A/N: Here we go...
Where am I? Kyle wondered. He was lying on his back, staring up at a blue sky, blades of grass brushing lightly against his skin. Exhausted and confused, non-sencial thoughts filled his mind and his body felt so heavy. With much effort, he rolled over and pushed himself up to his knees. Trees surrounded him. The woods, he thought frantically, his heart beating much faster and his breathing becoming uneven. A calming presence suddenly surrounded him, his breathing evening out and heartbeat returning to normal. It filled him with a sense of calm as if nothing could ever harm him again. He closed his eyes and inhaled and exhaled deeply. Calm down, I'm okay. Wendy is…
He wondered if Wendy would ever wake up again. The last time he had seen her, she had been unconscious. He was still trying to process everything that had happened and when any memories of the woods and that thing popped into his mind, he found his hands starting to tremble and that strange calming presence trying to reassure him. He felt something rubbing against his thigh and heard the vibrating purrs before seeing a sleek, black cat rubbing against him. A gold hoop earring hung from one ear, an ornate necklace drooped from its neck, and a large gold ring looped around the tail just an inch or so from the tip. Piercing green eyes met Kyle's own. That comforting presence oozed out of the little body and Kyle became calmer each passing moment, almost weightless with no worries. This was the cat that had saved him and Wendy before, he was sure of it.
The thought of Wendy again caused brief panic, but it vanished instantly by the insistent purrs of the cat. What had Cartman called her? Bast. Kyle mulled over it for a minute. Snatches of a freshman mythology class came to mind. It had been during the unit that focused on old Egyptian mythology. Bastet, his mind helpfully supplied. That's right. Bast or Bastet was the Egyptian cat goddess that had somehow been dragged into the Lovecraftian lore surrounding all the cult mythos he studied with Wendy. There were pieces of a conversation Kyle could vaguely recall, Cartman saying something about Kenny and evil spirits. Bast, the protector, in the Egypt of the past, the goddess of home and protection. She protected the home from evil spirits and diseases. In the Lovecraftian lore, the one that protected innocents against evil spirits.
"Kyle?"
Kyle stared down at the cat in shock, sure it had spoken to him using Wendy's voice, but it just purred and rubbed against him more.
"I'm over here."
Kyle glanced around and after a moment of confusion spotted Wendy grinning at him, her hand resting on a nearby tree while she surveyed him and the cat with a critical eye. She was standing and looked much better than when he had seen her lying unconscious in the bed at Cartman's house. Kyle took a moment, trying to find the words to express his great relief at seeing her healthy and alive. "You-you're okay," he stuttered gracelessly. Relief flooded through him; Cartman was right again, dragging Wendy into this had been a terrible idea.
Wendy took her hand off the tree and moved forward, a slight frown on her face as she approached. She squatted down to meet his eyes and gently scruffed the cat's neck. "Yeah, I am. Can't really say the same for you, though. You look awful." She felt his forehead and her frown deepened. "You have a fever," she murmured. "I hope you're not coming down with something." She removed her hand, and picked up Bast, gently petting her, the purrs echoing around them, they were so loud.
"I'm okay," Kyle tried to assure her, but his lie fell flat. He was still weak and dizzy. He started to doubt reality, thinking Wendy to be a figment of his imagination. Now that he thought about it, could the cat even be real? Could anything that happened recently be real? Panic started to thread through his nerves again. Bast jumped out of Wendy's arms and started rubbing against Kyle again, trying to keep his panic at bay.
Wendy observed him and shook her head slightly. She noticed how Kyle trembled, his fever, and his pale face, nearly bloodless. "Are you sure?" Kyle nodded. Wendy sighed and decided to take him at his word for it even though she thought he looked terrible. She looked down at the cat as it rubbed against Kyle. "This is a sweet cat, I found you because of the purring."
"Her name is Bast," Kyle informed her. He wanted to ask if she remembered the woods but when he even started to think of what they had seen his whole body started to scream in rejection, it made his fingers tremble and he thought he might retch.
Wendy perked up at this. "Oh? One of the elder gods that oppose Cthulu?" Wendy smiled at the black cat. "I guess that means you're on our side."
Kyle started to ask what all she remembered about Bast from the Lovecraftian lore, but the cat meowed at them and then started walking away, looking back at them expectantly.
Wendy watched as Kyle tried to figure out what to do, his expression lost and confused. She was worried that he was still kneeling in the grass instead of standing to start following Bast.
"Can you stand?"
Kyle nodded, positive he could. Except his body refused to comply. "Y-yeah," he muttered, not even trying to hide his uncertainty. He stood unsteadily, towering slightly over Wendy before his body started to crumple beneath him. Wendy caught his arm and threw it over her shoulders. He sagged against her, bewildered. He was at a loss as to why his body refused to stand. "I don't know what's wrong," he muttered, suddenly aware of all the sweat pouring off of his body, likely getting onto Wendy. Why on earth was Wendy handling everything so well and he was just a mess. Life was not fair, the bitterness welled up in him, but resenting Wendy would not help his issues now. After all, he would rather it be him than her as he was the one to have dragged her into all this in the first place.
Wendy kept quiet as she helped drag Kyle along with her to follow the cat. She suspected she understood why Kyle's body was reacting the way it was but had no desire to explain to Kyle, fearing he might get more worked up than he already was. All the research they had done on the cult was ringing true, deeply unsettling her. Wendy bit her lower lip and frowned, concentrating on making sure to follow Bast, who stopped to meow at them every few steps, and make sure to keep Kyle from falling forward. While she was not petite, she was still shorter than him and weighed considerably less. His body trembled against hers and he was sweating a worrying amount, almost like he was having to put out an excessive amount of exertion just to stay aware of what was going on. Wendy suspected they were both actually unconscious somewhere and this place was in another world or plane of existence so that he was responding this way was alarming at the very least.
