Forks High School, Forks, Washington, USA, 2003
[It's the Cullen siblings' first day of school.]
Edward: Fuck. No. Goodbye
Emmett: You alright buddy?
Edward: Why couldn't it be college? Or university? Why do I have to listen to a group of horny teenagers?
Rosalie: Buhu
Alice: Try translating the Bible into Korean! That's what I do when I don't want you to listen to my thoughts
Edward: I know. Kind of hard not to when I can't understand a fucking word you think. Really distracting
Alice: Tehe
Edward: Dear Lord or whoever is up there, take me away from this place
Rosalie: You're stuck here now. Good luck~
Edward: Murder
Alice: 'Tis illegal, my padawan
Edward: How dare you use Star Wars against me
Forks, Washington, USA, 2003
[It's day 2 of living in Forks and Edward is ready to yeet their cover through the window.]
Edward: *calls Graham* Tell me a good reason not to murder the entire school
Graham: You would make your family very disappointed and very angry. Also you'd be wanted by the FBI. Not worth it, love
Edward: Still tempting. They're too damned horny
Graham: Speaking of which, do you want to go to—
Edward: Goodbye
Sofia's Contribution Part 3:
Forks, Washington, USA, 2003
[Edward is taking a walk in the forest when he meets a teeny tiny Jacob Black, all alone.]
Edward: Where are your parents young man
Jacob (literally twelve): What
Edward: You heard me. Why are you alone in the woods?
Jacob: Why should I tell you that?
Edward: You little— *takes a sniff* Oh, wow, wtf you reek. Here, have an air freshener
Jacob:
Jacob: Why— Why do you have this. Why do you have this in your pocket. Who are you?
Edward: Sasquatch. Now toodles *runs off with vampire speed*
Jacob:
Jacob: What the fuck?
Edward: YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO SWEAR!
Jacob: *incoherent screaming*
Forks, Washington, USA, 2003
[Edward is jumping from tree to tree, happy he can pretend to be a Naruto-character. Then, he smells it. Jacob's back.]
Edward (landing in front of baby Jacob): Hello little pup!
Jacob: *screeching*
Edward: Wow. Rude. I've got much better hearing than you, you know. Or did. Since I think you broke it.
Jacob: Dad said I should stay away from you!
Edward: Aw, don't be boring, pup, let's play~
Jacob: I'm calling the police. And stop calling me pup
Edward: What have I done that's illegal?
Jacob:
Jacob: Stay away from me
Edward: Hmm, let me think… No. This is too funny. But bye-bye for now, pup~
Jacob:
Jacob: Daaaaaaaaad!
Forks, Washington, USA, 2003
Rosalie: Edward, you need to stop scaring that child. We'll get in trouble
Edward: Not until 2005 at the least
Rosalie: …? Do I even want to know?
Edward: Ignorance is bliss, dear sister
Rosalie (sighing): Please just… don't go too far
Edward: I'll try, I promise. But I'm still bullying Jacob. Hey, Emmett, wanna drop water balloons on him?!
Rosalie: Dear God Almighty