Knock, knock, knock.
I awoke, head pounding in time with the bangs on my bedroom door. Letting my eyes drift apart, I scanned through the darkness towards the source of the noise; the details in the big metal door began to develop as I reached up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, and I watched it shake as the increasingly powerful bangs continued. With lethargy still compromising my logic, I dragged myself off the side of the bed and made my way towards the door, pulling the cord on the small table lamp as I passed by. My head pounded harder as I approached the noise. I dragged my hand through my hair, pushing it back in an attempt to tame it as I reached for the knob and pulled the door open. I was left confused, looking down at Ouma with furrowed brows. He glanced back up with frustration in his eyes.
"Finally, geez. I thought maybe you went and got yourself killed or something," He whined, slipping his body past mine and stepping into the room before I even had the option of inviting him in. The light flooding in from the hallway quickly made my head spin, so I quietly pushed the door shut. I turned in my spot, hand still resting on the back of my head as my mind began to wake up.
"Wait, so you're banging on my door in the middle of the night because you got worried about me?" I questioned, lumbering towards him. He dropped onto the foot of the bed and threw his arms behind his head as if he were already lounging. We had been spending more time together, enough that even Kaito and Maki had noticed; but on my part, it was nothing more than gathering intel on the other Ultimates to aid our search for the Mastermind, and I assumed the same for Ouma.
"I got boreddd," he sang, propping himself up slightly on his elbows. He glared up at me, catching my eyes. It gave me an uneasy feeling in my stomach, but at the same time, I had to force myself to look away. "I figured you'd be up."
"I wasn't," I replied crassly. I let out a sigh, feeling the weight of my body just begging to give into itself. Tonight was the first time I had fallen into a deep sleep since we watched that horrendous magic show, and my mind and body were not ready to give up the relief. I slowly shuffled over to the foot of the bed, dropping myself down beside him. "Look, Ouma. I've only slept-" I began, but I was cut off by a powerful crash coming from above. It took me by surprise, and my brain immediately began flooding with questions.
"Was that thunder?" I proposed, conflicted by the information I had already learned about the school grounds. How was it storming here? Was it real, or some fabrication made up by Monokuma? I turned towards Ouma, ready to vocalize my questions, but he remained silent, his jaw clenched tightly and his eyes pinched shut. It only took a moment before I could feel him trembling through the air between us. I watched him with parted lips; one side of me wanted to question him, but the other realized that he was letting his guard down, and that was a very rare thing to see. He slowly exhaled the breath he had been holding in and parted his eyes, keeping them averted.
"A-Are you alright?" I finally asked as my headache began to impede on my ability to skepticize. I watched as Ouma's eyes widened for a moment before he straightened out his back and relaxed all the muscles that he had been tensing up. He glanced up at me and tilted his head to the side, effortlessly flashing an impish smile as if it were a routine.
"I lied!" he exclaimed. I felt wary; his reaction held sincerity, but in just a few seconds he had concealed any sign of fear. It was eerie, but it was fascinating, and deep down I urged to figure it out. How did he learn to put up such strong walls around himself, and how much of the real Ouma would I ever get to see? He took my silence as disbelief and turned his body in my direction, leaning in with both arms in front of him like an excited child. "I just wanted to spend time with youuu."
I opened my mouth to respond, but was cut off by another monstrous crash. The noise enveloped the entire room, as if it were coming from each and every direction. Ouma inhaled sharply and I felt the bed sheets beneath me shift, tightly grasped by his small hands. His back had involuntarily dropped again, and I couldn't help but let out a small sigh. Seeing him so vulnerable and out of character rendered a surprising amount of sympathy from me. It was unfamiliar territory to feel like I had the upper-hand.
"Did you come here because you're afraid?" I asked warily, looking down at the creases in the palm of my hand. I began to feel somewhat awkward, not because I felt uncomfortable- Frankly, I should've felt much more uneasy than I did, but I wasn't used to this dynamic at all. Ouma stayed averted and remained in his cowering position, he looked like a scared child who had just woken up from a nightmare. It made me wonder what a good parent might say at a time like this.
"It's alright if you are, you don't have to be embarrassed," I emphasized. Ouma glanced up slightly, lips parted but still remaining quiet. I could see the hints of red creeping into his skin under the soft yellow light, and the apprehension glossing over his eyes. My head pounded again, causing me to instinctively bite down on the inside of my cheek. The sharp pain mixed with the weariness in my head made me feel like I was shutting down, and I longed to get under the covers and close my eyes again. With a sigh, I stood up and stretched out the tired muscles in my back, which seemed to catch Ouma's attention. His eyes trailed me as I reached for the cord on the table lamp.
