This is set post-Serenity!

xxx i'll call out your name, but you won't call back

Mal turns the water up, steam billowing around him. He usually likes his showers cold, brief, and to the point, but right now the hot water feels good on his stiff joints and aching muscles. He lets the water fall over him, eyes closed as he lets out a long breath and tries to relax. He's been on edge lately, and he's not sure why. Things have been quiet…maybe that's the issue. He feels like he's waiting for the other shoe to drop.

He's been around long enough to know that there's always another shoe.

He lets out a long sigh.

"What's the matter, Cap?"

Mal's eyes snap open and he turns the water off, heart hammering. That sounded like…

No.

That's impossible.

He shakes his head in an effort to clear it, sending droplets of water flying in every direction.

"C'mon," he mutters to himself. "Don't be stupid."

"I dunno, stupid is kinda your default."

Mal whirls around and startles so bad he almost falls. Wash is standing directly in front of him. Mal shuts his eyes tight and counts to ten and then opens them, and the pilot is gone. He takes a shaky breath and reaches for his towel.

"Gwai-gwai long duh dong…"

He's imagining things. It's exhaustion, maybe, or maybe his blood sugar is low? He'll grab something to eat and hit the sack early, sleep whatever this is off.

Things'll be better in the morning.

xxx

Things are not better in the morning. He wakes up feeling like death warmed over; every part of him hurts and he keeps getting chills down his spine. He opens his eyes and immediately closes them, letting out a groan. His head is pounding…The travel time between planets can be hard sometimes, but right now he's grateful for it. It means he can get away with staying in his bunk a little longer.

"You gonna stay in bed all day?"

Mal's eyes snap open and he bolts upright, ignoring the ache that radiates through his body. He takes a few deep breaths. "You're not real."

"It's funny, you saying that out loud. Who, exactly, are you trying to convince?" Wash (Not Wash, Mal reminds himself) brushes his nose with one hand then points at Mal. "You've got a little something."

Mal reaches up to his own nose right as a drop of blood hits his top lip. "Aiya!" He lets out a steady stream of curses as he tilts his head back and pinches his nostrils to stem the blood flow.

"You should talk to Simon," Wash says.

"Why, 'cus I got a little nosebleed?"

"Well, that. And you're talking to a dead man."

Mal lets out a little hum as he slowly releases the hold on his nose, relieved to find that the bleeding has stopped. "Yeah, I don't think the doc is that kind of doc," he mutters. "Why are you here?"

But Wash is gone.

xxx

"You okay, Cap'n? No offense, but you look like niou-se."

"Thanks, Kaylee," Mal says as he pours himself a cup of shitty coffee. His hands are trembling. He hopes it isn't noticeable. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Simon has a small frown on his face. "Because Kaylee is right, you really don't look well."

Mal lets out a disbelieving scoff and turns to Zoe for support. She raises her hands and shakes her head.

"Don't look at me. I agree with them."

"Well I don't think you look any worse'n usual, Cap," Jayne pipes up, and Mal gestures at him.

"See?" he says. "I'm fine."

"Liar." It's Wash who says it, from the corner of the room, his arms crossed over his chest as he leans casually against the wall.

"Shut up," Mal says, low.

Jayne lets out an indignant noise. "I didn't say nothin'!"

The others are looking at him. He can feel their stares, can sense the concern coming off them in waves. He doesn't like it. He shakes his head, setting his barely-touched coffee on the table.

"Your sister on the bridge, Doc?"

"Um, yes. She is. Do you want me to-"

"Shut your mouth and leave me alone?" Mal throws him a sarcastic smile. "Yes, I do. That sounds like a mighty fine idea, actually! I'm gonna go check in with River. I suggest you all get back to…whatever it is needs doing."

He storms out of the room and into the small passageway that leads to the bridge. He's tempted to just go back to his bunk and lay down. Every part of him hurts. His head is the worst. The ache that he's been enduring the last few days has progressed and now it feels like someone is trying to break their way out of his brain with an ice pick. But he's the captain, and he's got a ship to run. He's run it in worse shape than this. He hasn't been shot or stabbed, nothing's broken, and he's got both his ears, so he can handle this.

"You're shaking, Mal," Wash points out unhelpfully.

"Yeah, well, you're dead," he says under his breath, and immediately feels a sharp pang of guilt, and the ache in his chest that comes whenever he thinks too much about the people he's lost.

Wash just laughs, a cold, mirthless sound that makes the hairs on the back of Mal's neck stand on end. He walks faster, doing his best to ignore the presence of his dead pilot. He's breathing hard by the time he reaches the bridge, and he stands at the bottom of the stairs for a second to catch his breath before he climbs up. River looks over her shoulder at him.

"Morning, Captain."

"Hey, she's in my seat," Wash says.

River smiles. "I hope you don't mind."

Mal's heart leaps. He's about to say You can see him? when River points to a little bobble-head cat settled amongst Wash's plastic dinosaurs. Mal recognizes it as one that she'd picked up at the last port.

"He was lonely on my shelf, I thought maybe he would like the company…" She frowns, tilting her head to one side. She's staring at Mal with that look she gets, the one that means she's pondering something deeply. "You're sick."

Mal lets out a frustrated breath. "Not you too," he says, and the words are barely out of his mouth before he's hit by a sudden wave of dizziness. He grabs the back of the chair in front of him in a tight grip to keep from falling, closing his eyes and pressing the heel of his hand against his forehead. The pain behind his eyes sharpens to a bright crescendo and he can't stop a cry from escaping him as falls to his knees.

"Captain?" River's voice is high and tight with fear. Mal wants to reassure her, but he can barely think through the agony in his head. "Simon!"

"'m okay," he manages to gasp, and then his mouth fills with the taste of blood and his world goes black.

xxx