The Cthulu mythos showing itself to be credible made her wonder that this was possibly the work of Kassogtha, Cthulu's sister and mate, also the leviathan of diseases. She was known to be violent and even Cthulu had struggled against her in order to prove his strength for mating. Wendy shuddered. Kyle was under a spell and she was unsure of what or who cast it, but she was certain his reactions were abnormal. She adjusted his weight against her, pulling his arm a little more tightly around her shoulder, ignoring his muttered apology, and continued forward determined to keep up with Bast. It was incredible that they were encountering this, assuming this wasn't a dream, hallucination, or folie a deux with Kyle. Madness of two, she thought, aware of the slight hysteria that was creeping up within her.
You are not dreaming, a disembodied voice assured Wendy. She faltered in her movement and Kyle fell forward slightly, she tightened her grip on him and her eyes darted around looking for the voice. Her sight came to rest on the cat. Bast sat on her behind, staring up at Wendy with wide intent eyes that sent chills down her spine, she swore that the cat was seeing straight through her and sifting through the thoughts running wild in her mind. Bast's mouth turned into a smile and Wendy understood why the Cheshire Cat was portrayed as such in the Alice in Wonderland stories. There was something insanely unnerving about a cat grinning widely at you. That disembodied voice chuckled and Wendy's mind echoed with the laughter. She glanced at Kyle, realizing he was unaware of what was transpiring between her and Bast. It is okay, Bast assured her, still speaking in her mind. I am here to help you both.
Why can't Kyle hear you?
His body is rejecting my help, his body was already being inflicted with a disease and the petrification exacerbated it. Bast saw Wendy's next question form within her mind and answered it before it could even be properly voiced. Yes, the disease is from R'yleh, one of the diseases that originated from Kassogtha.
Bast, in her cat form, turned around and started trotting forwards again. Wendy followed suit, keeping her grip tight on Kyle. She frowned as she considered Bast's words. Maybe she was imagining it but she was positive Bast had been hesitant to say much about Kassogtha or the disease and even now, Bast was deafeningly silent to the questions Wendy was throwing out in her mind, knowing Bast could still hear her. Why was Kassogtha inflicting Kyle with a disease? What disease was it? Is it curable? Will Kyle be okay? What did she mean about petrification? Why was his body rejecting Bast's help? A million questions swirled through Wendy's mind, but these were the most prominent ones. Frustration was swelling up in her as there were no answers. Scaredy-cat, Wendy accused the goddess when her questions were met with silence. Laughter filled her mind again and Wendy's eyes snapped over to Bast's small cat form. Bast paused and turned around again, grinning that bizarre grin that Wendy thought was misplaced on such a small animal.
Wendy. I do not know why his body is rejecting my help. His mind is too much a mess from the petrification for me to even try to reassure him. I do not know if he will be okay, and I am not sure which disease this one is. I have a few guesses but do not know for sure.
This time Wendy was positive that Bast purposely skipped over the question about Kassogtha. There was a moment of quiet before the goddess caved and responded.
The disease was not inflicted by Kassogtha. Bast stated simply. It is a disease that likely originated with her as all R'lyehean diseases that spread only exist because of her. Bast paused and let Wendy soak up the information.
Wendy mulled over this, uncertain what to do with the information. Was it possible that Nug inflicted the disease? Just how much of R'lyeh spilled out into their town of South Park? Bast shook her head, hearing Wendy's thoughts.
It was not Nug, but it was a R'lyehean and one who is more powerful than I.
A frown creased Wendy's brows. R'lyehean? I thought you were an Egyptian goddess?
I was and am still referred to as such but fell to the shadows of R'lyeh long ago. Remember R'lyeh is a corpse-city shaped from the shadows of the past that seeped into it and those of us that are R'lyehean wander about it, waiting to "renew our possession of the earth." Bast explained patiently. She knew there was time to explain the basics of R'lyeh and Wendy and Kyle would need to completely understand. She doubted any of this would make a difference in their fates as fate was practically unchangeable, but she witnessed the strings of fate get tugged, twisted, snapped, and changed every now and then.
If you know who it is, can we go to this other R'lyehean and have them lift this disease or something? Wendy inquired. She glanced at Kyle who was just noticing that they were not moving, and he was trying to focus on the cat, but it was clear he was incapable of focusing on anything for longer than a few seconds.
Bast's cat smile turned sad and Wendy was positive she could never forget how awful a resigned smile looked on this small cat goddess. Such a sad sight to behold. I am afraid not, my dear young friend. This other R'lyehean is much more powerful than I. It is not worth the risk for a disease that likely cannot be reversed.
"What?" Wendy muttered out loud, glancing between Kyle and Bast's cat form, almost desperate for Bast to reassure her that the disease could be reversed. Can't we try? If there's a chance….
I am afraid not. As I said, the R'lyehean is more powerful than I and I possess quite a great amount of power. At this point, it would be best just to try to treat the disease. Or… Bast trailed off, and Wendy sensed more hesitancy. It was the oddest thing for a confident goddess to sound hesitant about anything, much less about Kyle and the whole experience was incredibly surreal.
Or? Wendy prompted.
