A/N: Ohhhh boooyyy. Trigger warnings for mentions of violent sexual fantasies (but none actually happen) and gun violence. Also internalized homophobia on Cartman's part.
Kenny tugged at his hair yet again, anxiety building up within him. His mind was no longer just his. Cartman- Eric- was constantly there, a disturbing presence that never left since they did the spell. Worse yet, he could not seem to extract himself from Cartman's mind.
Cartman's mind was a nightmare for him. He had always suspected their friend to be sociopathic and this experiment was confirming his suspicions. His mind was a remorseless world, full of secret identities and lies with no thought to consequences or how his actions may harm others. On top of that, it was all so aggressive, there was this near-constant need to argue with someone. Of particular concern were his incredibly disturbing thoughts regarding Kyle and Kenny had to keep pushing those out of his mind, stunned that they even existed. To a lesser extent, Wendy was an issue and the Butters in Cartman's mind was also not having fun.
Every time Kenny felt his anger start to build up within him at the situation they were in and wanted to hurt Cartman, there was something else. That running thread of utter incomprehension that ran through Cartman's mind. It was clear to Kenny that Cartman had really never understood how disturbing his mind was; this was all normal to him and what he believed most other people to be experiencing. If they said otherwise, the assumption was that they were lying to him. Cartman was now starting to realize how disturbing his mind was after having to experience Kenny's horror at it once they had been linked by Yog-Sothhoth.
Making matters worse is that they could not escape each other, constantly hearing the other's thoughts no matter what they tried. It had been five long days since that awful day in the woods and both were growing tired of the shared mental space. Dreams and nightmares were shared, thoughts were out in the open, no privacy to be had regardless of the physical distance between them. It had gotten to the point they had started to communicate telepathically at the bus stop just the day before and had not even realized they were doing it until Stan asked if they were messing with him and Kyle.
Can you shut your mind off? What the fuck? Cartman didn't bother to hide the desperation in his voice. In the past few days, he had experienced more feelings than he ever cared to again. He didn't even know people could feel this way. It was overwhelming and exhausting, making him second guess a lot of his choices in life, something he had never done before. He tried to tell himself it was just that Kenny was the strange one, that he had not evolved to conquer the same way Cartman had. Something told him he was wrong but he tried to refuse to acknowledge it. The feelings of empathy kept pervading throughout his mind and he was starting to suspect that Kenny was at least more empathetic than most others and it was too much. He could hardly breathe sometimes. Feeling empathy for Kyle freaking Broflovski, Stan Marsh, Butters Leopold or any of those losers, much less Wendy Testaburger, was by far, one of the worst experiences of his life. Not to mention any time Kenny was around his sister, Karen, the feelings of love and protectiveness bowled over him and Cartman really could not understand or comprehend it but was still forced to experience those feelings.
Shut your mind off, Kenny griped back. Any time they took the time to communicate telepathically the other voice was practically shouting within each other's minds. Kenny was sure there was a way to communicate this way without shouting, they just hadn't been able to discover it yet. Likely due to the panic that both were experiencing and it was amplified since not only did they experience their own panic over the situation but each other's panic, too.
I want to go to sleep.
Kenny rolled his eyes. Cartman was still having trouble understanding how insanely selfish he was, though it seemed he was starting to grapple with that as well. Me too.
Cartman closed his eyes, trying to let himself drift off to sleep. Maybe he would have a nice dream like the one last night.
Please don't, Kenny's voice cut through. He sighed. Honestly Cartman, I had no idea you had so many disturbing fantasies. Also, why did you never tell anyone you're gay?
I'm not gay! Cartman was immediately defensive.
Right, that's why you have around a million fantasies of Kyle practically every day.
Do not, Cartman seethed and it was there again- that thread of incomprehension. Cartman truly didn't understand why Kenny thought any of this would make him gay. Most of his fantasies regarding Kyle did end rather violently and it's not as if Cartman didn't have a few fantasies about some of their female classmates, but they were much more infrequent than the fantasies revolving around Kyle and Butters. Kenny shuddered, relieved he was somehow spared these bizarre fantasies. Kenny couldn't figure out if Cartman's fantasies with the girls were forced to make Kenny think he wasn't gay or if they naturally came to the other's mind. He sighed and Cartman flinched, feeling that strange thread of empathy for him. Cartman practically screeched. Why do you feel sorry for me?! Stop that. Stop feeling!
Can't help it, Kenny informed him rather sadly, a heaviness weighing his mind down. It was sad, Cartman's mind was such a disturbing place and Kenny was happy his mind was nothing like it, with the way Cartman's mind was, he would likely never admit to feeling attraction to the same gender, much less to Kyle. That strange and frantic disbelief and incredulity from Cartman was like a tidal wave that nearly bowled Kenny over. Cartman could simply not understand Kenny's pity and sorrow at the state of his mind; even more upsetting was the fact Cartman had to accept that it was his mind that was abnormal, that more minds were likely to be much more similar to Kenny's than his own. Calm down, Kenny admonished after a moment.
