, and maybe Marco. But then again, he believed you never saw the latter in a romantic light.

"You already revealed yourself, Armin." She continued, piercing blue orbs locked with him. "Maybe you love her, but you wouldn't put her above your duty." Detestment still remained there. "While for the other one…" She trailed off, a bit unsure whether it was alright for her to say this or not.

But then again, she wanted to inflict more pain towards him for attacking you. "I think he would rather kill himself than to ever harm her." To remind him that he didn't deserve you with how he treated you in the end. "Which makes him a better lover, if I can say."

Armin's pupils widened, and it felt like a huge blow right at his heart. The thought of someone who could make you happier, of someone deserving you more than himself — it was long gone after he heard your love profession for the first time. But now, it came running back to him, even harsher because he knew he could never treat you right. Even though he wanted to just give you everything.

The reminder had taken him back to the day they reclaimed Shiganshina. Armin faced Bertolt, hoping that maybe the man would change sides knowing you stayed there in Paradis. Even then, the former shifters never once wavered. And Armin used to think how much of a fool the Warrior was, for choosing the duty instead of you.

But now, he was in the same place as your ex-lover. He was no different than Bertolt after he was aware of the weight that was resting on his shoulder. With Commander Erwin's name on his back, and the power of destruction in the form of Colossal Titan — Armin could finally embrace the truth that the man once said.

How those who loved in this cruel world, would be the ones who suffered the most.

First Bertolt, you. And at this moment, Armin Arlert himself.

Notes:

SO,

I am done writing this entire fanfic (finally, after two years of journey). I was thinking about two endings, it wouldn't change much, the only difference was just:
a. Mysterious ending. I wouldn't tell who Miss Tybur's end game is, just a mention of someone in her life.
b. Bittersweet ending. There would be one more chapter, giving closure to Jean and Armin as Miss Tybur wed one of them.

PLEASE HELP I AM HAVING A CRISIS FHGSDFGFDSGFSDGDF

Chapter 58: To Bid Farewell

Chapter Text

Goodbye — it was a word that everyone despised. Whether because they wouldn't see one another for long, or perhaps never again in the future.

Mikasa loathed the word in every fibre of her being. Every day, she prayed to God or whatever deities out there to bring Eren back. He often left her and Armin behind, not even telling them beforehand where he would go. She couldn't count anymore how many times she had to see his back turned towards her, and she felt better now about it as she remembered what you said before.

Eren would never abandon her. No matter how long, no matter how crazy the path was in front of him. He would always come back to her.

But this time around, she had a feeling he wouldn't. Not anymore.

She needed someone to confide in. And usually, either Armin or you could provide her with warmth. However, she knew too well that everyone's heart was in shambles. She wasn't the only one who wanted to cry out, not the only one who was so close to giving up. And of course, not the only ones who had to say goodbye to their loved ones.

When they arrived at Odiha, the sky already turned dark. There was no pollution around, and the only light came from the hangar, resulting in the stars being so visible in the night sky. If she was in another scenario, she would like to just stare at it. But with the Rumbling might catch up to them in a matter of hours, she didn't have time to enjoy the view.

Not only that, she had to teach Annie how to use the new vertical manoeuvring gear. You approached her on the ship, asking if maybe she could give a demo for the petite blonde. It was the first time you talked to her after last night, and she was delighted you started to warm up even though it was merely an exchange of a few sentences.

"Annie, you are still not used to the new gear, aren't you?" She carried a box filled with the gear that might have suited the shifter, a few sizes smaller than her. "We have a few hours before dawn, we should—"

"There's no use." Annie continued to stare at the ocean. Her legs dangling on the end of the harbour, deep in her mind but still acknowledging Mikasa's presence. "I am not going to the flying boat."

"Huh? But we need—"

"I don't have any other reason to fight." She whispered, and Mikasa understood what it meant. Ever since they were circling the campfire, Annie already declared why she had to stop the Rumbling. But when Commander Hange told them all that it was probably too late, she no longer had any spirit to continue on this battle.

Although, the ravenette had a feeling she wasn't being honest, not completely. Those crystal blue orbs drifted towards the hangar where the rest of the alliances were. And subconsciously, she followed. She wondered what was going on inside Annie's head, curious since she could feel a familiar aura radiating from her body. Longing.

Then her pupils caught you. You were talking with Reiner, eyebrows furrowed as you were discussing whatever plan for tomorrow. She was glad that you no longer acted reserved, continuing to be yourself because she knew everyone needed to see you like this. Ready to move forward with a goal fixated in your mind.

After a few seconds passed, Mikasa shook her head. She followed Annie's line of vision because she wanted to know what the girl was thinking before. And yet, she found herself looking at you instead.

Her eyes softened when you realised that you were being watched. You stopped talking with Reiner and waved at her instead. She shrugged her shoulders, not being able to wave back with the box in her hands. From where Mikasa stood, she could see how you chuckled at her attempted reply before your eyes flew down towards her company.

Ah, Annie. She had a feeling she wouldn't have to do anything for her then since she already stated that she wouldn't join the alliance to the flying boat. Maybe she could help around in the hangar instead. And if she didn't want to say anything, then so be it.

But when she was going to get inside, she gawked at the sight that greeted her.

There was a pinkish hue spreading on Annie's cheeks. It was subtle, dimmed by the dark of the night. And yet, those blue irises looked so bright as they fell on someone. Unlike when she always kept her cold demeanour, her walls were completely gone right at this moment. The yearning was so prominent that Mikasa couldn't believe she never noticed it up until now.

"Eh…? Since when?"

She swallowed a huge lump, eyes going back and forth from the girl beside her, and to you who were now helping the others arrange the barrel filled with fuel. "But, Annie, she will—"

"I know." And those crystal blue lights had dimmed completely. "Sometimes, I can't understand her at all." Replaced by a solemn look as she gathered her legs into her own embrace. "She should have known that if we stop Eren, no one will be able to protect the Subjects of Ymir. Not without Marley who saw our worth."

Annie's knuckles turned into a whiter shade of pale as she gripped the sleeves of her sweater. "She knows that, and yet continues to sacrifice herself for humanity who has been nothing but treating us like dirt. Why doesn't she just—"

There was something more that she wanted to say, and yet she stopped. Mikasa had a feeling what it was. From how Annie never looked away from your figure, she was hoping that you would just rest, enjoying the end of your days with her instead. A dream of hers, one that could never see the daylight because your heart would be in the flying boat.

You were always so loyal. But even though you also considered her an important person in your life, she knew you kept a few names closer to your heart. "How did you do it, Mikasa?"

"Do what?"

"Saying goodbye."

That was unexpected. Her grip on the box was now tightened, and she could only look down at the pavement with a melancholy look on her face. All this time, she was struggling with the same problem. With Eren going far away, perhaps losing himself out there, she had to be prepared if it ever came to that.

But in the meantime, she was still clinging to hope, and that was to take Eren back.

"I never did."

The flying boat was ready. After an intense night with minimum rest, the Azumabito's engineer was finally able to prepare it. It was an hour before the takeoff, meaning they had to check their equipment and get ready for the battle ahead.

You could feel a few pairs of eyes lingering on your figure as you gathered with Reiner and Pieck. Not all of the Warriors would join the fight. And ever since Commander Hange told them they wouldn't be able to stop the Rumbling before they reached Liberio, a part of you knew that Annie wouldn't go with you.

A soft smile attached to your face as you saw the two blondes hugging one another. Even though Annie saw Reiner as an annoying man, she still regarded him as a friend. After all, the two of them had been through a lot of things together. Even though she once kicked him in his face until none of you could recognise him, as time went by, no one could deny the tight bond of their camaraderie.

You pondered over Reiner's words from before. His apology and how everyone could have lived a happier life if only he didn't push through the operation back in 845. You doubted that though, knowing Marley. They would only force them to go back in another year or so, and nothing would have changed.

If all of you turned back, it would only postpone this nightmare, and each one of you would probably die because of the curse when the war occurred. Although, maybe you wouldn't have to meet and fall in love with these island devils if so. Maybe you could turn a blind eye and act like you didn't know about the truth.

But at the same time, you didn't have any regrets. Because by Reiner forcing everyone to move forward, you were bestowed with a lot of mundane things that made you appreciate life a little bit more.

"Hey," It was just you and Annie now as the two trotted towards the alliances. She looked at you with such an unfathomable look, a bit cold if you could say, but you never wavered. "No hug? No goodbye?"

She said nothing, narrowing her eyes instead before her fist launched at your arm, making you giggle at how she never changed after all these years. "Sorry—"

And before you could finish your words, your pupils widened when she suddenly had her arms wrapped around you. Ever since you knew her, you often jumped at her tiny figure that sometimes resulted in you falling since she shrugged you off. But now, she was the one who initiated it, and you could only bury your face in her neck as you brought her closer to you. "Take care, Annie."

"You promised me a pudding."

"Oh?" You chuckled softly, not expecting her to remember what you said all those years ago. "I never promised something as small as that." It was the day before Cadet Corps enrollment, and you had your arms around her just like now. "Not just one, Annie. I promise to make you lots of pudding, as much as you want."

"Yeah, you said that." She leaned away slightly, both hands never leaving your arms. "But if you go, you might not be able to fulfil that." Distress prominent inside those eyes, and you only squeezed her shoulder, not wanting her to think about the worst case scenario. "What? Don't tell me I am wrong."

"You are not, but—" Your eyes drifted towards the others, those who you cherished ever since you knew them. "I have to be there, Annie. If not, the success rate will be much smaller than it already is." And even though joining her sounded a bit tempting, you couldn't turn away from the battle in front of you.

"Figured you will say that."

She let out a sigh, now hiding her hands in the pocket of her sweater. You tilted your head to the side since it looked like she wanted to say something else. But she only parted her lips, just to close them in the next second. "Uhm, goodbye then—"

"See you later."

You cut her off, ruffling her hair to annoy her, but she didn't complain at all, just taking everything in. "See you later, Annie." And if only she lifted her head, maybe you could have seen the way her cheeks turned red. "Go ahead now, take care."

Annie nodded her head before turning her back against you, not saying anything else and you were glad she didn't abruptly change her mind. It looked like Onyankopon and the other engineers were going to fill the tank with fuel. So you jogged towards those who would join the fight, only nine left now.

You walked past Armin and Mikasa, trying not to look at him because the pain remained. The heartbreak was new, and you didn't want to cry again when there was a much more dire situation in front of you. Instead, you would just focus on your two best friends, who waved at you with bread and drink in their hands.

In this circle of friendship you found in Paradis, there used to be five of you. And now there were three, with the other two leaving this world early. Too early.

After this, you just hoped everyone survived the whole mess. Although with the Rumbling trailed behind and the Founding Titan to conquer, it was too good to be true. But at least with the flying boat ready, no one would have to die now.

That was what you wanted to believe.

You dropped your meal to the ground within an instant when you caught the familiar auburn hair from your peripheral vision. Not you. Without wasting another second, you jumped forward and launched your hook right on his neck. Not you again! Almost killing him. And that was the problem — almost.

Floch already opened fire, blasting dozens of bullets all over the hangar. It was always him. That time when Commander Erwin and Armin's life were on the line, what he said to Hitch a few days after, and yesterday on the port. He was always around, and most of them opposed your stance.

"Hange!" You stared down at him, chest heaving as he stared back at you with an empty gaze as Onyankopon's voice rang through the hangar. "He shot holes in the fuel tank! We can't fly like this!" Gabi got him before, and you thought he wouldn't haunt the path you chose. But here he was, trying to stop all of you, and with the ground shaking to its core, he almost succeeded.

Gritting your teeth, you jogged outside the hangar, not giving another glance towards Floch as Commander Hange and Jean lingered there. Everyone was trying hard to repair the holes, closing them with tins even though they knew it might be too late.

It was here. The Rumbling was finally here.

You needed to see it with your own eyes, and when you caught the glimpse of them, you felt like you couldn't breathe. Thousands of Colossal Titans trampled the green lands, leaving nothing but dust and blood. This was what your father always feared. For something to happen in Paradis that caused the world to experience the Rumbling.

This was your job. As a Tybur, you were bestowed with a secret of the world. You had knowledge of the Rumbling and how dangerous it was if the Founding Titan fell on someone else who wasn't the descendant of King Fritz. But not only that, you also knew they were just normal people, who just like anyone else in this world, fear this hell on earth in the shape of Titans.

"A-Armin?" For once, you could hear the panic in Mikasa's tone, something that usually occurred when it came to Eren. "Is there anything we can do?"

"No, this is it." In front of such horror, even the usually composed man could feel so small. "I'll stay behind and slow them." Not being able to think clearly as fear also crept into his being.

