Link hasn't heard from Kirby in a while. Last time they hung out he lashed out at her. He felt bad. He shouldn't have said that to her. He didn't know what got into him to say such hurtful things to Kirby that night. He was a bit drunk. He got up and sighed to himself. He's going to apologize to her. She's with the wrong guy, but what can he do? He's tried everything to convince her not to. She doesn't get it. She never will. All he could hope for is that she finds out that Little Mac is a piece of shit.

Link got up and walked over to Kirby's room. He knocked but she didn't answer. Figures. She doesn't want to talk to him after that event. He noticed something sticking out from the door. It was a note. He shouldn't have taken her mail, but he was curious. He took and read it. He was shocked to find out that Kirby left smash. That's not like her at all. She can't just leave. Was it because of what he said? Does this mean she broke up with Little Mac? Unless she took him with. No! He shouldn't have said that to her. She looked broken when said that Little Mac was only using her body. He really messed up. He needs to go to Popstar and apologize. He needs to convince her to go back. But how? How can he get there? She rides a star! He didn't know anything about space. Also, what about Zelda? If she finds out he left, she'll kill herself. He couldn't help but go back to his room and cry. He felt hopeless.

Zelda came over to his room. She found him crying on the floor. She rolled her eyes because she knew it was about Kirby. Why did he like Kirby and not her? It frustrated her! It's ok, as long as she threatened her life, Link won't go. She had him under her control. He'll learn eventually that Kirby is just a phase and that she's his true love. Right now she needed to 'be' there for him.

"What's wrong, honey?" Zelda sat next to him.

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing, tell me."

"No."

"Is it about Kirby?"

"N-no."

"It's about her. I can already tell."

"No it's not!"

"What happened between you and Kirby?"

"Nothing happened."

"Did you guys kiss?"

"No…"

"Link if you don't tell me…" Zelda made fire appear in her hands. "You know what I'll do."
*Sobs* "Kirby left."

"What?"
"You got what you wanted. She's gone."

"She died?"

"No, she went back home."

"She left smash?"

"Yeah."

Zelda wanted to squeal. Finally that bitch is gone! Now she can have Link all to herself. No more competition. She hasn't felt this happy in a while. However, she needed to pretend to feel bad.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Zelda frowned.

"No you're not. You're happy. You hate her."

"Link, I'm trying to comfort you."

"Stop acting fake. I'm tired of being in a fake relationship. I hate fake people like you."
"What did you just say to me?"

"I said you're fake!"
"You know better than to insult me."

"I'm tired, Zelda. You know I don't want to be with you. Doesn't it feel bad? I don't even love you like that. I never did. Why do you insist on keeping us together?"

"Link-

"And another thing, if it weren't for you, I would've been with Kirby. You ruined my chances with her! Now she's with Little Mac. It should've been me! This is all your fault!"

Link covered his mouth. He needs to stop letting his mouth run. She started crying after he said that. Fuck! Is she going to try to kill herself again? Dammit, he needs to say something. No, first he needs to apologize.

"Zelda, I'm sorry I didn't mean that."

"You've said enough."

"I can't help how I feel."
"Neither can I!"
"But what you're doing is a crime."

Zelda got up. She went to Link's closet and found his sword. She unsheathed it and stabbed herself in the stomach. The only way to not bleed or truly be close to death is when the smashers fight in the tournaments. Zelda knew she wasn't safe and yet she did it again. Blood poured everywhere and she fell on the floor unconscious. Link panicked. He bent down to her and screamed her name. She wasn't responding. He picked her up and ran to the ER as fast as he could.

…

Ness woke up. When he sat up, his head was throbbing. It hurt so bad. What happened? All he could remember was… That's right, Mario went fucking ultra instinct. He slammed his face into the wall! H-how did he do that? He looked behind him to see the dent that he made with his head. It looked like a mini crater.

Gordon: "Finally woke up, huh?"
Ness: "Huh?"

Gordon: "I need to have a word with you."

Ness: "Why does it smell awful here?"
Sonic: "It always smells awful."

Ness: "But it's worse than usual."

Gordon: "Yeah, that's part of why I want to talk to you."

Ness: "Huh?"

Gordon: "So uh, remind me why you attacked Luigi?"

Ness: "Luigi? Wait, hold on. My head hurts."

Gordon: "No worries. Take your time."

5 minutes later…

Ness: "Ok, I think my head is getting a little bit better."

