The Fade was not the place to lose the ability to think clearly. Siara knew that. The problem was that she just couldn't think straight. Jacen was standing right next to her, but he wasn't him. He was now Duty, and Siara struggled to accept that.
She did her best to stay close to Justice and Hawke, darting looks to Duty as they walked. He just looked exactly like Jacen, and she kept expecting him to look at her with an obnoxious grin plastered on his face and for him to tell her that it was all an elaborate joke. She suppressed a sigh and forced herself to once more look away from Duty. Not even Jacen would have played a joke like that. A joke like that was just cruel.
Instead she turned herself to the conversation that was going on.
"Something troubles you, Hawke," Stroud was saying. The Divine, or spirit taking the form of the Divine, was off to do her own thing. Siara could tell that Jacquelyn wanted to get a move on, to follow her, but whatever was on Hawke's mind was clearly a slight priority to Stroud.
"Those were Grey Wardens holding the Divine in that vision," Hawke said, frowning slightly. "Their actions lead to her death."
Siara sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. She loved Hawke, he was a great guy, but sometimes he could be a bit of a dog with a bone. Stubborn as a mule. And he was known to sometimes not be very good at reading between the lines, or connecting the dots. Overall, he could be a rather suspicious person.
"I assumed Corypheus had taken their minds," Stroud replied, "as you have seen him do before. Come. We can argue after we escape this dark place."
"Oh, I intend to," Hawke muttered.
Siara shook her head and gave her eyebrow a quick scratch, darting another look at Jacen. No. At Duty. She had half expected him to make some sort of remark, he'd spent a lot more time with Anders, Justice, and Hawke than Siara had.
Jacquelyn took the lead, allowing everyone else to fall in either beside or behind her. Siara stayed at the back, not wanting to be too close to Duty. She didn't want him to see how often she darted looks at him, knowing how annoying glances could get. People liked to look at Siara once they heard who she was. Once upon a time, Jacen had been looked at in the same way. Now Siara was the guilty party, darting as many looks at Duty as she could. She wanted so badly for him to be Jacen, for her to have her brother back. It almost hurt, she wanted it so much.
But she knew that it was impossible. She knew that Jacen was dead. But why did Duty have to take on the form of her brother? It just felt like too much.
Hawke noticed her falling behind and stopped, waiting for her to catch up.
"How are you holding up?" he asked, as gently as he could.
Siara shrugged, letting her eyes glide over the landscape around them. It was starting to get more difficult for her to see. She didn't want to admit it, but it was true.
"I'm starting to lose my eyesight," she admitted.
"That wasn't what I was meaning, but is just as concerning," Hawke frowned. "How badly?"
"I can see straight ahead out of my left eye, peripheral is going in my right."
"Left was blind anyway, wasn't it?"
Siara raised an eyebrow at him, slightly unimpressed.
"Not this blind," she told him. "Currently my right eye is still better than the left usually is, but I'm pretty confident it's getting worse."
"Has to be something to do with being here," Hawke muttered.
"Makes sense. Jacquelyn can't swim, there's water everywhere. I'm scared of completely losing my sight…" another sigh escaped her. "When we get out of here I'm going to sleep for ten years."
Hawke chuckled, a wry smile on his face.
"I might just join you."
"Not sure how Isabella would feel about that."
"She'd probably ask why she wasn't invited," Hawke sobered slightly. "Just do your best to stay close, okay? Don't want you to get lost or to go completely blind and be unable to fight."
Siara nodded mutely, her eyes once again landing on Duty. Hawke saw where she was looking and wrapped one arm around her shoulders, giving her a quick squeeze.
"You're going to be all right," he said quietly. "Just take things one at a time. First thing is to get out of here. Think you can concentrate on that?"
"Yeah," Siara smiled up at him, "yeah, I think I can manage that."
Concentrating on getting out of the Fade was easier said than done, as many things were. Nightmare hadn't seemed to manage to pinpoint exactly where they were, but it sure did do its best to get into their heads.
It started with Jacquelyn, seeming almost as though it were hosting them for a tea party or something.
"Ah, we have a visitor," the voice said. Siara raised an eyebrow and looked up, not wanting to know where the voice was coming from but also wanting to pinpoint its location in case the demon was closer than they expected. It was hard to know where the voice was coming from, though. It felt almost as if it was coming from inside her head, but also from everywhere around them. Siara found it rather unsettling, even though she wouldn't admit it.
"Some silly little girl comes to steal the fear I kindly lifted from her shoulders," Nightmare continued. "You should have thanked me and left your fear where it lay, forgotten. You think the pain will make you stronger? What fool filled your mind with such drivel? The only one who grows stronger from your fear is me. But you are a guest in my home, so by all means, let me return what you have forgotten."
Its tone of voice had changed, and towards the end it sounded almost angry. Perhaps insulted. Siara vaguely wondered what Jacquelyn would be thinking, but she also didn't particularly care. She still felt rather out of it, and she was starting to get a bit distracted by the darkness consuming her vision.