Cartman grit his teeth, not bothering to hide his annoyance and aggravation; they had learned early on there was no point in hiding things from each other. I just want to sleep, he complained.
Fine. Can you just try to not dream about Kyle. Or Butters.
I'll try but it's not like I can control it! I don't ask you not to dream about fucking those women with giant titties.
There was a long silence as Kenny considered his words and Cartman could sense Kenny trying to block him out a little; it was unfair. Kenny was already better at this than him, but not good enough to keep him blocked out for more than a few seconds. Cartman wasn't good at it at all, he couldn't even achieve that. He knew Kenny only did that when the other thought Cartman's thoughts were too extreme. Kenny responded carefully, Everyone in my dreams enjoys things consensually, Eric, and no one dies at the end of it.
Fine, fine, Cartman groused, I didn't realize those things were such a big deal.
They are.
Good night.
Night.
Ω
Kenny woke up with wide eyes, annoyed and irritated. Cartman had tried, but his dreams had eventually devolved into another violent sexual fantasy with Kyle. It was disturbing and worse yet, since their minds had been linked, Kenny couldn't always extract himself from Cartman's dreams and sometimes found himself enjoying them, which was something that would have never happened before the spell. He half wondered if Cartman only had fantasies about the girls once in a while now because of him. He considered telling Kyle (and Butters) to get restraining orders against both of them. Cartman's voice snapped at him in his mind and he sighed.
He made it to the bus stop and awkwardly stood on the other side of Stan, purposely avoiding Kyle. The thoughts that Cartman had about him and that he saw every day multiple times made it extremely hard to look his friend in the eyes anymore. Stan and Kyle would usually converse more with each other than Kenny or Cartman. Kenny could feel Cartman's thoughts get louder as he got closer. The two exchanged a pained look with each other before Cartman decided to stand on the other side of Kyle, much to the redhead's irritation.
Kenny groaned inwards, knowing that the closer proximity Cartman was to Kyle, the more insane and more violent his fantasies tended to get. He had a strange fixation on Kyle and fantasy Kyle only seemed to get reprieve when Butters was around. Eric, he warned helplessly, knowing full well that Cartman's fantasies would just pop up and excite the other, usually they were only encouraged when Kyle would snap at him or argue with him.
I'm trying Kenny! Cartman all but screamed in his mind and even looked over at him. Both Stan and Kyle exchanged a glance with each other before Stan cleared his throat.
"Is something going on with you two?" he asked. Cartman and Kenny had been behaving bizarrely the last week or so.
"No!" Cartman insisted.
"Yes!" Kenny exclaimed.
Kyle and Stan exchanged another look, unsure what to say. Kyle moved the conversation forward, and the bus showed up shortly after.
Ω
It had been three weeks. Kenny was developing a twitch that would put Tweak to shame and Cartman could barely hold himself together, foreign feelings overwhelming him. He had never felt so much guilt before but now that his mind was linked to Kenny, he felt guilt at his fantasies and actions nearly all the time. He felt this almost near constant need to apologize to Kyle. Sometimes that even spilled over towards Butters. He only seemed to get a break around Stan as neither he or Kenny felt any type of way towards him. If Stan noticed that Kenny and Cartman tended to vanish when Kyle, Butters, or anyone else showed up he said nothing about it. Cartman assumed it was due to Stan's alcoholism but Kenny wasn't so sure. He believed Stan to be depressed and just happy to have company in Kyle's absence. The three of them were really fucked up, but Kenny would argue that Stan was the least fucked of them.
Kenny dreaded seeing nearly anyone as Cartman always saw a flash of that person and usually had some disturbing thought pop in his head which would then pop up into Kenny's head. Kenny knew they weren't his own thoughts, but it left him disturbed and unsettled. The thoughts were beyond horrifying, usually involving some sort of violent sexual fantasy that Kenny never would have thought of and to make matters worse, Cartman was still always shocked and confused at Kenny's horror and disgust.
Cartman had made some progress towards understanding that his thoughts were abnormal, his fantasies going far beyond a typical person's fantasy, even if one would have questionable fantasies. However, he still didn't understand just how abnormal and disturbing they were. Kenny dreaded anytime they were around Kyle or Butters. Cartman was a bit softer with Butters. He was just horribly violent towards Kyle in his thoughts. Kenny wasn't sure how much longer he could take it; spending too much time thinking of seeking help and not actually going for any. One day, the thought of help was suddenly addressed.
Who is Bast? Cartman asked without preamble. You've been thinking about going to her.
Yes. She could maybe help. Kenny said, putting forth no effort in trying to hide information as he knew it was a pointless endeavor. He let his memories of her spill over into Cartman's mind. He had met the Egyptian goddess in R'lyeh two years prior. He had simply stumbled into her one of the times he had died and she was concerned at seeing such a child wandering about. She had taught him how to summon her if needed, but made it clear that only he could; an actual human had limited times and would require a payment of sorts.
