Disclaimer: Zootopia and all Canon characters are owned by Disney. All other characters, product names, trademarks, and copyrights belong to their respective owners.
…..
"How about that guy from the ZBI training camp, the one with the striped fur pattern on his cheek? I could send him an anonymous tip on you if you want. ZBI guys like that sort of thing. I could even write the tip so he'd bust down your door and throw in a flashbang as part of picking you up."
It had been a boring patrol shift so far, a couple of traffic stops, one for an expired license plate, another for an old armadillo lady who went through a red light. Maybe the second one was a touch less boring because the nice lady, headed to breakfast with a friend she hadn't visited with in years, wasn't wearing her glasses. "Pride cometh before getting in an accident, or worse, hitting a pedestrian," explained Nick. Properly chastised, Judy agreed that a written warning would be okay, but if it happened again in the next six months, she'd be ticketed with the bonus penalty of having to explain her forgetfulness to a judge.
"Great," chuckled Judy, "and I'm sure me explaining to my landlord that a good breeching technique is one of my boyfriend criteria won't hurt my chances at getting a lease renewal next week at all."
"I didn't exactly hear a 'no' anywhere in there?"
"Meh, at best, he was a maybe. The stripes didn't do anything for me, and for the whole camp he came across as, I don't know… too, too…"
"By the book? Not as scoundrely as my farmgirl partner is looking for? Not bad boy enough to shock the parents when you take him home for a visit?
"Ow."
"Shush. I'm not trying to freak out my parents. Besides, they didn't have any problem with you visiting over Carrot Days, and if they can handle a fox staying in the warren for a week, they can handle anything."
"Sooooo, who shall it be then? Who is it that's hot, yet sweet, muscley but doesn't flaunt it, by the book enough for Miss Paperwork, but willing to sneak into the utility closet for a smooch? Hmmmm… You know I do know everyone…"
Judy rolled her eyes and said, "Right. So how is it that Mr. I know everyone hasn't snagged himself a girlfriend yet? You know I could put a good word in for you with that new mechanic in the motor pool, she's an Arctic fox, I think. If you play your cards right, you might be able to talk her into putting in a speed shifter on our cruiser."
Nick shook his head, "And if I play my cards wrong, she disconnects our brakes. No Carrots, I like my girls a little less floofy in the fur, and maybe a little more… I don't know…"
Judy nudged Nick, "Spill, what did Clawhauser say when you asked about her?"
Nick huffed, "She's still single, and she's into law enforcement types. But only the by-the-book ones. And he thinks she might already be interested in someone."
"Bummer," said Judy with a smile, "looks like your partner has her work cut out for her in finding you the love of your life."
Nick smiled back, "As does yours, my sweet Carrots."
Judy's smile faded from her muzzle until… "How about we talk about it at my place tonight while we watch a bad movie."
"Good plan," said Nick, "except let's do it at my place in case we watch one of those spurned lover revenge slasher movies you like, and we happen to turn the volume up real loud during the bloody parts."
"And you have better snacks," added Judy, holding out her fist.
Tapping her fist with his, Nick said, "Yes, yes, I do."
Tabling all further discussion about boyfriends and girlfriends, Nick and Judy focused on body count, creative weapon choice, and blood volume as they narrowed down their entertainment choices for later. They also did some more cop stuff.
Like lunch at Judy's favorite lettuce wrap place. It was her turn to pick. Extra turn to pick, that is. Ever since Nick dragged her into a Bug-a-Burger and had her try the fried chicken drowning in cricket sauce, she'd won the rights to the extra pick day.
Not because of the chicken or the cricket sauce necessarily, but the sauce was hiding a nasty surprise. "I hate pickles, I especially hate fried pickles, hate, hate, hate!"
Important safety hint, now on a yellow sticky pinned to his cube wall, Judy Hopps hates pickles.
The after-action report also made the Precinct One newsletter that week.
Today's lunch was much more pleasant and peaceful, healthy too which was nice considering the junk food list that was being bantered about for tonight's movie night.
"Your phone's ringing," said Judy just after swallowing the last bite of her lunch.
Nick patted his pocket and, not feeling his phone, looked around.
Judy waggled her ears and said, "It's in the cruiser."
"Gods, how do you do that?" mumbled Nick, jumping over to the cruiser and grabbing his phone.
Judy cleaned up the trash from both their lunches, and putting it in the trashcan, she saw Nick waving her over.
