It was early morning and I was sitting in the common room of our dark-colored dormitory looking at the fireplace. This was one of the days that we could call gloomy. Rain was pouring outside and because of it, the Black Lake was restless. Creatures were swimming nervously but close to the bottom and far from the castle, as if they were afraid that the water would pull them towards the castle and that we could see them. When I was young I used to like to go outside and dive into the lake, I was so mesmerized by every creature I could find that I would spend hours and hours looking at them, but now I don't have enough time and teacher could easily punish me for that because I'm a student.
Because I was so used to looking at them I could easily see several merpeople swimming around but they weren't as interesting today. I was bored beyond imagination, nothing seemed to entertain me. I tried drawing, but I didn't have inspiration, I tried reading one of my fantasy books that Hermione gave me as a last year's Christmas gift. But even though I was fascinated by how muggles' imaginations worked about the things they didn't understand, I couldn't find the will to read anything. I tried studying but I couldn't find anything new to learn, I had already finished everything. I couldn't go and ride a broom because of the weather and Quidditch will not start for at least a week or two.
It was Friday and at least today's classes were interesting. We are finally going to a real DADA teacher's class and that is the only thing that I'm looking forward to today.
I let out a rather loud and annoyed sigh causing several people to look weirdly at me. People from Slytherin are not so talkative in the morning and it was pretty quiet, so the sound echoed off the stone walls. While I was in my slumped position with my head hanging off the back of the armchair and hands hanging on my sides, someone approached my left side.
When I felt the presence of that person I slowly opened my left eye peaking to see who it was. I was met with a tall black figure looming above me.
,, What do you want Zabini?" I asked closing my eye and continuing with my boredom.
,, Aw...Harsh." Blaise pretended to be offended. ,, I see that you are feisty as always, especially in the morning." He chuckled.
,, Get to the point, I'm not in the mood!" I hissed. It was not his fault that I was bored but I couldn't be bothered by it right now.
,, Nothing special, I was wondering if you would like to be my potion partner for this year?" Blaise finished and I opened my eyes immediately. Was he trying to use me so he could get a better grade?
,, Aren't you good at potions?" I asked in confusion he is not so bad at potions. ,, What do you need me for?"
,, I'm rather good, but I wanted to become better!" He was suddenly serious, and Blaise is never serious.
,, You'll never get better if you have someone else do the job," I was now sitting normally in my armchair and I was fully turned toward him. ,, And besides I don't think I'm a good fit for you, since I have a bit unique way for potions and I rarely follow the book."
,, Yes I know but..." Blaise was suddenly interrupted by Draco who appeared out of nowhere.
,, She is my potion partner so bog off!" Draco said and waived with his hand for Blaise to go.
What was this all about? Why was Draco trying to help me in this situation? And he wants me as his potion partner!? It was all starting to get to my head and I started to blush, for what reason I have no idea.
,, Where did you get the idea that she would want you again this year?" Blaise raised his voice. ,, She is not your property!"
,, She..!" Draco started.
I was stunned. And this was getting weird, so I decided to step in before this became ugly. ,, Wait!" I turned towards Draco. ,, You quiet!"
,, Blaise what is the reason you want me?" I asked looking at him in the eyes, and I could see that he started to feel uncomfortable so with a flick of my wand I put a silencing charm but I left only me and Blaise so I was the only one who could hear him.
,, I need help with potions." He whispered slowly when he realized that no one was listening. ,, I looked through the book for this year and I don't understand half of the things." He finished his head hanging in shame.
,, Oh that is the reason!" I smiled widely but he took my smile as an offense and he started to go with mumbling under his breath that it was a mistake to ask me.
,, Wait!" I grabbed him by the hand. Draco who was standing just outside the sound bubble looked furious because he couldn't hear anything. I ignored him and focused on Blaise. ,, Where are you going? I smiled because at the beginning I thought that you were making fun of me. So I was glad that you didn't"
When he turned around I continued. ,, I will help you gladly, but I don't think that Draco nor Snape would be happy if I changed partners. So what do you think of me tutoring you after classes?" I smiled warmly at him.
His face beamed with happiness and he grasped both of my hands and started thanking me.
,, I was so afraid that you would make fun of me!" He said and then he took me in a breathtaking hug.
Apparently, Draco had enough and he broke my spell when he put his hand on my shoulder.
,, Okay that is enough!" He raised his voice. I broke the hug and looked at him. And I made a mental note to ask Blaise later why he was scared of my reaction.
,, What?" I asked Draco.
,, What is going on?" Draco continued looking at both of us.
I looked at Blaise and he just slowly shook his head basically telling me not to say anything.
,, It is a secret!" I said to Draco and his face heated with fury, and the only thing I could do is to laugh. These two boys just made my whole day.
,, Come one, let's go to breakfast!" I put my hands on their shoulders and the three of us went together to breakfast.
