Chapter 5) Honesty

A/N: Hello! Here's another one from Vee's POV. Hope you like it!

I can see Masha standing by their locker, putting their books away and putting on their coat. They take their time, not looking like they're in much of a hurry to leave. I guess they don't have work this evening?

That's good… I think.

No, Vee. No room for doubt now. You need to do this.

I can do this.

I can do this, no problem.

I've put this off for too long, left them in the dark for too long, and it's not fair to them. So, time to come clean.

Yeah, I can do this.

… so why aren't I moving?

Dang it, I want to talk to them. I want to be honest with them, to be friends with them again and spend time with them again. So why can't I just go over there and say something?

…

Because I'm scared, I know. I'm scared of how they'll react, of how they'll think of me when they finally know the truth. I'm scared that once I tell them everything, they'll hate me for it.

Was this what Luz felt like for all those months?

"Hey, are you OK over there?"

I jump at the sound of their voice. Masha noticed me standing and staring at them, and they're staring back at me with that little smirk of theirs, one eyebrow raised and leaning one hand against their closed locker.

Welp, no way out of this now.

"H-hey, Masha," I call out to them, waving and feeling super awkward as I do, so I quickly stop and shove my hands into my pockets.

"Hey right back at ya, Vee." They push off from their locker and walk over to where I'm standing. "How've you been doing so far?"

"Pretty good," I reply. "It's… nice to be back."

Masha blinks. "You used to go here before?"

"Yeah…" I trail off. "In fact, that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

They don't ask for any clarification, or ask what I'm getting at, or ask why I'm acting so suspiciously. Masha just nods their head and gestures for me to follow them.

"Come on, I know a room that's always empty right after school ends. We can talk in there."

I know exactly what room they're talking about. We used to use it as a place to hang out when we weren't in any rush to get home. It's just past the water fountains, in between the janitors closet and the old teachers' lounge that doesn't get used anymore. One of the smaller classrooms with fewer tables, it doesn't get used much. All the school clubs prefer to use larger rooms instead.

But it was plenty big enough for the Cabin Five Club, so we were more than happy with it.

It still looks pretty much the same as always on the inside. The desks have their chairs placed up on top of them, and the window is wide open, letting in plenty of light and air so it doesn't feel cramped.

Masha picked up on my claustrophobia pretty quickly when we first met, and they always made sure to keep windows and curtains open for me whenever they could when we were inside.

They're such a kind person, even if they'd never admit that out loud.

"So," Masha starts, lifting themselves up to sit on the teacher's desk at the front of the room. "If you're asking me instead of your sister, I'm guessing you wanna talk about something you'd rather she not know about?"

I shake my head. "It's… well, this is a little complicated…"

"It's cool," Masha says with a casual wave. "I can handle complicated."

OK, I prepared for this. I planned out exactly what I need to say. It's not going to be easy, at all, but I know what to say, and that's a start.

"So, the thing is…"

And that's as far as I get before my mind goes blank.

What was I going to say!? I was ready! Where did it go!?

Masha's looking at me patiently. Still smiling that easy smile of theirs. Still waiting for me to get my act together and just say something!

I must look like a fish, opening my mouth and closing it over and over again as I keep on trying to speak. But it's gone. All my words, all my apologies and explanations… all I'm left with is a horrible feeling of anxiety twisting around in my stomach that just gets worse and worse the longer the silence drags on for.

"Would writing it down help?"

Huh?

"Your sister used to get all tongue-tied sometimes as well, so she'd write down what she wanted to say instead. Maybe give it a whirl?"

Somehow the twisting feeling in my stomach gets better and worse at the same time. I'm not even sure how that's possible, but that's what it feels like.

On the one hand, the fact that Masha remembers that is really sweet. I did get all nervous and quiet around everyone in the cabin when we first met, and they suggested I write my words out instead to help me. And it did, it really helped me get over myself, even if I can't explain why it worked.

On the other hand, Masha bringing that up is yet another reminder of what I've done. They remembered something like that about me months later, and I still can't even be honest with them without freezing.

I'm the worst.

I shake my head. "No, that's not it… maybe I should just show you instead."

Before I can change my mind, I close my eyes and call upon my magic. I feel myself shift as my hair recedes and darkens in colour. I grow slightly taller, my face and hands and everything else changes shape, and when I open my eyes again, they aren't mine anymore.

They're Luz's.

Masha stares at me. They look… 'surprised' doesn't seem like a strong enough word for the expression on their face. Is there a single word for the feeling of your entire world being shattered in an instant? Because that's what they look like right now.

"OK…" Masha starts. "OK, I'm really gonna need you to start talking now, because I need to know I'm not having some kind of stroke."

Yeah… maybe this wasn't the best way to start.

…

…

…

I pause a lot. I get all mixed up and repeat myself a few times. And everything I say is mixed in with apology after apology.

So, what was already quite a long story winds up taking even longer to tell than I thought it would.

