A/N This is very triggering.
"You must eat," Elldiro insisted. I don't know how long it's been. I know Legolas is nearby, it would be hard to not, he's constantly shouting and yelling at nearby elves.
"Send for Lord Aragorn!" Legolas shouted outside the carriage.
"Minas Tirith is quite a distance by the time we return…"
"Go! I don't care!"
Elldiro knelt down beside me his long hair a veiled shadow over his frame, "Verity, I know you wish to punish yourself but you are not to blame." He held my hand in his gently, "This is common for humans."
The furs beneath me were soft, yielding to the contours of my body as if embracing me in a cocoon of heat. Everything was hot, and I couldn't move.
Wow, elves are really bad comforters. "Many women your age will suffer several losses, humans are just… Not as equipped as the Eldar."
I blinked at him. "If he had married an elf this wouldn't have happened?" I asked, already not wanting the answer but asking anyway, always the masochist.
Elldiro gave my hand a squeeze, "Do not dwell on it." He rose to his feet gesturing to the tray of food he brought in, "Please try to eat, I'll return when it's time."
My gaze shifted restlessly between the carriage's window and the interior, as if the walls themselves were closing in.
"No! Send another scout then! If you haven't found them that means you're not looking!" Legolas shouted outside the carriage. He had been anxious since we entered the Brown Lands; now that we're halted indefinitely he's unbearable. He's sent several scouts to find the mysterious Easterlings and none have found any sign of life anywhere near us, shouldn't that be good news?
The very act of lying still became a contradiction, a battle between the need for rest and the innate desire to move, the contractions were the worst when I was still. Legolas hasn't spoken to me since he accused me of doing this on purpose. Did I make a mistake? Was marrying him a mistake?
"-Then we will all starve and perish!" He shouted again causing the carriage to shake.
"My lord, I was only stating our food supplies will need replenished soon, we had not accounted for-"
"What didn't you account for, Feno?" I rolled onto my side stifling a whimper. I've gone out of my way to shrink myself, if I'm quiet, if I'm small, he won't turn his anger onto me.
"Forgive me, my lord… Why don't we send a few elves into Rohan? They could get supplies and return to us… or send some to the river."
"Go then!" He shouted in dismissal.
I don't understand him. He's done nothing but pace and shout outside of the carriage, I doubt he's even eaten himself. But he's refused to enter, refused to come in. And I refuse to ask him, he should know I want him here, he should know that I need him in here. If he's not here when it happens I don't know if I'll be able to stay.
I gripped a pillow cuddling it like a child, it was uncomfortable, the top of it was coated in dried snot and tears.
I fell asleep again woken by my own screams and Legolas shouting outside. "Just give her something!"
"She refuses all I've given her, perhaps if she had her husband by her side-"
"Do not speak of my marriage." The flap of the carriage parted and Legolas tumbled in glaring at my form. He stooped low next to me causing my tremors to turn into a violent flinch. His breath caught in his throat, "No, no, Loth nin look at me." his voice was a broken whisper, his hand caressing my sweat-covered cheek.
His other hand distractingly extended toward the tea I refused, his eyes never breaking eye contact. "Look at me," he commanded when my eyes darted toward the tea he now held.
The hand caressing my cheek suddenly squeezed, prying my jaw open as the other poured the tea down my throat. His eyes were dark with anger that dissolved as I choked down the cold tea. When I had downed the cup he released me but didn't retreat out of the carriage like I had expected, he stayed next to me. His arms, strong and comforting, enveloped me in an embrace that spoke volumes. "Forgive me for my shortcomings," he pulled me to him holding me against his chest. "I didn't know. I didn't know or I would have-" his body shook with a sob.
"I'm unworthy to be your bonded." His words were muffled against the blood drumming in my ears.
How could he feel at fault? How could he feel guilty when it's my body that's failing? Does he not see that?
"I'll build a ship for us my love, I'll build a ship and we'll go West and we won't have any more pain." He seemed to be reassuring himself more than me.
He pet my hair, his hand sticking slightly to the grease, "Aragorn will come, Aragorn will come soon."
"Do you blame me still?" I asked against his chest.
His hold on me tightened, "No one is at fault but me."
I felt the tea beginning to take effect the numbing dulled the pain but did little for the contractions themselves. It was fascinating to watch. I could SEE the muscles in my legs, my stomach twisting and writhing. On the bad ones, my entire body would twitch.
Legolas held me against him; Elldiro entered the carriage with a grim smile. There wasn't much room and Legolas didn't get the hint that he was in the way so the poor elf had to step over him to get to me. It made my heart sing.
Elldiro knelt on my other side gently lifting my chemise up, it felt strangely wet. "Why is there blood?" Legolas asked panicked.