A few bunny steps later, she walked up on Nick's conversation as he said, "I don't remember ever meeting any of the Grandparents. As a matter of fact, I don't even remember you and Dad ever talking about them."
Nick nodded to Judy, put his phone on speakerphone, and said, "Mom, Carrots is here."
"Hi, Mrs. Wilde, how are you doing."
"Oh, Judy, thank you. I'm in such a pickle—"
"Mom!" broke in Nick.
"Oh, sorry, I meant that I have a huge favor to ask of you, dear."
Judy shrugged, "Sure, how can I help?"
"Well, I was just telling my thick-headed son that his grandmother on his dad's side will be here for Christmas and wants to meet his girlfriend."
Judy's brow scrunched up, "Uh, I'd love to help with that, but Nick doesn't have a girlfriend. And as much as I've tried to fix him up with someone, nothing's worked out yet."
"I told her that, too," said Nick, "but she still wanted to talk to you."
"Nick's right, dear. I need to come clean with both of you.
"Judy, Honey, I've been living a lie since almost the day we met and you told me all about how my long-lost son had helped you save the city. I was so happy when you told me that my Nicholas was in that nice away camp practicing to be a police officer. And when you invited me to his graduation and you were the one to give him his badge, I just… I cried. Nick was so handsome, and it was so special for me to be able to hug him and, and—"
"And you smacked me on the butt. Who does that to their own flesh and blood at a graduation ceremony?"
"Your sad, lonely, broken-hearted mother does. You ran away when you were so young, and why in the world you ever thought sending me money was more important than me having you around, I will never know."
Nick rolled his eyes.
"Judy, did my son just roll his eyes?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Traitor," whispered Nick and then louder into the phone, said, "So, what is it you need to come clean about?"
"Well, after the second time you and Judy came over here for dinner, later that night after you were both gone… Your grandmother called, and she… It was late and—"
"Mom!"
"I know, but Judy's so wonderful, and I was still so happy she brought you back to me… It wasn't my fault. It just happened. I'm sorry."
"Mom. What happened? What did you tell Grandma?"
"I told her Judy was your girlfriend. I'm sorry."
Nick looked up at Judy, eyes wide and matching his shock and surprise at what his mother had just said.
"Mrs. Wilde, I really like Nick. I mean, we're best friends and work partners, and we hang out all the time, but… he's not my boyfriend."
"And Carrots isn't my girlfriend. Mom, why did you tell her that?"
"She guilted me into it. She talked about how all her other kits already had grandkits and how your Dad really wanted a bigger family, and I don't know, I panicked. She'd never expressed any interest in you before or included you in any of her matchmaking efforts, so I figured she'd never check up on my lie, and Judy was the only girl you've ever really hung out with, so… sorry."
"Matchmaking?" asked Nick.
"Yeah, it's a thing amongst vulpine grandmothers. They don't like to see their grandkits stay single for very long because staying single has a tendency to limit the future number of great-grandkits they get to spoil."
Nick and Judy looked at each other again until Judy's face sort of scrunched up, and she said, "If all you need is some relationship proof to convince your Mother-in-law that Nick has a girlfriend, how about some pictures of us doing something together? We took some selfies at the Gazelle concert we went to last month. And a few weeks ago, we went ice skating in Tundratown and had our picture taken by a heart-shaped Ice sculpture. Maybe if Nick sends you one of those, they'd be proof enough?"
"No, I already tried sending her pictures of you two at the waterfalls you hiked up to this summer and the Easter pictures of you both with all those kits at the orphanage. Judy, you were adorable in your Easter bunny outfit, and how you got Nick to dress up as your Easter elf helper, I'll never know."
"He was so cute in his green elf costume," said Judy, giggling. "All the kits loved him. He's going to make a great Dad someday."
Nick shook his head thinking back on, not how much fun the kits were, but the weeks of finding plastic easter eggs in his locker, gym bag, lunch sack, and patrol car. You name the place and someone at work found a way to hide a plastic egg there.
"Okay, okay," said Nick, trying to cut off his mom's virtual photo album embarrassment trope before she started texting out baby pictures of him. "So, if those pictures didn't work with Grandma, what will? Carrots and I were thinking about walking through the light displays in Sahara Square on Christmas Eve if we can get off work early enough. We could send you a picture of us looking all googly-eyed while we do that if you think that would help."