Masha is totally silent the whole time. They don't ask any questions, or make any comments, or even move from the spot they're sitting in. They just keep on staring at me as their face goes through all kinds of expressions.

Shock is a common one. Confusion too. They look sick when I tell them about where I was kept when I was born, and a few times I see them look angry when I get to the parts about Jacob Hopkins.

But it's the look on their face when I start talking about out time together at Camp that gets me the most.

Because they look hurt.

Finally, I stop, realising that I've mostly just descended into aimless rambling after a point.

The silence in the room is perhaps the single most awkward, uncomfortable silence in the history of awkward and uncomfortable silences, and it lasts for a really long time.

Their expression now is one I can't read.

Why aren't they saying anything?

"Masha…?"

Masha closes their eyes, takes a deep breath, and lets it out slowly. Their shoulders sag, and they lower their head into their hands.

"I knew something wasn't adding up, but this? This is… this is a lot."

They sound exhausted, defeated. It feels so wrong to hear Masha sound like that.

They look up at me, and the look on their face makes me feel awful.

"I need some time to process all of this," they say as they push themselves to their feet and start walking towards the door.

"It wasn't fake!" I yell after them. "Us… being friends… none of that was a lie, I swear!"

They stop, one hand on the door frame, knuckles white from gripping it so hard.

"I…" they trail off, and then they're gone, walking out and leaving me by myself in the empty classroom.

They're gone.

I ruined it after all.

They didn't even look at me as they left.

Do they hate me?

I feel… numb. Empty, like I have nothing left. I just stand there in the middle of the room, staring at the door where Masha was.

Only one thought fills my head as time passes…

I'm a fake.

…

…

…

I must look really bad, because Camilla has me wrapped up in a tight hug the second I walk through the front door.

She asks what happened, but she doesn't pry when I don't answer her. She just tells me she'll listen when I wanna talk, and goes back to making dinner once I make it clear I'm not feeling talkative right now.

Luz is upstairs doing her homework, and I don't wanna bother her, so I just sit in the living room and stare blankly at whatever is on the TV. I'm not watching it. I'm just trying not to think too hard.

A losing battle. I've never been good at stopping my thoughts from going where I don't want them to go, and right now there going somewhere I really don't want them to.

Back… Back when I was still pretending to be Luz. Back before Camilla knew the truth.

Fake…

I'm fake, aren't I? Look at me, a resurrected basilisk pretending to be a normal human girl because I'd rather live a lie than face what I really am. I'd rather live a lie than face what I've done…

Vee Noceda, sister and daughter. Netball team member and history nerd…

All fake. All of it.

No wonder Masha couldn't stand to look at me.

"Vee? Are you OK?"

Luz. She must have come down to help with dinner. She's standing next to the couch, looking at me with worry in her eyes.

She cares about me. So much.

And I care about her as well. I love her. I love her and Camilla both.

But how can they love me back when I stole from them? I stole Luz's name and face and months of her life. I stole Camilla's time with her real daughter, kept her blind to what was really happening…

Luz is beside me, sitting close enough for our shoulders to touch. "How did they… react?"

I look up at Luz. I see her looking at me. She looks sad, as if me being sad upsets her as well.

"It… didn't go well…"

I won't cry. I'm so sick of crying. Sometimes it seems like that's all I do.

Luz hugs me then, and I return her hug, but it doesn't make me feel better like her hugs usually do, because I still can't stop thinking about all the lies I told for all that time…

I feel a weight beside me. Camilla is with us as well, her hand ruffling my hair.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" she asks.

They both care so much. They really do love me like I love them.

Maybe I don't deserve it…

… But I really, really need it right now.

I take a shaky breath, tell myself once again that I am not going to cry, and then I fill them both in on my day.

…

…

…

I overslept, but it's Saturday, so that's not a problem.

Camilla left some breakfast out for me, which I eat by myself in the kitchen. Luz is in the living room. I think she's trying to get that old games console to work. She's not had much luck with it so far.

I'd offer to help, but I'm pretty sure I'd just get in the way.

As I wash up my plate and glass, my eyes are drawn again to the note Camilla left beside the food she made for me.

Stop being so hard on yourself. Love you so much, Mami xxx

She'd said as much last night as well, after I got done telling her and Luz about what happened.

They both told me they love me, and I know deep down that they really do mean it. They both told me that they never hated me, and a large part of me desperately wants to believe them.

They both told me that I'm not a fake, that I'm real…

… And I really, really want to feel like that's true.

"You need to give yourself time… Take it one day at a time…"

Camilla's words from weeks ago…

I sigh as I finish washing up. I'm so tired.

Knock-knock-knock-knock-knock! Knock-knock-knock-knock-knock!

I feel a lot more alert as I hear that particular knock. Five, pause, five again.

Are they really…?

"Coming!" I hear Luz call. A moment later, I hear the door open, and Luz gasp.

"Hey Luz. How you doin'?"

They are.

