A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews, favs, and follows! Always very appreciated! And I don't know why, but Clyde just keeps inserting himself into the story.

Stan tagged along with Kenny and Cartman to school the next day. He had tried to talk Kenny into staying home, worried over his friend's sleep or lack thereof. The night had gotten awkward as after Kenny had woken up from the nightmare, Stan had sadly watched him fish a needle out of the dresser and use it. The walk to school was relatively quiet with Cartman only saying stuff every now and then, keeping himself in check, very much aware of the tension in the air. Stan kept waiting for the inevitable joke or insult to come but it never did. Once they arrived at the building, they parted ways. Part of Stan wanted to stay with them but another part of him was relieved. He needed to talk to someone about the events of last night. He made his way over to his locker hoping Kyle was already there. When he wasn't, Stan leaned up against their locker, closing his eyes. Overwhelming emotions were starting to flood his mind as he tried to come to terms with all that had conspired last night. He wasn't sure how long he stayed that way. Kyle's voice brought him back to the present.

"Stan? Stan?" Kyle asked with concern. He was shaking his best friend's shoulder, growing more concerned with each shake. Had Stan fallen asleep standing up at their locker? "Stan!" Finally, he could see his friend's dark blue eyes darting around, confused and exhausted. Kyle frowned. "Stan, if you're sick, you should have stayed home."

Stan shook his head. "I'm not sick," he replied. I feel sick. Stan suddenly was uncomfortable under Kyle's critical gaze. He realized he was still leaning on their locker and quickly moved, allowing Kyle to open it and drop off his book bag and get his books. Stan pursed his lips. "Uh, Kyle, what are you up to after school today?" He wanted so badly to spill his guts out to his best friend right now but wasn't sure he could do so at school.

Kyle froze for a second and was glad he was facing away from Stan. He really didn't think telling him that he was going to Wendy's so they could study more about Cthulhu and try to figure out why Kenny kept coming back from the dead was a good idea. God, he'd probably drag him to the nearest hospital and they'd commit him to the psych ward. He could just imagine his mother and Stan both looking down pitifully at him, while he was in a straitjacket, surrounded by padded walls. "I have AP lab after school," he said easily. It was true. He and Wendy both had lab after school but it was only for about half an hour. Even so, he doubted Stan had any clue how long the AP labs were as they all varied. Guilt ate at him when he saw his best friend deflate. "Why? What's up?"

"I really need to talk to someone," Stan said, desperation edging into his voice. He really wanted to talk to Kyle. He'd know what to do or have good advice, he always did.

"You can talk to me."

"I don't want to talk about it at school."

"Oh?" Kyle asked, surprised. "Why not?"

Stan fidgeted. Other than fearing he might break down and have peers as witnesses he had no other reason except he would like to keep his private life private. Which would be quite the accomplishment since Cartman was apparently privy to said private life. "I just can't," Stan muttered, agitated. He glanced around and lowered his voice making sure that only Kyle could hear him. "I spent last night at Cartman's." Kyle's eyes went wide as that was about the last thing he'd expected to hear out of Stan's mouth this morning.

"As in Cartman and Kenny?" he whispered back. Stan averted his eyes but nodded, confirming Kyle's suspicions. Kyle set his books back in his locker. "Fine. I can't do much about this afternoon but let's cut homeroom and we can talk."

Stan stared at him in disbelief. Kyle was not ever the one to suggest cutting class. "Really?"

"Yeah, come on." He'd rather hear about last night from Stan than Cartman and he was sure to hear something in homeroom or so he thought.

They went outside and went into the woods by the school. Finding a small clearing and a couple of boulders, Kyle sat on one and waited for Stan to recount the evening before. Stan paced for a few minutes trying to figure out where to start. Kyle realized this and cleared his throat. "Stan, why don't you start with how you wound up at Cartman and Kenny's last night?"

"I called and asked Cartman if he wanted to play video games."

"On a Tuesday night?"

"Yeah, why is it such a big deal it was Tuesday, does it matter?"

Kyle shook his head. "No, no, it doesn't. Just usually it's Friday. But keep going. So you went over to play video games?"

Stan nodded."Yeah, well, no. That's what I told Cartman. I wanted to see Kenny, though. Cartman knew." Kyle nodded, not at all surprised; he'd already told Stan that Cartman was onto him. Stan continued, "Cartman was really…like, nice about everything. It was really weird," he muttered remembering the boy's actions the evening before.