"Not you." You stepped forward, trying to think of a logical reason why. "Eren will listen to you, Armin. You and Mikasa, none of you could die here." Because you knew when you retorted before, the reason was much too personal , and you doubted he would listen to you. "I am going to die soon anyway, so I will do this."

"You really think I'd let you?!"

Everyone jolted at the booming, demanding voice belonging to the Commander. "We can't lose any more of our titan's power!"

"But Hange—"

"I led us all to this point. I kept moving forward even if it meant killing so many comrades." They shut you up, eyes never wavering as the wind blew their cape. "It's time I take responsibility for that." Wings of freedom looked so grand behind them, and you couldn't say anything to fight the order.

No, there must be something you could do. The gear in your brain rotated at the speed of lightning, but you couldn't find anything, frustrating you to no end. Your lips quivered as Hange started to appoint Armin as the next commander of the Survey Corps, and you knew the choice was absolute.

"Commander—"

"It's really just Hange now, Miss Tybur."

They gave you a reassuring smile, looking so carefree as if they were not going to track down their own death, humming a tune instead as they strolled towards the Rumbling. "Oh, right! Levi is your subordinate, Armin. You can slave him around, yeah?" As if it was just another expedition, with them admiring yet another titan.

Nine, there were supposed to be nine members of the alliances who went to Fort Salta. Three were from Marley, and the rest were the forces from Paradis. But as you saw their back against you, laughing over something that Captain Levi said, you already lost another soul.

"Hange!"

Everyone was screaming their name, finally realising it really happened. One of you had to stay, giving more time for the Azumabito to repair the fuel tank. You stepped forward, and as if someone knew what you possibly wanted to do, you felt a grasp on your arm. So tight that you knew it would bruise.

"Let it go, Tybur."

"Jean—"

"Let them."

Your vision blurred as you looked at your best friend, not having the courage to see how many titans Hange was able to take down. The heat surrounding them would scorch their skin, and you shivered at the portrayal in your head. You couldn't see it. Not again . "Come on, Onyankopon needs our help."

Hange already bought some time for all of you, and not even a second should go to waste. You nodded at Jean, following him as he got deeper into the hangar. The scream you heard from the outside, each titan that fell down like toy blocks — you had to obstruct it all away, focusing on the flying boat instead as half of the tank was filled.

Deep in your heart, you wanted to turn around, to check on them, but there was no use for that. Losing one was enough, the alliances needed as much power to clash with the Founding Titan. If you grappled your hook to the nearest buildings and caught up to them, your friends would be a lost cause.

So, as you helped the other push the flying boat out of the hangar — you also needed to press an idea in your head that Hange valued this moment to be their last. This was their choice, flying there was what they wanted in the first place.

Surrounded by titans, to be lost for words out of astonishment as they took their dying breath.

You couldn't look away from the window as tears streamed down your face. They were already far away, trailing the path of their fallen comrades. And you cursed at yourself for not saying any proper goodbye. But that was the harsh truth in this world, one you should have remembered with the times you saw your loved one's demise,

Closure was a privilege that not everyone could have.

As you finally turned your back away from Odiha, your legs brought you towards the one figure that was on his knees. His sobs and cry out resonated through the small space of the flying boat, each lamen cut through your heart and you couldn't stop yourself anymore.

Without him asking you to, you wrapped your arms around his shaking torso. He gasped when he felt your touch, and you heard a small whine escape his lips as you buried your face on his neck. You waited for him to push you away, something you expected him to do since he didn't want you close anymore.

But when he gingerly reciprocated your hug, even pulling you deeper into his arms, you knew he needed you. And even though it might not change anything, even though he insisted that it would be best for you two to part ways, you would still provide him with the same love. Never once lessened.

"It's alright, 'min." Even until you wouldn't be able to. "We will see them again one day."

The atmosphere was solemn despite how everyone was calmed down. No tears were visible in their eyes, not even a sob could be heard. But you knew how hard it was to say goodbye, to not be able to see someone you cherished anymore. A few years wouldn't even heal the pain, let alone an hour after that.

You sat between Jean and Mikasa, listening to the harsh intake of their breath. The latter was already able to compose herself, but your best friend, on the other hand. His lips pursed, copper orbs looked so dull and you wished you could have done something for him. He had both hands on his nape, staring into the empty space and it made you frown since you knew he must have let his mind wander to the dark side.

Testing the water, you decided to bump your knees against his, trying to get a bit of his attention. And it worked. He glanced at you, questioning your action with raised eyebrows. With a small smile plastered on your face, you were glad when he started to relax, mimicking your expression a bit before he rested his hands on his thighs.

You tried to reach out to his pinky finger, but before you could even interlace it with yours, he snatched your hand instead. He said nothing as he continued to look forward, and you only shook your head in amusement before you squeezed him a bit, reminding him that you were here. That he wasn't alone.

Just like how he always reminded you every single time you needed it.

"Now, then…" You lift your head at the source of the voice. Armin walked back towards the alliances after conversing with Onyankopon, and his eyes instantly went down towards your hand that was joined with Jean. "Let's discuss our plan."

Just for a moment before he averted his eyes within an instant, with the same pained look on his face, one that he brought it to himself.

Armin decided to focus on the battle ahead. He knew he was the one who let go, all out of fear and guilt that actually brought him into his own misery. Without your light guiding him, if he died today, maybe it would be alright. After all, he already evaded death long enough. He believed he wouldn't have any regret once he passed.

Maybe a few things, and all of them were about you.

This plan they brainstormed, no one knew the outcome would be. Everything was risky. From Captain Levi wanting to find Zeke, to Armin himself who had to use his Colossal Titan transformation if the negotiation with Eren failed. Hell, he still didn't know whether he was willing to talk to them once again. He really hoped he would, perhaps even stop this massacre before it was too late.

After that, then what?

The new commander didn't know for sure, but he hoped the surviving country would be able to see the cause of the meaningless hatred that kept going on for thousands of years. Maybe, a peaceful future would be finally within his reach. At least, until you reached the end of your line, he wanted to give you that.

He was deep in his thoughts as information after information was revealed in front of him. The talk about redemption, how everyone was the same by the end of the day, then the conversation between Reiner and Eren back in Liberio — he gaped at the realisation, how they were still able to be here even when he was sure Eren could have stripped their power off.

"Are you saying that Eren is choosing not to interfere with us?"

"Yes, he's letting us free." He swallowed a huge lump, ocean orbs met with the obsidian ones belonged to his best friend. "As if he's testing us on what we will do."

"Huh?" Mikasa's eyebrows furrowed, and Armin hoped she would understand. "E-Even if we might stop the Rumbling?"

"It's the same for him, I am sure." Regardless of their homeland, "Slaughtering all of humanity isn't something you can endure." Of the reason why they fought in the first place, "If it was me, I'd probably want someone else to handle such power. And if I couldn't…" In the end, they were all the same.

Just a human being who wanted to live in this cruel world they were born into. "I'd want it to be stopped by someone ."

Chapter 59: Without Regret

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

She swallowed a huge lump as her orbs overlooked the ocean. It was so still, no sound of the Rumbling could be heard, just birds circling on top of her and the wind caressing her hair. She tucked a naughty strand behind her ear, listening intently to Miss Azumabito, who now would be her only friend for a while.

"Say you could do it over again, would you never get involved with the Eldians and just watch as Paradis is massacred?"

"We can never turn back the clock, but my regret will stay with me forever."

Annie frowned at the statement, mind immediately going back to you and the rest of the alliances who now probably fought for their life. Then there was she who decided to run away. She wasn't even there for years in whatever hell this world had put you through. And now, she ran away once again, idling here talking with someone thrice her age. "I wonder, why can't we notice until we've lost it already?"

As you said, the power of a titan shifter weighs so much in this battle. If you didn't go with the others, the chance for them to survive and stop the rumbling would be running thin. That was why you had to be there. A secondary reason, if she could say. She knew, even if you were just any normal human being, you would still be there. Because that was the right thing, preventing genocide.

And of course, because someone who had your heart led the group, and you would never forgive yourself if you didn't help him.

That love you harboured, it always amazed her how you could be so selfless, even to those who you only cared for a little bit. You could do so much for them, let alone if you gave your heart to one person. There was also Armin, who she realised now wouldn't ever turn his back on you if it wasn't because of the pressure from his duty, and then Jean who apparently would rather hurt himself than ever do you harm.

They were all flying towards danger, uniting their power, proving to one another the camaraderie and devotion. Something that she failed to do just because she was tired and longed for peaceful times already.

"Yeah," As if everyone who flew to Fort Salta wasn't. "But it's too late."

"Miss Annie?"

She didn't jerk from the sudden call, keeping her gaze forward towards the ocean as she waited for the kids to continue whatever things they wanted to talk about. "I had a dream."

"Galliard's?"

"Mr Zeke, but it's a memory! Not a dream!"

"Isn't it true that the female titan can take in parts of other titans and manifest those abilities herself?"

"Well, it's easy for the female titan to do that, the reason why they made me choke down random things." She got a headache, maybe because Falco and Gabi were so loud as they bickered and whispered-shout right behind her. "What about it, really?"

"See?! I knew it!"

"Okay! Okay, maybe it will work out!"

"But that's maybe, Gabi!"

"Y-Yeah, there is no way, but—"

"Oh, shut up you damn kids!" Annie glared down at them, brows furrowed as their voice got even louder with each syllable slipped from their lips. "Go lug some coal or something!" But then she gaped, finally processing their words. "Wait, Zeke's…?"

"Yes, I became a titan because I drank his spinal fluid." She turned around, now all ears as a flicker of hope suddenly appeared inside her. "And Gabi thinks that's the reason why I have some characteristics of the beast titan."

"I see." She wasn't stupid, her mind could already connect the dots. "And?" But she needed to hear from them, to make sure it wasn't just in her head.

"The clearest memory is when I fly above the clouds." After everything that happened, she didn't want to have much hope. But with Falco who inherited not just the Jaw Titan, but also a part of Zeke, it had become a sign. "And it feels like that's something I can do."

A sign that maybe, she could actually live the remaining years of her life without regret.

Just a few more minutes, less than ten. As his copper orbs gazed down the window, he could only see a wasteland. Not even a hint of green, nor an oasis. Then again, perhaps it was because of the Rumbling that already reached here, trampling all the beauty in their way as it left nothing but dust in the wind.

Everyone was ready. They just needed to wait for Onyankopon's sign to jump out of the plane. Any minute by now, they would give it all to this battle that would change everything. Whether it was for the better or not, what they knew was the fact it was the right thing to do as Survey Corps.

They devoted their heart to humanities, and with them knowing the population across the sea, that meant it included those people.

Jean couldn't help but get lost in his thoughts. If he talked to his fifteen years old self, he knew the kid would laugh at him. His dream was simple back then. Living in the innermost, took his family there so they would be safe from titans, buying a house downtown with his wife and kids waiting for him at home.

To think he was here, prioritising humanity that only tortured him and the Eldian, those who were responsible for making his life a living hell.

He wasn't truly a saint, but, at least he could feel a bit better knowing he was different from them all. Even though the people in Paradis were all trampled by unknown knowledge and bullied by the world, especially Marley, he wanted to show he wasn't a devil to begin with.

Devil — an entity resided at the depth of the human's mind. Floch reminded him that he had to let the devil win in order to secure Paradis' safety. If he relent, if he stayed though, he knew he couldn't have lived his life peacefully.

Not just because he would be bathed in the blood of people outside Paradis until he left this world, but also yours. You would ensure the safety of humanity, that was the reason you went to the island in the first place. An angel that was given the task of the devil, what a cruel deity for pushing you like that.

If he decided to stay back then, he knew he wouldn't forgive himself. He would count the days when remorse followed him anywhere.

But now, even when he was here, there was still a part of him that left unsatisfied. He swallowed a huge lump, hands feeling so clammy as he gripped the handle to prevent himself from falling forward. His eyes never left you for far too long, mind predominated with questions and wonder.

He thought by fighting alongside you and the others, regret would no longer catch up to him. And yet as he stood beside you, he knew there was something that he needed to do, to say. A beautiful sentiment, one that he hid from everyone ever since he was in the Cadet Corps. One that was bestowed for you and only you.

At first, he was in denial of his feelings. He was too fixated on Mikasa before, and he realised he did that because it would feel so good to get the girl who was always on Eren's side. What a petty reason, and his younger self didn't know any better.

It was only after Marco declared about your death that he started to see you in a different light. The ache in his heart, how he wanted to throw up, the pounding of his head as he blamed himself. His best friend knew he was always like that towards you, but refused to say anything, wanting him to recognise it himself.

