Forks, Washington, USA, 2004

Emmett: Has anyone else noticed Edward's kind of… off?

Rosalie: He was hiding in mum's roses, so yes. Anyone know why?

Jasper: *shrugs* No clue

Esme: Maybe he's lonely? We should consider finding him a mate again

Alice: *lights up*

Esme: Not boys, dear

Alice: Aw…

Carlisle: Maybe we can call Graham? He might know what's wrong, or maybe he can help

Emmett: Have you seen anything, Alice?

Alice (shaking her head): His future is undecided. I see lots of things, most of them involving a girl I don't recognise

Rosalie:

Emmett:

Jasper:

Esme:

Carlisle:

Carlisle: No. I am not adopting another crazy child. I love you all, I really do, but no

Alice (grinning): I never said she was his mate~

Carlisle: I know that look in your eyes. You will try, and I will hate you for it

Alice: You'll forgive me in good time

[Carlisle bangs his head against the coffee table.]

Inspired by tumblr thread by gayvampiretown(on Pinterest):

Forks, Washington, USA, 2005

[Edward chills in his room, reading a book, when his phone starts ringing.]

Edward: *picks up the phone* Why are you calling me, Jake?

Jacob: YOU—

Jacob: … Don't call me that!

Jacob: Anyway… YOU'RE ON TV!

Edward:

Edward: Pardon?

Edward: ALICE! PUT ON THE TV!

Jacob: TURN ON GHOST ADVENTURES RIGHT NOW, THEY'RE FUCKING TALKING ABOUT YOU

Edward (making his was to the living room): You are too young to curse

Jacob: Fuck you I'm fifteen I do what I want

[Edward is joined by his family who have been shamelessly listening to the call. Emmett turns on the TV and flips to Ghost Adventures. The team is in an old "haunted" Chicago hospital.]

Zak Bagans: One of the Spanish Flu victims was a seventeen-year-old boy named Edward Mason. If we're lucky, we might come into contact with him

Edward: What. What the fuck

Rosalie: Lord give me strength

Emmett: No no, this is good

Jacob (on the phone): TOLD YOU!

[Every time the Ghost Adventure team records strange things they ask "Edward, is that you?"]

Edward: I don't think I ever was in that room. Try the other one

Zak Bagans: Edward, are you in here?

Edward: Shit I remember that room fuck that thing go back

Recorder: Go… away…

Team:

Edward:

Rosalie:

Jasper:

Esme:

Carlisle:

Emmett: Dude your powers are freaky

Jacob (still on the phone): Wtf did you do Cullen

Edward: SEE YOU LATER PEASANTS, I'VE GOT NEW POWERS!

Carlisle: God why

{Achievement Unlocked! •Un-Boo-Lievable•}

Forks, Washington, USA, 2005

[It's Bella's first day at school. Edward is currently hiding under his bed (because yes he has one).]

Alice: You can't avoid this forever, Eddie

Edward: Fucking watch me. Also ew, don't call me that

Alice: I don't know why you're so scared, but I haven't seen anything to indicate she's dangerous, I promise!

Edward: As much as I love you for trying to cheer me up, that is the least of my problems

Alice:

Alice: I'll go call Graham, okay?

Edward (sobbing): Yes please

Forks High School, Forks, Washington, USA, 2005

[Edward is sitting on his seat in Biology (Graham convinced him to go) when Bella walks through the door. He takes one deep breath before stopping entirely, making sure he doesn't smell the scent the fan behind Bella throws in his face.]

Bella: *sits down, doesn't look at Edward, just puts her things on the table*

Edward: Er, hello. I'm Edward Cullen. Nice to meet you

Bella: Why aren't you— Uuuuh, yeah, I'm Bella, nice to meet you

[They shake hands.]

Bella: Fuck you're cold

Edward: You're too young to curse

Bella: Ex— Excuse me?

[Bella is perplexed for the rest of the lesson. Edward is proud he managed a conversation without going bat-shit ensane (looking at you OG Edward).]