A/N: Sorry for the delay. On top of a potentially dying relative, I've been really sick and dealing with crazy work. None of that left me with much time or energy to write.
Chapter 7
Her mom had been over the moon for her, gushing over how impressive it is for a freshman to be invited to perform at the Winter Showcase. Kurt had been just as overjoyed as Finn. All of her friends congratulated her. They even went out to dinner to celebrate. Her friends on campus insisted she join them at Callbacks that Friday so they could all celebrate together. It'd been an awesome night of singing, talking, and celebrating. Honestly, it had been the best day at NYADA Rachel has had yet. Or since.
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"Knees back, Schwimmer. Knees back."
Rachel has been dancing nonstop. She's struggling to keep her breathing even and her mouth is dry. When her instructor gets close enough, she whispers to her. "Can I get a sip of water?"
Ms. July nods and responds soothingly. "Of course! Of course, yeah." Relieved, Rachel stops dancing and grabs her water bottle. "Stop. Everybody stop. Because that's what happens when you're thirsty on Broadway. You see, they stop the show so that Mommy can hand you a sippy cup. Is this how you respond to getting a golden ticket?"
She should have known. Rachel takes a deep breath to control her emotions. "I'm not being a diva. I'm just—I'm dehydrated and I've been working my butt of in this class and I have gotten better."
"Three months in, you still have no stamina, no precision, and you think you can outperform Alexandra Blasucci at the Showcase? That girl was born in toe shoes. You won't even be able to keep up."
Aggravated, Rachel can't help but argue. "I've kept up with you!"
Ms. July responds mockingly. "Oh, alright."
Rachel closes her eyes for a moment, trying to figure out how to fix this. She doesn't want to insult her teacher or bring up her illness. "I just meant with everything that you've thrown at me."
"I don't throw things. I teach. Nothing I do here is random or unintentional. It's not my fault that you don't understand my methods."
"It's not my fault that you don't see how good I've become." And the fact that she has become better despite the obstacles she has had to face, obstacles her classmates don't have to deal with, is impressive. She's annoyed her teacher isn't acknowledging that.
"Okay. Would you like to show me how good you've become? Show me that I'm not wasting my time? Fine. Chicago. Opening number. You familiar with it?" Rachel nods. Of course she knows it. Does she actually feel up to dancing with Cassandra July? She hopes so. "Anybody else here can join in if they like but this is between me and the platypus."
Rachel chuckles at the weird insult. Ms. July starts the music and takes the first verse. Teacher and student go back and forth, alternating verses or occasionally singing together. Rachel is relieved that several classmates, not just the ones she considers friends, join her side and dance with her. Overall, she feels she's doing well. Both with her singing and her dancing. If nothing else, it's fun. Even when Ms. July grabs her arm and they dance together. The song ends and they face each other, breathing hard.
"Now do you see what I'm saying Schwimmer? You're not good enough yet."
Rachel nods. "Maybe you're right. Yeah, I'm not—I'm not as good of a dancer as you are."
"Oh! Oh, you're finally learning something in here."
"But I'm just as good of a singer, maybe even better."
"You think anyone in here believes that? Because there's a big difference between self confidence and delusion."
Careful to not look at any of her classmates, Rachel keeps her eyes on her teacher. "No one else has to believe it. No one but me. But…thank you. You actually did teach me something, which is that if I'm gonna win this Showcase, the only way I'm gonna do it is with my voice."
Again, Rachel has the weird feeling that Ms. July is holding back a smile. Almost like she's pleased with Rachel's response. Deciding it's unlikely and she doesn't care, she goes to get water again and take a seat. She's danced pretty hard and had already been tired. Now, she really needs a break and she's not going to bother asking for one. If Ms. July wants her to keep dancing, she'll have to drag her off this bench. Brody will soon be taking over as Ms. July's T.A.. Rachel wonders if his presence will change anything. Will she be calmer and kinder to her? Will she be even more mean? Or will it make no difference whatsoever?
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Any free moment she has is spent rehearsing her number for the Showcase. When she feels up to it. There is no way she's going to risk having her mom pull her from NYADA for pushing herself too hard. Not now. However, she'll be damned if she doesn't put her all into this performance and prove to everyone once and for all that she deserves to be at NYADA and she deserved to get that invitation. She got into NYADA and invited to the Showcase through her hard work, determination, and talent. She wants to knock any remaining doubts from everyone's minds so that the last of the naysayers can choke on their words.
Everyone helps out. She talks to Kurt, her mom, and Blaine about what song to sing. She practices a few different songs while debating which would be best. Once she has chosen the song, she focuses on perfecting it. Humming between classes and on walks, singing in the shower, practicing on FaceTime with her mom to get feedback…but she's careful to rest as well. Everyone gives feedback, though Rachel had to stop asking Brittany. All the tall dancer will say is that she sounds amazing. It's nice, but not very helpful. Sam and Noah take turns playing guitar for her to sing along to. Finn, Santana, and Kurt give her good feedback. Her mother, being a voice teacher, gives the best critiques and pointers, of course. All of their support helps her feel less anxious and more excited for the performance.