Now when he did, when he started to accept the love that he harboured towards you, so many things just had to happen. After Bertolt's death, he thought he would have the courage, but he was defeated by the one person who was always underestimated by others. Armin, who he knew those ocean eyes kept following you anywhere, someone who perhaps loved you longer than Jean.

The same person who he never thought would let you go, right before a battle where perhaps one of you would fall, on top of that.

Jean wasn't a titan shifter, and he was aware today could be the last time he saw you. And as the realisation dawned upon him, he felt like something gripped his heart, hindering him from just breathing. The idea of you here, so close and yet so far, never knowing how much he adored your entire existence — he didn't want that.

But you were not fully healed, right? He knew you loved Armin, to the point that you decided to guard yourself because you were afraid of your own vulnerability and heartbreak. And it would be selfish of him to reveal his feelings when you already close your heart. That was what he believed.

"You alright, Kirstein?" Yet, you had to peer into his face like this, eyes gazing at him with worry. "Feeling some kind of jitters?"

"Something like that." His lips curled into a soft smile, admiring you for the last time.

If he died today, he wanted to at least have you in his mind. He wanted to hear your voice soothing him down, looking into your beautiful eyes that always held so many emotions. Jean had grown to love you so, and everyone knew about it already. Except you, never you. And he thought he would be alright keeping it like that. "Hey, Tybur?"

"Yes?"

But not anymore, not when the idea of his feeling never being known to the only person he ever loved seemed to haunt him. "What is it?" He couldn't possibly let that happen.

"I love you." And as he said those words, there was no going back.

"Huh?" You were not the only one who had a surprised look on their face. "Jean, I—" But he didn't care about the others now, not even Armin.

"Don't." He cut you off, voice getting shaky as his copper orbs fixated on you. "Just listen to me. I- We don't have much time." Trying to calm himself down, not wanting to be emotional before he could even reveal how deep his sentiment was for you all these years that went by.

You nodded, and the rest of the alliances decided to give you two some privacy by looking away. Something he was thankful for. "Like I said, I love you." He repeated, wanting the words to drill inside your head. "I don't know when, it's not even something as romantic as love at the first sight, but I believe it has lasted ever since Cadet Corps."

Jean was never good with words, especially not when it came to this. "Marco knows, he always knows before everyone else, before myself." So, he decided to just let his own heart guide him through this. "And if he's here, maybe he would have pat me in the back and said 'fucking finally' , right?"

A small chuckle slipped from your lips, and the reminisce of his late best friend combined with his overwhelming feelings for you almost made him cry. "I-I know I shouldn't talk about this, shouldn't burden you with this knowledge, but—" Because it took him back to the past, where everything wasn't as messy as the present. "I already regretted each passing day for not telling you about this , and I will be damned if I die without letting you know."

He pondered now, if he had told you this all these years ago, was there ever a chance for him to have you? Was there even a universe where you could be his?

"Jean," Because he was aware that no matter what. No matter how many betrayals he had felt, how many times he cursed this world for being so cruel to those who live in it, at the end, "I-I don't know how to—" it would be the same.

He was always yours.

"You don't have to." He smiled, one hand going to your hair, ruffling the soft strands. "I told you to just listen anyway, remember?" And he couldn't stop himself from lingering in this space, caressing your head before his fingers traced your cheeks.

"Yeah." How nice though, if you suddenly said that you loved him too, but only hid it away since you thought he only saw you as best friend. "Y-You are right." What a mindless dream, one he should never have thought of.

He pinched your cheek when he saw guilt or sadness washed on your face, not liking it in one bit. "What was that for? Jean!"

"Don't let it go into your head, it's just feelings."

" Just ." You snorted, rolling your eyes before gazing forward towards the window instead. When he followed your line of vision, he could see the smoke all the way from up here, and he let out a sigh as reality hit him once again.

He wasn't inside the wall, not even in Paradis. A decade had passed ever since they all knew about the history of Titan. It finally brought him here. "But,"

His eyes shifted towards your figure who never looked away from the battleground, always fixating himself on you whenever you talked. "You better be alive once we are done stopping the Rumbling, Kirstein."

You spun to face him before reaching out to his pinky finger. "And you also have to give me the best damn time of my remaining years like you told me to."

This time around, he didn't hurriedly hold your hand. Instead, he tightened the way his finger interlaced with yours, squeezing your tiny digit as a grin appeared on his face, as if a sign that he strengthened the promise. Even though he didn't say it out loud, he already crossed his heart at your words.

"Oh, you are in for a ride , Tybur."

Everyone could feel how the fuel had run out. Onyankopon tried his best to stabilise the flying boat with his skill, and he decided to stay there no matter what for an emergency landing. The back door had opened, and the alliances could feel the wild gush of wind against them.

This was it, the end of it all. Whether for The Rumbling, the rest of the world, or even each of their own lives.

"Remember, we are looking for the Beast Titan first." Armin declared, and you nodded at him as you stood not far from the door. "We took care of him right away, hoping the Rumbling would stop." Hope. That was the only thing he could think of. Everyone knew what happened if the first plan failed, but none continued his words.

"Let's say hi to our friend." You whispered under your breath, smiling softly to Pieck who had these downcasted eyes. The second she knew they all had to kill Zeke in order to end this massacre, she had been holding herself back. And the only thing you could do was offer her a smile, one that she reciprocated.

"Onyankopon! Jump with us!"

"No! I have to fly this plane over the Founding Titan!"

"But,"

"Everyone, watch out!"

Pieces of sharp rubbles thrown towards the flying boat like bullets. Your eyes widened in horror, realising that the battle already started. "That's Zeke." You stood up, legs wobbling a bit but you only gritted your teeth. "He saved us the trouble of finding him."

"Use all of our forces to destroy him!"

This was it. Your name called for this moment. As a descendant of the Tybur family, you were given a torch to keep ablaze. A torch of humanity. And you wouldn't let it die, not today. Not as long as you were alive.

"Now! Jump!"

"Eren…!"

With one last look at your friends and Onyankopon, you jumped, just right behind Armin. The wind blew his hair, and he looked as determined as ever. For a few seconds there, it felt like time slowed down, giving you enough chance to take another look at him. Possibly for the last time.

His mind was fixated on this mission, and you couldn't blame him for it. That was just how he really was all along. Armin was that one person who would see everything through, rarely got distracted as he just focused on reaching the goal. You knew he would be a great Commander. Even now, he already was.

You couldn't understand his perspective when he decided to end it with you two nights before. Parts of you felt so betrayed because you really imagined the end of your days as his, he was the one who would hold your hand when you let go of your soul, finished with your duty in this lifetime.

But he was never entirely yours. You had to share him with the rest of the world, they needed him, as much as you did.

You were finally able to embrace the truth about his love. He never loved you less, if he could, he would abandon everything and run away with you. Yet, his duty had won him over, and you couldn't possibly be selfish and wanted him for yourself, keeping him in your arms forever. With that thought in mind, you smiled.

"I will see you on the other side, 'min."

Armin's ocean orbs gazed towards you the moment you transformed. It was so majestic, just like you always had been. Yellowish hue dancing in his eyes, courtesy of the lightning that struck when you turned into the War Hammer Titan.

You were beautiful. Even when this form was supposed to scare him, even when the whole world saw you as a monster under a false saviour's name — you were still the most magnificent creature he had ever seen.

He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath as he let snippets of memories from the last few years played in his mind. From the first time he saw you, your laugh that resonated throughout the mess hall, your scream as you called his name to snap out, the loving professions that belonged to others before it was finally for him — his life had become much better with you in it.

But even then, he knew he wasn't someone who could love freely. The two of you were the same, too attached with the duties that were chaining your feets to the ground. You with your name, and him with the death of the commanders. The only difference was — you could be free after this, while he didn't.

No matter how much he wanted it. Regardless of the promises that he had told you before, he could only keep it in his heart. He just wished, someone else would be able to fill his place, even though it would hurt him in the process.

Because he had to let go, and you deserved to pursue happiness with another.

His legs staggered for a second when he landed on the titan's body of his childhood friend. To think that he would be here, stopping Eren from eradicating all life on earth, it was a future he never thought would have. Everything that led up to this moment was unforeseen. His dreams died in flames already.

But not yours, neither did humanity.

He breathed out, eyes narrowed as he checked out the perimeter. No enemies around, and he hoped it would stay like this until he could talk some senses to the Founding Titan.

"Oi, Eren!" He screamed, letting his voice echoed. "I am asking you one more question you are not going to like." His blue orbs scrutinised each large bone until it fell on your figure, not far from him. "How do you consider yourself free?" Guarding the forces from Paradis, "And you will answer me once we drag you out of there."

No response, of course. And everything was too quiet at the moment. Armin's eyes widened when he realised that the Beast Titan was just a shell. This power was similar to yours. His human body could be everywhere in this mountain of bones, they wouldn't have time to search for it. There was no other way. Plan A couldn't be executed right from the start.

"Armin!" He looked up at Jean, his hand was shaking, the same as his when realisation dawned upon them. "There's no possible way! We have to accept what this means!" Gritting his teeth, Armin's mind went blank for a moment there, eyes looking so vacant since he couldn't believe this was the only way. "Oi—"

"I know!" But like what Jean said, there was really no other way. "We're blowing this place apart one minute from now, work with the titan's power to get away!"

"But Armin,"

Mikasa shouted from the other side, and he knew what she was trying to say. Whatever it was, she should have seen the truth in front of her. But she was too blinded by her love, so the only thing he could do was to let her down slowly, to remind her of the situation without tearing her apart.

"Eren must expect this attack from me, Mikasa! I can't imagine this killing him!" This was something that he had to do. "Blowing all these bones to pieces might help us figure out where Eren and Zeke are!" To save humanity, they had to risk something.

"If you feel like you really need to, just blow it all up!" He nodded at Jean's reminder, "No need to worry about us!" before he turned to look at them all, especially you.

"I will take care of them." Your deep voice reverberated through the air, and he watched you and the others left, going further towards the head.

Someone who couldn't throw away anything, would never be able to change anything. Armin knew that ever since he was in the cadet corps, and it had become his life motto for so long. He threw away his friendship, guilt, and even his love to be standing here. So much he had to sacrifice, and yet his dreams were still scattered.

He knew nothing would change if he didn't do something. But he was unsure what else he had to let go. Perhaps his hope, yes. His hope of having a way out of this mess with Eren listening to him and working things out once again from this. Another wishful thinking, so naive, the same as wanting to spend the rest of his life with you.

His eyes never left the drifting figures of his comrades, wondering if they were far enough. Yeah, maybe it was time. He could only hope this wouldn't kill all of them in the process.

"Huh?" Before he could transform, however, he felt something wrapped around his body. "Nghn!" Locking him in place, hindering him from screaming to warn them with his mouth covered too.

But as if you had heightened senses when it came to him (to anyone who you held dear), you turned around. Jean and Connie were holding on to your titan's form, so they also saw what happened. You ran as fast as you could, forming a scythe on one of your arms.

"Armin!" Your shout lingered with anguish and panic, not believing something had taken him away. "No!"

"Tybur! Look out!" At the caution, you looked up and dashed backward when you saw a titan jump at you from the top. "What?!" You were faster though, and you immediately slashed its head with your scythe. "What was that?"

"They are—" Your pupils dilated when you saw hordes of titans, and from the look of them, they were not pure titans. Not when you felt like you had seen them before. "Titans throughout the ages...? Look." Some resemble yours, some others were similar to the Cart and Armoured titan. No, the whole Nine Titan legions were here in front of you, this was the Founder's ability.

They didn't charge yet, however, perhaps still calculating the next move. "Jean, Connie, be careful." You whispered, enough for them to hear before advancing with their own gear. "We can't rush things, we have to be careful in this."

Your lips pursed, trying to think like Armin. If he was here, what would he have commanded everyone to do? Then you thought about the main goal, and your eyes went towards Mikasa within an instant. She reciprocated your gaze, and she understood what was it you were trying to say.

"No," With Armin out of the picture at the moment, then the last option was the only thing that could be processed. "We have to save Armin first, then if it's failed—"

"I am sorry, Mikasa." And that was to blow Eren's head, in hope it would stop the rumbling right away. "We don't have much time, remember?"

Notes:

Someone finally confess bro like ARRRGHHHH

DOUBLE UPDATE bcs i want this to be out idc anymore😭

Chapter 60: Between the Heaven and the Earth

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

It didn't matter how many titans were slain, they all kept coming back. You couldn't do much, not when dozens of them charged at you and the others at such a barbaric speed. They didn't give a break, created to stop you and the alliances.

You wondered what happened to the others as you stayed with Pieck when she got attacked. She ran fast towards the head, ready to blow the Founding Titan, but in every nook and corner of these piles of bones, enemies were lurking and ready to attack any moment. Just like now,

"Pieck, stay down!" You called out, hoping she would understand that it wasn't the time for her to move.

