He spends the next week seeing Kate whenever he can. His mother's physical therapy appointments are his only real obligations, along with his nightly phone calls to update Alexis, and the late night hours that bleed into the morning, when he wants nothing more than to write. His inspiration is alive and well again, itching to fill the pages.
The physical therapy schedule Kate shared with him doesn't overlap with his mother's, so he waits until ten minutes before her appointment is supposed to conclude when he shows up for the first time. He enters the waiting room with a water, a protein bar. There's a fresh coffee from the little shop down the street sitting in the cupholder of his car for her. The nurse behind the reception window knows him at this point, greets him with a distracted nod as he takes a seat.
The door to the gym opens after only a few minutes of his waiting and Kate comes limping out, sweat beaded along her forehead, her fingers cradling her incision scar and rubbing at her chest. He isn't a doctor, knows little more than what he's learned for the sake of character injuries in his books, but it still nags at him that over a year later, and she can still barely stand up straight. The soreness, the sensitivity to the weather, he would expect, but the constant pain?
Her brow furrows when she looks up to see him, her body straightening as if caught. "Castle?"
"Hey," he greets softly, standing from his chair to offer her his arm. She waves him off and accepts the water he extends to her instead.
"Thanks," she attempts a smile, but he can see the pain in her eyes, the effort it takes to simply lift her lips for him.
"How about we sit for a second," he suggests, but she's already shaking her head and steeling her spine, striding for the exit. He sighs, but follows. "Kate."
"I don't want to be stuck in there another minute," she tells him once they're outside, her entire body shivering with the sudden change in temperature.
"Good," he says instead, opening the passenger door of his Mercedes and watching the corner of her mouth twitch.
"You got a destination in mind?" she inquires, eyes brightening as he nods to the steaming coffee in the cupholder. "Maybe I should let you pick me up from PT more often."
"No destination," he admits, shifting the car into drive and pulling out of the tiny parking lot. "But I haven't had a chance to really see any of the town."
Kate cradles the to-go cup in her hands and draws her knees to her chest, leaning back into the leather seat. Content, like she belongs in his passenger seat. "You drive, I'll point out places."
For the next hour, Rick drives aimlessly through the small town, listening intently to the low melody of Kate's voice listing off the town square, the local parks, the best restaurants, and the roads that lead out of town.
"Do you ever go out of town?" he asks, circling back toward the wooded roadways that lead to her cabin.
"I have a couple of times," she murmurs, gnawing on her bottom lip. "A few months ago, I actually drove back to the city."
"Oh, I bet Lanie was thrilled to see you again," he comments, but Kate is quiet beside him. He steals a glimpse from the road to see her twisted fingers, her pursed lips. "Beckett?"
"I was following a lead."
He hits the brakes a little too quickly.
"Dammit, Castle," she huffs, grabbing the door handle for stability.
"What do you mean, a lead?" he questions, but she hesitates. "Kate-"
"I wasn't just going to let the trail go cold," she hedges, but he can feel his blood freezing in his veins. "I had to keep looking, so I… I think I found my shooter, Rick."
Castle attempts a steady breath, but his grip on the steering wheel has turned his knuckles a shining ivory.
"So I staked out his location," she confesses quietly, her own hands balling to fists in her lap. "But he's - he's a trained sniper, special forces, and he caught my scent pretty quickly. I ended up ambushing him on the roof of his hotel."
He can't help but turn to look at her, horrified.
"We had it out, but I wasn't a match for him. He… he threw me off the side of the building and I fell off, went unconscious as soon as I hit the grate. Woke up on someone's fire escape a couple of hours later. I think he believes he finished me off."
Too many thoughts are firing through his brain, synapses sparking all at once, and he has to shove the door open, step out for fresh air. He's only crunched his way through a few feet of snow, trekking from the side of the road into a grove of pine trees, before he hears her own door swing open.
"Rick," she calls, trudging after him, but he spins on her.
"What the hell were you thinking?" he finally gets out, staring back at her incredulously. "Now it all makes sense - why you're still here, why you're still struggling through your physical therapy. Your body can't catch a break."
"Castle, they are coming for me. They always have been. I had to do something."
"Die for your cause?" he demands, but she purses her lips in response, in disapproval. "You went after a sniper with no backup-"
"I had Esposito ready if I needed him."
"Oh, the two-man army strategy. Great," he mutters, but she's rounding on him then, using all the energy she has left to make her stand.
"I've got nothing," she gets out. "The guy who shot me is gone. Dick Coonan, gone. Hal Lockwood, gone. Montgomery, gone. My mom-" Her voice cracks and he thinks the tired muscle in his chest goes with it. "Everybody's gone, Castle."