Even though the Showcase is still weeks away, the fact that she was invited is a huge honor. Rachel has found herself being treated a little differently; both by classmates and professors. Her friends on campus gush over it frequently. People she has barely spoken to suddenly make excuses to talk to her. Even upperclassmen, and some classmates who have ignored her thus far, watch her curiously and sometimes give her a nod of respect as their paths cross. It's nice to be looked at for something positive. Normally the attention she receives is due to her illness or even just having a service dog with her. To finally be getting positive attention for something she has worked for and earned brings her incredible joy and pride. She's happier than she's been in months.
And even though Cassie is still harsh, just the fact that Brody is there for her dance classes is helpful. He's another guy, and since her class is a guy short, she sometimes gets to dance with him. He's another friendly face, even if he doesn't seem able to temper Cassie. That's fine. She'll manage.
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"Finally!"
Rachel looks up from her homework. Kurt is clutching a piece of paper and looking giddy. "What?"
"I finally got my acceptance letter! I'm no longer wait listed. I can start next semester!" Kurt crows.
Rachel leaps up and hugs her brother. "Finally! I thought for sure you'd get to join me after that girl was cut in the first week."
"I guess I wasn't at the very top of the wait list. But I'm in now and I get to start next semester! I have to go call my dad! And Blaine!"
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Rachel, Santana, and Brittany laugh as they perform a dance number together in their living room. Brittany has to choreograph and perform her own dance number for one of her finals and asked Rachel and Santana for help. The girls had been happy to oblige. Once they get their giggles out, Brittany becomes focused and arranges them how she wants, leading them through the steps. They won't be able to perform with her, but once she has the choreography down, she'll be getting help from two classmates. Rachel is flattered that Brittany frequently, and rather professionally, asks her for her honest opinion on certain dances. Happy to help out, Rachel offers her honest opinion and helps Brittany improve the dance.
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"Move it, people! Pick up your feet! Why haven't you mastered this yet?" Ms. July snaps at them, weaving between students to monitor their progress.
Rachel and Devon move fluidly through the steps. She knows they're nailing it, but it won't change how Ms. July responds to them. Focusing on perfecting it, she ignores the insults being shouted around the room at various students. Brody is moving around as well, but his comments are less cruel and more helpful. Rachel only stops dancing when Yero suddenly starts barking fiercely and runs up to her. She sighs and stops dancing. Devon stops as well, looking concerned.
"An attack is coming?"
"Seems like it." Rachel responds. Already, she can feel her body starting to tense up with the anticipation of impending pain.
Yero is still barking, so Rachel quickly sits on her bottom. Chances are the attack will strike any second, so she doesn't bother trying to move out of the way of the dancers. Everyone has stopped dancing by now, anyway. They're watching with frowns. Ms. July is slowly moving closer with eyes narrowed. The moment Rachel sits, Yero starts whining and licking her face. Rachel lifts her hand to soothe him, only to instantly yank it back. Claws stab into her chest. Fuck. The intensity of the pain sucks all the air out of her lungs and her entire body jerks. No. Rachel falls over. Brody had been crouching beside her; he catches her. When the claws drag across her chest her body spasms.
"What the fuck?"
She doesn't hear anything else after that. The pain steals away all of her sense so that all she's aware of is the pain. The absolute agony and terror drown out everything else. Her mouth opens, desperately trying to get in air. She has forgotten just how intense the pain is in a severe attack. Rachel sucks in a breath but is unable to maintain it. It releases from her in a hoarse, strangled scream. Razor blades tear at her chest, leaving jagged strips behind. She has no idea if her eyes are open or closed. She can't see anything. A metallic tang is her only warning before her mouth fills with blood. She hadn't been able to feel anything other than agony, but now there's an added swooping sensation. No, not swooping. She feels like she's being swung around. And then she's falling. The claws and razor blades continue their fierce attack on her chest. A large nail drives into her skull. The falling sensation doesn't stop.
It has been a long time since she's had one of these. She was not prepared. It is too much for her to handle. And then, as suddenly as it began, it all stops. She hears lapping water. Rachel swears she can feel wood beneath her and wind rustling her hair. She's moving, but she's not sure how. She needs to stop moving. This leads to her thinking about an anchor. Finn. His handsome face slowly appears in her mind. His lopsided smile, the special one reserved just for her, his warm brown eyes, his large hands….Finn.
Anchor me, my love.
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Brody jogs over so he can crouch beside Rachel. If it was a mild attack, it would have already hit. Meaning this will be a moderate attack. And then she falls over. He quickly catches her, holding her against his chest. Brody planned to turn her so he's sitting behind her and monitoring her breathing, but she can still be sitting up, when her body suddenly jerks and spasms.
"What the fuck?" His heart skyrockets. He holds her tighter and looks up at Cassie. "This isn't a moderate attack. This didn't happen last time."
To prove his point, Rachel continues to spasm and buck. The sounds she's making horrify him. It's like she's trying to scream but can't get in enough air.
"It's a severe attack." Cassie says, kneeling beside them. The woman grabs Rachel's legs, holding them steady. She looks up at Devon. "Call an ambulance. Now!"