This was dangerous, you couldn't possibly be the only one who was still conscious, right? Yes, the others would handle it well. Captain Levi, Mikasa, and the others were true fighters. But for how long? How long could they kill the enemies who kept resurrected? It was a pointless battle.

And what about Armin? He must have been somewhere around the tail, and you could only wish he would be alright. If you succeed in hitting the trigger, would he die too? So many questions were left unanswered as you tried to push as many titans away as possible while at the same time protecting Pieck.

You really had to get out of this mess, fast.

Or you would have died before you could save humanity.

"Where's (Y/n)?"

Annie couldn't believe she would be here. Flying on top of a titan, joining a war she thought already abandoned. Then again, she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep at night if something happened to you and the others. But from the look on their faces, she already had a bad feeling about it. "Armin? Pieck? What's all of their status?"

"Armin's been captured by the titans, we don't know if he is alive or not." That was a bad start. "Pieck and (Y/n) are by the skull, so the exact opposite of where Armin is. Last time we know, Pieck's titan form is stabbed by a variant of War Hammer Titan, while for (Y/n)—"

"Yes?"

"She's down there alone, trying to reach the trigger." Her blue orbs widened at that, fingers subconsciously gripping the reign tighter. "Annie, you will help us, right?"

"Of course." That was an unnecessary question. "I'll do anything." Mikasa knew the main reason she was here anyway.

She didn't want to have any regret trailing in her mind for the rest of her life.

The team had to be divided into two. One would help you out and go after Eren, attacking the nape at the same time while the other group rescued Armin, in hope the explosion of the Colossal Titan could help. There was no time to worry about Eren anymore, perhaps never from the very first start.

It had dawned upon this very moment. They all had to kill Eren.

"Mikasa," Jean tried to snap her out of the haziness that clouded her mind. "You just focus on saving Armin, alright? Don't think about anything else. Just your childhood friend, Armin." They couldn't lose another fighter, not an Ackerman too.

If she hesitated, even for just a moment, then everything would be done for. He was already worried sick about what happened down there, each passing second with him up here made him guilty as he thought about you fighting alone. Perhaps with the Cart Titan, but the latter couldn't benefit much when it came to battle.

He gritted his teeth, still not able to believe that it had to end like this. But Eren was the one who decided that it was right to play God, punishing all life outside of Paradis and starting anew. Even though it was for them, this was never the answer. And now, they had to be the one who paid for his sins.

"Watch out for projectiles!" Any moment by now, Jean would give his best to do whatever it takes. "Here they come!" To finish this war, once and for all. "Now! Speed up!" Together with the forces that left, and hopefully, those who would still stand up until the end. "Let's go!"

"Jean! Reiner!"

"Please don't die on us!"

The same goes for all of them. Reiner immediately got the attention of the titans that swarmed around the head, and Jean didn't waste time, grappling his hook towards the farthest bone and swung forward. He couldn't look behind, he had to believe Reiner would take care of the rest.

"Just hold on," he dashed faster, using years of experience as one of the best soldiers on air. "Wait until I detonate the—"

He cursed under his breath when he saw dozens of titans in front of him. Of course it wouldn't be that easy, but really, a human against those veterans? A titan too, a creature that was dozens of times bigger than him. He clicked his tongue, evading each attack as he continued to move further to the head, bit by bit.

"Keep moving forward, Jean!" His gaze snapped to Pieck who continued to transform, again and again, no matter how many times she got stabbed. "I can turn into a Cart Titan hundreds of times! Go blow his head up!" Clearing some of the titans out of his way.

Not only that, you appeared with swords and hammers assembled from your arms, becoming his saving grace as you reached him. Jean almost cried when he saw you alive, but he knew there was no time to appraise this moment. The clock was ticking, and he hopped on top of you, going faster towards the head. Just a bit more,

But of course, millions of titans continued to appear in the way. You turned the weaponries back to your hands, elongating claws so you could climb on the tallest bone, jumping from one to another, evading battle at once because you had Jean with you now, and you wouldn't let anyone touch him. Not even a graze on his hair.

"Jean," A female titan was hot on your trail. "Keep going, I will hold them off." You had to make sure he survived this, even though it would mean you die trying.

It was hard for him to leave you alone, but he knew everyone had their own mission in this battle. You, Pieck, and Reiner already cleared ways, fighting endlessly to distract the enemies from not advancing towards Jean. So with one last look, he left you there to be a bait, not wasting the chance that was given towards him.

This nightmare had to end soon. And they would be able to escape from it once the Rumbling stopped.

Something that he hoped would come true once he detonated the bomb.

His ocean orbs dilated in horror at the sight in front of him. Everything was dark, even his voice didn't echo with how empty it was in this space. He was lost, not knowing what he should do when he saw his own body in front of him.

Armin couldn't understand why his eyes were closed, not moving an inch as if he was dead. Has he already passed away? If yes, how could he know what happened out there? His mind played each second that passed. You were fighting out there, along with Mikasa, Jean, Connie, and the others. Annie even arrived with Falco and Gabi, turning the tide a bit.

"No," That was why he didn't want to believe this was his end. He couldn't stop trying now. "Why don't you move?! Please, you have to!" Not when his power was needed, not when he had already sacrificed everything. "Everyone's going to die if not! Please! Just wake up!"

What was the point of letting you go when he ended up dying here? No. He couldn't let that conversation be the last he had with you. This wasn't how he wanted his life to end, there were so many things he needed to do before he passed away. Armin hadn't done it yet, he hadn't granted yours and humanity's dream. He couldn't just leave.

That damned titan just had to eat him alive. One second he was contemplating what more he must sacrifice, and the next he was here, watching his own body as if his soul was detached. "Wake up! They are still out there! Fighting! Reiner, Pieck, Connie, Jean, Mikasa, (Y/n)!"

He screamed at the top of his lungs, tears streaming down his cheeks as a sight of an armoured titan beating your titan's form drilled into his brain. "(Y/n) damn it! You said you wanted to give her a great life! So move!"

Wondering when his body could finally hear him. "I-I hate you! I always have! You've never done anything but betray me!" He thought he already gave so much, so why things still didn't go as he planned? "The life I was given! The expectations, and responsibilities! Everything! All of it!"

He needed to do more, that was why. This couldn't possibly be his ending. "You haven't been able to give them anything in return so why are you dead, huh?! Move! I SAID MOVE!"

But there was no answer, even though he begged himself to. He still wanted to live, he hadn't told his regret, hadn't bid goodbye to his friends, nor done fighting. His hands clutched the galactic space, feeling nothing besides the tears that were now falling down his cheeks, slowly dripping on the back of his hand.

He could see it. Whether it was true or not, he didn't know. But he could see you standing up again to defend Jean from getting towards the head of the Founding Titan. Mikasa, Annie, and Connie were on the tail, looking for the beast titan that ate him.

If he died, then how could he know all of this? Was it because all Eldians were connected? Then — he was still alive.

"So you finally noticed where you are, Eren's friend."

The scenery completely turned into something else. A place much more familiar as he remembered Eren called him and the entire Eldians here before. This was the path. In that case, there must have been something he could do.

"Hello, Mr Zeke." And he could start from here.

"So, Ymir ate you too." Maybe, he could learn something.

Zeke looked like he already surrendered, never once stopping building sandcastles. He said nothing for quite a while, and Armin decided to sit in front of him. Those greyish orbs were so dull, as if he didn't even want to live anymore. "So, where should I start?" But he knew what Armin wanted, and gave it nonetheless.

The man started to talk about life, how they still existed even until now because they sought to multiply. Ymir the Founder didn't want to die, but at the same time, she became a shield when someone tried to kill King Fritz. And it was something that even Zeke couldn't understand. Maybe because of attachment, she still yearned for the world she left behind, and Eren was able to acknowledge that.

That was why she decided to go with what Eren wanted.

"You have to tell me," Still, then what was the real purpose of the Rumbling? "Isn't there some way of getting back to the outside world?" If Ymir was still attached to the world, then why did she decide to kill the majority of humanity? What was it that she wanted to find out? "I haven't given up on anything yet, Mr Zeke."

"Why?" He blinked, not able to grasp his question. "So you can continue to multiply? Is the continuation of your species an important task?" But he knew it wasn't because of that. "What's happening now could be called the miserable sight of lifeforms controlled by fear. A kind of fear brought—"

"My friends! They are fighting right now!" And he needed Zeke to understand, to be able to see his perspective. "We can save as many people as possible! What we are doing is fighting fear!"

"And is it wrong to lose that fight?" It irritated Armin so much when those smokey orbs didn't reflect even any kind of emotion. Nothing. "You know that to live means to die one day, does it not?"

Of course he knew that. Even Armin knew if he survived this battle, he would die in a matter of years. But that didn't mean he wanted to stop living. "Who knows, perhaps one's final moment brings relief." Not now, not when he still had duties to carry. "Maybe the end of your days without even knowing if it means anything at all — feels like freedom."

Armin often wondered what was the reason he lived. Was it to fight titans that used to threaten his home? Ending the Rumbling who now trampled millions of people? So many grand things, but then what about the others? Was it the same? Did someone's life really matter only when they acquired so much?

"The sun was starting to set, we were running to a tree on the hill. The three of us were racing." He didn't think so. "Eren brought up the idea and started running. Mikasa too, but stayed behind on purpose. While me? Of course I am dead last." Life wasn't as cruel, not like what most people thought.

He picked up a green leaf that was buried under the sands, a smile etched on his lips as he realised where it came from. "But the breeze was nice and warm that day with leaves fluttering everywhere." It was his childhood, where everything used to be so simple. "And I thought, maybe the reason I was born was so the three of us could race there."

Then again, "I thought the same thing when I read books at home on rainy days." Even when his life suddenly changed after that day the Colossal Titan kicked the outer gate of Wall Maria, "When we all walked around the market." It never made him think life was worth any less. "When she greeted me after each training session."

His eyes softened as the leaf in his hand slowly turned into a key. It was the same key that was given by the Queen. A place in Shiganshina just for himself, and not long after, also for you. "I felt it. These trivial moments might actually be precious." His safe haven with you.

"That's—" Armin's gaze settled on Zeke who looked at his hand with curiosity. "Why is that…?"

"Who knows," He shrugged, wondering what it was that the man saw through his eyes. "I just know that even if there's no need for something like this to multiply, it's still incredibly precious." But he gave it to Zeke nonetheless, letting him feel the object in his hand, swiping his thumb to feel its surface.

"Yes, you are right." It was a memory. "Just throwing, catching, and throwing again." A memory he shared with someone that he cherished. "That simple repetition doesn't mean a thing, but you are right." Just like what Armin saw. "I would have rather just kept on playing catch."

But something happened, a miracle, was it? He didn't know for sure. His eyes caught dozens of figures. Some he recognised, while some did not. There was Porco Galliard and Ymir, even Mr Yeager, Eren's father. He was still trying to understand what it meant. Then he felt a figure looming over him. Someone was standing nearby, and he recognised it.

"Bertolt," It was him in the flesh. The taller man said nothing, but his eyes showed everything. "I-I took everything from you, and I am sorry." Armin swallowed a huge lump, closing his eyes as the guilt that was long buried, slowly emerged. "Your life. Your power, even your love." But he needed to throw the request. "She's still fighting."

Armin needed to make sure the alliances won this battle so these people wouldn't die for nothing. "That's why. Please, lend me your strength."

So there would be another tomorrow, with everyone living a better life and breaking the cycle of hate that had been running for far too long.

How many minutes had passed? Or perhaps hours? You couldn't count how many enemies that were slain only for them to come back. Jean couldn't move forward, not when it was too risky. Both you and Pieck also reached the limits, you couldn't even form another weapon at this point.

You wondered if it was the same for the group on the tailbone. Were they still alive? Mikasa, Connie, and Captain Levi — were they able to save Armin?

"Tybur! We have to retreat!" Jean's shout snapped you out of your thoughts, and you only nodded, worried when you saw Pieck's condition in his arm. "Come on, retreat back to where Reiner—"

"Jean, Pieck!" You slammed your titan's body to a Cart Titan's veteran that was going to swallow them. Your eyes fixated on Reiner who was already down, titan's body pierced with dozens of spears. But he wasn't the only one who almost got killed. "Go hide somewhere! Leave! I can't hold them off for too long!"

"Tybur, behind you!"

You let out a gasp when a Beast Titan jumped at you. Your movement was slow, losing your agility after hours of fighting. You couldn't evade the attack, groaning when your hands were pushed down that you could hear a crack. "Pieck, I will help—"

"No!" You roared, warning Jean to not come here. "I said go!" This titan wanted nothing but to kill you, the same as Reiner. You couldn't die though, you had to make sure Jean and Pieck were safe. But how could you save them when you couldn't even move out from the grasp? "Why are you so persistent?!"