Jacquelyn didn't say anything, either. A slight, near imperceivable frown appeared on her face, but she didn't respond to Nightmare's words.
"It is merely trying to get inside our heads," Justice said. "Ignore it."
"Is Justice going to let Anders leave the Fade?" Siara muttered, keeping her voice hushed so only Hawke could hear her. "The other time you lot were stuck in the Fade, you weren't physically in the Fade. Justice didn't have the chance to stay. But now?"
"I guess we'll have to wait and see," Hawke muttered back. Siara darted a glance at him, but didn't say anything else. They had to keep moving, and now wasn't the time to be pondering what intentions Justice had.
They were attacked by a small group of demons after that. A mix of fear demons and wraiths. At least, she hoped they were fear demons. She didn't want to believe that the Fade had such ridiculously large cockroaches crawling around the place, and she didn't want to think about what they would be feeding on if it did.
The attack had taken Siara a bit off guard, but thankfully her vision wasn't so far gone she couldn't easily respond to any attacks that went her way. The bigger problem was that she was distracted by trying to keep an eye on Jacen, uncertain about how able to defend himself he was.
She kept darting looks in his direction whenever she could, trying to see if he was okay. It was hard to tell, and it didn't seem like many of the demons paid too much attention to him. A couple of them did, fear demons crawling over to him and swiping at him. He held up his hands, summoning what looked like pale blue, almost ethereal flames that he wielded before him. Siara made her way over to him, almost dancing between the demons as she slashed at them. While her blows were a bit more clumsy than usual, it didn't take too long to dispose of the oversized roaches.
"Are you all right, Jacen?" she asked, looking at her brother with concern on her face.
The spirit looked annoyed at her, but stopped and took a breath before he replied.
"I am not Jacen," he scowled, "I am Duty. But yes, I am fine. Thank you for checking."
He brushed past her and joined the main group once more, Siara turning and watching him for a moment. He really wasn't Jacen. Jacen never would have acted like that. It didn't change how much it hurt, though.
Nightmare kept making its way through the party, trying its best to find their weak points as they made their way forward. After it had tried to taunt Jacquelyn it targeted Blackwall, saying something that sounded as though it had some extra meaning about the Grey Wardens, as though Nightmare was threatening to reveal a secret about them. Then was Stroud, the demon telling a story of the fall of the Wardens, asking if people would be cursing Stroud's name when the next Blight came. Both Stroud and Blackwall seemed to be able to shake off the demon's taunting, both eager to defeat it. Blackwall had sounded pissed, but Stroud had sounded almost determined and as though the Nightmare hadn't upset him at all.
After Stroud was Hawke, the demon telling him that Isabella was going to die, just like his family. That was something that Siara almost shared a fear about. She didn't want anyone else to die, didn't want any of her friends to die like her family had. But Hawke basically shrugged it off, grumbling something about beating the bastard up and continuing on his way. It was hard to tell if it really had any impact on him or not.
Bull was the first to show any response other than sheer annoyance at the demon's taunting, seeming both disturbed and pissed off about the suggestion that Nightmare might choose his body to possess to leave the Fade.
And then, much to Siara's annoyance, it went for her. She wasn't surprised that it targeted her, she was only surprised it didn't target her sooner.
"Namasiara. The Blade. Once you and your siblings were world-renowned, feared by all. Now what are you? Nothing but a name with no past, no future, and no home to go to. You're nothing and no one. Who cares about where you are? Who would care if you were lost?"
Siara didn't know how to reply, just raised her head slightly. Hawke was the only person that could see the look in her eyes, or perhaps it was just that he was the only one of the group that was able to interpret it. Only he could see how hurt she was by the words. Siara wasn't exactly sure she was afraid of that future; she just accepted it. She knew that the likelihood of there being someone beside her when she died was slim. She knew that the people that she mattered to most were already gone. One of them was standing next to her, or the spirit that took on his form, at least. And that just made Nightmare's words hit home more.
"Big deal," she muttered eventually. "Better to be a no one than an arse."
Siara knew that she hadn't managed to sound as sure of herself as she'd wanted, her mind just not being in the right place for it. The Nightmare just chuckled, finding her attempt at bravado amusing. It only succeeded in making her dislike it more.
Solas was the last one to get targeted by the Nightmare. The demon spoke to him in Elven, so Siara doubted anyone aside from her and Solas could understand what was being said. She frowned slightly and turned to face him with one eyebrow raised when they were finished talking.
"What did he mean by that?" she asked, trying to keep quiet so the others (mostly Jacquelyn) wouldn't hear. "How is your pride responsible for everything?"
Solas just shook his head.
"It doesn't matter," he replied. Siara shrugged, training her eyes forward once again and stumbling slightly on the uneven ground.
She didn't like Nightmare's mind games, and she hoped that they were over now that it had made its way through them all.