Gordon: "Cool. Can I say something?"
Ness: "Sure."
Gordon: "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU KNOCK LUIGI OUT?!"

Ness: "Huh?"
Gordon: "YOU HAD THE WRONG FUCKING KEY! NOW GUESS WHAT?!"

Ness: "I thought-

Gordon: "BECAUSE OF YOU, LUIGI IS OUT OF COMMISSION. WE'VE BEEN LIVING IN OUR OWN FILTH FOR A DAY! YOU'VE BEEN OUT FOR A WHOLE 24 HOURS YOU FUCKING DONUT!"
Ness: "I have?!"

Gordon: "For fucks sake."

Ness: "Wait, Luigi isn't going to clean the place up?"

Gordon: "All because you decided to knock him out cold. What were you thinking?"

Ness: "I thought it was a good idea!"

Kawasaki: "Punching people is never a good idea."

Gordon: "For once I agree with the orange jelly bean."

Kawasaki: "Thank you, Chef Ramsay."

Gordon: "Shut up."

Sonic: "Guys, knock it off. Honestly, Ness had a good idea."

Gordon: "An idea that made our lives worse."

Ness: "At least I'm doing something! What're you doing?"

Gordon: "Not getting us in deeper trouble."

Ness: "No, you're too busy dreaming about your kids and acting all sad. Aww woe is me~ I'm Gordon Ramsay! Get over yourself! It's pathetic."

Gordon: "What's pathetic is watching you fuck up for the fourth time."

Ness: "I'd rather fuck up a hundred times than just stay here as Mario's lil bitch."

Gordon: "You're the one that called him master."

Ness: "At least I'm trying different options. You haven't done anything."

Gordon: "Someone is going to save us. I'd rather keep my pride than look like a fool."

Ness: "Pride, huh? It's funny because you're just sitting there doing nothing. Doesn't seem like pride to me. You seem more like a sad dog in a pound waiting to be saved. How cute."

Gordon: "FUCK YOU!"

Kawasaki: "PLEASE STOP GUYS!"

Sonic: "Kawasaki is right. We shouldn't fight. It's not helping."

Gordon and Ness: "..."
Ness: "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said those things."

Gordon: "Yeah, I'm sorry too."

Sonic: "Now that the arguing is over, we uh… So instead of Luigi watching us eat. Mario has been doing it."
Ness: "Seriously?"

Sonic: "It's not been fun."

They heard Mario humming his theme song again. Great speak of the devil.

Mario: "Hello, everybody. Oh, it looks like-a Ness finally woke up."

Mario: "Eww, it smells-a gross."

Sonic: "Yeah, I wonder why."

Mario: "Don't get smart with me, Sonic. You guys deserve this."

Kawasaki: "I'm glad I don't have a nose."

Gordon: "Lucky bastard."

Mario: "Alright bitches, here's your food."

Mario handed each one a can of cat food as always. Everyone except Ness.

Mario: "Ah, ah, ah. You've been a naughty boy. You'll have to do something for me to get food tonight."

Ness: "What do you want?"

Mario: "Hmm let's-a see."

Mario grabbed Ness's face and smooshed his face. Ness wanted to slap his hand away, but then Mario would punch him. He grabbed his face too tight for Ness's comfort. He had a big purple bruise on both of his cheeks. His forehead had a big red bump. It was the one that took the most impact.

Mario: "O-ho-ho-ho!"

Ness: "What?"

Mario: "Your face is fucked."

Ness: "Thanks."

Mario: "I want you to worship me."

Ness: "And why would I do that?"

Mario: "For food of course. I am your God."

Ness needed food to help heal. He didn't want to and the others would definitely make fun of him for this, but what other choice did he have? He was hungry and if he didn't eat, it meant that he would be weaker. He needed all the strength he could get in order to somehow bust out of here.

Ness: "Sure, how do you want me to do it?"

Mario: "Pray."

Ness: *Sighs* "Bless us, O Mario and this precious cat food that I am about to receive or whatever, thank you my savior Mario Jumpman Mario. Amen."

Mario: "See? Was that so hard?"

Ness: "Yes…"

Mario chucked a can of cat food directly on Ness's face. Then he watched as his pets ate the food. He made sure that none of them tried anything with the can of cat food. He hurried them to finish up. He didn't like the odor. He almost thought of sending a Pokemon to clean their shit up, but he decided against it. They deserve this and he wasn't stuck there forever like them. The smell was only temporary. They must suffer for what Ness tried to do.