"What? He let you and Kenny beat him at video games?" Kyle asked unsure where this conversation was going. Playing video games was pretty innocent. Why was Stan so distressed?

Stan shook his head. "No, no. He only played for awhile but then he left me and Kenny alone." He stopped talking and looked over at the other, his eyes were wide with so many emotions flickering through them, Kyle couldn't figure out what they all were. He raised his brows that Cartman had left the two alone. He knew Cartman was well aware of what was transpiring between the two.

"What happened?" he prompted Stan when the other remained silent.

"I kissed him," Stan said quietly, shutting his eyes tightly at the memory before opening them again and looking off at something in the distance. Kyle wasn't sure at what but he did recognize the emotion now filling his friend's dark blue eyes. Pain. Heartache.

"Okay," Kyle said slowly, trying to bring Stan back from the memory. "How was it? Did you like it? Did he like it?" Judging by the way his best friend was acting, he had to imagine the end result had been less than stellar. Stan was at a loss for words. He didn't know how to describe it; it had been awesome and then terrible. He decided to tell just that to Kyle. The redhead looked expectantly at him. "How was it awesome?" he thought it might be better to start with the good stuff and go in the order Stan had described it.

"I felt like there was something there, a connection. It felt like lightning and just sparks like fireworks," Stan described the first part of the kiss easily and with fondness, the pain in his eyes morphing into something else briefly.

Kyle nodded. "That does sound pretty awesome. So why was it terrible?"

Pain returned to Stan's eyes and he struggled to explain. "Kenny, he, uh, kind of…freaked out." Kyle waited for him to elaborate because he really wasn't sure what to say. He couldn't say he was surprised, all things considering, but the way Stan was acting he could tell they were just at the tip of the iceberg. Stan drew in a breath, preparing to spill out the rest. "He said he couldn't- no, that he shouldn't be allowed to kiss."

As tempted as Kyle was to crack a joke and ask if he was really that bad, he decided to pass up the opportunity. "Why did he say that?"

Stan closed his eyes and deflated even more if possible, like he was being drained of all energy. "Karen and Kevin can't kiss so he also shouldn't be able to." It anguished Stan to even repeat the words that had really driven home to him how traumatized his friend was. Kyle looked at him, completely horrified at the words.

"What? That's awful. That's…..really what he thinks?" Kyle couldn't believe it himself and Stan's conflicting emotions were starting to make sense.

"Yes." Stan nodded. "He thinks the reason Karen and Kevin's friends are always out for him is because it's Karen and Kevin's spirits encouraging them to go after him. He thinks he deserves it." Stan closed his eyes again, not sure how much more he could tell. It was draining just to have to repeat some of this and the words hurt and the more he thought of them or said them, the more he felt like he was losing his grip on reality. There was clarity through the pain and Stan didn't like what he saw so he kept trying to shove it away. "That's why he doesn't eat because they can't and he was sleeping on the floor instead of a nice bed and," suddenly Stan couldn't hold himself up anymore and was on his knees on the ground, pulling up at the dying grass and weeds in a fit of helplessness. Kyle jumped off the little boulder he'd been sitting on and went over to his friend, green eyes full of sympathy and concern. Stan looked up at him, feeling despair roll over him in waves. "And the nightmares, Kyle, the nightmares." Kyle knelt next to him and reached out, touching his shoulder, hoping he could offer some comfort.

"Stan…" Kyle said, unable to find any words to really comfort his friend. He truly was at a loss, he had no idea what to say or where to start. Stan looked at him and Kyle could only think to give him a reassuring hug.

"Kyle," Stan said as the hated clarity came through again. "I can't, I can't save him, can I?" It was asked as Stan fought off tears. He felt bad he was even like this after everything Kenny had been through but he had to get this off his chest. "I can't."

"Um," Kyle struggled with what to say again. It was frustrating that Stan really only knew half the story, though, damn, he was glad he'd cut class because he couldn't wait to see what Wendy thought of all this and how it might relate back to the mythos especially the stuff Kenny had said about his siblings' spirits. Was it possible that they were encouraging their old friends to go after their brother?

Stan pulled out of the hug and looked at Kyle. "Kyle, I can't save him. I don't know how I can be any good for him." He paused again, gathering up all his courage. "But I think you were right about all that pansexual stuff." Kyle tried not to roll his eyes; he thought they were way past that at this point. There was another brief pause and Stan looked over at Kyle with wide eyes. He started to say something else but quickly clamped his mouth shut before just sadly mumbling, "He's too broken." He sighed, deciding to admit what he had wanted to say in the first place, "I think I'm in love with him."