To your surprise, a titan suddenly bitten off the nape of your opponent. Your eyes widened at that before standing up quickly. Those golden hair, you knew who it was. "No way," Then you saw maroon, a titan with similar form as the one who saved you, and you couldn't stop tears of relief from streaming down your face. "Porco, Marcel."

All of a sudden, you saw dozens of familiar titan forms rebelling against the older ancestors. Your fallen comrades, people who you thought would never see again. Was it the power of the Path? Perhaps with the help of Armin? If that was the case, then you wouldn't waste this opportunity.

The Rumbling stopped, but you had a feeling this wasn't the end. Not yet. But you were almost there. You gathered all of your stamina that was left, clearing out a way for Jean once again. "Jean! Go!"

He didn't waste another second as he dashed towards the head. This time without those veterans trailing behind him. Everyone already fought so hard for this moment, and so, he swooped the trigger in his hands before flying on top of the head that became the source of this hell. Tears blurred his vision, but it wouldn't stop him.

"You," This was the path that they all had to take. "Stupid little suicidal blockhead!"

The thunderous boom was deafening, and Jean almost got thrown away if it wasn't because of his hook grappling on one of the bones. "There it is!" He shouted when the yellowish centipede-like creature tried to connect again with Eren's head. "It's going after his head!"

It happened in slow motion as Reiner leaped to hold the creature down. He was struggling, but he tried hard not to let it get away. "Huh?! Reiner!"

"Jean, Pieck!" Connie called out to them, distracting Jean from the anxiousness of the battle that slowly crept in his body again. "Get (Y/n)! We all need to hop on and leave! Armin's gonna blow these bones to pieces!"

"What about Reiner?!" As he threw the question, he got to Pieck and dropped her on top of Falco.

"The Armoured Titan will be able to withstand the explosion, Jean." He listened in, but his eyes went towards your figure that was still trying to hold on some of the titans. "And he's prepared for the consequences, we can't let this opportunity go to waste."

"Tybur! Come on!"

Your eyes fell on Reiner who was fighting down there. The veteran titans were still trying to get to him, so you couldn't just go, not being able to hear Jean or the others screaming at you. "Oi!" Until he shot his hook to your titan's mouth and landed there. "It's done, (Y/n). Armin will take care of the rest. Come on."

The Jaw titans endlessly slaughtered the rest, and at the reassurance from Jean, you finally were able to take everything in. Yes, you have done enough. It was time to go back to safety. You left your titan's form, emerging from the lips before following your friend. When Falco was here for the first time, you were not there. So it confused you when you saw Annie and Gabi on board.

"What?"

"It's a long story." She pulled you down, leading your hand to grip the net. "I will tell you later." At the same time helping you to calm down as your adrenaline slowly wore off when Falco continued to fly. "Bertolt said hi, by the way."

You could see familiar titans standing on the bones, and a small sob escaped your lips when you realised it was really them. Even though they were not in their human form. Somehow, they were still alive. The path would forever connect the Eldians, a phenomenon that only the Founder and God could apprehend.

"Thank you." And you were sure if it wasn't because of them all, "Goodbye." The battle wouldn't end like this.

All your life, you were born with a duty that chained you on the spot. No matter how far you could break free from it, you ended up in the same place at the end of the day. You were a slave for humanity, but were you still considered a slave if you did it because you wanted to? Because you knew it was the right thing?

No. Even though in your blood there was a curse and a blessing at once, you were the one who chose how your life would unravel. You were a free human being, and after this, you really hoped the rest of the world would feel the same.

And the nightmare that had been haunting all of you, would finally go away for good.

One by one, the Warriors found their family. You saw Falco turn back into his human form, and he immediately ran towards his parents, followed by Gabi as they cheered. The world was really beautiful, wasn't it? No matter how cruel it had been treating your kinds, something worth fighting for could be seen from an arm's length.

Tears that were now staining their cheeks, cry out of relief resonating through the air — it was a sight you never thought would be able to see.

Annie was nowhere in sight, and you were sure she was trying to find her father. Everyone was here, at least lots of them. Your feet brought you around the ground, relishing the moment until your eyes landed on a familiar little boy.

"Bruno?" Your little brother.

"No way!" Beaming with such a joyous look. "Sis! You did it! You saved us all!" Running towards you without a care in the world as if you were there on every step of his journey. As if you were not a stranger. "I know from the start that you are the greatest person I have ever met."

It had been too long since the last time you felt this kind of embrace. Even when you were inside the path a few days ago, your father's hug felt so different. It was cold, but not this one. You only wrapped your arms around the little figure tighter, and you almost died out of happiness when your mother came into view. "Ma…?"

Jean and Connie smiled at the sight. There was no envy at all in their eyes, just pure adoration and relief. They didn't know how long you had been trying to survive. Living in a place where no one knew who you were, starting over with a mission to kill the people you made friends with. The emotional torture that was bestowed towards you was unthinkable.

"We did the right thing, yeah?"

"Yeah, we stopped the rumbling, Connie."

However, Jean had a feeling that it wouldn't be too easy. He turned around, back against the reunion, only to find Reiner still fighting the shining centipede that survived such an explosion. "But we still had something to finish."

Armin's Colossal Titan emerged from the hole where the Founding Titan was standing before. And he couldn't help but feel a hint of solace knowing he survived. Although, it didn't last for long. Not when Eren suddenly transformed, and this time taking the same size as Armin.

This caught the attention of everyone. Pieck, Gabi, Falco, and of course, you.

"We can't let that creature make contact with Eren!" Gabi's statement was enough to let them all pull away from the temporary nirvana. "It can even start the rumbling again, we have to kill it!"

"But how?! How are we going to kill something that survived the explosion?!"

"Eren." You patted your brothers and sisters before joining them, nodding at your mother to give her another farewell. "This nightmare won't end if we don't take him down." Trying to make peace with the truth that it wasn't over yet. "You all understand?"

Everyone did. Most of you just couldn't handle the fact quite well. Especially the woman beside you as her obsidian orbs never once looked away from her two best friends, one being the love of her life. "Mikasa?"

"Why?"

No one could answer that. But deep down, you knew she must be aware that there was no way out except from killing Eren. It was him alone.

Amidst the misery that was now clouding all of your hearts, you felt something in the air. Your vision was blurred as smoke obscured, and your heart thumped, almost stopping when you realised what it was.

No, it can't be.

"The smoke coming from that shining thing,"

It's not the same, right?

"Did it die?"

"No, that's not the smell of a dead titan."

Please, from everything, why this?

"Isn't this the same thing?" Staggered forward, you clutched Jean's and Connie's hands, wanting to say something to your precious friends but each syllable got stuck in your throat. "It's the same thing, (Y/n)." You didn't want to let them go, not even for a second. "They did this in Ragako, remember the story?"

Because you knew you would be forced to any moment by now as it became the last time you could hold them close.

Notes:

SO MANY THINGS GOING AT THE SAME TIME! Arrghh I wish you all will stick with me, just two more chapters :3

Chapter 61: Heaven Ain't Far

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Light poured in between the curtains, making you wince each time but you didn't budge. You felt so tired. Your whole body was numb and you wanted nothing except to sleep. Although, your nose twitched when you smell a hint of chamomile tea, a smile immediately plastered on your face when you realised what it meant.

"Sweetheart?"

"Mhm," The nickname always made you feel giddy. It didn't matter how many years passed, Armin just had this hold on you. "Did you brew me a cup?"

"Always."

His chuckle resonated in your ear, and he pulled your head to his thigh when he saw your neck slightly crooked with how small the reading nook was. You hadn't opened your eyes, snuggling deeper into his lap instead as his fingers carded through your hair.

This was perfect. To be awakened by your dearest lover every single day, scolded whenever you fell asleep here because it would strain your muscles, cooking together for lunch and dinner. You thought you would never be able to have this kind of privilege, not when you had been fighting all your life.

"Armin…?"

"Yes?"

Fighting. Weren't you supposed to fight someone?

You sat up straight, blinking as you tried to take everything in. He was here right in front of you. Your Armin, cocking his head to the side as he looked at you as if you just hit your head. "What's the matter? Do you want your tea now?"

His dreamy voice lured you to nod, but even when he smiled and walked towards the kitchen island to grab your cup, you couldn't shake the nagging feeling in your heart. Maybe it was just your mind trying to work your brain.

This was how everything was supposed to be after all. With you resting your head on his shoulder, slowly sipping on the chamomile tea that he made for you. The atmosphere was light, and this was something that you thought only happened in your dream.

Therefore, you were glad you could have this kind of life. "Jean and Connie said they would visit soon."

"Yeah?" You looked up, looking at your lover as if he hung the stars. "What time? Just the two of them?"

"No, of course." He leaned in to kiss your nose, eliciting a small purr from your throat. What a man. You couldn't help but want another kiss from him. "Marco and Sasha will too."

"What did you say?"

But the bubbly feelings in your heart were gone within an instant at the mention of your other two best friends.

"Marco and Sasha will come over too. The five of you are so inseparable, you know?" You stood up, eyes narrowing as you thought you misheard the names. "Sweetheart?" Something was wrong. You could feel it in every fibre of your being. "Why are you so jittery today? Did you have a nightmare?"

Taking a few steps backwards, you accidentally dropped your tea to the ground. It felt off. Somehow, you had a feeling you shouldn't be able to have this. Marco and Sasha, they passed away. So why would Armin mention their name as if they were all alive? As if you were not there when Marco was eaten by a titan, nor knowing Sasha got shot at the raid of Liberio.

Above all, you and Armin weren't together anymore after that night of revelation. He let you go, knowing full well he wouldn't be able to be a lover that you deserved. Not as long as he lived with Commander Erwin's life on his shoulder.

"I-I don't understand, 'min." A searing headache suddenly hit you, almost as painful as how your heart constricted at the remembrance. "What is happening?" Making you want to tear your head apart. "I am scared. I can't—"

You fell to the ground, nails scratching the wooden floor as you tried to draw breath. A hand went to your back, patting it softly. Usually, it helped. Just a small touch from your lover was enough to ground you back. But this time, it was different. The touch you felt wasn't the one you received a few minutes ago.

"I am sorry." Your pupils dilated when you looked up, only to meet a pair of emerald orbs. "I thought I could do something, but you are always so smart, (Y/n)." Gazing down at you with a soft look on his face, deeply regretting his action. "At least, I can give you four days of happiness, before you realise about — all of this."

And just like that, the pain that coursed through your body vanished. Eren smiled at you, with the same boyish smile that he always had before everything fell apart. He extended his hand for you to take, so you did, and he helped you up in a second, humming as if this wasn't the strangest thing that ever happened to you.

"Eren?"

"Yes?"

"Where are we?"

His smile never faded, but you could see the way his eyes dimmed. "I know I am not supposed to be here. Jean, Connie, I swear they were the ones that I had to be with."

"You are right." He let out a sigh before leaning on the kitchen island. The house, it was yours with Armin. But your lover, your ex-lover was nowhere to be seen. "It's just something that I can do. You know, thanks to the Founding Titan power." He tried to explain, and you listened intently to each word. "Something I want to do."

"What for?" There was no malice in his voice, but you were still curious about the reason.

"Because you are my friend." A memory from a few years ago appeared in your mind. "You are precious to me, regardless of where you come from." How orange hue hit all of your faces. "And I just want to give each one of you something beautiful to experience, depending on what you desire." Him saying how much they all meant to him. "At the same time, a proper place to say goodbye."

"Oh," You understood what he meant. "There was really no other way, yeah? Eren?"

"Yeah." He smiled wistfully, and it seemed he already accepted how the future went. "After everything, after how much I screamed to be free. I think I am the one who didn't have a choice."

"No, you had." Your friend raised one of your eyebrows. "You were given a vision, right? That didn't mean you had to follow it. You chose that path, however, because you want this to be the end." And snorting when he realised what you were trying to say. "What? Don't tell me I am wrong. You are the one who is free to do whatever you want with your power, Eren. And you decided to do this."

"I will do anything, really."

"I know."

For you, Connie, Jean, Sasha, Armin. Especially Mikasa — he would really do anything. And it was shown by how he tried to be the demon, hoping they all stopped him so the world could see them as the saviour of humanity. "Thank you, Eren."

It was a sacrifice that he knew he had to make. You knew he wanted to live, to be with his loved ones. But he would leave it all behind if that meant it could make them have a great life. "Maybe someday we can even be great friends."

"In another place, yeah?"

"Anywhere else is better."

He shook his head, exasperated. But there was this smile on his face that made you feel relief. This stolen moment he created, it really meant so much for you. Because you still didn't know how your future would unfold, you didn't know if the world would see the Subjects of Ymir as heroes.