Or you could leave him in R'lyeh. He would become R'lyehean and the disease would eventually leave as the diseases that are inflicted upon R'leyheans affect us differently than a human on your plane of existence.
Not happening. Is this R'lyeh? Wendy glanced around and thought it not very nightmarish if it was R'lyeh, the nightmare city. When reading about it, she always imagined it to lack sunshine, all greenery, and she certainly expected no hint of the flowery fragrance that passed under her nose. The city in the mythos was a lightless, dank, shapeless, shifting city filled with nightmarish corpses. Right now, they were walking through woods that would put the most beautiful spots of Appalachia to shame. There was a quiet stillness to it that was beautiful. Calm radiated off every tree they passed and the sun warmed her skin. If not for Kyle's struggle to walk, she would think they were in Heaven or a place similar to it. She was weighed down by Kyle, but she thought that if she ran fast enough and jumped, she could surely fly here.
There was that soft laughter again that Wendy recognized as amusement from the goddess. This is not R'lyeh. You could fly here as this is a place between time and space that I have concocted and can control for the next several hours. It should help to heal both your physical bodies from the petrification. You could do just about anything you dreamed of here.
Wendy wanted more answers, but the cat was moving again. She dragged Kyle with her, trying to be mindful not to hurt him, her concern spiking to high levels now that it was confirmed that he had been inflicted with some foreign, otherworldly disease. That this goddess thought their best option was to abandon him to R'lyeh was upsetting and all sorts of emotions roiled with her. She wished she could speak to Cartman or Kenny to understand better what this goddess was saying.
Those two must know more than they let on. There was no way that Kenny was this involved with R'lyeh and possessed no knowledge. From what the goddess said, Kenny would qualify as a R'lyehean especially if Kyle could become one just by dropping him off there. A R'lyehean… Wendy shook her head and refused to let the thought finish forming. It made no sense. Bast had said the other R'lyehean was stronger than her and there was just no way. Stopping her mind from going down that path proved a little difficult but the place they were in was distracting enough with its beauty and calming presence. It was an idea that would need to be revisited later.
Wendy wondered if she could just jump into the sky with Kyle. Bast said she could fly in this world so why would she not be able to with him? As if the world read her mind, her feet were suddenly off the ground and she chirped with laughter at the sensation as she rose higher into the air, aware of the small black cat also bouncing into the air. Kyle let out a panicked noise, but she was quick to reassure him. Emotions swirled around her stomach nervously as she kept a tight grip on Kyle and made his body lighter with the dynamics of the world. If she could fly and change physics here, Kyle should be able to easily fly by himself, and he sure should be able to walk. Vaguely she wondered if the combination of the disease and petrification really made it this difficult for him to focus or if something else was at play here; she remembered from her studies that Bast was a goddess known for being involved in feminine affairs such as pregnancy, childbirth, and women's secrets. All very feminine and to Wendy's knowledge, Kyle never associated himself with much that was feminine so maybe that was a contributing factor as well.
Bast jumped into the air and her mouth split into that wide grin that Wendy thought she could get used to after all. Maybe it just took seeing it a few times. "About time you little humans did something useful here," Bast teased, her tone light and pleased. "Follow me. We should get to places faster now."
Wendy nodded, a big smile on her face. She kept Kyle close by and they followed Bast at a close distance. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched Kyle glance around, that confused expression fixed on his face instead of the wonderment that shone through Wendy's eyes. His fingers trembled and every now and then his body would shake. It was as if the petrification followed him here, even on this otherworldly plane where he should be able to fly. Wendy pursed her lips, wondering just how badly his actual body had been affected by the petrification. The place healed their physical bodies according to Bast so just how bad off was Kyle's physical form? Bast's words came back to her about Kyle's mind being too much of a mess for even reassurance. She slowed their flight but kept Bast in her sight. "Kyle," she said his name with a heaviness to it, knowing she was about to follow it up with a question she wished she did not have to voice.
Kyle's gaze swung over to her momentarily, still having trouble focusing on any one thing for more than a few seconds. Memories of the woods kept popping into his mind, unbidden, and he tried to block them out as they did terrible things to his body. He was only in the sky because of Wendy and all of this made him start to wonder if he really had finally lost his mind. Maybe it was inevitable and maybe most things from the past few months were just figments of his imagination, anyway- starting with Kenny. Wendy stared at him with unnerving intensity.
"Yeah?" he finally responded, unable to keep the nervousness out of his voice at the intensity of her simply stating his name.
Wendy gave a slight shake of her head and licked her lips, unsure she really wanted to put this question out there, but she knew it needed to be done. "If we can't get you better from all of this, would you want to go to R'lyeh if it could heal you?"
Dumbfounded, Kyle stared at her wordlessly for a full minute, positive he must have misheard.
"What?" his voice was hoarse and unsure.
"Bast," Wendy nodded towards the cat goddess, who was turning back towards them with an annoyed expression that they were no longer following her, "said that to heal from everything you might have to be brought to R'lyeh and stay there. Is that… Is that something you would want?" Wendy blinked, the presence of would-be tears there, but her eyes remained dry, surely because of the way this place tried to combat any emotion it considered to be negative.
Kyle blinked at her a few times, processing the information and understanding the seriousness of the situation. Wendy's eyes were honest and she only asked because she feared they might not have a choice so she wanted to know how he felt while they could have a conversation about it. They might not be able to speak like this once they left this place. "I don't know," he answered honestly. "Maybe." Questions were on the tip of his tongue such as when Bast had told Wendy all that, but it was taking everything he had not to just let his eyes slide close, which made no sense. Like Wendy, he was certain they were not conscious so fighting off unconsciousness seemed like an odd thing to even need to do. He must look terrible if Wendy was asking him this. Everything they studied about R'lyeh painted a miserable picture and the thought of being dropped off there to stay sounded like a miserable existence. Bast came to them, annoyance written all over her small cat face, and the image of her towering over him and Cartman popped into Kyle's mind. Bast inhabited R'lyeh so maybe it couldn't be that bad…?
