Loss was one of those things in life that no matter how much you experienced it, it didn't get any easier. Edmund had learned about grief and death from the time that he was just a young child. He'd been taught that death wasn't something to fear. That the very fact that life ended was what made it precious, and why it needed to be preserved.
His mother had died giving birth to him, as many queens in the Dark Kingdom did. His father had always told him that it was their sacrifice to the Moon. The Moonstone was surrounded by death and destruction, not because it necessarily wanted it, but because that was just the nature of it. When an heir was born, it brought hope and life into the kingdom. The queen dying was part of the natural order of things, to balance things out again.
It had made sense to Edmund when he was growing up. It was difficult for a child who was surrounded by death and constantly told how natural and good it was to question why. It was only after he married did he realize how scared he was to lose his wife. He had prayed to the moon to spare her, and for some time, he thought his prayers had been answered.
Horace had been born, and his mother hadn't died. Everything had seemed fine, and Edmund had thought it to be a miracle. Then their kingdom was hit with a dark plague, and he lost his wife when their son was just a few months old.
The pain of losing his wife so suddenly when he thought he had been spared had torn Edmund apart. He'd lost his own mother to death before he ever had the chance to get to know her. He lost his father when he was a young adult, barely old enough to be king, and far too young to be without guidance. He lost his wife when their lives together had just begun. He couldn't bear the thought of losing anybody else to death.
That was why he had sent his people and family away. He wanted to keep them safe. Surely if they were away from the kingdom of death, then their lives wouldn't be snatched away from them unexpectedly. He wouldn't get to be near them, and that drove him mad, but the knowledge that the people he loved and cared for were alive kept him going for all these years.
Edmund was older and wiser now, and he had come to understand the Moon a lot more in his solitude. He knew he couldn't run from death, but he had thought that the next death he was faced with would be his own, or possibly Hamuel's or Domino's.
He'd considered the thought that his brothers or sister, or even his son, could die in any number of ways while they were apart. He just avoided thinking about it. He convinced himself that if they died, it wouldn't be because of the moon's curse. And while losing them would still hurt, he had thought that the grief wouldn't be as debilitating as before.
He wouldn't have to witness their suffering for himself. He wouldn't have to question if the moon was punishing them or balancing things out. It would just be a tragic accident that he couldn't do anything about, and that happened sometimes.
Then Edmund found out about Hector, and he realized that his grief was just as strong as it would have been had Hector been taken by the Moon.
"Perhaps it is just the curse of the king." Edmund said to himself as he looked at the fire before him. Their family had started the journey back towards the Great Tree several days ago, and they were already halfway there. Varian had been able to find an airship of sorts for them to travel by. He said it was a lingering product of some people called the Saporians. He'd wanted to get rid of the airship completely, but someone named Andrew had somehow kept him from doing so.
They were able to travel so quickly now, but it was a double-edged sword. They would reach their destination within the next week. They could finally put their brother to rest, and hopefully they could all then move on.
But that was part of the problem. They weren't ready to move on, and Edmund didn't think that would change so soon. Quirin would still be putting on a tough act, because if he stopped being strong for even a moment then he would fall to pieces. Edmund would still feel the intense guilt that came with the knowledge that he had sent his brother away, and put all of these expectations on him that had led him to the cliffs on that rainy day in the first place.
And Adira would probably still be avoiding even talking about Hector.
She had become withdrawn in these past several days. In Corona it had been difficult to get any reaction out of her. For a period of time Edmund had worried that she wouldn't be joining them on this particular quest. She was having a hard enough time trying to conceptualize the thought of her brother being dead. Seeing his body may be too much for her.
Edmund was relieved that she had come after all. He thought this would give her the chance to get the closure she needed, and if she was here then Hector wouldn't lose himself.
Edmund had so many feelings about Hector. He felt guilty for pushing him away and convincing himself that it was for the best. He grieved the loss. He was angry that Hector had been in such a perilous situation in the first place. He didn't know who he was mad at. It could be himself, Hector, or the moon itself. He didn't want to linger on those emotions long enough to figure out what they really were.
Most of all, he just missed his brother. He missed him in the sense that he'd lost his life, and things would never be the same again. But he also missed Hector in that his brother wasn't around during this journey.