Something you were certain of, however, each one of you had finished the duties.

"I'll see you around, (Y/n)."

"Take care, Eren."

The next time you blinked, you were faced with your two best friends once again. Tears were rolling down their cheeks, and you could only gather them into your arms. You didn't care as Captain Levi called out for you. Just for a few seconds, you wanted to savour this a little more.

Jean's lips felt dry as he saw something else before. He didn't know whether it was a dream or perhaps a future. But he doubted it was the latter. He wouldn't make it out alive in this war, and what he experienced was impossible to occur.

Because it involved you , two kids that resemble both of your physical traits, and a house in a green suburb. He felt your lips, and he swore it felt so real.

"Tybur!" But it was just a dream, he recited it in his head. "Leave them! Hurry up!" He wouldn't have that, not even in the future because he was already at the last moment of his life. "I swear—"

"No!" His fingers lingered on your arms as Captain Levi pulled you away from him. "No! Let me go! I don't want to leave them! Captain, please!" And the last he touched was your fingertips, imprinted to the back of his head. "Connie! Jean!"

Your eyes were frantic, going from one person to another. Everyone in this place had already inhaled the smoke. No one could be saved anymore, and you had to remember that. But you didn't want to. Too blinded by your grief to the point Pieck had to hold you tight. "You promised too , Kirstein!"

First Armin, and now Jean. Everyone who you ever loved, those who you cherished a little bit more than the others seemed to be out of your reach. It was unfair.

"(Y/n), you have to let go." Pieck's tried to comfort you, but it was to no avail. "We still have to finish this mission. Please, I need you, we need you here."

You should have known better not to expect too much. In this lifetime, the dreams you had would only stay as it was. You lost it dozens of times, and yet you never learned. From coming back home to your family, protecting all of your friends, a house on the seaside with Armin — and now, having the best time in your remaining years with your friends.

Without them all, you doubted it would be great. And the least you could do was to make sure they wouldn't die in vain.

"At least you told her you love her, yeah?" Connie snickered at the yearning expression on his best friend's face. "And this is the end for us, it seems."

"Yeah, we'll entrust them with the rest." Jean never looked away from the Beast Titan that started to get smaller. The titan that took you. "We die as the members of Survey Corps, Connie."

"This is all your fault, you know?"

"What?" and only now he turned to face him, bewildered at the statement.

"The night of the entrance ceremony, we ended up stuck with the job of saving humanity because of you."

Jean remembered that night too well. How could he not? It was the night when he thought you were dead. The same day he found Marco's body as he cleared the town with the other cadets. That night opened up his eyes to the endless possibilities, one that led them to this point.

Being a Survey Corps was an adventure. And even though sometimes he thought it would be better if he was in another branch. He never regretted becoming a part of it. Because here he found his calling, where he was surrounded by friends that felt like family.

Most importantly, to share the same path as you, someone who he wished could meet again in a better circumstance.

This couldn't be happening. Armin would never have thought Eren pulled something like this. The smoke turned all Subjects of Ymir, including his friends, to turn into mindless titans, becoming the troops and backup. Was it he or Ymir the Founder? He was unsure. But he knew it had to end now.

"You really love hell, huh? Eren?" Even though it was too late to save them all. "Fine, I'm sticking out with you until the very end." He had to finish this battle for them.

You gave all your might to hold the shining creature from moving forward. It was hard to do with your family and friends — no, — with these titans trying to take you down. But everyone was giving their best. Including Mikasa and Armin who were ready to end their best friend's life.

Tears were rolling down your cheek when you saw familiar faces marching towards you. Jean, Connie, they clawed at your titan's body, and you kicked them all away, reciting in your head that they weren't the same. Your best friends wouldn't come back, it was just their shell, nothing more.

You thought you already gave enough, so why did the world have to take more? Your scream of anguish pierced through the air, begging for this nightmare to end. If Eren really granted the spotlight for the alliances, why did he keep on going? What did you need to do to stop this?

"I am sorry, Jean, Connie—"

"I am sorry, Eren." Up in the cloud, Mikasa took the scarf under her shirt. "I can't." To some, it was just old garb, people would think it had to be thrown away. "Eren is inside the mouth." But to her, it was a symbol of freedom, second chances. " I'll do it. Everyone backs me up." a symbol of love, one she would never forget.

"Understood, Mikasa."

Some wondered why they were born into this world. If we were only here to die, then what was the point of living? It was a question that no one could answer except themselves. For you, it was to experience all kinds of feelings the world could offer, the good and the bad, creating a strong bond with others.

To Armin, it was to run towards the tree on the hill with his friends. Reading books on rainy days, meeting you, drinking chamomile tea every morning, talking to you — those trivial things meant so much to him that he would do anything to relive those memories.

While for her, for Mikasa Ackerman, the reason why she was born into this world was to encounter Eren Yeager. To follow him everywhere he went, not because she was a slave, but because she knew beside him was her rightful place. He was the reason she made it this far, the reason she could have the greatest thing in this world. Love.

That was why she had to be the one who did it. If this was the end, then this would be the right way. She stepped inside the Founding Titan's mouth, blade ready in her hands. And with the softest smile she could muster, she cut through the cord that kept him from living, ending his life as a way to free him. After all, that was what people said, wasn't it?

"See you later, Eren."

The greatest act of love was to let go, and she sealed it with a kiss, wishing for a better life to love each other freely.

"Do you think she can forget about you and live a happy life with someone else?" Armin stared at the vast ocean, wondering what his friend would say regarding the only woman who he knew had his heart. "Just like you wanted?"

"Well," He raised one of his eyebrows at the nonchalant tone the brunette let out. "Who knows?" And it made him so — angry.

"I don't remember ever forgiving you!" His fist swung towards Eren's face, eyes widened since he couldn't believe Eren didn't care much about her. "For you to disregard her love like that?! She valued you more than her own life!" He didn't answer, and those green orbs continued to be so vacant, just like that day when they fought for the first time.

Armin loved Mikasa as if she was his own sister, and he felt so sick knowing how mistreated her feelings were. "I guess she should be able to forget about a heartbreaker like you. Maybe she'll even find someone good in no time and shrug it all off—"

"No."

"What was that?"

"No!" Eren shouted at him, and he could see the fat tears that glossed his eyes. "I don't want that! Mikasa finding another man?! I want her to think about me and only me!" This Eren, it was the one that he knew ever since they were kids. "Even after I die, I want to be at the front of her mind! Ten years at last!"

Not the brooding one that kept everything for himself, no. Armin knew that Eren was full of passion, never afraid to show the world what he thought as each emotion could be seen on his face. He wore his heart on his sleeves, at least until that day when he received the vision.

"I didn't expect you to be that pathetic though."

"Please, as if you are not." Eren scoffed, letting out a sigh as he never stood up, not minding the water that was seeping into his clothes. "But for real, don't repeat that to Mikasa. I want her to be happy, I really do, but," His mind was locked on everything about her. "Argh, damn it. I don't want to die." Her and all of his friends. "I want to be with Mikasa and everyone."

"Maybe there is a way—"

"No." Armin knelt beside him, frowning when he received the absolute statement. "This is the only way, Armin." This was Eren's choice, after all. "You will make it to the other side of the wall, it's up to you what you are going to do next, but," And he had to respect that. "Always know that humanity will be saved by you and our friends."

He could feel his body getting lighter, and he didn't waste that second as he wrapped his arm around his best friend. This world was indeed cruel, he just wanted to run towards the tree on the hill with his friends. "Don't make the same mistake as I do." But not now. Someday — in a world that was much more beautiful than this. "Don't let her go, Armin."

"That's…" Where hecould also love freely. "That's something I already did, Eren."

Blue, bright blue sky greeted you as you opened up your eyes. Birds were flying high as smoke started to disperse. It was nice, surprisingly so. The sun scorched everyone in this place, but you didn't mind any of it. You took pleasure in it instead.

That dream you had before, you thought it was the only thing. However, you remembered something else as the two of you sat on the unknown terrace. The conversation, him telling you about what would happen, and how you would forget everything until the time had come.

You knew. The moment you saw him again as he waved his hand at you, you knew he was gone. But you still caught up with him, acting as if it was just a normal day. Something that rarely happened with you being a Tybur and living in this cruel world. You remembered the things he asked you to, and you only smiled as you bid him farewell one last time.

"Don't worry, Eren." He asked, no, begged you, to be exact. "She will be alright and taken care of." To protect Mikasa's smile and not let her dwell too much on his death. "Just watch us from up there, alright?"

It was finally over. This time, it was for real. The titan's power was no more, and you couldn't have it any other way. Everyone would be the same, no more monstrous creatures, no more fear. It would take some reassurances, but you knew it would be in your future.

"Oi, Tybur."

"You gonna sleep here forever?"

A snort escaped you, and you could only push them both off your faces. "Whoa whoa, why so hostile? No need for that!"

"You are such an ass, Connie."

Sitting up straight, you tried to bask in this new reality of yours. Today, the chain that was pulling you under with your duty was finally cut off. You were free to do whatever you wanted from now on. "Come here you." And you started by throwing yourself to your friends, hugging them as tight as you could.

"He got your first hug? Really? I thought I am more special, Tybur."

"Shut it, Kirstein."

You punched him on his shoulder before wrapping your arms around him, breathing in this air of freedom. His long hair slightly tickled your cheeks, but you didn't mind it at all. It felt so warm, one of the few people that could make you feel like it was summer even on wintry days.

Knowing Jean Kirstein was like an endless tale. Like there would be a new exciting chapter every day. Nothing would never be the same except the fact that it was you and him against the world. Waves of laughter and grins followed everywhere you go. Never too careful, but always cautious. It was the life you had with him, Connie, Sasha, and Marco. The greatest bond you found in Paradis.

As you buried your face in his chest, you peeked behind his shoulder and found two familiar faces. It was in between the mist, but you knew they were there. Your eyes dilated at that, and you immediately leaned away from Jean, turning his body around and calling Connie. "Sasha, and—"

"Marco."

You thought there would be no tears left in your body, but you were wrong. You sobbed at the sight of them, smiling at the three of you with their hands balled into a fist, right in front of their heart. This was the proper goodbye, and you couldn't help but look around when they vanished, finding dozens of people that you thought would never see again, appear right here in this moment.

Porco and Marcel, now in their younger form waving at you with a boyish grin. Bertolt — he only gave you a soft smile, not saying anything, hands not even moving as his eyes were the last thing you saw before he blended in with the mist once again.

Then, there was your father. His dark orbs were still as sharp as ever, never changing no matter how many years went by. And you gasped when a woman you called mother in Paradis stood by his side. It was as if they were waiting. That someday, they would be able to meet you again, hug you again.

And at that thought, maybe, death wasn't as bad as what people said.

"Please, prove it." But that would be for another time. "Right here. Right at this moment." Now, you have to live your life to the fullest. No longer chained by anything, free to do whatever you wanted. "Are you people, or are you titans?"

"If we did still have the power of the titans, wouldn't we be using it to resist you?" You marched forward, along with the whole alliance. "But the fact that we continue to be powerless even as you point your guns at us is the greatest possible proof of our humanity." No longer hiding behind a wall, ready to make yourself seen.

"W-Who are you?"

"I am Armin Arlert, an Eldian from the Island of Paradis." Ready to make the whole world know that all of you were never a threat from the start. "And along with my friends, we are the ones who killed Eren Yeager, the Attack Titan."

And you would prove it to them, it all begins now.

They were having a meeting. Armin, Secretary Muller, and some other higher-ups from each nation that survived. It had been two hours as you stood by in front of the room, not wanting to leave him alone and let the others get their proper rest after such a long week.

It was quiet, and maybe that was a sign. No shout could be heard, meaning the conversation flowed nicely, and you couldn't help but smile knowing it was probably thanks to your friend too. You straightened up when you heard a click from the door. He was the first one who went out, and your feet immediately dragged you towards him, eager to learn the result.

His eyes met yours within an instant, and the exhaustion on his face contorted into a gentle one.

"Armin," His smile twitched a little, not used to you calling him by his first name fully like that. "How is it?" But all those feelings that wanted to burst were kept nicely, his hand clenched before calming down. "Do you want to rest first?"

"No, it's alright." He answered immediately before cocking his head to the side. "Walk with me?"

"Sure."

This side of Marley was still intact. Located near the mountainside and one of the upper-class cities in this nation. For once, Eldian were treated nicely, and you were glad to finally have this day. Even though the future was uncertain, at least, no one would try to throw any of you into the sea.