What are you two little humans doing now? Bast asked, head lolling from side to side in a creepy manner that horrified Wendy. That grin was still spread across her face and Wendy just knew this image would revisit her in nightmares.
"Don't do that!" Wendy snapped at her, incredibly fearless of this goddess for reasons she could not explain. Bast was unbothered and just tilted her head to one side, waiting for an explanation. Wendy waved her free hand at Kyle. "I was just asking if he would want to be left in R'lyeh if it, you know, comes to that," she explained, trying to keep her voice businesslike. The calming presence still pervaded the air, but it was odd to talk about leaving a good friend in a place like R'lyeh. Memories of Kyle as a child spun through her mind and a heaviness started to weigh her down.
Bast sensed the heaviness right away, noting how Wendy was starting to sink. "We can work that out later," she assured the two, though her words were directed at Wendy. She took care to speak out loud, hoping Kyle would hear. "There is no need to rush into anything." Her attention shifted to Kyle. "He may be just fine after several hours with me. We will find out so do not worry so much about it right this second." Wendy remained wary, noting how Bast hesitated before addressing Kyle. He stared blankly at her, not comprehending or hearing anything but a cat purring and meowing. Bast shook her head, before turning her attention back to Wendy. Her tail flicked for a moment. "We have made it. I wanted to show you this."
They were being rushed towards the ground at an alarming speed and Wendy kept a hold on Kyle lest he float away or crash ungracefully into the ground waiting beneath them. They landed without a hitch and their feet sunk into the soft earth, the trees were not as dense now and grass was everywhere. Bast's loud purrs reminded them they were still in a different plane of existence.
Voices drifted towards them. Kyle instantly recognized both voices. It took Wendy a few more seconds but it was unmistakably Cartman and Kenny's much younger voices ringing out around them. Kyle's body reacted strangely, trembling more violently and Wendy tried not to puzzle over that too much, once again tightening her hold on him to remind him where he was.
Their friends' younger versions sprang into view. They must have been in kindergarten, around five years old or so. Laughter carried over and it was clear they were playing tag, running circles around each other paying no mind to Wendy, Kyle, or Bast. Wendy and Kyle both realized that these past versions of Kenny and Cartman likely couldn't see them. For a brief minute, Wendy considered that she and Kyle were basically being led around by the Ghost of Christmas Past from A Christmas Carol. This was clearly the past and Cartman and Kenny were just wandering around, playing tag in this clearing among the trees that spread out around them. She heard snippets of Kyle and Stan's names along with Butters. The other three boys were nowhere to be seen.
"Kinneh! Come back here!" The young Cartman commanded. "I'm not going to be 'It' anymore!"
Kenny tightened his hood and mumbled some words. In the past, Wendy deciphered them if she wanted to put forth the effort but now it was effortless. The mumbles were easily translated to them by the world they were in.
"No, I don't want to be 'It,'" Kenny complained and ran further away, avoiding tripping over a large rock. Wendy frowned, unsure why that had even been translated.
Bast's tail whipped around. "Stop thinking so much and just pay attention."
Cartman was huffing for breath, his bigger body having trouble catching up with Kenny, though he was starting to slow, too, feeling his muscles start to burn from exertion. Cartman stopped running and bent over, hands on knees, still gasping for breath. The rock laid at his feet, his small toes trying to kick at it. It was too heavy to move with his feet, the rock not large enough to be a boulder but definitely larger than most of the other rocks around them. Evil glinted in Cartman's eyes as he stared down at the rock, his hands grasping it, hefting it off the ground. He grinned lopsidedly.
"Hey, Kinneeeyy!" He shouted. "Come here! I want to show you something." Excitement evident in his voice and it would be hard to refuse to see what that was about. Kenny returned to the area, eyes glancing around and muttering about not wanting to be 'It'. The rock struck his head without warning. The aim was impeccable because Kenny immediately collapsed to the ground, blood running down his forehead. A few moments later, Kyle was startled to see a younger version of himself along with a young Stan burst onto the scene.
"Oh my god, you killed Kenny!"
"You bastard!"
Cartman ignored the antics of the other two, unimpressed. He sighed, annoyed as the other two became more upset. "It's not like he's going to stay dead!" He defended, crossing his arms, standing near Kenny's body rather proudly. An unnerving sight. As if on cue, Kenny's young spirit made an appearance on the scene, floating above his body and near Cartman. His eyes darted over to Bast, but he said nothing. She shifted uncomfortably, also remaining quiet. The kindergarten versions of Stan and Kyle became more upset and hysterical about what had just transpired but then things shifted as though nothing had ever happened. Kenny's body was gone and Stan and Kyle were back to playing tag. Now Butters was there, too.
Cartman smirked at the still bloodied rock at his foot. "See?"
The world shifted again and the kindergarten versions of the boys were gone, back in the past where they belonged. Now they were a couple of years older and Cartman was grocery shopping with Lianne. It was a tame scene as he strolled through the store with Lianne. She shopped with intent, grabbing items that would make a nice dinner. He asked where the toy section was and Lianne informed him there was none. He groaned but perked up at spotting Kenny with his family, also shopping for groceries.
