Tellin' myself it's the last time
Can you spare any mercy that you might find
If I'm down on my knees again
Deep down, way down, Lord, I try
Try to follow your light, but it's night time
Please, don't leave me in the end
David Kushner

Bella

"Laurent?"

The name came to me in a rush of terror.

This vampire had been a part of James' coven—was he like him too? He hadn't joined the hunt. Neither had Victoria. Not really. She'd vanished the day James was killed and we hadn't seen her since. Alice had looked for her future in the beginning but Victoria was in the southern mountains.

Laurent was staring at me, immobile.

"I'm … Bella," I reminded him clumsily. He wouldn't need it.

Laurent didn't answer. He was still staring at me and was as frozen as only a vampire could be. His crimson eyes seemed murkier than I'd remembered. Vampire eyes blackened when they were thirsty … I took a careful step back.

"Where are they?" he asked finally.

"I don't know. Not here. They … left."

A vampire was staring me down and I felt oddly relieved, even as I was simultaneously breathless with fear. At least now I knew it hadn't all been a dream. They had been real.

"Where is James?"

"Dead."

Laurent's eyes widened in surprise. "You're not dead."

I didn't know what to say to that. It was true in a sense, in the way that baffled him.

"Victoria?" he asked.

"I haven't seen her."

"I came here … hoping for protection."

I almost laughed in his face. One and the same.

Laurent's focus had shifted. His lips pulled back over his teeth and he slunk forward into a hunting crouch, snarling; a quiet, sure sound.

I'd seen them do this a handful of times in jest, teasing me. But never exactly like this. Laurent was thirsty. My being alive had only distracted him for a moment.

He snapped his teeth and I flung my hands up automatically.

There was the sound of a body hitting a solid object then crunching to the gravel.

Laurent had skidded over the ground, forced away from me by whatever had just been between the two of us. He was a few steps to the side of where he'd been before—he'd lunged at me but, inexplicably, hadn't made contact.

He could've been on his feet in a microsecond but he wasn't. Whatever that was had rattled him, even more than he'd been when he'd seen me alive. I couldn't look for what had happened. I didn't want to take my eyes off him.

More roars sounded; the sound tearing the air as if from the trees themselves. Too many to just be Laurent.

I knew they come. Alice would have seen this.

Laurent was upright, his back to me. My eyes roved frantically over the tree line, waiting for them to emerge.

But it wasn't them.

It wasn't even vampires.

Wolves.

Huge, mammoth wolves. They were as big as horses, bigger than any wolf I'd seen. The five of them were stalking toward Laurent, snarling at him. They all pounced at the same moment, each of them grabbing a limb and his head; their movements so synchronised as to be eerie. They ripped him apart effortlessly, spitting the pieces to the ground once he was dismembered.

"You have to burn him!" I shouted.

I knew who these wolves were—no animal would attack a vampire. The La Push gang now made sense. Not a gang.

A pack.

I threw myself closer. I couldn't tell who was who in werewolf form so swept my eyes over them all. "Sam. Leah. You have to burn the body, he'll just reform otherwise."

Certainly they would know this from their stories, better than even I would, but it might have been generations since a pack had needed to kill a vampire; Jake hadn't believed the legends, maybe this pack didn't believe everything either.

The werewolf with the ochre fur levelled their gaze to me for a long beat and then all of them reeled simultaneously and shot back into the woods.

Had they gone to get something to use as a light? Had they not believed me?

Before I could do more than panic, Sam and the rest were jogging back out of the forest, human. They were each in various stages of fastening their cloth; Patricia and Leah wearing theirs as a strapless dress.

Sam fiddled with the edge of his wrap and worked a cigarette lighter out of a hidden pocket. His eyes darted toward me briefly then he held the flame to the flesh of Laurent's arm where it had been severed and it was ablaze instantly. Sam moved to spark the flame against the other body parts too.

The cloying smell was abruptly abhorrent and so was everything else.

They were never coming back.

Alice would've seen the werewolves defending me, knew I wasn't in life-threatening danger; apart from my uneven heartbeat and winded breathing, nothing had happened to me.

But, once, that wouldn't have made any difference to him. He'd always come to me when I needed him; for anything, at any time. The fact that he wasn't here now was the final proof.

The last of my hope was gone. That tiny shard of hope that he had been mistaken about us not being mated, or that he might love me enough to stay with me another way. But that wasn't his nature … he had never wanted a partner, only a mate. He'd distanced himself from me the moment he let himself feel the truth.