Really? Why are you just now thinking of her, Kenny?! It's been nearly a month.
I don't know, I just didn't think of her. Probably because I've been too busy trying to not think of Kyle!
I can't help it!
The next day Kenny was at Cartman's house, summoning Bast.
Bast showed up in a blaze of light, shocks of lightning surrounding her. Cartman stared up at her in shock and awe. He had seen her in Kenny's mind but still couldn't quite form words once he was in her presence. She was ethereal and her glow was blinding. Bast stared at Kenny for a long moment. He shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. "Bast," he started hesitantly, "I was hoping you could help."
"There is evil in you that was not there when I last saw you," she stated bluntly, disappointment and sadness in her eyes.
Kenny stole a glance at Cartman and Cartman caught on to his thoughts right away. "Hold up!" he exclaimed, upset. "Are you saying Kenny is evil because of me?! That's not my fault, maybe he was always evil and you just didn't know!"
Bast narrowed her eyes at Cartman and studied him intently for a couple minutes. After giving him the once over, she turned her attention back to Kenny. "What does this human mean? Because of him?"
Kenny launched into an explanation of everything that had happened over the last month, the former Egyptian goddess listening closely. He told her about how Cartman had always known and he didn't know why, Cartman's obsession about immortality, and how he had agreed to do the switch spell with him.
"So the spell did not work?" Bast inquired after he finished explaining everything to her.
"I-I don't know," Kenny admitted. "I've been avoiding death in case it did."
"It did not," she stated flatly. At both his and Cartman's questioning looks, she explained further, "I can still sense the otherworldly aura about you," she explained to Kenny. "I've always believed it to be rooted in evil, but now it is blatantly apparent that you are evil." She sighed and looked above. "You know I am supposed to protect people from spirits like you."
Kenny didn't respond as he felt a sudden sense of overwhelming despair fall over him; she wouldn't help him. He was evil now in her eyes and they were enemies. She had always been so friendly and helpful in the past. This would no longer be the case going forward.
Cartman frowned, a growl starting to rip from his throat. He was thoroughly pissed for multiple reasons. The anger at being the reason Kenny was now evil and the utter devastation that had bowled through Kenny, taking his breath away. "Hey! Hey you, Bast cat lady bitch!" he yelled at her. "Just what the fuck do is wrong with you? Hurting my friend's feelings and calling him evil?" Kenny's despair was too much to take and it angered Cartman that Bast was the cause of that feeling.
"My name is Bast, only Bast, and I will not respond to any further questions if referred to as anything but. Your friend will be considered an evil spirit now due to your presence in his mind," she snapped at him. Cartman reared back to start screaming at her but was stopped by both Kenny's pleading thoughts and Bast's glare. She went on, "What spell did you use?"
Cartman tried to resist explaining what the spell was, but realized Kenny would have access to the information now that he was thinking about it. "It was the Immortality Switching Spell," he explained. "Yog-Sothoth was supposed to grant Kenny's immortality to me."
"And he has," Bast stated flatly, glancing between both the boys.
"But we wanted it to be physical," Kenny complained. "Now he's just in my head all the time with insane thoughts."
"You're in my head all the time with a million feelings," Cartman was quick to counter.
"You must have not completed the spell completely or did a spell that was referencing the mind and not the body," Bast explained, unamused. She looked Kenny up and down. "You agreed to this?" Kenny nodded. "Why?"
"I-I just wanted to be normal," he said with a heavy sigh.
Bast shook her head, her ears twitching slightly. "Now you are even stranger than you were before," she pointed out. "This is why we must all live life with what we are given because trying to fix things that do not need fixing just creates a mess. A mess that cannot be cleaned."
Cartman took a deep breath, trying not to drown in Kenny's despair. It was overwhelming and so mournful and sad. Cartman had never experienced anything like it. "Is there anything we can do to not feel each other so much?" he asked, surprised at his own pathetic begging. It was too much to take.
Bast hesitated for a moment before another quick glance at Kenny. Her eyes softened and she sighed. "I should leave it be, but there is a way to dampen your psychic link." It was jarring hearing her say psychic to describe their link. Both Cartman and Kenny were aware that's what it was, but just skirted around the idea, each too afraid to come out and call it anything more than a mind link. One they hoped wouldn't be permanent.
She sat down and crossed her legs, motioning for them to do the same, closing her eyes. After a few moments of silence, she launched into an explanation of visualizing a wall within their minds to separate each others' thoughts and how to solidify that vision to block out the other. Even if they couldn't block each other completely out, they could at least dampen the sound of the other's voice and dull the sharp emotions that were swirling through their minds each day.