The scream makes all of them jump. It's not particularly loud; probably due to the lack of air to support it. But it's harsh and terrifying. Brody rearranges his hold on her so he can hold her head against his chest. Lydia joins them and grabs Rachel's hands. The service dog, Yero, is whining and trying to get to Rachel. Lydia moves over enough to allow the dog to squeeze between them. Yero presses his muzzle to Rachel's chest.
"Breathe, Rachel!" Brody demands.
Her chest is moving in sharp, frantic bursts. He can't imagine she's getting in much air this way. He looks over to Devon. The younger guy is on the phone, but his wide scared eyes stay rooted to Rachel's thrashing form.
"C'mon, Schwimmer, fucking breathe!"
Rachel's mouth snaps shut and she releases a cross between a groan and a whimper. It tugs at Brody's already pounding heart.
"Someone grab my phone off the piano over there. I need to call her boyfriend."
Blood begins leaking out of her mouth. "Ah, shit."
"Turn her on her side so she doesn't choke." Cassie demands, already starting to turn her legs.
Brody and Lydia nod, working together to adjust Rachel. As her body weakens, so does her thrashing. Her motions slow down, becoming sluggish before eventually stopping.
"Is it over?" Lydia asks in a shaking voice.
Yero begins whining and bumping his head into her chest repeatedly.
"Fuck, she's not breathing." Cassie announces. "Lay her down!"
Brody lays Rachel on her back. He quickly wipes the blood off her mouth with his hand and after Cassie confirms again that she's not breathing, he presses his mouth over hers and blows all of his air into her. He does it again before listening to her chest. Nothing.
"Ambulance will be here soon." Devon tells them.
"It won't be soon enough." Cassie snaps.
Brody ignores them, focusing on breathing for Rachel. After a couple breaths, he presses his ear to her chest. Nothing. No sounds and it doesn't move. No sounds.
"Check her pulse!" He shouts before resuming his rescue breathing.
"It's faint, but it's there. Call her boyfriend, I'll take over."
Cassie swaps places with him, taking over breathing. Brody doubts he's calm enough to speak to Finn, so he sends a text message instead. "Severe attack not breathing ambulance en route". With that done, he drops his phone.
"I can't feel a pulse." Lydia cries.
Brody feels along her wrist while Cassie feels the artery on her neck. Neither can tell if there's a pulse or not. There's a faint thump, but it's inconsistent and barely noticeable.
"Someone grab the defibrillator. It's at the end of the hall in a case on the wall."
Not knowing how to perform CPR, Brody takes over breathing for Rachel while Cassie begins chest compressions. Josh runs back in with the defibrillator and opens it. Thankfully it's a semiautomatic one, so it tells them exactly what to do. Cassie grabs the pads but pauses, staring at Rachel's leotard. Shit. They need to cut it off of her.
"Shit! I need scissors!"
She goes back to the chest compressions while students scramble to find something sharp to tear off the leotard with.
"Fuck this."
Praying for forgiveness, Brody grabs the front of the leotard in both his fists and rips. The fabric doesn't want to give. It loosens, becoming slack, but doesn't tear. He releases a cry of frustration and fear. He looks down at Rachel's pale, unresponsive face and imagines having to tell Finn he failed and let his girlfriend die. Or telling Kurt his sister died on his watch. Adrenaline shoots through him and he tears with all his strength. The fabric gives, tearing in a zigzag down her front. He's relieved to find her wearing a sport bra beneath it, but is briefly distracted by the multicolored bruises dotting her torso. Cassie places the pads on her chest and waits for the machine to give a jolt. Nothing happens.
"No pulse." A robotic voice announces.
With renewed fervor, Cassie goes back to chest compressions. Brody resumes giving rescue breaths. After a minute, they finally feel a pulse. Brody wants to cry. Without a word, Cassie hits the button on the machine. There's a beep, then Rachel's body jerks. There's another beep and another jolt.
"Pulse restored." The machine states.
"She's still not breathing." Cassie points out.
Lydia takes over breathing for Rachel. Shaking, Brody stumbles away from Rachel and grabs her bag. He digs through for her oxygen tank and attaches the mask. It won't do any good if she's not breathing on her own, but at least now it's ready to place on her the moment she is. It doesn't happen.
"I swear to fucking God, Schwimmer, you had better fucking survive."
"I thought you hated her." Gabby admits.
Cassie rubs a hand over her face and glares tiredly at them. "No. I respect that hell out of her. She is insanely talented, brave, and hard working."
"Then why…..why do you give her such a hard time?" Lydia tentatively asks.
"To help prepare her for the real world. I want her to succeed. She'll have plenty of people in her life praising her; she needs a couple people in her life who will not back down and will help her safely push her limits. If she knew I actually like her, she wouldn't take my insults seriously."
Rachel coughs weakly and all conversation ceases. Cassie checks her pulse and breathing.
"Wake up, kiddo. C'mon, Schwimmer, open your eyes. Berry. Let's go. Hop to it. Time to look alive."
Rachel is breathing on her own, but in weak, shallow spurts. Brody places the mask over her mouth and nose. They sit in silence until paramedics rush in. They connect her to a heart monitor and IV, replace the mask with a better one, and place her on a stretcher. It seems that that motion, no matter how minor, was too much for her weakened body. She stops breathing again. Paramedics yank off the mask and replace it with a different one attached to a bag. They use it to blow air into her lungs.