There was a buzzing in my ears and the next thing I knew I was throwing up violently, clinging to one of the stairs on the front walk for support.

Heat was between my shoulder blades … I'd thought it was pain but it turned out to be Leah rubbing my back gently.

"All good?" she asked grimly when I straightened up and wiped my mouth on my sleeve.

"Yep."

"Come this way, we'll be downwind."

She grabbed my other wrist and led me a yard away. The thick canopy of trees blotted out the sky quickly. It was darker in here, even as close to the driveway as we were. I slumped down and leant back against a fallen mossy log. Lifting my shirt, I mopped at my sweaty face.

The others had followed and sat down too, probably not wanting to stand over me.

Sam stared at me for a long time. "That's Paul, Jared, and Patricia," he said after a while, nodding to each in turn. "You know Leah, obviously."

"Bella," I replied, though they would know that already. Déjà vu.

"What was that?" Sam asked.

I gaped at him. "A vampire."

He made a face. "I was talking about you. How did you stop him from attacking? He jumped at you and then got knocked to the ground. It was like you were behind glass."

"I don't know. I'd never seen that before."

"It wasn't you?"

"No."

"It looked like you," Jared insisted.

I shrugged. I didn't have an explanation; it made no sense to me either.

"Are they all that easy to kill?" Paul asked, grinning.

"They're usually faster."

Laurent's slowness was confusing. Maybe whatever happened to him shocked him too much to think properly. Or maybe stillness was part of what it was; holding him motionless.

"He wasn't a friend of the Cullens?" Patricia asked.

"No."

"Did you know him?"

"We'd met once."

"Why did he try to kill you now?"

"He was thirsty."

"They can't control themselves?"

"Guess not."

"Sorry," Leah said, apologising on Patricia's behalf. "We know you're upset. We've just never seen a cold one in real life. Never met the Cullens."

"Jake said you were dating one of them," Jared said, faintly disgusted.

"Leave her alone," Leah retorted.

"Did they tell you about us?" Jared demanded, undeterred.

"No."

"Then how did you know?"

I scowled at him. Silence was probably my best option, I didn't want to get Jake in trouble.

"It doesn't matter," Sam said. "Where's the rest of his coven? Our stories say they travel in groups."

"James is dead. I don't know where Victoria is but she's not around here anymore."

"Who killed James?"

I jerked my head in the direction of the house.

"Why? I thought they were supposed to be all peaceful," Jared sneered.

"James tried to kill me."

"Damn, what God did you piss off? Why is everyone trying to murder you?"

'Have you always been a danger magnet?'

Laugher burst out of me manically but then I couldn't stop. I tried to hold my breath to get my sobs and laughter under control but it wasn't working. Burying my face in my arms, I had to wait for the hysteria to pass on its own. Leah was kneading my shoulder again.

I was back in the supernatural. They hadn't even been gone that long. I was surrounded by myth again because of course I was.

He hadn't wanted me to become a vampire. He didn't understand that it was my destiny; that it had always been my fate to be a part of this world, whether it was with him or not.

I had always known. It was why I accepted everything readily, why I embraced my choice with my entire being.

And now my choice still existed. They'd left.

But they weren't the only ones.

Leah drove me back to La Push in my truck. The pack wanted to know more about Victoria, to prepare for another enemy that might invade their land. They wanted me to tell what I knew to the tribal elders, my kind of exposure to vampires unique.

"You followed Laurent's scent," I stated.

Leah nodded. "We were running patrols along the border of our land, practising. We'd never come across one before so we panicked a little; Sam and Paul went to talk to Billy about it. We know the Cullens scent from them being in the woods a lot so we knew it wasn't theirs. We knew yours too. Our rule was not to go within five miles of their house, except for Forks which is neutral. But the Cullens left so …"

She looked over at my jittery posture. "We didn't know you were there though. Sorry you had to see that."

"Rather him than me."

"They told you everything about them?"

"More or less. How long have you been a werewolf?"

"A couple of months. It happens when someone in the bloodline comes of age. Nineteen or twenty."

"Are the elders werewolves too?"

"Only a few now. They all used to be when they were young. We grow out of it by the time we're fifty or so. That's why we never met the Cullens. Sam and Jared were new to it all when Cullens came back and the elders didn't want Sam and Jared to get overexcited and start a fight; they knew the Cullens probably weren't here to make problems for us."

"Still, you're very adept for only being a werewolf for a few months. You guys were so in sync."