"But I'm bored," Cartman whined. He paused, trying to catch Kenny's attention. "Mo-om, if there are no toys, can I just kill Kenny?"
"What?!"
Horrified, Lianne tried to quiet him as other people turned to stare at the scene that was starting to unfold. "Please?" Cartman pleaded. "I do it all the time. He dies and comes back all the time. Please? There's no toys here."
"You can't kill your friends," Lianne scolded, "Even if you're pretending, it's not nice. Be a nice boy for mommy, Eric."
Cartman whined more, "But he's bored, too. Look at him, stuck with that poor family. It's free entertainment!"
"No."
Lianne's words fell on deaf ears as Cartman had already left her and was tailing Kenny, leaving his mother confused and panicked over her missing child. Along the way, he shoplifted a disturbingly large butcher knife and zeroed in on Kenny. Boredom and Cartman were clearly a nightmare combination for Kenny. Speaking of, the boy in the orange parka sensed not all was right and tightened his hood, glancing around in confusion. His short life had him dodging death on a daily basis and he could sense it drawing close but wasn't sure how. He was walking down an aisle with his mother, his father trailing behind with his two siblings. Cartman climbed up the shelves and dived straight at Kenny, who didn't realize what was happening until it was too late. Blood was spurting while Cartman laughed and people ran around screaming.
"Eric!" Lianne shrieked, running down the aisle at him. "Why would you do that? Mommy told you no."
Cartman shook his head, still grinning at all the chaos around him. "It doesn't matter, he dies all the time!"
Wendy blinked hard at the gruesome scene that was still unfolding before their eyes. "Jeeze."
"Violent," Kyle mumbled agreeably, face drawn and hands still shaky, much to Wendy's dismay.
"And unnecessary. No wonder Cartman has always been such an asshole if this has been his relationship with death." Cartman was aware that only Kenny seemed to be coming back to life so Wendy was grateful for that much, at least. The world was shifting again and this time, there was an odd seriousness about it. Kyle immediately recognized their bus stop. It was dreary and cold out, patches of snow burying green grass. Dirty snow piled up against the curb, the rays of the sun slowly melting it. Cartman and Kenny stood at the bus stop, deep in conversation.
"I want to find out how." Cartman folded his arms and glared at Kenny as if to challenge him.
Kenny rolled his eyes. "You don't want to get into this stuff, Cartman, it's asking for trouble if you mess with it."
"Oh, so just the poor boy Kinny gets to be invincible?"
Kenny shook his head. "It's not invincible- you've seen me die a whole bunch. It's immortal and I don't know that I won't just die for good one day."
"I want to do it, too. Good enough for you, good enough for me."
"Whatever. Good luck."
Stan and Kyle appeared at the bus stop and Cartman immediately engaged Kyle into a fight, abandoning his conversation with Kenny. Kyle figured it must have been around their fourth-grade year this happened. There was more shifting around them, the wind rushing by them and more time passed. Kenny and Cartman were speaking again but were slightly older. Kyle and Wendy both perked up at this new sight. Sixth grade, they were sure of it. They were standing at the bus stop again, Kyle and Stan still absent. It was quiet for a moment before Cartman spoke up.
"I found out how to do it."
"Sex? Okay…Glad you know how your parts work, dude," Kenny replied good-humoredly trying not to guffaw at his own jokes.
Cartman knocked Kenny upside the head and Kenny pulled at his parka, annoyed. "No," Cartman kept his voice low. "I mean about becoming like you. Immortal." This got Kenny's attention and he cast a doubtful look at Cartman. He waited for Cartman to say more. He saw how Cartman had a rare nervous edge about him this morning and how he was getting more nervous talking about this. Cartman licked his lips and pressed on, "There's a way. I found it in an older book about Cthulu and all that other junk. There was some witch coven and a spellbook. And I got it," he explained, digging through his book bag and proudly brandishing the spellbook. "See?"
"Are you serious?"
"This has the spell that I think will work." There was that hint of nervousness again and Kenny's eyes narrowed.
"Okay… Why haven't you used it then? Not like you, Cartman."
Cartman sucked in a breath and put on his best smile for Kenny. Wendy and Kyle each recognized that expression- the one Cartman put on when he was desperate to convince someone to do something for him. Usually only Butters fell for it, but neither would be surprised if Kenny fell prey to it here. Cartman was putting forth his very best here.
"It has to be a switch," Cartman explained with what he hoped was a reassuring smile. Kenny raised his brows, waiting for further clarification. "The spell says I have to switch with someone who is already immortal. So, we should switch." Kenny was quiet and Cartman pressed, knowing Kenny was intrigued. "You don't like dying all the time, right, Kenny? Being reborn over and over? You could just be normal and not have to worry about all this stuff. I am more than happy to make such a sacrifice for you."
Kyle snorted and Wendy bit her lip with a light frown, watching closely as Kenny considered the offer. Hope swam in his eyes and lifted his mouth into a slight smile, his voice lighter at the thought of no longer having to deal with all things of the cult. "You do want to do this?"
"I just fucking said so Kenny," Cartman snapped at him. "I'll make the sacrifice and be immortal and then when you die, you can stay six feet under. Meet me after school, okay? In the woods," he pointed towards the woods. Kyle's stomach flip-flopped recognizing those to be the same woods he and Wendy saw that thing in. Wendy's eyes snapped over to Kyle when she realized where Cartman was pointing. He still trembled but made no indication that he recognized the woods were the same ones where they had encountered Nug. Younger versions of Stan and Kyle showed up at the bus stop and, once again, Cartman immediately started a fight with Kyle.