You glanced at the man in front of you, someone who you knew still had so much on his plate. His eyes overlooked the courtyard in the middle of the palace, face still covered with some debris from the battle a few hours ago. And with that, you gingerly caressed his cheek with your scarf, a gesture that surprised him. "Sorry,"

"No, it's alright." He leaned his head closer, subconsciously so. "I appreciate it."

The two of you stayed like that, shoulder bumped against one another as you were done cleaning his face a little. Some of his wounds were opened, and he needed to take care of them later. Especially now when he didn't have titan's power. Well, none of you had anymore. And truthfully, it felt like heaven. "They want us to be some kind of ambassador."

"Yeah?" To think that every human being now was equal. "Ambassador of peace or something?"

"Ambassador of Peace, yes." You still needed to pinch yourself that this day was finally here . "We will be travelling around the world, all of the nations that survived the Rumbling." But with how concrete the plan was already, you started believing it. "We tell them the stories, the truth. No more lying, no more running."

The passion on his face gradually came back, those dreams when he first wondered what the ocean looked like, his aim to make this world see them as they were, building trust with everyone across the sea. It all came true.

"Then what, 'min? "

"What…?"

His grin died down as every millisecond passed. Those blue irises staring deep at you, lips parted as he tried to understand your sentence. "Oh," That one dream. "I think I will still be the Commander of the Survey Corps. Rebuilding Paradis." It hurted still as it resurfaced into the front of his mind.

Even though the war had ended, a peaceful world couldn't be built in one night. There were a lot of things he needed to do. If Eren was the one who was responsible to light them as heroes, then Armin got the torch passed down to him. He would be called to meetings, endlessly. Maintaining as many nations as possible, making sure fear was no longer there in their heart, to create a better world for you to live in.

There would be no time for him to settle down, and the two of you knew that. Even if you followed him wherever he goes, a distance between you and him was inevitable. And one thing he knew for sure, you didn't deserve that. Not after everything.

"I understand, Armin. Don't worry—"

"I love you," he croaked out, biting his lower lips as the words slipped, "Ever since you came to us with two loaves of bread, barefoot. I have loved you for so long." No time to hit the brakes. "If I could, I would really leave everything behind. I don't care what will happen next in this world. As long as we can be together, go back to our home in Shiganshina. That's all it matters to me, but,"

"I know." Your fingers went to his cheek again, thumb caressing the tears that were threatening to fall, stopping him from hurting both you and himself by cutting him off. You knew what he was trying to say, and truthfully, you could have been like before, always reassuring him that everything would be alright when he doubted.

You wanted to be selfish, screaming at him that you loved him so and you wouldn't mind being put second as long as he kept his feelings towards you. But that would be so wrong. "I know, 'min." Not when he, too, was so determined with his choice.

I love you too, more than you could ever imagine. More than I could ever convey.

Eren already gave him a way, allowing Eldian to be a part of the world. And it would be a crime for Armin to not take care of it. "Maybe some other time, yes?"

And the dam broke. Your finger could no longer hold the teardrops that were now streaming down his cheeks. He looked so fragile as if he wasn't the one who ended that hellish battle. In front of you now wasn't Armin the Commander of the Survey Corps, no. He was just Armin Arlert, someone whose dream was to live a peaceful life with someone he loved, having a vacation house near the ocean.

The ugly sobs he let out, you could do nothing but coo at him, letting the man spill all of the pent-up emotion in his heart. His hand clutched your shirt, not wanting to let go as he spewed out I am sorry, and I love you so much in between.

"I know I broke that promise, but," He was so damaged, but at the same time, trying to mend himself. "I promise this time around, you will have a great life ahead of you. You don't have to worry about anything, I will fight anyone who tries to take away your happiness, even if it's just the size of dust."

"I believe that, 'min."

"Good." He chuckled, trying to look tough despite how red his eyes were, and delicately, leaned in to press a long, tender kiss on your forehead. "Then some other time," He wanted to show you he was capable of it. "I will come back to you, okay?" To let go and give everything to you simultaneously, to everyone he cherished.

"Okay." Even though it meant he had to give up his momentous dream. "I will be waiting." He would do it in this life, providing serenity to every living being.

And at the way he kissed you, perhaps for the last time on this earth, you could finally believe that everything would be alright from now on, even though it didn't look like it at the moment. It would.

Because heaven ain't far, and Armin would be the one who brought it to you.

Notes:

CRYING SOBBING THROWING UP THERE'S SO MUCH GOING ON IN THIS CHAPTER, PROBABLY MY FAVOURITE CHAPTER FDSUHDJFGDGSD

Chapter 62: Turning Page

Summary:

Everything is in your hand,

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You remembered what your father said when you were five.

That day, you were running from the library to his office, finding yet another question that might not be suitable for a kid. But you were a Tybur, the world already saw you as one of the greatest beings on earth. The way you think, it should surpass children your age.

In your hand, a book about the history of mankind was clutched tight. It was heavy, but you held it firmly with both hands, using the hardcover to knock on his door. You asked him why there was a pattern in every civilization. Didn't matter how prosperous it was, how cultured the people and the vast, green land they possessed — in the end, there would always be a war to end their glory.

For the first time in forever, your father couldn't answer your question right away. What was the point of war? Why were these people obsessed with power? It was just human nature, he said after a while. Some humans couldn't handle their greed, it was a sin that was bestowed towards humankind. Forever existed, until the end of time.

Ever since you were a little girl, you had been wanting to change that. Wouldn't it be nice to have each country supporting one another? Neighbours traded food and snacks, and children played at the park while their parents shared deep thoughts. A future without war, it was a dream you always wanted to achieve.

Along the way, however. You knew it was quite impossible. With Marley pushing through the titan's power. For another nation to be afraid of such cruelty, the slavery within the walls, manipulation you received. You should have known there was no way for your dream to come true. But it wasn't a sin to aim for it, right?

"Hey,"

"Hi."

Especially now when everything was finally balanced. A world without titan power, a world where everyone was just — human. "Why are you not inside, Kirstein? It's a bit cold." You bumped his shoulder with yours, an action that didn't affect him at all as he continued to stare at the ripples of the ocean, following your line of vision.

"I am the one who should ask you that, Tybur." He saw you from his peripheral vision, trying to understand whether you wanted him around or not.

You let out a sigh, not knowing how to answer that since a melancholy feeling suddenly hit you. Three years had passed ever since the Battle of Heaven and Earth occurred, you and the others were seen as heroes to the rest of the world. But something nagged your mind when you knew where the next destination was.

The island of Paradis. Your home for almost a decade.

"What do you think will happen once we arrive, Kirstein?"

Jean raised one of his eyebrows at your question, despite already being able to see through your anxiety over the last few days on the ship, this time he was finally sure why. "I heard things are peaceful, but they decided to strengthen their military."

"Well, that wouldn't change anything." He gingerly rested his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer towards him. "We are the goddamn heroes of the world. They would want to know what we have been going through the last few years, right?" His eyes cast towards you, and the edge of his lips curled into a smirk.

The same one that he had on his face whenever he wanted to tease you, nothing had changed regardless how many years went by. "That's why Historia wants us home. She wants us to tell them that the world no longer sees Paradis as a threat. No more." He was still the same Jean Kirstein. The boy from Trost who cherished you.

"You are right." Your gaze softened as you took his reassurance to your heart. "If we can change people's hearts from hundreds of nations out there, what stopping us from doing the same to Paradis?" Leaning your head on the crook of his neck, now getting much more comfortable as the jitters slowly left your body.

After that fateful battle, you and the rest of the alliance were chosen as the Ambassadors of Peace. The four of you were from Marley, while three were from Paradis. You had been travelling all over the world, staying in one country for a month or two to support and to remind them how titan power was no more.

It was nice. Sure some people were still sceptical about all of you. But after a while, after days spent together with the government of each nation, the citizens started to believe that the world was safe. Nothing could trample them anymore, and one by one, they all signed a peace treaty.

Maybe your dream wouldn't be achieved right away, but you were content with how everything turned out.

"Once everything is done, do you think you will stay in Paradis?" And this time around, you were finally able to do things by your own choice. "Or would you come back to Marley? Your country is under a new development, right?"

"We are not limited to staying on either, Kirstein." You were thinking about travelling more, or perhaps, settling down somewhere in a peaceful place. "From all the places we have visited, I like Europe. Asia too, actually. A small town in England, or perhaps a quiet town in Indonesia." And finding someone along the way.

"I see, that sounds good."

"What about you?"

"Oh, you know it."

But really, what were you trying to find when he was standing by your side all along?

Jean was more than a best friend. He would do anything for you, putting you on pedestal even when he knew he was supposed to hate you. You used to be his enemy at the same time, someone who infiltrated Paradis, his home. Someone who might cause the nightmare on the island to ensue. And yet, he couldn't see you as one.

His body shielded yours when Floch and the others tried to shoot you. He made sure you were safe, even when you ended up fighting against them not long after that.

That was because he knew you had no other choice. "I'll go wherever you will go." And just like what he felt towards you, you treasured them all. Most importantly, those who fought with you at the last battle.

You chuckled lightly at his words, trying to hide your bashfulness. None of you ever brought up his confession when you were in the Flying Boat. Maybe because he knew your heart still beat for a certain person. But it had been too long.

It wouldn't be selfish for him to finally lay it all out again, right?

He was the one who stayed with you, along with Connie. Jean never stood too far, asking what you wanted to do whenever there was free time. And even though he didn't want to be overly confident, he had a hunch you never saw him as a purely platonic friend.

Maybe your feeling was just as small as sunflower seed, but he would really wait until it bloomed entirely.

"I would like a cat." You said out of the blue, something that confused him for a moment. "Come on, tell me what you want."

"Oh?" He didn't know where this conversation would lead to. "A house, I think. Doesn't have to be big, but a backyard would be nice." But he would entertain you, just like he always did. Just like what he loved to do.

"I can see that. Maybe with flower fields, like a meadow."

"Near a lake feels nice"

"Or a mountain, imagine the view."

"And two kids running around."

"Two kids—"

Your breath hitched as you whipped your head to face him completely. You slightly leaned away from him, but it wasn't because of fear or peculiarity. Instead, it was pure curiosity and perhaps, a reminder you needed. That he was here, waiting for you to take a look at him. Perhaps, adoring him too.

"A girl and a boy, but I don't mind either ." The way he spoke, it was so soft. "As long as they shared both of our appearances and traits, I think it would be amazing." And he reminisced as if it already happened. This was something he always dreamed of, and only now he was able to say it out loud. "But I need you to agree to it first."

From the way his molten copper orbs shone, hit by the pinkish hue from the sky, you knew he meant every word he said. He didn't say the word love, he never was. Only once before. But every time he talked with you, you must have been able to see it. The emotion danced in his eyes, each day getting more prominent.

And this time, he wished you were ready to acknowledge it.

Your body moves on its own, mind couldn't even stop you from reaching out to him. Suddenly, your lips were on his. His pupils dilated for a second there, but his gaze softened within a second as he realised what was happening.

You, his lovely Tybur, chose to spend your life with him.

His hand found your waist, gripping it as if you would be gone once he loosened it. As if this was another imagination, and your soft lips against his were just in his head like any other years before this moment. But when he felt your touch on his stubbles, fingers carding his hair as you held him closer, he knew this was real.

The soft kiss that you two shared, it was the start of many more to come.

"I think — it would be lovely, Jean ." And he couldn't wait for it to happen.

Classic. Pieces of musical notes gently intertwined to become a masterpiece. The pianist started to move their bewitched fingers once the grand door opened, revealing the bride on the starting runway, ready to walk to an astonishing future that had been calling for her.

You looked so beautiful in his eyes, just like any other time in his life he had seen you. The same messy hair that flowed by the wind when you offered him loaves of bread, was now brushed gently as the translucent white veil rested on the crown of your head, down to cover all the strands in your hair.

Every time you move your feet, it feels like it brought you closer to a lighter life that you had been wanting to have. A life you deserved, without anything to weigh you down anymore. Your gaze was full of wonder, disbelief, and a little bit of nervousness. He couldn't blame you, this was something you never thought would have happened before.

He slowly sat down beside Mikasa, getting the privilege to see you in all your glory. The front seat, nothing obscuring his vision as he could take a look at you as if you were his to begin with. As if it was his hand that was now holding yours, as if it was his lips who was now reciting the vow in front of everyone in the room.

And that was what made him almost stand up when the marriage officiant called out to the audience, one that made it so hard for him to breathe.

"Should anyone present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace."

His lips were dry, slightly apart as there were thousands of words that he wanted to say. Sweats trickled down his forehead, chest heaving with his heart beating a thousand times faster as if he was a bomb that was ready to explode.

But then, your eyes found him, and that was all it took to ease down his aching heart. Your smile, the way tears threaten to fall. It was out of happiness. And at the same time, a sign. He knew he did the right thing.