Kenny caught on much quicker on how to create a wall, which was probably for the best, as he was the one most disturbed. Cartman was jealous, but still grateful that at least things were muted between them. It didn't matter who created the wall, it would still dampen the link between them. When Cartman could create his own, it helped almost block out the other, but Cartman had trouble maintaining it for longer than a couple hours. Even Kenny could only maintain his for a day or two at a time before it crumbled. It would take him several days to create a new wall. Before leaving, Bast reminded them that she could only be summoned two more times unless she chose to visit them of her own accord so to only use the summons in case of emergencies. Cartman was now linked so he could summon her. Sensing his arrogance, Bast made it abundantly clear that she would kill Cartman if he summoned her for fun and he would be stuck living out life in Kenny's mind with no physical form of his own.
Ω
Kenny was finally able to find some relief from Cartman's violent and psychotic fantasies. He could only hope being linked to his mind would help to dampen Cartman's psychotic and sociopathic tendencies. Six weeks had passed since Bast had visited them and offered help. He stared at his gloved hands, waiting at the bus stop for the other boys to join him. Snow fell onto the ground around him. He could still sense Cartman getting near and sometimes, if Cartman pushed, he could break down the barrier, but both were happy to have something between them, no longer being completely drowned in the others' thoughts.
Stan and Kyle joined him before Cartman.
"You think fatass will be here today?" Kyle asked, immediately noting the absence of Cartman. Stan shrugged. Kenny nodded. He could already tell that Cartman was nearing them.
"He's on his way. He should be here in about two minutes."
Both Kyle and Stan gave Kenny doubtful looks, clearly not convinced. "What are you? Some kind of Cartman psychic?"
Kenny shrugged, feeling self-conscious especially with Kyle's choice of words. It was still hard to even look at Kyle after witnessing all Cartman's bizarre fantasies. "No, it's just when he usually shows up."
Kyle narrowed his eyes. "No, it's not. He's usually here with you."
Kenny shrugged again, damning Kyle's insightfulness. Cartman and Kenny had been coming to the bus stop together especially since the psychic link. It was like one couldn't do something without the other wanting to do it, too. Only because of the barrier that Bast showed them were they even able to get to the bus stop separately. "Guess it's an off day today. How are you, Stan? You look tired."
Stan straightened at being drawn into the conversation. He had been staring off into space. "Yeah, my dad has been talking about starting another farm." He sighed. "I really don't want to have to move again. It was bad enough the first time and I feel like we haven't been back that long."
"Your mom probably won't go for that, anyway," Kyle pointed out.
"Yeah, but I don't want them to divorce over it, either."
"Ohhhhh, are we talking about Stan's crazy parents again?" Cartman made himself known by joining the conversation as he approached, stopping to stand by Kenny. Kyle rolled his eyes. They all knew Cartman spoke so lowly about everyone else's parents to cope with his own parental situation.
He bit down his insult as the bus pulled up, choosing to just stick his tongue out at Cartman before boarding the bus with Stan. Kenny slowly followed Cartman onto the bus. Despite trying to create distance between themselves, they also found it was hard to not be around each other, like some bizarre pull the spell had created between the two, so Kenny sat next to Cartman. Cartman opened his mouth to protest, but clamped it shut, knowing that it did feel better when Kenny was near him, as annoying as it was to both of them.
After they got off the bus, Kenny sensed that Cartman wanted to talk to him away from the others and the two stayed outside while the other students filtered in, not even Kyle and Stan finding this odd as the other two had been hanging around each other more.
"Your brother has been acting odd." Cartman stated. Kenny nodded, knowing there was no point in denying it. He had been so worried about his older brother that he knew he had pierced their barrier with the worry.
Kevin was acting strange and it had all started about two weeks ago. Initially, he had dismissed it as nothing, just as an older brother trying to mess with his younger one. However, it was becoming increasingly clear it was something more than that. It was starting to consume him with worry as he couldn't get any clear answers on why Kevin was suddenly out of sorts.
"He has been saying really strange things and giving me odd looks lately," Kenny explained, piercing the barrier a little more with some recent memories of him and Kevin. Kevin stared at him strangely, an incredibly piercing gaze, as if seeing into the depths of his soul. There had also been some strange comments from Kevin. He had asked Kenny things randomly like if he was okay or in pain out of the blue. One time Kenny had been simply sitting on his couch, playing a video game and Kevin had suddenly asked if he was okay and if he felt any pain in his side. Kenny had frowned, unsure where the concern had come from. He shrugged off the concern only for Kevin's eyes to narrow and stare at him like he was an alien from another planet.
Unease filled Kenny with the memories. Something was wrong. "Do you think he knows?" He asked Cartman.
"About what exactly?" Cartman asked. "You being immortal? Us being linked together? Bast? I mean with you the list kind of goes on and on….."
There was a sharp rebuke on Kenny's tongue but he swallowed it, knowing Cartman could already feel his aggravation. Besides, Cartman was right. The list did seem to just go on and on and on. Even so, he had no idea why Kevin had just suddenly started acting so strange out of the blue.