"We've gotta move!"
They begin running, pushing the stretcher out the door. Brody snatches his phone and chases after them. Yero is chasing as well, so Brody quickly grabs his leash. They're nearly to the main campus entrance when Brody spots Finn sprinting in their direction. The taller guy sprints up to them and quickly changes course to jog alongside them.
"That's my girl!"
"Then you can come with us." A paramedic snaps.
Finn looks over at Brody. "Thanks, man!"
Reluctantly, Brody hands the guy Yero's leash and stops running. He grabs his hair and watches in worry as Rachel is whisked away. Slowly, Brody sinks to the ground and takes in large gulping breaths.
Holy fuck.
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Finn sits in the waiting room with his head in his hands. His left foot bounces incessantly. He'd been sitting in class, bored out of his mind, when he'd gotten Brody's text. He'd leapt out of his seat, grabbing his bag but leaving his books on his desk. Ignoring his teacher's startled questions, Finn had bolted out the door. He'd been sprinting across campus and rounding a corner when he slammed into someone. They'd both tumbled to the ground.
"Fuck!"
"What the hell?"
Finn was already scrambling to his feet. "I'm sorry! It's an emergency!"
It was only then that he realized it was one of his younger professors. "Finn? What emergency?"
"My girl! I gotta get to her!"
Finn had already explained Rachel's illness to Professor O. It had been Professor O's class he'd run out on last time and he'd needed to give an explanation the next day.
"Wait! I have a motorcycle! I can get you there faster!" Professor Thomas Ornstein hurries after him. Without a word, Finn follows him. Professor O signals for him to climb on behind him. "Where to?"
"NYADA campus. We might switch course to the hospital if the ambulance beats us there."
"Got it. Hold on!"
His professor speeds, weaving between cars and getting them to NYADA campus in record time. They'd seen the ambulance, lights flashing, parked at the main entrance. Finn had slid off the bike the moment it'd stopped and took off sprinting. He'll thank his professor later.
Now, alone other than Yero and waiting for news, Finn feels less frantic than before but still anxious. The ambulance ride had been nerve wracking. He learned that Rachel's heart had stopped and felt like his own heart was stopping. He watched in fear as she alternated between breathing on her own and needing assistance. He'd sent a text to the group, letting them know to meet him at the hospital. In Rachel's absence, Yero focuses his attention on Finn. The dog rests his front paws on Finn's lap. He scratches Yero's head, trying to calm them both down more.
"Are you here for Rachel Berry?"
Finn moves so quickly he stumbles. He catches himself and hurries over to the doctor standing grimly before him.
"Is she okay? Can I see her?"
"She's resting. We have her on oxygen, but the good news is she is breathing on her own now. We'll continue to monitor her in case that changes. Her heart rate is staying in a normal range."
"Uh, the pain lingers so she's gonna need pain medicine."
"We have her on—"
"Morphine makes her sick."
The doctor pauses, contemplating his words. "Alright. We'll ease off the morphine and switch her to something else."
"Was she cold? Shivering? She sometimes shivers after attacks. Especially after severe attacks. She needs to be kept warm."
The doctor's face shifts to one of sympathy and understanding. "We have a heated blanket on her. Son, your girlfriend is okay. We're going to admit her. She needs to be closely monitored, but otherwise she merely needs rest. I believe she's going to be okay." Relief has him swaying. The doctor grabs his arm. "You can relax, son."
"Can I see her?"
"Follow me."
They walk down a busy hallway. Finn ignores the noise and bustle of the other patients and doctors. His very heart is lying on a bed somewhere in this maze of a building and he needs to get to her. He keeps a firm grip on Yero's leash, keeping him from running off. After several more turns, he is led to a cubicle. The doctor pulls back the curtain to let him in.
"Can I hold her?"
"Not yet. Once we get her moved to a room upstairs, that'll be fine."
Yero whines and places his front paws on the bed. Finn sinks into the chair beside the bed and takes her hand. He leans forward, pressing his head against hers. He listens to the steady beep of the heart monitor and the less steady sounds of her breathing.
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His heart is heavy and aching. He practically jogs down the hall, only slowing when he realizes Isabelle is struggling to keep up in her heels. His boss had insisted on driving him here herself after he got the text message and started freaking out. Kurt finally reaches the room number Finn had sent and steps through the door. Finn is on the bed with Rachel, cradling her against his chest. Kurt hates how familiar this scene is. Yero is lying on the floor and appears to be sleeping. Kurt stops next to the bed. Only then does his stepbrother tear his gaze away from the girl in his arms to look up at him.
"How is she? Has she woken up yet?"
"No."
"How is she? What did they say?"
"Her heart stopped." Kurt's legs give out and he sinks into the chair behind him. Finn lightly strokes Rachel's cheek. "They struggled to get her breathing, but she is breathing on her own now. They're monitoring her closely."
The clack-clack of heels softly approaches and a hand rests on his shoulder. Isabelle's face is full of sympathy as she takes in the scene. "Take as much time as you need, Kurt."
"Thank you, Isabelle. Really."
She nods and takes her leave. The boys sit in silence.
"Have you told her mother yet?"
