CW: Swearing and depression, allusions to suicide ideation. Please heed that last one.

It won't stop.

The horrifically large crimson stain blossoming on Jacinth's chest as she slipped to the ground.

The light leaving her emerald eyes as her cannon fired.

The frightened look on Bran's face when he realized what was about to happen.

The sickening crack of the arrow as it…

I can't see. My vision is hot and blurry. I can't hear. Not over the screams of agony echoing in my own head. I can barely breathe. My throat is going raw and my chest is getting heavier.

The red stain… Lifeless green eyes… Terror… So fast… Too fast…

My legs start to move and I'm charging forward, sickle in hand, the only steady thing I have right now.

An arm wraps around my waist and I am ripped backwards, back into reality as the blade of an axe crosses down in front of me. Cedar (How is he still standing?) just nearly cleaved my skull open.

Bronze stands there, a sword out and held in a defensive position, his tearstained face flush with rage, and I realize I must have charged him.

Somehow, I'm more annoyed at Cedar for interrupting me than myself for doing something so stupid. A part of me just doesn't care anymore.

"Let me go!" I sob.

"I can't," Camdyn says, clearly in pain. "I'm sorry, Ames, I can't!"

The sky continues to grow darker. Thunder rumbles nearby.

Is this the finale? I think blearily.

Is there where the Games are supposed to end? We're all here, aren't we?

There is a bright flash and I am blinded for a second as an explosion rocks the area. Camdyn and I wind up on the ground, both of us crying out in pain as our injuries are aggravated by the impact with the mud.

I push myself to my elbows, wincing as I do. A rough cough tears through me and my ears ring horribly.

What just happened?

Someone pulls me to my feet right as there is another bright flash, far enough away not to throw us back down to the ground but enough to make up jump.

Lightning.

The Gamemakers just sent lightning down on us?

Drake scoops up a bag near where Belladonna is laying on the ground, clutching a gash on her head. He scoops up my jacket and rushes over to Giemci, who is nursing a cut on her leg. "We have to go!" he shouts. "We have to go!"

Lincoln begins pulling us away. "Come on," he says. "We can't stay here. They don't want us to!"

Red. Green. Fear. Oblivion.

Another flash of lightning.

I don't want to go. I want to stay and fight. I want to kill Bronze. I want to break his skull the way he broke Bran's. I want him to pay for what he's done. He has to pay!

I don't want to leave Bran…

It's not entirely Bronze's fault though… This was your plan, after all.

Your curse.

The fight leaves me as we break through the treeline as another lightning bolt strikes.

This is all my fault…

I did this…

I got Bran killed.

An arrow shoots past us, lodging itself into a tree several feet away. A couple more follow. One nearly takes out Lincoln, but he avoids it entirely by chance.

I am beyond crying at this point. I don't even remember how long we go, where we go, I just let Lincoln drag me along.

Bran's gone.

He's gone.

He's gone and it's all my fault.

It's all my fault.

How could I have been so stupid?

Eventually, we slow to a stop. The sky is still dark, but the thunder is lessening. The Gamemakers must have declared the feast over.

"We failed…" Camdyn mutters.

"We didn't fail," Lincoln says, his voice stained. "Not entirely. We took out one Career and got some bags out of it. And more weapons."

"And at what cost, Link?" Drake snaps. "At what freaking cost!?"

Camdyn begins sorting through the bags, face hard and eyes watery, wincing as she forces her wounded shoulder to move.

Lincoln sighs. "I know damn well the cost, Montez."

"And who's fault is that?" Giemci's voice is harsher, harsher than I've ever heard it. I look up and see her hazel eyes burning towards me. "We almost died because of your stupid plan."

Everyone stops. I feel my own breath hitch. "Don't blame her," Drake snaps. "You agreed to said stupid plan."

"They were expecting us!" Giemci retorts. "How do you think that happened, huh?"

"Gigi," Lincoln says in a warning tone. "Don't."

"What the actual hell are you suggesting?" Camdyn says, an angry edge to her voice.

"I'm not suggesting anything!" Giemci says angrily. "I'm just saying that maybe there's something to this whole curse thing."

"Hey!" Drake immediately stands up. "That's uncalled for, Giemci. This was not her fault!"

Giemci narrows her eyes, angry tears slipping down her face. "Think about it. How many tributes died when she was nearby. How many, exactly?" She just shakes her head. "You really are the Grim Reaper. You're literally death walking!"

Red. Green. Fear.

I don't even want to think about that question right now. "We…we need to…" I try to say something, but my voice is too shaky.

"Do what? Listen to another one of your so-called master plans that will definitely get us all killed?"

"Giemci, stop it!" Lincoln says. "This wasn't Amber's fault."