"Come on then," I beckoned, nodding my head towards the top of the bed. I pulled the cord, not giving him the chance to argue and sat on the left side of the bed, throwing my body under the covers in one quick motion.
"Is- Are you-" Ouma stammered, but without saying a word, I calmly grabbed the opposite corner of the comforter, pulling it closer to reveal the open spot. It was partially to comfort the scared boy, too embarrassed to ask for help, but it was also because I desperately just wanted to go back to sleep. I felt the weight of Ouma's body slowly move from the end of the bed to the spot beside me as he shuffled up the blanket.
"You can't be very comfortable in those clothes," I noted honestly, attempting to peer at him through the darkness. He was still wearing his Ultimate uniform from the day; covered in buckles and zippers, and a small chain by his shoulder. There was no way he'd fall asleep in such stiff clothing. "You should probably take that off."
"And you're okay with that? If you want me to strip for you, Saihara, all you have to do is ask, " Ouma teased. He attempted to keep his voice sounding confident and calm, but I knew that voice all too well; it was easy to detect the hints of fear. I only closed my eyes and nuzzled my head into the pillow, refusing to acknowledge the comment or think any deeper about it. It's only weird if I make it weird, I told myself. So don't. I let out a heavy breath as I spoke, letting my eyes succumb to their weight. "It doesn't bother me, as long as you actually go to sleep."
"Yes, sir!" he pledged in a playful tone as I felt him start to move around. A part of me wanted to peek, having never seen him without his long jacket and checkered scarf wrapped neatly around his neck; my curiosity started to build. As I felt him rise from the bed to strip, I gave in. His back was to me, but it would've been too dark to make any details out regardless. All I could see as my eyes adjusted was his small figure shifting around. He paused, still in his place as the thunder rumbled deeply in the distance. After a few moments of silence, he continued. He hung his clothes carefully over the back of my desk chair, leaving him in just a pair of boxer briefs and an undershirt. Ouma turned and I instinctively shut my eyes, feeling my heart immediately begin to beat out of my chest. There was no way he could've seen my eyes through the darkness, right?
While Ouma dropped back into the bed and began to shift around to get comfortable, I turned my attention to my heavy breaths, still hoping he hadn't noticed me. He nudged his head into the pillow beside me and let out a soft noise, one that might've indicated he was finally starting to relax. I could feel the warmth radiating off of his body; something that felt very unfamiliar. I hadn't shared a bed with someone since I was too young to remember what it even felt like. It was soothing, feeling the warmth of someone else's body without even touching them; it felt less lonely.
I adjusted, pushing my arm under my pillow and stretching my legs out further, falling into the comfort. As I noticed Ouma's breaths beginning to slow, I caught myself with a subdued smile across my lips, almost feeling accomplished. My eyes parted slightly as I rubbed my head against the pillow, then widened as I noticed Ouma's face, only inches away from my own. My breath caught, but I managed to stifle my reaction, staring down at his closed eyelids. It wasn't until now that I noticed his warm breath brushing against my chin as he exhaled. The pain in my spinning head was made worse by the acknowledgement that I found it comforting. I squeeze my eyes shut once again, attempting to shake off the thought, and let my weary brain begin to shut down.
After what felt like hours being stuck in a cycle of falling back asleep, then being immediately woken by Ouma jumping every time the thunder would sound, I had given up. I had been awake for far too long, and my mind was going rampant with thoughts and doubts and questions. I stared at Ouma through the darkness, identifying more details in his face the longer I looked. His eyelids fluttered as he attempted to sleep through his worry, but they were soft and made him look so much more calm than he usually did. He had a few freckles, one above his eyebrow, one along his jawline, and surely there were more on the side of his face that was smothered into the pillow. My thoughts were interrupted by a clash of thunder so loud, it even made me jump at the impact. Ouma let out an audible hum of fear, and thrusted himself forward with his head down. He clutched a handful of the blanket in front of him, and breathed heavily into the fabric until the rumbling had subsided.
"Sorry…" Ouma whispered as he opened his eyes, realizing how close he had come to me. He avoided my gaze and remained in that position as he attempted to breathe and calm the shaking in his hands. Apprehensively, I pushed my arm further under the pillow until it was intruding on Ouma's, and wrapped my other arm around his back, pulling his body so he was no longer laying on his side, but my chest instead. I didn't really know why, but it just felt like the right thing to do in that moment. Ouma seemed startled at the sudden contact, but after a few seconds, shifted up slightly to fit his head under my chin and get more comfortable. With my arm now free, I pulled it out from beneath the pillows and wrapped it gently around his back. I could feel the tension in his body release as he laid his hand over my chest and softly gripped the fabric of my shirt. I wondered if he could feel my heart beating, or if his was beating too fast to even notice.
