It had been a week since Jane's fight with her fellow squire and things were, unfortunately, no better between them. She was far too stubborn to apologize first, nor did she feel like she had anything to apologize for. However, she knew her thought process was flawed because she couldn't even convince herself that Gunther had anything to apologize for either. She weakly attempted to resolve things between them by initiating sparring sessions a few times, but Gunther always came up with a half-hearted excuse to avoid her and leave. Forcing her to, yet again, spare with the other squires who were not at the same level to her as Gunther was. Jane and Gunther had both begun their knight's training at an odd season compared to the usual squire ceremony, which is why they found themselves paired together so often. Currently, the squires above her were close to graduating, and were far too busy to look her way, but the squires below her barely caused her to sweat while sparring. What could be considered a silver-lining in all this was her genuine busy schedule regarding the ball. Apparently, her mother had spoken with Sir Theodor a while back, convincing him to give her less chores and tests until after the ball was over. It frustrated Jane to not know what transpired during that conversation, and it frustrated her further that Sir Theodor had basically given her leave until the ball was over. Meaning any sparring and chores she did was of her own dedication, and she hoped that would put her in good graces for the future after things went back to normal. "If things ever go back to normal," she thought bitterly. Currently things were anything but normal. Jane found herself being carted by her mother from location to location, whether it be for more gown alterations, dance lessons, and even helping out with ball preparations. The duties her mother had her preforming were more suited to that of a lady-in-waiting, instead of a knight's squire. For example, today she found herself tending to Princess Lavinia.
She was in the Princess' bedroom, doing her best to keep her occupied while final preparations for the ball were put into place. Lavinia, despite how smart and mature she could be, had a tendency to be in the way and ask far too many questions. Currently they were playing "pretend ball dancing," as Lavinia put it. "I'll be the knight and you be the princess," she commanded, "like how we are in real life but opposite." Jane was, luckily, able to convince the Princess not to wear her actual ballgown for this practice dance. She was pretty sure the queen, and her mother, would not be pleased if the Princess' dress was ruined the day before the ball. "Sit over there and act like you're sad," Lavinia continued. Most of her "play-pretend" time was mainly spent setting the scene and not actually playing in it. Jane got into position and asked, "but why am I sad? I can't play my part well if I don't know why." Lavinia huffed as if it was supposed to be obvious, "it's because your true love isn't here yet! He said he would be but he isn't!" She shuffling behind one of the pillars in the room, peeking her head out slightly, "okay, I'm the knight," she finished in a whisper, "he's your true love." Lavinia giggled and got back into place, "I'm going to enter the room and you are going to be sooooo happy to see me!"
Jane couldn't help but smile at the simple things that pleased the Princess. Jane secretly wished that she had a definite "true-love" waiting for her at the ball. As Lavinia made her grand entrance, fake sword attached to her hip, Jane shook her negative thoughts away so she could focus on making the Princess happy. She put on a exaggerated shocked face and ran over to the pretend knight, "Thank goodness, I thought you weren't coming!" She hoped her performance was to the Princess' liking. Jane thought the Princess was pausing for dramatic effect, but it turns out she was just thinking really hard. "Actually, I change my mind, maybe we don't know each other," Lavinia mumbled, returning to her original place. "Let's do it again but pretend you don't know who I am," she peeked her head around again, shooing Jane back to were she was supposed to sit. Jane couldn't help but sigh, they had been at this role-play for a while now but hadn't gotten far in the story. Lavinia, once again, made her dramatic entrance, but this time Jane did not respond. The Princess, er knight, swished her cape around, making a grand display. However, Jane was unsure on how she was to respond, so she simply clapped her hands a bit. The Princess turned her attention to Jane and huffed, "is that it? Are you not going to swoon over how handsome I am?" she crossed her arms and pouted, "How am I going to help you find your true love?"
That comment confused Jane, "what do you mean by 'help me?"
The princess walked over to where Jane was sitting and put a hand on hers, "Jane, I don't want to hurt your feelings but you are terrible at this."
There was a brief pause as the words set in and Jane couldn't help but laugh out loud. The princess was trying to help her with her flirting skills for the ball, and her face shown how seriously she was taking this. "jane! It's not funny! You need to find your true love at the ball!" Lavinia was practically screaming at her.
"I'm sorry Princess, it's just, I don't really care about finding true love at the ball," Jane attempted to stifle her giggling.
"What?! But Jane, you are supposed to find your true love and get married!" The Princess seemed distraught at the mere thought of one being uninterested in finding true love.
Jane wasn't sure how to express her feelings to the young girl in a way that wouldn't destroy her innocence. Lavinia wasn't happy with the silence, though, so she continued her desperate pleas, "If you don't find your true love tomorrow, you might end up with a grouchy old man!"
Hm, maybe the Princess did have a small understanding on what was going on. Although the Princess would probably consider any young, handsome man a "true love" at this stage in her life. Jane sighed and cupped the Princess' face, "Although I so appreciate you wanting to help me, I think I can handle myself."