"I never left!" he argues, the spike in his volume starting the birds from nearby branches. "For nearly three years, I was right there. I can't make up for the people you lost, Kate. I would never try, but I am still here. But if you keep going like this, you won't be."
She stares up at him, beseeching. "I don't want to die like that again," she rasps, spearing right through his heart with that memory. "I don't want some sniper to shoot me on the job, or some lackey come and burn down my dad's cabin while I sleep, I - I needed to find him and take him down. Take them all down."
He reaches for her then, taking the frail curves of her shoulders in his palms and holding her glimmering gaze with his own.
"Not like this." Her body deflates beneath his touch. "Do you remember what you told me the first time I brought up your mother's case? That if you got started again, you wouldn't stop. You said it would probably destroy you."
"I didn't have any leads then," she presses, but he's already denying her.
"We don't have any now, Kate." The tears are brimming along the edges of her eyes, threatening to freefall down her cheeks, so he cups her face in his hands, ready to catch them when they spill over. "I'm not telling you to walk away. I'm just saying, give it time. Just until you get your bearings again."
She exhales a trembling breath. "How am I supposed to get my bearings when someone out there wants me dead?"
"By not letting them rob you of your life." She averts her eyes to the trees, bears her teeth down on her abused bottom lip. "I promise you, we will figure this out. We're gonna find them, and we're gonna make them pay. Just not today."
She swallows hard, attempts a nod, but the anguish is bleeding through her features. "Castle, if I don't do this, I don't know who I am."
"You're who you always were," he says, feeling the harsh lines of her jaw square against his palms. She's so cold and he needs to get her back in the car, but he has to tell her first, has to make her believe it. "You're the one who honors the victims. You're the one who brings peace."
She scoffs, slips her hands around his to wipe at her eyes with her knuckles.
"Is that what I bring you, Castle? Peace?"
"Depends on the day," he muses, drawing a watery chuckle from low in her throat. "But lately, I'd say I've felt more at peace than I have for the last year or so."
"You know," she murmurs, sniffling and blinking rapidly a few times to dispel the threat of any more tears. "It seems like every time I'm almost dying, all I can think about is you."
"Kate," he sighs, leaning forward to knock his forehead against hers.
She releases a shaking breath and touches trembling fingers to his chin, stroking the skin there and looking up to him with the bleed of gold through her eyes.
"I'm sorry it's taken me so long to say it," she whispers with a sad smile, the cold leaking into her voice, causing it to shake. "But I just want you."
He's about to throw any pretense of taking things slow out the window, lean in and just kiss her already, when his phone begins to screech its obnoxious ringtone from his coat pocket.
She startles slightly before huffing a soft laugh. "Our kind of timing."
"Is the worst," he mutters, settling for a quick kiss to her forehead. Her lashes fall to her cheeks and he brushes his thumb to the sharp slice of her jawline before he lets her go.
Enough for now, he tells himself, reminds himself, and shoves his hand into his coat pocket. A photo of Alexis fills his screen and Kate gently disentangles his other hand from her hair.
"I'll wait in the car," she assures him, surely catching a glimpse of the caller ID. He isn't sure how much Kate knows of Alexis's feelings on the subject of them, but somehow, she must know that unlike his mother, his daughter is no longer their number one fan.
"Hey sweetie," he answers, shuffling his feet in the snow while he watches Kate circle the car and slide inside.
"Hey Dad," she greets, sounding pleasant enough. Good, part of him figured his mother would spill the truth sooner or later, alert Alexis to Kate's reappearance in their lives and set his daughter off. He feels ridiculous, like a teenager hiding a forbidden relationship from his parent, but he's the parent here. Not Alexis. Sooner or later, they would both learn to let that sink in. "How are you? How is Gram?"
He fills Alexis in on Martha's progress, listens to her relay her own progress through college finals, her concerns and her confidences. The call is ultimately rather short, typical, but he feels guilty through it all. He doesn't like hiding things from his kid.
"Are you sure you're doing okay, Dad?" Alexis inquires, skepticism heavy in her tone. "I can come up there if you-"
"No, Pumpkin, you should stay. I swear I'm great," he promises, starting back toward the car. Kate is curled up in her seat, knees to her chest, cheek against the leather edge of the seat and facing his side of the car. He lets the smile bleed into his voice. "A little tired from being up all night writing, but otherwise, really good. Besides, you've got your special Christmas plans with Ashley this year."
"I know, I know, but you and Gram are just as important," Alexis emphasizes, tugging a little harder on the lift of Castle's lips.
"I know, honey," he murmurs, tugging open the car door. "But don't worry, I'm better than ever."
Kate arches an eyebrow at him, but he merely lets the smile spread further for her.
"I promise."