"Shit."
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Brody came by with Rachel's bag. He's still shaken and keeps staring at Rachel on the bed as though she'd slip away any moment. Considering he practically watched her die, he doesn't think it's too far fetched.
"How is she?" He asks softly.
Finn releases a slow breath. "Alive. Breathing."
"Has she woken up yet?"
"No. Can you tell me what happened?" Brody does. Finn tightens his hold on Rachel slightly, cradling her close. "Thank you. You helped save her life. I can't even…just…..thank you, man."
"Yeah. I wasn't gonna like….just let her die. I still can't believe….." He trails off.
"Neither can we." Kurt admits softly. "We didn't expect her to get a severe attack and we definitely didn't think it'd stop her heart if she did. Not this soon, at least."
Brody sits with them for a few minutes more before the others started arriving. They each thanked Brody for helping her. He left not long after, knowing that while he's a friend, he's not part of this….family. And right now, Rachel needs to be surrounded by family.
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Her fingers twitch. Finn presses a kiss to her temple, hoping to entice her to open her eyes. They all watch eagerly. Her eyelids flutter, but don't open.
"C'mon, babe. Wake up." Finn murmurs in her ear.
Rachel's breaths hitch and a soft moan escapes her lips. It's a little muffled under the oxygen mask she's wearing, but they all hear it. Finn's stomach clenches. She shouldn't be in pain. They have her on pain meds. He fears what it means if she is still hurting.
"Tink?" Kurt is stroking the back of her hand. When there's no reaction, he looks up at the others. "She was like….lightly squeezing my hand. Not anymore, though."
"Did the pain meds wear off?" Sam asks the room at large. The others share worried looks. "Or not strong enough?"
Another soft groan emerges from the unconscious girl.
"Fuck this. They need to up her pain meds or some shit." Puck storms out of the room.
Finn makes a mental note to thank Puck later. The fact that his best friend is on top of it means Finn can keep holding his girl. A harried looking nurse enters the room while giving Puck the side-eye. Finn wonders what Puck said or did to get the woman to react like this but decides that as long as Rachel is getting what she needs, he doesn't care.
"I suppose we can give another dose of—"
"Do it." Finn orders firmly. His girl will not continue to suffer.
Grumbling under her breath about demanding teenagers, the nurse leaves the room. A doctor arrives a couple minutes later and injects medicine directly into Rachel's IV line.
"If she continues to show signs of being in pain, let us know."
"Thank you."
He nods and takes his leave. Eventually, the group starts talking quietly. Sam offers to go get food for everyone. Brittany goes with him after eliciting a promise from those who remain that they'll call or text with any change.
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Wet cement fills her entire body. That's the only reasonable explanation for why she feels so heavy. Every breath is labored, like she has to fight against a heavy weight to fill her lungs. A warm body is wrapped around her. It's a very familiar feeling. Finn. There's a buzzing. The cotton stuffing her head forces her to use great effort to focus on the sound and identify it. It's the low rumble of Finn's voice, but she can't make out the words. Lips press to her temple. She tries to open her eyes to see him and where she is, but only manages to flutter her eyelids. A hand squeezes hers.
After another moment, she manages to open her eyes. Everything is a little blurry. Her mind is a little fuzzy. A blurry figure leans closer to her. Once her eyes adjust and she can make out Kurt's face, he smiles at her. At least she thinks he's smiling. He says something to her. Unable to explain that she can't hear him, she wiggles her fingers. Finn's hand moves, rubbing her arm softly. There are other people in the room. Relieved that she's not alone and too tired for anything else, she closes her eyes and drifts back to sleep.
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The next time she wakes she can open her eyes more easily and the blurriness is gone. This time Santana is holding her. Finn is sitting beside the bed petting Yero. She slowly reaches out a hand.
"Finn." It comes out rough, but loud enough for him to hear.
His head snaps up to look at her and relief fills his face. "Rach. You awake?" He takes her hand in his.
"Yeah."
Santana shifts so she's resting her head on Rachel's. "How're you feeling?"
"Tired."
"Any pain?"
"No."
Four words. She has spoken four words and is already too tired to keep talking. Finn kisses her hand. She wishes he'd kiss her lips, but she realizes she's wearing an oxygen mask.
"That's good. Do you remember what happened?"
As if she could ever forget the shock, fear, and agony. Instead of answering verbally, she gives a small nod. Her eyes move around, taking in the room. No one else is here.
"Kurt is in the waiting room on the phone with his dad. The others went to get food. We decided we'll rotate."
"Except Finn, who refuses to leave your side." Santana whispers in her ear.
Finn gives Santana a look. "She's my girl."
"We love her too, you know." Santana gripes.
"Not as much as me."
"Whatever."
Moving slowly, Rachel interlocks the fingers of her left hand with Finn's and her right hand with Santana's. Feeling secure and anchored for the first time since the attack began, Rachel falls back to sleep.