"Can I ask you something?" I inquired suddenly, trying to ignore my nerves. Ouma took a moment and buried his face even deeper into my chest. I felt like I was embarrassing him; like he could feel me glaring down at the top of his head, so I stared off aimlessly into a dark corner of the room.
"What's up?" Ouma said in a poor attempt at being casual. I paused, realizing that regardless of what response he gave me, I was only going to feel more nervous and confused; but I had been pondering this for an hour now, and I couldn't pass up the opportunity to get an answer. I pushed the fear away and swallowed my pride.
"Why me?" I asked more sheepishly than I had intended, holding Ouma's back tighter as the words left my mouth. I felt him tense up ever-so slightly, and assumed I had caught him off guard. I didn't like the lingering silence, so I continued, "I mean I was the first door you knocked on, right? You seemed pretty persistent on me answering…"
"Is this an interrogation, Detective? In that case, I'd like a lawyer before questioning. I know my rights!" he said playfully. I held back a smile that was threatening to appear, and I wasn't sure if it was because of the stupid joke, or if it was his use of the term "Detective". I didn't move or speak, I just gripped the back of his shirt tighter and waited for him to continue. After a few moments, Ouma let out a sigh and restlessly rubbed his cheek against me as he mustered up the courage to speak. "You hate me less than everyone else."
His words were deliberately quiet, but they didn't take me by surprise. Hiding who you truly are is a sign of insecurity. That was a concept I was all-too familiar with. I exhaled, relieved to get any semblance of an honest response. "No one hates you, Ouma, and neither do I. You just…" I paused, searching for the right words. "You frustrate me."
"Oh come on, I'm supposed to be the liar, remember?" he joked, tilting his head back slightly to catch a glimpse of my eyes that had found their way back down to him. He wore a weak smile, as if he were trying to hold an act but was just too tired to put the effort in.
"I'm not lying," I said firmly, attempting to convey my honesty. "Why would I invite you to sleep in my bed otherwise?" I hadn't realized I had let go of my anxious grip around Ouma's shirt and began trailing my thumb in small circles across the fabric. It felt so odd, allowing myself to stare into someone's eyes at all, let alone so deeply and intimately; but something was drawing me in despite my habits and fears.
"Hmm, you make a good point," he agreed, breaking away first and laying his head back down on my chest. For the first time since I could remember, I didn't feel relieved when he looked away from me; I felt sullen, and wanted him to return to that position. I wanted to continue staring into his eyes and feel the warmth of the person inside, not the person he carefully chooses to show me. Ouma began to gently move his thumb across my chest, mimicking my patterns on his back. "You're the only one who can see through me."
He almost whispered, in the hopes of being missed, but his words only made me feel accomplished. It felt like I was getting somewhere with him, finally making progress after starting all the way back on day one. Question after question appeared in my mind, but I held back the urge to interrogate him, too afraid of scaring him off. I remained calm and still as I thought of a response, letting my eyes drift back up to the darkness above me. "I've put a lot of effort into learning about everyone. I guess it's kind of my job to pick up on other's secrets."
"And what have you learned, Mr. Detective?" he pried. I couldn't help but smile again. Hearing Ouma call me that in such a serious, yet playful way sent warm shivers up my spine; a feeling that I found a lot of confusion in.
"Well, I predicted that both Maki and Kirumi weren't exactly who they claimed to be," I offered, not allowing myself to think too deeply about the recent past and sour my mood. As I continued to think of examples and silence filled the air between us, I noted that the thunder had finally seemed to subside. For now, Ouma had stopped trembling, though he hadn't yet reverted back into his masked persona, either. I almost felt a sense of guilt; as if I were taking advantage of his vulnerability to make him admit things that he usually wouldn't, but then again, he came to me.
"And, what have you learned about me?" he asked with sincerity. I stopped to think about it. I had a hard time gathering my thoughts when it came to Ouma, never knowing what's real and what's a lie; I found it difficult to form any conclusive thoughts. Truly, I felt like I had been able to learn more about him in the past few hours, than I had in the few weeks we've spent trapped in this awful place.
"The only thing I can say definitively is that I have no idea how much of the real you I've even seen," I explained, honestly. Ouma let out a quiet but pleased hum, as if he were satisfied with my answer, which only confused me more. I felt warmth grow over my cheeks as I quietly added, "This feels pretty real though."