Armin Arlert was an ocean, and you were the shore. It didn't matter how he would always come back to you, it didn't matter how many times you embraced him in your arms — the two of you could only live side by side, not together.

The world might already be in a peaceful state. No one tried to kill them anymore, people started to see one another as human beings. For the next few hundred years, at least until he passed away, perhaps he wouldn't have to think much about another war. But there was no chance for him to retire, not as long as he was needed.

Hopefully, in another life, he could have you for himself. Without any obligation on his shoulder that chained him to humanity, enjoying a cup of chamomile tea every morning and afternoon, reading together on the nook that you built for him.

As Armin stood to clap his hands when the groom and bride kissed, he let you go completely, his one, lasting love.

For now, he would let Jean be the one who held you when you took your last breath, the one who kissed you until a giggle slipped from your lips, the husband you deserved after a life filled with terror and anxiety. For this lifetime, he would let him get the chance to be the winner and take it all.

That life — it would be his some other time, whatever it takes.

"You will be there, right?"

The bachelor party was just them playing billiards and singing songs they discovered from all over the world. But it was fun, especially when alcohol was involved. "She wants to invite you herself, but she's afraid you would say no." And now everyone started to dwindle, talking with one another, mostly Reiner sharing tips on how to be a great father.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world, Jean."

They were all inside, except for him and Armin. "I already cleared my schedule for that day. If the two of you need anything, I will be there in seconds." Just two friends who loved the same person, staring at the starry skies with a bottle of beer in their hands.

Jean nodded, unsure of what to say next because he knew the man beside him still had feelings towards his fiancée who would be his wife in a matter of days. He swallowed a huge lump, chugging down the liquor instead as he glanced at Armin, who had this small smile on his face. His friend was unpredictable, a bit scary if he could say, especially with how much he was able to hide his real emotions.

"I just," His throat felt dry as a tinge of sadness pierced his heart. "I just want to thank you, Armin." Because he knew so well how it felt to be in that position.

"Thank me…?"

"Yeah, I mean," For letting you go."For supporting us." To let you be happy with someone else, Jean knew beforehand as he felt it throughout the years ever since he was a dumb teenager. "That means a lot for the two of us." He couldn't imagine experiencing the same heartbreak until he was on a death bed.

"Oh, it's nothing." Armin just chuckled, and Jean wondered a bit if he was always like this. "I'll do it over and over again, you know?" Coating everything he felt with this facade, either a small smile or lips shaped into a thin line. "It's a promise."

"I don't know how to repay such kindness,"

"That's the thing, you don't have to do anything at all."

Then again, Jean didn't have the right to pry, something that was hard to do because, above all, Armin was also his friend. He was a force that the world needed to be like this, one of the answers to his prayers for a better future. So to see him not being able to just enjoy the fruit of his own labour — it was such a harsh truth.

But since it was the path he chose to walk on, Jean had to respect that.

"I think I have one request, though." It was the path that allowed him to have you too, so he wouldn't complain at all. "If you don't mind."

Everywhere people look, they would see white. So pure as it would be the colour that sends two young people in love sharing vows and exchanging rings. The young Tybur and Jean Kirstein had been through a lot together, their book was not something that should be read for children, full of hardship and heartbreak, bloodshed and tears.

But through it all, Jean decided that it was time to close that particular chapter of his life, and turn a new page where he hoped this time, it could end with such a sweet ending, or if it was possible, would never end.

His copper orbs scanned the room, finding you dancing with Mikasa. The sight made him chuckle, especially when you looked so excited while her movement was timid. But he was glad the latter started to open up once again, joining some social events and hanging out with them now and then.

Then he saw that familiar blonde hair, bouncing slightly with every step he took. The Commander of the Survey Corps, the mastermind behind the Battle of Heaven and Earth, and among other things — his comrade and dear friend, Armin Arlert.

The man tapped you on your shoulder, and at that cue, Jean turned around to focus on Connie and Reiner who got scolded by Levi for laughing too loud.

"I would like to dance with her, just one song."

"May I, Mrs Kirstein?"

You jolted when you felt a single tap on your shoulder, feeling the familiar warmth of your friend. He looked so refined with the dark blue suit and a stem of white rose in his pocket. After giving a single glance towards Mikasa before she left the two of you be, it was just you and him on the dance floor now. "For old times' sake?"

"Of course, Mr Arlert." At least, that was how it felt. "Of course you can dance with me." Just like the dance you shared with him in his house.

Your hand gingerly settled on his shoulder, feeling the way his muscles hardened for a moment. The way his hand held yours, it was so delicate, and the two of you waited until the next song was played before starting to move.

After what the two of you had been through, you were afraid he wouldn't be here when you and Jean invited him to the wedding. But when his feet guided you, when his ocean orbs that you adored met with yours, you knew he wanted to be here. "I am glad you came, Armin. Your presence means so much to me."

Despite the shifted feeling that you had towards him, the dance still felt as calm as it used to. The same as how his presence could always ease you down.

"Of course I will be here." He twirled you around, before slowly pulling you back closer. "I wouldn't miss seeing that joy on your face."

Your smile widened at that, and you couldn't possibly describe your feelings as the two of you just bask in each other's company. You wondered what was in his mind as he looked at you, hoping he already moved on. But that gaze never changed, and it was the answer to your concern. "I am happy too, that you still let me be here in your life." That was all he needed, even if it was far from what he wanted to be.

"Oh, you are stuck here as my friend. It will never lessen, remember that." At the same time, it would also never bloom into something more. Not again this time around. "I would never let you leave my life, Armin. Not that easy."

"Not even in my wildest dream?"

"Not even in your wildest dream."

The song slowly reached its end, but the two of you danced as if the same moment wouldn't ever be replayed. Maybe it would someday. When he found another, when his heart would beat for someone else that wasn't you. "You better let me dance with you at your wedding too. For the sake of old times."

His hand gripped yours hard for a second there, and you could feel his body go rigid once more. Sure, his smile never once faltered, but the way his eyes looked at you, it was like a goodbye, pricking your heart even though it was just a slight.

"I don't think that will ever happen." It wasn't like he didn't want to dance with you, no. Instead, it was because he knew he would never want to marry anyone else.

What was the point of letting you go and not taking this road if he decided to just do it with another? "This might sound selfish, and I am sorry, but — you will always be precious to me. Always. And I am content to know that you are loved like how you are supposed to be loved." As the top priority, even above oneself.

When the music stopped, none of you leaned away, rooted to the ground as if trying to remember each other's face one last time. Armin knew he wouldn't be able to have another dance with you, not able to hold you this close. So he stole more time, giving you the sweetest, brightest smile he could ever muster.

Even after three years after he let you go, it didn't hurt any less. He could endure it gradually, but the pain he felt was still as intense as that last night when it ended.

Before you could answer, he suddenly pulled you into a hug. Right on the dance floor, his arms wrapped around your torso, and to a lot of people, they would see it as a friendly gesture. To some, however, they would be able to see what was the real meaning behind the action. It was a way for Armin to say goodbye.

You were a bit surprised at the sudden gesture, but you immediately composed yourself before hugging him tighter, eliciting a small laugh from him. "Thank you . For everything." For letting me see you this happy. "Enjoy your night, Mrs Kirstein." It was worth all the pain he had to carry for the rest of his life.

"Enjoy your night too, Armin."

The two of you leaned away together, realising how tears were there in both of your eyes. But it never spilt. Your hand squeezed his, and he did the same right before his eyes fell on someone behind you. Without looking, you knew who it was. You could feel his presence wherever he was near.

"Can I have another dance with my wife?" Your husband cut in, asking for your hand, wanting to take back what belonged to him. And Armin only chuckled, eyes filled with contentment as he gently rested your hand on Jean's.

"She's all yours, Jean." Closing a chapter of his life with you in it, and letting his friend take care of you until the end of time. Someone who the world knew would never let you go. "Have a great time."

Armin smiled at the two of you before holding his gaze for a few seconds with your husband, passing promises. He nodded, followed by Jean. And as if satisfied with how things unfolded, he walked away with a lighter step. Contented, knowing he already served you heaven right in front of your door.

"Kirstein," Turning around, the gleam in your eyes was now so much brighter once you were face to face with your husband. The way you called him by his last name earned you a raised eyebrow, one that made you snort. "What? Why do you look at me as if it was the first time I called you like that?"

Husband. You still needed time to process the title. He was so magnificent, the black crisp suit fitted his body, showing off years of hard work. The way he held you was different from the man before. His hand took you closer with confidence, knowing well he won so much in this life for having you. You were his, and he would announce it to every corner of the world if he could.

"Just taken by surprise, still trying to process that now, I can also call you the same." He grinned, showing his white teeth as he grasped your hand and kissed the back of it. "Can't believe you are finally mine, Mrs Kirstein."

"Oh, please. You really love calling me that, huh?"

"As if your heart didn't flatter every time."

He got you there, real hard. Jean Kirstein was your friend first before everything, so he knew all of your weaknesses and the right action to elicit certain emotions from you. The dance you had with him was silly, mostly just following the rhythm of the music, sharing kisses here and there. It was like a fun adventure.

His smile widened when he heard your laugh after he gently bit your ear. That melodic chime was what he longed for, and he wanted to hear it again and again until he took his last breath. And to know he was the cause of it made him feel all warm.

"D-Don't do that, Jean. You know how it makes me feel." He only snorted when you tried to push him away, not wanting him to tickle you anywhere, but he was quick to get you close once again, blowing raspberries in your ear. "Kirstein! I swear you can be so mean sometimes!" So you hid your head on his neck instead.

"Your meanie, actually." His eyes shone, getting brighter and brighter as each second passed, as if being close to you almost brought him to nirvana. He stuck his tongue out when you looked up and did the same, the childish glint between the two of you made everything light. "You have to put up with me for the rest of your life, no takeback, okay?" As if you two were teenagers in love.

"Please, I have put up with you all my life." You leaned away again, wanting to take a proper look at him. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."

His pupils dilated, not expecting such tenderness to slip your lips as easily as that. A pinkish hue adorned his cheeks within an instant, short-circuited when you pulled him down so you could kiss his chin. "Kirstein really has a nice ring to my ears."

He was supposed to be the one who teased you, not the other way around. Somehow, even though no one actually looked at the dance floor and just conversed with one another, he had a feeling Marco would laugh at him for being like this.

Maybe he was there, somewhere in this room, chuckling with Sasha at how you and he acted. Yeah, they were here. The two of you just couldn't see them.

Jean embraced you again, wanting you to be as close as possible even though he knew the others might want to dance and spend time with you. Pieck and Annie were basically asking for you before, but they already had a lot of time with you since the wedding preparation. So now, it would be alright for him to be greedy, right?

He had been waiting for years, losing so many chances to call you his when the world was still hell. To think you passed away before he could confess his feelings, twice. Seeing you happy with someone else who he thought would steal you away forever. He thought there would be no place for him in your heart.

But now, knowing each heartbreak only led to this long-awaited moment, Jean couldn't help but smile.

He wouldn't have it any other way.

Tiny footsteps belonging to them echoed throughout the empty hallway. You could hear it, any moment by now, you had a feeling they would appear with a book or journal in their hands. The letter that you read before was now placed nicely on the table, eyes ready to greet whoever reached you first.

A small smile etched on your face as you now understood what your father felt every day. The way his beloved kid ran towards him with curiosity in her eyes, demanding answers and some stories. With his comforting voice that could make you focus on him for hours, until your mother called out to the two of you for dinner.

"Ma! You never told us you are in the Battle of Heaven and Earth—"

"With Pa too?! Along with Uncle Armin and Uncle Reiner?!"

It was what you did now as you walked towards them the moment they entered your study. Those gazes filled with anticipation, wanting you to tell them everything. Exactly the same as you did. However, they wouldn't have to worry about any duty. They wouldn't have to waste their childhood with the idea of war.

"Well, Ma and Pa have been wondering when the two of you will finally realise~" None of that for them. "Want me to tell you all about it until Pa comes home?"

"Yes, please!"

"Then let's sit down first, 'Cel, 'Co." From now on, there will only be a peaceful future, where all hands are joined. "It might take a while."

Those nightmares ended with all of you.

Notes:

SDAHFFFDSFDS I FINALLY FINISH THIS!

Thank you for everyone and anyone who ever read, give kudos, comment and everything when it comes to this book! I have been writing this since I was in my first year of university until now I am in my third year!

All of the comments boost me to continue to write, and I love each one of you, appreciating the patient. THANK YOU for sticking out with me until THE END of this journey! But don't worry, I wouldn't stop writing...!

*psst, there's some kind of reincarnation au based from this fic hihi. it would be in historical setting-