Hector said that he couldn't be around them when they traveled, because his storm would just mess with the airship and put their lives in danger. It was an understandable excuse, but Edmund knew there was more than that, because Hector rarely came to see them when they stopped to rest.
He came out every once and awhile, but he never stayed. He was usually just a shadowy form who watched them from a distance, only coming closer if one of them talked to him first. Edmund wished he knew what was going on in his head. He wished their brother, who was so afraid of being alone, wouldn't isolate himself like this.
This wasn't how Edmund had wanted to reunite with his family. They were all drained and discouraged, and Edmund was afraid that if they let these feelings fester, they would all give in and decide that living alone was better than the pain that came with being with family.
"Maybe the Moon's king truly is meant to be alone." Edmund repeated to himself something that his father had once told him. It was one of the pieces of advice that he had disregarded, seeing it less as wisdom and more as his father giving in to the heavy weight of grief in his heart.
"You know, I feel the same way about myself." Hector said. Edmund jolted and looked to the side to see his brother. He could look through his form, but at least he was there.
"Brother." Edmund 's voice shook in concern and relief. "You're talking to me." He hadn't meant to point it out, but he couldn't help but voice his thoughts. When they were younger, Hector had been very sensitive about people pointing out when he did something wrong. He was relieved when Hector didn't get mad or disappear on him. He just sighed.
"Yeah, I guess I am." Hector said quietly. "I know I shouldn't, but it hurts too much to be alone.
Edmund frowned at his brother. "Why shouldn't you? You have just as much a right to be around your family as anybody else."
Hector scoffed and thunder rumbled overhead. "Look around. What little interaction I've had with you guys has ruined you. Quirin's withdrawing. Adira's spirit is gone. Varian is being forced to take up more responsibility than he should." Hector grimaced. "You've been separated from your son for all these years, and now you're apart from him, all because of me."
"Horace will still be there when I return." Edmund said. He'd stayed in Corona. There had been discussion about him joining them. Edmund loved the thought of his son getting to know his brother, and this may be the only chance they had to accomplish it. Horace wasn't a fan of traveling though, and while he wanted to introduce him to his family and heritage, this tragic situation may not be the best way to accomplish it.
"I'm glad he stayed behind." Hector said. "I didn't want Varian to come at all, but I know how it feels to be left alone, and I couldn't do that to the kid, and Quirin wouldn't be persuaded to stay behind."
Hector closed his eyes. "I don't want to be alone. I don't know how to bear it. But if being around me is just going to make you all sad shells of your normal selves, then I'd rather be alone and lose myself to the storm."
Edmund looked at his brother in horror. "You don't mean that."
Lightning flashed overhead, and the same light flashed in Hector's eyes. "Yes, I do." He gestured towards Adira, who was sleeping restlessly to the side. "I hurt her. I took advantage of her. She said she would stay by my side, and she kept her word, but she had no clue what I was asking her for. If she'd known from the start…I don't know. I don't know if she would have come with me or not, and I didn't trust her enough to even give her the chance."
"You're too hard on yourself." Edmund said. "You've been on your own for twenty five years. Trust me, I know how hard it is to try to jump back into a relationship. But just because it seems impossible after so long doesn't mean that it is. Just look at me and Horace. He has every right to hate me, and while he doesn't trust me yet, he's giving me a chance, and every day our bond gets stronger." Edmund didn't know if they would ever have the strong father and son bond that he longed for, but anything was better than nothing.
"Yeah, but that's different." Hector said.
"How so?" Edmund asked, and he immediately realized the answer. He felt like an insensitive fool for asking such a thing.
"Because you're both alive." Hector's voice broke. "You have time. I don't. If I can't find a way to move on, then I'm going to have to leave you guys anyway, because being at your side is just going to destroy all of us, and I can't let that happen."
Edmund hated that Hector felt like this, but he understood it. It was a miracle of the Moon that his spirit had remained relatively untainted by darkness for all this time, but the Moon's blessing could only go so far. Sooner rather than later, Hector would be nothing more than an echo of his former self, and Edmund knew it would slowly kill him to see his brother like that. He knew that their siblings felt the same way.
