Music Playing: Reminiscence by Johannes Bornlof

"Nui, we—I—have something to tell you." Sissie told me.

It was like an intervention, and it wasn't just Sissie. No, Ryuuko was there and so were Mako, Nonon, and Mama. Sissie looked like she wanted to cry but she reiterated her point about something I needed to know. I should have known it was about our old life, before we found Mama and, as Sissie confirmed, it was.

She asked me about what I remembered about that night. I told her that I don't really remember too much besides the house being on fire when we left but I told her that Ryuuko remembered more. All I knew is that we were never allowed to talk about that night. "Sissie, you told us we were to never talk about that night." I told her, and she agreed.

"Yes, but that was years ago and we can talk about it now."

"Why? What's going on?"

"I need you to know the truth, Nui."

"The truth?"

"Yes, the house burned down but what you don't know is that I set the fire."

"What?!"

"Yes, and you also don't know that I pulled the trigger."

She told me that enough time has passed and that we could talk about that night. She told me that Ragyo called her downstairs to beat on her worse and that she grabbed the gun. "It wasn't matter of getting the gun, but it was a matter of who got first. I got to it first and I didn't want to find out if Ragyo would have gone that far." she said, holding my hand tighter than before. I wished she didn't tell me that or anything to do with that night. "Sissie, I could have gone without knowing any of that."

"I know, dear, but you deserved to know about what happened that night."

"Why did you do that, Sissie?"

"I didn't want to shoot her but I did want her to stop hurting us. I don't think I had much of a choice, Nui."

"And the fire?"

"I was terrified, after that, and so I set the fire. The reason we were running was because I was scared. Scared of what would happen next or that I'd lose my sisters."

"..."

"I get no joy in doing and knowing what I did. Shooting Ragyo and burning down the house was one thing but living with the memories were another."

Ryuuko told me that there was something else I needed to know, and I asked her what it was. "It's about that day where Sissie was hit by a car." Nonon said, because Ryuuko couldn't get it out. I remember that Satsuki got hit by a car and ended up in a wheelchair but not too much else besides that because Ryuuko and I weren't included too much. "What about that day?" I asked, suspicious.

"One thing you especially need to know is that, what happened, was never Ryuuko's fault."

"But she told you—"

"Hush!—I was hurt by what she said, admittedly, but it wasn't a reason for why that day happened."

"What did happen?"

"I will say that, yes, I was hit by a car but only because I threw myself in front of it."

"Why?!"

"In my mind, the alternative was worse and, instead of facing what I thought was the alternative, I opted to kill myself instead. With mental illness and trauma, dying made sense."

"..."

"I know this doesn't alleviate the pain but know that my last thoughts were on the ones I loved the most."

She would tell me that she felt regret in those moments. She wondered if we knew how much she loved us and that she regretted that she didn't have enough time to tell us how much she loved us. "As I was bleeding, I wished I had more time to have told you all how much I loved you. I'm quite sorry that I put any of you through that." she said, holding my hand tighter before letting my hand go.

She'd reiterate her point about none of that being Ryuuko's fault. "You didn't know any better, no, but I know you blamed her." she said, her tears forming, "I need the both of you to know that my attempt at suicide is neither of your faults. There's more to say on that but, mostly, I love you both."

It was quiet for awhile before I asked about the Hospital. "I tried my best to shield you from that but I suppose I can tell you more about that. Nui, I was sentenced to roughly five to ten years, possibly more or possibly less. I was insistent that my sisters not be there for the trial or be subject to the media." Sissie went to trial?!

"What trial?"

"The trial for what happened those years ago, dear."

"Why would there be a trial?!"

"Ragyo didn't die naturally, Nui, and I confessed to what happened that night."

"..."

"It's true that I am ill but the other reason why I was in the hospital because the terms of my sentence. I agreed to go away so long as my sisters were alright. I had to answer for what I've done, though they granted me leniency."

"Sissie..."

She told me, "Hush." before she said, "It's over now, dearest. If anything, I wish things could have been different but it's the existence we have. Truly, I wish I never put any of you through that."

I wasn't sure what to do what with any of that information. I didn't need to know about what happened that night, much less that Sissie pulled the trigger and burned the house down and I didn't want to know that she went to trial for it. I especially didn't need to know that she tried to kill herself from the weight of it all. My world has been turned upside-down and I didn't know how it could be made right-side-up.

I'd guess that the reason why my world was so flipped was because she tried her best to protect us. I knew her world was already messed up but I wished the never told me this. Why did you have to do this to me, Sissie? I wanted to ask her why she told me all of this or why she felt I needed to know but I didn't need the answers because Mama said, "I know this is a lot to take in but you were going to find out eventually and, thus, it's better that you heard the truth, especially from Sissie."

"What do I do now?"

"Well, we move forward."

"How?"

"As best as we can. The information is a lot to take in, I know, but I know Satsuki loved you enough to tell you the truth."

"..."

"As she told you, we all wished that things were different but they're not and we have to make do with what we've been given."

I had more questions but I got them answered. Sissie never wanted us to talk about that night because she was protecting us but, thinking about it, I think she was protecting herself, too. As Ryuuko would tell me, Sissie never got to have a childhood, that much I already knew, but I think it really sank in how much she lost. Pulling the trigger and protecting us really cost her psyche or what was left of it.

I would ask Sissie more about that day and she told me, "As far as I knew, if I died, then my sisters would be free. As I've said before, betwixt being mentally ill and already traumatized, that idea made sense."

That night, as we went to bed, I had a burning question that I needed to ask.

"Sissie, you won't leave us again, will you?"

"No, I'm not going anywhere."

"That's all I needed to know."

Authoress Notes: I'm not sure how well I wrote this but such is existence and it took a bit for me to pick a track to go with it.

Other than that, I wasn't sure how to write this epilogue, as, well, I'm not sure how someone would react to this type of information, especially when the one giving you this information had been your de-facto maternal figure. Of course, Nui wouldn't really know what to do with this info but, at least, the truth is out there. On a note, she might be more afraid of Satsuki leaving again.

Is their relationship affected? Well, it might be but how affected is for y'all to decide.