Elldiro sighed, "This is common for humans." He frowned deeply rising to his feet, "Legolas may I speak to you outside?"
Legolas still held me in his awkward embrace; my top half was shoved into his chest while my bottom half still laid flat. I couldn't see anything outside of tunic his strong arms.
Legolas grunted in response refusing to stand. "Ennas na- a lim –o cuilnen" [ There is a lot of blood loss.]
Legolas shifted slightly but still didn't release me, "What do you mean, this is common." He shouted.
"Tul- ed-… please." [Come out]
Legolas slowly rose, laying me fully on my back as he did and walked outside of the carriage with Elldiro. They spoke in elvish, but it was clear even with the language barrier, something was wrong. I looked down seeing the puddle underneath me; it was warm dripping crimson, sticky with melancholy and lost hope.
I sat up with a groan and stuck my hand in the puddle, it was thick and tangible. Blood on my hands how fitting.
The carriage lurched violently, the tea was already wearing off, I was suddenly very cold. The world outside becoming a cacophony of indistinct sounds and disorienting movement.
"The Easterlings!" Someone shouted.
My heart raced, the pounding rhythm echoing the chaos that enveloped the camp. I was vaguely aware I was panting. I rolled up my chemise further sticking my hand through the blood and feeling myself what exactly was going on. I felt something, something inside of me. I threw my head back in a groan. I clutched the furs tighter, a futile attempt to anchor myself in the midst of the upheaval.
"Protect the carriage!" Legolas shouted somewhere over the sound of steel meeting steel.
"No! No!" His voice sounded distant. "Take down that man!"
The pain intensified, grounding me in the raw reality of the present. Each contraction felt like a seismic wave, a rhythm that echoed the chaos outside. I cried out as my body began pushing on its own accord. My hands reached out either to catch it or convince myself that this was real I don't know.
A sudden, searing heat enveloped the carriage, accompanied by the unmistakable crackle of flames. The canvas above me seemed to drip away revealing the moonlit sky.
The smoke curled and billowed, threatening to suffocate the air within the confined space. I couldn't move. The furs caught just as the canvas did and licked its way dripping down toward me. I screamed as the head popped out, I didn't push it out, it popped out.
"Put it out!"- "She's still in there! Get my wife!"
Outside, the chaos continued—the clash of weapons, shouts, and the thundering hooves of horses. I don't know how many pushes it took for the rest of the body to follow, I felt none of it.
I scooped her into my arms, the umbilical cord still attached. She was beautiful and so small, like a doll. The blankets and furs around us crinkled and blackened, and the acrid smoke stung my eyes, blurring my vision. She was perfect.
The carriage quaked as a new figure stumbled onto her frame. "No, Verity, no." Legolas dropped to his knees in front of me. Neither one of us seemed to care for the fire that continued around us in that moment, we were frozen; staring at the beautiful life we created.
How do you grief something that never was? Where's my nostalgia? Where's my memories of taking her to school? Her first date? I'm grieving a life that never was, and somehow potential hurts more than the alternative.
The dancing glow of the fading flames painted a haunting silhouette against his form, Legolas, my knight in shining armor now on his knees weeping. Around us, others rushed with buckets of water, a collective effort to quench the remnants of the fire that clung to the carriage. The rhythmic splashing of water and the hiss of extinguished embers created a counterpoint to the crackling echoes that still lingered in the air. My body shook with tremors, either an effect of giving birth or burns I'm not sure.
I felt exposed, my legs were bloody and crusty and on display, but I didn't care enough to cover myself. Legolas reached with his hand and hesitantly touched her, recoiling slightly at either how jelly-like she felt or her temperature I'm not sure.
I didn't want to share her. How dare he try to touch my daughter when I had to give birth alone! I turned away from him rocking slightly as I held her to my chest.
"Elldiro, my wife needs tending." He stood to his feet and exited the remnants of the carriage without another look in my direction.
I was partially aware I was lifted and carried to another carriage. It was dreamlike and such a beautiful night. The sky was so clear, the stars vibrant. The ground wasn't so, bodies littered the muted plains.
I was lowered onto something soft, and someone tried to take her from me. "No! She's mine!" I shrieked wrapping my arms tighter.
Grief tastes bitter; it's as if one boiled all the hope out of something. Vines ripped through the cracked soil and coiled around us, forming a protective cocoon. Leaves with sharp edges and vibrant colors sprouted from the vines, creating a barrier between us and any potential danger.
"Verity, we're here to help." The sound of the vines breaking through the soil is almost like a chorus of whispers, as if the plants were communicating with each other.
"I didn't want this." I sobbed as the vines tightened around me and her. The vines were thick and appeared to pulsate with each of my sobs, until I could no longer breathe.
"Verity! Stop!"
"Cut her out she's killing herself, cut her out!"
I felt warm. I felt safe.