I immediately felt regretful, realizing I had just reminded him that his guards were down. I expected him to switch back into his usual antagonizing persona when he spoke, and I held my breath as I braced for it. After a few moments of thought, Ouma shifted his body around to face me. I caught a glimpse of his eyes before I instinctively looked away, guarded by the uncertainty of what he might say next. I struggled to read his expression as he gazed towards me, and my heart rate increased out of anticipation. To my surprise, he flashed a small, pitiful smile, and said, "I'm just as scared as the rest of you, but I don't need everyone to know that. I came here because you're the only person I feel safe around."
I was stunned. I had never heard such honest words come out of Ouma's mouth; I felt like I had an entirely different person sitting in front of me. It was so out of character for him to admit anything, let alone weakness. I dropped my eyes back to his, locking them and feeling the sincerity beaming out from them. I wanted to question him, ask him what he was truly afraid of; ask him why I was the one that made him feel secure, but at the risk of sounding self-conscious, I pushed it down and thought of something more assuring to say. I let a shy smile creep onto my lips as I took a breath in and said, "You have nothing to be afraid of with me."
His eyes gleamed through the dark as I watched his pupils expand with my words, which were true; I never really judged Ouma or his choice of masking his personality. I just disobeyed it, and continued to pry for more information. His serious expression faded into a soft, parted smile as I gazed back down at him, trying to decipher what the smile meant.
Though Ouma was quick to answer for me, shutting his eyes and swiftly leaning up, pressing his lips against my slightly parted ones. I felt my muscles tense up as shock overtook me. So many thoughts began swirling through my mind that I couldn't grasp one, and I just seemed to fall blank over and over again. I had nothing to focus on but the warmth of his lips and my rapid heart beat. The kiss was short, but profound, and as Ouma pulled away, I found myself still and breathless. I must have looked more stunned than I had realized, as he curled up the corner of his lips and said, "Why do you look so shocked? You said I had nothing to be afraid of."
I could barely remember how to breathe or speak, still trying to process what had just occurred. I was suddenly hyper-aware of all the sensations going on throughout my body; I felt a tingle over my lips as he heavily breathed and the air hit the warm spot where his lips previously were. I felt the weight of his hand over my chest and the fluttering in my stomach as I nervously gripped the back of his shirt. I felt him staring back into my eyes with the same curiosity that I felt. I took a breath in to speak, but the words I wanted to say just wouldn't come, and all I could manage was, "You- You don't…"
Ouma's eyes trailed up my face as he lifted his arm from my chest and reached up, pushing a stray piece of hair away from my eyes. I found myself hooked onto his every movement, both nervous and excited to find out what would come next. I felt trapped in his gaze; not that I wanted to look away, but I felt the need to stare back, as if I would miss something if I didn't. Ouma trailed his finger down the side of my face before cupping my cheek and pushing his fingers through the tangled hair under my ear. "Do you want me to stop?"
Did I? Ouma was someone I was supposed to be on the lookout for. He was someone my closest allies certainly weren't fond of, and truly, I didn't even know where I stood; but something in me was begging to again feel what I felt when his lips touched mine. The internal conflict only furthered my confusion, as Ouma's intimidating eyes watched me think. At some point, I had begun to unconsciously put pressure on his back, pushing his small body closer into my own. A part of me wanted so badly to proceed, but another part was terrified of what I didn't know. I could only manage to nod my head "yes" out of nervousness, but as I looked down to his small, curled lips, I was immediately drawn back in and had to hold myself back from inching any closer. I watched Ouma's smile grow and my eyes reactively shot back up to his. I swallowed the air that I nervously held in as he studied the movement in my eyes, and whispered, "You're a bad liar, Saihara."
He swooped forward, connecting our lips once more. I let out a hum of surprise and tightened my grip around his body, but this time, I conceded and kissed him back, finding the will to block out all my doubtful thoughts and give in to the pleasure. I had no idea what I was doing, but I attempted to mimic Ouma's movements; when I felt him pull away, I would draw back and wait to see if the kiss was coming to an end, or if he was just pausing to take a breath in. I couldn't help but feel self-conscious, having my first kiss stolen by someone I knew almost nothing about; I was so in-over my head, while he seemed to know exactly what he was doing. There was no hesitation in his movements, no shake in his breath when we parted. He kissed me slowly, with purpose and ease.