"Descendants grow up on the stories. Sam and Jared have been training for the past two years. But we can also hear each other's thoughts in wolf form, it helps us coordinate."

'You can't read my mind.'

'No. But I can read everyone else's.'

Leah's eyes flicked to my arms which were hugging my torso once more. I hunched over, trying to get my lungs to work with the hole in my chest.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out."

"It's fine," I gasped.

"You must be used to weird by now."

"You'd think so."

Leah pulled up to her house. I followed her inside dully but halted when I saw just how many people were there. Sue, Harry, Billy, and Sarah made sense but the seven other middle-aged people were unexpected, plus the pack. The house was jam-packed and I was immediately stifled though I tried to keep it together—it wasn't my place to feel put out.

This must be the tribe within the tribe. All the descendants of the werewolves and their spouses who had been told the secret. But the pack still wasn't complete yet. No Jake and no Seth, and maybe other younger siblings were missing too.

Billy spoke first. "Are you all right, Bella?"

I wished people would stop asking me this. The answer was never going to be what they wanted.

I nodded tersely.

"Sam has told us you knew that cold one."

"Laurent."

"And you know the other?"

"Victoria."

"Is that his mate?"

'We are not mated. I thought it was what I felt but it's not.'

I shook my head.

Billy waited for a moment until I'd collected myself, his expression concerned.

"We haven't detected any scent other than the Cullens and the cold one from today," Sam observed.

"She and Laurent were here months ago," I ground out. "In April. Victoria hasn't been back since."

"Is she dangerous?" one of the elders asked.

I hesitated, unsure. Victoria likely didn't mean any harm in a malicious sense but it was true she didn't hunt animals. I didn't know the rules for how they defended their land, how they decided which vampires to destroy and which to leave. Laurent had been about to kill me but Victoria hadn't done anything.

"I don't know."

"What can you tell us about her?"

"She doesn't seem hostile."

She'd barely been part of the hunt. Victoria had been terrified of Jasper but it was more than that. She hadn't wanted the same thing James had.

"We will keep alert regardless," Harry said, the pack murmuring words of assent.

"Will you kill her?"

"That depends. We've only offered one treaty before. The Cullens promised far more than they asked of us. It was the reason we decided to trust their word."

"Please don't speak of this to Jake," Billy told me, his tone direct. "We don't tell them until they're near phasing. We don't like children to have to keep secrets and Jake isn't old enough yet."

I nodded. I was no stranger to that kind of silence.

"It's been many years since we've had to destroy a cold one. Is there anything else you can tell us about … Victoria?" another of the elders asked, clearly not used to naming a vampire.

"I only met her once. She was scared of the Cullens because of how many there were; she'll likely be scared of the size of your pack as well. I don't believe she'll challenge you, but I don't know how vampires react to werewolves normally."

We'd only spoken of werewolves a few times; I knew they were rarer than vampires and that the two groups didn't usually live in harmony. The Cullens hadn't really mentioned La Push, other than to confirm their inability to cross the treaty line. If they saw any of the werewolves running their patrols along the La Push border it was so commonplace that they didn't mention it to me.

Billy nodded. "Thank you for telling us. I know that would've been hard for you today."

Leah and I sat on her front porch and I breathed a little easier once I was outside.

"I think it was you," she said. "Whatever threw that vamp to the ground."

"It didn't feel like it."

"Well, it wasn't us. And it wasn't him, he was astounded."

"I don't have any supernatural—" I began, but then stopped.

I did have something.

Carlisle had said it was an audio and physiological cloak … but after this …

A memory flashed in my head, clear as day. A scorpion scurrying across my bare foot, my panic flaring—the flick of a stinger but then, incredibly, nothing. Even at ten years old I'd known they were venomous but had simply been nonplussed at the lack of an injury and thought no more about it. Had it been something more?

Other recollections followed—the quick snaps of needles against my skin; injections attempted by an increasingly frustrated and baffled paediatrician who had to eventually resort to a bigger needle to break my skin while I sweated in fear … everyone had told me that it hurt but then it didn't. Hardly ever getting track burn, unlike my teammates. Tumbling into a concrete bollard on a school field trip, my friends freaking out thinking I'd broken my kneecap but there was only a small scrape. My skull, cracking against the pavement when he pushed me out of the way of the van; a headache but no injury.