"No, that won't work. Your grandmother doesn't trust me. She wants in-person, with her own eyes, proof that you have a girlfriend.
"This week."
"In person. This week?" said Judy. "You mean, she wants to meet us being boyfriend-girlfriend, with each other. This week. In person."
"Yes."
"Mom, Christmas is this weekend. We're scheduled to work every day, including on Christmas. How are we supposed to plan a night out to meet a Grandmother I don't know anything about when Carrots can't even get enough time off for a train ride home to open a couple of presents in the station while the train is refueling to come back?"
"I know, I know. That's why she wants to visit you both at your apartment. She'll be able to meet you and see for her own eyes that you guys are a couple, and then she'll leave me alone."
"So," said Judy, "you told her we're living together?"
"Kind of. That's probably the biggest part of the favor."
"Mom!"
"Oh, don't be such a drama fox. You told me yourselves that a lot of nights, you fall asleep in each other's apartments. You both probably have changes of clothes in each other's closets, too. Am I right?"
Judy grimaced while Nick facepalmed.
"Mom, it doesn't matter how much of Carrots' stuff she leaves at my apartment, crashing on the couch for a night is totally different than living together."
"Judy doesn't have a couch in her apartment, and I know yours is barely comfortable enough to sit on, let alone sleep on."
Now Judy facepalmed.
"Don't tell me she makes you sleep on the floor, or you make her sleep with a broken spring poking her in the back."
"Mom, you need to stop thinking what you're thinking because Carrots and I are just best friends, nothing more. Okay?"
"Anything you say dear. So, Judy, will you do it?"
Judy rubbed her forehead and then, heaving a huge, very big, extremely audible sigh, said, "Okay, for one night, I can pretend to be Nick's live-in girlfriend, but just for one night and one visit from one Grandmother. Okay?"
The sounds of a Whoop-Whoop came through the phone as Vivian Wilde hollered in joy and then, with a more neutral look on her muzzle, said, "You'll probably have to kiss him, too."
"What?" said Nick. "Why?"
"I know how Grandmothers are. She'll probably bring some mistletoe or a baseball bat and try and trick you into a kiss she can take a picture of for more proof."
Judy pinched the bridge of her nose and groaned, "I don't know. A kiss? He barely brushes his fangs after he eats those disgusting bug-a-burgers…"
"I'll make you one of my secret recipe strawberry pies. It's your most favorite, you said so yourself the last time you and Nick were over for dinner."
Judy sagged, "Mrs. Wilde…"
"Call me Vivian. Say yes, and I'll throw in a tray of strawberry cheesecake tarts."
Sighing again, Judy bobbed her head back and forth, grunting and groaning, until she finally huffed and said, "Throw in a quart of that Strawberry parfait you made dinner before last, and you've got a deal."
"Thank you, thank you, thank you! I can't tell you how much you're saving my tail. Thank you!"
Nick leaned into the picture and said, "Did you guys just barter over my undying love? A pie and some cheesecake bites for my heart and soul. Who does that?"
Judy looked up at Nick and said, "Don't forget about the parfait, that was what sealed the deal for me."
Vivian nodded and gave a thumbs-up.
"Okay, okay, Mom," groaned Nick. "Carrots and I work day shift until five every day through Christmas Eve and an afternoon shift on Christmas. So, when is Grandma in town, and when are you planning on us hustling her?"
"Well…"
"Mom."
"There's one teensy-weensy, itty-bitty little thing I might have forgotten to mention."
"Moooom."
"I know, dear. But… your grandmother is kind of where you got your hustling gene from, and I get the feeling that she isn't entirely sold on what I've told her about you and Judy, so…"
"Mom, what did you do?"
"She's planning a surprise inspection. I don't know which day she's showing up this week, and I'm only allowed to give you guys a ten-minute warning on when we'll be there, and if you're not there, then she'll know I was hustling her.
"That's it, that's all of it. I swear."
"But, Mrs. Wilde. My apartment is fifteen minutes from Nick's, and that's driving with sirens on. How am I supposed to pull this off if there's no possible way for me to get to Nick's place in time to meet his grandmother?"
"Uhm… Well, I guess since she could show up any time starting today after your shift, you'll… just have to move in with Nick now and live with him until after his grandmother does her inspection.
"Gotta go. Nice talking to you both. Thanks for everything. Hugs and kisses. Bye."