"It's just strange, and I can't figure out what his deal is…" Kenny mulled over it. There was a thought. There was an idea, but he dismissed it, finding it to be ridiculous. Kevin couldn't know any of that. There was no way. He would know. Surely Kenny would know just like he knew about Cartman!
"Who knows? Maybe he got dumped or lost a job or something," Cartman said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Can you stop worrying so much about him? The worry broke through and the last person I want to be worried about is your poor ass older brother. Who cares."
Cartman flinched when he felt Kenny's anger surge through the barrier. He held up his hands. "Okay, okay, sheesh. I get it. You care about your brother. Got it," he said, leaning over and putting his hands on his knees, wheezing from the effort of not being knocked over from the intense surge of emotions. Kenny walked off without another word and, for years, Cartman would wonder if they should have discussed this in more detail. Would wish Kenny would have stayed and decided to not leave until they figured out a plausible answer. Kevin's strangeness would escalate later that evening and throw their lives into chaos.
Kenny went home later that day, feeling tired and worn out. He had been consumed with so much worry and he was always exhausted both around and when not around Cartman. Either way, he had to spend so much mental energy on the other boy, something that he was still having to adapt to. Walking into his house, he noted the trash still lying around and heard his parents fighting in the kitchen. His sister was sitting at the table, eating a snack. She smiled at him, greeting him happily.
He felt some of the tension from the earlier meeting with Cartman melt away and went to sit with her and eat, too. His worries didn't seem as overwhelming being there with her, it was like this is what mattered. Just being himself and around his sister. His heart swelled and he just reveled in the moment. He was sure Cartman would be annoyed later as he was knew some of the love he felt for his sister had no doubt seeped into Cartman's psyche; it was a complaint Cartman often had; Kenny's blinding love for his little sister was too overwhelming. Kenny didn't care and never dampened that feeling, he wasn't sure he could even if he wanted to.
Karen got up to go to her room and get some things and Kenny decided to play video games on the couch. His parents were still yelling, but it was normal and essentially just white noise he'd grown used to in his life. Nothing was unusual or strange. Until Kevin arrived. A strange chill overcame Kenny when his brother opened the door and entered the house, immediately in the living room. Goosebumps spread out across him and the room was too cold.
Kenny glanced over at his brother with trepidation. Hairs stood up on his neck and arms. Kevin looked perfectly normal so he wasn't sure why his body was having such a strange reaction.
Kinneh? He heard Cartman's voice in his head, concern and confusion clear in the other's tone. He was definitely feeling everything Kenny was as he couldn't keep his concentration on the psychic barrier; his body was suddenly feeling out of his control for reasons unknown. His gut was telling him to get up and run, run far far away from his brother. That was ridiculous, though, it was just Kevin. He was harmless. Kinneh? Cartman prompted again when there was no response as the barrier between them crumbled further without warning or explanation. He didn't need to tell Kenny he was on his way.
Kenny stared at his game, watching the characters on the screen, refusing to look over at Kevin who was slowly walking towards him, shoes clomping loudly and menacingly on the floor, creating a strange echo Kenny had never noticed before. If he just kept playing his game, whatever was about to happen wouldn't. This feeling would just pass and they would go on with their lives.
Kevin stopped in front of him. "Look at me." His voice brooked no argument and held an ominous promise. Kenny remained sitting on the couch, clutching the game controller, and slowly raised his gaze to meet his brother's piercing glare. There was something odd about Kevin, the way he was staring at Kenny, the way he was standing, one of his hands hiding something behind his back.
"Yeah?" Kenny practically squeaked, the tension was so heavy in the room, he hated to speak at all. He was vaguely aware of his parents still yelling and he thought he heard Karen moving down the hall from her room, but his eyes remained glued to Kevin, uncertain what was going on. Panic was starting to shoot through him and he wasn't sure why. Even if he was acting weird, it was just his brother.
"There's something off about you," Kevin stated dully, his voice sounding detached. It was the perfect tone as Kenny felt completely detached from reality. "It needs to be fixed," he explained. "Don't be angry with me."
Kenny swallowed thickly, confusion starting to overshadow the panic. "What?" His voice sounded small and pathetic to his own ears. Kevin's eyes softened, almost looking apologetic before he took a deep breath and exhaled as if steeling himself for his next move. He robotically turned and started to heavily walk towards where their parents were fighting. As he turned, he moved his hand from behind his back, letting his arm hang by his side. Black steel molded into an all too familiar weapon was held in his hand.
Kenny gasped as though he had been choked and then jumped off the couch, disbelieving what he had just seen. Why did Kevin have a gun? And what had he meant? More importantly, why was he moving towards their parents with such a purpose? Had he snapped and gotten tired of them? They weren't the best parents, but this wasn't necessary. Not to mention, Karen was still in the house!
There was no time to figure anything out, though, as it happened very suddenly. One minute, his parents were arguing and then a loud scream and a horrifying boom echoed around them. Kenny was screaming, along with his father. He covered the short gap from the living room towards the kitchen.