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Finn sighs. Four words. That's all she managed. He tries to focus on the good news; every time she wakes up she stays awake longer and is more alert than before. She's not in pain. The doctor said she'll be down to a nasal cannula soon. These are all good things. The fact that she had a fucking severe attack makes it hard to focus on anything positive, though. If she had one, she could have another. He hates that. It terrifies him. Last time, her heart didn't stop until her fourth severe attack and it was a double attack. She'd had a moderate, then a severe. And she'd been stage three at the time. Yeah, she's stage two right now, but this was her first severe attack this time around and it wasn't a double attack. This is not a good sign. At all. And it terrifies him. He presses her hand to his lips. Hearing a sniffle, he looks at Santana. The fiery Latina is fighting to hold back her emotions. He grabs her free hand with his own and squeezes.
"She's okay now." Finn whispers. Even though he doubts Rachel will wake up again so soon, he doesn't want to risk it.
"You're a fucking idiot if you actually think she's okay."
Finn struggles to arrange his face into something supportive instead of reacting to the cruel jab. He gets it. "You know what I mean. She's alive and breathing on her own. She just needs to rest. She'll be fine."
"She had one severe attack, her first in—almost two years, and her heart fucking stopped. Look me in the eye and tell me you really think she's okay."
Fury twisted around fear shoots through him and he takes in slow breaths to remain calm. He doesn't respond until the prickling heat ebbs and he feels he can talk without shouting. "Shut up, Satan. I get that you're scared and upset. So am I. We all are! She will be too, once she's alert enough for this to really sink in. It's bad. It's really bad. But she's doing okay right now. We need to focus on that. Anything else that happens…we'll deal. And we'll help her deal."
A couple tears drip down Santana's cheeks. She swallows. "I hate this. She should be getting better. She shouldn't be getting worse. She shouldn't be nearly dying."
Finn can't respond to that. His heart has moved to his throat, clogging it and choking off any possibility of speaking. Instead, he looks down at his girl. His future wife. His other half. His thumb traces over the promise ring she never takes off.
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Kurt sits with her on the bed, helping her drink. Thankfully she was able to eat on her own, resting her arm between bites of food as needed. But holding a cup full of water long enough to drink is a bit challenging considering she's still shaky. She'd slept for almost two hours and woke up feeling more alert. She was able to explain what it was like on her end. They told her what they knew. A doctor came in and did a thorough exam. He'd smiled and reassured them all that her heart rate is fine, her oxygen levels are improving, and there was no drastic drop in numbers. She'll be fine, she just needs to rest. Rachel feels weird being in a hospital without any adult family members around. Her mom is always there with her. Always. Not having her here is making Rachel feel off kilter. Especially since she had a severe attack. She thought for sure she was done with those. The fact that she's clearly not means she could get another and that knowledge has left her shaken.
Overall, she feels fine. Exhausted and weak, but that's it. And a headache, but the pain meds are keeping it at bay. She'd like to go home, even if it means dealing with the headache on her own. She has strong meds at home and she's sure they'd be enough. Because her heart stopped, though, they're not releasing her so soon. They also made it clear that they're not comfortable releasing her to a group of "children". Parents only.
She hasn't spoken much since waking up. At first it was because of the fatigue, weakness, and difficulty breathing. Then, after learning that her heart stopped and fully understanding the implications of getting severe attacks, she'd been too upset. Rachel knows she's going to have to shake it off and deal with it soon. She's well aware that her improved outlook on life and generally high spirits have been helping everyone else feel better and more at ease, too. If she starts allowing her dark thoughts to weigh her down, it'll affect the others, too. She doesn't want that. Maybe she needs to talk to Renee soon. Their last Skype session went pretty well. As her mom had wanted, she'd talked to her therapist about her outlook on life. And as Rachel had wanted, Renee agreed with her that it's a good way of looking at things. However, she did warn Rachel not to stamp down on the dark and negative feelings that creep up from time to time. She explained the dangers of ignoring or bottling them up. Rachel agreed to discuss those thoughts and feelings with people when they pop up.
Right now, Rachel needs something more than a talk with Renee. She needs her mom. She needs a hug from the woman. Finn, Kurt, and the others are helping a lot. She will continue to lean on them. But sometimes, sometimes you just need your mom. Or dad. A safe, parental figure who can chase all the monsters away for a little while. Thinking about it like that mildly amuses Rachel, because when it comes to fighting off monsters, Finn is who she'd turn to. He is her anchor, her lover, her partner, her friend, her defender, and her warrior. The realization that she'd probably turn to Finn for protection before her parents, or look to him to fight for her, makes her realize she really is growing up. She's always going to be her mom's little girl. She's always going to want to run to the woman and be cuddled. She's always going to want to talk to her mom. But Rachel is growing up. She's becoming less dependent on her parents (all three of them). The things she turned to them for are things she's learning to either handle on her own or turn to others for. And Finn is the main one she turns to. She'd feel guilty for depending on him so much, except she's fairly certain he depends on her as well; just for different things.
"Okay, folks. Visiting hours are ending in a few minutes." The nurse cheerfully informs them.
The others nod glumly. The nurse checks Rachel's vitals.
"Thumb war to see who gets to stay with her tonight?" Kurt asks Finn, holding out his hand.
Finn shrugs. "Sure."
The nurse looks over at them with a frown. "Um, I'm sorry, but I meant all of you have to leave."
"What do you mean? Someone always stays with her."
"I'm not sure why or how, but here in this hospital, once visiting hours end, visitors leave."