The fact that vampires could barely hear my heart or lungs. My thoughts were unheard, my physiology almost untouchable by Jasper's influence; all protected by whatever membrane it was that enveloped my core. It must be quite deep—my mind, heart, and lungs were protected, but my skin was still susceptible and the protection only struck out to guard my whole body during an adrenaline rush, a time I was nervous and knew I'd be injured …

My thoughts started spinning fast … all the odd things I'd noticed about myself where I hadn't reacted the same as others …

What was this? What was I?

Leah nodded slowly, taking in the shock that had overwhelmed me. "There's something, isn't there?"

"Maybe."

"What is it?"

"It's a … shield. It stops vampires from being able to hear my body properly. But now I think it also … strengthens when I panic and stops things from touching me too."

Jasper's talent set my mind whirring. Not only could he feel the emotions of others, but he could also project emotions back to them. He extended his talent beyond the confines of his own body.

Could I do the same?

Jasper had had his talent as human. Him as well; he'd always heard a word in his head, a word he had known instinctively wasn't his own thought. They'd both had vague versions of their talents as humans.

Mine must then also be a weakened version. Could I strengthen it? Project it consciously?

Laurent had found me. Surely Victoria would too. She was still in Washington. Maybe she hadn't left for the same reason I hadn't.

My composure lasted until I woke screaming in the night. I hadn't been quick enough to stop Laurent this time.

I also had to race upstairs to the bathroom as the small amount of dinner I'd been able to eat made a reappearance.

"You okay?"

Charlie usually ignored my night terrors but throwing up was another matter. He came in and sat on the edge of the bathtub, running a washcloth under the tap and handing it to me. The icy water was blistering and soothing; tears immediately welled in my eyes. How did every part of me hurt so much?

"This isn't normal, Bella," he said grimly.

"I know."

It certainly wasn't that.

"Are you … your mother used to get nightmares when she was pregnant."

"I'm not pregnant. And I've always had bad dreams."

"Not like this. I'm also not just talking about at night. There's something else wrong. What is it? I thought it might have been that you told him you were pregnant and he didn't want to deal with it so he left."

I opened my mouth to retort that he would never do that, regardless of it being a moot point, but then reconsidered. He had left me to fend for myself. They all had.

"I'm not pregnant," I repeated. "He just didn't … love me enough."

Vampires couldn't be mated with humans. He'd tried and it hadn't been what he'd wanted. He'd pulled me into his life—his kindness wouldn't let him do anything less—and he'd tried desperately to force himself to love me the way I'd loved him; the way vampires felt love. I'd been the first for him, of course he wouldn't know exactly what it felt like. Confusing friendship and lust with love was a blunder as old as the hills. He was hardly alone in making that error.

I couldn't hate him for all that. But I despised that his family hadn't even had the decency to say goodbye; that he was probably the one that kept them from doing so. Loathed that he didn't care enough anymore to save me from myself.

"You've got your whole life to love someone. Don't throw it away."

"You did."

I'd never snapped at Charlie like that before. Anger always spilt out of me these days.

His jaw clenched. "I made a mistake. Loved the wrong person."

And I paid the price for that. All the people I'd tried to love and it was never enough for them. Neither Charlie nor Renée told me outright that they regretted me but I knew they did. Tolerated as a child by Renée, tolerated now as an adult by Charlie. Was that all I would ever be? Tolerated?

"I want to be alone."

Charlie left, closing the bathroom door with an angry snap. Both of us irate and neither caring enough to apologise.

Needing something else, I left the house. The darkness stretched over me like a security blanket but when it turned oppressive, I started running along the trail, keeping the streetlights in my sight; few and far as they were.

My rage was almost boiling in my hands and—whether because I knew it was there now or because I'd just never been this angry—I shoved it away from me.

Crack. The darkness sharpened as I strained my eyes; the faint outline of a tree teetered for a moment then crashed backwards to the forest floor, the sound almost deafening. Birds raised the alarm, confused by the speed of the destruction, and flew away from the area in a panic.

I inched closer, crouching down to feel my way. My fingers hit bark but then it was gone. Confused, I probed again. My floundering hands made me realise I was touching a tree stump; the top of it completely level as if it had been cut away with a saw. The patch of sky was slightly bigger above it, the branches no longer obscuring the stars.

I had done that.

Not only was my shield … flat, but it was also apparently able to be used to make a mark as well. And not just a mark—I'd sliced a tree in half whose trunk was nearly two feet across.

My arms were sore, I felt like I'd just done a hundred push-ups. But it was a new kind of soreness, a triumphant kind. This was a pain I could control.

At dawn, I was back in La Push. A very surprised Leah answered my impatient knock.

"You have to help me," I told her swiftly. "I need to practice it."