"What the hell!"" Stuart McCormick was able to get out, trying to steady his wife, who was bleeding profusely from the head. She tried to scream again, but it was warbled and blood was already dripping from her mouth. Stuart didn't have much time to respond as another boom resounded through the room and he was dropping to the floor with his wife, eyes wide and in shock.
"Kevin!" Kenny threw himself at his brother's back, unsure what else to do. Kevin easily side stepped him and looked down at him again, eyes steely and vacant. He softened again at seeing his distressed younger brother.
"I'm sorry, Kenny, but this must be done. I can't do it again and this will stop it."
"What are you talking about?!" Kenny shouted, stunned and in total shock and disbelief. Another alarmed voice joined them and Kenny's whole body stiffened. No. But Kevin's arm was already in the air, finger pulling the trigger before their sister could get closer or finish asking what was going on. NO. No, no, no, no… Kenny couldn't turn around to see his sister, having heard her voice cut off mid-sentence. This isn't happening.
Kevin smiled sadly at him. "I told you not to be angry with me." He held the gun up, Kenny not sure if the next shot would be for him or not.
"What the hell!" Kenny echoed their father's earlier sentiment. He wanted to back up, but couldn't, fearing he would trip over his sister and hurt her further. She would be okay, she just needed medical attention, she had to be okay. She had to be. She had to be.
Kevin was maniacal, cackling into hysterical giggling. "I told you not to be angry." He repeated again before turning the gun on himself. Kenny had barely a moment to be in horror before the trigger was pulled. He watched as Kevin crumpled to the floor, blood spraying from his body and onto Kenny.
Kenny dropped to his knees, retching violently onto the floor, body in shock and out of his control. His feet bumped into something behind him, and he turned around, dreading seeing what he knew he would see. His sister lay sprawled behind him, blood pooling beneath her. There was so much blood everywhere.
He crawled the short distance between them and stared down at her. "Karen?" he asked, hoping against hope that she would say something. Her eyes were closed at least, he thought deliriously, thankful he wouldn't have to shut them like he sometimes saw in shows and movies.
Everything had happened so fast. Kevin couldn't have gotten home more than five or six minutes ago, if that. How did so much happen so fast? He retched again, vomit mixing with the blood on the ground, careful to avoid getting any puke on his sister. There was only one thing left to do, he thought, listening to the heavy silence that enveloped the house, only his heavy breathing being heard. There might have been a voice screaming in his head, but it was hard to tell from his own screams between his retching. He crawled back over to Kevin, and grabbed the gun.
That voice was screaming again, sounding almost irritated. He didn't want to feel his pain or hear any more voices, knowing he wouldn't ever hear his sister's voice again or his brother's or even his parents' arguing. He didn't want to wonder why Kevin would do this. With his mom gone, maybe this would mean it was it for him. Maybe he had never been immortal to begin with.
Cartman was running to Kenny's house, their psychic barrier completely tarnished as Kevin had gone completely psycho in Cartman's book and shot up the house. What the fuck! He couldn't believe it. He was at the entrance of the house when another gunshot was heard and he immediately knew Kenny had shot himself. There was a feeling of being himself again and not sharing his mind with anyone else. It was an odd sense of relief and longing all at once. He was glad it was gone but also missed the presence; it was a strange feeling he couldn't put into words. He stepped into the house, dreading what he would see, already having seen glimpses of it through Kenny's crumpling psyche.
He went through the living room and before stopping in the hall right outside the kitchen. The three McCormick siblings lay there, blood under them and on the walls. Their parents were a lifeless heap on the floor in the kitchen. That odd and strange feeling of longing welled up in him when he looked down at Kenny again. It didn't last long, though, as there was the return of an extra presence to his mind. It took him less than a second to know it was Kenny.
"The hell," he muttered.
No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. It was the only thought swirling wildly through Kenny's mind and Cartman willed himself not to fall to the floor and start retching. He still fell to the floor, but managed to not puke. Kenny's panic and disbelief were overwhelming and Cartman could barely get a thought in edgewise. Everything went silent, though, at a slight cry of pain coming from the floor. Cartman immediately looked down to see Karen staring up at him in horror, trying to move her mouth. She was still…alive?
Karen… Cartman crawled to her, unsure if it was of his own freewill or if Kenny had somehow taken over his body. He stopped beside her, kneeling over her, her horror and despair reflected in his own eyes. Help her! Kenny directed him, hysteria and desperation overriding his other feelings. Cartman made to get up and call someone, but a cry from Karen stopped him. Her arm hung limply by her, but her fingers reached out as if looking for something to hold onto.
Cartman numbly reached out to grab her hand, squeezing it lightly. Tears tracked down her cheeks. Cartman knew there would be no helping her as she gasped desperately for breath, a death rattle if he'd ever heard one. Kenny refused to let the thought settle, forcing his hand to squeeze a little tighter.