Oh, shit, Kyle thought, caught totally off guard at the confession. He supposed he shouldn't be too surprised, Stan did like to throw himself headlong and wholeheartedly into things. Still, he certainly wasn't prepared for how in-depth this conversation was becoming, no wonder Stan was acting so on edge. He was surprised at how defeated his best friend was acting. Stan would usually go to all sorts of lengths to at least attempt to save those he saw in need, especially when he was burning with love and passion for whoever or whatever it might be. It rarely ended well but he usually saw it through to the end. Now Stan just looked all sorts of defeated.

"What do I do?" Stan asked, looking over at Kyle, bringing him out of his reverie.

Kyle shook his head and scratched his forehead, really considering his words before he said anything. "Stan, you know, not everything broken has to be put back together the way it was. Haven't you ever heard of Kintsugi?"

"What?" Stan had no clue what the other was talking about. "Is this another sexual orientation I don't know about?"

Kyle laughed despite everything. "No! It's a Japanese art, repairing broken pottery with gold. The fractures and breaks are celebrated and accentuated with gold and, after the repair, the broken pottery usually looks more beautiful than it did before it broke."

Stan shook his head. "I don't know how that applies here, Kyle. I don't know how to help him, I don't have any gold to fix Kenny up with. I didn't know how-how….bad this was." Stan considered bringing the drugs up but really couldn't find a way to approach it. He was already overwhelmed as it was.

"But you're already helping him," Kyle pointed out. Stan might not have realized it but he was already using gold. Kyle wished he could make him see that.

"How?"

Kyle grinned. "Like I said, the dude lights up around you." He paused for a minute considering something else. "Do you feel better now, after having talked about all of this?" Stan looked at him in surprise and nodded. He did feel better, like a weight had been lifted off him. Like he could breathe again without it hurting. Kyle went on, "Don't you think he probably feels better, too, now that he has gotten some of that off his chest?"

Stan didn't look entirely convinced. "I guess…"

"Did he sleep in a bed last night?"

"Of course. I wasn't going to let him sleep on the floor."

"See? Already, you've gotten him off a picnic bench, into a house, and off the floor into a bed." Stan was feeling better but still looked doubtful. Kyle decided to end it with a bang. "What about the kiss? How was his response before his freak out?"

Stan smiled remembering it. "It was amazing. He was definitely enjoying it, too, until the freak out."

Kyle grinned at his friend again. "See? And you can just work on that and soon, he'll be able to kiss without freaking out. It's just going to take time, Stan. A lot of time. And energy."

Stan shook his head. "I don't think I'm that strong, Kyle." He didn't know if anyone was.

"You are," Kyle assured him. "It's up to you, Stan. No one is forcing you to do all this. If you don't want to or don't think you can deal with it, then start pulling away now before you get any deeper."

Stan carefully considered his best friend's words. The thought of pulling away from Kenny now tore at him deep down and made it hard for him to breathe just as the thought of Kenny vanishing again did. He wanted this, he could figure out how to deal, he knew he'd never forgive himself now if he up and left Kenny in the dust. And he couldn't, he didn't want to. He looked over at Kyle, finally feeling like himself again, and much stronger than when he'd woken up this morning. "I want to. Pulling away would hurt way worse than this."

Kyle nodded and stood up, not surprised. "I figured you would say that." He reached down to lend Stan a hand to get up off the ground. Stan stood up next to him. "And I'm always here for support, you know that." Stan nodded and the two could hear the bell dinging over the intercom in the distance signifying the end of homeroom. Kyle looked at him. "Did you want to go back to class? Or skip the day? I mean up until my after lunch AP classes, I really can't miss those."

Stan shook his head. "No, I don't want to skip. I don't want Kenny wondering why I didn't go to classes. Or Cartman for that matter."

"Yeah, that's another piece of the puzzle we'll have to work out later if we're going back in." The two went back to the school in companionable silence, to their locker, retrieved their books, and parted ways. Stan felt so much better and even energetic despite losing out on a considerable amount of sleep the night before. His best friend always knew exactly what to say.

Ω

Stan was surprised to find Kyle at their locker at the start of the lunch period. He raised his brows. "Are you eating lunch with us today?" he asked curiously.

