Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA, 1967
Edward: Graham, where are we going?
Graham:
Graham:
Edward: Graham. Where. Are. We. Going?
Graham: You're gonna love this, I swear!
Edward: Stop singing God Save The Queen, coward. Where the fuck are we going
{Achievement Unlocked! •DAMMIT GRAHAM I'M NOT FUCKING GAY•}
Havre, Montana, USA, 1967
[Cullen Family Meeting #183]
Emmett: I've got an idea!
Edward: Well, shit
Emmett (grinning): That's mean
Edward: But you still love me anyways~
Rosalie: I thought you weren't gay. Changed your mind?
Edward: Oh fuck yo—
Esme: Now now, children, calm down. What's your idea, Emmett?
Emmett: Let's buy a castle in Transylvania!
Rosalie:
Edward:
Alice:
Jasper:
Carlisle:
Esme:
Obama:
Esme: What
Carlisle (groaning): Please. Why
Emmett: Oh, come on! We're vampires and we're loaded! Of course we gotta have a castle in Transylvania! Who's with me?
Edward & Alice: I am!
Rosalie: Shut up! We're not getting a fucking castle in Transylvania
Edward: Well, I am! I'm loaded even without daddy's money. Emmett, Alice, let's go!
Carlisle: Why did I turn any of you
Esme: Be strong, love. Be strong
{Achievement Unlocked! •Count Dracula•}
Chicago, Illinois, USA, 1975
[Edward and Alice are touring a museum because they're bored.]
Edward: Wait a fucking minute, that's mine! *points to old leather bound journal*
Alice (reading the sign): "This old journal belonged to a Spanish Flu victim, a seventeen-year-old boy named Edward Mason. Inside are sketches of the ward he spent his last days in, portraits of nurses and doctors he met and the scenery outside his window"
Alice:
Alice: That's so sad. I'm so sorry Ed— *has a vision*
Alice: *snorts violently* Good luck
Edward (not even listening): I'm breaking in tonight. I want my fucking journal back. They stole it and put it in a museum!
{Achievement Unlocked! •Master Thief•}
Glasgow, Montana, USA, 1985
[Edward and his family are touring another museum for Fun Family ActivitiesTM, suggested by Emmett. They pass an exhibition when Edward suddenly stops.]
Edward: Not again!
Rosalie: Ssshh! Don't shout! What's wrong?
Edward: *points at a collection of letters* They're mine. Can people stop stealing my things?
Alice: They wouldn't if you kept track of them~
Edward: Gasp, I'm hurt!
Edward: Now, where's the manager? I really want those letters back
[These are a collection of letters to a now very dead friend and it doesn't care Edward is also supposed to be dead. They are not public property, whatever the museum says, and he wants his fucking letters back.]
[Update: He didn't get them so he stole them. Alice, Emmett and even Jasper (coerced) helped.]
{Achievement Unlocked! •Master Thief 2.0•}
Forks, Washington, USA, 2003
Edward: Why did we move here
Edward: I specifically told you I wasn't moving here
Edward: You never listen to a word I say
Carlisle: You lost that privilege the day I turned you
Edward: Ouch daddy, I'm wounded
Emmett: *snorts violently*
Carlisle: And that's the reason why