Suddenly Cartman was having an out of body experience, Kenny pushing him to the back of his own mind. It was Cartman's body leaning over Karen, whispering reassurances and planting a gentle kiss on her forehead as she took in one last breath, but it was definitely Kenny performing all these actions. She stared up at them with a vacant expression and Kenny used Cartman's hands to close her eyes.
Cartman found himself in control again, trying to fight that empty feeling that was all-consuming Kenny. Would Kenny be in his mind forever now? He wasn't sure. Kenny wasn't concerned with their mind link at the moment, it was the last thing he cared to even think about. The nothingness and numbness from Kenny was too much. Kenny no longer cared to control his body or do anything besides mourn and cry in anguish. Cartman found himself slowly exiting the house, unsure what to do. He didn't want to be a suspect for murder and he could sense Kenny's horror at the thought of it being found out his brother had snapped like this. It was too fresh in his mind. Kevin's strange words and accusations rang through Kenny's mind and he had to believe this was his fault somehow, someway.
Kenny didn't want Cartman to leave the house, he didn't want to leave his family like that. Kenny wanted Cartman as far away as possible, he never wanted to see his family like that again. He couldn't stand the sight of all the blood. He didn't want Cartman to leave because he should be there with his family. Why was he still here?
Make up your mind! Cartman cried out, having stopped at the front door, feeling like a fool. Multiple murders had just happened in that house. Kenny's actual body was still in the house and he was just standing here, it would not look good if someone approached him and found five dead bodies heaped on the floor in the house he was just standing in front of, the front door wide open. He was surprised none of the neighbors had called the police. Maybe they were just too used to the noise from the McCormicks or maybe they were at work or school. He hoped it was the latter.
Just like that, Kenny's mind and thoughts were ripped away from him again and Cartman was experiencing a strange emptiness again; this one he was more familiar with. There were a few times in the past when Cartman had experienced this- when Kenny had a particularly gruesome death and a few minutes of reprieve from his mind when he was in the otherworld. He could sense Kenny was still around, just not currently in the same realm as him. He frowned, taking the opportunity to run towards his home, trying to put as much distance from him and the McCormicks' house as possible. He knew Kenny's mother gave birth to him after each death and wondered how he would come back to this realm, if it was even possible. Did this mean when Cartman died, he would live in Kenny's mind eternally? The thought was as terrifying as it was comforting.
It was later that night, when Cartman heard his mother screaming did he realize that she would be the one now giving birth to Kenny after his deaths. He supposed it made sense; they were linked now. There was so much devastation in Kenny, it was like he wasn't himself at all anymore. He could barely piece together half a thought before seeing flashes of his brother pointing a gun at him and his family or hear his sister's voice stop mid-sentence.
It was my fault, Kenny thought, not bothering to say anything aloud. He sat on Cartman's bed, arm across his eyes, tears running down his cheeks. Cartman stood in his room and sighed, still unable to recreate the psychic barrier between the two, which he desperately needed to do. Kenny's devastation and despair was too much and it was all the time. Sometimes there were waves and he felt the emotions stronger at those times, but it was as if Kenny's baseline normal feeling was simply despair.
"It wasn't," Cartman spoke aloud, finding that this helped to create a slight separation between the two.
There's something wrong with you. Kevin's words flashed through both their minds. Kenny wondered, like he always did, if Kevin had known about his immortality. He had mulled over the possibility many times and, later, after Kyle's response, he had to wonder again about what all Kevin had known to make him behave in such a way. The other thought was that maybe Kevin had gotten a hold of some of their parents' drugs and didn't do well with them.
Cartman shook his head. "We don't know that. There's no point in guessing. Besides, I know, and haven't gone off and done that."
This was truly the crux of the matter. Was Cartman just so insane that he thought this was normal and never had any issue with it?
"Hey," Cartman protested, insulted at the thought. "Anyway, they are looking for you. You know your body vanished and now you're the sole survivor. Doesn't look good."
I'll turn myself in. I'm sure the town's memories around this will change in a few days. Kenny was never one to talk much and Cartman didn't like how Kenny simply thought talked to him now, not bothering to put the effort into voicing anything aloud.
"Maybe."
Kenny was initially suspected, but it was like he had said: the people in town had changing memories and confusion about the event. They knew the family had been murdered and there had been a sole survivor, but none of the physical evidence made any sense. Kenny's blood was there, then there was no evidence of it. It took nearly a year before Cartman was able to build a psychic barrier half as solid as the one Kenny had built between them before. Kenny saw a few classmates at the funerals but didn't approach them and everyone acted very strange around him, understandable given the circumstances.
It wasn't long after the funerals that Kenny disappeared into the woods, knowing there was a link there to the afterworld. He spent longer periods in the afterworld, trying to locate his family, needing to know why Kevin had done what he'd done. It was never successful and he didn't know or understand why.