Brittany has wide eyes. "Can't exceptions be made?"
"Of course. For little children and the dying. Rachel is neither." The nurse responds bluntly. "You have five minutes to say your goodbyes, then you go home."
They stare after her, dumbfounded. The nurse gives them a stern look before departing. Rachel is not thrilled with this news, but she's not going to fight it. In fact, maybe it'll be good for her to have some time alone to wallow in misery without worrying about upsetting anyone.
"It's fine." They all turn to look at her. She pauses to breathe so she can speak clearly. "I'll be fine."
"Are you sure, Tink? You've never been alone in the hospital before."
She smiles slightly. "I'm just gonna sleep."
Reluctantly, they each take turns hugging and kissing her goodnight. They promise to return in the morning. They also insist that she can call any of them at any time during the night if she gets lonely. Finn stays rooted to the chair, his hands gripping the arm rests.
"Uh, Finn? We've gotta go." Sam points out.
"I'll meet you in the lobby."
The others nod and file out. Alone in the room, Finn slides onto the bed with her. Rachel instantly and easily melts into him. They hold one another in silence for a minute, focusing on the feel of one another. Rachel knows this isn't just for her comfort; it's for his, too. He slides down so that he can kiss her gently. She smiles at him and strokes his cheek.
"I'll be fine." She whispers, too tired to speak louder.
His eyes bore into hers. "You sure?"
"Yeah." With the slightest of tugs and tilt of her head, he knows to bow his head so she can kiss him again. "Go on."
"I could always sneak back in during the night. Like….steal a custodian's uniform or something."
She grins. "Goodnight, Finn."
"Fine. I'll be back in the morning. I love you."
"Love you." More of a murmur than anything, but she knows he heard her.
With a final kiss, he leaves the room. She knows he didn't want to leave. And he'd put up a fight and stay if she asked him to. But she really does think she'll be fine being alone for one night. She really is just gonna sleep. And she's not entirely alone, anyway. By law, they can't force her service animal away from her. When the others went to get dinner, they also stopped home and grabbed more food for Yero. She always has collapsible dog bowls in her bag so that he can eat and drink while they're out of the house. She can't see him at the moment, but knows he'd been lying on the floor minutes ago.
"Yero." She calls softly.
There's a jingle before his head pops up over the side of the bed. She smiles and pats the bed. He jumps up and lays beside her, resting his head on her chest. Rachel wraps her arms around him with a small smile and closes her eyes.
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Shelby doesn't wait for her husband. She doubts he expected her to. The moment the cab stopped, she leapt out of the car and booked it into the hospital, leaving Scott to pay and collect their suitcases from the trunk.
"Excuse me! You need to check in!" A receptionist calls after her.
Shelby clenches her jaw and spins on her heel, hurrying back to the desk. "I'm here to see my daughter."
"Visiting hours are over."
"I don't give a shit. I'm seeing my daughter."
A security guard starts edging closer to the two women. Shelby ignores him, boring her eyes into the middle aged woman sitting on the opposite side of the desk.
"Ma'am—"
"Do you have kids?" Shelby interrupts.
Startled, the woman's mouth falls open. "Um…..yes."
"Can you imagine your sick teenage child living several states away? Then getting a call that their heart stopped and they're in the hospital? Can you imagine the terror and panic you'd feel with that news? Having to leave work, rush to the nearest airport, wait for the next flight, all the while not knowing how they are, then arrive at the hospital your child is in after visiting hours are over just to be told you can't even see them?"
The poor woman sinks into her chair, her eyes filling with tears. "I…..no, I can't imagine."
"Try." Shelby bites out.
"I—I—It's the rules, I—"
"I'm not leaving this fucking hospital until I see my daughter."
"Dawn, I'm pretty sure we can make an exception." The security guard says quietly. "She's traveled a long way to see her kid. We can give her a couple minutes."
The woman hesitantly nods. "Fine. You have five minutes."
"Five?!"
A hand rests on her back. "Shel. It's better than nothing."
She turns to Scott incredulously. "Five fucking minutes?!"
"Would you rather not see her at all? Or be kicked out and not get to see her until she's released?"
Shelby breaths harshly through her nose, trying not to make an even bigger scene. "Fine."
"Thank you." Scott says to the security guard and receptionist.
Shelby scoffs, but Scott urges her towards the elevator before she can speak again. Standing impatiently in the elevator, the parents grip the handles of their luggage and watch the numbers slowly increase as the elevator rises. For the millionth time in the past couple hours, Shelby feels tears well up in her eyes. She swallows them down. Rachel can't see how upset she is; it'd just upset her. The doors open and Shelby has to force herself not to sprint down the hall. She gets to the room and pauses, swiping under her eyes to make sure they're dry. Only then does she step through.
She doesn't like that her kid is alone. When she'd seen the text message from Finn that they were forced to leave once visiting hours ended, her stomach had fallen. She prayed that Rachel wasn't upset about it. The image of Rachel alone in a hospital room, after what she went through, crying and lonely, nearly broke the mother. Scott had to calm her down. He also reminded her that she'd at the very least have Yero with her.