The world spun around them again and they found themselves in the woods, sitting on a log. They were in a clearing. Wendy's eyes widened when she realized they were in the same spot they had seen Nug. Kyle shuddered and tried to even his breathing, having given up on getting his hands to stop shaking. His arm was still swung over Wendy's shoulders and she leaned in a little closer, worried he might fall off the log. She was about to ask if he was okay when Cartman and Kenny materialized before them.
Cartman's eyes were filled with anticipation and shone with expectation, a smugness about him. Nervousness and uncertainty were clear in Kenny's eyes as he glanced around the clearing fervently. There was something drawn on the ground beneath them. A giant star that was warped as if it were waving. There were flames roughly drawn all around the edges of the star and an eye with a flaming leaf in it was drawn in the center of the star. Cartman knelt down, concentrating on adding details to it.
"The Elder Sign?" Kenny asked doubtfully, having recognized it from some of his parents' old brochures about the cult when they were in it. It would have been helpful if they had actually read them all those years ago.
Cartman nodded. "The book said we need to sketch out this sign before doing the ritual."
Kenny frowned, clearly not having been looped into Cartman's plans. "What is the ritual?"
"You know," Cartman said breezily, waving his hands lazily at Kenny, as if they spoke about rituals on a daily basis, "we gotta spill a little blood on the sign." He moved around a stunned Kenny, griping at him to get a move on it.
"What do you mean? 'Spill a little blood.'"
"What do you think I mean, Kinney!" Cartman explained, aggravated. He was still working on the sign, finishing certain details and comparing it with a picture he had in the spellbook. He glared at Kenny over the pages in his book. "Don't look at me like that. It's not like you don't die all the time. What's the big deal, putting some blood on the ground?"
"Some?" Kenny ground out, glancing around lazily. He stared a few extra seconds longer at the log, making Wendy, Kyle, and Bast uncomfortable. Tearing his eyes away from it, he looked back down at Cartman, "How much is some?" he asked, pulling his hood down, blonde hair messily pointing in all directions.
Cartman pursed his lips, annoyed. "It's some," he consulted the spellbook again. "Two pints."
"Two pints?!"
"Yes, two pints." Cartman rolled his eyes. "Don't act like you even know what that is."
"Ice cream."
Cartman grunted, standing up and dusting off his hands. "What?"
"One of those smaller cartons of ice cream. That's a pint. Two of them are two."
"Yeah. See? A small carton."
"It's still a lot!"
"It's only like four cups!"
"That's a quart!"
"Kenny, we each have to bleed four hundred and seventy-three milliliters, so we need to get started now," Cartman said, wandering over to a bag he had thrown next to the log. Unlike Kenny, he did not seem to be interested in anything else being on or around the log except for his bag, his hands reaching right through Bast to grab at the bag. He pulled two empty containers out of the bag. He handed one to Kenny, who stared down at it, dumbfounded. Each container was a small, empty carton of the one-pint ice creams. A small knife was inside each one.
"You really brought an empty pint of ice cream for us to…'spill blood into?'"
Cartman rolled his eyes with a nod. "Yes, Kinneh, get with the program. I told you I'd make this great sacrifice and become immortal for you so, of course, there's all this woo-woo magic stuff we have to do. The spell says we each have to contribute one pint of fresh blood to The Elder Sign," he explained, casually cutting a small slice in his arm and holding it over his empty container. The blood dripped slowly into it. He looked over expectantly at Kenny. "What are you waiting for? A mailed invitation?" Kenny grunted, shook his head, then pushed up the sleeve on his parka and used the knife to slice a small part of his forearm, holding it over his empty pint of ice cream.
Cartman stood on one side of The Elder Sign that he had painstakingly sketched into the ground and Kenny stood across from him, each staring at each other, waiting for their cartons to fill up. Kenny sighed after a few minutes passed. He could no longer see the bottom of the ice cream carton, but it was going to take some time to finish filling the carton up at this rate. "This is going to take forever," he complained. "I'm not sure this is a good idea." He wished they could just go to a donor site and have them withdraw the blood. Small cuts would take awhile to fill up the cartons.
"It's only supposed to take around fifteen minutes, so suck it up," Cartman snarled. Kenny made a move like he was about to toss his carton at Cartman. "You better fucking not do that, Kenny. Do you want to be normal or not?" Kenny grumbled and dropped to the ground, choosing to sit cross-legged, while letting blood slowly drip into the container.
Wendy and Kyle stared at the two in horror. "Are they serious?" Wendy asked aloud, not expecting an answer. "What on earth possessed them to actually do this?"
Kyle laughed though it quickly gave way to a short coughing fit. "Cartman. He wants to be immortal. It looks like Kenny doesn't like dying and coming back to life."
"Still, any time blood like this is involved, you'd think they would be a little more careful. We already know that whatever happens, Cartman isn't immortal and Kenny is still dying and coming back to life, right?"
"Yeah," Kyle confirmed with a nod, watching both his friends closely, wondering how they had managed to hide this plan from both him and Stan. "I guess we should just be grateful it didn't require an actual human sacrifice."
Bast chose to speak up at this. "It did require a human sacrifice. Your friend misread it, which is why it doesn't work properly in the end." Kyle jumped in surprise, having gotten so consumed by the visions he'd nearly forgotten her presence. Bast simply grinned at him. It was a sign his physical body was healing that he could hear her, though she could still not make sense of his mind. He offered a weak smile in return before exchanging a quick glance with Wendy. They were both surprised Cartman, of all people, would pass on the chance to have an excuse to try to perform a human sacrifice. The spellbook must have been a more complicated read than either of them imagined. They turned their full attention back to the past versions of their two friends.