Cartman was grateful for some of the reprieves when Kenny was in the afterworld as it gave him time to focus on his psychic barrier and he could still sense Kenny as a presence, but not an overwhelming sense of despair. Kenny would sometimes disappear for a month or two at a time before wildly returning. However, after about two and a half years, and with no luck, Kenny wasn't able to spend as much time in the afterworld. Cartman didn't understand why and from what he could glean from Kenny, he didn't know either. The trips were shorter and shorter and Cartman heard his mother giving bizarre births more and more often. She would forget the pain of birth quickly and it unnerved him especially with the way she screamed, how could she forget all that.
Cartman begged him to stop, to give his mother a break, and though Kenny didn't want to stop, he couldn't ignore Cartman's feelings as they were his own now, too. It was still hard to differentiate who had what feelings even with the work Cartman had put towards their barrier. However, Kenny didn't want to keep hurting Liane and the afterworld was kicking him out quicker and quicker. It was at this time, he picked up the habit of trying drugs, unable to spend months searching the afterworld, stuck in the harsh reality of the living. There was also a part of him that thought using this would help him connect to his parents, like it was a way to relate to them. They had used these drugs, too. Despite their poor parenting, he missed them, they had been his parents, after all. Of course he missed them. He could hardly think of Kevin and Karen without having a flat out panic attack, Kevin's last words to him always fresh in his mind.
Using the drugs won't change things. Cartman knew Kenny was in the woods, waiting for Nug to find him. Cartman avoided the area like the plague, knowing it would be lights out for him. He had seen flashes of some of what Kenny had seen when traversing R'lyeah. He knew petrification could kill him. He had taken to communicating with Kenny through their psychic link as he knew it would be near impossible to talk to him at this rate.
I know. Kenny dismissed any concern and continued on. It went on like this for about a year and a half. Kenny simply stayed in the woods, refusing to leave, knowing Nug would find him eventually and he would be able to enter a different realm even if briefly.
Cartman finally snapped and decided to go to the woods himself. He located Kenny easily enough as Kenny still didn't put up as much as a block as he initially had, not caring how affected Cartman was by it. He was unfazed by Cartman's thoughts now, barely acknowledging them. Due to him barely paying attention to Cartman, he was surprised when the other found him. Cartman hadn't hidden his intentions at all.
"Can you please come back to the house at least? Can't you just try?" Cartman demanded. "I know you aren't as affected by the mind link as me, but I can't take it much more." Cartman still wasn't sure if it was the result of having his mind mixed up with Kenny's that he experienced emotions on a level he was uncomfortable with. Kenny stayed in the woods so it's not like Cartman had to worry about going to funerals as Kenny's remains were rarely found in time to have a proper burial. However, Kenny's method of death was painful, getting torn viciously to death and feasted upon by some otherworldly monster and it's not like Cartman didn't get the flashes of pain and sometimes even experienced the pain himself. "Please?"
Why? So I can cause more trouble?
"No, come on, I'm sure the others would love to see you. Butters would. Stan and Kyle. They ask about you sometimes."
They think I murdered my family and am a freak.
"They don't think that…at least not them. Some people do, but not them." There was no point in lying as Kenny would find him out in less than a minute. Cartman sighed. Kenny knew what he was going to say as he was saying it, but he pressed on, "I'll bring Butters out here."
Kenny sat up, staring at Cartman incredulously. "Why the fuck would you do that?" He knew the answer, but the shock of hearing Cartman threaten it out loud was unnerving. Butters would simply follow Cartman with hardly a question; he was too innocent and nearly always seemed to think the best ofCartman. It would be too easy.
"I'll start bringing others out here. It'll just start with him. Next I'll bring Heidi, Wendy, Kyle, and the list will go on."
Kenny was affronted. "Like you'd ever bring Kyle out here. You'd probably bring Stan out here first."
"Nah, I like drinking with the dude."
Kenny knew he was serious about all of it. It wasn't like Cartman could truly hide much from him anymore. He would start bringing others out here, starting with Butters.
"Why do you even care if I'm out here?"
"You know why. You know that I feel it sometimes. I'm selfish, you know this." Cartman paused. "Just try. Maybe you'll actually like being back in school and seeing everyone."
Kenny gave him a doubtful look. "I should let Nug eat you."
"You should, but you won't. You'd feel too guilty." Cartman hit the nail on the head right away. Kenny could hide more from him than Cartman could, but he couldn't hide that.
"You're a psycho."
Cartman grinned. "I know."
Ω
Kyle jolted awake, his body jerking violently. He was gasping and coughing and he was still so cold, his body shivering. There was a steadying hand on his arm and he stared at Cartman in horror. He tried to yank his arm away, but was too weak to move. Flashes of the fantasies Cartman had about him played through his mind and he thought he might vomit. Thinking of vomit, he remembered the image of Kenny puking by his family and felt the despair creeping into his own body. Bast was by his side immediately, still slightly glowing from the journey she had taken him and Wendy on. She smiled sadly at him. Placing her hand on his forehead again, she commanded that he rest. With that, the world faded to black, but this time no more glimpses of the past.