I could taste our shared breath as Ouma's lips parted slightly, which immediately caused mine to become slick with saliva and slide easier over his. He hoisted himself up and moved over so that he was parallel with my body rather than beside it, gently rubbing his thumb along my cheekbone with one hand, while zealously grasping my waist and pushing it down into the mattress with the other. It felt like a metaphor for the two sides of him I had come to know. I moved my hand up his back and wrapped it around the nape of his neck, feeling the warmth of his skin tingle under my fingertips. His hair was damp with sweat but it was still much softer than I had expected. With all his long, loose strands I thought it would be far more tangley, but my fingers slid through with ease and engulfed the crown of Ouma's head. He shifted his leg, rubbing his inner-thigh against my own and dropping his weight, putting pressure all over the length of my body. He pushed his knee forward which met with my groin, and the sudden tension made me flinch, tauting my arm and pushing him hard against my lips. Ouma must have enjoyed it; he squeezed my waist tighter and let out a pleased hum in reaction, as he began to kiss me faster. My heart thundered, beating so hard I could feel my chest growing hot. Instinctively, I moved my hand down to Ouma's shoulder and pushed, forcing our lips apart.
"Ouma," I husked, feeling my chest inflate. I swallowed the built up moisture in my mouth as I watched his eyes gently flutter open and meet my own. He breathed just as heavy as I did, but out of sync, so we exchanged air with every gasp. He looked me up and down, and I suddenly became hyper-aware of the sweat building up in the crevasses of my face and my disheveled hair, beginning to grow damp. My arm began to tremble as I struggled to hold back his weight with one hand, but he hadn't yet relinquished his position and kept his fingers firmly grasped around my waist. I gulped as he brought his eyes back to mine. "I've never done this before."
It was embarrassing, but I knew I wouldn't be able to keep up with him. Ouma smirked and let a breath of laughter escape from his lungs. I nervously grasped the fabric of his shirt, but he loosened his grip and relieved the weight from my wrist, holding himself up and turning his smirk into a gentle smile. "Don't worry Saihara, I'm not trying to fuck you."
"No-" I began, but hesitated, averting my eyes down to his chin. I felt a sense of relief wash over me; I certainly wasn't ready for that, despite the snug feeling of compulsion that I pushed deep into the back of my mind, I also felt vulnerable and frustrated that I had to continue to explain. "I've never even been kissed."
Ouma drew back and my gaze snapped up in curiosity to watch his reaction. He narrowed his eyes and bore a look of confusion through his smile, which only heightened my nerves. I felt the heat grow in my face and I could only imagine how red I was beginning to turn. He let out another breathy laugh, "Really? 'Coulda fooled me. You're a natural, Saihara!"
I couldn't stop myself from smiling at the comment and softly rolling my eyes. Whether it was honest or not, it helped contain my diffidence. Ouma lifted his leg and brought it back to the other side, shifting his body down until he was comfortably tucked beneath my shoulder again. I could feel tingles in my thigh from the absence of his contact as I adjusted my own body, finally feeling my breath return to its regular tempo. He laid his hand over my chest once again, as our bodies settled into one another. I felt the slow, heavy lifts in his chest and couldn't help but wonder what he was feeling. He was so relaxed, so proficient in his moves; I wondered how many people he had kissed.
"Did you like it?" he asked as he lifted his finger and began to slowly trace circles around my chest. I immediately wallowed in the soothing feeling, letting my eyes drift closed and finding the most comfortable spot for my arm to lay. I didn't have to think hard about my answer, and at this point, I felt no reason to lie.
"I did," I answered, letting my head fall to the side and feel the soft pillow against my cheek. I felt like I was beginning to crash; my immense lack of sleep was finally catching up to me in this new sense of comfort I felt, but I did my best to focus on Ouma's words instead of his warm, soothing movements. Though he gently nudged his cheek against my chest and tucked his head down, I wouldn't be surprised if he were on the verge of falling asleep as well.
"So if I bang on your door tomorrow night, you'll let me in, right?" he asked, singing the end of his sentence as he was known to do. Despite all the confusion and doubtful thoughts that I was saving for a time where I could think more clearly, I couldn't stop the words from leaving my mouth. It's like I had lost my inhibitions.
"You don't have to bang… I'll wait up for you," I answered drowsily, confirming the plan. I felt comfort in the thought, excited but content. I knew I would begin to spiral once my mental fog began to clear through the morning hours, but there was no part of me that was willing to let go of such a serene moment.
"Saihara," Ouma mumbled, his voice unveiling his fatigue. I tightened my hold on his waist, pulling him in even closer to me. I was indulging in the heat from his body, letting it send me further into my state of zen.
"Mm, yeah?" I muttered, almost too focused on all the comforts to give my full attention anymore. I could feel every muscle in my body begin to ease, heavy like I was sinking into the mattress.
Ouma's hand gradually grew slower until it came to a stop, and he laid it over the middle of my chest again, before shifting around and nudging his head further up my chest. He let out a gentle hum as he stilled himself. I could almost feel the grin on his face as he quietly admitted, "I'm not afraid of thunder."