Kenny was grumbling about how he wanted to go home and watch cartoons with his sister. Cartman griped at him and how he was being ungrateful, considering the "great sacrifice" Cartman would be making on his behalf. Their bickering went on back and forth for over an hour, both starting to look a little pale. Cartman finally sighed, satisfied that his pint was basically full, leaving only a little room at the top. He popped the lid back onto it and then rummaged in his bag for bandages, bandaging himself up quickly and glancing back at Kenny, demanding him to bleed a little faster. Kenny rolled his eyes and finally popped the lid back onto his carton, after determining he would not be able to fit much more blood into it. Cartman threw him some gauze and a bandage to tend to himself.
"Don't die yet or anything," Cartman warned as Kenny rolled gauze around his arm. Kenny shot him a questioning look and Cartman explained, "The spell requires us to both be here. And the blood has to be fresh. I can't just wait around for you to get a new body. We'd have to re-do all this again."
"Got it," Kenny mumbled. He stood up, carefully holding his pint of blood in the ice cream container. "What now?"
"Okay," Cartman said distractedly, balancing his pint of blood by hooking his arm around it and rereading the page in the spellbook. Kenny frowned at the precarious position Cartman had the pint of blood in.
"Don't spill it," he warned.
"Right," Cartman agreed, quickly rereading the page again. "Okay, I have to do some chanting while we pour our blood over the Elder Sign. We need to outline the star with our blood, it's supposed to mix together." Kenny raised his eyebrows, showing just how outlandish he thought this was becoming. "Don't look at me like that, Kenny. You die and come back to life. This should be like normal, everyday stuff to you and your weirdo family. Poors are so strange. Blood sacrifices to get food, gross."
"Shut up, Cartman!" Kenny bit out angrily. "This has nothing to do with food," he snapped, the irony of them having blood in ice cream cartons going over his head. "Let's just get this over with. Probably not going to do anything at all, anyway. Waste of time."
"Well, not with that attitude!" Cartman yelled at him. "It's not a waste of time. It better fucking work, Kenny. I know poor people like to trick the rest of us, but you better not have tricked me."
"You set this up!"
The two bickered on for around another twenty minutes, Kyle and Wendy watching expectantly, Bast assuring them that they would get there eventually. After the bickering died down, Cartman stood at one of the points of the star and guided Kenny to stand at the one across from him.
They each popped the lids back off the cartons and very slowly started to pour out the blood on the outline of the Elder Sign, Cartman chanting softly the entire time. They went over each other's blood with their own, Kenny remaining silent the whole time. Kyle and Wendy both leaned forward, trying to make out the words that Cartman chanted.
"O friend and companion of the night, though who rejoices in the baying of dogs and split blood, who wanderest in the midst of shades among the tombs, who longest for blood and bringest terror to mortals, Gorgo, Mormo, thousand-face moon, look favorably on our sacrifices."
Bast's tail whipped around and she gave a slight shake of her head. "Not only is the sacrifice wrong, but he mixed up the chants, too." Wendy and Kyle said nothing at the explanation and continued to watch in subdued awe.
"Now what?" Kenny asked after they emptied their cartons and Cartman finished his chant.
"We have to both sit inside the sign," Cartman said. Kenny looked down at the blood and then back at Cartman, who sighed. "Don't be a snowflake, Kenny, just sit down," he commanded, though he made no move to sit. Kenny grumbled some but plopped down, sitting cross-legged, wincing a little at the blood that was getting on his clothes. He crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for Cartman to sit across from him within the Elder Sign.
Cartman took a few more moments before finally flopping down with a sigh. Both boys sat cross-legged, facing each other. Kenny raised his eyebrows at Cartman, waiting for instructions on what to do next. Cartman glanced around, uncharacteristically nervous. The sun had set some time ago and a bright full moon hung in the sky over them, the light from it giving them eerie halos.
A few minutes passed, awkward silence around them. Cartman cleared his throat, "Okay. We have to say a chant to Yog-Sothoth."
"Who?"
"Yog, you know, he's like The Guy."
"Whatever you say."
"He is!" Cartman exclaimed. "He's like God except really creepy looking."
"Can we get on with this? I'm hungry," Kenny complained. This was going on much longer than he had expected.
Cartman rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Okay. I'll tell you what you need to say then I'll say my part," he explained, consulting his book again. Kenny nodded, waiting for more instruction. Cartman scanned this spell book again, frowning slightly and squinting a little at the words. "Okay, you say, 'Y'ai'ng'ngah Yog-Sothoth sll'ha n'gha-ghaa ph'shugg.'"
"What?!"
Cartman rolled his eyes and raised his voice. "Y'aaaiiiii'nnnngggg'nnnngaaaaahhhhhh Yooog-" he started to draw out each word before Kenny cut him off.
"Fine," Kenny snapped. "I just don't know what any of that means. Why isn't any of it in English? The chant you did earlier was!"
"How the fuck am I supposed to know? Do I look like an otherworldly god to you? Just fucking say it."
"Fine," Kenny grumbled again, also irritated. "Y'aiiinnnng….. Yog-Sothoth sll'ha…" he paused, struggling to pronounce most of it and forgetting the second part. "What's the rest again? Can't you just show it to me?"
"Sure," Cartman said, handing him the book, the spell already circled in red.