After breakfast all three of us went on our elective classes and I ended up on Divination to listen about the future and how bad it is. To be honest Professor Trelawny is weird but she is not a bad person. I never liked her as much as everyone else and she is one of the few people who doesn't know my secret, and that is just because of her loose mouth.
Thankfully the class wasn't as boring as I thought it would be. We spent our whole class looking at our teapots and reading the message from them. The only part that I really liked was the tea, it was black tea with a hint of orange fragrance, and it was perfect for this cold and gloomy weather. Towards the end of the class, I too got my reading and she told me how I would be met with a great misfortune and someone close to me would die, that I would become the darkness itself, and along the lines that I would be scared for life, whatever that meant. But her readings are rarely right, and she always makes mistakes. So this is the same, right? I mean sometimes I can't but wonder if what she is saying is true. But sometimes is easier for me to not think about it.
After this weird class that I don't know why I applied for, I decided to visit a Great Hall to read something from the book Care for Magical Creatures since Hagrid's classes are currently on hold before Draco's situation is settled, because Draco's dear father has made a huge mess out of nothing.
While I was reading Hermione came to sit beside me. We immediately started talking as if we hadn't seen each other in ages.
,, Are you excited about today's class?" I asked when both of our books were out and open.
,, Yes we finally have a proper DADA professor!" Hermione beamed with happiness.
,, Yes I can't wait!" My smile couldn't be bigger. ,, What is supposed to be today's lesson?"
,, If I'm following the book correctly, we should be doing bogarts today!" She said while her head was almost in the book.
,, Oh this should be interesting!" I said trying to gather all the knowledge I have about Bogarts. ,, They are nasty creatures and quite scary!" I pointed out while taking a look at her book. ,, And if I'm not mistaken we should use, ridiculous' spell to repeal them."
Hermione nodded,, Yes that is it! By the way, I really hope that we won't have to face our worst fears!" she added.
,, Now that I think about it I have no idea what my fear is!" I said suddenly realizing. I do have some small fears such as fear of bugs, but not to the point where I would fait or something worse. I can easily hold a bug without feeling anything at all, it is just that I hate them and they are disgusting.
,, How can you not know your own fear?" Hermione asked in confusion.
,, In my defense, I had never thought about it." I just shrugged. For me, this wasn't such a big deal.
,, You know that you tend to be weird from time to time!" Hermione pointed out after some studying that she had done of my face.
,, Look who is telling that!" I acted like I was offended but I knew that she was only joking with me. ,, You are even weirder than me." My smile was spread from ear to ear.
She just shrugged ,, Well, in that case, the only thing we could do is to be weird together!" She nudged me with her shoulder and we started giggling like we were alone in the Great Hall.
As if the time was flying we soon had to go to our long-awaited DADA class.
The classroom was packed with children from both houses and there was a mixture of different emotions spread across their faces. Some were excited, some indifferent to what was happening around them, and some, like Draco, had bored expression with a mixture of anger.
I walked up to him with the idea to say hi, since we hadn't seen each other the whole morning. But as I approached him I saw a slight tapping of his left foot. , He was nervous!' My goal immediately changed. Now I need to know what is wrong.
My love to always stick my nose where it doesn't belong got the better of me and I approached him. ,, Hey!" I said when I was close enough.
,, O Esther you decided to join us finally!" He joked.
,, At last, I shall reunite my bellowed companions, and we together we shall concur this battle before us!" I said with a low voice, and when I received weird looks from Draco, Blaise, and several other people I realized that my attempt to cheer him up failed miserably. I blushed to the unimaginable shade of red and averted my gaze.
Draco chuckled,, You know, you should really stop reading those stupid muggle books that Granger gives you! They are making you stupid!"
,, Yea I probably should." I nervously laughed. I have no idea how did I thought of that line, nor why I thought that it would be a great idea to say it out loud.
Thankfully the only victims of my stupid joke were those two so the approaching Pansy couldn't use it as a way to make fun of me. I mean I would do the same if I had heard someone saying something like that.
She stood next to us boasting about how she is not afraid of anything. ,, So Esther I can't wait to see what is your fear. It must be something stupid." She laughed by herself but soon stopped when she realized that no one was doing the same.
I opened my mouth to get back at her but the professor's arrival stopped me before I could have said anything. Professor Lupin took quick and long steps through the classroom and only when he had arrived in the center did I notice a large cabinet. It was coated with black, or rather dark brown wood and it had a huge rusted mirror that despite being almost all covered in rust, it was still doing its purpose. The cabinet was slightly rocking desperately trying to suppress whatever was inside, and was occasionally emitting some sinister howl that would make your skin crawl.
We were all looking at the cabinet with awe when a fait,, Intriguing, isn't it?!" came from the professor.