Kyle smiled and nodded. There was no way he was going to let his best friend eat alone with their friends after what he'd learned this morning. "Of course." A slow, relieved smile spread across his friend's face and Kyle laughed. "Are you nervous or something?" he joked with him, knowing full well that Stan was likely on edge. Truth be told, Kyle wasn't exactly thrilled about the lunch but at least he knew where he stood with everyone and he knew he wasn't a total raving lunatic like he'd feared before. "Did you pack?"

Stan nodded. "Yeah, I did." He reached into their locker and fished around in his book bag until he found his lunchbox. He pulled it out along with a book he knew he'd need for after lunch as he doubted he'd have time to stop at his locker at the end of the period. He looked down at his lunchbox thoughtfully, biting his bottom lip as if considering something.

"What are you thinking about?" Kyle asked observing as his friend simply stared down at the lunchbox he'd placed on top of the book he held. Kyle grabbed what he needed out of the locker, he'd packed, too, as he had been skipping out on the cafeteria completely lately.

Stan sighed and looked over at Kyle. "I had thrown a couple extra things in here, but…" he trailed off.

"For Kenny?" Kyle easily guessed. "Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea, Stan. Please don't bring up food to him while we're eating lunch. He already has me and Cartman going at him about it, we got you covered, dude." Kyle laughed as he ended the sentence, very much aware of the bizarreness of it all.

"It's just so…unhealthy."

Kyle had to stop himself from saying it wasn't like Kenny would die from it because he would, he just wouldn't stay dead. God, what has happened to my life? Kyle thought to himself. Two months ago he would have laughed someone like him straight into a psychiatric ward, yet here he was becoming that very person. "It'll be fine, Stan. It's just lunch like normal. You eat lunch with him everyday."

"I know that," Stan whispered. "But it feels different now."

Kyle looked over at his friend as they began the short journey from their locker to the cafeteria on a different hall. "Well, yeah. It's going to be a little different. Isn't that the point, though?" he asked. "I mean, don't you want it to be different with him?"

Stan fell into deep thought again for a minute before nodding. "Yeah, I guess I do."

They arrived at the cafeteria and found Craig, Tweek, and Butters already sitting at their usual table. Clyde, Cartman, and Kenny were getting lunches.

"Hey," Craig greeted them. "Stan, you missed homeroom."

Stan nodded. "I know. Did I miss anything important?"

Craig shook his head and waved his hand. "No."

Butters beamed at the pair as they sat down. "Kyle!" he practically squealed. "I'm so glad you're eating lunch with us! It always feels weird when you're not here." Kyle smiled appreciatively at the smaller blonde. Butters always had such a sunny disposition, it was nice to know Kyle's less than sunny one was missed.

"Thanks, Butters. I finally got a break from that class. The teacher was riding my ass for the longest," he easily lied straight through his teeth. Butters just continued smiling.

Everyone at their table had eaten about a quarter of their lunch when their other three friends were finally able to join them. Cartman's voice naturally carried over everyone else's at the table. "What the fuck? Kahl? You ditched a class?" He glanced around wildly. "And you're eating lunch with us? Is the sky falling?!"

Kenny slid onto the bench across from Stan and Kyle while Clyde took a seat, too. Kenny offered up a tight smile to Kyle before catching Stan's eyes and his smile softened.

Kyle rolled his eyes at the show Cartman was putting on. "Shut up, fat ass," he snapped wearily. He really just wanted to be supportive of Stan right now, not really in the mood to fight with Cartman. Surprisingly Cartman did just that, plopping into place next to Kenny and starting to eat. The atmosphere of the table was quickly becoming tense as no one was speaking. Usually Cartman would rile up the conversation regardless if Kyle was there or not. Butters frowned, glancing uneasily around his group of friends. Tweek was also glancing around nervously. They caught each other's eyes and Craig shifted uncomfortably realizing he would have to be the one to break the tension before one or both of the two nervous blondes imploded. Only Clyde remained unaffected by the tension, eating contentedly and checking his phone, swiping between Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, tumblr, and any other site he'd signed up for. Craig was surprised Clyde kept his phone in full view of anyone with some of the staff members happily grabbing phones from kids; he was starting to suspect that Clyde must have bribed or paid someone off. Either that or he had the most amazing insurance ever on that phone. Craig finally cleared his throat, hoping to alleviate the tension that was keeping everyone quiet at his table.

"So, is something going on in the mornings that we should know about?" he asked looking over at Stan and Kyle. "Are you two smoking up or something and forgot to invite us?"