Kenny took a deep breath and tried again, starting from the beginning, "Y'ai'ng'ngah Yog-Sothoth sll'ha n'gha-ghaa ph'shugg." Lightning flashed not far from him, making him jump and nearly drop the spellbook. Cartman was quick to grab the book, glancing at his part of the chant again.
"K'yarnak phlegethor l'ebumna syha'h h'ghft, Yah ai kadishtu ep r'luh-eeh Nyogtha eeh, s'uhn-ngh athg li'hee orr'e syha'h. Y'ai 'ng'ngah, Yog-Sothoth h'ee-l'geb f'ai throdog uaah." Kenny stared at him, not comprehending a single word. He wasn't even sure if this was a real language.
There was a tense minute of ominous silence, the only sound in the woods being Kenny and Cartman's nervous breathing. Within the next minute, the silence was shattered by loud, thunderous booms and lightning flashing around the two of them, trees trembling at the onslaught.
Kenny's eyes went wide and he stared at Cartman, stunned. Maybe Cartman had really managed to figure out how to switch the immortality spell. Relief and hope welled up within him; that would be very nice. Maybe that would mean Death would no longer stalk him, killing him off for kicks and giggles. His mother wouldn't have to keep rebirthing him. Cartman stared back at Kenny, neither moving from their spot, waiting to see what would happen. Lighting flashed in between them making them both jump. Kenny's heart beat wildly in his chest. That was close, too close. So much for Death no longer stalking him. Disappointment swept away the relief and hope. Across from him, Cartman frowned, an odd look in his eyes. More lightning flashed around them and there was another loud boom.
Kenny stiffened, noting what had suddenly surrounded him and Cartman, staying within the Elder Sign. Iridescent balls of light were all around them, pulsing erratically. Each one pulsed at a different beat, some faster than others, some much slower, and others didn't pulse at all, simply hanging in the air. There were several scattered on the ground, a few even rolling in the blood on the ground. Cartman remained frozen in place, understanding that the iridescent balls were Yog-Sothoth as he had done a considerable amount of research to figure out how to become immortal like Kenny. He leaned forward, excitedly, trying to communicate this to Kenny, but Yog-Sothoth had other plans. The balls all gathered in between the two boys, in the center of the Elder Sign. With no warning, the balls of light all exploded, a blinding light engulfing both Kenny and Cartman. The light covered the entire Elder Sign and shot up into the night sky as far as the eye can see, much brighter than the moonshine it was now blocking.
Bast stared at it but both Kyle and Wendy had to look away, their eyes burning from the intensity of the light, wondering how Kenny and Cartman could survive being in the center of that. Bast's tail whipped back and forth, agitated by the light show and Cartman's antics. "That was Yog-Sothoth. Your friend managed to get his attention."
Wendy kept her eyes averted from the light beam. "Yog-Sothoth is the omniscience Outer God, right?"
Bast nodded. "Yes. You did your research well. I cannot say the same of your two friends." Wendy opened her mouth to continue the conversation but was cut off by a nearby flash of lightning and another clap of thunder.
There was a final boom that shook the entire area, leaves falling off trees and the ground beneath them showing signs of supernatural disturbance. Kenny and Cartman had both been thrown backward and were lying flat on their backs, staring up at the stars in the night sky, breathing heavily. It took a couple of minutes but they both managed to roll over and sit up, initially facing away from each other. Kenny's blonde hair stuck up in various directions. He started to slowly shake his head, his eyes flickering back and forth, a strange frantic look in them. Cartman put his hand to his right temple, uncertainly. He glanced around and then shot Kenny an odd look over his shoulders. Kenny was still shaking his head and grabbed at his hair, starting to pull at it a little, disbelief clear on his face.
Cartman finally turned himself around and looked at Kenny. "Kinney." It was Kenny's turn to glance at him over his shoulders, looking like a deer caught in headlights. Cartman grabbed his head now, grimacing in distress. It was a very strange expression to see on Cartman's face. "Get this… stuff… out of my head."
Kenny turned around so he was facing Cartman, shocked and unhappy. "Get your stuff out of my head. This is because of your weird spell!"
"You didn't do it right!" Cartman exclaimed before grabbing at his head again, clearly in pain. Kenny flinched, also feeling the pain.
Kyle and Wendy watched. Kyle had thought the two might have some strange mind connection but he still did not understand what was happening. Wendy stared on, stunned at the situation. She turned to Bast. "What exactly is happening?"
Bast shook her tiny head. "The spell was incorrect. At least I believe it to be incorrect. I have spoken to your friend before and he insists he used the right spell. Either way, Yog-Sothoth gave him what he wanted, which is immortality. It just happens that it was through linking their minds."
"Linking?" Wendy asked, still not quite understanding.
"Yes. Linking. If your friend, Eric, were to die he would simply live on in your other friend's mind. It is different with your other friend, Kenny, as he was already immortal." Both of said friends were grabbing at their heads and rubbing their temples, muttering curses. Bast closed her eyes, then opened them to study Wendy and Kyle closely for a moment. "For the next bit, I'm going to use my own spell that involves omniscience. It will only last so long and I thought this next part was more important." She gave them a once-over again. "And I wanted to make sure the two of you would be strong enough to survive it."
"How does it work?"
"You lose the essence of yourself as you are now and become omniscient." She raised one paw and made an odd waving gesture. Instantly, Wendy and Kyle burst into millions of little pieces becoming one with the night sky that surrounded them. "Good luck. You should have enough time before your physical forms awaken."