I should go to them. I should walk over and say something. They came here, maybe they…

… Maybe what? Why are they here? Why would they want to be here?

"Hey, Masha… I'm… cool…"

Luz doesn't seem to know what to say either.

Oh no, she still blames herself doesn't she? No, Luz, this is all my fault, not yours! Come on, Vee, you need to do something!

"Is your sister around? I need to talk to her."

They want to talk to me? OK, then let's talk. Let's go out there and hear what they have to say, let's try again to explain everything to them…

I still can't move. I'm still stuck, frozen, scared of what they're gonna say.

"Uh, well… she's kinda…"

Don't cover for me Luz! Tell them I'm here! Make me talk to them!

"Then can you give her a message from me? Can you tell her I'm sorry about yesterday?"

What?

"Why are you sorry?"

Masha looks at me as I walk into the hallway behind Luz, as I finally get my legs and my voice to work properly.

Masha rubs the back of their head. "Well, I just sorta… walked off on you, didn't I? That was a pretty crappy thing to do."

"But I lied to you," I reply, walking towards them and standing next to Luz, who's just kinda standing awkwardly to the side and looking lost. "I lied to you for months. Kept who I am secret from you all that time, pretended to be someone else…"

Masha looks at me and smiles a sarcastic, almost bitter smile.

"I'd be a real hypocrite if I held any of that against you, don't ya think?"

I stare at them for a moment, absorbing what they just said.

"You… You're not… angry with me?"

They laugh. "I'm very confused, a little lost, a tiny bit freaked out and a teeny bit still wondering if I'm imagining all of this… but angry?"

They smile again, and this time it's one of their rare smiles that has no trace of a smirk whatsoever. "Not at all. And I'm sorry if you felt like I was. Like I said, walking out like that just because I was feeling confused? That was crappy of me."

Am I dreaming? Am I still asleep and imagining all of this as wishful thinking?

"So… can we start again?" I ask hopefully.

Masha tilts their head to one side. "Start again? Why would I wanna do that?"

I feel my stomach drop…

"I mean, I don't wanna go back to square one. I wanna pick up where we left off."

…

I…

…

They…

…

… oh.

"I want that too…"

I just said that out loud, didn't I?

Masha's smirking at me, and I can see Luz stifling giggles next to me… Yep, I said that out loud.

I must be blushing quite a bit, but at the same time I'm smiling so wide my cheeks almost hurt.

I hear a gasp, and I see Masha's eyes looking past me at something else. "Is that a flying snake!?"

Luz is laughing openly now, and I join her, giggling at the look on Masha's face.

"Masha, meet Stringbean!" I hear Luz announce. "Stringbean, this is Masha!"

Stringbean floats over to Masha and nudges against their face with hers. Immediately, Masha starts fawning over the little Palisman.

If Miles and Alex saw Masha acting like this, they'd rib them about it for weeks…

Miles and Alex…

"Have you said anything to the others?" I ask suddenly.

Masha shakes their head. "Of course not. That's not my business."

Masha looks at me seriously again. "Want me to call them over?"

I nod, feeling more certain than I have in a while. "That'd be great."

…

…

…

"All done!" Masha announces. The TV screen comes to life, and the title screen for the game currently in the old console shows up clear as day.

"Masha, you are amazing!" Luz says excitedly as she grabs the controllers and settles back on the couch.

"I certainly am," Masha replies. "And you owe me twenty bucks."

Masha lets Luz flounder a bit before they reveal that they're kidding, then they accept the offered controller and sit next to me on the couch.

"Ready to lose, Noceda?"

I grin at them. "Not today, Masha."

Knock-knock-knock-knock-knock! Knock-knock-knock-knock-knock!

Five, pause, five again. The secret knock of the Cabin Five Club.

"I'll get it," Luz offers, already standing up. "Be right back."

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

I can do this.

"You can do this."

I turn to face Masha, sat next to me and once again smiling one of those rare smiles of theirs.

Yeah, I can do this.

Because I'm not alone.

Hello all! Not Scot here. If you're a new reader or a returning one, it's great to have you on board.

I really have been putting poor Vee through the wringer here, haven't I? But things are starting to get better for her now. And yes, I do ship her and Masha together… but not yet. Gotta build up to that.

Sorry this one took over a month. I was working on my other stuff, but I also kept getting stuck on some parts of this and starting over. I know this was a shorter one than the last few, but I hope you all enjoyed it nonetheless.

Before I go, can I just say a big thank-you to everyone who has liked/left kudos and reviewed/commented on this fic since I started? This blew up so much more than I was expecting it to, and it's been great reading all your thoughts so far. So thank-you, truly, and please do continue to share your thoughts with me if you want to. Every notification I get is another bright spot in my day.

For now though, I gotta go, so I shall take my leave.

Until next time,

Not Scot.

P.S: Yes, Stringbean will be appearing in every chapter of this. Because she, like so many others, deserved more time in the show proper.