,, If anyone likes to guess what is inside?" Professor Lupin continued when no one said anything.
,, It is a boggart" a boy with dark bushy hair said. I believe that his name was Dean or something, he was from Gryffindor and I don't know a lot of people from that house.
,, Very good Mr. Tomas!" said the professor, ,, And can someone tell me how a boggart looks like?"
When Hermione started answering the question I slowly turned towards Draco, careful not to disturb the class. ,, Is everything okay?" I whispered.
,, Yeah, why wouldn't it?" Draco asked.
,, You look restless" I pointed out looking at his face.
He averted his eyes not wanting to look at me. ,, Do I? I'm not though!"
I nodded and his lips tightened. I made a gesture for him to lean closer to me since I couldn't reach him properly. He was now slightly taller than me, and to my annoyance, I was unable to make fun of him about his height anymore.
Confused as to why I wanted him to get closer, that he gave me a weird look but still proceeded to lean, and when he was close enough I whispered in his ear. ,, Are you perhaps worried that your boggart would be your father?" I was extra careful not to be heard by others that even Draco struggled to hear me.
By his body language, I noticed that he wanted to oppose to what I said, but soon he stopped himself and a small and silent "Yes" came out.
Ever since I accidentally caught him crying in the Slytherin common room I started to see more often the consequence of being scared of his father. I wouldn't call it exactly fear but more likely the fact that he really wanted to be approved and respected by his father, which is not a small thing given the fact how strict Lucius really is. Everyone wants to be perfect in their parents' eyes, even I want to be great in every possible aspect of my life, but I got lucky because my father is far more lovable and he is the best person I have ever met.
I grasped Draco's left arm therefore forcing him to look at me. ,, Listen, go stand at the back of the line there is no chance that there will be time for you to try out the boggart. And even if you end up facing it, be fearless for he can not hurt you, since you are your own person and not you know who" He nodded,, I will be closer to the front I'm curious to see what my fear is. And probably stupid because of that, but.." I shrugged at the end of my sentence, and with that, I left to join the rest of the kids closer to the cabinet.
"Let's practice it now! Oh without wands please!" Professor Lupin said after the brief explanation he gave about boggarts while I was talking with Draco.
"Repeat after me! Ridiculous!" and we all repeated after him. I have just realized that I had never learned the spell to repel boggarts. Maybe my father thought that I would never need it, who knows?
,, Very good! Little louder and very clear! Listen, ridiculous!" He repeated more louder than the last time.
,, Well so much for the easy part. See the incantation alone is not enough, what really finishes the boggart is the laughter you need to force it to take the shape you find the most amusing!" After this, he pointed out to Neville and asked him to come closer to the cabinet.
Neville approached the cabinet in terror not knowing what was going to be inside. Professor Lupin reassured him that there was nothing to be afraid of and the boggart couldn't hurt him. When Neville was ready the professor opened the door and out of it came... 'my father!' I was stunned. The resemblance was amazing.
When Neville cast the spell and my father-lookalike was standing in the room dressed in some old lady's clothes with a huge vulture on his hat, the whole classroom erupted with laughter. I admit that my father indeed was looking funny, but it pained me that no one in this room liked him. Not that I can blame them he is really strict.
Soon it was my turn and while I waited I grew more and more nervous. All kids before me had fears such as bugs, snakes, and other things like that. And now that is my turn I'm not as willing to find out what I fear of.
But it was too late now so I straightened my back and ready my wand. Boggart calmed down and its big eyes, which were the result of the previous ridiculous spell, looked deep into my soul, or at least that is how it felt.
Boggart started shifting and it felt like it was lasting longer than it should. Even Professor Lupin stopped making comments and was firmly focused on the boggart. At last, the shifting stopped and the room went completely dark and all the sounds disappeared. In the center of the room appeared the desk. 'Was I afraid of the desk, who i is afraid of that?!' I looked at boggart in confusion but it seemed that it was more than just a desk, because five-year-old me appeared from behind it. And like, as if I was in some kind of play I watched moments from my life that clearly showed the time I would hide behind my father's desk. In the background, you could hear a faint sound saying "Dad" which was clearly my voice. Then a loud 'Shhh!' Then suddenly my five-year-old self disappeared, and I was replaced by an angry-looking Hermione who started shouting while looking at me. "I don't want to be friends anymore with you, you're probably as bad as your father isn't that right, Miss Sn...!"
As if something snapped me from the trans I shouted "Ridiculous!" at the top of my lungs. And Hermione was no longer in front of me, she was replaced with really colorful fireworks. It didn't make me laugh I was instead left with an empty feeling of realization.
That I'm afraid of people finding out who I really was. With Draco it was easy I didn't care about his opinion at the beginning, but everyone else would probably change their behavior towards me.
'Was I ashamed of my father?' and 'Since when did I become so stupid?'