As expected, Rachel is asleep. Shelby moves to the bed and gently strokes her daughter's cheek. She's extremely pale. Shelby tucks some loose strands of hair behind her ear. Scott enters the room and leaves the suitcases by the door. He steps up beside her and wraps an arm around her waist. Together, they look down at their sick child.
"You gonna wake her?" He asks in a whisper.
"I am. I just….I feel bad waking her when she needs the rest. But I also know she'll fall back to sleep quickly."
"And it'll make both of you feel better to see one another."
She nods. She removes her coat and drops it on the chair. Then she nudges Yero off the bed. The dog actually huffs before lightly leaping down. Shelby sits on the bed.
"Rachel? Rach, honey, open your eyes. C'mon, baby girl, wake up for me."
Her daughter's eyes scrunch for a moment before relaxing. Her head shifts and her hand moves. Seeing how hard it is for her to wake almost makes Shelby change her mind. But she needs this and she's sure Rachel does, too.
"Rachel." She adds a gentle shake.
Rachel's eyes slowly blink open. "Mom?"
For the first time since the call, Shelby smiles. "Hi, baby girl."
"You're here?"
Her heart clenches. "I'm here."
To emphasize this, she pulls Rachel into her arms. Her little girl wraps around her with a happy sigh. With her kid in her arms, she can finally breathe easy. Scott sits on the edge of the bed and rubs Rachel's back.
"How are you?"
When she doesn't immediately answer, Shelby worries she already fell back asleep. But then Rachel shifts her head, burying her face in her shoulder. "Tired."
"Weakness?"
"As usual." Rachel mumbles. It is normal for her to experience weakness for a day or two after a severe attack. Shelby also knows Rachel hates it. She kisses her forehead and gives her a gentle squeeze.
"Any pain?"
"Head sometimes."
Scott clears his throat. "But they're keeping you on pain meds, right?"
"Yeah."
"Good. Look, Rach, they're not letting us stay but we'll be back first thing in the morning. Do you need anything before we go?"
Shelby is relieved Scott was the one to say it. She didn't want to have to tell her child they have to leave soon.
"Water?"
"Of course."
Scott gets up and pours a cup of water. Shelby helps Rachel sit up. She doesn't bother raising the bed. She just has Rachel lean against her and keeps her arms around her to keep her up. Scott holds the cup while Rachel drinks from the straw. Once she's had her fill, she lets her head slump back against Shelby's shoulder. Shelby kisses her head again.
"Anything else?"
The corners of her mouth turn up. "A hug?"
"Always."
Shelby helps Rachel turn so they can hug properly. She's still hugging her, rocking her gently, when a nurse steps into the room and taps her watch. Shelby doesn't care. She won't release this hug until her daughter does. Unfortunately, Rachel gives a final squeeze before pulling back. Scott swoops in and hugs her next. The parents help her lay down and tuck her in under the blankets. Shelby kisses her cheek.
"I love you. We'll be back in the morning."
"Love you, too." Her eyes are already drooping.
Shelby signals for Yero to return to the bed, which he does happily. Seeing her kid cuddling with her dog eases some of her anxiety of leaving so soon. She moves slowly while putting on her coat. She doesn't step out of the room until she's sure Rachel is asleep. Annoyed nurses be damned.
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The creaks and groans of the old house aren't normally noticed. At the moment, they're the only sounds. Six teenagers sit around the living room in complete silence. They're tired but not willing to go to sleep just yet. They also don't want to be alone and hate the fact that Rachel is alone. They can't bring themselves to turn on the tv or talk. Finn sits with his head in his hands. The knock on the door makes all of them jump. Puck gets up and lets their visitors in. Mr. and Mrs. Matthews enter their home looking wrung out. They dump their suitcases by the door and greet the kids. In his "aunt's/mom's" arms, Kurt falls apart. Mrs. Matthews holds him and rubs his back.
"Did they let you see her?" Brittany asks them.
"Briefly, yes. Rachel woke up and talked to us a little. She fell back asleep before we even left."
Mrs. Matthews takes in their expressions and smiles slightly. "If you look this tired tomorrow when you visit her, she'll feel guilty. Visiting hours begin at 7. Go get some sleep. All of you."
"If it's okay, I'd feel better sleeping with Britt tonight." Santana admits. "Then you guys can have my and Rachel's room to yourselves."
Mrs. Matthews cups her cheek and smiles. "That sounds good."
A wave of jealousy sweeps over Finn. Santana and Brittany are upset, but they'll get to comfort one another tonight. Finn won't get to cuddle his girl tonight. He looks down again, staring at the rug beneath his feet. A hand runs through his hair and he jumps. Mrs. Matthews is standing before him smiling softly.
"Thank you, Finn. For being there for her."
"Always." It's not even a question.
Still, she kisses his cheek. "Go to bed. Even if you can't sleep, you should at least be comfortable and get some rest."
He nods and agrees to go up to bed, knowing there's no way he'll be able to sleep. He stares at the thin cracks in the paint on his ceiling and tries not to picture Rachel alone in the hospital. He wishes they were already married. He's positive he'd be able to convince them to let him stay if she were his wife. Once they're married, he won't allow anyone to keep them apart against their wishes. Only death would separate them, and even then he's positive he'd still be connected to her somehow.
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