Hector still had time, and Edmund thought that he should take advantage of it for as long as he could, but he could understand why he was already trying to distance himself from them. He knew what it felt like to be abandoned by people that he loved. Hector either didn't want to go through that again, or he didn't want to make the rest of them go through it, so he was trying to put some distance there.
It wouldn't make things better or easier in the long run, but people didn't always behave rationally when they were scared.
"If that is what you want, then it's what I shall respect." Edmund said. "However, while I can't speak for the others, I am glad that I got to see you again, even if it was like this." He was fairly confident that Adira and Quirin agreed, but he also knew that Hector wouldn't just take his word for it.
Hector scoffed and gave him a look of disbelief. "You're telling me you wouldn't feel better right now if you were completely oblivious about what happened to me? You could be back in the Dark Kingdom, or with your son, and for all you would have known, I was just at the Great Tree. You could have lived the rest of your life in peace, without being burdened with this grief. You can't expect me to believe that you prefer it like this."
"I know you don't believe it." Edmund said. "But that doesn't make it any less true." He looked at the first, taking comfort from the warmth. He wondered if Hector could feel the heat at all. "I have missed you all so much, and having the chance to see you again, to be a family again, has been a blessing from the moon. Do I wish the circumstances were different? Of course I do, and I will wish it for the rest of my life, but that doesn't mean I'm not grateful to have you back for however brief a time."
Hector didn't answer. He just sat there, and Edmund sat with him. Edmund didn't say that he wished he hadn't sent them away in the first place, or that he wished that Hector had known that he could have returned to the Dark Kingdom after he lost his life, and Edmund would have taken him back with open arms.
They had regrets, and they would be there forever. Bringing them up wouldn't make them go away. They just had to move on.
"I'm sorry you came all the way out here for my sake." Hector said. "We don't even know if this will work, and I hate being a burden on you guys. But I'm glad you're here."
"I know you don't want to be on this plane anymore, but I'm glad you're here too." Edmund said. He knew that Hector was hurting, but he thought that all of them needed the chance to say goodbye. Even if none of them wanted to, and none of them were ready for it. This whole journey would be difficult for all of them, and Edmund knew it wouldn't be any easier once Hector was put to rest.
They still had their whole lives ahead of them, and Edmund didn't know about his siblings, but he didn't know how to move on with the knowledge of everything he had done wrong, and how he wished he could have done better. He knew his siblings felt the same way, and it would take a lot of time to get over it.
One thing Edmund knew was that none of them would be able to move on if they tried to ignore the problem. That was something Hector and Adira probably knew, but they were ignoring it anyway.
"You need to talk to her." Edmund voiced his thoughts. Hector flinched and his form wavered. The storm around them got stronger. The others didn't stir, but they might if the weather got worse, and that was the excuse that Hector needed.
"I shouldn't be here." Hector stepped away. Edmund reached for his arm, but his grip went right through him.
"I know you must go, but please, come see us more." Edmund said. "I understand the temptation to push others away.. I don't want you to make the same mistake I did. The beauty of the Moon's destruction is that it gives us an appreciation of what we have while it lasts. So appreciate it with me."
Hector sighed. "I'll think about it." And he vanished without another word. The storm went away in an instant, and Edmund knew that his brother was truly gone.
The king sighed and drooped where he sat. He looked to the side where Adira lay. "You can't avoid him forever."
Adira's shoulders grew tense. "What am I supposed to say to him?"
"Whatever you like." Edmund said. "You were talking to him fine before. Why should it be any different now?" It hurt that Hector was gone, but a large part of him was still here, and ignoring him wouldn't make him go away.
Adira refused to roll over to face him. She stayed still. "I don't know."
"Will you at least think about it?" Edmund asked.
Adira made a sound that could have been a scoff and could have been a sob. "Trust me, your majesty, it's all I've been thinking about." She stood up and walked away, needing a little bit of privacy. Edmund let her go. He could support her through this, but grief was a journey that people had to take on their own. Edmund had his path, Quirin had his, and Adira's seemed to be leading her somewhere else.
Edmund just hoped that wherever Adira's path led her, that she was able to find peace on it.