…

Villager finally arrived back home. He told every smasher that he was feeling a lot better now. He was grocery shopping for food. He wanted to cook him and his wife something tasty. Maybe Kirby would like Pizza tonight. Pizza is easy to make, he could definitely do that tonight. As he was leaving, Popo and Nana tapped his shoulder.

Nana: "I'm so glad you're back."

Villager: "Thanks. I'm happy I'm over that illness."

Popo: "It must've been lonely."

Villager: "A little."

Popo: "We should hang out! Can we come over?"

Villager: "Uhhh, m-my place is messy."

Popo: "So I don't care."

Villager: "I do! I need to clean it first."

Nana: "We can help! We're fast cleaners."

Villager: "No I would feel bad."

Popo: "It's ok."

Villager: "How about I come over to your place instead?"

Nana: "Sure!"

Popo: "We just want to hang out with you."

Villager: "I appreciate that guys. When do you want to?"

Nana: "Right now?"

Villager: "Aww, sorry I would love to, but I was about to make dinner."

Popo: "Whatcha makin?"

Villager: "Pizza."

Popo: "You can make it at our place! Pizza party!"

Villager: "I would love to but I only bought enough for me."

Nana: "That's ok, we can go to the grocery store really quick. It's right there."

Villager: "No, it's fine. How about I come over after I'm done eating my food."

Nana: "Aww, I wanted to have a pizza party with you…"

Villager: "I'm sorry."

Popo: "That's ok, but you are coming over tonight right?"

Villager: "Y-yeah."

The two left. Villager sighed from relief. They were relentless. That's the ice climbers for ya. They're so stubborn and overly friendly. Villager remembered that the only reason why Ness would hang out with them before is because they were so pushy about it. That guy only wanted to be around Lucas. For once, he understood Ness a little. Villager wanted to be left alone but only because he didn't want anyone to find out about his dark secret. He can't let anyone in his place anymore. They would find out about Kirby for sure. He could gag her if someone did decide to come over, but it was still too risky. Oh man, what if they keep pushing him? The ice climbers would start to get suspicious. They're naive but they're not dumb. People underestimate them too much. They would find out and then he would have to kill them. Then he would have to make another deal with Mario to clone them. He didn't want to deal with that.

Villager arrived home and began making home-made pizza. It was fun. He wished he could cook with his brand new wife, but she would try to escape again. She was only allowed to be in her cage. Maybe one day she'll finally love him as much as he loved her and the two could be a normal couple. Of course she is never allowed out of this place, but he wouldn't mind if she roamed around the living room and sleeping on their bed together.

After the pizza was finally done, he put three slices on a plate. Then he went to his room to see his beautiful wife looking terrified as always. She scooched over back to her corner. As he approached her she curled up into a ball and covered her face.

"Darling, I made dinner," Villager entered the cage.

"Please, let me go."

Villager slapped her across the face.

"HOW DISRESPECTFUL CAN YOU BE?! I MADE FOOD FOR YOU AND ALL YOU AND THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY?!"

"I'm sorry."

"No thank you?"

"T-thank you."

Villager fed her the pizza because well she can't use her hands. He kept shoving more and more. She had a hard time keeping up and ended up coughing it out. He shook his head. She's like a baby. Always makes a mess and needs to be taken care of. Perhaps he should go slower. He fed her slowly this time. She didn't want to eat, but he made sure to force it down her throat. After she was done eating, he brushed her teeth.

"Alright Darling, it's been almost a week since you've been here. Tonight is special because I'm going to give you a bath," Villager chirped.

"N-no please-

"You need to care about your hygiene."

"I get that, but-

"I need to help you. So if you can just let me take your-

"NO!" Kirby kicked his stomach.

Villager hunched over and grit his teeth. He was pissed. His wife wasn't very obedient. He needs to show her that he's the man of the house. No woman is allowed to treat their husband like this.

Villager went through his closet. He found his whip. He turned around and smiled at her. When she saw the whip she widened her eyes and started shaking.

"N-no Villager please-

Too late he whipped her really hard on her legs. A long line of blood dripped off her skin and landed on the cage floor. She stared at her legs in horror. He started laughing as he continued to whip not just her legs, but her stomach and arms as well.

"AAAAAHHHHH!"

"Alright, Darling, we're going to wash away the blood now. You're definitely dirty now, so no arguing."

"N-no! Get… GET AWAY FROM ME!"