Butters quickly shook his head at this. "I don't smoke, Craig. Thanks for the offer, though." He looked over at Stan and Kyle apologetically. "Sorry, fellas, I can't smoke with you in the morning."

Clyde's attention was drawn away from his phone as the conversation became more interesting. "Wait, I definitely can," he piped up, "where are we meeting?"

Stan and Kyle were both flustered by the turn the conversation had taken. Cartman stared at them with a look that neither could really figure out. Kenny stole a couple glances at them looking even more confused than they did.

"We are not smoking anything in the morning!" Kyle exclaimed. "That's ridiculous. And I don't smoke, either!" Craig shrugged before pointing out he couldn't really think of any reason that both boys would cut homeroom together except to smoke.

Cartman frowned. "Wait, you two skipped homeroom together?" Stan suddenly found the floor fascinating refusing to meet anyone's inquisitive stares. Kenny also kept his eyes averted from everyone, focusing fiercely on the uneaten food heaped on his plate, swirling a utensil in it, hoping his face wasn't as red as it felt. Kyle wasn't really sure why, but his own face was starting to heat up and it's not like he even did anything except cut class. He knew both Kenny and Cartman knew he knew now and the air was even more tense than it had been earlier.

Craig cleared his throat again. "Um, is there something the four of you would like to share with the rest of us?" he asked the silent quartet.

Cartman grinned. "Why, yes, Craig, there is something we'd like to share." The knot in Stan's chest was tightening and he wasn't sure he was ready to go this far with things and as badly as he wanted to kick the loudmouth under the table, the fear of what would come out of said mouth next had him paralyzed, frozen, fork halfway to his mouth. He couldn't even bring himself to look at Kenny. Kyle had no clue what Cartman was going to say and, at this point, didn't care. He rushed to interrupt.

"We- uh, we went to the movies last night," he explained. Cartman shook his head, astounded at how bad Kyle's cover stories were getting; no wonder the guy rarely snuck out anymore.

"You guys all went to the movies?" Butters asked, clearly hurt at being left out. He looked over at Cartman. "Eric?" The usually boisterous and sarcastic teenager could think of nothing else except to shrug unsure where to go with Kyle's lie at this point. He wasn't even sure why Kyle had bothered lying. He had just been planning to tell Craig that he had beat Stan's ass in a round of video games but this was turning out to be much more entertaining. He, Stan, and even Kenny all glanced up at Kyle waiting for a more expanded version of whatever they had supposedly done so they could all get this story straight.

"Uh, okay, was the movie that bad or something?" Craig asked, still confused why the four were acting so strange. Kyle struggled to explain while Stan was finally able to sneak a peek at Kenny. He was still swirling his fork in the pile of food. He remembered what Kyle had said about Craig being onto him. He also remembered last night and the horror that had thrummed through his entire body at some of the stuff Kenny had said. Kenny already thought he didn't deserve anything good because he thought his brother and sister thought so. Would he think Stan also thought this of him? No, Stan couldn't have that. He lightly kicked Kenny's foot and smiled faintly when he was awarded with concerned wrinkles crinkling his friend's features.

"We didn't go to the movies," Stan spoke up, not taking his eyes off Kenny, watching him closely to gauge his reaction. "I was over at Cartman's. We were playing video games and I stayed the night." He knew Craig would get the implication quickly enough. He wanted to say more but he didn't want to push too fast.

Butters frowned, not quite following. "But last night was Tuesday," he pointed out. Clyde burst into laughter at this finding it hilarious. Butters still looked hurt and even more confused. "Kyle, why'd you say you went to the movies? Did you all watch movies at the sleepover?"

Kyle cleared his throat awkwardly. "I, uh, actually wasn't there."

Clyde only laughed harder and Tweek smiled weakly while Craig gave Stan a look of approval.

Kenny kept his eyes on Stan the entire time, his face the same color as a ripe tomato. Stan offered a gentle smile and hoped against hope that he had said the right thing. His efforts were rewarded with a small smile and relief flooded Stan. Good. Butters finally noticed how bright red Kenny had turned and Stan's attention to that particular friend and his mouth formed a little 'o' as he found the same page everyone else at the table was on. An easy grin spread across his face. "I'm glad you fellas had fun," he said with sincerity. Though Butters truly meant what he said and while it had definitely been spoken with innocence, it sent Clyde spiraling into more laughter, Kenny turned even redder, Cartman and Craig both looked smug, Kyle smiled, and Stan wondered if he was as red as Kenny across from him.