Giemci shakes her head and just laughs. "I don't much believe that anymore, Link."

"Hey," Camdyn stands up and carefully approaches Giemci. "I know you're upset right now. We're all upset about Bran, but you need to calm down. Just breathe, okay?"

"Don't tell me to breathe! Or calm down! I am perfectly fine! Okay, I'm fine, but if you think I'm sticking around, you're the crazy one."

"No one says you're crazy," Lincoln says. "I'm just saying-"

Giemci cuts him off. "No! If you all want to keep following her to your deaths, then that's on you! Me, I'm not planning on dying anytime soon."

With that, she grabs one of the bags and a knife and dashes into the treeline. "Gigi, wait!" Lincoln cries. "Wait!"

"Let her go," I mutter. "We promised, remember? Anyone can leave at any time."

"But it's the top eight! The Careers will be hunting us down, she could get killed out there!"

"Link, she made her choice," Camdyn says gently. "At the end of the day, only one of us is getting out of here."

I hear Link sigh. "Right… I just… I don't want any more on my conscience."

"Neither do I," Camdyn says, "but there's nothing more we can do, right Amber?"

Why are they even asking me?

I don't answer. I just stare down at the leaves on the ground, fluttering away in the wind.

"Amber?"

My eyes start to burn again. I squeeze them shut.

No, I can't show weakness, not right now. I have to be the leader, at least one more time. I grip my pendant tightly and wipe my eyes. I have to be strong.

I wipe the tears from my eyes.

"Maybe she'll come back," I say. "Maybe she just needs to clear her head."

"Exactly!" Drake says, his voice a bit shaky.

I think we all know the truth though. Giemci's gone for good.

I can't really blame her either.

I was so stupid to think I could make friends, get close with someone else.

I was so stupid to think I could just ignore the curse.

Now look what happened.

Jenny, Decida, Bran, they're both dead because of the curse.

And it wasn't just them who died when I was nearby.

Krystian, Nero, Chanel, Dashiell, they died not long after we crossed paths with each other.

Maybe this is all the Capitol's doing, but it doesn't change the facts.

Where I go, people die.

And Bran…

I just wish it didn't take losing him for me to remember.

I wish I didn't have to lose him at all.

He was so kind and cheerful and so optimistic despite his situation. A ray of hope, almost.

The brightest flames just never seem to last, do they?

Perhaps if I hadn't volunteered, if I hadn't ruined everything and potentially self-fulfill my own damn prophecy, I wouldn't have befriended them. They would have been just fine.

They might have even won.

They might still win…

Camdyn manages to find a first aid kit and patches up our wounds as best she can. I, in turn, patch up her shoulder. It's still not great, but the medicine helps some.

"How many are left?" Drake asks numbly.

"Eight, I think," Link replies.

"The top eight, huh? Doesn't feel real."

It really does, unfortunately. It makes me think that it should be Bran here instead of me.

"How long do you think until they drag us together again?" Link asks.

"I don't know why they even dragged us apart," Camdyn replies. "Maybe they weren't ready for the Games to end yet. I know if we stayed any longer, they might have. If I wasn't hurt…" She chokes back a sob. "I would have loved to kill them all."

"We'll get another chance," Lincoln says. "I know it."

That's true. They will likely get another chance.

But they will have to do it without me.

Later that night, after the anthem, when everyone goes to sleep and it's me and Link on first watch, I stand up. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" Link asks.

"To the bathroom," I say quietly. "I'll be back."

That's a lie.

I don't go to the bathroom. I certainly do not go back.

I keep walking, vanishing into the night like a ghost.

A part of me feels terrible and selfish for abandoning these people. Still, I can't ignore the truth.

They'd have a much better chance of winning without my curse hanging over them.

Well, that's a depressing end for a chapter, but I felt like I owed you all something after last time.

I promise you, things will get better. Amber is in a very dark place right now, but there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Please know that it does get better eventually. Stay strong and know that you are all loved.

I don't think I'll get another chapter out before Thanksgiving, so Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I have sort of access to a laptop now and I have a solid plan of what's going to happen from here on out, so updates might come faster, keyword being might. Next month is going to be crazy so this should be interesting. Feels like every time I delay a chapter, it just…comes to me? Either way, if it works, it works, right?

Finally, I went ahead and posted my SYOT, called A Single Moment — The 78th Hunger Games. Just a heads up, slots are filling up fast. I know someone expressed interest in a review last chapter. (Don't want to name names or call anyone out if they don't want to be called out.) I am holding a couple of slots for you, so absolutely no rush there. I'm taking reservations but won't really have much of a form until after Cursebreaker is wrapped up. Realistically, I expect ASM to start after the first of the year.