Lavinia pulled away from Jane, "Don't patronize me, Jane. I know you need help!" Jane was always surprised when the little Princess broke out vocabulary words like that. Although she wasn't entirely sure what words a child should know at what age. Either way, once Lavinia set her mind to something, there wasn't any stopping it, "alright then, how will I find my true love at the ball?" There was no harm in humoring the Princess.
Lavinia's smile was so wide as if she were waiting her whole life to be asked this question, "Well, it may be hard to find your true love at first because there will be so many suiters at the ball and they will all love you so, so, much because of how wonderful you are!" She grabbed her stuffed rabbit and smooshed it against Jane's face for emphasis. After a brief attack with the rabbit, Lavinia continued, "but one will stand out! A handsome knight who comes to you in your time of need!" The girl hugged the rabbit so tightly, Jane feared it may pop. That wasn't going to be a fun situation to deal with. "You won't be able to get your mind off him!" she, luckily, eased her grip on the plush and looked longingly somewhere in the distance, "that's your true love."
Jane nodded and hoped her grimace looked like a genuine smile, but it didn't. Lavinia returned her attention back to her with that expecting look in her eyes, and Jane knew she had to say something, "Um, thank you for the advice Princess. I'm sure it will come in handy tomorrow at the ball."
"Yay!" she hopped closer to Jane and hugged her, "I am so happy for your wedding! Can I be your flower girl? For real this time?"
Jane awkwardly laughed at the fake rumor being brought up again. She had been doing well suppressing those memories it these last couple of days. "Yes, of course you can be my flower girl," a knot formed in her stomach having made another decision that brought the wedding more into reality. "N-now let's play something different, less serious," Jane begged more than asked. "Okay, let's play 'castle under siege!" The Princess leapt away to grab some toys, seeming to have forgotten their conversation entirely. Jane let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Now, that game she knew how to play.
That night Jane sat on her bed polishing the few armor pieces she would be wearing the following day. Her mother wanted her to stay the night in the castle with her so she could help her get dressed bright and early in the morning. However, Jane insisted on sleeping in her tower. She didn't know how many more nights she would have alone so she wanted to treasure them while she still could. Her hands moved slowly over the metal as she appreciated every groove and detail. Smithy did an excellent job on making them and it was well worth the coins. She especially liked the gorget. She held it up after she finished polishing it, the candle light reflecting beautifully on it. The more she thought about it, the gorget was like a necklace. Perfectly balancing masculine and feminine attributes. Jane didn't think those two things could mix, but she supposed she was the greatest adversary to that limited way of thinking. She reminded herself of how she looked in the mirror all dolled up. She still couldn't help but feel giddy but confused all at the same time about that moment. On one hand, she liked to feel beautiful, no matter how she would deny it if someone asked. On the other hand, that face in the mirror didn't feel like her. It felt like an old remnant of a life long past, one she didn't want to be part of anymore. She sighed, wondering if it was even possible to be androgynous or if she would have to pick a side at some point.
On cue to interrupt Jane's downward spiral, Dragon shoved his head in through her window, "Big day tomorrow, Jane. How ya feeling?"
"I'm not sure," this wasn't a lie. Instead of nervousness or fear, like she had anticipated, she just felt hollow. It was an emotion hard to describe but she decided to try her best, "I'm not excited or afraid. I'm just... tired." She got up and placed the gorget next to the other armor pieces on her chimney shelving.
"Then maybe you should hit the hay. That's what I plan to do," he let out a timely yawn. "Although I can't fit into the ballroom, given the whole dragon thing, there are still a lot of parties going on around the kingdom I can terrorize," he giggled mischievously.
"Please don't scare the peasants, Dragon," Jane cringed thinking about how the general public still viewed her friend.
"Don't worry, I know how to handle myself. Besides, what are they gonna do to me? Short-life metal can't pierce a dragon's skin!" He was so smug yet so oblivious.
"That's not what I meant but I doubt it matters anyway," she huffed, flopping back onto her bed.
Sensing the mood shift, Dragon pulled back and said, "It's okay to be nervous, Jane. If you want, I can hang out around the castle the whole night. I don't have to go anywhere."
Turning her head to look at him, she replied, "no, that's okay. There isn't much you can do for me outside. Plus, a bored Dragon is a dangerous Dragon," she smirked, a little spark returning to her.
"What?! That only happened once! Okay, twice... but it didn't take that long to repair!"
"You only say that because you weren't the one repairing it!" she laughed as she sat up. Teasing Dragon was, admittedly, pretty fun sometimes.
"GAH! Fine! I see you're point. But I'll be checking on you every once in a while. Sound good?"
"Yes, I'd appreciate that. Thank you Dragon," she pet his outstretched nose as she got up to undo her bed.
"That's what I'm here for," he added with a wink, "although I do think I'd be better suited being a cow farmer."
"Goodnight Dragon," she firmly said, now pushing on his nose.
"Ah, maybe in another life," he finally withdrew, "goodnight fair knight."
With that, Jane closed her window and blew out the candle. Sleep came surprisingly easily and her dreams were filled with sweat, swordfights, and a raven haired man. Although her memory of it would be fuzzy by morning.